1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:03,920 Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gadigal Land Always was, always 2 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:09,240 Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land. 3 00:00:13,039 --> 00:00:15,000 Speaker 2: Hey cheeks, I'm sal and I'm out and this is 4 00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:17,119 Speaker 2: two Broke Checks to show that shares life lessons and 5 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:20,080 Speaker 2: tips to help make you rich in life. And look 6 00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:24,960 Speaker 2: who we've got back in. It's Alexis Fernandez. 7 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:29,159 Speaker 3: So happy to be back fix Ourses. I feel like 8 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:30,360 Speaker 3: we get you in like quarterly. 9 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:33,599 Speaker 4: This is my quarterly therapist appointment. 10 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:37,879 Speaker 5: I'm like, okay, scheduled in, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. 11 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:40,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, but we've got you on again because we're going 12 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:43,280 Speaker 2: to talk about how to change your life in thirty days. Yes, 13 00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:46,199 Speaker 2: because you just dropped your brand new audiobook, how to 14 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:47,239 Speaker 2: Chase Chains. 15 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:48,440 Speaker 5: I'm so excited. 16 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:50,320 Speaker 4: Oh my god, congratulations, thank. 17 00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:52,199 Speaker 5: You, thank you. It's weird because I kind of had 18 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:54,040 Speaker 5: to re listen to it because I wrote it over 19 00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:55,360 Speaker 5: a year ago. You guys wrote a book, you know 20 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:56,800 Speaker 5: what it's like. You know, you write it, then there's 21 00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:58,840 Speaker 5: the whole process. So I was listening back to it 22 00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:03,920 Speaker 5: and I'm like, that's actually really good. That's good stuff, right, yeah, 23 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:07,160 Speaker 5: you impress yourself. So yeah, no, I'm so I'm so 24 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,280 Speaker 5: happy it's finally out and it's really cute because I've 25 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:11,360 Speaker 5: got all these listeners writing being like I'm on day seven, 26 00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:13,280 Speaker 5: I'm one day because you've got to listen to like 27 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:14,760 Speaker 5: ten minutes a day for thirty days. 28 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:15,600 Speaker 4: It's incredible. 29 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:17,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that little modules. 30 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,920 Speaker 2: It like gives you daily homework and yeah to do, yeah, 31 00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:21,840 Speaker 2: which I think is so good. 32 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:23,200 Speaker 3: It makes it really digestible. 33 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:23,679 Speaker 2: Yeah. 34 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:25,640 Speaker 3: I think there's also like nothing like. 35 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:29,039 Speaker 4: That really Like, I think so it's really. 36 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:33,880 Speaker 1: A great form of short form, easy and achievable content 37 00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:36,440 Speaker 1: to listen to, exactly, because I think sometimes we can 38 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:38,559 Speaker 1: I don't know, we'll read like a self help book 39 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:40,119 Speaker 1: stuff and it's so good in the moment, but it's 40 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:41,320 Speaker 1: really easy to fall off. 41 00:01:41,319 --> 00:01:44,440 Speaker 5: I forget and what I noticed exactly that I will. 42 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:46,480 Speaker 5: I don't want to put it down, so I like 43 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:49,800 Speaker 5: inhale the whole book, but then I've actually only retained 44 00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:52,720 Speaker 5: half of it. If that because there might have been 45 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:54,880 Speaker 5: good tips, but I haven't put them into practice. Yeah, 46 00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:57,440 Speaker 5: because I'm so excited about just reading the whole thing 47 00:01:57,440 --> 00:01:58,640 Speaker 5: and I think, well, I'll get to the end and 48 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,120 Speaker 5: then i'll read it again, but I never do. It's 49 00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:02,960 Speaker 5: micro learning, Yeah, exactly, This like forces you to get 50 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:05,080 Speaker 5: through that step and then you do the next thing. 51 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:07,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely, Well we're going to get into it in detail, 52 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:10,520 Speaker 2: but before we do, you know, how we roll. We 53 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:12,320 Speaker 2: like to start with a life lesson of the week, 54 00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:13,560 Speaker 2: So what's yours. 55 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:17,600 Speaker 5: Life lesson of the week? Lowering expectations in a good way. 56 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,760 Speaker 5: I think for myself, I had like, sometimes I've set 57 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:23,160 Speaker 5: myself all these goals that I have to complete by 58 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:25,600 Speaker 5: the end of the week, but then I actually managed 59 00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:28,360 Speaker 5: to do a lot of other things that are not 60 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,040 Speaker 5: work related that were actually really fulfilling. And then I'm like, 61 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:34,400 Speaker 5: sometimes I will mark my success based on what I 62 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:36,959 Speaker 5: got done at work, especially because like work, for myself, 63 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:39,000 Speaker 5: everything's like if I don't do it, it's not going 64 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:41,519 Speaker 5: to get done. So then it's really easy to slip 65 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:44,920 Speaker 5: into well, I haven't achieved enough, I'm not doing enough. 66 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:49,400 Speaker 5: I'm constantly feeling like more should be done. But I 67 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,200 Speaker 5: think the lesson that I've learned is sometimes it's really 68 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:53,400 Speaker 5: important to like zoom out and look at how much 69 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,320 Speaker 5: I've done with like connecting with people haven't seen in 70 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:57,320 Speaker 5: a while, like read, you know, all of that, and 71 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:00,600 Speaker 5: lowering your expectations in a good way it's like it's 72 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,840 Speaker 5: not all on that zoom out kind of look at 73 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:05,640 Speaker 5: the bigger picture. And every time I do that, I 74 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:08,720 Speaker 5: feel so good about myself And it's so easy to 75 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:12,200 Speaker 5: just slip into the I measure my value based on 76 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:16,239 Speaker 5: my output of work. So yeah, that's a very convoluted answer. 77 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,760 Speaker 2: I love that, and I think, you know, it's such 78 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,320 Speaker 2: a good way to practice gratitude as well. I know 79 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:24,520 Speaker 2: that's a real buzzword, but I do think it's important 80 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:27,799 Speaker 2: and can help like center you when things are feeling 81 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:29,799 Speaker 2: overwhelming or you're feeling a little bit lost. 82 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:30,400 Speaker 5: Totally. 83 00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:32,079 Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that. What's yours elf? 84 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:32,640 Speaker 5: Okay? 85 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:37,840 Speaker 1: Mine is just a silly goofy one, and it is 86 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:43,400 Speaker 1: the fifteen most attractive male hobbies to women. Oh and 87 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:47,000 Speaker 1: I wanted to read it out please, I know, I 88 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:50,720 Speaker 1: know you'll have an opinion. Okay, okay, Number fifteen traveling, Yeah, 89 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:56,120 Speaker 1: oh yeah, right, Number fourteen blacksmithing. 90 00:03:57,240 --> 00:03:58,400 Speaker 5: What yeah? 91 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:01,520 Speaker 1: Eighty eight point two two percent of women said they 92 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:04,040 Speaker 1: found blacksmithing an attractive male hobby. 93 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:07,240 Speaker 5: Were they asked do you think black? Or did eighteen 94 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:09,840 Speaker 5: percent of women just think off the top of their head, Oh. 95 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:12,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't have that information because I like, because 96 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:13,960 Speaker 1: that's why I like. 97 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:17,320 Speaker 5: I like, surely it had to be like a multiple choice, 98 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:18,599 Speaker 5: and it was like, has to be. 99 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:19,520 Speaker 4: I'm not gonna lie. 100 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,560 Speaker 1: If I saw blacksmithing on a survey, I'd be like, 101 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:23,680 Speaker 1: that's a sword. 102 00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:27,480 Speaker 5: I'd be like, yeah, maybe we love it's like an 103 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:28,479 Speaker 5: active service. 104 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:32,040 Speaker 4: Almost, yeah, making me something something. 105 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:32,839 Speaker 3: Yeah, okay. 106 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:38,840 Speaker 2: Archery, Yeah, smash, that was immediate hot. 107 00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:40,520 Speaker 3: It's giving, like if you're good. 108 00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:42,720 Speaker 5: At it, not sh through twelve. 109 00:04:42,839 --> 00:04:46,240 Speaker 4: Hiking that would be last me because I don't want 110 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:46,840 Speaker 4: to go hiking. 111 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:51,000 Speaker 5: Then astronomy I would put that as a neutral. I 112 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,200 Speaker 5: don't find that hot. Yeah. 113 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:56,800 Speaker 4: Next is photography, Yeah, okay, that's a good one. 114 00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:57,119 Speaker 5: Okay. 115 00:04:57,120 --> 00:05:01,640 Speaker 1: Then we've got swimming, gardening, and right, okay. 116 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:06,840 Speaker 5: Gardening, but if you're a landscaper like heart out, yes, 117 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:07,800 Speaker 5: I don't know. 118 00:05:07,839 --> 00:05:09,200 Speaker 4: I kind of funk with the image of a guy 119 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:10,520 Speaker 4: building a herb garden. 120 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:17,120 Speaker 5: That's cute. Yeahdening, I get writing, writing, And then we've 121 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:21,280 Speaker 5: got painting, woodworking, and cooking. Cooking. 122 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:25,640 Speaker 1: Yes, these we're at the top three now, okay, okay, 123 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:28,960 Speaker 1: so number three most attractive hobbies of a. 124 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:33,960 Speaker 4: Man to a woman Playing an instrument I would, yes, Yeah. 125 00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:36,080 Speaker 5: What if a guy like serenades you with like an 126 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:43,640 Speaker 5: oboe or something like i'd be like a clarinet cet. 127 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:45,080 Speaker 4: On your first day, He's like, can I play my 128 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:46,200 Speaker 4: saxophone for you? 129 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:48,880 Speaker 3: Saxophone? Actually I think I could. 130 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:53,040 Speaker 5: Yeah, if you're like a good jazz y that's soloist. 131 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:53,760 Speaker 5: I can't see. 132 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:57,240 Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, I think it depends on the. 133 00:05:58,680 --> 00:05:59,719 Speaker 3: Flexing that skill. 134 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:00,920 Speaker 5: How good they are. 135 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:07,400 Speaker 1: Foreign languages is number two, which definitely absolutely agree it 136 00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:08,440 Speaker 1: shows intelligence. 137 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:12,400 Speaker 4: And then the number one it is reading. 138 00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:17,400 Speaker 1: Oh, reading, So you know that changed and it was 139 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:18,880 Speaker 1: like hot guys reading. 140 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:25,480 Speaker 5: That's true because it shows a level of emotional intelligence exactly. 141 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:27,880 Speaker 1: And that's what I was like, you know what, I 142 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,640 Speaker 1: get that, especially when they're reading like a very smart book. 143 00:06:31,279 --> 00:06:37,120 Speaker 5: You get it? Yeah, or like autobiography is yes, exactly. 144 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:37,760 Speaker 3: Okay. 145 00:06:37,839 --> 00:06:39,880 Speaker 2: My life lesson of the week, I'll keep it short 146 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:43,200 Speaker 2: and sweet, but it's to not wait until you're feeling 147 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:46,040 Speaker 2: sick to go to the doctor and to like do 148 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:50,880 Speaker 2: your regular checkups across the board for your dentist, your doctor, optometrists, 149 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:55,080 Speaker 2: et cetera. Because it always piles up and becomesful and 150 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:56,360 Speaker 2: becomes so mature. 151 00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:57,520 Speaker 3: Really hard to manage. 152 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,280 Speaker 2: So I think like that's something that I I've been 153 00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:03,080 Speaker 2: putting off for ages, and I just feel like I 154 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:05,120 Speaker 2: have a little bit more clarity with how I've been. 155 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:07,280 Speaker 3: Feeling and what's been going on, and. 156 00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:09,320 Speaker 2: It just like gives you some of the stepping stones 157 00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:12,920 Speaker 2: to at least try to improve or feel better no 158 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:14,880 Speaker 2: matter what it is. And then as well, it's not 159 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:16,640 Speaker 2: one of those things where you're like falling asleep. 160 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:17,320 Speaker 3: At night and you're like, I need to go to 161 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:17,840 Speaker 3: the dentist. 162 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:19,760 Speaker 4: Yea, I love an annual checker. 163 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:22,360 Speaker 3: Yeah, I love it. Get that stethoscope on me. 164 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:25,040 Speaker 5: Yeah, I just like other Date's funny you say that, 165 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:26,680 Speaker 5: because only just the other day went to the doctor 166 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:30,120 Speaker 5: and be like, can I just get my bloods done? Yeah? Yeah, 167 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:32,960 Speaker 5: and the results together like a week later. 168 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:35,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, when they give you the results, it honestly feels 169 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:37,200 Speaker 1: like again, yeah, it's just so. 170 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,920 Speaker 5: Fun this week. 171 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,720 Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, I felt like I was getting like 172 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:43,120 Speaker 2: a report card back. 173 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:49,480 Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, yeah I was. 174 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:52,400 Speaker 1: That's actually probably there's something there's some deeper. 175 00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:55,720 Speaker 3: Root cause about anyway, let's jump in. 176 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:05,680 Speaker 1: Okay, starting off with probably the biggest question of all, 177 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,720 Speaker 1: but why is change so scary. 178 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,160 Speaker 3: Why is it so intimidating? 179 00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:13,960 Speaker 5: I think because whether it's changing for the bad or 180 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,040 Speaker 5: whether it's changing for the good, which is the most 181 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:19,400 Speaker 5: The main reason why you'd want to change, it's because 182 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:22,320 Speaker 5: it represents the unknown. You really don't know what it's 183 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:24,120 Speaker 5: going to bring you. You could try, Oh, I'm going 184 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:26,640 Speaker 5: to go for this promotion. I'm going to try and 185 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:29,080 Speaker 5: ask this person on a day. There's all these possible 186 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:30,920 Speaker 5: good things that could come out of it, but we 187 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:32,439 Speaker 5: don't know what it's going to look like. And it 188 00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:37,840 Speaker 5: also requires effort and hard work, so we will. We 189 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:40,400 Speaker 5: can dream about it, which we do we're really good at, 190 00:08:40,559 --> 00:08:43,320 Speaker 5: and we like plot and dream and brains and we 191 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:45,920 Speaker 5: talk about it. We love to talk about it. But 192 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:50,839 Speaker 5: then we talk about it again and to get to everyone, 193 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:53,400 Speaker 5: and then we feel validated. If I talk I'm going 194 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:55,240 Speaker 5: to run a half marathon. Oh my god, you're amazing, 195 00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:59,400 Speaker 5: You're amazing. I've now been validated. Then it comes to 196 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:02,720 Speaker 5: and I'm like no, no, no, no, no no, I 197 00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:05,120 Speaker 5: can't be fucked doing that. Or it's like that rep 198 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:06,840 Speaker 5: that's a lot harder than I thought it would be. 199 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,360 Speaker 5: Or I don't know how to begin, or I just 200 00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:12,679 Speaker 5: experienced my first hurdle and it's just turned me off 201 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:17,080 Speaker 5: doing it. So we're really good at protecting ourselves and 202 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:21,079 Speaker 5: even discomfort even if it's not an actual threat. We're like, mm, 203 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:23,800 Speaker 5: but this is just more safe, This is more comfortable. 204 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:27,040 Speaker 5: So it's not through lack of not wanting a different life, 205 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:30,280 Speaker 5: but it just it's hard. It's uncomfortable. It's the unknown. 206 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:36,720 Speaker 1: I feel like as well, because so often change we 207 00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:39,640 Speaker 1: can see and look at it as in something bad 208 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:43,360 Speaker 1: will happen. Like it's a lot easier to focus on change, 209 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:44,480 Speaker 1: being like this is bad. 210 00:09:44,559 --> 00:09:47,160 Speaker 5: This is like what if this happens, what if that happened? 211 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:48,000 Speaker 3: Or what if I fail? 212 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:52,080 Speaker 5: Yeah, And the thing is, every time I've done something 213 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:53,480 Speaker 5: that I thought was going to work out and it 214 00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:55,920 Speaker 5: didn't work out, which has been many many times in 215 00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:59,360 Speaker 5: my life, but it's never been as bad as what 216 00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:02,120 Speaker 5: I thought the worst case scenario would be. So from 217 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,199 Speaker 5: the starting point, I'd be like, I'm going to take 218 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,400 Speaker 5: this risk, and if it doesn't work out, this is 219 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,880 Speaker 5: what it's going to be terrible. But the reason it's 220 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:11,160 Speaker 5: not as bad is because a you've already taken that step, 221 00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,480 Speaker 5: You've left your old life, you've taken that step, so 222 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:16,600 Speaker 5: you're already an evolved version of yourself somewhat. Then that 223 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:19,320 Speaker 5: thing doesn't work out, but you're also too busy to 224 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:23,920 Speaker 5: be just sitting there just you know, having a breakdown 225 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:26,160 Speaker 5: about it, because you're likely going to be like, all right, well, 226 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:27,760 Speaker 5: I left my job to get this new job. Didn't 227 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,280 Speaker 5: get it, but now I've got it. So you become 228 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:32,480 Speaker 5: actually quite proactive. And every time things have not worked 229 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:33,720 Speaker 5: out for me in the past, and I've had like 230 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:37,480 Speaker 5: big things not work out for me, and every single time, 231 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:39,719 Speaker 5: I've been a lot more resilient. I've responded in a 232 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:42,800 Speaker 5: much more proactive way than what I thought the worst 233 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:46,160 Speaker 5: case scenario would look like. So it's never as bad 234 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:46,840 Speaker 5: as you think. Ever. 235 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, you My favorite thing to remind myself is is 236 00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:51,960 Speaker 1: that every good thing that has ever happened to me 237 00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:53,840 Speaker 1: is because something bad happened. 238 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:54,720 Speaker 5: In the past. Yeah. 239 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:59,439 Speaker 1: Every's everything that didn't go right has led to something 240 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:00,160 Speaker 1: going right. 241 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:02,160 Speaker 3: Down the track, down the track, Yeah. 242 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:04,800 Speaker 1: Because it's like, you know, if like you can backtrack it, 243 00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:07,319 Speaker 1: or like if you didn't break up with that one person, 244 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:11,080 Speaker 1: maybe you wouldn't have moved to, you know, that country 245 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,040 Speaker 1: and then you wouldn't have met your friends you've got 246 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,679 Speaker 1: now or whatever it is, like whatever like red string 247 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:17,720 Speaker 1: on a whiteboard that you want to like break it 248 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:21,079 Speaker 1: down to. It's just like that's my thing to do 249 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:24,800 Speaker 1: whenever I'm like this is fucked, Like it's fine because. 250 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:31,880 Speaker 5: When I'm fifty, yeah no, but it is true one 251 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:33,439 Speaker 5: hundred percent true. Yeah. 252 00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:36,360 Speaker 2: Okay, So we've decided we want to make a change, 253 00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:38,520 Speaker 2: we want to change our lives in thirty days. 254 00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:40,040 Speaker 3: What does day one look like? 255 00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:45,360 Speaker 5: So day one is primarily all about understanding. So I've 256 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:48,160 Speaker 5: got like different modules, but day one is all about 257 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:53,080 Speaker 5: understanding kind of your identity and your I think it's 258 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:55,360 Speaker 5: really easy to decide what I want change. I'm just 259 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:56,720 Speaker 5: going to go for it, and it's all about like 260 00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:59,199 Speaker 5: action and trying to make things work. But sometimes we 261 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:02,160 Speaker 5: make it's so much harder for ourselves because we don't 262 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:05,520 Speaker 5: understand what the foundation is. And the foundation is you 263 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:08,600 Speaker 5: your beliefs, your mindset, and what you truly identify with. 264 00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:13,040 Speaker 5: Because if you're someone that says I'm not a morning person, 265 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,959 Speaker 5: I'm you know, and you've got this identity, but then 266 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,680 Speaker 5: you think, well, I'm going to start running and the 267 00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:19,680 Speaker 5: only time you can run is in the morning. Then 268 00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:21,680 Speaker 5: what does that look like for you? You're going to 269 00:12:21,679 --> 00:12:23,160 Speaker 5: be hating your life. It's going to be a goal 270 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,160 Speaker 5: that you don't attach to much happiness. It's there's so 271 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:27,200 Speaker 5: many things. And that's just a really basic example, but 272 00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:30,280 Speaker 5: a lot of our identity of like what we're deserving off, 273 00:12:30,559 --> 00:12:33,120 Speaker 5: what kind of love and relationship we're deserving off a lot. 274 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:35,880 Speaker 5: That's what Module one is all about. Where really and 275 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,040 Speaker 5: I break it down into all these categories, but you 276 00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:41,480 Speaker 5: really get a bit of a spreadsheet understanding on what 277 00:12:41,559 --> 00:12:44,240 Speaker 5: are my real beliefs about who I am and what 278 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:48,040 Speaker 5: I'm deserving off or capable of having, and that is 279 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:50,600 Speaker 5: where we start from to then work on what we 280 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:51,280 Speaker 5: want to bring in. 281 00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:54,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, So it's more about identifying your values, not your goals, 282 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:57,600 Speaker 1: exactly exactly your values and. 283 00:12:57,559 --> 00:13:01,400 Speaker 5: Also like your real belief system because they can be changed, 284 00:13:01,679 --> 00:13:03,360 Speaker 5: but it's hard to change it if you don't know 285 00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:05,840 Speaker 5: what exactly it is. So it's like the whole you 286 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:08,640 Speaker 5: can't change what you don't acknowledge. We especially if it's 287 00:13:08,679 --> 00:13:11,000 Speaker 5: a negative belief, we'll sweep it under the rug because 288 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:11,880 Speaker 5: we don't want to face it. 289 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's so interesting because in that module 290 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:18,280 Speaker 2: you talk about cognitive bias and how that can be 291 00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:22,120 Speaker 2: really limiting in getting you to achieve your goals and 292 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:23,880 Speaker 2: what you really want to do. And I think that 293 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,760 Speaker 2: running example is a good one because it's like, oh, 294 00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:27,840 Speaker 2: I'm not a morning person, and it's like, well why not? 295 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:31,320 Speaker 2: Like maybe you could be? Is that just something if 296 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:32,840 Speaker 2: you've got to training yourself look. 297 00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:35,680 Speaker 5: To paris what you be a morning person? Like what 298 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:38,720 Speaker 5: you get go to the airport? You know, it's all 299 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:41,880 Speaker 5: about it's all about value exchange. If something brings you 300 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:44,680 Speaker 5: enough value, you have no problem putting in the work, 301 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:47,120 Speaker 5: So why don't you value it? Maybe we need to 302 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,079 Speaker 5: reframe why we need to value something more. But if 303 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,839 Speaker 5: everything comes down to what is more valuable right now 304 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,760 Speaker 5: for me? Is it that thing or what I'm doing 305 00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:57,520 Speaker 5: right now, sleeping in or whatever it is? You know, 306 00:13:57,679 --> 00:14:00,400 Speaker 5: so there's always there's always a trade off. 307 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,600 Speaker 3: What if you don't know what you want? 308 00:14:03,679 --> 00:14:06,160 Speaker 2: We had quite a few people write in and say, 309 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:09,240 Speaker 2: I know I want change and I want to have goals, 310 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:11,360 Speaker 2: but I just don't know what I want those goals 311 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:13,520 Speaker 2: to be. How can you define your goals and what 312 00:14:13,559 --> 00:14:14,520 Speaker 2: you want to do with your life. 313 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:17,120 Speaker 5: Yeah, so I think if you are in a position 314 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:19,920 Speaker 5: where you're like, I actually have no idea. I think 315 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,480 Speaker 5: that it is good to look at what you don't want. 316 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:25,880 Speaker 5: Not to don't sit on it for too long, because 317 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:28,160 Speaker 5: then you can just spend your whole life just avoiding 318 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,040 Speaker 5: what you don't want. But I think it is good 319 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:33,160 Speaker 5: to look at what you don't want. For example, in relationships, 320 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:36,360 Speaker 5: like I think it really serves you. I never say 321 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:39,760 Speaker 5: that it's I never say that I'm grateful for abusive 322 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:42,000 Speaker 5: relationships because I don't think anyone should go through it. However, 323 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:46,760 Speaker 5: being in emotionally abusive relationships gave me such clarity on 324 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:48,960 Speaker 5: what I would never have again in my life, so 325 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,080 Speaker 5: I was able to be like, I don't want that. 326 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:51,160 Speaker 5: I don't want that, I don't want that. 327 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:51,680 Speaker 1: What does the. 328 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,520 Speaker 5: Opposite off that look like? So, for example, if you think, well, 329 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,760 Speaker 5: what don't I like about my life? I don't like 330 00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:59,000 Speaker 5: that it's mundane. I don't like that I'm not filled 331 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:01,640 Speaker 5: with joy going into work. I don't like commuting. So 332 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:03,560 Speaker 5: you can start thinking I don't like, I don't like 333 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:05,640 Speaker 5: I don't like I don't like feeling like I have 334 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:08,560 Speaker 5: no energy. So then now you've identified all these things 335 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:10,080 Speaker 5: and now you're like, what does the flip side of 336 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,640 Speaker 5: that look like? Okay, maybe I need more adventure. Maybe 337 00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:14,520 Speaker 5: I'm seeking that kind of feeling in my life. Maybe 338 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:18,440 Speaker 5: I'm seeking being full of energy. Maybe I'm lonely, maybe 339 00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:21,640 Speaker 5: I need to So that's how you start to like 340 00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:25,440 Speaker 5: identify what you value. And when you know what you value, 341 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:27,320 Speaker 5: then you can be creative because I think a lot 342 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,160 Speaker 5: of people also think I have to know the answer 343 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:31,240 Speaker 5: right now, I have to know what I want. But 344 00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:35,520 Speaker 5: it's like, just identify the feeling that you value and 345 00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:39,880 Speaker 5: where you can access that. So if I feel like 346 00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:41,920 Speaker 5: I want more adventure, do I want that at work? 347 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:43,600 Speaker 5: Do I want to just travel more? Do I want 348 00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:46,200 Speaker 5: to be more spontaneous at nighttime? Do what do I 349 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:47,600 Speaker 5: want to be doing? You know what I mean? And 350 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,200 Speaker 5: then through a bit of trial and error, it's like 351 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,480 Speaker 5: a numbers game. You're going to see something will stick 352 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:55,520 Speaker 5: and then you can follow that path. I like that. 353 00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:58,720 Speaker 1: I like that it's looking about starting rather than stopping, 354 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:02,440 Speaker 1: like not focusing on the negative thing that you don't want. Yeah, exactly, 355 00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:04,400 Speaker 1: I feel like that's like the lock and the key 356 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:05,880 Speaker 1: for your brain a little bit. 357 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:07,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, because it's like even with. 358 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:10,200 Speaker 1: You saying, you know, I don't want to feel tired, 359 00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:12,760 Speaker 1: or it's like I want to feel more energy, and 360 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:15,080 Speaker 1: that's the thing that you'll be like, Okay, okay, I 361 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,080 Speaker 1: will get up, like I will you know, I'll drink 362 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:17,840 Speaker 1: my water or whatever. 363 00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:20,680 Speaker 3: That's the least basic example. But nobody that is yeah, 364 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:22,960 Speaker 3: that whole thing. I love that. But what are your 365 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:24,440 Speaker 3: tips for people like me. 366 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:30,760 Speaker 1: Asking for a friend who struggle with procrastination or getting 367 00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:32,480 Speaker 1: the motivation to get started. 368 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:36,080 Speaker 5: Yeah, So okay, the number one thing with motivation is 369 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:39,880 Speaker 5: that we sit here and we think that there's this 370 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,520 Speaker 5: like future version of ourselves either tomorrow or next week 371 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:45,000 Speaker 5: that is more willing to do something that we're willing 372 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,200 Speaker 5: to do right now. So if you're saying to yourself, 373 00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:50,200 Speaker 5: I'll leave this for tomorrow because I don't want to 374 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:52,000 Speaker 5: do it now, you're not going to want to do 375 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,520 Speaker 5: it tomorrow. You're kidding yourself. There's no world where you're 376 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:56,280 Speaker 5: going to be in the mood to do it if 377 00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:58,440 Speaker 5: you're not in the mood right now, especially if it's 378 00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:01,720 Speaker 5: something that you've procrastinated on multi couple times. So what 379 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:05,280 Speaker 5: I do with anything that I procrastinate on is you 380 00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:08,240 Speaker 5: want to break it down in the most manageable, bite 381 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:11,119 Speaker 5: sized piece, so even if the task can't be completed. 382 00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:14,119 Speaker 5: So the example I use is doing an essay for 383 00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:16,720 Speaker 5: a subject that was really, really hard, and I just 384 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:18,920 Speaker 5: knew that it would be a nightmare because I hadn't 385 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:21,399 Speaker 5: completely grasped that. So what I used to do is 386 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,040 Speaker 5: I would think, well, if I say to myself, I'm 387 00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:24,639 Speaker 5: going to be sitting here for four hours working on 388 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:27,160 Speaker 5: this essay, I would avoid it at all costs because 389 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:29,600 Speaker 5: I'm like, this is I get anxiety when I sit 390 00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:31,440 Speaker 5: and do this. I can't It's stressing me out so much. 391 00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:33,600 Speaker 5: So then I thought, I'm going to set a thirty 392 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:36,119 Speaker 5: minute timer and I'm just going to look at and 393 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:38,000 Speaker 5: I think, like, how can I make the barrier of 394 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:40,520 Speaker 5: entry so easy? So I thought, I'm just going to 395 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,639 Speaker 5: look for references. I'm just gonna like troll through a 396 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:44,560 Speaker 5: Google scholar and look at references. I don't have to 397 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,520 Speaker 5: write shit, So that the barrier to entry was so 398 00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:48,280 Speaker 5: loo because I'm like, I'm not putting pressure on myself, 399 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:50,800 Speaker 5: but I am dedicating thirty minutes no matter what. And 400 00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:53,400 Speaker 5: then once a timer goes off, I can stop doing it, 401 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,280 Speaker 5: so then because or you could do twenty minutes and 402 00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:59,760 Speaker 5: then more. Almost every time when the time I went off, 403 00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:01,520 Speaker 5: I was so engrossed in that task, and I'm like 404 00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:04,240 Speaker 5: thirty more minutes, more minutes because there's no pressure. So 405 00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:06,520 Speaker 5: what I say to people, if you're procrastinating, limit the 406 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:10,720 Speaker 5: barrier to entry. Make it ridiculously easy to do, and 407 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:13,040 Speaker 5: then see if it sticks. And then the beauty of 408 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:14,399 Speaker 5: it is if the timer goes off and you're like, 409 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:17,199 Speaker 5: I'm still hating this, then stop doing it because then 410 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:18,879 Speaker 5: you can say, you know what I did the ten minutes, 411 00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:22,000 Speaker 5: I did something towards this task, and then tomorrow I 412 00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:24,240 Speaker 5: can do another ten minutes. I don't you know, once 413 00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:26,480 Speaker 5: a time I went off, I let myself stop, you know, 414 00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:29,000 Speaker 5: So that way in here, right, Yeah, you do. You 415 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,400 Speaker 5: get that sense of accomplishment and it does feel good 416 00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:33,800 Speaker 5: and then you think, even though that was hard, I 417 00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:35,800 Speaker 5: loved how I felt after, so I'm more likely to 418 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:36,600 Speaker 5: want to do it again. 419 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:39,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's like the motivation, Yeah gets you there. 420 00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:42,720 Speaker 2: And also looking at the individual steps rather than the mountain. 421 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:43,440 Speaker 1: Never. 422 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:46,520 Speaker 5: Yeah, can't look at the mountain because it's so fat. 423 00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:49,000 Speaker 3: Yeah, that mountain. 424 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:52,960 Speaker 2: I feel like that's what I have to do because 425 00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:55,560 Speaker 2: otherwise I spiral and like the big picture and then 426 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:58,359 Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, no, let's break it down into steps. Yeah, 427 00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:00,640 Speaker 2: and the individual tasks I need to do to get there, 428 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:02,760 Speaker 2: And a lot of the time it's so much easier 429 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:04,760 Speaker 2: than the fresher that you. 430 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:07,119 Speaker 5: Makes so hard. I was seeing this thing on like 431 00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:10,120 Speaker 5: ADHD TikTok, and I don't have ADHD, but I could 432 00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:12,160 Speaker 5: fully relate to this. It's like, I need a tidy 433 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,199 Speaker 5: this shelf, and before you know, you've pulled out everything 434 00:19:14,359 --> 00:19:15,960 Speaker 5: of your wardrobe. It's all on your bed, and you 435 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,159 Speaker 5: start going through your documents. Then it's nighttime and you 436 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:21,680 Speaker 5: get to your bedroom and you're like, oh, it's so bad. Yeah, 437 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,240 Speaker 5: And then the thing is, next time you go and 438 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:24,880 Speaker 5: do it, you're like, oh, no, that's too big a task. 439 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:28,240 Speaker 5: Whereas if you did one carpet or one draw a week, 440 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:31,240 Speaker 5: your kitchen would always be in great order. 441 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:31,399 Speaker 1: You know. 442 00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:33,320 Speaker 5: So it's it's that kind of stuff. It's like, if 443 00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:35,400 Speaker 5: I didn't procrastinate on this and wait till it got 444 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:38,520 Speaker 5: bad enough, that would never have to happen, you know, 445 00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:40,800 Speaker 5: go ahead. 446 00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:44,720 Speaker 2: So let's say that we've made a conscious decision to 447 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:48,199 Speaker 2: make a change. What are three common ways that we 448 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:50,159 Speaker 2: self sabotage in our twenties. 449 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:54,000 Speaker 5: Okay, so the first one, and this is probably like 450 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:57,280 Speaker 5: the main one, is our language. We really don't pay 451 00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:00,520 Speaker 5: attention to our language and how we talk about our selves. 452 00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:06,080 Speaker 5: And there's so much, you know, data and evidence to 453 00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:08,920 Speaker 5: show how much your language impacts what you're going to 454 00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:12,359 Speaker 5: do and how you're going to show up as you know, 455 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:15,040 Speaker 5: a friend or whatever. And it's not in the sense 456 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:17,480 Speaker 5: of because I was I watched this TikTok recently, and 457 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,280 Speaker 5: it's like everything you say is going to be the truth. 458 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,200 Speaker 5: So stop saying, oh my god, I'm dead. I'm dead. 459 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:25,360 Speaker 5: It's like that's ridiculous, Like you can say you can 460 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,520 Speaker 5: say oh my god, I'm dead as a reaction, because 461 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:30,320 Speaker 5: it's the belief behind the language which mars. So if 462 00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:32,840 Speaker 5: you're saying like I'm always late, I'm always late, you 463 00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,960 Speaker 5: believe that because you are always late, but you are 464 00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:40,080 Speaker 5: just you are reiterating and re establishing something again and again. 465 00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:42,439 Speaker 5: I always fail just because you have a history of 466 00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:45,159 Speaker 5: not passing things. You then say I'm a failure, I'm 467 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:48,000 Speaker 5: a failure. We become really universal with our language, which 468 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:51,240 Speaker 5: is really unhealthy. So I say, the first thing that's 469 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:54,320 Speaker 5: holding you back is take like a snapshot of how 470 00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:56,840 Speaker 5: you speak about yourself and be like, is this actually 471 00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,440 Speaker 5: the truth? Am I being too general with this? Instead 472 00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:02,600 Speaker 5: of saying I'm a failure, say I've in the past 473 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,960 Speaker 5: failed at this, failed at these things, and then change 474 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:09,000 Speaker 5: your language too. I would be capable of passing if 475 00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:11,040 Speaker 5: I were to do these things, you know, So you 476 00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:14,200 Speaker 5: start to evolve your language. That's the first thing. Number 477 00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:17,240 Speaker 5: one thing. The next thing that we do is that 478 00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:20,479 Speaker 5: we are so dramatic with the changes that we want 479 00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:22,800 Speaker 5: to make. We'll be like, right, right, right, I'm going 480 00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:25,159 Speaker 5: to start at the gym, and then I'm also not 481 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,359 Speaker 5: going to eat any sugar and have no And then 482 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:31,320 Speaker 5: you've put so many things that are really difficult back 483 00:21:31,359 --> 00:21:33,800 Speaker 5: to back, so it's not just one hard thing. I'm 484 00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:35,440 Speaker 5: not gonna have sugar this week, or I'm going to 485 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:37,239 Speaker 5: go to the gym every single day, or whatever it is. 486 00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:40,200 Speaker 5: You decide, I'm going to become a brand new person tomorrow, 487 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,639 Speaker 5: and I'm doing it every single one of those. So 488 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:45,400 Speaker 5: you set yourself up to fail because it's so horrible. 489 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:47,280 Speaker 5: You try and do it and it's like, this is fucked. 490 00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:49,199 Speaker 5: I'm not enjoying this at all, this is this is 491 00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:50,920 Speaker 5: not a life. And then you think, oh, those fit people, 492 00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:52,840 Speaker 5: how do they enjoy their life? How can they? So 493 00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:57,119 Speaker 5: then you start attaching that hard work to being like, 494 00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,760 Speaker 5: that's a negative life to live because it's so hard, 495 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:03,400 Speaker 5: instead of run, instead of thinking, what if I were 496 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:05,480 Speaker 5: to change one thing at a time until it became 497 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,479 Speaker 5: part of my lifestyle, then it wouldn't be a horrible lifestyle. 498 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,240 Speaker 5: I'd actually quite enjoy it, and I'd have a lot 499 00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:12,560 Speaker 5: more balance in my life. So this idea of trying 500 00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:16,159 Speaker 5: to change twenty things at once, it rarely, rarely, rarely works. 501 00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:19,520 Speaker 5: So don't do it because then you're gonna look at 502 00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:22,000 Speaker 5: it with a negative lens and you're going to say 503 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:24,000 Speaker 5: to yourself, I tried it and I couldn't do it. 504 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:26,520 Speaker 5: It's like you're not the failure. You had a flawed 505 00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:28,000 Speaker 5: strategy that was the problem. 506 00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:30,360 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, So I didn't found your strategy. 507 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:31,760 Speaker 5: Your strategy was fucked. 508 00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:34,440 Speaker 2: Strategy. 509 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,479 Speaker 5: And then the last one is of course procrastination. Like 510 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:39,800 Speaker 5: we're talking about earlier, we will always put off things 511 00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:41,440 Speaker 5: because we think that we need to be one hundred 512 00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:44,960 Speaker 5: percent sure. We're like, that's another reason why we procrastinate. 513 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:47,119 Speaker 5: We're like, well, maybe I don't know that we're waiting 514 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,480 Speaker 5: for something to slap us in the face with clarity. 515 00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:52,439 Speaker 5: I need to know. Almost everything I've done in my 516 00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:54,399 Speaker 5: life I've not had clarity on. I've had like a 517 00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:58,199 Speaker 5: general push an interest like oh that I could you know, 518 00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:01,439 Speaker 5: and then you find clarity by doing. It's kind of like, 519 00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:03,080 Speaker 5: you know, we think we're going to know, we're going 520 00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:05,480 Speaker 5: to be ready all these things you can only truly 521 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:08,119 Speaker 5: know once you begin. So just like start if it 522 00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:10,760 Speaker 5: doesn't work, a cape swap, start, I don't care how 523 00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:13,160 Speaker 5: many times you have to chop and change, but don't 524 00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:14,960 Speaker 5: sit and wait for clarity. 525 00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:19,320 Speaker 1: Yeah. I also think taking the pressure off sometimes is 526 00:23:19,359 --> 00:23:23,760 Speaker 1: what's helpful, because it's like I do think setting like, 527 00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,000 Speaker 1: you know, a goal that's like numerical and being like 528 00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:29,119 Speaker 1: I'm going to do this like every week is good 529 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:30,240 Speaker 1: and that is helpful. 530 00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:32,240 Speaker 3: But I've recently. 531 00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:34,240 Speaker 1: Found that sometimes even just being like I'd like to 532 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:36,960 Speaker 1: do more of this rather than being like I'm going 533 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:40,440 Speaker 1: to do this, has been more helpful because you take 534 00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:43,560 Speaker 1: the pressure off and then you stop having the failure thing. 535 00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:45,439 Speaker 1: If I didn't do it, then I suck and I 536 00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:46,800 Speaker 1: obviously just can't do it. 537 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:48,439 Speaker 3: Yeah, And I find that so helpful. 538 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,000 Speaker 5: And you don't want to make it like, oh, I'm 539 00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:51,440 Speaker 5: in a prison, and I'm like, I'm like. 540 00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:52,920 Speaker 4: It shouldn't be a chore. 541 00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:54,880 Speaker 5: No, exactly, yeah, exactly. 542 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:56,040 Speaker 3: It has to feel good. 543 00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:58,280 Speaker 1: But I would love your opinion on what do you 544 00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:01,359 Speaker 1: think about the saying nothing changes if nothing changes. 545 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:03,919 Speaker 5: Well, yeah, I agree. I agree with it in the 546 00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:08,160 Speaker 5: sense of, you know, in order, like you, something has 547 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:11,679 Speaker 5: to give. You know, the only thing that's if you 548 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:15,280 Speaker 5: weren't to change anything in your life, you would actually 549 00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:18,280 Speaker 5: fall behind because everything keeps moving around you. Like things 550 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,480 Speaker 5: are constantly evolving around you. Your friends are in different 551 00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:22,640 Speaker 5: stages of their life, so is your family. Your work 552 00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:25,560 Speaker 5: dynamic is going to change. If you changed nothing, you 553 00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:29,440 Speaker 5: would fall behind. So we always have to evolve constantly. 554 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:31,840 Speaker 5: We've got to evolve. Look at our fashion, look at 555 00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:35,680 Speaker 5: everything like everything evolves. Nothing is stagnant. So you've got 556 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:39,199 Speaker 5: to look at change and constantly evolving as that's the 557 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:43,480 Speaker 5: default option. You know, if we hold onto things too much, 558 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:47,480 Speaker 5: not only will nothing change, I actually think you will regress. 559 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:51,040 Speaker 5: You know, there's no life that's safe enough, there's no 560 00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:53,840 Speaker 5: relationships safe enough, there's nothing safe enough that warrants you 561 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:55,960 Speaker 5: holding on so typ for it not to change. Ever, 562 00:24:56,359 --> 00:24:58,520 Speaker 5: so you're better off being a little bit more carefree 563 00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:01,520 Speaker 5: and thinking. If I can change and evolve all the time, 564 00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:04,520 Speaker 5: then when a curve wall comes my way, I'm very equipped. 565 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:07,920 Speaker 5: I'm very equipped to change very I'm adaptable, I'm resilient. 566 00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:11,119 Speaker 5: I'd rather be adaptable and resilient than be a hoarder 567 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:14,000 Speaker 5: with what I've got in my life, because even then 568 00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:16,560 Speaker 5: you can't ensure that things are going to stay the same, 569 00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:19,440 Speaker 5: you know. So yeah, I definitely agree with that saying. 570 00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:21,320 Speaker 3: Yeah I love that put that shit on shirt. 571 00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:26,520 Speaker 2: So another big one, how do you carry on the 572 00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:29,480 Speaker 2: changes that you've made and the habits that you've built 573 00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:31,080 Speaker 2: beyond the thirty days? 574 00:25:31,359 --> 00:25:35,080 Speaker 5: Okay? So what I do is I try and get 575 00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:39,320 Speaker 5: people to kind of have like a hierarchy, a hierarchy 576 00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:42,960 Speaker 5: of importance of their goals and stuff. And you always 577 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:45,800 Speaker 5: start with one thing and you make it easy for yourselves. 578 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:47,840 Speaker 5: So say I want to start waking up earlier, Okay, 579 00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:49,520 Speaker 5: so you wake up at eight, and you want to 580 00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:51,240 Speaker 5: start waking up at six. I'm going to start waking 581 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:54,040 Speaker 5: up at seven thirty. Okay. Then once that becomes a habit, 582 00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:56,280 Speaker 5: then you can push it earlier. Then you can push 583 00:25:56,320 --> 00:26:01,080 Speaker 5: it earlier. The aim is to become so accustomed to 584 00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:03,639 Speaker 5: that one thing that instead of it being a conscious effort, 585 00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:06,879 Speaker 5: you've outsourced that job to your subconscious mind. You no 586 00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:10,760 Speaker 5: longer have to You've it's like you've subcontracted that like 587 00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:14,320 Speaker 5: that exactly. Once your subconscious mind takes care of it, 588 00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:16,679 Speaker 5: it's now part of your identity. And that's module one. 589 00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:19,040 Speaker 5: It's like you can change your identity as many times 590 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:21,080 Speaker 5: as you want, whatever you want, but it takes effort. 591 00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:24,400 Speaker 5: But once you've done it, it's effortless. So then I'm 592 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:26,840 Speaker 5: now a morning person or I now this. Then you 593 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:29,040 Speaker 5: just keep stacking on new things, but you've got to 594 00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:31,880 Speaker 5: wait till it becomes something that's more solidified that it's 595 00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:33,560 Speaker 5: not an effort. So when I was talking about flawed 596 00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:37,199 Speaker 5: strategy before, we put in twenty things at once, and 597 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:39,160 Speaker 5: it's all an effort. So we kind of even get 598 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:43,080 Speaker 5: one done because it's it's horrible, it's really exhausting. So 599 00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:47,080 Speaker 5: start with thirty minutes earlier. Start with drinking one extra 600 00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:49,440 Speaker 5: glass of water a day, instead of thinking I'm drowning 601 00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:52,800 Speaker 5: myself trying to get through three water, just an extra glass, 602 00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:54,840 Speaker 5: or think what if I had that glass the moment 603 00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:57,320 Speaker 5: I wake up that way, I've had a bit more water. 604 00:26:57,359 --> 00:27:00,320 Speaker 5: And like, it's these tiny, tiny, tiny things. It sounds 605 00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:03,080 Speaker 5: so simple, but if you did this in six months, 606 00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:05,760 Speaker 5: you would look back and be like, this is crazy 607 00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:08,520 Speaker 5: how much I've been able to add into my life 608 00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:10,880 Speaker 5: or change and adapt or the discipline that I've got. 609 00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:13,280 Speaker 5: And it doesn't feel horrible. I'm really enjoying this, you know. 610 00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:17,000 Speaker 1: I love how you say it's tiny, But we don't 611 00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:18,680 Speaker 1: do that even like. 612 00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,399 Speaker 5: Yeah, the reason we're don't do it is because we're like, oh, well, 613 00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:23,080 Speaker 5: I'm not going to see enough change with that. I want. 614 00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:26,920 Speaker 5: I want change that will give you major change. It's 615 00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:29,920 Speaker 5: not exciting. It's not you know, it's. 616 00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:30,920 Speaker 4: Not a half marathon back. 617 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:34,000 Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, and it's not exciting to announce. It's very personal. 618 00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:36,159 Speaker 5: It's very much on your own journey. No one cares 619 00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:38,920 Speaker 5: if you've worken up ten minutes earlier today. So it's 620 00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,240 Speaker 5: just this personal thing that I've got to just silently 621 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:45,480 Speaker 5: chip away these tiny milestones. But that's where you change 622 00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:47,719 Speaker 5: your reputation. That's where you change so much. People will 623 00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:50,240 Speaker 5: look at you being like, when did this transformation happen? 624 00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:53,040 Speaker 5: And it's this tiny, tiny, tiny things day to day. 625 00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:55,480 Speaker 5: Don't look at it as being this spectacle. 626 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:57,360 Speaker 4: You can't like transform yourself overnight. 627 00:27:57,520 --> 00:27:58,280 Speaker 5: No, no, no. 628 00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:00,720 Speaker 1: And I think that it is exactly what you were 629 00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:03,280 Speaker 1: saying before of like it feels really good to be 630 00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,880 Speaker 1: like I'm going to do it these seven things from 631 00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:08,960 Speaker 1: now on that yeah, it does feel really good. But 632 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:12,360 Speaker 1: I also think it ties into that whole thing of 633 00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:13,760 Speaker 1: everything we're told. 634 00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:15,000 Speaker 3: We're supposed to be able to do. 635 00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:17,600 Speaker 1: Like we're told, all right, you've got to socialize with 636 00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:19,840 Speaker 1: your friends on the weekend, drink five gallons of water 637 00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:23,199 Speaker 1: every hour, and exercise seventy two times a day and 638 00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:25,360 Speaker 1: do this and do that. And I feel like that 639 00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:29,359 Speaker 1: does feed into it. And like the expectation and the 640 00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:32,440 Speaker 1: pressure that you can get that like that like pacing 641 00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:35,880 Speaker 1: you that I feel like pulling yourself out of it 642 00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:38,479 Speaker 1: is like one of the really really tricky things. But 643 00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:40,560 Speaker 1: I exactly what you're saying at the start though, it's 644 00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:44,360 Speaker 1: identifying those values yep, and like, definitely you actually give 645 00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:45,280 Speaker 1: a shit about and. 646 00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:47,720 Speaker 5: Sometimes you'll you'll really look back and this is what 647 00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:49,160 Speaker 5: I want a lot of people to see. Sometimes you 648 00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:51,840 Speaker 5: look back and be like, I actually, based on my 649 00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:54,560 Speaker 5: values and based on doing that like that task, I 650 00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:57,120 Speaker 5: don't want this anymore. Sometimes we'll bang on about something 651 00:28:57,120 --> 00:28:59,040 Speaker 5: that we think we want, and a huge one is 652 00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:01,959 Speaker 5: like a particular the body type that we're trying to like, 653 00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:04,800 Speaker 5: or like a job that you've been slogging it out 654 00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:06,719 Speaker 5: and it's no longer a passion, but it's like that 655 00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:10,080 Speaker 5: sunk cost fallacy, so we stick it out. There's so 656 00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:12,400 Speaker 5: many things that you'll realize when you work through it, 657 00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:14,560 Speaker 5: for what do I value, You'll actually be able to 658 00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:17,160 Speaker 5: let go off a lot being like that doesn't matter 659 00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:19,240 Speaker 5: to me anymore, but this other thing does, and I 660 00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:20,520 Speaker 5: want more of that in my life, you know. 661 00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:23,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like that's the sort of change that 662 00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:26,200 Speaker 2: we should be focusing on and chasing in our lives. 663 00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:27,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. 664 00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:31,080 Speaker 2: And also just reminding yourself that you are entirely capable. 665 00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:33,080 Speaker 2: I think there's so many things that we take for 666 00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:37,240 Speaker 2: granted that our effort that we do every single day, 667 00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:40,080 Speaker 2: like brushing your teeth or getting up and going to 668 00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:42,440 Speaker 2: work on time, or taking the bins. 669 00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:45,080 Speaker 3: Down, Like these are all annoying little things. 670 00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:47,000 Speaker 2: That we do every day in their habits that we've 671 00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:49,200 Speaker 2: built up. It's not things that you're like born into 672 00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:50,840 Speaker 2: this earth and you're like, I'm going to show up 673 00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:53,920 Speaker 2: to work on time, Like these areas that we built up, 674 00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:56,400 Speaker 2: but we take it for granted. Like, look back at 675 00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:58,480 Speaker 2: all of these little minute tasks that you do every 676 00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:01,120 Speaker 2: day or you've done throughout your life and remind yourself 677 00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:04,520 Speaker 2: you are capable and waking up thirty minutes earlier is 678 00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:06,360 Speaker 2: also something that you are capable of doing. 679 00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:10,320 Speaker 4: Oh fuck, that was great. Love that great, Tom everyone. 680 00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:14,959 Speaker 1: Okay, so we finished every episode with the big life question, 681 00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:18,560 Speaker 1: and it is what has been your biggest life lesson 682 00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:21,480 Speaker 1: on embracing change in your twenties or any age. 683 00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:25,120 Speaker 5: Well, for me it was I might have already told 684 00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:27,400 Speaker 5: this story on your podcast, I'm not sure, but for 685 00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:31,200 Speaker 5: me it was actually like being absolutely heartbroken and dumped 686 00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:34,160 Speaker 5: and just and I was like, in hindsight, I'm like, 687 00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:36,960 Speaker 5: I'm so happy that I'm so happy that happened, because 688 00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:38,800 Speaker 5: not to say that you have to go through a heartbreak. 689 00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:43,080 Speaker 5: But it caused me into the biggest downward spiral for 690 00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:45,640 Speaker 5: over a year, which then caused me to buy this 691 00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:48,680 Speaker 5: one way ticket to France to Paris. I then moved 692 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:53,040 Speaker 5: there on a whim. It was just chaotic but incredible 693 00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:55,120 Speaker 5: because it kind of threw me in the deep end 694 00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:57,840 Speaker 5: and I was all alone, and it finally gave me 695 00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:01,440 Speaker 5: the opportunity to be like I actually, I'm capable of 696 00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:03,760 Speaker 5: doing so much on my own. And not only that, 697 00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:05,760 Speaker 5: I got to a point where I really loved being 698 00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:09,040 Speaker 5: in my own company, really loved it. Forced me into 699 00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:11,880 Speaker 5: so much change. It forced me to well, didn't even 700 00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:14,520 Speaker 5: force me. It inspired me to quit acting, which is 701 00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:16,320 Speaker 5: this is one of the things I was talking about earlier. 702 00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:18,640 Speaker 5: I was like, if I don't get this, this is 703 00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:22,280 Speaker 5: what I want this. It made me acting. Yes, I 704 00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:24,120 Speaker 5: used to do acting, and I was like, this is 705 00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:25,720 Speaker 5: the be all end all there. You know, there is 706 00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:28,160 Speaker 5: no plan B all that shit that people say. Guys 707 00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:31,000 Speaker 5: have a Plan B. It's fine, but this whole idea 708 00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:32,840 Speaker 5: if there's only one version of my life that I 709 00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:36,360 Speaker 5: can be happy in bullshit. There's actually statistically seven versions 710 00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:37,800 Speaker 5: of your life that you can be really, really really 711 00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:38,560 Speaker 5: happy with right. 712 00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:40,280 Speaker 3: So I love that. 713 00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:43,120 Speaker 5: That's yeah. And so I was here thinking this is 714 00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:46,720 Speaker 5: the only way forcing forcing, and then one day I thought, 715 00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:48,080 Speaker 5: this is give me so much anxiety. I'm going to 716 00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:50,240 Speaker 5: take a six month hiatus. One month and I'm like, 717 00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:53,840 Speaker 5: I'm never going back. I feel so good. I'm quitting. 718 00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:56,160 Speaker 5: I'm just going to try new things. I'm done. I 719 00:31:56,200 --> 00:32:00,560 Speaker 5: just wanted to just I learned to chase the feeling 720 00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:03,120 Speaker 5: of happiness instead of these external things. And chasing the 721 00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:05,240 Speaker 5: feeling of happiness led me into leaning into things I 722 00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:07,440 Speaker 5: was interested in without needing. I want to study the 723 00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:09,600 Speaker 5: brain again, instead of thinking what career do I want? 724 00:32:09,600 --> 00:32:12,200 Speaker 5: What's like you said the mountain. Yeah. I didn't even 725 00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:14,640 Speaker 5: know what career that would bring me. I didn't even 726 00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:16,840 Speaker 5: look at it. I just thought, well, every time I 727 00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:19,160 Speaker 5: think of the brain, I get inspired, I get really happy. 728 00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:21,400 Speaker 5: So I'm just going to study that. So that breakup 729 00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:24,880 Speaker 5: was the catalyst for everything. That was the biggest lesson 730 00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:28,080 Speaker 5: in my twenties. It really taught me all these lessons 731 00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:30,280 Speaker 5: combined into one, that you can have your own back, 732 00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:32,560 Speaker 5: that you are more resilient than you think, that it's 733 00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:35,239 Speaker 5: okay to quit. Sometimes it's better to quit sooner rather 734 00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:37,560 Speaker 5: than later. It was just the best thing ever. 735 00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:39,440 Speaker 1: Honestly, do you know what that reminds me of. It's 736 00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:41,280 Speaker 1: this quote from the book The Mountain is You, and 737 00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:43,600 Speaker 1: it's to have your new life, you have to sacrifice 738 00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:44,280 Speaker 1: your old wife. 739 00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:46,480 Speaker 5: Yes, I love that one. It's so true. 740 00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:49,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's like, quite literally, like you wanted to 741 00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:51,640 Speaker 1: be an actor, you were with a part of that 742 00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:52,760 Speaker 1: can X. 743 00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:55,440 Speaker 4: And hit, you know, rock break. 744 00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:58,880 Speaker 1: Now like you have a completely new life and have 745 00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:02,840 Speaker 1: embrace changed happiness, and oh I love that. 746 00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:06,080 Speaker 2: I really hope that, like so many people who are 747 00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:08,720 Speaker 2: listening to this, who either are going through that right 748 00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:11,160 Speaker 2: now or potentially will go through something really hard in 749 00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:15,080 Speaker 2: the future, will remember that. I think it's such good perspective, even. 750 00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:17,000 Speaker 3: Though it's really hard to remember in the moment. 751 00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:19,400 Speaker 4: Yeah, I know, but it's yeah, it's comforting though. 752 00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:20,400 Speaker 3: It's comforting to know. 753 00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:23,719 Speaker 1: That there will be a day that you kind of 754 00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:25,000 Speaker 1: exhale and you're like. 755 00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:26,000 Speaker 3: Thank God that happened. 756 00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:29,520 Speaker 2: And for anybody who isn't already following you, where can 757 00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:30,280 Speaker 2: the Chicks find you? 758 00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:33,280 Speaker 5: And the new audiobook so you can find me on 759 00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:37,480 Speaker 5: the do you fucking mind? Podcast? Good times, It is 760 00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:40,840 Speaker 5: a good time, many good times, many harsh, harsh statements 761 00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:42,560 Speaker 5: like abuse you but nicely. 762 00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:47,000 Speaker 3: It's called tough. It's like big sister advice. Yeah, so true. 763 00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:49,960 Speaker 5: Yeah. And the audiobook. You can find it on all 764 00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:55,600 Speaker 5: like so like Audible, Spotify, Spotify, Yeah, yeah, pretty much 765 00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:57,960 Speaker 5: wherever you get any any audiobooks. Yeah. 766 00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:00,760 Speaker 3: Thank you so much for coming on again. It's always 767 00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:02,920 Speaker 3: a pleasure. I can't wait to see you in ninety days. 768 00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:03,320 Speaker 2: Yeah. 769 00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:07,240 Speaker 5: Literally, I'm not like this before and after. 770 00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:09,160 Speaker 1: Exactly. 771 00:34:09,239 --> 00:34:11,320 Speaker 3: We're checking in thirty days. How are we going? 772 00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:13,520 Speaker 2: And thanks to your chicks for having us in your 773 00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:14,040 Speaker 2: ear holes. 774 00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:14,960 Speaker 3: We love to be here. 775 00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:17,000 Speaker 2: And thank you to m ik Made for making today's 776 00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:17,720 Speaker 2: episode happened. 777 00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:25,480 Speaker 1: Love you chicks, Bye chicks.