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Speaker 1: Apogae Production.

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Speaker 2: Welcome back to another episode ab am I A Bad

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Speaker 2: Mom Podcast. We were just chatting before we hit record

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Speaker 2: about it's one of those times like this is a

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Speaker 2: good day today for me to record am I a

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Speaker 2: Bad Mum? Because I feel like a fucking shit one.

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Speaker 2: I do feel like a shit one. And I had

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Speaker 2: a moment this morning of saying to one daughter in particular,

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Speaker 2: I'm so done with this. We have like a couple

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Speaker 2: of good weeks, the normal stuff, the being a nag

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Speaker 2: and like the kind of not too serious mum battles,

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Speaker 2: and then every now and then it's like, bam, im,

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Speaker 2: like I have reached my limit of being corn down,

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Speaker 2: ripped apart, fucking trampled on.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's gonna be hormonal, I reckon for your household too,

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Speaker 3: Like it's almost like you would.

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Speaker 1: Be all in cycle of like.

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Speaker 3: We're good, we're good, week one, week two, week three,

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Speaker 3: week four, just gonna go all off. Yeah, I think weird. Hormonally,

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Speaker 3: we're all it's all sinking. It is like World War three. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: in our household.

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Speaker 2: Do you remember five years before girls start their periods

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Speaker 2: is when all that starts changing.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I get yeah, I feel yeah, well, I don't know.

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Speaker 3: Maybe it's like it's something in the ether, something like energetically,

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Speaker 3: like I felt so flat this morning, and I mean

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Speaker 3: it's perfect that we're recording because I drove here going, why.

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Speaker 1: The fuck do we do this? Like what is my

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Speaker 1: purpose today? Oh? No, you mom don't have a purpose.

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Speaker 1: You just got to go and do all the shitty jobs.

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Speaker 3: That you spend your money on, the shitty jobs so

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Speaker 3: that we can like trash it and then you've got

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Speaker 3: to fix it.

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Speaker 1: I don't understand.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And then I don't know about you. But then

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Speaker 2: I go through a cycle of resentment. I did it

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Speaker 2: this morning. Rate. I looked in the mirror and I went,

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Speaker 2: I looked in the mirror, and I went, GESZ, you

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Speaker 2: need to get your teeth fixed. When we talk about

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Speaker 2: being kind to yourself, right, this is a great example

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Speaker 2: of what not to do. So we should be being

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Speaker 2: kind to ourself right looking in the mirror, GZ, you

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Speaker 2: need to get your teeth fixed. And then I had

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Speaker 2: this moment of resentment, going, I spent fourteen thousand dollars

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Speaker 2: on my kid's teeth having braces. Why am I not

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Speaker 2: doing that for myself?

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Speaker 1: Great question?

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Speaker 2: Have I've spent all the money, but it's also is

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Speaker 2: there a deserving part, like if we're going to go deep,

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Speaker 2: is there a part where you go as a mom,

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Speaker 2: I need to be spending my money and doing things

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Speaker 2: for my kids and not for myself. And I remember

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Speaker 2: hearing someone say once stop spending all your money on

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Speaker 2: cute little outfits for your kids. You need a new bra.

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Speaker 1: It's so true or underwear. I agree, I completely agree.

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Speaker 3: I also am at the other end of it. I

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Speaker 3: hear you say these things, and I laugh about it

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Speaker 3: with my two girls because obviously one requires an orthodontist

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Speaker 3: appointment every twelve months and the other one doesn't. But

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Speaker 3: it's like this competition because one might be getting braces

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Speaker 3: and one isn't getting races, And I'm looking at the

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Speaker 3: one that isn't getting braces and going, you should be grateful.

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Speaker 1: You've got beautiful teeth, so be happy and proud.

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Speaker 3: I agree those for you I designed you came out

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Speaker 3: of my body. Thank me later, whereas the other one

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Speaker 3: is like, ah, yeah, well you know what, I don't

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Speaker 3: know that I really want braces.

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Speaker 1: Sweet. That is so good.

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Speaker 3: And I looked at her and the car as we're

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Speaker 3: going to this orthodon disappointment going. If you don't want

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Speaker 3: to go, trust me, we don't have to go. I

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Speaker 3: didn't get any of these privileges. This is a privilege

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Speaker 3: for me to do this for you. I did mine

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Speaker 3: after I had you two girls. Yeah, I fixed my

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Speaker 3: own teeth then. I didn't have my parents paying for

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Speaker 3: me to get my teeth fixed then, or like, trust me,

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Speaker 3: my wisdom teeth came out.

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Speaker 1: I had to pay for that. I had to like,

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Speaker 1: no one paid for it. I paid for it.

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Speaker 3: So, girlfriend, if you don't want this, I'm totally fine

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Speaker 3: with it because you're gonna save me a whole lot

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Speaker 3: of money. And when you do get it done later

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Speaker 3: in life and you are paying the bill, you were

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Speaker 3: going and appreciate this more.

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Speaker 1: She just looked at me. I was like, so, where

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Speaker 1: we at? Where we at?

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Speaker 3: We we're calling up, we're going in. We're not going in,

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Speaker 3: Like what are we doing? She's like, Oh, I suppose

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Speaker 3: we'll just go in and do the check up. Then

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Speaker 3: I don't know if I want it.

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Speaker 1: I said, great, let's do the check up. After that,

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Speaker 1: you're on your own. Kid. She's like, oh mom, I'm ten.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, of course you are I'm one hundred percent

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Speaker 3: like that with UK.

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Speaker 1: I just go.

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Speaker 3: If you want to do it, and you want to

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Speaker 3: spend the money on yourself, do it honestly.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because then that resentment really isn't their fault.

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Speaker 1: It's not theirs, that's yours.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's mine.

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Speaker 1: That's your baggage.

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Speaker 3: Whether you're willing to carry the baggage with you and

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Speaker 3: continue on the resentment, or leave the baggage there, fix

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Speaker 3: what you want to fix, and then stop delivering them

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Speaker 3: anything else.

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Speaker 1: They've got to earn the shit.

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Speaker 2: They've already done it.

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Speaker 1: I've already spent all that money on them. There's lots

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Speaker 1: more coming that's going to be required. Yeah, look you're

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Speaker 1: like that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah No, I had awards eighteen and then I am done.

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Speaker 2: I know.

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Speaker 3: Look we say that, but this day and age, we've

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Speaker 3: all got kids hanging on till they're thirty.

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Speaker 1: I know. Planning that well, we're not planning any of it.

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Speaker 1: It'll just fucking kiss just keeps it happening.

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Speaker 2: Am I bad mum for refusing to pick them up?

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Speaker 1: Oh right? Perfect?

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Speaker 2: As we said before, perfect day for it. I am

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Speaker 2: coming into this recording session jam packed full of content

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Speaker 2: after what happened last night. So my girls are currently

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Speaker 2: down on the Gold Coast staying at a hotel to

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Speaker 2: do a hospitality course with school. Right, so they're there.

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Speaker 2: They learn all parts of the hotel, from room service

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Speaker 2: to the restaurant to making mocktails. So the girls are

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Speaker 2: in a room together. I highly expect that there has

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Speaker 2: been some late nights and some watching shows on their

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Speaker 2: laptops a lot later than I would normally allow. I

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Speaker 2: get a phone call yesterday, so this is night three.

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Speaker 2: Oh mum, we feel so sick, just not feeling well.

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Speaker 2: I think it's food poisoning. I expect for this to happen.

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Speaker 2: This happens after sleepovers, this happens after school camp. It's

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Speaker 2: a combination of burning the candle at both ends, overtired,

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Speaker 2: eating shit, you know, none of the things that happened

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Speaker 2: at home. And they're banging on at me about how

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Speaker 2: sick they are. I went, I can't do anything about

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Speaker 2: this because I'm not there. Go and tell your teacher.

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Speaker 1: They also went hour and a half away. Yeah, they're

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Speaker 1: not around the corner at school.

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Speaker 2: So rach I get a call from the teacher. I

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Speaker 2: didn't answer at first because I'm watching a show. My

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Speaker 2: phone's on silent. I got sick of the text message

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Speaker 2: after text message of something I couldn't do anything about,

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Speaker 2: and my phone just keeps ringing, and so I answer it, Yes, Hello,

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Speaker 2: and it's the teacher there. I'm on speakerphone. Yeah, both

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Speaker 2: the girls are there, going we don't feel very well,

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Speaker 2: and the teacher is there. And then another teachers come

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Speaker 2: and joined in. She said, you're going to have to

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Speaker 2: come and pick them up.

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Speaker 1: I was like, no, they just put them in their room. Honestly.

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Speaker 2: Rach like, you're going to have to come and pick

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Speaker 2: them up. I was like, okay. Couple of red flags

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Speaker 2: for me. First of all, I know my children. I've

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Speaker 2: known them for sixteen years. They're arguing with me right now,

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Speaker 2: so that is not very sick in my mind. They've

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Speaker 2: had two nights of probably not sleeping very much. Again,

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Speaker 2: I know my kids.

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Speaker 3: You would set meals and be like, okay, like you know,

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Speaker 3: at least you know they're having three meals.

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Speaker 2: And there would be vegetables in there, and there would

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Speaker 2: be stuff.

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Speaker 1: They're probably not even eating.

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Speaker 3: They're probably just like picking and being like flaky about that.

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Speaker 1: So then they'd feel off with that.

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Speaker 2: They'll be eating chips, they'll be drinking coke like, they'll

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Speaker 2: be having not much sleep like actual Yeah, they'll be

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Speaker 2: on screens a lot more like the whole thing screens

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Speaker 2: to me. Of course you're feeling sick, yeah, of course.

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Speaker 2: And so when I bring this up, I've got the

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Speaker 2: girls arguing, she never believes that, and the teacher's going,

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Speaker 2: I think you should come pick them up. At this point,

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Speaker 2: rach it's eleven fifteen and you and I'm like, you

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Speaker 2: want me to get in the car now, drive for

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Speaker 2: an hour and a half. I'm going to get to

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Speaker 2: you at about one am. I'm then going to turn

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Speaker 2: around and I'm going to drive all the way home

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Speaker 2: and I'm going to get home probably around two thirty am. Yep,

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Speaker 2: for them to get into bed and go to sleep.

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Speaker 2: Same as what's going to happen there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, just go to sleep.

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Speaker 3: Now, Why wouldn't they be doing this, I don't know,

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Speaker 3: making you look like you don't care.

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Speaker 2: As I was talking, I was like, I am sounding

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Speaker 2: like a bad mum. And so then this morning rage,

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Speaker 2: I get it all. I get the attack of any

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Speaker 2: other mom would come and pick their kids up. You

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Speaker 2: didn't care about us, You just let us be here sick.

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Speaker 2: We didn't know what to do. I got to the

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Speaker 2: point where I was like, I'm so done.

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Speaker 3: You would have been damned if you do and damned

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Speaker 3: if you don't. Yeah, So even if you drove down

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Speaker 3: there and did it, there would have been a fucking

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Speaker 3: rigmarole of.

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Speaker 1: No, you're not good enough if you still weren't here

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Speaker 1: at this.

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Speaker 3: Time now and then the same things you just want

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Speaker 3: to come, Yeah, you would have been damned if you do,

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Speaker 3: damned if you don't. Yeah, you're not gonna Whatever came

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Speaker 3: out of this situation of going down at eleven thirty

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Speaker 3: last night and then or today one hundred percent was

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Speaker 3: never going to be good enough because they were out

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Speaker 3: of sort.

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Speaker 2: Attack. Attack attack. Remind Mom that she's a shit parent.

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Speaker 2: Remind Mom that everyone else would have done it. Remind

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Speaker 2: Mom that the teachers think you're the worst mum ever.

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Speaker 2: I got to the point where I was like, I

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Speaker 2: wouldn't be speaking with my high school bully right now.

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Speaker 2: I'd be moving on with life and surrounding myself with

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Speaker 2: people that value me. Yeah, and so why in our

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Speaker 2: own homes and our own the people we love the

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Speaker 2: most in all the world are making us feel so shit.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I know.

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Speaker 2: I say this all the time. I know I do.

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Speaker 2: Any mums out there who are going to have teenagers,

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Speaker 2: you know, at some point do the work on yourself.

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Speaker 2: You have to start doing the work on yourself now,

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Speaker 2: because when you get to the stage where you are

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Speaker 2: you ripped apart. Rach I spent half an hour on

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Speaker 2: fucking ticket tech getting the med cheering tickets.

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Speaker 3: I think there's more in it for you to learn,

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Speaker 3: Katie than them. It's kind of like that else was

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Speaker 3: going off for me and she was like this, and

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Speaker 3: she's like that, why no? And I was like, because

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Speaker 3: for the same reason, I don't have to explain yes.

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Speaker 3: When I say yes to you, I don't have to

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Speaker 3: explain no. I'm not going to give you an explanation.

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Speaker 3: The answer is just clearly no. You are, you know,

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Speaker 3: going off her head and all the rest they were

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Speaker 3: at me and at me, and I've asked and I've

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Speaker 3: started off calm. By the end of it, I was like,

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Speaker 3: fuck you both, I'm leaving right now. Ah, but we

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Speaker 3: haven't got with this and we haven't got that. Hey,

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Speaker 3: you can't leave without us, No, no I am. We

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Speaker 3: got in the car and I was just like, do

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Speaker 3: you know what?

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Speaker 1: I said?

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Speaker 3: I am a fucking good parent, and I am a

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Speaker 3: good person. I said, but see how elevated I had

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Speaker 3: to get in order for you to just hear me,

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Speaker 3: I said. Do you think I like speaking and hearing

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Speaker 3: my own voice? No?

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Speaker 1: I don't, I.

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Speaker 3: Said, but you know, in my head, I was like, oh,

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Speaker 3: this is nice. We'll go and do this because we

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Speaker 3: had to run one errand then we'll go to like

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Speaker 3: Brookside and grab a Boost Juice together, and we'll like

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Speaker 3: hang out and.

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Speaker 1: Let's go look in city Beach. That's what I had

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Speaker 1: planned in my head. I said, But now that we're here,

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Speaker 1: fuck that. I'm not taking you anywhere. You can sit

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Speaker 1: in the car around the erran and drive home.

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Speaker 3: And then they started that I'm so sorry. I said, no,

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Speaker 3: see this is the thing. If I choose to now

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Speaker 3: go oh, I accept your apology, the next time this

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Speaker 3: comes around, it'll still keep happening. I said, So no,

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Speaker 3: no Boostjuice, no brook Side, No, I think it was

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Speaker 3: cotton On that else wanted to go to.

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Speaker 1: No cotton On nothing.

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Speaker 3: I need you to know that in my head, that's

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Speaker 3: what I had planned for you, because it was nice

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Speaker 3: now that you.

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Speaker 1: Fucked me over. I was like, I cannot reward you

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Speaker 1: for this shit behavior.

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Speaker 2: Okay, it's just that, like, let's rip mom apart because

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Speaker 2: she'll just bounce back.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, And it's actually not okay.

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Speaker 3: Where do you show up with the same kindness and

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Speaker 3: respect that you expect from me. There's actually a really

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Speaker 3: good piece just to wrap this up, Mel Robbins, in

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Speaker 3: that book Let Them.

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Speaker 1: It's really interesting because.

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Speaker 3: There's a whole section about parents leading into live with teenagers.

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Speaker 3: There's some really good insight in that book in one

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Speaker 3: of the chapters about how to implement that but within

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Speaker 3: your own family.

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Speaker 1: I've just been reading it.

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Speaker 3: And it literally just hit last night and I was like,

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Speaker 3: oh my god. Yeah, you need to like read it

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Speaker 3: probably another three or four times for it to fully

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Speaker 3: sink in.

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Speaker 1: But there's a really good piece in that I reckon

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Speaker 1: you should read it.

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Speaker 2: If you have any kind of issues with confidence or

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Speaker 2: insecurities or any of that stuff. Do the work before

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Speaker 2: you have teenagers, or don't they you apart.

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Speaker 3: Go and get a really good job that you can afford,

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Speaker 3: boarding school, send them or just leave just up and

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Speaker 3: leave you go to boarding school.

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Speaker 1: Yes,