WEBVTT - The Third Child Conspiracy 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.360 We would like to acknowledge the traditional Custardians of the 0:00:03.440 --> 0:00:06.200 land that if podcast is recorded on I've ever told 0:00:06.280 --> 0:00:09.240 you last school holidays, Ted went through a golf thing. 0:00:09.760 --> 0:00:11.880 Of course he did. I love this. I actually think 0:00:11.880 --> 0:00:13.480 he would still be in it if he had someone 0:00:13.520 --> 0:00:15.319 to go play golf with. But life your life in 0:00:15.440 --> 0:00:17.600 you know for everyone who plays golf. And also it's 0:00:17.640 --> 0:00:19.560 a sport that he can pick up later in life. 0:00:19.600 --> 0:00:19.840 Sure. 0:00:19.880 --> 0:00:21.760 And also if you do play golf, do you want 0:00:21.800 --> 0:00:23.479 to take a nine year old you know, like I 0:00:23.480 --> 0:00:26.000 feel like it's quite a serious vibe. Kill. 0:00:26.120 --> 0:00:27.680 Yeah, it's not like go kick a ball around. 0:00:27.720 --> 0:00:30.520 It's like today anyway, sign him up for a school 0:00:30.520 --> 0:00:33.200 holiday program at a golf club local to area. 0:00:33.280 --> 0:00:35.800 People raved about it, all the kids love it whatever, And. 0:00:35.800 --> 0:00:38.040 I was like, great, off he goes chopped him off 0:00:38.080 --> 0:00:40.640 as I was dropping him, and he had to have 0:00:40.720 --> 0:00:43.760 like the college shirt, the proper white sox, all the things. 0:00:44.080 --> 0:00:46.600 You get a photo because I low key would love 0:00:46.720 --> 0:00:49.280 to see, Oh yeah, gold's so smart. Golf Teddy is 0:00:49.440 --> 0:00:51.519 a vibe, you know, but Ted can be anything. He 0:00:51.560 --> 0:00:55.360 can cosplay in any world. But yes, little blonde Arian 0:00:55.520 --> 0:00:58.760 golf Teddy is a vibe. Anyway, as I was saying goodbye, 0:00:58.840 --> 0:01:00.920 giving him a kiss, and I went to leave out 0:01:00.960 --> 0:01:03.640 the main exit, they tapped me on the shoulder, excuse me, ma'am, 0:01:03.680 --> 0:01:05.600 can we take you this way? And I was like sorry, 0:01:05.600 --> 0:01:07.039 and they're like, you're going to need to leave through 0:01:07.040 --> 0:01:10.000 the service exit. Wow. I was like pardon, and they're like, 0:01:10.040 --> 0:01:13.479 you're not appropriately dressed for the clubhouse. I get really 0:01:13.480 --> 0:01:16.280 triggered by this. I was like, I'm not going in 0:01:16.360 --> 0:01:18.800 to have a gin and tonic at nine o'clock on 0:01:18.840 --> 0:01:21.280 a work day. I'm dropping my kid off, dropping my 0:01:21.360 --> 0:01:24.880 kid at this expensive holiday program, and I'm rushing back 0:01:24.880 --> 0:01:27.040 to my desk paint a picture for all of us. 0:01:27.480 --> 0:01:28.800 What were you wearing active wear? 0:01:28.840 --> 0:01:32.039 I had my Lulu Lemon leggings on, sneakers atop and 0:01:32.160 --> 0:01:35.279 like fit dump seems fitting. I wasn't even full gutter goblin. 0:01:35.360 --> 0:01:38.280 It was like nice active wear. What's the expectation trousers? 0:01:38.440 --> 0:01:40.920 I think trousers and like proper shoe, Like you can't 0:01:40.920 --> 0:01:44.320 wear sneakers, they certainly can't wear leggings. But yeah, I 0:01:44.319 --> 0:01:46.240 don't know what the women's dress code is. But it 0:01:46.319 --> 0:01:48.800 wasn't active war anyway. So they sent me out the 0:01:49.000 --> 0:01:51.360 service exit and I was like, yeah, golf ain't no 0:01:51.480 --> 0:01:53.920 world for me. Yeah, it's not for me either. It 0:01:53.960 --> 0:01:55.560 feels like a real boys club. 0:01:56.200 --> 0:01:59.800 It's steeped in traditions that feels very sexist, Like a 0:02:00.080 --> 0:02:02.280 lot of golf clubs have a gentleman's room. 0:02:02.400 --> 0:02:05.800 What still yeah, still yack, I know. Gross. 0:02:05.840 --> 0:02:09.280 Although if they had a lady's I'm beIN. They don't 0:02:09.320 --> 0:02:14.160 have the equivalent. That's the problem. I remember growing up 0:02:14.200 --> 0:02:16.760 in Thailand as I entered into my teen years and 0:02:16.800 --> 0:02:19.919 I would go places by myself. I got really triggered 0:02:20.000 --> 0:02:23.080 and actually started an argument and got on a feminist rand. 0:02:23.440 --> 0:02:25.920 I went to this place, I think it's called Sorocco, 0:02:26.080 --> 0:02:29.040 which is like a rooftop bar in Bangkok that has 0:02:29.080 --> 0:02:32.239 these insane sweeping views and everyone likes to go there. 0:02:32.520 --> 0:02:35.120 And I remember rocking up and I was in dress 0:02:35.240 --> 0:02:39.320 shorts like imagine like a stiff with a sheen finish 0:02:39.400 --> 0:02:44.000 almost like blazer fancy blazer material, black dress shorts, high heels, 0:02:44.240 --> 0:02:47.800 a silk singlet and a blazer. And they sent me 0:02:47.840 --> 0:02:49.200 away because I was. 0:02:49.120 --> 0:02:51.520 A woman in shorts, Oh my god. 0:02:51.680 --> 0:02:56.400 And they handed me some flimsy shitty sarong and were like, sorry, 0:02:56.440 --> 0:02:58.680 you can only come if you put this sarrong on 0:02:58.919 --> 0:03:02.520 over your short, which looked ridiculous because my shorts were 0:03:02.560 --> 0:03:03.959 pleated and kind of fat. 0:03:04.560 --> 0:03:06.519 Where men are allowed to wear shorts. Yeah, so why 0:03:06.560 --> 0:03:09.680 couldn't women wear shorts? That is the million dollar question, 0:03:10.760 --> 0:03:12.640 because you're not supposed to show your legs. 0:03:12.800 --> 0:03:16.400 No, I could have worn a fanny scratching skirt, what 0:03:16.520 --> 0:03:17.280 the fuck. 0:03:17.400 --> 0:03:19.320 But it was the fact that I was in shorts. 0:03:19.360 --> 0:03:19.880 So what did you do? 0:03:19.919 --> 0:03:22.440 Did you stay? I left? Yeah, and I like them, 0:03:22.880 --> 0:03:26.160 railed at them. I was like, this is unacceptable. If 0:03:26.160 --> 0:03:28.160 only you had social media back then, I did not 0:03:28.600 --> 0:03:30.560 go one viral. Well, I was ragy. 0:03:31.000 --> 0:03:33.800 There's some of these old kooki traditions in Thailand that 0:03:33.880 --> 0:03:38.320 have really hung around, and I'm like, time to move forwards. Yeah, like, 0:03:38.360 --> 0:03:41.400 if you go to the temples in Thailand, women must 0:03:41.400 --> 0:03:42.720 have their shoulders covered. 0:03:42.760 --> 0:03:43.760 Okay, just women? 0:03:43.960 --> 0:03:44.320 Yeah? 0:03:44.480 --> 0:03:46.640 Yeah, why doesn't everyone have to have this sho No? 0:03:46.840 --> 0:03:49.760 This is what I mean. I really struggle because most 0:03:49.760 --> 0:03:52.120 of these things come back to male gaze and like, 0:03:52.200 --> 0:03:57.160 don't tempt the men. It's like, be respectful women, cover 0:03:57.240 --> 0:03:59.880 yourselves up. Men get a hold of yourselves anyway, Welcome to. 0:03:59.880 --> 0:04:01.360 We have time for this. Let's start the episode. 0:04:01.400 --> 0:04:05.680 We have a thousand things to do, but we'd rather 0:04:06.080 --> 0:04:11.640 chat to you with emails and meetings and husbands and kids. 0:04:11.960 --> 0:04:13.800 We don't have time for this. 0:04:15.640 --> 0:04:20.560 Just what you need, two basic bitches with the podcast. 0:04:20.720 --> 0:04:23.200 Hello, and welcome to. We don't have time for this. 0:04:23.240 --> 0:04:26.479 I'm your host, Jemmy Pronita aka Jemma Peanut on the 0:04:26.520 --> 0:04:31.080 Gram along with my co host Kate Reeves Deals. We 0:04:31.200 --> 0:04:35.160 have just finished up three epic, enormously fabulous shows in 0:04:35.160 --> 0:04:35.960 bris Vegas. 0:04:36.080 --> 0:04:38.320 We love you, Brisbane, We love you so much. 0:04:38.360 --> 0:04:39.839 We love you every single year. 0:04:40.000 --> 0:04:43.320 The vibes were so high. You guys are loose bitches. 0:04:43.560 --> 0:04:46.800 We had show Baby with us, We did Blue just 0:04:46.800 --> 0:04:48.160 fun for all of us. It really was. 0:04:48.279 --> 0:04:52.400 The whole band was back together. Tag you so good? 0:04:52.640 --> 0:04:55.080 Can we talk about the backstage past? 0:04:55.240 --> 0:04:56.520 My god, Yes, olders. 0:04:56.760 --> 0:04:59.520 I wanted to talk about this too, because Del's This 0:04:59.560 --> 0:05:02.520 is a whole new thing for ReBs and I as well, 0:05:02.560 --> 0:05:06.800 this offering of BSP, which is the backstage pass ticket 0:05:06.800 --> 0:05:08.200 holder experience. 0:05:08.440 --> 0:05:09.679 Yeah, and I don't. 0:05:09.480 --> 0:05:10.159 Know about you, Reps. 0:05:10.200 --> 0:05:13.839 I don't think we've even talked about this. I was nervous, yeah, 0:05:13.880 --> 0:05:16.800 in Canberra having an audience at sound check. 0:05:16.880 --> 0:05:18.640 Yeah, and it was because it was like, oh my god, 0:05:18.640 --> 0:05:21.520 so much pressure. Yes, but we didn't because in Canberra 0:05:21.600 --> 0:05:24.120 for our first opening show and sorry, quick context if 0:05:24.120 --> 0:05:26.000 you have no idea what we're talking about. This year, 0:05:26.080 --> 0:05:28.960 for the live shows, we have a very particular, very 0:05:29.000 --> 0:05:32.080 limited ticket called backstage pass, and it means you can 0:05:32.160 --> 0:05:33.640 come to soundcheck, then you come to the meet and 0:05:33.680 --> 0:05:35.680 greet afterwards, you get all these merch you get presents, 0:05:35.720 --> 0:05:38.080 and then there's a group chat and it's been really 0:05:38.120 --> 0:05:40.000 really fun in the lead up to the show. We've 0:05:40.040 --> 0:05:42.360 been sharing some like behind the scenes all of show 0:05:42.400 --> 0:05:44.520 fama in there everyone's dishing the tea on each other 0:05:44.600 --> 0:05:46.600 as a very fun, roasty. 0:05:46.279 --> 0:05:47.560 Group vibe going on. 0:05:47.839 --> 0:05:50.599 But yeah, so we had our first ever backstage pass 0:05:50.720 --> 0:05:53.000 to go, oh, this comes to soundcheck in Canberra. We're 0:05:53.040 --> 0:05:56.000 having them at every show and we were like, because 0:05:56.000 --> 0:05:57.719 we were so nervous and there was so much to 0:05:57.720 --> 0:05:59.960 do still because it was opening night, we didn't even 0:06:00.120 --> 0:06:03.000 have time to try and perform for them. 0:06:03.040 --> 0:06:04.320 So they actually really. 0:06:04.080 --> 0:06:08.200 Did get the most like behind the scenes experience and 0:06:08.279 --> 0:06:10.840 they fucking loved it. Yeah. Well, I said to the girls, 0:06:10.880 --> 0:06:12.400 I was just real with them. I was like, I'm 0:06:12.400 --> 0:06:12.840 not gonna lie. 0:06:12.839 --> 0:06:14.520 I was a bit nervous because I felt like I 0:06:14.560 --> 0:06:16.719 needed to perform, like let. 0:06:16.520 --> 0:06:18.120 Me entertain you version. 0:06:18.240 --> 0:06:21.679 And they said no, actually, Jem, we love just seeing 0:06:21.800 --> 0:06:25.479 you and revs in your roorest, most vulnerable state. Yeah, 0:06:25.520 --> 0:06:29.839 pre show nerves, not performing, dealing with tech issues, and 0:06:29.880 --> 0:06:32.600 they were witnessing it all like we would start rehearsing 0:06:32.640 --> 0:06:34.960 a certain piece and then we would miss a queue 0:06:35.320 --> 0:06:37.240 or a lighting queue wasn't quite right, and we'd be 0:06:37.279 --> 0:06:39.920 like stop stop. And I remember in the moment being like, oh, 0:06:40.000 --> 0:06:42.560 this must suck for them because they're just getting into 0:06:42.600 --> 0:06:44.559 the vibe of the show. And then we're like cut 0:06:44.600 --> 0:06:47.040 cart stop or whatever, and they're like, no, that is 0:06:47.120 --> 0:06:49.800 that's the experience. That's the behind the curtain experience that 0:06:49.880 --> 0:06:51.359 we want. We don't want to polish. 0:06:51.360 --> 0:06:53.600 We're going to get that in the show and at 0:06:53.600 --> 0:06:56.320 one of our backstage passes. So Jem has like a 0:06:56.520 --> 0:06:59.640 very hard lyrical moment in the show. Let's put it 0:06:59.640 --> 0:07:01.920 that way. Very fast. It's a lot, it's very wordy, 0:07:01.920 --> 0:07:05.159 and it's timed. It's a wrap and she was trying 0:07:05.160 --> 0:07:07.240 to do it in sound check and couldn't do it, 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:09.720 like I have got it completely shit the bed and 0:07:09.760 --> 0:07:12.800 everyone was like, I think then the backstage passhord was like, 0:07:12.920 --> 0:07:15.280 oh god, the show goes on in half an hour, 0:07:15.400 --> 0:07:17.000 is Jem going to be able to lift and pull 0:07:17.040 --> 0:07:18.680 this one out of the bag, And they said they were. 0:07:18.880 --> 0:07:21.040 When that part of the show came around, they were 0:07:21.120 --> 0:07:24.320 holding their breath and then they audibly like. 0:07:24.400 --> 0:07:26.320 Cheered when she smashed it. 0:07:27.120 --> 0:07:30.040 She smashed it, she got it so perfect, And they 0:07:30.040 --> 0:07:31.800 said afterwards they were telling us, oh my god, my 0:07:31.840 --> 0:07:34.240 heart was in my throat for you, Jem, wondering if 0:07:34.280 --> 0:07:35.560 you'd be able to pull it out of the bag, 0:07:35.600 --> 0:07:37.920 and when you did it, we were like proud moms. 0:07:37.960 --> 0:07:40.440 I felt their proud mom energy. Yeah, it was really 0:07:40.480 --> 0:07:42.320 special to have that moment before the. 0:07:42.280 --> 0:07:45.200 Show and then share in the glory of it after 0:07:45.440 --> 0:07:48.280 all together as well, and same in Brizzy, Like it's 0:07:48.360 --> 0:07:50.600 just such an intimate experience. 0:07:50.760 --> 0:07:51.920 Really, it is really. 0:07:51.680 --> 0:07:54.520 Cool for us just selfishly like this is the part 0:07:54.560 --> 0:07:57.480 we didn't foresee for us, it's so nice. It's like 0:07:57.560 --> 0:08:00.280 having friends in the audience because we meet you in 0:08:00.320 --> 0:08:02.600 the sound check like very quickly and everything, but we 0:08:02.680 --> 0:08:04.680 meet you in the soundcheck show Daddy has some time 0:08:04.720 --> 0:08:06.200 with everyone, and then like. 0:08:06.360 --> 0:08:08.720 We can sort of see you in the audience. 0:08:08.320 --> 0:08:10.600 And we're like, oh, you know, like it's like having 0:08:10.640 --> 0:08:12.760 friends and you just want to do a better job, 0:08:12.800 --> 0:08:13.840 and yeah, yeah. 0:08:14.160 --> 0:08:15.760 I'm so glad we did it. Like we were a 0:08:15.760 --> 0:08:19.200 bit apprehensive. We're like, well, how do we feel sharing 0:08:19.400 --> 0:08:20.600 this side of us? 0:08:20.640 --> 0:08:23.840 But actually, I don't know. I've absolutely loved It's. 0:08:23.720 --> 0:08:25.800 For people who like to see how the sausage gets made. 0:08:25.880 --> 0:08:28.320 And don't you ever you literally see the mints going 0:08:28.320 --> 0:08:31.640 into that pigskin. I would like that's me going into 0:08:31.640 --> 0:08:32.400 my stockings. 0:08:32.600 --> 0:08:35.840 I'm trying to imagine that as like if lin Manuel 0:08:36.760 --> 0:08:37.760 s access. 0:08:37.880 --> 0:08:40.800 God, I mean, well, dare you can bear us Lord 0:08:40.880 --> 0:08:44.360 and save You're lin Manuel Miranda definitely not paralleling us. 0:08:44.360 --> 0:08:46.679 That's why tailor comparison really is. 0:08:47.160 --> 0:08:48.199 But like it's theater. 0:08:48.480 --> 0:08:51.240 Yea, right, That's That's where I'm drawing the comparison from. 0:08:51.600 --> 0:08:54.920 And just to have that access, oh my god, would 0:08:54.960 --> 0:08:56.920 be I'd fucking cool. 0:08:57.200 --> 0:09:00.160 Anyway you can, you can get it. There's tickets, you 0:09:00.200 --> 0:09:02.360 can upgrade to backstage pass if you want. You can 0:09:02.400 --> 0:09:04.400 ask anyone in the Facebook group what it's like. They're 0:09:04.400 --> 0:09:06.200 all chatting about it in there. You know what I 0:09:06.200 --> 0:09:07.959 don't have time for? What don't you have time for? 0:09:08.200 --> 0:09:10.480 So we have a mutual friend who's part of the 0:09:10.480 --> 0:09:13.040 podcast team. Her name is Becky. We talk about her 0:09:13.120 --> 0:09:17.080 fair bit. She has three kids, all under eight, and 0:09:17.640 --> 0:09:20.560 she brought a really interesting chat into the office this 0:09:20.640 --> 0:09:23.400 morning and it had us all talking. Now, we need 0:09:23.440 --> 0:09:25.800 to preface this by saying Gem and I both only 0:09:25.840 --> 0:09:28.920 have two kids each, as does producers, say producer Kate. 0:09:29.040 --> 0:09:31.320 So Becky was saying this as a mum of three 0:09:31.400 --> 0:09:35.000 to three mums of two, right. She was saying she 0:09:35.200 --> 0:09:39.199 has a theory that most or a lot of mums 0:09:39.200 --> 0:09:43.280 of three or parents of three will often pretend that their. 0:09:43.120 --> 0:09:45.240 Third baby was a surprise baby. 0:09:45.960 --> 0:09:49.520 And this, in her theory, is to circumvent all the 0:09:49.720 --> 0:09:53.200 vitriolic comments that come your way when you declare you're 0:09:53.280 --> 0:09:56.320 having a third baby. And I asked her what kind 0:09:56.320 --> 0:09:56.840 of comments? 0:09:56.880 --> 0:10:00.480 It's like, Oh, you're crazy, what why would you blow up? 0:10:00.520 --> 0:10:03.800 You're lighting You're going to be outnumbered. 0:10:04.160 --> 0:10:06.360 Yeah, you're gonna need a what about your car? Oh 0:10:06.400 --> 0:10:07.560 my god, so expensive? 0:10:07.640 --> 0:10:11.320 Like all the like negative commentary you'd get thrown at 0:10:11.360 --> 0:10:13.240 you when you openly declay you're going to have a 0:10:13.280 --> 0:10:15.840 third kid, an experience that we were all ignorant to 0:10:16.040 --> 0:10:18.960 right having two kids. Whereas if it's a surprise baby, 0:10:19.000 --> 0:10:20.000 it's like, well, well done. 0:10:20.080 --> 0:10:23.960 You know you don't regret that they're there. You can't 0:10:24.000 --> 0:10:27.280 remember life before them, right, Yes, so true? And I 0:10:27.360 --> 0:10:30.480 wonder if DL's who have three can attest to this. 0:10:30.600 --> 0:10:34.000 Do you find yourself moonlighting as a mom who's like, yeah, whoops, 0:10:34.000 --> 0:10:34.680 baby surprise. 0:10:34.880 --> 0:10:39.320 I was so surprised. This does track and it gave 0:10:39.400 --> 0:10:42.800 me pause and made me wonder, Oh, have I been 0:10:43.160 --> 0:10:46.120 that person who said to a friend, oh, I kind 0:10:46.120 --> 0:10:47.240 of don't know if I'm done? 0:10:47.400 --> 0:10:49.960 What what you want to go back? You know? 0:10:50.080 --> 0:10:52.680 Have I been that bit? I probably have? I reckon 0:10:52.960 --> 0:10:55.000 with kids, Like when you've got a couple, and I 0:10:55.040 --> 0:10:57.800 think everyone goes, okay, the sibling, you've got the sibling, 0:10:58.120 --> 0:11:00.439 you've got the air on the spare, and then after 0:11:00.480 --> 0:11:02.840 that it's like, oh, it's like such a bigger step 0:11:02.920 --> 0:11:05.800 up of a choice to your life. But we do 0:11:05.800 --> 0:11:09.200 do this to mums at every single level, don't we do? 0:11:09.480 --> 0:11:11.319 Like you want to have a baby at your age, 0:11:11.320 --> 0:11:14.160 you want to have a baby with your husband's job, 0:11:14.440 --> 0:11:15.320 where you live. 0:11:15.480 --> 0:11:17.240 Like we really do, like take. 0:11:17.120 --> 0:11:20.760 All the data from someone's life and then really imprint 0:11:21.040 --> 0:11:24.120 our own little judgments on what they want in terms 0:11:24.160 --> 0:11:25.320 of the shape of their family. 0:11:25.400 --> 0:11:28.360 Yeah, but in every case, when someone has a big 0:11:28.400 --> 0:11:33.360 overreaction to something, it's often a projection of what they're 0:11:33.640 --> 0:11:36.800 missing or craving or secretly yearned for but didn't get, 0:11:36.880 --> 0:11:39.400 And so they feel a discomfort in you making that 0:11:39.600 --> 0:11:42.720 choice to have the third kid, or a fear of 0:11:42.760 --> 0:11:45.280 how it might impact your life and how it changes 0:11:45.320 --> 0:11:45.520 for you. 0:11:45.559 --> 0:11:48.280 Well, if you go the third, yeah that changes things 0:11:48.320 --> 0:11:50.560 for me because we had the first two. Yeah, the 0:11:50.600 --> 0:11:52.000 same age and stage. 0:11:51.679 --> 0:11:53.360 And now you're going to go back into the baby 0:11:53.360 --> 0:11:55.400 bubble and have a third. But like, yeah, what does 0:11:55.440 --> 0:11:55.920 that mean for. 0:11:55.880 --> 0:11:58.520 Our holidays or our coffee hags, are our going to 0:11:58.520 --> 0:12:01.400 the pub together or our night dinners or whatever? 0:12:01.520 --> 0:12:04.520 And I think it's okay to have the feelings, but 0:12:04.559 --> 0:12:07.920 what's more important is to acknowledge them and not put 0:12:07.960 --> 0:12:10.240 them on to the other person, because everyone's going to 0:12:10.280 --> 0:12:11.960 live their damn life for them. 0:12:12.200 --> 0:12:15.560 I feel like that is such the marker of maturity, 0:12:15.559 --> 0:12:17.920 of stepping maybe even from your thirties into your forties. 0:12:17.920 --> 0:12:20.120 It's the thing we're all working on is like, yeah, 0:12:20.120 --> 0:12:21.839 you're allowed to have any reaction you. 0:12:21.840 --> 0:12:24.960 Want internally, yeah, check yourself. 0:12:25.200 --> 0:12:27.960 Run it through a reasonable filter, like is that my 0:12:28.040 --> 0:12:28.720 being reasonable? 0:12:28.800 --> 0:12:30.400 Is this about me? Is this about them? 0:12:30.640 --> 0:12:33.320 Before you react, you know, in a big way on 0:12:33.360 --> 0:12:34.880 your mate. I mean, I remember you. 0:12:34.800 --> 0:12:37.760 Had a huge reaction to me in an episode I 0:12:37.800 --> 0:12:41.520 did where I mentioned like and it was so light. 0:12:41.600 --> 0:12:44.160 It wasn't like a decision or no, the idea. It 0:12:44.200 --> 0:12:46.400 was like, oh, I've been weirdly clucky. 0:12:46.559 --> 0:12:47.760 Yeah, And I freaked out. 0:12:47.640 --> 0:12:50.680 And you were like what, no, what Like I remember like. 0:12:50.640 --> 0:12:53.559 No, don't be ridiculous, blahlah, like you just and I 0:12:53.559 --> 0:12:56.559 remember thinking how interesting, Like I went on, yeah, because 0:12:56.640 --> 0:12:59.160 I wasn't even talking about having a baby. 0:12:59.200 --> 0:13:00.760 It was just like feelings. 0:13:00.760 --> 0:13:03.160 And I was like, what are these residual clucky feel 0:13:03.280 --> 0:13:06.880 Is this like a last burst of like yeah baby interests? 0:13:07.000 --> 0:13:07.200 Yeah? 0:13:07.280 --> 0:13:09.840 Well then part maybe it's part of the grieving process 0:13:09.880 --> 0:13:10.640 that I am done. 0:13:10.880 --> 0:13:11.760 But I was always so. 0:13:11.800 --> 0:13:14.840 Certain about being done, and it just made me reflect 0:13:14.880 --> 0:13:17.120 And then I was like, why does Rev's care you know. 0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:18.960 Oh, I'm sure it would have been. We were in 0:13:19.000 --> 0:13:21.680 a really hectic work season and I was thinking like, no, no, no, 0:13:22.120 --> 0:13:23.360 who will do all the work with me? 0:13:23.760 --> 0:13:24.440 Do you know what I mean? 0:13:24.679 --> 0:13:26.400 Because when you have a baby, you need to, like 0:13:26.880 --> 0:13:28.640 you tap out for a while. You got to be there, 0:13:29.120 --> 0:13:32.320 you pe so one hundred percent bit about me. That's 0:13:32.400 --> 0:13:35.040 me projecting onto you. You know, I will do it. 0:13:35.120 --> 0:13:39.400 I know we need to get quicker not doing it. 0:13:39.679 --> 0:13:42.040 But sometimes the feelings need to come out and then 0:13:42.080 --> 0:13:44.120 you kind of reflect and you own it for the 0:13:44.160 --> 0:13:46.920 silliness that it was, you know in that moment, like 0:13:46.960 --> 0:13:47.719 we've all done it. 0:13:47.880 --> 0:13:48.440 I've done it. 0:13:48.520 --> 0:13:51.600 Yeah, we all know. And I wanted three. Yeah, where 0:13:51.640 --> 0:13:52.280 are you at now? 0:13:52.360 --> 0:13:54.520 I was going about to say that you always wanted three, 0:13:54.800 --> 0:13:58.120 And then it was pregnancy, that sort of birth. 0:13:58.200 --> 0:14:00.840 Yeah, Iggy's birth was the nail coffin. It was like, 0:14:00.840 --> 0:14:02.240 I'd never want to do that again. 0:14:02.440 --> 0:14:02.800 Yeah. 0:14:02.840 --> 0:14:05.920 So I definitely feel at peace in my day to 0:14:06.000 --> 0:14:10.280 day life, like two kiddies feels like a complete family 0:14:10.440 --> 0:14:12.800 to us. And when I get into the grind of 0:14:12.840 --> 0:14:14.679 the day to day of trying to get the fucking 0:14:14.760 --> 0:14:16.800 kids out the door, which feels like. 0:14:16.800 --> 0:14:18.040 It's not gotten easier. 0:14:18.160 --> 0:14:20.720 Yeah, even though my kids have become more independent, then 0:14:20.760 --> 0:14:22.760 feels like there seems to be a lot more negotiating. 0:14:22.920 --> 0:14:25.360 And I often think, and this is smug of me, 0:14:25.480 --> 0:14:27.200 but I'm like, oh my god, I'm so glad I 0:14:27.240 --> 0:14:29.520 don't have a fan when I always wanted three because 0:14:29.520 --> 0:14:31.480 I can't imagine negotiating. 0:14:30.960 --> 0:14:31.960 With another child. 0:14:32.360 --> 0:14:34.320 Or on the rare good days when both kids are 0:14:34.360 --> 0:14:36.920 in the mood to listen, I think, but the third 0:14:37.000 --> 0:14:39.440 kid would be not in the mood to listen that day. 0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:41.800 My good friend Nikki led Better, who is a friend 0:14:41.840 --> 0:14:44.120 of the Pot as well, she has three kids, and 0:14:44.440 --> 0:14:47.240 she described it to me once as someone's always crying, 0:14:47.680 --> 0:14:49.640 well sick do you reckon? 0:14:50.440 --> 0:14:53.840 I feel like that's Becky's experience. One's always someone's always 0:14:53.920 --> 0:14:55.680 unwell or home seating. 0:14:55.760 --> 0:14:57.120 Everything goes a bit longer. 0:14:57.240 --> 0:14:58.800 Like you know, when you're a family of four and 0:14:58.880 --> 0:15:01.360 sickness hits the family, it's like, okay, one goes down, 0:15:01.400 --> 0:15:03.680 two goes down there, three, four, well you just add five, 0:15:04.120 --> 0:15:06.800 you know, into the mix. But when I think about 0:15:06.840 --> 0:15:09.160 projecting forwards to the future. 0:15:09.160 --> 0:15:12.400 And your kids become adults, like I often think, oh, 0:15:12.480 --> 0:15:13.960 three would have been really nice. 0:15:14.000 --> 0:15:15.640 Like I look at my husband's family. 0:15:15.800 --> 0:15:19.880 He's one of three, and family get togethers and dinners. 0:15:20.040 --> 0:15:21.320 It's beautiful chaos. 0:15:21.840 --> 0:15:24.360 He's got two other siblings who also have partners, who 0:15:24.400 --> 0:15:27.240 also have kids, and I quite like the busyness and 0:15:27.280 --> 0:15:28.200 the chaos of that. 0:15:28.320 --> 0:15:31.040 And if someone's away or can't make it, it's still 0:15:31.080 --> 0:15:34.080 a full family. Yeah, busy, full family. 0:15:34.160 --> 0:15:35.720 I was actually discussing this with the good Mum the 0:15:35.800 --> 0:15:36.120 other day. 0:15:36.160 --> 0:15:40.920 I was saying, it's actually the surprise upshot of blended families. 0:15:40.960 --> 0:15:44.960 And I'm in a few blended families because obviously I'm separated. 0:15:45.000 --> 0:15:48.160 I'm not quite a blended family yet. But my dad 0:15:48.280 --> 0:15:52.120 is remarried and his wife has three kids, and my 0:15:52.320 --> 0:15:56.280 mum is repartnered getting married, and he has two adult 0:15:56.400 --> 0:15:59.480 kids who are married with kids similar ages to my kids, 0:15:59.520 --> 0:16:02.200 a bit older. So I'm in two blended families through 0:16:02.240 --> 0:16:06.760 my parents. And it has been the most surprise joy 0:16:07.040 --> 0:16:09.560 in my life ever that we never could have foreseen. 0:16:09.680 --> 0:16:12.280 You know, you often think when families split up or 0:16:12.280 --> 0:16:15.760 you're breaking the family, but we've kind of now gained more, 0:16:15.800 --> 0:16:19.040 we gained families, and it's that same thing of big, 0:16:19.080 --> 0:16:22.240 beautiful chaos. You know, on my dad's side, my step 0:16:22.280 --> 0:16:24.320 siblings are in their twenties. 0:16:24.440 --> 0:16:27.400 So when we get together, if you start at my dad. 0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:30.480 Who's the patriarch, and he's a boomer and his wife's 0:16:30.480 --> 0:16:32.120 a gen X, and then we go all the way 0:16:32.160 --> 0:16:34.680 down to the alphas and we literally touch on every 0:16:34.720 --> 0:16:38.800 single generation in between. We've got millennials obviously me and 0:16:38.840 --> 0:16:41.440 my sister, and then our partners, and then we have 0:16:41.760 --> 0:16:44.360 gen z's as my step siblings and they're partners who 0:16:44.360 --> 0:16:45.200 are also gen Z. 0:16:45.280 --> 0:16:45.920 So we have like a. 0:16:45.960 --> 0:16:48.560 Big gender mix and we've got big really, Like it's 0:16:48.800 --> 0:16:55.080 just amazing. You get the most vibrant, fun, different perspective conversations, 0:16:55.160 --> 0:16:58.200 The jokes are hilarious, Like you learn so much about 0:16:58.280 --> 0:17:00.160 other people, and then the kids get to say see 0:17:00.200 --> 0:17:01.920 at all, you know, and the kids are all running around. 0:17:02.040 --> 0:17:03.840 I love that for them. It's amazing. 0:17:03.960 --> 0:17:06.600 I always say that to people like who are worried 0:17:06.640 --> 0:17:09.840 about their kids being children of divorce parents, and I think, 0:17:09.880 --> 0:17:11.439