1
00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:13,161
Speaker 1: Appogie Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashi

2
00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:14,201
Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana.

3
00:00:14,361 --> 00:00:17,320
Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to

4
00:00:17,361 --> 00:00:20,800
Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.

5
00:00:20,961 --> 00:00:23,281
Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.

6
00:00:23,321 --> 00:00:25,601
Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh and cry and talk about the topics

7
00:00:25,881 --> 00:00:27,801
Speaker 1: everyone else is too afraid to talk about.

8
00:00:28,401 --> 00:00:30,761
Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self.

9
00:00:31,001 --> 00:00:34,681
Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to She Rises with Ashy and Tiana.

10
00:00:35,001 --> 00:00:39,281
Speaker 1: We have a very very deep, vulnerable, almost scary topic

11
00:00:39,521 --> 00:00:41,681
Speaker 1: to talk about today, because this is something I have

12
00:00:42,521 --> 00:00:46,281
Speaker 1: never heard anyone talk about online, and I can understand why.

13
00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:48,521
Speaker 1: I think people would have a lot of shame around it.

14
00:00:48,521 --> 00:00:50,361
Speaker 1: It's scary, you know, people are going to be judging

15
00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,920
Speaker 1: you for it. The topic of the episode is abortion.

16
00:00:53,681 --> 00:00:55,920
Speaker 1: This is something I personally have not been through, but

17
00:00:55,961 --> 00:00:59,001
Speaker 1: I've had so many friends that I've experienced it, and

18
00:00:59,121 --> 00:01:02,481
Speaker 1: it is really, really really hard for a female to

19
00:01:02,481 --> 00:01:05,401
Speaker 1: have to go through one that decision making to the

20
00:01:05,401 --> 00:01:08,601
Speaker 1: whole experience. So we're going to talk about your experience.

21
00:01:09,001 --> 00:01:12,001
Speaker 1: So take us back to eighteen year old Tiana, when

22
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:13,321
Speaker 1: you found out that you're pregnant.

23
00:01:14,481 --> 00:01:16,521
Speaker 3: My goodness, what a well win that was.

24
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:21,200
Speaker 2: I was so young and so naive at that age,

25
00:01:21,681 --> 00:01:24,880
Speaker 2: but at that time I was very much in love

26
00:01:24,961 --> 00:01:27,080
Speaker 2: with the men that I was with. It was, you know,

27
00:01:27,121 --> 00:01:29,801
Speaker 2: a three and a half year relationship. We were with

28
00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:32,001
Speaker 2: each other all the time. We actually ended up working

29
00:01:32,081 --> 00:01:34,161
Speaker 2: together as well, so we were very much in each

30
00:01:34,161 --> 00:01:36,440
Speaker 2: other's pockets. My dad ended up hiring him right, so

31
00:01:36,481 --> 00:01:38,761
Speaker 2: when I was working on site as a carpenter, he

32
00:01:38,801 --> 00:01:39,681
Speaker 2: was also a carpenter.

33
00:01:40,321 --> 00:01:42,681
Speaker 3: So you know, we were spending every day together.

34
00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:45,481
Speaker 2: We were, you know, spending all our weekends together, we

35
00:01:45,481 --> 00:01:47,641
Speaker 2: were going to gym together, we were working together, so

36
00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:51,001
Speaker 2: we were very much plugged into each other. And yeah,

37
00:01:51,041 --> 00:01:55,001
Speaker 2: we just weren't I guess that careful. And I didn't

38
00:01:55,001 --> 00:01:57,121
Speaker 2: take any birth control or anything like that, and so

39
00:01:57,281 --> 00:01:59,201
Speaker 2: for me, it was always something in the back of

40
00:01:59,201 --> 00:02:01,241
Speaker 2: my mind of like having to be careful. I just

41
00:02:01,361 --> 00:02:05,600
Speaker 2: remember this one week feeling overly emotional and a little

42
00:02:05,601 --> 00:02:08,121
Speaker 2: bit nauseous and starting to feel a little bit like

43
00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:11,281
Speaker 2: my body was off. Like I couldn't really pinpoint what

44
00:02:11,321 --> 00:02:13,361
Speaker 2: it was, but like something about my body just.

45
00:02:13,281 --> 00:02:15,280
Speaker 3: Felt off and was late for your period too, Yeah,

46
00:02:15,441 --> 00:02:16,321
Speaker 3: late for my period.

47
00:02:16,441 --> 00:02:19,161
Speaker 2: I didn't track it super meticulously though, so it wasn't

48
00:02:19,201 --> 00:02:20,881
Speaker 2: like I was like, oh, I'm a week late or

49
00:02:21,121 --> 00:02:21,721
Speaker 2: how belong?

50
00:02:21,841 --> 00:02:23,761
Speaker 3: Did it pop into your head that you might be pregnant?

51
00:02:23,841 --> 00:02:26,161
Speaker 2: It definitely did, because I had known that we were

52
00:02:26,281 --> 00:02:30,240
Speaker 2: being a little less careful, and I remember just being like, oh, whatever,

53
00:02:30,281 --> 00:02:31,680
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna you know what I'm gonna do. I'm

54
00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:34,321
Speaker 2: just gonna go get a pregnancy test, like surely, I'm.

55
00:02:34,201 --> 00:02:35,841
Speaker 3: Randomly on a Tuesday afternoon.

56
00:02:35,881 --> 00:02:37,921
Speaker 2: It's just randomly on a shoesday afternoon, and I was like,

57
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,601
Speaker 2: all right, I'm going to go to Woolli's one grab

58
00:02:39,641 --> 00:02:43,121
Speaker 2: a pregnancy test. This is post breakup, mind you. So

59
00:02:43,201 --> 00:02:46,441
Speaker 2: we had already been separated for like, so we were

60
00:02:46,441 --> 00:02:48,361
Speaker 2: together for a couple of years and then we had separated.

61
00:02:48,361 --> 00:02:50,441
Speaker 2: We were going through a breakup at that point, pretty

62
00:02:50,441 --> 00:02:53,401
Speaker 2: recent obviously pretty recent. Yea, it's probably only like three

63
00:02:53,401 --> 00:02:56,201
Speaker 2: weeks or something like that. And yeah, so we were

64
00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:58,321
Speaker 2: broken up at the time, so obviously he wasn't around.

65
00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:00,840
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, imagine if I'm pregnant, this.

66
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:02,401
Speaker 3: Is going to be terrifying. So even going to get

67
00:03:02,401 --> 00:03:04,361
Speaker 3: the test by yourself, like doing that alone, I.

68
00:03:04,361 --> 00:03:06,081
Speaker 2: Know, and I did have like a lot of friends

69
00:03:06,081 --> 00:03:08,441
Speaker 2: in my life at the time because I'd really clung

70
00:03:08,481 --> 00:03:10,761
Speaker 2: to him and that was like my main focus was

71
00:03:10,761 --> 00:03:13,761
Speaker 2: like our relationship anyway. So I remember going and I

72
00:03:13,761 --> 00:03:17,120
Speaker 2: remember doing the test and it showing up as positive,

73
00:03:17,841 --> 00:03:22,041
Speaker 2: and I just was so shocked, like so shocked. I

74
00:03:22,121 --> 00:03:24,120
Speaker 2: just remember sitting the bathroom like staring at myself in

75
00:03:24,161 --> 00:03:27,320
Speaker 2: the mirror, being like, you're literally growing a baby.

76
00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:31,280
Speaker 1: And what did you feel? Sad, shocked, emotional, happy.

77
00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:34,441
Speaker 2: I was shocked for a little while while I stood

78
00:03:34,441 --> 00:03:39,001
Speaker 2: in the bathroom, but I remember feeling really scared because

79
00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:41,761
Speaker 2: I was like fresh eighteen, just going through a breakup,

80
00:03:41,961 --> 00:03:45,241
Speaker 2: just going through a breakup. Our relationship was super turbulent,

81
00:03:45,601 --> 00:03:50,241
Speaker 2: so we wave not safe. We weren't communicating well either

82
00:03:50,401 --> 00:03:52,601
Speaker 2: post breakup, so it was like, oh, like how am

83
00:03:52,641 --> 00:03:55,121
Speaker 2: I even going to tell him this? And I remember

84
00:03:55,161 --> 00:03:57,961
Speaker 2: like walking out to the kitchen and like my hand

85
00:03:58,041 --> 00:03:59,801
Speaker 2: was like shaking, and I like put the test down

86
00:03:59,841 --> 00:04:02,121
Speaker 2: onto the bench and my sister Chantal was there. She

87
00:04:02,201 --> 00:04:03,801
Speaker 2: looked at it and I smiled at her and I

88
00:04:03,881 --> 00:04:06,601
Speaker 2: just broke down in tears and I was just like like,

89
00:04:06,641 --> 00:04:10,641
Speaker 2: what do I do The conversation was around like, you

90
00:04:10,681 --> 00:04:12,921
Speaker 2: know what you need to do to you?

91
00:04:12,921 --> 00:04:16,281
Speaker 3: You know atain single toxic relationship.

92
00:04:15,801 --> 00:04:17,481
Speaker 2: Not a good relation. He's not good for you, he's

93
00:04:17,521 --> 00:04:19,281
Speaker 2: not good for your heart. You've been trying to get

94
00:04:19,321 --> 00:04:21,200
Speaker 2: out of this relationship for a while now, and you

95
00:04:21,241 --> 00:04:24,521
Speaker 2: know it's just not working for whatever reason. Maybe this

96
00:04:24,601 --> 00:04:26,281
Speaker 2: is a sign of like you know what you need

97
00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:26,601
Speaker 2: to do.

98
00:04:26,961 --> 00:04:30,720
Speaker 1: Can I ask did you have any judgments or rules

99
00:04:30,721 --> 00:04:32,681
Speaker 1: on yourself, like you know how some women are just

100
00:04:32,761 --> 00:04:35,440
Speaker 1: like I would never get an abortion, It's not an option,

101
00:04:35,761 --> 00:04:38,321
Speaker 1: this is meant to be. Or were you always like, oh,

102
00:04:38,401 --> 00:04:40,481
Speaker 1: if I was faced to that situation, I probably would

103
00:04:40,521 --> 00:04:42,281
Speaker 1: because I'm not ready for kids. Like where was your

104
00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:44,400
Speaker 1: mindset at before you found out you're pregnant? As just

105
00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:47,241
Speaker 1: something you had that internal conversation with yourself before. No,

106
00:04:47,361 --> 00:04:49,561
Speaker 1: it wasn't a conversation that I'd had with myself before.

107
00:04:49,561 --> 00:04:52,121
Speaker 1: But I think because I was so young and so naive.

108
00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:53,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was like what happened to me?

109
00:04:53,681 --> 00:04:53,880
Speaker 1: Yeah?

110
00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:55,721
Speaker 2: I hadn't had the experience as well of growing a

111
00:04:55,761 --> 00:04:58,801
Speaker 2: baby and going through that experience before, so I didn't

112
00:04:58,841 --> 00:05:01,281
Speaker 2: really like know any better to me in the moment,

113
00:05:01,361 --> 00:05:03,361
Speaker 2: it was either like I'm either going to do this

114
00:05:03,801 --> 00:05:06,281
Speaker 2: or I'm going to go through the process of getting

115
00:05:06,281 --> 00:05:09,601
Speaker 2: an abortion because of all the factors that were kind

116
00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:12,001
Speaker 2: of happening in my life at the time. But I

117
00:05:12,041 --> 00:05:15,241
Speaker 2: remember being so internally conflicted because I was like I

118
00:05:15,281 --> 00:05:18,640
Speaker 2: almost like grew this like emotional attachment to like the yeah,

119
00:05:18,761 --> 00:05:20,880
Speaker 2: I was pregnant, and I was like, okay, well I'm

120
00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:22,601
Speaker 2: going to grow a little baby like and I just

121
00:05:22,681 --> 00:05:24,921
Speaker 2: remember thinking like, maybe this is something I could do.

122
00:05:25,481 --> 00:05:26,921
Speaker 2: But then I also just had this voice in the

123
00:05:26,961 --> 00:05:28,441
Speaker 2: back of my head of being like, you're too young.

124
00:05:28,561 --> 00:05:30,481
Speaker 3: You're too young. He's not good for you.

125
00:05:30,561 --> 00:05:32,801
Speaker 2: This will be the rest of your life, something that

126
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:35,201
Speaker 2: is a commitment if you make this decision now. But

127
00:05:35,241 --> 00:05:40,121
Speaker 2: I remember like feeling angry as well for not being

128
00:05:40,161 --> 00:05:43,241
Speaker 2: careful because now having to go through that alone, right,

129
00:05:43,681 --> 00:05:46,960
Speaker 2: And I just remember thinking almost angry at him and

130
00:05:47,041 --> 00:05:49,320
Speaker 2: frustrated towards him because I was like, well, now I

131
00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:51,440
Speaker 2: have to do this alone because we're not to get houred.

132
00:05:52,041 --> 00:05:55,241
Speaker 2: This relationship hasn't been healthy up until now. We're not communicating,

133
00:05:55,241 --> 00:05:57,321
Speaker 2: and so I almost like projected that anger onto him

134
00:05:57,361 --> 00:05:58,281
Speaker 2: of like, well, like.

135
00:05:58,281 --> 00:06:00,641
Speaker 3: Fuck you, this is part of your fault too, your

136
00:06:00,681 --> 00:06:02,520
Speaker 3: fault too. Yeah, but now I'm having to do.

137
00:06:02,561 --> 00:06:05,161
Speaker 2: It, and now I have to go through it alone

138
00:06:05,201 --> 00:06:07,320
Speaker 2: because he wasn't there for me, not just the emotional

139
00:06:07,361 --> 00:06:09,400
Speaker 2: but the physical. But the physical, and I had no

140
00:06:09,521 --> 00:06:11,241
Speaker 2: idea what to expect when it came to the actual

141
00:06:11,241 --> 00:06:13,880
Speaker 2: physical side. And he talks about it, but the mental

142
00:06:13,921 --> 00:06:15,801
Speaker 2: side of things. I just was in my head back

143
00:06:15,841 --> 00:06:18,001
Speaker 2: and forth for like a good two and a half weeks. Right,

144
00:06:18,041 --> 00:06:20,681
Speaker 2: I was eight and a half weeks pregnant. It's tough, babe,

145
00:06:20,721 --> 00:06:22,201
Speaker 2: And for two and a half weeks I was back

146
00:06:22,201 --> 00:06:23,841
Speaker 2: and forth. I was like, Okay, like I know what

147
00:06:23,841 --> 00:06:25,640
Speaker 2: my family have said, I know what they tell me

148
00:06:25,681 --> 00:06:28,200
Speaker 2: what I need to do. But internally I was like

149
00:06:28,681 --> 00:06:30,921
Speaker 2: should I do this? But I love him, but I

150
00:06:30,961 --> 00:06:32,361
Speaker 2: really want to be with him, And there was a

151
00:06:32,361 --> 00:06:34,320
Speaker 2: part of me that was still holding onto that relationship

152
00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:36,521
Speaker 2: so much, and I was like, but I've always wanted this,

153
00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:39,281
Speaker 2: like I've wanted this with him, Yeah, why would I

154
00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:41,161
Speaker 2: not do it? And then I remember thinking to myself,

155
00:06:41,601 --> 00:06:43,121
Speaker 2: you know, if it was three years down the line,

156
00:06:43,161 --> 00:06:45,361
Speaker 2: maybe I would have just done it. Yeah, And maybe

157
00:06:45,401 --> 00:06:47,440
Speaker 2: I would have just had it, you know, And then

158
00:06:47,481 --> 00:06:49,961
Speaker 2: I ended up booking in for the abortion, and I

159
00:06:50,001 --> 00:06:51,960
Speaker 2: remember talking to him about it and.

160
00:06:52,041 --> 00:06:55,241
Speaker 3: He had that conversation. It was so fucked babe. Really,

161
00:06:55,801 --> 00:06:56,640
Speaker 3: how did he respond?

162
00:06:56,721 --> 00:06:59,760
Speaker 2: He basically accused me of it being somebody else's.

163
00:06:59,841 --> 00:07:03,641
Speaker 3: Ah, he didn't, he did. Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry.

164
00:07:03,721 --> 00:07:05,801
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it was I just remember being like so

165
00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:09,241
Speaker 2: defeated in the moment. We haven't been together for three weeks.

166
00:07:09,401 --> 00:07:11,481
Speaker 2: You think I'm gonna get pregnant in three weeks. I'm

167
00:07:11,481 --> 00:07:12,481
Speaker 2: eight weeks pregnant.

168
00:07:12,721 --> 00:07:13,561
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is with you.

169
00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:15,721
Speaker 2: Yeah, And he's like, no, that's not possible. This and

170
00:07:15,761 --> 00:07:18,161
Speaker 2: that blah blah blah, like just like all the defensiveness,

171
00:07:18,241 --> 00:07:20,921
Speaker 2: all of the reactivity. And obviously he was young too,

172
00:07:20,961 --> 00:07:22,681
Speaker 2: so he was two years older than me, so he

173
00:07:22,721 --> 00:07:24,561
Speaker 2: would have been twenty at the time, so he went

174
00:07:24,601 --> 00:07:28,121
Speaker 2: through his process of emotions as well. But again, even

175
00:07:28,161 --> 00:07:30,481
Speaker 2: after that, he didn't fully like calm down or anything

176
00:07:30,481 --> 00:07:32,041
Speaker 2: like that. You offer to pay for some of it, No,

177
00:07:32,361 --> 00:07:35,281
Speaker 2: I paid for it. And then my mum and my

178
00:07:35,361 --> 00:07:37,561
Speaker 2: sister came with me that day, so he didn't even come.

179
00:07:37,641 --> 00:07:39,481
Speaker 2: He told me that he would, and then he didn't show.

180
00:07:39,641 --> 00:07:40,921
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness.

181
00:07:41,001 --> 00:07:44,001
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was really hard, super traumatic, and I was

182
00:07:44,041 --> 00:07:48,361
Speaker 2: super young, right, like naive, silly thought this man loved

183
00:07:48,361 --> 00:07:49,881
Speaker 2: me as much as I did him, even though it

184
00:07:49,921 --> 00:07:52,601
Speaker 2: was not the healthiest relationship. But I just thought in

185
00:07:52,641 --> 00:07:54,561
Speaker 2: a moment like that, like he would have showed up.

186
00:07:54,761 --> 00:07:57,840
Speaker 3: God, you would expect that from a man or a boy.

187
00:07:58,121 --> 00:08:00,961
Speaker 2: Isn't it supposed to be like we're in this together, yeah,

188
00:08:00,961 --> 00:08:02,161
Speaker 2: and we do this together.

189
00:08:02,201 --> 00:08:02,921
Speaker 3: But it wasn't like that.

190
00:08:02,961 --> 00:08:06,681
Speaker 2: I felt really alone and I lead and fucking scared.

191
00:08:06,721 --> 00:08:07,001
Speaker 3: Baby.

192
00:08:07,001 --> 00:08:08,641
Speaker 2: I was like eighteen. I was like, oh my god,

193
00:08:08,681 --> 00:08:09,521
Speaker 2: I can't be a mom.

194
00:08:09,881 --> 00:08:11,881
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's why that it falls on the woman to

195
00:08:12,001 --> 00:08:14,841
Speaker 1: go through all of that and they just don't have to.

196
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:18,481
Speaker 2: It's the craziest thing is like going into the room

197
00:08:18,601 --> 00:08:19,280
Speaker 2: and like, yeah.

198
00:08:19,081 --> 00:08:21,521
Speaker 1: Can you walk us through that experience? Because I just

199
00:08:21,561 --> 00:08:23,201
Speaker 1: think this is something that a lot of people are

200
00:08:23,201 --> 00:08:25,321
Speaker 1: not speaking about. And I'm sure there's so many women

201
00:08:25,321 --> 00:08:27,241
Speaker 1: that may get themselves in the situation and maybe they're

202
00:08:27,241 --> 00:08:29,681
Speaker 1: in it right now and they're so scared because I

203
00:08:29,681 --> 00:08:32,201
Speaker 1: only know because I've had friends that have gone through it. Yeah, Like,

204
00:08:32,201 --> 00:08:34,961
Speaker 1: can you walk us through? Like who do you book through?

205
00:08:35,161 --> 00:08:37,641
Speaker 1: If they got good bed manner? Is it scary. Did

206
00:08:37,681 --> 00:08:39,761
Speaker 1: you doubt yourself once you got in there? The recovery? Like,

207
00:08:39,801 --> 00:08:41,321
Speaker 1: can you walk us through that whole process?

208
00:08:41,481 --> 00:08:41,681
Speaker 3: Sure?

209
00:08:41,841 --> 00:08:44,601
Speaker 2: So I think booking the appointment is like the easy

210
00:08:44,681 --> 00:08:48,041
Speaker 2: part because it feels emotionally, feels so far away. You're like, Okay,

211
00:08:48,281 --> 00:08:50,721
Speaker 2: I've made this decision, but you don't really feel it

212
00:08:50,801 --> 00:08:51,841
Speaker 2: until you're like in the room.

213
00:08:52,001 --> 00:08:54,281
Speaker 3: Is it with a doctor or an actual place you

214
00:08:54,361 --> 00:08:55,041
Speaker 3: go to, like.

215
00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:58,641
Speaker 2: An abortion clinic basically, And so what you do is

216
00:08:58,681 --> 00:09:00,401
Speaker 2: you book in. I went in with my mom and

217
00:09:00,441 --> 00:09:03,201
Speaker 2: my sister. They walked me into as far as they could,

218
00:09:03,481 --> 00:09:05,081
Speaker 2: and then eventually you get to a point where like

219
00:09:05,161 --> 00:09:07,521
Speaker 2: you get changed and you're in a gown, and then

220
00:09:07,601 --> 00:09:10,441
Speaker 2: you sit out the front of like the surgery room.

221
00:09:10,601 --> 00:09:13,041
Speaker 2: Basically there's a point where like your family can't come

222
00:09:13,081 --> 00:09:14,841
Speaker 2: with you anymore, and so you're kind of just sitting

223
00:09:14,841 --> 00:09:17,481
Speaker 2: there with your own thoughts kind of going back and forth.

224
00:09:17,481 --> 00:09:20,281
Speaker 2: And I just remember feeling so alone in that moment, Fabe.

225
00:09:20,281 --> 00:09:23,521
Speaker 2: I was so scared. I didn't know what the process

226
00:09:23,681 --> 00:09:25,521
Speaker 2: was of an abortion. I didn't know how it works.

227
00:09:25,761 --> 00:09:26,961
Speaker 3: I was scared. I was young.

228
00:09:27,561 --> 00:09:29,681
Speaker 2: It didn't really make sense to me. And then I

229
00:09:29,761 --> 00:09:31,721
Speaker 2: remember just feeling like okay, like I have to do

230
00:09:31,761 --> 00:09:33,881
Speaker 2: this alone, like even though they here to support me

231
00:09:33,921 --> 00:09:35,561
Speaker 2: and they're going to take me when it's done.

232
00:09:35,801 --> 00:09:38,081
Speaker 3: Yeah, like it doesn't feel the same. Yeah. So just

233
00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:40,201
Speaker 3: something that you kind of have to like do alone.

234
00:09:40,721 --> 00:09:43,161
Speaker 3: Do you get put to sleep or are you consciously away? Yeah?

235
00:09:43,201 --> 00:09:45,601
Speaker 2: So you go into the room and then you sit

236
00:09:45,681 --> 00:09:48,561
Speaker 2: on this chair that like hoists up both of your

237
00:09:48,641 --> 00:09:50,961
Speaker 2: legs kind of thing, and you're like fully awake. They

238
00:09:50,961 --> 00:09:53,601
Speaker 2: haven't given you anything yet, and you sit in this

239
00:09:53,721 --> 00:09:55,281
Speaker 2: chair and then they ask you to put your legs

240
00:09:55,361 --> 00:09:57,041
Speaker 2: up and then they like talk to you, and there's

241
00:09:57,041 --> 00:09:58,921
Speaker 2: like a screen on the roof and all that sort

242
00:09:58,961 --> 00:10:01,481
Speaker 2: of stuff. And I just remember them getting me to

243
00:10:01,521 --> 00:10:03,961
Speaker 2: count down to ten and whatever it was that I

244
00:10:04,041 --> 00:10:06,921
Speaker 2: had was like making me sleepy. Yeah, and then just

245
00:10:06,961 --> 00:10:08,921
Speaker 2: feeling so scared. I'm like it's so clinical, like I

246
00:10:08,921 --> 00:10:11,041
Speaker 2: don't know these people. I don't trust these people, like

247
00:10:11,081 --> 00:10:14,601
Speaker 2: who are they? You know, just feeling like just so terrified,

248
00:10:15,761 --> 00:10:19,081
Speaker 2: and then I like eventually fell asleep, and I remember

249
00:10:19,121 --> 00:10:22,601
Speaker 2: waking up and just feeling it just sounds bad, but

250
00:10:22,641 --> 00:10:25,441
Speaker 2: like I felt like a bit violated. Of course, I

251
00:10:26,521 --> 00:10:29,761
Speaker 2: like my body understandable. It's like my body knew whatever

252
00:10:29,801 --> 00:10:31,761
Speaker 2: it was that I could feel. I could feel it

253
00:10:31,841 --> 00:10:33,321
Speaker 2: in my body. It's like kind of like when you

254
00:10:33,361 --> 00:10:35,921
Speaker 2: get like a pap smear and they like freaking statue,

255
00:10:35,881 --> 00:10:38,201
Speaker 2: you know, that feeling where you're just and you're like

256
00:10:38,241 --> 00:10:40,561
Speaker 2: you feel like someone's invaded your privacy.

257
00:10:41,081 --> 00:10:44,041
Speaker 3: It was like that, but I was groggy.

258
00:10:43,801 --> 00:10:45,721
Speaker 2: And not being able to like do a whole lot

259
00:10:45,761 --> 00:10:49,321
Speaker 2: and going home and resting for like that whole afternoon

260
00:10:49,361 --> 00:10:52,681
Speaker 2: and night and just being like so emotionally like sad.

261
00:10:52,961 --> 00:10:53,361
Speaker 3: Yeah.

262
00:10:53,521 --> 00:10:56,881
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you remember what the recovery was like? It

263
00:10:56,921 --> 00:10:58,521
Speaker 2: was fine from what I can remember.

264
00:10:58,601 --> 00:10:59,241
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.

265
00:10:59,321 --> 00:11:02,521
Speaker 2: I think after that it's like the energetic loss, yeah almost,

266
00:11:02,641 --> 00:11:06,401
Speaker 2: or like the emotional loss, you know, after that, I

267
00:11:06,441 --> 00:11:08,921
Speaker 2: was like, oh okay, like I really went through with that. Yeah,

268
00:11:08,961 --> 00:11:12,801
Speaker 2: through like sadness, isolation, loneliness. Then you go through violation,

269
00:11:12,961 --> 00:11:14,881
Speaker 2: and then it's like loss, and then you just kind

270
00:11:14,881 --> 00:11:16,401
Speaker 2: of expected to kind of go back into day to

271
00:11:16,481 --> 00:11:20,081
Speaker 2: day live and all these people, you know, do normal

272
00:11:20,121 --> 00:11:22,681
Speaker 2: life with you don't really know what you've gone through,

273
00:11:22,841 --> 00:11:24,721
Speaker 2: and then you're having conversations with people at work like

274
00:11:24,761 --> 00:11:27,521
Speaker 2: nothing has happened. I think that was the hardest thing

275
00:11:27,641 --> 00:11:29,481
Speaker 2: is like the couple of weeks after that, it was

276
00:11:29,481 --> 00:11:32,281
Speaker 2: hard to kind of come back into normal reality of like,

277
00:11:32,321 --> 00:11:34,521
Speaker 2: I've just gone through this what felt like something that

278
00:11:34,601 --> 00:11:36,921
Speaker 2: was really emotionally scarring and will stay with me forever,

279
00:11:37,161 --> 00:11:39,721
Speaker 2: and having to do it alone, all of the elements

280
00:11:39,761 --> 00:11:41,961
Speaker 2: to it, to just like go back to work and

281
00:11:42,001 --> 00:11:43,721
Speaker 2: be on side and talk to the guys on side,

282
00:11:43,761 --> 00:11:44,441
Speaker 2: and like.

283
00:11:44,201 --> 00:11:47,641
Speaker 1: Oh man, that's like a lot of things with grief, Hay.

284
00:11:48,161 --> 00:11:51,521
Speaker 1: When you told your mom, your dad, your sisters, any friends,

285
00:11:51,641 --> 00:11:55,201
Speaker 1: Was there anyone that judged you for making that decision

286
00:11:55,241 --> 00:11:57,601
Speaker 1: or were they all in full support and how.

287
00:11:57,441 --> 00:11:58,241
Speaker 3: Did you cope with that?

288
00:11:59,041 --> 00:12:02,001
Speaker 2: My family were very supportive of that because they knew

289
00:12:02,001 --> 00:12:04,841
Speaker 2: the situation, and they also weren't super in supportive their

290
00:12:04,881 --> 00:12:06,881
Speaker 2: lifeationship as well. They kind of wanted me to get away,

291
00:12:07,481 --> 00:12:09,681
Speaker 2: so they were happy with the decision that I was

292
00:12:09,721 --> 00:12:12,081
Speaker 2: making for me because I was so young and it

293
00:12:12,201 --> 00:12:14,601
Speaker 2: just wasn't the right time, wasn't the right person, was

294
00:12:14,641 --> 00:12:17,401
Speaker 2: the right circumstances. So I don't think any of my

295
00:12:17,401 --> 00:12:19,841
Speaker 2: family really judged me for that, to be honest, I

296
00:12:19,881 --> 00:12:22,121
Speaker 2: didn't really. I don't think I really told anybody else

297
00:12:22,121 --> 00:12:23,321
Speaker 2: in the side of my family.

298
00:12:23,721 --> 00:12:24,801
Speaker 3: Speaking about it now.

299
00:12:24,841 --> 00:12:27,041
Speaker 1: As I said at the start, it is quite a

300
00:12:27,081 --> 00:12:30,361
Speaker 1: controversial topic that people judge people for doing. Are you

301
00:12:30,481 --> 00:12:33,121
Speaker 1: scared talking about this now? And how do you think

302
00:12:33,121 --> 00:12:36,761
Speaker 1: you'd hope if there was some backlash of people saying

303
00:12:36,801 --> 00:12:40,401
Speaker 1: things about this? People have really strong stances on it. Yeah,

304
00:12:40,441 --> 00:12:42,601
Speaker 1: you know, and valid. Everyone's allowed to think what they

305
00:12:42,641 --> 00:12:45,401
Speaker 1: believe in different cultures and different things. But how will

306
00:12:45,441 --> 00:12:48,841
Speaker 1: you manage and handle judgment that comes your way if

307
00:12:48,841 --> 00:12:50,281
Speaker 1: it does post episode?

308
00:12:50,401 --> 00:12:50,681
Speaker 3: Yeah?

309
00:12:50,681 --> 00:12:54,561
Speaker 2: Interesting, that's a cool question. I think everyone is entitled

310
00:12:54,601 --> 00:12:58,841
Speaker 2: to their opinion. Yeah, However, I don't think anyone's entitled

311
00:12:58,921 --> 00:13:00,441
Speaker 2: to an opinion on my body.

312
00:13:00,921 --> 00:13:01,801
Speaker 3: Yes, beautiful.

313
00:13:01,801 --> 00:13:04,681
Speaker 2: So given I had the most context at that point

314
00:13:04,721 --> 00:13:07,801
Speaker 2: in my life of what the situation was, what the

315
00:13:07,841 --> 00:13:11,121
Speaker 2: relationship was, like me not being ready to have a

316
00:13:11,201 --> 00:13:13,721
Speaker 2: child at eighteen, I think is the valid grounds for

317
00:13:13,761 --> 00:13:16,681
Speaker 2: me to have made the decision that I made. And yes,

318
00:13:16,721 --> 00:13:19,801
Speaker 2: while everyone is open to an opinion and totally gets

319
00:13:19,801 --> 00:13:21,641
Speaker 2: to have that, they can still have that and me

320
00:13:21,721 --> 00:13:24,441
Speaker 2: still be strong in the decision that I made. Yeah, Like,

321
00:13:24,481 --> 00:13:27,481
Speaker 2: I in no way regret getting an abortion and going

322
00:13:27,521 --> 00:13:29,841
Speaker 2: through that process because at that point in my life,

323
00:13:29,841 --> 00:13:32,841
Speaker 2: that's what I needed. And you know, my life would

324
00:13:32,841 --> 00:13:35,841
Speaker 2: be very different if I had gone through that decision

325
00:13:35,841 --> 00:13:38,081
Speaker 2: and actually had a baby then, you know. And I

326
00:13:38,121 --> 00:13:40,241
Speaker 2: just think like I made the right choice for me

327
00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:43,441
Speaker 2: back then, and I think everyone's kind of entitled to

328
00:13:43,441 --> 00:13:46,561
Speaker 2: that as well. Yeah, I personally, when I think about abortions,

329
00:13:46,561 --> 00:13:47,281
Speaker 2: I know you're not.

330
00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:50,121
Speaker 3: Really supposed to get more than two because it's confectly

331
00:13:50,161 --> 00:13:50,721
Speaker 3: your fertility.

332
00:13:50,761 --> 00:13:53,641
Speaker 2: It's damaging for your body. I know exactly why and

333
00:13:53,681 --> 00:13:55,721
Speaker 2: the reasons. If anybody has any info, you can let

334
00:13:55,721 --> 00:13:58,481
Speaker 2: me know about that. But I think I've also been

335
00:13:58,521 --> 00:14:01,161
Speaker 2: mindful now since that happened, of like, Okay, you need

336
00:14:01,201 --> 00:14:03,761
Speaker 2: to be more careful and you need to be more

337
00:14:04,721 --> 00:14:06,401
Speaker 2: like switched on when it comes to things like that,

338
00:14:06,401 --> 00:14:08,681
Speaker 2: because you don't want to continue damaging your body. Yeah,

339
00:14:08,841 --> 00:14:10,681
Speaker 2: having to make a decision like that, if I am

340
00:14:10,721 --> 00:14:13,441
Speaker 2: not ready, it's like being smart about it. If I

341
00:14:13,481 --> 00:14:14,801
Speaker 2: do want to make that decision I want to have

342
00:14:14,801 --> 00:14:17,041
Speaker 2: a baby, be intentional about it, ye, if I don't

343
00:14:17,081 --> 00:14:18,201
Speaker 2: be cautious.

344
00:14:18,761 --> 00:14:21,001
Speaker 1: And what are your stances on I know in America

345
00:14:21,081 --> 00:14:23,801
Speaker 1: in some states abortion is like illegal.

346
00:14:23,961 --> 00:14:25,121
Speaker 3: What's your stances on that?

347
00:14:25,881 --> 00:14:28,081
Speaker 2: I don't know all of the context with stuff like that.

348
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:32,961
Speaker 2: I think abortion being illegal is disgusting. For one, I

349
00:14:32,961 --> 00:14:35,601
Speaker 2: think it's disappointing for anyone who goes through sexual abuse

350
00:14:35,681 --> 00:14:36,121
Speaker 2: or is rapes.

351
00:14:36,601 --> 00:14:38,041
Speaker 3: What I was going to say, anything like that For.

352
00:14:38,041 --> 00:14:41,041
Speaker 2: Me, that feels like taking away women's rights. However, what

353
00:14:41,121 --> 00:14:43,841
Speaker 2: I have read online is that abortion is illegal after

354
00:14:43,921 --> 00:14:48,121
Speaker 2: sixteen weeks. I don't know enough information about what the

355
00:14:48,161 --> 00:14:50,721
Speaker 2: actual laws are and stuff like that about it. And

356
00:14:50,761 --> 00:14:52,481
Speaker 2: because I've heard that, I'm like, oh, okay, Like they

357
00:14:52,521 --> 00:14:55,041
Speaker 2: obviously don't want anyone to abort after sixteen weeks if

358
00:14:55,041 --> 00:14:56,081
Speaker 2: they're already you know.

359
00:14:56,641 --> 00:14:57,201
Speaker 3: Developing that.

360
00:14:57,561 --> 00:15:00,321
Speaker 1: Yeah, just an interesting conversation because I remember watching a

361
00:15:00,321 --> 00:15:03,041
Speaker 1: documentary I age just Goo. I think it's on Netflix,

362
00:15:03,561 --> 00:15:06,681
Speaker 1: and it was a mum who in America, in the

363
00:15:06,721 --> 00:15:11,081
Speaker 1: state it was illegal, so she had been raped, and

364
00:15:11,601 --> 00:15:14,521
Speaker 1: then her daughter then grew up and just always felt

365
00:15:14,561 --> 00:15:16,521
Speaker 1: like she was a mistake in that she wasn't meant

366
00:15:16,521 --> 00:15:18,681
Speaker 1: to be here, and she wasn't a byproduct of love,

367
00:15:18,881 --> 00:15:22,921
Speaker 1: she was a byproduct of violation. And it was just

368
00:15:23,041 --> 00:15:27,081
Speaker 1: really sad and interesting to see where they were both at.

369
00:15:27,121 --> 00:15:28,961
Speaker 1: And I just think women should be able to choose,

370
00:15:29,001 --> 00:15:31,401
Speaker 1: of course, the context of the time and whatever. For sure,

371
00:15:31,441 --> 00:15:33,561
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, that's an important conversation as well.

372
00:15:33,681 --> 00:15:36,281
Speaker 2: And I've seen stuff online about men making decisions for

373
00:15:36,321 --> 00:15:38,041
Speaker 2: women's bodies, and I think that's wrong.

374
00:15:38,481 --> 00:15:39,121
Speaker 3: I think that's wrong.

375
00:15:39,161 --> 00:15:41,161
Speaker 2: I don't think anybody should be told whether they can

376
00:15:41,281 --> 00:15:43,121
Speaker 2: choose to have an abortion or not. It should be

377
00:15:43,161 --> 00:15:47,241
Speaker 2: their own personal choice, especially given context like rape victims,

378
00:15:47,241 --> 00:15:49,441
Speaker 2: sexual assault victims, all that sort of stuff. I could

379
00:15:49,521 --> 00:15:52,121
Speaker 2: not imagine if she was on the other foot and

380
00:15:52,241 --> 00:15:55,081
Speaker 2: I were sexually assaulted or raped and I was told

381
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,481
Speaker 2: that I had to keep the baby and birth the

382
00:15:56,481 --> 00:15:59,241
Speaker 2: baby's so true, I would be beside myself. I don't

383
00:15:59,241 --> 00:16:01,801
Speaker 2: know how any woman is expected to go through an

384
00:16:01,801 --> 00:16:04,161
Speaker 2: experience like that and then just be like, yeah, be

385
00:16:04,241 --> 00:16:07,561
Speaker 2: okay with it that because he's just swearing, but like,

386
00:16:07,641 --> 00:16:08,481
Speaker 2: absolutely not.

387
00:16:08,681 --> 00:16:10,561
Speaker 3: Yeah, to be aule to each individual woman.

388
00:16:10,681 --> 00:16:13,361
Speaker 2: Hair And you can even see how emotionally traumatic it

389
00:16:13,441 --> 00:16:16,361
Speaker 2: is for women in moments where they're still in a

390
00:16:16,401 --> 00:16:19,161
Speaker 2: healthy relationship. Yeah, how traumatic it is to go through

391
00:16:19,201 --> 00:16:22,361
Speaker 2: abortion in that moment, let alone an unhealthy relationship, let

392
00:16:22,401 --> 00:16:23,761
Speaker 2: alone something like sexual abuse.

393
00:16:23,921 --> 00:16:26,281
Speaker 1: For sure, there's so much to it too, like a

394
00:16:26,321 --> 00:16:28,201
Speaker 1: couple of my girlfriends have been through even like in

395
00:16:28,281 --> 00:16:31,521
Speaker 1: high school or in adult life. It's yeah, it's the physical,

396
00:16:31,521 --> 00:16:34,521
Speaker 1: it's the emotional, and it's years beyond as well, where

397
00:16:34,641 --> 00:16:37,961
Speaker 1: they'll still talk about and just feel that sadness and

398
00:16:37,961 --> 00:16:40,161
Speaker 1: that grief and like did I make the right decision? Like,

399
00:16:40,281 --> 00:16:42,881
Speaker 1: yes I did, but you still carry the sadness with

400
00:16:42,961 --> 00:16:45,001
Speaker 1: you for a long time. It's a lot, and there's

401
00:16:45,001 --> 00:16:47,881
Speaker 1: also really messages with your hormones as well. It's a

402
00:16:47,921 --> 00:16:50,561
Speaker 1: lot of recovery. What I've heard anyway from a couple

403
00:16:50,601 --> 00:16:53,361
Speaker 1: of girlfriends that have had it, the hormonal disruption of

404
00:16:53,441 --> 00:16:56,201
Speaker 1: going through that is tough, like irregular periods and a

405
00:16:56,241 --> 00:16:58,441
Speaker 1: lot of pain and all that kind of stuff.

406
00:16:58,481 --> 00:17:01,081
Speaker 3: It's a lot. Wow, that's wild. Yeah, I didn't.

407
00:17:01,081 --> 00:17:03,641
Speaker 2: I'm luckily, like knock on Wood, like my experience, I

408
00:17:03,641 --> 00:17:06,920
Speaker 2: didn't experience like or anything like that. After Yeah, my

409
00:17:07,001 --> 00:17:09,961
Speaker 2: body was also super young, developing and still all that

410
00:17:10,001 --> 00:17:11,360
Speaker 2: sort of stuff, and I have no doubt that it

411
00:17:11,360 --> 00:17:12,761
Speaker 2: would have had an impact on the body.

412
00:17:13,241 --> 00:17:14,681
Speaker 1: I mean, I haven't looked into it, but I really

413
00:17:14,721 --> 00:17:17,080
Speaker 1: hope that if anyone's listening and going through this, or

414
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:19,801
Speaker 1: you ever faced with this, I hope there is support

415
00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:23,321
Speaker 1: groups and like on Facebook or just someone where women

416
00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:26,241
Speaker 1: can turn to to have that emotional support and don't

417
00:17:26,241 --> 00:17:28,521
Speaker 1: have to go through that alone, especially if they're young

418
00:17:28,561 --> 00:17:31,321
Speaker 1: and they're hiding it from their parents or you know,

419
00:17:31,360 --> 00:17:32,961
Speaker 1: they can't talk to anyone about it. I really hope

420
00:17:33,001 --> 00:17:34,720
Speaker 1: there is support out there, because it's something you just

421
00:17:34,761 --> 00:17:36,200
Speaker 1: never want anyone going through alone.

422
00:17:36,281 --> 00:17:38,241
Speaker 2: Of course, and I think something that no one really

423
00:17:38,241 --> 00:17:41,041
Speaker 2: talks about when it comes to abortion is like predicting

424
00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:45,161
Speaker 2: what could have been? You know, as like thinking about like, oh, wow,

425
00:17:45,201 --> 00:17:48,201
Speaker 2: if I hadn't aborted the baby, what would my life

426
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:50,281
Speaker 2: look like? What would that little royal girl look like?

427
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:52,920
Speaker 2: Who would they be? The personality would they have? And

428
00:17:52,921 --> 00:17:55,761
Speaker 2: like I haven't had children, so I haven't seen a

429
00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:58,720
Speaker 2: child fully develop of my own, so I don't have

430
00:17:58,801 --> 00:18:01,680
Speaker 2: that emotional connection. But even as someone who didn't, I

431
00:18:01,761 --> 00:18:04,441
Speaker 2: still had that part of me that was like, wow,

432
00:18:04,561 --> 00:18:08,120
Speaker 2: like what could have been ye decided to keep the baby?

433
00:18:08,681 --> 00:18:10,641
Speaker 3: You know, your mind would definitely wonder there and.

434
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:12,161
Speaker 2: How wild do you remember when I told you about

435
00:18:12,201 --> 00:18:13,801
Speaker 2: the psychic who told me that there was a little

436
00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:14,321
Speaker 2: boy around?

437
00:18:14,321 --> 00:18:17,521
Speaker 3: But that's right, you know your spirit angel? Yeah, she

438
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:17,841
Speaker 3: was like.

439
00:18:17,761 --> 00:18:19,721
Speaker 2: Did you have an abortion or a miscarriage or something

440
00:18:19,721 --> 00:18:21,160
Speaker 2: like that. She's like, there's a little boy around you

441
00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:22,801
Speaker 2: who's like with you all the time, and I just

442
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:24,321
Speaker 2: like it was mind blown when she said that.

443
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:25,801
Speaker 1: Yeah, and she also said you're going to be a

444
00:18:25,801 --> 00:18:27,840
Speaker 1: boy mum, yeah, and that like he's ready to come

445
00:18:27,921 --> 00:18:32,041
Speaker 1: down and if you're already, Oh my god, yeah, wild, yeah, crazy.

446
00:18:32,321 --> 00:18:32,880
Speaker 2: Oh.

447
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,080
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for sharing so openly vulnerably. I

448
00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:37,880
Speaker 1: know that was scary for you and anyone listening, please

449
00:18:37,921 --> 00:18:40,401
Speaker 1: be kind. We respect that everyone has their own opinions

450
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,641
Speaker 1: on it. But yeah, I hope anyone that's going through

451
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:44,241
Speaker 1: it has support around them, and if not, I hope

452
00:18:44,241 --> 00:18:46,281
Speaker 1: you can look out for some support forums or groups.

453
00:18:46,321 --> 00:18:48,720
Speaker 1: It can help you navigate that because I can imagine

454
00:18:48,721 --> 00:18:50,001
Speaker 1: it would be so difficult.

455
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:52,481
Speaker 3: Yeah, you don't have to do it alone. Yeah, that's

456
00:18:52,521 --> 00:18:53,521
Speaker 3: the biginning. You have to do.

457
00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:56,441
Speaker 2: Either reach out for support, lean on your girlfriends, lean

458
00:18:56,481 --> 00:18:58,721
Speaker 2: on your family, whate you have in your life, even

459
00:18:58,721 --> 00:18:59,721
Speaker 2: if it's co workers.

460
00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:00,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, lean on.

461
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:01,801
Speaker 2: Yeah.

462
00:19:01,921 --> 00:19:03,520
Speaker 3: All right, Well, thank you for joining us, and we'll

463
00:19:03,521 --> 00:19:04,521
Speaker 3: see you in the next episode.

464
00:19:04,681 --> 00:19:05,720
Speaker 2: Bye. Four