WEBVTT - How Breathwork Saved Johannes Egberts When He Hit Rock Bottom 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:03.320 We'd like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land 0:00:03.480 --> 0:00:06.840 on which this podcast was produced, the Galligle people of 0:00:06.880 --> 0:00:10.440 the Urination. We pay our respects to Elder's past and present. 0:00:11.960 --> 0:00:17.200 It's twenty fifteen and we're in gray, wintery Amsterdam. It's 0:00:17.239 --> 0:00:22.160 cold outside, but it's even colder in here, the cryotherapy studio, 0:00:22.280 --> 0:00:27.280 where Johannes Egberts is putting on his hat, gloves and boots. 0:00:27.800 --> 0:00:31.600 He's here at the suggestion of his brother. He's working 0:00:31.760 --> 0:00:36.120 in the new health facility alongside a man called whim Hoff. 0:00:37.360 --> 0:00:41.440 Johannes's brother is desperately attempting to make him feel better. 0:00:42.320 --> 0:00:44.840 Johannes is at rock bottom. 0:00:45.080 --> 0:00:48.600 He was recently arrested and detained in Sri Lanka, a 0:00:48.680 --> 0:00:52.320 traumatic experience that also led to the fracture of his 0:00:52.440 --> 0:00:57.320 relationship at just twenty years old. Johannes can't see a 0:00:57.400 --> 0:01:03.560 way out. He's been feeling and empty for months. The 0:01:03.680 --> 0:01:08.639 chamber is minus ninety degrees. He steps in, the rush 0:01:08.680 --> 0:01:13.679 of adrenaline hits him. Johannes is back in his body. 0:01:13.800 --> 0:01:18.319 He feels like himself again. Tears rolled down his face, 0:01:18.800 --> 0:01:23.120 instantly freezing. This is the moment that will change the 0:01:23.200 --> 0:01:30.200 course of you Hannas's life forever. I'm at Middleton and 0:01:30.240 --> 0:01:34.400 this is headgame today, one of the world's leading cold 0:01:34.440 --> 0:01:42.400 therapy experts on the moment that saved him. Johannas, how 0:01:42.440 --> 0:01:43.000 are you, buddy? 0:01:43.880 --> 0:01:45.679 Oh, very well, I'm very happy to be here with you. 0:01:46.520 --> 0:01:50.520 May I love your calming, very soothing approach. I'm sort 0:01:50.520 --> 0:01:53.480 of the opposite. I'm super energetic. I need some of 0:01:53.520 --> 0:01:57.320 that calming aura and energy so I can stay grounded 0:01:57.360 --> 0:02:01.520 in my seat. Now tell me your Hannas, what is 0:02:01.640 --> 0:02:02.320 breath work? 0:02:02.800 --> 0:02:07.040 Breath work so conscious modulation of our respiration and then 0:02:07.040 --> 0:02:09.840 the role that that has to play in human transformation. 0:02:09.919 --> 0:02:12.400 And that is a very fancy way of saying any 0:02:12.480 --> 0:02:15.200 time that you change your breathing in order to change 0:02:15.240 --> 0:02:18.720 your state of mind, your state of being. So, I mean, 0:02:18.760 --> 0:02:21.000 it's something that's all this time itself, right. People have 0:02:21.040 --> 0:02:23.640 always known about the power of the breath, the power 0:02:23.680 --> 0:02:26.720 that resides in the human respiratory system. But I think 0:02:26.760 --> 0:02:29.760 really in the last twenty maybe forty years or so, 0:02:29.919 --> 0:02:32.360 breath work has made its way to the west, and 0:02:32.400 --> 0:02:35.480 we're seeing this convergence of east and west of old 0:02:35.840 --> 0:02:40.880 and contemporary of ancient and science and spirituality can sort 0:02:40.880 --> 0:02:42.960 of meet in this point of the breath. That's how 0:02:43.000 --> 0:02:44.840 I see it. So the breath is a bit of 0:02:44.919 --> 0:02:47.480 a bridge, and that's what breath work, I think also is, 0:02:47.520 --> 0:02:50.639 and I think that's why it's here today. That's the 0:02:50.760 --> 0:02:53.200 role that it has to play in our society now, 0:02:53.320 --> 0:02:56.560 is to sort of reconnect us in a certain way. Yeah. 0:02:56.760 --> 0:02:59.520 Yeah, It's something that we take for granted, don't we, 0:02:59.560 --> 0:03:03.360 because we subconsciously just breathe in and out, and you know, 0:03:03.400 --> 0:03:05.160 when we get a bit more tired or a bit 0:03:05.160 --> 0:03:08.280 more active, we breathe a lot heavier, and we don't 0:03:08.320 --> 0:03:11.480 think about controlling it because it almost controls itself, so 0:03:11.560 --> 0:03:15.560 we don't think about it. But when we subconsciously think 0:03:15.600 --> 0:03:19.320 about our breathing techniques and you know, the oxygen and 0:03:20.200 --> 0:03:23.520 the air that we're breathing, that's when it really comes 0:03:23.520 --> 0:03:24.400 into light, isn't it. 0:03:25.400 --> 0:03:28.160 One hundred percent? Yeah, I'm actually curious to also talk 0:03:28.200 --> 0:03:30.840 to you about the career that you've had and the 0:03:30.919 --> 0:03:33.640 role that breath has had to play in that. But 0:03:34.000 --> 0:03:36.080 you're spot on with that. This is what makes breath 0:03:36.120 --> 0:03:40.040 so unique. It's both happening to you moments and moment, 0:03:40.160 --> 0:03:42.360 but you can also step in and control and so 0:03:42.800 --> 0:03:45.440 it is one of the only functions, one of the 0:03:45.480 --> 0:03:48.720 only parts of the autonomic nervous system, if you will, 0:03:48.760 --> 0:03:51.440 that has a bridge also with the somatic nervous system. 0:03:51.480 --> 0:03:54.880 In other words, you can consciously control your breathing, but 0:03:54.960 --> 0:03:57.240 it is also happening to you moments a moment. And 0:03:57.600 --> 0:04:00.000 I like to say sometimes that your breath is there 0:04:00.080 --> 0:04:02.720 for either your best friend if you do have control 0:04:02.720 --> 0:04:05.560 over it, or your worst enemy, because, as you sort 0:04:05.560 --> 0:04:08.880 of alluded to, in the worst moments, your breath is 0:04:08.920 --> 0:04:11.120 taken away from you. When when you lose your breath, 0:04:11.160 --> 0:04:14.880 you are out of control, right and unfortunately the world 0:04:14.960 --> 0:04:17.400 is breathless today. There's a lot of people walking around 0:04:17.440 --> 0:04:21.360 with really poor breathing habits. And yeah, it is in 0:04:21.400 --> 0:04:23.200 that way. It is a little bit like you do 0:04:23.240 --> 0:04:26.200 not have control over your state of being. The flip 0:04:26.240 --> 0:04:29.160 side of that is that when you do learn some 0:04:29.200 --> 0:04:31.159 of these simple techniques, and maybe we get a chance 0:04:31.200 --> 0:04:33.640 to discuss some of them today, it is literally like 0:04:33.680 --> 0:04:36.080 someone has given you the remote control to your body, 0:04:36.120 --> 0:04:38.440 to your nervous system, and you're back in. You're back 0:04:38.440 --> 0:04:39.320 in the player seat. 0:04:40.240 --> 0:04:40.840 Yeah, I love that. 0:04:41.440 --> 0:04:44.280 Have you always been like this as a youngster or 0:04:44.320 --> 0:04:47.520 have you learnt you know that this is the way, 0:04:47.560 --> 0:04:48.880 This is what life is. 0:04:49.120 --> 0:04:52.320 The essence of life is truly about, is breathing. 0:04:53.160 --> 0:04:59.120 Yeah, I can say absolutely not, meaning that I was 0:04:59.279 --> 0:05:02.520 out of control in a really big way, and it 0:05:02.560 --> 0:05:04.920 started very early. I've traced this back all the way 0:05:04.960 --> 0:05:07.760 to my first few years right in this kind of 0:05:07.800 --> 0:05:10.200 game of following back RUMs is to like where did 0:05:10.200 --> 0:05:12.560 this begin? But you know, life was difficult for me 0:05:12.560 --> 0:05:15.880 at a young age. I struggled. I struggled to concentrate, 0:05:15.960 --> 0:05:18.200 I struggled to just be in my body, to be 0:05:18.279 --> 0:05:20.880 in my experience, and it's always felt like things were hard. 0:05:20.920 --> 0:05:23.600 Things were harder for me somehow, is how I used 0:05:23.600 --> 0:05:25.880 to you know, the words I used to speak all 0:05:25.920 --> 0:05:27.839 the time. And I mean this all came to a 0:05:27.880 --> 0:05:30.000 head in my teenage years. To give you a picture 0:05:30.040 --> 0:05:32.800 of being out of control, probably from about you know, 0:05:32.960 --> 0:05:36.640 thirteen onwards. I couldn't quite be in school anymore, and 0:05:36.680 --> 0:05:38.760 so that was a difficult thing for me. I basically 0:05:38.839 --> 0:05:41.000 was set astray right like a ship without a rudder. 0:05:41.040 --> 0:05:42.880 For a number of years. It was a lot of drugs, 0:05:44.640 --> 0:05:47.359 and basically that time feels almost like a bit of 0:05:47.360 --> 0:05:49.520 a black hole to me even thinking back about it now, 0:05:49.680 --> 0:05:52.360 I don't right up to about sixteen years of age 0:05:52.400 --> 0:05:56.440 and working menial jobs night shifts, factories, car factory, I 0:05:56.440 --> 0:05:58.200 did all sorts of things right, just to kind of 0:05:58.240 --> 0:06:00.520 get by. And at this point I really had this 0:06:00.680 --> 0:06:02.720 sense of like, what is the point, right you are 0:06:02.839 --> 0:06:05.200 just a cog in the machine here? I remember showing 0:06:05.240 --> 0:06:06.960 up to some of these jobs, right, and you're wearing 0:06:06.960 --> 0:06:08.760 an overall and you have a number on it and 0:06:08.800 --> 0:06:12.200 people actually call you by your number. I remember things 0:06:12.240 --> 0:06:14.280 like that and thinking this is this is a low point. 0:06:14.440 --> 0:06:16.800 I've been there as well. I've been yeah as well. 0:06:17.000 --> 0:06:18.520 It's drab, isn't it? 0:06:18.600 --> 0:06:18.840 Yeah? 0:06:19.080 --> 0:06:22.240 Gray? And you I've seeing people there that have been 0:06:22.279 --> 0:06:26.320 doing that. Ah, that possibility of is this going to 0:06:26.360 --> 0:06:28.400 be me for the next twenty thirty years If I 0:06:28.440 --> 0:06:31.320 don't figure this out? You know, the consequences of have 0:06:31.440 --> 0:06:33.640 I missed some of the forks in the road here 0:06:33.720 --> 0:06:36.560 right then? Am I just now on this track to nowhere? 0:06:37.440 --> 0:06:40.000 But I did. I did keep searching, and I was 0:06:40.080 --> 0:06:42.280 quite early to start traveling at that point. So at 0:06:42.320 --> 0:06:45.400 sixteen I figured out that I could actually go. It 0:06:45.600 --> 0:06:48.120 was quite an experience, and so I did you know, 0:06:48.440 --> 0:06:50.320 I kind of roamed around the south of France for 0:06:50.360 --> 0:06:52.480 a while with a bunch of gypsies. We picked grapes, 0:06:52.520 --> 0:06:55.120 We went in all different adventures. The coast of Spain. 0:06:55.240 --> 0:06:57.240 I saw a quite an early age, which was quite 0:06:57.240 --> 0:06:59.679 an experience, as you can imagine. And then I actually 0:06:59.680 --> 0:07:01.680 found way to Thailand, and then I spent six months 0:07:01.720 --> 0:07:04.520 there and that was like a nourishing for the soul. 0:07:04.560 --> 0:07:06.800 At the time, I worked as an English teacher. I volunteered. 0:07:07.000 --> 0:07:09.240 I figured that if you work as a volunteer, you 0:07:09.279 --> 0:07:11.320 can actually travel, you can get a special visa at 0:07:11.360 --> 0:07:13.680 that age, and that was that was like the light 0:07:13.760 --> 0:07:15.520 came back into my eyes. You know. There was a 0:07:15.560 --> 0:07:18.760 real sense of appreciation of belonging, of having purpose, of 0:07:18.800 --> 0:07:20.880 doing something of value, of meaning. It was a very 0:07:20.920 --> 0:07:23.840 healthy environment to be in as well with other people 0:07:23.920 --> 0:07:27.080 my age, you're a little bit older, and and and 0:07:27.240 --> 0:07:29.800 at that point my mission became how do I write, 0:07:29.840 --> 0:07:31.600 how do I how do I keep this going? How 0:07:31.600 --> 0:07:32.720 do I stay on this track? 0:07:33.560 --> 0:07:35.960 It sounds like that that Thailand was a place where 0:07:36.000 --> 0:07:38.200 you could take off all this body arm I sort 0:07:38.240 --> 0:07:41.480 of get rid of all these masks. Did tile Did 0:07:41.520 --> 0:07:43.600 you feel like that that was the start of your 0:07:43.640 --> 0:07:46.120 journey in Thailand where that where all of that could 0:07:46.160 --> 0:07:48.440 come off and you could just be one hundred percent 0:07:48.480 --> 0:07:52.360 yourself and then grow, you know, obviously grow and evolve that. 0:07:52.640 --> 0:07:55.040 Yeah, yeah, definitely. At the time, that was definitely like 0:07:55.080 --> 0:07:58.920 a crossroad. I remember going out there and sitting on 0:07:58.960 --> 0:08:02.000 the airplane and just think to myself, nobody is going 0:08:02.040 --> 0:08:03.600 to know me on the other side of the world, 0:08:03.600 --> 0:08:05.800 Like I get to decide here, right, And that also 0:08:05.920 --> 0:08:08.560 is that coming of age moments of course, of you 0:08:08.600 --> 0:08:10.360 know what, if I am none of these things, and 0:08:10.600 --> 0:08:12.400 if I'm none of these masks that I've been wearing, 0:08:12.840 --> 0:08:16.200 I get to play right. And there's such freedom in 0:08:16.240 --> 0:08:20.280 that to just explore and then to basically craft a 0:08:20.280 --> 0:08:23.240 new identity or sorts right and crafted around a new 0:08:23.280 --> 0:08:26.280 set of belief the new set of principles and ideas 0:08:26.320 --> 0:08:29.600 and values, and to also have that environment feed it 0:08:29.640 --> 0:08:31.440 back to you. That that was wonderful and that went 0:08:31.480 --> 0:08:34.160 on for a period of time, which is a really 0:08:34.160 --> 0:08:37.320 beautiful thing. And then eventually the integration of both of 0:08:37.360 --> 0:08:39.880 those worlds and that is probably a chapter that I'm 0:08:39.920 --> 0:08:42.040 only really coming to terms within the last couple of 0:08:42.160 --> 0:08:45.080 years to go what is really underneath all of this? 0:08:45.280 --> 0:08:47.920 I spoke to it earlier, following the bread crumbs all 0:08:47.960 --> 0:08:50.800 the way down to the beginning and figuring out that actually, 0:08:50.840 --> 0:08:53.760 like all of these parts and all of these masks 0:08:53.800 --> 0:08:55.600 and all of these pain points, like they all have 0:08:55.679 --> 0:09:00.079 incredible value, right, and they integrated they become right this 0:09:00.240 --> 0:09:02.760 this new version. I mean, I'm thirty, right, and so 0:09:03.160 --> 0:09:06.760 I'm a little bit probably less ahead on the journey 0:09:06.760 --> 0:09:08.800 as you are, but it is also a really beautiful time. 0:09:08.840 --> 0:09:11.240 It is also the grade in my bed. 0:09:14.080 --> 0:09:17.840 Yeah, when did you connect this sort of spiritual journey 0:09:17.840 --> 0:09:21.120 that you were going on with breath work? When did 0:09:21.120 --> 0:09:24.560 that sort of come into fruition? When did or was 0:09:24.600 --> 0:09:28.439 that a natural progress into that of self discovery? 0:09:28.440 --> 0:09:28.960 To school it? 0:09:29.760 --> 0:09:32.760 No, I had to go really low to be open 0:09:32.880 --> 0:09:36.800 enough to really like try on these practices and things. 0:09:36.800 --> 0:09:39.320 And when I say really, I was twenty one years 0:09:39.320 --> 0:09:41.160 of age, right, I spent half a decade at this 0:09:41.200 --> 0:09:45.400 point essentially running away from myself and running towards something new. Also, 0:09:45.440 --> 0:09:48.560 as we discussed, but there was a lot of patterns 0:09:48.559 --> 0:09:50.560 that were building along the way also, and so I 0:09:50.640 --> 0:09:52.640 just took on way too much. In those first couple 0:09:52.720 --> 0:09:54.320 of years in Australia. 0:09:53.800 --> 0:09:53.880 I. 0:09:55.440 --> 0:09:59.040 Wasn't a relationship. I had a number of full time 0:09:59.120 --> 0:10:01.800 jobs and positions sometimes too at the same time. Right, 0:10:01.840 --> 0:10:04.040 I was working as a hedchhev in a cafe. I 0:10:04.080 --> 0:10:06.439 was working as a sculptor. I was making bronze sculptures. 0:10:06.640 --> 0:10:09.319 An apprenticeship is that. And I was having I was 0:10:09.360 --> 0:10:11.800 having a great time, but it was it was a lot, right. 0:10:11.880 --> 0:10:14.520 I was basically living on the precipice of burnout. And 0:10:14.920 --> 0:10:16.960 in the Netherlands we say this, this thing about the 0:10:17.040 --> 0:10:19.520 drip that makes the bucket flow over. I had one 0:10:19.559 --> 0:10:22.920 of those moments, and it is it is not a 0:10:22.960 --> 0:10:26.080 great story, but me and my partner at the time, 0:10:26.120 --> 0:10:28.400 I traveled to Sri Lanka to try and repair our 0:10:28.440 --> 0:10:31.640 relationship and to try and make it work right and 0:10:32.000 --> 0:10:35.960 safe to say that wasn't succeeding. And really at the 0:10:36.000 --> 0:10:39.720 lowest moment, something quite tragic happened. She had a tattoo 0:10:39.720 --> 0:10:42.319 of a Buddhaut. It's quite a quite an odd scenario, 0:10:42.440 --> 0:10:45.360 but that is not it's not just frowned upon. It 0:10:45.360 --> 0:10:47.440 as a crime in Sri Lanka and we were aware 0:10:47.480 --> 0:10:49.800 of that, but we went surfing one day she took 0:10:49.800 --> 0:10:51.800 off her leggings and it was it was spotted, it 0:10:51.960 --> 0:10:54.800 was seen, and went en. Shoot. Were seven of the 0:10:54.840 --> 0:10:57.920 worst days in my life. We were basically assaulted right 0:10:57.960 --> 0:10:59.800 then and there, and we tried to get away from it, 0:10:59.840 --> 0:11:03.760 but it erupted into a big confrontation and we were 0:11:03.760 --> 0:11:06.840 in prisoned. We had much information about what this meant. 0:11:06.920 --> 0:11:09.720 We found a you know, an article, and there was 0:11:09.840 --> 0:11:12.280 a lawyer that was presented to us who told us 0:11:12.280 --> 0:11:16.000 this story about a DJ who had spun at a 0:11:16.040 --> 0:11:19.120 trans party, spawned like a Buddha's head on one of 0:11:19.160 --> 0:11:23.760 his sets, right, and he spent nine months in prison 0:11:23.800 --> 0:11:26.400 in this jail cell and my spiral I went into 0:11:26.480 --> 0:11:29.640 quite a dissociative state, and the maltreated us quite badly 0:11:29.679 --> 0:11:32.720 in this prison. The entire village was very upset. I 0:11:32.720 --> 0:11:35.240 stayed with her the entire time, but I wasn't I 0:11:35.280 --> 0:11:38.000 was physically there, but I was. I was like I 0:11:38.040 --> 0:11:41.199 was living behind myself, right, And very quickly this adopted 0:11:41.200 --> 0:11:42.920 into something out of a movie. You know, we were 0:11:42.920 --> 0:11:45.880 being sped upon, were they were sort of telling us 0:11:45.880 --> 0:11:47.400 all these stories, but are you just come to court 0:11:47.440 --> 0:11:49.280 for one moment and you know tomorrow I will let 0:11:49.320 --> 0:11:51.040 you go and you just hand in your passport and 0:11:51.040 --> 0:11:52.360 then you know you have it back. And it was 0:11:52.400 --> 0:11:55.000 just lives upon lives upon lies, and it turned out 0:11:55.040 --> 0:11:57.719 very quickly, even the lawyer and things, there's nobody we 0:11:57.760 --> 0:12:00.959 could trust, right, And then luckily we had I had 0:12:01.400 --> 0:12:04.520 met this Dutch gentleman on the beach when a couple 0:12:04.559 --> 0:12:06.559 of days before I played the game of backgammon with him, 0:12:06.559 --> 0:12:08.720 and he happened to own half the hotels on this 0:12:08.800 --> 0:12:12.280 side of the island's coast, and so we managed to 0:12:12.280 --> 0:12:14.560 get into contact with him, and he essentially came to 0:12:14.640 --> 0:12:17.080 ourselves like you know, one in the morning or something 0:12:17.120 --> 0:12:19.840 and said, you're coming with me right now. You're speaking 0:12:19.840 --> 0:12:21.560 to this person. When you get to the airport, you're 0:12:21.559 --> 0:12:24.000 getting on this bus. You will never ever come back 0:12:24.000 --> 0:12:28.959 to Sri Lanka. And off we went, and and it 0:12:29.120 --> 0:12:30.880 was quite it was it was intense. 0:12:30.920 --> 0:12:32.800 It's a period of time that you you were. 0:12:33.080 --> 0:12:36.079 As close to a week. Yeah yeah, yeah. 0:12:36.120 --> 0:12:39.240 So you go, you go to the beach surfing, thinking 0:12:39.280 --> 0:12:41.319 that you're going to be back at the hotel, you know, 0:12:41.360 --> 0:12:42.760 you're figuring things out with your. 0:12:42.720 --> 0:12:43.920 With your with your partner. 0:12:43.920 --> 0:12:46.319 You're in a really good place, and then all of 0:12:46.360 --> 0:12:49.000 a sudden, and I can relate to what you said, 0:12:49.000 --> 0:12:53.240 then you were you were there physically, psychologically you were 0:12:53.360 --> 0:12:54.760 just disconnected. 0:12:54.840 --> 0:12:56.320 You were you weren't there. 0:12:57.320 --> 0:13:00.160 Does it feel like a bit of a blur psychologically 0:13:00.280 --> 0:13:03.400 or was it just pure survival in that moment? 0:13:04.160 --> 0:13:07.600 The way I describe it is third person video game. 0:13:08.920 --> 0:13:11.080 You have a character in the movie from that moment on, 0:13:11.160 --> 0:13:13.400 but you were far behind yourself. And the moment this 0:13:13.559 --> 0:13:16.040 was very real was when we landed in Singapore airport. 0:13:16.080 --> 0:13:17.920 Now to describe the state that we were in, we 0:13:17.920 --> 0:13:21.079 were so the shoveled that we immediately got arrested again. 0:13:22.400 --> 0:13:24.520 I thought we had finally gotten to safety, right, so 0:13:24.559 --> 0:13:27.800 we'd we'd been awake like the whole night at this point, 0:13:28.120 --> 0:13:30.080 and we got in there and almost wanted to kiss 0:13:30.120 --> 0:13:30.440 the ground. 0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:30.679 Right. 0:13:30.679 --> 0:13:32.160 I was like, oh my god, we made it through. 0:13:32.600 --> 0:13:34.880 And they as soon as we walked into the lobby, 0:13:34.880 --> 0:13:37.400 they said, please come with us, right, And the reason 0:13:37.440 --> 0:13:39.720 why is because of how we looked. I mean, my 0:13:39.760 --> 0:13:43.360 clothes were torn, I were sowed the shovel that they 0:13:43.360 --> 0:13:46.320 were convinced that we had swallowed drugs. Because of the 0:13:46.360 --> 0:13:48.120 state that we were in. There were one hundred percent sure, 0:13:48.640 --> 0:13:50.920 and so they told us later, we were convinced that 0:13:50.960 --> 0:13:52.920 you guys were smugglers and that you had you know 0:13:53.000 --> 0:13:55.240 that something had gone wrong, and so we actually were 0:13:55.280 --> 0:13:58.440 wanting to basically give you guys medical attention. And after 0:13:58.480 --> 0:14:01.080 we'd explained what had happened, everything was fine. But the 0:14:01.160 --> 0:14:04.720 moment of that moment when it was like we're safe 0:14:04.760 --> 0:14:06.640 and then we were not, that was when I just 0:14:06.840 --> 0:14:09.120 went up to the ceiling. And it was from then on, 0:14:09.440 --> 0:14:11.520 and this went on for a couple of weeks. It 0:14:11.600 --> 0:14:14.520 was like I was just looking down upon myself from 0:14:14.559 --> 0:14:18.679 behind myself, right, and that was the dissociative state. And 0:14:18.720 --> 0:14:21.720 I recognize this in certain parts of my life that 0:14:21.800 --> 0:14:25.560 perhaps I was not quite present right. And this is 0:14:25.600 --> 0:14:28.160 a nervous system function of freeze. We call it right. 0:14:28.400 --> 0:14:30.920 It's as survival response with the body the sides. I 0:14:30.960 --> 0:14:34.080 can't fight, I can't fly, I can't quite use my 0:14:34.200 --> 0:14:37.040 normal survival mechanisms to make my way out of this day. 0:14:37.040 --> 0:14:38.640 And so the only way that I can make it 0:14:38.640 --> 0:14:41.320 through is to relegate it to the unconscious and to 0:14:41.400 --> 0:14:46.800 choose a more less energy intensive form of coping, right, 0:14:46.840 --> 0:14:49.840 which is this dissociated freeze. And of course it's there 0:14:49.880 --> 0:14:51.800 to protect you, it's there to survive you. It's a 0:14:51.840 --> 0:14:55.280 heroic act, is one of my mentors describes it, right, 0:14:55.400 --> 0:14:57.720 is the body saved the day right there for you. 0:14:57.840 --> 0:15:00.680 But it doesn't feel like that in the moment. And 0:15:01.880 --> 0:15:04.040 to cut the story short, right, it went on for 0:15:04.080 --> 0:15:07.000 a while longer. It was more tragedy, more things. Eventually 0:15:07.640 --> 0:15:09.520 I tried a number of different things to cope, right. 0:15:09.640 --> 0:15:11.800 I did a lot of yogay, did a lot of 0:15:11.880 --> 0:15:14.600 things fasting, you know, float tanks, you name. I read 0:15:14.600 --> 0:15:17.040 all of the possible audiobooks in the world. I meditated. 0:15:17.080 --> 0:15:20.720 Eventually I medicated and the stress had gotten so bad 0:15:20.760 --> 0:15:23.000 that my physical body started to call them come apart. 0:15:23.160 --> 0:15:25.640 I was diagnosed with all sorts at one point, couldn't 0:15:25.640 --> 0:15:29.119 really process my food anymore. When big into this isolated 0:15:29.160 --> 0:15:31.520 state and didn't know how to ask for help, didn't 0:15:31.520 --> 0:15:33.240 know how to tell people about what had happened. At 0:15:33.240 --> 0:15:35.320 the point, there was no empathic witness there for me. 0:15:37.080 --> 0:15:39.200 I went back to the Netherlands after taking the full 0:15:39.200 --> 0:15:42.360 bottle of medication one night and essentially sleeping almost three 0:15:42.440 --> 0:15:45.240 nights and that was the lowest point. So I'm there. 0:15:45.360 --> 0:15:48.280 I hadn't been there in a number of years. My 0:15:48.320 --> 0:15:51.120 life back overseas in Tetters, there's a heaps of things 0:15:51.120 --> 0:15:53.640 for me still to resolve. And this is when I 0:15:53.680 --> 0:15:56.040 was lucky to be taken in by my brother. He 0:15:56.080 --> 0:15:58.600 worked for the first cryotherapy studio in Amsterdam. 0:16:00.040 --> 0:16:02.360 That's that's where the breath work started. 0:16:02.640 --> 0:16:04.880 That's where it started because he was connected to a 0:16:04.880 --> 0:16:09.760 guy got whim Hoff, right, and you've probably he came 0:16:09.800 --> 0:16:11.280 to play a really big part in my life. For 0:16:11.360 --> 0:16:13.280 the five years to follow. He became a close friend 0:16:13.320 --> 0:16:15.360 and mentor. We traveled around the world together. But this 0:16:15.440 --> 0:16:19.240 first encounter was the most significant one. Right. I remember 0:16:19.280 --> 0:16:21.680 stepping into that cryotherapy studio for the first time. I 0:16:22.440 --> 0:16:24.880 wasn't even there again. I was walking behind myself. I 0:16:25.320 --> 0:16:28.760 flat empty, dejected, but it awoke something in me, right, 0:16:28.800 --> 0:16:30.560 it cracked some sort of a layer. And then the 0:16:30.600 --> 0:16:33.920 breathing exercises that we practiced. I was given very little instructions. 0:16:33.960 --> 0:16:37.400 The only thing they said was don't fucking stop breathing. 0:16:46.640 --> 0:16:50.520 So is your brother that recognized that you were in 0:16:50.640 --> 0:16:54.360 a dark, bad place. You you didn't go and ask 0:16:54.400 --> 0:16:58.040 for help. I suppose he was so connected that he 0:16:58.280 --> 0:17:01.640 recognized your disconnection. Was that safe to say? 0:17:02.320 --> 0:17:04.760 Ah, he's an angel. He's been an angel throughout my life. 0:17:04.800 --> 0:17:07.040 He's the one that when I was driving the forklifts 0:17:07.080 --> 0:17:09.440 in the middle of the night, he died through my 0:17:10.359 --> 0:17:14.800 iPod shuffle full of audiobooks by Eckartole and you name it, 0:17:14.840 --> 0:17:16.920 and always giving me the nudges in the right direction 0:17:17.040 --> 0:17:19.040 and planting the seeds ready to be picked up for 0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:23.119 me whenever I was ready. And you're right, he had 0:17:23.119 --> 0:17:25.840 a ten year meditation practice at this point, and he 0:17:25.920 --> 0:17:28.159 had a level of connection and it was beyond words. 0:17:28.200 --> 0:17:30.080 I think again, I could not really express what had 0:17:30.119 --> 0:17:31.840 happened to me, and I didn't have the words. It 0:17:31.880 --> 0:17:33.919 was too much, It was too much for me to process. Right. 0:17:34.000 --> 0:17:37.520 I was dissociating it out of my awareness for a reason, 0:17:37.560 --> 0:17:40.040 and so I didn't want to go back there. I 0:17:40.080 --> 0:17:42.120 was in a state of shell shockness almost right. 0:17:42.760 --> 0:17:44.760 And I love when you said about that first session. 0:17:45.240 --> 0:17:48.359 Put me in your skin well for that very first moment, 0:17:48.359 --> 0:17:51.240 because it's such like you said, within thirty minutes, it 0:17:51.440 --> 0:17:56.080 transformed your life. Just to talk us through how that 0:17:56.119 --> 0:17:58.360 looked and how it felt, and you know, because it's 0:17:58.359 --> 0:18:02.160 such a pivotabal point on you being who you are today. 0:18:02.800 --> 0:18:05.479 Let's begin with the breath work, and that's where it started. 0:18:05.520 --> 0:18:08.680 It was very simple, early morning, laid down a few 0:18:08.720 --> 0:18:12.159 instructions and the process begins. Right, you take deep breaths 0:18:12.160 --> 0:18:14.720 in and again I was a free diver at this 0:18:14.760 --> 0:18:17.560 point already, right, I could do yoga, I could drop 0:18:17.560 --> 0:18:21.119 into the splits right these I had these ideas about 0:18:21.119 --> 0:18:25.159 myself and about what breathing meant, you know, but this 0:18:25.320 --> 0:18:28.400 was completely different. Within five minutes of the rapid breathing, 0:18:28.400 --> 0:18:31.840 I felt my senses come alive, right tingling sensations throughout 0:18:31.880 --> 0:18:34.639 my fingers and arms, pressure in my chest. It was 0:18:34.680 --> 0:18:37.919 almost like all the anxiety that had mounted and built 0:18:38.119 --> 0:18:42.520 was actually intensified first and foremost before it was released. Right. So, 0:18:43.160 --> 0:18:44.679 but I had this voice in my mind of like, 0:18:44.760 --> 0:18:47.560 don't fucking stop breathing, and so I did continue to 0:18:47.600 --> 0:18:51.640 push past. The most remarkable thing happened probably right there 0:18:51.680 --> 0:18:54.359 about between five to ten minutes into this experience. It 0:18:54.440 --> 0:18:57.160 was like I'm still looking down from the ceiling upon 0:18:57.240 --> 0:18:59.199 myself right, and it was almost like we did this 0:18:59.240 --> 0:19:01.560 thing where you you hold your breath, and you could 0:19:01.600 --> 0:19:03.399 hold your breath for minutes at a time, and this 0:19:03.480 --> 0:19:05.520 was really significant for me. It was like a very 0:19:05.560 --> 0:19:09.040 peaceful place. And then I was like someone put a 0:19:09.080 --> 0:19:12.000 defibrillator on my soul, on my chest, and I could 0:19:12.000 --> 0:19:15.760 see myself climb back into my body and I actually 0:19:15.800 --> 0:19:18.439 remember getting up. I stood up in the middle of 0:19:18.440 --> 0:19:21.120 the exercise and I was like looking at my fingers 0:19:21.119 --> 0:19:23.480 and going, I am alive again. And I said, oh 0:19:23.480 --> 0:19:25.840 my god, you know you've you've healed me. And tears 0:19:25.880 --> 0:19:27.719 were coming down my face, which is something that had 0:19:27.760 --> 0:19:29.200 not happened in a long time. And I was sort 0:19:29.240 --> 0:19:31.240