Speaker 1: A good a team. It's who else would it be? Hey?
Speaker 1: So this is the continuation of the conversation Tiff and
Speaker 1: I had with Andrew May yesterday. It was a ripper.
Speaker 1: He's a ripper. Enjoy the rest of the chat. Do
Speaker 1: you talk to groups and individuals about self awareness, other awareness,
Speaker 1: social awareness? If you do, what do you talk to
Speaker 1: them about and how do you open that door?
Speaker 2: Yeah. George Angel back in nineteen seventy seven spoke about
Speaker 2: the biopsychosocial model. I think sometimes we come up with
Speaker 2: stuff and do things and think, hey, I'm onto something here,
Speaker 2: and then you find out this theory and I'll go, geez,
Speaker 2: someone else has thought about this. So if there's a
Speaker 2: model I give you, it is that. I think it's
Speaker 2: the whole human. So bio is your physiology and us
Speaker 2: a human and operating system, psychos thoughts and feelings and
Speaker 2: emotional and we've got to regularly do an iOS upgrade
Speaker 2: on our head, we need to do on our iPhones.
Speaker 2: And then that's social is no man, no woman is
Speaker 2: an island. So you look at relationships social, you also
Speaker 2: look at cultural that's massive. I find in sports, especially
Speaker 2: a lot of the contact sports union and League high
Speaker 2: in Pacific nations, like I could have the best toolkit
Speaker 2: in the world around psychology, and this is the mistake
Speaker 2: I think a lot of psychs make, or previously made
Speaker 2: when they're running corporit or sports programs. He'm a psych
Speaker 2: and it's about schema, and I've got all these tools
Speaker 2: head down. But I know a lot of players have
Speaker 2: more of a physical intelligence, so it's legs up or
Speaker 2: toes up, and then some are right in the middle.
Speaker 2: So answering your question of a long way, awareness is
Speaker 2: everything self awareness. And I've been deep on mindfulness the
Speaker 2: past twelve months. And if apparently mindfulness has been around
Speaker 2: a while, it's not new. Two and a half thousand
Speaker 2: years ago. The Japanese samurai, we're practicing mindfulness. You look
Speaker 2: at different is like the Yogis in India. We're doing
Speaker 2: a very similar time. And while you've got different cults,
Speaker 2: there's totally different parts of the world. And they didn't
Speaker 2: have a mobile phone. There was no Snapchat or Twitter
Speaker 2: or whatever it's called these days to share information that's
Speaker 2: fascinating and Buddhism and the evolution of that as well.
Speaker 2: So there's multiple tribes and cultures that you know, a
Speaker 2: couple of thousand years ago were looking at this notion
Speaker 2: of being still and being present and hups men, women athletes,
Speaker 2: corporate athletes, everyone in between.
Speaker 1: I'm really bringing.
Speaker 2: A lot more around that mindfulness and that ability to
Speaker 2: be present in the moment without judgment, so to go
Speaker 2: higher order on out on anything. And then I used
Speaker 2: to do this, and a lot of that was probably
Speaker 2: the imposter syndrome was revving too high buck. I've got
Speaker 2: to show them what I know, or hey, I've worked
Speaker 2: with this athlete, or hey I did this. So now
Speaker 2: I just try and slower back, meet them where they are,
Speaker 2: and then I ask people like, where are you at?
Speaker 2: But the biggest challenge to mindfulness is distraction. And if
Speaker 2: you can get your kids, if you can get people
Speaker 2: that work for you, if you can get whole organizations
Speaker 2: to not be on the mobile phone first thing in
Speaker 2: the morning and not be on it at night. I
Speaker 2: think the average now is four hours and seventeen minutes
Speaker 2: a day that people are on their mother It's freaking crazy.
Speaker 2: So any athlete, and if I brought it out to performer,
Speaker 2: because performer is high performance athlete and someone who wants
Speaker 2: to perform in life. Any performer, I tell them now,
Speaker 2: the gold medal standard is ten minutes a day. So
Speaker 2: that research I was saying before six minutes in your
Speaker 2: mad minimum effective ten minutes from most people is totally
Speaker 2: in the sweet spot. So to grow self awareness, because
Speaker 2: we know there's two main benefits of mindfulness that samuraized
Speaker 2: didn't have the research. The Yogis didn't have the research.
Speaker 2: They just did it because it made them, what kept
Speaker 2: them alive way back then. But the first branch of
Speaker 2: mindfulness is exactly that. It's self awareness, and it's awareness
Speaker 2: on your thoughts, your feelings, your body and the environment
Speaker 2: you're in. So just slowing down and dropping that intensity
Speaker 2: to have that awareness. The second level, or the second
Speaker 2: outcome on mindfulness is wisdom and insight, but I think
Speaker 2: that comes with a lot of years. So I am
Speaker 2: big on mindfulness with any performer I work with now, mate,
Speaker 2: and then I'm sure you get the same tif you
Speaker 2: get the same with your clients. Yeah, I'm hearing what
Speaker 2: you're saying, Cham, but I'm so bloody busy. How do
Speaker 2: I do it? Well, get off your phone for ten
Speaker 2: minutes and let's micro does mindfulness that you brush your
Speaker 2: teeth first thing in the morning takes two minutes, the
Speaker 2: rich person two minutes. So as you're brushing your teeth,
Speaker 2: just set a daily intention today a great day looks like?
Speaker 2: Or how am I going to show up today? While
Speaker 2: you're doing the teethy bags as you commute to work
Speaker 2: four or five minutes, just drop down, turn off the radio,
Speaker 2: get off your mobile phone, and just look around. You
Speaker 2: and I have some of the footballs. Go fuck, bro,
Speaker 2: I'm doing that that mindfulness commute thing. And there's trees
Speaker 2: near our live yeah, you know there's birds. So you
Speaker 2: do it, brushing your teeth for two minutes five minutes
Speaker 2: in your commute. You add that up mindful eating. It's
Speaker 2: called mastication. Don't stuff up your constance there, ladies and gentsmen.
Speaker 2: Masticating is actually chewing your food. I'm a guzzler harp
Speaker 2: so like I inhale food like it's sizzler or you know,
Speaker 2: last flight to quantits and you've got to eat all
Speaker 2: the horse herbs.
Speaker 1: So does that mean you're a big masticator? Is that
Speaker 1: what you're telling us?
Speaker 2: I'm a massive masticator. I love masticating and and I
Speaker 2: go to town on it.
Speaker 3: Good.
Speaker 1: We're good for you carry on. She doesn't know what
Speaker 1: to do. Do you want to chime in at any stage?
Speaker 1: That's good.
Speaker 4: I'm just going to sit in the backseat.
Speaker 2: You can edit that bit out, Tiff. If you.
Speaker 3: Like that.
Speaker 1: You got to tell him.
Speaker 2: So just slowing down your chewing for a couple of minutes,
Speaker 2: and again harps. You do this and it sounds so simple,
Speaker 2: and I really believe you've got a practice, or at
Speaker 2: least try the stuff you're giving out, otherwise you're a
Speaker 2: bit of a pedler full of shit. And then the
Speaker 2: final one is you've got two ears in one mouth.
Speaker 2: And I learned this from the beautiful man Tony Grant
Speaker 2: to set up the Sydney University Coaching Psychology Unit and
Speaker 2: unfortunately passed away a few years ago from cancer. But
Speaker 2: Tiny used to say, you got two ears in one mouth,
Speaker 2: and that's the balance you should have when you're communicating.
Speaker 2: So stack that two minutes brushing your toothy fangs, four
Speaker 2: or five minutes in your commute to work, just dropping
Speaker 2: in and being present around your thoughts, your feelings, your body,
Speaker 2: the environment. Do you realize there's birds? They put some
Speaker 2: trees up here. And then when you're chewing tiff, We'll
Speaker 2: just keep it at chewing. It's really like feeling the
Speaker 2: texture of the food and slowing down. And this is
Speaker 2: not new. They've been hearing this in cultures around the
Speaker 2: world the thousands of years, and then just communicating and
Speaker 2: having that approach when you're with someone, Hey, how are
Speaker 2: you and listening and pausing. So it's pretty easy to
Speaker 2: stack ten minutes a day and get people to do
Speaker 2: a twenty one day challenge because this whole Hey, you
Speaker 2: do it for three months, which you really need for
Speaker 2: behavior change. It's a crock of shit to say make
Speaker 2: good break a hab it in twenty one days. It's
Speaker 2: not true. Three to four months is the real point.
Speaker 2: But give them a start three weeks, ten minutes a day.
Speaker 2: It's amazing when you see people have agency on this
Speaker 2: and they do it. Totally change your self awareness. It
Speaker 2: was a very long answer to a pretty simple question.
Speaker 1: Hut going Yeah.
Speaker 4: I was going to say, the one of the challenges
Speaker 4: I reckon today is on that that we're so used
Speaker 4: to over complicating everything that it's too simple. Five or
Speaker 4: six years ago I did a three day meditation retreat
Speaker 4: and a silent retreat actually, and weirdly didn't realize it
Speaker 4: was going to involve sixty seven hours a day of
Speaker 4: meditation and it was amazing, but I remember kind of
Speaker 4: almost a bit of a frustration when they would teach us,
Speaker 4: as Buddhists do that the walking meditation and it's mindfulness, right,
Speaker 4: but they is slow present walking and feeling your feet
Speaker 4: and being like just and I was so because I'm
Speaker 4: so type ai. I'm like, this isn't doing anything, This
Speaker 4: isn't the thing, Like, this is just walking? Why is this?
Speaker 4: This can't be met a because we're so used to
Speaker 4: science and data and all of the things that we
Speaker 4: abandon it because it's too simple.
Speaker 2: And moving meditation. There's some beautiful research around that, like
Speaker 2: going for a slow walk grounding. I've got Indigenous friends
Speaker 2: of Aboriginal friends from Darboy. They think it's hilarious that
Speaker 2: they're white. Mate is traveling the world teaching people about grounding.
Speaker 2: My mate Lapey goes, you're a fraud, he said, Andy,
Speaker 2: My college has been doing that for thousands of years.
Speaker 1: He said.
Speaker 2: I don't get paid to go to conferences to tell
Speaker 2: people to take those shoes off. But the lessons have
Speaker 2: been there, Tiff. But we've just got so caught up
Speaker 2: hyper jack supercharged type A or your road runner syndrome.
Speaker 2: We are so bassed or so focused on success, and
Speaker 2: then you add my bile. Fine, I'll get to my
Speaker 2: hobby horse boys and girls and just all this bullshit,
Speaker 2: click candy, impressing others, faux po, fear of other people's opinion,
Speaker 2: and it just becomes a massive disease. And I think
Speaker 2: some people, then twenty years later, go what doing. I've
Speaker 2: been doing everything to impress people that I don't really like.
Speaker 2: I've got a car with seven seats that no one
Speaker 2: sits in. I've got a big house with all these
Speaker 2: rooms that no one visits. I'm a miserable, rich bastard
Speaker 2: because it's all been that external. Back to what I
Speaker 2: was saying before, that vision of success is winning, and
Speaker 2: it's more the Western definition of success, money, power, kudos,
Speaker 2: and there's nothing wrong with that, and as long as
Speaker 2: you get the end, add some pleasure, meaning and purpose,
Speaker 2: and I think that's where we've got skewed tip that
Speaker 2: we've been brought into or sold. It's all about success
Speaker 2: with the collateral damage. So to me, absolutely, if I
Speaker 2: work with them. I work with some founders who are
Speaker 2: worth bees billions, but for them to not be a
Speaker 2: really rich asshole, they've also got to work on themselves
Speaker 2: because they're just like all of us. So it's a
Speaker 2: constant work on it really is. And you can't download this,
Speaker 2: and I think that's the other thing. We want the pill,
Speaker 2: the potion, the bottle of the lotion, but you've got
Speaker 2: to do the reps in sets. So that's why I
Speaker 2: love that practical ten minutes a day, and I can
Speaker 2: knock you out with the research. I don't give you
Speaker 2: papers and everything else, but I think, I think, and
Speaker 2: I'm interested in your thoughts. HAPs I'm adding more science
Speaker 2: than I used to, for sure, but I think enough
Speaker 2: to get the skeptics on board. And then it's you
Speaker 2: don't need any more science, because a coping mechanism or
Speaker 2: a form of avoidance is intellectualization, where you want more data,
Speaker 2: more facts. And sometimes I'll say to someone, you've got
Speaker 2: enough data. They've been doing mindfulness for two and a
Speaker 2: half years, two and a half thousand years. Just fucking
Speaker 2: do it ten minutes a day for twenty one days.
Speaker 2: Come back and then tell me what your data says.
Speaker 2: Then I can give you more data.
Speaker 1: I think there's a couple of things, like, as you were,
Speaker 1: it was all great. By the way, I was thinking
Speaker 1: two things. One is about success, one is about consciousness.
Speaker 1: And first thing, I want to start with consciousness. And
Speaker 1: I feel like it's very easy in twenty twenty four
Speaker 1: to live unconsciously, and that is basically, to get up
Speaker 1: today and do what you did. Yet today, even though
Speaker 1: yesterday wasn't a good day, wasn't very productive. I didn't
Speaker 1: make good choices. I didn't look after my body, I
Speaker 1: didn't look after my brain. I didn't look after my relationships.
Speaker 1: But fuck it, that's what I'm doing again today. So
Speaker 1: to live like genuinely, to live a conscious, intentional life
Speaker 1: when we can easily default into a version of groundhog day,
Speaker 1: requires awareness and courage and effort and energy and consistency.
Speaker 1: It's like everybody loves the idea of having a fit, strong, lean,
Speaker 1: functional body, but almost nobody will do the work consistently.
Speaker 1: So the theory versus the practical process. And I think,
Speaker 1: like I've spoken about this before, but if I say
Speaker 1: to people all the time, In fact, I said this
Speaker 1: to someone this week earlier this week. It's Friday night.
Speaker 1: As we record, I was talking to a dude, and
Speaker 1: I said to him, I want you to We're talking
Speaker 1: about Portsy, which is on the Potinula here in Victoria.
Speaker 1: I said, I want you to picture this. So I'm
Speaker 1: giving you a block of land at Portsy. You're looking
Speaker 1: at the ocean, and I'm giving you five million bucks
Speaker 1: to build a house that you want on the block
Speaker 1: that's looking at the ocean. I said, when are you
Speaker 1: going to So you've got let's say, you've got counsel
Speaker 1: of proof. We can build whatever you want. But here's
Speaker 1: all the dough When are you going to start building?
Speaker 1: And he said, well, And then we went through the
Speaker 1: list of things that he would have to do to
Speaker 1: build this house, the house that he wants to be in,
Speaker 1: you know, landscaping and architecture and fittings and furnishings and
Speaker 1: colors and like the myriad of things that you would
Speaker 1: have to do and plan and strategize and execute to
Speaker 1: build a house that you want to live in, to
Speaker 1: consciously create something that's a place that you want to inhabit. Right,
Speaker 1: And then I said, what's more important your life or
Speaker 1: your house? Is? Like, well, my life, I go, why
Speaker 1: aren't you doing that? Forel life right?
Speaker 3: Why?
Speaker 1: And the thing is that so many of us are
Speaker 1: literally in this unconscious repetition that doesn't fucking work right,
Speaker 1: But we won't own up and step up because once
Speaker 1: you're in the momentum of that operating system, that's a
Speaker 1: three out of ten. You know, that river that you're
Speaker 1: in the flow of, You've got to now swim to
Speaker 1: the side of the river, which is hard, get out
Speaker 1: of the fucking river, which is hard to find a
Speaker 1: level of awareness and perspective because now I'm on the
Speaker 1: ground looking at the river, and I can't be objective
Speaker 1: about the thing I'm in the middle of. My long
Speaker 1: winded point is that I think some people live this unconscious,
Speaker 1: unintended existence while simultaneously going how did my life end
Speaker 1: up like this?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 1: And then they wake up and go, oh fuck, I'm
Speaker 1: fifty this wasn't my plan. And then I would I
Speaker 1: would say to them, can I see the plan? And
Speaker 1: they're like, what, I go, you said that this wasn't
Speaker 1: your plan. Where is the plan? They don't have a
Speaker 1: fucking plan. They just had an idea of how things
Speaker 1: would eventuate, you know, So yeahs.
Speaker 2: On that one go one that story. As you built
Speaker 2: up with I know the punchline so true. You look
Speaker 2: at the amount of time people spend on a home
Speaker 2: renovation or a built why because I want to have
Speaker 2: a great house. How long are you going to be
Speaker 2: in that house for at least five or ten years
Speaker 2: until Margaret and I get the kids out or jamber
Speaker 2: a right, So you're going to spend all this time.
Speaker 2: So it's a great analogy. Second is a question for you,
Speaker 2: how do you get the balance to tip people over?
Speaker 2: Because effectively, what the three of us will work with
Speaker 2: people around is getting them out of the level of
Speaker 2: this comfort that's comfortable, meaning people are comfortable being uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: I'm carrying five to maybe eight kilograms too much. My
Speaker 2: cognitive recall is not great, but I'm still functioning at work.
Speaker 2: I'm getting on okay with my kids in the family,
Speaker 2: but not great. So it's not horrible, but it's not wonderful.
Speaker 2: And then they just get stuck. As you said in
Speaker 2: Groundhole Day. So I talk about you get comfortable being uncomfortable,
Speaker 2: how do you dislodge that? Because one of the hardest
Speaker 2: things is raising awareness. Because if someone comes to me
Speaker 2: or you and says the wife or the hubby's about
Speaker 2: to leave me? How serious are they? This happened to
Speaker 2: me last year. She's got the spare car reversed in
Speaker 2: the garage, knows out bags in the back for her
Speaker 2: and the kids to go to a parents' house or
Speaker 2: to go to a motel. So serious. So this guy,
Speaker 2: his backside was burning and it wasn't just a bunch
Speaker 2: and burner on his backside, it was two bututane burners. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so if I had someone like that, or I'll often
Speaker 2: get an executive who's one level from CEO and they've
Speaker 2: been told you're really competent in your domain, mastery of
Speaker 2: the industry, you're an asshole or under stress, you crumple
Speaker 2: and you don't know how to perform in itself, reaking,
Speaker 2: like do you want to become CEO? Absolutely, they're in
Speaker 2: your pocket. So when you've got people who are really
Speaker 2: uncomfortable and then the outcome there's fire ahead, then they're
Speaker 2: going to get change.
Speaker 1: They're really compliant.
Speaker 2: So back to my question, that middle ground is hard,
Speaker 2: So I'm curious how do you raise awareness on that?
Speaker 1: Yeah, So, I mean I can't change anyone but me. Obviously.
Speaker 1: The only life I've ever changed is mine. I've influenced
Speaker 1: a people a few lives and inspired a few people.
Speaker 1: But like I am very much about, you know, taking
Speaker 1: the horse to water, and I'm which is for me
Speaker 1: about opening the door on awareness and understanding of how
Speaker 1: this stuff works. But nearly every time I do a presentation,
Speaker 1: at some stage, I will say here's the good and
Speaker 1: bad of today. The good is there's a whole bunch
Speaker 1: of interesting and potentially transformational ideas and theories and strategies
Speaker 1: and tools and resources that you can use. The bad
Speaker 1: or the con is that I'm just a bloke up
Speaker 1: the front sharing theory. Like I care that you enjoy
Speaker 1: today and get something out of today, and hopefully you
Speaker 1: like me because I'm insecure and hopefully it's a good experience.
Speaker 1: But what I really care about is that after today
Speaker 1: you will do stuff that will change your life, because
Speaker 1: life's not a theory. And so for me and I
Speaker 1: like to bring to people's attention the reason that maybe
Speaker 1: they are not changing, and also even to say, you know,
Speaker 1: guess what. This maybe uncomfortable, but in a minute, you're
Speaker 1: going to be five years older and on your current rejectory,
Speaker 1: your life is going to be shit. And you know that,
Speaker 1: And your body's going to be worse, and your relationships
Speaker 1: are going to be worse, your brain's going to be worse,
Speaker 1: your outcomes are going to be worse. Based on what
Speaker 1: you've told me now, is that what you want?
Speaker 2: Will know?
Speaker 1: Well, you're not going to accidentally like, but at some
Speaker 1: stage you've got to go. But all I am. All
Speaker 1: I can do is inspire, in form, educate here you want,
Speaker 1: love you, support you, But I can't fucking do anything
Speaker 1: for you like you. I can't get out of bed
Speaker 1: for you, I can't be inspired for you. I can't
Speaker 1: do hard work for you. I can't be resilient for you.
Speaker 1: What has to fucking happen before you do it? And
Speaker 1: they're like, what, I go, tell me what needs to
Speaker 1: happen for you to actually stop fucking around? And sometimes
Speaker 1: that sometimes and I've had people tell me ten years later,
Speaker 1: remember that when you gave me the tough love, you
Speaker 1: fucking scared the shit out of me, or you in
Speaker 1: what ever, But even then they were the one that
Speaker 1: still went and did the work, Because I, honestly, in
Speaker 1: this sounds I don't mean this to sound bad, but
Speaker 1: I get to the point where I almost can't be
Speaker 1: fucked with some people because I go, dude, this is
Speaker 1: we've had this conversation. I can't tell you anything new.
Speaker 1: Like often it's friends who have asked me one hundred
Speaker 1: times how to get in shape. Like I'm not fucking
Speaker 1: telling you.
Speaker 2: The problem with friends is there your friends and they
Speaker 2: know you really well and they just harps. Is just
Speaker 2: tiff if there's no exchange, whether it's money or there's
Speaker 2: got to be some exchange or as with a friend
Speaker 2: you're helping.
Speaker 1: Yeah, even with this show mate, I've had people send
Speaker 1: me messages going you or typ changed my life and
Speaker 1: I write back and I go, that's super kind of you,
Speaker 1: but you're wrong, but thank you. I understand and appreciate
Speaker 1: the sentiment. But thousands of people listen to that same
Speaker 1: episode that you hurt and they did fuck all And
Speaker 1: that's also not my fault.
Speaker 2: You know. Just so stages of change, there's a great mind,
Speaker 2: yea procesca theoretical model.
Speaker 1: Love it It comes down to, I mean, as again cliche,
Speaker 1: but are people really ready to do the work? You know,
Speaker 1: and because otherwise it's just maybe interesting information And.
Speaker 3: That the thing is that, like I believe that there
Speaker 3: are many variables but I believe the number one variable
Speaker 3: with this that really stops most people is just the
Speaker 3: practical reality that the thing that they need to do
Speaker 3: is hard the end, and people don't like hard.
Speaker 1: People like the outcome. We want the doing hard, but
Speaker 1: they don't want the fucking work, which is why ozen
Speaker 1: pic exists, which is why pills powders fucking rapid this
Speaker 1: two minute that right, And so people want the result
Speaker 1: without the work, that destination without the journey, and that's
Speaker 1: why that shit sells because fucking giddy up, I can
Speaker 1: there's a shortcut. There's a hack, but there isn't like
Speaker 1: the actually doesn't.
Speaker 2: Twitally hear the word hack. You know, you go out
Speaker 2: all weekend, drink what you want, take copious amounts of
Speaker 2: other stuff. There's eat shitty food, and then Monday morning,
Speaker 2: have a nice bath and do a hack. Something that
Speaker 2: we've added in the last eighteen months that's been a
Speaker 2: big shift in behavior change to our corporate programs is
Speaker 2: doing a diagnostic, and we've had to really refine it
Speaker 2: because when we first did it we are over complicated.
Speaker 2: We have three simple diagnostics, one which is around energy
Speaker 2: and we call that a lift Life score. And the
Speaker 2: Live Life Score. We measure biological age and also a
Speaker 2: mental fitness gauge. It takes four minutes and is integrated
Speaker 2: with wearable tech. Now, so we can have a group
Speaker 2: had just done a big, big group of specsavers around
Speaker 2: Australia in New Zealand, so we had eighty percent of
Speaker 2: them did in the score. So then I get in
Speaker 2: the room. They know their biological age, they know their
Speaker 2: mental fitness gauge, and I could just go right, here's
Speaker 2: where you are, so suspend whether you like me, whether
Speaker 2: you think I'm the shiny head banging on with shit
Speaker 2: up the front. Whatever science says your biological age is shit,
Speaker 2: What are you going to do about it? Science says
Speaker 2: mental fitness gauge or whether it's psychological detachment or whatever
Speaker 2: we're talking about, is horrible. What are you going to
Speaker 2: do about it? And we do similar for mental skills,
Speaker 2: and we do similar now for leadership capacity. That's been
Speaker 2: a game changer, yes, because it creates that cognitive dissonance.
Speaker 2: But here's the hard thing. When you're doing a podcast,
Speaker 2: people aren't filling out a questionnaire or a diagnostic to
Speaker 2: let you know where they are.
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, exactly, I wanted to. We touched a little
Speaker 1: bit on, you know, the story of success, like we
Speaker 1: all have a story, and you were talking about the
Speaker 1: billionaires that you didn't say this, but my take is there.
Speaker 1: You know, they're kind of financially rich, but sometimes emotionally, psychologically,
Speaker 1: spiritually bankrupt. And so there's there's the I guess, there's
Speaker 1: the the picture of or the practicality of success, but
Speaker 1: not always the experience. You know. It's like, I remember
Speaker 1: when I've told this story too much, but I was
Speaker 1: at a stage in my life when I was financially
Speaker 1: doing great. I had multiple businesses and staff, and I
Speaker 1: was killing it. And from the outside looking in it
Speaker 1: was razzle dazzle, but the inside out because I wasn't
Speaker 1: looking after me and I was just quite at that
Speaker 1: point in my life one dimensional, and you know, and
Speaker 1: like my experience in the middle of this successful picture
Speaker 1: was anything but success. Right, how do we kind of
Speaker 1: navigate that? How do you navigate that with people? Because
Speaker 1: and I'll shut up after this, but I guess in
Speaker 1: our culture, success is really about what people can see.
Speaker 1: You know, what you have, what you earn, what you own,
Speaker 1: what you look like, what you drive, what people think
Speaker 1: you your brand, your bank balance, oh your shit, like
Speaker 1: no one goes. I'll look at that guy living in
Speaker 1: that one bedroom flat driving the twenty five year old car.
Speaker 1: He's really calm with a pet. So successful. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: like it. Success is all about things, but in reality
Speaker 1: at ain't. How do you navigate that with people?
Speaker 2: It's not either or, it's and right, it's the dichotomy.
Speaker 2: And well, one guy I work with very very successful
Speaker 2: from an external demand.
Speaker 1: And then you'd be like this. You meet some of these.
Speaker 2: Business people, you've read about them or you know of them,
Speaker 2: and then you meet them and you realize the reality
Speaker 2: is they're just like the three of us. They have
Speaker 2: fears and phobias and just they're really good in some
Speaker 2: areas of their life. I think you can have it both,
Speaker 2: but you've got to do the work. So your analogy
Speaker 2: of the house is beautiful. Hear me on a podcast
Speaker 2: saying that, like it was my own one day. I
Speaker 2: will always I will always reference, I always reference. I
Speaker 2: teach people now that you can have both. So it's
Speaker 2: getting into success external and there's nothing wrong with having stuff.
Speaker 2: And there's some research on this. Todd Cash, Dan not
Speaker 2: Kardashian there's no credibility with that surname on research. But
Speaker 2: Todd cash Dan looks at the difference between the good
Speaker 2: life and the goods life. So the goods life is
Speaker 2: about that ower, money and success. I love that, Tift
Speaker 2: jotting that down like a little bloody high performance.
Speaker 1: No taker, that is that is good. Yeah, write that down,
Speaker 1: to it down and.
Speaker 2: The good life is pleasure, meaning and purpose. My story
Speaker 2: harps you know my story. I got to just before
Speaker 2: forty and I've been so focused on the extern all
Speaker 2: that I'd won multiple state championships as an athlete, went
Speaker 2: to the Institute of Sport, done well at school, built
Speaker 2: a business, had good relationships, and then went through a
Speaker 2: marriage breakdown with a grandfather called Patty Flynn, rich Irish
Speaker 2: family tradition on my mother's side. Mum and Dad still together,
Speaker 2: and I was so focused on what everyone thought of me,
Speaker 2: had a chronic case of FOPO that I wasn't tending
Speaker 2: my own garden, caught a relationship in reality, whenever any
Speaker 2: marriage breaks down, the reality is somewhere in between. But
Speaker 2: I was so focused on working with sporting teams building
Speaker 2: a business that I wasn't focused on the marriage, and
Speaker 2: then I had eighteen months functioning depressed, where I was
Speaker 2: walking around like I was carrying a metaphorical cross because
Speaker 2: I was so worried, so concerned what everyone thought of me.
Speaker 2: But the reality is everyone just gives a fuck about
Speaker 2: themselves and how you go and mate okay, and they
Speaker 2: move on to their staff. I learned the hard way personally,
Speaker 2: and they've been It's just so it's a gift to
Speaker 2: work with the sort of people we do. So you
Speaker 2: get to work with all domains, all different types of
Speaker 2: career and codes, and I just I don't say now
Speaker 2: success is just because someone's title. I think success one
Speaker 2: of my best mates. He's one of the most successful
Speaker 2: people I know. He's probably at a job two levels
Speaker 2: below what he can do, but he's a connected Dad's
Speaker 2: got a good marriage, he's healthy and fitness. He's best
Speaker 2: mate you could ever have. He's always there. So it's
Speaker 2: that juxtaposition between success and also looking at fulfillment, and
Speaker 2: I really do think he can have both. But it's
Speaker 2: bloody hard because you've got to work. Like the P
Speaker 2: word purpose, A lot of people want to purpose. Now
Speaker 2: they go off and do a course. I listen to
Speaker 2: a podcast. It takes months to craft a purpose that
Speaker 2: has meaning for you and mean we know the purpose
Speaker 2: has got to be future focused. All the research shows
Speaker 2: it's future focused. It's got to be more than you,
Speaker 2: so it's about others and it's got to excite to
Speaker 2: live in daylights out of you. And the research further
Speaker 2: on purpose shows people with a clearly articulated purpose one
Speaker 2: live longer, unce back from resilience and through they're going
Speaker 2: to earn more money. So you listen to all that
Speaker 2: and go why would I not have a clearly articulated purpose?
Speaker 2: But you ask so many people what's your purpose? Harps
Speaker 2: and they're working for a big company. Our purpose is
Speaker 2: to increase return for our shareholders and stakeholders and positively
Speaker 2: contribute to the community and having though, fuck, that's your
Speaker 2: company's purpose. So back to the original question, we don't
Speaker 2: spend enough time looking at the dance between the two.
Speaker 2: How do you have both? And your house analogy is beautiful,
Speaker 2: but you've got to do as much planning and work
Speaker 2: on you as a human. What do you want to
Speaker 2: be like? What is your experience like with others? Good? Bad,
Speaker 2: are and different? What do you want it to be?
Speaker 2: Like sorry to If I knew you were going to
Speaker 2: come in with a beautiful, poignant statement, then.
Speaker 4: I was going to ask you, Andrew, do you think
Speaker 4: we find our purpose or do you think our purpose
Speaker 4: finds us? Do you think you're looking if people come
Speaker 4: and say, help me find my purpose? Do you think
Speaker 4: the art of looking for your purpose will be a
Speaker 4: roadblock to you actually connecting with your purpose?
Speaker 2: Jeez, that's a deep question. Can you put some music
Speaker 2: when you're producing this, like some spiritual might just do.
Speaker 4: A bit of singing in the background while you fish.
Speaker 1: It's trying to buy some time? Willy figures out a
Speaker 1: fucking decent sounding answer. I'm on the edge of my
Speaker 1: see too. Come on, so I can feel the imports
Speaker 1: in running rampant crazy.
Speaker 2: Put some crazy gypsy music now, I think you teacher,
Speaker 2: here's my thoughts. There's no research to back this up.
Speaker 2: I reckon people want to go deeper on purpose when
Speaker 2: they've got other stuff going pretty well. I don't think
Speaker 2: someone eighteen nineteen, early twenties really cares much about purpose.
Speaker 2: They want a job. They probably want to get together
Speaker 2: with someone else and then we'll have a bit of
Speaker 2: fun in their life. I find a lot of people
Speaker 2: tiff around that mid forties to early fifties when they've
Speaker 2: got a bit experience, may have a family, may not,
Speaker 2: but it's I am probably at the halfway point or
Speaker 2: I'm just beyond fuck.
Speaker 1: What is this about?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's all been about that external building, the car,
Speaker 2: the trophy. As I mentioned before, seats in the car,
Speaker 2: no one now sits, in rooms that no one visits.
Speaker 2: There's got to be more to this. So my experience
Speaker 2: is that it tends to happen more around that mid
Speaker 2: forties when we've got a bit of experience in the tank.
Speaker 2: Pretty rare that i'd work with, especially an athlete who's
Speaker 2: in their early twenties who would have a really clearly
Speaker 2: articulated purpose. There's one or two a couple of athletes
Speaker 2: I work with. I won't mention the names because I
Speaker 2: work with them one on one and I'm doing some
Speaker 2: work with some of them about this, and I don't
Speaker 2: have permission, But I can name that.
Speaker 1: On one hand, Yeah, do you think that you know
Speaker 1: that old kind of that that nugget of people who
Speaker 1: get to the top of the mountain realize they've climbed
Speaker 1: the wrong mountain. You know, it's like, oh, fuck, this
Speaker 1: is not the mountain, you know, because I think sometimes
Speaker 1: we succeed, but the thing that we thought would happen,
Speaker 1: or that we would feel or experience or be in
Speaker 1: the middle of emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, it ain't there. And
Speaker 1: you're like, fuck, because I had a story that when
Speaker 1: I arrived at this place, this would be my experience,
Speaker 1: you know, And it's and I think are really easy
Speaker 1: to understand. One for people is and Tif's probably done this.
Speaker 1: I'm sure you've done it, Andrew. I've worked with hundreds
Speaker 1: of people that I took from really out of shape
Speaker 1: to really in shape, and very few of them were
Speaker 1: happy when they got there, like or content Like. Very
Speaker 1: few of them got to the point. I mean they
Speaker 1: were happier, and they were healthier, of course, but the
Speaker 1: amount of people who would go, oh, just one more kilo,
Speaker 1: I just just two more kilos, just one more dress
Speaker 1: size or pant size, or like that experience or state
Speaker 1: of being truly content, I mean truly I am where
Speaker 1: I want to be. I don't need any more. I
Speaker 1: don't need to be lighter, I don't need to be leaner,
Speaker 1: I don't need to be richer, I don't need more attention.
Speaker 1: I don't need you to tell me I'm amazing. I
Speaker 1: don't need more accolades. I don't even know if that's
Speaker 1: almost possible.
Speaker 2: There's a really interesting experiment that's going to happen in
Speaker 2: twenty four maybe it's twenty three days from today, called
Speaker 2: the Paris Olympics, and there's going to be so many
Speaker 2: young men and women and this is all they've wanted
Speaker 2: from a young age. I want to be an Olympian,
Speaker 2: and then the five rings, whether it's tattooed on your
Speaker 2: shoulder or metaphorically, it's tattooed as an Olympian. So this
Speaker 2: is that external performance based identity. I've worked with so
Speaker 2: many people mate, who've gone to the Olympics, who've gone
Speaker 2: to the World Champs, who've achieved insert in a sporting environment,
Speaker 2: and then they come back and they go, fuck, it
Speaker 2: feels empty now. And it feels empty for a couple
Speaker 2: of reasons. One is there was nothing to replace that.
Speaker 2: It was a journey that put an arrow in the
Speaker 2: dartboard and when that's where I'm getting to, and that's
Speaker 2: what it's all about now, there's some merit in that
Speaker 2: because to be world class in anything. You know this,
Speaker 2: you've got to be massively unbalanced. If I have a
Speaker 2: young man young woman come and meet me and say, hey,
Speaker 2: I want to represent the country. I want to be
Speaker 2: the best musician, actor, whatever it is, but I want
Speaker 2: to have a bower's life. I have laughed at them.
Speaker 2: I do that gypsy laugh I was doing before. We've
Speaker 2: see that that's not going to happen. If you want
Speaker 2: to be world class, you've got to be fucking unbalanced
Speaker 2: for a decade or two. Then just make sure you
Speaker 2: don't blow everything up so much that the collateral damage
Speaker 2: is still repairable with relationships and well being in and
Speaker 2: I can run with you on that. And what I
Speaker 2: like about that is your being up front and letting
Speaker 2: them know you're not going to go to the partners.
Speaker 2: If you have a relationship, you go. I have someone
Speaker 2: who actually is very attuned to your needs. That's a
Speaker 2: classic example, mate, that post Olympic depression. There's even a
Speaker 2: term for it.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 2: I'm not saying that people are actually clinically depressed, but
Speaker 2: there's a real dip in their mood months after the Olympics. Why,
Speaker 2: because it's that whole identity is I perform. Therefore I
Speaker 2: am and in one of the areas I'm so passionate
Speaker 2: about is just dipping it in a little bit. So
Speaker 2: even in the pre season with the Seagulls, I actually
Speaker 2: did a session on self identity. So the fact that
Speaker 2: I'm working with NRL players in the off season, and
Speaker 2: it's totally outdated, as you know in AFL saying they're
Speaker 2: all book heads and idiots and just drink and sort
Speaker 2: of party. That notion has gone out decades ago. There
Speaker 2: are late athletes. But we started to talk about self
Speaker 2: awareness and we're just dipping it in. So I had
Speaker 2: a couple of players come up and say, can I
Speaker 2: have a bit more about that? So it was a
Speaker 2: light touch and back to the question TIF, I think
Speaker 2: the teacher appears on purpose when the student is ready
Speaker 2: as well as so. I'd done courses, I'd read books
Speaker 2: on purpose, I'd listen to people. I was at KPMG
Speaker 2: mid forties, earning a fortune, and I was empty.
Speaker 1: It was crazy. I was earning more money.
Speaker 2: Than I could ever imagine. It was off at a
Speaker 2: global role which was hundreds and hundreds of thousands more
Speaker 2: than I was even on and I just pulled the
Speaker 2: pin and people thought I was an idiot. But the
Speaker 2: reason why harps is I thought, no, I'm not contributing.
Speaker 2: I don't actually feel like I'm making a difference to
Speaker 2: people's lives. And I've got full respect for KPMG. Still
Speaker 2: work with a bunch of the very senior leaders, still
Speaker 2: do some consulting for them. But I just didn't be
Speaker 2: on a pay packet where for me success was driving revenue.
Speaker 1: It was about impact. I would add one thing which
Speaker 1: is not instead of but as well as and I
Speaker 1: think people get a little anxious over because they don't
Speaker 1: know what their purpose is, so then they just find
Speaker 1: a new thing to worry about. I would say to
Speaker 1: you listeners that in my experience, you might not have
Speaker 1: a single purpose. You might have many, or you might
Speaker 1: have a few. It doesn't need to be a single thing.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: My job is I've got to fucking feed the homeless.
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe that's part of what you do, but also
Speaker 1: your purpose will evolve and change over time, perhaps like
Speaker 1: there was a time for me where a big part
Speaker 1: of my purpose was helping people get physically well and
Speaker 1: educating and inspiring people to like live their best lifestyle
Speaker 1: and embrace all of that you know, it was very
Speaker 1: much around physiology. And but for me, that part of
Speaker 1: my life or that that that purpose had it used
Speaker 1: by date, just like milk and bread has a use
Speaker 1: by date. You know, So you know, what might be
Speaker 1: your focus or what blows your mind, or what meets
Speaker 1: your needs, or what gives you joy, or what stretches
Speaker 1: you or grows you. It might be different in five years,
Speaker 1: so you know. And also another kind of I guess
Speaker 1: piece of advice is that you like when you hear's
Speaker 1: somebody like Andrew talking about purpose, you don't need to
Speaker 1: figure this out by lunchtime tomorrow. This is there's no urgency,
Speaker 1: you know, And I think the idea of just opening
Speaker 1: the door and like gently walking through the door and
Speaker 1: start to think about living a life with more purpose,
Speaker 1: whatever that means for you. And by the way, there's
Speaker 1: no it doesn't fucking matter what it is. It only
Speaker 1: matters to you. It doesn't matter to me or Tip
Speaker 1: or Andrew. And also you know, just living that as
Speaker 1: we spoke about, you know, everyone's going to wake up
Speaker 1: in a minute, and we're five years older, and so
Speaker 1: in order to inhabit that five year life that we
Speaker 1: would love to that five year later life. You know
Speaker 1: that's really a big part of that is dependent on
Speaker 1: what we do now or what we do moving forward
Speaker 1: from now. You know that, Hohle, this wasn't my plan. Well,
Speaker 1: if you don't have a plan, you're definitely not going
Speaker 1: to go where you would like to know. So I
Speaker 1: think that I'll step down off my bloody high horse now.
Speaker 1: But I just think that that giving people permission Andrew
Speaker 1: also to not need to figure this out in the
Speaker 1: next ten minutes. But at the same time, don't put
Speaker 1: it in the bottom drawer and think it's just going
Speaker 1: to fucking sort itself out, because that too, is a
Speaker 1: bad idea. I'll jump on your high horse.
Speaker 2: And when I have someone who's or if I'm in
Speaker 2: a group and the brief is, can you talk to
Speaker 2: this executive team and we want you to cover purpose,
Speaker 2: I'll run out and say what I've told you for
Speaker 2: the research shows, bang bang bang, A purpose has to
Speaker 2: be bigger than you, excite the living daylights out of you,
Speaker 2: and be future focused. All the data on that. However,
Speaker 2: right here, right now, if you're tired and fatigued, if
Speaker 2: you're really distracted and you don't have time to put
Speaker 2: into this. Don't freaking go there. It's just going to
Speaker 2: stress you out. And you're almost see a collective. So
Speaker 2: you mean I don't need a purpose? No, no, no,
Speaker 2: it's just not the right time now. So when you've
Speaker 2: got more time, more energy, more attention in this set
Speaker 2: into going deeper, Well what do I do now? Champ
Speaker 2: makes sure you've got some meaning, some fun, some pleasure,
Speaker 2: some joy in your life and supplement and and I
Speaker 2: see people go because life can be tough. We've had COVID.
Speaker 2: There's ups and downs in relationships and work and everything else.
Speaker 2: Here's what I've learned from having four kids. Number one, Fuck,
Speaker 2: they're expansive. I think that's it. That's really the story.
Speaker 2: I've learned from kids. My kids play and the two
Speaker 2: little girls, Sophia's four, Millie is two.
Speaker 1: But she keeps on me, I'm not a baby. You're
Speaker 1: a baby. She got my smartest gene harps.
Speaker 2: They play, they have play dough, play dates, play school,
Speaker 2: play time, play lunch every single day and often look
Speaker 2: at adults and what do we do? We do meetings
Speaker 2: And that's where the story ends. So what I've learned
Speaker 2: through my gorgeous little kids and my bigger kids. Is
Speaker 2: build some fun and some frivolity and play into a situation.
Speaker 2: And I find this. I've just had a couple of
Speaker 2: really busy weeks. I just make sure to have some fun.
Speaker 2: Whether it's with the kids. It could be fitness, play
Speaker 2: tiff like you know you're there, you're not full on
Speaker 2: smashing into someone, but you're just grappling, doing a bit
Speaker 2: of wrestling, just having a bit of fun with it.
Speaker 2: Or it could be you know, I love a swim
Speaker 2: in the ocean or a surf. So people listening to
Speaker 2: this harps is on the money. Don't go to purpose
Speaker 2: if you're not ready, but don't use that as an
Speaker 2: excuse for not having a bit of fun and a
Speaker 2: bit of pleasure, a bit off join your life, because,
Speaker 2: as you say, you wake up on five years older
Speaker 2: and go, yeah, that was pretty shitty boring five years.
Speaker 2: And I've seen this too much and so few harps.
Speaker 2: It's that you climb the mountain and you have a miserable,
Speaker 2: boring bastard when you get there.
Speaker 1: You know, if we're going to buy a car, the
Speaker 1: second hand car, there's this thing that everyone does is
Speaker 1: you take it. Either you take it or the person
Speaker 1: who's selling it, takes it to a mechanic who's going
Speaker 1: to climb all over it and see what's working and
Speaker 1: what's not working. You know, you kind of do an assessment.
Speaker 1: It needs this, it needs that. That's no good, that's
Speaker 1: bad for the car. We need a new tie there.
Speaker 1: We need to fix that fucking head gasket because it's
Speaker 1: leaking oil. Blah blah blah. Right, And I think we
Speaker 1: can draw an analogy on our life is that. I
Speaker 1: think if you're not sure on your purpose, or you
Speaker 1: don't have clarity about absolute clarity about where you want
Speaker 1: to be in one, two five years, I think a
Speaker 1: really good starting point is to do a roadworthy on
Speaker 1: your life, is to kind of put it up on
Speaker 1: the hoist and go, let me have a look at
Speaker 1: my life. What's my current operating system. What am I
Speaker 1: investing time and energy and focus in. What are my
Speaker 1: results telling me? What kind of outcomes am I producing
Speaker 1: with my body, with my health, with my career, with
Speaker 1: my relationships, with my projects, with my academic pursuits, with
Speaker 1: my you know, maintaining my cognitive function. What am I
Speaker 1: doing like I'm sixty years old, am I doing anything
Speaker 1: that's going to make my brain work better when I'm
Speaker 1: sixty five, would I like it to work better?
Speaker 3: Well?
Speaker 1: If so, what the fuck am I doing? By the way,
Speaker 1: I'm fifteen kilos overweight, I'm morbidly obese. I'm not trying
Speaker 1: to be disrespectful here anyone, but forget what I look like.
Speaker 1: But just do I want to be healthier? Yes?
Speaker 4: I do?
Speaker 1: Cool? What are you currently doing? And so I think
Speaker 1: it is requires courage. But to be able to kind
Speaker 1: of you know that e myth concept of not working
Speaker 1: in the business but on the business. And it's like,
Speaker 1: it's very hard to be objective about me because I'm me,
Speaker 1: so sometimes what's important And I've spoken about this story
Speaker 1: many times. I won't bore everyone. But when I was
Speaker 1: about thirty five, I hit the pause button on my
Speaker 1: life and I went away for ten days and spent
Speaker 1: them alone because I literally wanted to figure out what
Speaker 1: the fuck I was doing with my life. Even though
Speaker 1: I was successful in inverted commas, I didn't feel it.
Speaker 1: And so for me, stepping back from my day to
Speaker 1: day and the people I interacted with, and my roles
Speaker 1: and responsibilities and the gym that I went to every
Speaker 1: day with the same bloke and trained at and the
Speaker 1: you know, I just went to a different place. I
Speaker 1: didn't talk to anyone. But what that distance, that metaphoric
Speaker 1: and geographic distance gave me was a level of insight
Speaker 1: and perspective and awareness that I couldn't get in the
Speaker 1: middle of the day to day. So I think, my
Speaker 1: long winded, fucking point is if your life, your results,
Speaker 1: your outcomes, your health, your lifestyle, your relationships, your mindset
Speaker 1: is not working in inverted commas, whatever that means, then
Speaker 1: start to try to put your life up on the
Speaker 1: hoist to get a perspective, an awareness, and insight into
Speaker 1: what you currently can't what's working, what's.
Speaker 2: Not working, Start with those questions. This is where that
Speaker 2: convergence divergence comes back in. As you say that I
Speaker 2: can't help but think your listeners. You'll have a heavy
Speaker 2: slang towards the corporate audience and the entrepreneurs have a
Speaker 2: lot of core put in their business because you don't
Speaker 2: run a good business without metrics. So everyone listening to
Speaker 2: this would have some sort of form of metric or
Speaker 2: KPI in parts of their life. And then big businesses
Speaker 2: do this beautifully. You've got the metrics and you just
Speaker 2: know what the metrics are for your business, whether it's
Speaker 2: sales meetings per week or turn around time on proposals
Speaker 2: or dispatch in a warehouse. There's KPIs on running a
Speaker 2: good business, and it's always measured by revenue. You look
Speaker 2: at engagement and a couple of other metrics as well,
Speaker 2: market penetration. And I look at the time we spend
Speaker 2: on a business and the planning on a business, so
Speaker 2: planning on building a house, and we do fuck all
Speaker 2: on our bodies. So even if you just took a
Speaker 2: little bit of that and every year did a bit
Speaker 2: of a review, it's like the annual review, where am
Speaker 2: I at? I do this every year harps, I do
Speaker 2: this with my clients. So as an ex athlete, I
Speaker 2: think you don't lose that metrics. But I know what
Speaker 2: I want my resting heart rate to be. I know
Speaker 2: what what I want my heart rate variability to be.
Speaker 2: I know what my sleep metrics. So with people on
Speaker 2: wearable tech metrics get the heart rate variability. So you
Speaker 2: have all these metrics and then you can dial up
Speaker 2: the data. The training, the strength training, the fasting, the
Speaker 2: fasting and having a bit of fun and everything in between.
Speaker 2: I just find that we do such a good job
Speaker 2: on businesses, generally on metrics, but we do such a
Speaker 2: poor job. So as you're saying, the hills hoist, if
Speaker 2: our audience just your audience just had a couple of
Speaker 2: metrics or came back like the annual review, how am
Speaker 2: I going? Do I fit into these genes? And Bernard
Speaker 2: Salt wrote a great article a few years ago, pretty controversial.
Speaker 2: Have you ever had Bird on the show? No demographer
Speaker 2: rites for The Australian and he wrote that he thinks
Speaker 2: a relationship should be a bit like a bank. So
Speaker 2: you have a home line three years time, I know
Speaker 2: my line for the apartment comes up. We've got to
Speaker 2: go and renegotiate with the bank. Now, hopefully interest rates
Speaker 2: will be down. On negotiating, we'll lock some in fixed,
Speaker 2: some variable And there's your answer. Bird was saying we
Speaker 2: should do similar with our relationships. I'm in a relationship,
Speaker 2: So how am I to you? What's working?
Speaker 1: How's it going on communication? How's our sense of life going?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 2: I think I'm awesome? Like do you find that I'm awesome?
Speaker 2: And isn't that an interesting analogy though? To do that
Speaker 2: on a relationship to do that on yourself and its people.
Speaker 2: That's so fucking interesting. I mean yeah, because in the
Speaker 2: middle of all of that awareness and strategy and logic
Speaker 2: and assessment is emotion and fear and anxiety and body
Speaker 2: image and shit self esteem. But I love the I
Speaker 2: love the question. I love that I would like to
Speaker 2: dig deeper into that.
Speaker 1: Wow, I don't do that with my partner.
Speaker 2: Would scare the shit out of me doing that with
Speaker 2: She's lebonoes. Yeah, no, you'd be I could not end
Speaker 2: well for you. I get told every day I don't
Speaker 2: need to do an annual review. So I love about
Speaker 2: the Mediterranean cultures. You know, they just tell you. And
Speaker 2: I listened to her talking to a sister. You're having
Speaker 2: an argument. No, we're just telling each other. We're catching
Speaker 2: up with coffee.
Speaker 1: This is my third podcast for the day, and I
Speaker 1: should be exhausted because I've done a bunch of other
Speaker 1: shit as well, but I'm so energized. I so love
Speaker 1: talking to you, and I'm not pissing in your pocket.
Speaker 1: You're such a good human. You're so smart. You share
Speaker 1: ideas and thoughts and stories so easily and beautifully. You know,
Speaker 1: I appreciate you and thank you. So much for chatting
Speaker 1: with us. You and I could do a fucking five
Speaker 1: hour episode. I know I'm going to get Tiff to
Speaker 1: chop this in half, but tell people where they can
Speaker 1: connect with you. So your show is called Performance Intelligence?
Speaker 4: Is that right?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Podcast is Performance Intelligence And the best way to find
Speaker 2: me is go to Andrewmay dot com. That's the website. Wow,
Speaker 2: all things Hey in the feelings of mutual buddy love
Speaker 2: you love your work. You've been a huge influence on me.
Speaker 2: You're a massive sharer of information. So good things happen
Speaker 2: to good people. Halts appreciate you and Tiff you go, okay,
Speaker 2: we both love you.
Speaker 4: Thought about the little protege.
Speaker 2: If I love listening to podcasts and I love seeing
Speaker 2: your evolution and where you're at, and you've rounded him out.
Speaker 1: We talk about diversity.
Speaker 2: I'll just finish with this made me realize, Harps, I'm
Speaker 2: in a good spot last night and I've got a
Speaker 2: bloody good team. So coming back from Perth, did a
Speaker 2: post just before the plane took off, and I really
Speaker 2: believe as we evolved, if it's the collective some of
Speaker 2: the people were around that really helps us grow. I've
Speaker 2: seen him evolve a lot in a good way. I reckon,
Speaker 2: you've helped him more than you realize. I love you
Speaker 2: as well, Champ, just don't know you as well as
Speaker 2: I love the Harps. So I did a shout out
Speaker 2: to the team I was with yesterday, but also a
Speaker 2: big shout out to my support team. So Angela Poune,
Speaker 2: Luba Posha, Valeya, Sean Pern and Angeline Bonato, and I
Speaker 2: just thought, oh my god, I've got so many wonderful
Speaker 2: women and men in my life. And it's diversity, Like
Speaker 2: there's Angel and Sean have got an Asian background, Luba's
Speaker 2: Russian and Jillin's from the Philippines, and love that we
Speaker 2: hang out with different people, learn convergence, divergence, You've done
Speaker 2: three podcasts, Wrap me Up.
Speaker 1: And you've got an indigenous mate who tells you you're
Speaker 1: not fucking special for walking around in bare feet.
Speaker 2: So that's what makes are for I catch up and
Speaker 2: the buddies once a year, boys from door off site,
Speaker 2: husband off site, and they tell me how shit I am.
Speaker 2: It's the same buck ups from when you were fifteen.
Speaker 1: And that's awesome. That's hilarious. Mate. We appreciate you. Will
Speaker 1: say goodbye, fair, but if I think you need to
Speaker 1: get the Great Man on your show, yeah will you?
Speaker 4: Will you?
Speaker 1: Andrew love too, I'd love to Thanks everyone,