WEBVTT - I feel bullied!

0:00:05.921 --> 0:00:25.081
<v Speaker 1>Apodae Production. Welcome back to another episode of Am I

0:00:25.201 --> 0:00:27.361
<v Speaker 1>A Bad Mum Podcast?

0:00:27.881 --> 0:00:33.200
<v Speaker 2>School holidays school holiday fun for some, Yeah, not for me.

0:00:33.681 --> 0:00:36.201
<v Speaker 2>I don't have my kids at home for the school holidays, Katie,

0:00:36.201 --> 0:00:38.801
<v Speaker 2>and I'm not coping with it. I never ever thought

0:00:39.120 --> 0:00:41.521
<v Speaker 2>there would be a day in this lifetime of mine

0:00:41.561 --> 0:00:42.561
<v Speaker 2>that I would say that.

0:00:43.001 --> 0:00:45.521
<v Speaker 1>No, neither did I, because when you do have your

0:00:45.561 --> 0:00:48.361
<v Speaker 1>kids home during school holidays, it's a completely different conversation

0:00:48.441 --> 0:00:50.881
<v Speaker 1>about wanting them to be away for school holidays to

0:00:50.881 --> 0:00:52.641
<v Speaker 1>give you a break, and now you've got the break.

0:00:53.961 --> 0:00:56.201
<v Speaker 2>Well, I think it was because it was so last

0:00:56.241 --> 0:00:59.561
<v Speaker 2>minute and I was away with them for five days

0:00:59.601 --> 0:01:03.840
<v Speaker 2>straight for a dance a Stedford competition, which you know

0:01:04.241 --> 0:01:08.681
<v Speaker 2>emotions get high on which we all know. And then

0:01:08.801 --> 0:01:12.840
<v Speaker 2>I came back from the Dancestdford and they were leaving

0:01:12.881 --> 0:01:16.121
<v Speaker 2>like that afternoon to go away with my mom Nanadi,

0:01:16.360 --> 0:01:20.961
<v Speaker 2>to head off out Bush to like the middle of Queensland.

0:01:21.280 --> 0:01:24.080
<v Speaker 2>And now I'm sort of left going what do I

0:01:24.161 --> 0:01:27.041
<v Speaker 2>do with my time because I'm just so used to

0:01:27.601 --> 0:01:29.440
<v Speaker 2>filling it with school holiday stuff.

0:01:29.640 --> 0:01:32.560
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, but it's also when you haven't planned it as well.

0:01:32.681 --> 0:01:34.761
<v Speaker 1>So we had a situation at the beginning of the

0:01:34.761 --> 0:01:38.961
<v Speaker 1>school holidays where the girls went to a friend's house.

0:01:39.441 --> 0:01:42.200
<v Speaker 1>They've got like a farm out somewhere, like a couple

0:01:42.241 --> 0:01:44.280
<v Speaker 1>of hours away, and they were like, can we go

0:01:44.360 --> 0:01:46.360
<v Speaker 1>for three nights? And I spoke to the mom. I

0:01:46.360 --> 0:01:48.880
<v Speaker 1>spoke to the mom really late, like the night before.

0:01:49.081 --> 0:01:50.961
<v Speaker 1>I was like, I better call mom, like I've never

0:01:51.001 --> 0:01:52.641
<v Speaker 1>even met her, and I was sending my kids.

0:01:52.761 --> 0:01:55.601
<v Speaker 2>You're like, Hi, it's nice to meet you. You're taking

0:01:55.601 --> 0:01:57.081
<v Speaker 2>my kids for three nights.

0:01:57.321 --> 0:02:00.441
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And she was like, oh no, it's totally fine,

0:02:00.481 --> 0:02:02.481
<v Speaker 1>like we've got lots of stuff planned. And they had

0:02:02.561 --> 0:02:04.921
<v Speaker 1>the absolute best time. But I had a moment of panic.

0:02:05.441 --> 0:02:07.881
<v Speaker 1>I haven't organized anything. They're gonna be away for three

0:02:07.961 --> 0:02:10.921
<v Speaker 1>nice it never happens. I haven't organized anything. I said today.

0:02:10.961 --> 0:02:12.001
<v Speaker 1>I was like, we should go away?

0:02:12.401 --> 0:02:12.961
<v Speaker 2>And what do you mean?

0:02:13.041 --> 0:02:14.841
<v Speaker 1>I said we should go away, Like, let's have a

0:02:14.841 --> 0:02:17.601
<v Speaker 1>look at the flight deals, let's go. He was like,

0:02:17.641 --> 0:02:18.400
<v Speaker 1>we can't just go away.

0:02:18.441 --> 0:02:19.001
<v Speaker 3>We've got work.

0:02:19.041 --> 0:02:21.641
<v Speaker 1>I was like, oh yeah, but the kid's going to

0:02:21.680 --> 0:02:22.201
<v Speaker 1>be away for.

0:02:22.841 --> 0:02:26.361
<v Speaker 2>Like, yeah, you shouldn't like catch a movie or do

0:02:26.441 --> 0:02:29.081
<v Speaker 2>something like that. But when we were coming home from news,

0:02:29.081 --> 0:02:32.481
<v Speaker 2>so they were fighting, like squabbling like crazy, and then

0:02:32.520 --> 0:02:34.481
<v Speaker 2>I was sort of going, gosh, I don't know what

0:02:34.520 --> 0:02:35.361
<v Speaker 2>my time is going to.

0:02:35.281 --> 0:02:36.561
<v Speaker 3>Be filled with when you're not here.

0:02:37.240 --> 0:02:39.481
<v Speaker 2>Now that I've got the silence, I'm sort of going,

0:02:39.721 --> 0:02:43.241
<v Speaker 2>what do I do with my time minus these children?

0:02:43.401 --> 0:02:46.160
<v Speaker 2>But at the same time, I'm a bit like, I'm

0:02:46.201 --> 0:02:48.241
<v Speaker 2>too tired to go out and do anything.

0:02:48.520 --> 0:02:52.721
<v Speaker 1>When the kids are older and they move out of home,

0:02:53.361 --> 0:02:55.201
<v Speaker 1>what the hell are we going to do? Everything we

0:02:55.321 --> 0:02:56.441
<v Speaker 1>do is around now.

0:02:56.680 --> 0:02:58.521
<v Speaker 3>I know I dread that hard.

0:02:58.641 --> 0:03:02.120
<v Speaker 2>I don't know what I'm gonna have to, like reinvent myself.

0:03:02.281 --> 0:03:04.441
<v Speaker 3>Maybe I don't know we're gonna do that.

0:03:05.401 --> 0:03:10.281
<v Speaker 1>We're gonna have to talk to our husbands those question

0:03:10.361 --> 0:03:12.561
<v Speaker 1>marks around Like quick, let's go on a holiday.

0:03:12.680 --> 0:03:14.921
<v Speaker 3>You'll just be holidaying full stop.

0:03:15.201 --> 0:03:17.881
<v Speaker 1>Would be lovely. I think I'm probably even like camping

0:03:17.960 --> 0:03:20.800
<v Speaker 1>is not really my thing, but imagine hiring a nice

0:03:20.800 --> 0:03:22.721
<v Speaker 1>camp van, just going away, just the two.

0:03:22.561 --> 0:03:24.441
<v Speaker 3>Of you, like, just no kids, just driving.

0:03:24.641 --> 0:03:27.401
<v Speaker 1>You're not having to vacuum up the sand every time

0:03:27.441 --> 0:03:28.281
<v Speaker 1>someone walks in.

0:03:28.601 --> 0:03:31.241
<v Speaker 3>You'll have to take your dog though, and your cats.

0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:36.401
<v Speaker 2>That'll be an expensive holiday.

0:03:43.681 --> 0:03:47.841
<v Speaker 1>Am I bad Mum for telling them? I feel bullied?

0:03:48.481 --> 0:03:51.401
<v Speaker 2>You feel bullied from your own children.

0:03:51.721 --> 0:03:55.361
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I had this conversation yesterday. This is a vulnerable

0:03:55.361 --> 0:03:58.801
<v Speaker 1>thing to say, because like, if I'm listening from the

0:03:58.841 --> 0:04:02.801
<v Speaker 1>outside to what I'm about to say, I will go, oh, wow,

0:04:02.881 --> 0:04:07.081
<v Speaker 1>you need to smoke on yourself, because we talk about

0:04:07.201 --> 0:04:09.801
<v Speaker 1>having kids being tough, but it's tough having teenagers because

0:04:09.961 --> 0:04:14.121
<v Speaker 1>teenagers literally think that you know nothing. And I'm not

0:04:14.161 --> 0:04:15.481
<v Speaker 1>even joking when I say that.

0:04:15.561 --> 0:04:17.681
<v Speaker 2>It's not a joke because every person you talk to

0:04:17.881 --> 0:04:22.241
<v Speaker 2>that may be parenting teenagers right now say the exact

0:04:22.281 --> 0:04:22.760
<v Speaker 2>same thing.

0:04:22.921 --> 0:04:25.681
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And I will say sometimes like I've been around

0:04:25.761 --> 0:04:29.401
<v Speaker 1>forty one years, like I know stuff. There's stuff that

0:04:29.481 --> 0:04:31.721
<v Speaker 1>I do know, And then I'll have the moment of going,

0:04:31.801 --> 0:04:35.241
<v Speaker 1>you nothing, you know nothing. The merely turned to me.

0:04:35.481 --> 0:04:37.361
<v Speaker 1>Turned around to me the other day and Tim, and

0:04:37.401 --> 0:04:39.481
<v Speaker 1>I can't even remember the word to you, what does

0:04:39.481 --> 0:04:42.201
<v Speaker 1>this mean? And I was like, I don't know what

0:04:42.241 --> 0:04:44.721
<v Speaker 1>that means. She was like, see, it's gen Z. You

0:04:44.721 --> 0:04:46.761
<v Speaker 1>don't know about gen Z stuff. And I'm like, you're

0:04:46.761 --> 0:04:50.721
<v Speaker 1>having all the same problems that we have as millennials.

0:04:51.481 --> 0:04:54.401
<v Speaker 1>It's just in a different time. The only thing that's

0:04:54.401 --> 0:04:57.401
<v Speaker 1>different is technology. It's the only thing that's different.

0:04:57.161 --> 0:04:59.481
<v Speaker 2>And the names that you're using to describe it, that's

0:04:59.521 --> 0:05:00.241
<v Speaker 2>the stupid name.

0:05:00.361 --> 0:05:01.201
<v Speaker 3>It's a stupid name.

0:05:01.361 --> 0:05:02.841
<v Speaker 2>So all you're trying to do is trying to have

0:05:02.961 --> 0:05:05.840
<v Speaker 2>us slip up over the stupid name you've on something

0:05:05.880 --> 0:05:07.081
<v Speaker 2>that we've already gone through.

0:05:09.641 --> 0:05:14.601
<v Speaker 1>So I get to the point sometimes where I feel

0:05:14.681 --> 0:05:22.760
<v Speaker 1>like they're looking at me like I'm stupid and disgusting joking,

0:05:23.361 --> 0:05:27.081
<v Speaker 1>like seeing is like a big word, because teenagers look

0:05:27.121 --> 0:05:29.241
<v Speaker 1>at you and your fashion, you know how, you know,

0:05:29.320 --> 0:05:32.121
<v Speaker 1>like mean girls. If you were to see someone and

0:05:32.121 --> 0:05:34.561
<v Speaker 1>then they'd look you up and down and you'd be like,

0:05:34.801 --> 0:05:37.841
<v Speaker 1>what's wrong with my outfit? Like you know, And some

0:05:37.880 --> 0:05:40.640
<v Speaker 1>people do it without even realizing. I've noticed that some people,

0:05:40.880 --> 0:05:43.600
<v Speaker 1>like I can be talking to someone sometimes and notice

0:05:43.601 --> 0:05:47.001
<v Speaker 1>that they're looking down something, and I'm like, get really paranoid.

0:05:47.041 --> 0:05:49.961
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, what you like wrong with something?

0:05:50.081 --> 0:05:52.440
<v Speaker 3>Hang toilet?

0:05:52.440 --> 0:05:57.681
<v Speaker 1>Everyone looking at So I have moments of feeling like that,

0:05:58.161 --> 0:06:01.241
<v Speaker 1>And what I've realized is that it makes me feel

0:06:01.241 --> 0:06:06.201
<v Speaker 1>bad about myself. Like I go to hug my teenagers

0:06:06.241 --> 0:06:11.361
<v Speaker 1>sometimes and they're like literally at arms links and I'm like,

0:06:11.880 --> 0:06:14.521
<v Speaker 1>what's wrong with me? Like I don't smell of how

0:06:14.521 --> 0:06:17.721
<v Speaker 1>to shower, like what's wrong with me? And I realized

0:06:17.721 --> 0:06:19.681
<v Speaker 1>that it makes me feel it's the mean girl thing

0:06:19.761 --> 0:06:23.281
<v Speaker 1>like it makes and because you're the mum and yes

0:06:23.320 --> 0:06:25.041
<v Speaker 1>they love you, and yes they care for you, and

0:06:25.201 --> 0:06:27.281
<v Speaker 1>if you actually talk to them about it, like they

0:06:27.281 --> 0:06:32.241
<v Speaker 1>would feel bad. However, in the moment of having attitude,

0:06:32.841 --> 0:06:36.921
<v Speaker 1>you're wrong about everything. You you're disciplining me and I

0:06:36.921 --> 0:06:40.400
<v Speaker 1>don't need it, Like basically you're fucked as a person.

0:06:41.401 --> 0:06:45.400
<v Speaker 1>You have moments of it really getting to you. Yeah,

0:06:45.440 --> 0:06:48.321
<v Speaker 1>And I even said yesterday, I was like, I feel

0:06:48.361 --> 0:06:49.320
<v Speaker 1>really sad about how.

0:06:49.161 --> 0:06:50.481
<v Speaker 3>You make me feel.

0:06:51.841 --> 0:06:54.001
<v Speaker 1>If you feel bad about myself.

0:06:54.481 --> 0:06:56.161
<v Speaker 3>Oh my gosh, did they say anything?

0:06:56.601 --> 0:06:58.921
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, like, what do you mean? I think Holly called

0:06:58.961 --> 0:07:00.001
<v Speaker 1>me a sensitive Sally.

0:07:01.401 --> 0:07:04.041
<v Speaker 2>I was like, you're like, I'm having a moment, I'm

0:07:04.041 --> 0:07:07.041
<v Speaker 2>feeling down about myself and now you call me sensitive.

0:07:07.201 --> 0:07:09.001
<v Speaker 3>Ah, just topping it off, I.

0:07:08.921 --> 0:07:11.401
<v Speaker 1>Think, but what do you do? Like, I feel like

0:07:11.561 --> 0:07:13.841
<v Speaker 1>I need to go and have a session with a

0:07:13.961 --> 0:07:22.521
<v Speaker 1>counselor about remembering myself worse when it comes to having teenagers.

0:07:23.001 --> 0:07:25.561
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, because I think, well, we get that was going

0:07:25.641 --> 0:07:27.801
<v Speaker 2>to be my suggestion was go and talk to someone

0:07:27.881 --> 0:07:31.441
<v Speaker 2>and see what the tools are that you could add

0:07:31.481 --> 0:07:36.081
<v Speaker 2>to your obviously tool belt of life and being able

0:07:36.121 --> 0:07:42.121
<v Speaker 2>to manage and deal with certain situations like the resilience peace. Right,

0:07:42.161 --> 0:07:44.761
<v Speaker 2>there's a part of resilience of you going I love

0:07:44.801 --> 0:07:48.001
<v Speaker 2>who I am. I'm a good person, I'm a good mother.

0:07:48.521 --> 0:07:50.521
<v Speaker 2>That's a you problem and it's not a me problem.

0:07:51.281 --> 0:07:54.361
<v Speaker 2>And it's just being able to like almost go back

0:07:54.401 --> 0:07:56.401
<v Speaker 2>over what you need to be able to just like

0:07:56.521 --> 0:07:59.161
<v Speaker 2>instead of taking it personally and taking it to heart.

0:07:59.561 --> 0:08:01.561
<v Speaker 2>And it's not like putting a shield up because you're

0:08:01.561 --> 0:08:03.161
<v Speaker 2>not doing that to your kids, right, You're not putting

0:08:03.201 --> 0:08:06.281
<v Speaker 2>a shield up and going, oh, fuck you, but you're

0:08:06.321 --> 0:08:08.721
<v Speaker 2>just sort of going, you know, whatever you say, you're

0:08:08.761 --> 0:08:10.721
<v Speaker 2>just like, it's not going to affect me.

0:08:10.881 --> 0:08:12.641
<v Speaker 3>Well, that's a you thing. It's not a me thing.

0:08:12.841 --> 0:08:13.881
<v Speaker 3>That's a self worth thing.

0:08:14.081 --> 0:08:17.280
<v Speaker 2>You've got to do the work for yourself to feel

0:08:17.481 --> 0:08:19.321
<v Speaker 2>good about who you are, how you show up and

0:08:19.361 --> 0:08:19.881
<v Speaker 2>what you know.

0:08:20.401 --> 0:08:23.641
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it definitely is that bully feeling, like that mean

0:08:23.681 --> 0:08:26.281
<v Speaker 1>girl feeling, because do you remember I used the analogy

0:08:26.601 --> 0:08:30.441
<v Speaker 1>a while ago where I was like, imagine if you

0:08:30.521 --> 0:08:32.881
<v Speaker 1>took the bully at your school, like who's the bully

0:08:32.921 --> 0:08:35.961
<v Speaker 1>at your school who's really mean to everyone, and you

0:08:36.161 --> 0:08:38.601
<v Speaker 1>sat her in your car and then drove around everywhere

0:08:38.641 --> 0:08:45.161
<v Speaker 1>she wants to go. Its like, even though she's side

0:08:45.201 --> 0:08:46.721
<v Speaker 1>eying looking at you like you're.

0:08:46.601 --> 0:08:48.281
<v Speaker 3>A piece of shit, piece of shit.

0:08:49.321 --> 0:08:56.801
<v Speaker 2>I think also, you're up against two of them, same hormones,

0:08:57.281 --> 0:08:58.641
<v Speaker 2>same level of mean girl.

0:08:59.481 --> 0:09:01.241
<v Speaker 3>That doesn't feel nice in.

0:09:01.161 --> 0:09:04.601
<v Speaker 2>Itself at all because you feel like you're outnumbered. I

0:09:04.601 --> 0:09:07.361
<v Speaker 2>think naturally, with parenting, you feel out numbered as soon

0:09:07.401 --> 0:09:09.761
<v Speaker 2>as you get past the first baby, because you are

0:09:09.881 --> 0:09:12.641
<v Speaker 2>you're naturally out numbered. Yeah, it's you, you know, V

0:09:12.801 --> 0:09:14.921
<v Speaker 2>two or three or twenty three. I don't know how

0:09:15.081 --> 0:09:19.681
<v Speaker 2>many kids you have. I wouldn't be here for three years.

0:09:20.201 --> 0:09:23.241
<v Speaker 2>I'd be an asylum, but you know what I mean. Like,

0:09:23.281 --> 0:09:25.841
<v Speaker 2>that's where I think you've also going to probably give

0:09:25.881 --> 0:09:27.641
<v Speaker 2>yourself a little bit more credit around the fact that

0:09:27.641 --> 0:09:30.361
<v Speaker 2>you're up against two, not one, and you're up against

0:09:30.401 --> 0:09:35.281
<v Speaker 2>two big, beautiful balls of hormones racing at you, plus

0:09:35.361 --> 0:09:35.721
<v Speaker 2>your own.

0:09:36.041 --> 0:09:41.881
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's really interesting the feeling of, oh, wow, I

0:09:41.961 --> 0:09:44.921
<v Speaker 1>do I need to do some work on myself right

0:09:45.001 --> 0:09:48.521
<v Speaker 1>now and how I feel about myself, especially when the

0:09:48.601 --> 0:09:52.681
<v Speaker 1>two people that you've given everything to in life. When

0:09:52.721 --> 0:09:55.241
<v Speaker 1>I say everything, I mean every terms of love, but

0:09:55.401 --> 0:09:59.161
<v Speaker 1>also everything like I got my kids braces. I want braces,

0:09:59.521 --> 0:10:01.681
<v Speaker 1>but I spent the money on their teeth so that

0:10:01.721 --> 0:10:05.761
<v Speaker 1>theirs look nice. And then you've got two much better

0:10:05.841 --> 0:10:10.001
<v Speaker 1>looking and younger versions of you looking at you like

0:10:10.081 --> 0:10:10.961
<v Speaker 1>you're a piece of shit.

0:10:12.361 --> 0:10:15.761
<v Speaker 3>I need help. I think it's more.

0:10:15.921 --> 0:10:19.841
<v Speaker 2>I think it's a great self reflection piece, Katie, And

0:10:19.881 --> 0:10:22.441
<v Speaker 2>I think all you do is just put yourself in

0:10:22.481 --> 0:10:25.241
<v Speaker 2>to chat with someone, just to get it off your

0:10:25.321 --> 0:10:28.361
<v Speaker 2>chest and to hear that it's okay. And then when

0:10:28.401 --> 0:10:31.281
<v Speaker 2>you come home and they have another go, you're gonna

0:10:31.361 --> 0:10:33.841
<v Speaker 2>just flick it off like a little thing on your

0:10:33.841 --> 0:10:36.281
<v Speaker 2>shoulder and walk off like you're the one that's in

0:10:36.401 --> 0:10:39.521
<v Speaker 2>charge again, not in charge, but you're in charge.

0:10:39.281 --> 0:10:42.401
<v Speaker 3>Of your own self work and your heart is precious.

0:10:42.641 --> 0:10:46.961
<v Speaker 1>So imagine that conversation now that starts. So, Katie, what

0:10:47.001 --> 0:10:50.081
<v Speaker 1>are you here to talk about today? I'm just really

0:10:50.081 --> 0:10:54.561
<v Speaker 1>really sad about myself because my teenager like a little

0:10:54.601 --> 0:10:55.361
<v Speaker 1>piece of shit.

0:10:56.441 --> 0:10:58.641
<v Speaker 3>I feel bullied in my own house,