Speaker 1: Everyone, it's Carli here and welcome to you. This week's
Speaker 1: Mojo Monday. So imagine being stuck on a roundabout, so
Speaker 1: you're going round and round and round, and you actually
Speaker 1: can't see the exit roads, so you know that they're there,
Speaker 1: but you can't find which road is going to take
Speaker 1: you out, so you just keep going round and round.
Speaker 1: And that's what it's like when we ruminate. Our thoughts
Speaker 1: go in this repetitive loop, circling the same situation over
Speaker 1: and over again, trying to think our way out, trying
Speaker 1: to problem solve, trying to get rid of the thoughts,
Speaker 1: but getting nowhere. And in Japanese psychology there's a term
Speaker 1: for this, and it's called torowere, and put simply, it's
Speaker 1: when your mind gets caught so caught in your thoughts,
Speaker 1: caught in your and your feelings, you know, caught trying
Speaker 1: to figure it all out. And in Marita therapy, to
Speaker 1: awere is described as a state of mental preoccupation, which
Speaker 1: is when your attention becomes fixated on what's bothering you.
Speaker 1: So it's quite normal to do this. The more attention
Speaker 1: you give it, the more intense it feels, and the
Speaker 1: harder it is to step out of it, so it
Speaker 1: becomes this self reinforcing loop. But there's a real cost
Speaker 1: to this because when all of your attention gets pulled
Speaker 1: into your thoughts, your world starts to narrow. It affects
Speaker 1: what you do, what you don't do. You can hesitate,
Speaker 1: you avoid, you over analyze, you stop doing the things
Speaker 1: that are really important to you, and over time, you
Speaker 1: just stop taking action. And that's one of the key consequences.
Speaker 1: It leads to inaction and reduced quality of life. And
Speaker 1: what's interesting is this doesn't just happen in your own
Speaker 1: mind anymore. Torawerre can actually become shared. So you might
Speaker 1: notice in conversations when you're going over the same issues
Speaker 1: again and again, you know, like in grip chats where
Speaker 1: everyone is validating the same frustration, or even on social media,
Speaker 1: where the algorithm keeps feeding you this content that reflects
Speaker 1: exactly how you feel. So instead of stepping out of
Speaker 1: the roundabout or driving out of the roundabout, you've now
Speaker 1: got multiple lanes feeding into it. And this means more attention,
Speaker 1: more reinforcement, more time spent in the loop. And there's
Speaker 1: a word for this actually got from Ethan Cross's book
Speaker 1: called shift tis a research psychologist, and it's called co rumination.
Speaker 1: And while it can feel supported and even comforting in
Speaker 1: that moment, it can actually deepen that state of totuwerre.
Speaker 1: So how do we get off the roundabout? The first
Speaker 1: step is to take a step back and ask yourself
Speaker 1: what here is actually within my control and what isn't
Speaker 1: Because often our attention is locked on the things that
Speaker 1: we can't control. So if we gently shift our attention
Speaker 1: towards what we can influence. And this is where old
Speaker 1: wisdom and modern psychology meet. So in the book Shift,
Speaker 1: Ethan Cross talks about the importance of shifting our attention
Speaker 1: and in Marita therapy, the shift isn't about controlling your thoughts.
Speaker 1: It's about changing your relationship with them. And there's a
Speaker 1: concept called arrogamama, which is allowing things to be as
Speaker 1: they are. If you've been listening to this podcast for
Speaker 1: a while, you would have heard me talk about this
Speaker 1: many times. This is my favorite Japanese concept, arugamama. It
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that you like the thoughts or the emotions.
Speaker 1: You're not trying to get rid of them. You just
Speaker 1: let them be. It is what it is because the
Speaker 1: goal isn't to eliminate the thoughts or even to feel
Speaker 1: better straight away. The goal is to live fully even
Speaker 1: with the inevitable challenges and the uncertainty that comes with
Speaker 1: being human. And this is where the shift happens. Instead
Speaker 1: of trying to think your way out, you move into action.
Speaker 1: In Marita therapy, change doesn't come from controlling how you feel.
Speaker 1: It comes from what you do next, even with the
Speaker 1: thoughts there. So personally, what I have found really helpful
Speaker 1: is when I notice that I get stuck in this
Speaker 1: state of totawero, I first get clear on what I
Speaker 1: can actually control, and if in that moment there's nothing
Speaker 1: I can do to solve the problem, I'll do something constructive.
Speaker 1: So I will tidy up. I'll do a bit of admin,
Speaker 1: like paying bills. A might clean one shelf on the
Speaker 1: kitchen cupboard, or do something that I haven't got round
Speaker 1: to doing before. It doesn't have to be big, but
Speaker 1: these are things that I can focus on, I can
Speaker 1: put my focus on. They are constructive and flexible use
Speaker 1: of my intention. I could easily go to my phone
Speaker 1: and scroll mindlessly. That's another use of my attention, but
Speaker 1: these are constructive uses and at the end of it,
Speaker 1: there's a sense of accomplishment and it doesn't matter how
Speaker 1: small the task is. So that's how we step off
Speaker 1: the roundabout, not by finding the perfect thought or solving
Speaker 1: the problem of the rumination, but by loosening our grip
Speaker 1: on it, shifting our attention and taking action in the
Speaker 1: direction of what matters, and over time that's what expands
Speaker 1: our lives again, So have a great week everyone. I
Speaker 1: hope that was valuable and I'll catch you next week.
Speaker 1: See ya.