Speaker 1: I got you, Bloody Champions. She's a mental health fitness
Speaker 1: coach or a mental fitness coach. She's a counselor. She's
Speaker 1: an acceptance and commitment therapy practitioner, and she's a Japanese
Speaker 1: psychology practitioner. She's the better half of the Paul Taylor
Speaker 1: and Carly Taylor. She's the smarter, she's the better collaboration.
Speaker 1: We'll call it a marriage, but fuck it.
Speaker 2: Hi Carly, Hi, thanks for having me.
Speaker 1: Oh, thanks for being hat Should we say like to
Speaker 1: tif Tiffany and Cook who was part of a polygamous
Speaker 1: arrangement with a cat and a dog. It's I don't
Speaker 1: know if it's technically polygamy, but you are in a
Speaker 1: very happy kind of trilogy.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, we have lots of love here.
Speaker 1: Carly. How are you?
Speaker 2: I'm good? I'm really good.
Speaker 1: What's her? Is Carl's volume loud enough? Tiff good?
Speaker 3: Is it?
Speaker 1: Okay? Okay?
Speaker 3: Good?
Speaker 1: He gumdrops? What have you been up to? You've just
Speaker 1: been out, you know, doing God work, just helping the masses.
Speaker 2: Do you know something I have been up to is
Speaker 2: I've joined CrossFit, so CrossFit three times a week with
Speaker 2: the family, and it's just it's just been brilliant. I
Speaker 2: never thought that I would be saying that about CrossFit,
Speaker 2: but it's it's something I'm looking forward to every week.
Speaker 2: And I go with the kids and I go with
Speaker 2: the husband as well, so it's a family thing.
Speaker 1: That we do. Oh the husband, I've heard of him. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not pro or anti most of those things.
Speaker 1: I think it's finding the right product, or the right class,
Speaker 1: or the right program for your needs. And like people
Speaker 1: I get asked, it's like I get like you probably
Speaker 1: like TIV, probably, what do you think of Paleo? What
Speaker 1: do you think of CrossFit? What do you think of
Speaker 1: it forty five? What do you think of you know?
Speaker 2: Whatever I love about it is this is the second
Speaker 2: CrossFit gym that I've been to. I was at one
Speaker 2: before COVID HIT. But I I love the culture of
Speaker 2: this gym because I'm certainly on the scale, Like there's
Speaker 2: some really strong athletes in and it scales down to me.
Speaker 2: I'm always at the back of the pack running, but
Speaker 2: they are so welcoming. The culture of the place is
Speaker 2: brilliant and everything's modified, so I feel well looked after.
Speaker 2: I don't feel like I've got to push, you know,
Speaker 2: to pack the weight on, and very much about techniques.
Speaker 2: So yeah, I'm really loving it and I love the
Speaker 2: environment of it, and I think that makes a huge difference.
Speaker 1: You know. It's funny you say that when we think
Speaker 1: about like there's so much it's probably just who I follow,
Speaker 1: but I get so much stuff coming in to my
Speaker 1: awareness on the social media is people selling programs and
Speaker 1: gyms and guys and girls trying to teach personal trainers
Speaker 1: how to make dough and how to make gyms more profitable.
Speaker 1: But very rarely to people talk about how do we
Speaker 1: build a culture, how do we build an environment that
Speaker 1: people want to be in, Like, let's not focus on
Speaker 1: the money for a minute. Let's not focus on the
Speaker 1: numbers for a minute. Let's focus on building a place,
Speaker 1: an environment, a situation, a culture that people look forward
Speaker 1: to going to. And I recently opened the Ignite Fitness
Speaker 1: Business summit in Melbourne at Crown for mel Tempest and
Speaker 1: a whole bunch of other amazing people were there, and
Speaker 1: my presentation was around that. It was around I think
Speaker 1: it was called the Psychology of the Client, and I
Speaker 1: was just talking about understanding what people actually want and
Speaker 1: what I love is that you didn't go. Oh, the
Speaker 1: equipment's great, the dumb bells, the kettle bells. You didn't go.
Speaker 1: The battle ropes are fucking amazing. The programs are really
Speaker 1: well written. You went, Oh, it's just a really good place.
Speaker 1: Like you spoke about being recognized and culture and being embraced,
Speaker 1: and it's so funny that there's so little attention paid
Speaker 1: to that, yet it's so important. Tis got her finger up. Yes, yeah.
Speaker 3: I want to know, Charlie, what was your perception that
Speaker 3: you thought you wouldn't connect with with cross fit before
Speaker 3: you went?
Speaker 2: That would have been around the competitive side of it,
Speaker 2: because I'm not a competitive person, and I think in
Speaker 2: the past, I don't know whether it's my age or
Speaker 2: I've just evolved, but I don't I'm not comparing myself
Speaker 2: as much to other people, and I think in the
Speaker 2: past I wouldn't have gone to a CrossFit gym because
Speaker 2: I would have gone, oh, well, this this girl's my
Speaker 2: age and she's lifting this, and it's kind of highlighting
Speaker 2: my all kind of the negative stuff about myself. But
Speaker 2: now I don't know if it's this particular gym. But
Speaker 2: you walk into this gym, everyone says hi to you,
Speaker 2: and it doesn't matter if they're the you know, there's
Speaker 2: one girl who's got tats up to a net, and
Speaker 2: there's a mum in there, and there's different guys of
Speaker 2: different shapes and sizes. Everyone's just so welcoming. Everyone works
Speaker 2: hard and at their own pace where everyone's sweating at
Speaker 2: the end of it, and there's a lot of sweaty
Speaker 2: fish pups and high fives at the end as well.
Speaker 2: So I think that's I think it started off that
Speaker 2: my kids were going to it, so I just kept
Speaker 2: dropping them off and then going home and doing the dishes,
Speaker 2: and I was thinking, well, if I'm dropping them off,
Speaker 2: I may as well just stay there, because they had
Speaker 2: a team adult class, So that's kind of my initial
Speaker 2: reason for going was it was something I could do
Speaker 2: with the kids. And then then Paul joined, and yeah,
Speaker 2: it's been great.
Speaker 1: I think it's really important to try to at least build,
Speaker 1: and not just in gyms, but any organization. You know,
Speaker 1: you talk to SOD to Stiff. We all at various stages.
Speaker 1: We're in front of teams and groups and organizers and
Speaker 1: that whole kind of you know, that meta perception, my
Speaker 1: PhD stuff, what's it like being around me. More broadly,
Speaker 1: what's it like being in this place? Do we have
Speaker 1: a team that people feel comfortable to be part of.
Speaker 1: Have I built an environment as much as I can
Speaker 1: or a destination that people want to come to every
Speaker 1: day to people get excited about going to work. Do
Speaker 1: they feel valued, scene loved, appreciated.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think whether it's a CrossFit or a regular gym
Speaker 1: or any job. It's funny how much attention and focus
Speaker 1: isn't really paid carly to that stuff. It's like that,
Speaker 1: you know. I know we have a HR department in
Speaker 1: most organizations, and I know we talk about these.
Speaker 2: Things sometimes it's the really simple things. I do a
Speaker 2: yoga as well, and that's something that I haven't done
Speaker 2: in the past, but I love this yoga studio. And
Speaker 2: she has this very small little ritual that she does
Speaker 2: is she offers tea. At the end of it, she says,
Speaker 2: does anyone want to stay for tea? And she's got
Speaker 2: this beautiful Japanese tea pot and it's on an open
Speaker 2: little flame, and it's just such a lovely touch. And
Speaker 2: even though I don't often stay for a cup of tea,
Speaker 2: it's just nice for her to offer that and have
Speaker 2: that kind of really simple connection at the end of it.
Speaker 2: It's a simple things.
Speaker 1: So if you get a fair few people along to
Speaker 1: your boxing groups, and I know that you've got good
Speaker 1: boxing skills, and I know that you work in the
Speaker 1: gym with good equipment, but I would guess that that's
Speaker 1: part of it, but most of it is that you
Speaker 1: just create an environment that people feel safe to be
Speaker 1: in and want to be in.
Speaker 3: Yeah, when I run my boxing workshops, that's exactly what
Speaker 3: I intend, and that's exactly what people come for. They
Speaker 3: come and we go for lunch afterwards and wet and
Speaker 3: people travel so far for that, and the boxing is
Speaker 3: just the thing, the thing around it. It's that I
Speaker 3: don't know, you tell a story about it, but what
Speaker 3: keeps you coming back is And I was just interested
Speaker 3: in asking Karlie about that because we all have perceptions
Speaker 3: of especially when you hear something like CrossFit, we have
Speaker 3: this perception before we've experienced it, but they do. They do.
Speaker 3: Really the ones I've been to really cheer you on.
Speaker 3: And it's competitive, but it's self competitive, and so it
Speaker 3: was nice to hear you know that you experienced that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, definitely, And I think, especially after COVID, even
Speaker 2: though it does feel like it was a long time ago,
Speaker 2: we were taken out of that kind of club environment
Speaker 2: where we had strong connections. And there are a lot
Speaker 2: of people who their whole life was around, you know,
Speaker 2: whether it was a sporting club or whether it was
Speaker 2: church or whatever kind of place where people gathered. And
Speaker 2: I think, especially with social media now, where even though
Speaker 2: we are the most connected, we're also the most disconnected.
Speaker 2: So I'm just loving being in that environment and being
Speaker 2: connected with people.
Speaker 1: I think there's something that you can't get well, clearly
Speaker 1: the physiology, but there's something that you can't get online,
Speaker 1: Like it's nice to catch up with you too right now,
Speaker 1: but it's nicer to catch up in person, you know.
Speaker 1: And I think that you know, online meetings and the
Speaker 1: capacity we now have with Zoom and the like to
Speaker 1: be able to have meetings and have conversations and even
Speaker 1: consultations and all of that, I think it's definitely a
Speaker 1: valuable tool and a valuable resource. But you know that
Speaker 1: depending on the person, of course. But nothing's better than
Speaker 1: a hug, you know, or nothing's better than sitting down
Speaker 1: at a coffee table with someone looking them in the
Speaker 1: eye and like being able to have that three D
Speaker 1: experience for me anyway. I mean the online stuff is good,
Speaker 1: but I guess maybe it varies personal person Carly, Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely. But when you are when you're actually physically
Speaker 2: with somebody, you do have that eye contact. You've also
Speaker 2: got the the movements of the body and like there's
Speaker 2: just even the aromas and like there's some sensory things
Speaker 2: that go on that we don't even realize, and it's
Speaker 2: so important for that connection and for bonding. I mean,
Speaker 2: I see most of my clients over zoom, I really
Speaker 2: feel often and look, it's worked, but I often feel
Speaker 2: that there is that that's kind of what's missing, is
Speaker 2: that physical contact of just being in the same space together.
Speaker 1: Yeah. We for most of until COVID, you know, every
Speaker 1: year we had a big camp at Mantaalizer, which was
Speaker 1: we only have one hundred and thirty spots, and every
Speaker 1: year it was sold out months ahead, so we take
Speaker 1: one hundred and thirty people away. Tests been on multiple
Speaker 1: of them. And it's funny because I don't really say
Speaker 1: anything on those those camps or those retreats, programs, whatever
Speaker 1: you want to call it, that people couldn't hear on
Speaker 1: a podcast. You know, it's like, you know, when whoever
Speaker 1: the Eagles come out, or whoever it is, you know,
Speaker 1: Dua Loopa, whoever it is comes out, you know, you
Speaker 1: go out and you hear their music or Pink or
Speaker 1: you know, Teyte whoever it is, Like it's you can
Speaker 1: hear those songs somewhere else and it's probably even better quality,
Speaker 1: but it's not the same. And I was always curious
Speaker 1: around that, Why does so many people come and they
Speaker 1: would come from all over Australia to spend forty eight
Speaker 1: hours with us and to have this immersive experience where
Speaker 1: it's the same guy saying a lot of the same
Speaker 1: things that they've heard multiple times. But it has a
Speaker 1: different effect or a different impact when that person's in
Speaker 1: front of you, or when you can ask them a
Speaker 1: question in real time, or when you know you can
Speaker 1: you can hang out and just connect and there's no
Speaker 1: button to push display or to stop or you know.
Speaker 1: I think that despite the ever the rapid advancement of
Speaker 1: AI and technology in the ever evolving tech world that
Speaker 1: we live in, I don't think there's ever going to
Speaker 1: be a replacement for that three D version of the
Speaker 1: human experience.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think even though you had one hundred and
Speaker 2: thirty people there, there there was still an intimacy there. Yes,
Speaker 2: And that's what's missing on tech. I mean, and I
Speaker 2: were talking about the whole AI think, and you know
Speaker 2: you can you can actually with chat GPT, you can
Speaker 2: actually have a full on conversation, and they really it
Speaker 2: today encourages you. It's like you're going to smash it,
Speaker 2: you know. Yeah, it's like it's like, yeah, that's you rock.
Speaker 2: It's like, but it's AI. It's not a real person.
Speaker 2: And I think this is the danger that we can
Speaker 2: go into, especially for our young people, because they're connecting
Speaker 2: physically less and less with their peers and it's more
Speaker 2: online and now AI is coming, especially for those kids
Speaker 2: who are who are more introverted and will tend to
Speaker 2: kind of avoid that physical interaction and go with technology.
Speaker 2: And that might be a short term kind of avoidant
Speaker 2: strategy for them, but long term that's not going to
Speaker 2: serve them well.
Speaker 1: And I don't think that's going away or it's not
Speaker 1: going away, and it's it's evolving by the minute. And
Speaker 1: I mean I do that too, not I don't chat
Speaker 1: to my AI but not. But I will still ask
Speaker 1: a question politely, do you know what I mean? Like
Speaker 1: I'm talking, and when I get a really good response,
Speaker 1: I'll say thanks. And one day, one day, my AI
Speaker 1: just started calling me Craig. Wow, yeah, see that, Hi Craig,
Speaker 1: How can I help? I'm like, hey, bro, how did
Speaker 1: you tell my name? You know? And and I don't
Speaker 1: know about anyone else's, but my AI sounds to me,
Speaker 1: to my ear exactly like Tim Ferriss. So when I
Speaker 1: talk to my AI, I feel like my AIC. I'm
Speaker 1: in a relationship. It's my third best friend. But I understand.
Speaker 1: You know, it's It's interesting, isn't it, because and I
Speaker 1: know this wasn't where we were going to go, but
Speaker 1: we'll get where we were going to go or not.
Speaker 1: But you think about, well, is it bad if somebody
Speaker 1: who is otherwise lonely and disconnected and isolated has this
Speaker 1: conversation in inverted commas or this company in inverted commas,
Speaker 1: and one of the byproducts of that is that they're
Speaker 1: a bit happy or a bit less anxious, or a
Speaker 1: bit less lonely, or they feel more connected. I mean,
Speaker 1: you can't really say unequivocally it's always a bad thing, right, Yeah.
Speaker 2: But I wonder, and I'm sure there'll be research on
Speaker 2: this at some stage, but I wonder whether that feeling
Speaker 2: of connection or happiness with an AI is just that
Speaker 2: short term relief, because as soon as they switch that off,
Speaker 2: they still have to face those those emotions that they have,
Speaker 2: whether they've got social anxiety or the fear that comes up,
Speaker 2: is still going to be there. So it could almost
Speaker 2: become a bit of an addiction to keep coming back,
Speaker 2: because it means they're avoiding what's out there in the
Speaker 2: big wide world.
Speaker 1: Oh but also, yeah, I agree with you, But also
Speaker 1: people get addicted to people, don't they. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: people stay with people who are toxic and unhealthy and
Speaker 1: fucking sociopathic. They stay in toxic relationships for a range
Speaker 1: of reasons. But I've spoken to a bunch of people
Speaker 1: who have kind of said to me that they were
Speaker 1: addicted to a person and it almost wouldn't have mattered
Speaker 1: what that person did to them. They wouldn't have left,
Speaker 1: you know, eventually, you know they did. But Hey, I
Speaker 1: wanted to talk to you today about the idea I
Speaker 1: rang you earlier, essentially around so that maybe the title
Speaker 1: of this episode I'm not sure we're leading a horse
Speaker 1: to water, but around the idea that that we can
Speaker 1: only we can only offer advice, we can only encourage
Speaker 1: and support people. We can only share thoughts and ideas
Speaker 1: and strategies and data and information. But none of us,
Speaker 1: as coaches or whatever we are, can do the work
Speaker 1: for anyone. We can't have discipline for anyone. We can't
Speaker 1: have self control for someone. We can't make the decisions,
Speaker 1: we can't get up tomorrow and go for a run
Speaker 1: for them. We can't be inspired for them. Right, And
Speaker 1: so there's there's you know, it's like when and I've
Speaker 1: had many times people say you changed my life, and
Speaker 1: every single time I say, no, I didn't. Thank you.
Speaker 1: That's very nice and my ego loves that. But I
Speaker 1: didn't change your life. You changed your life. You know.
Speaker 1: I shared some thoughts and ideas and encouragement, but you
Speaker 1: made the decisions, you did the work, You showed the resilience,
Speaker 1: you were consistent, you persevered, you ask great questions and
Speaker 1: you didn't give up. And here you are and that
Speaker 1: was all you.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm saying there with my clients, it's the
Speaker 2: clients who have had the best results are the ones
Speaker 2: who have been intrinsically motivated to do the work, and
Speaker 2: most of them do do this. The toughest clients that
Speaker 2: I have would be when someone else has suggested that
Speaker 2: they do coaching and have kind of almost been coerced
Speaker 2: with the best intentions to sign up. And they are
Speaker 2: my toughest clients. And it's why I will say right
Speaker 2: at the start that will not work unless you do
Speaker 2: the work. I mean, it's very action orientated, because otherwise it's,
Speaker 2: as you say, I'm not there. I'm not going to
Speaker 2: be dragging them out of bed. I'm not going to
Speaker 2: be making their breakfast and getting them out the door
Speaker 2: to go for a run.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And I also think, you know, while being supportive
Speaker 1: and encouraging and all of those things, we also can say,
Speaker 1: by the way, it's going to suck sometimes, and it's
Speaker 1: not going to be fun. It's not going to be painless,
Speaker 1: it's not going to be convenient. Sometimes it might be
Speaker 1: periodically fucking horrible. But that's okay, you know, because we
Speaker 1: want to be supportive and encouraging and positive, but also
Speaker 1: practical and realistic. Yes, yeah, you know, it.
Speaker 2: Has to be You're right, it has to be realistic.
Speaker 2: And that's why I with the coaching that I do,
Speaker 2: I work on the thoughts and the emotions that come
Speaker 2: up up and that's kind of that's the first part.
Speaker 2: I mean, there's always an action at the end of it,
Speaker 2: but because there's always going to be some kind of barrier,
Speaker 2: and if we go back to like old habits, it's
Speaker 2: like there's a thought there like this is going to
Speaker 2: be hard, you know, and it's very easy for that
Speaker 2: little inner voice to go, We'll just go back, go
Speaker 2: back to what you know, yes, And the hardest thing
Speaker 2: is to kind of move through that and just allow
Speaker 2: those thoughts to be there, allow the emotion to come up,
Speaker 2: but do the action anyway. And that's where the acceptance
Speaker 2: part comes in. But it's the hardest part because nobody
Speaker 2: likes to feel uncomfortable. Nobody wants to feel anxious or
Speaker 2: have fear or any things. It's that whole motivation like
Speaker 2: action first, and then the motivation comes. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I always say to people, watch your post motivation strategy
Speaker 1: and they're like what, ah, like that, Yeah, what's your
Speaker 1: post motivation strategy? They're like, what does that mean? I go, well,
Speaker 1: when you're not motivated, which will probably be I don't know, Wednesday,
Speaker 1: what are you doing on that day? Because you are
Speaker 1: not going to stay. If we're talking about motivation being
Speaker 1: an emotional state or a heightened sense of excitement or whatever,
Speaker 1: what we generally regard as I am motivated, I'm in
Speaker 1: the zone, I'm pumped, I'm excited. Well that's not lasting.
Speaker 1: So when that happens, whether that's tomorrow or next month,
Speaker 1: when that happens, what will you do then? And people
Speaker 1: look at me like, I go, you really need to
Speaker 1: plan for that because that is coming. Yes, if you
Speaker 1: think you're going to ride this fucking wave of motivation
Speaker 1: for the next forty years, think again, you know. And
Speaker 1: I just think there needs to be that very that's
Speaker 1: almost that, you know, that stoic mindset of like sometimes
Speaker 1: this will just be sucky and that is all right.
Speaker 1: And when the motivation is there, by the way, awesome,
Speaker 1: you know, milkot ride that wave to the beach. But
Speaker 1: when it goes, we can't go. Well, you know what
Speaker 1: we can. But if we're only proactive, productive and effective
Speaker 1: when we're in the zone, well we're fucked over the
Speaker 1: long term because nobody's that forever.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, And I think that there requires a lot
Speaker 2: of self awareness there, doesn't it, because when so often
Speaker 2: we are driven by our feelings. Yes, they're so fused
Speaker 2: with those feelings that I don't feel like going out
Speaker 2: for a run today, Therefore I won't, whereas you can go, well,
Speaker 2: I don't feel like a run today, but I have
Speaker 2: a reason to do it, tapping into that reason, values
Speaker 2: or purpose or whatever it is. I will put my
Speaker 2: shoes on, I put my trees on, put my gear on,
Speaker 2: and I will get out the door. And nine times
Speaker 2: out of ten, once you get going, you're all good.
Speaker 2: It's the starting that's the hardest part.
Speaker 1: I think Carly and Tiff and everyone else, I think
Speaker 1: we give this is this is very Craig harpersm. But
Speaker 1: we give ourselves to get a psychological and emotional get
Speaker 1: out of jail card. You know. It's like, ah, well
Speaker 1: you know this or that or but and I've said
Speaker 1: this probably too many times, but Tiff knows Joel and
Speaker 1: Joel's been. Has Joel been on your show? TIF?
Speaker 3: Yep?
Speaker 1: So Joel Sarti, who's a friend of ours, who was
Speaker 1: a soldier frontline, you know, in the war in Afghanistan,
Speaker 1: came home, had an accident, fell down some stairs, broke
Speaker 1: his neck, and you know, so now he lives life
Speaker 1: in a wheelchair as a quadriplegic. And you know the thing,
Speaker 1: when I'm thinking about mindset, right, I think about someone
Speaker 1: like Joel, and I think, well, Joel, See, Joel doesn't
Speaker 1: have the opportunity to get up today and say I'm
Speaker 1: not doing quadriplegia. He doesn't have the option to say,
Speaker 1: you know, fuck that wheelchair. I'll do the wheelchair next Monday.
Speaker 1: But this week I'm just going to walk. I can't
Speaker 1: be using the wheelchair. I'm not in the mindset. I
Speaker 1: don't have the attitude like things are a bit you know,
Speaker 1: I'm going to do the wheelchair next No, he doesn't
Speaker 1: have the choice. So every day there's no kind of
Speaker 1: thought that I won't do this because it's not an option.
Speaker 1: And so for me, it's like, how do we get that?
Speaker 1: And I know that's an extreme example, but the bottom
Speaker 1: line is most of us could pretty much turn our
Speaker 1: life around today in terms of thinking and behaving and
Speaker 1: decision making an outcome given the right set of circumstances
Speaker 1: or perhaps the wrong set, if you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: You know, but when the consequence is not enough. We go,
Speaker 1: oh fuck, I'll start Monday. But you know, it's like
Speaker 1: the person who says, oh, I can't give up whatever,
Speaker 1: you know, junk food. If the next time they ate
Speaker 1: junk food they knew they were going to drop dead
Speaker 1: twenty four hours later, they would never eat junk food.
Speaker 1: But that's not the case, right, you know. So we
Speaker 1: know that we have the ability to do awesome and
Speaker 1: to turn our life around and to create a different
Speaker 1: operating system, but we also know that it's going to suck.
Speaker 1: So we have this story I'll start soon boom, and
Speaker 1: now I'm fifty and I never fucking started. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And I think there's an optimism bias there because when
Speaker 2: we look long term, especially with men, I think men
Speaker 2: think they've got this shield of steel on it. It's
Speaker 2: all going to be fine in the future, and two
Speaker 2: years time, I'm going to be healthier and I'm going
Speaker 2: to be fitter. Therefore it doesn't matter if I have
Speaker 2: the doughnut now, because I'll be fine. But not having
Speaker 2: that awareness that what you do today and every single
Speaker 2: day is actually going to dictate what your position, your
Speaker 2: health in two years time, I think it's hard for
Speaker 2: people just the way our brains are wired far ahead
Speaker 2: count it well.
Speaker 1: And I think also there's no day to day. I
Speaker 1: mean the good and bad is day to day. We
Speaker 1: can kind of do bullshit to our bodies and for
Speaker 1: the most part, we get away with it, and sometimes
Speaker 1: we get away with it for fucking decades and you're like,
Speaker 1: what are you talking about. I've been doing bullshit to
Speaker 1: my body forever. I'm fine. And by the way, and
Speaker 1: even if I had to, I could turn this shit
Speaker 1: around quickly if I had to. But you know, and
Speaker 1: by the way, Carl, you've got to have a life. Yes,
Speaker 1: you have a life, Carli.
Speaker 2: And that's the that's the challenging one because it's interesting
Speaker 2: because I if I ate donuts every day, I would
Speaker 2: feel really, really sick, Like it just doesn't. I guess
Speaker 2: in that respect, I'm kind of motivated to eat healthy
Speaker 2: food because I know I've got a short term impact
Speaker 2: on me because it feel good. Where if somebody just
Speaker 2: has a junk food addiction and they don't actually feel anything,
Speaker 2: then it's harder for them to be motivated to change.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And we're not trying to be judgmental here, it's like,
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm fascinated with human potential, fascinated. I'm fascinated
Speaker 1: with what people can do when either they have no
Speaker 1: option or they believe they have no option. You know,
Speaker 1: And I've told this too many times, but I probably
Speaker 1: haven't told you, but my dad, you know, drank too much,
Speaker 1: ate too much, moved too little for fucking ever, then
Speaker 1: had a heart attack at seventy two, and then had
Speaker 1: a quadruple bypass and came out of that like a
Speaker 1: new man. Like he had no self control issues, no
Speaker 1: WheelPower issues, no time management issues, because he was fucking
Speaker 1: terrified of dying. So the guy who just couldn't get
Speaker 1: his shit together got his shit together completely and lost heart.
Speaker 1: I know, twenty five kilos in a few months, walked
Speaker 1: every day and halved his food and reduced his booze
Speaker 1: by eighty percent. And that was the same guy that
Speaker 1: I was trying to get to do a version of
Speaker 1: that for twenty years leading up to the heart attack.
Speaker 1: Has the heart attack, gets faced with his mortality, shits
Speaker 1: himself metaphorically, is terrified and now all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: that's like Craig, tell me what to do, Like, you know,
Speaker 1: but pre heart attack to post heart attack. He didn't
Speaker 1: have any more potential, he didn't have any more resources,
Speaker 1: he didn't have any more hours in a day. But
Speaker 1: what he did have was a completely different worldview. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a completely different attitude.
Speaker 1: Now what frustrates me is he could have done that
Speaker 1: twenty years earlier.
Speaker 2: He didn't at that time in his worldview, have a
Speaker 2: compelling reason to do that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And isn't it funny that you would think living
Speaker 1: long and healthy is not a compelling reason?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, but I think that's where this optimism advice
Speaker 2: comes in. It's like, it probably wasn't in his reality
Speaker 2: that that was going to happen. Everything okay, and then
Speaker 2: all of a sudden, I mean it's a very common story. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's you know, they have the heart attack or they
Speaker 2: get the big CEA and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 2: it's like okay, I'll change.
Speaker 1: Yeah. What's the breakdown of your clients male slash female? Like?
Speaker 1: What percentage? Is it mainly women?
Speaker 2: It is mainly women?
Speaker 1: Yeah, why do you reckon that? Like we were talking
Speaker 1: about this recently, I don't know was I talking to
Speaker 1: you about it? Tiff? About how many dudes? How many ladies?
Speaker 1: Come to my things. Anyway.
Speaker 3: I've talked about it, not recently.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the majority of like I did a gig last week, Yeah,
Speaker 1: the weekend before lasting menygo open to the public, Ali
Speaker 1: and eighty five percent of the people who came with ladies.
Speaker 1: And I always asked this question, you know, put up
Speaker 1: your hand if you're a bloke who's been dragged here
Speaker 1: against your will. There's always a bunch of blokes because
Speaker 1: you know there's a woman in their life going. You
Speaker 1: need to listen to Craig Harper or whatever it is, right,
Speaker 1: you need to get your shit together, you need to
Speaker 1: come to this. And they don't want to be there,
Speaker 1: and I feel bad. I feel bad for them. But
Speaker 1: what's your theory either of you? But we'll start with you, Carly.
Speaker 1: What's your theory around why perhaps ladies are more open
Speaker 1: to personal growth for one of a better term?
Speaker 2: Gosh, I think that's a that's a tricky one because
Speaker 2: I don't I don't. I haven't sort of looked at
Speaker 2: any research on this, but I know from men tend
Speaker 2: to be and I kind of know if this is
Speaker 2: the right thing to say, but really focused and busy
Speaker 2: on work where women are more are nurturing, and you
Speaker 2: know they might be. Yes, there are working women as well,
Speaker 2: they tend to have a more nurturing kind of side
Speaker 2: to them. And also I think women tend to when
Speaker 2: you know, if they meet for a coffee, they're very,
Speaker 2: very open that will talk about they will go through
Speaker 2: the layers a bit and talk about personal stuff, where
Speaker 2: the typical guy who's going to the hub, they'll talk
Speaker 2: about the sport or kind of more top level stuff.
Speaker 2: So and look, that's just my sort of subjective opinion there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but that's all we're about, I think. Correct me
Speaker 1: if you think I'm wrong with either of you on this.
Speaker 1: But I feel like, not always, but more often than
Speaker 1: with women, a lot of men get a sense of
Speaker 1: self and self worth and identity through their job, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, and what they do, whereas you know, women
Speaker 1: not so much. I mean, obviously, lots of women have
Speaker 1: great jobs, and there's lots of powerful women in industry
Speaker 1: and blah blah blah. But I feel like men get
Speaker 1: their confidence from you know, stuff more than and again
Speaker 1: that could be this coming from a bloke by the way, So.
Speaker 3: Yes, Tiff, yeah, I think relative to what both of
Speaker 3: you said when you ask that question, I would say
Speaker 3: women tend to get to a point where they go,
Speaker 3: I'm ready to fix or improve me, and men go,
Speaker 3: I've got to fix this so and your stuff is
Speaker 3: literally the U project. It's if you're ready to fix
Speaker 3: your shit. And men kind of I feel like they
Speaker 3: are fixers and doers, but they probably look outward not inward.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I want to get all the dudes in Australia
Speaker 1: and just go, bro. It's like, you don't know how
Speaker 1: liberating it is to go, I'm a fuck with and
Speaker 1: I'm the problem, not always, not in every instance, but
Speaker 1: I'm the problem here. I did the wrong thing. I'm scared.
Speaker 1: I don't know, try this with me all the men.
Speaker 1: I don't know. Fucking hell that doesn't come out of
Speaker 1: too many men's mouth. I fucked it up, you know.
Speaker 1: And it's not about self loathing. And obviously sometimes I'm
Speaker 1: not the problem, and sometimes I don't fuck up, but
Speaker 1: there are lots of times when I am the problem.
Speaker 1: I am the issue, or my habit is the issue,
Speaker 1: and my thinking is the issue. And I think that
Speaker 1: you know, we're not trying to throw ourselves under the
Speaker 1: bus or to to immerse ourselves in self loathing but
Speaker 1: rather self awareness. And we can't work on the thing
Speaker 1: that we won't acknowledge, you know, we can't improve the
Speaker 1: thing that we won't own up to. And if you're
Speaker 1: being a fuck with but pretending you're not, well, you're
Speaker 1: still being a fuck with. It doesn't matter the rest
Speaker 1: of us know, you know. And I just think that
Speaker 1: when you do well, give yourself a pat on the back.
Speaker 1: When you fuck up, go fucked up. I want to
Speaker 1: do better, you know. For me that that has been
Speaker 1: very liberating, you know, and also it's amazing. Not only
Speaker 1: is it personally liberating, but to my complete surprise, it
Speaker 1: actually builds much better rapport with an audience than the
Speaker 1: other way.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, definitely. It's interesting what you were saying about
Speaker 2: the guys being dragged to your workshops, because you wonder
Speaker 2: what happens after that, because I would say that that's
Speaker 2: the first step, like they've actually come along. They haven't
Speaker 2: said no, so there is a bit of coercion there,
Speaker 2: But you don't know whether that has been just that
Speaker 2: little drop of motivation, that's just all the seeds being planted,
Speaker 2: and then they go away and make some sort of change.
Speaker 2: But it's definitely. People don't like to be told what
Speaker 2: to do. They like to believe what comes out of
Speaker 2: their mouth, not out of somebody else's. And I think
Speaker 2: that's where you know, when people are being told what
Speaker 2: to do versus figuring it out themselves. And of course
Speaker 2: that comes with the questioning really yes, and being able
Speaker 2: to develop or increase that self awareness and have and
Speaker 2: a bit of flexible thinking. Yes, a lot of the
Speaker 2: time there's this fixed thinking and the blinkers are up
Speaker 2: and they're not seeing the whole perspective of their life. Yes,
Speaker 2: And it can be hard, It can be really hard
Speaker 2: if somebody is really their habits of step set in
Speaker 2: stone and they have got somebody going well if you
Speaker 2: change this, you change this. That can even bring up fear,
Speaker 2: that can bring up identity kind of issues, and if
Speaker 2: they've been stuck in their ways for so long. So
Speaker 2: there's so many nuances I think with that.
Speaker 1: And we like to think we're open minded, but not
Speaker 1: many of us are truly open minded. Because if you
Speaker 1: really and I'm putting myself in the basket, like, knowing
Speaker 1: about awareness or open mindedness or consciousness doesn't mean you're
Speaker 1: open minded or aware or conscious, right, It's like I
Speaker 1: under stand or I know about some things, but I
Speaker 1: don't truly understand them. But I think you're right in
Speaker 1: that when we get our sense of identity from a
Speaker 1: certain way of thinking, or a certain belief, or a
Speaker 1: certain spiritual paradigm or whatever it is like, And it
Speaker 1: could be CrossFit is the best way to train. If
Speaker 1: you don't do CrossFit, you've got it wrong. It could
Speaker 1: be being a vegan. If you eat meat, you're a
Speaker 1: bad human. You're going to Karma is going to kick
Speaker 1: you in the dick. Or it could be you know,
Speaker 1: if you're not if you haven't accepted Jesus as your
Speaker 1: Lord and savior, you're going to burn in an eternal
Speaker 1: lake of fire. Right, there's so many And when you
Speaker 1: believe whatever it is that you believe, and I've said
Speaker 1: this too many times, but you truly believe that you
Speaker 1: are right, then you automatically believe that everyone in the
Speaker 1: world who disagrees with you is wrong right, And that's
Speaker 1: a precarious stance. And also when you believe that you
Speaker 1: are right about, absolutely, unequivocally right about something for which
Speaker 1: you have no actual proof or evidence, then you know
Speaker 1: and your identity is intertwined with that belief. Then now
Speaker 1: you're pretty much unteachable. Yeah, yeah, you can't be taught
Speaker 1: anything new because you know, and if I don't agree
Speaker 1: with you, i'm wrong. So whereas I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'm being wrong about so many things for decades, now
Speaker 1: I'm much more. I used to think I knew more
Speaker 1: when I was in my twenties than I do now.
Speaker 1: Like I genuinely thought I knew not everything, but I
Speaker 1: thought my knowledge was pretty vast. You know, by the
Speaker 1: time I'd been working in the gym industry and training
Speaker 1: people and talk about all the shit I took that
Speaker 1: ten years in, I thought, yeah, I'm my knowledge is vast.
Speaker 1: And now thirty years later, I'm like, fucking noll, I
Speaker 1: don't know one percent of what there is to know.
Speaker 1: And that's not me being falsely humble. I just know that.
Speaker 1: It's oh my god. When I opened the PhD door,
Speaker 1: I went, oh, okay, I'm an actual idiot, you know,
Speaker 1: because I'm in a new space. I'm doing new things
Speaker 1: with new people, I'm learning a new language, I'm reading
Speaker 1: new things. I'm like, fuck ow and this is you know,
Speaker 1: and I'm in the psychology space. Studying a drop of
Speaker 1: water in an ocean of knowledge and an ocean of
Speaker 1: research and an ocean of science. And I'm studying a
Speaker 1: drop of water for five years. And you know, so
Speaker 1: I come out being an expert in inverted commas asterisk
Speaker 1: in that drop of water. And by the way, I'll
Speaker 1: get surpassed ten minutes after I finished my PhD. You know.
Speaker 1: But you've got to know that, and you've got to
Speaker 1: be okay with that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, And I think people struggle with change when
Speaker 2: they don't have the knowledge or they don't have the
Speaker 2: interest as well. Yes, and they're so I think it
Speaker 2: also is hard today because people are, well, we're so busy,
Speaker 2: but we're also so distracted to like we anytime we
Speaker 2: have space, we can be scrolling on social media or
Speaker 2: watching the news or whatever. And so people think they
Speaker 2: don't have time to change, They don't have time to exercise,
Speaker 2: don't have time to think about the food. But actually
Speaker 2: it's looking where their attention is going. Yes, So attention
Speaker 2: is energy. It's like how you live your life is
Speaker 2: what you're paying attention to. So if you're not paying
Speaker 2: attention to the fact that your doctor is saying to
Speaker 2: you that if you don't change your lifestyle, you're going
Speaker 2: to end up with a heart attack. Can you just
Speaker 2: walk out of the room and just start watching the news,
Speaker 2: then then that's how you're going to live, and that's
Speaker 2: the path that you're going to take. A lot of
Speaker 2: this is about where your attention is.
Speaker 1: Going, Yes it is, and where you're Like where your
Speaker 1: attention is, you know, where your what your mind is
Speaker 1: focused on, what you're you know, your emotion are there,
Speaker 1: your body's there, you know, And yeah, that's so that's
Speaker 1: such an interesting thing to think about, Like where my
Speaker 1: mind is is where I am and I might physically
Speaker 1: be in a situation, but in a way not even
Speaker 1: there so to speak.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right, And that kind of goes into that
Speaker 2: passive living versus active living, and so many people are
Speaker 2: living passively now and I think that that kind of
Speaker 2: brings into the health as well. It's like it's when
Speaker 2: you are living passively and you're not actively involved in
Speaker 2: your life, you are more likely to be sententory. You're
Speaker 2: more likely to be reaching for the easy, processed foods,
Speaker 2: whereas if you can step back and go right, I'm
Speaker 2: going to take control over my choices. Even if it's
Speaker 2: a small step. Then that means that you start living
Speaker 2: actively your life.
Speaker 1: So go, I'm sorry, God, say.
Speaker 2: There's a question I would ask if a client was
Speaker 2: really struggling with motivation to change, even if they knew
Speaker 2: they had to change, they just can't seem to do
Speaker 2: the behaviors. I would ask them that question, which comes
Speaker 2: from motivational interviewing, which is on a scale of one
Speaker 2: to ten, how important is your health to you? Most
Speaker 2: people are going to have a high number. Most people
Speaker 2: are going to go, well, it's an eight. It is
Speaker 2: important to me. And then the next question is, okay,
Speaker 2: well why isn't it a two? Why isn't it at
Speaker 2: eight and not a two? And that's when they give
Speaker 2: their reasons. Yeah, I want to be around for my
Speaker 2: kids or you know, I want to have energy. I
Speaker 2: want to I want to to be able to just
Speaker 2: go out and go for walks and feel good about it.
Speaker 2: And so that if you ask those questions, and anyone can.
Speaker 2: I you don't have to be a coach to ask
Speaker 2: those questions. You can. You know, you can ask your
Speaker 2: husband or your wife these questions, and it starts bringing
Speaker 2: that awareness of why you need to change.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love it. And it's like when you ask
Speaker 1: those questions where we're really kind of trying to identify
Speaker 1: what's important to us, like or what our values are,
Speaker 1: and then you can say, okay, so based on that,
Speaker 1: what are you doing that's not working? Yeah? You know,
Speaker 1: it's like if you could put your life up on
Speaker 1: a hoist, like we put a car on a hoist
Speaker 1: and just walk around and kick the metaphoric tires. You know,
Speaker 1: how are things? How's it traveling? How's it running? As
Speaker 1: the engine? How's the gearbox, how's the tires? How's it?
Speaker 1: You know? Yeah? Because I think you know you actively,
Speaker 1: I think you call it. I think we're on the
Speaker 1: same page. I talk about unconscious versus conscious living, like
Speaker 1: I think a lot of us are in a almost
Speaker 1: like an unconscious auto pilot in terms of choices, behaviors, actions, reactions,
Speaker 1: lifestyle habits. But if we if we hit the metaphoric
Speaker 1: pause button and step back and say, what are the
Speaker 1: things that I typically do and in terms of who
Speaker 1: I want to be and how I want to be?
Speaker 1: Are these things working? Yeah? You know, we can make
Speaker 1: it more sciencey and complicated, but we all know, you know,
Speaker 1: if we were all brutally honest. We could come up
Speaker 1: with five things in probably thirty seconds that we're currently
Speaker 1: doing that are kind of stupid. Yeah yeah, kind of
Speaker 1: out of alignment with what we say is really important.
Speaker 1: TIF do you need to jump out?
Speaker 3: I've got to pay five five minutes?
Speaker 1: All right? Yep, Carli. I just wanted to check in
Speaker 1: with you. Oh yeah, Now do I remember correctly? I'm
Speaker 1: sure I do that you're doing your masters.
Speaker 2: I am. I'm doing my master's in counseling. That I've
Speaker 2: had a bit of a break, a bit of a long.
Speaker 1: Break, have you. Oh that's okay, it's been nice.
Speaker 2: I go back in October, and my schedule now is
Speaker 2: I'll be finished by next Christmas.
Speaker 1: Awesome. Awesome. So let's wind up. So people who feel
Speaker 1: like maybe they're living out of alignment, and by that
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, they're doing stuff that really doesn't
Speaker 1: work for them in terms of who and how they
Speaker 1: want to be. I know there's no three step plan.
Speaker 1: I know there's no set protocol. But where might we
Speaker 1: start If someone's you know, what's one thing or two
Speaker 1: things that we can do to create some momentum and
Speaker 1: maybe lean into those changes.
Speaker 2: I think if I mean asking that question I think
Speaker 2: is a good place to start to start thinking about
Speaker 2: what is important to you and really identifying that and
Speaker 2: then looking at as you were saying, what are your
Speaker 2: current behaviors and in act we call them towards moves
Speaker 2: in a way moves, So are you doing things that
Speaker 2: are taking you towards that person that you want to
Speaker 2: be and the thing they are important to you? Or
Speaker 2: are they taking you away? And having a you can
Speaker 2: even write them down and then every day do like
Speaker 2: we I mean, I'm a big fan of the ritual
Speaker 2: board and having that visual where you can tick off
Speaker 2: small rituals and start small, like if you're somebody who
Speaker 2: has not exercised for years and the thought of even
Speaker 2: just you know, going for a jog a small dog
Speaker 2: just is just like no way, I'm not doing it,
Speaker 2: and don't do that. It's like, let let's scale that
Speaker 2: back and all you need to do is put your
Speaker 2: trainers on, put your gear on, and that's all to
Speaker 2: start with that, and then see what happens. And then
Speaker 2: over time you put the gear on and then you
Speaker 2: might walk to the corner, Well then you know you're
Speaker 2: going to go further, so and it's just those small
Speaker 2: steps that you can do that over time are going
Speaker 2: to add up to big changes. And I'm such a
Speaker 2: big fan of that because people underestimate, They over estimate
Speaker 2: what they can do in a day, and underestimate what
Speaker 2: they can do in a year. That's my attitude with
Speaker 2: CrossFit with me is that I know that the weights
Speaker 2: I'm doing it are really light. Sometimes I don't even
Speaker 2: have anyway on the bar, but I know if I
Speaker 2: can be consistent and start small that this time next year,
Speaker 2: I'm going to see a real progression. So it's what
Speaker 2: you do every single day. It doesn't matter how small
Speaker 2: it is, that slowly, slowly you're going to see changes.
Speaker 1: And how great is it that you will be a
Speaker 1: year older. Chronologically on the calendar, you'll be a year older,
Speaker 1: but you might be biologically one or two or three
Speaker 1: years younger than you are right now? Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: that's fucking I love that shit. That's exciting, right yeah.
Speaker 2: And I think it helps. What's helped me too, is
Speaker 2: to actually think about my future self. So think about me.
Speaker 2: I've just turned fifty five the other week, so next
Speaker 2: fifty six, what is my fifty six year old want
Speaker 2: from me, Now, what do I need to do? If
Speaker 2: they were going to say to me, color, I need
Speaker 2: you to do this, I need you to stop doing this,
Speaker 2: and I need you to start doing this. That's what
Speaker 2: I do.
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be nice to you, but oh
Speaker 1: my god, you do not look tiffed. Be tell out,
Speaker 1: be honest. She looks like my sister. I forgot that
Speaker 1: you were that old. You're a fucking dinosaur. But the
Speaker 1: good news is you look at least ten years younger
Speaker 1: than you actually are.
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1: Wow. Wow.
Speaker 3: Do you know?
Speaker 2: I don't know about you. I've just found it turning
Speaker 2: fifty five. I just feel like the window is closing
Speaker 2: for as far as improvements, and then it's going to
Speaker 2: be maintenance. So that's why I'm quite motivated as well.
Speaker 2: I've got a real why behind why. I'm really putting
Speaker 2: a lot of effort into the exercise and the resistance
Speaker 2: training because that's so important for bone density.
Speaker 1: I've become obsessed in the last five year is about
Speaker 1: improving my brain. You know, cognition, memory, you know, mental acuity, communication,
Speaker 1: all of that brain based decision making, all of that
Speaker 1: brain based stuff. It's hard to be objective because I'm me,
Speaker 1: but as objective as I can be. I'm pretty sure
Speaker 1: I'm better than when I was forty five.
Speaker 3: To ask you when you were going to get started.
Speaker 1: That's hurtful, Carly. Tell everyone how they can find you,
Speaker 1: connect with you, and pay you an obscene amount of
Speaker 1: money to work with you.
Speaker 2: So my website, Carlietaylor Coaching dot com dot au is
Speaker 2: the best place.
Speaker 1: You Just fill out the form, thank you your ace,
Speaker 1: Well say goodbye affair, but for the minute, Tiviny and Cook.
Speaker 1: What's your middle name?
Speaker 2: Carli Paige p A I D e U.
Speaker 1: Tiviny and Cook, Carli Page, Taylor, Craig Anthony Harpers signing
Speaker 1: out you projectors. We appreciate you. Thanks ladies, Bye bye