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Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome to She Rises, Freaky Friday.

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Speaker 2: Go Secrets, Horror, Scandal, Hysterios wild.

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Speaker 1: I love this time of the week. It's time to

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Speaker 1: let your hair down. You've had a hard week of work.

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Speaker 1: Just sit back, relax, have a good laugh, or even

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Speaker 1: if it's not funny, just sit back, relax and enjoy

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Speaker 1: today's episode. Remember, Freaky Friday is not your typical self

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Speaker 1: development episode. It's a day where we read out your

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Speaker 1: anonymous submissions. And today, Oh it's a bit tricky this one.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a push in the edge.

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Speaker 1: It is pushing edge.

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Speaker 2: But you know what, We're taking the personal development hats

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Speaker 2: off this Freaky Friday and we're putting on your old

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Speaker 2: ego hats. So grab your girl, grab your name, and

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Speaker 2: let's party.

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Speaker 1: Let's do it to Tiana.

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Speaker 2: So here's our anonymous submission. I absolutely adore my partner.

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Speaker 2: We've been together for five years, with a short break

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Speaker 2: in between. We are engaged and have recently had our

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Speaker 2: second child. He's the best dad and a wonderful partner.

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Speaker 2: I honestly couldn't ask for anything more. Yet I can't

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Speaker 2: get an old fling out of my head. We never

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Speaker 2: actually dated. He and I hung out for a bit

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Speaker 2: and we slept together in between our relationship. Over the years,

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Speaker 2: we were like best friends. Everything was so easy. How

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Speaker 2: do I shake him? How do I let him go?

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Speaker 2: Why do I still think about him? Why do I

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Speaker 2: dream about him? He constantly reminds me that he is

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Speaker 2: around all the time by liking my Instagram stories. No

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Speaker 2: matter what, I post a little message here and there.

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Speaker 2: And to be honest, I love my partner. I'm loving

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Speaker 2: the life that we are building. I love our family.

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Speaker 2: How do I close this chapter so I can finally

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Speaker 2: move forward freely?

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Speaker 1: Oh? Honestly, for me, i'd be pretty cutthroat. It would

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Speaker 1: be cut off all ties, all connections. If I truly

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Speaker 1: loved my husband and he's the father of my children,

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Speaker 1: I just value loyalty and honesty and transparency. I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: want to have any chance of getting closer or building

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Speaker 1: that connection if I'm happy where I am, So it'd

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Speaker 1: be a cut It'd be blocking on Instagram, no contact,

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Speaker 1: and I would put that boundary to him as well. Hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm really not feeling comfortable with your contacting me. But

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Speaker 1: I can hear that she doesn't want that. Yeah, but

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Speaker 1: what this is the decision are you wanting to build

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Speaker 1: your family be with your husband, because if you continue

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Speaker 1: the way you are, or it starts to grow and progress,

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Speaker 1: you're not only hurting your partner, but you're putting your

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Speaker 1: partner and your whole family and everything you've built in jeopardy.

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Speaker 2: It's a really uncomfortable one. I definitely haven't been in

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Speaker 2: a relationship with somebody and had feelings for somebody else

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Speaker 2: at the same time. I have had a moment where

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Speaker 2: I've had feelings for two men at the same time,

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Speaker 2: but I was single, yes, because that was conflicting. So

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Speaker 2: I can't even imagine what it would be like to

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Speaker 2: be married and have children. But this is one of

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Speaker 2: those things where if you feed the bread crumbs, it

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Speaker 2: will grow. So it's like, what do you value, what

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Speaker 2: do you want? What do you truly want out of

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Speaker 2: this life? And really having that hard conversation with yourself,

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Speaker 2: because if you feed the bread crumbs of the other man,

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Speaker 2: the feelings will grow, but if you starve it out

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Speaker 2: as well, it will die off. Have to be willing

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Speaker 2: to fully let go of it to be able to

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Speaker 2: fully be one hundred percent in with the man that

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Speaker 2: you're building a life with I.

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Speaker 1: Would always ask myself a question, is there something I'm

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Speaker 1: not getting in my current relationship that I'm searching or

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Speaker 1: desiring for outside? And is that something you want to

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Speaker 1: haven't been honest with yourself about to be honest with

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Speaker 1: your current partner, because if there's something a need not

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Speaker 1: getting met, maybe you're not even aware of it, but

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Speaker 1: naturally that person's giving it to you. Is it more attention,

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Speaker 1: is it more words of affirmation? Is it more conversation?

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Speaker 1: Is it you're feeling a bit lonely in motherhood and

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Speaker 1: your partner's working hard and he's not doing anything wrong,

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Speaker 1: But are you're needing more from your partner and you're

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Speaker 1: getting that need met elsewhere? I think it's really important

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Speaker 1: to have open dialogue and always talk to your partner

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Speaker 1: about what they're needing and wanting. I know, I always

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Speaker 1: want to fulfill my partner's needs. Yeah, you know, physically, emotionally, spiritually, everything.

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Speaker 1: I want to make sure that I'm feeling that for him,

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Speaker 1: because I would never want the wandering eyes or him

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Speaker 1: to feel like he's missing out or the grass is greener.

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Speaker 1: I don't want him ever having that thought process. So

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Speaker 1: she after nearly seventeen years. It's a conversation we've had

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Speaker 1: to have quite often, and there's been times where it's like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm not getting this need met I want it from you.

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Speaker 1: Can you give it? Can you meet me here? Are

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Speaker 1: we still aligned? Is this too much for you? And

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Speaker 1: you have to have those honest, hard conversations. So that's

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Speaker 1: something I would be exploring within myself. Is there something

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Speaker 1: I'm not getting that I'm kind of thinking it's easy

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Speaker 1: to get over here? Or is it just a thrill?

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Speaker 1: Is it just a thrill and it's exciting, it's beg naughty. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: maybe that's something you need to bring into your relationship

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Speaker 1: now as well.

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Speaker 2: Something else that you're missing. Yeah, being like, oh wow,

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Speaker 2: my life is feeling quite the same. It's like groundhole

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Speaker 2: day every day. Everything's feeling a little dull. It's like

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Speaker 2: you get to look at those things. And also, Tatiana

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Speaker 2: over here is saying, cut contact girl.

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Speaker 1: The first thing that came to me for sure, cut it.

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Speaker 1: Let's reverse the roles. Imagine if he was in contact

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Speaker 1: with an ex someone that he had been fucking and

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Speaker 1: had a connection with, and it felt so easy and nice.

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Speaker 1: Imagine me using that language and he's still in contact

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Speaker 1: with her, Like, how would you feel? I know, I'd

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Speaker 1: be absolutely heartbroken, jealous as fun. Oh, I'd be Stephanie.

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Speaker 1: Stephanie would be out. I actually be crying in the corner.

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Speaker 1: Stephanie be like you fucking kidding?

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Speaker 2: Literally, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 1: So just put yourself in his shoes, and how would

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Speaker 1: he be feeling? And what would you want him to

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Speaker 1: do in that situation? How would you want him to

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Speaker 1: show up? Would you want him to cut contact, continue

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Speaker 1: growing it, keep it a secret from you? Yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: how you need to respond and show up and change.

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Speaker 2: Especially because there has been times where between your current

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Speaker 2: relationship now you've gotten back into contact and slept with

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Speaker 2: him again. That is like such messy grounds And like

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Speaker 2: I totally get why you feel like it feels messy,

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Speaker 2: because it is if it really is, and it just

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Speaker 2: it leaves things open, does for you to blow up

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Speaker 2: your current life, Like in reality, it does really do

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Speaker 2: love and you've.

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Speaker 1: Got a beautiful man on your hands, and it's something

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Speaker 1: obviously we cannot decide for you. This is we hope

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Speaker 1: just this opens up some questions that you can ask

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Speaker 1: yourself and reflect on yourself. But yeah, even just putting

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Speaker 1: myself in the partner shoes. I just think about Steve

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Speaker 1: if he was to be in contact with an exit

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Speaker 1: he was fucking and using that language of oh it

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Speaker 1: was so easy and nice, we were best friends. I'd

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Speaker 1: be like, oh my gosh, my heart's just breaking him

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Speaker 1: to a million pieces.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, for me, i'd be Tatiana goes into like I

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Speaker 2: would be so disrespected. I'd probably be like ropable for

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Speaker 2: a moment and I'd be like angry about it and

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Speaker 2: just feel disrespected in that moment. So yeah, it just

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Speaker 2: depends as well, babe, because it's the boundaries, isn't it.

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Speaker 2: It's like the shiny object of the thing that you

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Speaker 2: want to entertain is like coming out and like, you know,

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Speaker 2: putting itself in front of you to go, hey, like

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Speaker 2: you can lean towards this, You're gonna play with this,

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Speaker 2: You're gonna push the line of boundaries, you know. So

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Speaker 2: it's like you get to have that internal check conversation

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Speaker 2: with yourself, Girl, who do I want to be?

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Speaker 1: Yes, how do I want to show up?

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Speaker 2: Who do I want to be in this relationship?

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Speaker 1: For example? Do I want to be to my doughter?

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Speaker 2: Because even that entertainment of him messaging here and there,

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Speaker 2: allowing him to like on social media is not it.

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Speaker 1: It's not it, babe. Can I ask you, Tana or

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Speaker 1: Tatiana if you were the guy in this so you're

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Speaker 1: partner you with Now he's still messaging someone that I

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Speaker 1: used to fuck and he's got this connection with her.

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Speaker 1: Would you be okay with that? Is that a game change?

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Speaker 1: Is that a hell? No, we're breaking up? Like what

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Speaker 1: would you do in this situation if you were him?

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Speaker 2: Not negotiable?

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Speaker 1: Same? I'm out? Same, Yeah, yeah, i'd be out.

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Speaker 2: Wonder lack of loyalty and I'm big on loyalty.

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Speaker 1: Both A very big on loyalty.

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Speaker 2: Consideration, yeah, consideration her betrayal. Yeah, betrayal is a big thing.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, I just would be out. And it's not

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Speaker 2: even like a fuck you kind of thing. It's not

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Speaker 2: like that. It's just oh cool, like that's what you

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Speaker 2: want to be doing. That's okay, you can go do

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Speaker 2: that thing with that side. Like I'm a priority like

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Speaker 2: I want to be and hope that i'd be a

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Speaker 2: priority to you. And through people's actions you kind of

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Speaker 2: learn where you sit on the scale. And if I

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Speaker 2: found that out, i'd be out.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, how about you very similar verry out? I just

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Speaker 1: wouldn't allow it. Yeah, we're so big on loyalty, we are.

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Speaker 1: I think we struggle with people that are not as

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Speaker 1: big on layal to that. We have these conversations.

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Speaker 2: All the time.

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Speaker 1: All the time, we're like, oh, but maybe they just

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Speaker 1: don't value loyal to as much, Like maybe I should

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Speaker 1: not value it so much? Am I being too harsh?

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Speaker 1: And you're good at pulling out? You're like, no, that's

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Speaker 1: what you value and you stand by that. If you

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Speaker 1: value that, you deserve that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So I hope that answer to your question. We hope

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Speaker 1: that helps you explore what's coming up for you, because

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Speaker 1: there's a reason why this is happening. It's just figuring

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Speaker 1: it out and deciding who you want to be, how

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Speaker 1: you want to show up, how you're hurting a partner,

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Speaker 1: and what these outcomes could be if you continue, and

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Speaker 1: how are you going to be okay with that?

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Speaker 2: That's right acknowledging the consequences of your current behavior, babes,

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Speaker 2: and just going like, is this something I'm going to

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Speaker 2: be okay living with if this were to blow.

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Speaker 1: Up in my face?

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Speaker 2: Because there's a potential that it can, which is a

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Speaker 2: scary thing, and not to put pressure on you at

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Speaker 2: all of how you're feeling, but at the end of

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Speaker 2: the day, you would know how you're feeling, what it's

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Speaker 2: bringing up for you, and that potentially not doing the

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Speaker 2: right thing at that moment.

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Speaker 1: I think it could be a pretty if you love

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Speaker 1: you truly love your husband like you've said, which really

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Speaker 1: sounds like you do, and he's amazing, cut the contact, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: cut the cord out.

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Speaker 2: Eight hundred pcent And you know what, babe, as well,

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Speaker 2: it doesn't take away from the emotion that you felt

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Speaker 2: with this other person, doesn't take away from that. You

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Speaker 2: still get to that experience. But it's also like that

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Speaker 2: part of your life is done now.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a chapter close.

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Speaker 2: It's being willing to like gol of it, yeah, letting

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Speaker 2: it go, letting it be in the past, letting it

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Speaker 2: be an experience that you once had and it felt

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Speaker 2: really good at one point in your life, but that's

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Speaker 2: not for you now and being okay with that, or

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Speaker 2: if you don't feel aligned with that, then it's looking out. Okay,

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Speaker 2: are you in the right relationship now?

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Speaker 1: Yes?

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Speaker 2: There's two ways that you can look at this, that's

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Speaker 2: a whole lot of kettle fish.

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Speaker 1: And dreams don't have to mean anything. Like, I've had

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Speaker 1: plenty of dreams too. You have plenty of dreams yea

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Speaker 1: about different people. Yeah, we've had sexual dreams sometimes, and

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Speaker 1: he shares with me. I'm like, ah, what happened next?

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Speaker 1: But you know it doesn't have to mean anything. I

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Speaker 1: just want to get too caught up in that because

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Speaker 1: it's on your conscious mind. You're thinking about him, you're

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Speaker 1: in contact with him, you're connected with him. So when

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Speaker 1: you go to sleep at night, it reappears.

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Speaker 2: And you know what it sounds to me. And I

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Speaker 2: don't know if this is right or not, but this

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Speaker 2: is what I hear that you want it to mean something.

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Speaker 2: You want the dreams to mean something. You want the

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Speaker 2: feelings to mean something. You want it to mean something.

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Speaker 2: So look at what you feel like you're lacking in

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Speaker 2: your relationship. Now, look at what you're lacking within yourself,

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Speaker 2: and unpack it from that angle. But don't make something

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Speaker 2: that you're feeling mean something that it doesn't have to mean.

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Speaker 1: Beautifully sad, Yeah, we would love an update.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, if you please send us a message.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you can stay anonymous and pop it back into

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Speaker 1: the Freaky Friday's submission form, which if anyone wants to

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Speaker 1: submit anything, it'll be in the description box below. It's

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Speaker 1: also in our Shoe Rises forum. But if you're open

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Speaker 1: to it, we'd love to hear how you go. If

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Speaker 1: you've decided to cut the cord, if you decided to

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Speaker 1: leave your marriage, If you can't do either, give us

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Speaker 1: an update. We'd love to stay updated. And nothing but

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Speaker 1: love here one hundred percent, and yeah.

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Speaker 2: We hope to hear from you soon at the end

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Speaker 2: of the day as well. Like this is also Freaky Friday,

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Speaker 2: this is a little bit less personal development than what

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Speaker 2: we would normally do.

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Speaker 1: So Besti's just giving some unqualified, yes, spicy advice.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know what, direct and not cutthroat, but

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Speaker 2: just very no bullshit kind of response.

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Speaker 1: And you know what, if take it with a grain

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Speaker 1: of salt, yes, And if one of us was this

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Speaker 1: was happening, if you came to me and said, hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm with Lee and I've started messaging my ex and

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Speaker 1: you know, I know I shouldn't, but he's I would be.

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Speaker 3: Like, yeah, noa, we're not doing that. You're not doing

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Speaker 3: that to You're not doing that to yourself. No, do

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Speaker 3: that to see, No way you would pull me up.

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Speaker 3: In less than a second, we're like, we're not doing this.

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Speaker 2: Not at all. There's things that we wouldn't let fly

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Speaker 2: and we're not going to allow them to fly with

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Speaker 2: you as well, because we want the best for you exactly,

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Speaker 2: and we want you to be proud of yourself as well.

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Speaker 1: And it takes these.

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Speaker 2: Hard conversations to be able to get to that person.

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Speaker 1: I love that we're holding you to a higher standard,

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Speaker 1: just as we would each other. Absolutely, this isn't us

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Speaker 1: personally attacking you or anything. We would do this to

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Speaker 1: each other, done with love. So give us an update

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Speaker 1: and thank you so much for all listening. We'll see

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Speaker 1: you on Monday. Bye guys,