1 00:00:05,881 --> 00:00:20,441 Speaker 1: Approchie production, you know, the very young age, simil I 2 00:00:20,481 --> 00:00:22,320 Speaker 1: thought to myself at the age of two or three, 3 00:00:22,681 --> 00:00:25,480 Speaker 1: like one, I started to think, this is what a 4 00:00:25,561 --> 00:00:28,121 Speaker 1: man does. This is this is what being a man is. 5 00:00:28,281 --> 00:00:31,281 Speaker 1: You know, he used violence. You're seeing what men do. 6 00:00:31,841 --> 00:00:33,961 Speaker 1: I started to form that belief really early on. But 7 00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:37,001 Speaker 1: the other thing I started to do was become a 8 00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:39,280 Speaker 1: bit of a defender, if you like. So even I've 9 00:00:39,321 --> 00:00:41,561 Speaker 1: got a four year old some my little my little 10 00:00:41,561 --> 00:00:45,001 Speaker 1: mate Sonny, you know inside here, and you know, his 11 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:48,480 Speaker 1: biggest problem, similar is when the iPad's flat, and you know, 12 00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:50,881 Speaker 1: I'm thankful for that member. He didn't know the life 13 00:00:50,881 --> 00:00:55,441 Speaker 1: that I look at him and if that's his drama 14 00:00:55,481 --> 00:00:59,081 Speaker 1: and the biggest problem. And I think myself at that time, mate, 15 00:00:59,361 --> 00:01:03,201 Speaker 1: running in between my mum and a grown man weedging 16 00:01:03,241 --> 00:01:05,721 Speaker 1: myself in between him, mate, you know, trying to stop 17 00:01:05,761 --> 00:01:08,761 Speaker 1: the bashing's happening. And you know it's probably around that 18 00:01:08,801 --> 00:01:11,601 Speaker 1: time you started hurting me as well. And you know 19 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:15,041 Speaker 1: it went from physical violence pretty quick. And when that 20 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,721 Speaker 1: wasn't enough to control her anymore, my mum, you know, 21 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:22,001 Speaker 1: the daily raping started, you know, really horrific sexual assault, 22 00:01:22,081 --> 00:01:25,321 Speaker 1: you know, rapes it rapes it, you know, knife point 23 00:01:25,801 --> 00:01:28,080 Speaker 1: threatening to say, you know, if you don't, if you 24 00:01:28,121 --> 00:01:32,200 Speaker 1: don't comply, basically, you know, I'm going to I'm going 25 00:01:32,241 --> 00:01:34,000 Speaker 1: to bring on my mates around, and you know, I 26 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:37,360 Speaker 1: apologize for anyone's listening, for the trigger triggering of this, 27 00:01:37,521 --> 00:01:40,240 Speaker 1: and I've got to be authentic, you know, it'd say, 28 00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:42,360 Speaker 1: you know, this is what I learned from reading Mum's books. 29 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:44,360 Speaker 1: You know, it's I let my mates come around and 30 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:45,881 Speaker 1: they can all fuck you as well, and there'll be 31 00:01:45,881 --> 00:01:48,041 Speaker 1: nothing you can do about it. And you've got this 32 00:01:48,361 --> 00:01:51,481 Speaker 1: eighteen year old girl that's been fucking brutalized her whole life, mate, 33 00:01:51,481 --> 00:01:54,160 Speaker 1: and she's she's still in that cycle. But then there's 34 00:01:54,201 --> 00:01:56,361 Speaker 1: me growing up in that cycle too, and I'm thinking 35 00:01:56,401 --> 00:01:59,160 Speaker 1: this is you know, I'm seeing my mum getting raped. I'm, 36 00:01:59,521 --> 00:02:03,841 Speaker 1: you know, seeing these sexual assaults happening and every day. Mate. Look, 37 00:02:04,001 --> 00:02:06,921 Speaker 1: you know Mum writing it, you know, she right lots 38 00:02:06,961 --> 00:02:08,520 Speaker 1: of things in there, but one thing that stood out 39 00:02:08,521 --> 00:02:11,561 Speaker 1: for me was, you know, she finally got the begged him, 40 00:02:11,561 --> 00:02:13,241 Speaker 1: begged him, begged him to let her go out one 41 00:02:13,361 --> 00:02:16,201 Speaker 1: night and for see some friends. And he said, yeah, 42 00:02:16,201 --> 00:02:18,041 Speaker 1: And as you do, mate, you have a couple of drinks, 43 00:02:18,081 --> 00:02:21,761 Speaker 1: get a bit courageous. And she had eleven o'clock curfew. 44 00:02:22,841 --> 00:02:25,281 Speaker 1: You know, that's ridiculously think grown woman having a curfew. 45 00:02:25,281 --> 00:02:28,081 Speaker 1: But she had an eleven o'clock curfew, and you know 46 00:02:28,201 --> 00:02:30,361 Speaker 1: she got pissed. Mum, probably the first time she'd ever 47 00:02:30,361 --> 00:02:32,161 Speaker 1: felt free in her whole life. I would have been 48 00:02:32,161 --> 00:02:36,400 Speaker 1: at home with this bokeros bos and she came home 49 00:02:36,401 --> 00:02:40,201 Speaker 1: at three am and she begged him to beg In 50 00:02:40,281 --> 00:02:42,921 Speaker 1: her head, she was thinking, please be asleep, Please be asleep, 51 00:02:42,921 --> 00:02:45,240 Speaker 1: Please be asleep, you know, And she crept in through 52 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:47,960 Speaker 1: the door and he was awake, and you know, you know, 53 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:51,281 Speaker 1: he said to her, how dare you defy me? Like, 54 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:54,481 Speaker 1: you know, how did you know the rules? And say 55 00:02:55,001 --> 00:02:57,161 Speaker 1: what he did made is He hit her and you know, 56 00:02:57,641 --> 00:03:00,160 Speaker 1: dragged her into the room. And I remember seeing all this, mate, 57 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:02,720 Speaker 1: dragged her into the room by her hair. And I say, 58 00:03:02,721 --> 00:03:05,840 Speaker 1: I don't say this too, you know, because I want 59 00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:07,521 Speaker 1: to sit here and put everyone through the life. But 60 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:10,081 Speaker 1: it's just so many levels to it, mate, like it 61 00:03:10,161 --> 00:03:12,321 Speaker 1: once we think it couldn't get any worse. The abuse 62 00:03:12,361 --> 00:03:14,761 Speaker 1: that your mum and I endured, it just fuck it, 63 00:03:14,881 --> 00:03:17,321 Speaker 1: mean it just continued to get worse. So after that occasion, 64 00:03:17,401 --> 00:03:19,481 Speaker 1: he kept Mom tied up and locked in the room 65 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:22,641 Speaker 1: for two days, and you know, and just repeatedly, you know, 66 00:03:23,281 --> 00:03:25,241 Speaker 1: raped her over and over and over again, just to 67 00:03:25,321 --> 00:03:27,721 Speaker 1: dehumanize them and just to say, you know, this is 68 00:03:27,881 --> 00:03:31,001 Speaker 1: what happens. It's dominance, it's control, Like, this is what 69 00:03:31,041 --> 00:03:33,241 Speaker 1: happens if you're fuck up. This is what happens if 70 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:35,721 Speaker 1: you don't obey the rules. So you know, this is 71 00:03:35,761 --> 00:03:39,401 Speaker 1: your fault. You brought this on yourself. And you know, 72 00:03:39,561 --> 00:03:41,881 Speaker 1: so there was times to mate that we try and flee, 73 00:03:41,921 --> 00:03:44,081 Speaker 1: and we try and get away, and you know, as 74 00:03:44,121 --> 00:03:47,081 Speaker 1: they do, they always find you. And you know what 75 00:03:47,601 --> 00:03:50,241 Speaker 1: would see is and I'll sort of skip forward a 76 00:03:50,241 --> 00:03:52,441 Speaker 1: couple of you know, I'll skip forward in a minute. 77 00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:54,001 Speaker 1: But you know, when I tell the story of my 78 00:03:54,041 --> 00:03:55,801 Speaker 1: life or break it up in the three chapters and 79 00:03:56,001 --> 00:04:00,521 Speaker 1: zero to thirteen is a victim, thirteen to twenty three 80 00:04:00,601 --> 00:04:02,881 Speaker 1: is a fender, and twenty three to forty one and 81 00:04:02,921 --> 00:04:05,881 Speaker 1: probably one hundred and one will be survivor. And that's 82 00:04:05,921 --> 00:04:07,681 Speaker 1: how I chat to the story, you know, victim of 83 00:04:07,721 --> 00:04:11,161 Speaker 1: famous survivor. And you know, we'd run away, mate, and 84 00:04:11,241 --> 00:04:13,440 Speaker 1: you know when he found us this one other time. 85 00:04:13,481 --> 00:04:15,961 Speaker 1: You know, we know folks, especially fellas, that feel like 86 00:04:15,961 --> 00:04:18,401 Speaker 1: they've been disobeyed, they want to put on that image, 87 00:04:18,441 --> 00:04:23,281 Speaker 1: that front that you know, I control everything, and you 88 00:04:23,361 --> 00:04:25,801 Speaker 1: know we're a happy family. And you know, we went 89 00:04:25,841 --> 00:04:28,561 Speaker 1: to the swimming pool, and it would have been a 90 00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:31,601 Speaker 1: front to show that you know, I can control her 91 00:04:31,641 --> 00:04:34,041 Speaker 1: and we've got a happy family. And I remember going 92 00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:37,081 Speaker 1: to the pool and you know, getting booted into the pool, 93 00:04:37,081 --> 00:04:39,440 Speaker 1: and I mean booted, like booted into the pool, and 94 00:04:40,361 --> 00:04:42,921 Speaker 1: it's flailing around because I didn't get those happy experiences 95 00:04:42,961 --> 00:04:44,400 Speaker 1: that little toddlers get made. I didn't get to go 96 00:04:44,401 --> 00:04:46,841 Speaker 1: to swimming lessons and playfooty and all that was living 97 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:50,161 Speaker 1: in that fucking nightmare of a home. And I remember 98 00:04:50,201 --> 00:04:53,281 Speaker 1: flailing around and remember this vividly mate flailing around in 99 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,841 Speaker 1: the pool and his brutal come you know, reaching into 100 00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:57,721 Speaker 1: the pool and pulling me out by the hair and 101 00:04:58,001 --> 00:05:00,681 Speaker 1: you know, then fucking flogging me for for crying, mate, 102 00:05:00,761 --> 00:05:04,121 Speaker 1: and you know, and everyone sat around. His family, My 103 00:05:04,201 --> 00:05:06,121 Speaker 1: mum was to petro. I tried to do anything. His 104 00:05:06,201 --> 00:05:10,041 Speaker 1: family didn't give a fuck, and the message was very clear, 105 00:05:10,601 --> 00:05:13,041 Speaker 1: if I can do this in front of everyone else, 106 00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:15,161 Speaker 1: if you imagine what I can do to you when 107 00:05:15,161 --> 00:05:17,640 Speaker 1: no one's watching. So don't try and run again. You 108 00:05:17,681 --> 00:05:19,921 Speaker 1: know again, you have bought this, You brought this on 109 00:05:20,041 --> 00:05:22,081 Speaker 1: you and your son. This is your this is your fault, 110 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:24,561 Speaker 1: you know. So that sort of went on for a 111 00:05:24,561 --> 00:05:31,160 Speaker 1: little bit longer, made until probably the catalyst or the 112 00:05:31,161 --> 00:05:33,961 Speaker 1: biggest night of our lives ever. And mate, we'd run 113 00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:36,801 Speaker 1: away again, and he came, we found us coming through 114 00:05:36,801 --> 00:05:39,841 Speaker 1: the window and started trying to drown Mumm in the 115 00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:45,801 Speaker 1: bath and you know, raped her again and said, you know, 116 00:05:45,961 --> 00:05:48,401 Speaker 1: but I remember hearing the screams, and you know it 117 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:50,801 Speaker 1: stays with me now, mate, But we're now thirty six 118 00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:55,081 Speaker 1: years later because I heard him repeating over and over again, 119 00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:58,761 Speaker 1: you keep running. Now, I'm going to kill you because 120 00:05:58,801 --> 00:06:00,921 Speaker 1: I won't share you. So I'll kill you. Then no 121 00:06:00,921 --> 00:06:03,281 Speaker 1: one else can, no one can have you. 122 00:06:03,281 --> 00:06:03,481 Speaker 2: You know. 123 00:06:03,521 --> 00:06:07,561 Speaker 1: The story, mate, too common, unfortunately, and so I thought 124 00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:09,080 Speaker 1: I'm not going to have this, mate, you know, So 125 00:06:09,081 --> 00:06:10,801 Speaker 1: I raced in there and try and sort of help 126 00:06:10,921 --> 00:06:13,201 Speaker 1: help Mom out again, and he's then he's turned to 127 00:06:13,241 --> 00:06:15,201 Speaker 1: me and thought, you know, I'm going to kill you 128 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:17,081 Speaker 1: or hurt you know, because you're getting in the road 129 00:06:17,201 --> 00:06:20,520 Speaker 1: or whatever. And you know, I used to I used 130 00:06:20,521 --> 00:06:23,041 Speaker 1: to love it, mate, when when I was getting hurt, 131 00:06:23,121 --> 00:06:25,760 Speaker 1: Like even if three four years old, I used to 132 00:06:25,801 --> 00:06:27,760 Speaker 1: fucking love when I was getting hurt because it meant 133 00:06:27,761 --> 00:06:30,161 Speaker 1: that my mum was getting a break for fucking thirty seconds, 134 00:06:30,161 --> 00:06:34,201 Speaker 1: one minute, two minutes, and I'd invite it. Man, even 135 00:06:34,201 --> 00:06:36,801 Speaker 1: as a little toddler, my mum said, I used to 136 00:06:36,841 --> 00:06:38,841 Speaker 1: say things to him like, you know, his mom says, 137 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:40,801 Speaker 1: it made me so sad that you knew these words 138 00:06:40,841 --> 00:06:42,241 Speaker 1: as a three or four year old. But I'd run 139 00:06:42,281 --> 00:06:43,801 Speaker 1: up to him and say, I'm going to fucking bash you, 140 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:45,961 Speaker 1: and when when I grow up, I'm going to fucking 141 00:06:46,161 --> 00:06:49,721 Speaker 1: kill you when I grow up. So so that I 142 00:06:49,721 --> 00:06:51,441 Speaker 1: could get a hide, and because their mum could get 143 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:52,401 Speaker 1: a break for a little bit. 144 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:55,001 Speaker 2: It would take take the heat off her. So yeah, yeah, yeah, 145 00:06:55,721 --> 00:06:59,080 Speaker 2: I hear, bro I'm made. I truly can relate to 146 00:06:59,201 --> 00:07:03,600 Speaker 2: part of that well. And truly it's I remember getting 147 00:07:03,601 --> 00:07:05,601 Speaker 2: picked up jump in the middle, and I don't getting 148 00:07:05,601 --> 00:07:08,320 Speaker 2: picked up and thrown headfirst through Remember the old Housing 149 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:12,081 Speaker 2: Commission houses, they used to have the honeycomb doors. They 150 00:07:12,161 --> 00:07:14,681 Speaker 2: were very thin, you know, and everyone used to punch 151 00:07:14,721 --> 00:07:17,241 Speaker 2: them every house. You know, your fisted go straight through. 152 00:07:17,441 --> 00:07:20,481 Speaker 2: My head goes straight through down the hallway because I 153 00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:24,521 Speaker 2: jumped into intervene. You know what I mean at that age, 154 00:07:24,561 --> 00:07:26,761 Speaker 2: four or five years of age, six years of age, 155 00:07:27,361 --> 00:07:33,041 Speaker 2: I relate to that very well, and you know that 156 00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:36,401 Speaker 2: feeling of being in the middle of that moment. Now, 157 00:07:38,721 --> 00:07:43,001 Speaker 2: I am guilty of domestic abuse in my time. I 158 00:07:43,041 --> 00:07:47,361 Speaker 2: one hundred percent put my hand up. I'm more not 159 00:07:47,401 --> 00:07:52,121 Speaker 2: so much from a physical but definitely a verbally abusive yep, 160 00:07:52,361 --> 00:07:56,481 Speaker 2: I am. I am guilty one put my hand up 161 00:07:56,481 --> 00:08:00,961 Speaker 2: befoard of these things in the past. And so that, 162 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:05,681 Speaker 2: like you talk about, you know, was that the way 163 00:08:05,721 --> 00:08:09,521 Speaker 2: you think that that's how it was, well, I think 164 00:08:09,641 --> 00:08:12,721 Speaker 2: you know as a man now, I fucking definitely not. 165 00:08:12,801 --> 00:08:15,801 Speaker 2: It's not not the way it is. But and not 166 00:08:15,881 --> 00:08:19,441 Speaker 2: that I'm excusing my past actions and abuse that I 167 00:08:19,441 --> 00:08:25,161 Speaker 2: have you know, been guilty of in relationships. But it's 168 00:08:25,161 --> 00:08:28,641 Speaker 2: fucking it's a tough, tough and a very fine line 169 00:08:28,841 --> 00:08:33,121 Speaker 2: when you're that young person and this is what you're seeing, 170 00:08:33,161 --> 00:08:35,041 Speaker 2: this is what your feelings, is what you're hearing. 171 00:08:38,281 --> 00:08:41,121 Speaker 1: It takes a It takes a really a really strong 172 00:08:41,161 --> 00:08:45,401 Speaker 1: man to own that cinema, and you obviously it's powerful 173 00:08:45,401 --> 00:08:48,121 Speaker 1: that you own it. And I was the same, mate 174 00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:51,801 Speaker 1: I became later on in life, exactly the that I 175 00:08:51,881 --> 00:08:52,281 Speaker 1: hate it. 176 00:08:52,761 --> 00:08:55,721 Speaker 2: Yeah, the person I swore i'd never been. 177 00:08:55,641 --> 00:08:56,841 Speaker 1: Never become man. 178 00:08:56,961 --> 00:09:01,401 Speaker 2: Yeah, ever, ever, I definitely had walked that past, Mate. 179 00:09:01,521 --> 00:09:05,641 Speaker 1: It's crazy how how it happens. But yeah, look that night, 180 00:09:06,281 --> 00:09:09,361 Speaker 1: you know when he came in, it was going to 181 00:09:09,521 --> 00:09:12,761 Speaker 1: kill Mom and I, you know, for one rouse or another. 182 00:09:12,881 --> 00:09:16,961 Speaker 1: He didn't, thankfully, but it did kill someone else that night, 183 00:09:17,201 --> 00:09:20,721 Speaker 1: and he did know, Yeah when killed went and killed 184 00:09:21,001 --> 00:09:23,241 Speaker 1: a fellow at a party that stabbed him to death 185 00:09:23,441 --> 00:09:27,081 Speaker 1: and you know, really brutal to mate. You know, when 186 00:09:27,121 --> 00:09:30,841 Speaker 1: they went to dispose of his body, they couldn't extract 187 00:09:30,841 --> 00:09:34,641 Speaker 1: his teeth, so they cut his head off. And so 188 00:09:34,961 --> 00:09:35,361 Speaker 1: just just. 189 00:09:37,801 --> 00:09:41,681 Speaker 2: You and your beautiful mom could have been those you 190 00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:44,321 Speaker 2: could no longer be here. It could have been you 191 00:09:44,401 --> 00:09:46,481 Speaker 2: both stabbed to death by this person. 192 00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:49,081 Speaker 1: It should have it should have been us that night, 193 00:09:49,201 --> 00:09:51,441 Speaker 1: because he was hell bent on taking both of our 194 00:09:51,481 --> 00:09:56,001 Speaker 1: lives because we'd run again. And you know, Mate, back 195 00:09:56,041 --> 00:09:58,081 Speaker 1: in there those days, you know you'd hear that happening 196 00:09:58,121 --> 00:10:00,041 Speaker 1: through the paper thin the house, our walls, but no 197 00:10:00,081 --> 00:10:02,160 Speaker 1: one I jump in your mind, your own business. 198 00:10:01,961 --> 00:10:06,921 Speaker 2: You know, absolutely absolutely, but just for a second to 199 00:10:07,401 --> 00:10:10,081 Speaker 2: that just hit really hard when you said that that 200 00:10:10,801 --> 00:10:13,481 Speaker 2: another person lost their lives after this particular. 201 00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:19,481 Speaker 1: Yeah, I shouldn't be I shouldn't be here some you know, 202 00:10:20,401 --> 00:10:22,841 Speaker 1: neither should mum. But by God's grace, you know, and 203 00:10:22,841 --> 00:10:26,361 Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm not a particularly I've got faith. I 204 00:10:26,441 --> 00:10:30,321 Speaker 1: believe there's a high power, definitely, but by some grace 205 00:10:30,401 --> 00:10:34,681 Speaker 1: we still are. And you know, I share that. Yeah, 206 00:10:35,321 --> 00:10:38,161 Speaker 1: it's crazy, man. I share the article in the paper 207 00:10:38,161 --> 00:10:40,041 Speaker 1: from when he was sentenced when I tell my story, 208 00:10:40,041 --> 00:10:42,281 Speaker 1: because I run a PowerPoint behind this so people can 209 00:10:42,321 --> 00:10:44,201 Speaker 1: see what my mum looked like, what my real dad 210 00:10:44,201 --> 00:10:46,601 Speaker 1: looked like, and you know, a lot the people to connect. 211 00:10:46,601 --> 00:10:48,921 Speaker 1: And I share that article when they were sentenced, you know. 212 00:10:49,001 --> 00:10:53,881 Speaker 1: And at the very last line of the article, mate 213 00:10:53,921 --> 00:11:03,281 Speaker 1: that the judge says that the perpetrator showed remorse and 214 00:11:03,321 --> 00:11:14,201 Speaker 1: the attack was not premeditated. Items lapla no trauma