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Speaker 1: Apolgie production an easier advice. Are you okay what happened?

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Speaker 1: Promise it won't be too much. Bring it in. Welcome

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Speaker 1: to our Bestie segment. Girl, my girl, this is the

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Speaker 1: place for you. Welcome back to another episode of Bestie Advice.

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Speaker 2: This is our favorite segment, Love. It's also our only segment.

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Speaker 1: No, we do this every Tuesday and Friday and then

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Speaker 1: Monday Wednesday are more our teaching, empowering, more topic focus ones,

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Speaker 1: whereas these are you girls coming in with your anonymous ahbissions.

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Speaker 1: We have no idea who's doing this in and we

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Speaker 1: give advice to you as we would each other if

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Speaker 1: we came in with the same situation.

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Speaker 2: And especially if you don't really have anywhere that you

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Speaker 2: can go, you were stuck in a sticky situation, or

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Speaker 2: you're in a bit of a pickle but you don't

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Speaker 2: have anybody to turn to.

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Speaker 1: That's when you bring it in here. It can be

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Speaker 1: about friendships, relationships, career, finance, past traumas, like literally anything

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Speaker 1: you can bring in here, and it's a safe space

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Speaker 1: that we would just be your bestie.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely get retarted. Yeah shit, I can't even believe I'm

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Speaker 2: asking this. I was basically friends with benefits with this

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Speaker 2: guy for six months. First time getting close with a

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Speaker 2: guy like this. It was basically a relationship and best friends,

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Speaker 2: but we both agreed that we weren't wanting anything serious,

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Speaker 2: so it was perfect. We were talking every day, super fun, flirtatious,

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Speaker 2: very friendly and kind a super comfortable relationship, movies and

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Speaker 2: cuddles at his going out for dinners, river days, cooking

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Speaker 2: dinner together, walks, runs. Sex was the main ground of

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Speaker 2: it all, if we're being honest, but both crazying physical

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Speaker 2: connection which we could give each other through sex, cuddles, massages,

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Speaker 2: teasing throughout the day, fun only like one a fortnight.

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Speaker 2: Even when we would hang out, it got progressively more

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Speaker 2: and more flirtatious and fun, and it was just such

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Speaker 2: a good time for us to not have that commitment,

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Speaker 2: but to have that little crush and tea throughout the weeks,

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Speaker 2: and honestly just finding confident in each other. We genuinely

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Speaker 2: both not minding that it wouldn't progress, and honestly that

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Speaker 2: was kind of the good thing about it. Keep in mind,

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Speaker 2: I went to school with his ex, I knew her,

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Speaker 2: was in classes with her, and have we're on social

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Speaker 2: media etc. She's a lovely girl, and I noticed that

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Speaker 2: they have each other on social media and seemed to

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Speaker 2: still be in a bit of contact through random comments, likes,

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Speaker 2: and etc. She has a different boyfriend now, but also

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Speaker 2: keep in mind he has been sober for ages when

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Speaker 2: we met. He's such a lovely guy and I only

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Speaker 2: ever have nice things to.

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Speaker 1: Say about him.

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Speaker 2: We would go periods where we would lose contact for

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Speaker 2: a while on his behalf, and it would get me

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Speaker 2: down a little, but there's no expectation and he'd always

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Speaker 2: come back. I genuinely don't think he was seeing others

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Speaker 2: in this time, but he's kind of strange and goes

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Speaker 2: on and off. We went about six weeks not talking,

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Speaker 2: and then he comes crawling back. We had a super

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Speaker 2: flirtatious night texting, and the next day we went to

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Speaker 2: his and the usual whole day spent together because it

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Speaker 2: was so long a party was great. He got progressively

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Speaker 2: more interested and I think realized how good it is.

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Speaker 2: One night, I was out with my girlfriends and I

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Speaker 2: messaged him asking what he was doing, and he replied

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Speaker 2: back with a drink in his hand, and I was shocked,

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Speaker 2: as I'd never known him to be a drinker. Long

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Speaker 2: story short, when I ended up going out with one

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Speaker 2: of the friends I was with, we met up with

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Speaker 2: him and we spent the night out drinking together. Although

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Speaker 2: it was so much fun, me and him my friend,

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Speaker 2: just drinking having fun. We were super flirtatious together and everything,

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Speaker 2: even cuddling in public affection. It was a different side

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Speaker 2: for both of us as we were tipsy but had

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Speaker 2: so much fun. I stay to his house, great sex,

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Speaker 2: like from a movie. Then from there he was even

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Speaker 2: more eager and keen, but still not any kind of

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Speaker 2: relationship terms.

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Speaker 1: I was just as keen.

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Speaker 2: The week after, we ended up going out for drinks again.

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Speaker 2: It was just me and him. He had been sober

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Speaker 2: for so long, and we ended up getting pretty drunk.

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Speaker 2: We went back to his sexual chemistry was so strong

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Speaker 2: and we were having so much fun. He was planning

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Speaker 2: our day for the next day as a hungover day.

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Speaker 2: We were even going to go out and get sushi.

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Speaker 2: Weeks leading up to this, we'd also planned to go

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Speaker 2: to a rodeo together as well as a camping trip. Anyway,

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Speaker 2: we were out drinking, We go back to his tensions

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Speaker 2: are high movie scenes, shower sex, We go to sleep

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Speaker 2: he wakes me up hours after ready for round two.

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Speaker 1: In the middle of it, he calls me by his

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Speaker 1: ex's name.

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Speaker 2: Oh, my heart drops, and I feel sick to my stomach,

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Speaker 2: but I just don't do anything. Ten seconds later he

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Speaker 2: says it again. My stomach flips. I sit up and

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Speaker 2: I just can't help her cry. I've never been one

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Speaker 2: to put myself in positions like this. I've never been

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Speaker 2: in a relationship. I've always been the type of person

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Speaker 2: that sticks to myself, and I was not expecting that

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Speaker 2: it really rattled me. It was such an intimate moment

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Speaker 2: and had gotten to the point where we felt comfortable

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Speaker 2: with each other. We really got to know each other

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Speaker 2: and had such damn good times together, and it just

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Speaker 2: felt like a slap in the face. If you said

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Speaker 2: it in the casual situation, in a conversation or anything else,

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Speaker 2: it might have felt different. But it was so intimate,

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Speaker 2: and just the fact that I know her and everything

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Speaker 2: just hurts so much more. He was so confused, he

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Speaker 2: didn't know what was wrong. He was drunk, sleepy, and

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Speaker 2: genuinely didn't know that he did it. I just sat

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Speaker 2: there crying, and I was like, what the fuck do

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Speaker 2: you mean? What's wrong? You just called me by your

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Speaker 2: ex's name twice, and the shock on his face was unbelievable.

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Speaker 2: I know it was an accident, and I know it

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Speaker 2: didn't have any meaning, but it was just the most

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Speaker 2: sickening feeling.

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Speaker 1: I didn't have my car.

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Speaker 2: It was in the middle of the night and my

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Speaker 2: car was at the club, so we all had his car,

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Speaker 2: so I couldn't drive home. I couldn't get an uber

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Speaker 2: to my car because I was over the limit. So

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Speaker 2: he looked distraught. He slept on the lounge loved in

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Speaker 2: his room. We woke up the next day and he

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Speaker 2: was the most regretful. I've never seen someone so distraught,

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Speaker 2: Like he knew how much he had hurt me, and

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Speaker 2: I know that he didn't mean to do it, but

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Speaker 2: he did anyway to wrap this story up, He was

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Speaker 2: so truly apologetic. He didn't really make excuses for it.

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Speaker 2: He knew it was wrong, and I just told him, like,

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Speaker 2: this is fucked up. He tried everything to make me

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Speaker 2: feel better, but I couldn't talk, and instead I used humor.

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Speaker 2: But in saying this, I truly cannot describe to you

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Speaker 2: the relationship we had. I was more upset over the

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Speaker 2: fact that we lost each other from this instance and

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Speaker 2: that things would never really be the same. I knew

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Speaker 2: to me it was not forgivable due to the way

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Speaker 2: it made me feel. He knew as well, and said

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Speaker 2: he wouldn't know what to do if I thought that

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Speaker 2: was okay. From that day on, we exchanged messages regarding

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Speaker 2: in saying our stories and goodbye. He said he will

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Speaker 2: leave me be, but he is truly sorry. He said

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Speaker 2: he won't reach out to me and will give me

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Speaker 2: this space and respect that I need if we ever

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Speaker 2: want to talk again, But it's up to me. Daily

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Speaker 2: I think about him, I think about how much I

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Speaker 2: miss what we had. I know he'd be missing it too,

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Speaker 2: But I'm scared to message him. I've made limits for

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Speaker 2: myself to stop thinking about him. I say, if I'm

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Speaker 2: still thinking about it within two months, maybe I should

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Speaker 2: just message him. I'm like waiting for signs from the

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Speaker 2: universe to message him, and I don't know if it's

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Speaker 2: weird for me to forgive him, because I'm at the

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Speaker 2: point where I want to. I told my friends, and

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Speaker 2: they understand where I'm coming from and why I'm so sad.

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Speaker 2: I told my best friend and she laughed at me,

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Speaker 2: telling me that's funny as and what else would I

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Speaker 2: expect from him? She says that I knew he was

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Speaker 2: still hooked on his ex, so of course something like

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Speaker 2: that would happen. But I really miss him. I miss

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Speaker 2: having a crush and I miss the flirt. I hate

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Speaker 2: having bad blood with anybody, and I want to be

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Speaker 2: able to forgive him. He's such a good guy, regardless

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Speaker 2: of what he's done, and I'm torn between reaching out

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Speaker 2: and seeing how he's doing and seeing if anything blossoms again.

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Speaker 2: But doing so could hurt me even more, And what

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Speaker 2: if he rejects me? What if even then I feel worse.

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Speaker 2: I wouldn't ask this, but it's just lingering on my

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Speaker 2: mind consistently, and I'm like, is it really that big

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Speaker 2: of a deal.

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Speaker 1: Should I just send a text? Wow? What a story.

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Speaker 1: It's our longest submission yet, big story.

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Speaker 2: Yell. Oh.

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Speaker 1: There's so many layers to all of that. So the

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Speaker 1: first thing I want to ask is, if you were

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Speaker 1: to reach out again, are you entertaining and wanting to

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Speaker 1: pursue a relationship with this man or are you just

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Speaker 1: wanting to go back to being the flirty, fun thrill

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Speaker 1: of friends with benefits. If that is the case, I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't because you're going to get hurt. There's feelings there

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Speaker 1: to be spending that much time together and to be

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Speaker 1: having sex that often, you both have feelings for each other. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it can't not grow. Yeah, I don't think. And if

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Speaker 1: you're not wanting to have a relationship, why you both

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Speaker 1: resistant to have a relationship saying you're not ready at

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Speaker 1: first if you've just broken up with someone, sure, but

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Speaker 1: if it's like eight months on now, is that something

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Speaker 1: you both would explore?

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Speaker 2: Well. The first thing that I thought of as I

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Speaker 2: was reading this was this isn't friends with benefits. No,

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Speaker 2: you are basically in a relationship without a label friends

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Speaker 2: with benefits. To my understanding is from what I have

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Speaker 2: had girlfriends tell me, is that you go and you're

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Speaker 2: just there for sex. You're there for the intimate act.

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Speaker 2: You don't go on dates, so you don't spend time

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Speaker 2: together through the day. You're just there for the physical act.

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Speaker 1: And that is that.

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Speaker 2: That's my understanding friends with benefits just that physical act.

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Speaker 2: Whereas what you're doing is you're going on dates, you're

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Speaker 2: spending quality time together. There is no way that you

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Speaker 2: could do that without building a relationship, and it makes

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Speaker 2: sense that you're so upset by it because you have

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Speaker 2: feelings for this past the back. Your upset shows how

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Speaker 2: much absolutely for him you absolutely do, and how could

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Speaker 2: you not when you spend that much time with somebody

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Speaker 2: you know, it's clear that you speak of this man

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Speaker 2: in a high regard, which is great because you've obviously

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Speaker 2: had a great relationship, But also, like what Ashley said,

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Speaker 2: like what's stopping you from having a relationship if you

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Speaker 2: both are spending this much time together.

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Speaker 1: I honestly I think I would reach out and I

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Speaker 1: would want a conversation, but I wouldn't want to go

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Speaker 1: back to doing what I was doing. I would say

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Speaker 1: this is how I feel. I'm assuming you feel similar

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Speaker 1: because we spend so much time together. Is this something

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Speaker 1: you are interested in or not? Like, where are you at?

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Speaker 1: And if he blatantly says I'm still in love with

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Speaker 1: my ex so I just want to be friends with benefits,

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Speaker 1: I think you should have a boundary of like not anymore. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to keep putting myself through this and be

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Speaker 1: hurt because you're already hurt. I think it's a recipe

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Speaker 1: for disaster. If he's not ready to commit to you

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Speaker 1: after all this time, that's telling you he's not going

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Speaker 1: to commit to you. Yeah, I don't think.

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Speaker 2: I think it's so beautiful to wear your heart on

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Speaker 2: your sleeve and may be vulnerable to just send the

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Speaker 2: message and if it's what you want, that's amazing. But

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Speaker 2: also taking into consideration that like he did say his

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Speaker 2: ex's name, which means from a deep rooted level, like

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Speaker 2: he is probably still hung up on her, and that's

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Speaker 2: also a conversation that you get to have with him

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Speaker 2: and trust that he'll tell you the truth with that,

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Speaker 2: because like what you said, it will either be I'm

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Speaker 2: still hung up on my ex or I want to

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Speaker 2: explore this with you because I love spending time with you,

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Speaker 2: you know, and I'm actively choosing to leave that relationship

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Speaker 2: in the past. That's a different story, you know. So

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Speaker 2: it's just be brave. We're you're hard on your sleeve,

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Speaker 2: Like there's no wrong that you can do if this

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Speaker 2: feels right for you to do it, but you have

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Speaker 2: to be willing to forgive what he did. And by

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Speaker 2: the sounds of it, it wasn't intentional, No, to do

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Speaker 2: it in ol that alcohol, all that sort of stuff,

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Speaker 2: like things always get messy after twelve o'clock and there's

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Speaker 2: our cohol involved.

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Speaker 1: Definitely, not it happens after midnight.

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Speaker 2: You're walking into it. Yeah, if you feel ready to

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Speaker 2: forgive that, I think it was a mistake. I think

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Speaker 2: it was an axe.

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Speaker 1: I think you should reach out, but I don't think

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Speaker 1: you should go back to just being friends with benefits

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Speaker 1: because I think it's way beyond that.

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Speaker 2: Make that very clear, and I think having an honest

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Speaker 2: conversation with yourself around what you want, because maybe you

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Speaker 2: haven't given yourself permission.

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Speaker 1: Actually said this to me the other day.

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Speaker 2: Maybe you haven't given yourself permission to feel how you

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Speaker 2: actually feel.

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Speaker 1: Actually acknowledge how deeply you feel for this person.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think life is way too short to feel

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Speaker 2: the way that you do for somebody, or to have

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Speaker 2: strong feelings for somebody and.

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Speaker 1: Not try not send the message, at least.

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Speaker 2: Not send the message, not try not put your feelers

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Speaker 2: out there because you miss one hundred percent of the

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Speaker 2: shots that you don't take, and like, we only get

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Speaker 2: one life.

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Speaker 1: If you want this person, just go for it.

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Speaker 2: And at least that way you'll know even if he

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Speaker 2: does say, hey, this isn't for me, you will know

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Speaker 2: and that will give you closure. And the moment you

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Speaker 2: have closure, you can move on with your life. But

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Speaker 2: for as long as you stay in limbo and questioning

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Speaker 2: and wondering, Sae me, I've been there before and it

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Speaker 2: will eat you up. So just be willing to be

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Speaker 2: brave and like, be okay whether it goes.

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Speaker 1: Your way or you get rejected, because and what how

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Speaker 1: do be worth it?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: What happens if you get rejected, what happens nothing? You

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Speaker 1: will survive, you will be okay. I'm going to die.

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Speaker 1: It'll hurt for that moment. And also the name calling thing.

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Speaker 1: I just had a flashback when I first got with Steve.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't when we were intimate. It was in passing conversation.

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Speaker 1: I did call him by my ex. It just came out.

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Speaker 1: I'd been with my ex for three and a half years,

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Speaker 1: I was newly with Steve. It just I don't know

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Speaker 1: how to have it. It meant nothing. I broke up

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Speaker 1: with my ex. I did not want to be with him.

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Speaker 1: I was so certain on that it literally meant nothing

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Speaker 1: and Steve laughed it off. It never happened again. So

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Speaker 1: this could be an alcohol infused thing that was just

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Speaker 1: a mistake and like they're being sloppy and messy as

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Speaker 1: you do with alcohol. Or he could still be attached.

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Speaker 1: I'm not quite sure, but sometimes it does slip out.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't have to mean anything. So but that's once

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Speaker 1: again you won't know until you have a conversation. So

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Speaker 1: if this is on your heart, on your mind, I

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Speaker 1: would send the text, check in and say can we

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Speaker 1: catch up for a conversation and see how he responds.

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Speaker 1: That'll tell you a lot. See what happens in that conversation,

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Speaker 1: that will give you all the answers you need. You

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Speaker 1: just have to be really clear and direct. Doesn't mean

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Speaker 1: you can't do it kindly and softly. You can still

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Speaker 1: do that and honor your And if you're not clear

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Speaker 1: on what you want, he's just going to keep playing

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Speaker 1: this role as well. You can invite and to come

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Speaker 1: forward and meet you there and you guys start to

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Speaker 1: build something or not. I don't think i'd want to

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Speaker 1: be in the limbo playing the friends with benefit now

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Speaker 1: no label because I get hurt. Yeah, even then, no

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Speaker 1: label thing? Are you guys sleeping with other people? And

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Speaker 1: you might say, oh my gosh, no, I'm not and

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Speaker 1: he isn't either. How do you know? Yeah, you didn't

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Speaker 1: have a label in a relationship. You're not in a relationship.

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Speaker 1: You guys are free to do whatever you want. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you might be fucking four other girls and you don't

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Speaker 1: know about it, and that's okay. You doesn't have to

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Speaker 1: tell you because you're not in a relationship. That's right. How

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Speaker 1: do you feel being that person on the side that

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Speaker 1: has all this fun and does all these things, but

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Speaker 1: he's also leaking his energy to four other women and

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Speaker 1: also as.

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Speaker 2: Well, like if you do decide to do something like

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Speaker 2: this in the future, it's like knowing your boundaries around

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Speaker 2: that because you are giving somebody relationship benefits and you

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Speaker 2: are receiving relationship benefits by not having to be in

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Speaker 2: a relationship. That's what gets people into this situation is

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Speaker 2: like now if the line's a blurred and it's like, oh,

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Speaker 2: what are we? Where does this leave us? Like where

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Speaker 2: does this give me? And that's like so confusing to

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Speaker 2: put yourself in uncertainty. If you just want the physical act,

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Speaker 2: make sure that you're clear about what that looks like

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Speaker 2: for you so that you can protect your heart moving forward.

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Speaker 2: And then if you do again with this man won

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Speaker 2: a relationship. Just own it, Yeah, just own it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think so. And the X thing true. We've

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Speaker 1: spoken about this my first partner. I feel like I'll

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Speaker 1: always hold a special place for him in my heart period. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he was such a beautiful man. He treated me so well,

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Speaker 1: he did so much for me. I got nothing bad

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Speaker 1: to say about that man. So like, maybe with his ex,

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Speaker 1: the whole is he still hung up on it. Maybe

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Speaker 1: he's still just like has a space for her and

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Speaker 1: in his heart, and that's okay as well. Once again,

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Speaker 1: the conversation you need to have for them to get

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Speaker 1: clarity on that. That's true. Communication, communication, communication. Yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: what you said is so true.

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Speaker 2: At the end of the day, if you shared time

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Speaker 2: with somebody, there's always going to be love for them.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. It's a beautiful thing. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't have to take away from what you might have.

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Speaker 2: But it's different from like, oh, I have love for

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Speaker 2: this person or I'm still in love with this person. Definitely,

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Speaker 2: totally different conversations. Definitely, And that's why you have to

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Speaker 2: have the comment.

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Speaker 1: Have to ask the hard question. That's otherwise you're going

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Speaker 1: to be doing this dance for a little while, and

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Speaker 1: you're gonna get hurt when he meets someone else that

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Speaker 1: is the one. Yes, yes, girl, you got to give

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Speaker 1: us an update. We would love to about it. Love

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Speaker 1: an update. I saw someone that in our shee rises

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Speaker 1: for him and said, Hey, is there any other updates

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Speaker 1: of these Best of Advice segments to get sent them?

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Speaker 1: I said, We've been sent to, but they want to

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Speaker 1: stay anonymous and they didn't want us to do an

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Speaker 1: episode update. But if anyone who has an update on

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Speaker 1: any episodes that we've done, that we've given advice for

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Speaker 1: and you've done the thing, please bring it in. We

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Speaker 1: would love to hear about it. We'd love to hear

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Speaker 1: a happy ending or a big breakthrough that you had,

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Speaker 1: or decision that you made, the conversation that you were

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Speaker 1: brad to have. Yes, we'd love to know the details

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Speaker 1: of that'd be cool. You're right. Otherwise, we'll see tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: Bye bye,