1
00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:04,040
Speaker 1: I get a team. You know, sometimes when you do something,

2
00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:05,880
Speaker 1: and before you do the something, you think and I

3
00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:07,720
Speaker 1: don't know if I should do this something, but you

4
00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:12,479
Speaker 1: do it anyway. So this is such an occasion. This

5
00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:16,400
Speaker 1: is me talking about some of my background, my history,

6
00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:21,200
Speaker 1: my beliefs, a big part of my life in religion

7
00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:27,960
Speaker 1: and outer religion, my thoughts about God, about faith, about belief.

8
00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:36,760
Speaker 1: It's a kind of an existential personal exploration that I'm

9
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:42,000
Speaker 1: sharing with you, so public exploration of my personal story,

10
00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:46,199
Speaker 1: I guess, and I'm going to say it's probably not

11
00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:49,479
Speaker 1: for everyone. In fact, it's definitely not for everyone. I'm

12
00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:52,440
Speaker 1: also going to say up front, not starting a cult.

13
00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:56,160
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to get anyone on board anything. I'm

14
00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:59,640
Speaker 1: not trying to steer anyone in a particular direction or

15
00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:05,440
Speaker 1: to brace particular ideology or philosophy or theology or school

16
00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:08,960
Speaker 1: of thoughts. I'm not trying to get anyone to think

17
00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:12,120
Speaker 1: a certain way, or to be a certain way, or

18
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:20,120
Speaker 1: to subscribe to anything. But and I don't have absolute

19
00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:22,600
Speaker 1: clarity about where this is going to go. So I

20
00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:27,800
Speaker 1: apologize in advance for the stumbles and bumbles and the

21
00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:33,720
Speaker 1: potentially the lack of flow. But I am. I'm trying

22
00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:37,199
Speaker 1: to be real and authentic and not to just wheel

23
00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:42,720
Speaker 1: out some cheesy kind of cliche around this. And one

24
00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:46,320
Speaker 1: of the reasons that I want to do this is

25
00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:54,960
Speaker 1: because it's important for me that I be as transparent

26
00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:59,160
Speaker 1: as I can be and as honest, and that I

27
00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:03,920
Speaker 1: open the door on my background and my story and

28
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:05,680
Speaker 1: who I am, that I open the door as wide

29
00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:09,680
Speaker 1: as I can without being overly self indulgent. And if

30
00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:16,560
Speaker 1: this seems self indulgent to you, then I actually understand it.

31
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:19,919
Speaker 1: May be I'm trying not to be, but a lot

32
00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:23,320
Speaker 1: a lot of people ask me about what I believe.

33
00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:26,520
Speaker 1: Do I believe in a God? Do I believe in

34
00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:28,600
Speaker 1: heaven and Hell? Do I believe in? You know? What

35
00:02:28,639 --> 00:02:31,840
Speaker 1: are my thoughts on religion and the different religions and

36
00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:35,239
Speaker 1: the different philosophies and ideologies and the different schools of thought?

37
00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:39,200
Speaker 1: And you know, I'm like you. I'm like you in

38
00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:43,680
Speaker 1: that I don't I don't know everything. I don't know

39
00:02:43,919 --> 00:02:47,680
Speaker 1: most things, especially when it comes to, you know, the

40
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:53,840
Speaker 1: idea of there being a God or a higher power

41
00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:59,720
Speaker 1: or a divine intelligence, something that lives outside of what

42
00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:06,040
Speaker 1: we would call logic and reason and science, and you know,

43
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:12,480
Speaker 1: the day to day normal, you know. Having said that

44
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:15,960
Speaker 1: for many people having a life and a mindset and

45
00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:20,480
Speaker 1: habits and behaviors intertwined with their God or their version

46
00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:23,480
Speaker 1: of God or their beliefs, but that for them that

47
00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:26,720
Speaker 1: is normal. You know. I was trying to find out

48
00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:30,320
Speaker 1: before I started this, how many people in the world

49
00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:39,880
Speaker 1: believe in God, a God or God's you know, a

50
00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:44,320
Speaker 1: higher intelligence, divine source, whatever you want to call it.

51
00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:46,760
Speaker 1: I mean, the thing with you know, the what, and

52
00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:51,440
Speaker 1: this is true for language and psychology, is that you know,

53
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:57,160
Speaker 1: one word means different things for different people, you know,

54
00:03:57,280 --> 00:04:01,360
Speaker 1: and so to you know, what might be what God

55
00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:05,160
Speaker 1: might represent to me, the same word to someone else

56
00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:09,240
Speaker 1: might represent a totally different thing. And so then when

57
00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:11,800
Speaker 1: you say we both believe in God, or we both

58
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,880
Speaker 1: don't believe in God, whatever the case is, we're talking

59
00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:20,280
Speaker 1: about different things quite often. And so, you know, I

60
00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:23,000
Speaker 1: guess our thinking and our belief and our understanding of

61
00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:26,520
Speaker 1: certain words in terms and concepts and ideas is really

62
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:31,719
Speaker 1: driven by our exposure to all of those things, those

63
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:36,000
Speaker 1: ideas and religions. And be that in synagogue, or be

64
00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:39,039
Speaker 1: that in church, or be that in school, or be

65
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:44,520
Speaker 1: that you know, in some other environment that doesn't spring

66
00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:49,440
Speaker 1: to mind right now. But our beliefs, in our thinking

67
00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:53,039
Speaker 1: and our ideas, and even our philosophies and theologies get

68
00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:59,080
Speaker 1: shaped and informed and fashioned very much by the environment

69
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:04,080
Speaker 1: that we grow up in, the mindset, the culture, and

70
00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:07,520
Speaker 1: obviously the religion that we do or don't grow up

71
00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:12,279
Speaker 1: in the conversations we have, the people around us, the

72
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:18,000
Speaker 1: experiences we have, and so you know, for me, it

73
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:23,359
Speaker 1: was pretty much not an option to grow up not

74
00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:28,719
Speaker 1: thinking about or not being exposed to God in inverted commace,

75
00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:32,640
Speaker 1: the God of the Bible, the God of the Christian Bible.

76
00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:36,039
Speaker 1: That was the God that I grew up with. And

77
00:05:37,279 --> 00:05:41,560
Speaker 1: when you grow up in a religious house with religious

78
00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:45,920
Speaker 1: parents who went like over the top by the way,

79
00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:48,479
Speaker 1: you know, smashing me over the head with the Bible.

80
00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:51,680
Speaker 1: But you know, it's like I went to a Catholic school,

81
00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:57,160
Speaker 1: I went to Mass, you know every Sunday. We had

82
00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:03,240
Speaker 1: primarily like friends, and we had priests and nuns and brothers,

83
00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:08,320
Speaker 1: brothers who are like, you know, religious. It almost like

84
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,640
Speaker 1: a boy version of a nun or a male version

85
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:13,920
Speaker 1: of a nun, right, and those people were always in

86
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:19,160
Speaker 1: and around my reality. My life, and so I grew

87
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:21,159
Speaker 1: up in that, and you don't choose what you grow

88
00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:23,800
Speaker 1: up in. And I think this is something that we

89
00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:26,279
Speaker 1: need to be mindful of when we're talking to anyone.

90
00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:29,599
Speaker 1: You know, there's like so many things that I didn't

91
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:32,839
Speaker 1: choose that just are part of who I am or

92
00:06:32,839 --> 00:06:35,120
Speaker 1: who I was, and how I think and how I

93
00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:37,320
Speaker 1: see the world. And I think when we talk about

94
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:43,800
Speaker 1: consciousness and awareness as two constructs of the mind, you know,

95
00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:47,799
Speaker 1: away from religion or away from the concept of God,

96
00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:52,039
Speaker 1: but consciousness and awareness is where we start to become

97
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,760
Speaker 1: aware of or in my case, I started to become

98
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:59,359
Speaker 1: aware of my programming, the religiousness that I've been raised in,

99
00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:06,640
Speaker 1: and so, you know, starting to think about, apart from

100
00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:10,720
Speaker 1: what I've been taught and told and trained, what do

101
00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:14,880
Speaker 1: I really think like? And it's hard to it's even

102
00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:19,920
Speaker 1: hard to think truly independently when your mind is programmed,

103
00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:23,080
Speaker 1: like this is the idea, and I speak about this

104
00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:27,520
Speaker 1: a lot, the idea of subjective reality versus objective reality

105
00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:33,400
Speaker 1: and open mindedness. Like all of us, you me, all

106
00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:38,240
Speaker 1: of us have been programmed, all of us have been influenced,

107
00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:42,600
Speaker 1: all of us have been in some ways probably manipulated

108
00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:47,200
Speaker 1: and coerced and controlled to an extent, even by people

109
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:50,520
Speaker 1: who love us and want the best for us, and

110
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:54,800
Speaker 1: even with the best of intentions. And sometimes that programming

111
00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:59,480
Speaker 1: and conditioning serves us. Sometimes that saves us. Sometimes it's

112
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:03,680
Speaker 1: helps us navigate life and relationships and make decisions and

113
00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:10,680
Speaker 1: become the person that we become. And conversely, sometimes that

114
00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:16,320
Speaker 1: programming and conditioning and that influence is what holds us back.

115
00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:19,840
Speaker 1: And I don't know your background, I don't know your story.

116
00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:25,000
Speaker 1: I just know mine. And so for me, I grew

117
00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:28,560
Speaker 1: up believing in heaven and hell and a thing called purgatory,

118
00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:32,080
Speaker 1: which is kind of almost like a halfway house between

119
00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:34,760
Speaker 1: both you know where and this. I grew up in

120
00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:39,959
Speaker 1: this concept of different kinds of sin, basically terrible sins

121
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:43,400
Speaker 1: and bad sins. You know. I don't know how it

122
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:46,360
Speaker 1: works in Catholicism these days. I'm sure it's very similar.

123
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:50,800
Speaker 1: But it's been a minute for me to be at

124
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:54,280
Speaker 1: mass or to go to confession. I grew up going

125
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:58,360
Speaker 1: to confession. I grew up going into this sounds fucking

126
00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,400
Speaker 1: weird when I say it now, This little room, this

127
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:03,400
Speaker 1: little tiny room where I would kneel on this thing,

128
00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:06,600
Speaker 1: and I would talk through a curtain to a bloke

129
00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:09,120
Speaker 1: that I couldn't see, and I would tell him about

130
00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:12,479
Speaker 1: the things that I had done wrong. I would according

131
00:09:12,559 --> 00:09:17,080
Speaker 1: to my understanding of wrong, my understanding of sin, and

132
00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:21,000
Speaker 1: then this bloke would listen to my sins, and then

133
00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:25,000
Speaker 1: he would give me a prescription to wipe those sins

134
00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:28,880
Speaker 1: so that I could then once again have a clean slate,

135
00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:32,280
Speaker 1: so that should I die in the next hour, I'm

136
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,800
Speaker 1: going to heaven. Now. I know, when I say this

137
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:39,839
Speaker 1: this way, it sounds kind of fucking ridiculous, But when

138
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,959
Speaker 1: you don't know anything else that is not only is

139
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:49,560
Speaker 1: it not ridiculous, it's hugely influential and powerful. And when

140
00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:54,240
Speaker 1: you truly believe, when you truly believe that if you

141
00:09:54,559 --> 00:10:02,120
Speaker 1: die with an unconfessed sin of a certain level, a

142
00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:06,080
Speaker 1: mortal sin, we call them. They're called if you die

143
00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:08,480
Speaker 1: with a mortal sin on your soul, you're going to go.

144
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:12,079
Speaker 1: You're going to burn in hell forever. There's this eternal,

145
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:19,560
Speaker 1: fiery consequence of your sin, Craig. And you know, I

146
00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:22,280
Speaker 1: get it. I get that because I get religion, and

147
00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:25,640
Speaker 1: I think, I think this conversation about God and religion,

148
00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:32,719
Speaker 1: it's you know, it's important to try to just understand,

149
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:37,440
Speaker 1: not to agree, not to join the team. Not out

150
00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:40,160
Speaker 1: of this too, you know, because I heard Craig talk

151
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,440
Speaker 1: and now I think this or believe that, or no,

152
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:46,120
Speaker 1: not at all. But rather and this is not encouraged

153
00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:49,520
Speaker 1: in religion, by the way, but rather to think for yourself.

154
00:10:51,559 --> 00:10:55,240
Speaker 1: And you know, when you grow up in a religion,

155
00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:58,400
Speaker 1: another word for a religion is a thought cult. That's

156
00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,920
Speaker 1: a term, well, it's a term that I use because

157
00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:04,719
Speaker 1: when you grow up in a certain religion, you are

158
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:07,800
Speaker 1: told essentially what is true and what is not true,

159
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:11,000
Speaker 1: what is good and what is bad. You are not

160
00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:15,800
Speaker 1: asked for your opinion. You are programmed to see the

161
00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:19,720
Speaker 1: world and religion and God or God's or whatever the

162
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:24,000
Speaker 1: particular deity of choice is for that religion. You are

163
00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:28,520
Speaker 1: programmed to see things a certain way. And that is

164
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:35,120
Speaker 1: the opposite of critical thinking. That is unconscious well, that

165
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:40,120
Speaker 1: is conscious programming, that programs your subconscious mind. So people

166
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:44,960
Speaker 1: are programming you to think and be a certain way

167
00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:48,080
Speaker 1: and see God an eternity and the whole kind of

168
00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:52,440
Speaker 1: religious paradigm a certain way. Now, do I think everybody

169
00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:56,760
Speaker 1: that's doing that is bad and evil? And has terrible intentions.

170
00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:59,079
Speaker 1: Not at all, Not at all. Do I think everyone

171
00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:02,280
Speaker 1: has our truet stick, pure loving intentions, Not at all.

172
00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:06,520
Speaker 1: There's a lot of bullshit in there. There's a lot

173
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:11,160
Speaker 1: of bullshit in there. And for me, I always had

174
00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:19,760
Speaker 1: a god curiosity in that I was curious about God.

175
00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:24,800
Speaker 1: Should there be a God? I liked. You know, I'm

176
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:27,600
Speaker 1: going to say some things today that may not this

177
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:31,240
Speaker 1: may not help me, but I'm again, I'm being honest.

178
00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:34,840
Speaker 1: I like the idea that there might be a benevolent,

179
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:41,040
Speaker 1: loving God that cares about me and cares about you,

180
00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:50,640
Speaker 1: and you know, has some design or some purpose, perhaps

181
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:57,320
Speaker 1: greater than my understanding or you know. But then do

182
00:12:57,440 --> 00:13:00,880
Speaker 1: I know that there's a God? No? I don't, you know.

183
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:04,920
Speaker 1: And this is this is where many of my like

184
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,480
Speaker 1: I have, you know, friends that are Buddhisty, friends that

185
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,840
Speaker 1: are Muslim, I have friends that are Christian. I have

186
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:13,760
Speaker 1: friends that are different versions of Christianity. Don't get me

187
00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:17,400
Speaker 1: started on all the denominations will be here. It's all September.

188
00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:23,920
Speaker 1: But you know, it's it's it's true to say that

189
00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:27,000
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know if there's God, even

190
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,200
Speaker 1: if I want there to be a God, because if

191
00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:33,360
Speaker 1: I had unequivocal knowledge or proof or evidence or data

192
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:39,360
Speaker 1: as we call in science, then there would be no

193
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:43,319
Speaker 1: need for faith. And it doesn't matter. You know, Believing

194
00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:46,800
Speaker 1: in something is not the same as knowing in knowing something,

195
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:51,080
Speaker 1: And the idea of believing in God is believing in

196
00:13:51,240 --> 00:14:00,640
Speaker 1: something someone much much greater perhaps than me, you perhaps

197
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:07,520
Speaker 1: or maybe God lives within you know, and not fully understanding.

198
00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:14,679
Speaker 1: And for people who are very very religious, who have

199
00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:18,880
Speaker 1: very strong faith, who truly believe in God, this is

200
00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:24,080
Speaker 1: a hard concept. And the truth is that you know,

201
00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:27,160
Speaker 1: my friends that I used to go to church with,

202
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,360
Speaker 1: and I'll talk a bit about my church, some of

203
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:33,160
Speaker 1: my church experiences if I'm going to so if you're

204
00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:37,400
Speaker 1: not interested, to tune out now because it might kill you.

205
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:39,920
Speaker 1: You know, they would sit. They would not like this

206
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:43,640
Speaker 1: podcast that I'm doing, most of them. Some are a

207
00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:47,800
Speaker 1: little bit more open minded because I would be. Now,

208
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:52,600
Speaker 1: let's say that I believe in God. Let's say this hypothetical,

209
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:54,640
Speaker 1: and I'll let you know what I actually think towards

210
00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:57,160
Speaker 1: the end. But let's say that I believe in God,

211
00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:01,440
Speaker 1: but I have questions, lots of questions, right, and I

212
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:06,640
Speaker 1: have doubt, and a lot of Christianity don't really vibe

213
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:10,520
Speaker 1: with and by Christianity, I mean how it works on

214
00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:15,200
Speaker 1: a practical level in churches and among Christians. And I

215
00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:18,240
Speaker 1: apologize for talking so much about Christianity, but that's my

216
00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:22,280
Speaker 1: that's my journey. I can't really speak with any kind

217
00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:28,120
Speaker 1: of level of competence or expertise about any other religion,

218
00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:31,120
Speaker 1: which is why the title of this is God, Common

219
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:35,160
Speaker 1: Me and Religion. But I think we can extrapolate my

220
00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:39,680
Speaker 1: journey and the insights from my journey into other people's

221
00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:45,960
Speaker 1: journeys and experiences with religion also. But real deal Christians,

222
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,440
Speaker 1: and I use that term in inverted commas, would call

223
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:53,000
Speaker 1: me a backslider. They would potentially call me a heathen.

224
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:57,880
Speaker 1: I in the old days, if I questioned, or I doubted,

225
00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:01,920
Speaker 1: or I share some of these thoughts and ideas, I

226
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:06,800
Speaker 1: would potentially be exiled or kicked out of the tribe.

227
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:12,160
Speaker 1: And because I understand how people think, I understand that response.

228
00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:16,280
Speaker 1: I'm not mad at them, I'm not upset. I understand

229
00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:19,960
Speaker 1: why even some of my Christian friends would think I've

230
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:24,800
Speaker 1: lost the plot, that I've lost my shit, that I've

231
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:28,480
Speaker 1: been you know, I've slid out of the light of

232
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:31,600
Speaker 1: God into the darkness. And I get it, and I

233
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:37,360
Speaker 1: get all that fluffy language as well. And it's if

234
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:40,920
Speaker 1: you've never been religious, and I mean like I mean,

235
00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:45,080
Speaker 1: your life revolved around I'm not talking about the casual

236
00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:49,120
Speaker 1: church goer, and like a person who's never read in

237
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,760
Speaker 1: my instance for example, or a person who's never read

238
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:53,880
Speaker 1: the Bible or never a person who's never really prayed,

239
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:56,880
Speaker 1: or a person who's never really been committed to any

240
00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:59,920
Speaker 1: but rather you were just almost like an accidental cafe

241
00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:03,040
Speaker 1: because that's what mum and dad did. Well, then it's

242
00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:07,639
Speaker 1: probably quite a different story for you. But where my

243
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:16,280
Speaker 1: real God kind of adventure started was after I kind

244
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:20,520
Speaker 1: of stopped doing mass. So for me, growing up in

245
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:25,040
Speaker 1: a Catholic church, I went to only Catholic schools, so

246
00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:27,040
Speaker 1: I never went to a state school. I went to

247
00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:30,479
Speaker 1: six or seven schools. They were all Catholic. So I

248
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:35,120
Speaker 1: was incredibly indoctrinated and programmed and influenced. Not a good

249
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:38,600
Speaker 1: or bad thing, that's just what I was. And the

250
00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:42,800
Speaker 1: outworking of that, the byproduct of that was, you know

251
00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:47,520
Speaker 1: that I saw the world through a largely through a

252
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:51,879
Speaker 1: Catholic lens, and as I've said many times before on

253
00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:54,080
Speaker 1: this show, and in reference to the way that we

254
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:57,800
Speaker 1: think and perception and the lens through which we view

255
00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:00,720
Speaker 1: and understand and experience the world. The time I was

256
00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:04,679
Speaker 1: ten years old, because of my program, I truly believe

257
00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:08,040
Speaker 1: that if I died in a certain spiritual state, one

258
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:12,480
Speaker 1: of sin, that I or my soul or I guess

259
00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:14,800
Speaker 1: I didn't really think about it. I'm like, how can

260
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:16,960
Speaker 1: you burn in a lake of fire if you don't

261
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:22,040
Speaker 1: have a body, Because anyway, I basically was terrified of

262
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:25,240
Speaker 1: this place called hell, and I'd been taught and told

263
00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:29,320
Speaker 1: and trained that hell was real and Hell was where

264
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:32,360
Speaker 1: a lot of people who didn't toe the line were

265
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:35,879
Speaker 1: going to end up. And this wasn't a suggestion, and

266
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:39,480
Speaker 1: it wasn't for me anyway. It wasn't a metaphor, it

267
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:47,360
Speaker 1: wasn't an analogy. It was a literal teaching. And as

268
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:52,000
Speaker 1: a child, you know, that's fucking terrifying. As an adult,

269
00:18:52,359 --> 00:18:59,840
Speaker 1: it's terrifying. But I kind of survived that. And while

270
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:02,600
Speaker 1: there was, you know, there was the terrifying, there was

271
00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:06,919
Speaker 1: also a lot of good stuff that happened within that place.

272
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:10,560
Speaker 1: But or that I guess those eighteen years. You know,

273
00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:14,280
Speaker 1: once I left school. In fact, my parents moved away

274
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:17,480
Speaker 1: to another state when I was in year twelve for

275
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:21,520
Speaker 1: dad's work. I decided to stay. I lived with another family,

276
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:24,000
Speaker 1: But essentially from when I was seventeen and a bit

277
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,879
Speaker 1: years old, I haven't lived with my parents, and I

278
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:30,960
Speaker 1: would say my Catholic ways pretty much ended about then.

279
00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:37,920
Speaker 1: But what I did always love and until that point

280
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:41,360
Speaker 1: in time, And this is ironic and somewhat hilarious, despite

281
00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:44,240
Speaker 1: the fact that I was a Catholic and Catholicism is

282
00:19:44,359 --> 00:19:48,159
Speaker 1: based on you know, the Bible, the Old Testament and

283
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:52,800
Speaker 1: the New Testament, albeit somewhat catholically modified. Catholically is that

284
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:56,840
Speaker 1: a word, catholically modified version with a few other books

285
00:19:56,840 --> 00:20:01,600
Speaker 1: that a few by books, I mean what you might

286
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:05,960
Speaker 1: think of as chapters in the Bible. But in fact

287
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:09,919
Speaker 1: the Bible, the Old Testament, New Testament is comprised of

288
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:14,680
Speaker 1: typically I think it's sixty six books starting with Genesis, Exodus,

289
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:17,680
Speaker 1: lavitkas Numbers, Deuteronomy, the first five books of the Bible

290
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,560
Speaker 1: that are also called I think they're called the Torah,

291
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:24,720
Speaker 1: and then the New Testament. You don't need to know

292
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:27,240
Speaker 1: all this. But the New Testament starts with the Gospels,

293
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:31,359
Speaker 1: which is basically four different accounts of Jesus's life, but

294
00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:34,679
Speaker 1: anyway in that, and it ends in Revelation. But anyway,

295
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:36,560
Speaker 1: in the middle of all of that, in the Catholic

296
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:39,359
Speaker 1: version of that, there's some other stuff kind of woven

297
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,800
Speaker 1: in there, which isn't in most Bibles, but it is

298
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:44,560
Speaker 1: in the Catholic one. You didn't need to know any

299
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:46,960
Speaker 1: of that, but you're welcome. But what I do love

300
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,760
Speaker 1: about the Bible. I love the idea of in the

301
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:56,040
Speaker 1: New Testament anyway. I love the idea of love and

302
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:58,959
Speaker 1: coming from a place of love and the power of

303
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:03,760
Speaker 1: love and genuine life, of humility, kindness. And I know

304
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:07,040
Speaker 1: that sounds very cliche, but for me there was something

305
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:12,840
Speaker 1: always And again, this is not a call to action.

306
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:19,040
Speaker 1: It's not a call to action at all, because I

307
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:21,919
Speaker 1: still am not one hundred percent sure on anything, and

308
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:25,719
Speaker 1: I probably never will be, because I'm talking about something

309
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:31,040
Speaker 1: that can't be literally, seen, measured, quantified. Right, We're talking

310
00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:34,360
Speaker 1: about God and eternity and all of these spiritual constructs

311
00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:40,000
Speaker 1: and these ideas. But I loved I love the overwhelming

312
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:44,440
Speaker 1: message of love that comes through the New Testament. And yes,

313
00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:47,600
Speaker 1: I fully acknowledge there's some dark shit in the Old Testament.

314
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:50,760
Speaker 1: You don't need to send me an email. And I

315
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:56,760
Speaker 1: also acknowledge the contradiction and the contradictions that exist between

316
00:21:56,760 --> 00:22:00,920
Speaker 1: the Old and New Testament. I also acknowledge that there's

317
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:06,760
Speaker 1: no way that we can verify that it's the word

318
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:10,680
Speaker 1: of God, as Christians believe, and as lots of other

319
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:16,639
Speaker 1: religions believe, that their particular religious text, their theology is

320
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:22,840
Speaker 1: the essentially God's vision, God's word, and that their belief

321
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:26,320
Speaker 1: and all of those things are essentially the one true

322
00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:28,760
Speaker 1: Church or the one true or they have the one

323
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:32,760
Speaker 1: true hotline to God. And I get it, I get it,

324
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:35,520
Speaker 1: I understand it. And then the middle of all of that,

325
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:38,160
Speaker 1: in the middle of all of that, I can't prove

326
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:42,159
Speaker 1: or disprove anything. And this is where you know it

327
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:49,480
Speaker 1: can get messy, because while religion can be a vehicle

328
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:58,720
Speaker 1: to beautiful things, it can also be a platform for

329
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:05,200
Speaker 1: horrible things. We know what happens not only within some religions,

330
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:09,919
Speaker 1: some horrible things that I won't name, but we also

331
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:13,359
Speaker 1: know that wars have been started because of religion. Now,

332
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:20,120
Speaker 1: let's say there's a God. Let's just say, well, God

333
00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:26,159
Speaker 1: didn't start whoever God is, whatever God is, didn't start

334
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:30,480
Speaker 1: any religions and all of these. Let's say, let's just say,

335
00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:33,159
Speaker 1: and I'm not saying it's true, but let's just go

336
00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:37,720
Speaker 1: with this hypothetical that there is a God and there

337
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:40,760
Speaker 1: is and that let's just go with this hypothetical for

338
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:43,639
Speaker 1: the moment. And if you don't believe in anything, then

339
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:49,959
Speaker 1: I'm fully on board and okay with you believing that,

340
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:53,320
Speaker 1: not that you need my permission, but let's just say, okay,

341
00:23:53,359 --> 00:23:56,159
Speaker 1: there's a God, and let's just say that Jesus was

342
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,640
Speaker 1: the son of God, and the New Testament's the real deal.

343
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:04,760
Speaker 1: Let's just say that, Well, we still don't know like

344
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:08,480
Speaker 1: we want to believe that. The New Testament and the

345
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:12,240
Speaker 1: Four Gospels Matthew, Mark, Luke John, who were written or

346
00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:16,600
Speaker 1: basically written accounts of Jesus' life, and then all the

347
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:20,119
Speaker 1: subsequent books were kind of where Jesus was woven in

348
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:23,399
Speaker 1: and out of, you know, by largely written by allegedly

349
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:27,000
Speaker 1: Saint Paul the Apostle, Saint Paul's Letter to the Romans

350
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:29,880
Speaker 1: and Corinthians and Galatians, Ephesians and all of these things

351
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:32,840
Speaker 1: that you don't need to know about. But you know,

352
00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:38,280
Speaker 1: we don't know. But if there is a God, then

353
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:42,240
Speaker 1: God didn't create a religion. Religion is a man made construct.

354
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:45,560
Speaker 1: It is basically, you believe that we believe this. You

355
00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:49,600
Speaker 1: believe one thing, we believe another thing. Right, there's a division.

356
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:52,439
Speaker 1: Now we're going to be over here believing what you believe,

357
00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:54,520
Speaker 1: and you're going to go off in that tangent. And

358
00:24:54,560 --> 00:25:01,320
Speaker 1: whether or not it's different religions or denominations under the

359
00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:07,760
Speaker 1: banner of Christianity or any of the other religions, completely

360
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:11,720
Speaker 1: different religions basing their theology in a different text and

361
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:18,600
Speaker 1: different values and different ideologies. We still don't know, Like

362
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:22,600
Speaker 1: we don't have hard evidence, and this will bother people

363
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:29,359
Speaker 1: maybe that God had anything to do. We might believe that,

364
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:32,199
Speaker 1: we might truly believe that a lot of people do.

365
00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:34,879
Speaker 1: But if we had evidence, we wouldn't need faith. If

366
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:37,680
Speaker 1: we had proof, we wouldn't need faith. Does that mean

367
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:43,960
Speaker 1: I don't believe in God? No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't.

368
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:49,120
Speaker 1: But like growing up for me, like God was kind

369
00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:52,800
Speaker 1: of an inconvenience. God was kind of like a supernatural

370
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:56,840
Speaker 1: kill joy in some ways, because a lot of the

371
00:25:56,880 --> 00:25:59,919
Speaker 1: shit that I wanted to do wasn't really kosher, no

372
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:04,159
Speaker 1: pun intended to my Jewish friends, Like a lot of

373
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:07,040
Speaker 1: the shit that I wanted to do didn't really get

374
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:11,400
Speaker 1: the kind of the God tick of approval. You know,

375
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:15,120
Speaker 1: I won't list those things, but as a teenage boy,

376
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:19,119
Speaker 1: you might imagine what some of those things might be,

377
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:22,520
Speaker 1: even if it was just ruminating on certain things, not

378
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:26,760
Speaker 1: even doing things, but thinking about doing those things is

379
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:30,399
Speaker 1: a sin in inverted commerce. And one of the things

380
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:36,560
Speaker 1: that I tried to do, quite quite consistently and quite energetically,

381
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:43,080
Speaker 1: is I tried to ignore God because God just didn't

382
00:26:43,119 --> 00:26:45,560
Speaker 1: fit in for me, Like God was kind of like,

383
00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:51,440
Speaker 1: while I was curious about God, what was required, according

384
00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 1: to my understanding and my version of God to live

385
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:57,240
Speaker 1: the life that did not fit in with the shit

386
00:26:57,320 --> 00:27:02,359
Speaker 1: that I wanted to do at all? And I won't

387
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:04,679
Speaker 1: open the door, but you can figure it out. But

388
00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:10,280
Speaker 1: one of the funny things for me was as much

389
00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:13,399
Speaker 1: as I and again this is I'm not trying to

390
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:17,320
Speaker 1: lead you anywhere with this, and as I'm telling my story,

391
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:20,560
Speaker 1: I don't want you to misinterpret that I'm trying to

392
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:23,920
Speaker 1: lead you to a point of anything. I just want

393
00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:26,280
Speaker 1: to share my story because I get asked about it

394
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:31,000
Speaker 1: so much, and I've opened the door a tiny bit

395
00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:35,560
Speaker 1: on probably fifty occasions, but in over six years and

396
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:38,840
Speaker 1: fifteen hundred episodes, I've never said the stuff I'm saying today.

397
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:41,720
Speaker 1: So I'm not leading you anywhere. I'm just telling you

398
00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:45,320
Speaker 1: my story. And if I'm over emphasizing this and being

399
00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:49,760
Speaker 1: kind of somewhat sounding defensive or apologetic, I don't mean to.

400
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:54,600
Speaker 1: I just understand having a public platform, I realize how

401
00:27:54,680 --> 00:28:00,240
Speaker 1: people can interpret things, so do not misinterpret. I'm not

402
00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:02,440
Speaker 1: pointing you in any direction. I'm just telling you about

403
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:06,320
Speaker 1: my experiences. So for whatever reason, I had a lot

404
00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:11,240
Speaker 1: of what I can really only describe as God coincidences,

405
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:16,200
Speaker 1: even when I was not going to church, not thinking

406
00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:20,240
Speaker 1: about God, in fact, really trying to not think about God,

407
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:26,880
Speaker 1: pretty much running in the opposite direction of anything particularly

408
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:33,440
Speaker 1: godly or Christian or biblical, even when I was trying

409
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:40,760
Speaker 1: to release the religious shackles and be my own self,

410
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:43,280
Speaker 1: which by the way, I don't think is a bad thing,

411
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:47,080
Speaker 1: depending on what that looks like. But even then, there

412
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:49,920
Speaker 1: would always be people that would pop up in my

413
00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:58,000
Speaker 1: life that would say something like, you know, God has

414
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:01,480
Speaker 1: his hand on your life. I'm like, what what does

415
00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:04,360
Speaker 1: that even mean? Or God has a purpose for you. Now,

416
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:08,280
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about twice. I'm talking about repeatedly, and

417
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:10,720
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about from people that I knew. I'm

418
00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:17,200
Speaker 1: talking about strangers, people who would, for whatever reason, come

419
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:21,560
Speaker 1: into my path and then tell me a story that

420
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:26,200
Speaker 1: somehow had something to do with God and me. I

421
00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:32,480
Speaker 1: remember one of who, a guy who turned out to

422
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:35,200
Speaker 1: be one of my best friends. His name is Rob Dixon.

423
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:39,280
Speaker 1: Rip love him, miss him. He's not with us anymore,

424
00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:45,479
Speaker 1: but DICKO. He he came to my school when I

425
00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:49,280
Speaker 1: think we're in year nine, as a non Catholic at

426
00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:53,400
Speaker 1: a Catholic school, and he came in. He was a

427
00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:56,800
Speaker 1: born again Christian. And I remember this guy on day

428
00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:59,160
Speaker 1: one just cornering me and just telling me about God,

429
00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:01,240
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, this is not the first time

430
00:30:01,320 --> 00:30:07,120
Speaker 1: this had happened. And then and then, but interestingly, me

431
00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:13,480
Speaker 1: sensing something in him that was now whether or not

432
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:15,640
Speaker 1: that was God, or whether or not that was his energy,

433
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:18,240
Speaker 1: or whether or not that was his personality, or whether

434
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:20,440
Speaker 1: or not that was the fact that he was a

435
00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:25,080
Speaker 1: charismatic charming, lovable, likable alaric and I don't know what

436
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:28,200
Speaker 1: it was, but I do know that I paid attention,

437
00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 1: and he kept for one of a better term, belt

438
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:35,000
Speaker 1: me overhead with God and then and then wherever, not

439
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:37,560
Speaker 1: wherever I would go, but often I would go places

440
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:41,200
Speaker 1: where I would get a, you know, a similar kind

441
00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:46,240
Speaker 1: of vibe from people. I remember when I was eighteen

442
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:50,280
Speaker 1: nearly nineteen, I moved to Western Australia and I worked

443
00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:52,680
Speaker 1: on a construction site which I've spoken about here, a

444
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:57,760
Speaker 1: place called Worsley Aluminium Refiner which was being built. I

445
00:30:57,800 --> 00:31:02,160
Speaker 1: remember literally been on the site. I was working as

446
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:05,280
Speaker 1: a trades assistant, which is essentially a fancy name for

447
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:09,520
Speaker 1: a shitkicker and a helper out or a laborer, whatever

448
00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:13,240
Speaker 1: you want. And I'd literally been there ten minutes and

449
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:16,720
Speaker 1: it's this massive construction site as big as a town,

450
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:20,920
Speaker 1: with three thousand men and all of this heavy machinery

451
00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:24,160
Speaker 1: and dirt and dust and shit and mayhem and chaos

452
00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:28,600
Speaker 1: and generators and diesel fumes in the air, and like

453
00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:32,240
Speaker 1: it was just like nothing I've ever been in the

454
00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:34,120
Speaker 1: middle of. And I look up and there's a guy

455
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:38,160
Speaker 1: heading in all of this sea of humanity and twisted

456
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:42,680
Speaker 1: metal and generators and dirt and dust and construction and chaos.

457
00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:45,280
Speaker 1: There's a guy making a beeline for me. And before

458
00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:48,160
Speaker 1: he even got close, I went, oh, this is going

459
00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:49,920
Speaker 1: to be another God guy. It's going to be a

460
00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:52,520
Speaker 1: god guy. And he got close to me and I

461
00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:54,880
Speaker 1: could see he was wearing a blue hat. The company

462
00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:57,000
Speaker 1: I worked for was called Steel Mains. He had a

463
00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:00,800
Speaker 1: Steel Main's blue hat on and he had Warren written

464
00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:03,240
Speaker 1: on his hat, and underneath Warren he had a fish,

465
00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:07,040
Speaker 1: which was the Jesus symbol. And he walks up and

466
00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:09,360
Speaker 1: he goes, God sent me over to talk to you,

467
00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:12,400
Speaker 1: and I'm like, of course he did, have course he did,

468
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:15,200
Speaker 1: and on and on. Then I moved back to Melbourne

469
00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:19,520
Speaker 1: and I started running a gym. I was nineteen by

470
00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:21,600
Speaker 1: the way. I was over there working on construction through

471
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:24,320
Speaker 1: the day and in gyms at night, so I was

472
00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:27,640
Speaker 1: always working in gym's. But I started working in a

473
00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:31,880
Speaker 1: small gym that was only open at that stage six

474
00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:34,120
Speaker 1: hours a day in the afternoon three to nine. It

475
00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:36,680
Speaker 1: was like a buff ed's gym. It was primarily just

476
00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:44,400
Speaker 1: for blokes, meadheads, bodybuilders, crooks, cops, just it was it

477
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:47,880
Speaker 1: was called the Stables, and it was in mentone, and

478
00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:53,720
Speaker 1: I was just this, you know, kind of out of

479
00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:56,280
Speaker 1: his depth, nineteen year old that I'd been given the

480
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:59,840
Speaker 1: responsibility of running this. Let's put it in inverted commas.

481
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:02,960
Speaker 1: Gym was really an old warehouse kind of thing that

482
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:06,600
Speaker 1: had been filled with gym equipment. And to say it

483
00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:10,080
Speaker 1: was a one star gym as probably an exaggeration of

484
00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:13,480
Speaker 1: how good it was. But at the same time, it

485
00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:17,520
Speaker 1: was fucking awesome. It was just this grungy gym where

486
00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:20,560
Speaker 1: awesome people trained, and for me, it was just a

487
00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:26,160
Speaker 1: pop p purrey of humanity and different like different, Like

488
00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:28,360
Speaker 1: I said, mostly blokes. If you're a lady, you would

489
00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:31,440
Speaker 1: not want to go there. But anyway, it was all

490
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:35,440
Speaker 1: these rough heads and and but kind of you know,

491
00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:42,680
Speaker 1: lovable Alarrikans interspersed with some crooks. Anyway, these three guys

492
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:47,120
Speaker 1: came in and they started training, and they were cool,

493
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:48,960
Speaker 1: and I got on well with them. I got on

494
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:51,880
Speaker 1: well with everybody. I tried to remember everybody's name. I

495
00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:54,600
Speaker 1: tried to you know, I tried to do what I could.

496
00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:57,520
Speaker 1: I tried to be you know, I was shitouse at business.

497
00:33:57,560 --> 00:34:01,040
Speaker 1: Let's be honest, and my understanding of you know, training

498
00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:04,280
Speaker 1: and training myself and training others and anatomy and physiology

499
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:08,319
Speaker 1: and exercise prescription and running a gym and being a

500
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:12,160
Speaker 1: business person and the leadership. I was fuck and terrible,

501
00:34:12,239 --> 00:34:14,920
Speaker 1: but I did my best. I did as well as

502
00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:17,960
Speaker 1: I could for the age I was with the skills

503
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:21,719
Speaker 1: and understanding I had. Anyway, fast forward a couple of weeks.

504
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:24,880
Speaker 1: These three guys have been coming in and out, and

505
00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:28,319
Speaker 1: then one day they go, oh, they started talking to me,

506
00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:30,600
Speaker 1: and then they invited me to church. I'm like, oh,

507
00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:33,919
Speaker 1: my goodness. Hit there. It is like they were these

508
00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:36,520
Speaker 1: young dudes. They rode motorbikes, so I kind of connected

509
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:41,480
Speaker 1: with them. Anyway. That the long story short is, after

510
00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:46,040
Speaker 1: twenty seven invitations to church, I ended up going to

511
00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:50,560
Speaker 1: a church with them. Their church, and my thinking was,

512
00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:55,640
Speaker 1: what I'm going to do is I'm going to I'm

513
00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:58,040
Speaker 1: going to go tick this box. Because these guys are good,

514
00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:00,759
Speaker 1: I'm going to go. I'm gonna then they're going to

515
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:03,680
Speaker 1: stop asking me. I'm going to go to church. And

516
00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:10,040
Speaker 1: so I went to this church and it was just

517
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:13,200
Speaker 1: very very different from anything i'd been I'd been to

518
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:17,960
Speaker 1: church hundreds of times, maybe thousands, but hundreds, you know,

519
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:21,040
Speaker 1: once a week for eighteen years, what's that it's probably

520
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:24,719
Speaker 1: nine hundred times, I guess you'll take. But I've been

521
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:26,920
Speaker 1: a lot. But I'd never been to anything like this

522
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:29,600
Speaker 1: where it wasn't Catholic. It was there was a band

523
00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:32,200
Speaker 1: up the front, there was heaps of young people who

524
00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:34,640
Speaker 1: wanted to be there. And I walked in and people

525
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:37,759
Speaker 1: said hello, and people gave me a hug, and it

526
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:40,640
Speaker 1: was just this energy, and I'm like, well, this is weird.

527
00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:45,440
Speaker 1: It was kind of nice and kind of terrifying, but anyway,

528
00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:50,400
Speaker 1: so I I kind of sat my ass down and

529
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:54,399
Speaker 1: this old dude, who I won't say his name because

530
00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:56,560
Speaker 1: I don't want to be dis he I loved him,

531
00:35:56,640 --> 00:35:58,960
Speaker 1: so there's nothing bad to say. But this old dude,

532
00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:02,160
Speaker 1: I'll say his name. His name was Pastor Milton. And

533
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:04,839
Speaker 1: he stood up the front and he preached, you know,

534
00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:08,480
Speaker 1: and I'd never heard anyone preach. I'd just heard, well,

535
00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:11,520
Speaker 1: not like this. I'd heard priests stand up the front

536
00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:16,600
Speaker 1: and deliver kind of a sermon, kind of which generally

537
00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:22,560
Speaker 1: it's the same passage from the Bible for you know, well,

538
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:24,920
Speaker 1: it's the twenty sixth Sunday of the year. So we

539
00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:29,319
Speaker 1: teach this bit and it's all very formulaic and the

540
00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:33,279
Speaker 1: opposite of instinctive intuitive, And this old dude was up

541
00:36:33,320 --> 00:36:37,960
Speaker 1: the front, Pastor Milton, just preaching his little heart out,

542
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:40,040
Speaker 1: and I'm sitting down there. I didn't really know what

543
00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:42,640
Speaker 1: to make of it. But when I kind of the

544
00:36:42,719 --> 00:36:47,360
Speaker 1: fear and the anxiety subsided, I just realized that what

545
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:51,320
Speaker 1: it felt to me like he was talking to me, now,

546
00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:55,319
Speaker 1: is this a coincidence? Is this just where I was

547
00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:57,920
Speaker 1: at in my life and he was saying things that resonated.

548
00:36:58,080 --> 00:37:00,239
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm not going to tell you had

549
00:37:00,239 --> 00:37:02,480
Speaker 1: this big god experience. I'm going to tell you the

550
00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:07,840
Speaker 1: experience that I had. And I like, there was something

551
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:09,960
Speaker 1: for me at that point in my life. There was

552
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:14,080
Speaker 1: something hypnotic, not in a literal sense, but hypnotic and

553
00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:21,600
Speaker 1: magnetic about that. And while I'd been this very insecure, overthinking,

554
00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:25,080
Speaker 1: ex fat kid who was now obsessed with his body

555
00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:27,400
Speaker 1: and his muscles and being big and being lean and

556
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:31,120
Speaker 1: being attractive to women and you know, kind of respected

557
00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:34,680
Speaker 1: by other dudes and all of this inner bullshit that

558
00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:39,320
Speaker 1: I dragged around with me in this place at this time. Anyway,

559
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:43,920
Speaker 1: none of that really seemed to matter, Like nobody was

560
00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:46,560
Speaker 1: into me because of my shoulders and my arms or

561
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:51,320
Speaker 1: my or not into me like it was just it

562
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:54,320
Speaker 1: was a different energy. And I can't I still can't

563
00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:59,839
Speaker 1: really explain it, but my my reality at that time,

564
00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:03,359
Speaker 1: I had never experienced anything like this, and so I

565
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:06,839
Speaker 1: was curious. So without giving you the whole, you know,

566
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:14,879
Speaker 1: the whole kind of conversion, I went back. I went back,

567
00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:20,120
Speaker 1: and I kept going back, and I kind of immersed myself.

568
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:22,680
Speaker 1: I became part of that church for about four years,

569
00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:24,840
Speaker 1: so I would say, and by part of it, I

570
00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:28,240
Speaker 1: mean boots and all. So from when I was about

571
00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:33,960
Speaker 1: nineteen to twenty three, and I mean, you know, it's

572
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:40,040
Speaker 1: like my life revolved around trying to live a godly life,

573
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:47,200
Speaker 1: trying to trying to be for me. I wanted to

574
00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:50,040
Speaker 1: be a better version of me. I didn't love who

575
00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:57,280
Speaker 1: I was. And while I didn't necessarily think like church

576
00:38:57,480 --> 00:39:00,760
Speaker 1: or God is going to fix me so to speak,

577
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:04,680
Speaker 1: wrong word, wrong words, but I felt, I intuitively and

578
00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:17,080
Speaker 1: innately felt that there was something, you know, some deeper understanding, insight, truth, intelligence,

579
00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:24,160
Speaker 1: love to be gained, to be tapped into. And it

580
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:28,200
Speaker 1: was more you know, I guess just like it was.

581
00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:29,719
Speaker 1: It was. You know, I don't know if you ever

582
00:39:29,760 --> 00:39:31,759
Speaker 1: met anyone and you feel drawn to them and you

583
00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:34,400
Speaker 1: can't even explain why I was kind of drawn to

584
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:39,359
Speaker 1: this place and these people. And yes, you can objectively

585
00:39:40,239 --> 00:39:43,279
Speaker 1: if you weren't there, which you weren't of course, and

586
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:45,759
Speaker 1: you could go, oh, that's a culture, that's this, or

587
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:49,960
Speaker 1: that's that. And when I look back, I think, now,

588
00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:52,920
Speaker 1: were there things that were kind of culty with some

589
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:56,000
Speaker 1: aspects of what I was in the middle of. Definitely,

590
00:39:57,600 --> 00:40:01,120
Speaker 1: in my four years there was everything that and I'll

591
00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:04,920
Speaker 1: explain why I left. Was everything good and amazing and

592
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:08,799
Speaker 1: no And for me, like when people say to me,

593
00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:11,799
Speaker 1: and again these are just my thoughts, what's wrong with religion?

594
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:17,520
Speaker 1: I think the intention I think religion and religious groups

595
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:22,600
Speaker 1: can be I'm saying, can asterisk beautiful places for people

596
00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:25,880
Speaker 1: to be and grow and learn and evolve. I also

597
00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:34,560
Speaker 1: think religious groups of any size, shape, denomination can be

598
00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:40,080
Speaker 1: toxic and destructive and borderline evil depending on what they're about.

599
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:43,920
Speaker 1: So I would just say that my four years in

600
00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:47,200
Speaker 1: that place for the most part, were positive, and I

601
00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:57,680
Speaker 1: had many experiences that for me were in a logical

602
00:40:57,760 --> 00:41:04,560
Speaker 1: sense in it, explicable like things that I think. I've

603
00:41:04,560 --> 00:41:07,440
Speaker 1: told this story once before, but I'll tell it again,

604
00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:13,719
Speaker 1: and this might sound like bullshit, and I completely understand.

605
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:15,799
Speaker 1: But I think if you know me, you know that

606
00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:24,040
Speaker 1: I am. Actually I'm quite skeptical of pretty much everything

607
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:27,120
Speaker 1: and everyone. Doesn't mean I don't love people. Doesn't but

608
00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:30,520
Speaker 1: it takes me quite a while to trust people. Doesn't

609
00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:33,040
Speaker 1: mean that I automatically think they're bad. I definitely don't

610
00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:37,719
Speaker 1: give everybody the opportunity. But so the first time that

611
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:39,759
Speaker 1: I went to church in this place, I heard this

612
00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:44,560
Speaker 1: lady talk about how that sometimes she just opens the Bible,

613
00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:47,640
Speaker 1: remember the Bible sixty six books or thereabouts, or sixty

614
00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:52,000
Speaker 1: six little books within this one big book, and that

615
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:54,040
Speaker 1: she would close her eyes and open the book without

616
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:55,960
Speaker 1: knowing where the book was opening, and she'd put her

617
00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:57,600
Speaker 1: hand in the book and her finger would be on

618
00:41:57,640 --> 00:42:00,840
Speaker 1: a scripture or a Bible verse for one of the

619
00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:03,920
Speaker 1: better terms, and that God would give her some revelation

620
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,279
Speaker 1: or insight or message that she needed to get in

621
00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:09,640
Speaker 1: that moment. Now I'm sitting there listening to this first

622
00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:13,560
Speaker 1: time in church, and I'm thinking, well, that's that she's

623
00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:17,440
Speaker 1: fucking crazy, That's what I was thinking. I'm thinking this is,

624
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:21,360
Speaker 1: by the way, all my Christian friends would hate the

625
00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:26,160
Speaker 1: way I talk these days, hate hate anyway, So I

626
00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:30,080
Speaker 1: was thinking, she's fucking crazy, but nonetheless interesting, and everyone

627
00:42:30,239 --> 00:42:32,080
Speaker 1: seemed to be like on board and go, oh, that's

628
00:42:32,120 --> 00:42:34,280
Speaker 1: great that God did that for you. I'm like, really,

629
00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:40,680
Speaker 1: you all believe that? Anyway. So a week later, I

630
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:44,160
Speaker 1: was looking at my Bible. I had no They gave

631
00:42:44,200 --> 00:42:46,920
Speaker 1: me a Bible, I had no idea. I didn't know

632
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:51,000
Speaker 1: it was. Also, it was written in King James, which

633
00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:59,160
Speaker 1: is the older English, you know, so you know, like

634
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:02,680
Speaker 1: like Romans twelve to in King James's been not conformed

635
00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:05,000
Speaker 1: to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of

636
00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:08,400
Speaker 1: your mind. There's a lot of these and vows and

637
00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:10,840
Speaker 1: all that stuff, and it can be really fucking confusing,

638
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:13,080
Speaker 1: to be honest. But anyway, so I was sitting there

639
00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:14,879
Speaker 1: with the Bible. I didn't know the front from the back,

640
00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:17,200
Speaker 1: I didn't know where anything was, and I had this

641
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:21,920
Speaker 1: weird feeling right now. Whether this was Craye created or

642
00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:24,880
Speaker 1: God created or something else, I can't tell you. I

643
00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:27,520
Speaker 1: don't know. But what I do know is I have

644
00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:33,319
Speaker 1: this feeling that all this, yeah, I'll say feeling. I

645
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:35,920
Speaker 1: was going to say awareness, but it was to me,

646
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:40,040
Speaker 1: it felt like a knowing. And the knowing was that.

647
00:43:41,400 --> 00:43:48,680
Speaker 2: I I worshiped my body too much, and I had

648
00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:54,120
Speaker 2: training on a pedestal, and I got my sense of

649
00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:58,160
Speaker 2: self and self worth and identity from my body, what

650
00:43:58,280 --> 00:44:01,360
Speaker 2: my body looked like, what other people thought of my body,

651
00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:05,560
Speaker 2: from that accolades I would get from my body, and.

652
00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:11,839
Speaker 1: I felt, I felt what I thought was God saying yeah,

653
00:44:11,880 --> 00:44:16,920
Speaker 1: you need to put that on hold and focus on me. Now.

654
00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:19,960
Speaker 1: Whether or not that was God, I don't know. I

655
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:23,600
Speaker 1: believed it was God at the time. But here I am,

656
00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:25,880
Speaker 1: all these years later talking to you, sitting in my office.

657
00:44:25,920 --> 00:44:28,120
Speaker 1: So I'm trying to be as objective and aware as

658
00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:31,680
Speaker 1: possible and not sound like a fucking weirdo. But that's

659
00:44:31,719 --> 00:44:36,080
Speaker 1: what happened. And so I'm sitting there thinking and then

660
00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:38,680
Speaker 1: about this, and then i go, well, what would that

661
00:44:38,719 --> 00:44:41,560
Speaker 1: even look like? And I'm almost negotiating with God in

662
00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:45,960
Speaker 1: inverted commas, and I'm going, well, but you know, my

663
00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:48,120
Speaker 1: body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. I knew

664
00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:51,080
Speaker 1: that much, right, and looking after my body being strong

665
00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:52,960
Speaker 1: and like that's a good thing, right God. So I'm

666
00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:57,040
Speaker 1: kind of in my space there just negotiating with God.

667
00:44:58,640 --> 00:45:01,120
Speaker 1: And I had this this idea to do what the

668
00:45:01,120 --> 00:45:03,600
Speaker 1: weird lady, the crazy lady at church did was just

669
00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:05,839
Speaker 1: swing open the Bible on a page, shut my eyes,

670
00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:09,080
Speaker 1: put my finger in, and so I kind of and

671
00:45:09,160 --> 00:45:11,239
Speaker 1: see what God would show me. And it's like, well,

672
00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:15,120
Speaker 1: if God wanted me to do something or not do something,

673
00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:20,839
Speaker 1: he could just give me some divine guidance. Not on

674
00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:27,000
Speaker 1: any level believing that I would get any kind of direction,

675
00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:30,080
Speaker 1: but I thought that, well, what I'll do is I'll

676
00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:32,920
Speaker 1: tick the box. So I'll go God, I'm giving you

677
00:45:32,960 --> 00:45:36,640
Speaker 1: an opportunity. I'll open the book and bibbity bobby boo

678
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:42,600
Speaker 1: and anyway, so I closed my eyes, I swing the

679
00:45:42,640 --> 00:45:45,000
Speaker 1: Bible open, I put my finger in. Now, remember I

680
00:45:45,040 --> 00:45:48,279
Speaker 1: don't know where anything is, so I definitely can't try

681
00:45:48,280 --> 00:45:51,759
Speaker 1: to locate any scriptures because I don't know any And

682
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:55,200
Speaker 1: I put my finger on a page and my finger

683
00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:58,600
Speaker 1: is at the my index finger of my left hand

684
00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:02,240
Speaker 1: I'm left handed, is is at the start of a word,

685
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:06,920
Speaker 1: and it's so it's up against the letter and the

686
00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:13,840
Speaker 1: letter is P and the word is physical. And the

687
00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:15,799
Speaker 1: scripture I don't have it in front of me, but

688
00:46:15,880 --> 00:46:18,000
Speaker 1: I know it. The scripture reference off my heart. It's

689
00:46:18,040 --> 00:46:23,120
Speaker 1: one Timothy four eight and it's and it's so there's

690
00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:27,759
Speaker 1: a couple of books of Timothy, chapter four and verse eight,

691
00:46:28,719 --> 00:46:32,720
Speaker 1: and it says, physical training profiteth a little, remember King James,

692
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:38,200
Speaker 1: physical training profiteth a little, but train yourself unto Godliness.

693
00:46:39,120 --> 00:46:42,920
Speaker 1: And in other translations, there's lots of translations of the Bible,

694
00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:46,319
Speaker 1: it essentially says, look, training your body is good, but

695
00:46:47,440 --> 00:46:52,239
Speaker 1: train yourself in God. Physical training profiteth a little, but

696
00:46:53,800 --> 00:46:57,920
Speaker 1: train yourself in the things of God. And I sat

697
00:46:57,960 --> 00:47:03,360
Speaker 1: there and I I don't know that I went white

698
00:47:03,440 --> 00:47:05,040
Speaker 1: because I didn't have a mirror in front of me,

699
00:47:05,120 --> 00:47:08,319
Speaker 1: but pretty sure I went white. My heart rate went

700
00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:12,920
Speaker 1: through the roof and so on, and and that might

701
00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:15,160
Speaker 1: sound like garbage, and you might go, well, then, Craig,

702
00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:16,920
Speaker 1: why are you not a minister? Why are you not?

703
00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:21,160
Speaker 1: Lots of reasons, but that that happened to me, and

704
00:47:21,800 --> 00:47:24,760
Speaker 1: whether or not that was the biggest coincidence of all time,

705
00:47:25,239 --> 00:47:28,360
Speaker 1: whether or not that was God, I'm not going to

706
00:47:31,320 --> 00:47:34,000
Speaker 1: I'm not going to tell you one way or the other.

707
00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:37,359
Speaker 1: I don't know, but I know that that happened, that

708
00:47:37,400 --> 00:47:40,080
Speaker 1: really happened, and I know that what happened after that

709
00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:44,680
Speaker 1: was I took that as you know, I took that

710
00:47:44,760 --> 00:47:48,799
Speaker 1: as a sign I guess that, you know, that I

711
00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:51,799
Speaker 1: needed to And for me, it wasn't so much that

712
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:55,080
Speaker 1: I needed to stop training or at least stop idolizing

713
00:47:55,160 --> 00:47:56,799
Speaker 1: my body in that way. Now, at the time when

714
00:47:56,800 --> 00:47:59,600
Speaker 1: this happened, I was over one hundred kilos and mostly muscle,

715
00:48:00,239 --> 00:48:04,840
Speaker 1: and I stopped lifting weights for nearly a year, or

716
00:48:04,880 --> 00:48:07,880
Speaker 1: lifting far less weights and not the way that I was,

717
00:48:08,120 --> 00:48:11,880
Speaker 1: and started to run and lose muscle, which my ego

718
00:48:11,960 --> 00:48:14,920
Speaker 1: didn't want, my self esteem didn't want, And over the

719
00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:17,640
Speaker 1: course of the next year, I lost about twenty kilos

720
00:48:18,360 --> 00:48:20,719
Speaker 1: and not in a way that I wanted to. And

721
00:48:20,760 --> 00:48:23,440
Speaker 1: I went from big and strong and intimidating and muscular,

722
00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:25,960
Speaker 1: which my ego and my self esteem and my shitty

723
00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:30,040
Speaker 1: self worth loved, down to like this almost skinny, endurance

724
00:48:30,160 --> 00:48:35,400
Speaker 1: version of me. But I in many ways I grew

725
00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:39,919
Speaker 1: and I started to, you know, I started to deal

726
00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:42,399
Speaker 1: with lots of my own bullshit, of which there was,

727
00:48:42,760 --> 00:48:46,719
Speaker 1: of which there was much, and so you know, I

728
00:48:46,760 --> 00:48:49,440
Speaker 1: won't give you the whole story, but I you know,

729
00:48:49,480 --> 00:48:52,240
Speaker 1: I ended up getting engaged to a girl. I won't

730
00:48:52,239 --> 00:48:56,040
Speaker 1: do her the disrespect. She was awesome, and it was

731
00:48:56,160 --> 00:48:58,680
Speaker 1: very much a church that everyone was in house, and

732
00:48:58,719 --> 00:49:00,440
Speaker 1: if you were going to get engaged or married, it

733
00:49:00,480 --> 00:49:03,279
Speaker 1: will probably be to someone within that church. I got

734
00:49:03,320 --> 00:49:08,600
Speaker 1: engaged very young, and that probably was not in hindsight,

735
00:49:08,640 --> 00:49:11,640
Speaker 1: probably not the best thing. I didn't get married, obviously,

736
00:49:11,680 --> 00:49:14,520
Speaker 1: I won't say it anyway. That person that I was

737
00:49:14,600 --> 00:49:19,360
Speaker 1: engaged to, awesome human, now happily married, and she definitely

738
00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:23,080
Speaker 1: dodged a bullet by not marrying me, because I'm a

739
00:49:23,120 --> 00:49:27,320
Speaker 1: fucking nightmare. But I spent years going to that church,

740
00:49:27,360 --> 00:49:30,200
Speaker 1: and then I went to another church afterwards for a while,

741
00:49:30,239 --> 00:49:33,479
Speaker 1: and I kind of did the whole God Christian thing.

742
00:49:33,960 --> 00:49:37,760
Speaker 1: And when I say church, i'm talking about full on Pentecostal,

743
00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:43,520
Speaker 1: you know, born again Christian, fundamental, holy spirit filled like.

744
00:49:43,640 --> 00:49:46,200
Speaker 1: The stuff that goes on in some of those churches

745
00:49:47,760 --> 00:49:50,880
Speaker 1: is if you've never been to one, it is very

746
00:49:51,360 --> 00:49:57,200
Speaker 1: interesting and you might think, well, Craig, how deep were you?

747
00:49:57,400 --> 00:50:01,319
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I'm telling you from when I was

748
00:50:01,719 --> 00:50:07,600
Speaker 1: nineteen till probably nearly twenty twenty five, maybe about six years.

749
00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:12,279
Speaker 1: I didn't have sex. Now at a time when a

750
00:50:12,320 --> 00:50:16,400
Speaker 1: male body is that it's all time fucking high of

751
00:50:16,520 --> 00:50:20,760
Speaker 1: testosterone and hormonal drives. I was. This is how committed

752
00:50:20,880 --> 00:50:24,040
Speaker 1: I was, and so I didn't have sex. I didn't

753
00:50:24,160 --> 00:50:27,120
Speaker 1: even with my fiance that I was engaged to, and

754
00:50:28,000 --> 00:50:30,719
Speaker 1: we never had sex because it was a sin. It's

755
00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:33,919
Speaker 1: considered a sin, you know, And so I was. I

756
00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:39,120
Speaker 1: was in boots and all and for me, it it

757
00:50:40,560 --> 00:50:43,600
Speaker 1: you know, it was a it was a complete commitment.

758
00:50:45,160 --> 00:50:48,160
Speaker 1: Every day. I prayed every day. I read the Bible

759
00:50:48,280 --> 00:50:51,040
Speaker 1: every day. I you know, there's a lot of other

760
00:50:51,120 --> 00:50:53,319
Speaker 1: things that happened that I you know, I don't want

761
00:50:53,320 --> 00:50:56,960
Speaker 1: this to be a ten hour podcast, but you know,

762
00:50:57,160 --> 00:51:01,120
Speaker 1: I read and studied the Bible, and even now, I

763
00:51:01,200 --> 00:51:04,680
Speaker 1: still think there's a lot of incredible wisdom in the

764
00:51:04,719 --> 00:51:09,160
Speaker 1: New Testament the Old Testament too, in certain books. In

765
00:51:09,360 --> 00:51:15,840
Speaker 1: certain certain books of the Old testament's kind of terrifying

766
00:51:17,120 --> 00:51:22,759
Speaker 1: and taken literally, some of that very terrifying, especially for

767
00:51:22,880 --> 00:51:30,120
Speaker 1: certain groups. And so I'm not not saying that I

768
00:51:30,160 --> 00:51:33,799
Speaker 1: think it's all divinely inspired through God, and neither am

769
00:51:33,840 --> 00:51:37,000
Speaker 1: I saying that it's not I'm saying I don't know.

770
00:51:37,880 --> 00:51:40,400
Speaker 1: I don't know, but I do know that whether or

771
00:51:40,480 --> 00:51:44,280
Speaker 1: not the particularly the New Testament, which is what Christians

772
00:51:44,320 --> 00:51:47,200
Speaker 1: tend to focus on more, whether or not that is

773
00:51:48,360 --> 00:51:51,480
Speaker 1: the literal word of God translated and written down by

774
00:51:51,600 --> 00:51:54,680
Speaker 1: men and then survived a couple of thousand years or

775
00:51:55,120 --> 00:51:58,200
Speaker 1: depending on when when the New Testament was written somewhere

776
00:51:58,239 --> 00:52:01,239
Speaker 1: between the sixteen and eighteen or nine one hundred years ago.

777
00:52:01,680 --> 00:52:04,120
Speaker 1: Didn't start being written the New Testament till quite a

778
00:52:04,120 --> 00:52:09,200
Speaker 1: while after Jesus died, apparently. But nonetheless, there's some incredible

779
00:52:09,200 --> 00:52:12,520
Speaker 1: wisdom in that. And the stuff in the Bible that

780
00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:17,120
Speaker 1: I love. What I love is as I said before,

781
00:52:17,160 --> 00:52:21,480
Speaker 1: I love. I love the love stuff. I love the

782
00:52:21,640 --> 00:52:30,120
Speaker 1: kindness not to be mistaken with weakness or apathy. And

783
00:52:31,239 --> 00:52:34,960
Speaker 1: you know, so, so where am I at now? So

784
00:52:35,120 --> 00:52:41,040
Speaker 1: now I have a I have a belief in God

785
00:52:42,160 --> 00:52:51,719
Speaker 1: that doesn't really look like any particular religion. Do I

786
00:52:51,760 --> 00:52:54,480
Speaker 1: think I could be wrong? Do I think I could

787
00:52:54,520 --> 00:52:57,360
Speaker 1: be wrong? Yes? I do? And this is the beauty

788
00:52:57,400 --> 00:53:01,040
Speaker 1: of like faith is literally believing in what you can't prove.

789
00:53:02,000 --> 00:53:09,719
Speaker 1: It is just belief. Do I live a life aligned

790
00:53:09,800 --> 00:53:14,360
Speaker 1: with the Bible. No, I do not do. I try

791
00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:16,680
Speaker 1: to be the best person I can. Yes, I do.

792
00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:22,359
Speaker 1: Am I a fan of religion and church and synagogue

793
00:53:22,400 --> 00:53:27,360
Speaker 1: and temple, And I'm going to say I'm not a fan,

794
00:53:28,000 --> 00:53:30,880
Speaker 1: but neither am I anti any of that. I don't

795
00:53:30,880 --> 00:53:35,120
Speaker 1: think that. I don't think that church is the problem

796
00:53:35,200 --> 00:53:38,160
Speaker 1: or religion is the problem. I think that people are

797
00:53:38,280 --> 00:53:44,719
Speaker 1: the problem, and thinking is the problem, and thinking in

798
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:48,200
Speaker 1: its many forms, is the origin story for all the

799
00:53:48,280 --> 00:53:52,120
Speaker 1: bad stuff, you know, the need to control, the need

800
00:53:52,200 --> 00:53:55,400
Speaker 1: to have power, the need to manipulate, the need to

801
00:53:55,520 --> 00:53:59,920
Speaker 1: look after one's self. I believe there's a lot of

802
00:54:00,840 --> 00:54:07,160
Speaker 1: window dressing and pr that happens inside and outside of religion.

803
00:54:08,160 --> 00:54:10,800
Speaker 1: I believe that if you really want to know someone,

804
00:54:12,080 --> 00:54:15,360
Speaker 1: watch them when they don't know they're being watched. I

805
00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:18,520
Speaker 1: believe that, you know, for me, words are cheap. Even

806
00:54:18,560 --> 00:54:21,480
Speaker 1: on this podcast. Take what you want from it, ignore it.

807
00:54:22,239 --> 00:54:25,840
Speaker 1: You know, it's like. But I hope that over my

808
00:54:26,000 --> 00:54:29,239
Speaker 1: lifetime that how I live and what I do, and

809
00:54:29,280 --> 00:54:33,160
Speaker 1: how I treat people, and how I take the responsibility

810
00:54:33,200 --> 00:54:36,759
Speaker 1: of this podcast. I hope that over my lifetime that

811
00:54:36,840 --> 00:54:42,360
Speaker 1: my body of work suggests that that I'm a person

812
00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:45,840
Speaker 1: that can be trusted and may be valued and maybe

813
00:54:45,920 --> 00:54:50,239
Speaker 1: relied upon. I wouldn't ask you to believe me. I

814
00:54:50,239 --> 00:54:52,960
Speaker 1: wouldn't ask you to trust me. I wouldn't ask because

815
00:54:52,960 --> 00:54:57,560
Speaker 1: I think it's wrong. I think asking somebody to trust

816
00:54:57,600 --> 00:55:05,600
Speaker 1: you or believe you is redundant and unnecessary because trust

817
00:55:05,920 --> 00:55:08,919
Speaker 1: and respect to things that need to be earned over time,

818
00:55:08,960 --> 00:55:12,600
Speaker 1: and the only way that they come as through consistency

819
00:55:13,400 --> 00:55:20,120
Speaker 1: of behavior and authenticity. Yeah, and then I often get

820
00:55:20,160 --> 00:55:25,200
Speaker 1: asked about whether or not science and God, because I'm

821
00:55:25,239 --> 00:55:31,120
Speaker 1: a scientist too, of course. And you know, so I

822
00:55:31,160 --> 00:55:36,920
Speaker 1: have a degree in exercise science, and I'm you know, hopefully, hopefully, hopefully,

823
00:55:36,960 --> 00:55:39,320
Speaker 1: if I can find my teeth and my walking stick,

824
00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:43,200
Speaker 1: hopefully finishing my PhD in the next you know, kind

825
00:55:43,200 --> 00:55:46,719
Speaker 1: of six eight months, which is another science degree this time,

826
00:55:46,760 --> 00:55:50,720
Speaker 1: and you know, psychology and neuropsychology, and and of course

827
00:55:50,800 --> 00:55:55,640
Speaker 1: there's a lot of there's a lot of stuff in

828
00:55:55,680 --> 00:56:01,440
Speaker 1: theology and in specifically the creations story versus the evolution

829
00:56:01,640 --> 00:56:06,040
Speaker 1: story that just doesn't from a logic point of view,

830
00:56:06,120 --> 00:56:08,640
Speaker 1: from a scientific point of view, from a you know,

831
00:56:08,960 --> 00:56:14,600
Speaker 1: it doesn't in inverted commas make sense. And there's so

832
00:56:14,840 --> 00:56:18,520
Speaker 1: much of There are so many things that I believe

833
00:56:18,880 --> 00:56:23,880
Speaker 1: are true or potentially true that we don't understand, and

834
00:56:23,920 --> 00:56:30,520
Speaker 1: we may never understand. Could I wake up one day

835
00:56:30,600 --> 00:56:33,520
Speaker 1: and realize that all of the stuff that I've thought

836
00:56:33,560 --> 00:56:37,239
Speaker 1: and believed, or a large portion of it, is a

837
00:56:37,320 --> 00:56:40,719
Speaker 1: construct of my mind or someone else's mind, that I'm

838
00:56:40,719 --> 00:56:43,840
Speaker 1: believing these things because they kind of give me comfort.

839
00:56:44,960 --> 00:56:49,480
Speaker 1: That's possible. Could I ononderut they somehow know that I

840
00:56:49,640 --> 00:56:53,920
Speaker 1: was right. That's possible, But right now I don't, and

841
00:56:53,960 --> 00:56:58,000
Speaker 1: I think one of the challenges. But nonetheless, I can

842
00:56:58,360 --> 00:57:02,080
Speaker 1: simultaneously believe in something while not having evidence. And as

843
00:57:02,080 --> 00:57:07,400
Speaker 1: I said, that's the point. That's the point. Do I

844
00:57:07,440 --> 00:57:09,719
Speaker 1: think we all need to go to church? No, I

845
00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:13,879
Speaker 1: don't do. I think you can have a relationship with

846
00:57:14,120 --> 00:57:19,480
Speaker 1: God without that. I think it's good to have. Yes,

847
00:57:19,760 --> 00:57:22,200
Speaker 1: I do. I think it's good to have some kind

848
00:57:22,280 --> 00:57:27,840
Speaker 1: of guidance or framework in some way from somebody, whoever

849
00:57:27,880 --> 00:57:33,120
Speaker 1: that somebody is that you're your internal sat NAV tells

850
00:57:33,200 --> 00:57:41,720
Speaker 1: you you can trust I am. You know, I'm very

851
00:57:41,800 --> 00:57:45,240
Speaker 1: hesitant to belong to a group, and I'm not trying

852
00:57:45,280 --> 00:57:47,920
Speaker 1: to start a group either. By the way, there's no

853
00:57:48,040 --> 00:57:51,320
Speaker 1: call to action coming. I'm not starting a cult, so

854
00:57:51,520 --> 00:57:56,200
Speaker 1: it's all good. But one of the problems is that

855
00:57:56,800 --> 00:58:01,960
Speaker 1: you know, every religion essentially thinks that it is the

856
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:05,280
Speaker 1: one true religion. If not every religion, nearly all religions

857
00:58:05,280 --> 00:58:08,600
Speaker 1: think that, which is also another way of saying all

858
00:58:08,640 --> 00:58:11,880
Speaker 1: of the religions that aren't us, that don't think like us,

859
00:58:12,000 --> 00:58:16,280
Speaker 1: or have our theology or our philosophy or our practices

860
00:58:16,440 --> 00:58:20,640
Speaker 1: rules rituals, they are wrong. And while they don't overtly

861
00:58:20,720 --> 00:58:25,200
Speaker 1: say that, their behavior says that. And so to me again,

862
00:58:25,320 --> 00:58:31,680
Speaker 1: this is another red flag to religion. And I'm aware

863
00:58:31,720 --> 00:58:39,480
Speaker 1: that you know, this level of divulgence and vulnerability and

864
00:58:40,600 --> 00:58:45,280
Speaker 1: openness may not be a good idea or from a

865
00:58:45,320 --> 00:58:50,800
Speaker 1: commercial point of view, like could this could this damage?

866
00:58:50,920 --> 00:58:56,240
Speaker 1: Might an inverted Commas brand? I guess do I care? Nah,

867
00:58:56,440 --> 00:58:59,320
Speaker 1: It's just true. It's just true. And if people are

868
00:58:59,360 --> 00:59:04,120
Speaker 1: off me because I'm sharing my experiences, I'm okay with that.

869
00:59:04,360 --> 00:59:08,880
Speaker 1: And on no level am I like wow, fuck them, none,

870
00:59:09,160 --> 00:59:13,080
Speaker 1: Like I truly believe that. You know, if I had to,

871
00:59:15,440 --> 00:59:20,760
Speaker 1: if I had to create my own theology slash philosophy

872
00:59:20,920 --> 00:59:25,040
Speaker 1: religion just for me, not for anyone else, but just

873
00:59:25,040 --> 00:59:27,680
Speaker 1: for me, I go, this is my religion. It would

874
00:59:27,680 --> 00:59:35,760
Speaker 1: be that I try to live every day expressing, giving,

875
00:59:36,600 --> 00:59:42,640
Speaker 1: sharing love in all its manifestations, with no agenda, with

876
00:59:42,720 --> 00:59:47,800
Speaker 1: no expectation, with no conditions. And I am well, well

877
00:59:47,840 --> 00:59:51,760
Speaker 1: and truly aware that there's no way I could do

878
00:59:51,840 --> 00:59:54,600
Speaker 1: that all day, every day, because I'm human, I'm flawed,

879
00:59:54,600 --> 00:59:57,440
Speaker 1: and I've got issues and problems and an ego and bullshit.

880
00:59:58,240 --> 01:00:01,880
Speaker 1: But that would be what I would aspire. I would

881
01:00:01,960 --> 01:00:06,240
Speaker 1: aspire to be loving. I would aspire to be consistently

882
01:00:06,400 --> 01:00:14,440
Speaker 1: kind and aware, to diminish my ego, to have a

883
01:00:14,520 --> 01:00:19,960
Speaker 1: purpose while still knowing myself by the way, but to

884
01:00:20,080 --> 01:00:23,880
Speaker 1: have a purpose bigger than myself, and to have clearly

885
01:00:23,920 --> 01:00:28,960
Speaker 1: defined values that are basically the blueprint for my life.

886
01:00:29,080 --> 01:00:33,080
Speaker 1: That would be my religion. Thanks for listening. I appreciate you,

887
01:00:33,840 --> 01:00:39,000
Speaker 1: and the risk of sounding super cheesy, I love you.