Speaker 1: APODJAP Production.
Speaker 2: Welcome back to another episode of am I A Bad Mom?
Speaker 1: Podcast?
Speaker 2: I actually this is going to blow your mind. Right,
Speaker 2: Actually put some memes up on the am I A
Speaker 2: Bad Mom Instagram You Sometimes I'm unsure whether you've already
Speaker 2: put them up before and I've just missed them. And
Speaker 2: then I put them up on the story and I'm like, oh, well,
Speaker 2: if she has, they were going to just see it again.
Speaker 3: Our followers will start to like send messages back, going,
Speaker 3: so who is this today?
Speaker 1: Clearly we're not.
Speaker 3: I didn't even see it, Katie, Well done to you.
Speaker 1: Actually, Amelia sent me once.
Speaker 2: So my daughter Amelia, every now and then she'll send
Speaker 2: me stuff on Instagram that she sees. Quite often it's
Speaker 2: to do with Billie Eish or something she wants for
Speaker 2: a birthday, But every now and then it's like a meme.
Speaker 1: And one of the ones that she sent me.
Speaker 2: Was once I started spending my own money, I realized
Speaker 2: Mum was right. We do have food at home. Yeah,
Speaker 2: because my reply to there's no food in the house
Speaker 2: is have a look in the fridge. There'll be some fruit.
Speaker 2: Look harder, rummage, there'll be some fruit in there. Because
Speaker 2: no one eats it. Yeah, so I know it's in
Speaker 2: there somewhere. I mean it might not be no fresh, it.
Speaker 3: Might be on the bottom of the crisp bat and
Speaker 3: a little bit soft, but you just get a knife
Speaker 3: out cut those soft bits off.
Speaker 1: It'll be totally edible.
Speaker 2: The other one that she sent me, which I really liked,
Speaker 2: which I actually posted as well, because it's also relevant
Speaker 2: to me.
Speaker 1: People see me.
Speaker 2: Spending money and think I'm rich. Bro I'm just irresponsible?
Speaker 2: Am I had Mum for reminding them that I am
Speaker 2: the adult.
Speaker 3: No, there's nothing wrong with this.
Speaker 1: No, I else.
Speaker 2: This is a topic that I've actually never brought up.
Speaker 2: I don't think in the like seven million episodes in
Speaker 2: our time, we've got so much content on our kids.
Speaker 2: This is to do with arguing with your partner, whether
Speaker 2: you're married, whether you've got a new partner, like, whatever
Speaker 2: it might be, and how kids feel about the arguing,
Speaker 2: because I don't argue with my husband very often, which
Speaker 2: I think is actually part of the problem. In fact,
Speaker 2: I think that's a massive part of the problem. I
Speaker 2: think because they don't see it very often that when
Speaker 2: it happens, they're like, oh, this is a problem, And
Speaker 2: I feel like as they've got older, they've cared more
Speaker 2: and more about it, to the point where had an
Speaker 2: argument with Jay recently and Amelia just got so involved
Speaker 2: and it would have been easy to go do that's
Speaker 2: done this this, like I'm so mad at him. And
Speaker 2: then I literally was like, okay, stop, you're the adult.
Speaker 2: Don't put that onto your child, Like that's not what
Speaker 2: you're supposed to do.
Speaker 1: And so she text me when she went to school saying,
Speaker 1: you know, are you going to do this? Are you
Speaker 1: going to make up with dad?
Speaker 2: Blah blah blah blah blah, And I started writing well,
Speaker 2: and then I went, okay, no, you know what you like?
Speaker 1: Rite right right, all right? And then you go.
Speaker 3: You feel kind of better after you've texted one hundred
Speaker 3: miles an hour and then you're like, no, I'm not
Speaker 3: going to say.
Speaker 2: No, don't send that and yoused delete it, and then
Speaker 2: I went with yes, love her emoji. But what I
Speaker 2: find happens now is they get so involved that it
Speaker 2: just makes it worse. Because I was finding that she
Speaker 2: was hassling me, hassling me, hassling me, what are you
Speaker 2: arguing about? Trying to dig for information, and then I'd
Speaker 2: give her the smallest bit of information, and then she'd
Speaker 2: go to him, and he'd then think that I've been
Speaker 2: talking to her, which I hadn't, and then she'd hassled,
Speaker 2: hassled to hassled, hassled him. He'd then given her the
Speaker 2: smallest bit of information just to shut her up and
Speaker 2: send her on away, same as I had done.
Speaker 1: And then she comes to me and then I'm like,
Speaker 1: he's talking to her about it. That's not responsible. These
Speaker 1: are our kids. And then I just got to the
Speaker 1: point where I was like, you need to not get involved.
Speaker 2: Let us be adults. Adults can have arguments. Everyone can
Speaker 2: argue and disagree on certain things, and then they work
Speaker 2: through their shit and they sorted out themselves and then
Speaker 2: it's fine again. What you're doing is you're getting too
Speaker 2: involved and it's not healthy for you and it's not
Speaker 2: helping us, and you're trying to be helpful but it's
Speaker 2: actually backfiring. Yeah, what are your kids like if you
Speaker 2: have an argument with Sam?
Speaker 3: I think that we would be of similar nature.
Speaker 1: When they're younger. They didn't care as much because I don't.
Speaker 3: Know, Yeah, but we had a thing when they were
Speaker 3: also younger of going like if we did have a
Speaker 3: drama with each other, it would never be in front
Speaker 3: of anyone, never be in front of the kids. It
Speaker 3: would never be public. It would always be saved for
Speaker 3: when you're both just by yourself, or it would be
Speaker 3: exchanged or text message or phone calls or something when
Speaker 3: you're not around anyone else. And you can easily say
Speaker 3: that no one fights, but that's lying. And the therapist
Speaker 3: that I saw, and you know I still see for years,
Speaker 3: she always said, and I remember bringing this up, going
Speaker 3: but we don't fight. She was like, that's not right then,
Speaker 3: Like there is anger and arguments within a relationship that
Speaker 3: can be quite healthy. And like, I'm not saying that
Speaker 3: everyone needs to argue, but I'm saying that there has
Speaker 3: to be levels of disagreement within you know, partnerships, because
Speaker 3: that's probably what makes it even better. But the key
Speaker 3: to what she always told me, especially with the children involved,
Speaker 3: or if the children were to be around, when you'd
Speaker 3: have that disagreement or anger at each other, is she
Speaker 3: always said that the most important part is the resolution.
Speaker 3: So they might see the explosion, but what the most
Speaker 3: important part is for the kids to see is how
Speaker 3: you resolve the issue together. Yeah, and so I've always
Speaker 3: had that in the back of my mind of going
Speaker 3: because like we know, like we've been doing this podcast
Speaker 3: for a really long time, I'm a firecracker, Like I'm
Speaker 3: definitely not an easy person to live with. Sam is
Speaker 3: definitely the complete opposite. There's moments in it where you
Speaker 3: just go wow. But Elsie now seems very she can
Speaker 3: feel it. So when she can feel the tension, especially
Speaker 3: between him and I, or she hears us arguing, she'll
Speaker 3: like bring it up and she'll try and somewhat get
Speaker 3: involved with going you to just stop arguing, and You're like, no,
Speaker 3: this is not unhealthy. Anger is not unhealthy. We've got
Speaker 3: to express it to be able to then resolve it
Speaker 3: and move forward. That's a part of life. You're going
Speaker 3: to have this with maybe your partner, maybe me, maybe
Speaker 3: your friends. But it is a healthy, you know, part
Speaker 3: of a relationship of the you know, especially with the
Speaker 3: people that you do care for and do have that
Speaker 3: relationship with or friendship. But yeah, so Elsie use more
Speaker 3: of the feel like Gracie will tend to like really
Speaker 3: shy away, like really sort of retreat almost if we're arguing.
Speaker 2: I've got friends and family who the kids don't bat
Speaker 2: an eyel it because they bicker a lot, yep. And
Speaker 2: so that's a constant and that's been a constant yea.
Speaker 2: And that's why they've been little. It's like little biggers here,
Speaker 2: little bigger's here getting mad at each other, but being open,
Speaker 2: and you know, maybe that's a good thing, saying you
Speaker 2: know what you're annoyed at at that time and then
Speaker 2: fixing it instantly.
Speaker 1: And the kids have just they ignore it. Like I
Speaker 1: watch them, it's like water off a duck's back. They're
Speaker 1: used to that.
Speaker 2: And so I think definitely, when you're in a household
Speaker 2: where you don't argue very often, then it's a bit
Speaker 2: of a shock to them and then they start getting,
Speaker 2: you know, worried. And this is an interesting conversation as
Speaker 2: well for anyone that's like going through a breakup or whatever.
Speaker 2: It might be navigating kids when you're fucking hating each
Speaker 2: other in that moment. This is going to be a
Speaker 2: really weird analogy. But I remember seeing something about Kim Kardashian, right,
Speaker 2: and she was talking about Kanye West.
Speaker 1: Obviously the world.
Speaker 2: Knows he's done all sorts of you know, things that
Speaker 2: is crazy, but she said to my children, I will
Speaker 2: always be his biggest cheerleader.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's their dad. That's a hard thing to do easy.
Speaker 3: It is a very much adult thing to do.
Speaker 2: You are not agreeing with anything they're doing or saying,
Speaker 2: and whatever they've done to you, I don't know, but
Speaker 2: you're going, Okay, I'm going to put that aside. I'm
Speaker 2: going to be really fucking grown up, and I'm going
Speaker 2: to do nothing but speak highly of them in front
Speaker 2: of my children because that's their father.
Speaker 3: And that is something I think that we should all
Speaker 3: take that piece of advice. I mean, I wouldn't say
Speaker 3: there would be anything else that I would take from
Speaker 3: Kim Kardashian as advice, but that in itself is definitely
Speaker 3: something that I would encourage. But also, you know, have
Speaker 3: that ability to do the work on yourself to be
Speaker 3: able to park your own emotions towards that person for
Speaker 3: the sake of your children, because you've gone to the
Speaker 3: point of right recreating humans with these people. You know,
Speaker 3: my mom could have easily shut all over my dad
Speaker 3: when they split up, like easily, but she didn't. She
Speaker 3: was always like, nope, because he's always going to be
Speaker 3: your father, And I always want you to have your
Speaker 3: father in your lives, and he's a really good man,
Speaker 3: and he's you know, and he's your dad at the
Speaker 3: end of the day, and that nothing will ever change that.
Speaker 3: And so all she did was, you know, encourage that relationship.
Speaker 3: And she had a lot to park, Let's just put
Speaker 3: it that way, to be able to, you know, help
Speaker 3: us flourish within our relationship with our dad. Yeah, that's
Speaker 3: like another whole topic for me because I look at
Speaker 3: that and go, I'm a byproduct of that. And now,
Speaker 3: in turn, if Sam and I had to split tomorrow,
Speaker 3: there's no way that I would turn on him via
Speaker 3: my children, because all we're doing is damaging our kids.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's such a big and important thing to do,
Speaker 2: which my mom also did when her and my dad's up.
Speaker 2: My dad had an affair with the lady who ran
Speaker 2: the local pub.
Speaker 1: So what my mom did, which is similar to what
Speaker 1: you're saying, she wrote on the.
Speaker 2: Board outside where they had the lunch specials. Yep, Graham
Speaker 2: Matton has been bonking pat from behind the bar.
Speaker 1: Don't eat here. I knew that makes me.
Speaker 3: Because that's not affecting your kids. That's just simply stating
Speaker 3: a fact. That's very clear to the point, and it's
Speaker 3: just on the Lunch Special board.