Speaker 1: Him My Boris and this is straight talk. Jim Jeffery
Speaker 1: is welcome to straight talk, maintains, haven't we Jim Jeffries.
Speaker 1: Jim Jeffries from Australia's biggest comedic expert.
Speaker 2: I need it for protection. Is that why they called
Speaker 2: the soult Rifle? Is that I wanted to be a
Speaker 2: professional comic from the age of eleven and that was
Speaker 2: all Eddie Murphy's Delirious James Packer's birthday party al Pacina
Speaker 2: and Warren Batty and Leonardo DiCaprio and Eddie Murphy comes in,
Speaker 2: don't know you. He goes, what are you doing here?
Speaker 2: And I said, I'm I'm going to do this stand
Speaker 2: up for the dinner party. And he goes, there is
Speaker 2: nowhere that's going to work out, and then he left
Speaker 2: and I was like, oh no, my favorite comedian said
Speaker 2: I've just got an unachieved little task, and I went,
Speaker 2: who are you fuck? I went for me and Pierce
Speaker 2: have no problem anymore because my wife wouldn't have married
Speaker 2: me unless I told him to back life. I have
Speaker 2: never said this joke, right. This is the first time
Speaker 2: I'm going to say this joke.
Speaker 1: Right. Jim Jeffery's welcome to Straight Talk Maintenane for having me.
Speaker 1: How cool is it be back in Australia.
Speaker 2: I love coming back to Australia. Doing the One Percent
Speaker 2: Club has allowed me to come back more often than
Speaker 2: I used to. I used to do like a tour
Speaker 2: about once every two years, you know, and now I
Speaker 2: get to come back every year and do the show.
Speaker 2: Plus I get to do a tour. And you know,
Speaker 2: my dad's not getting any younger and I try to
Speaker 2: see him as much as possible, and I always try
Speaker 2: to sort of have it happening when America is on
Speaker 2: school holidays and Australia is not. So I got my
Speaker 2: kids coming down. But it seems like we always come
Speaker 2: here in the winter, you know, because they're on summer breaks.
Speaker 1: Pretty fuck to the most, pretty cold.
Speaker 2: It's not too badly it's going to be colder, but
Speaker 2: we've been staying out in Bondi and you know, look,
Speaker 2: we're not going to be getting in the water anytime soon.
Speaker 2: But but well we'll have a gelato and some you know,
Speaker 2: fish and chips. That's all me. Some talks about its
Speaker 2: fish and chips and Australian prawns and eating golden gay times.
Speaker 2: You know, I've got these American kids who I think, well,
Speaker 2: the three that doesn't say anything, but the eleven year
Speaker 2: old thing that thinks that there's a bit of cachet
Speaker 2: in being Australian. So if I watch him and he's
Speaker 2: playing like, you know, Fortnite with his mates, you'll go like,
Speaker 2: go around the back, all right, shoot him? Now cover me?
Speaker 2: Thanks mate there. It's always weird when the word mate.
Speaker 2: Whenevery in Australian says mate. Like every other culture in
Speaker 2: the world, they always try to push they're greeting onto others.
Speaker 2: So you go to Hawaii and it's a lowha, we
Speaker 2: all say aloha, he low. How you go to Japan?
Speaker 2: Can it you are? We all say Australians, we also
Speaker 2: get a mate? But doesn't it sound terrible When a
Speaker 2: tourist says it.
Speaker 1: It sounds really bad, but he's something real the.
Speaker 2: Twit when an American goes get mate, you're like, that's
Speaker 2: not your.
Speaker 1: Word, dude, drop off. So, by the way, I was
Speaker 1: just thinking about myself, wander When I knew you were
Speaker 1: coming in, I thought, I reckon, you must be one
Speaker 1: of Australia's biggest Definitely, let's call it comedic experts, would
Speaker 1: you be.
Speaker 2: And it's different now, but for stand up comedy, for
Speaker 2: the longest time, I was, but I'll never you know,
Speaker 2: for comic performers, I'll never beat Paul Hogan. Paul Hogan's
Speaker 2: the biggest ever stand up. For stand up, yes, but
Speaker 2: it's a different world now, so you're going to get
Speaker 2: a lot more now. So so right up until about
Speaker 2: ten years ago, and ten years ago, I was the first.
Speaker 2: I was one of the first five people to get
Speaker 2: a Netflix special. They brought five specials out at once. Now. Incidentally,
Speaker 2: those five specials were me, Bill Burr, Chelsea Hanley, and
Speaker 2: Chelsea Chelsea Pretti. But the fifth comic it never aired
Speaker 2: because his name was Bill Cosby. So Netflix came out
Speaker 2: they said Netflix is a joke and we're going to
Speaker 2: do specials because before that it was all HBO and Showtime.
Speaker 2: They did specials and those specials may or may not
Speaker 2: have aired in the UK or in Australia. But because
Speaker 2: of Netflix, now there's no conquering America, there's no conquering
Speaker 2: Britain anymore. It's just conquering the world because everything streamed
Speaker 2: at once. So I went over and did the UK
Speaker 2: I started my comedy career out there. Then I went
Speaker 2: over and did America, and I had to keep going
Speaker 2: back to cities and getting repeat customers. But now you've
Speaker 2: got comedians like I saw, like the other day Theo
Speaker 2: Vaughan came out here and sold that big arena's never
Speaker 2: been to Australia before, you know what I mean. But
Speaker 2: because he's on Netflix in the podcast world where people
Speaker 2: can just stream podcasts, and so all media now is
Speaker 2: international where it wasn't international ten years ago. So me
Speaker 2: being arguably the biggest Australian comedian worldwide ten years ago,
Speaker 2: there'll be people who will overtake me because they're all
Speaker 2: just going to be Now comedians is going to be
Speaker 2: universal and they weren't universal before, So I probably aren't
Speaker 2: going to have that crown for a very short time
Speaker 2: on it. People probably argue, like Hannah Gatsby one, like
Speaker 2: she won Emmys and stuff like that, that I think
Speaker 2: she got paid a lot more money for her standup
Speaker 2: specials than me, but I don't know if the ticket
Speaker 2: sales were the same. But it's not a competition, is it?
Speaker 1: Bullshit?
Speaker 2: Totally?
Speaker 1: I go more speaking about like I've got to ash
Speaker 1: straight up Jeffrey Nugent. How did you get Jim Jefferies
Speaker 1: out of Jeffrey.
Speaker 2: Now case, and my full name is Jeffrey James Nugent,
Speaker 2: and so Jeffrey with a G. I always kind of
Speaker 2: disliked the name Jeffrey because my mother was very strict
Speaker 2: individual right up until the day she died. She's very
Speaker 2: strict individual. She wouldn't let my friends call me jeff
Speaker 2: or anything. That was always Jeffrey with a G. It
Speaker 2: sounds Jeffrey Nugent sounded very prim and proper type of name.
Speaker 2: So I went on to do Nugent's on a very
Speaker 2: popular name in Australia. There's more well known in America
Speaker 2: or in Ireland or something like that. But I went
Speaker 2: on stage and I think it was Adam Hills, but
Speaker 2: I'm not completely sure, as Jeffrey Ugen as Jeffreys. My
Speaker 2: first gig seventeen years old, so maybe eighteen years old,
Speaker 2: and they said please welcome to the stage, Godfrey Nuggan.
Speaker 2: There's no d in there or anything, but I went
Speaker 2: Godfrey Nuggant. Godfrey Nuggan isn't a very rock and roll name,
Speaker 2: is it, And so I thought I'll change it for
Speaker 2: one show changed it to Jeffrey James, which was just
Speaker 2: took my last name off, and that didn't sound right.
Speaker 2: And then I thought maybe maybe Jim Jeffries and then
Speaker 2: the alliteration, so I changed and it was just like
Speaker 2: a decision that took me minutes. And I was just like, oh,
Speaker 2: Jim Jeffries, how about that. I'll give that a go.
Speaker 2: And I remember, incidentally, I actually ran it past my
Speaker 2: parents what they thought, you know, because I didn't want
Speaker 2: to disappoint them, you know, like changing their name the
Speaker 2: name I was given. My kids have, so I never
Speaker 2: legally changed my name. I'm still legally Jeffrey. My kids
Speaker 2: have the legal name of Jeffries, right.
Speaker 1: And as when they were born, you're registered.
Speaker 2: I gave him my stage name and I just did
Speaker 2: that because I just didn't want it to be really difficult.
Speaker 2: Why do you have a different name from me? And
Speaker 2: my wife kept her name, so all three of us
Speaker 2: have different names in our passports and we try to
Speaker 2: get through the airport and it's very difficult.
Speaker 1: So I said, your pastor was, say Jim Jeffries.
Speaker 2: Jeffrey ug well, and I've always thought I'll legally change it,
Speaker 2: but you know, what. Sometimes it's nice to have two names.
Speaker 2: Like if if I'm ringing up and I want to
Speaker 2: quote on some something to get fixed in my house, Well,
Speaker 2: jeff Jim Jeffries has got money, an't he? Yeah, Jeffrey
Speaker 2: Newgen doesn't have any money. You're not gonna You're not
Speaker 2: gonna bump his quote up? Right? Oh?
Speaker 1: God for Newna go none?
Speaker 2: Yeah, God for godfree nuggets. You've got nothing, right, So
Speaker 2: I use one name when I need it, another name
Speaker 2: when I need it.
Speaker 1: That sounds that's pretty cool. Actually, I can call you
Speaker 1: Jimmy two names or Jeffrey two names.
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't respond to Jeffrey. I don't turn
Speaker 2: around anymore. It took years for that, and I got
Speaker 2: one of my brothers calls me Jim, and one of
Speaker 2: them calls me Jeffrey. And my dad still calls me Jeffrey,
Speaker 2: and he's not going to change anytime soon.
Speaker 1: So can we just go back to betwek many parents?
Speaker 1: I'm born in Sydney, Yeah, what's the deal my parents?
Speaker 2: My father in nineteen sixty nine brought a block of
Speaker 2: land in sirn Ives, Sydney and knives to Knives Sydney
Speaker 2: and he built the house himself.
Speaker 1: He's a builder.
Speaker 2: My father's a carpet and he built it over time himself.
Speaker 2: And the whole block of land on a dirt road
Speaker 2: cost him. I believe sixteen thousand dollars was the whole
Speaker 2: investment block of land and the property for a house
Speaker 2: in Sainaives. I always, I always find it weird whenever
Speaker 2: you say anyone from Sydney, Sydney will know the name
Speaker 2: Sa Knives, and everyone always thinks it's really fancy. They go, ooh,
Speaker 2: you Dives like that. We were pretty, we were very
Speaker 2: working class family. But that's my dad's best investment he
Speaker 2: ever did I think Knives in nineteen sixty nine.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that'd be worth a fever to donat. Is he
Speaker 1: still there?
Speaker 2: He still lives in the same house and he built
Speaker 2: the same house that he built little top, very small house,
Speaker 2: bloody tiny. Yeah, he still is in the same house
Speaker 2: that he's eighty two or eighty three, and he still
Speaker 2: lives in the same shape. He's got he's got a
Speaker 2: few health conditions as all eighty three year old, but
Speaker 2: he's a sound Let's put it this way. He could
Speaker 2: run the free world. He's young enough to run to
Speaker 2: be president. You know what I mean? I think you
Speaker 2: get out debate Biden. Yeah, that's pretty good.
Speaker 1: It's sort of lowbathera.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, he wouldn't have that.
Speaker 1: Trump, he wouldn't take it.
Speaker 2: He wouldn't take a bullet as good as Trump, I'll
Speaker 2: tell you that much.
Speaker 1: Well, we're going to talk about Trump.
Speaker 2: More gingerly get through his feet, I reckon, But no,
Speaker 2: he's in good health.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you've got a brother, do just say, two
Speaker 1: older brothers. And we have school up there, so into
Speaker 1: the state school system.
Speaker 2: State school system. No terrible student, very dyslexic. To this day,
Speaker 2: I'm reading is my kryptonite. I find it very hard
Speaker 2: to read.
Speaker 1: Please explain what you mean by just like as in words.
Speaker 2: Don't around. I find reading out loud very panicky to
Speaker 2: this day. And even when I'm doing the One Percent Club,
Speaker 2: I have to read a teller prompt and if anyone
Speaker 2: who's been a contestant on the show that the even
Speaker 2: now I started a little bit, the lead ins and
Speaker 2: the outros and stuff like that, that's hard work for me.
Speaker 2: But when we did the Jim Jeffrey Show in America,
Speaker 2: I used to have to just sit there and do
Speaker 2: a thirty minute show from top to bottom, and in
Speaker 2: the end I got rid of the teleprompt and just
Speaker 2: really put points in there, and I memorized the jokes
Speaker 2: as much as I could, you know. So I'm all
Speaker 2: right when I'm just talking, but I find reading out
Speaker 2: loud very hard. I had a few dyslexia. I don't
Speaker 2: believe it, but I got diagnosed with with attention deficit disorder,
Speaker 2: which later at a doctor in my adult life said
Speaker 2: that I was probably autistic. But I still to this day,
Speaker 2: I got a few social key problems. I find it
Speaker 2: very hard to make eye contact. I keep on reminding
Speaker 2: myself through this interview just to look up and all
Speaker 2: that type of stuff. And if I'm at parties. But
Speaker 2: the thing I do with my wife is my wife
Speaker 2: stands next to me at parties and every now and
Speaker 2: again reminds me to ask people questions about their life,
Speaker 2: just making sure I are something about them, and I go,
Speaker 2: how long are you two being married?
Speaker 1: Really?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, you know what I mean. It's not that
Speaker 2: I'm a bad dude or nothing. I just, you know,
Speaker 2: I just I've spent my whole career just basically talking
Speaker 2: to myself that's all stand up comedy is working by
Speaker 2: myself talking to myself. And so even if I do
Speaker 2: an interview like this, you don't even have to ask
Speaker 2: a question. I'll just keep talking until there's I don't
Speaker 2: like silences, and so.
Speaker 1: That's very interesting what you said about I mean, I
Speaker 1: want to come at you growing up in a minute,
Speaker 1: but I just want to quickly advance to that point
Speaker 1: when I've often know too, when you address an audience,
Speaker 1: a big audience, it doesn't matter with the audience, I
Speaker 1: don't reckon you're actually talking to the audience. You're talking
Speaker 1: to yourself the whole time. That's what I think anyway.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're giving opinions and you're telling stories and all
Speaker 2: that type of stuff, but you know you need the
Speaker 2: response from them. It is a relationship. It isn't just
Speaker 2: yourself there. I see them as not a thousands of
Speaker 2: people or one hundred people. I see them as one
Speaker 2: unit that I'm talking to, one group. And so so
Speaker 2: like when people say, oh, there's a bad crowd or
Speaker 2: whatever like that, it's they're not all bad. You know.
Speaker 2: I've done shows in front of eight thousand people and
Speaker 2: they weren't a great crowd. And I've done shows in
Speaker 2: front of eight people who were banging. It's just the
Speaker 2: ratio of good to bad, you know.
Speaker 1: I guess it also depends where you are, if you're
Speaker 1: in Texas or something like that.
Speaker 2: Well I've had, I've had. Yeah, I played all over
Speaker 2: I played all over the world, you know. And you know,
Speaker 2: like next year I'll be touring Europe and the UK,
Speaker 2: and this year I'm touring Australia is my overseas tour,
Speaker 2: and me and Jimmy Carr are doing a double act
Speaker 2: thing in Canada. Across Canada, we're doing not want to
Speaker 2: say double like the tourists were doing a double headline thing.
Speaker 2: We're doing that in different ice hockey arenas in front
Speaker 2: of Canadians, you know. So looking forward to war with
Speaker 2: another comic, you know. And then but also like last
Speaker 2: year I did Asia and then I'm going to do
Speaker 2: Europe again. But this next year I'm going to do
Speaker 2: places in Europe I haven't been, you know, I'm going
Speaker 2: to go to like I know, this is an all
Speaker 2: Turk Europe a Turkey and Morocco and different little places
Speaker 2: that I haven't been on tour before, you know, And
Speaker 2: I try to take the family and sort of see
Speaker 2: the world that way, a bit partridge family.
Speaker 1: But that's part of family. Even know what you're talking.
Speaker 1: But I remember party family. Well. So if I go
Speaker 1: back to them, when you see you want a great student,
Speaker 1: you had a terrible, terrible student, you know, maybe they said, yeah,
Speaker 1: bit of Adiah.
Speaker 2: In other words, I don't think I did. I think
Speaker 2: that was just something that was over diagnosed. And I
Speaker 2: also think that there are a lot of things with
Speaker 2: attention deficit disorder because I wasn't disruptive very much. But
Speaker 2: I think that sometimes they over diagnose personalities. That's just
Speaker 2: my opinion. There's people with attention deficit disorder that will
Speaker 2: completely disagree with that and think it's a real thing.
Speaker 2: But I think that I personally think that I was
Speaker 2: over medicated.
Speaker 1: You were medicated for it, too.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I was taking so much riddling my hands still shaped, wow,
Speaker 2: you know, and I call age oh nine, Oh my god.
Speaker 2: And by the time I was fifteen, I was taken
Speaker 2: about six to eight riddlans a day. My mother would
Speaker 2: wake me up with a riddling and a glass orange juice.
Speaker 2: So the first first thing my eyes opened, a pill
Speaker 2: would be put in my mouth.
Speaker 1: Quick shot of them fetamines.
Speaker 2: Yeah and so. And I've been very open about my
Speaker 2: drug usage throughout my life and to this day, fetamines
Speaker 2: don't do much to me, yes that point the point,
Speaker 2: they don't do much to me. They just sit on me,
Speaker 2: you know. But I got off them about sixteen. I
Speaker 2: didn't take them for the rest because I thought my
Speaker 2: hands started twitching all the time, and I thought this
Speaker 2: can't be good for you doing all this thing.
Speaker 1: That's a big decision for sixteen year older man.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but then, you know, I still took other drugs
Speaker 2: as an older person. You know, I got into that
Speaker 2: game sort of a bit late, living in England and
Speaker 2: all the other stuff. I never say that I was
Speaker 2: a drug addict or something like that, but I I
Speaker 2: you know, I went pretty hard.
Speaker 1: Yeah, a bit more recreational. It wasn't like day to
Speaker 1: day data.
Speaker 2: Not day to day, but yeah, I was. I was
Speaker 2: doing them pretty It depends if there was a comedy
Speaker 2: festival on or I was just sitting at home. If
Speaker 2: I was sitting at home, I was never doing it.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, well, I mean I think most people won
Speaker 1: a minute, but I reckon just better. In Australia, specially
Speaker 1: these days. I mean, like we're sitting here right now
Speaker 1: in the middle of the suburbs. Mate, there's just been
Speaker 1: every dude and girl in these suburbs taste cocaine every
Speaker 1: fucking Friday night and Saturday night mentally.
Speaker 2: But see when I was doing it in England for
Speaker 2: fifty pounds a gram, yeah, versus what is it three
Speaker 2: hundred and something dollars here? And then you know, I'm
Speaker 2: going to have to be open with my sons about
Speaker 2: it because I've been open about saying talking about it
Speaker 2: so much that they'll be able to see footage of
Speaker 2: me talking about it. And now with the fucking fentanyl
Speaker 2: in America, people are dying.
Speaker 1: It's just it's just not as a substitute because they're
Speaker 1: puting fendalin and people think it's cocain.
Speaker 2: Would yeah, yeah, the fananel people, I know, people have
Speaker 2: dropped dead like it's it's rampant in America. People fucking
Speaker 2: dropping dead from fent and al.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: And these are people who aren't drug I'd actually just
Speaker 2: taking a little bit of line here, line there, and
Speaker 2: they're bloody dropping dead. And I know it hasn't really
Speaker 2: hit Australia, but you don't want that fucking shit coming
Speaker 2: over here. I hear that the bike. He's put an
Speaker 2: article saying anyone who cuts our products, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean, like bloody terrible stuff. So I haven't taken
Speaker 2: drugs in a very long time, very long time. So
Speaker 2: I'm not talking about someone who did it last week.
Speaker 2: But there's been some incidences in the comedy community. So
Speaker 2: people I know who are just like that one line, bang,
Speaker 2: you need, you need, you need amount. That's like a
Speaker 2: grain of sand. Up. You know he's in your bloody
Speaker 2: You're gone, bloody terrible.
Speaker 1: Someone says like a hundred times more more lethal than heroin. Heroin, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a ship drug.
Speaker 2: And so yeah, they fucked with it too much, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean, they fucked with it too much.
Speaker 2: Back in the day, pills in the ecstasy had a
Speaker 2: wonderful time and then the fucking assholes bloody fucked with it.
Speaker 1: If you didn't, if you weren't a great student, then
Speaker 1: how did you end up? I was just turned out
Speaker 1: to study, Like what did you end up doing? Like
Speaker 1: after school?
Speaker 2: Hardly past school? I got what you would call in
Speaker 2: your HC. You had that rank score and one hundred
Speaker 2: being the best and I got thirty four, not great,
Speaker 2: not great, but better than I third thought I would.
Speaker 2: And then I went and studied at WAPPA, the Western
Speaker 2: Australian Academy of Performing Arts, which was more famous than
Speaker 2: anything for having Lisa McEwen and Hugh Jackman went there.
Speaker 2: And I went and studied musical theater there for one year,
Speaker 2: and then I didn't get through to the next bit
Speaker 2: of the course, and then I went in opera singing
Speaker 2: for the last little bit because I was just but
Speaker 2: I was really just buying time until I could be
Speaker 2: a professional comedian. And that's what I wanted to be
Speaker 2: as a little, tiny kid, really professional I wanted to be.
Speaker 2: I wanted to be a professional comic from the age
Speaker 2: of eleven, and I was obsessed with comedy from before
Speaker 2: that and that was all Eddie Murphy's delirious. So you
Speaker 2: got to So this is my point is we're going
Speaker 2: to have some amazing comics come out of Australia. Now,
Speaker 2: We're going to have word We've always had world class comics,
Speaker 2: but we're going to have people who are going to
Speaker 2: be so big coming out of this country because they're
Speaker 2: getting exposure which I never got. Right, So my first
Speaker 2: experience with George Carlin was he was rufus off Bill
Speaker 2: and Ted's Excellent Adventure. I never saw a George Carlin special.
Speaker 2: I never saw an HBO special someone doing comedy for
Speaker 2: an hour. All we had was people doing comedy for
Speaker 2: about five minutes on a late night show and Steve Wizard.
Speaker 2: Once a month, maybe you'd get a comedian. And they
Speaker 2: had a TV show on the ABC called The Big Gig,
Speaker 2: and the Big Gig Wendy Harmer and different comics were
Speaker 2: on there and they were doing great job, but they
Speaker 2: were all doing five minutes, five minutes, five minutes. They
Speaker 2: putty bit of music in between, and I used to
Speaker 2: lap that up. And the big show for me in
Speaker 2: high school was The Late Show with McK mclloyan all
Speaker 2: that and Rob Sitch. I used to love that show.
Speaker 2: And look, I'm working with McK mlloy tonight. And I
Speaker 2: would never say this to him. I hope you hasn't
Speaker 2: listened to me saying it, but he's listening. But it's
Speaker 2: so wonderful to call a hero of mine a friend,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean? That's cool because he doesn't
Speaker 2: know that. But so the difference between my parents didn't
Speaker 2: buy comedy albums. There was no way. There was no
Speaker 2: cable TV, there was no way to watch an hour
Speaker 2: long comedy special in Australia except for one special, and
Speaker 2: that was Eddie Murphy's Delirious and Eddie Murphy's Raw. Eventually,
Speaker 2: but that stage Delirious and Delirious was available at the
Speaker 2: video store because it was the first special ever that
Speaker 2: was a cinematic release, so it was counted as a movie,
Speaker 2: so it was released in the movies. And it just
Speaker 2: so happened that when I'm fucking eleven years old, I
Speaker 2: have an eighteen year old brother who can rent that video. Right,
Speaker 2: So my eighteen year old brother, who has since become
Speaker 2: a cop, was showing R rated movies to children, so
Speaker 2: we should pull him up on that. But him, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: we should get that blake, you know. But so we
Speaker 2: had Delirious and my brother's rented it a few times,
Speaker 2: and I used to wait, like if my father went,
Speaker 2: I got he's doing a bit of gardening for ten minutes,
Speaker 2: I'd put it in the video player and watch ten
Speaker 2: minutes and then get sneak another five minutes because I
Speaker 2: was just thinking up and I just thought it was
Speaker 2: so amazing like a bloke, and it still to this
Speaker 2: day is sort of why I wear like leather shirts.
Speaker 2: On stage was Eddie Murtphy. He was in like a
Speaker 2: leather outfit, looking like Elvis, just the redd the thing
Speaker 2: with the shirt open, and at that stage he was
Speaker 2: maybe twenty one years old or something. And then he's
Speaker 2: off to do Beverly Hills cop and I thought that
Speaker 2: guy was just everything to me, just telling these long
Speaker 2: winded stories, and to this day I think I probably
Speaker 2: modeled myself more on him than anything. And then by
Speaker 2: the time I was sixteen, Anthony Morgan, the Australian comedian.
Speaker 2: He always used to do the side pieces on viz
Speaker 2: Art and he used to watch Visa. He did a show.
Speaker 2: There was a theater called the Harbor Theater or something
Speaker 2: which is underneath the Harbor Bridge, I think just I
Speaker 2: think on the east side and on the north side.
Speaker 2: But he I fake idat it and went in and
Speaker 2: went and saw Anthony Morgan and that was the first
Speaker 2: time I'd seen stand up comedy live and the guy
Speaker 2: was on stage for an hour and a half and
Speaker 2: I thought that was just wonderful. And I've still never
Speaker 2: met Anthony and he doesn't do much comedy, but I'd
Speaker 2: love to give that guy a hug because that was
Speaker 2: a real pivotal moment in my life, was actually seeing
Speaker 2: someone and there was only a couple hundred people there,
Speaker 2: you know, but I thought that was fantastic because the
Speaker 2: idea of you know, I'm going to say something very
Speaker 2: arrogant here, I'm a better fucking entertainer than Beyonce. Fuck yeah,
Speaker 2: I am too, right, I am. On my basis, I explained,
Speaker 2: let's see her do it without fucking dances and choreographed
Speaker 2: routines and fucking lights and a backup band. Let's see
Speaker 2: her get out there and entertain people with nothing but
Speaker 2: a microphone, right, And that's really point. With nothing but
Speaker 2: a microphone, right, I can entertain. I saw that the
Speaker 2: road leave. I can entertain ten thousand people just with
Speaker 2: a microphone and the spotlight. Right. And I know I
Speaker 2: know lots of other people who can do this. I'm
Speaker 2: not alone on this, there's loads of comedians. But I
Speaker 2: remember having so much respect for Anthony Morgan when I
Speaker 2: left that room, thinking that was something special.
Speaker 1: But what was it? What was it?
Speaker 2: What was the what I'd seen people talk in front
Speaker 2: of rooms full of people, and they were fucking boring,
Speaker 2: and they were called school teachers, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: I'd seen people stand up and chat with this, and
Speaker 2: it was always just such a like if you see
Speaker 2: now you go to any conference or anything and someone
Speaker 2: walks up and they get to the podium, there's an
Speaker 2: element of how long is this gonna be? Right? And
Speaker 2: anyone can do it for five minutes, just five minutes.
Speaker 2: Anyone can do it for like stand up, can do
Speaker 2: real punchy your best man speech at a wedding or
Speaker 2: something like that. But now people going to get bored out.
Speaker 2: If you can hold people's attention hour plus, that's something else,
Speaker 2: you know. So I thought more than seeing you know,
Speaker 2: I've seen Paul McCartney in concert, I've seen you know,
Speaker 2: great art of Elton John like music, it's like great musicians,
Speaker 2: and it's amazing when you watch them, like how do
Speaker 2: they pay all these instruments and all that type of stuff,
Speaker 2: But at the end of the day, they've still got
Speaker 2: that trick in front of them and they've still got
Speaker 2: So the big difference between music and comedy is I
Speaker 2: don't know why musicians even bother naming their fucking tours
Speaker 2: because there's beans bands that I like, Like I've seen
Speaker 2: Oasis live fifteen times. The tour is always the same.
Speaker 2: They can name it something else, but it's always the
Speaker 2: fucking same, right, Because the big difference between comedy and
Speaker 2: music is when you're watching comedy, you only want to
Speaker 2: hear the new stuff. When you're watching music, you only
Speaker 2: want to hear the old stuff. When they play a
Speaker 2: new song, they're like a fuck plays up off the
Speaker 2: old albums. Yeah, right, And if I played one of
Speaker 2: my old jokes, I haven't put enough effort in. So
Speaker 2: musicians they can sort of sit back on a few
Speaker 2: hits and keep on bringing him out all the time.
Speaker 2: If you do stand up comedy at a certain level,
Speaker 2: once you record a joke, you have to not everybody,
Speaker 2: like Seinfeld has a different theory on this. He reckons
Speaker 2: you keep the jokes going all the time, but if
Speaker 2: you record a joke, you should retire a joke after
Speaker 2: it's recorded. Right. So I got nine specials and a CD.
Speaker 2: So I got recorded plus TV spots. I don't know,
Speaker 2: twelve hours of stand up or something like that. But
Speaker 2: it's all different stuff, you know, some of it's better
Speaker 2: than others, and some of it's a bit more fillery
Speaker 2: than others, and then there's some more iconic pieces and
Speaker 2: stuff like that. But no one wants to hear me
Speaker 2: come out and just crack on about gun control again
Speaker 2: because I've done it, you know. So there's a bigger
Speaker 2: workload I think involved in live touring for a comedian.
Speaker 1: That's something I want to talk to you about, because
Speaker 1: I mean, it's funny you should say, because I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm always of a comedy and I go into YouTube
Speaker 1: usually because I'm seeing looking on Netflix. There's a lot
Speaker 1: of old stuff on there, and I've seen it all,
Speaker 1: and I've watched you and you mentioned Bill Burr and
Speaker 1: then and he's like, he's larious, lovely man. I like
Speaker 1: the way he gets sort of yells at me and
Speaker 1: gets me thinking about myself.
Speaker 2: He is going to slip very easily into being an
Speaker 2: old man. He's already comaginate. But he's a sweet guy.
Speaker 1: And he's but I like his content. But it's funny.
Speaker 1: You should say what you said, because I keep gither
Speaker 1: no I I've seen that one or not, and because
Speaker 1: I don't want to see it again, same as you.
Speaker 1: When I look at your stuff. I don't want to
Speaker 1: see it again.
Speaker 2: You're right.
Speaker 1: That's quite interesting between that and the difference between the
Speaker 1: singing because or a musician. Because you're right. When it
Speaker 1: comes to music and what the funk? Why where are
Speaker 1: all the old songs?
Speaker 2: Because you want to tap your foot along with the music?
Speaker 1: Is it more memorable memory or nostalgia?
Speaker 2: Do you want to tap your foot foot along with
Speaker 2: the music and know when the chorus is coming? And
Speaker 2: with comedy, you want to be surprised.
Speaker 1: Right, Okay, So so music is about being familiar. Comedy
Speaker 1: is about being surprised.
Speaker 2: Yeah, comedy. Music is about memories.
Speaker 1: Surprise me.
Speaker 2: Yeah. You want to hear a joke?
Speaker 1: Yeah, give me, I don't have one.
Speaker 2: I'll tell you pub jake. Let me think of Okay,
Speaker 2: this joke is a name drop for you. Was told
Speaker 2: to me by Jay Leno whenever anyone asked for a
Speaker 2: pub joke. This is the pub jake. I give right,
Speaker 2: So who knows who wrote this? But what's the pub jake?
Speaker 2: He goes, So there's a guy finds a Genie's bottle
Speaker 2: and he rubs it. Genie comes out and he goes,
Speaker 2: you have two wishes? And the guy went I thought
Speaker 2: I get three wishes. He goes check your pants and
Speaker 2: he looks down he's got a great, big dick, and
Speaker 2: the jenny goes, I've been doing this a long time.
Speaker 2: That's a good pub joke, right, And the good thing
Speaker 2: about that joke is now you can tell it your friends,
Speaker 2: and you can tell it your friends and then they
Speaker 2: will spread like a fucking STD and everyone will enjoy it,
Speaker 2: just like an.
Speaker 1: STD's just like good dick joke. If what was it
Speaker 1: then about Eddie Murphy that actually got you enthralled about
Speaker 1: being a comedian? Like, was it his content? Was it
Speaker 1: about how the accolades he got? Was the fact that
Speaker 1: he just made you laugh?
Speaker 2: He made me laugh? But also just cool man, he's
Speaker 2: a cool dude, because like, okay, so.
Speaker 1: I don't know that means cool man? What do you
Speaker 1: mean he's is cool man?
Speaker 2: It's like it's like before Eddie Murphy. Right, So there's
Speaker 2: there's arguments with comedy where you can have higher status
Speaker 2: and lower status than the crowd, right, you can be
Speaker 2: above them or below them. For the most part, British
Speaker 2: comedy and somewhat Australian comedy, definitely New Zealand comedy for
Speaker 2: some reason, the comedian normally has a lower status.
Speaker 1: Right, Oh really yeah, Like that's the thing, is it?
Speaker 2: So like mister Bean, mister Bean, bumbling idiot, right, Frank
Speaker 2: Spencer bumbling idiot? Right? Eddie Murphy cool right, being the
Speaker 2: same as everyone in the audience, doesn't it's not funny,
Speaker 2: you know? So? So like Cleice could play John Clees
Speaker 2: could play above and below depending on what Sketchy did,
Speaker 2: he could do above or below and so. But Eddie
Speaker 2: Murphy was always cooler than I could ever fucking be, man,
Speaker 2: cooler than I could ever be. And I met him.
Speaker 2: I met him twice, and and you know, I met
Speaker 2: a lot of famous people doing this job, and but
Speaker 2: Eddie Murphy is the most starstruck I've been to meet,
Speaker 2: to meet the human being. And I met him once
Speaker 2: at James Packard's birthday party where I was employed to
Speaker 2: be the entertainment and I was sitting in the kitchen.
Speaker 2: Mariah Carey had paid for me to be there.
Speaker 1: Is must a couple years ago then, Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Mariah Carey, it's not recent.
Speaker 1: It was Mike care would be a couple of years ago.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know this is before COVID.
Speaker 1: Yeah, before covered. That's when they were engaged.
Speaker 2: Yeah, when they're engaged. And so so I was in
Speaker 2: the kitchen. I was in the kitchen, and I normally
Speaker 2: don't do corporate gigs, but the money was right, and
Speaker 2: that you know that whatever, right I was sitting in
Speaker 2: the kitchen, I meant to be the surprise birthday gift.
Speaker 2: You know, you're you're you're a wealthy man. You know
Speaker 2: how it is right when you guys, don't you rich people?
Speaker 2: You don't get presents? Do you get? You get other
Speaker 2: human beings performing tricks? Right? You know, you buy experiences,
Speaker 2: You're right, experiences rather than material because any material thing
Speaker 2: you want you can get. But then every now and
Speaker 2: I get someone go, I just bought you a thing
Speaker 2: to go do this thing, go drag race a car.
Speaker 2: Oh brilliant, because you never would have bought that for yourself,
Speaker 2: you're right, right, So, so so I'm in the kitchen
Speaker 2: when you go out and I'm shipping myself and then
Speaker 2: our Pacino and Warren Batty and Leonardo DiCaprio and all
Speaker 2: these people at this bloody dinner, right, and I'm sitting
Speaker 2: there in the dressing room in the kitchen, being hidden
Speaker 2: away and They've given me a meal, the same meal
Speaker 2: as then I'm off of the kitchen of yourself and
Speaker 2: Eddie Murphy comes in and I can't get impersonation. But
Speaker 2: he walks up to one of the he was there too, Yeah,
Speaker 2: he was there. He walks up to another catering people.
Speaker 2: He goes, I need a solda or something. I sold
Speaker 2: a drinker that is right, And he looked at me.
Speaker 2: And I used to have a sitcom called Legit that
Speaker 2: was an on FX and in that I had it
Speaker 2: was based on a true story, but I had a
Speaker 2: friend who was disabled, right, And he goes, oh, no you.
Speaker 2: He goes, do you do the TV show with the
Speaker 2: disabled boy? You need a show? He knew my shirt.
Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, yeah, I do. I do do this.
Speaker 2: He goes, what are you doing here? And I said,
Speaker 2: I'm going to do this stand up for the dinner
Speaker 2: party and he goes, there is nowhere that's going to
Speaker 2: work out, and then he left and I was like,
Speaker 2: oh no, my favorite comedian said, I've just got an
Speaker 2: unachievable task. And this is a man who who Something
Speaker 2: else I respect about Eddie Murphy is he respected stand
Speaker 2: up comedy so much that when he stopped doing it.
Speaker 2: He never dipped his toe back in again, because he
Speaker 2: knew what it took to be at that level and
Speaker 2: if he could. And it's very hard for Eddie Murphy
Speaker 2: to get back to that level because where does he
Speaker 2: try out material? Where does he go and do five
Speaker 2: minutes where it's not every camera's out going Eddie Murphy?
Speaker 2: How does he build a set? He can never build
Speaker 2: a set again because too many people will document the
Speaker 2: work in progress, and so he can't get up at
Speaker 2: the improv on a Wednesday and have a go. So
Speaker 2: I know for a fact that Netflix have offered him,
Speaker 2: They've backed up money, trucks to his house for him
Speaker 2: to do a stand up special, more money than anyone
Speaker 2: would have ever been paid to do stand up. And
Speaker 2: they've undernard and I've heard through people, Oh it's going
Speaker 2: to happen, It's going to happen, and it hasn't happened yet,
Speaker 2: and he hasn't done stand up. I don't reckon he's
Speaker 2: done stand up in over thirty years.
Speaker 1: It's because he doesn't need to.
Speaker 2: He just he became a movie star, stop doing it,
Speaker 2: and he respected it enough not to go back to
Speaker 2: it because he couldn't, as I said, he couldn't develop,
Speaker 2: he couldn't build it and get it to a stafe.
Speaker 1: Can you explain that to me? Can because you say
Speaker 1: that's so nonchalant, can you explain it to me? Like, so,
Speaker 1: you know, in terms of building a show, what are
Speaker 1: you going to do?
Speaker 2: Go?
Speaker 1: You're got to go pre things validating, Yeah, well you
Speaker 1: got it.
Speaker 2: What I do is many comics will go down and
Speaker 2: just sort of do a joke and then try it out.
Speaker 2: And if I got a new joke, I will wedge
Speaker 2: it in between two bits that I know work and
Speaker 2: then just slip in the joke because it might be gangbusters,
Speaker 2: it might be weak, and if it.
Speaker 1: Is weak, the jokes a bit of a theme.
Speaker 2: Though it's a bit say at the moment, like, okay,
Speaker 2: so when we're recording this yesterday there was an assassination
Speaker 2: attempt on Donald Trump's life. I'm getting up at the
Speaker 2: comedy store tonight, and I've got some things that i'll
Speaker 2: I'm gonna do, you know, but I don't expect to
Speaker 2: nail it tomorrow, but maybe three or four times in
Speaker 2: I'll get it good. Right now, I can afford to
Speaker 2: do that because I've got good jokes that I've been
Speaker 2: doing for a year or so on either side of
Speaker 2: that joke. But aniemur, if you can't do that because
Speaker 2: the whole set's new, the whole set's new. If you
Speaker 2: could just go down and say, I've got five minutes,
Speaker 2: I want to try, but no one wants to hear
Speaker 2: him do five minutes, and you can't. You know, if
Speaker 2: he goes down to the comy club and I said,
Speaker 2: they'll bring all the phones out, and the joke from
Speaker 2: its infancy to when it's fully developed, is going to
Speaker 2: be vastly different. And that's why we get so angry.
Speaker 2: There's several reasons that, and people don't understand that comedians
Speaker 2: get so angry with people videotape like their phones up
Speaker 2: in the show.
Speaker 1: That makes sense.
Speaker 2: Now, music concerts, no one gives a fuck because, as
Speaker 2: I said, it's old songs.
Speaker 1: No they wanted to they want to make they want
Speaker 1: to they want to stream it.
Speaker 2: They don't want to stream it, they want to put
Speaker 2: it on. They tell everywhere they're having a great time.
Speaker 2: I don't want the person who's about to see me
Speaker 2: to know to the punchline. I want to still surprise them,
Speaker 2: and I don't want it recorded until I think the
Speaker 2: joke's ready to record, till I'm happy with it, then
Speaker 2: I'll record it right, But I don't want the work
Speaker 2: in progress to be put out there. And so so
Speaker 2: a lot of comedians Dave Chappelle, for example, just off
Speaker 2: the top of your head, have started using these pouches
Speaker 2: that you you put your phone in and then you
Speaker 2: put the tag over the top and then your phone
Speaker 2: is sealed and you can't open it back up, and
Speaker 2: then pull your phone out afterwards. And it has made
Speaker 2: shows really good. But I'm a cheap bastard. They have
Speaker 2: that at the theater costs about seven grand. I'm like, ah,
Speaker 2: fuck it.
Speaker 1: But you ask people put the phone away.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's signs up please do not videotape. And if
Speaker 2: I see you do it, I'll ask you know, I said,
Speaker 2: can you please put your phone? I'll do it in
Speaker 2: the middle of a joke, Please put your phone now.
Speaker 2: But people think you're being precious or something, but you're not.
Speaker 2: And also it's not music. We're not all singing along.
Speaker 2: You have I don't want you to miss it. I
Speaker 2: don't want you to miss the joke. Well, then you
Speaker 2: you've got to be focused and if you're texting or whatever,
Speaker 2: or you think you're not, it's the same as driving.
Speaker 2: Just keep your eyes on the road.
Speaker 1: Man. Yeah, that may say. So, it's very interesting. So
Speaker 1: when you say joke, though I don't I'm not a communist.
Speaker 1: When you say joke, do you mean that thing? Yeah,
Speaker 1: So it's like a thematic. It's like, for example, you
Speaker 1: know something a bad gun control? Is that what you're
Speaker 1: talking about?
Speaker 2: That line controls the routine, and inside that routine there's
Speaker 2: maybe thirty jokes, right, I don't know. I haven't watched
Speaker 2: that routine back ever, but I would say there was.
Speaker 2: It was. It was fourteen minutes long, and so in
Speaker 2: that if the math's right, you want to have her
Speaker 2: laugh at least on every twenty seconds. There's probably thirty
Speaker 2: forty laughs in there. So they're the actual jokes in
Speaker 2: the routine.
Speaker 1: So you actually there is a structure. There is actually
Speaker 1: a you know, just not stand up there just freeballing.
Speaker 1: You actually got a structure.
Speaker 2: For example, see you write anything down, I sort of
Speaker 2: think of a joke, and then the best way to
Speaker 2: write it is on stage, and then you just sort
Speaker 2: of come up with a theme and you know, look,
Speaker 2: the problem is now the thousand companies putting a thousand
Speaker 2: clips online and all the people who tweet out a
Speaker 2: joke and all these things, so you know, everything's sort
Speaker 2: of being said. You're trying to put your original take
Speaker 2: on it, but it's very hard now to come up
Speaker 2: with a truly truly original one line because everyone's on
Speaker 2: Twitter or x as it is the same. So at
Speaker 2: the moment, like I'll say what I'm working on right now,
Speaker 2: this is what I've never said this joke, right, this
Speaker 2: is the this is the first time I'm going to
Speaker 2: say this joke. Right, So, so at the moment, who's
Speaker 2: the name of the kid who bloody shot Trump? It
Speaker 2: was something Thomas Cooper Marx or something something like that,
Speaker 2: Thomics Cooper Marx, and then you had John Wilkes Booth
Speaker 2: and then you had Lee Harvey Oswald. I go, it's
Speaker 2: these three names, you know, these three names. I'll be
Speaker 2: watching out for Michael J. Fox, although I assume he
Speaker 2: would miss, right. So that's the premise now, without a doubt.
Speaker 2: Probably people who've done the done the aligned with John
Speaker 2: Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald and it does up.
Speaker 2: But you just try to make your own little sort
Speaker 2: of thing, and then you know, now, that's the core
Speaker 2: of this routine, right, The core of the routine that
Speaker 2: I'm going to try out is that little tiny punchline
Speaker 2: about Michael J. Fox and naming those three names three
Speaker 2: times and so, but that routine might become five minutes
Speaker 2: because I might go off on a tangent about Michael J.
Speaker 2: Fox and I might go whatever, And I won't know
Speaker 2: that until I'm on stage and I hear the groan
Speaker 2: from the audience and I rebuttal and then go back
Speaker 2: and forth. And so all I know is that little
Speaker 2: bit now, But I don't know what it will become.
Speaker 1: Because you're waiting for the response I'm.
Speaker 2: Waiting for, and I don't know if that punchline will
Speaker 2: do well yet, and whether it needs a little bit
Speaker 2: of finessing, or whether the joke needs to be a
Speaker 2: bit harder or more aggressive, or it needs to be softer.
Speaker 2: You know, I don't know where it's going.
Speaker 1: To be in terms of aggressive you mean a little
Speaker 1: bit more confronting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, or whether I just have to There's there's
Speaker 2: a few ways you can either tell the audience what
Speaker 2: it's all about, or you can basically go, oh, I
Speaker 2: think this, you know what I mean, and soften your
Speaker 2: way into it, and sometimes the softer ways to get
Speaker 2: into a really offensive joke, you know. And there's there's
Speaker 2: I would like someone to one day do a mathematical equation.
Speaker 1: On that's because that's what I'm thinking as you're talking.
Speaker 1: I'm thinking of mathematics.
Speaker 2: I'm okay. So there's the mathematics of the more offensive
Speaker 2: the joke, the bigger the laugh. Right, you can you
Speaker 2: can talk about anything, but you have to get a
Speaker 2: big laugh. So if you bring up something, let's go
Speaker 2: as offensive as we can. Let's say you make a
Speaker 2: joke about Holocaust, right, you better be getting yourself a
Speaker 2: real good laugh. Right. If you don't get a real
Speaker 2: good laugh, you're just being offensive.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: But if you have a payoff that's good enough and
Speaker 2: witty enough, then you can really get away with anything.
Speaker 2: But I've had times when it hasn't worked. And that's
Speaker 2: why I don't want your fucking videotape in the show
Speaker 2: because I'm having to go here.
Speaker 1: So you're going to try that at the comedy store.
Speaker 2: To try that the comedy store, not nothing about the Holocaust,
Speaker 2: but I'm going to try. I'm going to try the
Speaker 2: Lee Harvey Oswell, John Wilkes Booth, Michael J. Fox routine.
Speaker 2: That's going to be my new bit that I'm going
Speaker 2: to try, you know, tomorrow night.
Speaker 1: So, Jim Jefferies is would you call yourself? Would you
Speaker 1: call Jim Jefferies? There's two personalities? But would you call
Speaker 1: Jim Jeffries a real observer of life? I mean that
Speaker 1: is that who you are.
Speaker 2: I don't know if I'm wanky enough to say that
Speaker 2: about myself, but I no, But you don't.
Speaker 1: Have to, you know, you're genuinely curious about everything.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Look, but you know, I think I got personality
Speaker 2: traits that I you know, if you take me to
Speaker 2: a party, I'm going to ramble on the whole time,
Speaker 2: and I'm going to annoy a lot of fucking people
Speaker 2: and other stuff, you know, and it's it's probably better
Speaker 2: on stage. And so I found an outlet for the
Speaker 2: skill that I have in life, which is talking underwater,
Speaker 2: you know. So I would have been good on radio.
Speaker 2: But even now, I didn't let you fucking talk, did
Speaker 2: I know? But I shouldn't.
Speaker 1: But but I should you talk because that's my role.
Speaker 1: But but but what I'm sort of interested in is
Speaker 1: are you walking around the streets and looking at the
Speaker 1: newspapers or watching the television and saying, fuck, that's that's interesting.
Speaker 2: There's a little bit, but mostly most mostly routines come
Speaker 2: from these days is all my friends that can stand
Speaker 2: up comedians. They're all my friends, They're all the people
Speaker 2: I know, and so when the news happens, or when
Speaker 2: there's something happening in your life, you ring them up.
Speaker 2: And it's very hard to soundboard routines on non comedians.
Speaker 2: They can't see it, and other comedians can see it,
Speaker 2: and they'll go add this line to take away that line,
Speaker 2: blah blah blah. Other comedians can see. My wife can't
Speaker 2: see it. I've tested out so many jokeson and she can't.
Speaker 2: She goes, why is that funny? And then she sees
Speaker 2: it live and I can see her laughing in the audience,
Speaker 2: but she can't. She can't see it. So so for
Speaker 2: the most part, when you say observations, you make an observation.
Speaker 2: You ring up your best mate and you go, what
Speaker 2: do you think of this? And then he goes, I
Speaker 2: got a bit, And you help each out with you
Speaker 2: and then you and then you go on. Yeah, there's
Speaker 2: there's a good camaraderie for the most part between comedians.
Speaker 2: There's very few comedians who hate each other or anything
Speaker 2: like that. For the most part, we're all pretty solid
Speaker 2: with each.
Speaker 1: Other, you know, pretty collaborative.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like, well, not collaborative because you're still working
Speaker 2: by yourself. But but you help out your mates, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean. And but often if you get
Speaker 2: off stage, even a comic who doesn't know you very
Speaker 2: well will say to you, I have a tag. I
Speaker 2: have a tag and just another punchline to add on
Speaker 2: to the end of the joke to get one extra life.
Speaker 2: And so we give each other tags.
Speaker 1: Do you do that?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, well yeah, if I.
Speaker 2: Can help another comic gap, for sure. Yeah, if I
Speaker 2: got the lines there, routine is there. If I got
Speaker 2: a line that can help them out, yeah, yeah, for sure,
Speaker 2: teach them tell them no because because also, comedy doesn't
Speaker 2: read very well. Yeah, I never understood comedy reads terribly.
Speaker 2: See look at it this way, right, So comedy is
Speaker 2: a visual and audio art form, right, You're gonna have
Speaker 2: silent comedies and you're going to visual and audio art form.
Speaker 2: It never reads brilliantly. You know, if you were to.
Speaker 1: Read I mean in a text.
Speaker 2: Yeah, even I find it very hard when I'm reading
Speaker 2: a comedy script to sort of see it, you know.
Speaker 2: Sometimes you know, if you were to read novelization of
Speaker 2: the Three Stooges, how depressing would that be? Yeah, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's stupid.
Speaker 2: It's a story of three men with mental diminished mental
Speaker 2: capacity trying to look for work. They're homeless, three homeless
Speaker 2: men would diminished mental capacity looking for work during the
Speaker 2: Great Depression Mo LARRYN Curly Yeah, and then everything is
Speaker 2: like then he smashed him in the head with a bat.
Speaker 2: It sounds like a horror film, like it doesn't read funny,
Speaker 2: but those three men made it really, really funny.
Speaker 1: So is it the theater?
Speaker 2: Though?
Speaker 1: The theater of them is their theater that makes it funny.
Speaker 2: People have funny bones, don't they some people Some people
Speaker 2: have funny bones, and some people don't have funny bones.
Speaker 2: And that's why, you know, you can't teach people to
Speaker 2: be funny. But over time they can learn if they
Speaker 2: are are funny, they can learn to be good comedians,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. But you can't inherently teach
Speaker 2: someone to be funny in the same way you can't
Speaker 2: make someone musical. You know you can't. I do believe
Speaker 2: that over time, you could probably teach an actor.
Speaker 1: It's funny.
Speaker 2: I think acting is all confidence in it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and understanding the routine so no, none, what's in
Speaker 1: front of it, and being confident You're right. It's funny
Speaker 1: you should say about music because my mother maybe learned
Speaker 1: the piano up until you hc but I played piano
Speaker 1: like America around music. I could play it, I knew
Speaker 1: what I was doing. I could read the music, but
Speaker 1: I didn't have a musical bun on my.
Speaker 2: Body didn't have the musicality.
Speaker 1: Whereas my brother I could listen to something and walk
Speaker 1: going out start playing it. I could never do that
Speaker 1: I could put in front of I could do it.
Speaker 1: And I think your point it's a really good point,
Speaker 1: like probably and I've never thought about it commedity, But
Speaker 1: the same applies to Community's what you're saying.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, but funny is inherent in you. You have
Speaker 2: funny bones. So I got two brothers, and I don't
Speaker 2: think I'm being rude to either of them by saying this.
Speaker 2: One of my brothers and he knows which one is
Speaker 2: also got the funny gene. My father has the funny gene,
Speaker 2: and my mother and my other brother do not. They
Speaker 2: didn't have the funny gene. My mother had amazing stage presence.
Speaker 2: She was a school teacher that when she walked in
Speaker 2: the room, all the kids sat up and stopped talking.
Speaker 2: She had nothing to say. My dad has no stage presence,
Speaker 2: and he's one of the funniest people I've ever met.
Speaker 2: It could have gone the opposite way for me and
Speaker 2: my brother's been funny. And I look at my nephews
Speaker 2: and nieces and my sons and me and the funny brother,
Speaker 2: we look at them like we're on the Jedi Council,
Speaker 2: like the force is strong with this one. And I
Speaker 2: don't think they'll be upset. But out of my nephews
Speaker 2: and nieces, I have one niece who's got it. She's
Speaker 2: got it in Spain. And my eldest boy, but we
Speaker 2: don't know about the three year old yet. I sense
Speaker 2: he might have it. My oldest boy has it as well.
Speaker 1: Really, missus.
Speaker 2: My wife's My wife's got a good sense of humor.
Speaker 2: She's very funny. And my oldest boy's mother is very
Speaker 2: funny person. But my my son, he's he's got it.
Speaker 2: He's got the he's got the gene. And my niece
Speaker 2: has the gene. The three year old, I think has
Speaker 2: the gene. But it's too hard to tell with this
Speaker 2: youngly whether he's gonna he's gonna have the force strong
Speaker 2: with him. But it's a wonderful moment when you when
Speaker 2: you go, oh, he's gottish. And I think it's no
Speaker 2: different than an athlete throwing the ball to their son
Speaker 2: and going, oh, you just did that little thing with
Speaker 2: his hands, that little flick on hand coordination, Yeah, your
Speaker 2: hand eye coordination or just little intuitive things. You know,
Speaker 2: it to be a great like rugby league player or
Speaker 2: something that it's not just enough to be fast and
Speaker 2: strong and and and you know, have good hands. There's
Speaker 2: also got to you've got to feel the players around
Speaker 2: you when the pass, and stuff like intuition that that
Speaker 2: other players don't have this great instinct.
Speaker 1: It makes sure you look like you're more time than
Speaker 1: everybody else. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Andrew John's like so much
Speaker 1: of you do you follow footy mate?
Speaker 2: I'm trying to get the North Sydney Bears back in
Speaker 2: the Cup.
Speaker 1: There might end up being in the West Australian team.
Speaker 2: If you think I don't know, I'm part of the
Speaker 2: consortium trying to get them going.
Speaker 1: I told them, but do you think do you think
Speaker 1: they should be? But do you think they should keep
Speaker 1: the name bears? Along with me, I'm not investing money
Speaker 1: if they don't keep the name Bears. I'm not investing
Speaker 1: money unless they're red and black.
Speaker 2: I don't care if there's a new I want stripes. Yeah,
Speaker 2: just those colors, just the red and black, the red
Speaker 2: and black and the Bears. And I don't want to
Speaker 2: change the logo. Just keep the bit underneath that says
Speaker 2: nineteen oh eight. That bit's wild.
Speaker 1: They were they nineteen were the nineteen.
Speaker 2: Eight They were one of the original teams, the original
Speaker 2: foundation clubs, Foundation Club right nineteen oh eight where it's
Speaker 2: is North Sitneo just right Perth. That's all we got
Speaker 2: to do, right And then the jersey they can play
Speaker 2: around with it and put their own stamp on it
Speaker 2: for Western Australia. But I if I move back to
Speaker 2: Australia and I intend on doing this in my life,
Speaker 2: I don't intend on retiring and living in America. And
Speaker 2: I love America. I'm very proud to be an American
Speaker 2: citizen in America has done a lot for me. My
Speaker 2: wife's British. But if one day I'll live in Australia
Speaker 2: again when I was an old man. I'll live in
Speaker 2: Australia and I'm going to live in Perth. I love Perth.
Speaker 2: By the way.
Speaker 1: They tell me you really hit the ball out of
Speaker 1: the park with the misses.
Speaker 2: She's all right, my wife killed. I'll do all right,
Speaker 2: I'll do it.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know. I just thought, but
Speaker 1: my team here. I just want to saying, my god,
Speaker 1: he's missus.
Speaker 2: I mean, your wife's a good looking woman. Yeah, she's
Speaker 2: too good looking for me.
Speaker 1: I was going to say, what's the deal? How did
Speaker 1: you meet it?
Speaker 2: I got more money than her.
Speaker 1: Helpful.
Speaker 2: I met my wife on an app dating app. There
Speaker 2: is a dating app called Riot, which is for the famous,
Speaker 2: rich and the good looking. My wife. My wife is
Speaker 2: an actor and at that stage she was in a
Speaker 2: TV drama called The Resident, which is one of those
Speaker 2: medical procedural, you know shows. And I was doing the
Speaker 2: Jim Jeffrey Show at that stage, and I was on
Speaker 2: the app and we paired up and it's just so happened.
Speaker 2: She lived three hundred meters from my Yeah, and she
Speaker 2: uh and she's just a couple of streets up around
Speaker 2: the corner right in London, and and so she was
Speaker 2: she was living up the road. I was at that
Speaker 2: stage a single dad and my ex was living down
Speaker 2: the road, and I I had my son one week on,
Speaker 2: one week off, and so on those weeks off, you know,
Speaker 2: I was dating, you know, trying to get me you know. Yeah,
Speaker 2: Well they are a job interviews, aren't they. That's every
Speaker 2: day to a job interview, trying to try to employ someone.
Speaker 2: We'll give you a three month trial period, see how
Speaker 2: it goes. Yeah, you know what I mean. And so
Speaker 2: I started dating my wife. I think she wouldn't have
Speaker 2: given me a second or third day if I didn't
Speaker 2: live so close. She was just like, yeah, there's a
Speaker 2: shag around the corner, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: She was like, she practical, All that's good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can shag this bloke until I find someone better.
Speaker 2: And I won her over because my wife's British and
Speaker 2: there's a footage of me on the Bill marshow I
Speaker 2: got a bit heated in a discussion on the bill Marsha,
Speaker 2: and I told Pierce Morgan to go fuck himself, and
Speaker 2: I gave him the finger and they had to cut
Speaker 2: to an ad break, and yeah, I got all fired up.
Speaker 1: And what was the top we are going over?
Speaker 2: Look? This was back when Trump had just gone in.
Speaker 2: And do you remember the Muslim band?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And you had a whole comment that.
Speaker 2: It wasn't it wasn't they say, I wasn't a Muslim band.
Speaker 2: It wasn't a Muslim band. It was just people from
Speaker 2: Arab countries. But they they weren't being allowed in even
Speaker 2: with their green card. You know. It was like at
Speaker 2: that stage, it was like a thing. And so Pierce Morgan,
Speaker 2: this is what really happened. That wasn't what I was
Speaker 2: fired up about. I just didn't like Pierce Morgan. Right now,
Speaker 2: Pierce Morgan and me got into an argument. I can't
Speaker 2: for the life of me, I can't remember what it is.
Speaker 2: I haven't been on Twitter for over seven years, but.
Speaker 1: You got the arguments on Twitter that yes.
Speaker 2: So so on Twitter on Twitter way before that. Pierce
Speaker 2: Morgan and me got into a little verbal ultimately like
Speaker 2: a little written altercation. Then cut to and I didn't
Speaker 2: think anything of it. I was just happy, you know,
Speaker 2: get a bit of press from each other, you know.
Speaker 2: And then and then I was booked to the Bill
Speaker 2: Marsha and he sends me a direct message and he
Speaker 2: go all he writes to me. He goes, I'll be
Speaker 2: sitting six feet away from you. You better bring your
Speaker 2: a game. And I was like, fuck, that can't right
Speaker 2: like this, it's on. If he fucking starts, and a
Speaker 2: little bit of autism kicked off. I was like, I
Speaker 2: got talking about he comes at me and so so
Speaker 2: I'm sitting there and he brings up that and I said,
Speaker 2: you're full of fucking shit, mate. I said, you're just
Speaker 2: happy that you're your friends with the president. Mate, that's
Speaker 2: all you're happy about because you were on a little
Speaker 2: fucking game show and you can suck up to that blake.
Speaker 2: You're a fucking dickhead, you know. I went on. I
Speaker 2: went him a bit like that, and he goes, oh, please,
Speaker 2: you're losing your audience. And I turned to the crowd.
Speaker 2: Now this could have been a career ending moment, right.
Speaker 2: I turned to the crowd. I went, have I lost you?
Speaker 2: If they were silent, I'm done for Yeah, cooked cook, Yeah,
Speaker 2: I go, have I lost you? And they went and
Speaker 2: I went, what are you fuck like? I went for it,
Speaker 2: and then they had to cut do an ad break right,
Speaker 2: and my social media, the whole world was for me,
Speaker 2: was going crazy in that moment. The whole internet started
Speaker 2: talking about her anyway. So I said to my wife
Speaker 2: and she goes, I like the Bill Marsha. That was
Speaker 2: her favorite comedian, Bill Maher And I said, oh, I
Speaker 2: told Pierce Morgan to fuck off on the Bill Marsha.
Speaker 2: And then in that moment, she went she watched. She
Speaker 2: didn't she didn't know it was me, but then she goes,
Speaker 2: you're the bloke and she I went to the bathroom,
Speaker 2: and I came back and she was on her phone
Speaker 2: and she's talking to her mum because my wife's quite poshing. Listen,
Speaker 2: so she still calls her parents mummy and daddy as
Speaker 2: they do, you know, with that type of thing. And
Speaker 2: she goes, she goes, mummy, remember the man who told
Speaker 2: Pierce Morgan to fuck off? I'm at dinner with him
Speaker 2: right now. And so me and Pierce have no problem anymore.
Speaker 2: Because I wouldn't have met my my wife wouldn't have
Speaker 2: married me. Unless I told him to fuck off.
Speaker 1: So did you reconnect me?
Speaker 2: Well, I'll tell you what the other day, I got
Speaker 2: no problem with Peter Morgan. So after the Pierce Morgan thing,
Speaker 2: people got online and spread it and all that type
Speaker 2: of stuff, and he tried to sort of say, oh,
Speaker 2: pull up some old jokes where I said offensive things
Speaker 2: and try to make the audience turn on me a
Speaker 2: bit and JK rowlings like she said. Watching Pierce Morgan
Speaker 2: get told the fuck off on TV was as satisfying
Speaker 2: as I hoped it would be. Right And Pierce Morgan,
Speaker 2: he must had a real fucking bag up his ass
Speaker 2: about the whole thing, because he goes, I'm hardly going
Speaker 2: to be told off by a woman who writes books
Speaker 2: about wizards. He like, mate, that fucking only the Bible
Speaker 2: is so more. Yeah, literally, only the Bible is so more.
Speaker 2: Like you can make anything.
Speaker 1: And that's been around for two thousand year selling so yeah,
Speaker 1: but she's only been around short period.
Speaker 2: Make anything seem small by breaking it down. The wizards,
Speaker 2: you know, and so and so so. Pierce Morgan's son
Speaker 2: has I believe a Hogwarts tattoo, and so he posts
Speaker 2: a picture of the tattoo and goes, well, this has
Speaker 2: become awkward, right. So from that moment on, I was
Speaker 2: sort of enjoying it a little bit. I was like, okay,
Speaker 2: so Pierce, it all dies down. I got no problem
Speaker 2: with Pierce Morgan, and I don't think he does either.
Speaker 2: I think he he attracts that type of attention. That's
Speaker 2: what he wants. Maybe that little moment backfired for him,
Speaker 2: but for the most part, when he's talking about Megan
Speaker 2: Markle or something like that, he wants to be talked about.
Speaker 2: That's his thing, you know, that's his game, you know.
Speaker 2: And so he was doing the interview with the lady
Speaker 2: from Baby Reindeer, you know, the real Perle who was
Speaker 2: a stalker, and I love Baby Reindeer. And then I
Speaker 2: really I had to tune into Pierce's shade to watch
Speaker 2: that thing. And so I put out a little post
Speaker 2: on my social media. I said, I said, Piers Morgan
Speaker 2: did a very good job here, and I put a
Speaker 2: picture and a link to the thing, and he reposted it.
Speaker 2: So I don't know if we're cool, but I think
Speaker 2: we're on the on the right track, you know. So
Speaker 2: I me and Pierce are probably good.
Speaker 1: That's a great story.
Speaker 2: If I met Piers Morgan, as I said, I'd give
Speaker 2: the man a hug. Mate. He he My son wouldn't
Speaker 2: have been born without him, you know what I mean. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so fucking thanks, Pierce.
Speaker 1: Can we talk about Trump?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Sure, I mean, I know it.
Speaker 2: Gets you into a lot of trouble because the problem
Speaker 2: with the Trump thing is you're damned if you do.
Speaker 2: You're damned if you don't, you know, as a comedian,
Speaker 2: because half the nation bloody well, not even half half
Speaker 2: the nation's Republican, and then then twenty percent of them
Speaker 2: a super trumpy right, and the people who are really
Speaker 2: into Trump, they get very angry when you joke about him.
Speaker 2: But it's very hard as comedian not to joke about him,
Speaker 2: especially during that first run when he's going grab him
Speaker 2: by the pussy. We didn't think he was going to win,
Speaker 2: so to t he's a man that's saying grab him
Speaker 2: by the pussy and all the type of stuff. Of
Speaker 2: course we were going to make jokes about it, you know.
Speaker 2: And I'm not a big Trump fan, I think, but
Speaker 2: on mine, you know.
Speaker 1: A big Trump fund or not a big Republican fan.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, I'm okay, so more a liberal. You Look. Look,
Speaker 2: I'll be honest with you. If I was to vote
Speaker 2: here in Australia, I'm a bit more right wing than
Speaker 2: you think I am.
Speaker 1: Right, I'm not Dune's watching this, by the way.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I'm Yeah, I'm more right wing than you
Speaker 2: think I am. That's all I'm going to say on that.
Speaker 2: But when I'm in America, they think I'm basically a
Speaker 2: bloody communist because being right wing in being left wing
Speaker 2: in America means, Okay, I believe in gun control, I
Speaker 2: believe in universe, health care right, and I believe in
Speaker 2: a woman's right to do what she wants with her body.
Speaker 2: So those three things, healthcare, guns, and abortion, they're the
Speaker 2: bloody they're the poster children for the fucking Republican Party.
Speaker 2: That's what they want. And in America, as long as
Speaker 2: they keep talking about those three things over and over,
Speaker 2: and they can fuck you in the ars with taxes,
Speaker 2: all they fucking want, right, because all we're arguing is
Speaker 2: about is abortion, and they did in the debate abortion, guns,
Speaker 2: health care right. So I am left leaning in America
Speaker 2: and that makes me or liberal. Yeah, I'm somewhat of
Speaker 2: a socialist. I believe in a society where we take
Speaker 2: care of our most vulnerable. I believe in housing for
Speaker 2: I believe in housing for the homeless. I believe. You know,
Speaker 2: all these different things, but you know fact that there's
Speaker 2: lots of tax things that I'm right wing about. You know,
Speaker 2: there's a lot of shit that I'm very right wing about.
Speaker 2: But as an Australian, I'd be right. I'm a right
Speaker 2: wing Australian, left wing American. So I'm in a terrible
Speaker 2: position in my career because people from the left, the
Speaker 2: extreme left, they don't like me. People from the extreme
Speaker 2: right fucking hate me. And my fans are the eighty
Speaker 2: percent of the population who are in the middle who
Speaker 2: for most of us, we just shut the fuck up,
Speaker 2: just going don't want to talk to you either. It
Speaker 2: would be about it right. The problem I have is
Speaker 2: when the right wing go for me, I don't have
Speaker 2: the left defending me. And when the left gave for me,
Speaker 2: I don't have the right thing. And how do they
Speaker 2: go through like you, people say troll and saying rubbish
Speaker 2: about your untruths about.
Speaker 1: You or what do you do? Do you just ignore it?
Speaker 2: Do you respond? No? No, no, no, I don't even
Speaker 2: buddy bother about it. There's only one thing that matters
Speaker 2: in my career. There's only one thing that matters, and
Speaker 2: that's ticket sales. Yeah, right, And if they drop, I'll
Speaker 2: ask what's going on? But until then, you know, you
Speaker 2: just keep you just keep. Like even now, there's people
Speaker 2: watching this podcast who don't agree with half the shit
Speaker 2: I've said already, you know what I mean. But I
Speaker 2: hope that you understand that we're all different, aren't we,
Speaker 2: and you've got little things about you that you believe
Speaker 2: in that I'm not going to agree with this idea
Speaker 2: that we have to be all one way or all
Speaker 2: the other. I'm right wing on some subjects and left
Speaker 2: wing on other subjects, and it depends I go subject
Speaker 2: to subject. You know, you're never gonna I don't think
Speaker 2: I think I pay too much taxes in California. I
Speaker 2: know I do too much and I don't get anything
Speaker 2: in fucking return. I'm very right wing about that, you know,
Speaker 2: because American tax system is fuck in California's fust fucked,
Speaker 2: you know, it's fucked totally, It's fucked. And now they're
Speaker 2: and if I have to hear another Democrats say, ah,
Speaker 2: the one percent need to be paying more taxes. They
Speaker 2: fucking are, they are. It's the one percent of the
Speaker 2: one percent who's not paying. You know, you start getting
Speaker 2: tax money from fucking Amazon, What are you bothering me for?
Speaker 2: I'm paying through the fucking wazoo, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: So it's like there's always a scapegoat, you know that
Speaker 2: these people aren't doing enough, and this is why our society.
Speaker 2: So in America, I pay all these fucking taxes, and
Speaker 2: what do I get in the end? More military? I
Speaker 2: get more military, more military. Fix the fucking pothole in
Speaker 2: the street, and get rid of all the homeless people
Speaker 2: and put them into fucking housing. Work on the fucking
Speaker 2: mental health of all the soldiers that have come back
Speaker 2: from the wars and are all fucked up in their head.
Speaker 2: How about we work on that for a little bit
Speaker 2: and stop spending it on more missiles. It turns out
Speaker 2: that in America, guess what, they've made enough weapons. They've
Speaker 2: made enough weapons the last forever. And I used to
Speaker 2: think that, oh no, we've got to be strong because
Speaker 2: you know what about Russia and China. Have you been
Speaker 2: fucking what? They can't take over the Ukraine?
Speaker 1: Mate, you're worried about Russia together.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they've got the Russians have technology from fucking Top
Speaker 2: Gun and not Maverick, the original Top game, just that
Speaker 2: old shit. And the Chinese we were writing about them
Speaker 2: for fucking ever. They set a spy balloon, not a drone.
Speaker 2: They set a spy balloon over America. For days. Yeah,
Speaker 2: for three days on the news we talked about the
Speaker 2: spy balloon. The slowest moving largest vehicle that mankind's ever created.
Speaker 2: Is what they said. We've got enough guns, we've got
Speaker 2: enough weapons. We're fucking good, start spending it on the
Speaker 2: actual people. And so me saying, start spending on the
Speaker 2: people healthcare, housing, that's called socialism, and socialism in America
Speaker 2: might as well be called communism. That's how they when
Speaker 2: they hear that word, they hear the word communism. And
Speaker 2: so I will never talk on stage in America about
Speaker 2: healthcare because I've tried doing it, and they'll never understand. Now,
Speaker 2: they will never see why that's a good thing. They'll go,
Speaker 2: but why should I be paying something when other people
Speaker 2: aren't paying enough? But da, it's just like dude, just
Speaker 2: and part of their problems is that they're next to Canada,
Speaker 2: and the Canadian healthcare systems not the best. You know,
Speaker 2: the Canadian healthcare system is everybody gets the same healthcare,
Speaker 2: a homeless person to the Prime minister gets the same healthcare.
Speaker 2: With the Australian and British system, where you can have
Speaker 2: public healthcare plus you can have private on top, there's
Speaker 2: no private on top in Canada, right, So they're always
Speaker 2: going those people up there are waiting too long for
Speaker 2: their surgeries, because really, what is healthcare? What is private healthcare?
Speaker 2: All private healthcare is I get to jump the queue
Speaker 2: for my surgery and when I'm in hospital, I get
Speaker 2: my own room. That's the only difference in public too. Whatever. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm facking gone. I've probably lost a lot of fans
Speaker 2: with this rant right now.
Speaker 1: So when you when you it's sort of interesting to
Speaker 1: me because when you go off to say like Austin, Texas,
Speaker 1: which is you know, red territory, fair.
Speaker 2: Well not Austin is the blue and the Sea of Red?
Speaker 2: Is that right?
Speaker 1: Because because I did listen to one of your shows
Speaker 1: there and you had them going, you had them in
Speaker 1: the part of your hand.
Speaker 2: Are you actually came to my show and ostin there, brit.
Speaker 1: And I'm just joking, you were, but I have listened
Speaker 1: to it. But you had him and but you were
Speaker 1: bagging the ship out of Trump.
Speaker 2: That was in Nashville, Nashville, say a horse of a different.
Speaker 1: Fully read so as opposed to the opposite here and
Speaker 1: astraight of course, but red blue. But anyway, but but
Speaker 1: you had him going and they loved it. You were
Speaker 1: bagging the ship out of Trump. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they have no problem with that. And there's also
Speaker 2: a lot of Republicans who are Trump Republicans. You know,
Speaker 2: they want to go back. Remember when we thought that,
Speaker 2: like George W. Bush was a nutjob, warmhongering tybel thing.
Speaker 2: And now he's a delightful old man that dances around
Speaker 2: a bit before you know what I mean. He's fun,
Speaker 2: the little fell I'll tell you a Texas story about
Speaker 2: So I was playing I Believe It's Dallas, and I'd
Speaker 2: done the gun control thing, and before I went down
Speaker 2: to play Dallas, I had to cancel the show a
Speaker 2: few months earlier because there was a gun threat to you, yeah,
Speaker 2: to the theater. Someone was going to come and shoot
Speaker 2: up the theater. And so Texas is the only place, incidentally,
Speaker 2: where we had metal detectors for the shows, and people
Speaker 2: had to turn in their guns and we had a
Speaker 2: tup of weir contata everybody guns that you get it
Speaker 2: back after class. You can't have it in the show.
Speaker 2: And they and they felt unsafe without their gun, you know.
Speaker 2: But anyway, so the gun control thing, even with what
Speaker 2: happened with Trump the other day, with assassination, there's people
Speaker 2: now have been writing to me saying, oh, well, where
Speaker 2: was your gun control now? And you're like doing exactly
Speaker 2: what it is. First of all, he shouldnt have had
Speaker 2: a gun, and men that knew what they were doing
Speaker 2: eliminated the threat. People seemed to think that if all
Speaker 2: the punters in the crowd all had their guns, maybe
Speaker 2: you wouldn't have gotten up on that tower or something.
Speaker 2: But then you'd be you know what I mean. But
Speaker 2: if those gunshots went off, they a would have pulled
Speaker 2: it out. We wouldn't have known who the shooter was.
Speaker 2: It would have been fucking mayhem. You need an US
Speaker 2: and their mentality, you know. Anyway, So I I had
Speaker 2: to cancel me gig to go back to Texas and
Speaker 2: then they reschedule it and the threat hadn't really gone
Speaker 2: away in so I was like, all right, I got
Speaker 2: to do the show, and I don't want people to panic,
Speaker 2: and I don't think I don't think the threat's real,
Speaker 2: so there's no point telling you. So we go back
Speaker 2: to the theater and I rang the cops up and
Speaker 2: I said, can we have a sort of bit more
Speaker 2: of a presence at the show? And they said, well,
Speaker 2: you know, we we can. You can pay the charge.
Speaker 2: So in America you can buy cops in uniform on
Speaker 2: their off time. There's their second job to do your
Speaker 2: personal security for it, which is what I did. So
Speaker 2: I bought I believe eight or nine cops and I
Speaker 2: had two on the edge of the stage and I
Speaker 2: had them at each exit door, so there was a
Speaker 2: big and then they're metal detected. In it was I've
Speaker 2: never seen a comedy show with more sort of security.
Speaker 2: And I'm in my dressing room. I got there two
Speaker 2: hours before the show, and I normally get there about
Speaker 2: thirty minutes before the show, but because of this in
Speaker 2: and then I wanted to know what was going to
Speaker 2: happen and all the protocols in it. And I'm in
Speaker 2: my dressing room. In the dressing room, next to me,
Speaker 2: all the cops are being briefed, and they're all sitting
Speaker 2: around there, and then and the police officer goes, Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna need to have I'm gonna need one of
Speaker 2: you on each door. You can pick your door. I
Speaker 2: don't care which door you want to pick, you know,
Speaker 2: And who wants to be the two cops at the
Speaker 2: edge of the stage right. And one of the cops
Speaker 2: goes like this, Hey, why are we even here, sarge?
Speaker 2: And he goes, well, this this particular comedian has been
Speaker 2: getting death threats. Well why has he been getting death threats? Well,
Speaker 2: he does a routine about gun control. And then one
Speaker 2: of the cops who was paid to protect me, he said,
Speaker 2: maybe he should learn to shut his fucking mouth.
Speaker 1: Then, oh, my god, as you feel, I don't.
Speaker 2: Reckon this Caun's got a dove in front of a
Speaker 2: bullet between me and you, I reckon I might be
Speaker 2: left out there. You know that same cop you had
Speaker 2: a big tash and he had those boots over the pants.
Speaker 2: He's like a highway cop sort of guy. And every
Speaker 2: joke you just sort of throughout the show. He wasn't
Speaker 2: having a good time. He didn't like me or what
Speaker 2: I had to say. I was a pain in the ass.
Speaker 1: But I think it's really funny the way you sort
Speaker 1: of talk about Trump in terms of his simplicity, the
Speaker 1: way he sort of speaks his simplicity in his speech,
Speaker 1: his language, his topics, his content, Like how do you
Speaker 1: get away with it? Like do you ever get a
Speaker 1: phone call from Trump's people?
Speaker 2: No one's ever said they don't worry about things like that.
Speaker 2: Now I said about Trump, I said, I had some
Speaker 2: clip that went good about about how it was a
Speaker 2: fucking routine. It went viral. There was a routine about
Speaker 2: what was it about. I was just like, don't be
Speaker 2: an asshole, and just like you know, I can't. I
Speaker 2: can't remember what it was. It was something. It was
Speaker 2: something about the lead with love or something. It was
Speaker 2: a very sort of love versus hate. Love versus hate
Speaker 2: was my routine. You love versus hate, and if you.
Speaker 1: Love, won't always be hate on hate don't work hate.
Speaker 1: Hate love can get onto sometimes love can beat hate,
Speaker 1: not always. And he said it sound like to a hippie.
Speaker 2: That was the routine that I did, right, thing right,
Speaker 2: so so love can beat hate and all this type
Speaker 2: of stuff. And it was something that I just sort
Speaker 2: of said in passing like maybe he said it a
Speaker 2: couple of times, and I said it on the recording,
Speaker 2: just thinking it wouldn't make the cart and it went
Speaker 2: viral and that type of stuff. And then I did
Speaker 2: a few jokes on my TV show about him, and
Speaker 2: then I did the grab him by the pussy routine.
Speaker 2: I did a whole grab him by the bus and
Speaker 2: he was just a very easy, sort of buffoonish sort
Speaker 2: of a man to make to make fun out of that.
Speaker 1: There's no political content behind it, though.
Speaker 2: Is he No? Wait? Look, look, I would never vote
Speaker 2: for Trump, but I never vote for Biden. I believe
Speaker 2: that every celebrity will tell you to make sure you
Speaker 2: get out there and vote. That's the celebrity catchphase. After
Speaker 2: an election, they'll all post themselves with their sticker I voted.
Speaker 2: Make sure you vote. No, no, no, don't vote. We
Speaker 2: deserve better than this. We deserve better options than a
Speaker 2: fucking lunatic and a seno old man. They're both fucking
Speaker 2: old as well.
Speaker 1: We should just let.
Speaker 2: Those two men vote. That's it, just those two and
Speaker 2: they have to vote on an iPad. Whichever one can
Speaker 2: do it without the help from their grandchild. They get
Speaker 2: to run the free world. You know what I mean,
Speaker 2: Like we deserve more?
Speaker 1: What is that like? I mean, you're you live in
Speaker 1: the States. Why is it such a shitty choice?
Speaker 2: A lot of people believe that. But so Joe Biden
Speaker 2: for the most part, whether you agree with his policies
Speaker 2: or whatever, he has been a good public servant. He
Speaker 2: has dedicated his life and being a public servant. Whether
Speaker 2: you agree with him or not. Trump has had many
Speaker 2: different lives before he became this guy. He's been a businessman,
Speaker 2: a real estate guy, to the BV presenter, to the president.
Speaker 2: He's had like art different lives until he got to
Speaker 2: that thing. Biden's had one life, same life, public service,
Speaker 2: public service. And there's things I've liked about Joe Biden.
Speaker 2: I've always felt, you know, I've had tragedy in my life.
Speaker 2: Right He lost his wife and his five year old
Speaker 2: child in a car accident, you know. And he's not
Speaker 2: a good talker, Joe Biden. He's not a great talker.
Speaker 2: But whenever he talked to people who lost their children
Speaker 2: in an incident or something like that, even if it
Speaker 2: was like a school shitting or something like that, when
Speaker 2: he spoke from the heart, it was quite beautiful because
Speaker 2: you knew he'd been through it, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: So I always had a soft spot for him in that,
Speaker 2: because you know, you can be the most powerful man
Speaker 2: in the world, but doesn't bring bring his child back,
Speaker 2: doesn't bring his child back, right, So I always had
Speaker 2: a soft spot for him for that. But and I
Speaker 2: look his policies, and I don't want to get into
Speaker 2: what's going on in Israel and Palestine, and I'm not
Speaker 2: going to get into that fucking debate. And you know
Speaker 2: whether I agree or not with those type of things.
Speaker 2: And you know, do I think he's done enough for
Speaker 2: certain things or I think he's covered all of his promises? No?
Speaker 2: Not really, right, But he could have gone out on
Speaker 2: the top on a high. He could have stood up
Speaker 2: at the Republic at the Democrat We'll see, we're all
Speaker 2: fluff lines, right. He could have stood up at the
Speaker 2: Democrat convention and handed the torch over to someone else
Speaker 2: and gone, thank you so much, and I'm gloud to
Speaker 2: be American, thank you for having me. And he would
Speaker 2: have been left a hero, the man who defeated Trump,
Speaker 2: the man who got the Democrats back in. But all
Speaker 2: he will be remembered for is a bitter old man
Speaker 2: who wouldn't give up power a petty old person, or
Speaker 2: do you man, hang on, but do you think I
Speaker 2: don't think there's a chance in hell he can no,
Speaker 2: But do you think he's doing it out of the
Speaker 2: greater good?
Speaker 1: And says there's no one else? He really believes his
Speaker 1: noels can defeat Trump.
Speaker 2: I think that'd be ego. There must be something so
Speaker 2: intoxicating about power. I don't know what it is, because
Speaker 2: I wouldn't want to. So what do we had? Like
Speaker 2: forty five forty six presidents or something? Yes, something like
Speaker 2: something like five of them have been killed. Yeah, that's
Speaker 2: not a good stat it's not a stat.
Speaker 1: That I was not a job.
Speaker 2: I'd want one and nine chance I'm going to die
Speaker 2: one and nine chance I'm going to be killed. And
Speaker 2: not only that, half the population fucking hates you. Hates you. Yeah,
Speaker 2: right at the end, you get paid fuck all, and
Speaker 2: then the rest of your life you have to have
Speaker 2: public servants and all that type of stuff and security
Speaker 2: around you all the bloody time because someone's going to
Speaker 2: knock you. But there must be something wonderful about it.
Speaker 2: Why do they all hold why do they want it?
Speaker 2: Why does Ruth Bader Ginsburg not give it up? Why
Speaker 2: does that what's the name Steinberg or whatever? That she
Speaker 2: was one of the things, she was buddy in her nineties,
Speaker 2: and she was holding onto a fucking job, right, Mitch McConnell,
Speaker 2: Why am I watching this? Old can't fucking not giving
Speaker 2: up power? They have to hold on this? I'd like,
Speaker 2: do you get blow jobs all the time? What happens? Well, well, yeah,
Speaker 2: not all the time, though maybe more. But what is
Speaker 2: so wonderful about this power? My theory is that the
Speaker 2: job only attracts psychopaths only because who else would want
Speaker 2: to do it? Who else would get anything out of that?
Speaker 2: Why would you ever? I understand getting into politics and
Speaker 2: maybe wanting to make a difference, but running the free world?
Speaker 2: Fuck that?
Speaker 1: Do you mean American politics? So what do you mean everywhere? Generally?
Speaker 1: What about here?
Speaker 2: I would say anywhere? I'd say anywhere you can't tell me,
Speaker 2: I'll go. I'll go both sides of the party right
Speaker 2: from my childhood right? How many times did John Howard
Speaker 2: keep fucking going for it, going for it, just wanting it,
Speaker 2: wanting it, wanting it. Paul Keating the whole time was
Speaker 2: sitting behind Bob.
Speaker 1: Hawk, just desperate.
Speaker 2: What did they want so desperately? What do you get
Speaker 2: out of it? And it's the sense of maybe going
Speaker 2: as high in life as you can go, going as
Speaker 2: far as you can go. Now I understand that maybe
Speaker 2: going Let's see how far I can take this life.
Speaker 2: Let's see how high I can go, Let's see how
Speaker 2: popular I can get, important I can be. But Biden
Speaker 2: did it. He did it, he became He was vice
Speaker 2: president for two terms, and he was president for a term.
Speaker 2: And now he's going to be remembered as this blake
Speaker 2: who wouldn't give up power when he was very clearly no,
Speaker 2: dementia is a strong word. But my brain's not as
Speaker 2: sharp as it was ten years ago, a bit more forgetful,
Speaker 2: stumble over me words, a little tiny bit fucking haighty two.
Speaker 2: I'm going to be fucking dribbling right. And you're like,
Speaker 2: you can't rule the bloody world. What's wrong with just
Speaker 2: sitting on your arse and watching Telly?
Speaker 1: But you he might be getting influenced by his wife
Speaker 1: the first.
Speaker 2: If I was his wife, especially like his son has
Speaker 2: been dragged through the mud for things that he did do.
Speaker 2: Although that's funny in it. But he gets done. He
Speaker 2: gets done for fucking having a gun and an inappropriate place,
Speaker 2: and the Republicans like got him. It's like, so you
Speaker 2: do agree with some gun control there, We should at
Speaker 2: times have some gun in control. And even with mate
Speaker 2: Donald Trump. You fucking why the hush money? She signed
Speaker 2: a contract, mate, she signed a non disclosure. Why are
Speaker 2: we getting into her. She's meant to be hushing, that's
Speaker 2: the whole thing. He didn't do anything illegal with the
Speaker 2: hush money. What he did was the funding of the
Speaker 2: money coming out of the wrong funds and that type
Speaker 2: of stuff. But she should have been shut up about that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's nothing wrong rush money because she took the
Speaker 1: money to be quiet.
Speaker 2: She took the money to be quiet. You didn't make
Speaker 2: her do anything. And yeah, if anything, I think for
Speaker 2: a man of his wealth, she gave him a very
Speaker 2: reasonable price. One hundred and fifty grand I think, bloody
Speaker 2: very reasonable.
Speaker 1: Now she's filthy that she could have got more.
Speaker 2: Well, she should have asked the bloody more.
Speaker 1: She should have. I guess I've just been watching and
Speaker 1: listening to the energy that comes out is fucking crazy.
Speaker 1: It's mental. I'm saying mental energy, Like really good. And
Speaker 1: if I just if I wind it back and I
Speaker 1: know that you've given up the grog and you stop drinking.
Speaker 1: Does Doug's alcohol, you know whatever? Does that make you
Speaker 1: more energeticalless energy?
Speaker 2: That The whole thing is like the infetamines are meant
Speaker 2: to calm me down with your attention, devisity disorder and
Speaker 2: all that type of stuff, and you meant to be
Speaker 2: you take them. It makes your focus and you watch
Speaker 2: the fucking TV and you know. But for other people
Speaker 2: that Trump's meant to be an adder all the whole time.
Speaker 2: That's why people reckon that's I can't speak for this,
Speaker 2: but that's where people reckon, He's on the adder.
Speaker 1: Big American drug.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's but it's basically dexadrenaline. It's dexadrenas. It's
Speaker 2: it's trying to It's like it makes you focus and
Speaker 2: do exams very quickly and memorize a speech or whatever.
Speaker 2: I I weed came into my life very late in life,
Speaker 2: when I was only into uppers and not downs, and
Speaker 2: I've never been into painkillers or anything like that.
Speaker 1: We weren't smoking hot ones.
Speaker 2: Of that, no, no, just edibles, yep. And when it
Speaker 2: became legally. I only ever took legal weed. It is
Speaker 2: the only drug that ever took legally. And then there
Speaker 2: was shops and you just buy gummy bears and you
Speaker 2: buy this.
Speaker 1: And you're in California, every state, yeah California.
Speaker 2: But in saying that, they let you travel around America
Speaker 2: with it for the most but they made a press
Speaker 2: release from Lax Airport saying, stop trying to hide it.
Speaker 2: We're not looking for it. Like that's the other ends problem,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. So, so I found that weed.
Speaker 2: I don't think I could have become a pothead if
Speaker 2: I was single. I needed alcohol to lubricate my confidence
Speaker 2: to be able to talk to women or have ay thing,
Speaker 2: because we weed makes me the opposite of what I
Speaker 2: am right now. Yeah, weed makes me sit back in
Speaker 2: its chair and just watch Telly with my wife and
Speaker 2: not be the whole whole fucking time. So weed came
Speaker 2: into my life and really changed things up. And then
Speaker 2: when I got into weed, and I'd already given up alcohol,
Speaker 2: and I was sort of struggling with quitting alcohol, and
Speaker 2: then I took up weird and I never struggled with
Speaker 2: the alcohol again. I don't ever want to drink again,
Speaker 2: I don't like what I became on alcohol, and what
Speaker 2: do you become like? I became a sloppy drunk. I
Speaker 2: became what the Americans referred to as a lush.
Speaker 1: But like as in what we would call a lush
Speaker 1: if somebody wants to go own dart and everybody, no, no.
Speaker 2: No no.
Speaker 3: I wasn't an aggressive drink where I was Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: guy drive, sloppy, sloppy, dribbling person, the guy you wouldn't
Speaker 3: want around.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I was. I used to be what they
Speaker 2: call a very good drinker, but was I I was
Speaker 2: just on cocaine, so so a decade before that, I
Speaker 2: was this guy on stage drinking nine ten pints of
Speaker 2: alcohol and people people going this guy as a champion
Speaker 2: drinker on top of the group, on top, on top
Speaker 2: of the booze. The cocaine made me keep drinking. Drink
Speaker 2: and drink and drink and drink. And I was drunk
Speaker 2: in my head, but I was steady as a fucking
Speaker 2: die to talk to you because of the k caine,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. And I don't think I
Speaker 2: was what you call a terrible asshole on on either
Speaker 2: one of those drugs, but I do believe that my
Speaker 2: my restraint with my tongue or saying stupid things that
Speaker 2: went away, you know, which is both a powerful thing
Speaker 2: and you lost your judgment or my judgment. My judgment
Speaker 2: went away. I never got into fist fights, really, I
Speaker 2: well I was. I think I got into one in
Speaker 2: Boston that I would have walked away from if I
Speaker 2: wasn't drunk. But to this day, I wasn't at fault
Speaker 2: in that fight. But a sober person would have walked away.
Speaker 2: But the person pushed me first, and then I went
Speaker 2: for him, and then you know, like that type of thing.
Speaker 2: So you go, well, that's not good. And you know
Speaker 2: I'm more argumentative or whatever. You know, I wasn't a terrible,
Speaker 2: nasty drunk, but but you know, you could get the
Speaker 2: very happy version of me as well. It's very nice,
Speaker 2: but I could say some nasty comments, you know, every
Speaker 2: now and again, I could be a bit bit more mean.
Speaker 1: I guess so now though.
Speaker 2: I just man, I just that's what I'm saying. I
Speaker 2: wouldn't be. I'm not high right now. I don't plan
Speaker 2: on getting high tonight. I'm not high every night the week,
Speaker 2: A couple of days a week, a couple of days
Speaker 2: a week. I've taken edible, I watched Man, I got
Speaker 2: young kids. I have to watch a lot of fucking
Speaker 2: Pixar movies and we does a lot of heavy lifting
Speaker 2: for those films. But my son is funny because I'm
Speaker 2: always very open with who I am and what I'm
Speaker 2: doing and all the type of stuff. And my wife
Speaker 2: my son, who is who has inherited the wonderfulness of dyslexia? Right?
Speaker 2: So yeah, yeah, my father hasn't, but you got it.
Speaker 1: You don't have him on then my son lovely boy,
Speaker 1: and he's very gentle like he's mother, very general, funny
Speaker 1: lad not to stuff.
Speaker 2: But I so, me and the wife were there when
Speaker 2: my son was I don't know seven, and he was
Speaker 2: still having problems spelling and all that other stuff. Seven
Speaker 2: is a bit old to be having these problems. You know.
Speaker 2: He wasn't quite getting me. He had him in tudors
Speaker 2: and all that stuff, and so I was. I walked
Speaker 2: into the room and I was, I guess I was
Speaker 2: being overly friendly. And my wife went to me, she goes,
Speaker 2: are you high, right? And I said no, right, And
Speaker 2: then my son goes, I can spell, you know, And
Speaker 2: I said, oh yeah, mate, what does high spell? And
Speaker 2: he went drunk and that was when I just crossed
Speaker 2: over to the other way. Yeah, to being high over
Speaker 2: over booze, you know, because it's been twelve hundred in
Speaker 2: something days, it's been over. It's March tenth, three years ago,
Speaker 2: three and a bit years ago as my last alcoholic beverage.
Speaker 1: And do you have to do you see people about it?
Speaker 2: Just I tried going to AA for a bit and
Speaker 2: it wasn't for me. And I appreciate that AA works
Speaker 2: for other people, but it didn't work for me in
Speaker 2: the sense that I like to pack things up and
Speaker 2: put them away, not like not bury them, but I
Speaker 2: like things to be behind me. I like my mistakes.
Speaker 2: I like to apologize for my mistakes and move forward,
Speaker 2: try not to do it again, and try not to
Speaker 2: do it again. That's what I like to do, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean. There's no point having to fucking
Speaker 2: constantly go to meetings and talk about how shit I.
Speaker 1: Was a few years ago, because you know well enough.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know well, and that's just for me and
Speaker 2: other people. It really works. Yeah, And what happened was
Speaker 2: as well. It was during COVID and a comedian friend
Speaker 2: of mine. I won't mention anyone's names because it's called
Speaker 2: anonymous for a reason. During COVID, a friend of mine
Speaker 2: who's an alcoholic, I, you know, I couldn't stop drinking
Speaker 2: At one stage, I just couldn't stop drinking. And as
Speaker 2: soon as I went back out on the on the road,
Speaker 2: they started opening up clubs. I was just a mess.
Speaker 2: I'd given up other drugs so long ago. I couldn't.
Speaker 2: People thought I was really spiraling, but it was just
Speaker 2: I wasn't doing cocaine. I was just sloppy, and I
Speaker 2: was just stumbling and falling over out the front of
Speaker 2: comedy classes. Yeah, and I've never had I have no
Speaker 2: interest in having one beer. I don't understand one beer.
Speaker 2: If I'm drinking, I'm drinking. And I'm even the same
Speaker 2: way with food. I keep I keep my weight off
Speaker 2: by fasting for two days. That's the only way I
Speaker 2: can do it. I can. I'd bother all or nothing.
Speaker 2: So during my fast days, you meant to eat under
Speaker 2: five hundred calories, I eat nothing. I don't eating nothing today.
Speaker 2: I won't eat anything today because food doesn't exist. I've
Speaker 2: gotta remember that food doesn't fucking exist, right, That's pretty
Speaker 2: powerful though.
Speaker 1: Yeah you can eat that way.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, So it's like I'd like to eat today,
Speaker 2: but sadly food doesn't exist, so I can do that
Speaker 2: Mondays and Wednesdays, I don't eat right and say the
Speaker 2: same with alcohol, if I had one beer, I was
Speaker 2: having until I was obliterated. That's all I cared about,
Speaker 2: was going until I was obliterated. And so I broke down,
Speaker 2: and I remember I called my manager and my agent up,
Speaker 2: my American manager and agent, not my strange one who's
Speaker 2: here in the other room. And I broke down tears,
Speaker 2: and they wanted me to do a gig, and I
Speaker 2: said I can't leave the house right now because I
Speaker 2: can't control it. I said, oh, I can't control it,
Speaker 2: and they never I never admitted to other people that
Speaker 2: I had a problem ever until then. I said, I
Speaker 2: can't control it. So I started another comedian who I
Speaker 2: knew was sober, but I didn't know the extent of
Speaker 2: how his life and what he'd been through. He'd rang
Speaker 2: me up, and me and him weren't great mates before this.
Speaker 2: We're good friends now. But he rang me up and
Speaker 2: he talked to me and he said, look, I have
Speaker 2: an aa meeting, right, And this AA meeting is just comedians,
Speaker 2: and there's loads of famous people in there, so don't
Speaker 2: worry that you're going to be you judged by people
Speaker 2: or whatever. And so there was comedians that I knew,
Speaker 2: who I never even knew was sober, and they were there,
Speaker 2: and they come to this meeting on zoom every day,
Speaker 2: every day, every day. And so I did it for
Speaker 2: a few weeks. And the biggest problem was that if
Speaker 2: you do AA, everyone shares, right. I thought about having
Speaker 2: a drink this week, and then I looked at the
Speaker 2: bottle of whiskey, and I thought to myself, No, not today,
Speaker 2: And I'm just grateful to be sober today and maybe
Speaker 2: not tomorrow, but I'm good today, and all my fucking
Speaker 2: the problem was it was with all with comedians. Now,
Speaker 2: as you've experienced on this podcast, comedians like to fucking talk.
Speaker 2: So everyone shared. Every single fucking meeting. There's about fifteen
Speaker 2: of us and they're all logging in for ten minute shares. Oh,
Speaker 2: he was taking up three four hours of me day
Speaker 2: fucking day. I don't have enough time to be sober.
Speaker 2: It's taken up too much of me time. So when
Speaker 2: a fact there was comics in there. There was one
Speaker 2: comic and I won't tell you who. I can tell
Speaker 2: you after that, there was his one comic. He hadn't
Speaker 2: had a drink in thirty years, and he was still
Speaker 2: sharing each fucking day. And I'm just like, when there's Easter,
Speaker 2: when there's his cat, stop sharing. He's like, it's been
Speaker 2: thirty years, four days and twenty six hours. We make
Speaker 2: it five days, right, five days and two hours and
Speaker 2: two hours since my last drink. And I walked past
Speaker 2: a restaurant I used to drink in there, but not today,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. I'm just like, the longer
Speaker 2: you're sober, the less sharing we need, the less share.
Speaker 2: Like if a guy just gets sober last week because
Speaker 2: he's fucking yelled at his wife or been abusive to
Speaker 2: his kids or whatever's fucking he's lost his job, let's
Speaker 2: see it from that count.
Speaker 1: Tell me something.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that comes so that can's got a new fresh
Speaker 2: story to tell me. I don't want to hear about
Speaker 2: you having problems. Is that the eighty four Olympics or
Speaker 2: some shit fuck off?
Speaker 1: Can I just quickly talk before I go? And they
Speaker 1: get wound upbout one hundred times ever it, But I
Speaker 1: just want to talk quickly about the Channel seven ship. Sure,
Speaker 1: one second, one yeah, So obviously you live in America.
Speaker 1: Soon I hear everybody's watching it every day. They're probably thinking,
Speaker 1: you just did it yesterday afternoon. How do you? How
Speaker 1: do you do that show? On how and how many?
Speaker 2: There's a big debate down at Channel seven right now
Speaker 2: whether I keep my mustache on it, because I've shown
Speaker 2: up just with a bit of facial hair, and I
Speaker 2: look I think I look like Ianterpy. You know, there's
Speaker 2: a rich history. There's a rich, rich history of game
Speaker 2: show with mustaches.
Speaker 1: Yea.
Speaker 2: So what we do is we record ten episodes over
Speaker 2: two weeks, one episode a day, you know, Monday to Friday,
Speaker 2: and we record the episodes and then there's one week
Speaker 2: of prep work where we write like the little intros
Speaker 2: and outros and the little joke Like people always get
Speaker 2: angry that I talk over the thirty seconds while you're
Speaker 2: trying to think of your answer. I have to do that.
Speaker 2: I can't not talk. There can't be dead air. That's
Speaker 2: part of my contract that I have to do it.
Speaker 2: So I apologize. I'm not trying to annoy you, but
Speaker 2: but so I really. It was one of those things
Speaker 2: that it's like I'd done a bit acting and I'd
Speaker 2: done I've done sitcoms, and I've done I've done, you know,
Speaker 2: panel shows where I was talking directly down camera. And
Speaker 2: here's the thing. I'm a big game show fan.
Speaker 1: Oh really?
Speaker 2: Yeah? So I in my in my spare time, I
Speaker 2: watch Jeopardy every day. I like distractions and game shows
Speaker 2: that where I have to be engaged. I'm answering, I'm
Speaker 2: not going to check my phone because I've got to
Speaker 2: get to the next thing. Can I do the thing
Speaker 2: and another thing with the with the energy that I
Speaker 2: have in life, I find that to be something that
Speaker 2: I find very calming. And I've liked game shows my
Speaker 2: whole life. Do I think that I could have ever
Speaker 2: been a game show host?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: I never I never ever thought that anyone would.
Speaker 1: That was the approach made like it had it a
Speaker 1: work like you.
Speaker 2: Can't what did it feels It's like a dream. I
Speaker 2: can't remember what happened. I remember I remember my manager
Speaker 2: ringing me up and gate there's a new game show.
Speaker 2: I know what happened was when I was out here
Speaker 2: during COVID there there was I fuck it I think
Speaker 2: I'll just tell this right. I went and did a
Speaker 2: pilot for I won't say what channel, but they were
Speaker 2: thinking about bringing blankety Blanks back.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I love it.
Speaker 2: And I was like, yeah, I'll give that a crack, right,
Speaker 2: and then Kennedy Yeah, And the pilot went really good.
Speaker 2: And that's straight up comedy. That's straight up talking to
Speaker 2: other comedians, not a game show, straight up comedy. And
Speaker 2: then the networked undern Art and you know, we went
Speaker 2: back and forth and you know, and they didn't come
Speaker 2: back with an answer very quickly. And then I think
Speaker 2: someone else found out that that pilot went quite well,
Speaker 2: and they said, oh, there's a new game show that
Speaker 2: needs a comedian hosting it, not a regular game show host,
Speaker 2: because there's got to be crowd work involved. And I'm
Speaker 2: so bad at reading that as in script, just reading right.
Speaker 2: I couldn't do the chase if I had to have
Speaker 2: a speed round where I had to go, all right,
Speaker 2: you have thirty seconds of the clock. Let's start now,
Speaker 2: which horse was at pass? You know I've been telling
Speaker 2: me questions, Yeah, they never get an answer out. You've
Speaker 2: won one thousand dollars. I read one.
Speaker 1: Question Larry be happy about that.
Speaker 2: Larry's all right, Larry, Larry's funny. Larry and me talk
Speaker 2: online every now and again. I've done the morning show
Speaker 2: and then Larry. Sometimes people talk to me a bit more.
Speaker 2: They're a bit more sweary when they talk to me
Speaker 2: because they think that's what I'm into, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean. And I said to Larry if he ever
Speaker 2: wants tickets to the show, and he wrote to me
Speaker 2: and it started off with this, hey fucker could I
Speaker 2: get Larry? Larry him started the message with hey fucker?
Speaker 2: And I was like, Larry, oh my, I was touching
Speaker 2: my purls as I read it anyway, So so I
Speaker 2: couldn't do anything. So they said, okay, I would have
Speaker 2: been a good host of is It Cake? You know
Speaker 2: that's the bittop, but one question, deal or nodeal? I
Speaker 2: could do deal or nodeal all day. One question. But
Speaker 2: they said, look, it's only I think it's thirteen thirteen
Speaker 2: questions over forty five minutes, and so I can somewhat
Speaker 2: practice them before I go out there. I know the
Speaker 2: thirteen questions before I walk out there. So the one
Speaker 2: percent clubs a good quiz for me because I can
Speaker 2: just go Okay, half the questions are what letters are
Speaker 2: next in this sequence? I love that with those ones,
Speaker 2: what letters are next to this sequence? But then there's
Speaker 2: the other ones. If Bob has four pennies and Sam
Speaker 2: has twelve cents and she has all the pennies, and like,
Speaker 2: I think you can hear the panic in my voice
Speaker 2: as I read those ones out. I go into like,
Speaker 2: I go into shock. I'm just like I'm gripping the
Speaker 2: lecter and just it's a big one. But luckily me,
Speaker 2: like the One Percent Club is arguably the only quiz
Speaker 2: where you could do it without a host. It would
Speaker 2: be boring. But the questions are up on the screen.
Speaker 2: They've got the iPads, they've got the questions on their iPads.
Speaker 2: My read doesn't really affect how they're going to answer it,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, until we get our first
Speaker 2: blind contestant, and that person's going to fuck me. I'm
Speaker 2: going to have to get beautiful reads for them, you know,
Speaker 2: with their fucking braille iPads.
Speaker 1: Or because I've had the case, I've turned it on
Speaker 1: and I thought, fuck, you're so out of context for me.
Speaker 1: He just freaks me out, Like I think you don't
Speaker 1: even look like the same guy.
Speaker 2: Well, I like I like game shows. But as I said,
Speaker 2: there's seven and there's a big debate going around the
Speaker 2: building whether I keep the tash or not. Because we
Speaker 2: start filming on Friday, right, so we start, we start
Speaker 2: filming in four days. Do I keep the tash doing?
Speaker 1: I'm a vote for the tash keep well?
Speaker 2: I reckon, I force their hand. I reckon. I walk
Speaker 2: up with a Hitler mustache and see what they say.
Speaker 2: I'm going to shave it down to the square. Shave
Speaker 2: it down to the square, push it in of hair
Speaker 2: nout viral question.
Speaker 1: You are going to return to our shores? You've mentioned
Speaker 1: something earlier on but like, is it like a dream
Speaker 1: of yours? You when to come back? You know, to
Speaker 1: do a Paul Hog and buy a place in Barron Bay,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I believe I'm i America was nice enough to
Speaker 2: make me a citizen. So I'm a proud American. I
Speaker 2: really am.
Speaker 1: But you still got straight citizen, you got dual citizenship.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I'm Australian. Yep, I was born here. I
Speaker 2: left this country when I was twenty years old and
Speaker 2: I'm twenty seven now and I haven't lived here since
Speaker 2: I was twenty two when I left. No, hang on,
Speaker 2: what was those I know when I left. I got
Speaker 2: on a plane two thousand and one, September twelfth.
Speaker 1: It's twenty three easier.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the Twin Towers were footballing as I was packing
Speaker 2: my bag. Wow. So yeah, it's twenty four, I guess,
Speaker 2: or something like that. So I haven't lived back here since.
Speaker 2: But like the great Peter Allen once said, I'd love
Speaker 2: to suck your cock.
Speaker 1: Now, he probably would have said that God, bless your soul.
Speaker 2: Bless you sow. No, like you once said, don't put
Speaker 2: a condom on. I don't think I have it. No,
Speaker 2: I don't so like. I still call Australia home. I
Speaker 2: really do. I'm a staunch defender of Australia, and I
Speaker 2: sometimes it might seem like I'm criticizing Australia when I'm
Speaker 2: joke about it overseas or something like that. There's things
Speaker 2: about Australia I don't like. You know, there's things that, Okay,
Speaker 2: I'll tell you the things I do. Like fucking we
Speaker 2: have the best food in the world. Oh fuck you,
Speaker 2: nowhere else is fucking closely right. We don't know how
Speaker 2: good we have it. I'm not just talking about restaurants.
Speaker 2: I'm talking about bread. Fucking a loaf of coffee, bread,
Speaker 2: the best coffee, the best bread, the best produce. Everything.
Speaker 2: You go to a cafe, it's going to be good.
Speaker 2: It's got a bacon egg sandwich, it's gonna be good.
Speaker 2: In America, I can find you good places, but a
Speaker 2: lot of it's shit filled with sugar and additives and
Speaker 2: this and that, and so just go like I've got
Speaker 2: a bag of fucking a box of Gay Times in
Speaker 2: my freezer. I fucking smash through those cuts in one
Speaker 2: fucking day. I love that shit. Right, there's things I missed.
Speaker 2: Gay Times and bloody they don't have anything that good.
Speaker 2: I missed a good meat. But I've actually become a
Speaker 2: master sausage roll maker because I couldn't buy them, so
Speaker 2: I make them at home for myself. My sausage ol
Speaker 2: is the top. Kids they like them, well, my son
Speaker 2: doesn't mind them. I got to win people. My wife vegan.
Speaker 2: It's a whole thing. But I'm going to make a
Speaker 2: vegan sausage owl as well. And if I'm feeling nice,
Speaker 2: best food in the world. But you know, look how
Speaker 2: pale I am. Yeah, I got burnt as a kid
Speaker 2: so badly. I was hospitalized ones blisters on me fucking face, right,
Speaker 2: I don't get that with the other os and I
Speaker 2: hate but now sunscreen is a kid used to be
Speaker 2: Yeah in this now it's just a sh My wife
Speaker 2: doesn't do that. She says it's cancerous. I'm like, giv
Speaker 2: me fucking cancer because this is the best invention I've
Speaker 2: ever had, right, no hat, no play or that type
Speaker 2: of bullshit. It was hard, you know, Australian sun and
Speaker 2: all that type of stuff. And also there is a
Speaker 2: little bit of nanny state about Australia that we sort
Speaker 2: of don't know about us, right, Like they're lowering the
Speaker 2: speed limit in most places in Sydney down to forty
Speaker 2: kilometers an hour.
Speaker 1: That's a fucking ridiculous's all about thirty. Yeah, in the city.
Speaker 2: Especially, that'sicous. You can't get your car out of third gear, right,
Speaker 2: and then they always put it on us. If it
Speaker 2: saves just one.
Speaker 1: Life, I actually heard I actually heard someone say that
Speaker 1: from the city council the other day. But that's a
Speaker 1: load of on the radio, it's a load of bullshit,
Speaker 1: he said. If it says one life, Yeah.
Speaker 2: It's not saving any lives. The sixty speed limit wasn't
Speaker 2: the thing that was killing people. It was the cunts
Speaker 2: driving at one hundred that was killing the people. It
Speaker 2: was the people not doing the actual speed limit was
Speaker 2: the reason people were dying. Forty You can fucking walk
Speaker 2: faster than thirty, right, This is ridiculous. You've been ridiculous.
Speaker 2: And I can't imagine how many speed cameras I've driven
Speaker 2: past to get here, and they always put it on us.
Speaker 2: If it saves one life, fuck off, you're doing it
Speaker 2: for revenue. Don't fucking lie to us. You're doing it
Speaker 2: for the fact. So there's certain things like that where
Speaker 2: I find America is a little you know what else America.
Speaker 2: The greatest thing about America and it will be turning
Speaker 2: left on I think turning right on a red getting
Speaker 2: to a red light and seeing no one going this
Speaker 2: direction this way, it's just the giveaway sign. You stop,
Speaker 2: and then you that changes your whole day, That puts
Speaker 2: a spring in your step. Sensible, bring that sensible. So
Speaker 2: there's a few things like that, like we're the only
Speaker 2: country in the world that Buddy lists a death toll
Speaker 2: over Easter. Every time I turn on the news. I've
Speaker 2: got to hear who died in Tasmania and who died
Speaker 2: in Queensland. But it's fucking morbid. Right, there's things in Ala,
Speaker 2: but the bread's better, the people are the fucking best.
Speaker 2: Our beaches are second to none, right, and just the food.
Speaker 2: And I noticed, like my son who's eleven, He's like,
Speaker 2: I want to be Australian dad, really, but there's things,
Speaker 2: you know. I want to move to Perth one day
Speaker 2: and fucking each weekend I go see the Perth Bears.
Speaker 1: That's what's gonna say.
Speaker 2: I go see the Perth Bears, right, fucking that would
Speaker 2: be heaven. That would be wonderful, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: I would deeply miss the Dodgers and watching baseball every day.
Speaker 2: Baseball's a wonderful sport. And did you hear today? You
Speaker 2: here today? What happened today? Something historical happened today and
Speaker 2: it hardly made the news? What was it? Okay? So
Speaker 2: Australia's had about ten to fifteen baseball players play Major
Speaker 2: League Baseball and they've all been relief pitchers. We've never
Speaker 2: had someone smash the cut out of a fucking ball
Speaker 2: over the fucking fence. Until today. Today, the draft happened
Speaker 2: and the number one pick was Travis Bazana from Oregon
Speaker 2: State who went to the Cleveland in or the Cleveland
Speaker 2: Guardians as it is now, right, he went to the
Speaker 2: Cleveland Right number one pick. He's a hitter. And the
Speaker 2: boy was born in Hornsby Hospital, went to Taramara High
Speaker 2: just up the bloody raid from me right as a
Speaker 2: kid and he played for the Kring Guy Bears or
Speaker 2: something as a kid. Right, how is this jewel has
Speaker 2: come out of the rough? Like there's no batting cages,
Speaker 2: there's no coaches, there's no one throwing at him as
Speaker 2: a kid with Mike. My son plays Little League. Half
Speaker 2: the kids are getting professional training every bloody day. My
Speaker 2: kid's school has baseball coaches that are just there to
Speaker 2: coach baseball.
Speaker 1: Right in, This kid from Kring Guy, this kid from.
Speaker 2: Kring Guy is not only in the draft, but he's
Speaker 2: number one. So you hear here, first, we're going to
Speaker 2: have a young man called Travis Bazana who's going to
Speaker 2: be the highest paid Australian athlete in a team sport
Speaker 2: that has ever been and it hardly made the bloody news.
Speaker 2: Get on board, Jim Jefferies in me m