1 00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:07,281 Speaker 1: APODJAP Production. 2 00:00:22,841 --> 00:00:26,161 Speaker 2: Welcome back to another episode of am I A Bad Mom? 3 00:00:26,321 --> 00:00:26,921 Speaker 1: Podcast? 4 00:00:27,401 --> 00:00:29,681 Speaker 2: I actually this is going to blow your mind. Right, 5 00:00:30,201 --> 00:00:33,480 Speaker 2: Actually put some memes up on the am I A 6 00:00:33,481 --> 00:00:37,800 Speaker 2: Bad Mom Instagram You Sometimes I'm unsure whether you've already 7 00:00:37,881 --> 00:00:41,001 Speaker 2: put them up before and I've just missed them. And 8 00:00:41,001 --> 00:00:43,040 Speaker 2: then I put them up on the story and I'm like, oh, well, 9 00:00:43,081 --> 00:00:44,921 Speaker 2: if she has, they were going to just see it again. 10 00:00:46,001 --> 00:00:48,921 Speaker 3: Our followers will start to like send messages back, going, 11 00:00:49,001 --> 00:00:50,321 Speaker 3: so who is this today? 12 00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:52,001 Speaker 1: Clearly we're not. 13 00:00:52,161 --> 00:00:54,641 Speaker 3: I didn't even see it, Katie, Well done to you. 14 00:00:54,881 --> 00:00:56,521 Speaker 1: Actually, Amelia sent me once. 15 00:00:56,521 --> 00:00:59,001 Speaker 2: So my daughter Amelia, every now and then she'll send 16 00:00:59,001 --> 00:01:02,321 Speaker 2: me stuff on Instagram that she sees. Quite often it's 17 00:01:02,361 --> 00:01:04,081 Speaker 2: to do with Billie Eish or something she wants for 18 00:01:04,121 --> 00:01:05,961 Speaker 2: a birthday, But every now and then it's like a meme. 19 00:01:06,561 --> 00:01:08,241 Speaker 1: And one of the ones that she sent me. 20 00:01:08,281 --> 00:01:11,241 Speaker 2: Was once I started spending my own money, I realized 21 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:15,520 Speaker 2: Mum was right. We do have food at home. Yeah, 22 00:01:15,761 --> 00:01:18,601 Speaker 2: because my reply to there's no food in the house 23 00:01:18,761 --> 00:01:21,081 Speaker 2: is have a look in the fridge. There'll be some fruit. 24 00:01:21,161 --> 00:01:23,800 Speaker 2: Look harder, rummage, there'll be some fruit in there. Because 25 00:01:23,801 --> 00:01:25,681 Speaker 2: no one eats it. Yeah, so I know it's in 26 00:01:25,681 --> 00:01:27,800 Speaker 2: there somewhere. I mean it might not be no fresh, it. 27 00:01:27,801 --> 00:01:30,440 Speaker 3: Might be on the bottom of the crisp bat and 28 00:01:30,481 --> 00:01:32,800 Speaker 3: a little bit soft, but you just get a knife 29 00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:34,640 Speaker 3: out cut those soft bits off. 30 00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:35,961 Speaker 1: It'll be totally edible. 31 00:01:36,521 --> 00:01:38,441 Speaker 2: The other one that she sent me, which I really liked, 32 00:01:38,481 --> 00:01:41,641 Speaker 2: which I actually posted as well, because it's also relevant 33 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:41,840 Speaker 2: to me. 34 00:01:43,041 --> 00:01:43,801 Speaker 1: People see me. 35 00:01:43,881 --> 00:01:47,160 Speaker 2: Spending money and think I'm rich. Bro I'm just irresponsible? 36 00:01:57,561 --> 00:02:00,520 Speaker 2: Am I had Mum for reminding them that I am 37 00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:01,041 Speaker 2: the adult. 38 00:02:01,641 --> 00:02:03,561 Speaker 3: No, there's nothing wrong with this. 39 00:02:04,001 --> 00:02:04,801 Speaker 1: No, I else. 40 00:02:05,361 --> 00:02:08,001 Speaker 2: This is a topic that I've actually never brought up. 41 00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:14,281 Speaker 2: I don't think in the like seven million episodes in 42 00:02:14,361 --> 00:02:17,361 Speaker 2: our time, we've got so much content on our kids. 43 00:02:17,841 --> 00:02:21,361 Speaker 2: This is to do with arguing with your partner, whether 44 00:02:21,401 --> 00:02:24,681 Speaker 2: you're married, whether you've got a new partner, like, whatever 45 00:02:24,721 --> 00:02:28,601 Speaker 2: it might be, and how kids feel about the arguing, 46 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:33,001 Speaker 2: because I don't argue with my husband very often, which 47 00:02:33,041 --> 00:02:35,081 Speaker 2: I think is actually part of the problem. In fact, 48 00:02:35,121 --> 00:02:36,601 Speaker 2: I think that's a massive part of the problem. I 49 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:40,281 Speaker 2: think because they don't see it very often that when 50 00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:45,441 Speaker 2: it happens, they're like, oh, this is a problem, And 51 00:02:45,481 --> 00:02:48,161 Speaker 2: I feel like as they've got older, they've cared more 52 00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:51,361 Speaker 2: and more about it, to the point where had an 53 00:02:51,441 --> 00:02:57,081 Speaker 2: argument with Jay recently and Amelia just got so involved 54 00:02:57,481 --> 00:02:58,921 Speaker 2: and it would have been easy to go do that's 55 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:02,761 Speaker 2: done this this, like I'm so mad at him. And 56 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:06,441 Speaker 2: then I literally was like, okay, stop, you're the adult. 57 00:03:06,721 --> 00:03:09,081 Speaker 2: Don't put that onto your child, Like that's not what 58 00:03:09,081 --> 00:03:09,841 Speaker 2: you're supposed to do. 59 00:03:10,281 --> 00:03:13,000 Speaker 1: And so she text me when she went to school saying, 60 00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:15,560 Speaker 1: you know, are you going to do this? Are you 61 00:03:15,641 --> 00:03:16,441 Speaker 1: going to make up with dad? 62 00:03:16,441 --> 00:03:19,761 Speaker 2: Blah blah blah blah blah, And I started writing well, 63 00:03:20,321 --> 00:03:22,641 Speaker 2: and then I went, okay, no, you know what you like? 64 00:03:22,721 --> 00:03:24,120 Speaker 1: Rite right right, all right? And then you go. 65 00:03:27,601 --> 00:03:30,361 Speaker 3: You feel kind of better after you've texted one hundred 66 00:03:30,361 --> 00:03:32,041 Speaker 3: miles an hour and then you're like, no, I'm not 67 00:03:32,041 --> 00:03:32,601 Speaker 3: going to say. 68 00:03:32,561 --> 00:03:34,761 Speaker 2: No, don't send that and yoused delete it, and then 69 00:03:34,801 --> 00:03:39,641 Speaker 2: I went with yes, love her emoji. But what I 70 00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:44,281 Speaker 2: find happens now is they get so involved that it 71 00:03:44,441 --> 00:03:48,241 Speaker 2: just makes it worse. Because I was finding that she 72 00:03:49,361 --> 00:03:53,001 Speaker 2: was hassling me, hassling me, hassling me, what are you 73 00:03:53,121 --> 00:03:56,880 Speaker 2: arguing about? Trying to dig for information, and then I'd 74 00:03:56,921 --> 00:03:59,721 Speaker 2: give her the smallest bit of information, and then she'd 75 00:03:59,721 --> 00:04:02,481 Speaker 2: go to him, and he'd then think that I've been 76 00:04:02,521 --> 00:04:06,561 Speaker 2: talking to her, which I hadn't, and then she'd hassled, 77 00:04:06,561 --> 00:04:09,561 Speaker 2: hassled to hassled, hassled him. He'd then given her the 78 00:04:09,641 --> 00:04:12,001 Speaker 2: smallest bit of information just to shut her up and 79 00:04:12,401 --> 00:04:14,241 Speaker 2: send her on away, same as I had done. 80 00:04:14,361 --> 00:04:16,080 Speaker 1: And then she comes to me and then I'm like, 81 00:04:16,401 --> 00:04:22,041 Speaker 1: he's talking to her about it. That's not responsible. These 82 00:04:22,081 --> 00:04:24,841 Speaker 1: are our kids. And then I just got to the 83 00:04:24,841 --> 00:04:27,961 Speaker 1: point where I was like, you need to not get involved. 84 00:04:28,801 --> 00:04:32,801 Speaker 2: Let us be adults. Adults can have arguments. Everyone can 85 00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:35,440 Speaker 2: argue and disagree on certain things, and then they work 86 00:04:35,521 --> 00:04:38,361 Speaker 2: through their shit and they sorted out themselves and then 87 00:04:38,401 --> 00:04:41,081 Speaker 2: it's fine again. What you're doing is you're getting too 88 00:04:41,121 --> 00:04:43,041 Speaker 2: involved and it's not healthy for you and it's not 89 00:04:43,081 --> 00:04:45,561 Speaker 2: helping us, and you're trying to be helpful but it's 90 00:04:45,601 --> 00:04:48,961 Speaker 2: actually backfiring. Yeah, what are your kids like if you 91 00:04:49,001 --> 00:04:50,121 Speaker 2: have an argument with Sam? 92 00:04:50,281 --> 00:04:52,641 Speaker 3: I think that we would be of similar nature. 93 00:04:52,801 --> 00:04:54,801 Speaker 1: When they're younger. They didn't care as much because I don't. 94 00:04:54,721 --> 00:04:58,080 Speaker 3: Know, Yeah, but we had a thing when they were 95 00:04:58,161 --> 00:05:00,601 Speaker 3: also younger of going like if we did have a 96 00:05:00,681 --> 00:05:04,241 Speaker 3: drama with each other, it would never be in front 97 00:05:04,281 --> 00:05:06,281 Speaker 3: of anyone, never be in front of the kids. It 98 00:05:06,281 --> 00:05:09,880 Speaker 3: would never be public. It would always be saved for 99 00:05:09,961 --> 00:05:12,281 Speaker 3: when you're both just by yourself, or it would be 100 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,961 Speaker 3: exchanged or text message or phone calls or something when 101 00:05:15,001 --> 00:05:19,401 Speaker 3: you're not around anyone else. And you can easily say 102 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:23,481 Speaker 3: that no one fights, but that's lying. And the therapist 103 00:05:23,561 --> 00:05:27,281 Speaker 3: that I saw, and you know I still see for years, 104 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:29,681 Speaker 3: she always said, and I remember bringing this up, going 105 00:05:29,681 --> 00:05:32,761 Speaker 3: but we don't fight. She was like, that's not right then, 106 00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:36,361 Speaker 3: Like there is anger and arguments within a relationship that 107 00:05:36,481 --> 00:05:40,001 Speaker 3: can be quite healthy. And like, I'm not saying that 108 00:05:40,041 --> 00:05:42,961 Speaker 3: everyone needs to argue, but I'm saying that there has 109 00:05:43,041 --> 00:05:47,241 Speaker 3: to be levels of disagreement within you know, partnerships, because 110 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:50,841 Speaker 3: that's probably what makes it even better. But the key 111 00:05:50,961 --> 00:05:54,361 Speaker 3: to what she always told me, especially with the children involved, 112 00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:57,841 Speaker 3: or if the children were to be around, when you'd 113 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:01,361 Speaker 3: have that disagreement or anger at each other, is she 114 00:06:01,401 --> 00:06:04,321 Speaker 3: always said that the most important part is the resolution. 115 00:06:05,081 --> 00:06:08,001 Speaker 3: So they might see the explosion, but what the most 116 00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:10,961 Speaker 3: important part is for the kids to see is how 117 00:06:11,001 --> 00:06:14,840 Speaker 3: you resolve the issue together. Yeah, and so I've always 118 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:16,601 Speaker 3: had that in the back of my mind of going 119 00:06:16,601 --> 00:06:19,081 Speaker 3: because like we know, like we've been doing this podcast 120 00:06:19,121 --> 00:06:21,760 Speaker 3: for a really long time, I'm a firecracker, Like I'm 121 00:06:21,801 --> 00:06:25,201 Speaker 3: definitely not an easy person to live with. Sam is 122 00:06:25,241 --> 00:06:29,041 Speaker 3: definitely the complete opposite. There's moments in it where you 123 00:06:29,081 --> 00:06:32,881 Speaker 3: just go wow. But Elsie now seems very she can 124 00:06:32,921 --> 00:06:36,121 Speaker 3: feel it. So when she can feel the tension, especially 125 00:06:36,121 --> 00:06:39,760 Speaker 3: between him and I, or she hears us arguing, she'll 126 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:42,640 Speaker 3: like bring it up and she'll try and somewhat get 127 00:06:42,641 --> 00:06:45,641 Speaker 3: involved with going you to just stop arguing, and You're like, no, 128 00:06:46,241 --> 00:06:50,241 Speaker 3: this is not unhealthy. Anger is not unhealthy. We've got 129 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:52,881 Speaker 3: to express it to be able to then resolve it 130 00:06:53,001 --> 00:06:55,440 Speaker 3: and move forward. That's a part of life. You're going 131 00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:58,921 Speaker 3: to have this with maybe your partner, maybe me, maybe 132 00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:02,241 Speaker 3: your friends. But it is a healthy, you know, part 133 00:07:02,281 --> 00:07:04,521 Speaker 3: of a relationship of the you know, especially with the 134 00:07:04,521 --> 00:07:07,121 Speaker 3: people that you do care for and do have that 135 00:07:07,281 --> 00:07:11,081 Speaker 3: relationship with or friendship. But yeah, so Elsie use more 136 00:07:11,121 --> 00:07:13,801 Speaker 3: of the feel like Gracie will tend to like really 137 00:07:13,841 --> 00:07:19,601 Speaker 3: shy away, like really sort of retreat almost if we're arguing. 138 00:07:19,921 --> 00:07:23,601 Speaker 2: I've got friends and family who the kids don't bat 139 00:07:23,681 --> 00:07:26,721 Speaker 2: an eyel it because they bicker a lot, yep. And 140 00:07:26,801 --> 00:07:29,521 Speaker 2: so that's a constant and that's been a constant yea. 141 00:07:29,761 --> 00:07:32,401 Speaker 2: And that's why they've been little. It's like little biggers here, 142 00:07:32,441 --> 00:07:35,321 Speaker 2: little bigger's here getting mad at each other, but being open, 143 00:07:35,361 --> 00:07:37,441 Speaker 2: and you know, maybe that's a good thing, saying you 144 00:07:37,481 --> 00:07:39,561 Speaker 2: know what you're annoyed at at that time and then 145 00:07:39,641 --> 00:07:40,921 Speaker 2: fixing it instantly. 146 00:07:41,681 --> 00:07:44,121 Speaker 1: And the kids have just they ignore it. Like I 147 00:07:44,161 --> 00:07:47,201 Speaker 1: watch them, it's like water off a duck's back. They're 148 00:07:47,321 --> 00:07:47,841 Speaker 1: used to that. 149 00:07:48,041 --> 00:07:51,761 Speaker 2: And so I think definitely, when you're in a household 150 00:07:51,841 --> 00:07:56,761 Speaker 2: where you don't argue very often, then it's a bit 151 00:07:56,761 --> 00:07:58,521 Speaker 2: of a shock to them and then they start getting, 152 00:07:58,641 --> 00:08:01,201 Speaker 2: you know, worried. And this is an interesting conversation as 153 00:08:01,201 --> 00:08:04,681 Speaker 2: well for anyone that's like going through a breakup or whatever. 154 00:08:04,721 --> 00:08:09,841 Speaker 2: It might be navigating kids when you're fucking hating each 155 00:08:09,841 --> 00:08:12,641 Speaker 2: other in that moment. This is going to be a 156 00:08:12,721 --> 00:08:17,681 Speaker 2: really weird analogy. But I remember seeing something about Kim Kardashian, right, 157 00:08:17,721 --> 00:08:19,160 Speaker 2: and she was talking about Kanye West. 158 00:08:19,561 --> 00:08:20,801 Speaker 1: Obviously the world. 159 00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:23,681 Speaker 2: Knows he's done all sorts of you know, things that 160 00:08:23,881 --> 00:08:29,041 Speaker 2: is crazy, but she said to my children, I will 161 00:08:29,081 --> 00:08:30,801 Speaker 2: always be his biggest cheerleader. 162 00:08:31,441 --> 00:08:34,881 Speaker 1: Yeah, he's their dad. That's a hard thing to do easy. 163 00:08:35,401 --> 00:08:37,601 Speaker 3: It is a very much adult thing to do. 164 00:08:37,801 --> 00:08:40,201 Speaker 2: You are not agreeing with anything they're doing or saying, 165 00:08:40,281 --> 00:08:42,761 Speaker 2: and whatever they've done to you, I don't know, but 166 00:08:42,841 --> 00:08:44,961 Speaker 2: you're going, Okay, I'm going to put that aside. I'm 167 00:08:44,961 --> 00:08:48,241 Speaker 2: going to be really fucking grown up, and I'm going 168 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:51,081 Speaker 2: to do nothing but speak highly of them in front 169 00:08:51,081 --> 00:08:52,761 Speaker 2: of my children because that's their father. 170 00:08:52,801 --> 00:08:56,081 Speaker 3: And that is something I think that we should all 171 00:08:56,441 --> 00:08:59,361 Speaker 3: take that piece of advice. I mean, I wouldn't say 172 00:08:59,481 --> 00:09:01,641 Speaker 3: there would be anything else that I would take from 173 00:09:01,721 --> 00:09:05,481 Speaker 3: Kim Kardashian as advice, but that in itself is definitely 174 00:09:05,521 --> 00:09:09,641 Speaker 3: something that I would encourage. But also, you know, have 175 00:09:09,761 --> 00:09:11,601 Speaker 3: that ability to do the work on yourself to be 176 00:09:11,641 --> 00:09:14,561 Speaker 3: able to park your own emotions towards that person for 177 00:09:14,641 --> 00:09:16,801 Speaker 3: the sake of your children, because you've gone to the 178 00:09:16,801 --> 00:09:21,641 Speaker 3: point of right recreating humans with these people. You know, 179 00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:25,001 Speaker 3: my mom could have easily shut all over my dad 180 00:09:25,361 --> 00:09:28,561 Speaker 3: when they split up, like easily, but she didn't. She 181 00:09:28,681 --> 00:09:32,241 Speaker 3: was always like, nope, because he's always going to be 182 00:09:32,281 --> 00:09:34,721 Speaker 3: your father, And I always want you to have your 183 00:09:34,721 --> 00:09:37,041 Speaker 3: father in your lives, and he's a really good man, 184 00:09:37,481 --> 00:09:39,241 Speaker 3: and he's you know, and he's your dad at the 185 00:09:39,321 --> 00:09:41,841 Speaker 3: end of the day, and that nothing will ever change that. 186 00:09:42,281 --> 00:09:45,881 Speaker 3: And so all she did was, you know, encourage that relationship. 187 00:09:46,001 --> 00:09:48,001 Speaker 3: And she had a lot to park, Let's just put 188 00:09:48,041 --> 00:09:50,481 Speaker 3: it that way, to be able to, you know, help 189 00:09:50,561 --> 00:09:54,681 Speaker 3: us flourish within our relationship with our dad. Yeah, that's 190 00:09:54,721 --> 00:09:56,761 Speaker 3: like another whole topic for me because I look at 191 00:09:56,801 --> 00:10:00,161 Speaker 3: that and go, I'm a byproduct of that. And now, 192 00:10:00,321 --> 00:10:02,961 Speaker 3: in turn, if Sam and I had to split tomorrow, 193 00:10:03,801 --> 00:10:07,481 Speaker 3: there's no way that I would turn on him via 194 00:10:07,681 --> 00:10:10,201 Speaker 3: my children, because all we're doing is damaging our kids. 195 00:10:10,521 --> 00:10:15,361 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's such a big and important thing to do, 196 00:10:16,161 --> 00:10:20,081 Speaker 2: which my mom also did when her and my dad's up. 197 00:10:20,321 --> 00:10:23,161 Speaker 2: My dad had an affair with the lady who ran 198 00:10:23,201 --> 00:10:24,041 Speaker 2: the local pub. 199 00:10:24,401 --> 00:10:26,481 Speaker 1: So what my mom did, which is similar to what 200 00:10:26,521 --> 00:10:29,441 Speaker 1: you're saying, she wrote on the. 201 00:10:29,681 --> 00:10:37,561 Speaker 2: Board outside where they had the lunch specials. Yep, Graham 202 00:10:37,641 --> 00:10:41,441 Speaker 2: Matton has been bonking pat from behind the bar. 203 00:10:42,121 --> 00:10:48,801 Speaker 1: Don't eat here. I knew that makes me. 204 00:10:51,481 --> 00:10:56,401 Speaker 3: Because that's not affecting your kids. That's just simply stating 205 00:10:56,401 --> 00:10:59,041 Speaker 3: a fact. That's very clear to the point, and it's 206 00:10:59,121 --> 00:11:00,601 Speaker 3: just on the Lunch Special board.