WEBVTT - WHY DO I KEEP ATTRACTING ‘TOXIC’ ? 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.080 I want the fairy tale, I want the prince charming. 0:00:03.080 --> 0:00:05.960 She how do I put this? Isn't a fan of 0:00:06.000 --> 0:00:08.240 my kissing style with the. 0:00:08.320 --> 0:00:10.559 Boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours. 0:00:10.640 --> 0:00:11.639 He's in a trash bin. 0:00:11.720 --> 0:00:13.840 He's non recyclable. Catching her up. 0:00:15.160 --> 0:00:17.200 I love being love, I love love. 0:00:18.239 --> 0:00:20.600 On today's episode of Where's Your Head At, we are 0:00:20.640 --> 0:00:24.960 delighted to welcome back to the studio our amazing manifestation coach, 0:00:25.120 --> 0:00:25.960 Maddie Summers. 0:00:26.239 --> 0:00:28.440 You loved it last time when she came and visited us, 0:00:28.480 --> 0:00:30.560 so today we have her back and to discuss the 0:00:30.600 --> 0:00:34.239 reasons why you may be attracting unavailable and toxic men. 0:00:34.640 --> 0:00:37.560 Maddie will answer all of our juicy questions, is sexual 0:00:37.600 --> 0:00:41.120 chemistry enough and what your energy may be telling others. 0:00:41.320 --> 0:00:43.519 Stick around to find out the reason why you keep 0:00:43.600 --> 0:00:45.040 going back to your toxic x. 0:00:49.880 --> 0:00:52.320 Where's Your Head At is a podcast that talks all 0:00:52.400 --> 0:00:57.720 things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between. 0:00:58.000 --> 0:01:00.680 This is your new go to destination for life gossip, 0:01:00.880 --> 0:01:03.000 intimate details, advice, and much more. 0:01:08.120 --> 0:01:10.160 Hello, Hello, welcome back. 0:01:10.280 --> 0:01:11.520 Good morning, Maddie. 0:01:13.440 --> 0:01:16.240 So excited to be back. I'm loving the green today. 0:01:16.600 --> 0:01:21.240 I know it's a little poper color fabulous Scorpio, I 0:01:21.280 --> 0:01:24.319 am beware. Yeah, why beware? 0:01:24.840 --> 0:01:25.080 Well? 0:01:25.160 --> 0:01:26.960 I mean I feel like Scorpio has got a pretty 0:01:26.959 --> 0:01:31.520 bad wrap. Is she what she like? What one? 0:01:31.959 --> 0:01:36.119 Lara is a bit she's fiery, fiery, Yeah, she knows 0:01:36.120 --> 0:01:37.920 what she wants. She's stay on the line. Is that 0:01:37.959 --> 0:01:38.320 what you are? 0:01:38.319 --> 0:01:41.080 I love that? Yeah, I am. But then it's also 0:01:41.120 --> 0:01:43.959 a water sign, so we're like deeply emotional. Not people 0:01:43.959 --> 0:01:45.720 think we're a fire sign and we're all fiery. I 0:01:45.760 --> 0:01:48.560 think we're just deeply emotional, which can make us what's cancer. 0:01:49.720 --> 0:01:55.200 We're the most compatible, man, we're the most compatible friends. 0:01:55.240 --> 0:02:01.200 Taurus and Scorpio incredible best friends. Really, it's so interesting, Seah, 0:02:01.200 --> 0:02:01.760 I just love it. 0:02:01.840 --> 0:02:03.040 I'm loving this already. 0:02:04.200 --> 0:02:04.680 Yeah. 0:02:04.760 --> 0:02:08.679 What have you been manifesting lately? Oh? So much since 0:02:08.760 --> 0:02:11.600 last time we've spoken. I feel like so much has happened, 0:02:11.600 --> 0:02:13.840 and so much has happened with you with the wedding. 0:02:13.919 --> 0:02:19.280 You've manifested marriage. I know, crazy, crazy, my dream man, 0:02:19.440 --> 0:02:22.560 he was manifested from the very first time we spoke 0:02:22.560 --> 0:02:25.080 about it to now. It's happened so quickly, I know, 0:02:25.639 --> 0:02:26.480 isn't it wild? 0:02:26.800 --> 0:02:29.520 It's crazy to think that, like I wrote a letter 0:02:29.720 --> 0:02:33.280 of a guy who encompassed everything I wanted and I 0:02:33.320 --> 0:02:34.560 got that and so much more. 0:02:34.919 --> 0:02:37.960 It's crazy exciting. It's so exciting. Do you know what 0:02:38.000 --> 0:02:38.680 Matt was saying. 0:02:38.680 --> 0:02:42.160 Actually, he was like we were talking because obviously you 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:45.120 were coming in today, and He's like, I don't believe 0:02:45.160 --> 0:02:48.520 in manifestation, but everything I've manifested has happened. 0:02:48.560 --> 0:02:51.200 And I'm like, nah, so yeah, what I said was 0:02:51.400 --> 0:02:53.519 I said, was look, I like I said last time, 0:02:53.600 --> 0:02:55.840 I don't not believe in it. I think that there's 0:02:55.840 --> 0:02:58.720 nothing wrong with having a positive mindset, you know, like 0:02:58.800 --> 0:03:01.360 thinking about what you want you get there, Like, nothing 0:03:01.400 --> 0:03:04.040 wrong with that. But I said, if you think about 0:03:04.040 --> 0:03:06.880 five years ago, I was, you know, sitting at Smoko, 0:03:07.240 --> 0:03:09.120 like sitting there eating my lunch, listening to radio, and 0:03:09.120 --> 0:03:10.480 I was like, I want to do this, I want this, 0:03:10.520 --> 0:03:11.720 I want to be at this place of my job. 0:03:11.760 --> 0:03:14.160 I want to be doing this. And literally five years later, 0:03:14.400 --> 0:03:17.640 everything I'm doing everything that I well, you can say 0:03:17.639 --> 0:03:19.799 it's manifesting, but I said I wanted to do I'm 0:03:19.840 --> 0:03:22.240 doing it, but it happened. But is that hard work? 0:03:22.400 --> 0:03:24.200 Is that just doing the right things? Being in the 0:03:24.240 --> 0:03:25.280 right place at the right. 0:03:25.160 --> 0:03:27.480 Time, like believing what are you doing? 0:03:27.960 --> 0:03:29.920 Like what do you think what did you do between 0:03:30.000 --> 0:03:33.679 that smoker and now, like with your energy and with everything, 0:03:33.760 --> 0:03:35.760 Like even the things that you did physically, what did 0:03:35.800 --> 0:03:36.400 you do together? 0:03:36.640 --> 0:03:38.600 Well, I say, for instance, get to the job I 0:03:38.640 --> 0:03:41.560 wanted to do. I literally worked hard and I was 0:03:41.600 --> 0:03:43.960 just convincing the right people to move me into that position. 0:03:44.480 --> 0:03:46.880 Is that manifesting or is that just you believed it? 0:03:47.120 --> 0:03:49.320 If you're convincing yourself, that's the thing I think. If 0:03:49.360 --> 0:03:51.800 you're convincing other people as well, you had to have 0:03:51.800 --> 0:03:53.360 a pretty deep root of belief that it was going 0:03:53.440 --> 0:03:54.360 to happen for you too. 0:03:54.400 --> 0:03:56.280 Yeah. I knew what I was good at doing, and 0:03:56.280 --> 0:03:59.480 I knew that's where the business would literally find the 0:03:59.520 --> 0:04:01.320 best for me and the best out of me. 0:04:01.560 --> 0:04:02.720 That's the groundwork for it. 0:04:02.800 --> 0:04:03.000 You know. 0:04:03.120 --> 0:04:06.040 Manifestations is not like this crazy, hectic like I said 0:04:06.080 --> 0:04:09.320 last time, like floating above the earth. It's just knowing 0:04:09.360 --> 0:04:11.320 what you want and knowing that it's going to happen 0:04:11.360 --> 0:04:13.040 because you know that you deserve it and you're good 0:04:13.040 --> 0:04:16.360 at it, and then taking the aligned action Like that's manifestation. 0:04:17.080 --> 0:04:21.360 I put my crystals out in the full moon. Yeah. Actually, 0:04:24.240 --> 0:04:25.880 Sen and I bought a bunch of them when we 0:04:25.920 --> 0:04:27.760 went and went away, and then we put them out 0:04:27.800 --> 0:04:30.960 on the back of the ute tray just to get 0:04:30.960 --> 0:04:34.200 the full sun on and just you know, I got 0:04:34.200 --> 0:04:36.359 to get the full charge. I was like, someone's going 0:04:36.440 --> 0:04:39.320 to steal them because we're in some motel. Someone's going 0:04:39.360 --> 0:04:40.080 to knock them off. 0:04:40.320 --> 0:04:42.039 If they weren't fully charged, they wouldn't have stole them. 0:04:42.080 --> 0:04:46.080 But since they they're out of the people know. 0:04:46.400 --> 0:04:47.960 Yeah, and I've got them on my window lags now, 0:04:48.000 --> 0:04:49.479 Like did I tell you last time, I have the 0:04:49.520 --> 0:04:52.320 money one the money crystal to bring money into your life. 0:04:52.440 --> 0:04:57.240 And it started to like crumble and my sister change 0:04:57.240 --> 0:05:01.920 the dust like fuk mat. That's not a good sign. 0:05:02.440 --> 0:05:04.720 And I'm like, this is a good sign because I 0:05:04.760 --> 0:05:06.640 sprinkled some of my money tin. I put some in 0:05:06.680 --> 0:05:08.919 my wallet, I put somewhere on my wallets and I 0:05:08.920 --> 0:05:10.640 put some like in where I keep my money's in 0:05:10.680 --> 0:05:11.000 my car. 0:05:11.560 --> 0:05:12.599 Yeah, bring something. 0:05:12.440 --> 0:05:18.920 Over from me, everyone, Yeah, just wallet, You're welcome. 0:05:20.440 --> 0:05:23.000 So I feel like that was generating money. Yeah, you 0:05:23.000 --> 0:05:26.000 feel like it on my cards, my post cards, Oh 0:05:26.040 --> 0:05:27.880 my gosh, you've got full. 0:05:27.720 --> 0:05:30.680 In you say you're not into manifestation from last time 0:05:30.720 --> 0:05:32.760 I was here doing stuff like that. That's hectic. I 0:05:32.839 --> 0:05:33.960 love it. He's a believer. 0:05:35.640 --> 0:05:38.039 Was like fully into it. Yeah, she was. 0:05:38.640 --> 0:05:41.640 And you're open to a lot of things, very open. 0:05:41.960 --> 0:05:44.159 He's an open person, which is why I think you 0:05:44.279 --> 0:05:45.320 kind of get around it. 0:05:45.480 --> 0:05:47.000 This is something that I should touch on. We had 0:05:47.000 --> 0:05:49.239 you on last time. I remember I sung the Checks 0:05:49.240 --> 0:05:54.919 in the Mail song. I got a job from that, 0:05:55.000 --> 0:05:57.240 from a photo shoot that I did, had resold again 0:05:57.279 --> 0:05:59.640 in the next two days. I got it. I got 0:05:59.680 --> 0:06:03.640 a in the mail still I swear in my life, 0:06:03.640 --> 0:06:05.919 then again I did. I had done this already with 0:06:06.040 --> 0:06:07.719 Jen and her sister. I sung it to them and 0:06:07.760 --> 0:06:10.040 then the next day we were driving up to the 0:06:10.080 --> 0:06:12.320 beach house in New South Wales and the next day 0:06:12.320 --> 0:06:14.200 I woke up and I had another one Checks in 0:06:14.240 --> 0:06:14.560 the Mail. 0:06:15.440 --> 0:06:18.720 You should release this album the Male and everyone just. 0:06:18.680 --> 0:06:20.000 Gets through it. 0:06:20.320 --> 0:06:20.560 Yeah. 0:06:20.680 --> 0:06:23.560 So hopefully after this, now between. 0:06:23.120 --> 0:06:26.120 That and your dusted crystals, mate, things are looking up 0:06:26.400 --> 0:06:27.640 are looking up. 0:06:28.240 --> 0:06:28.400 Well. 0:06:28.440 --> 0:06:31.960 Look, we have had so many people on our Facebook 0:06:32.160 --> 0:06:37.200 group asking a huz about trying to avoid toxic men, 0:06:37.279 --> 0:06:39.599 and they loved tearing everything you had to say. So 0:06:39.640 --> 0:06:42.680 we are going to touch on all things toxic and 0:06:42.760 --> 0:06:50.480 unavailable men next, okay, Maddie. So firstly, let's start with 0:06:50.720 --> 0:06:53.440 why people keep attracting toxic men. 0:06:53.960 --> 0:06:56.920 Oh, this is such a huge topic lately. I feel 0:06:56.960 --> 0:07:00.400 like it's so juicy because it's so layered. So many 0:07:00.480 --> 0:07:02.680 of my clients and friends at the moment are really 0:07:02.800 --> 0:07:08.240 experiencing this like influx of toxic men and unavailable men. 0:07:08.800 --> 0:07:11.120 You know, I'm not too sure what's happening in the world. 0:07:11.160 --> 0:07:13.360 Maybe it's really coming out of COVID and people are like, Okay, 0:07:13.360 --> 0:07:15.040 I don't just want a date anymore. I really want 0:07:15.080 --> 0:07:18.560 those relationships. You know. People, a lot of my clients 0:07:18.560 --> 0:07:20.280 at least and friends are really coming to the stage 0:07:20.280 --> 0:07:22.800 where they're like, Okay, I want someone, I want something 0:07:22.920 --> 0:07:26.520 big and meaningful, and then they keep getting stuck in 0:07:26.560 --> 0:07:31.760 this pattern of getting these unavailable toxic quote unquote men. 0:07:32.320 --> 0:07:35.560 And there are so many reasons to this, and this 0:07:35.640 --> 0:07:37.880 is why it's such a good topic because, like I 0:07:37.920 --> 0:07:41.640 said in our last meeting together, it all comes back to, 0:07:42.480 --> 0:07:44.280 you know, sort of what your energy is doing, what 0:07:44.400 --> 0:07:46.600 your deep rooted beliefs are, and then within that there's 0:07:46.640 --> 0:07:47.760 so many layers as well. 0:07:48.040 --> 0:07:51.040 What defines a toxic man then that they're going for. 0:07:51.200 --> 0:07:53.760 Well exactly, This is a point too, And I think 0:07:53.920 --> 0:07:56.960 the question that you shouldn't really be asking is why 0:07:56.960 --> 0:07:59.400 do I keep attracting toxic men? But why am I 0:07:59.440 --> 0:08:02.560 attracted two toxic men? And I think this is a 0:08:02.560 --> 0:08:05.560 really big question because it's something that's going on in 0:08:05.600 --> 0:08:08.800 your subconscious and your psyche. So each toxic man is 0:08:08.840 --> 0:08:12.400 going to look different to each woman totally, and each man, 0:08:12.760 --> 0:08:15.000 you know, it's going to look different. So you've got 0:08:15.000 --> 0:08:17.960 to figure out, Okay, what's going on in my psyche 0:08:17.960 --> 0:08:20.600 that makes that not a match to me? And an 0:08:20.680 --> 0:08:23.800 unavailable man, well, that's obviously someone that's you know, stated 0:08:24.600 --> 0:08:26.640 I don't want a relationship, or they're not ready for 0:08:26.680 --> 0:08:28.560 a relationship, or they're not showing you the signs that 0:08:28.600 --> 0:08:30.840 they ever want to be in a relationship. That's unavailable. 0:08:31.120 --> 0:08:34.360 But when it comes to toxic it's those games and 0:08:34.400 --> 0:08:38.400 those traits and those power trips that make that man 0:08:38.760 --> 0:08:41.480 toxic or woman. You know, it's not just men, women 0:08:41.520 --> 0:08:44.280 as well. It can be toxic and manipulative. So you've 0:08:44.280 --> 0:08:46.440 got to think, Okay, why am I attracted to that? 0:08:46.520 --> 0:08:49.280 Type of person. This is so juicy because there are 0:08:49.280 --> 0:08:52.720 so many reasons and it does come back to, Okay, 0:08:53.800 --> 0:08:56.000 what's gone on in my deep rooted belief system, and 0:08:56.040 --> 0:08:58.959 that does come back to family dynamics. So something that 0:08:59.040 --> 0:09:02.440 Jay Sheddy always talk which is really interesting is from 0:09:02.440 --> 0:09:05.760 your parents, you get either a gift or a gap. 0:09:06.120 --> 0:09:08.760 So they'll either gift you with something in your childhood 0:09:08.840 --> 0:09:10.840 like a lot of love or a lot of attention 0:09:11.000 --> 0:09:13.560 in this area. But then there's a gap, which is 0:09:13.720 --> 0:09:16.800 maybe they didn't show you the right kind of love, 0:09:16.840 --> 0:09:18.880 like maybe a parent walked out, or maybe it was 0:09:18.920 --> 0:09:22.400 a really hostile environment at home, or maybe they didn't 0:09:22.400 --> 0:09:25.640 come to your football games, or there was a gap 0:09:25.679 --> 0:09:29.320 there where you felt like you lacked something that you needed. 0:09:29.920 --> 0:09:32.839 And so within our relationships as an adult, we look 0:09:32.920 --> 0:09:36.560 to fill those gaps with that person. So we go, Okay, 0:09:36.920 --> 0:09:39.560 you need to take up that space and fill that gap, 0:09:39.600 --> 0:09:42.319 and we put all of that on our partner and 0:09:42.360 --> 0:09:44.560 with the gift that our parents gave us, so a 0:09:44.559 --> 0:09:46.240 lot of love or a lot of attention, whatever it 0:09:46.280 --> 0:09:48.680 may be, something more specific, we look for them to 0:09:48.720 --> 0:09:49.560 also give that. 0:09:49.679 --> 0:09:51.800 I say we expect that as well, because what happens 0:09:51.800 --> 0:09:54.920 if you had one parent that overcompensated for the other one. Yeah, 0:09:54.960 --> 0:09:57.199 so like you're wanting them to give you that, but 0:09:57.280 --> 0:10:00.680 no one can compete with that one totally. 0:10:01.440 --> 0:10:04.040 And I think the main issue here is that you 0:10:04.120 --> 0:10:07.520 are looking exterior for someone to fill something with you, 0:10:07.960 --> 0:10:08.280 and this. 0:10:08.360 --> 0:10:11.880 Is so toxic because you shouldn't try to fill. 0:10:12.040 --> 0:10:15.800 Yeah, it's toxic, but in the same way, it's of 0:10:15.840 --> 0:10:17.960 course we would feel that way because we're so conditioned. 0:10:18.040 --> 0:10:21.200 Like look even at movies or songs, it's called like 0:10:21.240 --> 0:10:24.640 the Hollywood effect, right, So Beyonce's got crazy in love 0:10:24.840 --> 0:10:28.160 and then you know, we expect someone to be outside 0:10:28.240 --> 0:10:31.200 our window in the pouring rain, singing us songs or 0:10:31.760 --> 0:10:34.200 love is meant to look like a roller coaster where 0:10:34.520 --> 0:10:37.240 he deceives me, but then he you know, he begs 0:10:37.240 --> 0:10:39.040 to have me back and he gets me back and 0:10:39.080 --> 0:10:42.000 it's exciting and it's passionate, it's insane. And we look 0:10:42.000 --> 0:10:44.720 at all of these songs and movies and books and 0:10:44.760 --> 0:10:47.880 we go, that's love. Where is it? And then we 0:10:47.920 --> 0:10:51.000 get into a relationship that's easy and lovely and beautiful 0:10:51.000 --> 0:10:54.400 and go, oh, bored, this isn't love, This isn't what 0:10:54.440 --> 0:10:56.880 I'm meant to have boring. I've got the ick where 0:10:56.880 --> 0:10:59.640 they go, oh this feels easy, what's wrong with them? 0:10:59.760 --> 0:11:02.600 Because this isn't replicating how I've seen love at home. 0:11:03.080 --> 0:11:05.560 How I've seen love is my parents being hostile, or 0:11:05.800 --> 0:11:10.560 someone leaves, or you know, feeling neglected. So I need 0:11:10.559 --> 0:11:12.840 to constantly chase for love. You know, maybe there's a 0:11:12.880 --> 0:11:15.120 parent that didn't give me love some comfortingly going I 0:11:15.160 --> 0:11:17.520 need love. I need love. I need love, And when 0:11:17.520 --> 0:11:20.319 they don't show that love, then we go, oh, okay, 0:11:20.320 --> 0:11:21.880 that's what love is. So then when we get into 0:11:21.920 --> 0:11:25.400 a relationship and they give us all that love, we go, oh, 0:11:25.520 --> 0:11:28.600 this doesn't fit with my nervous system. My nervous system 0:11:28.679 --> 0:11:30.480 is used to a different type of love, so it 0:11:30.679 --> 0:11:33.840 literally in our physical body feels wrong. 0:11:34.080 --> 0:11:37.840 So what you're saying that's different to manifesting them. That's 0:11:38.040 --> 0:11:40.960 what your condition to what your brain is wired in 0:11:41.000 --> 0:11:44.440 that way to expect that and to look for that 0:11:44.480 --> 0:11:47.320 in a relationship. Well, is that like the meaning of 0:11:47.360 --> 0:11:48.800 manifesting it into your life? 0:11:49.160 --> 0:11:52.560 Manifestation is that is a huge part of manifestation because, 0:11:52.600 --> 0:11:55.199 like I said last time, the second step in manifestation 0:11:55.720 --> 0:11:59.720 is working through your limiting beliefs is working through those blockages, because, 0:12:00.160 --> 0:12:02.559 like I just said, that's your energy, that's what you're 0:12:02.600 --> 0:12:04.880 putting out there. This is what you want, that's what 0:12:04.880 --> 0:12:06.880 you're getting clear with the universe. The first step of 0:12:06.880 --> 0:12:09.000 manifestation is all of those things. I want this type 0:12:09.000 --> 0:12:11.640 of guy, I want to feel this certain way ABC 0:12:12.440 --> 0:12:15.480 and that. If you don't work through that those blockages, 0:12:15.480 --> 0:12:18.240 if you don't bring awareness to where your gifts and 0:12:18.280 --> 0:12:20.559 gaps are to what you're wanting to call in, if 0:12:20.559 --> 0:12:23.079 you don't bring awareness and work towards healing them, then 0:12:23.080 --> 0:12:25.160 that's what you're going to call in. That's what you're manifesting. 0:12:25.240 --> 0:12:25.800 Wow. 0:12:26.760 --> 0:12:29.120 It's pretty easy though to save work on stuff though, 0:12:29.160 --> 0:12:32.080 Like I know that human brain is fully formed by 0:12:32.120 --> 0:12:34.800 the age of seven, so like what they expect and 0:12:34.800 --> 0:12:38.040 what they've used to seeing is like ingrained in them. 0:12:38.200 --> 0:12:40.800 So how do you recommend then, like breaking that because 0:12:40.800 --> 0:12:42.559 that's obviously would be very hard. 0:12:42.760 --> 0:12:48.440 Yeah, but hallelujah, happy days you can. Thank God you can. 0:12:48.559 --> 0:12:51.560 It's being proven through signs through all of these studies. 0:12:51.679 --> 0:12:56.720 You can literally rewire your neurological pathways in your brain 0:12:57.040 --> 0:13:01.040 to think and feel different ways. Insane that's like the 0:13:01.080 --> 0:13:04.440 beauty of this manifestation work is there's so much neuroscience 0:13:04.480 --> 0:13:06.880 behind it that really does back it up. These first 0:13:06.880 --> 0:13:11.080 steps in clearing the blockages, you can heal these different 0:13:11.080 --> 0:13:14.240 pathways and these different thought processes. But the first thing 0:13:14.280 --> 0:13:16.720 you need to do, and if you are someone that's 0:13:16.720 --> 0:13:19.120 listening to this and you're experiencing, you know, these sort 0:13:19.160 --> 0:13:21.640 of patterns or this is resonating with you all you have, 0:13:21.800 --> 0:13:23.640 the first thing you have to do is bring awareness 0:13:23.679 --> 0:13:26.959 to it and go, Okay, what are these patterns? Because 0:13:26.960 --> 0:13:29.679 a lot of the time, these beliefs that we have 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:32.800 are so deep rooted that they're subconscious and we go, no, 0:13:32.960 --> 0:13:35.240 it's just all the guys, it's just all the girls, 0:13:35.320 --> 0:13:37.160 It's just all the things that keep happening to me, 0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:39.560 or it's like other people, or even if this is 0:13:39.640 --> 0:13:41.400 just the way I am, this is just who I am, 0:13:41.440 --> 0:13:44.320 and they don't realize, oh okay, there's actually a lot 0:13:44.360 --> 0:13:46.480 of layers under the surface that have been so suppressed 0:13:46.559 --> 0:13:48.680 or they happened between the ages of zero and seven 0:13:49.040 --> 0:13:51.920 that it's forgotten about, but we remember it physically through 0:13:51.920 --> 0:13:55.080 our nervous system. Through going Love is meant to make 0:13:55.200 --> 0:13:57.400 me feel like a roller coaster. It's meant to feel 0:13:57.400 --> 0:13:59.520 crazy in love. It's meant to feel all these certain ways, 0:13:59.559 --> 0:14:02.240 and when it's my nervous system isn't used to it. 0:14:02.440 --> 0:14:05.440 Well, I know that I do in my relationship, like 0:14:05.480 --> 0:14:08.320 you're saying, I want to be stimulated. So if there's 0:14:08.360 --> 0:14:11.920 no like stimulating in the relationship, which is like arguments 0:14:12.000 --> 0:14:14.760 or anything like that, I don't feel like it's proper, 0:14:14.920 --> 0:14:16.839 you know what I mean, like a relationship, because that's 0:14:16.840 --> 0:14:18.760 what I was used to. So I did a bit 0:14:18.760 --> 0:14:23.080 of investigating myself about it and how did you go? Well, 0:14:23.160 --> 0:14:25.560 that's where I came to the conclusion about like my 0:14:25.640 --> 0:14:28.000 ADHD and all that sort of stuff that because every 0:14:28.040 --> 0:14:30.600 relationship had like the same pattern in it, and I 0:14:30.640 --> 0:14:32.680 was like, it's not the girls at this point, it's 0:14:32.680 --> 0:14:33.120 fucking me. 0:14:33.800 --> 0:14:35.040 I'm the common denominator. 0:14:35.960 --> 0:14:38.840 I was like yeah, I was like, I'm like, like, 0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:40.520 not every girl's the same, you know what I mean? 0:14:40.600 --> 0:14:43.600 Like I have to be here to take accountability for myself. 0:14:43.800 --> 0:14:47.000 And even saying that, you're thirty thousand steps ahead of 0:14:47.160 --> 0:14:49.280 so many other people that are going through this because 0:14:49.800 --> 0:14:52.800 people aren't willing to acknowledge the fact that Okay, I 0:14:52.840 --> 0:14:55.280 am the common denominator here, what is going on? And 0:14:55.360 --> 0:14:59.040 really do that inner curiosity, that inner work, and that 0:14:59.120 --> 0:15:02.040 first step is the hardest, and that's going Okay, where 0:15:02.040 --> 0:15:04.520 has this come from? This has come from a hostile 0:15:04.520 --> 0:15:09.480 home environment. This is manifesting in relationships, which is super common, 0:15:09.520 --> 0:15:11.160 by the way, and it can be to an extreme 0:15:11.280 --> 0:15:13.760 or it can be the fact that you know, maybe 0:15:13.760 --> 0:15:16.120 someone now as a people pleaser because there was conflict 0:15:16.160 --> 0:15:20.000 in their home and they were maybe the eldest sibling 0:15:20.040 --> 0:15:21.400 and they tried to keep the peace. 0:15:21.480 --> 0:15:23.520 When you say, like rewire your brain, what happens if 0:15:23.560 --> 0:15:26.360 you do have like a neuro deficiency or something like that, 0:15:26.440 --> 0:15:29.440 like in your brain, like a mental illness like depression 0:15:29.520 --> 0:15:31.560 or something ain't like that? How do you rewire that then? 0:15:31.720 --> 0:15:34.880 Like isn't that actual chemicals in your brain? Yeah? 0:15:34.960 --> 0:15:41.160 Well, I mean that's more a question for a doctor. No, No, 0:15:41.200 --> 0:15:44.520 well totally. Still we do it there, Yeah, you can 0:15:44.720 --> 0:15:49.040 do it. And like depression and anxiety, they are chemically 0:15:49.120 --> 0:15:52.080 and in your brain, you know, and so is everything. 0:15:52.200 --> 0:15:54.800 So all of these things, it's literally chemicals that you 0:15:54.840 --> 0:15:57.800 can see in your brain being imbalanced, and you can 0:15:57.920 --> 0:16:01.760 heal those things. But something's like anxiety and depression. That's 0:16:01.760 --> 0:16:04.800 why people go to you know, medical doctors, and there 0:16:04.840 --> 0:16:07.160 are ways that you can you know, take medications or 0:16:07.840 --> 0:16:09.960 work through therapy or do all these things that you 0:16:10.040 --> 0:16:12.520 really can rewire those thought processes. 0:16:12.840 --> 0:16:17.080 Yeah, everyone's capable. I can definitely relate to what you're saying. 0:16:17.200 --> 0:16:20.640 Just even hearing you saying that, I just like can 0:16:20.680 --> 0:16:24.760 picture myself in these toxic relationships with toxic cycles and 0:16:25.560 --> 0:16:28.560 being me being toxic and I'm being accountable for that, 0:16:28.600 --> 0:16:31.640 but also the other person being toxic and remembering myself 0:16:31.680 --> 0:16:35.280 getting to a point and being like, I never want 0:16:35.440 --> 0:16:38.640 to be in a relationship like this again. It's exhausting, 0:16:38.920 --> 0:16:42.080 it doesn't serve me, and it's just a waste of 0:16:42.120 --> 0:16:45.880 my time. And I feel like, literally six months later 0:16:45.880 --> 0:16:48.680 I met Michael, you know, like how crazy. 0:16:49.080 --> 0:16:51.280 But I remember even through our coaching, we worked through 0:16:51.280 --> 0:16:53.800 a lot of those things, being like, Okay, what's going on? 0:16:53.840 --> 0:16:56.520 Why am I again in a relationship that is quite 0:16:56.680 --> 0:17:00.120 you know, hostile? Yeah, you know it is those and 0:17:00.160 --> 0:17:02.600 it's good. It's so so good, you know those friends 0:17:02.640 --> 0:17:04.640 that you have with like oh the guy when it's good, 0:17:04.680 --> 0:17:06.520 it's so so good. But when it's bad, it's really 0:17:06.520 --> 0:17:08.760 really bad. Yeah, they're addicted to that feeling. 0:17:08.840 --> 0:17:09.240 That was me. 0:17:09.680 --> 0:17:12.919 Yeah, yeah, I remember. It's that addiction to that feeling 0:17:12.960 --> 0:17:16.200 because it's what's familiar, or it's because it's something you're 0:17:16.200 --> 0:17:19.880 trying to feel, or a multitude of different reasons that, Yeah, 0:17:19.960 --> 0:17:21.320 being able to work through it is. 0:17:21.560 --> 0:17:24.119 I remember saying to you, like, we've only fought once 0:17:24.160 --> 0:17:27.000 this week, and you were like, that's still not good, 0:17:27.359 --> 0:17:29.880 and I was like, oh, really, we've not thought. 0:17:29.720 --> 0:17:36.359 It depends on the depths of the fight. Everyone everyone 0:17:36.359 --> 0:17:37.960 should agree totally. 0:17:38.000 --> 0:17:40.720 And that's something that definitely I should preface. I don't 0:17:40.760 --> 0:17:43.880 want people going out and just seeking these boring relationships, 0:17:43.920 --> 0:17:47.520 Like you shouldn't feel bored in a relationships. Feel stimulated 0:17:47.560 --> 0:17:51.640 and challenged and excited, and there should be disagreements. That's healthy, 0:17:51.720 --> 0:17:56.000 that's important. But there's a difference between feeling stimulated in 0:17:56.040 --> 0:17:59.920 a relationship and being addicted to these dramatic highs and 0:18:00.080 --> 0:18:04.159 dramatic lows totally and looking at a relationship at a 0:18:04.160 --> 0:18:07.800 step back and going, Okay, is this really nourishing me? 0:18:08.160 --> 0:18:09.240 Yeah? 0:18:09.280 --> 0:18:11.920 What would you say then to girls that are looking 0:18:12.000 --> 0:18:14.400 for a guy and they go he's toxic. He's toxic. 0:18:14.440 --> 0:18:17.000 But it might just be that the bloke's unt available 0:18:17.080 --> 0:18:19.680 and he's not really looking to date someone, and you've 0:18:19.680 --> 0:18:21.520 put a lot of eggs in his basket and he's 0:18:21.560 --> 0:18:24.000 just turned around and said, not what I'm looking for. Yeah. 0:18:24.280 --> 0:18:27.119 Yeah, So, like I said, there is a difference between 0:18:27.119 --> 0:18:30.640 toxic and unavailable men. You know, an unavailable man will 0:18:30.640 --> 0:18:33.160 come to a relationship and be like, you know, maybe 0:18:33.160 --> 0:18:36.919 I'm not looking to date, and a toxic man will 0:18:37.240 --> 0:18:40.800 do things that sort of manipulate or playing the games 0:18:41.119 --> 0:18:44.640 or you know, a multitude of different que unquote fut boy, 0:18:44.720 --> 0:18:47.360 bread crubbing you, yeah, bread crumbing a little. 0:18:47.119 --> 0:18:49.720 Bit here, yet I like. 0:18:49.680 --> 0:18:52.600 This, Yeah, whatever it may be. But you have to 0:18:52.680 --> 0:18:56.720 recognize the difference there. But then also know that you 0:18:56.880 --> 0:18:58.520 have to stand in the truth of what you want. 0:18:58.600 --> 0:19:00.960 So Mark Groves has this really great quote, which is 0:19:01.000 --> 0:19:02.720