1
00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:25,081
Speaker 1: Apodae Production. Welcome back to another episode of Am I

2
00:00:25,201 --> 00:00:27,361
Speaker 1: A Bad Mum Podcast?

3
00:00:27,881 --> 00:00:33,200
Speaker 2: School holidays school holiday fun for some, Yeah, not for me.

4
00:00:33,681 --> 00:00:36,201
Speaker 2: I don't have my kids at home for the school holidays, Katie,

5
00:00:36,201 --> 00:00:38,801
Speaker 2: and I'm not coping with it. I never ever thought

6
00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:41,521
Speaker 2: there would be a day in this lifetime of mine

7
00:00:41,561 --> 00:00:42,561
Speaker 2: that I would say that.

8
00:00:43,001 --> 00:00:45,521
Speaker 1: No, neither did I, because when you do have your

9
00:00:45,561 --> 00:00:48,361
Speaker 1: kids home during school holidays, it's a completely different conversation

10
00:00:48,441 --> 00:00:50,881
Speaker 1: about wanting them to be away for school holidays to

11
00:00:50,881 --> 00:00:52,641
Speaker 1: give you a break, and now you've got the break.

12
00:00:53,961 --> 00:00:56,201
Speaker 2: Well, I think it was because it was so last

13
00:00:56,241 --> 00:00:59,561
Speaker 2: minute and I was away with them for five days

14
00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:03,840
Speaker 2: straight for a dance a Stedford competition, which you know

15
00:01:04,241 --> 00:01:08,681
Speaker 2: emotions get high on which we all know. And then

16
00:01:08,801 --> 00:01:12,840
Speaker 2: I came back from the Dancestdford and they were leaving

17
00:01:12,881 --> 00:01:16,121
Speaker 2: like that afternoon to go away with my mom Nanadi,

18
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:20,961
Speaker 2: to head off out Bush to like the middle of Queensland.

19
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:24,080
Speaker 2: And now I'm sort of left going what do I

20
00:01:24,161 --> 00:01:27,041
Speaker 2: do with my time because I'm just so used to

21
00:01:27,601 --> 00:01:29,440
Speaker 2: filling it with school holiday stuff.

22
00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:32,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's also when you haven't planned it as well.

23
00:01:32,681 --> 00:01:34,761
Speaker 1: So we had a situation at the beginning of the

24
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:38,961
Speaker 1: school holidays where the girls went to a friend's house.

25
00:01:39,441 --> 00:01:42,200
Speaker 1: They've got like a farm out somewhere, like a couple

26
00:01:42,241 --> 00:01:44,280
Speaker 1: of hours away, and they were like, can we go

27
00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:46,360
Speaker 1: for three nights? And I spoke to the mom. I

28
00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:48,880
Speaker 1: spoke to the mom really late, like the night before.

29
00:01:49,081 --> 00:01:50,961
Speaker 1: I was like, I better call mom, like I've never

30
00:01:51,001 --> 00:01:52,641
Speaker 1: even met her, and I was sending my kids.

31
00:01:52,761 --> 00:01:55,601
Speaker 2: You're like, Hi, it's nice to meet you. You're taking

32
00:01:55,601 --> 00:01:57,081
Speaker 2: my kids for three nights.

33
00:01:57,321 --> 00:02:00,441
Speaker 1: Yeah, And she was like, oh no, it's totally fine,

34
00:02:00,481 --> 00:02:02,481
Speaker 1: like we've got lots of stuff planned. And they had

35
00:02:02,561 --> 00:02:04,921
Speaker 1: the absolute best time. But I had a moment of panic.

36
00:02:05,441 --> 00:02:07,881
Speaker 1: I haven't organized anything. They're gonna be away for three

37
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,921
Speaker 1: nice it never happens. I haven't organized anything. I said today.

38
00:02:10,961 --> 00:02:12,001
Speaker 1: I was like, we should go away?

39
00:02:12,401 --> 00:02:12,961
Speaker 2: And what do you mean?

40
00:02:13,041 --> 00:02:14,841
Speaker 1: I said we should go away, Like, let's have a

41
00:02:14,841 --> 00:02:17,601
Speaker 1: look at the flight deals, let's go. He was like,

42
00:02:17,641 --> 00:02:18,400
Speaker 1: we can't just go away.

43
00:02:18,441 --> 00:02:19,001
Speaker 3: We've got work.

44
00:02:19,041 --> 00:02:21,641
Speaker 1: I was like, oh yeah, but the kid's going to

45
00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:22,201
Speaker 1: be away for.

46
00:02:22,841 --> 00:02:26,361
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, you shouldn't like catch a movie or do

47
00:02:26,441 --> 00:02:29,081
Speaker 2: something like that. But when we were coming home from news,

48
00:02:29,081 --> 00:02:32,481
Speaker 2: so they were fighting, like squabbling like crazy, and then

49
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,481
Speaker 2: I was sort of going, gosh, I don't know what

50
00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:35,361
Speaker 2: my time is going to.

51
00:02:35,281 --> 00:02:36,561
Speaker 3: Be filled with when you're not here.

52
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,481
Speaker 2: Now that I've got the silence, I'm sort of going,

53
00:02:39,721 --> 00:02:43,241
Speaker 2: what do I do with my time minus these children?

54
00:02:43,401 --> 00:02:46,160
Speaker 2: But at the same time, I'm a bit like, I'm

55
00:02:46,201 --> 00:02:48,241
Speaker 2: too tired to go out and do anything.

56
00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:52,721
Speaker 1: When the kids are older and they move out of home,

57
00:02:53,361 --> 00:02:55,201
Speaker 1: what the hell are we going to do? Everything we

58
00:02:55,321 --> 00:02:56,441
Speaker 1: do is around now.

59
00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:58,521
Speaker 3: I know I dread that hard.

60
00:02:58,641 --> 00:03:02,120
Speaker 2: I don't know what I'm gonna have to, like reinvent myself.

61
00:03:02,281 --> 00:03:04,441
Speaker 3: Maybe I don't know we're gonna do that.

62
00:03:05,401 --> 00:03:10,281
Speaker 1: We're gonna have to talk to our husbands those question

63
00:03:10,361 --> 00:03:12,561
Speaker 1: marks around Like quick, let's go on a holiday.

64
00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:14,921
Speaker 3: You'll just be holidaying full stop.

65
00:03:15,201 --> 00:03:17,881
Speaker 1: Would be lovely. I think I'm probably even like camping

66
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:20,800
Speaker 1: is not really my thing, but imagine hiring a nice

67
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:22,721
Speaker 1: camp van, just going away, just the two.

68
00:03:22,561 --> 00:03:24,441
Speaker 3: Of you, like, just no kids, just driving.

69
00:03:24,641 --> 00:03:27,401
Speaker 1: You're not having to vacuum up the sand every time

70
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:28,281
Speaker 1: someone walks in.

71
00:03:28,601 --> 00:03:31,241
Speaker 3: You'll have to take your dog though, and your cats.

72
00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:36,401
Speaker 2: That'll be an expensive holiday.

73
00:03:43,681 --> 00:03:47,841
Speaker 1: Am I bad Mum for telling them? I feel bullied?

74
00:03:48,481 --> 00:03:51,401
Speaker 2: You feel bullied from your own children.

75
00:03:51,721 --> 00:03:55,361
Speaker 1: Yeah, I had this conversation yesterday. This is a vulnerable

76
00:03:55,361 --> 00:03:58,801
Speaker 1: thing to say, because like, if I'm listening from the

77
00:03:58,841 --> 00:04:02,801
Speaker 1: outside to what I'm about to say, I will go, oh, wow,

78
00:04:02,881 --> 00:04:07,081
Speaker 1: you need to smoke on yourself, because we talk about

79
00:04:07,201 --> 00:04:09,801
Speaker 1: having kids being tough, but it's tough having teenagers because

80
00:04:09,961 --> 00:04:14,121
Speaker 1: teenagers literally think that you know nothing. And I'm not

81
00:04:14,161 --> 00:04:15,481
Speaker 1: even joking when I say that.

82
00:04:15,561 --> 00:04:17,681
Speaker 2: It's not a joke because every person you talk to

83
00:04:17,881 --> 00:04:22,241
Speaker 2: that may be parenting teenagers right now say the exact

84
00:04:22,281 --> 00:04:22,760
Speaker 2: same thing.

85
00:04:22,921 --> 00:04:25,681
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I will say sometimes like I've been around

86
00:04:25,761 --> 00:04:29,401
Speaker 1: forty one years, like I know stuff. There's stuff that

87
00:04:29,481 --> 00:04:31,721
Speaker 1: I do know, And then I'll have the moment of going,

88
00:04:31,801 --> 00:04:35,241
Speaker 1: you nothing, you know nothing. The merely turned to me.

89
00:04:35,481 --> 00:04:37,361
Speaker 1: Turned around to me the other day and Tim, and

90
00:04:37,401 --> 00:04:39,481
Speaker 1: I can't even remember the word to you, what does

91
00:04:39,481 --> 00:04:42,201
Speaker 1: this mean? And I was like, I don't know what

92
00:04:42,241 --> 00:04:44,721
Speaker 1: that means. She was like, see, it's gen Z. You

93
00:04:44,721 --> 00:04:46,761
Speaker 1: don't know about gen Z stuff. And I'm like, you're

94
00:04:46,761 --> 00:04:50,721
Speaker 1: having all the same problems that we had as millennials.

95
00:04:51,481 --> 00:04:54,401
Speaker 1: It's just in a different time. The only thing that's

96
00:04:54,401 --> 00:04:57,401
Speaker 1: different is technology. It's the only thing that's different.

97
00:04:57,161 --> 00:04:59,481
Speaker 2: And the names that you're using to describe it, that's

98
00:04:59,521 --> 00:05:00,241
Speaker 2: the stupid name.

99
00:05:00,361 --> 00:05:01,201
Speaker 3: It's a stupid name.

100
00:05:01,361 --> 00:05:02,841
Speaker 2: So all you're trying to do is trying to have

101
00:05:02,961 --> 00:05:05,840
Speaker 2: us slip up over the stupid name you've on something

102
00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:07,081
Speaker 2: that we've already gone through.

103
00:05:09,641 --> 00:05:14,601
Speaker 1: So I get to the point sometimes where I feel

104
00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:22,760
Speaker 1: like they're looking at me like I'm stupid and disgusting joking,

105
00:05:23,361 --> 00:05:27,081
Speaker 1: like seeing is like a big word, because teenagers look

106
00:05:27,121 --> 00:05:29,241
Speaker 1: at you and your fashion, you know how, you know,

107
00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:32,121
Speaker 1: like mean girls. If you were to see someone and

108
00:05:32,121 --> 00:05:34,561
Speaker 1: then they'd look you up and down and you'd be like,

109
00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:37,841
Speaker 1: what's wrong with my outfit? Like you know, And some

110
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:40,640
Speaker 1: people do it without even realizing. I've noticed that some people,

111
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:43,600
Speaker 1: like I can be talking to someone sometimes and notice

112
00:05:43,601 --> 00:05:47,001
Speaker 1: that they're looking down something, and I'm like, get really paranoid.

113
00:05:47,041 --> 00:05:49,961
Speaker 1: I'm like, what you like wrong with something?

114
00:05:50,081 --> 00:05:52,440
Speaker 3: Hang toilet?

115
00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:57,681
Speaker 1: Everyone looking at So I have moments of feeling like that,

116
00:05:58,161 --> 00:06:01,241
Speaker 1: And what I've realized is that it makes me feel

117
00:06:01,241 --> 00:06:06,201
Speaker 1: bad about myself. Like I go to hug my teenagers

118
00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:11,361
Speaker 1: sometimes and they're like literally at arms links and I'm like,

119
00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:14,521
Speaker 1: what's wrong with me? Like I don't smell of how

120
00:06:14,521 --> 00:06:17,721
Speaker 1: to shower, like what's wrong with me? And I realized

121
00:06:17,721 --> 00:06:19,681
Speaker 1: that it makes me feel it's the mean girl thing

122
00:06:19,761 --> 00:06:23,281
Speaker 1: like it makes and because you're the mum and yes

123
00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:25,041
Speaker 1: they love you, and yes they care for you, and

124
00:06:25,201 --> 00:06:27,281
Speaker 1: if you actually talk to them about it, like they

125
00:06:27,281 --> 00:06:32,241
Speaker 1: would feel bad. However, in the moment of having attitude,

126
00:06:32,841 --> 00:06:36,921
Speaker 1: you're wrong about everything. You you're disciplining me and I

127
00:06:36,921 --> 00:06:40,400
Speaker 1: don't need it, Like basically you're fucked as a person.

128
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:45,400
Speaker 1: You have moments of it really getting to you. Yeah,

129
00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:48,321
Speaker 1: And I even said yesterday, I was like, I feel

130
00:06:48,361 --> 00:06:49,320
Speaker 1: really sad about how.

131
00:06:49,161 --> 00:06:50,481
Speaker 3: You make me feel.

132
00:06:51,841 --> 00:06:54,001
Speaker 1: If you feel bad about myself.

133
00:06:54,481 --> 00:06:56,161
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, did they say anything?

134
00:06:56,601 --> 00:06:58,921
Speaker 1: Yeah, like, what do you mean? I think Holly called

135
00:06:58,961 --> 00:07:00,001
Speaker 1: me a sensitive Sally.

136
00:07:01,401 --> 00:07:04,041
Speaker 2: I was like, you're like, I'm having a moment, I'm

137
00:07:04,041 --> 00:07:07,041
Speaker 2: feeling down about myself and now you call me sensitive.

138
00:07:07,201 --> 00:07:09,001
Speaker 3: Ah, just topping it off, I.

139
00:07:08,921 --> 00:07:11,401
Speaker 1: Think, but what do you do? Like, I feel like

140
00:07:11,561 --> 00:07:13,841
Speaker 1: I need to go and have a session with a

141
00:07:13,961 --> 00:07:22,521
Speaker 1: counselor about remembering myself worse when it comes to having teenagers.

142
00:07:23,001 --> 00:07:25,561
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I think, well, we get that was going

143
00:07:25,641 --> 00:07:27,801
Speaker 2: to be my suggestion was go and talk to someone

144
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:31,441
Speaker 2: and see what the tools are that you could add

145
00:07:31,481 --> 00:07:36,081
Speaker 2: to your obviously tool belt of life and being able

146
00:07:36,121 --> 00:07:42,121
Speaker 2: to manage and deal with certain situations like the resilience peace. Right,

147
00:07:42,161 --> 00:07:44,761
Speaker 2: there's a part of resilience of you going I love

148
00:07:44,801 --> 00:07:48,001
Speaker 2: who I am. I'm a good person, I'm a good mother.

149
00:07:48,521 --> 00:07:50,521
Speaker 2: That's a you problem and it's not a me problem.

150
00:07:51,281 --> 00:07:54,361
Speaker 2: And it's just being able to like almost go back

151
00:07:54,401 --> 00:07:56,401
Speaker 2: over what you need to be able to just like

152
00:07:56,521 --> 00:07:59,161
Speaker 2: instead of taking it personally and taking it to heart.

153
00:07:59,561 --> 00:08:01,561
Speaker 2: And it's not like putting a shield up because you're

154
00:08:01,561 --> 00:08:03,161
Speaker 2: not doing that to your kids, right, You're not putting

155
00:08:03,201 --> 00:08:06,281
Speaker 2: a shield up and going, oh, fuck you, but you're

156
00:08:06,321 --> 00:08:08,721
Speaker 2: just sort of going, you know, whatever you say, you're

157
00:08:08,761 --> 00:08:10,721
Speaker 2: just like, it's not going to affect me.

158
00:08:10,881 --> 00:08:12,641
Speaker 3: Well, that's a you thing. It's not a me thing.

159
00:08:12,841 --> 00:08:13,881
Speaker 3: That's a self worth thing.

160
00:08:14,081 --> 00:08:17,280
Speaker 2: You've got to do the work for yourself to feel

161
00:08:17,481 --> 00:08:19,321
Speaker 2: good about who you are, how you show up and

162
00:08:19,361 --> 00:08:19,881
Speaker 2: what you know.

163
00:08:20,401 --> 00:08:23,641
Speaker 1: Yeah, it definitely is that bully feeling, like that mean

164
00:08:23,681 --> 00:08:26,281
Speaker 1: girl feeling, because do you remember I used the analogy

165
00:08:26,601 --> 00:08:30,441
Speaker 1: a while ago where I was like, imagine if you

166
00:08:30,521 --> 00:08:32,881
Speaker 1: took the bully at your school, like who's the bully

167
00:08:32,921 --> 00:08:35,961
Speaker 1: at your school who's really mean to everyone, and you

168
00:08:36,161 --> 00:08:38,601
Speaker 1: sat her in your car and then drove around everywhere

169
00:08:38,641 --> 00:08:45,161
Speaker 1: she wants to go. Its like, even though she's side

170
00:08:45,201 --> 00:08:46,721
Speaker 1: eying looking at you like you're.

171
00:08:46,601 --> 00:08:48,281
Speaker 3: A piece of shit, piece of shit.

172
00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:56,801
Speaker 2: I think also, you're up against two of them, same hormones,

173
00:08:57,281 --> 00:08:58,641
Speaker 2: same level of mean girl.

174
00:08:59,481 --> 00:09:01,241
Speaker 3: That doesn't feel nice in.

175
00:09:01,161 --> 00:09:04,601
Speaker 2: Itself at all because you feel like you're outnumbered. I

176
00:09:04,601 --> 00:09:07,361
Speaker 2: think naturally, with parenting, you feel out numbered as soon

177
00:09:07,401 --> 00:09:09,761
Speaker 2: as you get past the first baby, because you are

178
00:09:09,881 --> 00:09:12,641
Speaker 2: you're naturally out numbered. Yeah, it's you, you know, V

179
00:09:12,801 --> 00:09:14,921
Speaker 2: two or three or twenty three. I don't know how

180
00:09:15,081 --> 00:09:19,681
Speaker 2: many kids you have. I wouldn't be here for three years.

181
00:09:20,201 --> 00:09:23,241
Speaker 2: I'd be an asylum, but you know what I mean. Like,

182
00:09:23,281 --> 00:09:25,841
Speaker 2: that's where I think you've also going to probably give

183
00:09:25,881 --> 00:09:27,641
Speaker 2: yourself a little bit more credit around the fact that

184
00:09:27,641 --> 00:09:30,361
Speaker 2: you're up against two, not one, and you're up against

185
00:09:30,401 --> 00:09:35,281
Speaker 2: two big, beautiful balls of hormones racing at you, plus

186
00:09:35,361 --> 00:09:35,721
Speaker 2: your own.

187
00:09:36,041 --> 00:09:41,881
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's really interesting the feeling of, oh, wow, I

188
00:09:41,961 --> 00:09:44,921
Speaker 1: do I need to do some work on myself right

189
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:48,521
Speaker 1: now and how I feel about myself, especially when the

190
00:09:48,601 --> 00:09:52,681
Speaker 1: two people that you've given everything to in life. When

191
00:09:52,721 --> 00:09:55,241
Speaker 1: I say everything, I mean every terms of love, but

192
00:09:55,401 --> 00:09:59,161
Speaker 1: also everything like I got my kids braces. I want braces,

193
00:09:59,521 --> 00:10:01,681
Speaker 1: but I spent the money on their teeth so that

194
00:10:01,721 --> 00:10:05,761
Speaker 1: theirs look nice. And then you've got two much better

195
00:10:05,841 --> 00:10:10,001
Speaker 1: looking and younger versions of you looking at you like

196
00:10:10,081 --> 00:10:10,961
Speaker 1: you're a piece of shit.

197
00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:15,761
Speaker 3: I need help. I think it's more.

198
00:10:15,921 --> 00:10:19,841
Speaker 2: I think it's a great self reflection piece, Katie, And

199
00:10:19,881 --> 00:10:22,441
Speaker 2: I think all you do is just put yourself in

200
00:10:22,481 --> 00:10:25,241
Speaker 2: to chat with someone, just to get it off your

201
00:10:25,321 --> 00:10:28,361
Speaker 2: chest and to hear that it's okay. And then when

202
00:10:28,401 --> 00:10:31,281
Speaker 2: you come home and they have another go, you're gonna

203
00:10:31,361 --> 00:10:33,841
Speaker 2: just flick it off like a little thing on your

204
00:10:33,841 --> 00:10:36,281
Speaker 2: shoulder and walk off like you're the one that's in

205
00:10:36,401 --> 00:10:39,521
Speaker 2: charge again, not in charge, but you're in charge.

206
00:10:39,281 --> 00:10:42,401
Speaker 3: Of your own self work and your heart is precious.

207
00:10:42,641 --> 00:10:46,961
Speaker 1: So imagine that conversation now that starts. So, Katie, what

208
00:10:47,001 --> 00:10:50,081
Speaker 1: are you here to talk about today? I'm just really

209
00:10:50,081 --> 00:10:54,561
Speaker 1: really sad about myself because my teenager like a little

210
00:10:54,601 --> 00:10:55,361
Speaker 1: piece of shit.

211
00:10:56,441 --> 00:10:58,641
Speaker 3: I feel bullied in my own house,