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Speaker 1: Good dight team. It's harps hope, you bloody terrific. Ah.

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Speaker 1: So I want to talk to you about the very

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Speaker 1: common habit of getting stuck, that is spinning our wheels,

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Speaker 1: that is living life or part of our life in

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Speaker 1: a perpetual holding pattern, thinking about doing different while not

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Speaker 1: doing different, talking about doing different and better while not

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Speaker 1: doing it, talking about transformation and improvement and growth and

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Speaker 1: learning and unlearning and becoming the best version of ourselves

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Speaker 1: and exploring our talents and our potential and building our

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Speaker 1: best whatever, while simultaneously not fucking doing it. Ah. And

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Speaker 1: let's be honest. Let's be honest. That's a lot of

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Speaker 1: people a lot of the time. And that's not me

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Speaker 1: being critical. That's me being an observer of people. Also

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Speaker 1: myself being one of those people. So there've been many

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Speaker 1: times in my life when I have been I've been,

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Speaker 1: I guess, trapped in a kind of a holding pattern,

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Speaker 1: a holding pattern of mediocrity, like a groundhole day like

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Speaker 1: same shits, same stuff, same doing the same things with

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Speaker 1: my business or my brand, or my money, or my body,

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Speaker 1: or my relationships or my spiritual life or my mental

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Speaker 1: health or my emotional health or my academic pursuits, my learning, commitment,

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Speaker 1: my training, my nutrition, doing stuff that didn't work, but

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Speaker 1: nonetheless getting up each day and essentially doing a version

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Speaker 1: of what didn't work the last day, month, year, decade sometimes.

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Speaker 1: So I'm very interested in, as you are well know,

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Speaker 1: I'm interested in human potential. I'm interested in possibilities. I'm

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Speaker 1: interested in what we can do, what I can do,

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Speaker 1: what you can do when you and me get out

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Speaker 1: of it own way, when I can get out of

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Speaker 1: my destructive habits, my self destructive self talk, thinking, my

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Speaker 1: shitty lifestyle, not so much these days, but at times,

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Speaker 1: my relationships, my operating system, not just relationships with people,

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Speaker 1: but relationships with food, relationships with my body, relationships with

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Speaker 1: all of the things that I do, habits and behaviors,

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Speaker 1: and stepping into out of the self destruction and the

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Speaker 1: overthinking and the self doubt and the imposter syndrome, and

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Speaker 1: slowly stepping into self awareness and self genuine self improvement

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Speaker 1: and self regulation and self optimization for that matter. So

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Speaker 1: many years, for many years I worked with people who

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Speaker 1: came to me to get in physically, and then more

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Speaker 1: recently last decade or so, you know, mentally and emotionally,

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Speaker 1: but who were stuck and stuck physically sometimes or stuck

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Speaker 1: mentally or emotionally all three, or socially and or socially

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Speaker 1: practically behaviorally, you know, just in this normal operating system

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Speaker 1: that doesn't work. So there's there's a there's a degree

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Speaker 1: of unconsciousness that all of us in habit, and as

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Speaker 1: the name suggests, we're not aware of it. That is,

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Speaker 1: we unconsciously do a lot of things, and we do

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Speaker 1: a lot of things that really will require very very

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Speaker 1: low level decision making in that you know, we've got

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Speaker 1: to open the fridge to get the thing out to

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Speaker 1: put it in our mouth, but it's almost like we

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Speaker 1: do that without thinking, without choosing. It's just a habit,

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Speaker 1: it's a pattern, that's a ritual, it's a behavior. I

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Speaker 1: feel shit. I'm not hungry, I'm not actually hungry, I

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Speaker 1: don't actually need food, but I'm having a bad day.

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Speaker 1: So now I'm grabbing chocolate. Now I'm eating chocolate. I

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Speaker 1: feel a bit flat, I feel a bit anxious. Now

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Speaker 1: I'm grabbing booze. I fit whatever. And so we have

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Speaker 1: a propensity and a tendency, many of us, to do

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Speaker 1: things for an extended period of time, sometimes decades that

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Speaker 1: clearly do not work for us. And when I say

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Speaker 1: do not work, I'm saying do not work on the

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Speaker 1: understanding or the premise that we want to be better.

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Speaker 1: We don't want to be unhealthy. We don't want destructive habits.

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Speaker 1: We don't want to overthink. We don't want to overdrink.

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Speaker 1: We don't want to overeat. We don't want to be

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Speaker 1: the procrastinator. We don't want to be the excuse maker.

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Speaker 1: We don't want to be the avoid or the denier.

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Speaker 1: We want to take ownership, we want to take charge.

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Speaker 1: We want to optimize our genetics, optimize our potential, optimize

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Speaker 1: our IQ, our intellectual capacity, optimize our creativity. We talk

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Speaker 1: all the time, especially in the personal development, self help space,

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Speaker 1: human performance, human behavior, we talk all the time about optimization,

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Speaker 1: that is, getting the most out of ourselves. But truly, truly,

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Speaker 1: as unpopular as this might be, or as uncomfortable as

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Speaker 1: this might be for some to hear, and I don't

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Speaker 1: know you, so clearly it's not personal, or clearly you're

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Speaker 1: one of many listenings, so I'm not targeting you. So

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Speaker 1: all I ask you to do is consider what I'm

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Speaker 1: about to say, and that what I'm about to say

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Speaker 1: is that some of you have probably been doing things

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Speaker 1: that don't work for a very long time, and maybe

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Speaker 1: lots of things that don't work. And if on some

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Speaker 1: level you've kind of resigned yourself to that fact and

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Speaker 1: you're kind of okay with it, then okay. However, if

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Speaker 1: you're not okay with it, if you are sick of

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Speaker 1: being the one day soon person, the almost person, and

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Speaker 1: to so much self help and personal development, behavioral change

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Speaker 1: in neuroscience and neuropsychology and nutrition, and I've read every

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Speaker 1: fucking thing and listen to every fucking thing, But here

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Speaker 1: I am, and I'm still in groundhole day. I'm still

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Speaker 1: spinning my wheels, I'm still going nowhere fast. I'm still

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Speaker 1: in a perpetual holding pattern of mediocrity and dissatisfaction and

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Speaker 1: wasted time, talent, and energy. If that's you, then then

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Speaker 1: one you need to figure out if you're really desperately,

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Speaker 1: passionately committed to changing that, and then two, whether or

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Speaker 1: not you are genuinely willing to pay the price of

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Speaker 1: whatever is required to create that shift on planet you.

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Speaker 1: And this is the big kind of gap. This is

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Speaker 1: the chasm between the idea and the action and the idea.

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Speaker 1: Everyone's in love with the idea. Everyone's in love with

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Speaker 1: the idea of better. Everyone's in love with the idea

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Speaker 1: of lean and and functional and successful and joyful and

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Speaker 1: wealthy and focused and fulfilled. We love all that shit

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Speaker 1: because who doesn't want that. We all want that or

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Speaker 1: a version of that. I rarely speak to people who

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Speaker 1: say I am totally content. I don't want anything else.

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Speaker 1: This is a whole other conversation out by the way.

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Speaker 1: But I'm there. I don't need any more. I'm happy.

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Speaker 1: I'm content, you know, for the most part, not anxious.

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Speaker 1: Life's great. That's generally not the case, and there's another conversation,

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Speaker 1: as I said, to be had around that. But for

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Speaker 1: the moment, I want to talk to you about whether

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Speaker 1: or not you are genuinely ready. Firstly, I'm going to

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Speaker 1: operate on the assumption that you are at the very

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Speaker 1: least interested in getting unstuck, interested in getting out of

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Speaker 1: your own way, interested in stepping out of the rules

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Speaker 1: and habits and rituals and the perpetual holding pattern that

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Speaker 1: you may be in in some areas of your life

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Speaker 1: that doesn't work or don't work, to step out of that.

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Speaker 1: So Firstly, let's talk about what are the drivers? What

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Speaker 1: are the things which cause us to get stuck? And

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Speaker 1: so this list is not in terms of significance or important.

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Speaker 1: They are all equally important. And some of these may

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Speaker 1: relate to you, some of them may not. It's seven

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Speaker 1: or eight or nine maybe, And some of them seem

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Speaker 1: like overly simple. Well, come on, Craig, I need more

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Speaker 1: than that. I need some deeper science. I need something

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Speaker 1: more profound than that. I need something more wise and

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Speaker 1: insightful and deep than laziness. For example, this sounds funny,

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Speaker 1: but I just meet people who are fucking lazy, and

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Speaker 1: that's why they're stuck. It's not even that they're scared.

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Speaker 1: They're just lazy. They just don't They just don't want

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Speaker 1: to do the work. They like the idea of the outcome.

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Speaker 1: They like the idea of the destination, but they are

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Speaker 1: not ready to get up every day and walk the path,

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Speaker 1: or drive the path, or take the path, or or

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Speaker 1: take the journey. Like the destination, the idea of the

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Speaker 1: outcome is brilliant, but the idea of doing what's required

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Speaker 1: to create that outcome, they're like, ah soon. And so

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Speaker 1: you know, if laziness is the overriding kind of factor,

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Speaker 1: then we're stuck. And so that and I think sometimes

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Speaker 1: that that kind of general apathy, laziness, apathy, lack of motivation,

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Speaker 1: perhaps they're tied in together. And my my thoughts, this

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Speaker 1: is not science, this is my thoughts. I think that,

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Speaker 1: as I've said a lot on this show, there's almost

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Speaker 1: like a psychological and or emotional tipping point for a

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Speaker 1: lot of us, and that is we kind of just go.

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Speaker 1: We just kind of trudge along in blah, you know,

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Speaker 1: in Blasville, in mediocrity in three out of ten, and

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Speaker 1: it's not fulfilling or rewarding or awesome or joyful, but

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Speaker 1: it's also not complete shit. It's okay. There are moments

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Speaker 1: of okayness, and you know, until we get to that

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Speaker 1: point where we associate more pain, we're staying in it

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Speaker 1: than getting out of it. Most of us will stay

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Speaker 1: in it. And you can see as an observer of

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Speaker 1: human behavior, you can see people staying in things, sometimes

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Speaker 1: relationships or jobs or situations or circumstances, environments or patterns

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Speaker 1: or habits, staying in things that really don't work, but

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Speaker 1: on some level they're scared of the option. They're scared

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Speaker 1: of the work, They're scared of the unknown, They're scared

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Speaker 1: of the uncertainty. Should they shut the door on that

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Speaker 1: thing and step away and head in a new direction

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Speaker 1: with no safety in it? So fear comes into it, laziness, apathy, fear. Mindset. Now,

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Speaker 1: when I talk about mindset, clearly we could and we

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Speaker 1: have done many shows on this, but it's you know,

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Speaker 1: being aware that my mind is not in charge of me.

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Speaker 1: I am in charge of my mind. And yes I'm

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Speaker 1: not talking about my brain here. My brain is different,

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Speaker 1: is a different animal. But in terms of managing regulating

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Speaker 1: my thoughts, what I pay attention to, what I focus on?

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Speaker 1: Am I the problem person? Am I the solution person?

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Speaker 1: Am I making good decisions? How do I process the

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Speaker 1: world around me? What is the thing that happened? What

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Speaker 1: is my story that I'm telling myself about the thing

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Speaker 1: that happened? Why do I think the way that I think?

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Speaker 1: Where does my thinking come from? What role does my

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Speaker 1: programming play in my current internal paradigm, in my internal framework?

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Speaker 1: What role does my programming play in terms of how

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Speaker 1: I live and what I do and my values and

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Speaker 1: so on. So, becoming aware of these internal kind of

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Speaker 1: drivers that influence perhaps determine whether or not we stay

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Speaker 1: stuck or we move self doubt. Self doubt is like

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Speaker 1: almost a pandemic, you know, aversion to discomfort spoken about

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Speaker 1: a lot of times. People want the work, they don't

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Speaker 1: want the pain, self limiting thinking, crap, self esteem, and

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Speaker 1: so on. And the truth is that at some stage,

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Speaker 1: should we really want to move forward, we need to

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Speaker 1: feel what we feel. Feel lazy, feel not good enough,

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Speaker 1: feel like a fraud, feel like an impostor, but nonetheless

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Speaker 1: start the ball rolling. I've spent most of my life

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Speaker 1: still feeling like the insecure, fat kid that got picked

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Speaker 1: last for every sporting team. At some stages, I feel

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Speaker 1: like that. I don't feel like literally that, I just

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Speaker 1: that those emotional and psychological remnants live on. You know.

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Speaker 1: I could be in the middle of, like right now,

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Speaker 1: sharing this with you, at the same time feeling like, oh,

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Speaker 1: this is shit and no one's going to enjoy it.

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Speaker 1: Like that. Self doubt never fully goes away from me,

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Speaker 1: that imposter syndrome, not good enough, not smart enough, not

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Speaker 1: academic enough, not lean enough, not likable enough, not fucking

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Speaker 1: it what. That stuff never fully goes away. It doesn't

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Speaker 1: dominate me, it doesn't render me paralyzed. But but do

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Speaker 1: I ever feel supremely confident? Never? I never feel that

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Speaker 1: I feel somewhat confident. I feel content and pretty calm

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Speaker 1: and pretty satisfied most of the time. But what I

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Speaker 1: know is that the psychological awareness that I can do things,

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Speaker 1: I'm not useless. I can succeed, I can write well,

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Speaker 1: I can speak well, I can talk to an audience.

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Speaker 1: I can build a business and brand, while also knowing

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Speaker 1: that I've fucked up a lot of things and all

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Speaker 1: of that. But that knowledge that I can do well, oh,

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Speaker 1: exists at the same time with those feelings, those emotions

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Speaker 1: of inadequacy and self doubt and periodic self loathing. And

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Speaker 1: that's not weird or broken or terrible. That's normal. Even

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Speaker 1: the people that I've worked with that many of you

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Speaker 1: would know that are high performers in the areas of

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Speaker 1: sports or politics, or media or entertainment or the creative arts.

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Speaker 1: Some of the people that I've worked with that are

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Speaker 1: wildly successful are also insecure, also riddled with self doubt,

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Speaker 1: also have self esteem issues, also could talk themselves into

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Speaker 1: analysis paralysis in a second. So if any of that

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Speaker 1: is you, that is not a reason to not succeed.

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Speaker 1: You can be scared and successful. You can be inherently

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Speaker 1: kind of naturally lazy while choosing to be active and proactive.

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Speaker 1: You can do that. You can override things. My genetic

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Speaker 1: default setting is endomorphic, which is I gain fat very easily.

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Speaker 1: But my genetics don't need to be my destiny because

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Speaker 1: what I'll look, feel, and function like is about twenty

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Speaker 1: to thirty about my genetics. The rest is about what

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Speaker 1: I do, and what I do is optional. What I

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Speaker 1: eat is optional, how I live is optional. How I

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Speaker 1: move my body, whether or not I drink booze or

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Speaker 1: use drugs, or how I sleep or how much I sleep,

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Speaker 1: or how I put all this shit together. My my

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Speaker 1: overarching values, my overarching operating system for life. There are

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Speaker 1: we can rationalize anything if we want, if we want

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Speaker 1: to come up with a reason why we're not succeeding

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Speaker 1: and life's not fair and my mum did this or

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Speaker 1: my dad. And I'm not trying to be disrespectful to

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Speaker 1: people who've been through legit trauma. Of course we recognize

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Speaker 1: that and respect that. But at the same time, guess

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Speaker 1: what a lot of people have been through trauma and

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Speaker 1: a lot of people have been through some horrible shit.

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Speaker 1: I interviewed Joelsarti the other day, who's speaking on our program,

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Speaker 1: who went to Afghanistan, served for Australia in the military,

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Speaker 1: spent eight months there on an active tour, came back,

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Speaker 1: was having a quick break before he went back to Afghanistan,

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Speaker 1: fell over railing railing on some stairs, broke his neck,

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Speaker 1: broke his neck is a quadriplegic. Now, if anyone's got

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Speaker 1: a reason to get stuck, it's that, dude. If you

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Speaker 1: want to rationalize doing nothing, feeling sorry for yourself, being

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Speaker 1: in a holding pattern, you know, getting stuck in all

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Speaker 1: kinds of ways, you would look at, at least from

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Speaker 1: the outside looking in, and look at that scenario and

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Speaker 1: what happened to Jijol and go, man, I get it,

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Speaker 1: I get it. But guess what, He's not stuck in

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Speaker 1: the middle of the mess and the mayhem and the

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Speaker 1: pain and the dysfunction and the physiological limitations and all

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Speaker 1: of the challenges, massive challenges of adapting to a brand

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Speaker 1: new life in a body that doesn't work as it

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Speaker 1: once did. In the middle of all of that, he's

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Speaker 1: growing and he's learning and he's developing skills and insight

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Speaker 1: and awareness, and he's courageous and he's doing fucking amazing shit,

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Speaker 1: and you can do too. We all can. It doesn't

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Speaker 1: mean we can all do anything. We can't all run

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Speaker 1: one hundred meters in ten seconds. We can't all win

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Speaker 1: a Grammy. We can't all become president or prime minister.

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Speaker 1: We can't just practically, we can't because we can't have

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Speaker 1: a million prime ministers at once. But there's a lot

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Speaker 1: of stuff that we can do. There's a lot of

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Speaker 1: stuff that we can do. So let's have a look

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Speaker 1: at some ideas on how to get unstuck. So I've

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Speaker 1: got a list for you, because you know the occasional

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Speaker 1: list doesn't hurt. Number one is, recognize your stuckness. Like that,

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Speaker 1: recognize that you are stuck, that you are trapped, that

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Speaker 1: you are in a holding pattern, that you are spinning

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Speaker 1: your wheels, whatever metaphor you want to to use, but

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Speaker 1: recognize that you are stuck and identify the cause. So

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Speaker 1: for a very long time, for example, with my body,

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Speaker 1: my stuckness, my holding pattern, my inability to look or feel,

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Speaker 1: or perform or achieve the level of health and performance

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Speaker 1: and body composition that I wanted for me. The cause

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Speaker 1: was food, specifically, my relationship with food, specifically, how I

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Speaker 1: thought about food, how I chose food, how I behaved

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Speaker 1: with food and around food, how I socialized, how I

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Speaker 1: bullshitted myself with food, how I lied to people. People

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Speaker 1: would ask me about what I eat, and I would

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Speaker 1: be too embarrassed at times to tell them really what

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Speaker 1: I ate sometimes, so I would make up some bullshit

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Speaker 1: to sound good, And so I was in a holding pattern.

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Speaker 1: I was stuck. I had this toxic, destructive relationship with food.

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Speaker 1: By the way, food wasn't problem. I was the problem.

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Speaker 1: It's just that food was the epicenter of the problem.

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Speaker 1: And so that was for me, you know, owning up

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Speaker 1: and stepping up and being honest and raw and real.

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Speaker 1: And the reason that I share that this was part

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Speaker 1: of my journey is because I know other people do

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Speaker 1: the same. I know that I don't live on an

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Speaker 1: island in this respect. I'm not Robinson Cruzoe. I'm not

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Speaker 1: the only person to have done this. I've spoken to

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Speaker 1: maybe thousands of people who have very very complicated relationships

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Speaker 1: with their body, very complicated relationships with food and with

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Speaker 1: exercise and with self esteem and with body image and

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Speaker 1: body dysmorphia. And I think the starting point for a

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Speaker 1: lot of us, the unstuck, getting unstruck starting point is

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Speaker 1: just being fucking honest. I eat shit. I don't need

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Speaker 1: the end not ah yeah, but my genetics. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: but you know, I didn't want to offend anyone, but

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Speaker 1: oh it was all I could get my hands on. Ah,

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Speaker 1: but it was my birthday. Oh but it was. It

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Speaker 1: was you know, and you're fifty there, and now you're

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Speaker 1: fifty and you're still telling yourself why you're not doing

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Speaker 1: the things that you allegedly want to do. Like, you

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Speaker 1: will not accidentally get in great shape. You will not

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Speaker 1: accidentally have a fucking awesome body, awesome health, amazing immune system.

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Speaker 1: You will not accidentally run a fucking marathon or whatever

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Speaker 1: it is that or build a business or build a brand,

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Speaker 1: or do an undergrad degree or overcoming it. You'll not

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Speaker 1: accidentally do these things. We need to acknowledge the reality

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Speaker 1: of us. This is why I'm doing a Part of

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Speaker 1: why I'm doing a PhD in self awareness, literally is

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Speaker 1: because self awareness with so much of this stuff is

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Speaker 1: the starting point. Not self loathing, not self hate, self awareness.

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Speaker 1: This is what I'm doing okay, my life's not working

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Speaker 1: in this context. What part of the problem am I.

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Speaker 1: It's not to say you're always the totality of the problem,

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Speaker 1: but let's just be brave for a moment and courageous

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Speaker 1: and grown up and mature and let's go, yeah, look,

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Speaker 1: at least I'm part of the problem, all right. Number

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Speaker 1: two is this, identify the thing that you're not doing

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Speaker 1: that you should be doing. So what might that be

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Speaker 1: for you? Maybe that is maybe that is you need

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Speaker 1: to study thirty minutes every morning. Maybe that is you

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Speaker 1: need to start having a cold shower every day. Maybe

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Speaker 1: that is you need to commit to some I don't

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Speaker 1: know what it is, doesn't matter. It could be something

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Speaker 1: to do with your kids or your partner. Could be

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Speaker 1: something to do with your career. Could be something to

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Speaker 1: do with your physical, mental, or emotional health. It could

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Speaker 1: be something to do with a toxic relationship that you

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Speaker 1: need to deal with. It could be something to do

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Speaker 1: with your lifestyle. It could be a million things. But

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Speaker 1: what is the thing that you're not doing that you

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Speaker 1: know you should be. Number three is kind of an

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Speaker 1: expansion of that, and that is to do a stock

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Speaker 1: take or audit on what's working and what's not working

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Speaker 1: on planet you. And this is not something that you

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Speaker 1: do in three minutes driving to work, listening to the radio,

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Speaker 1: looking for a park. This is something that I think

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Speaker 1: really we need to take seriously about when we talk

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Speaker 1: about living consciously. We spoke before about unconscious stuff and

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Speaker 1: how you know. In many ways, for a range of reasons,

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Speaker 1: many of us are periodic passengers in our own life. Life.

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Speaker 1: That is, life has its own energy, Life has its

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Speaker 1: own life force, Life has its own momentum, and life

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Speaker 1: happens despite us. Life keeps going on, and the things

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Speaker 1: that we are in the middle of have their own

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Speaker 1: momentum and energy as well. And sometimes we need to

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Speaker 1: get out of that river, that ever flowing river that

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Speaker 1: we are sitting in our canoe just being swept that

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Speaker 1: we need to paddle to the side. We need to

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Speaker 1: get to the metaphoric bank, pull up our canoe and

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Speaker 1: our paddle, sit on the metaphoric rock and just take

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Speaker 1: a minute. Take a minute, get out of the river,

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Speaker 1: get out of the momentum, get out of the busyness,

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Speaker 1: get out of the never endingness, even if it's for

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Speaker 1: thirty minutes to sit no phone, no computer, no distractions,

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Speaker 1: just you thinking about how's my life going? How is

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Speaker 1: my life going, How's my body going? What about my rituals?

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Speaker 1: What about my social life? What about? What about my sleep?

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Speaker 1: What about my self talk? What about my mental health?

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Speaker 1: How's that going on? What's that about? What about? What

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Speaker 1: about the results that I'm producing? Are they the results

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Speaker 1: I want to produce? If not, why not? What am

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Speaker 1: I doing? What could I do better? One of the

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Speaker 1: challenges for us is that, obviously my world view is subjective.

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Speaker 1: All of my experiences are influenced by the goings on

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Speaker 1: in my external world, but ultimately created by me. And

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Speaker 1: when I say me, I say my brain, my mind,

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Speaker 1: my data processing center. I am always doing a subjective

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Speaker 1: assessment and interpretation of objective things. Something happens to me

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Speaker 1: around me despite me a person, a situation and outcome,

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Speaker 1: a result, the weather, some piece of news. Then what

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Speaker 1: I do, automatically and almost unconsciously, is I break it

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Speaker 1: down and I give it meaning. And one of the

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Speaker 1: challenges for us, in the continuity and the never endingness

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Speaker 1: of the human experience and the never ending stream of

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Speaker 1: information and energy and people and events, is to be

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Speaker 1: able to find some space, some metaphoric space, sometimes some

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Speaker 1: literal space to say, well, here I am, I'm thirty,

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Speaker 1: I'm forty, I'm fifty. How long have I been thinking

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Speaker 1: about changing these things? How many times have I had

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Speaker 1: the same story or told myself the same or others

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Speaker 1: the same story about the same things that I'm going

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Speaker 1: to change soon. I'm going to I'm doing it soon.

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Speaker 1: But here I am, and now I'm fifty and I'm

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Speaker 1: not doing it. What are the things that on planet

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Speaker 1: me are not working? And what are the things that

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00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:16,480
Speaker 1: are working? What are my results telling me? What's my

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00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:20,760
Speaker 1: life telling me? What are my relationships telling me? Things

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00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:25,800
Speaker 1: won't accidentally get better? You and I will do the audit.

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Speaker 1: We will observe the thing, recognize the thing, we'll take

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Speaker 1: ownership of the thing, and then we'll work to change

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Speaker 1: the thing that needs to be changed, or we won't.

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Speaker 1: That's up to you, that's up to me. All right, team,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to interrupt myself there. We're going to call this.

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Speaker 1: This went longer than I anticipated, So we're going to

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Speaker 1: call this bit where I'm at right now, the end

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Speaker 1: of part one. I hope you're enjoying it. I think

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Speaker 1: this is a really important conversation. We'll be back tomorrow

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Speaker 1: with the end the Conclusion Part two. See then