WEBVTT - Angie Kent doesn’t care if her grief offends you 0:00:08.240 --> 0:00:11.440 Hello, and welcome to Something to Talk About the Stella Podcast. 0:00:11.560 --> 0:00:14.800 I'm Sarah Lamarquin, your host, and every week I sit 0:00:14.840 --> 0:00:16.840 down with some of the biggest names in the country 0:00:17.200 --> 0:00:20.400 because when Australia's celebrities are ready to talk, they come 0:00:20.440 --> 0:00:25.160 to Something to Talk About. Angie Kent has been through 0:00:25.200 --> 0:00:29.200 a lot these past five years. The reality TV star, 0:00:29.320 --> 0:00:32.440 who first rose to fame on goggle Box Australia before 0:00:32.479 --> 0:00:36.240 appearing on The Bachelorette, had been caring for her father, Mark, 0:00:36.479 --> 0:00:39.120 who was diagnosed with a rare form of blood cancer 0:00:39.360 --> 0:00:43.159 in twenty twenty. In April of this year, she was 0:00:43.200 --> 0:00:45.800 by his side when he took his final breath. 0:00:46.440 --> 0:00:51.280 My biggest fear is losing my parents. You know that's 0:00:51.320 --> 0:00:53.360 happening on top of my whole body churning on me, 0:00:53.720 --> 0:00:57.480 putting my baby on hold, navigating my brother and his health. 0:00:58.080 --> 0:01:02.560 In today's episode, hosted by Stella content director Nicholas Fonseca, 0:01:03.080 --> 0:01:06.600 Angie admits she doesn't care if her grief offends you. 0:01:06.959 --> 0:01:08.759 I'm doing the best I can and that's not good 0:01:08.840 --> 0:01:11.280 enough for people. Well see yourself out, Dolan. 0:01:11.800 --> 0:01:15.240 As her father's health declined, Angie was navigating her own 0:01:15.280 --> 0:01:18.680 health issues and embarking on an IVF journey in the 0:01:18.720 --> 0:01:22.600 hope of becoming a solo mother by choice. She also 0:01:22.680 --> 0:01:25.720 found herself on a frustrating quest to find help for 0:01:25.800 --> 0:01:30.720 her brother as he struggled with addiction. Today, she opens 0:01:30.840 --> 0:01:36.040 up about all of it, grief, anger, motherhood, family, and 0:01:36.080 --> 0:01:39.880 why she's determined to keep talking about things many people 0:01:40.000 --> 0:01:44.280 prefer to shy away from. Here is Angie's conversation with 0:01:44.400 --> 0:01:46.399 Nicholas Angie Kent. 0:01:46.520 --> 0:01:48.000 Welcome to the Stellar Podcast. 0:01:48.200 --> 0:01:49.840 Thank you so much for having me. 0:01:50.440 --> 0:01:53.080 Thank you for joining us. You're no stranger to Stella. 0:01:53.160 --> 0:01:55.360 You've worked with us a couple of times on some 0:01:55.400 --> 0:01:58.960 beautiful stories and photo shoots. The most recent photo shoot 0:01:59.000 --> 0:02:01.680 you did in twenty twenty for of course, I'm sure 0:02:01.760 --> 0:02:03.600 holds a special place in your heart because you were 0:02:03.600 --> 0:02:06.240 with your father Mark. And I just want to thank 0:02:06.280 --> 0:02:08.560 you for coming on today because this is your first 0:02:08.560 --> 0:02:12.600 time on the podcast. And I mentioned your father, who 0:02:13.040 --> 0:02:15.480 sadly passed away with you at his side in April, 0:02:15.720 --> 0:02:17.640 and I know how much he meant to you, and 0:02:17.800 --> 0:02:19.920 I firstly want to offer my condolences to you and 0:02:19.919 --> 0:02:22.720 your family and thank you for joining me today because 0:02:22.720 --> 0:02:24.640 I know you want to talk about his life and 0:02:24.680 --> 0:02:27.440 his legacy and a whole of other bunch of stuff 0:02:27.440 --> 0:02:29.760 that you've had going on. It's been a few busy 0:02:29.840 --> 0:02:34.239 few years for you. But I think I want to 0:02:34.280 --> 0:02:37.720 start by time traveling. Let's go back to the mid 0:02:37.760 --> 0:02:42.200 twenty tens. You were a support worker and a marketing manager. 0:02:42.680 --> 0:02:45.240 In twenty fifteen when you joined the cast of goggle 0:02:45.240 --> 0:02:47.960 Box Australia, which I think is how many of us 0:02:48.040 --> 0:02:49.799 came to know who you were in the first place. 0:02:50.480 --> 0:02:53.760 Can I ask what compelled you to give that a go? 0:02:55.200 --> 0:02:59.480 Oh my gosh, honestly, so Evie, who I was doing 0:02:59.520 --> 0:03:02.480 goggle Book with her, one of her best friends at 0:03:02.520 --> 0:03:06.919 the time, was a post producer for Animal Shine and 0:03:07.120 --> 0:03:10.680 he heard the costing call about like, you know, any 0:03:10.800 --> 0:03:13.920 outrageous people that have an opinion and love to watch TV? 0:03:14.000 --> 0:03:17.200 And he's like, do I Ever? And at the time, 0:03:17.400 --> 0:03:19.920 Evey and I were living with our HOUSEMTE Tom. He 0:03:20.240 --> 0:03:24.639 has had he's not long ago passed away down syndrome 0:03:24.720 --> 0:03:26.880 and type one diabetes, so we were kind of like 0:03:27.160 --> 0:03:30.440 his housemates, but also obviously error is in a sense 0:03:30.480 --> 0:03:34.800 as well because of his diabetes mostly and he sent 0:03:35.120 --> 0:03:38.520 through this video of the three of us. Unfortunately, Tom 0:03:38.640 --> 0:03:40.520 wasn't able to be a part of the show, just 0:03:40.560 --> 0:03:42.960 because he was quite hard to understand and he would 0:03:42.960 --> 0:03:45.520 have been like, I'm not watching this shit. But yeah, 0:03:45.560 --> 0:03:47.760 they just asked us to audition, and we were like, oh, 0:03:47.880 --> 0:03:51.640 this sounds rubbish, and we just kept going for it 0:03:51.680 --> 0:03:53.520 because we're like why not. We kept getting through the 0:03:53.520 --> 0:03:57.600 audition and then with the audition process, and then we 0:03:57.720 --> 0:03:59.200 got it and we're like, oh, well, we may as 0:03:59.240 --> 0:04:01.280 well give it a go. Probably won't do well. And 0:04:01.520 --> 0:04:04.240 what is it like eleven years later and that show 0:04:04.280 --> 0:04:06.440 is still on and it's still thriving. So I'm so 0:04:06.560 --> 0:04:08.560 glad we did it because this was such a blessing. 0:04:08.960 --> 0:04:10.920 That's right. And you were on the show for a 0:04:10.960 --> 0:04:13.720 few years, and that of course opened up several doors 0:04:13.760 --> 0:04:16.680 for you in television. You ended up appearing on I'm 0:04:16.680 --> 0:04:19.960 a Celebrity, Get Me out of Here. You were the Bachelourette, 0:04:20.200 --> 0:04:22.719 You did a couple of seasons of Dancing with the Stars. 0:04:23.160 --> 0:04:27.520 You were Space Invaders for several years. From where you 0:04:27.600 --> 0:04:30.760 sit now, do you recognize the young woman who was 0:04:30.760 --> 0:04:31.760 on all of those shows? 0:04:33.120 --> 0:04:37.480 I do when I joon't I recognize her because it's 0:04:37.560 --> 0:04:41.359 obviously me, it's just eleven year younger version of me. 0:04:43.360 --> 0:04:46.520 I feel that I'm obviously in such a different place. 0:04:46.560 --> 0:04:50.039 From twenty five to thirty six is like leaps and 0:04:50.080 --> 0:04:52.960 bounds as a woman with hormones and life. And you know, 0:04:53.040 --> 0:04:55.560 I would never think ten eleven years later, I wouldn't 0:04:56.040 --> 0:04:58.719 have my dad by my side, or would have lost Tom, 0:04:58.800 --> 0:05:02.560 who I lived with and shared all these Gogglebox moments with. 0:05:03.640 --> 0:05:06.640 Oh gosh, there's an endless amount of things I didn't 0:05:06.680 --> 0:05:08.800 think would happen. But there's also an endless amount of 0:05:08.880 --> 0:05:11.880 things that were so beautiful that happened. I never thought 0:05:11.920 --> 0:05:14.200 that I would be you know, I used to watch 0:05:14.279 --> 0:05:16.640 people be the bachelorette or the Bachelor or be in 0:05:16.680 --> 0:05:18.360 the jungle and be like, I don't know how they 0:05:18.440 --> 0:05:22.040 do that, or like I imagine being, you know, in 0:05:22.080 --> 0:05:25.600 that situation. That was never what I wanted for myself. 0:05:25.720 --> 0:05:28.599 I was always open to life, and I wanted to 0:05:28.640 --> 0:05:32.120 do behind the scenes documentaries and you know, theater directing 0:05:32.160 --> 0:05:34.680 and all that stuff. So I kind of just thought, 0:05:34.760 --> 0:05:38.360 you know what, Yolo, I'm gonna do it. But yeah, 0:05:38.440 --> 0:05:40.080 I do feel like if I look back at that 0:05:40.120 --> 0:05:41.440 girl and I'm like, oh my god, you've got so 0:05:41.520 --> 0:05:44.400 much coming up the yo and I would want to give, 0:05:44.920 --> 0:05:47.240 you know, probably let myself be a little bit more 0:05:47.320 --> 0:05:49.880 like woho. But you know what, I think I still 0:05:49.880 --> 0:05:54.880 did a lot of wahoing. Yeah, but definitely feel different. 0:05:54.920 --> 0:05:56.120 I feel older and tired. 0:05:56.240 --> 0:05:58.800 And you said yolo, which I think is probably the 0:05:58.880 --> 0:06:01.280 most twenty fifteen him you could have used as well. 0:06:01.680 --> 0:06:03.960 True, and I'm still rocket it. I mean, I'm in 0:06:04.000 --> 0:06:05.839 my mid thirties now, I'm so not cool, so I'll 0:06:05.839 --> 0:06:06.640 say whatever I want. 0:06:08.000 --> 0:06:11.160 When you think about that young woman, do you have 0:06:11.200 --> 0:06:13.599 any pieces of advice that you would go back and 0:06:13.600 --> 0:06:14.560 give to her if you could? 0:06:14.920 --> 0:06:20.200 Oh, my gosh, so so much. I think that I would. 0:06:20.839 --> 0:06:23.520 I would have started therapy by then, but I probably 0:06:23.560 --> 0:06:26.800 would have. I would probably more so just say and 0:06:26.839 --> 0:06:30.640 I probably should myself now even off and on, do 0:06:30.760 --> 0:06:34.600 the best you can. Don't let other people's projections like 0:06:34.800 --> 0:06:36.520 drown you out, because at the end of the day, 0:06:37.200 --> 0:06:39.680 they're doing what they can from their level of consciousness. 0:06:39.800 --> 0:06:42.400 They're doing what they can from their own projections, from 0:06:42.400 --> 0:06:44.960 their mum and their dad's society. I think I spent 0:06:45.120 --> 0:06:47.560 so much time trying to like cater to everybody and 0:06:48.080 --> 0:06:52.599 worrying so much, and ultimately like that shit makes you sick. 0:06:53.600 --> 0:06:55.760 It creates illnesses inside of you, which I think a 0:06:55.760 --> 0:06:57.520 lot of people don't notice. I would just be like 0:06:57.800 --> 0:07:01.400 focused on your health and yourself way more burning yourself 0:07:01.400 --> 0:07:02.240 out for other people. 0:07:02.960 --> 0:07:05.600 I think it's a great piece of advice that is 0:07:05.880 --> 0:07:08.400 sort of a piece of advice that we can probably 0:07:08.480 --> 0:07:09.760 use our whole. 0:07:09.560 --> 0:07:13.160 Life one hundred percent. I mean I could still tell. 0:07:13.000 --> 0:07:15.400 Myself that absolutely, I'm going to tell myself that when 0:07:15.440 --> 0:07:19.320 I get up tomorrow morning, Oh thank you. Do you 0:07:19.400 --> 0:07:23.559 have any interest or desire to return to the TV 0:07:23.680 --> 0:07:26.400 screen or is that chapter of your life closed? 0:07:27.440 --> 0:07:31.440 I never close anything like that. I just finished up 0:07:31.480 --> 0:07:34.400 on Space Invaders, which was like four years of my life, 0:07:34.440 --> 0:07:37.600 you know, traveling around Sydney Melbourne. That's not coming back 0:07:37.680 --> 0:07:41.240 this year, which is probably blessings really because given everything 0:07:41.280 --> 0:07:46.520 has happened, I definitely never say never to anything. Obviously 0:07:46.560 --> 0:07:50.400 these last few months I definitely wouldn't have been able 0:07:50.480 --> 0:07:54.200 to probably show up the best way for me or 0:07:54.600 --> 0:07:58.600 for anyone around me in terms of work. So yeah, 0:07:58.680 --> 0:08:01.280 I think just this healing space is nice, and then 0:08:02.520 --> 0:08:06.160 we'll see what the universe has in store like I always. 0:08:05.800 --> 0:08:09.800 Do so, Angie, you mentioned showing up, and I think, 0:08:10.960 --> 0:08:13.880 having done a real deep dive into your story over 0:08:13.880 --> 0:08:17.560 the past few months, few years, really, I think you 0:08:17.640 --> 0:08:20.960 have more than shown up, and you've been very honest 0:08:20.960 --> 0:08:22.680 about the way that you've shown up. And I want 0:08:22.680 --> 0:08:25.120 to talk through a few things that have been going 0:08:25.120 --> 0:08:27.280 on in your life. And I'd like to start with 0:08:27.320 --> 0:08:30.040 your late father Mark. Now, I know you were very close, 0:08:30.360 --> 0:08:33.560 and in twenty twenty, when you return to your family 0:08:33.600 --> 0:08:36.800 home on the Sunshine Coast from Sydney during a break 0:08:36.800 --> 0:08:40.160 in the pandemic, your parents told you that Mark had 0:08:40.160 --> 0:08:43.480 been diagnosed with a rare form of blood cancer. Can 0:08:43.520 --> 0:08:44.720 you walk me through that moment. 0:08:45.480 --> 0:08:50.600 I was obviously shocked because the world was already so 0:08:50.800 --> 0:08:54.319 hard to navigate, right like the pandemic and when we're 0:08:54.360 --> 0:08:57.160 the borders between Queensland and New South Wales going to open, 0:08:57.320 --> 0:09:01.920 I was going through a great cup at the time. Well, yeah, 0:09:01.960 --> 0:09:03.640 twenty twenty is when I would have broke up with 0:09:03.679 --> 0:09:07.400 my partner from bachelorette, so there was like so much 0:09:07.400 --> 0:09:10.240 to navigate. Got home. Mom and Dad waited for me 0:09:10.280 --> 0:09:13.640 to get home to tell me, nothing really started straight away. 0:09:13.720 --> 0:09:17.680 The weird thing with blood cancer is like they want 0:09:17.720 --> 0:09:20.600 you to get worse in a sense before you can 0:09:20.600 --> 0:09:23.320 get better, so before you can do chemo, before you 0:09:23.360 --> 0:09:26.240 can do a bone marriage transplant. It's one of those 0:09:26.280 --> 0:09:29.600 things that number one, I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. 0:09:30.120 --> 0:09:32.760 But it's just such a hard one to navigate because 0:09:32.760 --> 0:09:36.320 it's blood, Like it's your whole being, right, Like you 0:09:36.320 --> 0:09:40.160 can't just treat an area. It's just such a nasty disease. 0:09:40.240 --> 0:09:43.319 Like there's so many considering factors with blood cancer. It's 0:09:43.360 --> 0:09:46.480 like people just think, you know, there's one way to pass, 0:09:46.559 --> 0:09:49.400 but there's just so many ways in it. It's generally 0:09:49.600 --> 0:09:53.000 very grueling and just horrible to watch. 0:09:53.480 --> 0:09:53.760 Yeah. 0:09:53.920 --> 0:09:57.840 Yeah, So from that moment, did you end up staying 0:09:57.960 --> 0:09:58.959 at the family home? 0:10:00.240 --> 0:10:03.840 No, because he hadn't started chemo or anything like that yet. 0:10:04.080 --> 0:10:06.600 I think I was home for a while and then 0:10:06.600 --> 0:10:09.560 I went back to Sydney, back to Queens and for 0:10:09.760 --> 0:10:12.560 off and on for ages, and then when he started chemo. 0:10:12.800 --> 0:10:16.040 I'm always backwards and forwards, Like I'm based in Tambourine, 0:10:16.040 --> 0:10:18.160 Matt and I own a place there, but I often 0:10:18.320 --> 0:10:20.880 I mean Sydney most of the year for work, and 0:10:20.880 --> 0:10:23.839 then I always come home to my family. But at 0:10:23.840 --> 0:10:26.040 that time, no, I think I was bouncing in and 0:10:26.120 --> 0:10:28.520 out as much as I could with the borders. And 0:10:28.600 --> 0:10:31.920 then when Dad started chemo, I remember taking him off 0:10:31.920 --> 0:10:33.880 and on, but ultimate like at that time, my mom 0:10:34.120 --> 0:10:37.600 was just always has been his main care. And then 0:10:37.640 --> 0:10:40.120 over this last year or so was when I definitely 0:10:40.280 --> 0:10:42.440 was like, well, since the bone of marriage transplant, actually 0:10:43.679 --> 0:10:46.800 I've been, yeah, like right by their side as much 0:10:46.800 --> 0:10:47.280 as I can. 0:10:47.640 --> 0:10:51.800 Are you comfortable sharing when his health really started to decline. 0:10:52.240 --> 0:10:54.360 I mean, obviously it's been a battle to watch him 0:10:54.400 --> 0:10:58.040 for the last three years, but he was such a 0:10:58.080 --> 0:11:00.600 weapon and a cockroach in a way that he just 0:11:00.679 --> 0:11:02.840 kept bouncing back. Like one of the doctors was like, 0:11:02.840 --> 0:11:05.000 you're my little nine life, Like you're like a cat. 0:11:05.080 --> 0:11:08.120 You just like you're always because he was so fit 0:11:08.240 --> 0:11:10.920 and so, you know, he wasn't the perfect patient. He 0:11:11.080 --> 0:11:13.240 was a damn rebel, like he would want to do 0:11:13.240 --> 0:11:15.880 what he wanted to do, but he was so fit 0:11:16.280 --> 0:11:18.960 and healthy in that sense that you kind of just 0:11:19.040 --> 0:11:21.880 and he was like a cage line, like you couldn't 0:11:21.960 --> 0:11:25.440 keep him still until he physically couldn't keep still. But 0:11:25.600 --> 0:11:28.240 it was probably the first infection he got at the 0:11:28.400 --> 0:11:34.280 end of twenty twenty five that slowed him down. He 0:11:34.360 --> 0:11:37.679 got an infection in his leg his foot, and then 0:11:37.760 --> 0:11:40.360 that came back again this year, and then he got 0:11:40.880 --> 0:11:43.400 that really took him out. And then he fell over 0:11:43.440 --> 0:11:46.040 and got a fungus infection. So on top of the 0:11:46.080 --> 0:11:51.720 infectious disease team, the hematologist team, then a fungus He 0:11:51.880 --> 0:11:55.360 really just didn't he like the universe was just like, 0:11:55.400 --> 0:11:59.600 I'm throwing everything at you now. And ultimately that. 0:11:59.679 --> 0:12:03.640 One you mentioned that your mom was his carer, but 0:12:03.679 --> 0:12:06.640 then you also joined up with her and became his 0:12:06.760 --> 0:12:10.240 carer as well. What did that involve? What did that 0:12:10.280 --> 0:12:11.200 look like for you? 0:12:13.000 --> 0:12:16.320 I gave you after in twenty twenty three, it was 0:12:16.559 --> 0:12:19.400 I just finished Space of datas filming in Sydney and 0:12:19.440 --> 0:12:23.439 then came back to the coast Sunshine Coast and then Brisbane. 0:12:23.480 --> 0:12:26.280 We moved the dad's Boma Chast flat and I lived 0:12:26.280 --> 0:12:29.720 with Mum and Dad full time, just so Mum would 0:12:29.800 --> 0:12:32.679 have support too, because she had to give up her home. 0:12:33.080 --> 0:12:35.920 My brother who's here all the time that lives with them, 0:12:36.000 --> 0:12:37.800 you know, our dog that was alive at the time, 0:12:38.360 --> 0:12:40.680 Like there was so much going on, and I was like, 0:12:40.720 --> 0:12:42.520 I need to be there for my mom. We had 0:12:42.520 --> 0:12:45.240 an auntie comes stay with my brother. That was hard 0:12:45.480 --> 0:12:47.960 going in and seeing my dad that's always been so 0:12:48.160 --> 0:12:50.720 like he's a huge man, you know, big and fit, 0:12:50.920 --> 0:12:54.840 just like slowly deteriorate, you know, lost all his hair 0:12:55.040 --> 0:12:58.600 tubes in and out, never knowing if he was going 0:12:58.640 --> 0:13:03.000 to even be able to receive that, you know, bone 0:13:03.000 --> 0:13:06.440 marriage transplant growth first host. Sometimes the new blood goes 0:13:06.480 --> 0:13:09.160 in and that body just rejects it. He's accepted it 0:13:09.200 --> 0:13:11.640 for a while, but it was a long slog, like 0:13:11.679 --> 0:13:14.679 watching anyone with bone marrige transplant is you never know 0:13:14.760 --> 0:13:18.080 what's going to happen. And then these last few months, 0:13:18.160 --> 0:13:21.400 I've pretty much, yeah, just been I think I've had 0:13:21.400 --> 0:13:24.440 one or two weeks back at my place because Dad 0:13:24.480 --> 0:13:27.320 just kept ending up back in hospital, and then yeah, 0:13:27.400 --> 0:13:29.520 just visiting him every day, like he just sat in 0:13:29.559 --> 0:13:33.800 a room, you know, Like it was a lot to watch, 0:13:34.240 --> 0:13:36.920 and I don't think people really understand unless they've been 0:13:37.080 --> 0:13:39.480 in it. And then watch someone go into ICU and 0:13:39.600 --> 0:13:43.560 paalady of care and all the magical work those nurses 0:13:43.600 --> 0:13:46.560 and doctors do like they're the real heroes of the world. 0:13:46.640 --> 0:13:50.520 But it was Yeah, it was horrible. It was really horrible. 0:13:51.960 --> 0:13:55.440 Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You did you have an 0:13:55.480 --> 0:14:01.040 opportunity during your time with him to have important conversations 0:14:01.480 --> 0:14:05.040 and what did that experience teach you about yourself? 0:14:06.320 --> 0:14:08.280 You know what? I didn't. That's one of the hardest 0:14:08.280 --> 0:14:11.680 parts my dad, because he was so sick so long, 0:14:11.720 --> 0:14:13.960 but kept bouncing back, and they kept kind of letting 0:14:14.040 --> 0:14:17.440 us feel like he was going to bounce bad. He 0:14:17.520 --> 0:14:21.000 was a big believer and as soon as you as 0:14:21.040 --> 0:14:23.280 soon as I think I'm sick or I'm going to die, 0:14:23.360 --> 0:14:27.120 that's when it's all over. So he never let us 0:14:27.160 --> 0:14:29.520 talk about it. And he kept saying, let me stay 0:14:30.520 --> 0:14:33.600 in my lane. And then we were told the day 0:14:33.600 --> 0:14:36.560 before he was still fighting the antibiotics and the infection, 0:14:36.720 --> 0:14:39.000 and then his main doctor kind of came in the 0:14:39.000 --> 0:14:41.680 next day and just said, nah, there's nothing else we 0:14:41.720 --> 0:14:44.200 can do, when we were just really shocked, obviously, and 0:14:44.200 --> 0:14:46.960 then he was pro morphine and then he yeah, he 0:14:46.960 --> 0:14:49.120 couldn't really talk. So we didn't get to have those 0:14:49.160 --> 0:14:53.600 big conversations. I wish we did, but I respected his 0:14:54.280 --> 0:14:57.920 wishes enough to let him feel that he was going 0:14:58.000 --> 0:15:03.040 to keep going, and he yeah coming up. 0:15:03.360 --> 0:15:06.160 Angie shares why she's choosing to become a solo mom, 0:15:06.320 --> 0:15:09.880 the reality of IVF, and why she still believes motherhood 0:15:10.080 --> 0:15:13.480 is in her future. You were obviously caring for your 0:15:13.480 --> 0:15:16.160 father at a time when you were also beginning your 0:15:16.200 --> 0:15:19.960 IVF journey and having decided to become a single mother 0:15:20.000 --> 0:15:23.040 by choice. Can you talk to me a bit about 0:15:23.040 --> 0:15:24.360 what drove that decision. 0:15:25.920 --> 0:15:30.720 I've always wanted to be a mom. I didn't really 0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:33.440 ever see how that would show up for me. I 0:15:33.480 --> 0:15:36.680 just knew that was what I wanted, and I never 0:15:36.760 --> 0:15:40.440 really felt the need to have you know, I had 0:15:40.480 --> 0:15:42.600 to have a part than to have a kid. Obviously, 0:15:42.640 --> 0:15:46.560 like that would be great for some like you know what. 0:15:46.600 --> 0:15:48.000 To be honest, I don't think it would be that 0:15:48.040 --> 0:15:50.320 great for me. I've always wanted to have my first 0:15:50.400 --> 0:15:52.680 kid on my own. Let's just say that and then afterwards, 0:15:52.680 --> 0:15:55.480 I'm open. But I was just having nobody come in 0:15:55.520 --> 0:15:59.480 and mess up my family. Even though my family and 0:15:59.480 --> 0:16:02.160 I are still so close, that doesn't mean we're not toxic. 0:16:02.280 --> 0:16:04.760 Like I've had to navigate so much stuff with my 0:16:04.840 --> 0:16:07.320 family right, like a lot of families and. 0:16:07.240 --> 0:16:10.080 I've been hurt a lot in my life that I 0:16:10.200 --> 0:16:12.560 was like, nah, having a baby on my own working 0:16:12.640 --> 0:16:14.320 on all of this, no one else can left the 0:16:14.320 --> 0:16:16.640 baby up if if it's you know, it's just me 0:16:16.840 --> 0:16:18.760 that's going to do that, and we'll work on that together, 0:16:20.480 --> 0:16:22.680 which I'm hoping I won't, but you know, no one's perfect. 0:16:24.120 --> 0:16:25.880 So yeah, I was just like you know what, I 0:16:25.960 --> 0:16:28.360 was always going to freeze my eggs and then Big 0:16:28.400 --> 0:16:32.760 Miracles kind of came to me, which is the doco 0:16:32.960 --> 0:16:36.360 series about you know, watching people navigate fertility on Channel nine, 0:16:36.840 --> 0:16:40.560 and they were like, you know, we want to you know, 0:16:40.600 --> 0:16:42.520 if Angie wants to praise our eggs, can we follow 0:16:42.560 --> 0:16:44.560 that journey? And I was like yeah, but I want 0:16:44.560 --> 0:16:47.560 embryos and they were like sure, no, like we don't 0:16:47.560 --> 0:16:50.080 have that happening right now. And I just thought it 0:16:50.120 --> 0:16:52.600 was such de line timing, right, because I always wanted 0:16:52.640 --> 0:16:55.840 to do it money, you know, traveling da da da da, 0:16:56.360 --> 0:16:58.240 and it was just to buying timing, and I did it, 0:16:58.280 --> 0:17:01.920 and I'm so glad I did. I was planning on 0:17:02.000 --> 0:17:04.920 having my embryo transfer because I had a huge surgery 0:17:04.960 --> 0:17:10.119 in February before my thirty sixth birthday, lacheroscopy very extensive. 0:17:10.200 --> 0:17:12.320 All my organs were stuck together, like I wouldn't have 0:17:12.320 --> 0:17:14.359 been able to carry a child. So I'm so blessed 0:17:14.400 --> 0:17:17.120 I had that surgery, and then obviously my dad got 0:17:17.200 --> 0:17:22.119 so so sick I put that on hold. Yeah, and 0:17:22.160 --> 0:17:25.040 then the day I found out my embreyers were coming 0:17:25.080 --> 0:17:29.280 from Sydney to Brisbane was the same day I found 0:17:29.280 --> 0:17:32.880 out my dad went into palliative care. And I just thought, look, 0:17:32.960 --> 0:17:36.560 I'm familiar with the universe having like a really wicked 0:17:36.600 --> 0:17:40.359 sense of humor and really just showing me what life's 0:17:40.359 --> 0:17:43.520 all about, good and bad. But in that moment, I 0:17:43.640 --> 0:17:46.879 was just like, that's a bit gross. Thanks for that, 0:17:47.200 --> 0:17:51.080 Like why that exact day. Look, I'll never know. There's 0:17:51.080 --> 0:17:53.320 worse out there, for sure, but it just felt like 0:17:53.760 --> 0:17:58.760 my whole world was just like damned on. So that's 0:17:58.800 --> 0:18:02.200 been a hard one to surrendered to. I'm still really angry. 0:18:02.320 --> 0:18:04.920 Grief makes you really angry. I've noticed like I've been 0:18:05.280 --> 0:18:10.119 furious a lot since Dad's passing, just trying to understand life. 0:18:10.280 --> 0:18:14.600 Really, have you been able to get comfortable with that fury. 0:18:16.920 --> 0:18:19.359 Off and on? Yes, I think normally i'd make heaps 0:18:19.359 --> 0:18:22.239 of excuses for it and try to pardon myself and 0:18:22.960 --> 0:18:28.160 apologize to people. But I'm hoping maybe I will get 0:18:28.200 --> 0:18:30.400 over this, you know. I mean I kind of like. 0:18:30.320 --> 0:18:32.199 It because I've always been such a people please but 0:18:32.440 --> 0:18:35.800 I just don't care if you don't. 0:18:35.720 --> 0:18:38.320 Like how I'm showing up right now. I don't care 0:18:38.400 --> 0:18:41.679 if my grief offends you. I don't care if I 0:18:41.840 --> 0:18:45.000 don't know how to, you know, navigate my emotions. The 0:18:45.040 --> 0:18:50.240 worst that has my biggest fear is losing my parents. 0:18:51.680 --> 0:18:54.400 You know, that's happening on top of my whole body 0:18:54.480 --> 0:18:58.040 churning on me, putting my baby on hold, navigating my 0:18:58.160 --> 0:19:01.000 brother and his health like the best I can, and 0:19:01.160 --> 0:19:05.480 that's not good enough for people. Well see yourself out, Dolan. Yeah, yeah, 0:19:07.440 --> 0:19:11.000 I'm tired. Yeah, I'm like, I'll be bad, but give. 0:19:10.880 --> 0:19:13.800 Me a of course. I think you've You've more than 0:19:13.800 --> 0:19:16.200 earned it. You know. I wanted to ask about the 0:19:16.200 --> 0:19:20.080 feedback that you've gotten about being public and saying you 0:19:20.119 --> 0:19:22.879 want to be a single mother by choice, and I 0:19:22.920 --> 0:19:26.080 would presume it ranged from fully supportive to critical. I 0:19:26.160 --> 0:19:28.760 think there was a man who asked you to quote 0:19:28.800 --> 0:19:32.920 back off the single mom content at one point, Oh yeah, 0:19:33.160 --> 0:19:36.119 were you prepared for sort of that range of reactions 0:19:36.119 --> 0:19:36.639 from people. 0:19:37.680 --> 0:19:41.199 Yeah, if anything, probably worse than what I call. I 0:19:41.200 --> 0:19:44.879 think because i go in so vulnerable, and I understand 0:19:44.920 --> 0:19:47.159 I'm not everybody's cup of tea, and that's fine. I 0:19:47.160 --> 0:19:50.080 would want to be, to be honest, But I think 0:19:50.119 --> 0:19:52.720 because I go in and I'm not like men suck 0:19:52.800 --> 0:19:55.400 and this is why I'm doing it. Although I think 0:19:55.440 --> 0:19:58.760 that a little bit, it's not because of that. It's 0:19:58.880 --> 0:20:02.360 it's because of a multi tude of reasons. Obviously health time. 0:20:02.600 --> 0:20:04.840 I'm on my side. I'm not a spring chicken anymore 0:20:04.880 --> 0:20:08.320 in the eyes of the biological clock. But I did 0:20:08.680 --> 0:20:11.080 think I have popped quite a bit off a non 0:20:11.160 --> 0:20:14.119 But I think because I've had ten eleven years practice 0:20:14.440 --> 0:20:18.480 now that I don't lose sleep over it. Like I 0:20:18.560 --> 0:20:21.240 used to get so angry that I would like really 0:20:21.680 --> 0:20:24.119 just react on a comment that now I kind of 0:20:24.359 --> 0:20:28.600 always try to respond in a place of kind of 0:20:28.680 --> 0:20:31.560 like educate, not hate, because people are only kind of 0:20:31.560 --> 0:20:35.280 doing that because it must be stemming from their own 0:20:35.359 --> 0:20:38.959 fear of something. Right, I feel people generally aren't like 0:20:39.200 --> 0:20:43.960 massive assholes. They something's happened to them. But that's also 0:20:44.000 --> 0:20:46.160 probably me always wanting to see the best to make 0:20:46.240 --> 0:20:51.199 them be really lucky because I'm not perfect, so I 0:20:51.200 --> 0:20:53.760 always try to feel like, where can I see why 0:20:53.760 --> 0:20:55.800 they think this? But then other times people are just 0:20:55.920 --> 0:20:58.520 really gross about it and think, you know, you know 0:20:58.600 --> 0:21:01.600 you ask for this, and don't winge you need a 0:21:01.640 --> 0:21:03.720 man to help you, And I'm like, well, I never 0:21:03.720 --> 0:21:05.600 said it's going to be easy. I can still winge. 0:21:05.760 --> 0:21:07.360 Just because I've made a choice doesn't mean I don't. 0:21:07.400 --> 0:21:08.600 I can't whinge about it. 0:21:08.600 --> 0:21:10.160 It's going to be hard, of course, and. 0:21:10.119 --> 0:21:11.920 I know that it's going to be freaking hard. 0:21:12.400 --> 0:21:16.000 Yeah, of course. Do you think there is any sort 0:21:16.040 --> 0:21:19.880 of inherent judgment around the term single mother by choice 0:21:20.280 --> 0:21:23.359