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Speaker 1: Appogiae Production.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to the Grow and Glow Podcast. I'm actually Bynes.

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Speaker 2: This is a podcast where we learn.

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Speaker 1: Laugh, and level up together.

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Speaker 2: Let's go deep, let the emotions flow, find the lessons

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Speaker 2: to grow and glow. Nothing is off the table with

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Speaker 2: Grow and Glow, and I'm here to be your expander. Well,

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Speaker 2: hello everybody, welcome back to Grow and Glow. If you

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Speaker 2: missed Monday's episode, we had the beautiful Ryan on here

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Speaker 2: and we've got you back for another episode, so thanks

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Speaker 2: for joining us.

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Speaker 3: My pleasure.

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Speaker 2: So today we are talking about men's mental health, so

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Speaker 2: I wanted to start out by asking your opinion, why

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Speaker 2: do you think women are so much I don't say better,

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Speaker 2: but we are better at talking about our emotions and

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Speaker 2: sharing our feelings. My husband always says that he goes

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Speaker 2: like you go share everything with each other, whereas men

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Speaker 2: just they're so much more guarded. Whereas like we give

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Speaker 2: the biggest meta report like you're here at the end

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Speaker 2: of the day, I will tell my husband every thing

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Speaker 2: that happened, everything I feel. It's just like word vomit,

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Speaker 2: and he does so well to hold the space, but

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Speaker 2: it is just easier for women. I think, why do

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Speaker 2: you think so.

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Speaker 3: So I really relate that back to the masculine and

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Speaker 3: feminine energy. The feminine energy is the expression of energy,

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Speaker 3: it's the movement of energy. So even as a man,

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Speaker 3: when he is expressing or feeling or in his body,

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Speaker 3: he's in his feminine right. So for women, they're typically

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Speaker 3: more in their feminine energy, and for them to feel

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Speaker 3: and express and move their energy, it's amazing, like natural

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Speaker 3: for us. When there's a woman expressing to me and

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Speaker 3: she's going on and on and on and on and on.

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Speaker 3: In my head, I'm like, wow, that's so cute, Yeah, beautiful, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and feels safe.

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Speaker 1: She's in a natural essence. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. And as a man, like when you understand that expression,

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Speaker 3: what's really important in this is you provoke it. So cool,

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Speaker 3: tell me more about that, I feel, Oh, I would

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Speaker 3: love to know. Instead of most men will try and

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Speaker 3: find problems and go, how can I solve that one? Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and that one and that one for you, instead of

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Speaker 3: actually just listening and provoking your EXPRESSI yeah. And then

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Speaker 3: the masculine is the logical is the bringing it back

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Speaker 3: to the energy. The masculine is the awareness, is the

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Speaker 3: holding of the space of the expression of her energy, right,

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Speaker 3: But typically when a man is disconnected from his feminine

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Speaker 3: energy within himself, he'll be disconnected from his heart in

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Speaker 3: that moment. So what's most important is a man having

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Speaker 3: a relationship between his head and his heart, because when

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Speaker 3: he's in his heart, then he can actually hold space,

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Speaker 3: be connected to himself and not see her expression as

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Speaker 3: a burden or a problem to solve. So yeah, I

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Speaker 3: like to bring it back to that instead of like

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Speaker 3: the nuance of the ins and outs of a relationship.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's beautiful.

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Speaker 2: And the more a man provokes that, I know, when

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Speaker 2: Steve asks those further questions, it's like the more drawn

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Speaker 2: I am to him, the more I just want to

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Speaker 2: be close to him, the more safe I feel. Then

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Speaker 2: that obviously affects that intimacy and it just beautiful overflow

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Speaker 2: into the relationship.

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Speaker 1: So it's just it works so well together.

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Speaker 3: I love thinking about it like this, cave men cave

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Speaker 3: women days, right you back. Yeah, the men go out

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Speaker 3: and hunt, they see a problem, they go after it,

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Speaker 3: they kill it, they bring it back home to provide.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Women, they see a problem, they come back to the

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Speaker 3: village and speak about the problem and solve the problem

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Speaker 3: by speaking about it by coming up with a solution

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Speaker 3: how they're going to execute the problem. But the men

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Speaker 3: just go after it, kill it, bring it back. It's

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Speaker 3: like very simple, is it?

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Speaker 1: When you put it like that? It's so simple? Love that.

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Speaker 2: And I've got a little boy, he's nine. He's very expressive,

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Speaker 2: like I think, from a young age. Probably going back

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Speaker 2: to our episode on Monday, like you kind of parent

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Speaker 2: the opposite. Well, I think I'm parenting the opposite as

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Speaker 2: to how I got parented. Is that a word parented? Anyways,

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Speaker 2: I've always tried to encourage him to really feel all

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Speaker 2: his emotions and teach him what each of them mean,

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Speaker 2: and then give him different outlets to express it. So

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Speaker 2: if he's angry, let's go punch the pillow, or just

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Speaker 2: to be very emotionally aware. Apart from doing that, is

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Speaker 2: there any other way that you can advise and help us.

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Speaker 2: If we've got some brothers, dad's husbands to feel more safer,

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Speaker 2: to express their emotions, how can we as women help

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Speaker 2: them more?

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Speaker 3: I think that's really beautiful that you create that space

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Speaker 3: for your boy to feel his anger, because anger is

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Speaker 3: such a powerful emotion for men, and it's actually anger

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Speaker 3: is a protector when we've lost our anger in childhood

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Speaker 3: because it was either shamed, or it was dismissed, or

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Speaker 3: was shut down, or if you got angry at your parents,

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Speaker 3: they took love away from you. That's really important. A

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Speaker 3: little boy needs to be able to be angry at

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Speaker 3: his mum or dad and they will still love him

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Speaker 3: and they won't pull love away. The reason why we

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Speaker 3: do that is it actually creates separation from the dependency

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Speaker 3: stage to the independent stage as a boy, and I

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Speaker 3: take men through a process of reclaiming their anger. So

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Speaker 3: it's really beautiful that you create that space for your boy.

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Speaker 3: I'm not a father, but I work with so many fathers,

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Speaker 3: and I know through my own journey, my own embodiment.

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Speaker 3: I was a boy once and I know what I needed.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you can take it back from yeah.

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Speaker 3: And in that was healthy masculine role models and leadership

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Speaker 3: from men, not necessarily the women. Now, how that really

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Speaker 3: showed up for me because I didn't have that was

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Speaker 3: as a man, I didn't go to men for help.

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Speaker 3: I went to women. It was a lot easier for

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Speaker 3: me to go to women. Now, the difference between going

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Speaker 3: to a woman or to a man. As a man

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Speaker 3: for support. For emotional support is typically when a man

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Speaker 3: goes to a woman or his partner, that a little

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Speaker 3: boy within him is seeking to be held. When he

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Speaker 3: goes to a man, he's not being held like he

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Speaker 3: does with a woman, right, and men need healthy masculine challenge.

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Speaker 3: That's how we grow, that's how we actually develop and grow.

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Speaker 3: So when a man has a safety within himself to

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Speaker 3: go to men, it's to the right men. And when

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Speaker 3: he has the healthy role models and representation of healthy masculinity,

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Speaker 3: when he grows up, he will be and go to

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Speaker 3: the right men in his challenge in his emotion, will

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Speaker 3: be not only supported but also challenged to be better

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Speaker 3: as well. They won't hold him in the victimhood of

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Speaker 3: being that right, So there's very big difference. One really

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Speaker 3: important thing that happens or needs to happen with men

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Speaker 3: is the right of passage from boy to man and

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Speaker 3: the separation from the little boy and his mother. Energetically yep,

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Speaker 3: now think of it this way. When you come out

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Speaker 3: of the womb as a baby, like you have the

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Speaker 3: ambilical cord right, which is like your oxygen supply. Now,

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Speaker 3: even though that cord is cut, energetically, it's not. No,

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Speaker 3: So the mother's still got the oxygen mask on this boy.

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Speaker 3: So there's two things that will happen. She will either

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Speaker 3: over put that mask on and like just force it

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Speaker 3: on his face, or he'll have it on the mask

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Speaker 3: on his face, but there'll be like a limited supply

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Speaker 3: of oxygen coming through, which is like the lack of connection,

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Speaker 3: the lack of availability and love. Right, So it can

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Speaker 3: go one of two.

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Speaker 1: Ways, can't be in between.

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Speaker 3: In between would be the healthy level, okay, right, But

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Speaker 3: one needs to happen is there needs to be an

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Speaker 3: energetic separation where the mask comes off and he learns

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Speaker 3: how to breathe on his own.

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Speaker 1: I felt that at age seven, felt that energetic cord.

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Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, And that's so between age seven to fourteen

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Speaker 3: is typically what's been known where they take men from

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Speaker 3: the women and they he goes and lives with the

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Speaker 3: uncles of the men, and he goes through his right

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Speaker 3: of passage.

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Speaker 2: Yes, you go, because I felt that heavily at seven.

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Speaker 2: I was like, I don't know, I feel disconnected with him,

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Speaker 2: but I kind of do. There's something happening here.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And a big issue is if you're in a

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Speaker 3: girl was still wounded, operating from her wounding, her anxiousness

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Speaker 3: or anxious attachment would have come out. No no, no, no

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Speaker 3: no no.

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Speaker 1: Right, probably did.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And here's the thing. We only need to have

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Speaker 3: our needs met in childhood. Thirty percent of the time

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Speaker 3: I have.

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Speaker 1: Heard that start. That is wild to me?

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Speaker 3: How yeah?

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 3: Studies have shown twenty eight to like thirty four percent

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Speaker 3: of the time having our knee. It's meant we can

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Speaker 3: develop secure touch.

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Speaker 2: Which is awesome for all parents to hear it because

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Speaker 2: none of us get it right all the time, and

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Speaker 2: we always say it sounds awful, But I feel like

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Speaker 2: when a fuck our kids up one way or another,

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Speaker 2: like from missing the micro moments or just coming from

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Speaker 2: our own wounds, our own experiences being disregulated, going through

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Speaker 2: our own shit like but that stat I feel like

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Speaker 2: all parents need to hear.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, oh okay, you do you do it all right?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? And I think it's important as well to allow

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Speaker 3: a child to go through their own hero's journey.

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Speaker 2: Yes right, not shelter them from all their pain and

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Speaker 2: like discomfort, because we know how much growth we get

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Speaker 2: from that.

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Speaker 3: Yep. I wouldn't be the man I am today if

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Speaker 3: I didn't go through the deep emotional abandment that I experienced.

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Speaker 1: Same, they're so grateful for it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I actually asked my coach, as an older coach, they

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Speaker 2: had him for like three years, Taylor sirs or you'd

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Speaker 2: love them at Chelsea his profile, But I.

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Speaker 1: Remember saying to him, and I'd love your opinion on this.

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Speaker 2: I went through a lot as a child with my

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Speaker 2: stepdad being out a home quite young. They're not being

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Speaker 2: emotionally available, physical abuse, all of that, and hand in

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Speaker 2: my heart, I'm so grateful for all because it made

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Speaker 2: me who I am now, and I think it's made

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Speaker 2: me a much better parent, and it made me seek

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Speaker 2: a really incredible partner because I didn't have a healthy

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Speaker 2: masculine role model.

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Speaker 1: So I'm so grateful for all.

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Speaker 2: But I was like, how do I ensure that my

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Speaker 2: kids get all those experiences that make them who they

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Speaker 2: are without them having to go through as much turmoil

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Speaker 2: and pain? Like I want them to not suffer, but

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Speaker 2: go through the hard times. But then as a nurturing mum,

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Speaker 2: I'm like.

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Speaker 1: I want to protect you from all of it. What

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Speaker 1: would your advice?

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Speaker 3: You focus on your relationship? Yeah, yeah, and for your

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Speaker 3: kids to see how mum and dad care cannot be

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Speaker 3: okay and then come back together so beautiful.

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Speaker 2: Okay, and even within myself, I could not be having

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Speaker 2: a great time, but let them see how I manage that,

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Speaker 2: how I look after myself.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, bringing the duality back into things.

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Speaker 1: That's a skill set to have, right, So if you

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Speaker 1: model that. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So one thing with the wounded in a child is

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Speaker 3: that when someone's stuck in that energy of the wounded

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Speaker 3: in a child, they are stuck in that way of thinking.

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Speaker 3: They're stuck in that level of psychology. What happens in

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Speaker 3: that level of thinking is black and white thinking. It's

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Speaker 3: this all that right.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what must have been where I was thinking, yeah, it's.

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Speaker 3: This all that and or it's not both right. So

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Speaker 3: one thing I heard the other day that was really beautiful.

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Speaker 3: It was on a podcast and it was like, healing

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Speaker 3: is really when we go from black and white thinking

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Speaker 3: to grey thinking.

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Speaker 1: Ah, like great, it's in the middle.

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Speaker 3: Yes, it's allowing the both, it's allowing the blend blend. Yes. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: but it'd be really hard to be in that gray

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Speaker 3: when that little boy. So if you think of like

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Speaker 3: a child, it's like you either love me or you

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Speaker 3: hate me, it's like this or that, And when you're

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Speaker 3: stuck in that energy, it's like in relationship, it's like

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Speaker 3: you're either loving me or you don't love me because

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Speaker 3: you're not texting me. It's like this all that thinking. So, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I can be great.

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Speaker 1: I love that.

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Speaker 2: Say your man books in with you and you get

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Speaker 2: in a session one on one and you're starting to

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Speaker 2: have conversations.

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Speaker 1: But he's just so resistant. He just got his walls up.

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Speaker 2: He's got stories that you can't help him, stories that

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Speaker 2: maybe he doesn't have wounds to heal, but they're there,

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Speaker 2: so you know they want to work on it. Like,

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Speaker 2: how do you break through those barriers and walls? Because

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Speaker 2: I can imagine so many women are inviting their partners

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Speaker 2: and wanting to go on this journey with them, but

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Speaker 2: there's just like a brick wall that can't seem to

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Speaker 2: like break down. How do you break through those barriers

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Speaker 2: with men?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you need enough leverage for a man to create

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Speaker 3: change leverage. Typically what you just explained is a massive

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Speaker 3: red flag for me. And it's like I want to

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Speaker 3: help him even more because I know how stuck he

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Speaker 3: is in his head. When your emotional body or your

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Speaker 3: heart's a painful place to be as a man. He

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Speaker 3: disconnects from the chin down. Yeah. So this is why

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Speaker 3: men's mental health is. I like it and I don't

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Speaker 3: like it at the same time, because I work beyond

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Speaker 3: the mind, and working with mental health is not working

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Speaker 3: with what's actually happening in the body that's signaling the thinking.

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Speaker 3: Someone has anxious thoughts, it's because they have anxiety in

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Speaker 3: their body. Yeah. So that's why I like to.

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Speaker 1: Come from stored stress or trauma.

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Speaker 3: So when I say enough leverage, what I do is

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Speaker 3: I take a man into what would happen if nothing change,

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Speaker 3: and for him to realize the pain that this anxiety

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Speaker 3: that's stuck in his body is actually causing, and I say, hey, cool,

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Speaker 3: are you open to trusting me? Right? There needs to

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Speaker 3: be a massive level of safety that's created for a

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Speaker 3: man to go into his heart.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: The longest road a man will ever go on is

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Speaker 3: from his head to his heart. The hardest road he'll

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Speaker 3: ever go on is from his head to his heart.

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Speaker 3: And one thing that I love so much about what

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Speaker 3: I get to do and I'm so passionate about, is

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Speaker 3: watching men's journey from their head to the heart. It's

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Speaker 3: the most powerful, beautiful thing. Yeah, so cool.

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Speaker 2: I feel like the coaches that Steve's worked with, we've

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Speaker 2: done like a couple sessions together and single ones. But

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Speaker 2: the two men that we both work with together and

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Speaker 2: he does solo sessions with one of them, I could

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Speaker 2: instantly see a shift in Steve's energy once he was

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Speaker 2: actually with that man. It was a sense of safety

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Speaker 2: and that like broke his walls down so quickly, and

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Speaker 2: it was so cool to witness another man be able

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Speaker 2: to do that with him, And he's still coaching with

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Speaker 2: this man like so many years later. So I'm assuming

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Speaker 2: once men get in a room with you or a

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Speaker 2: sky for whatever, and no one else is around and

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Speaker 2: they can just drop in and be with you, I

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Speaker 2: assume the waves would get broken down pretty quickly. But

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Speaker 2: I think a lot of women and I know because

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Speaker 2: I used to it this years ago, is I would

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Speaker 2: come from a place of criticizing, of saying what he's

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Speaker 2: doing wrong and he needs to fix this, and like

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Speaker 2: threats even and that just isn't that's.

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Speaker 1: Not going to help, right, absolutely not safe safety.

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Speaker 3: It's going to push a man even further away from Yeah,

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Speaker 3: like I shared in the previous episode. A man's transformation

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Speaker 3: really needs to come from a place of empowerment. Yes,

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Speaker 3: he doesn't want you to mother him and be his

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Speaker 3: mother sex tell him to pick his clothes up from

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Speaker 3: the floor. It's like, he doesn't want that, and you

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Speaker 3: don't want that either. Actually some do from the wound. Yeah, right,

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Speaker 3: when that little boy within him is playing out, he's

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Speaker 3: unconsciously seeking to have a woman, right, the mother that

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Speaker 3: he didn't receive. Right, So that's another that typically shows up.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, you know, the journey from the head to

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Speaker 3: the heart is the most beautiful, so beautiful.

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Speaker 2: Yep, I wrote down a stat that's really really heartbreaking,

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Speaker 2: but I think it's important to speak about. Over the

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Speaker 2: three thousand lives lost to suicide each year, approximately seventy

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Speaker 2: five percent of them are men.

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Speaker 1: That blew my mind.

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Speaker 2: So a total of two four hundred and fifty five

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Speaker 2: men died last year by suicide compared to seven hundred

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Speaker 2: and ninety four of women. They're huge numbers. That is massive,

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Speaker 2: and that's why I think I'm so passionate on like

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Speaker 2: creating a safe place for my little boy to express,

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Speaker 2: understand and acknowledge all of his feelings and making sure

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Speaker 2: that all of them are welcome, because I just think, like,

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Speaker 2: these stats need to go down. And it starts with us.

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Speaker 2: For women, it starts with us creating safe places for

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Speaker 2: our men to express. And with men, it's finding those

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Speaker 2: safe people, but also being brave enough to lean in

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Speaker 2: and put your hand up when you not okay, and

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Speaker 2: do you work with a lot of men that are

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Speaker 2: coming to you and are like I'm at my wits end,

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Speaker 2: Like I just don't want to be here anymore.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, It's typically a relationship breakdown, Is.

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Speaker 1: That the main thing? Really?

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Speaker 3: It's either that, yeah, or loss of purpose meaning right, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: So it's either their partner leaves them, their marriage, the

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Speaker 3: divorce is going down the drain, or she's leaving him,

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Speaker 3: or she's found someone else or whatever. And then not

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Speaker 3: only that, the carry on effect of the and this

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Speaker 3: is the shadow of the feminine, the dark feminine, which

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Speaker 3: is manipulation, the shadow of that, the wounding of the feminine, manipulation,

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Speaker 3: and what men experience on the backside of that is

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Speaker 3: the manipulation of a woman through a divorce with money, kids, children,

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Speaker 3: all of it. And it's the most heartbreaking thing to

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Speaker 3: see and experience. And I hold a lot of men

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Speaker 3: that go through that, and sometimes I sit there, I'm like, yeah, bro,

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Speaker 3: like I got you. Yeah, there's nothing that can happen here.

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Speaker 3: I'm here. I've got you. So that's all.

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Speaker 1: Just know, you need to hear someone just saying I've

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Speaker 1: got you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, makes any teary thinking about it, because you just

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Speaker 2: we've all heard so many stories where the kids get

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Speaker 2: taken away or you know, different things happen.

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Speaker 1: It just I can't even imagine for a man what

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Speaker 1: that must feel like.

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Speaker 3: Lonely, low, dark, and all he wants to do is

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Speaker 3: just provide. Yeah. Yeah, he just wants to give his heart,

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00:16:26,001 --> 00:16:28,841
Speaker 3: serve and provide. And it's because of that energy he's

365
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Speaker 3: pushed them away.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: The second thing that normally happens is a loss of

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Speaker 3: purpose or lack of purpose in life. Now. As I

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Speaker 3: shared before in the previous episode, the distraction from the

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Speaker 3: feeling going towards working and unconscious to building success, from

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Speaker 3: the foundation of the shame of the wounded and a

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Speaker 3: boy that's seeking to prove himself to the world, and

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Speaker 3: then the built up suppressed and repressed emotions of the

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Speaker 3: wounded in a child and the past trauma and the

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Speaker 3: wounding in the body that then gets distracted by work. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: as I shared before, it's not just work, it's his

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Speaker 3: meaning and purpose in life. So I've worked with many

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Speaker 3: high level CEOs that have exited their companies for hundreds

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Speaker 3: of millions of dollars and their body goes into just

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Speaker 3: full anxiety, like panic attack, and then it shows up

381
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Speaker 3: in their relationship, right, and then they come to me

382
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Speaker 3: for relationships, but it's actually got nothing to do with

383
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Speaker 3: It's like, hey, let's actually reconnect you with your purpose

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Speaker 3: and mission again as a man. It's so important that

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Speaker 3: men have their mission and their purpose and their thing

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Speaker 3: because a man needs something that's far greater than him,

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Speaker 3: that he's going and working towards the way he can

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Speaker 3: serve and provide, and his family they're alongside him on

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Speaker 3: his mission, and that's so important for a man to have.

390
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Speaker 3: But when he doesn't have that or it's taken away

391
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Speaker 3: from him, he loses all meaning and purpose and he

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Speaker 3: starts questioning, well, what's the fucking point, what's the meaning

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Speaker 3: of all of this? And then he doesn't have that

394
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Speaker 3: distraction anymore, and typically he either goes to habits that

395
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Speaker 3: don't serve him, or he just starts experiencing the lifetime

396
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Speaker 3: of emotion and wounds and trauma that are in his body.

397
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Speaker 3: He no longer has a distraction to avoid feeling it anymore.

398
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Speaker 3: Now he has to face it. That's really overwhelming for

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Speaker 3: a lot of men. My dad went through exactly that.

400
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Speaker 3: You know, he sold his company and then he lost

401
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:18,640
Speaker 3: his distraction, and he lost his meaning and purpose, and

402
00:18:18,681 --> 00:18:21,001
Speaker 3: then he had to face all of these emotions. He

403
00:18:21,041 --> 00:18:22,880
Speaker 3: would say, I don't know why, I'm just crying all

404
00:18:22,921 --> 00:18:25,801
Speaker 3: the time, and it led him down the path where

405
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Speaker 3: he was very close to taking his life because of it.

406
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Speaker 3: It's important as men that we have a relationship with death.

407
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Speaker 3: Reason being is because when a man knows and recognizes

408
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Speaker 3: that he's going to die and one day he lives

409
00:18:38,521 --> 00:18:40,640
Speaker 3: more on edge in the way of he goes after

410
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Speaker 3: the things that is most meaningful to him. He starts

411
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Speaker 3: looking at the things that are actually meaningful, like family.

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Speaker 3: Like ye, right, he's partner the people around him, he's

413
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Speaker 3: in a circle, like the things that are really important.

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Speaker 1: To see that. As men get old, yeah.

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Speaker 3: Starts to become more important. So relationship to death is important.

416
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Speaker 3: But yeah, a loss of those two things based on

417
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Speaker 3: and like I said, those two things, a relationship and

418
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Speaker 3: the purpose adjust a reflection and a build up of

419
00:19:08,921 --> 00:19:14,680
Speaker 3: the foundation of his original pain that he experienced in childhood.

420
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Speaker 3: And then a whole lifetime to prove that this is

421
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Speaker 3: who he is. And a whole lifetime of evidence that

422
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Speaker 3: this is who he is yea, and then a whole

423
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Speaker 3: lifetime of pain because of the foundation of that shame

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Speaker 3: or that original pain that's actually at the foundation of

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Speaker 3: it all.

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Speaker 2: Distractions in general? Are you meaning like olcohol, porn, phone work?

427
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Speaker 2: And I would love to know your opinion because I

428
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Speaker 2: feel like, I don't know if it's just Australian, but

429
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Speaker 2: I feel like the Aussie culture alcohol is so normalized.

430
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Speaker 1: But I feel like it's such a tool.

431
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Speaker 2: That men use to numb, distract and connect. Do you

432
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Speaker 2: find a lot of men that you work with are

433
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Speaker 2: big drinkers, Because I find, Yeah, in this Australian culture,

434
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Speaker 2: most men are. It is not serving their health, their relationship,

435
00:20:00,041 --> 00:20:02,681
Speaker 2: the energy, their purpose, but yet there's something they've grown

436
00:20:02,721 --> 00:20:04,361
Speaker 2: up with and it's so normalized. It's like the only

437
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:06,521
Speaker 2: drug that's cell weighted and you'll put down if you

438
00:20:06,521 --> 00:20:06,840
Speaker 2: don't do.

439
00:20:07,241 --> 00:20:10,281
Speaker 3: Yeah, the men that I attract into my world are

440
00:20:10,321 --> 00:20:12,721
Speaker 3: typically the ones that are ready to do the work

441
00:20:13,321 --> 00:20:16,441
Speaker 3: or have already done a bit of work previously. There's

442
00:20:16,801 --> 00:20:19,721
Speaker 3: a very large percentage of men that aren't even close

443
00:20:19,801 --> 00:20:22,240
Speaker 3: to this work, Like maybe the closest thing would be

444
00:20:22,241 --> 00:20:24,520
Speaker 3: listening to a podcast like That's and that is not

445
00:20:24,561 --> 00:20:28,200
Speaker 3: even touching the surface of what's there. So unfortunately I

446
00:20:28,241 --> 00:20:30,360
Speaker 3: can't speak for those men because I don't work with

447
00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:32,761
Speaker 3: those men. But what I do know is, yeah, the

448
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:36,801
Speaker 3: unhealthy and anything can be a distraction. Anything like me

449
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:38,920
Speaker 3: sitting here doing this podcast could be a distraction to

450
00:20:39,041 --> 00:20:40,080
Speaker 3: me feeling something right.

451
00:20:39,961 --> 00:20:42,080
Speaker 2: Reading self development books could be you knowing out from

452
00:20:42,321 --> 00:20:43,241
Speaker 2: what you're actually feeling.

453
00:20:43,281 --> 00:20:45,281
Speaker 3: A good question to ask is from what place am

454
00:20:45,281 --> 00:20:47,920
Speaker 3: I doing this? From? What is here that's not being felt?

455
00:20:48,201 --> 00:20:51,520
Speaker 3: And what's really important is, yeah, do the thing, but

456
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:54,001
Speaker 3: also have the awareness of there's something there that I

457
00:20:54,041 --> 00:20:56,240
Speaker 3: need to feel. It's the both, it's I do the

458
00:20:56,281 --> 00:20:59,520
Speaker 3: thing and I feel. So for me, it's like I

459
00:20:59,561 --> 00:21:01,400
Speaker 3: work my ass off and I work a lot, and

460
00:21:01,481 --> 00:21:03,561
Speaker 3: I create the time and space to feel and process

461
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:05,720
Speaker 3: what needs to be felt. Yes, so anything can be

462
00:21:05,761 --> 00:21:09,681
Speaker 3: a distraction, but those like drinking, partying, alcohol, sex, pawn

463
00:21:09,801 --> 00:21:15,041
Speaker 3: drugs like all of that. Vaping. Oh yeah, yeah. When

464
00:21:15,041 --> 00:21:18,241
Speaker 3: I see like a grown man vaping, all I see

465
00:21:18,321 --> 00:21:20,601
Speaker 3: is a little boy like sucking on a pacifier. Oh

466
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:23,481
Speaker 3: that's all I see because that's exactly what it is.

467
00:21:23,961 --> 00:21:27,360
Speaker 3: He's soothing and regulating his nervous system by sucking on

468
00:21:27,360 --> 00:21:30,921
Speaker 3: this vape, this plastic toy. That's exactly what he's doing.

469
00:21:31,041 --> 00:21:31,441
Speaker 1: Wow.

470
00:21:31,521 --> 00:21:34,600
Speaker 3: Yes, the goo way to put out. Yeah, that's the

471
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:37,880
Speaker 3: little boy. So majority of men are walking around life

472
00:21:37,921 --> 00:21:42,880
Speaker 3: as a grown adult child and bringing it back to

473
00:21:42,921 --> 00:21:45,720
Speaker 3: another baby term is like he's having like his bottle

474
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:47,481
Speaker 3: whatever and he goes and drinks, right.

475
00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:50,041
Speaker 1: Yeah, but what he's doing is in that moment.

476
00:21:49,921 --> 00:21:52,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, soothing, but it's also getting him into his body

477
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:54,600
Speaker 3: where he can be expressed as himself.

478
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:57,360
Speaker 1: So true, and a critic gets shut down.

479
00:21:57,521 --> 00:22:00,961
Speaker 3: Yeah, and he can finally be himself, he can finally dance,

480
00:22:01,041 --> 00:22:02,400
Speaker 3: he can finally be in his body.

481
00:22:02,561 --> 00:22:04,640
Speaker 1: Could be sexual, it could be funny, it can be loud.

482
00:22:05,201 --> 00:22:09,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, but typically because it's from a substance or because

483
00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:12,721
Speaker 3: it's so denied or suppressed or oppressed, the shadow comes out.

484
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:15,120
Speaker 3: And then this is where we see the toxic or

485
00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:19,521
Speaker 3: the unhealthy expression of masculinity. Yeah, when that starts to

486
00:22:19,521 --> 00:22:23,400
Speaker 3: come out through through these distractions and things. Yeah, so true.

487
00:22:23,441 --> 00:22:24,121
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness.

488
00:22:25,001 --> 00:22:27,640
Speaker 2: Wow, that's a big episode, so much to talk about,

489
00:22:27,801 --> 00:22:30,321
Speaker 2: so freaking cool. Once again, for anyone who has hasn't

490
00:22:30,321 --> 00:22:33,081
Speaker 2: come by your Instagram yet, what's your name on Instagram

491
00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:33,920
Speaker 2: so we can all find you?

492
00:22:34,041 --> 00:22:37,440
Speaker 3: Yep? So just Ryan Moresby. Why Instagram, Facebook? I post

493
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:41,281
Speaker 3: so much value really important highlights. This being like a

494
00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:46,960
Speaker 3: men's mental health episode is like do something anything or

495
00:22:46,961 --> 00:22:49,561
Speaker 3: anyone that you feel safe enough to bring something to,

496
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,441
Speaker 3: like just speak a great way to start moving and

497
00:22:52,521 --> 00:22:56,561
Speaker 3: expressing and processing traumous speaking about it. Yes, and when

498
00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:59,561
Speaker 3: you feel that safety with another man to open up

499
00:22:59,561 --> 00:23:01,760
Speaker 3: and speak about it, it's not actually as hard as

500
00:23:01,801 --> 00:23:04,440
Speaker 3: you think it is sometimes, so true. Yeah, And I

501
00:23:04,441 --> 00:23:06,680
Speaker 3: think that's really important for men to understand. It's actually

502
00:23:06,681 --> 00:23:09,241
Speaker 3: not as painful or as hard as you think when

503
00:23:09,281 --> 00:23:11,120
Speaker 3: you're in the right space and being held by a

504
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:15,840
Speaker 3: man who has been there, who has the ability to

505
00:23:16,521 --> 00:23:17,720
Speaker 3: hold you in that depth.

506
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:19,521
Speaker 1: So important.

507
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:22,680
Speaker 2: Even like how you said, your vulnerability can be a superpower.

508
00:23:22,721 --> 00:23:26,240
Speaker 2: I think when we share our experiences and our traumas

509
00:23:26,521 --> 00:23:29,080
Speaker 2: with another man, it shows them that they too can share,

510
00:23:29,120 --> 00:23:31,160
Speaker 2: that you can be that safe space for them as well.

511
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:32,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's beautiful.

512
00:23:33,041 --> 00:23:33,640
Speaker 3: Absolutely.

513
00:23:33,801 --> 00:23:34,761
Speaker 1: Oh thanks for joining me.

514
00:23:34,801 --> 00:23:37,681
Speaker 2: Really appreciate your time and your wisdom and I'm sure

515
00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:39,360
Speaker 2: cross paths again soon.

516
00:23:39,561 --> 00:23:42,161
Speaker 1: Thanks guys, we'll see you next Monday. Hi,