WEBVTT - #1900 UNSTUCK-IFICATION (The Process of Getting Unstuck) - Harps (PT1) 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:03.080 Good dight team. It's harps hope, you bloody terrific. Ah. 0:00:03.800 --> 0:00:05.360 So I want to talk to you about the very 0:00:05.480 --> 0:00:12.200 common habit of getting stuck, that is spinning our wheels, 0:00:12.280 --> 0:00:16.760 that is living life or part of our life in 0:00:16.960 --> 0:00:21.400 a perpetual holding pattern, thinking about doing different while not 0:00:21.520 --> 0:00:26.159 doing different, talking about doing different and better while not 0:00:26.239 --> 0:00:29.920 doing it, talking about transformation and improvement and growth and 0:00:30.040 --> 0:00:33.320 learning and unlearning and becoming the best version of ourselves 0:00:33.400 --> 0:00:37.120 and exploring our talents and our potential and building our 0:00:37.159 --> 0:00:43.000 best whatever, while simultaneously not fucking doing it. Ah. And 0:00:43.080 --> 0:00:45.120 let's be honest. Let's be honest. That's a lot of 0:00:45.159 --> 0:00:47.519 people a lot of the time. And that's not me 0:00:47.640 --> 0:00:51.320 being critical. That's me being an observer of people. Also 0:00:51.760 --> 0:00:54.880 myself being one of those people. So there've been many 0:00:54.920 --> 0:01:00.480 times in my life when I have been I've been, 0:01:01.120 --> 0:01:03.600 I guess, trapped in a kind of a holding pattern, 0:01:05.080 --> 0:01:09.200 a holding pattern of mediocrity, like a groundhole day like 0:01:09.360 --> 0:01:13.160 same shits, same stuff, same doing the same things with 0:01:13.280 --> 0:01:16.760 my business or my brand, or my money, or my body, 0:01:16.920 --> 0:01:21.560 or my relationships or my spiritual life or my mental 0:01:21.600 --> 0:01:27.399 health or my emotional health or my academic pursuits, my learning, commitment, 0:01:29.200 --> 0:01:33.680 my training, my nutrition, doing stuff that didn't work, but 0:01:33.800 --> 0:01:37.679 nonetheless getting up each day and essentially doing a version 0:01:37.680 --> 0:01:42.959 of what didn't work the last day, month, year, decade sometimes. 0:01:44.600 --> 0:01:47.800 So I'm very interested in, as you are well know, 0:01:48.280 --> 0:01:52.680 I'm interested in human potential. I'm interested in possibilities. I'm 0:01:52.720 --> 0:01:57.680 interested in what we can do, what I can do, 0:01:57.720 --> 0:01:59.760 what you can do when you and me get out 0:01:59.800 --> 0:02:06.360 of it own way, when I can get out of 0:02:06.400 --> 0:02:15.160 my destructive habits, my self destructive self talk, thinking, my 0:02:15.280 --> 0:02:18.680 shitty lifestyle, not so much these days, but at times, 0:02:18.720 --> 0:02:24.920 my relationships, my operating system, not just relationships with people, 0:02:25.000 --> 0:02:31.440 but relationships with food, relationships with my body, relationships with 0:02:31.919 --> 0:02:35.799 all of the things that I do, habits and behaviors, 0:02:36.240 --> 0:02:41.040 and stepping into out of the self destruction and the 0:02:41.080 --> 0:02:44.200 overthinking and the self doubt and the imposter syndrome, and 0:02:44.280 --> 0:02:49.920 slowly stepping into self awareness and self genuine self improvement 0:02:50.160 --> 0:02:55.120 and self regulation and self optimization for that matter. So 0:02:55.240 --> 0:02:57.560 many years, for many years I worked with people who 0:02:57.600 --> 0:03:01.400 came to me to get in physically, and then more 0:03:01.639 --> 0:03:05.600 recently last decade or so, you know, mentally and emotionally, 0:03:06.480 --> 0:03:11.120 but who were stuck and stuck physically sometimes or stuck 0:03:11.160 --> 0:03:16.080 mentally or emotionally all three, or socially and or socially 0:03:16.280 --> 0:03:23.760 practically behaviorally, you know, just in this normal operating system 0:03:24.400 --> 0:03:30.800 that doesn't work. So there's there's a there's a degree 0:03:30.840 --> 0:03:36.160 of unconsciousness that all of us in habit, and as 0:03:36.160 --> 0:03:39.680 the name suggests, we're not aware of it. That is, 0:03:39.720 --> 0:03:42.560 we unconsciously do a lot of things, and we do 0:03:42.600 --> 0:03:45.800 a lot of things that really will require very very 0:03:45.920 --> 0:03:49.960 low level decision making in that you know, we've got 0:03:50.000 --> 0:03:51.480 to open the fridge to get the thing out to 0:03:51.480 --> 0:03:53.680 put it in our mouth, but it's almost like we 0:03:53.800 --> 0:03:57.280 do that without thinking, without choosing. It's just a habit, 0:03:57.360 --> 0:04:00.320 it's a pattern, that's a ritual, it's a behavior. I 0:04:00.360 --> 0:04:02.760 feel shit. I'm not hungry, I'm not actually hungry, I 0:04:02.760 --> 0:04:05.080 don't actually need food, but I'm having a bad day. 0:04:05.320 --> 0:04:09.040 So now I'm grabbing chocolate. Now I'm eating chocolate. I 0:04:09.080 --> 0:04:11.120 feel a bit flat, I feel a bit anxious. Now 0:04:11.160 --> 0:04:14.480 I'm grabbing booze. I fit whatever. And so we have 0:04:14.560 --> 0:04:18.240 a propensity and a tendency, many of us, to do 0:04:18.320 --> 0:04:24.000 things for an extended period of time, sometimes decades that 0:04:24.200 --> 0:04:26.839 clearly do not work for us. And when I say 0:04:26.880 --> 0:04:30.120 do not work, I'm saying do not work on the 0:04:30.240 --> 0:04:32.520 understanding or the premise that we want to be better. 0:04:33.680 --> 0:04:36.240 We don't want to be unhealthy. We don't want destructive habits. 0:04:36.240 --> 0:04:38.280 We don't want to overthink. We don't want to overdrink. 0:04:38.560 --> 0:04:42.560 We don't want to overeat. We don't want to be 0:04:42.640 --> 0:04:45.479 the procrastinator. We don't want to be the excuse maker. 0:04:45.520 --> 0:04:47.640 We don't want to be the avoid or the denier. 0:04:47.720 --> 0:04:50.520 We want to take ownership, we want to take charge. 0:04:50.560 --> 0:04:54.760 We want to optimize our genetics, optimize our potential, optimize 0:04:54.760 --> 0:05:00.880 our IQ, our intellectual capacity, optimize our creativity. We talk 0:05:01.120 --> 0:05:04.560 all the time, especially in the personal development, self help space, 0:05:05.080 --> 0:05:10.200 human performance, human behavior, we talk all the time about optimization, 0:05:11.640 --> 0:05:18.080 that is, getting the most out of ourselves. But truly, truly, 0:05:18.160 --> 0:05:20.960 as unpopular as this might be, or as uncomfortable as 0:05:21.040 --> 0:05:23.480 this might be for some to hear, and I don't 0:05:23.520 --> 0:05:26.600 know you, so clearly it's not personal, or clearly you're 0:05:26.640 --> 0:05:29.760 one of many listenings, so I'm not targeting you. So 0:05:29.920 --> 0:05:31.960 all I ask you to do is consider what I'm 0:05:31.960 --> 0:05:34.159 about to say, and that what I'm about to say 0:05:34.200 --> 0:05:37.719 is that some of you have probably been doing things 0:05:37.760 --> 0:05:40.119 that don't work for a very long time, and maybe 0:05:40.240 --> 0:05:44.440 lots of things that don't work. And if on some 0:05:44.720 --> 0:05:48.400 level you've kind of resigned yourself to that fact and 0:05:48.440 --> 0:05:53.280 you're kind of okay with it, then okay. However, if 0:05:53.360 --> 0:05:56.320 you're not okay with it, if you are sick of 0:05:56.360 --> 0:06:00.159 being the one day soon person, the almost person, and 0:06:00.200 --> 0:06:03.000 to so much self help and personal development, behavioral change 0:06:03.000 --> 0:06:06.680 in neuroscience and neuropsychology and nutrition, and I've read every 0:06:06.720 --> 0:06:08.880 fucking thing and listen to every fucking thing, But here 0:06:08.920 --> 0:06:10.960 I am, and I'm still in groundhole day. I'm still 0:06:10.960 --> 0:06:14.920 spinning my wheels, I'm still going nowhere fast. I'm still 0:06:14.920 --> 0:06:18.920 in a perpetual holding pattern of mediocrity and dissatisfaction and 0:06:19.560 --> 0:06:25.279 wasted time, talent, and energy. If that's you, then then 0:06:26.640 --> 0:06:29.520 one you need to figure out if you're really desperately, 0:06:29.920 --> 0:06:36.480 passionately committed to changing that, and then two, whether or 0:06:36.520 --> 0:06:40.159 not you are genuinely willing to pay the price of 0:06:41.080 --> 0:06:43.880 whatever is required to create that shift on planet you. 0:06:45.400 --> 0:06:47.359 And this is the big kind of gap. This is 0:06:47.400 --> 0:06:51.359 the chasm between the idea and the action and the idea. 0:06:51.400 --> 0:06:54.839 Everyone's in love with the idea. Everyone's in love with 0:06:54.880 --> 0:06:58.360 the idea of better. Everyone's in love with the idea 0:06:58.360 --> 0:07:05.360 of lean and and functional and successful and joyful and 0:07:05.440 --> 0:07:12.200 wealthy and focused and fulfilled. We love all that shit 0:07:12.320 --> 0:07:16.560 because who doesn't want that. We all want that or 0:07:16.600 --> 0:07:21.080 a version of that. I rarely speak to people who 0:07:21.200 --> 0:07:25.120 say I am totally content. I don't want anything else. 0:07:25.920 --> 0:07:27.960 This is a whole other conversation out by the way. 0:07:28.160 --> 0:07:30.640 But I'm there. I don't need any more. I'm happy. 0:07:30.680 --> 0:07:34.120 I'm content, you know, for the most part, not anxious. 0:07:35.200 --> 0:07:41.680 Life's great. That's generally not the case, and there's another conversation, 0:07:41.760 --> 0:07:43.840 as I said, to be had around that. But for 0:07:43.920 --> 0:07:47.720 the moment, I want to talk to you about whether 0:07:47.800 --> 0:07:50.920 or not you are genuinely ready. Firstly, I'm going to 0:07:50.920 --> 0:07:53.240 operate on the assumption that you are at the very 0:07:53.320 --> 0:07:59.360 least interested in getting unstuck, interested in getting out of 0:07:59.400 --> 0:08:03.840 your own way, interested in stepping out of the rules 0:08:03.840 --> 0:08:08.800 and habits and rituals and the perpetual holding pattern that 0:08:08.840 --> 0:08:11.040 you may be in in some areas of your life 0:08:11.040 --> 0:08:17.640 that doesn't work or don't work, to step out of that. 0:08:17.720 --> 0:08:21.240 So Firstly, let's talk about what are the drivers? What 0:08:21.320 --> 0:08:24.840 are the things which cause us to get stuck? And 0:08:24.880 --> 0:08:28.800 so this list is not in terms of significance or important. 0:08:28.840 --> 0:08:33.559 They are all equally important. And some of these may 0:08:34.720 --> 0:08:38.400 relate to you, some of them may not. It's seven 0:08:38.480 --> 0:08:42.440 or eight or nine maybe, And some of them seem 0:08:42.600 --> 0:08:46.200 like overly simple. Well, come on, Craig, I need more 0:08:46.240 --> 0:08:49.120 than that. I need some deeper science. I need something 0:08:49.160 --> 0:08:53.240 more profound than that. I need something more wise and 0:08:53.360 --> 0:08:59.400 insightful and deep than laziness. For example, this sounds funny, 0:08:59.400 --> 0:09:02.600 but I just meet people who are fucking lazy, and 0:09:02.640 --> 0:09:07.000 that's why they're stuck. It's not even that they're scared. 0:09:07.240 --> 0:09:11.560 They're just lazy. They just don't They just don't want 0:09:11.600 --> 0:09:14.400 to do the work. They like the idea of the outcome. 0:09:14.440 --> 0:09:17.679 They like the idea of the destination, but they are 0:09:17.679 --> 0:09:20.680 not ready to get up every day and walk the path, 0:09:21.400 --> 0:09:24.280 or drive the path, or take the path, or or 0:09:25.440 --> 0:09:28.559 take the journey. Like the destination, the idea of the 0:09:28.600 --> 0:09:31.520 outcome is brilliant, but the idea of doing what's required 0:09:31.559 --> 0:09:37.800 to create that outcome, they're like, ah soon. And so 0:09:39.120 --> 0:09:43.520 you know, if laziness is the overriding kind of factor, 0:09:44.520 --> 0:09:49.679 then we're stuck. And so that and I think sometimes 0:09:49.720 --> 0:09:54.439 that that kind of general apathy, laziness, apathy, lack of motivation, 0:09:54.679 --> 0:10:01.640 perhaps they're tied in together. And my my thoughts, this 0:10:01.760 --> 0:10:04.120 is not science, this is my thoughts. I think that, 0:10:06.600 --> 0:10:10.679 as I've said a lot on this show, there's almost 0:10:10.760 --> 0:10:13.960 like a psychological and or emotional tipping point for a 0:10:13.960 --> 0:10:16.720 lot of us, and that is we kind of just go. 0:10:17.160 --> 0:10:20.840 We just kind of trudge along in blah, you know, 0:10:20.920 --> 0:10:24.160 in Blasville, in mediocrity in three out of ten, and 0:10:25.160 --> 0:10:28.040 it's not fulfilling or rewarding or awesome or joyful, but 0:10:28.080 --> 0:10:31.960 it's also not complete shit. It's okay. There are moments 0:10:31.960 --> 0:10:36.600 of okayness, and you know, until we get to that 0:10:36.720 --> 0:10:39.679 point where we associate more pain, we're staying in it 0:10:40.360 --> 0:10:43.520 than getting out of it. Most of us will stay 0:10:43.520 --> 0:10:48.360 in it. And you can see as an observer of 0:10:49.559 --> 0:10:55.439 human behavior, you can see people staying in things, sometimes 0:10:55.480 --> 0:11:01.400 relationships or jobs or situations or circumstances, environments or patterns 0:11:01.480 --> 0:11:05.280 or habits, staying in things that really don't work, but 0:11:05.360 --> 0:11:08.360 on some level they're scared of the option. They're scared 0:11:08.400 --> 0:11:11.120 of the work, They're scared of the unknown, They're scared 0:11:11.160 --> 0:11:14.839 of the uncertainty. Should they shut the door on that 0:11:14.960 --> 0:11:18.040 thing and step away and head in a new direction 0:11:18.800 --> 0:11:27.920 with no safety in it? So fear comes into it, laziness, apathy, fear. Mindset. Now, 0:11:28.040 --> 0:11:30.800 when I talk about mindset, clearly we could and we 0:11:30.880 --> 0:11:34.520 have done many shows on this, but it's you know, 0:11:34.600 --> 0:11:38.680 being aware that my mind is not in charge of me. 0:11:38.800 --> 0:11:41.440 I am in charge of my mind. And yes I'm 0:11:41.440 --> 0:11:45.199 not talking about my brain here. My brain is different, 0:11:45.760 --> 0:11:48.559 is a different animal. But in terms of managing regulating 0:11:48.600 --> 0:11:51.640 my thoughts, what I pay attention to, what I focus on? 0:11:52.120 --> 0:11:55.199 Am I the problem person? Am I the solution person? 0:11:55.800 --> 0:11:59.240 Am I making good decisions? How do I process the 0:11:59.280 --> 0:12:03.120 world around me? What is the thing that happened? What 0:12:03.280 --> 0:12:06.120 is my story that I'm telling myself about the thing 0:12:06.480 --> 0:12:09.920 that happened? Why do I think the way that I think? 0:12:10.040 --> 0:12:14.280 Where does my thinking come from? What role does my 0:12:14.480 --> 0:12:20.880 programming play in my current internal paradigm, in my internal framework? 0:12:21.559 --> 0:12:24.640 What role does my programming play in terms of how 0:12:24.679 --> 0:12:26.840 I live and what I do and my values and 0:12:26.880 --> 0:12:32.520 so on. So, becoming aware of these internal kind of 0:12:32.640 --> 0:12:38.000 drivers that influence perhaps determine whether or not we stay 0:12:38.040 --> 0:12:44.560 stuck or we move self doubt. Self doubt is like 0:12:45.080 --> 0:12:50.880 almost a pandemic, you know, aversion to discomfort spoken about 0:12:50.920 --> 0:12:53.040 a lot of times. People want the work, they don't 0:12:53.080 --> 0:12:57.920 want the pain, self limiting thinking, crap, self esteem, and 0:12:58.000 --> 0:13:03.040 so on. And the truth is that at some stage, 0:13:03.440 --> 0:13:05.800 should we really want to move forward, we need to 0:13:05.840 --> 0:13:08.840 feel what we feel. Feel lazy, feel not good enough, 0:13:08.920 --> 0:13:12.720 feel like a fraud, feel like an impostor, but nonetheless 0:13:12.760 --> 0:13:18.280 start the ball rolling. I've spent most of my life 0:13:18.520 --> 0:13:22.080 still feeling like the insecure, fat kid that got picked 0:13:22.120 --> 0:13:24.840 last for every sporting team. At some stages, I feel 0:13:24.880 --> 0:13:27.400 like that. I don't feel like literally that, I just 0:13:27.840 --> 0:13:33.640 that those emotional and psychological remnants live on. You know. 0:13:33.960 --> 0:13:36.000 I could be in the middle of, like right now, 0:13:36.040 --> 0:13:38.960 sharing this with you, at the same time feeling like, oh, 0:13:39.000 --> 0:13:40.959 this is shit and no one's going to enjoy it. 0:13:41.040 --> 0:13:44.440 Like that. Self doubt never fully goes away from me, 0:13:45.200 --> 0:13:48.280 that imposter syndrome, not good enough, not smart enough, not 0:13:48.360 --> 0:13:52.880 academic enough, not lean enough, not likable enough, not fucking 0:13:52.960 --> 0:13:56.080 it what. That stuff never fully goes away. It doesn't 0:13:56.200 --> 0:14:01.080 dominate me, it doesn't render me paralyzed. But but do 0:14:01.240 --> 0:14:05.400 I ever feel supremely confident? Never? I never feel that 0:14:06.040 --> 0:14:10.440 I feel somewhat confident. I feel content and pretty calm 0:14:10.480 --> 0:14:14.880 and pretty satisfied most of the time. But what I 0:14:14.960 --> 0:14:22.000 know is that the psychological awareness that I can do things, 0:14:22.240 --> 0:14:26.320 I'm not useless. I can succeed, I can write well, 0:14:26.360 --> 0:14:29.040 I can speak well, I can talk to an audience. 0:14:29.320 --> 0:14:33.640 I can build a business and brand, while also knowing 0:14:33.680 --> 0:14:35.480 that I've fucked up a lot of things and all 0:14:35.520 --> 0:14:39.960 of that. But that knowledge that I can do well, oh, 0:14:40.080 --> 0:14:44.920 exists at the same time with those feelings, those emotions 0:14:44.960 --> 0:14:49.800 of inadequacy and self doubt and periodic self loathing. And 0:14:49.880 --> 0:14:54.640 that's not weird or broken or terrible. That's normal. Even 0:14:54.680 --> 0:14:56.920 the people that I've worked with that many of you 0:14:57.000 --> 0:15:00.560 would know that are high performers in the areas of 0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:06.360 sports or politics, or media or entertainment or the creative arts. 0:15:06.840 --> 0:15:08.760 Some of the people that I've worked with that are 0:15:09.480 --> 0:15:15.080 wildly successful are also insecure, also riddled with self doubt, 0:15:15.320 --> 0:15:20.400 also have self esteem issues, also could talk themselves into 0:15:20.440 --> 0:15:24.640 analysis paralysis in a second. So if any of that 0:15:24.840 --> 0:15:28.840 is you, that is not a reason to not succeed. 0:15:30.480 --> 0:15:35.000 You can be scared and successful. You can be inherently 0:15:35.200 --> 0:15:41.280 kind of naturally lazy while choosing to be active and proactive. 0:15:41.320 --> 0:15:46.280 You can do that. You can override things. My genetic 0:15:46.320 --> 0:15:51.440 default setting is endomorphic, which is I gain fat very easily. 0:15:52.240 --> 0:15:56.760 But my genetics don't need to be my destiny because 0:15:56.800 --> 0:15:59.440 what I'll look, feel, and function like is about twenty 0:15:59.480 --> 0:16:02.640 to thirty about my genetics. The rest is about what 0:16:02.720 --> 0:16:05.760 I do, and what I do is optional. What I 0:16:05.840 --> 0:16:09.960 eat is optional, how I live is optional. How I 0:16:10.040 --> 0:16:12.480 move my body, whether or not I drink booze or 0:16:12.560 --> 0:16:15.280 use drugs, or how I sleep or how much I sleep, 0:16:15.400 --> 0:16:18.400 or how I put all this shit together. My my 0:16:18.600 --> 0:16:26.360 overarching values, my overarching operating system for life. There are 0:16:27.280 --> 0:16:32.120 we can rationalize anything if we want, if we want 0:16:32.160 --> 0:16:34.560 to come up with a reason why we're not succeeding 0:16:34.640 --> 0:16:37.200 and life's not fair and my mum did this or 0:16:37.200 --> 0:16:39.720 my dad. And I'm not trying to be disrespectful to 0:16:39.760 --> 0:16:43.440 people who've been through legit trauma. Of course we recognize 0:16:43.440 --> 0:16:45.760 that and respect that. But at the same time, guess 0:16:45.840 --> 0:16:49.280 what a lot of people have been through trauma and 0:16:49.320 --> 0:16:51.400 a lot of people have been through some horrible shit. 0:16:51.480 --> 0:16:55.680 I interviewed Joelsarti the other day, who's speaking on our program, 0:16:55.760 --> 0:16:59.920 who went to Afghanistan, served for Australia in the military, 0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:04.119 spent eight months there on an active tour, came back, 0:17:05.080 --> 0:17:08.120 was having a quick break before he went back to Afghanistan, 0:17:08.240 --> 0:17:11.359 fell over railing railing on some stairs, broke his neck, 0:17:12.080 --> 0:17:15.880 broke his neck is a quadriplegic. Now, if anyone's got 0:17:15.880 --> 0:17:18.399 a reason to get stuck, it's that, dude. If you 0:17:18.440 --> 0:17:22.280 want to rationalize doing nothing, feeling sorry for yourself, being 0:17:22.320 --> 0:17:25.480 in a holding pattern, you know, getting stuck in all 0:17:25.560 --> 0:17:28.360 kinds of ways, you would look at, at least from 0:17:28.359 --> 0:17:31.000 the outside looking in, and look at that scenario and 0:17:31.040 --> 0:17:33.919 what happened to Jijol and go, man, I get it, 0:17:34.000 --> 0:17:38.119 I get it. But guess what, He's not stuck in 0:17:38.200 --> 0:17:39.879 the middle of the mess and the mayhem and the 0:17:39.920 --> 0:17:44.400 pain and the dysfunction and the physiological limitations and all 0:17:44.440 --> 0:17:48.920 of the challenges, massive challenges of adapting to a brand 0:17:48.920 --> 0:17:51.040 new life in a body that doesn't work as it 0:17:51.119 --> 0:17:54.160 once did. In the middle of all of that, he's 0:17:54.200 --> 0:17:57.560 growing and he's learning and he's developing skills and insight 0:17:57.640 --> 0:18:01.760 and awareness, and he's courageous and he's doing fucking amazing shit, 0:18:03.880 --> 0:18:07.440 and you can do too. We all can. It doesn't 0:18:07.440 --> 0:18:10.159 mean we can all do anything. We can't all run 0:18:10.200 --> 0:18:12.360 one hundred meters in ten seconds. We can't all win 0:18:12.400 --> 0:18:15.960 a Grammy. We can't all become president or prime minister. 0:18:16.080 --> 0:18:21.400 We can't just practically, we can't because we can't have 0:18:21.520 --> 0:18:24.760 a million prime ministers at once. But there's a lot 0:18:24.800 --> 0:18:26.760 of stuff that we can do. There's a lot of 0:18:26.800 --> 0:18:30.520 stuff that we can do. So let's have a look 0:18:30.520 --> 0:18:35.560 at some ideas on how to get unstuck. So I've 0:18:35.600 --> 0:18:39.320 got a list for you, because you know the occasional 0:18:39.400 --> 0:18:42.800 list doesn't hurt. Number one is, recognize your stuckness. Like that, 0:18:43.920 --> 0:18:47.080 recognize that you are stuck, that you are trapped, that 0:18:47.160 --> 0:18:49.520 you are in a holding pattern, that you are spinning 0:18:49.520 --> 0:18:53.359 your wheels, whatever metaphor you want to to use, but 0:18:53.480 --> 0:18:58.639 recognize that you are stuck and identify the cause. So 0:18:59.320 --> 0:19:03.320 for a very long time, for example, with my body, 0:19:04.400 --> 0:19:10.639 my stuckness, my holding pattern, my inability to look or feel, 0:19:10.760 --> 0:19:18.280 or perform or achieve the level of health and performance 0:19:18.480 --> 0:19:23.639 and body composition that I wanted for me. The cause 0:19:23.720 --> 0:19:28.639 was food, specifically, my relationship with food, specifically, how I 0:19:28.800 --> 0:19:33.280 thought about food, how I chose food, how I behaved 0:19:33.480 --> 0:19:37.040 with food and around food, how I socialized, how I 0:19:37.200 --> 0:19:42.960 bullshitted myself with food, how I lied to people. People 0:19:43.000 --> 0:19:45.160 would ask me about what I eat, and I would 0:19:45.240 --> 0:19:47.720 be too embarrassed at times to tell them really what 0:19:47.800 --> 0:19:50.400 I ate sometimes, so I would make up some bullshit 0:19:50.440 --> 0:19:54.679 to sound good, And so I was in a holding pattern. 0:19:54.760 --> 0:19:58.520 I was stuck. I had this toxic, destructive relationship with food. 0:19:58.840 --> 0:20:01.560 By the way, food wasn't problem. I was the problem. 0:20:01.880 --> 0:20:05.240 It's just that food was the epicenter of the problem. 0:20:06.080 --> 0:20:09.600 And so that was for me, you know, owning up 0:20:09.640 --> 0:20:11.840 and stepping up and being honest and raw and real. 0:20:11.880 --> 0:20:14.200 And the reason that I share that this was part 0:20:14.200 --> 0:20:16.520 of my journey is because I know other people do 0:20:16.600 --> 0:20:19.440 the same. I know that I don't live on an 0:20:19.440 --> 0:20:22.960 island in this respect. I'm not Robinson Cruzoe. I'm not 0:20:23.000 --> 0:20:25.720 the only person to have done this. I've spoken to 0:20:25.960 --> 0:20:29.720 maybe thousands of people who have very very complicated relationships 0:20:29.720 --> 0:20:34.040 with their body, very complicated relationships with food and with 0:20:34.160 --> 0:20:38.000 exercise and with self esteem and with body image and 0:20:38.040 --> 0:20:41.480 body dysmorphia. And I think the starting point for a 0:20:41.480 --> 0:20:45.119 lot of us, the unstuck, getting unstruck starting point is 0:20:45.280 --> 0:20:49.520 just being fucking honest. I eat shit. I don't need 0:20:51.080 --> 0:20:55.080 the end not ah yeah, but my genetics. But yeah, 0:20:55.119 --> 0:20:57.720 but you know, I didn't want to offend anyone, but 0:20:57.800 --> 0:20:59.679 oh it was all I could get my hands on. Ah, 0:20:59.760 --> 0:21:02.160 but it was my birthday. Oh but it was. It 0:21:02.200 --> 0:21:06.280 was you know, and you're fifty there, and now you're 0:21:06.320 --> 0:21:10.680 fifty and you're still telling yourself why you're not doing 0:21:10.960 --> 0:21:15.199 the things that you allegedly want to do. Like, you 0:21:15.240 --> 0:21:17.760 will not accidentally get in great shape. You will not 0:21:17.960 --> 0:21:22.960 accidentally have a fucking awesome body, awesome health, amazing immune system. 0:21:23.880 --> 0:21:27.240 You will not accidentally run a fucking marathon or whatever 0:21:27.280 --> 0:21:29.520 it is that or build a business or build a brand, 0:21:29.640 --> 0:21:34.080 or do an undergrad degree or overcoming it. You'll not 0:21:34.320 --> 0:21:38.160 accidentally do these things. We need to acknowledge the reality 0:21:38.280 --> 0:21:42.720 of us. This is why I'm doing a Part of 0:21:42.720 --> 0:21:46.480 why I'm doing a PhD in self awareness, literally is 0:21:46.520 --> 0:21:49.760 because self awareness with so much of this stuff is 0:21:49.840 --> 0:21:55.840 the starting point. Not self loathing, not self hate, self awareness. 0:21:56.240 --> 0:21:59.159 This is what I'm doing okay, my life's not working 0:21:59.280 --> 0:22:03.639 in this context. What part of the problem am I. 0:22:04.640 --> 0:22:07.480 It's not to say you're always the totality of the problem, 0:22:08.080 --> 0:22:10.440 but let's just be brave for a moment and courageous 0:22:10.440 --> 0:22:12.920 and grown up and mature and let's go, yeah, look, 0:22:13.560 --> 0:22:17.400 at least I'm part of the problem, all right. Number 0:22:17.400 --> 0:22:20.560 two is this, identify the thing that you're not doing 0:22:22.240 --> 0:22:26.720 that you should be doing. So what might that be 0:22:26.800 --> 0:22:32.480 for you? Maybe that is maybe that is you need 0:22:32.520 --> 0:22:35.320 to study thirty minutes every morning. Maybe that is you 0:22:35.400 --> 0:22:39.720 need to start having a cold shower every day. Maybe 0:22:39.760 --> 0:22:43.280 that is you need to commit to some I don't 0:22:43.320 --> 0:22:46.879 know what it is, doesn't matter. It could be something 0:22:46.920 --> 0:22:49.679 to do with your kids or your partner. Could be 0:22:49.760 --> 0:22:52.119 something to do with your career. Could be something to 0:22:52.160 --> 0:22:55.359 do with your physical, mental, or emotional health. It could 0:22:55.359 --> 0:22:59.760 be something to do with a toxic relationship that you 0:22:59.800 --> 0:23:02.200 need to deal with. It could be something to do 0:23:02.280 --> 0:23:08.240 with your lifestyle. It could be a million things. But 0:23:08.320 --> 0:23:11.800 what is the thing that you're not doing that you 0:23:11.920 --> 0:23:16.320 know you should be. Number three is kind of an 0:23:16.359 --> 0:23:21.879 expansion of that, and that is to do a stock 0:23:22.000 --> 0:23:29.160 take or audit on what's working and what's not working 0:23:29.160 --> 0:23:34.399 on planet you. And this is not something that you 0:23:34.480 --> 0:23:38.280 do in three minutes driving to work, listening to the radio, 0:23:38.600 --> 0:23:42.480 looking for a park. This is something that I think 0:23:42.560 --> 0:23:45.480 really we need to take seriously about when we talk 0:23:45.480 --> 0:23:52.199 about living consciously. We spoke before about unconscious stuff and 0:23:52.240 --> 0:23:55.960 how you know. In many ways, for a range of reasons, 0:23:56.600 --> 0:24:00.400 many of us are periodic passengers in our own life. Life. 0:24:01.600 --> 0:24:04.200 That is, life has its own energy, Life has its 0:24:04.200 --> 0:24:11.119 own life force, Life has its own momentum, and life 0:24:11.280 --> 0:24:16.720 happens despite us. Life keeps going on, and the things 0:24:16.720 --> 0:24:18.840 that we are in the middle of have their own 0:24:18.880 --> 0:24:22.919 momentum and energy as well. And sometimes we need to 0:24:22.920 --> 0:24:26.640 get out of that river, that ever flowing river that 0:24:26.680 --> 0:24:29.919 we are sitting in our canoe just being swept that 0:24:29.960 --> 0:24:31.800 we need to paddle to the side. We need to 0:24:31.800 --> 0:24:34.960 get to the metaphoric bank, pull up our canoe and 0:24:35.000 --> 0:24:38.440 our paddle, sit on the metaphoric rock and just take 0:24:38.480 --> 0:24:42.160 a minute. Take a minute, get out of the river, 0:24:42.200 --> 0:24:44.440 get out of the momentum, get out of the busyness, 0:24:44.800 --> 0:24:47.520 get out of the never endingness, even if it's for 0:24:47.560 --> 0:24:53.000 thirty minutes to sit no phone, no computer, no distractions, 0:24:53.119 --> 0:24:59.159 just you thinking about how's my life going? How is 0:24:59.480 --> 0:25:07.960 my life going, How's my body going? What about my rituals? 0:25:08.000 --> 0:25:13.080 What about my social life? What about? What about my sleep? 0:25:13.560 --> 0:25:16.160 What about my self talk? What about my mental health? 0:25:16.200 --> 0:25:20.760 How's that going on? What's that about? What about? What 0:25:20.880 --> 0:25:24.280 about the results that I'm producing? Are they the results 0:25:24.320 --> 0:25:26.320 I want to produce? If not, why not? What am 0:25:26.320 --> 0:25:30.720 I doing? What could I do better? One of the 0:25:30.800 --> 0:25:37.800 challenges for us is that, obviously my world view is subjective. 0:25:39.040 --> 0:25:43.199 All of my experiences are influenced by the goings on 0:25:43.240 --> 0:25:46.639 in my external world, but ultimately created by me. And 0:25:46.680 --> 0:25:48.760 when I say me, I say my brain, my mind, 0:25:48.840 --> 0:25:53.679 my data processing center. I am always doing a subjective 0:25:53.720 --> 0:25:59.959 assessment and interpretation of objective things. Something happens to me 0:26:00.200 --> 0:26:04.480 around me despite me a person, a situation and outcome, 0:26:04.640 --> 0:26:09.880 a result, the weather, some piece of news. Then what 0:26:09.960 --> 0:26:14.320 I do, automatically and almost unconsciously, is I break it 0:26:14.359 --> 0:26:18.520 down and I give it meaning. And one of the 0:26:18.600 --> 0:26:21.840 challenges for us, in the continuity and the never endingness 0:26:21.880 --> 0:26:27.520 of the human experience and the never ending stream of 0:26:29.240 --> 0:26:35.000 information and energy and people and events, is to be 0:26:35.080 --> 0:26:38.600 able to find some space, some metaphoric space, sometimes some 0:26:38.800 --> 0:26:43.439 literal space to say, well, here I am, I'm thirty, 0:26:43.680 --> 0:26:47.480 I'm forty, I'm fifty. How long have I been thinking 0:26:47.480 --> 0:26:51.360 about changing these things? How many times have I had 0:26:51.400 --> 0:26:55.960 the same story or told myself the same or others 0:26:56.080 --> 0:26:58.840 the same story about the same things that I'm going 0:26:58.920 --> 0:27:01.240 to change soon. I'm going to I'm doing it soon. 0:27:02.320 --> 0:27:05.520 But here I am, and now I'm fifty and I'm 0:27:05.560 --> 0:27:10.840 not doing it. What are the things that on planet 0:27:10.920 --> 0:27:14.320 me are not working? And what are the things that 0:27:14.359 --> 0:27:16.480