Speaker 1: Approche Production.
Speaker 2: Welcome to Behind the Drapes. I'm your host Brent Draper
Speaker 2: aka Drakes, and.
Speaker 1: I'm Shanlee Draper and we're here to talk about stuff
Speaker 1: according to us.
Speaker 2: Hey guys, it's Draper here.
Speaker 1: And I was naked on the Golkos Highway.
Speaker 2: Yoh, buddy is made to give birth. You are a
Speaker 2: strong woman. Welcome back to the second season of Behind
Speaker 2: the Drakes. I'm Bran, I'm Shanley. Twenty three was one
Speaker 2: hell of a year for us. It was as busy
Speaker 2: and as rewarding as you can possibly get. I think,
Speaker 2: obviously at the top little Bowie, you know, bringing a
Speaker 2: new life into the world amazing. So I moved to
Speaker 2: Melbourne and obviously took out the trophy in Marster Cheff,
Speaker 2: which is top five things of my life what I've done,
Speaker 2: and then Bang twenty twenty four hits us.
Speaker 1: Obviously, we had a lot of highs in the year
Speaker 1: and they were like bang bang bang after each other.
Speaker 1: You know. Our biggest low was that we lost Jock,
Speaker 1: and then I think because of the way Master Chef
Speaker 1: ran and how it was on TV and all that
Speaker 1: kind of stuff, it was like high, really really low high.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean, like it felt like there
Speaker 1: was that you know, kind of you went back up
Speaker 1: when you had the win, obviously in terms of how
Speaker 1: busy you got and how much energy you're putting out
Speaker 1: into the world, and I think obviously maybe at distraction
Speaker 1: as well. But so I just want to say that
Speaker 1: as well. I think we did have some lows for sure,
Speaker 1: but that year was very special in terms of the
Speaker 1: fact that you did win the show, and also we
Speaker 1: had a beautiful bowie and we moved to our favorite
Speaker 1: place in the northern New South Wales.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we love it.
Speaker 1: We love it there and we feel so lucky to
Speaker 1: live there. But I think today it's really important. So
Speaker 1: we were like talking about this episode and what we
Speaker 1: want to talk about. But Jpes was like, oh, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't want to just get on there and like
Speaker 1: talk about my own shit and you know, make it
Speaker 1: all about me. And I was like, well, the reality
Speaker 1: is it's behind the drapes. You'r draper. And I think
Speaker 1: it's important for us to not just like share how
Speaker 1: great things are, but to also in the moment, probably
Speaker 1: more important than ever, tell people when things aren't so great,
Speaker 1: because I think we hear a lot of hindsight stuff,
Speaker 1: you know, like your story with your mental health with
Speaker 1: Master Chef was very much like you told the story,
Speaker 1: but you were telling it past tense. So you told
Speaker 1: it six months you know, it happened six months ago.
Speaker 1: Whereas I think what we're kind of feeling and going
Speaker 1: through and like living through at the moment is really relevant,
Speaker 1: and I think we should talk about it. So I'm
Speaker 1: going I open up to you, Drapes. I want to
Speaker 1: ask you, how are you feeling in twenty twenty four.
Speaker 2: Look, I think I don't know. This is the first
Speaker 2: year I think where I haven't been like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: this is twenty twenty four. This is my year. There's
Speaker 2: my purpose, there's my north star. That's where I'm heading.
Speaker 2: I've flowed into twenty twenty four of the back of
Speaker 2: twenty twenty three. Last sort of three months or twenty
Speaker 2: twenty three. You know, obviously baby and Christmas, I sort
Speaker 2: of just I had sort of nothing on, which isn't amazing,
Speaker 2: Like it's how good is that to be able to, like,
Speaker 2: you know, be at home with your little newborn.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, and that's what we've talked about.
Speaker 2: This.
Speaker 1: You would have dreamt of that when you had Alphae,
Speaker 1: you had two weeks off with Alfie, you had to
Speaker 1: go back to work, and you hated going back to work,
Speaker 1: Whereas this time around, you had November and December and
Speaker 1: you were like chomping at the bit to do some work,
Speaker 1: and realistically, like, let's be honest, you actually weren't that happy.
Speaker 2: We need to do something in life. You can't just
Speaker 2: cruise around. You need purpose in life. Yeah, I think
Speaker 2: everyone needs a purpose, whether the purposes their kids, or
Speaker 2: their purposes their career, or their purposes making people feel
Speaker 2: good by being a yoga, instructoring, volunteering, whatever it is.
Speaker 2: And you know, I think at the end of last year,
Speaker 2: I sort of lost a bit of my purpose. And
Speaker 2: I know a lot of people because I've talked to
Speaker 2: a lot of people, and I know a lot of
Speaker 2: people are going to feel the same where they just
Speaker 2: feel like I'm just floating around at the moment, no traction,
Speaker 2: no direction, no sort of goals, and just sort of
Speaker 2: I've just felt like I've stumbled and landed in twenty
Speaker 2: twenty four and now I'm just getting up and I'm like,
Speaker 2: where the fuck do I go? What do I do? Yeah,
Speaker 2: Like I thought, Hang on a minute, do I go
Speaker 2: back to being a trade e or do I try
Speaker 2: another trade? I love a lot of things.
Speaker 1: Which is so like I said that the time, You're so
Speaker 1: lucky to have somebody have hobbies and passions, which I
Speaker 1: had as many as you do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then you know, I've figured out that I know,
Speaker 2: for my own mental health, I don't want to go
Speaker 2: back to a job just to do a job. I
Speaker 2: want to do something that I just absolutely love, but
Speaker 2: I don't know how to get there. You know, I've
Speaker 2: got a lot of things that I could do. I
Speaker 2: just feel like I'm a little bit lost, and I
Speaker 2: know a lot of people out there it would feel
Speaker 2: exactly the same, you know, especially the price of everything
Speaker 2: in life at the moment, it's kind of keeping people
Speaker 2: locked into maybe jobs that they hate. But I really
Speaker 2: want to go, you know, find that thing that lights
Speaker 2: them up. But obviously sort of you know, you can't
Speaker 2: with you know, your finances tied up in like the
Speaker 2: job that you've got that's paying so well, or you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they feel stuck in a different way.
Speaker 2: So they feel stuck in a different way.
Speaker 1: They don't have the opportunity to go for things that
Speaker 1: they want. You feel stuck in the way that you've
Speaker 1: got so many things you could potentially do, but none
Speaker 1: of them are quite sticking, and none of them are
Speaker 1: giving you purpose like you really want them to. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because even as a trade I think you had purpose,
Speaker 1: Like you love that you said you had that feel
Speaker 1: for steel.
Speaker 2: I have the Okay, here it is in the plan,
Speaker 2: and now go and build it. And you know you've
Speaker 2: got to work it out how it's going to work.
Speaker 2: How is it going to do this? And it's always
Speaker 2: like thinking building, thinking an end.
Speaker 1: Product product, and right now you don't have an end product.
Speaker 1: And like you know, we've talked about it. Maybe it's
Speaker 1: almost like you had like when you were a trade
Speaker 1: you felt like you had no options, and now you
Speaker 1: have so many options and you don't know which one
Speaker 1: it is. That sounds like such a first word problem,
Speaker 1: but it kind of is. When you're so lost and
Speaker 1: you're not doing much because you don't know what to do,
Speaker 1: Like it it's almost like you're paralyzed a bit at
Speaker 1: the moment.
Speaker 2: I don't want to really talk about this too much
Speaker 2: because it seems like it's just a fucking the first
Speaker 2: world problem and get over yourself, brand and move on.
Speaker 2: But not having any purpose and just being drifting around.
Speaker 2: I've actually noticed my mental health has absolutely deteriorated. You know,
Speaker 2: the things that I should be doing that I preached
Speaker 2: everyone that I always do myself, I was no longer doing.
Speaker 2: It's exactly what happens every time. It's a vicious cycle
Speaker 2: of falling in that little rut or being whatever it
Speaker 2: might be, and then all of a sudden you can't
Speaker 2: get around to doing you know, the cold showers, running
Speaker 2: in the morning, the exercise, the you know all those
Speaker 2: things that when I had a purpose and I was excited,
Speaker 2: those things were just chicken feed in the morning. They
Speaker 2: were like, oh yeah, five k run, ten k run,
Speaker 2: let's go feeling good and doorphins at the moment. I'll
Speaker 2: go for a run, you know, and I just don't
Speaker 2: really feel much after it. Or I go fishing and
Speaker 2: I'll come back in. I'm like that was you know,
Speaker 2: it was good, it was fun. But it's like that
Speaker 2: used to freaking Like I used to come back in
Speaker 2: just like so excited. But you know, everything feels a
Speaker 2: little melancholy, like it's dulled a bit. Because obviously that's
Speaker 2: my mental health and I'm not finding the joy in
Speaker 2: those things that I used to Now obviously I can
Speaker 2: see that because I've gone through it before. I know it,
Speaker 2: and I'm making changes now. And you know, this morning
Speaker 2: was one of the best mornings I've felt, and all
Speaker 2: of a sudden, I could feel those little neuro bloody
Speaker 2: pathways in my mind going, oh, Brent, you know what
Speaker 2: you should do? Do this? Do that, do that? You know.
Speaker 2: I could see on Instagram there was a couple of
Speaker 2: openings for some jobs, and I was like, yeah, I
Speaker 2: could do that, and you know, I'm applying for them.
Speaker 2: None of them have worked out, but that's better than
Speaker 2: a week before where I was like just scrolling on
Speaker 2: Instagram and just like now, I'm like, well, you know,
Speaker 2: I could do this, I could learn how to do this,
Speaker 2: This could be a really good you know, this could
Speaker 2: be my purpose, this could be my new thing. I'll
Speaker 2: bite into and have a crack ad And you know,
Speaker 2: I'd apply for it and didn't quite make it. But
Speaker 2: that's all right.
Speaker 1: And I think what you've done, babe, is you've taken action, right,
Speaker 1: take an action. So it's like action creates traction. Like
Speaker 1: once we start to take action, some sort of traction
Speaker 1: usually happens. But you weren't taking any action. Let's be
Speaker 1: really honest here, you weren't taking any action. You had
Speaker 1: me nagging at you to get up and get moving
Speaker 1: and put your feelers out, and I was just trying
Speaker 1: to get you to take some sort of action. You
Speaker 1: continuously made excuse, but that's what you do when you're struggling,
Speaker 1: absolutely because it's the easiest way out.
Speaker 2: Like I had an excuse for everything over all. Right,
Speaker 2: there's a slight opportunity for a taco food van, you know,
Speaker 2: in a very very very good place. Now, I love
Speaker 2: taco is a thing that lights me up normally. And
Speaker 2: then so we would talk about it and I'll be like, yeah,
Speaker 2: that'll be the purpose of me. That'll be it. But
Speaker 2: then not even like ten minutes later, I'm like, it
Speaker 2: won't even able to get this place. And if I
Speaker 2: don't get this place and it will not work, like
Speaker 2: I only live on the northern rivers, there's not that
Speaker 2: many people. Then I'll be tied to the food van
Speaker 2: and this and that.
Speaker 1: Like you were being quite negative. Yeah, that's what your
Speaker 1: brain was.
Speaker 2: That's where my mind was one hundred percent. I know,
Speaker 2: there's people out there listening now that are like, fuck
Speaker 2: that I feel that because you know, I've talked to
Speaker 2: people I know about this and then like, mate, I
Speaker 2: actually feel the same way you do. I was talking
Speaker 2: in particular one guy. He is the reason that I've
Speaker 2: only gone to the gym four times in the last
Speaker 2: three months, three months because he fucking recks me. He
Speaker 2: doesn't have an off switch and I have to have
Speaker 2: two weeks recovery.
Speaker 1: We're not even joking, like, can you please stop going
Speaker 1: so hard at gym because every time you do this,
Speaker 1: you go once for the week and you can can
Speaker 1: not even walk for a week in.
Speaker 2: Away honestly come home shivering like I've been in Antarctic naked,
Speaker 2: and he probably goes home to go for a run.
Speaker 2: I was talking to him and I'm like, I'm thinking,
Speaker 2: you know, this guy works out all the time, he's
Speaker 2: an animal, he's got his shit together, and he's like,
Speaker 2: you know what, I'm fucking floating too, man. I totally
Speaker 2: feel you. So from that moment I think I knew, okay,
Speaker 2: like I'm not the only person You're just drifting around,
Speaker 2: and a bit of a wake up call to myself,
Speaker 2: like you know, I'm in a very privileged position, but
Speaker 2: that doesn't mean you don't struggle.
Speaker 1: But I think when you are in a privileged position
Speaker 1: sometimes you almost feel like your stuff isn't valid, so
Speaker 1: you don't want to talk about it, like you don't
Speaker 1: want to be, like like you said before, just as
Speaker 1: the problem, so you just keep to yourself. But that
Speaker 1: just makes it worse as well. Yeah, and I think
Speaker 1: so you know, we've talked about the things that I
Speaker 1: guess you weren't doing, and then the action steps that
Speaker 1: you have taken, Like, for example, you did speak to
Speaker 1: a friend and you did open up to him, and
Speaker 1: then you called Justin. You had to chat with Justin
Speaker 1: and you sort of found out how Justin was feeling
Speaker 1: about things. And I think, like I could see an
Speaker 1: instant shift in you. But that's because you finally took
Speaker 1: some action. And the crazy thing was, this is what
Speaker 1: you do preach to people, people call a mate, tell
Speaker 1: someone how you're feeling. But you have literally taken probably
Speaker 1: two months realistically, you started probably feeling a bit shitty.
Speaker 1: I reckon mid November, Yeah, when we're waiting for the
Speaker 1: baby to turn up, and we turned out a lot
Speaker 1: of work because we thought the baby was coming early.
Speaker 1: Turns out he came to the end of the month,
Speaker 1: so we were home for a lot longer. We had
Speaker 1: a home birth, which we couldn't really travel too far
Speaker 1: from our house for like the month before because we
Speaker 1: were conscious of having the baby, you know, at home,
Speaker 1: and we didn't want to be too far from home.
Speaker 1: So that I think all that kind of that started it.
Speaker 1: And then this is the thing. I love that we
Speaker 1: can just talk about this kind of stuff to each other.
Speaker 1: But it has not been fucking easy, Like talking to
Speaker 1: you has been hard lately, and You've been frustrated and
Speaker 1: I've been frustrated.
Speaker 2: Me in Alpha's okay, And here comes the cream on top.
Speaker 2: Whoever said terrible terrible too?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, they've got.
Speaker 2: Nothing understand fer five F five that, Oh my god,
Speaker 2: the little testostery and kick that he's just gotten and
Speaker 2: he arcs up to everything. Now. I know he's an
Speaker 2: amazing kid, and I love him dearly, but oh my god,
Speaker 2: he's pushing the buttons.
Speaker 1: You love him dearly, But you said to me recently, Sean,
Speaker 1: I love him, I just honestly don't really like him
Speaker 1: at the moment. And I was like, whoa, And that's
Speaker 1: like you've never said it that before.
Speaker 2: So I'm frustrated at him, and then you're frustrating me
Speaker 2: because I'm just frustrated in general. And then you're saying, like, baby,
Speaker 2: you need to get up and do something other and
Speaker 2: I'm like, you know, it's just like I can see
Speaker 2: how quickly a family can just be like start to separate,
Speaker 2: you know, and if there's no one in that family
Speaker 2: that is aware and can be like, hang on a minute, guys,
Speaker 2: this isn't personal attacks. This is just that, you know,
Speaker 2: there's a few things that aren't working proper here. You're
Speaker 2: probably not feeling the best. I'm not feeling the best.
Speaker 2: We need to make some changes here to keep going,
Speaker 2: which luckily enough we both are and you know, so yeah,
Speaker 2: back on the bandwagon. I'm feeling really good. Got back
Speaker 2: in here. Juices are flowing and that, babe.
Speaker 1: That's what I was going to say before you said
Speaker 1: I had the best morning this morning, and that's because
Speaker 1: you knew you were coming here today. You had purpose.
Speaker 2: Well, I went for a run again, I did everything
Speaker 2: that you know. I went on the beach, had to meditate.
Speaker 2: I looked around. I could see that like, I live
Speaker 2: in the most amazing place. You know, my problems are
Speaker 2: my problems, but there are only problems I can get solved.
Speaker 2: And then you know I can fix those problems. You know,
Speaker 2: none of us unwell and I can't fix it. I
Speaker 2: can fix these problems. You know, I'm feeling good again,
Speaker 2: and I just thought this episode would be really good,
Speaker 2: you know, for anyone out there who is kind of lost, struggling.
Speaker 2: You know what pisses me off at the moment. Not
Speaker 2: at the moment, I'm good now, but before when I
Speaker 2: wasn't one hundred percent these fuckers running, so many.
Speaker 1: People running, everyone.
Speaker 2: Running, It was like, yeah, I got my new Nike
Speaker 2: shirt on. Baby, I'm feeling good. I'm looking at them.
Speaker 2: I'm driving and I'm like, fuck, why is there so
Speaker 2: many people running?
Speaker 1: And isn't that interesting? No, because if you were in
Speaker 1: a different place mentally, you would be cheering those people on.
Speaker 1: You're feeling shit, You're like, fucking.
Speaker 2: Isn't it powerful?
Speaker 1: But here's a thing. We've both had a really really
Speaker 1: rough couple months. And we also need to preface this
Speaker 1: by saying we have a new baby, right, but our problems,
Speaker 1: I guess have been definitely with Alfhi. Alfie is obsessed
Speaker 1: with this baby, but he has definitely taken the transition
Speaker 1: from having just one kid to two differently to how
Speaker 1: we thought. And then dealing with you not feeling like
Speaker 1: that you don't have your purpose at the moment, and
Speaker 1: then I'm postpartum. So I think if you're listening to
Speaker 1: this and you're like, oh, fuck, this is our family, like,
Speaker 1: you're not alone, I honestly think that where one of
Speaker 1: millions of families that would feel like this. By this
Speaker 1: time every single year, I would have had my word
Speaker 1: for the year, and I would have had journal entries
Speaker 1: full of what my goals were. I have nothing right now.
Speaker 1: I literally have blank pieces of paper, which is so
Speaker 1: unusual for me. I just haven't been out of mentally
Speaker 1: find the space to actually sit down and put this
Speaker 1: stuff together. And also I don't even know what it
Speaker 1: looks like this year. So for you and I, we
Speaker 1: usually have a grip on these things, and right now
Speaker 1: that couldn't be further from the truth. We're both kind
Speaker 1: of just floating and trying to figure things out. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I thought it was important that we came on and say, actually,
Speaker 1: you know, in real time talked about what's going on
Speaker 1: as opposed to being like, oh, yeah, three months ago
Speaker 1: we're going through really hard time, Like no, this is
Speaker 1: the hard time right now. Like realistically, it's been a
Speaker 1: very hard couple of months. And the thing with us
Speaker 1: is we're not very good at probably asking for help
Speaker 1: or putting our shit on other people. I think we're
Speaker 1: very good at like listening and being the friends that
Speaker 1: everyone comes to if they've got stuff, which we love,
Speaker 1: Like I love being that person for friends and family.
Speaker 1: And I think because we are pretty we've always been
Speaker 1: very strong, and especially in our marriage, we've been so
Speaker 1: solid in our marriage, people almost like assume that, like
Speaker 1: we don't have stuff, so we don't talk about it,
Speaker 1: and so then we just kind of deal with it
Speaker 1: with each other. But then it's, yeah, it's kind of
Speaker 1: nice to just, i don't know, talk about it and
Speaker 1: let it all out and vocalize things.
Speaker 2: So I'm here talking about struggling in that, and I
Speaker 2: know that there's people out there who are struggling to
Speaker 2: and you know, might not even have a way out,
Speaker 2: and you know, might not have something that they can get.
Speaker 2: They've got to just knuckle down and you know, to
Speaker 2: talk to I'm thinking of you, I feel you, and
Speaker 2: you know, you just got to keep pushing until you
Speaker 2: can get sort of you know where you've got to be.
Speaker 1: And I think the biggest thing is to look after
Speaker 1: yourself but also take action. Like that is it, babe,
Speaker 1: Because when you weren't taking action, nothing was changing. If
Speaker 1: you're not changing it, you're choosing it.
Speaker 2: If you're not changing it, you choose choosing it.
Speaker 1: So it's like, if you're not changing the way you
Speaker 1: feel about something, you're choosing to feel that way. That
Speaker 1: is a choice, right, Like if you're not changing the
Speaker 1: fact that you know you feel like shit every day
Speaker 1: when you wake up and you're not going for a run,
Speaker 1: or you're choosing to not go around and you're choosing
Speaker 1: you feel like crap, something on those lines, I probably
Speaker 1: would did it.
Speaker 2: But yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1: And I think this whole podcast episode, if we can
Speaker 1: just wrap it up right now and just kind of
Speaker 1: give you the life lesson, I guess that we've learned
Speaker 1: recently out of it. It's just you have to take action.
Speaker 1: And it can be very small, it can be a
Speaker 1: big action. It can be you know, talking to a friend,
Speaker 1: it can be googling what to do if I feel X,
Speaker 1: Y and Z. It could be calling lifeline, it could
Speaker 1: be reading a book, doing something makes you feel good, whatever.
Speaker 1: Just take action. That's the most important thing because it
Speaker 1: creates traction.
Speaker 2: Big action and one step at a time. I can
Speaker 2: promise you in you know, a couple of months time,
Speaker 2: if you've done that every single day consistently, you will
Speaker 2: be feeling so much better. Yeah, it's so easy, but
Speaker 2: it's so hard. And I know how hard it is to.
Speaker 1: To know what you've got to do to feel better
Speaker 1: but not be able to do it.
Speaker 2: And last night I'm like, yeah, babe, five am, five
Speaker 2: am club, get the alarm. I'm going for a run
Speaker 2: along the beach. Alarm goes off. Am, I are you
Speaker 2: fucking kidding? I feel like I just went to sleep
Speaker 2: and you know what, I got up and went for
Speaker 2: the run and when I got back from the run,
Speaker 2: I was alive. So you're talking like nothing, And now
Speaker 2: consistently tomorrow morning, we're here in Brisbane. The drugs are
Speaker 2: here because I'm going again because I know that it's
Speaker 2: going to get easy at the run today. I can
Speaker 2: tell you right now, if you're on the beach at
Speaker 2: five am, you would have seen a.
Speaker 1: Sight sorry for what you had to winness.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there was thumping on the heavy breathing, so those
Speaker 2: people trying to meditate on the beach because I was
Speaker 2: comming in hot but yeah, I know it gets easier and.
Speaker 1: Literally just putting one foot in front of the other
Speaker 1: so you can do so. If you're having a hard
Speaker 1: time moment, we see you, we feel you. If you
Speaker 1: ever need us, you know where in boxes DMUs. Just
Speaker 1: take your time and just ease the pressure.
Speaker 2: Beautiful