1 00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:04,559 Speaker 1: Thanks so much for listening to the show. Listen. I 2 00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:05,920 Speaker 1: don't know about you, but. 3 00:00:06,320 --> 00:00:11,560 Speaker 2: I think I'm already at saturation point with how tumultuous 4 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:19,160 Speaker 2: it has been since the horrific assassination attempt on Donald Trump. 5 00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:22,840 Speaker 2: And we're still four months away from a US election, 6 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:27,840 Speaker 2: and then there's our own election right after that. I mean, 7 00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:32,400 Speaker 2: I'm still very, very mindful of what happened during the 8 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:37,159 Speaker 2: referendum campaign here in Australia. I remember the last time 9 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:40,839 Speaker 2: that Trump was in power. I remember one of the 10 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:46,200 Speaker 2: tactics used by that kind of leadership in the referendum case, 11 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:50,040 Speaker 2: the No campaign, and then the Trump case the Trump presidency. 12 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:53,920 Speaker 2: One of those tactics is deliberately just set a willy 13 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,840 Speaker 2: bit on fire and roll it down the hallway, sometimes 14 00:00:56,880 --> 00:01:01,760 Speaker 2: many times in the same day, deliberately as a way 15 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:05,960 Speaker 2: to keep any scrutiny of the overall actions buried under 16 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:10,440 Speaker 2: the rapid and intense reactions to the very clearly bonkers 17 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:15,240 Speaker 2: claims of misinformation going on, like un Land grabs or 18 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:19,280 Speaker 2: climate change being a hoax. To wait week in the 19 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:23,240 Speaker 2: US's manufacturing base, it's a deliberate tactic to flood the 20 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:26,640 Speaker 2: zone with shit, so there's no airtime or screen time 21 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:30,039 Speaker 2: left once you've kind of gone hang on, no, that's 22 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:32,960 Speaker 2: not real. There's no airtime on that screen time left 23 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:37,559 Speaker 2: to actually scrutinize what the leadership is doing, and it 24 00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:40,400 Speaker 2: can be really discombobulating. I remember it was really awful. 25 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:42,840 Speaker 2: So in the interest of being able to cope for 26 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:45,120 Speaker 2: the next little while, I wanted to chat to you 27 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:48,320 Speaker 2: a bit today about just a little plan to help 28 00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:51,600 Speaker 2: keep our heads level. And it's got to do with control. 29 00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:55,240 Speaker 2: And I would like to control how much money hits 30 00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:59,400 Speaker 2: my bank account each month, but I can't. But what 31 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:01,720 Speaker 2: I can do is please these ads and say thank 32 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:03,800 Speaker 2: you for listening to them because. 33 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:12,320 Speaker 1: That helps a lot. And I'll be back after the break. Gooday, 34 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:14,280 Speaker 1: this is better than yesterday. Thanks for being here. 35 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:17,639 Speaker 2: This podcast has been making it better every episode since 36 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:20,880 Speaker 2: twenty thirteen. My name's Oosha Ginsburg. Thanks for being a 37 00:02:20,919 --> 00:02:22,920 Speaker 2: part of it. I am a podcaster. I'm a best 38 00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:25,680 Speaker 2: selling author. I'm an award winning documentary maker. I'm a 39 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:26,200 Speaker 2: TV host. 40 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:28,000 Speaker 1: I'm a dad. I have a step dad. I'm a husband. 41 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:31,480 Speaker 2: I'm a cargo bike rider, I'm a memory card data wrangler. 42 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:36,239 Speaker 2: I'm a mounter of flat screen televisions above fireplaces a 43 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:38,919 Speaker 2: little too high for my liking because I get a 44 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:40,960 Speaker 2: saw neck watching it, but hey, that's where my wife 45 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,680 Speaker 2: wanted it, so that's where it is right now. Probably 46 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:46,280 Speaker 2: going to move it, but not with that consultation. Anyway, 47 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:46,960 Speaker 2: I'm glad you're here. 48 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:48,400 Speaker 1: I recently moved the mailing. 49 00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:51,919 Speaker 2: List over to another publishing service, and so far it's 50 00:02:51,919 --> 00:02:53,560 Speaker 2: been a big hit. So thank you very much everyone 51 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:55,440 Speaker 2: that's got back to me about that. If you're not 52 00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:57,040 Speaker 2: on board there, it's super easy. There's a link in 53 00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,240 Speaker 2: the show notes. There's more stuff there than ever before. 54 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,480 Speaker 2: I'd love to keep in touch with you that way. 55 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:02,560 Speaker 1: Now. 56 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:04,880 Speaker 2: I don't know about you, but the last couple of 57 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:07,440 Speaker 2: weeks my phone, I don't know. I opened my news 58 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:09,840 Speaker 2: app and my phone is goes, there's a little explosion 59 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:10,520 Speaker 2: in my hand. 60 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:11,160 Speaker 1: Motherfucker's not. 61 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:16,160 Speaker 2: We're four months away from the US election and already 62 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:21,440 Speaker 2: I am just like, what the fuck's going on? And 63 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:24,680 Speaker 2: why does the US election matter? Because, as the saying goes, 64 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:27,120 Speaker 2: if the US sneezes, the rest of the world catches 65 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:32,240 Speaker 2: a cold. There's so much at stake for our country economically, culturally, 66 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:36,000 Speaker 2: from a national security standpoint, the US election is incredibly 67 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:41,400 Speaker 2: important to us. Having said that, though we have absolutely 68 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:44,720 Speaker 2: zero impact when it comes to influencing the outcome of 69 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:47,760 Speaker 2: that election, and most of America is in the same boat. 70 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:51,000 Speaker 2: In fact, there's really only six states in the US 71 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:54,280 Speaker 2: out of fifty, only six states that will decide. 72 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,120 Speaker 1: Who will become the leader of the free world. 73 00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:59,640 Speaker 2: And even then, in those states, there's an even smaller 74 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:02,760 Speaker 2: amount of people who changed their votes from election to election, 75 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:05,800 Speaker 2: so they're the ones who ultimately will decide. 76 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:07,400 Speaker 1: And now, is it. 77 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:10,400 Speaker 2: Fair that a few, literally a few hundred thousand people 78 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:14,560 Speaker 2: in places like Pennsylvania and Wisconsin get to decide the 79 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:17,400 Speaker 2: national security and economic outcomes for the rest of the 80 00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:18,599 Speaker 2: world for the next few years. 81 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:20,640 Speaker 1: Is that fair? No, not at all. 82 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:25,120 Speaker 2: Can I do anything about that? No, not at all. 83 00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:28,720 Speaker 2: That's what I want to chat about. After I got 84 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:33,360 Speaker 2: divorced back in twenty eleven, I was an upheaval. I 85 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:35,680 Speaker 2: had no idea of what was going to happen next. 86 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:37,159 Speaker 2: I didn't know what was going to happen that afternoon. 87 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:40,040 Speaker 1: I was just so so lost. 88 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,920 Speaker 2: That I reached out to a maid of mine who 89 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:46,160 Speaker 2: is like a high end executive coach. He's a very 90 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:49,520 Speaker 2: successful guy. He's really got a shit together. And I said, mate, 91 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:53,200 Speaker 2: what do I do? And in a beautiful act of 92 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:57,520 Speaker 2: charity in his behalf, he gave me three sessions of 93 00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:57,880 Speaker 2: his time. 94 00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:00,440 Speaker 1: It's about five grand worth of or. 95 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:05,120 Speaker 2: Coaching helped me enormously, and it was in one of 96 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:08,160 Speaker 2: those sessions that he taught me. He taught me a 97 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:10,040 Speaker 2: lot of very valuable things, but one of those sessions 98 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:12,440 Speaker 2: he taught me about the idea, well, at least the 99 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:16,200 Speaker 2: concept of having an internal locus of control versus an 100 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:19,320 Speaker 2: external locus of control. Locus is just a fancy word 101 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:24,000 Speaker 2: for location, because in times of things being well, just 102 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:27,640 Speaker 2: times of upheaval, really either in your personal life or 103 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:30,560 Speaker 2: on a national or a global level, like we're seeing 104 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:33,279 Speaker 2: at the moment, it can feel as though we're just 105 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:37,120 Speaker 2: adrift out in the ocean, holding onto an eski, just 106 00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:43,160 Speaker 2: bombing around between domestic and international politics, between the economic turbulence, 107 00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:46,599 Speaker 2: the endless footage and emotional stories, and the conflict zones 108 00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:49,440 Speaker 2: all over the world, it's understandable that you might feel 109 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:53,719 Speaker 2: powerless or might feel overwhelmed. And this is where having 110 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:56,000 Speaker 2: a grasp on the concept of an internal and an 111 00:05:56,040 --> 00:06:00,479 Speaker 2: external locus of control can really help as a coping mechanism. 112 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:02,920 Speaker 1: That you can use to navigate. 113 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:06,400 Speaker 2: That little eski through those uncertain waters. I know it 114 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,719 Speaker 2: sounds kind of simple, and it sounds like we should 115 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:11,720 Speaker 2: know how to do it already, And it sounds because 116 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:13,600 Speaker 2: it is simple, because this is all it is. If 117 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:16,240 Speaker 2: we focus on what we can control and if we 118 00:06:16,279 --> 00:06:20,760 Speaker 2: accept what we cannot control, in return, we get rewarded 119 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:24,400 Speaker 2: with a sense of stability and a sense of resilience. 120 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:27,520 Speaker 2: So to quickly explain the difference between the internal and 121 00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:30,760 Speaker 2: external leks of control and internal locus of control, is 122 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:34,360 Speaker 2: this belief or this idea that our actions and our 123 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:37,960 Speaker 2: decisions directly influence what happens. If you have a strong 124 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:42,280 Speaker 2: internal locus of control, you tend to feel I guess, 125 00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:46,640 Speaker 2: more empowered and more responsible for the things that happen 126 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:50,000 Speaker 2: in your life, good or bad. And that is something 127 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:51,880 Speaker 2: I did not have for a very very long time. 128 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:56,680 Speaker 2: Like there was a time when I would be furious 129 00:06:56,680 --> 00:07:01,200 Speaker 2: that I was late because of the traffic, Fuck you traffic, 130 00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:04,719 Speaker 2: and then they changed to be a point of my 131 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:07,560 Speaker 2: life was like, well, I chose to stead a meeting 132 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,160 Speaker 2: at this time of day, knowing I'd have to drive 133 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:15,920 Speaker 2: from here to there. Okay, that's my part, and then 134 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:17,920 Speaker 2: I just sit there and listen to a podcast or whatever. 135 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:21,800 Speaker 2: But an external locus of control, I guess the idea 136 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:27,120 Speaker 2: roughly is that life happens to you. That external things 137 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:31,200 Speaker 2: like luck or fate, or other people's decisions, decisions or traffic. 138 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:35,360 Speaker 2: That's why things happen to you. You've got no saying it, 139 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:39,080 Speaker 2: but you let them fling you around like a flea, 140 00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:40,640 Speaker 2: you hanging on to the last hair on the tail 141 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,880 Speaker 2: of a dog. And when I called my friend for help, 142 00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:46,400 Speaker 2: my locus of control was definitely external. I was just 143 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:49,040 Speaker 2: purely reacting to the world around me. I had no 144 00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:52,080 Speaker 2: actual say in what was going on. I felt helpless. 145 00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:55,480 Speaker 2: I felt passive, like really that I didn't have a 146 00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:56,480 Speaker 2: say in any of it. 147 00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:59,520 Speaker 1: Really powerless. I truly believe that I had very little 148 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:03,320 Speaker 1: influence of what was going on. So given the current state. 149 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:06,440 Speaker 2: Of the world, the political polarization that we're experiencing, the 150 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:10,800 Speaker 2: economic instability, horrible international conflicts happening in the world, it's 151 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:14,360 Speaker 2: understandable you might feel anxious, helpless, and those feelings what 152 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:15,760 Speaker 2: they can do is they can get in the way 153 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:19,360 Speaker 2: if you're actually enjoying this day today, the taste of 154 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:21,960 Speaker 2: the peanut butter on your toast, the warmth of the 155 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,520 Speaker 2: tea cup in your hands, the smile of your children, 156 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:27,440 Speaker 2: whatever they can get in the way of you connecting 157 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:29,320 Speaker 2: with the people that you care about and the people 158 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,680 Speaker 2: who care about you. Your kid is going, hey, check 159 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,760 Speaker 2: out this cool thing I made with my lego. That 160 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:36,800 Speaker 2: kid does not care what the leader of the opposition 161 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:40,160 Speaker 2: is saying about nuclear power. But because the leader of 162 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:43,800 Speaker 2: the opposition said that thing about nuclear power, your kid 163 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:46,000 Speaker 2: is now looking at you having the feeling that they 164 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:49,760 Speaker 2: don't matter as much as your phone while you're reading 165 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:55,640 Speaker 2: that story. So managing those feelings of oh my god, 166 00:08:55,679 --> 00:08:58,360 Speaker 2: I can't believe they're talking about nuclear power. Managing those 167 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:01,480 Speaker 2: feelings is more is about more than you. It's about 168 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:05,480 Speaker 2: I need to being aware of how those things affect 169 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:09,679 Speaker 2: the people around you. The way that I was taught 170 00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:11,960 Speaker 2: how to figure out what's in my control and what's 171 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:15,079 Speaker 2: not in my control is actually pretty simple. Just grab 172 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:17,600 Speaker 2: a page of paper in your notebook, call whatever in 173 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:18,120 Speaker 2: the back. 174 00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:19,080 Speaker 1: Of a junk mail. 175 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:22,199 Speaker 2: Draw two circles, one big one that takes up the 176 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:24,360 Speaker 2: whole page, and one smaller one inside that. It's like 177 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:28,440 Speaker 2: a soccer ball to tennis ball ratio. Inside the smaller one, 178 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:31,280 Speaker 2: the internal works of control. Write down all the things 179 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:35,000 Speaker 2: in your life that you actually can control. Your personal health, 180 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:38,760 Speaker 2: your relationships you choose to have relationships with the quality 181 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:42,920 Speaker 2: of those relationships, your work, the daily routines that you do, 182 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:48,160 Speaker 2: very importantly, how you think about things outside of that circle. 183 00:09:49,559 --> 00:09:52,160 Speaker 2: You might not be able to control the outcome of 184 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:55,360 Speaker 2: elections or international conflicts, but you can control how you 185 00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:58,400 Speaker 2: respond to them, to the news. You can control how 186 00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:02,880 Speaker 2: you engage as people around you can control how you 187 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:06,280 Speaker 2: take care of your mental and your physical health. Then, 188 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:09,520 Speaker 2: in the bigger soccerball circle that surrounds this little one, 189 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:14,319 Speaker 2: you write all the things that you can't control climate change, power, prices, traffic. 190 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:16,840 Speaker 1: Now the sun shines in your eyes right now when 191 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:18,960 Speaker 1: you're come around the last corner home. 192 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,520 Speaker 2: This timmy year back, who's going to win the NRL 193 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:24,280 Speaker 2: Grand Final, His Ryan Pappenhausen's tibbi are going to be okay. 194 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:26,719 Speaker 2: The way your partner talks to you, the tone of 195 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,400 Speaker 2: voice they have when they ask you about taking the 196 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:32,040 Speaker 2: bins out, whatever it is, you can't actually control any 197 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:33,680 Speaker 2: of that, so you put it in the outer circle 198 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:36,000 Speaker 2: and they take a long, hard look at it. 199 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:37,160 Speaker 1: And every time you get. 200 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:39,360 Speaker 2: Tempted to work up about stuff in the outer circle, 201 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:41,880 Speaker 2: you simply remind yourself, oh, I've got no control over that, 202 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:45,760 Speaker 2: but I can control how I think about it. If 203 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:49,000 Speaker 2: you haven't read Man's Search for Meeting, it's a book 204 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:54,720 Speaker 2: by a psychiatrist called Victor Frankel who survived the Holocaust. 205 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:58,439 Speaker 2: He actually survived in one of the death camps. It's extraordinary. 206 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:01,400 Speaker 2: It's harrowing, but it's extraordinary. I'll put a link in 207 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:04,959 Speaker 2: the show notes. It's full of fantastic quotes. For one 208 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,320 Speaker 2: of the things he writes is a brilliant moment. There 209 00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:11,160 Speaker 2: he writes, when we are no longer able to change 210 00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:15,839 Speaker 2: the situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. 211 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:17,840 Speaker 1: Because nothing changes unless we change. 212 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:21,240 Speaker 2: And this whole idea is actually quite a large part 213 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:24,160 Speaker 2: of the sobriety fellowship that I'm a part of. There's 214 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,040 Speaker 2: a thing that they call it the serenity prayer. And 215 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:29,040 Speaker 2: not particularly a God guy, but there it's called a prayer. 216 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:31,760 Speaker 2: It's just simply grant me the serenity to accept the 217 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:33,840 Speaker 2: things that I cannot change, the courage to change the 218 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:35,840 Speaker 2: things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. 219 00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:40,480 Speaker 2: That small sentence really has guided so much of my 220 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,760 Speaker 2: life in the last fourteen years or so, and it's 221 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:43,679 Speaker 2: super important. 222 00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:44,120 Speaker 1: Now. 223 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:46,080 Speaker 2: That's not to say that we have to accept things 224 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:47,920 Speaker 2: that are shitty and just suck it up. 225 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:48,920 Speaker 1: Not at all. 226 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:51,880 Speaker 2: We can change the things that we can change, and 227 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:52,880 Speaker 2: it's important that we do. 228 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:54,080 Speaker 1: How do we do it? 229 00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:56,520 Speaker 2: Though, I'll talk to you about that in just a moment. 230 00:11:56,559 --> 00:12:00,880 Speaker 2: I do need to play some mats back in a second. 231 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:06,640 Speaker 2: So how do we get about changing the things that 232 00:12:06,679 --> 00:12:09,800 Speaker 2: we can? How do we get about controlling the controllables? 233 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:13,319 Speaker 2: How do we get about doing that? Well, it starts 234 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:19,600 Speaker 2: with setting goals, but achievable, measurable, realistic goals for things 235 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:23,319 Speaker 2: that are within our control. For example, you may think, oh, 236 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:25,800 Speaker 2: someone's on the way, Oh my god, I really should 237 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:28,000 Speaker 2: get fit. Well, what's get fit? 238 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:32,440 Speaker 1: What is that? How do you measure that? Figure out 239 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:32,920 Speaker 1: a metric? 240 00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:35,440 Speaker 2: It could be get my resting heart rate to under 241 00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:38,240 Speaker 2: sixty beats a minute. That's a pretty measurable goal. You 242 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:39,679 Speaker 2: fit as shit if you can get your heart right 243 00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:42,920 Speaker 2: down there that's a reflection of your fitness. So find 244 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:46,280 Speaker 2: a measurable goal, I don't know what success looks like, 245 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:50,120 Speaker 2: and then start taking the smallest possible steps towards that. 246 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:53,760 Speaker 2: The other thing to do when things are less than 247 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:57,120 Speaker 2: ordinary things are is to recognize that we can't actually 248 00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:59,959 Speaker 2: change the world. We can't do that, but we can 249 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:03,800 Speaker 2: and change the world around us. So we can positively 250 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:07,520 Speaker 2: affect change within our own home, within our work, within 251 00:13:07,559 --> 00:13:11,480 Speaker 2: our workplace, within our community, within the people around us, 252 00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:15,240 Speaker 2: and ultimately those things form the four walls of our universe, 253 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:17,960 Speaker 2: and we're in contact with those things every day. And 254 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,839 Speaker 2: if we work on all those things, it feels like 255 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:22,880 Speaker 2: a whole world has changed, because kind of has, you know. 256 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:27,160 Speaker 2: And gratitude is another really important thing to do if 257 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:28,840 Speaker 2: you want things to feel a bit different. 258 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:31,640 Speaker 1: You and me and everyone alive. 259 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:34,920 Speaker 2: We are the descendants of the most jumpy, most scared, 260 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:39,120 Speaker 2: proto humans that ever existed. Okay, so our brains actually 261 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:40,840 Speaker 2: have a thing called a negativity bias. 262 00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:41,959 Speaker 1: It's the reason why. 263 00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:45,920 Speaker 2: A strong man politicians say scary stuff like they're coming 264 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:50,040 Speaker 2: for your jobs, because we're biased towards focusing on things 265 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:51,800 Speaker 2: that are negative. Because that kept us alive, and we're 266 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:54,839 Speaker 2: biased towards fear that kept us alive, so we can 267 00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:57,080 Speaker 2: actually balance that out. We can give ourselves a bit 268 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:59,800 Speaker 2: more of a superpower than other human beings and balancing 269 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:03,080 Speaker 2: that out. And we balanced out with a gratitude practice, 270 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:07,880 Speaker 2: and we deliberately train our brains to look for what 271 00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:10,680 Speaker 2: is instead of focusing on what isn't or what might 272 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:13,199 Speaker 2: be in a negative way. And one of the ways, 273 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,200 Speaker 2: there's plenty of ways you can do a gratitude practice, 274 00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:17,480 Speaker 2: but one of them is to at the end of 275 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:22,160 Speaker 2: the day, write down five things that went well, all right, 276 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:24,240 Speaker 2: and what happens when you got five? 277 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,160 Speaker 1: That's a lot, but you start to look for it. 278 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:27,960 Speaker 1: You start to go well, and well. 279 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:32,000 Speaker 2: Oh, when I was turning on too Favouse Street today, 280 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,840 Speaker 2: I merged into the bike lane, really well, there's another cyclist, 281 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:37,360 Speaker 2: can be gone out of each other's way really well, 282 00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:39,600 Speaker 2: and we made the light and it was really good. 283 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:42,480 Speaker 2: And you start to notice the things that are there 284 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,320 Speaker 2: rather than the things that aren't. You're focusing on what 285 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:49,160 Speaker 2: is versus what isn't. All this stuff is important, but 286 00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:52,200 Speaker 2: it only has so much power and it cannot possibly 287 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:54,800 Speaker 2: override just an endless river of fear. 288 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:57,040 Speaker 1: If that's what your eyeballs are exposed to. 289 00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:59,560 Speaker 2: And you're going to need to be in control of 290 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:02,480 Speaker 2: that the next few months at least, perhaps just check 291 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:05,560 Speaker 2: the news once a day and try to limit how 292 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:08,160 Speaker 2: much you scroll, because you're never ever going to be 293 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:08,840 Speaker 2: the algorithm. 294 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:09,320 Speaker 1: You're just not. 295 00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:11,160 Speaker 2: It's going to hook us every time it's designed to. 296 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,120 Speaker 2: There's no way that your brain and my brain can 297 00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:16,560 Speaker 2: outpower it. There's no way can happen. We can limit 298 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,040 Speaker 2: how long we're exposed to that stuff, though, So try 299 00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:21,480 Speaker 2: to manage your media consumption over the next few months. 300 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:23,720 Speaker 2: It's important to not stick ahead in the sand, but 301 00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:25,480 Speaker 2: it's also important to go, Okay, I know enough now, 302 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:28,080 Speaker 2: I don't need to read seventeen different analyzes of what's 303 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:28,720 Speaker 2: going on here. 304 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:30,440 Speaker 1: Again, that's the idea. 305 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:34,800 Speaker 2: Managing your media consumption is important. Constantly exposing yourself to 306 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:38,240 Speaker 2: negative news can actually increase your sense of anxiety and 307 00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:40,200 Speaker 2: increase your sense of helplessness, and it does so in 308 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:43,560 Speaker 2: a false way. So try to set boundaries on how 309 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:45,760 Speaker 2: much news you consume and how much scrolling you're doing. 310 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,040 Speaker 2: And you know, even if you do do that, seek 311 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:51,440 Speaker 2: out neutral sources of information or try to think out 312 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:55,040 Speaker 2: something positive to read as well. And one more thing 313 00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:57,760 Speaker 2: I guess would be to just get into action, because so, 314 00:15:57,920 --> 00:16:00,480 Speaker 2: for example, you're worried about money. 315 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:02,800 Speaker 1: All right, it was fair enough I'm worried about money. 316 00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:03,760 Speaker 1: You're worried about money. 317 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:08,240 Speaker 2: Rather than sitting there going money, you consider creating a budget, 318 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:12,320 Speaker 2: setting up some automatic savings transfers of talk to someone 319 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:15,000 Speaker 2: about managing your finances a bit better, or consolidating some 320 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:18,960 Speaker 2: debt or something, and then do something for people around you. 321 00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:21,400 Speaker 1: That's another really important. 322 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,000 Speaker 2: Thing to do is to be of service to others, 323 00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:25,840 Speaker 2: because it truly makes a world of difference. You'd be 324 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:30,200 Speaker 2: amazed how little you're thinking about all the worrisome catastrophizing 325 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:31,840 Speaker 2: that you might think about in case such and such 326 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:33,400 Speaker 2: becomes a leader of such and such and then such 327 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:35,280 Speaker 2: and such happens, and who knows what you know, Go 328 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:37,320 Speaker 2: and help the person down the street who's getting on 329 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,160 Speaker 2: a bit and making sure that they're okay, and maybe 330 00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:42,000 Speaker 2: you made the lawn or whatever. You'd be amazed how 331 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:44,960 Speaker 2: much better it can make you feel. Now, all this 332 00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:48,640 Speaker 2: goes without saying that you can't do any of this 333 00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:51,440 Speaker 2: stuff if you're not getting enough sleep. You can't get 334 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:53,400 Speaker 2: do any of this stuff if you're drinking or using 335 00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:56,520 Speaker 2: to push these discomforts through. I mean, you might get 336 00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:59,200 Speaker 2: tricky and using might make the discomfort away for a bit, 337 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:00,760 Speaker 2: but it's not going to do it permanently. 338 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:01,960 Speaker 1: No, it's just going to get worse than the end. 339 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:04,280 Speaker 2: And if some of the stuff I'm talking about it 340 00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:08,960 Speaker 2: sounds impossible, like it might be impossible to think another 341 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:13,920 Speaker 2: way about something like truly finding your thoughts are stuck on. No, 342 00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:16,959 Speaker 2: this thing is only could only ever be bad. May 343 00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:18,960 Speaker 2: you go and see a shrink or you know, a doctor, 344 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:21,159 Speaker 2: or just another perspective and maybe get a bit of 345 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:25,119 Speaker 2: help around navigating that rigid thinking? Now says discovering how 346 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:27,680 Speaker 2: to do all this stuff, even though I still need 347 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:30,240 Speaker 2: to remind myself of it, it is a practice that's 348 00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:33,480 Speaker 2: brought me enormous relief, and it's really helped me use 349 00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,800 Speaker 2: all their energy that otherwise get released at this moment 350 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:40,320 Speaker 2: of ooh and fear, all the energy are wacious, lamenting 351 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:44,320 Speaker 2: about imaginary whatever. It's about the state of the political left, 352 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,200 Speaker 2: so fracture, What the fuck is wrong with you? And 353 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:51,200 Speaker 2: Ryan Pappenhausen's ankle what is it going to hold on? Instead, 354 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:54,600 Speaker 2: I use that energy to actively improve what's around me. 355 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:58,399 Speaker 2: And look, I sleep better letting go of things I 356 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:00,760 Speaker 2: can't control. I'm not ambivalent about it at it by 357 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:05,920 Speaker 2: any means. I'm very deliberately grateful about it, and that 358 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:08,600 Speaker 2: if something is not up to me. As a La 359 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:10,439 Speaker 2: Carson would say, that sounds like a whole fucking lot 360 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:13,640 Speaker 2: of none of my business. Okay, ifigure as my brother 361 00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:16,280 Speaker 2: would say, they're gardening their path. I try not to 362 00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:18,800 Speaker 2: bother myself with the outcomes of things that I can't 363 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:22,320 Speaker 2: control instead of focus on how I. 364 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:23,680 Speaker 1: Feel about it. And since I've learned. 365 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:25,159 Speaker 2: How to do this, and it takes effort, and I 366 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,320 Speaker 2: forget sometimes and I remember, why am I so fucked up? Oh? 367 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:28,240 Speaker 1: I haven't done this thing? 368 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:30,359 Speaker 2: Since I've learned about it, I'm focusing on what I 369 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:35,360 Speaker 2: can control and actively reframing my thinking, practicing truly radical 370 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:39,359 Speaker 2: acceptance and looking for a resolution or solving a problem. 371 00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:42,040 Speaker 1: Working towards that. Things feel heaps better. 372 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:45,199 Speaker 2: But you've got to do it deliberately and with all 373 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:46,960 Speaker 2: these things, you know, I mean, sure, we're out in 374 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,040 Speaker 2: the ocean, you know, floating around on a little Eski. 375 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:50,280 Speaker 1: Yeah. 376 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:52,680 Speaker 2: We can't control the waves, we can't control the weather, 377 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:55,800 Speaker 2: we can't control how from albatross flies by poops on us. 378 00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:59,479 Speaker 2: But we can do these kind of things that I've 379 00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:02,399 Speaker 2: been speaking out and build ourselves a little style and 380 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:04,560 Speaker 2: koontake you that little whiskey all the way to taie 381 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,000 Speaker 2: Haiti can be done. 382 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:10,760 Speaker 1: I can't believe I. 383 00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:14,280 Speaker 2: Just asked you to hues an Esky analogy to get 384 00:19:14,359 --> 00:19:16,679 Speaker 2: through the US election kafuffle? 385 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:19,639 Speaker 1: But Hi, well, what other podcasts you gonna get that on? 386 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:26,280 Speaker 1: No way? Thanks for listening. I'll see you Monday. He's 387 00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:28,280 Speaker 1: an AI bought rating some credits. 388 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:32,359 Speaker 3: This episode was brought to you by Andy Marr on 389 00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:36,560 Speaker 3: audio post production, Beck Sayed on video post production, Toe 390 00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:39,840 Speaker 3: Hyder on music. My producer is Bree Steele and my 391 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:44,000 Speaker 3: executive function assistant is Monica Chapman. For every episode ever. 392 00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:45,840 Speaker 3: To get on the mailing list or to get in 393 00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:49,760 Speaker 3: touch through the contact form, head to Ostriginsburg dot com. 394 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:50,760 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening.