WEBVTT - Self Awareness

0:00:05.981 --> 0:00:07.461
<v Speaker 1>A Poche Production.

0:00:11.121 --> 0:00:14.341
<v Speaker 2>Welcome to a bonus episode of We Will Always Have.

0:00:14.481 --> 0:00:16.881
<v Speaker 2>It's just a little tidbit to tide you over where

0:00:16.921 --> 0:00:28.651
<v Speaker 2>Chrissy and I talk shit. All right, this question is

0:00:28.851 --> 0:00:33.131
<v Speaker 2>under the theme of regret and expectation. What kind of

0:00:33.231 --> 0:00:37.150
<v Speaker 2>person do you hope your future self won't become?

0:00:37.171 --> 0:00:41.681
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to become bitter. I don't want to

0:00:41.700 --> 0:00:43.300
<v Speaker 1>become one of those women.

0:00:43.321 --> 0:00:44.141
<v Speaker 2>Too late for that.

0:00:45.340 --> 0:00:47.181
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to become one of those women that

0:00:47.200 --> 0:00:51.971
<v Speaker 1>just absolutely sit there and analyse everything and fester.

0:00:52.641 --> 0:00:54.711
<v Speaker 2>Do you do that? Are you reactive or an observer?

0:00:54.751 --> 0:00:57.091
<v Speaker 1>Oh, I'm very reactive. But the thing is, my mum

0:00:57.111 --> 0:00:59.051
<v Speaker 1>got a lover. At the very end of her life,

0:00:59.090 --> 0:01:00.391
<v Speaker 1>she got very bitter.

0:01:01.090 --> 0:01:02.291
<v Speaker 2>Isn't that just your brain?

0:01:02.311 --> 0:01:05.841
<v Speaker 1>You don't have control over that? Yeah, no, she was sick.

0:01:05.941 --> 0:01:09.681
<v Speaker 1>And it just, you know, that whole... She changed quite considerably.

0:01:09.700 --> 0:01:12.301
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I don't want to become that. No. I

0:01:12.840 --> 0:01:15.720
<v Speaker 2>don't want to become a recluse. That was another thing

0:01:15.741 --> 0:01:18.390
<v Speaker 2>that freaked me out over this course of this Bali trip,

0:01:19.211 --> 0:01:21.601
<v Speaker 2>was going... The only time I leave the house is

0:01:21.640 --> 0:01:25.140
<v Speaker 2>to do these. I take myself away, but I go

0:01:25.221 --> 0:01:26.101
<v Speaker 2>away alone.

0:01:26.590 --> 0:01:28.901
<v Speaker 1>But I think you go away alone to escape the

0:01:28.950 --> 0:01:29.881
<v Speaker 1>pressures that you have.

0:01:29.931 --> 0:01:30.860
<v Speaker 2>I absolutely do, yes.

0:01:31.071 --> 0:01:34.491
<v Speaker 1>And so for you to go away alleviates that pressure

0:01:34.771 --> 0:01:36.611
<v Speaker 1>and you're then living your best life.

0:01:36.631 --> 0:01:39.651
<v Speaker 2>But then it's what fucking pressure do I have?

0:01:40.621 --> 0:01:42.700
<v Speaker 1>Well, at the moment you've got a room full of parcels.

0:01:42.821 --> 0:01:44.261
<v Speaker 1>That's nothing, though.

0:01:44.301 --> 0:01:45.840
<v Speaker 2>That's the most ridiculous. The whole of.

0:01:45.881 --> 0:01:48.341
<v Speaker 1>Australia and the United States have sent you.

0:01:48.381 --> 0:01:51.341
<v Speaker 2>That's literally saying people have sent you their treasured belongings.

0:01:51.661 --> 0:01:52.561
<v Speaker 1>Isn't that fabulous?

0:01:52.941 --> 0:01:54.741
<v Speaker 2>And it's caused me to have a mental breakdown.

0:01:55.521 --> 0:01:58.081
<v Speaker 1>But I think sometimes you put that pressure on yourself.

0:01:58.371 --> 0:02:00.571
<v Speaker 2>Yes, I do. It took on a life of its

0:02:00.661 --> 0:02:03.671
<v Speaker 2>own and everyone got really excited really quickly and then

0:02:03.771 --> 0:02:06.651
<v Speaker 2>all the eyeballs were on me and I was doing ABC,

0:02:07.211 --> 0:02:10.681
<v Speaker 2>Fox News. BBC, I was doing all of this stuff

0:02:10.791 --> 0:02:12.201
<v Speaker 2>and I was like, I don't know where this is going.

0:02:12.501 --> 0:02:14.301
<v Speaker 2>I also don't know how to do this because I've

0:02:14.321 --> 0:02:16.481
<v Speaker 2>got so many to open. I, in my brain, can't

0:02:16.501 --> 0:02:19.301
<v Speaker 2>physically move on to the next phase of this museum.

0:02:20.281 --> 0:02:22.300
<v Speaker 2>If you're unaware, I started this thing called the Mini

0:02:22.341 --> 0:02:25.780
<v Speaker 2>Museum and I collect minis and I put them in

0:02:25.821 --> 0:02:27.761
<v Speaker 2>little trinket trays and I ask people to send me them,

0:02:28.001 --> 0:02:30.400
<v Speaker 2>not thinking anyone would really send me them and it

0:02:30.441 --> 0:02:33.321
<v Speaker 2>turns out everyone was really lovely and did. And so

0:02:33.381 --> 0:02:38.621
<v Speaker 2>now this has taken on such a crazy... Life of itself.

0:02:38.641 --> 0:02:41.341
<v Speaker 2>Life of its own. And I don't know how to

0:02:41.401 --> 0:02:43.781
<v Speaker 2>keep it going. And then there's that fear that I'm

0:02:43.800 --> 0:02:46.441
<v Speaker 2>going to disappoint people if, one, I don't take it

0:02:46.481 --> 0:02:49.511
<v Speaker 2>on the road. I think the coffee table will alleviate

0:02:49.800 --> 0:02:53.551
<v Speaker 2>a lot of that pressure. Like, I've been on stage before.

0:02:53.571 --> 0:02:55.970
<v Speaker 2>I've had all the eyeballs on me. But it feels

0:02:56.031 --> 0:02:56.791
<v Speaker 2>so different.

0:02:57.511 --> 0:03:00.471
<v Speaker 1>You know why, though? It feels different because you've got

0:03:00.511 --> 0:03:02.550
<v Speaker 1>other people's expectations now on you.

0:03:03.381 --> 0:03:03.701
<v Speaker 2>I guess so.

0:03:03.740 --> 0:03:05.680
<v Speaker 1>They're expecting you to open a parcel.

0:03:05.721 --> 0:03:06.440
<v Speaker 2>God love them.

0:03:07.101 --> 0:03:10.141
<v Speaker 1>But the thing is also you're doing so much contact

0:03:10.361 --> 0:03:13.861
<v Speaker 1>around the parcels that you're not being creative in other

0:03:14.020 --> 0:03:15.041
<v Speaker 1>areas of your life.

0:03:15.501 --> 0:03:18.301
<v Speaker 2>Well, I think I try to keep all those other

0:03:18.341 --> 0:03:19.081
<v Speaker 2>facets going.

0:03:19.721 --> 0:03:21.741
<v Speaker 1>How can you when you've got a room full of

0:03:21.881 --> 0:03:23.121
<v Speaker 1>parcels up to the ceiling?

0:03:23.141 --> 0:03:25.721
<v Speaker 2>Well, the problem I also have is that I'm a collector.

0:03:26.041 --> 0:03:29.261
<v Speaker 2>My apartment was already full, filled with stuff.

0:03:29.281 --> 0:03:29.841
<v Speaker 1>I know it was.

0:03:29.941 --> 0:03:31.841
<v Speaker 2>And it's like I've got no room for any of this.

0:03:31.861 --> 0:03:33.371
<v Speaker 1>You haven't. Seriously.

0:03:33.671 --> 0:03:34.050
<v Speaker 2>Seriously.

0:03:34.161 --> 0:03:34.501
<v Speaker 1>Seriously.

0:03:34.511 --> 0:03:35.111
<v Speaker 2>Seriously.

0:03:35.161 --> 0:03:39.341
<v Speaker 1>You don't have any room. You'll be going onto the ceiling.

0:03:40.421 --> 0:03:42.861
<v Speaker 2>I actually thought about that, but I've got fans and shit,

0:03:43.001 --> 0:03:44.141
<v Speaker 2>so thankfully.

0:03:44.161 --> 0:03:46.821
<v Speaker 1>Sticking things up there. So what is your plan when

0:03:46.841 --> 0:03:48.381
<v Speaker 1>you get back? What's your first thing that.

0:03:48.361 --> 0:03:49.731
<v Speaker 2>You're going to do? Don't have one. I literally do

0:03:49.761 --> 0:03:50.161
<v Speaker 2>not have a plan.

0:03:50.191 --> 0:03:51.191
<v Speaker 1>You don't have a plan?

0:03:51.431 --> 0:03:51.630
<v Speaker 2>No.

0:03:51.971 --> 0:03:54.511
<v Speaker 1>That surprises me. I would have thought you would have

0:03:54.551 --> 0:03:55.621
<v Speaker 1>been so focused. So did I.

0:03:55.731 --> 0:03:57.331
<v Speaker 2>I'm all about thoughts and feelings.

0:03:57.451 --> 0:04:01.631
<v Speaker 1>And then being like razor sharp with what you were

0:04:01.651 --> 0:04:01.951
<v Speaker 1>going to do.

0:04:01.951 --> 0:04:04.761
<v Speaker 2>Well, I think. My plan at this point is... Oh.

0:04:06.381 --> 0:04:07.201
<v Speaker 1>What was that?

0:04:07.221 --> 0:04:10.701
<v Speaker 2>Shh. Don't react. How can you not react to that?

0:04:10.741 --> 0:04:11.881
<v Speaker 2>I'm so embarrassed.

0:04:12.021 --> 0:04:13.321
<v Speaker 1>That was a sneeze. Yeah.

0:04:14.081 --> 0:04:16.071
<v Speaker 2>Can I tell you, when I used to work at

0:04:16.111 --> 0:04:20.371
<v Speaker 2>Howard Storage World, we had what was called like the

0:04:20.411 --> 0:04:22.630
<v Speaker 2>kitchen walls. All the little kitchen gadgets would go on

0:04:22.651 --> 0:04:25.011
<v Speaker 2>this wall. So Howard Storage World is a homeware shop

0:04:25.351 --> 0:04:29.341
<v Speaker 2>and we used to have like, you know, Julianne peelers,

0:04:29.501 --> 0:04:30.521
<v Speaker 2>all those types of gadgets.

0:04:30.541 --> 0:04:30.601
<v Speaker 1>Mm.

0:04:31.031 --> 0:04:33.191
<v Speaker 2>And up the very, very, very top of the wall

0:04:33.231 --> 0:04:35.881
<v Speaker 2>was all the buckets where the stock lived. So I

0:04:35.921 --> 0:04:37.901
<v Speaker 2>was at the top of a ladder and I was

0:04:37.961 --> 0:04:40.861
<v Speaker 2>like bringing some stock down. And this woman was looking

0:04:40.880 --> 0:04:44.321
<v Speaker 2>at this wall and she did this sneeze. And it

0:04:44.361 --> 0:04:49.541
<v Speaker 2>was like, eek you. And I couldn't see any stuff

0:04:49.601 --> 0:04:50.940
<v Speaker 2>because I had the advantage of being on the ladder.

0:04:50.961 --> 0:04:53.121
<v Speaker 2>I could see everyone. And I was like, that's the

0:04:53.301 --> 0:04:57.101
<v Speaker 2>funniest sneeze I've ever heard. And you know how I laugh.

0:04:57.361 --> 0:04:59.361
<v Speaker 2>It's zero to 100. And so I was like, well done.

0:05:00.291 --> 0:05:03.211
<v Speaker 2>No one else saw it. I'm not being triggered. And

0:05:03.291 --> 0:05:05.591
<v Speaker 2>as I turned my head to look back to reach

0:05:05.611 --> 0:05:08.051
<v Speaker 2>for the stock, I saw Liz at the counter. And

0:05:08.130 --> 0:05:11.641
<v Speaker 2>she was like killed over trying not to laugh. And

0:05:11.690 --> 0:05:15.380
<v Speaker 2>it was like a switch had flicked. And immediately I

0:05:15.440 --> 0:05:19.781
<v Speaker 2>let out the loudest laugh. Probably so loud I farted

0:05:19.820 --> 0:05:23.761
<v Speaker 2>at the same time. And I couldn't control myself. Now,

0:05:23.820 --> 0:05:27.621
<v Speaker 2>this was seconds of her going, yee-haw. And it was

0:05:27.661 --> 0:05:30.031
<v Speaker 2>like so she knew I was laughing at her sneeze.

0:05:30.921 --> 0:05:35.221
<v Speaker 2>I couldn't stop myself. I was laughing. I put the

0:05:35.601 --> 0:05:39.121
<v Speaker 2>box back and I quickly got down the ladder whilst

0:05:39.861 --> 0:05:45.151
<v Speaker 2>crying and scream laughing across the entire store. I go

0:05:45.351 --> 0:05:47.731
<v Speaker 2>out the back and I go right down the back

0:05:47.751 --> 0:05:52.811
<v Speaker 2>of the storage room and I'm there just uncontrollably laughing.

0:05:52.971 --> 0:05:54.471
<v Speaker 1>Isn't that the best feeling? It's the best.

0:05:54.690 --> 0:05:56.861
<v Speaker 2>So much so that my boss at the time, Deborah,

0:05:56.880 --> 0:05:59.501
<v Speaker 2>who owned the store, she didn't really know what was

0:05:59.541 --> 0:06:02.791
<v Speaker 2>going on. She comes out. She's like, Christian, you're so loud.

0:06:02.831 --> 0:06:04.911
<v Speaker 2>We can hear you out there. But because I was

0:06:04.991 --> 0:06:07.711
<v Speaker 2>laughing so loud, it set her off. And she didn't

0:06:07.751 --> 0:06:10.101
<v Speaker 2>know why she was laughing. And I'm trying to tell

0:06:10.141 --> 0:06:12.041
<v Speaker 2>her what had gone on. So she's crying laughing. Her

0:06:12.061 --> 0:06:15.640
<v Speaker 2>mascara's all running. And she was like, we're so busy. Like,

0:06:15.681 --> 0:06:18.541
<v Speaker 2>we need you to come out. So she couldn't stop laughing.

0:06:18.781 --> 0:06:20.701
<v Speaker 2>Liz was at the counter, couldn't stop laughing. I was

0:06:20.721 --> 0:06:23.531
<v Speaker 2>at the back. I was just, like, billowing. And Deborah

0:06:23.551 --> 0:06:25.111
<v Speaker 2>was like, you need to go out to the very back,

0:06:25.151 --> 0:06:27.201
<v Speaker 2>back storeroom. So it was through the fire escape and

0:06:27.221 --> 0:06:30.001
<v Speaker 2>around to the other side because she's like, it's so loud.

0:06:30.901 --> 0:06:33.581
<v Speaker 2>And anyway, she, I think, tried to compose herself to

0:06:33.621 --> 0:06:35.861
<v Speaker 2>go back out and serve this poor woman. And I

0:06:35.911 --> 0:06:38.190
<v Speaker 2>just couldn't stop laughing. And it's one of my favourite

0:06:38.231 --> 0:06:39.071
<v Speaker 2>memories from working in retail.

0:06:39.091 --> 0:06:40.771
<v Speaker 1>Did she know that she had sneezed and it had

0:06:40.871 --> 0:06:42.131
<v Speaker 1>caused such a reaction?

0:06:42.231 --> 0:06:45.251
<v Speaker 2>I think she got that from Liz when she went

0:06:45.271 --> 0:06:47.671
<v Speaker 2>back out to talk to Liz. But I was gone

0:06:47.711 --> 0:06:49.481
<v Speaker 2>for another like five or six minutes. And then when

0:06:49.521 --> 0:06:51.741
<v Speaker 2>I came out, I would just look at Debra and

0:06:51.801 --> 0:06:56.130
<v Speaker 2>I'd be gone. And I just, like, we had such fun.

0:06:56.171 --> 0:06:59.831
<v Speaker 2>That was such a fun. I actually miss the retail

0:06:59.871 --> 0:07:04.471
<v Speaker 2>element for the team. Anyways, this really went on for

0:07:04.491 --> 0:07:06.451
<v Speaker 2>a really long period of time. What was your first job?

0:07:07.211 --> 0:07:11.221
<v Speaker 1>Oh, I had a few. My very first job here

0:07:11.341 --> 0:07:13.261
<v Speaker 1>in Australia, I was a nanny.

0:07:13.301 --> 0:07:13.741
<v Speaker 2>Top away?

0:07:13.761 --> 0:07:16.321
<v Speaker 1>No, I was a nanny. So I flew into Brisbane to...

0:07:16.711 --> 0:07:18.871
<v Speaker 1>And then went to Goondiwindi as a nanny for a

0:07:18.871 --> 0:07:19.331
<v Speaker 1>little while.

0:07:19.351 --> 0:07:19.871
<v Speaker 2>Right.

0:07:19.931 --> 0:07:23.571
<v Speaker 1>And then came back. And then I was a dental nurse. Oh.

0:07:23.591 --> 0:07:27.741
<v Speaker 1>I was a dental nurse in Sydney when the Newcastle earthquake.

0:07:28.541 --> 0:07:29.341
<v Speaker 2>Oh, shit.

0:07:29.381 --> 0:07:32.121
<v Speaker 1>Yep. I was standing there with a person's mouth wide open.

0:07:32.141 --> 0:07:33.641
<v Speaker 2>Did you get the shakes?

0:07:34.081 --> 0:07:34.821
<v Speaker 1>Oh, we felt it.

0:07:34.881 --> 0:07:35.261
<v Speaker 2>In Sydney?

0:07:35.441 --> 0:07:36.661
<v Speaker 1>In Burwood, yeah.

0:07:36.841 --> 0:07:37.221
<v Speaker 2>Really?

0:07:37.261 --> 0:07:41.001
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I've done lots of jobs.

0:07:41.031 --> 0:07:42.061
<v Speaker 2>What was your favourite?

0:07:42.511 --> 0:07:45.311
<v Speaker 1>My favourite job would probably be the one that I've

0:07:45.371 --> 0:07:45.811
<v Speaker 1>got now.

0:07:46.401 --> 0:07:48.081
<v Speaker 2>Retire. Yeah. Yeah.

0:07:48.301 --> 0:07:48.641
<v Speaker 1>Retirement.

0:07:48.661 --> 0:07:52.001
<v Speaker 2>Retirement. Yeah. Retirement. Is that the one that you're about

0:07:52.021 --> 0:07:52.221
<v Speaker 2>to leave?

0:07:52.241 --> 0:07:55.160
<v Speaker 1>The staff that we have, the people that I work with.

0:07:55.821 --> 0:07:57.721
<v Speaker 2>You do talk about them very fondly.

0:07:58.041 --> 0:08:01.501
<v Speaker 1>They are just so important to me. They make me laugh.

0:08:01.561 --> 0:08:03.301
<v Speaker 1>They pick me up. They, you know, we are a

0:08:03.361 --> 0:08:04.001
<v Speaker 1>great team.

0:08:04.021 --> 0:08:06.201
<v Speaker 2>So much so you can't wait to cut them loose.

0:08:07.601 --> 0:08:08.721
<v Speaker 1>Can't wait to say bye.

0:08:13.761 --> 0:08:16.101
<v Speaker 2>What do you call two lesbians in a closet? Oh,

0:08:16.201 --> 0:08:20.531
<v Speaker 2>here we go. Oh, this one's bad, but funny. What

0:08:20.541 --> 0:08:22.231
<v Speaker 2>do you call two lesbians in a closet?

0:08:23.311 --> 0:08:26.111
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. I'm shaking my head in disbelief that

0:08:26.131 --> 0:08:29.631
<v Speaker 1>we're playing this. Oh, God, that is so bad.

0:08:29.651 --> 0:08:31.541
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to save that one for my best friends

0:08:31.581 --> 0:08:32.821
<v Speaker 2>of all time. You go.

0:08:36.161 --> 0:08:41.511
<v Speaker 1>Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll? I don't know

0:08:42.111 --> 0:08:44.051
<v Speaker 1>because Ken came in another box.