Speaker 1: I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming.
Speaker 2: She how do I put this? Isn't a fan of
Speaker 2: my kissing.
Speaker 1: Style with boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours. He's
Speaker 1: in a trash bin. He's non recyclable catching them up.
Speaker 2: I love being love. I love love. On today's episode
Speaker 2: of Where's Your Head At, we'll be taking a look
Speaker 2: at whether exes always find a way to come back
Speaker 2: and haunt us.
Speaker 3: Do they genuinely miss us and want us back, or
Speaker 3: are we the rebound that will satisfy them until they
Speaker 3: find the next best thing.
Speaker 2: Stay tuned.
Speaker 3: Where's Your Head At is a podcast that talks all
Speaker 3: things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between.
Speaker 2: This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip,
Speaker 2: intimate details, advice, and much more. Him map, Hey Anna,
Speaker 2: and hello to all our listeners out there. I just
Speaker 2: start off by saying, Anna, remember how you told me
Speaker 2: that it's going to be a struggle once Jen moves
Speaker 2: into my shared house.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I said it was going to be a huge challenge.
Speaker 2: Well, I don't say this often, but you're right, Anna. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's all right.
Speaker 3: I'm glad that you've said this. On the podcast. We'll
Speaker 3: just replay that one more time here.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, look it's all right. There's just a couple
Speaker 2: of things that have happened that I want to touch
Speaker 2: on real quickly.
Speaker 1: Oh.
Speaker 2: No, first of all, we don't have the master bedroom,
Speaker 2: so we have what we've agreed is probably for maybe
Speaker 2: like a pubescent boy.
Speaker 1: Probably What does that mean. It's like the bed only.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, there's a bit of room for activities around
Speaker 2: the bed. But the wardrobe it could only fit like
Speaker 2: just a teenage boy who's got like three shirts, right,
Speaker 2: So try to get that with two people. It's very chesting,
Speaker 2: and there's been a lot of clothes. If you go
Speaker 2: down to the local salvos you might get some of
Speaker 2: my clothes.
Speaker 1: At this point that's uploading.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've had to clean out my wardrobe. Also. Jen
Speaker 2: gave the house a very deep clean, so she's gone
Speaker 2: around with her vacuum cleaner that's whole white. She's just
Speaker 2: given the house a whole once over, to the point
Speaker 2: where she scrubbed the shower so much that I couldn't
Speaker 2: even believe that it was actually had a color under there.
Speaker 3: It was that's never seen the color, but the shower
Speaker 3: actually doesn't.
Speaker 2: Hang on, wait, it isn't like brown and multi weight.
Speaker 2: What's going on now? She's all credit to her where
Speaker 2: it's she's done really well. She has said to me
Speaker 2: she does not want to talk about what she saw
Speaker 2: under the toilet seat.
Speaker 1: Got one of Is that like all of the boys pibs.
Speaker 2: No, I don't know. That's all she wants, that's all
Speaker 2: she said, because we have one of those toilet seats
Speaker 2: that doesn't stay up and it's shared between three boys.
Speaker 2: So pibs. Well, I say, Pierce, I don't know what's
Speaker 2: under there, and she just said she never wants to
Speaker 2: speak about it again. Anyway, that memory to the back
Speaker 2: of her mind. But we had a bit of dramas
Speaker 2: as well. The other day the toilet broke.
Speaker 1: The toilet broke, yes in the boy's house.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so the toilet broke and we had no toilet
Speaker 2: for half a day. So that was a big struggle
Speaker 2: as well, you know, quick trips up to Macas.
Speaker 1: That's challenging.
Speaker 2: That it was. It was very challenging, but we got
Speaker 2: through it now and we're better for it.
Speaker 3: Look to be honest, the house did probably need a
Speaker 3: deep clean, so like if I was in Jem's physician.
Speaker 3: I would definitely be on that same train of thought,
Speaker 3: like it needs a full, deep clean, Like who knows
Speaker 3: what's happened in that house before she's arrived there.
Speaker 2: There's some stories, I know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Look, living without a toilet's not fun for anyone,
Speaker 3: but when you're living in a house full of boys
Speaker 3: just makes it so much worse.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it wasn't the most ideal situation for any of us,
Speaker 2: but we got through it. And let's say we're going
Speaker 2: to be monitoring that toilet to make sure that doesn't
Speaker 2: happen again. All right, So here was your weekend.
Speaker 1: It was really good.
Speaker 3: Michael and I ended up going to our first festival together,
Speaker 3: which was, you know, another milestone in our relationship, super exciting.
Speaker 3: We had such a fun time. I just love it
Speaker 3: that live music's back and we fully got around it.
Speaker 2: So you had fun at this festival with your partner.
Speaker 1: Yeah, why do you seem surprised?
Speaker 2: I've never found that fun with my partner, Like I
Speaker 2: want a festivals and now I all think it's a
Speaker 2: place that like you go single and let loose. Maybe
Speaker 2: it was my age, my maturity level, but like I
Speaker 2: haven't done one with Jen yet a festival. I don't
Speaker 2: think I will, to be honest, but like, yeah, I
Speaker 2: found him that fun with a partner.
Speaker 1: So you've been to festivals with a partner and you
Speaker 1: just didn't think it was that good of a time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I remember, like went to New Year's one year
Speaker 2: with my ex and it just wasn't. I don't know.
Speaker 2: It was different from the years when I went single.
Speaker 2: Maybe it was my age at the time, maybe it
Speaker 2: was my priorities in my mind, all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2: Maybe it wasn't to let loose and have fun.
Speaker 1: I mean, I have a question. Do you enjoy getting
Speaker 1: drunk with Jen?
Speaker 2: Yeah, Jesus, yeah I do.
Speaker 1: So then why would you not love going to live music?
Speaker 2: Well, I said I drunk, Like I said, I haven't
Speaker 2: done it yet, so maybe I might enjoy it, but
Speaker 2: just in the past, I haven't.
Speaker 3: And I mean, yeah, I guess like when we first
Speaker 3: start going to festivals, I know, for me, I was single.
Speaker 3: So if that's your mindset that it's like a single
Speaker 3: event that you do, then fair enough. But yeah, it's
Speaker 3: so fun going with a partner, and like it's fun
Speaker 3: getting to experience live music together, and especially if you
Speaker 3: both love someone who's playing, like it was so much fun.
Speaker 2: I think the year I went before that I was single,
Speaker 2: I had this much fun and I just.
Speaker 1: Spoke for this much for ever friend listening.
Speaker 2: It's like one hundred percent. And I think that the
Speaker 2: next year I had a partner, and I don't think
Speaker 2: that anything could have topped the year before.
Speaker 1: He was hitting sixty five with a partners.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I just don't think anything could top the
Speaker 2: year before. So maybe that's why I have that opinion.
Speaker 2: But I'm surprised and I'm happy for you guys that
Speaker 2: you had that much fun.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it was funny.
Speaker 3: Like I'm twenty nine, obviously, I've been going to festivals
Speaker 3: for a long time. I think, as much as I
Speaker 3: hate to say it, I think my festival days are
Speaker 3: kind of almost like if there's a band that I
Speaker 3: love one hundred percent, I'll go to see it, like
Speaker 3: Kings of Leona coming out soon to Melbourne.
Speaker 1: But yeah, bands different.
Speaker 3: But for actual festivals, like it was just so young,
Speaker 3: like so many young people, and that's fine, but I
Speaker 3: did find it a little bit hectic, Like there was
Speaker 3: lots of little hectic.
Speaker 1: Events that happened throughout the day.
Speaker 2: And I was just like, WHOA, I'm too old for
Speaker 2: this shit.
Speaker 1: I'm too old for this shit, Like what is happening?
Speaker 3: Like there was puncheons, there was people o ding like
Speaker 3: I was just like, WHOA, this is too much. I
Speaker 3: also saw this couple break up at the start of
Speaker 3: the day. They looked pretty aggressive with one another, which
Speaker 3: was a bit scary because I was like, oh, I
Speaker 3: don't like the look of that, Like that seems like
Speaker 3: way too much.
Speaker 1: And then by the end of the night they were
Speaker 1: making out.
Speaker 3: Loving life, and I was just like, Wow, I have
Speaker 3: some serious whiplash, and like the amount of aggressn't that
Speaker 3: I saw before?
Speaker 1: There's just a lot.
Speaker 2: I think that it's safe to say that this happens
Speaker 2: a lot in relationships. You break up and you get
Speaker 2: back together, which brings us coincidentally to our topic today
Speaker 2: of does your ex always come back?
Speaker 1: Let's jump in.
Speaker 3: Okay, Matt, let's jump into this. Why do exes always
Speaker 3: come back? Have you ever had an X that keeps
Speaker 3: coming back into your life?
Speaker 2: Yes? So, my ex Laura and me have been doing
Speaker 2: that for since we broke up, for years, even before
Speaker 2: we even started dating. We always would just come and
Speaker 2: go between each other's lives and wow, kept that up.
Speaker 2: Sometimes we can catch up and it's completely botonic.
Speaker 1: When did you guys break up? How old were you?
Speaker 2: Twenty three and you are now twenty six, so for
Speaker 2: three years three and a half years.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so what you'd both like be seeing other people
Speaker 3: and then one of you would break up or the
Speaker 3: other would break up, and you'd both be single and
Speaker 3: then you'd Yeah, from.
Speaker 2: What I know, I would be seing other people. She's
Speaker 2: never told me if she's seen anyone or anything, like,
Speaker 2: I know she's obviously being with other people than that.
Speaker 2: But we'd always just shoot each other messages and say, hey,
Speaker 2: like this movie's coming out, you want to go see it?
Speaker 2: And we catch up, literally have dinner. She'd cook me dinner.
Speaker 2: I'd go around to hers, and it was literally completely
Speaker 2: patonic sometimes and obviously sometimes it wasn't sometimes you.
Speaker 3: Know, see that's what I mean though, like you say,
Speaker 3: it's completely platonic, then you go, but sometimes it wasn't.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, if the if the vibe was there, sometimes
Speaker 2: we would hook up.
Speaker 1: Isn't that so confusing? Though?
Speaker 2: There was one time the most recent time I afterwards
Speaker 2: was like because I was like, well, hang on, and
Speaker 2: then she just said, can't we just be friends like
Speaker 2: that do this sort of stuff? And I was like, well, yeah,
Speaker 2: we can.
Speaker 1: I was like, so you mean, does she mean friends
Speaker 1: that sleep together?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Because I thought it was like, well, I don't
Speaker 2: want to hurt you because I don't want that again.
Speaker 2: And I brought that conversation. So I brought up with
Speaker 2: him and she was like, Matt, I just thought we
Speaker 2: could just be two friends that do that sometimes and
Speaker 2: hang out.
Speaker 3: But is that possible, like two friends want to have sex? Like,
Speaker 3: don't people want to have sex when it's like a
Speaker 3: bit more. I don't know, Like it's a genuine question.
Speaker 3: I'm not sure.
Speaker 2: Well, it's safe to say we dated. We've been in
Speaker 2: each other's lives now sexually for a decade. We know
Speaker 2: it's not going to work. We just know each other
Speaker 2: very well, so we know that we feel comfort in
Speaker 2: each other.
Speaker 1: I guess, so it's a comfortability thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I think we guess keep going back to
Speaker 2: each other through comfort.
Speaker 3: Why do we feel the need to stay connected with
Speaker 3: an X?
Speaker 2: I feel because in some ways you can have such
Speaker 2: a shared history with them and have experienced such milestones
Speaker 2: together and also put so much time and invested so
Speaker 2: much energy into that person that to just let it
Speaker 2: go could sometimes be huge waste and like could almost
Speaker 2: sort of make someone feel empty or like they must
Speaker 2: like they've wasted their time, so they continued coming back,
Speaker 2: even though they know it's not right and it's not
Speaker 2: going to work for them, they still feel like they
Speaker 2: should go back and try again.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, look, there's definitely two ways of looking
Speaker 3: at this, and I think the way that you're looking
Speaker 3: at it is definitely like if you're going to be
Speaker 3: best friends with someone and spend all your time with
Speaker 3: them and put all this energy into someone, and like
Speaker 3: that's the person who you want to see all day
Speaker 3: every day, like they are your person, and then all
Speaker 3: of a sudden you break up with them, and that
Speaker 3: shifts and changes, Like of course that's that. Of course
Speaker 3: that's like heart wrenching. But for me, I just think
Speaker 3: that as much as we want to remain friends with
Speaker 3: an X, I believe that it can be toxic for
Speaker 3: your life, especially when you start moving into a new relationship,
Speaker 3: because when an X is still in the picture, it
Speaker 3: adds a whole new level of complication that just doesn't
Speaker 3: need to be there. And I think like when the
Speaker 3: ex is someone who you've gone back and slept with
Speaker 3: here and there, and like they do have that feeling
Speaker 3: of comfortability, it's unhealthy moving forward in a relationship with
Speaker 3: a new partner.
Speaker 2: I agree completely, And that's why now that I have
Speaker 2: a girlfriend and I'm in a relationship, I have not
Speaker 2: reached out or Laura hasn't reached out to me.
Speaker 1: So you guys respect the boundary.
Speaker 2: Yes, we respect the boundaries.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I.
Speaker 3: Think that's the tricky part because, yeah, when we're in
Speaker 3: a relationship, it can make xes long for us because
Speaker 3: they go, look at how happy Anna is. Look at
Speaker 3: how happy that is. He looks like he's having a
Speaker 3: wonderful time. Remember when I used to have wonderful times
Speaker 3: with Matt Well, I wish I had that back.
Speaker 2: All right, And so you've had an illustrious list of
Speaker 2: Xes trying to come back into your life. What are
Speaker 2: some of the main ways they have tried to get
Speaker 2: back into your life? A late night text is probably one.
Speaker 1: It's one of your personal thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a classic go to What would be another one?
Speaker 3: I mean, I feel like X's story reactions are a
Speaker 3: big one. They just want to mind you, like, hey,
Speaker 3: I'm still alive, Like I just wanted to let you
Speaker 3: know that I'm going to send you a little flame
Speaker 3: emogory because you're looking fine today and it's.
Speaker 2: Almost like when you see it pop up, I'm just like,
Speaker 2: come on, if you can see that, I'm in a
Speaker 2: relationship now, Like just.
Speaker 3: Yeah, what about liking photos?
Speaker 1: Like if an ex is liking your photo.
Speaker 2: They liking it while it's freshly uploaded or are they
Speaker 2: liking it a couple of days in the track?
Speaker 1: Doesn't matter.
Speaker 2: I feel freshly uploaded, no harm, no fear. I yeah,
Speaker 2: I mean makes up his own rules. No, if someone
Speaker 2: likes mine, I'm not going to look into that. I
Speaker 2: wouldn't like an excess photo. I'm saying if like one
Speaker 2: liked mine that I'd slept with or been with as
Speaker 2: it was a fresh upload, I'd be like, man, you know,
Speaker 2: thanks for the support the engagement. But if it was
Speaker 2: a couple of days later, I'd be like, come on,
Speaker 2: move on.
Speaker 3: So what you think, like if they do it two
Speaker 3: days later, they're trying to get your attention.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what if if they're like liking like a super
Speaker 1: old phone.
Speaker 2: Then they're definitely trying to get your attention. I mean,
Speaker 2: if they're liking it when it's freshly uploaded and they
Speaker 2: have the confidence to think that I've noticed them in
Speaker 2: the mix of thousands of people, they're fucking ambitious.
Speaker 3: Yeah, what about Like, so I know that when people
Speaker 3: break up a lot of the time people unfollow x'es, right, Yeah,
Speaker 3: Or like if you're in a new relationship, you might
Speaker 3: be like, well, I'm probably gonna unfollow because I feel
Speaker 3: a bit uncomfortable like viewing your stuff or whatever it
Speaker 3: might be.
Speaker 1: Now, this happened to me recently.
Speaker 3: An X of mine had unfollowed me because I obviously
Speaker 3: had a new boyfriend whatever all as well. Yeah, he
Speaker 3: recently refollowed me, and I was like, oh, there he is, Hey,
Speaker 3: what's going on?
Speaker 2: Did he reach out?
Speaker 1: No, he didn't reach out, but he just he refollowed.
Speaker 2: So did you follow him back?
Speaker 1: I'd never unfollowed him.
Speaker 2: How freshly broken up were you before you met Michael?
Speaker 3: It wasn't an official but it was a guy who
Speaker 3: I was seeing before Michael was.
Speaker 2: He probably heartbroken and seeing you post with a new
Speaker 2: guy was probably a bit too confronting for him, and
Speaker 2: you know he's taking some time to reflect on his
Speaker 2: own thoughts and he's come back comfortable enough and ready
Speaker 2: enough to view your stories with Michael. Do you think
Speaker 2: that's what's happened or he's just trying to get your attention.
Speaker 1: Maybe I feel like you're talking from experience.
Speaker 2: Take some time to consult myself, talk to my loved ones.
Speaker 1: It's too confronting.
Speaker 2: I'm ready to look back at the stories and then
Speaker 2: it all comes down heavy again and you're like, oh,
Speaker 2: well that was a mistake. Unfollowed. Is this what's happened?
Speaker 1: I mean, you probably know better than me, Like you're the.
Speaker 2: Guy I've never done that.
Speaker 3: I was just taking the pierce, But I don't lie.
Speaker 2: It's I know that that's definitely happens to people out there.
Speaker 2: Fortunately with me, with my most recent ex, I've blocked
Speaker 2: her on every sort of contact. I've blocked her on phone, number, Instagram, Facebook,
Speaker 2: I don't know. The only point of contact we had
Speaker 2: was my old email address, which since has been hacked.
Speaker 2: So some Norwegian hackers getting all my hate mail from.
Speaker 1: Wait were you getting hate mail?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I was getting a couple I.
Speaker 1: Got you're getting emails.
Speaker 2: There was a couple of them, but I'll tell this story.
Speaker 2: Fuck it. Yes, So we weren't seeing each other at
Speaker 2: the time on her birthday, so I'm not going to
Speaker 2: go out and get a gift givings on my love language.
Speaker 2: So I'm not going to get u some extravagant present.
Speaker 2: We're not together. I'm more sentimental. So I got her
Speaker 2: a card and a DVD of our movie. That was
Speaker 2: one of the nice times we spent together, was watching
Speaker 2: that movie. Was one of the very nice days that
Speaker 2: we spent together.
Speaker 3: I'm not laughing, but I just remember this story coming
Speaker 3: back to me.
Speaker 2: And obviously we'd release a couple of our podcast episodes.
Speaker 2: The subject title for the email read, don't ever fucking
Speaker 2: talk about me on your podcast again? Foid with an
Speaker 2: attachment of the card and the d all cut off.
Speaker 1: So why are we talking about her on this podcast?
Speaker 2: Well, like I said, that, poor Norwegian Hacko's going to
Speaker 2: get sent some more hate.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. I would love to see the emails.
Speaker 2: I could probably pull it off.
Speaker 1: But interesting.
Speaker 3: Okay, So, Matt, have you been the one that's tried
Speaker 3: to get back with any of your exes?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Probably my first girlfriend. She broke up with me.
Speaker 2: I tried to get back with her. Thank god I didn't.
Speaker 2: She's now in happy relationship, engaged. I definitely wasn't the
Speaker 2: best guy for her and she's found her dream guy,
Speaker 2: so lucky. We didn't get back together, but I tried
Speaker 2: with her as well. I've always been broken up with
Speaker 2: and I have, yeah, and I've always been like, well,
Speaker 2: I'm not ready for this right now, so it doesn't matter. Yeah, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: ready to break up. I still thought that there was
Speaker 2: something there, and I've always tried to get back and
Speaker 2: reached out to him.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you're so needy, you can't possibly like you're like, no,
Speaker 1: like direct.
Speaker 2: Anymore.
Speaker 1: You don't want to be me?
Speaker 2: Why what about you? Have you reached out to any
Speaker 2: of your Exesena.
Speaker 1: No, I actually haven't.
Speaker 3: I mean, like there's always those moments when you're single,
Speaker 3: a little bit tipsy, and you might, like I don't know,
Speaker 3: react to someone's story or like you know, like send
Speaker 3: them a message being like hope you're well or whatever.
Speaker 3: But I genuinely do not want to get back with
Speaker 3: any of my exes. Like once I'm over it, I'm
Speaker 3: over it. I remember, like the second guy I ever
Speaker 3: slept with, we were seeing each other for a bit
Speaker 3: kind of fizzled out. I think like two to three
Speaker 3: years later. He was like saw that I was out,
Speaker 3: was like, hey, are you out tonight? I was like yeah,
Speaker 3: I am. Like we should have a drink. It's been
Speaker 3: a while we were both single.
Speaker 1: Like why not. I ended up going home with him.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 3: He tried to kiss me when we got home, and
Speaker 3: like it just felt so off, Like I was just
Speaker 3: like the kiss was just uncomfortable, it was awkward. I
Speaker 3: was like, I'm so moved on from this, Like I
Speaker 3: feel like I've done so much growing and like progressing,
Speaker 3: and it kind of felt like I was getting pulled
Speaker 3: back to eighteen year old Anna, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 3: I just don't like it. And I ended up sleeping
Speaker 3: over at his house and I was like, I don't want.
Speaker 1: To kiss you.
Speaker 3: It feels really off. It feels weird. And he was like, oh, really,
Speaker 3: it doesn't feel weird to me. I was like, well
Speaker 3: it does to me, so it ain't happening. And then
Speaker 3: he was like, do you mind if I cuddle you?
Speaker 3: And I was like, m I'm just like feeling really
Speaker 3: warm and I just like prefer to not be cuddled.
Speaker 1: And I just like it.
Speaker 3: Really does rain true with me, Like I do not
Speaker 3: think I'm capable of going back to an X.
Speaker 1: Like, once it's done for me, it's done.
Speaker 3: Once I've started that healing process and I've gone on
Speaker 3: that journey, there is no turning back.
Speaker 2: I know I've said all this stuff I've said here,
Speaker 2: but I agree that I and I think when we
Speaker 2: spoke about this before we came on, I said, I
Speaker 2: know why these relationships broke up, and I never want
Speaker 2: to be in another relationship like it didn't work for
Speaker 2: a reason. But I obviously at the time i'd try
Speaker 2: and win them back because I didn't realize that I
Speaker 2: hadn't fully understood why they've broken up with me, And
Speaker 2: now that I do, I don't try and get them
Speaker 2: back in a relationship sort of way.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Well, let's talk about why x's actually do come back next.
Speaker 2: So a question on a lot of our listeners' lips
Speaker 2: right now, Anna, is why has an X come back
Speaker 2: to haunt me? Well, we've taken the time to write
Speaker 2: down a couple of reasons why we personally feel like
Speaker 2: x's come back to haunt you and back into your life.
Speaker 2: So let's run through.
Speaker 3: Them, so obviously the first one we've touched on this.
Speaker 3: They're jealous of your new relationship. You look very happy.
Speaker 3: They think back to the good times you guys had together,
Speaker 3: and they're like, fuck, now I'm single. The dating pool
Speaker 3: is not as good as I thought it was going
Speaker 3: to be. Maybe the grass is greener back where you are.
Speaker 2: They're also looking for some emotional support during a difficult time.
Speaker 1: That knows a lot of it's a lot about that.
Speaker 2: About that one. So that one is the main point.
Speaker 2: I think I really said that one.
Speaker 3: Actually, that one's double our new line. Another one is
Speaker 3: they've only just realized how good they had it with you.
Speaker 3: I now think they can make it work. Look, I
Speaker 3: don't know about this one. I think if you're willing
Speaker 3: to break up with someone and let you know, then
Speaker 3: plant their seats throughout the dating world, can you have
Speaker 3: these realizations Like I don't know.
Speaker 2: I feel like you can, but it's too little too late.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's too little too late as well.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you've got to know why you're in the relationships.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you need to value them. I think that's the
Speaker 3: key point. Like, if you're not valuing your.
Speaker 2: Partner, then like then it's time to move on.
Speaker 1: Okay, this one. They need an ego boost, need a
Speaker 1: confidence boost.
Speaker 3: Maybe they got let down by someone, maybe they got rejected,
Speaker 3: and they want to come back to that dopamine hit
Speaker 3: that you give them.
Speaker 1: It's an easy hit, right, Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2: They just want to sleep with you. They just want
Speaker 2: to sleep with someone that's easy to sleep with. When
Speaker 2: I say easy, I mean like, you know, you guys
Speaker 2: have shared your bodies together, so they know what to do.
Speaker 2: You know what to do, you know each other's body
Speaker 2: as well.
Speaker 1: Comfortability, comfortability.
Speaker 2: Yes, you guys know each other well, and they're going
Speaker 2: to come back to something they know when they feel
Speaker 2: comfortable with.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they're healing from a recent breakup. That was kind
Speaker 3: of like what we both said, like we went back
Speaker 3: after a breakup because it was just that's very common.
Speaker 2: I think that's also another one is they're drunk. There's
Speaker 2: always a drunk text, drunk call. We've all done it.
Speaker 2: Don't sit there and think you're better than us because
Speaker 2: you haven't.
Speaker 1: Have you done a lot of drunk texting?
Speaker 2: Ah not in recent years?
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I feel like that was eighteen to twenty
Speaker 3: year old me, Like after.
Speaker 2: That, oh, actually I lie. Probably Yeah, drunk texting not
Speaker 2: to exes but to people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, actually I think highlight to.
Speaker 2: Everyone. Drunk text is a potential part, you know, fling,
Speaker 2: whatever you want to call it.
Speaker 1: This is a good one. They saw a recent picture
Speaker 1: of you and it was a bit of a first trap.
Speaker 3: Now, I mean, look, we all put those photos up
Speaker 3: that could potentially be classified as a bit of a
Speaker 3: first trap photo.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: The comments come in fast and heavy. There's lots of
Speaker 3: flame emojis coming through into the dms. Have you ever
Speaker 3: reached out to someone when they put up a first trap, Matt?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have.
Speaker 1: Actually, that's the look that Matt just gave me.
Speaker 2: I'm guilty of that. Let's move on. I think that's
Speaker 2: a whole other episode, to be honest. First traps they're
Speaker 2: just looking for a little bit of closure. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I've definitely reached out to X's in the past, not
Speaker 3: because I want to get back with them, but just
Speaker 3: for that little bit of closure that I just didn't
Speaker 3: feel that I quite got.
Speaker 2: They think they have changed and want to try again.
Speaker 1: Do people really change though, No, they don't.
Speaker 2: I mean with some really self reflecting and self building,
Speaker 2: the right speaking to the right people, they could, but
Speaker 2: that's if they want to change.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know. I think yeah.
Speaker 3: Look, timing in relationships is super important, very important, and
Speaker 3: maybe if you were with someone when you were younger,
Speaker 3: you maybe didn't treat them the best, and then you
Speaker 3: grow up probably look back and reflect and all the
Speaker 3: good times you have together and think like, maybe I
Speaker 3: was a bit of an asshole and maybe I could
Speaker 3: treat them better.
Speaker 1: I mean, could it work? Probably? Maybe?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know that. Laura, after listening to one of
Speaker 2: these episodes right at the start, reached out to me
Speaker 2: and she said it was sort of hard to hear
Speaker 2: you speak the way you did, because she was like,
Speaker 2: that was the sort of guy I've been looking for
Speaker 2: all those years ago. Really yeah, and she said, you've
Speaker 2: now become the man that I wanted you to become.
Speaker 1: Wow, that's huge.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So I guess people do change in a way.
Speaker 3: We will grow up, we all mature, and I think
Speaker 3: for the right person, you will be the best version
Speaker 3: of yourself because you don't want to let them down
Speaker 3: and you really want them to have the world.
Speaker 2: Well, you know me, I'm always up to growing and
Speaker 2: being a better person.
Speaker 3: So but I mean like, look, the big question is
Speaker 3: is it healthy to have exes trying to come back
Speaker 3: into your life, especially if you're in a relationship, Like
Speaker 3: I know for me personally, and I think you're probably
Speaker 3: in the same boat. I'm happy in my relationships, so honestly,
Speaker 3: having an ex contact me is literally the last thing
Speaker 3: I want. Like, obviously me and Michael have a very
Speaker 3: open relationship, so if an X is going to reach out,
Speaker 3: we're going to tell each other. And like, I'm sure
Speaker 3: you guys are It's just like a pain, right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree, And it's something that like, it's not needed.
Speaker 2: I reckon, it's another stress on the relationship that's not
Speaker 2: really needed.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Okay, So look, we've spoken about why exes come
Speaker 3: back to haunt us. Let's now talk about how to
Speaker 3: stop them from contacting you.
Speaker 2: And I'm in a happy relationship now with Jen and
Speaker 2: Dora love it a bits. Let's just say, hypothetically, I
Speaker 2: have an exit keeps contacting me. How do I tell
Speaker 2: it to stop?
Speaker 3: Look, okay, the first thing we want to do is
Speaker 3: directly tell them that you want to cease all communication.
Speaker 3: I think sometimes when an ex doesn't hear the words
Speaker 3: please stop contacting me very directly. They just think that
Speaker 3: they can keep trying and trying and trying.
Speaker 2: And then there's the opposite end of that, which is
Speaker 2: do not respond to their text cause or anything, any
Speaker 2: reacts or anything that they do.
Speaker 1: Ghost them, basically is what you're saying.
Speaker 2: Yeah, ghost them to leave them on scene. Let them
Speaker 2: take the hint. And if they don't take the hint,
Speaker 2: I reckon. The best thing to do would be block
Speaker 2: their number and unfriend them on all social media platforms.
Speaker 2: I think as well, it's good to try not to
Speaker 2: check in on them, So if you've blocked them on
Speaker 2: your actual account, don't make a burner account and start
Speaker 2: stalking them and having a look at what they've done.
Speaker 3: I think that keeping up to date with people's lives
Speaker 3: isn't necessarily healthy, and I think that focusing on your
Speaker 3: own life and what's important to you and remaining positive
Speaker 3: and having that good energy around you is what you want.
Speaker 2: And the last point is stay strong and don't romanticize
Speaker 2: all the good parts that you had. Like we said before,
Speaker 2: I'm very guilty of it. You've got to remember the
Speaker 2: bad parts as well. So little tip I did was
Speaker 2: I got a little journal and I wrote down how
Speaker 2: I was feeling, wrote down all the bad parts, and
Speaker 2: when I did remember good parts and I felt like
Speaker 2: I missed them, I went back and read that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we've touched on this on our episode Breakups at.
Speaker 2: Burn season one, episode two. Go back and take a
Speaker 2: listen if you haven't already.
Speaker 3: And basically what I do is I write myself a
Speaker 3: letter from myself telling myself all of the reasons why
Speaker 3: I shouldn't be with this person, why we're not write together.
Speaker 3: And any time I feel like I have a little
Speaker 3: bit of a slip, which hasn't been recently, but I'm
Speaker 3: talking about like early stages of breakup, you read the letter,
Speaker 3: you feel so much better.
Speaker 2: And after saying all this X is reaching out to us,
Speaker 2: all that sort of stuff. Do you think we like
Speaker 2: it a little bit when an X reaches out. Do
Speaker 2: we think that makes us feel feel good inside a
Speaker 2: quick release of serotonin? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Like, I think a lot of the time.
Speaker 3: The reason why a lot of people will just leave
Speaker 3: their exes on red and not be like, please do
Speaker 3: not reach out to me, is because they want to
Speaker 3: see how many times the ex is going to reach
Speaker 3: out to them. And it does give you a bit
Speaker 3: of a serotonin hit. Like, I think we'd all be.
Speaker 1: Lying if we said that it didn't.
Speaker 3: Each and every one of us would get that like,
Speaker 3: oh what do they want type of feeling even if
Speaker 3: there is no feelings there.
Speaker 2: I know that with my ex, I had no feelings
Speaker 2: in the end, and I'd still see her name pop
Speaker 2: up and I'd be like, Oh, it's still released that
Speaker 2: same what does she want? Yeah? What does she want?
Speaker 2: It still makes you feel good and be curious at
Speaker 2: what she was saying in that So I yeah, I
Speaker 2: think that a lot of people do loose that door
Speaker 2: open because they do love their.
Speaker 3: X reaching out, even if it's like one to two percent,
Speaker 3: it's just like that tiny little bit open just in case. Okay, Matt,
Speaker 3: that's all we have time for. The question of the day,
Speaker 3: do X.
Speaker 1: Is come back?
Speaker 2: I definitely think they will, But I don't think it's
Speaker 2: a matter of if or when or how. I think
Speaker 2: it's a matter of how you handle it and how
Speaker 2: you go about that X trying to come back into
Speaker 2: your life when you don't want them to.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, that good advice from you. That's all we
Speaker 1: have time for today.
Speaker 3: Bye guys.
Speaker 2: Ye