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Speaker 1: Coming up on Relatables.

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Speaker 2: The hardest thing about love is taking accountability that your

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Speaker 2: loving methods might not always be healthy, and.

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Speaker 1: It's so difficult to accept that once you've had that

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Speaker 1: thought relatable. The Relatables podcast is hosted by myself.

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Speaker 2: Whatdy Clark aka Mummy and my partner and cry mister

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Speaker 2: Jake Craig.

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Speaker 1: I thought i'd get you there sat quickly.

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Speaker 2: Al right, Jake, I want to know if you agree

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Speaker 2: with what I'm about to say. When you start to

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Speaker 2: see someone, there is an emotional connection that starts to happen,

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Speaker 2: the thing that we call love. And I'm going to

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Speaker 2: do my best to describe the process of how a

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Speaker 2: male's brain thinks when he starts to fall in love.

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Speaker 1: Okay, and I want to know if you agree that's

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Speaker 1: how you've sort of fell in love too. All right,

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Speaker 1: all right? That makes sense? Should Should we preface that

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Speaker 1: this episode is like a deep one like about love? Yeah? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: this is an episode about love, yes, because we love love. Yes.

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Speaker 2: So what a male brain thinks about when he starts

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Speaker 2: to fall in love? So all these thoughts go on

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Speaker 2: through our head and the partner kind of has no idea.

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Speaker 1: Right, it's leading to it. So firstly, we just start

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Speaker 1: to feel on top of the world, fair invincible, yep, invincible,

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Speaker 1: and we start to constantly think about her and feel

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Speaker 1: this experience that's like sort of euphoric. Yep.

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Speaker 2: So that's pretty granted. Most people would probably assume that, yeah.

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Speaker 1: Fall in love. It happens to both genders.

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Speaker 2: But this is where I get Ianna to know if

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Speaker 2: you agree, So okay for me. I next start to

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Speaker 2: feel very vulnerable. And you can even take this two ways.

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Speaker 2: You let the vulnerability win and you start to trust

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Speaker 2: your partner and open up with your emotions, or you

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Speaker 2: let doubt win and you put all your walls up

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Speaker 2: because you're not ready. And then, not being crude, you

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Speaker 2: think of any excuse, the most minute little thing not

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Speaker 2: to like her because you're scared of commitment and like love.

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Speaker 1: Shit, ah, I mean, I mean I can't argue with that.

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Speaker 1: I'll keep going and tell me what you think of it. Yeah, Like,

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Speaker 1: I can't say i'd argue with that.

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Speaker 2: And if you let that vulnerability stage win, you then

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Speaker 2: go on to the daydreaming planning stage. You think about

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Speaker 2: what your life's going to be like together with each other, Okay,

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Speaker 2: and then This next stage is where the partner comes in.

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Speaker 2: If I get through all these stages of love, I

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Speaker 2: then start to open up to my partner emotionally, art

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Speaker 2: to connect deeper than ever before and open up about

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Speaker 2: my emotions and experiences.

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Speaker 1: And I might even let him meet my dog. How lucky,

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Speaker 1: how lucky you've heard of me meet your dog?

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Speaker 2: And is this like, did you just think of that?

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Speaker 2: That's how I fall and that's how you fall in love?

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Speaker 2: And I wanted to know if that's how you fall

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Speaker 2: in love and do reckon? That can be a bit

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Speaker 2: of a depiction for all men.

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Speaker 1: I don't actually like, I wouldn't say I have a

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Speaker 1: thought process of how like I of how I fall

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Speaker 1: in love. I mean what you said there, I mean,

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Speaker 1: to be honest with you, I ould assume is how

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Speaker 1: everyone falls in love. To be honest like, because like

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Speaker 1: when when you meet someone that you really like, for me,

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Speaker 1: at least, you're quite infatuated with. Yeah, when infatuation comes

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Speaker 1: to mind, you know, like you really are, You're very

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Speaker 1: you're infatuated with them. You just always want to hang

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Speaker 1: out with them, And I always like in that moment,

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Speaker 1: it's sort of I guess honeymoonish phase, you think like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I could fall in love with this person. I'm just

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Speaker 1: trying to think, like, because I can't say I know

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Speaker 1: how because you're so what was your your events was?

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Speaker 1: Get them up again? What was your events?

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Speaker 2: Are euphoric feeling at the start, you're feeling on top

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Speaker 2: of the world.

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Speaker 1: Definitely? Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And then the next stage is vulnerability And I ever

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Speaker 2: choose to be vulnerable and open up my heart to

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Speaker 2: that person, yeap? Or I let I reckon up until

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Speaker 2: I was twenty two to twenty three. I never let

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Speaker 2: vulnerability win, right because I reckon like nothing against the partner.

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Speaker 2: I think it was all on me. For the fact

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Speaker 2: that I didn't fall in love with anyone prior to

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Speaker 2: my Yeah, is because I was scared of what opening

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Speaker 2: up my emotions meant and I wasn't ready because I

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Speaker 2: thought someone might step on them fair and I reckon

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Speaker 2: being you know, I don't know what made me vulnerable

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Speaker 2: and open up, but it just happened. And then the

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Speaker 2: other stage is like, once I get vulnerable, you start

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Speaker 2: to daydream and plan shit like fucking white pick at fence.

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Speaker 2: And then the last stage is like you commit to

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Speaker 2: your emotions and you'd share those with that person and

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Speaker 2: then that's when the partner comes in.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because I've always found it interesting, like when you

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Speaker 1: go on a date or you start seeing a partner

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Speaker 1: or anything like that, Like I would love to know

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Speaker 1: the takeaway of their thinking process straight after the date.

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Speaker 1: And I was trying to give an insight for how

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Speaker 1: men think after the first couple of dates. I would

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Speaker 1: say I have not in an unhealthy way. Ah, the

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Speaker 1: I would if a first date goes well, I will

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Speaker 1: have like a little daydreaming moments. Then right after a

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Speaker 1: first date, if it goes well, like I don't have

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Speaker 1: that same order of like like order of operations. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I would say more of a yeah, like I'll have

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Speaker 1: a little like nothing embarrassing, but yeah, you just have

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Speaker 1: little daydreaming moments with them of like I guess what

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Speaker 1: a relationship would be like and just getting like yeah,

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Speaker 1: just infatuated with that person. But I remember the moment

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Speaker 1: that I like realized that I was in love. And

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Speaker 1: before that, I I didn't even know how to explain it,

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Speaker 1: Like I can't believe that you have like this. I

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Speaker 1: feel like I just don't even have like a series

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Speaker 1: of operations. It just happened, like like I can't say

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Speaker 1: I ever, Like there's times where maybe there was a

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Speaker 1: moment in time where I could open up about something

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Speaker 1: deep and I chose not to yet because I wasn't ready,

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Speaker 1: and then maybe a few weeks later I was ready,

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Speaker 1: So it's like, oh, actually, like on that topic, like

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Speaker 1: this is like it's like I trust you enough to

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Speaker 1: know this now type of thing. But I don't think

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Speaker 1: doing that like has would make me like I don't

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Speaker 1: think that needs to be done before anything else, if

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Speaker 1: that makes sense. You've never really had an order, nah,

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Speaker 1: Like I've never had an order where I like, because

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Speaker 1: I've had three girlfriends now, like I've never had an

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Speaker 1: I like with all three of them. I don't think

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Speaker 1: I could. There's nothing in my mind where I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 1: there's an order to this like this, like I know

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Speaker 1: who I am in a way of like how I

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Speaker 1: fall in love.

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Speaker 2: Do you reckon the fact that you've had more partners

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Speaker 2: is because their sort of hasn't been an order of

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Speaker 2: operations and you just let things happen.

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Speaker 1: Like Willia Niel.

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Speaker 2: It's not saying that's a bad thing, but like my

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Speaker 2: head works in a more logical way, and I chose

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Speaker 2: not to let I reckon, I could have had three girls,

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Speaker 2: not being cocky, like I could have had three girlfriends

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Speaker 2: if I want, Yeah, definitely, And do you reckon I

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Speaker 2: didn't have them because of my order of operations, and

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Speaker 2: like I never let him in because I have this

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Speaker 2: little logical thinking process, whereas you, on the other hand,

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Speaker 2: workers just like free.

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Speaker 1: Flowing and what happens happens God. So maybe that takes

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Speaker 1: take question. But also, like if you with anyone in

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Speaker 1: the you know, in prior to your girlfriend, you know something,

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Speaker 1: there's also an argument to say that if you really

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Speaker 1: liked them, like, maybe you wouldn't have thought like that.

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Speaker 1: So maybe the reason that you were thinking like that,

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Speaker 1: Like like you know how you just said you don't

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Speaker 1: know why it worked out with your girlfriend, I mean

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Speaker 1: worked out because you actually just really liked her Like

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Speaker 1: the other ones you may have just not really liked

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Speaker 1: that much. True, you know, true, true, true, you know,

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Speaker 1: because there's no particular reason as to why I worked

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Speaker 1: out with your girlfriend other than the fact that she's

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Speaker 1: just the one you felt most comfortable with, Like unless

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Speaker 1: it is a thing of like you matured enough to

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Speaker 1: to realize what you were doing in the past. I

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Speaker 1: don't know.

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Speaker 2: I think they became a stage in my life that

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Speaker 2: I unconsciously did that made myself ready to open up

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Speaker 2: to someone else and let someone else's emotions in. Maybe

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Speaker 2: when I was talking to other people in the past,

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Speaker 2: I never felt truly ready to have someone else's emotions

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Speaker 2: like in my life. Yeah, I didn't think I've had

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Speaker 2: the mental capacity to deal with my emotions and someone

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Speaker 2: else's properly without hurting one another.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Fair, Fair, that's so interesting And because.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know, maybe I'm making logic out of

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Speaker 2: something that isn't logical, because love definitely isn't logical now.

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Speaker 2: But I was just trying to like gauge how a

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Speaker 2: guy's brain works and help people think because a lot

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Speaker 2: of the times these takeaways on dates and it's like,

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Speaker 2: I wonder if he liked me, And like we've said before,

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Speaker 2: the men fall in love or like someone more when

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Speaker 2: they're apart, and these are sort of the thoughts going

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Speaker 2: on in my head when we're apart.

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Speaker 1: Is just like do I want to be vulnerable with her?

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Speaker 1: Do I want to open myself up more? And I'm

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Speaker 1: also fucking daydreaming about her. You know what I like,

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Speaker 1: actually genuinely think is that to you, Like there's probably

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Speaker 1: plenty of men out there that would hear what you

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Speaker 1: said and go like, oh no, that yeah's how I

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Speaker 1: do it too. But also I think that I'll go

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Speaker 1: into something pretty shortly, but love to every individual like

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Speaker 1: like like I true love like can't really be studied, no,

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Speaker 1: in a sense, because it's it's every single individual. It's different,

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Speaker 1: like you know, like I don't know how you feel

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Speaker 1: about your girlfriend, and you don't know how I feel

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Speaker 1: about mine, And then like I don't know if we

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Speaker 1: don't know how our parents feel about each other, like

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Speaker 1: true love to them might be not as strong as

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Speaker 1: what we think true love should be, Like that type

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Speaker 1: of thing, you know, I've.

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Speaker 2: Always wanted to know if people feel what I feel, yeah,

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Speaker 2: or if people feel more than what I feel or less,

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Speaker 2: like as people as lucky as me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, Like he's like we feel really lucky, but

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Speaker 1: compared to someone else, Like there's another couple that could

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Speaker 1: be like maybe it's like a way more intense love.

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Speaker 1: And then if you were to feel that, you'd be like, well,

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Speaker 1: mine's not like that, Like I I thought was like

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Speaker 1: as strong as they could get. Yeah, that's why I think,

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Speaker 1: and so I think that they can't really study it.

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Speaker 1: But I think that what Yeah, I think that what

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Speaker 1: you're saying is definitely like an individual thing. God, there's

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Speaker 1: got to be so many people that relate to that.

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Speaker 1: But but I don't reckon I relate to it. I don't, like,

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Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know, like I relate to the

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Speaker 1: part where you you are like you're infatuated, like you

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Speaker 1: you just feel really good at the start, because I

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Speaker 1: think that just happens with like all of them. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but I don't know, like what I would say I

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Speaker 1: necessarily look for, like I personally would say, I kind

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Speaker 1: of after a first date, feel like I have enough

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Speaker 1: information obviously, I don't like, you find out way more. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but like I have this thing where it's like, because

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Speaker 1: like I've been on dates where right after it, I'm

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Speaker 1: like maybe even an hour in or five minutes in, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, like this this is not happening again. Yeah. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And then you know when on the date first up,

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Speaker 1: my girlfriend and I was like, when's our second date?

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Speaker 1: And it was like the week after, not even or

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Speaker 1: something like that. I think I think I'm went and

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Speaker 1: saw it like two days later. Actually, to be fair,

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Speaker 1: I think I went and saw it like two days later.

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Speaker 2: I've also I've always wondered, like I see some of

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Speaker 2: our friends love in so many different ways, and they

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Speaker 2: also show it in different ways. And it's also like

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Speaker 2: maybe who am I to judge, like not saying I'm

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Speaker 2: judging badly.

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Speaker 1: But I'm still judging them. Yeah, I mean you judge

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Speaker 1: everyone about everything that it can be good all a bad.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm judging the way they love and they show

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Speaker 2: affection and how fast they say I love you and stuff. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: And like it's really like maybe your theory just like

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Speaker 2: it's down to feeling in sense and there is no

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Speaker 2: logic behind it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I don't think about it. Actually, here you go.

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Speaker 1: Here's what it is is you think about it? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I do think about you think about it like you

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Speaker 1: you have a thought process, Like I don't think about it.

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Speaker 1: I I solely go off feeling and then get to

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Speaker 1: a point where I maybe have a realization of like

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Speaker 1: oh yes, definitely want to ask you to be my girlfriend,

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Speaker 1: and then oh yes, oh I do love her, like

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Speaker 1: mine is a moment in my head like I don't

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Speaker 1: think I'll ever forget it. It was in an uber.

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Speaker 2: Do you try and do you ever try to describe

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Speaker 2: the feeling of how your girlfriend you're in love with

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Speaker 2: makes you feel?

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Speaker 1: Nah? Really? Nah? Right? I do all the time.

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Speaker 2: Nah, I've never just I try to voice it into words.

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Speaker 1: Like I say, like I feel happy, Like I'm like

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Speaker 1: I feel happy, but I wouldn't say, no, I don't

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Speaker 1: think I've ever described My recent one was it's unfathomable, unfathomable,

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Speaker 1: how much I love you unfathomable. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I

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Speaker 1: always try and put it in the words. It's funny.

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Speaker 1: It's funny, like finding out even like I I think

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Speaker 1: that's normal for me to like try and put into

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Speaker 1: words like the feelings that she makes me feel or

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Speaker 1: your partner makes you feel, and yours is more like

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Speaker 1: we just feel it obviously, like it's just there. We

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Speaker 1: just feel it, Like I'm trying to think, like I

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Speaker 1: would say my absolute favorite thing in the whole world

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Speaker 1: is for some reason, both will get like not every night,

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Speaker 1: but it's like majority maybe but like well, like it's

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Speaker 1: like I guess you call it the zoomies. Yeah, like

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Speaker 1: right before we go to bed for some reason, like

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Speaker 1: videos are funnier, like everything's just funnier. Yeah, and I

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Speaker 1: just think that I just yeah, like I don't know,

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Speaker 1: like I just think Beth is like like super funny,

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Speaker 1: and so I just like sometimes then I wouldn't ever

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Speaker 1: say I can describe a feeling, but I will like

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Speaker 1: think in the moment, maybe how fun it is. I

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Speaker 1: don't know, Like if I was to describe love or

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Speaker 1: like my love, I think I would also I would

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Speaker 1: almost want to use the word like safe or like

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Speaker 1: contempt content content. Yeah, what isn't contempt, Like like I

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Speaker 1: don't like you, like I have contempt. You've done that before.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I think I the word content. But

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Speaker 1: that's interesting. So yours is more like.

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Speaker 2: The experiences of being with the person, whereas more mine

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Speaker 2: is more figuring out what those experiences are making me

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Speaker 2: feel and telling them.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I don't think deeply about it, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: which is very interesting. Yeah, like I do think I'm niche. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: like sometimes I will randomly, maybe I'll uh, I'll get

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Speaker 1: this wave of missing death and I'll just text her

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Speaker 1: and just say like I love you, But I just

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Speaker 1: can't think. I can't say I ever once thought how

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Speaker 1: do I describe this or yeah, what was my process

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Speaker 1: of falling in love? Interesting? One thing I did in

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Speaker 1: the past actually was thinking we've spoken about this before,

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Speaker 1: was thinking that my partner would be perfect for me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, my girlfriend would be We've talked about that. There's

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Speaker 2: no perfect person for anyone.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that was one thing I used to think in

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Speaker 1: the past a lot.

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Speaker 2: Actually, like when I thought that as well, actually like

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Speaker 2: we are perfect for each other?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah about being young and delusional

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Speaker 1: and you have a fight about something, and I would

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Speaker 1: have these thoughts like, well, if we have this big

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Speaker 1: of a different opinion on this particular thing, like maybe

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Speaker 1: we're not perfect for each other. And so then in turn,

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Speaker 1: thinking that also, I guess, makes you what's the word contempt?

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Speaker 1: I guess towards the fucking person you're currently with.

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Speaker 2: I think that's relatable. Where like, especially in younger relationships,

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Speaker 2: you build up this false pretense of this person in

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Speaker 2: your head, and one of those false things is that

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Speaker 2: you're perfect for each other. Yeah, and you also like

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Speaker 2: the false thing she's perfect, she can't do no wrong,

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Speaker 2: and then when she does do.

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Speaker 1: Wrong or he for anyone listening, yeah, you're like oh nah,

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Speaker 1: like they're still perfect. Dude. Fuck funny you say that.

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Speaker 1: We may as well go into what I wanted to

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Speaker 1: talk about, all right. We had someone in the Facebook

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Speaker 1: group ask what our opinions on the difference between liberates

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Speaker 1: and love is. I purposely didn't look up limreates. Do

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Speaker 1: you want me to tell you before? I? Before I

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Speaker 1: read that post, didn't know it. Didn't know limerence was

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Speaker 1: a word? Did I?

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Speaker 2: I didn't didn't look up because you said you're bring

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Speaker 2: into limates, I did. I didn't look up on purpose.

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Speaker 1: What you just said before is like limereates. Some part

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Speaker 1: of limerens okay, some part like it's a tricky thing,

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Speaker 1: but some part of it right. So okay, I watched

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Speaker 1: like a video, do all these notes? I watched like

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Speaker 1: a couple of videos, took notes on one. Okay, basically,

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Speaker 1: let's go into limreates. So introduction. Limerence is often mistaken

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Speaker 1: for true love, and it's an intense emotional state, and

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Speaker 1: it's characterized by like obsession longing for the person right,

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Speaker 1: and so you can distinguish it from like various types

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Speaker 1: of loves blah blah blah. It's like lots of different

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Speaker 1: types of love. And in this video I watched, basically

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Speaker 1: this doctor named a whole bunch of different types of love. Limerens.

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Speaker 1: It is a type of love. Yeah right, limerence is

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Speaker 1: in there. And then he does go on to say,

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Speaker 1: like the actually the one that can't be studied is

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Speaker 1: true love. Genuinely, you cannot be studied because it's different

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Speaker 1: to every individual, So it cannot be studied. Yeah, the same,

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Speaker 1: So we will First of all, we're thinking defining limereates. Yes,

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Speaker 1: coined by doctor Dorothy Tanov in the nineteen seventies, so

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Speaker 1: really not that long ago. Limerence is an intense, obsessive

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Speaker 1: form of love marked by a strong desire for reciprocation

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Speaker 1: from the loved one. Okay, so you like you're efatuated

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Speaker 1: by this person, but like you need them to feel

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Speaker 1: the same back. You're asking it as much as you're

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Speaker 1: giving in it. It involves emotional highs and lows, intense daydreaming,

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Speaker 1: and a tendency to overlook the other person's flaws, often

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Speaker 1: leading to jealousy and hyper vigilance. The characteristics of limerens

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Speaker 1: one is an intense longing and so it's the so

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Speaker 1: like just eighty five percent, he said, the number is

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Speaker 1: eighty five percent of your type waking time is spent

355
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Speaker 1: is spent just thinking about them and longing for them.

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Speaker 1: And then there's the number two is emotional rollercoaster, and

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Speaker 1: the feelings fluctuate dramatically based on the perceived signals and

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Speaker 1: signs from the loved one. So your whole mood is

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Speaker 1: based off of theirs. Yeah. Right, So this limerens is

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Speaker 1: a bit toxic.

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Speaker 2: Oh look, the elements is bad. Yeah, limerens is very bad. Okay, Okay,

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Speaker 2: he didn't know.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. See, sorry, actually have said that you

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Speaker 1: didn't know, but no, I didn't know either. But limerence

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Speaker 1: is yet it's bad. Okay. The number three is sacrifices,

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Speaker 1: and it's the willingness to change oneself or make significant

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Speaker 1: life changes to please the loved one.

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Speaker 2: Oh so this is also like when someone says, like,

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Speaker 2: I don't like your friends and you stop hanging out

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Speaker 2: with your friends.

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Speaker 1: So that's a sacrifice. Yeah. They will change career is

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Speaker 1: they'll they'll change their head, they'll change the way they dress,

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Speaker 1: they'll but they'll move, they'll So we're getting to.

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Speaker 2: The point that a lot of people confuse limerens with

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Speaker 2: love definitely. People think that limerence is this because it's

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Speaker 2: so intense you think it's love.

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Speaker 1: It is. It's very intense, you think it's true love.

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Speaker 1: And then you make all these decisions in this moment

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00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:22,800
Speaker 1: and in this in this time of limerence. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: so this is this next one is based off what

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00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:28,040
Speaker 1: you said. So it's called the halo effect. And you

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Speaker 1: don't see any flaw in your partner whatsoever. And if

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Speaker 1: someone points out a flaw, you tell them they don't understand.

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Speaker 1: And if it is an obvious flow, you really minimize

385
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:42,480
Speaker 1: it to make it easy to ignore. Wow, so they

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Speaker 1: can do no wrong.

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Speaker 2: That's insightful too, because yeah, sometimes as an outsider looking

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00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:51,480
Speaker 2: into people's relationships, you see things and you're like, oh,

389
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Speaker 2: maybe they're not like that in the relationship.

390
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:54,679
Speaker 1: Because I can't see it.

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00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:57,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that person in it can't even see it

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Speaker 2: at all.

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Speaker 1: It's very blinding. Yeah, love is blind, mate. They should.

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00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:04,760
Speaker 1: They should make a fucking Netflix series limerens is blind. Limerates.

395
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Speaker 1: It is though, like the positive and negative aspects, So

396
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:13,280
Speaker 1: their positive is positive sorry, is if both individuals are

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00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:17,320
Speaker 1: single and are good for each other, whereas like they

398
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:21,560
Speaker 1: actually are like a couple that would match up despite limerens.

399
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Speaker 1: If that, if you know what I mean, if they

400
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:26,199
Speaker 1: are good for each other, limerens can lead to a

401
00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:29,560
Speaker 1: very fulfilling relationship, like it can end up like it'll

402
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:34,960
Speaker 1: peter out like and so based off of that one, right,

403
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:37,600
Speaker 1: I had the question the whole time. I was questioning

404
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:40,280
Speaker 1: myself while watching this video of like limerens just kind

405
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,960
Speaker 1: of sounds like the honeymoon was a little bit yeah,

406
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Speaker 1: and so the basically the way I gathered it, I

407
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:50,639
Speaker 1: don't know if I'm a hundred percent correct, but I

408
00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:55,400
Speaker 1: think what it is is like limerens would be limereents

409
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:58,440
Speaker 1: right when you're in the honeymoon stage, but then once

410
00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:00,400
Speaker 1: the honeymoon stage dies out, you like I can hate

411
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:04,359
Speaker 1: each other. Whereas limereans is a good thing, honeymoon phase

412
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:06,719
Speaker 1: is a really good thing. Phases out when you're when

413
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:09,240
Speaker 1: you phase out and you get an even stronger connection,

414
00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:12,800
Speaker 1: it forms into love. Yes, So I do think like

415
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:15,919
Speaker 1: a lot of these things are similar to the honeymoon phase. Interesting,

416
00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:19,120
Speaker 1: but when you are good for each other, it's good. Well,

417
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:23,720
Speaker 1: I saw an interesting thing was it's not important how

418
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:27,680
Speaker 1: love feels when it starts, how it evolves. Yeah, that's

419
00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:33,240
Speaker 1: what is important. Fuck. Yeah. The negative is if one

420
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:37,879
Speaker 1: or both individuals are in existing relationship obviously, or if

421
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:41,119
Speaker 1: one is not good for the other. Limerens can cause

422
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:46,840
Speaker 1: emotional turmoil and lead to destructive decisions because one of

423
00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:50,960
Speaker 1: the person that's in limerens, let's say, and then because

424
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:52,399
Speaker 1: like not, I don't think both people have to be

425
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:53,560
Speaker 1: in limerents for it to be a thing, like you

426
00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:55,520
Speaker 1: can be in limerents, and then just one person isn't.

427
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,679
Speaker 1: And then let's say the person that isn't in limeerents

428
00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:02,600
Speaker 1: isn't actually a good for the person in limereates. The

429
00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:06,159
Speaker 1: person in liimereates will do anything for them. Yeah, so

430
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:11,920
Speaker 1: they will make very destructive decisions and things like that. Yeah,

431
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:16,720
Speaker 1: the inevitable end limerens is temporary, never ever ever? Can

432
00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:18,119
Speaker 1: it last forever? Well? Well is going to be one

433
00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:21,600
Speaker 1: of my questions. Once the intense feelings fade, individuals may

434
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:25,000
Speaker 1: regret decisions made during that state, such as leaving a

435
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:29,320
Speaker 1: committed partner. But it can last anywhere from three months

436
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:33,880
Speaker 1: to forty eight months, forty eight two years, but four years,

437
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,359
Speaker 1: that's four years. But it will one always end, but

438
00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:38,120
Speaker 1: it does end.

439
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:40,320
Speaker 2: Well, you often hear people like they just have some

440
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:42,639
Speaker 2: switch in their brain once it's like, oh, I actually realize.

441
00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:43,800
Speaker 1: I didn't really like them.

442
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:45,720
Speaker 2: And I think that's because they're inlimerates and they're blinded

443
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:50,000
Speaker 2: by the intensity of it. We actually have a in

444
00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:51,159
Speaker 2: person story told to us.

445
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 1: Won't say who it was, Yeah, all right, wild, but

446
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:57,720
Speaker 1: were we were somewhere with someone who's older than us

447
00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:03,240
Speaker 1: and was married to a person. And she said that

448
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:07,800
Speaker 1: when COVID hit is the first time that they spent

449
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:10,320
Speaker 1: more than two weeks together because they both worked in

450
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:12,480
Speaker 1: different areas, Like they were married and everything, and they

451
00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:14,160
Speaker 1: lived together, but like, spend a lot of time apart,

452
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:17,119
Speaker 1: and it worked out great up until COVID and they

453
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:20,439
Speaker 1: spent all this time together and they realized, Oh, I

454
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:24,479
Speaker 1: don't even like you. Yeah, isn't that crazy? Limerens fucking crazy?

455
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:26,840
Speaker 1: Funny you brought that all up? Actually? Is that it? Nah?

456
00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:30,639
Speaker 1: I got a little Conclusionah, okay. Limereates can feel overwhelming

457
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:34,880
Speaker 1: and blissful, Yeah, but it is crucial to recognize its

458
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:40,400
Speaker 1: transient nature. Decisions based solely on this intense emotional state

459
00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:43,200
Speaker 1: can lead to long term consequences that affect not only

460
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:46,680
Speaker 1: personal happiness, but relationships with others, including children and ex partners.

461
00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:50,639
Speaker 1: Awareness and logical evaluation of one's feelings can help individuals

462
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:56,600
Speaker 1: navigate these tumultuous emotions more effectively. Tumultuous was his word,

463
00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:59,919
Speaker 1: not mine. Yeah, but the doctors the key takeaways is

464
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:04,840
Speaker 1: limerates is not true love. It's an obsessive state idealization

465
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:08,919
Speaker 1: and blindness to falls, flaws, the emotional highs and lows,

466
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:12,480
Speaker 1: and you need to seek balance the definitions. We already

467
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:13,520
Speaker 1: know definitions.

468
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:19,160
Speaker 2: The hardest thing about love is taking accountability that your

469
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:23,240
Speaker 2: loving methods might not always be healthy.

470
00:25:24,359 --> 00:25:28,960
Speaker 1: And it's so difficult to accept that. Once you've had

471
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:30,480
Speaker 1: that thought, it's hard to see that.

472
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:33,640
Speaker 2: And it's also hard to see that your partner's loving

473
00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:35,639
Speaker 2: methods might not be healthy.

474
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:38,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I actually went and looked up another video,

475
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:42,160
Speaker 1: and I looked up a video on trying to learn

476
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:46,399
Speaker 1: to recognize limreates. Yeah, because I mean to be honest

477
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:48,240
Speaker 1: with you, dude, I think I've like, if you think

478
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:52,160
Speaker 1: about it, you know, the two relationships prior to Beth

479
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:55,760
Speaker 1: that didn't work out, I don't know if if they

480
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:59,280
Speaker 1: one hundred percent were limerens. But like you know it

481
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:04,080
Speaker 1: kinder when I think about it, Like I was like

482
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:08,040
Speaker 1: infatuated with these people, and I wouldn't say it was

483
00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:10,480
Speaker 1: as intense, but I mean it didn't work out, like

484
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:11,400
Speaker 1: it faded. Well.

485
00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:14,160
Speaker 2: We all have those friends too that like drop everything

486
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:19,160
Speaker 2: as soon as they get a partner, and like I've

487
00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:22,119
Speaker 2: often thought like, oh, that's nice there and love. But

488
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,680
Speaker 2: sometimes and now I've seen some of those relationships, Peter,

489
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:27,639
Speaker 2: and they didn't work. That's more like that fucking obsession

490
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:29,120
Speaker 2: is more like that's not love.

491
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:32,560
Speaker 1: That's limreates. Yeah, like they drop everything because it's like

492
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:36,439
Speaker 1: it's fucking obsession of unhealthiness. It's weird a yeah, So

493
00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:40,399
Speaker 1: this video, I looked up a girl. She has this

494
00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:42,679
Speaker 1: big page on YouTube and she was explaining it. She

495
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:45,440
Speaker 1: talks about limerents a lot. But I've watched a video

496
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:48,600
Speaker 1: and she said that like limereates in the honeymoon phase,

497
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:52,639
Speaker 1: they kind of have differences. Right, So, if you maybe

498
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:55,080
Speaker 1: are in the early starts of like an early part

499
00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:56,680
Speaker 1: of a relationship, or like you have a big crush

500
00:26:56,720 --> 00:27:02,199
Speaker 1: on someone, I don't know, let's just say if for

501
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:06,119
Speaker 1: some reason the person that you really are, like you

502
00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:09,480
Speaker 1: think you're in love with if they could somehow open

503
00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:11,960
Speaker 1: your brain and see the thoughts that you have about them,

504
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:15,480
Speaker 1: the fantasies, the stuff like that, Like would it just

505
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:17,880
Speaker 1: be kind of like a simple little fantasy like oh,

506
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:20,280
Speaker 1: you know, like I thought about kissing her, I thought

507
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:22,680
Speaker 1: about yeah, stuff like that, take her on a date,

508
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:25,560
Speaker 1: and like would you be all that embarrassed or would

509
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:27,879
Speaker 1: it be a bit kind of more flattering towards them.

510
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 1: That's not Limerents, that's like normal ways of thinking, because

511
00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:35,920
Speaker 1: everyone thinks has at of fantasies and if but if

512
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:38,440
Speaker 1: you were to think, like, oh, if they could open

513
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:40,440
Speaker 1: up my brain and have a look, like I would

514
00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:46,119
Speaker 1: be so embarrassed. Ooh embarrassed, Like that would be the crazy,

515
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:49,680
Speaker 1: Like that's they can't know my thoughts. Yeah, apparently that's

516
00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:51,359
Speaker 1: one of the ways to try and start to like

517
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:56,800
Speaker 1: recognize your Yeah, so I don't know, like, but obviously

518
00:27:56,800 --> 00:28:00,200
Speaker 1: when you're in it as well, you don't, like, you know,

519
00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 1: that's funny.

520
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:02,960
Speaker 2: Like so if you open up your thoughts, is anyone

521
00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:04,919
Speaker 2: in a relationship right now or being in a relationship

522
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:08,440
Speaker 2: and you someone else saw your thoughts, would.

523
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:11,240
Speaker 1: You be ashamed about them? Yeah? That's interesting and so yeah,

524
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:12,919
Speaker 1: because I was thinking, like, well, was the start of

525
00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:15,040
Speaker 1: my relationship all limits? Like I was questioning it. I

526
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:18,199
Speaker 1: was like, bro, like like I didn't move and I

527
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:20,000
Speaker 1: was like I was settling myself down. I was like, look, okay,

528
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,679
Speaker 1: I didn't move places, I didn't change jobs. Who I am, Like,

529
00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 1: I'm still Jake, Like Oddie never said Jake, you're changing.

530
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:26,600
Speaker 1: Like if anyone's going to do what, it's going to

531
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:29,919
Speaker 1: be him, like Joanne didn't say, like I'm good. Yeah,

532
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:31,960
Speaker 1: and like and when I watched that, I was like, yeah,

533
00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:35,480
Speaker 1: to be fair, like you know, even because like limericks

534
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:38,240
Speaker 1: can last so long, like even you know, a year

535
00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:40,120
Speaker 1: in if you were to say, let's just tested right now,

536
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:43,520
Speaker 1: open up your brain, think about your thoughts with your girlfriend,

537
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:47,360
Speaker 1: all of the fantasies, everything. Yes, now I get to

538
00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:51,440
Speaker 1: see him. Yes. Are you embarrassed? Are you humiliated? I

539
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:55,960
Speaker 1: am bowering down on my knees worshiping her. Kidding, I'm kidding,

540
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:58,640
Speaker 1: I'm kidding. No, any any fantasy I've ever had, like

541
00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:07,000
Speaker 1: probably just make your horning not you, I mean sorry, sorry,

542
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:09,959
Speaker 1: I'm just kidding. I had to do it. No, I wouldn't.

543
00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:11,960
Speaker 1: I wouldn't. I wouldn't be embarrassed if you if you

544
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:13,280
Speaker 1: would have opened my brain and look at him, I

545
00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:15,440
Speaker 1: wouldn't be embarrassed. Interesting.

546
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:19,400
Speaker 2: Well, it's talking a lot about healthy and unhealthy love,

547
00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:25,080
Speaker 2: which I find is very interesting because we're never really

548
00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:30,840
Speaker 2: taught how to love by, which I think is wild.

549
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:37,040
Speaker 2: Humanity has this weird instinctual thing of we'll just figure

550
00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:40,400
Speaker 2: it out. Like we get in a relationship with all

551
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:41,720
Speaker 2: these people's emotions, Oh.

552
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:43,800
Speaker 1: We'll figure it out. We have a kid with no

553
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:46,520
Speaker 1: fucking training, We're like, fuck it, we'll figure it out.

554
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:50,680
Speaker 2: And it's wild to me that we fall in love

555
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 2: and think, oh, we'll figure it out. And one hundred

556
00:29:55,560 --> 00:30:00,440
Speaker 2: percent of the time either you hurt yourself or you

557
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:04,400
Speaker 2: hurt someone in their lifetime fuck, which I think is

558
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:05,760
Speaker 2: wild that I don't know.

559
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:08,200
Speaker 1: So we talk about schooling systems all the time, and

560
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:10,080
Speaker 1: I really think we should talk about love in there

561
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:12,840
Speaker 1: at least have conversations about like why am I learning

562
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:15,800
Speaker 1: about fucking Pythagoras fear? And when I can be learning

563
00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:18,880
Speaker 1: how to love my partner better. I was gonna say, like,

564
00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:22,560
Speaker 1: why was I learning how to sew when I could

565
00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:24,560
Speaker 1: have been being taught how to run? A family. Yeah,

566
00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:28,400
Speaker 1: running a family is that thing? Yes? Why was I

567
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:30,600
Speaker 1: over here learning how to sew a fucking pencil case?

568
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:34,120
Speaker 2: And in the world looking at everything that goes on,

569
00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:36,760
Speaker 2: there's no better feeling or nothing that makes two people

570
00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:39,120
Speaker 2: feel more connected than love.

571
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:41,720
Speaker 1: Is there a class on that like we could have

572
00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:43,720
Speaker 1: chosen that we didn't. Was there an elective where it's

573
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:46,160
Speaker 1: like where it's like a teacher comes in and they say,

574
00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 1: all right, guys, I'm glad you've chosen this class because

575
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:50,160
Speaker 1: you're going to do life a lot better than everyone else.

576
00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:55,840
Speaker 1: Men are men, they're all their own person. Women are women,

577
00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:57,560
Speaker 1: and they're also all their own person. No women is

578
00:30:57,560 --> 00:30:58,959
Speaker 1: the same as another woman. No man's the same as

579
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:00,520
Speaker 1: another man, and no men and it's the same as

580
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:04,480
Speaker 1: another woman. Therefore, no one's gonna be perfect for each other. Therefore,

581
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:06,240
Speaker 1: in a relationship, you're gonna have argument. You're got it

582
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:09,000
Speaker 1: justre on things, all this random shit like why weren't

583
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:10,880
Speaker 1: we taught that? I wasn't taught that until I fucking

584
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:13,240
Speaker 1: just figured it out. Mate. We were busy in woodwork,

585
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:16,960
Speaker 1: hitting some wood with the hammerus I wouldn't have wanted

586
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:18,320
Speaker 1: to listen, but I bet you some of it would

587
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:18,840
Speaker 1: have stayed with me.

588
00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:21,800
Speaker 2: Well, there's some mandatory classes, and like, I don't see

589
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:24,840
Speaker 2: why I make it mandatory, And it's just like like

590
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:28,840
Speaker 2: making definitely telling everyone that schooling systems are outdated, and

591
00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:32,680
Speaker 2: it would make like so many more lives better because

592
00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:35,080
Speaker 2: that many people were hurt and their souls are crying

593
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:38,360
Speaker 2: because they've hurt someone or they've been hurt by someone

594
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:40,000
Speaker 2: else who hasn't learned or known.

595
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:40,640
Speaker 1: How to love properly.

596
00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:43,840
Speaker 2: And the only like figures of love that we can

597
00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:46,440
Speaker 2: see are our parents, and a lot of people aren't

598
00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:48,640
Speaker 2: blessed with healthy loving styles and their parents, they see

599
00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:50,800
Speaker 2: people fucking hit each other, they see divorces, they see

600
00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:55,160
Speaker 2: they see people with toxic limereents love now they've had kids,

601
00:31:55,200 --> 00:31:57,480
Speaker 2: Like that's that's the only exposure you have to love,

602
00:31:57,600 --> 00:31:59,440
Speaker 2: which I find is like crazy.

603
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:06,200
Speaker 1: So I actually have here a couple of loving styles.

604
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:09,560
Speaker 2: Well they're called pillars, and I've got some examples of

605
00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:15,120
Speaker 2: how to identify sometimes if your loving method is potentially unhealthy,

606
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:18,360
Speaker 2: or if the person loving you is doing something is unhealthy.

607
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:21,440
Speaker 2: And I have done these in the past or say

608
00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:23,760
Speaker 2: them jokingly and I might not realize the impact they

609
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:25,720
Speaker 2: have on my relationship.

610
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:29,000
Speaker 1: So the first pillar of love is intensity.

611
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 2: So I've got a couple examples, and I'll tell you

612
00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:34,400
Speaker 2: the healthy example and the unhealthy example of shoving intensity.

613
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:37,600
Speaker 2: So the healthy example is quote, I haven't seen you

614
00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:40,360
Speaker 2: in a couple of days. I've missed you. Healthy love

615
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:42,960
Speaker 2: that unhealthy. I haven't seen you in five minutes. It

616
00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:48,120
Speaker 2: feels like a lifetime. What have you been doing about me? Yeah,

617
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:51,120
Speaker 2: it's also dabbling in limorents a little bit.

618
00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:54,280
Speaker 1: Hey, that's not dabbling, that's hairs balls.

619
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:58,680
Speaker 2: And it's like, that's so true. It's just like, why

620
00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:00,760
Speaker 2: would I have a big function without me? And I

621
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:02,080
Speaker 2: feel like a lot of people do that, Like you

622
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:03,719
Speaker 2: should be fucking calling me every fight you should take,

623
00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:05,760
Speaker 2: You should reply as soon as I fucking message you,

624
00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:07,400
Speaker 2: all right, which.

625
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:11,120
Speaker 1: Is know what I did today? Actually I texted Beth

626
00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:14,640
Speaker 1: this morning saying good morning. She said good morning, back said,

627
00:33:15,040 --> 00:33:18,080
Speaker 1: I said, I said, how did you sleep? How was pilates?

628
00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:21,800
Speaker 1: She left me on red and and then an hour

629
00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:24,160
Speaker 1: later she posted an Instagram story and it was a

630
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:26,440
Speaker 1: meme and it was a little miss thing. It was

631
00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:28,880
Speaker 1: like little mistaketed dog everywhere, and I replied, and I

632
00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:30,680
Speaker 1: was like, little miss doesn't reply to my boyfriend's day,

633
00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:34,760
Speaker 1: and then she texted me straight away and then and

634
00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:37,080
Speaker 1: that's on her phone and she she did that thing.

635
00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:38,960
Speaker 1: And it's so annoying that this is the thing that

636
00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:40,719
Speaker 1: I didn't actually give a fuck. Yeah, I didn't joke

637
00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:42,200
Speaker 1: about the exact same thing. I didn't think she was

638
00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:43,640
Speaker 1: mad at me or any I didn't give a shit

639
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:46,320
Speaker 1: because I knew she was at work. But well, what

640
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:48,560
Speaker 1: because it happens to me all the time. I hate

641
00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:50,200
Speaker 1: it trying to use it as an excuse, but I'm

642
00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:52,560
Speaker 1: not lying. Is you go on the text and you

643
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:56,120
Speaker 1: see it, but then like notification comes up somewhere else

644
00:33:56,120 --> 00:33:57,520
Speaker 1: and you're like, well, i'll reply to that quick right now.

645
00:33:57,520 --> 00:33:58,959
Speaker 1: I'll come back to this, and then you don't come

646
00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:01,440
Speaker 1: back to it because like brains are yeah exactly. I

647
00:34:01,520 --> 00:34:04,040
Speaker 1: was like, that's lad everyone. Yeah.

648
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:08,720
Speaker 2: And the second pillar is isolation. So the healthy method

649
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:11,040
Speaker 2: is so a friend asks you do you want to

650
00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:13,680
Speaker 2: hang out later and you say, hey, sorry, I've been

651
00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:17,120
Speaker 2: booked up with my boyfriend today. Maybe another time. It's healthy.

652
00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:19,440
Speaker 2: Unhealthy method is friends says hey do you want to

653
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:24,000
Speaker 2: hang out? And you say sorry, it's boyfriend, boyfriend Monday Funday,

654
00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:26,200
Speaker 2: And then they go what about tomorrow, Like, sorry, boyfriend,

655
00:34:26,280 --> 00:34:27,120
Speaker 2: Tuesday is Tuesday.

656
00:34:27,239 --> 00:34:30,800
Speaker 1: Oh what about Wednesday? And you're like, Wednesday, we fucking

657
00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:31,280
Speaker 1: have sex.

658
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:34,560
Speaker 2: Like and we all know those people who like everything

659
00:34:34,680 --> 00:34:38,080
Speaker 2: is always revolving around their partner. Yeah, his boyfriend is example,

660
00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:38,920
Speaker 2: but gonna be vice versa.

661
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:40,239
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I've been like that.

662
00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:42,359
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, been in a relations like that and you're

663
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:45,160
Speaker 2: just like, well, as a friend, hearing that also hurts

664
00:34:45,160 --> 00:34:46,640
Speaker 2: your soul a little bit, but then seeing it and

665
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:50,120
Speaker 2: you're like, well, this person's just fucking taking all their attention.

666
00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:52,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, I've been I've been in one like that

667
00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:55,000
Speaker 1: where like I didn't care if they went and hang

668
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:57,600
Speaker 1: out hung out with friends, but she really really really

669
00:34:57,680 --> 00:34:59,680
Speaker 1: made me feel shit about hanging out friend. Yeah.

670
00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:02,239
Speaker 2: Kicking when you start to like make the other person

671
00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:04,480
Speaker 2: feel bad for hanging out with friends, family, and they

672
00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:08,720
Speaker 2: plant doubt in all your previous partner's relationships and friends

673
00:35:08,719 --> 00:35:10,759
Speaker 2: and family as soon as you started dating, Like are

674
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:12,879
Speaker 2: you sure they're valuable you've been your friend?

675
00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:15,160
Speaker 1: Yeah. They place these little seeds of doubt in your mind.

676
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:17,560
Speaker 1: Now I isolate from friends because I'm busy, and that's

677
00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:20,479
Speaker 1: like your friends. Lately, you're going to see your friends.

678
00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:21,719
Speaker 1: I went for dinner with friends the other night. She

679
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:25,720
Speaker 1: was like healthy, Yeah, exactly, because I how was it?

680
00:35:26,239 --> 00:35:32,040
Speaker 2: I was like, once in a year, I'm good. The

681
00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:37,279
Speaker 2: next pillar is extreme jealousy. So every relationship you kind

682
00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:39,279
Speaker 2: of feel jealousy. It's how you deal with and I

683
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:41,200
Speaker 2: think that's one of the most important pillars. So a

684
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:45,040
Speaker 2: healthy way of dealing with jealousy is you get followed

685
00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:47,839
Speaker 2: on Instagram, your partner gets fowed on Instagram. Sorry, and

686
00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:50,640
Speaker 2: then you say, oh, yeah, it just happens.

687
00:35:51,040 --> 00:35:52,719
Speaker 1: We can't control who follows them.

688
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:54,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, but a lot of the time, the unhealthy method

689
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:56,719
Speaker 2: is you some random follows him on Instagram and the

690
00:35:56,719 --> 00:35:57,480
Speaker 2: partner's like, who's that?

691
00:35:57,719 --> 00:36:00,239
Speaker 1: Had you on? When did they follow you? And I

692
00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:02,200
Speaker 1: reckon a lot of a lot of people do that.

693
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:04,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, So like a little bit different because we get

694
00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:07,600
Speaker 2: followed a bit, but like a normal person if a

695
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:10,480
Speaker 2: boy got followed, like we got followed.

696
00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:12,360
Speaker 1: And then she's like, oh, who's that? What's this? You know,

697
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:17,799
Speaker 1: it's like toxic extreme jealousy. I mean, but like what

698
00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:19,600
Speaker 1: if they what if they didn't follow them back.

699
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:22,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. But it's that's an example where a lot

700
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:23,080
Speaker 2: of relationships are.

701
00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:24,760
Speaker 1: Like that, fucking give me followers. I want attention.

702
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:30,759
Speaker 2: And the fourth pillar is probably a very toxic one

703
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:31,400
Speaker 2: is belittling.

704
00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:32,960
Speaker 1: So belittling.

705
00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:35,839
Speaker 2: Yes, So the healthy method is him, do you want

706
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:36,480
Speaker 2: to hang out later?

707
00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:39,320
Speaker 1: Her? I have to study him? All good.

708
00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:43,239
Speaker 2: Unhealthy method is him, I want to hang out later her,

709
00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:46,359
Speaker 2: I gotta study him. No, there's no point, like, you're

710
00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:50,359
Speaker 2: not gonna get any smarter, let's just hang out, yeah,

711
00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:52,359
Speaker 2: study yeah, yeah smart enough.

712
00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:55,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're not gonna get any smarter. Yeah like that.

713
00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:57,680
Speaker 1: And I feel like a lot of dudes that's a compliment.

714
00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:03,160
Speaker 1: A lot of do that. It's so so, so toxic.

715
00:37:04,320 --> 00:37:09,520
Speaker 2: And the last pillar is volatility. So the healthy way

716
00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:12,160
Speaker 2: is him is saying if we broke up, I'd be

717
00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:14,719
Speaker 2: really sad. And I feel like every person knows someone

718
00:37:14,760 --> 00:37:17,440
Speaker 2: who said this next one, and it's actually really important

719
00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:21,000
Speaker 2: and serious. The unhealthy method is I'd be so depressed

720
00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:23,680
Speaker 2: if we broke up, I would throw myself off something

721
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:26,160
Speaker 2: or I wouldn't be able to live without you. Yeah,

722
00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:28,160
Speaker 2: And I feel like a lot of people say that

723
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:31,560
Speaker 2: willy nilly and don't really realize the magnitude of the

724
00:37:31,600 --> 00:37:33,239
Speaker 2: words they're saying, like my life, I wouldn't be able

725
00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:33,919
Speaker 2: to live without you.

726
00:37:34,719 --> 00:37:36,840
Speaker 1: See, he's just putting so much pressure on a person.

727
00:37:36,920 --> 00:37:39,080
Speaker 1: You can't ever say that to someone else. Yeah, you

728
00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:42,279
Speaker 1: can't ever leave me, because yeah, that'll be the end for.

729
00:37:42,239 --> 00:37:45,040
Speaker 2: Me, Like yeah, yeah, yeah, And I know plenty of

730
00:37:45,040 --> 00:37:47,640
Speaker 2: people whose partners have said that, and like that just

731
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:49,480
Speaker 2: puts the other person in a position like, well, I've

732
00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:50,879
Speaker 2: got to stay here because I wouldn't have to live,

733
00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:54,319
Speaker 2: But I can't stay here because I love you. I'm

734
00:37:54,360 --> 00:37:56,839
Speaker 2: here now out of respect.

735
00:37:56,239 --> 00:37:59,279
Speaker 1: Of feeling like a duty or something. Yeah, like it's

736
00:37:59,320 --> 00:37:59,960
Speaker 1: my job now.

737
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:02,440
Speaker 2: So like it's just a very that's the most extreme

738
00:38:02,520 --> 00:38:05,600
Speaker 2: toxic way of loving. And just definitely if you're in

739
00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:08,160
Speaker 2: that position, like especially if you're in that last position,

740
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:10,480
Speaker 2: like a lot of the time, like we get dilemmas

741
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:13,239
Speaker 2: and people give friends advice and it's just like, well,

742
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:15,080
Speaker 2: just break up with him. But if you're in that

743
00:38:15,239 --> 00:38:17,520
Speaker 2: extreme situation where that's the case, that's when you need

744
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:20,239
Speaker 2: to really seek like professional help of how to get

745
00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:23,200
Speaker 2: out of the situation safely. Yeah, because a lot of

746
00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:24,960
Speaker 2: the time, like we say on it, like we just

747
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:26,480
Speaker 2: it's very hard for us to put ourselves in the

748
00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:29,000
Speaker 2: vision like just break up. Yeah, sometimes it's not that simple.

749
00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:32,000
Speaker 2: If you're in any of these unhealthy limerents even and

750
00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:35,680
Speaker 2: loving methods, you really need to get an appropriate strategy

751
00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:38,040
Speaker 2: to how to leave safely for both partners.

752
00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:40,600
Speaker 1: In a situation like that one, there needs to be

753
00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:46,879
Speaker 1: a proper, proper way to yeah fuck yeah, no, that's hard.

754
00:38:47,120 --> 00:38:49,040
Speaker 1: Even like what, I don't know if this would be

755
00:38:49,080 --> 00:38:52,560
Speaker 1: the same so that last one was called volatility. Yeah,

756
00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:55,600
Speaker 1: what if even someone was to say, like the healthy

757
00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:57,040
Speaker 1: version is if we broke up and then I'd be

758
00:38:57,080 --> 00:39:01,040
Speaker 1: pretty devoted, but you know I like being alone. Yeah,

759
00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:02,520
Speaker 1: I'd eventually get over it. You know, I want you

760
00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:06,160
Speaker 1: to be happy, go live our lives. What if someone

761
00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:09,840
Speaker 1: was to say, not as extreme as the first example,

762
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:12,200
Speaker 1: but they were like, if we broke up, I would

763
00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:14,920
Speaker 1: never date again. It would ruin me so bad that

764
00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:18,320
Speaker 1: I would never date again. Still that similar, that's like

765
00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:20,440
Speaker 1: a similar It's like putting some sort of responsibility on

766
00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:23,440
Speaker 1: the person that is potentially thinking of breaking up with you.

767
00:39:24,080 --> 00:39:25,759
Speaker 1: If I heard that, though I wouldn't have the same

768
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:28,320
Speaker 1: I would still just be like get over it. I

769
00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:30,239
Speaker 1: wouldn't have the same responses. I wouldn't I couldn't live

770
00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:33,080
Speaker 1: anymore exactly, No, no where near. No, no. No. It's

771
00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:34,719
Speaker 1: a good point. But like I couldn't date anyone else.

772
00:39:34,719 --> 00:39:36,000
Speaker 1: I'll be like, well, that's not my problem, and I

773
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:36,480
Speaker 1: know you will.

774
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:39,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, But like, but the other one, the other, the

775
00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:40,520
Speaker 2: other one is my problem.

776
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:43,120
Speaker 1: The other one feels like a responsibility. Yeah. The one

777
00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:45,040
Speaker 1: I say is kind of like, you'll get over it, Yeah,

778
00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:46,040
Speaker 1: he'll be fine.

779
00:39:46,160 --> 00:39:49,160
Speaker 2: And or we sort of signed a light on love

780
00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:53,000
Speaker 2: being very scary and complicated, but I didn't want to

781
00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:54,479
Speaker 2: take away from the fact that.

782
00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:59,120
Speaker 1: Love is the one thing I think we need to

783
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:01,839
Speaker 1: do more in the world. I think it will save us.

784
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:04,800
Speaker 2: I think it will save us too, because there's something

785
00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:09,439
Speaker 2: there's nothing more pure about love and life, and other

786
00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:13,839
Speaker 2: people really try to take away the beat of your

787
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:16,879
Speaker 2: heart and love and the shining sun that comes out

788
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:18,879
Speaker 2: of your heart and life just begins to make your

789
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:22,600
Speaker 2: love deep, get dark and not be there anymore. And

790
00:40:23,040 --> 00:40:25,720
Speaker 2: I know I just also wanted to, like say, anyone

791
00:40:25,760 --> 00:40:28,520
Speaker 2: who's a big lover and holds their heart on their

792
00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:30,960
Speaker 2: sleeve and opens up to people like we need more

793
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:33,640
Speaker 2: people like that and the things they do out of

794
00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:37,279
Speaker 2: love is beautiful, and yeah, I just think we need

795
00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:38,320
Speaker 2: it more.

796
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:47,759
Speaker 1: Alrighty, guys, thank you so much for that. Was quite

797
00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:50,960
Speaker 1: quite serious episode. It's quite deep love episode, it was.

798
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:56,319
Speaker 1: And we'll finish it with a a page from our

799
00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:58,080
Speaker 1: favorite book, one hundred and nine Things to Say to

800
00:40:58,120 --> 00:41:00,200
Speaker 1: Shadow of the Male ego ow to pistpan off so

801
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:05,600
Speaker 1: contradictory of what we're just talking about. Ah quote, maybe

802
00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:09,640
Speaker 1: you'll feel differently about that when you're older. Mm hmmm,

803
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:11,960
Speaker 1: that would ruin me. I'm not gonna lie. Maybe. Yeah.

804
00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:14,680
Speaker 1: It's like second Guests, and it says some of the

805
00:41:14,719 --> 00:41:18,800
Speaker 1: best things to piss men off are really just verbal

806
00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:22,440
Speaker 1: reverse cards, like in Uno. This line has always been

807
00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:26,840
Speaker 1: a favorite among smug professors and conservative uncles trying to

808
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:31,640
Speaker 1: stamp out any mindset that seems borderline progressive. To pull

809
00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:33,600
Speaker 1: it on them before they can pull it on you

810
00:41:34,040 --> 00:41:37,480
Speaker 1: is the metaphysical equivalent of a sucker punch. And why

811
00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:40,839
Speaker 1: we're on that was it. Yeah, pissing men off. I'll

812
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:43,000
Speaker 1: leave it on.

813
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:45,080
Speaker 2: One thing that pisces me off about men was a

814
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:47,200
Speaker 2: lot of things, because it's one thing in particular is

815
00:41:47,239 --> 00:41:50,560
Speaker 2: if any men has ever made you second guess whether

816
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:52,399
Speaker 2: or not you want to love again because they hurt

817
00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:55,720
Speaker 2: you so much. Fuck men, Fuck men, because anyone listing

818
00:41:56,040 --> 00:41:59,840
Speaker 2: you're the fucking love that we need and don't have

819
00:41:59,880 --> 00:42:00,560
Speaker 2: a stop loving.

820
00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:04,240
Speaker 1: I just read the next one for next week, for Monday,

821
00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:08,440
Speaker 1: and it's really good. Really, it's really good. God, what

822
00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:16,600
Speaker 1: are you guys? We love you. Bye,