1 00:00:01,520 --> 00:00:06,640 Speaker 1: Is the City with Kate Winky podcast. 2 00:00:05,800 --> 00:00:07,920 Speaker 2: A bit of an update from our joint Ryan James 3 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:09,520 Speaker 2: doing a bit of landscape and at the back had 4 00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:10,960 Speaker 2: of retaining wall built. 5 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:12,920 Speaker 3: Anyway as part of the deal. 6 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:16,120 Speaker 2: They said, hey, can the tradesmen that are building the wall, 7 00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:17,360 Speaker 2: could they use your bathroom? 8 00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:18,640 Speaker 3: Or do you want to get a portaloo? 9 00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:21,439 Speaker 2: And I said, oh, remember I had that guy not 10 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:24,840 Speaker 2: long ago, came to use the washing machine he derived 11 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:28,600 Speaker 2: and the first thing he said was can I use 12 00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:35,080 Speaker 2: your bathroom? Twenty minutes later and he's murdered it. He's 13 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:38,080 Speaker 2: committed one of the great crimes of the modern era. 14 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:41,839 Speaker 2: Like no one could go near or walk past that 15 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:44,000 Speaker 2: bathroom for three weeks. 16 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:47,720 Speaker 3: I reckon, what do. 17 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:51,519 Speaker 2: They call those things? A pest exterminators or whatever. I 18 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:53,600 Speaker 2: need one of those to come and like it was 19 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:55,400 Speaker 2: like a chemical spill. 20 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:58,720 Speaker 4: Tom, don't do that to trades man, yea, yeah, we 21 00:00:59,160 --> 00:00:59,680 Speaker 4: don't need it. 22 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:03,000 Speaker 5: Well, I don't think you need to spray trade he's 23 00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:04,120 Speaker 5: in extermin and they're. 24 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:06,520 Speaker 2: Not the trades anyway. So what I've done, I said, no, 25 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,640 Speaker 2: why don't we get a portolo. We can whack it 26 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:11,440 Speaker 2: out at the driveway and it'll be fine. So the 27 00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:14,000 Speaker 2: portoloo's there, and you know, the kids think it's funny 28 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:16,520 Speaker 2: to go unhide, and I said, just just don't play 29 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:19,440 Speaker 2: with the portolo anyway. I'm out the front, I'm on 30 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:22,160 Speaker 2: the blower trying to get some leaves away, and a 31 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:23,320 Speaker 2: guy come fast. 32 00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:26,360 Speaker 3: This is during the day, this is on Friday. 33 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:30,760 Speaker 2: A guy comes past and he's a cyclist and he's 34 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:33,600 Speaker 2: ridding his bike and he stops at the gate and 35 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:34,240 Speaker 2: he says. 36 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:37,240 Speaker 3: Hey, please you your portaloop. 37 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:41,320 Speaker 4: That's fine, isn't it. Well, of course, yeah. 38 00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:44,280 Speaker 3: I said you. I mean it's for the builders. It's 39 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:46,280 Speaker 3: supplied for the trades people out the back. 40 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:52,320 Speaker 2: But yeah, I can't see why you said toilet quickly anyway, 41 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,600 Speaker 2: So he gets off his bike and awkwardly to see 42 00:01:55,640 --> 00:02:00,640 Speaker 2: a grown man walk in cycling shoes that he's clipped 43 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:04,720 Speaker 2: from his pedals and walk like he's in ski boots 44 00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:09,200 Speaker 2: into a portaloo in lycra I thought I was gonna 45 00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:12,160 Speaker 2: have to help him undress himself before he could actually go. 46 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:12,800 Speaker 3: To the toilet. 47 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:16,520 Speaker 2: And what was interesting fits I learned pretty quickly, based 48 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:18,440 Speaker 2: on the time he was in there, that he did 49 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:21,960 Speaker 2: not need to do number ones. So he pulled up 50 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:24,200 Speaker 2: a seat in the portaloo. Was sort of five. 51 00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:24,959 Speaker 3: Minutes, seven minutes. 52 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:26,800 Speaker 4: Good effort, not a good effort. 53 00:02:26,919 --> 00:02:29,880 Speaker 3: I'm thinking, you know, okay, sure. 54 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:33,720 Speaker 2: Until the until one of the trades walked up and 55 00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:35,600 Speaker 2: wanted to use the toilet. 56 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:38,480 Speaker 3: So we're standing there. I don't know what he was 57 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:39,239 Speaker 3: doing there. 58 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:41,000 Speaker 4: There was a lineup for the portal There was a. 59 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,800 Speaker 3: Lineup, but all of a sudden I turned into a 60 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:43,680 Speaker 3: dormant at the pub. 61 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:46,359 Speaker 2: So I'm standing there and the trades I'm going, won't 62 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:48,400 Speaker 2: be a minute, mate, he won't be a minute if 63 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:49,799 Speaker 2: you can, just if you're happy, just to wait over 64 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:50,880 Speaker 2: here to the side. 65 00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:53,639 Speaker 6: The portaloosinway, the portalo is going to be fine. 66 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:56,120 Speaker 2: And you know, I think the portalo is leaking a 67 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:58,400 Speaker 2: bit because it's got I can smell sort of yurine 68 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:01,359 Speaker 2: coming out the back of it. Anyway, So then I 69 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:03,400 Speaker 2: have to say to the guy, because the traders go, 70 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:04,440 Speaker 2: how much long is this guy going? 71 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:04,639 Speaker 7: To me? 72 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,080 Speaker 3: I don't know, mate, I don't work here. This is 73 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:07,520 Speaker 3: my house. 74 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:10,160 Speaker 2: So I then go to the portaloo and go, hey, 75 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:16,200 Speaker 2: maybe everything okay? In he is, yeah, it won't be long, okay, okay, 76 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,280 Speaker 2: Well just the builders are on site wanting to use 77 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:22,520 Speaker 2: the bathroom also, So I then had to manage the 78 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:25,200 Speaker 2: guy who was now starting to tell me that he 79 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:26,560 Speaker 2: needs the bathroom now. 80 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:29,040 Speaker 6: And in my mind, I'm going I can't have someone 81 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:30,160 Speaker 6: go inside again. 82 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:31,080 Speaker 3: Like last time. 83 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:34,440 Speaker 6: That was a disaster design and that's why we have 84 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:35,160 Speaker 6: the portaloo. 85 00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:40,440 Speaker 2: So the guy I reckon solid fifteen to twenty minutes 86 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,520 Speaker 2: on the clock, the cyclist inside the portaloo. 87 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:48,160 Speaker 6: He finally stumbles out and. 88 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:55,360 Speaker 3: The builder just can't go in. So I just can't 89 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:55,920 Speaker 3: go in there. 90 00:03:56,320 --> 00:04:01,000 Speaker 2: I cannot use it. I cannot use it. So whatever 91 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:04,000 Speaker 2: was wrong with this guy's system, I don't know how 92 00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:10,120 Speaker 2: many dead rats, but the builder said this is now unusable. 93 00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:12,760 Speaker 2: So I had to say, okay, mate, I took him inside. 94 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:14,120 Speaker 3: He had to use the bathroom. 95 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:17,200 Speaker 2: Tommy, I'd love to throw it out there. When did 96 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,600 Speaker 2: someone inappropriately use your bathroom? 97 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:22,360 Speaker 3: Yeah? No, good. If you ever been in that situation 98 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:23,599 Speaker 3: where you think I might have. 99 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,120 Speaker 2: To go and knock on a random's door at any 100 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:28,440 Speaker 2: house that you're walking past and go, can I use 101 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:32,359 Speaker 2: your bathroom? Because I'm in a dire situation here, like 102 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:33,640 Speaker 2: if I don't get to a bathroom. 103 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:37,080 Speaker 3: Now I got nothing to help me out. I'm under 104 00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:37,760 Speaker 3: a tree. 105 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:40,080 Speaker 6: I'm wiping my mum with my socket this stage. 106 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:40,680 Speaker 3: You know what I mean. 107 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:44,120 Speaker 2: I'm in true panic, Jasmin and anger Den tell us 108 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:45,320 Speaker 2: your story, Jazz. 109 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:49,760 Speaker 8: Hi, guys, it wasn't my bathroom, but a few years ago, 110 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:52,239 Speaker 8: my hobby and I were looking to buy a place. 111 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:56,160 Speaker 8: We waited for this real estate agent to open up 112 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:59,679 Speaker 8: the open home for inspection for a good fifteen twenty 113 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:03,040 Speaker 8: minute yep, no, And the minute we walked in there, 114 00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:07,680 Speaker 8: the place just absolutely repe He has blown it up. 115 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:12,800 Speaker 3: So he left. 116 00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:15,080 Speaker 4: He's left to Jason, you hang in there. 117 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:17,520 Speaker 8: We couldn't buy the house. 118 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:19,480 Speaker 7: We couldn't even think about buying it. 119 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:20,880 Speaker 8: It was completely ruined for us. 120 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:24,359 Speaker 3: That all the poor guy must have been crock or something. 121 00:05:25,839 --> 00:05:29,480 Speaker 8: Definitely a hangover, that one, I think on a Saturday morning. 122 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:33,200 Speaker 5: You know what, I don't reckon it took him twenty minutes, Jasmine, 123 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,920 Speaker 5: But I reckon. He thought, I've just got to try 124 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:36,960 Speaker 5: to get this out of here before I let in 125 00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:40,760 Speaker 5: any clients, and unfortunately it's just stuck around for so long. 126 00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:43,360 Speaker 5: Let's go to Maddie in Hurstville. Where did your son 127 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:44,880 Speaker 5: just need to go to the toilet. 128 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:48,359 Speaker 7: Mate the boys, can he hear me? 129 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:49,680 Speaker 3: Yeah? Got you, Maddie. 130 00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:53,800 Speaker 7: Yeah, look, yeah, this is a bit of a funny story. 131 00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:57,520 Speaker 7: My my son and I were looking at a display 132 00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:05,039 Speaker 7: home and there, I should just go and use the 133 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:09,039 Speaker 7: bassroom there. So he went off to use the bathroom 134 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:10,600 Speaker 7: and he came back out and he said, oh, it 135 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:11,239 Speaker 7: doesn't work. 136 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:13,800 Speaker 8: So I went in here and it's like the toilet's 137 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:14,640 Speaker 8: not even connected. 138 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:15,280 Speaker 3: It's just a. 139 00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:20,960 Speaker 5: It was, and it was a display home, so there 140 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:23,159 Speaker 5: would have been hundreds of people going through it. 141 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:24,440 Speaker 3: Maddie, yep. 142 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:26,240 Speaker 7: So we hot footed it out of it. 143 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:27,279 Speaker 5: We weren't going to hang around. 144 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:30,440 Speaker 2: Sometimes it's just got to shut the lid and run, 145 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:31,320 Speaker 2: don't you. 146 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:36,159 Speaker 5: Oh my god, there's definitely something on display there that happened. 147 00:06:36,279 --> 00:06:37,840 Speaker 3: Is that all right? Tom? From Mandy? You got a 148 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:38,599 Speaker 3: story for us to you? 149 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:42,159 Speaker 7: Tom, I wake up with TCB. 150 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:53,120 Speaker 9: No, sorry, Oh my god. 151 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:55,200 Speaker 7: You do the pits there, whip and you did the 152 00:06:55,279 --> 00:06:57,960 Speaker 7: throw out and you know, get the callers in and 153 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:01,200 Speaker 7: I just had to get in. Huch. It's a bit 154 00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:03,240 Speaker 7: of a double header. Are we talking about the son 155 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:04,719 Speaker 7: or are we talking about the father? 156 00:07:04,839 --> 00:07:07,080 Speaker 3: Now? What happened to him, you got a combo? Have 157 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:08,080 Speaker 3: you got a team combo? 158 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:12,360 Speaker 7: I'll start with the father. So we're having a party, right, 159 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:16,400 Speaker 7: and Ryan and bj arrive early. It's our birthday party. 160 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,720 Speaker 7: Ryan falks down the hallway and he's looked at me 161 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:21,400 Speaker 7: wide eyed, and he's just gone, Tommy, I need to 162 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:23,840 Speaker 7: use the bathroom. And I'm like, gosh, Jesus, I hope 163 00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:27,840 Speaker 7: he's not sick. So anyway, he goes in. He completely 164 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:33,280 Speaker 7: annihilates this bathroom. Right, he's walked out. Everyone's gone, richy, 165 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:38,840 Speaker 7: what does he been eating? Kind? Right, we have to 166 00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:42,040 Speaker 7: get a Hansmack crew. All of a sudden, the party 167 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:45,480 Speaker 7: is about to walk in the house. Right, we've cleaned 168 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:48,000 Speaker 7: it up, and he's just walking around as a gentle giant. 169 00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:50,360 Speaker 7: He's like, I'm so sorry, man, I'm so sorry mate. 170 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:54,680 Speaker 7: I'm like, well, thanks very much for the arrival to 171 00:07:54,840 --> 00:08:01,080 Speaker 7: see you two. The story though, he's he's over again 172 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:04,000 Speaker 7: and the kids are around, and Hueye is a beautiful 173 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:07,560 Speaker 7: little boy, Huie hello. Nice. But poor little Kueye goes 174 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:12,560 Speaker 7: into the same bathroom, black black floor, black walls, blacks. 175 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:16,440 Speaker 7: The poor little fellow. He couldn't find the light switch, 176 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:22,400 Speaker 7: so he's just had a whiz wherever he could. 177 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:25,640 Speaker 6: This is the fitz Wier with Kate Ritchie podcast. 178 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:31,520 Speaker 2: Tonight is a very very exciting night eight thirty on 179 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:35,960 Speaker 2: the ABC. A role of a lifetime premieres Ryan James. 180 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:36,800 Speaker 4: Yeah it is. 181 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:39,080 Speaker 5: It's a series about how to parent in the rapidly 182 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:42,680 Speaker 5: changing world using a sitcom family Now Kate Richie is 183 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:43,240 Speaker 5: a part of that. 184 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:44,920 Speaker 4: Nazim Hussein as well. 185 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:49,600 Speaker 5: Amanda Keller is hosting it and basically they're they're they're 186 00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:54,120 Speaker 5: acting out parenting challenges which then this lady jumps in 187 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:58,320 Speaker 5: and explores and gives you answers to do in these situations. 188 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:02,000 Speaker 4: We love this lab to death, the magnificent Maggie Debt. 189 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:07,280 Speaker 3: Maggie, we have been very kindly. 190 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,439 Speaker 2: You arrived this morning too with flowers which are going 191 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:11,319 Speaker 2: straight to the beautiful Carrie's house. 192 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:15,240 Speaker 1: Honest to god, when need Kate nails everything in this show. 193 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:16,520 Speaker 1: We're not only in the sitcom. 194 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:19,040 Speaker 10: Oh my god, you're going to split yourself laughing, because 195 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:22,200 Speaker 10: they take the piss out of every situation that's happening 196 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:25,160 Speaker 10: in so many houses, like starting off with you know, 197 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,680 Speaker 10: the eleven year old boy coming out scratching his bum, 198 00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:32,439 Speaker 10: so I got to think a new bomb chocolate. And 199 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:35,600 Speaker 10: also Kate gets frozen out by a fifteen year old daughter. 200 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:39,000 Speaker 10: Look every mother on that and that moment is feeling 201 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,680 Speaker 10: so seen and so heard, but then stepping out of 202 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:44,000 Speaker 10: it and talking to the experts and actually going through 203 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:47,080 Speaker 10: some of the the real life, the real reasons behind 204 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,200 Speaker 10: and what's a real worry? 205 00:09:48,679 --> 00:09:50,960 Speaker 1: You know it really it's big stuff. And then, oh 206 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,960 Speaker 1: my god, the last episode. 207 00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:55,320 Speaker 3: So glad, Yeah, that this show is happening. 208 00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:58,080 Speaker 2: You know, I'd liked with Kate yesterday and she's great 209 00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:01,320 Speaker 2: and she's excited about this term, which is awesome, which 210 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:03,480 Speaker 2: is great for her. So I mean when you come 211 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,520 Speaker 2: in and we talk about these sorts of situations, a 212 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:08,000 Speaker 2: lot of what's played out on the show, like you said, 213 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:11,079 Speaker 2: is real life. So whenever we have you in thirteen 214 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:12,880 Speaker 2: twenty four ten, we've got a question from Maggie, then 215 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:15,280 Speaker 2: it doesn't stop. I know, fits you wanted to open 216 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:16,200 Speaker 2: with one about Huey. 217 00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:18,280 Speaker 4: Yeah, I did so. 218 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:21,160 Speaker 5: My eldest is fifteen years of age. Now, Maggie, how 219 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:25,320 Speaker 5: mud it is? It's amazing, it really is. And you 220 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:27,400 Speaker 5: know what, I get more excited to think about what 221 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:29,240 Speaker 5: I went through at that age like it is. 222 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:30,320 Speaker 4: It's an amazing look. 223 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:32,000 Speaker 5: There are a lot of problems that you have in 224 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:35,640 Speaker 5: your life, but it's also you're finding your best friends 225 00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:39,240 Speaker 5: in life and you are exploring and it's just unbelievable. 226 00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:42,760 Speaker 5: I wanted to ask you, and a lot of parents 227 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:46,200 Speaker 5: do ask about the alcohol because so now he's fifteen 228 00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:48,360 Speaker 5: years of age, now he's I've had a good chat 229 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:49,960 Speaker 5: to him, he said, Dad, I haven't touched it, but 230 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:53,320 Speaker 5: he's now going to parties where it is there, and 231 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:56,840 Speaker 5: I don't know. I'm really struggling to sort of find 232 00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:59,720 Speaker 5: do I do. I hold off as much as I can. 233 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:03,839 Speaker 5: I know the way to approach him, who is then 234 00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:06,280 Speaker 5: going to these parties, Maggie. So I just wanted some 235 00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:09,120 Speaker 5: advice in that area for young kids and teenagers getting 236 00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:10,480 Speaker 5: into this area. 237 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:13,760 Speaker 10: The research is overwhelming in this space, and that says 238 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:16,960 Speaker 10: the earlier that your teenagers start drinking, the more likely 239 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:20,000 Speaker 10: they're going to have problematic drinking. So what you're doing 240 00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:23,240 Speaker 10: is really really good. And the very fact that you 241 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,760 Speaker 10: know you're having those conversations. I was a really tough 242 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,480 Speaker 10: ass mum. Mine weren't allowed to parties till year eleven 243 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,360 Speaker 10: and I never ever bought a many alcohol, and it 244 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:33,520 Speaker 10: was of course they'd go to parties and they'd do it, 245 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:36,480 Speaker 10: but they knew it really wasn't considered okay. So that 246 00:11:36,679 --> 00:11:38,839 Speaker 10: story about oh, give them a taste because we've been 247 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:42,760 Speaker 10: doing that, they'll be fine is absolutely the opposite. But 248 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:44,400 Speaker 10: you also need to talk to you boy at some 249 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:48,040 Speaker 10: point then hunger for him to belong with his friends 250 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:51,520 Speaker 10: and not all. There's really good research that comes from 251 00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:55,160 Speaker 10: Paul Dylan, who works with teens everywhere. He said that 252 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:58,360 Speaker 10: they're drinking so much less than previous generations and over 253 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:02,520 Speaker 10: twenty percent are not touching alcohol to lead twenty interesting. 254 00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:05,439 Speaker 1: So they're already a little bit more sensible than. 255 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:06,920 Speaker 6: Previous to change culture. 256 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:09,640 Speaker 4: Culture has changed, it's changed massively. 257 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:13,080 Speaker 10: And so the tip is if that pressure is happening, 258 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:15,920 Speaker 10: then go for anything that's lower alcohol. So go for 259 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:19,640 Speaker 10: beer and sit on the one drink, right. But also 260 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:21,480 Speaker 10: your job when you're there is to watch out for 261 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:24,680 Speaker 10: your mates, you know, watch out your mates who sculling 262 00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:26,679 Speaker 10: and then wanting to you know, do. 263 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:28,760 Speaker 1: Stupid stuff while they're really drunk. 264 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:32,439 Speaker 10: That's when we're starting to educate them about when we 265 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:35,480 Speaker 10: go out in social situations. It's a risky space for 266 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:37,880 Speaker 10: all of our teens because their prefrontal is not finished. 267 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:40,000 Speaker 10: But our job is to watch out for our friends 268 00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:41,679 Speaker 10: and our mates in those situations. 269 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:45,320 Speaker 5: So you were anti though, Maggie, you said to your boys, 270 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:47,040 Speaker 5: I don't want you to drink, but you knew that 271 00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:47,760 Speaker 5: they were drinking. 272 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:48,800 Speaker 4: They were going to. 273 00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:53,319 Speaker 5: But then, Maggie, the question I asked, were they comfortable 274 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,240 Speaker 5: enough to come and talk to you about it? 275 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:57,800 Speaker 4: Or were they worried that mum was no? 276 00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:01,280 Speaker 10: But they would never dare come home inebriated? Right, and 277 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:05,040 Speaker 10: then guess what's happening they're doing Ops, they're drinking other 278 00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:08,800 Speaker 10: people's right, yep, which means those other people aren't drinking 279 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:11,880 Speaker 10: as much either. And only this is a country situation, 280 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:14,440 Speaker 10: a house full of boys in a very boy male world, 281 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,600 Speaker 10: and they were in football clubs where you know, there 282 00:13:17,679 --> 00:13:20,600 Speaker 10: was a lot of drinking. So for holding the ground, 283 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:24,320 Speaker 10: if I'd gone too hard, then you get rebellion. So 284 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:27,840 Speaker 10: mine was hard, but at the same time I knew 285 00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:29,719 Speaker 10: what was going on. That's why the rules were how 286 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:33,160 Speaker 10: you get home, right, because that's the most risky thing 287 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:35,800 Speaker 10: is how our teens get home when they're affected by 288 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:38,800 Speaker 10: our colon drugs. That's when they get run over, that's 289 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:40,760 Speaker 10: when they do stumb stuff, and that's when you know 290 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:42,760 Speaker 10: sexual violence happens to be perfect. 291 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:45,200 Speaker 2: Now, yes, Maggie, if we go back a few years, 292 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:48,080 Speaker 2: what am I looking at ten and an eight year old? 293 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:49,400 Speaker 3: Why is it with young kids? 294 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:52,600 Speaker 6: All the problems come at nighttime you get into bed, 295 00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:53,200 Speaker 6: and then. 296 00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:55,880 Speaker 2: Things that wouldn't worry them for one second throughout the 297 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,400 Speaker 2: day start piling in in those tears as you're trying 298 00:13:58,440 --> 00:13:59,120 Speaker 2: to get them to sleep. 299 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:01,280 Speaker 10: Yeah, So what happened is all of us actually do 300 00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:03,640 Speaker 10: a bit of a day review, and so anything that's 301 00:14:03,679 --> 00:14:06,720 Speaker 10: been bothering them during the day, they're being distracted around 302 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:10,160 Speaker 10: meal time or knowing homework time cave and as they're 303 00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,480 Speaker 10: getting ready for bed up, it will come up into 304 00:14:12,559 --> 00:14:14,720 Speaker 10: the mind things that do worry them. And that's why 305 00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,080 Speaker 10: it is one of the windows that teens will often 306 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:18,679 Speaker 10: want to talk to you as they get all to 307 00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:21,160 Speaker 10: be prepared eleven o'clock, just as you're ready to crash 308 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:24,200 Speaker 10: into bed, there's this hanging around in the kitchen or 309 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:26,600 Speaker 10: they're just sitting on the end of your bed. We 310 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:29,920 Speaker 10: have to be available for those times, because that's exactly 311 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:33,359 Speaker 10: the time that they're feeling brave enough. You're not distracted 312 00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:36,360 Speaker 10: by getting meals, you're not distracted by your phone. You're 313 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:39,160 Speaker 10: actually gonna hear me right now. I see that as 314 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,440 Speaker 10: another one of those gifts, and that's what I keep saying. 315 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:44,360 Speaker 10: When your team comes home and vents all over you, 316 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,800 Speaker 10: you know, they're just bringing stuff that they won't do 317 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:50,000 Speaker 10: at school, but they're coming home to the safest human 318 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:50,560 Speaker 10: who loves them. 319 00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:52,840 Speaker 1: So you need to take that as a gift. That's 320 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:57,560 Speaker 1: because they love me and we want it out. Not 321 00:14:57,880 --> 00:14:58,440 Speaker 1: it's the. 322 00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:01,840 Speaker 4: Worst time of the day though. He's so stuff. 323 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:04,960 Speaker 3: I'm trying to get down do some more work, Megan. 324 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:07,560 Speaker 1: I know, but isn't it a great thing that they 325 00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:08,960 Speaker 1: love you enough to come with it? 326 00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:09,280 Speaker 9: Yeah? 327 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:09,520 Speaker 3: I know. 328 00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:13,280 Speaker 2: It's well the other I mean it started when school 329 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:15,440 Speaker 2: went back, that we have these issues at that time now, 330 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:17,800 Speaker 2: but the biggest one was, and it's considered the worst 331 00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:19,160 Speaker 2: day of the year for a lot of kids, the 332 00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:19,920 Speaker 2: swimming sports. 333 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,560 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, why is the swimming. 334 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:22,440 Speaker 3: Sports the worst day of am I. 335 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:23,280 Speaker 1: They so early? 336 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:28,000 Speaker 6: Holy had It's warming up in this country a bit longer. 337 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:29,960 Speaker 10: Yeah, I must admit, I've just had three of my 338 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,080 Speaker 10: grand four of my grandkids once again. 339 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:32,480 Speaker 3: But I hate it. 340 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:35,160 Speaker 10: Well, if they've been swimming a lot, they love it. 341 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:36,640 Speaker 10: So you see, I had a swimmer. 342 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:38,840 Speaker 1: So he loved it right because that was his chance 343 00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:39,680 Speaker 1: to dominate. 344 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:42,240 Speaker 10: That means his mother has been getting out of bed 345 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:43,760 Speaker 10: at five point thirty in the morning. 346 00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:46,480 Speaker 6: For the last year loving it. Thanks very much, Thanks 347 00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:48,400 Speaker 6: very much. Because the one I said to Ted, I 348 00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:50,400 Speaker 6: mean he was overthinking it beyond belief. Jack was a 349 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:52,720 Speaker 6: little bit like your other kid. He's just jumping in 350 00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:53,160 Speaker 6: and roaring. 351 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,640 Speaker 2: And I said, Ted, you're not going to be an Olympics, 352 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,640 Speaker 2: That's okay, and no one's expecting you. 353 00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:58,920 Speaker 1: To just want you to jump and have a guy. 354 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,120 Speaker 3: Here's what I want you to do. Dive in, swim 355 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,080 Speaker 3: to the end, get out. 356 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,920 Speaker 1: Yep, and also get into cheering your team. And I 357 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:05,920 Speaker 1: think that's the big thing. 358 00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:10,160 Speaker 10: This is about us all celebrating our whatever, our former 359 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:13,440 Speaker 10: culture is, our club, whatever, we come on, get in 360 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:15,200 Speaker 10: there and cheer the ones who bust their gut all 361 00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:15,760 Speaker 10: year for this. 362 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,320 Speaker 1: It's not your thing, but it can be a lot 363 00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:18,680 Speaker 1: of fun. 364 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:20,800 Speaker 10: And I have to laugh at my granddaughters because they're 365 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:23,240 Speaker 10: quite often at the back doing somersaults and cartwheels and 366 00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:25,320 Speaker 10: doing their acrobatics over the back while they wait for 367 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,360 Speaker 10: the next race. In other words, it's a fun day 368 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:30,080 Speaker 10: out of school. So I think we've got a different way. 369 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:33,200 Speaker 10: It's a day off, but let's go for fun, you know, 370 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:36,280 Speaker 10: decorate them, give them ribbons, make them sing the songs. 371 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,320 Speaker 10: I think we can do a bit of both. 372 00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:41,360 Speaker 2: Well, said Maggie Dan eight thirty on the ABC The 373 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:44,360 Speaker 2: Role of a Lifetime It premiere is starring a very 374 00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:47,480 Speaker 2: own Kate Richie, but the other main a is Maggie Dan. 375 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:50,760 Speaker 10: Hey, can we just tell people this is design for 376 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:54,560 Speaker 10: you to sit on the couch with your tween orteen. Yeah, 377 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:56,640 Speaker 10: so it's sit done as a family, sit down as 378 00:16:56,640 --> 00:17:00,040 Speaker 10: a family, you know, because it's funny. And also the 379 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:03,920 Speaker 10: information that they hit you really hard with both sides 380 00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:06,560 Speaker 10: of us needs to know this and then what they 381 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:09,199 Speaker 10: do after I think, and then we hear teens voices, 382 00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:10,919 Speaker 10: and I think teens need to you know, they're a 383 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,040 Speaker 10: part of this, and I love you know every now 384 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:15,520 Speaker 10: and then. They're way smarter than us with what they know, 385 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:17,600 Speaker 10: but they don't know all of it. 386 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:18,400 Speaker 1: So an actual fat. 387 00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:22,480 Speaker 10: We need input from parents and teens to navigate this 388 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:25,560 Speaker 10: crazy world that is actually harder than ever and it's 389 00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:27,840 Speaker 10: harder being a teen today than ever before. 390 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,080 Speaker 4: So sit down with the kids and. 391 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:33,680 Speaker 10: There's going to be so many funny moments and cringe moments, 392 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:35,800 Speaker 10: but each of you will cringe over something different. 393 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:36,679 Speaker 3: Lessons for everyone. 394 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,359 Speaker 1: Lessons for everyone, I mean one of them. 395 00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:43,080 Speaker 10: You know, watching Kate's daughter freezer out, Oh my god, 396 00:17:43,119 --> 00:17:44,720 Speaker 10: shee ages up putting your head in the freezer. 397 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:47,040 Speaker 1: It's so well done. And need mother with a daughter. 398 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:48,840 Speaker 10: Who's freezing her out right now, who could be age 399 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:52,119 Speaker 10: ten to Oh my god, you will laugh at the 400 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:54,320 Speaker 10: daughter's in the room. She's going to be rolling her 401 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,080 Speaker 10: eyes at you because it's so accurate. 402 00:17:56,119 --> 00:17:59,199 Speaker 6: What is the age that you girls stop talking to 403 00:17:59,240 --> 00:17:59,760 Speaker 6: their parents? 404 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,639 Speaker 10: Oh they can start a two or three. They're so clever, No, 405 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:05,080 Speaker 10: they really are. But the big one is the it's 406 00:18:05,119 --> 00:18:07,399 Speaker 10: around ten, the beginning of puberty. And we've got to 407 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,800 Speaker 10: remember girls going earlier. And also they're way more savvy. 408 00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:13,600 Speaker 10: And you know, that's another thing that comes up. I 409 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:16,440 Speaker 10: love the eleven year old boy and the fifteen year 410 00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:18,920 Speaker 10: old girl because the tween and the teen, but also 411 00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:22,280 Speaker 10: is a really really powerful episode about the impact on 412 00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:26,200 Speaker 10: the different genders that will Yeah, it will rip behind. 413 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:30,240 Speaker 1: Different Oh do you reckon? I've written a few books 414 00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:31,800 Speaker 1: about it, but it's. 415 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:34,840 Speaker 10: Kind of like confronting in a way that I think 416 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:38,560 Speaker 10: many parents will discover how it is to be a 417 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:41,680 Speaker 10: teen in the world where social media is marinating them 418 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,679 Speaker 10: with stuff that makes them feel awful about themselves, and 419 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:48,199 Speaker 10: yet it also gives them a chance to connect and 420 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:50,320 Speaker 10: feel safe. So it's a real when we look at 421 00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:52,639 Speaker 10: the dilemma through that lens, we've got to work out 422 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,320 Speaker 10: how do we do it in a safer way? You know, 423 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,520 Speaker 10: That's what you and I have been fighting for. And 424 00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:01,679 Speaker 10: what's what's really beautiful is it's the eleven year old 425 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:05,159 Speaker 10: boy that that figures out something's fake, right, Okay, not 426 00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:07,520 Speaker 10: the mum or the nan right. 427 00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:08,280 Speaker 4: Wow. 428 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:11,080 Speaker 10: He's gone off to check out something and found out 429 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:14,000 Speaker 10: she's fake, whereas the other two think she's fantastic. 430 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:15,159 Speaker 1: I loved it. 431 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:18,840 Speaker 5: Okay, that's great. Elana's giving us a call from Rudy Hill. 432 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:21,960 Speaker 5: You've got the magnificent Maggie Dent here, Elana. She's all yours. 433 00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:23,440 Speaker 8: Good morning, Maggie. 434 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:24,000 Speaker 7: How are you. 435 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:26,680 Speaker 1: I'm super good. 436 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:34,040 Speaker 11: I've got a ten year old son and he has 437 00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:37,680 Speaker 11: a bigger fame compared to all of his names, his nates, 438 00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:40,800 Speaker 11: and the kind of almost put him down a little 439 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,480 Speaker 11: bit about it and calling them names and what. Yeah, 440 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,760 Speaker 11: sometimes it really gets for him and I'm really struggling 441 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:48,439 Speaker 11: with the best way to navigate through that. 442 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:52,160 Speaker 10: Look, this is a teasing and banter of boys. Actually men, 443 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,080 Speaker 10: they do it all the time, don't they. So he's 444 00:19:54,119 --> 00:19:56,760 Speaker 10: actually got a sensitive side to him. So one of 445 00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:59,240 Speaker 10: my you know, this is completely normal. None of them 446 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:02,359 Speaker 10: really inten to cause him harm. They're actually it's a 447 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:05,240 Speaker 10: crazy thing about boys that if I make other boys laugh, 448 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,280 Speaker 10: they're going to like me, and therefore I fit in 449 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:09,439 Speaker 10: my group. So I think you've got to work on 450 00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:12,639 Speaker 10: his sense of humor and create some one liners that 451 00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:13,280 Speaker 10: he gives back. 452 00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:14,040 Speaker 1: You're just jealous. 453 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:16,960 Speaker 10: You haven't got my pecs, dude, whatever it might be, 454 00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:19,400 Speaker 10: you give him a tool to go back with it, 455 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:23,600 Speaker 10: because genuinely, it's about connection. It's not about hurting and shaming. 456 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:27,320 Speaker 10: And there's a really big chapter and you know my book, 457 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:30,359 Speaker 10: they are one of them, but it's online. There's a 458 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:32,440 Speaker 10: line in the sand and the line in the sand 459 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:35,560 Speaker 10: gets crossed a lot with our team boys because they're 460 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:37,639 Speaker 10: not real sharp at making great decisions. 461 00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:40,399 Speaker 1: And I think ten, I know you're thinking ten. Hang on, 462 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:42,800 Speaker 1: it does start here. This is the banter. 463 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:45,320 Speaker 10: If you listen to guys with their best mates, they 464 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:47,840 Speaker 10: call their best mates the worst names, imaginable because they 465 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:52,200 Speaker 10: really really like them. Got it female and that's where 466 00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:55,120 Speaker 10: it starts. And us females, we don't do that right. 467 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:59,200 Speaker 10: But there is a positive underneath to it. And he's yeah, 468 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:01,840 Speaker 10: I reckon, he needs fraunt that fact that you're all 469 00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:04,240 Speaker 10: little here, I am check me out. 470 00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:05,640 Speaker 1: Chris Hemsworth is jealous. 471 00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:08,240 Speaker 10: Whatever you need to do, you can create some things 472 00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:11,720 Speaker 10: to lighten it. So he makes them laugh at the 473 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:13,239 Speaker 10: same time as they're trying to make him. 474 00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:15,760 Speaker 3: He'd be stronger than the rest of them. 475 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,399 Speaker 6: Absolutely, yes, yeah, good. 476 00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:19,040 Speaker 3: Luck with Alana. 477 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:22,920 Speaker 5: Thank you, thank you for your call, Adriana from Chromer. 478 00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:24,760 Speaker 5: You've got Maggie din here, Adriana. 479 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,680 Speaker 11: Oh, good morning guys, Thank you so much. 480 00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:28,520 Speaker 12: And hi Maggie. 481 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,280 Speaker 11: I was just wondering if I could ask you a question. 482 00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:36,879 Speaker 11: I've got a little toddler and often, as most parents 483 00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,560 Speaker 11: would understand, I grabbed the iPad and I put them on, 484 00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:44,119 Speaker 11: but after she comes off the iPad. Honestly, it's like 485 00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,160 Speaker 11: I have the Exorcist. 486 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:47,640 Speaker 7: House. 487 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:49,760 Speaker 1: That's called that techno tantrum. 488 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:51,280 Speaker 6: They do change. 489 00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:52,720 Speaker 1: Let me explain it to you. 490 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:56,280 Speaker 10: So, anything that makes our toddlers feel good, right, which 491 00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:59,959 Speaker 10: is quite often throwing food, biting other kids, jumping on 492 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:03,679 Speaker 10: you know, like they're just toddlers, excites the brain and 493 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:07,400 Speaker 10: creates dopamine. So what happens with a small screen, It's 494 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:11,720 Speaker 10: wired to trigger lots of So anything you're doing, they're 495 00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:13,719 Speaker 10: not going to want to stop doing that, right. And 496 00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:16,600 Speaker 10: it's a real challenge, which is I'm really going to say, 497 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,680 Speaker 10: please go back to the TV because there's a difference 498 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:22,960 Speaker 10: in the dopamine between a TV and no child's ever 499 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:26,720 Speaker 10: harm watching Bluey for five days, and that's a big one. 500 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:30,679 Speaker 10: The smaller screen will wire up that connection. Okay, so 501 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:32,240 Speaker 10: how do I come off it. You've got to offer 502 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:35,040 Speaker 10: them something that sounds just as exciting that's going to 503 00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:37,960 Speaker 10: give them dopamine, right, So what else can we do? 504 00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:40,479 Speaker 10: And we're going to do it really gently. I'm going 505 00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:42,159 Speaker 10: to come in a five more minutes. It's going to 506 00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:43,760 Speaker 10: put a timer on. So there's a bit of a 507 00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:46,520 Speaker 10: sense of an ending because we know that we're all 508 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:50,120 Speaker 10: wired with the state of flow once we're in it. 509 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:51,800 Speaker 10: Like I bet you've gone off to look for a 510 00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:54,480 Speaker 10: recipe and forty five minutes later you're still on Instagram 511 00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:56,920 Speaker 10: checking out some and you're in the flow, and you've 512 00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,960 Speaker 10: got a mature brain. So can you see a toddler doesn't, 513 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:03,240 Speaker 10: So I would make sure you know you're going to 514 00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:05,000 Speaker 10: have a meltdown. It's just the same as when you 515 00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:06,200 Speaker 10: cut the toast the wrong way. 516 00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:07,200 Speaker 1: We've got to honor it. 517 00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:10,760 Speaker 10: And they're expressing their big feelings and at the end 518 00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:12,760 Speaker 10: of that they'll go from mad to sad and then 519 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:13,440 Speaker 10: you'll be all right. 520 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:15,040 Speaker 1: But welcome to toddlers. 521 00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:19,800 Speaker 10: I actually think toddler's and teens are really similar with 522 00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:22,960 Speaker 10: their developmental needs. They hungry for autonomy, They want to 523 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:26,680 Speaker 10: do it themselves. They want stuff that is instantly feels good. 524 00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:28,920 Speaker 1: It's just hormones at the other end. 525 00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:31,400 Speaker 6: Interesting, yeah, added hormones. 526 00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:34,400 Speaker 5: Can we go down to Kelly in Bellevue Hill, Jess, 527 00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:35,960 Speaker 5: go down to Kelly because this. 528 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:39,000 Speaker 4: Is an interesting one with a teenager. Kel You've got. 529 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:42,040 Speaker 8: Maggie Hi guys, how are we today? 530 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:44,880 Speaker 1: Hi, Kelly, I. 531 00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:46,760 Speaker 11: Have a very forgetful team. 532 00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,800 Speaker 8: We forget where we've put the school uniform, We forget 533 00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:53,240 Speaker 8: if we've submitted forms that the teachers are acquiring. We 534 00:23:53,359 --> 00:23:54,359 Speaker 8: forget everything. 535 00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:56,919 Speaker 11: Drink bottles. And it's like I'm at the end of 536 00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:57,520 Speaker 11: my other. 537 00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,880 Speaker 1: And I guessing, Am I guessing it's a male? 538 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:01,080 Speaker 4: No? 539 00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:02,040 Speaker 1: No, it's a girl. 540 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:04,439 Speaker 10: Okay, Well I'm going to explain it because there's less 541 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:07,720 Speaker 10: girls that do this than boys. So what happens in 542 00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:11,919 Speaker 10: some point in the developing And remember why adolescence is 543 00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:14,040 Speaker 10: so confusing and difficult. It is because there's all these 544 00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:17,520 Speaker 10: changes happening at the same time, and that's confusing the 545 00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:19,480 Speaker 10: heck out of them. But what happens is the brain 546 00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:22,280 Speaker 10: starts pruning off stuff that you're not going to use, 547 00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:24,000 Speaker 10: as you're not using as much. 548 00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:27,040 Speaker 1: Of excuse me, I've got some reflux today. And then 549 00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:28,720 Speaker 1: what happens. It prunes off stuff. 550 00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:32,879 Speaker 10: So if you weren't super great at organization and memory before, 551 00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:36,879 Speaker 10: well you weren't using it, so it prunes a bit 552 00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:39,920 Speaker 10: more off. So that means that their organization. Oh my god, 553 00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:41,920 Speaker 10: I can tell you. You know, I've written a lot about 554 00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:44,440 Speaker 10: it for boys. But there weren't many girls in my classes, 555 00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:47,040 Speaker 10: high school classes that were like this. So we've got 556 00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:51,560 Speaker 10: to help her build some organization strategies and skills around this. 557 00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:54,200 Speaker 10: It's like a new habit. So it's not her fault. 558 00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:57,240 Speaker 10: She's not deliberately wanting to forget stuff. She actually feels 559 00:24:57,280 --> 00:24:59,919 Speaker 10: really awful. So I want you to come alongside her, 560 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:03,000 Speaker 10: talk to her about her brain. You'll find articles on 561 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,720 Speaker 10: my website or else, you know, there's there's lots of others. 562 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,399 Speaker 10: But at the end of the day, imagine if you 563 00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:10,840 Speaker 10: were you're the one who's forgotten about the mass test, 564 00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:14,320 Speaker 10: and you're the one who's left your backpack on the bus. 565 00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:16,159 Speaker 1: You're not going to feel good for age. It's going 566 00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:17,480 Speaker 1: to feel stupid. 567 00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:19,280 Speaker 10: And you're going to attack yourself with your negative self 568 00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:21,960 Speaker 10: critic You're going to have big feelings and big moods, 569 00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,920 Speaker 10: and some days, those moods, for girls can last for ages. 570 00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:27,760 Speaker 10: And so this is what we do. We step up 571 00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:29,840 Speaker 10: saying let's work out a plan. I'm not going to 572 00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:33,399 Speaker 10: tell you what to do, let's together work out a plan, 573 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,800 Speaker 10: you know, And that's a big focus of my tenth 574 00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:37,640 Speaker 10: and final book. 575 00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:39,040 Speaker 1: Remember to help me, help my team. 576 00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:41,440 Speaker 10: I want to come alongside you so you can work 577 00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:44,439 Speaker 10: out how to overcome this challenge. And then we're going 578 00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:46,560 Speaker 10: to practice it, and we're going to keep supporting you, 579 00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:48,439 Speaker 10: and we're going to keep loving you, and we're going 580 00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:51,480 Speaker 10: to lighten up when once again it happens you've forgotten. 581 00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:55,200 Speaker 2: Because five year olds can be quite forgets. 582 00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:56,960 Speaker 1: Pretty pretty male. 583 00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:57,400 Speaker 3: You know what I mean. 584 00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:06,040 Speaker 4: I'm not buying another IT water bottle. That's up there 585 00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:06,400 Speaker 4: as well. 586 00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:10,359 Speaker 5: Everywhere We'll go one more Shelley and Reevesby tell us 587 00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:12,800 Speaker 5: about your son Shell morning. 588 00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:15,879 Speaker 12: Hi Maggie, love you so much. I have a question. 589 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:19,800 Speaker 12: It's pretty complex and loaded, so sorry. I think everyone 590 00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:22,560 Speaker 12: knows autism is on the rise. I have two beautiful boys. 591 00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:26,600 Speaker 12: My youngest is severe autistic, nonverbal, so my question is 592 00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:30,280 Speaker 12: more around how do I maintain the relationship between the 593 00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:32,840 Speaker 12: two of them. When my olders were starting to say 594 00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:34,760 Speaker 12: things like, oh I wish I had a different brother, 595 00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:37,200 Speaker 12: or can we go on holidays and leave him behind? 596 00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:38,159 Speaker 12: So go talk to me. 597 00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:41,560 Speaker 10: Oh look, it's it's really hard, but you notice there's 598 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:44,919 Speaker 10: no filter on that. Remember that's one of our challenge, 599 00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:47,280 Speaker 10: isn't it. When we've got neurodivergence in our family. They 600 00:26:47,359 --> 00:26:49,520 Speaker 10: just kind of don't have the same filter as others. 601 00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:53,520 Speaker 10: But underneath that, what's that saying is that relationship needs 602 00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:55,480 Speaker 10: some work. So what sorts of things can we do 603 00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:59,320 Speaker 10: to improve it? Is there anything they have in common? 604 00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:02,600 Speaker 10: Because that's it exactly it with males male friendships. They've 605 00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:04,480 Speaker 10: got to be something in common they like to do 606 00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:08,320 Speaker 10: and sometimes you know, you know, like I don't bat 607 00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:11,160 Speaker 10: for endless hours on gaming and we go a great 608 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:13,840 Speaker 10: section on the show on that, is there a game 609 00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:17,320 Speaker 10: online that they can play together that actually makes them 610 00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:20,640 Speaker 10: laugh and try to beat each other and come out 611 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:23,400 Speaker 10: with all those because there's got to be something regardless 612 00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:27,919 Speaker 10: because connection, especially with brothers. I mean, it's normal to 613 00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:29,440 Speaker 10: not like your brother or give you a tip. I 614 00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:32,399 Speaker 10: had four in one house, but my job was to 615 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:35,240 Speaker 10: make sure they had enough time. Fortunately or mind surfed 616 00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:37,359 Speaker 10: and they tended to play sport, so that was and 617 00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:39,400 Speaker 10: I had a backboard, and I love beating them because 618 00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:41,800 Speaker 10: I played a lot of basketball. It's nothing like going 619 00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:44,280 Speaker 10: out and whipping them on the basketball court. But there's 620 00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:46,159 Speaker 10: a lot of laughter and the lightness of that. So 621 00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:48,280 Speaker 10: we've got to work out where can we create pockets 622 00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:52,560 Speaker 10: of lightness and joy? And you know, if that's it, 623 00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:55,920 Speaker 10: come to the table with the boys going, let's think 624 00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:58,160 Speaker 10: out some ideas, because I think we've got to remember 625 00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:00,320 Speaker 10: bring them to the table and let them be part 626 00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:04,280 Speaker 10: of this problem, solving around an issue that is actually 627 00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:07,080 Speaker 10: causing conflict in your home. Look how teens can and 628 00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:11,120 Speaker 10: tweens and kids, they really can contribute. We keep trying 629 00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:13,280 Speaker 10: to fix everything for them without checking in with them, 630 00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:17,280 Speaker 10: even little ones, and come forward with ideas on how 631 00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:18,720 Speaker 10: to make this better in our home. 632 00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:22,640 Speaker 1: So good luck. Feed them first though, feed them before. 633 00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:26,199 Speaker 10: You do that, and then I scream after the meeting, 634 00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:28,320 Speaker 10: and then write it down as a plan, and then 635 00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:32,080 Speaker 10: next week let's have another look at the plan so 636 00:28:32,119 --> 00:28:33,480 Speaker 10: that you don't have to lay awake at on. 637 00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:37,359 Speaker 5: Is that why you bring in cookies for us before 638 00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:39,160 Speaker 5: you chat to us every time you come in, mate? 639 00:28:39,280 --> 00:28:40,560 Speaker 4: Is that why you feed us first? 640 00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:43,160 Speaker 10: I know it's a give away because you don't want 641 00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:44,280 Speaker 10: a hungry boy or man. 642 00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:46,840 Speaker 1: You just can't think of they're angry. 643 00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:50,400 Speaker 4: Oh, Maggie, you are a sister, you are a sinaster. 644 00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:54,719 Speaker 5: If you want more, this is great because these scenes 645 00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:57,960 Speaker 5: will be acted out on it, and then Maggie comes 646 00:28:57,960 --> 00:28:58,280 Speaker 5: in and. 647 00:28:58,240 --> 00:29:00,640 Speaker 4: Gives you your answers as a pair, and it's very 648 00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:01,360 Speaker 4: very important. 649 00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:03,640 Speaker 5: It's called the Role of a Lifetime eight thirty to 650 00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:04,480 Speaker 5: nine on the ABC. 651 00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:06,560 Speaker 4: We love you, Maggie. Thanks for coming in so much. 652 00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:08,200 Speaker 1: I just wish they'd given me a go when I 653 00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:08,680 Speaker 1: was a bit. 654 00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:13,680 Speaker 2: Youngerie Sits in Whipper with Kate Ritchie is a Nova 655 00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:15,720 Speaker 2: podcast walk great shows like this. 656 00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:19,160 Speaker 6: Download the Nova Player via the App Store or Google. 657 00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:20,600 Speaker 6: Playing the Nova Player