Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome to She Rises, Freaky Friday.
Speaker 2: Go Secrets, Horror, Scandal, Hysterios wild.
Speaker 1: I love this time of the week. It's time to
Speaker 1: let your hair down. You've had a hard week of work.
Speaker 1: Just sit back, relax, have a good laugh, or even
Speaker 1: if it's not funny, just sit back, relax and enjoy
Speaker 1: today's episode. Remember, Freaky Friday is not your typical self
Speaker 1: development episode. It's a day where we read out your
Speaker 1: anonymous submissions. And today, Oh it's a bit tricky this one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a push in the edge.
Speaker 1: It is pushing edge.
Speaker 2: But you know what, We're taking the personal development hats
Speaker 2: off this Freaky Friday and we're putting on your old
Speaker 2: ego hats. So grab your girl, grab your name, and
Speaker 2: let's party.
Speaker 1: Let's do it to Tiana.
Speaker 2: So here's our anonymous submission. I absolutely adore my partner.
Speaker 2: We've been together for five years, with a short break
Speaker 2: in between. We are engaged and have recently had our
Speaker 2: second child. He's the best dad and a wonderful partner.
Speaker 2: I honestly couldn't ask for anything more. Yet I can't
Speaker 2: get an old fling out of my head. We never
Speaker 2: actually dated. He and I hung out for a bit
Speaker 2: and we slept together in between our relationship. Over the years,
Speaker 2: we were like best friends. Everything was so easy. How
Speaker 2: do I shake him? How do I let him go?
Speaker 2: Why do I still think about him? Why do I
Speaker 2: dream about him? He constantly reminds me that he is
Speaker 2: around all the time by liking my Instagram stories. No
Speaker 2: matter what, I post a little message here and there.
Speaker 2: And to be honest, I love my partner. I'm loving
Speaker 2: the life that we are building. I love our family.
Speaker 2: How do I close this chapter so I can finally
Speaker 2: move forward freely?
Speaker 1: Oh? Honestly, for me, i'd be pretty cutthroat. It would
Speaker 1: be cut off all ties, all connections. If I truly
Speaker 1: loved my husband and he's the father of my children,
Speaker 1: I just value loyalty and honesty and transparency. I wouldn't
Speaker 1: want to have any chance of getting closer or building
Speaker 1: that connection if I'm happy where I am, So it'd
Speaker 1: be a cut It'd be blocking on Instagram, no contact,
Speaker 1: and I would put that boundary to him as well. Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm really not feeling comfortable with your contacting me. But
Speaker 1: I can hear that she doesn't want that. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: what this is the decision are you wanting to build
Speaker 1: your family be with your husband, because if you continue
Speaker 1: the way you are, or it starts to grow and progress,
Speaker 1: you're not only hurting your partner, but you're putting your
Speaker 1: partner and your whole family and everything you've built in jeopardy.
Speaker 2: It's a really uncomfortable one. I definitely haven't been in
Speaker 2: a relationship with somebody and had feelings for somebody else
Speaker 2: at the same time. I have had a moment where
Speaker 2: I've had feelings for two men at the same time,
Speaker 2: but I was single, yes, because that was conflicting. So
Speaker 2: I can't even imagine what it would be like to
Speaker 2: be married and have children. But this is one of
Speaker 2: those things where if you feed the bread crumbs, it
Speaker 2: will grow. So it's like, what do you value, what
Speaker 2: do you want? What do you truly want out of
Speaker 2: this life? And really having that hard conversation with yourself,
Speaker 2: because if you feed the bread crumbs of the other man,
Speaker 2: the feelings will grow, but if you starve it out
Speaker 2: as well, it will die off. Have to be willing
Speaker 2: to fully let go of it to be able to
Speaker 2: fully be one hundred percent in with the man that
Speaker 2: you're building a life with I.
Speaker 1: Would always ask myself a question, is there something I'm
Speaker 1: not getting in my current relationship that I'm searching or
Speaker 1: desiring for outside? And is that something you want to
Speaker 1: haven't been honest with yourself about to be honest with
Speaker 1: your current partner, because if there's something a need not
Speaker 1: getting met, maybe you're not even aware of it, but
Speaker 1: naturally that person's giving it to you. Is it more attention,
Speaker 1: is it more words of affirmation? Is it more conversation?
Speaker 1: Is it you're feeling a bit lonely in motherhood and
Speaker 1: your partner's working hard and he's not doing anything wrong,
Speaker 1: But are you're needing more from your partner and you're
Speaker 1: getting that need met elsewhere? I think it's really important
Speaker 1: to have open dialogue and always talk to your partner
Speaker 1: about what they're needing and wanting. I know, I always
Speaker 1: want to fulfill my partner's needs. Yeah, you know, physically, emotionally, spiritually, everything.
Speaker 1: I want to make sure that I'm feeling that for him,
Speaker 1: because I would never want the wandering eyes or him
Speaker 1: to feel like he's missing out or the grass is greener.
Speaker 1: I don't want him ever having that thought process. So
Speaker 1: she after nearly seventeen years. It's a conversation we've had
Speaker 1: to have quite often, and there's been times where it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm not getting this need met I want it from you.
Speaker 1: Can you give it? Can you meet me here? Are
Speaker 1: we still aligned? Is this too much for you? And
Speaker 1: you have to have those honest, hard conversations. So that's
Speaker 1: something I would be exploring within myself. Is there something
Speaker 1: I'm not getting that I'm kind of thinking it's easy
Speaker 1: to get over here? Or is it just a thrill?
Speaker 1: Is it just a thrill and it's exciting, it's beg naughty. Yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe that's something you need to bring into your relationship
Speaker 1: now as well.
Speaker 2: Something else that you're missing. Yeah, being like, oh wow,
Speaker 2: my life is feeling quite the same. It's like groundhole
Speaker 2: day every day. Everything's feeling a little dull. It's like
Speaker 2: you get to look at those things. And also, Tatiana
Speaker 2: over here is saying, cut contact girl.
Speaker 1: The first thing that came to me for sure, cut it.
Speaker 1: Let's reverse the roles. Imagine if he was in contact
Speaker 1: with an ex someone that he had been fucking and
Speaker 1: had a connection with, and it felt so easy and nice.
Speaker 1: Imagine me using that language and he's still in contact
Speaker 1: with her, Like, how would you feel? I know, I'd
Speaker 1: be absolutely heartbroken, jealous as fun. Oh, I'd be Stephanie.
Speaker 1: Stephanie would be out. I actually be crying in the corner.
Speaker 1: Stephanie be like you fucking kidding?
Speaker 2: Literally, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: So just put yourself in his shoes, and how would
Speaker 1: he be feeling? And what would you want him to
Speaker 1: do in that situation? How would you want him to
Speaker 1: show up? Would you want him to cut contact, continue
Speaker 1: growing it, keep it a secret from you? Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: how you need to respond and show up and change.
Speaker 2: Especially because there has been times where between your current
Speaker 2: relationship now you've gotten back into contact and slept with
Speaker 2: him again. That is like such messy grounds And like
Speaker 2: I totally get why you feel like it feels messy,
Speaker 2: because it is if it really is, and it just
Speaker 2: it leaves things open, does for you to blow up
Speaker 2: your current life, Like in reality, it does really do
Speaker 2: love and you've.
Speaker 1: Got a beautiful man on your hands, and it's something
Speaker 1: obviously we cannot decide for you. This is we hope
Speaker 1: just this opens up some questions that you can ask
Speaker 1: yourself and reflect on yourself. But yeah, even just putting
Speaker 1: myself in the partner shoes. I just think about Steve
Speaker 1: if he was to be in contact with an exit
Speaker 1: he was fucking and using that language of oh it
Speaker 1: was so easy and nice, we were best friends. I'd
Speaker 1: be like, oh my gosh, my heart's just breaking him
Speaker 1: to a million pieces.
Speaker 2: Yeah, for me, i'd be Tatiana goes into like I
Speaker 2: would be so disrespected. I'd probably be like ropable for
Speaker 2: a moment and I'd be like angry about it and
Speaker 2: just feel disrespected in that moment. So yeah, it just
Speaker 2: depends as well, babe, because it's the boundaries, isn't it.
Speaker 2: It's like the shiny object of the thing that you
Speaker 2: want to entertain is like coming out and like, you know,
Speaker 2: putting itself in front of you to go, hey, like
Speaker 2: you can lean towards this, You're gonna play with this,
Speaker 2: You're gonna push the line of boundaries, you know. So
Speaker 2: it's like you get to have that internal check conversation
Speaker 2: with yourself, Girl, who do I want to be?
Speaker 1: Yes, how do I want to show up?
Speaker 2: Who do I want to be in this relationship?
Speaker 1: For example? Do I want to be to my doughter?
Speaker 2: Because even that entertainment of him messaging here and there,
Speaker 2: allowing him to like on social media is not it.
Speaker 1: It's not it, babe. Can I ask you, Tana or
Speaker 1: Tatiana if you were the guy in this so you're
Speaker 1: partner you with Now he's still messaging someone that I
Speaker 1: used to fuck and he's got this connection with her.
Speaker 1: Would you be okay with that? Is that a game change?
Speaker 1: Is that a hell? No, we're breaking up? Like what
Speaker 1: would you do in this situation if you were him?
Speaker 2: Not negotiable?
Speaker 1: Same? I'm out? Same, Yeah, yeah, i'd be out.
Speaker 2: Wonder lack of loyalty and I'm big on loyalty.
Speaker 1: Both A very big on loyalty.
Speaker 2: Consideration, yeah, consideration her betrayal. Yeah, betrayal is a big thing.
Speaker 2: So yeah, I just would be out. And it's not
Speaker 2: even like a fuck you kind of thing. It's not
Speaker 2: like that. It's just oh cool, like that's what you
Speaker 2: want to be doing. That's okay, you can go do
Speaker 2: that thing with that side. Like I'm a priority like
Speaker 2: I want to be and hope that i'd be a
Speaker 2: priority to you. And through people's actions you kind of
Speaker 2: learn where you sit on the scale. And if I
Speaker 2: found that out, i'd be out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, how about you very similar verry out? I just
Speaker 1: wouldn't allow it. Yeah, we're so big on loyalty, we are.
Speaker 1: I think we struggle with people that are not as
Speaker 1: big on layal to that. We have these conversations.
Speaker 2: All the time.
Speaker 1: All the time, we're like, oh, but maybe they just
Speaker 1: don't value loyal to as much, Like maybe I should
Speaker 1: not value it so much? Am I being too harsh?
Speaker 1: And you're good at pulling out? You're like, no, that's
Speaker 1: what you value and you stand by that. If you
Speaker 1: value that, you deserve that.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I hope that answer to your question. We hope
Speaker 1: that helps you explore what's coming up for you, because
Speaker 1: there's a reason why this is happening. It's just figuring
Speaker 1: it out and deciding who you want to be, how
Speaker 1: you want to show up, how you're hurting a partner,
Speaker 1: and what these outcomes could be if you continue, and
Speaker 1: how are you going to be okay with that?
Speaker 2: That's right acknowledging the consequences of your current behavior, babes,
Speaker 2: and just going like, is this something I'm going to
Speaker 2: be okay living with if this were to blow.
Speaker 1: Up in my face?
Speaker 2: Because there's a potential that it can, which is a
Speaker 2: scary thing, and not to put pressure on you at
Speaker 2: all of how you're feeling, but at the end of
Speaker 2: the day, you would know how you're feeling, what it's
Speaker 2: bringing up for you, and that potentially not doing the
Speaker 2: right thing at that moment.
Speaker 1: I think it could be a pretty if you love
Speaker 1: you truly love your husband like you've said, which really
Speaker 1: sounds like you do, and he's amazing, cut the contact, Yeah,
Speaker 1: cut the cord out.
Speaker 2: Eight hundred pcent And you know what, babe, as well,
Speaker 2: it doesn't take away from the emotion that you felt
Speaker 2: with this other person, doesn't take away from that. You
Speaker 2: still get to that experience. But it's also like that
Speaker 2: part of your life is done now.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a chapter close.
Speaker 2: It's being willing to like gol of it, yeah, letting
Speaker 2: it go, letting it be in the past, letting it
Speaker 2: be an experience that you once had and it felt
Speaker 2: really good at one point in your life, but that's
Speaker 2: not for you now and being okay with that, or
Speaker 2: if you don't feel aligned with that, then it's looking out. Okay,
Speaker 2: are you in the right relationship now?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: There's two ways that you can look at this, that's
Speaker 2: a whole lot of kettle fish.
Speaker 1: And dreams don't have to mean anything. Like, I've had
Speaker 1: plenty of dreams too. You have plenty of dreams yea
Speaker 1: about different people. Yeah, we've had sexual dreams sometimes, and
Speaker 1: he shares with me. I'm like, ah, what happened next?
Speaker 1: But you know it doesn't have to mean anything. I
Speaker 1: just want to get too caught up in that because
Speaker 1: it's on your conscious mind. You're thinking about him, you're
Speaker 1: in contact with him, you're connected with him. So when
Speaker 1: you go to sleep at night, it reappears.
Speaker 2: And you know what it sounds to me. And I
Speaker 2: don't know if this is right or not, but this
Speaker 2: is what I hear that you want it to mean something.
Speaker 2: You want the dreams to mean something. You want the
Speaker 2: feelings to mean something. You want it to mean something.
Speaker 2: So look at what you feel like you're lacking in
Speaker 2: your relationship. Now, look at what you're lacking within yourself,
Speaker 2: and unpack it from that angle. But don't make something
Speaker 2: that you're feeling mean something that it doesn't have to mean.
Speaker 1: Beautifully sad, Yeah, we would love an update.
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you please send us a message.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can stay anonymous and pop it back into
Speaker 1: the Freaky Friday's submission form, which if anyone wants to
Speaker 1: submit anything, it'll be in the description box below. It's
Speaker 1: also in our Shoe Rises forum. But if you're open
Speaker 1: to it, we'd love to hear how you go. If
Speaker 1: you've decided to cut the cord, if you decided to
Speaker 1: leave your marriage, If you can't do either, give us
Speaker 1: an update. We'd love to stay updated. And nothing but
Speaker 1: love here one hundred percent, and yeah.
Speaker 2: We hope to hear from you soon at the end
Speaker 2: of the day as well. Like this is also Freaky Friday,
Speaker 2: this is a little bit less personal development than what
Speaker 2: we would normally do.
Speaker 1: So Besti's just giving some unqualified, yes, spicy advice.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know what, direct and not cutthroat, but
Speaker 2: just very no bullshit kind of response.
Speaker 1: And you know what, if take it with a grain
Speaker 1: of salt, yes, And if one of us was this
Speaker 1: was happening, if you came to me and said, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm with Lee and I've started messaging my ex and
Speaker 1: you know, I know I shouldn't, but he's I would be.
Speaker 3: Like, yeah, noa, we're not doing that. You're not doing
Speaker 3: that to You're not doing that to yourself. No, do
Speaker 3: that to see, No way you would pull me up.
Speaker 3: In less than a second, we're like, we're not doing this.
Speaker 2: Not at all. There's things that we wouldn't let fly
Speaker 2: and we're not going to allow them to fly with
Speaker 2: you as well, because we want the best for you exactly,
Speaker 2: and we want you to be proud of yourself as well.
Speaker 1: And it takes these.
Speaker 2: Hard conversations to be able to get to that person.
Speaker 1: I love that we're holding you to a higher standard,
Speaker 1: just as we would each other. Absolutely, this isn't us
Speaker 1: personally attacking you or anything. We would do this to
Speaker 1: each other, done with love. So give us an update
Speaker 1: and thank you so much for all listening. We'll see
Speaker 1: you on Monday. Bye guys,