WEBVTT - Anna Has A Boyfriend 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:02.920 I've definitely dated my fair share of douchebags. 0:00:03.040 --> 0:00:06.040 My time just get tingling, healing balls. 0:00:06.720 --> 0:00:09.639 Oh I'm spiraling, Oh my God, tell us everything. 0:00:10.000 --> 0:00:12.080 Flame emojis left, right, and center. 0:00:12.560 --> 0:00:15.280 Matt loves a bit of God and. 0:00:15.200 --> 0:00:16.360 I need to text you back. 0:00:16.600 --> 0:00:19.120 I really need you with I know I'm jealous. I'm 0:00:19.160 --> 0:00:20.479 the most jealous person ever. 0:00:20.760 --> 0:00:23.000 Relationships like a fart. If you have to force it, 0:00:23.000 --> 0:00:23.880 it's probably shit. 0:00:23.840 --> 0:00:26.640 Hisity dot com for you. I'll be a bloody single 0:00:26.640 --> 0:00:29.080 and alone with ten cats for the rest of my life. Lie. 0:00:29.840 --> 0:00:32.080 On today's episode of Where's Your Head At, we will 0:00:32.120 --> 0:00:33.520 be discussing when you should make. 0:00:33.440 --> 0:00:36.120 It official, and we'll be looking at the different types 0:00:36.159 --> 0:00:39.520 of love languages. So get excited. It's going to be juicy. 0:00:44.479 --> 0:00:46.919 Where's Your Head At is a podcast that talks all 0:00:47.000 --> 0:00:52.360 things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between. 0:00:52.640 --> 0:00:55.360 This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip, 0:00:55.520 --> 0:01:03.320 intimate details, advice, and much more. All right here we 0:01:03.360 --> 0:01:07.720 are an episode six. How's it going? 0:01:07.920 --> 0:01:12.720 You're intro is so wild? Look, Matt, last time we 0:01:12.720 --> 0:01:17.559 were speaking, we all got the really, really bad news 0:01:17.560 --> 0:01:19.080 that you were a bad kisser. 0:01:19.080 --> 0:01:22.680 Whoa whoa, whoa. Okay, let's just stop there. 0:01:23.160 --> 0:01:24.039 Hooray. 0:01:25.200 --> 0:01:29.400 I'm not a bad kisser. My kissing technique just doesn't 0:01:29.400 --> 0:01:30.759 match up to the new girl I'm with. 0:01:30.959 --> 0:01:34.880 It doesn't align the last two girls. It hasn't aligned 0:01:34.920 --> 0:01:36.800 with for the first time ever. 0:01:37.040 --> 0:01:40.759 Well, I only thought there was one kissing technique, which 0:01:40.800 --> 0:01:41.839 is mine. 0:01:43.480 --> 0:01:47.039 So basically you expect them to follow your lead, is 0:01:47.040 --> 0:01:47.840 what you're saying. 0:01:47.960 --> 0:01:52.440 Yes, I mean there's only one dance, isn't there. 0:01:53.960 --> 0:01:57.320 But I'd say like, a good kisser is someone who. 0:01:57.400 --> 0:01:59.840 Can adapt on the fly, can adapt. 0:02:00.440 --> 0:02:03.920 Like someone who's like this person's gone a bit rogue. 0:02:03.920 --> 0:02:06.040 But I'm going to go with her because we're going 0:02:06.080 --> 0:02:10.760 to somehow try and make this a decent kiss. Okay, So, 0:02:10.800 --> 0:02:14.440 how's kissing school going? Then? With the Magical date girl? 0:02:14.480 --> 0:02:16.119 Shall we call her? I feel like that's her name 0:02:16.120 --> 0:02:18.160 now because you always say this. The first day was 0:02:18.200 --> 0:02:20.160 magical Magical date Girl. 0:02:20.400 --> 0:02:22.600 So yeah, So I've checked into school with her. 0:02:24.320 --> 0:02:24.760 Enrolled. 0:02:25.080 --> 0:02:27.240 I've en rolled to school the right word. Yes, I've 0:02:27.280 --> 0:02:29.760 been rolling to school and I think it's going well. 0:02:29.800 --> 0:02:31.480 She says she actually enjoys kissing me. 0:02:31.600 --> 0:02:34.720 Okay, so you've improved it went from like an F 0:02:34.840 --> 0:02:37.040 minus to maybe like a d plass. 0:02:39.800 --> 0:02:42.600 The other night, we're having a couple of cocktails and 0:02:44.520 --> 0:02:46.840 I was just I hit it. It was really good 0:02:46.880 --> 0:02:51.160 at kissing, and she was like that, you have. 0:02:51.040 --> 0:02:55.040 To say that is blowing my fucking. 0:02:55.760 --> 0:02:57.920 She was like, where's this, matt Bean, how's it? 0:02:57.960 --> 0:02:58.040 Like? 0:02:58.080 --> 0:03:01.000 What's going on? And she was just in doing it? 0:03:01.080 --> 0:03:03.000 I learned. But then the next day, let's keep it. 0:03:05.840 --> 0:03:07.880 And then the next day I forgot what I did. 0:03:10.040 --> 0:03:12.040 So you improved and then you declined. 0:03:12.919 --> 0:03:14.760 I don't know what happened. And maybe the cocktail has 0:03:14.800 --> 0:03:16.480 too many whisky. Sy hours got to me and I 0:03:16.560 --> 0:03:20.440 knew what I was doing, but yeah, I really shit. Yeah, 0:03:20.520 --> 0:03:23.280 So I'll go back to school. I've got class after this, 0:03:23.400 --> 0:03:25.120 so let's keep this going. 0:03:25.520 --> 0:03:28.080 Good luck in school. I hope you can pass you here. 0:03:30.480 --> 0:03:36.880 But Anna, yes, what is going on? You've come out 0:03:36.880 --> 0:03:41.040 of a twelve hour relationship? Have you picked yourself back up? 0:03:41.120 --> 0:03:43.000 I think you've got some exciting news. You said you're 0:03:43.000 --> 0:03:45.520 going to wait to share. What tell me what's going on? 0:03:46.160 --> 0:03:50.440 So after my twelve hour relationship and my breakup. 0:03:50.440 --> 0:03:51.720 You're right after that as well. 0:03:52.800 --> 0:03:56.120 I've moved on no to be honest, I do have 0:03:56.160 --> 0:04:00.200 some really exciting news. Do I just flat out say it? 0:04:00.240 --> 0:04:02.440 Like I beat around the bush? 0:04:03.240 --> 0:04:04.279 I have a boyfriend? 0:04:06.280 --> 0:04:10.440 Congratulations? Anna? So how long's it beening now? 0:04:10.520 --> 0:04:12.960 Then it's been a couple of days. 0:04:13.640 --> 0:04:14.600 Fourteen hours? 0:04:14.840 --> 0:04:16.960 Yeah, I mean we've got past the twelve hour mark, 0:04:17.000 --> 0:04:20.799 which is a start, which I'm excited about. We both 0:04:21.160 --> 0:04:24.039 woke up the next day and didn't decide that it 0:04:24.120 --> 0:04:26.440 wasn't a good idea. We both had to chat and 0:04:26.440 --> 0:04:28.840 we were like, I think we should continue on this 0:04:29.040 --> 0:04:30.440 boyfriend and girlfriend. 0:04:30.120 --> 0:04:31.800 Ruthe So did he ask you out when he was 0:04:31.880 --> 0:04:33.640 drunk again or how did it happen this time? 0:04:33.880 --> 0:04:37.360 Okay, So basically he came over to my apartment and 0:04:37.640 --> 0:04:40.360 we had a little picnic. We set up a little 0:04:40.360 --> 0:04:44.279 picnic in my living room. We ordered some Chinese food. 0:04:44.839 --> 0:04:46.920 It was really cute. We were having a really nice time. 0:04:46.960 --> 0:04:48.920 We had a little candle on, but it was still 0:04:48.920 --> 0:04:53.800 pretty low key. And then he just kept looking at me. 0:04:56.040 --> 0:04:58.839 You know that feeling when someone's eyes were just on 0:04:58.880 --> 0:05:00.839 you and you're like, I feel like you have something 0:05:00.880 --> 0:05:03.599 to say, but you're not really saying it. And I 0:05:03.600 --> 0:05:07.599 think we'd had like one glass of wine, and yeah, 0:05:07.640 --> 0:05:12.440 he just basically looked at me and was like, do 0:05:12.480 --> 0:05:17.400 you want to be my girlfriend? And then myrasse being me, 0:05:17.839 --> 0:05:24.239 was like are you sure? Because last time we weren't sure, 0:05:24.279 --> 0:05:26.440 so I just had to clarify. So I was like 0:05:26.480 --> 0:05:28.600 are you sure? And he's like, yeah, I would love 0:05:28.640 --> 0:05:30.839 for you to be my girlfriend. And then I was 0:05:30.880 --> 0:05:33.839 like okay, and I was like the happiest person alive. 0:05:33.920 --> 0:05:36.000 I still am, like I feel like I'm beaming. 0:05:36.680 --> 0:05:38.800 I can see you're radiating smiles. 0:05:38.880 --> 0:05:40.440 You're just she's glowing. 0:05:40.760 --> 0:05:43.280 She's taken now and she's happy with her man. 0:05:43.880 --> 0:05:46.719 Yeah, so I have a boyfriend. And it's really funny 0:05:46.760 --> 0:05:50.440 because he said to me, he was like I think 0:05:50.480 --> 0:05:52.799 I was like he'd been at my apartment for about 0:05:52.800 --> 0:05:56.760 four or five hours, and he was like, I have 0:05:56.960 --> 0:05:59.359 been trying to ask you to be my girlfriend for 0:05:59.400 --> 0:06:03.880 about a week, and every time I tried to do. 0:06:03.839 --> 0:06:04.760 It, I don't know this. 0:06:05.200 --> 0:06:09.200 Yeah, he was like I panicked and didn't ask, or 0:06:09.920 --> 0:06:12.200 not even panicked, but just like just felt like it 0:06:12.240 --> 0:06:15.480 wasn't the right time or yeah, he just like pulled 0:06:15.520 --> 0:06:18.000 the pin last minute. And then he had said to 0:06:18.080 --> 0:06:21.000 himself that night like I'm one hundred percent and ask 0:06:21.120 --> 0:06:24.120 her and apparently it had been like four hours that 0:06:24.160 --> 0:06:26.479 he had been at my apartment and he still hadn't 0:06:26.480 --> 0:06:28.560 done it, and he was like, come on, like I've 0:06:28.560 --> 0:06:32.480 got to do it, and then yeah, he finally did it. 0:06:31.839 --> 0:06:35.240 That's awesome. Congratulations, Anna, thank you. 0:06:35.560 --> 0:06:39.279 But yeah, I've never really thought about how difficult and 0:06:39.320 --> 0:06:42.520 stressful it must be to have to ask someone that question, 0:06:42.920 --> 0:06:47.880 which takes us into today's episode. When is the right 0:06:47.920 --> 0:06:53.760 time to make it official? Let's get into it, all right. 0:06:53.680 --> 0:06:55.640 So do you think your lad asked you at the 0:06:55.680 --> 0:06:56.200 right time? 0:06:56.600 --> 0:06:58.640 Can we call on my boyfriend now so we don't 0:06:58.640 --> 0:07:00.880 have this miscellaneous was flying around? 0:07:00.960 --> 0:07:03.320 This is true. Let you go again. So do you 0:07:03.360 --> 0:07:08.640 think that your boyfriend asked you at the right time 0:07:08.800 --> 0:07:14.400 to be your boyfriend? I was going to say, man, 0:07:14.480 --> 0:07:15.200 then again, but. 0:07:15.960 --> 0:07:18.560 Look, I think that he asked me at the perfect time. 0:07:18.600 --> 0:07:20.960 I think we were both ready for it. We had 0:07:20.960 --> 0:07:23.720 been seeing each other for about seven and a half weeks, 0:07:23.960 --> 0:07:27.480 and I guess they say that the two month rule 0:07:27.720 --> 0:07:30.520 is the perfect time. So this sweet spot is two 0:07:30.560 --> 0:07:34.480 months of dating and there's been a bit of exclusivity 0:07:34.480 --> 0:07:37.240 in there, and then that's like the perfect time. 0:07:37.400 --> 0:07:39.280 It gives you enough time to sussy out what the 0:07:39.280 --> 0:07:41.960 other person's like, to really nut out any of those 0:07:42.000 --> 0:07:46.960 red flags we speak of that yeah, that we ignore anyway. 0:07:49.440 --> 0:07:51.640 Yeah, so, I mean I think the optimum time is 0:07:51.680 --> 0:07:55.960 two months, and so with us that kind of just 0:07:56.040 --> 0:08:00.360 before but was just before. But yeah, pretty much the 0:08:00.480 --> 0:08:03.160 right time. But I mean, what about you, Matt, how 0:08:03.200 --> 0:08:07.480 long would you wait to make the girl that you're seeing? 0:08:08.000 --> 0:08:11.720 So as you as you know, I've gone anywhere between 0:08:11.960 --> 0:08:13.800 four years to two months. 0:08:14.400 --> 0:08:16.440 It's a very big spectrum of time. 0:08:16.720 --> 0:08:19.520 Yeah, very big. So I've gone anywhere between there to 0:08:19.600 --> 0:08:22.080 ask them to be my girlfriends. So I don't really 0:08:22.080 --> 0:08:25.480 put a time on it. I feel like you're restricting 0:08:25.480 --> 0:08:28.640 yourself that way. I more feel off how I'm feeling, 0:08:28.800 --> 0:08:31.440 and I say, okay, like this has been going good, 0:08:31.640 --> 0:08:34.640 let's let's take it to the next step, or wow, 0:08:34.720 --> 0:08:37.400 we've been doing this for a long time. You can 0:08:37.440 --> 0:08:39.880 only grow probably should step up. Yeah, I should probably 0:08:39.920 --> 0:08:42.160 grow some balls and ask you or end it. And 0:08:42.200 --> 0:08:43.440 I didn't want to end it at the time, so 0:08:43.480 --> 0:08:45.920 I was like being my girlfriend. So I feel like 0:08:45.960 --> 0:08:48.080 it's just a case by case and you should really 0:08:48.080 --> 0:08:51.400 feel out on how you're feeling, and where their head's at. 0:08:53.720 --> 0:08:57.240 That loves fliding out that little sentence. 0:08:57.520 --> 0:08:59.120 Yeah, so you should suss it out where their heads 0:08:59.160 --> 0:09:01.400 at and where your heads are and ask them to 0:09:01.440 --> 0:09:01.960 go from there. 0:09:02.320 --> 0:09:05.600 Okay, Matt, So you've had two serious relationships. What makes 0:09:05.640 --> 0:09:10.479 you want to make someone your girlfriends? Like? What qualities 0:09:10.480 --> 0:09:11.319 do they have to have? 0:09:11.640 --> 0:09:11.760 All? 0:09:11.840 --> 0:09:12.000 Right? 0:09:12.040 --> 0:09:14.600 So there's a lot that I look for, But the 0:09:14.640 --> 0:09:17.959 main one that I look for is if I enjoy 0:09:18.040 --> 0:09:20.760 their company. Yes, that's a massive thing. I feel like 0:09:21.320 --> 0:09:23.920 I'm massive on spending time with my partner. So if 0:09:23.960 --> 0:09:26.120 I'm not enjoying their company, why would I want to 0:09:26.120 --> 0:09:28.360 be their partner? Why would I want to date them? 0:09:28.400 --> 0:09:32.000 So I look a lot into that. If I enjoy 0:09:32.040 --> 0:09:33.440 their company, how about yourself? 0:09:33.520 --> 0:09:37.240 I mean, I just think overall, compatibility is super important. 0:09:37.280 --> 0:09:40.360 Being on the same level intellectually, being able to have 0:09:40.720 --> 0:09:45.640 good conversations, wanting to do the same things, having similar 0:09:45.760 --> 0:09:49.079 interests like travel or you know, whether you want to 0:09:49.080 --> 0:09:51.880 go hiking with that person. I think your lives have 0:09:52.000 --> 0:09:55.559 to be able to intertwine in a really nice way. 0:09:55.600 --> 0:09:59.040 And that doesn't mean that everything has to align. Sometimes 0:09:59.120 --> 0:10:01.840 it's nice for other the people to have their own 0:10:02.040 --> 0:10:05.160 hobbies and yeah, of course, like definitely having your own life, 0:10:05.240 --> 0:10:08.920 but different hobbies and yeah, and just like being able 0:10:08.960 --> 0:10:12.320 to integrate well with their friends and family, because. 0:10:12.120 --> 0:10:13.960 I guess massive, that's massive. 0:10:14.000 --> 0:10:16.320 I think all of those things are really important. But 0:10:16.440 --> 0:10:20.640 I think love languages are also super important for having 0:10:20.679 --> 0:10:27.520 a healthy relationship. So we're going to talk about that next. Okay, Matt, 0:10:27.559 --> 0:10:30.160 So there's five love languages. What are they? 0:10:30.640 --> 0:10:33.120 So? There is words of affirmation, which. 0:10:32.920 --> 0:10:36.760 Is basically like sending an unexpected note or a text 0:10:37.559 --> 0:10:39.840 or genuinely encouraging your partner. 0:10:40.160 --> 0:10:41.280 There is quality time. 0:10:41.640 --> 0:10:46.480 Quality time is creating special moments together, are really nice memories, 0:10:46.960 --> 0:10:50.880 taking walks, doing small things with your partner, maybe like 0:10:50.920 --> 0:10:53.079 a weekend getaway or a little holiday. 0:10:52.720 --> 0:10:55.480 Where it's just the two of you, spending one on 0:10:55.480 --> 0:10:57.320 one time. Acts of service. 0:10:57.720 --> 0:11:01.240 Okay, So acts of service is like bringing your partner 0:11:01.320 --> 0:11:05.160 breakfast in bed or going out and getting them a coffee, 0:11:05.200 --> 0:11:07.440 so basically going out of your way to help them 0:11:07.440 --> 0:11:11.880 with a task or helping alleviate their daily workload. 0:11:12.360 --> 0:11:13.720 And there's also gift giving. 0:11:13.960 --> 0:11:19.720 Yep, So gift giving is buying thoughtful gifts, making nice gestures, 0:11:20.240 --> 0:11:23.520 basically doing small things that matter to that person in 0:11:23.559 --> 0:11:27.240 a really big way and expressing your gratitude for them 0:11:27.440 --> 0:11:30.079 through the act of giving gifts. 0:11:30.160 --> 0:11:32.240 All right, and the last one is touch. 0:11:32.880 --> 0:11:36.760 Okay, So physical touch is giving a kiss, a hug, 0:11:36.960 --> 0:11:42.120 holding hands, showing little signs of physical affection and make 0:11:42.200 --> 0:11:48.080 affection and making your intimacy a priority. And what one 0:11:48.080 --> 0:11:51.320 would you say is your love language? 0:11:53.160 --> 0:11:56.560 I would definitely say it would be between quality time 0:11:57.120 --> 0:11:59.920 and physical touch. Yeah, what about yourself? 0:12:00.160 --> 0:12:01.920 I think I'm the same. But do you know what's 0:12:01.960 --> 0:12:03.760 funny is I don't want to be greedy, but I 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:05.559 feel like they're all really important. 0:12:05.600 --> 0:12:07.200 Well yeah, because I was going to say, you are 0:12:07.240 --> 0:12:08.560 big on acts of service. 0:12:08.960 --> 0:12:11.720 Yeah, Like I like it when my partner does like 0:12:11.800 --> 0:12:14.679 little things here and there, like it makes me feel 0:12:14.720 --> 0:12:17.720 like they really care. But if I had to list 0:12:17.840 --> 0:12:22.400 them in order, I feel like physical touch and words 0:12:22.400 --> 0:12:24.440 of affirmation would have to be at the top. 0:12:24.960 --> 0:12:28.360 People would reckon I'm words of affirmation, but I don't really, 0:12:29.040 --> 0:12:31.320 I don't. It's funny how you can think of like 0:12:31.520 --> 0:12:33.920 something so important and the other ones, like acts of 0:12:33.960 --> 0:12:35.480 service I couldn't really care for. 0:12:35.679 --> 0:12:38.080 But then like quality time is such a big one. 0:12:38.080 --> 0:12:40.680 But I just take that for granted because I probably 0:12:41.200 --> 0:12:44.120 wouldn't be with someone who didn't want to spend quality 0:12:44.160 --> 0:12:46.440 time with me. So it's really it's a difficult one 0:12:46.559 --> 0:12:48.800 and you definitely have to navigate through. I mean, there's 0:12:48.840 --> 0:12:52.080 a test that you can do online that picks out 0:12:52.160 --> 0:12:56.160 which one you are, and I actually took this test 0:12:56.600 --> 0:13:00.559 recently and it said that I was thirty percent physical touch, 0:13:01.480 --> 0:13:05.080 and it said then it was twenty seven percent words 0:13:05.080 --> 0:13:08.839 of affirmation and twenty seven percent quality time, So they're 0:13:08.880 --> 0:13:11.920 all very much up there. But yeah, I think. 0:13:11.720 --> 0:13:15.600 We're similar that because fancy this. I did the test 0:13:15.600 --> 0:13:22.320 as well and mine came back thirty seven percent quality time. 0:13:22.559 --> 0:13:24.120 Wow, that's quite a lot. 0:13:24.640 --> 0:13:28.240 Yeah, that's why I am twenty seven percent words of affirmation, 0:13:29.400 --> 0:13:32.840 which I think surprising. I don't I don't. 0:13:32.559 --> 0:13:34.880 You love a compliment? When are you talking? 0:13:37.880 --> 0:13:40.720 Well, the test doesn't lie, does it. Had The numbers 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:45.079 don't lie. I'm twenty three percent physical touch, seven percent 0:13:45.440 --> 0:13:47.559 acts of service, and seven percent gifts. 0:13:47.840 --> 0:13:50.199 Wow. So yeah, our bottom two are the same and 0:13:50.280 --> 0:13:52.120 our top three are the same, So I think we 0:13:52.240 --> 0:13:55.640 are very similar in that way. And then my boyfriend 0:13:56.600 --> 0:14:00.760 sounds so strange to say he had exactly the same 0:14:01.040 --> 0:14:01.400 as me. 0:14:01.679 --> 0:14:03.559 So then you guys are compatible. 0:14:03.200 --> 0:14:06.079 Very compatible. Yeah, that's good, which is good to know. 0:14:06.400 --> 0:14:08.280 That is good to know because I think, like in 0:14:08.360 --> 0:14:13.959 past relationships, when your love languages are off, it can 0:14:14.040 --> 0:14:16.920 actually make a bit of a difference. And I think 0:14:16.960 --> 0:14:22.080 sometimes what you want to receive is different, like you 0:14:22.120 --> 0:14:22.640 were saying. 0:14:23.000 --> 0:14:25.880 So, I think you express love in one way through 0:14:25.920 --> 0:14:28.480 one love language, and you receive love through another way. 0:14:28.560 --> 0:14:29.120 So totally. 0:14:29.520 --> 0:14:32.840 So I feel like I might receive it through quality time, 0:14:33.360 --> 0:14:36.280 but I give it through words of affirmation. Yea. With 0:14:36.360 --> 0:14:38.320 my partner, I like to tell them all the time 0:14:38.360 --> 0:14:41.600 how beautiful they're looking in how much I love them? 0:14:42.120 --> 0:14:45.400 If you if I do, yeah, if I love to 0:14:45.440 --> 0:14:50.840 do that. But my ex used to express her love 0:14:50.920 --> 0:14:54.440 through gifts, and you saw there seven percent. I do not. 0:14:54.800 --> 0:14:56.240 That's not how you like to. 0:14:56.440 --> 0:14:58.280 I do not like take love like that. So she'd 0:14:58.280 --> 0:15:01.080 be wanting, she'd be giving a gift gift after gift, 0:15:01.120 --> 0:15:03.720 and I'd just be like cool, like this, doesn't you 0:15:03.760 --> 0:15:06.880 know what I mean? And if anything, I hate receiving gifts. 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:09.760 I feel uncomfortable. So with button heads on that a 0:15:09.800 --> 0:15:12.880 lot and I'd want quality time. So quality time to 0:15:12.920 --> 0:15:15.160 me is us laying there watching a movie or having 0:15:15.200 --> 0:15:17.480 a conversation, looking at each other in the eye. And 0:15:17.520 --> 0:15:19.720 she wouldn't get off her phone. The whole time was 0:15:19.720 --> 0:15:22.280 glued to her phone, So it would take away from 0:15:22.360 --> 0:15:24.680 quality time because she was engulfed in her phone, and 0:15:24.720 --> 0:15:25.479 I felt. 0:15:25.200 --> 0:15:26.560 Because you need that presence. 0:15:27.000 --> 0:15:30.440 Yeah, So I would feel really lonely and really like 0:15:30.800 --> 0:15:34.480 in that relationship because I wasn't getting what I needed 0:15:34.520 --> 0:15:37.200 to feel loved. So, like you're saying, it's very important 0:15:37.200 --> 0:15:39.680 that these love languages connect and they link up and 0:15:39.680 --> 0:15:40.400 are compatible. 0:15:40.520 --> 0:15:43.160 I think something that's really important to remember as well 0:15:43.400 --> 0:15:48.480 is that sometimes we don't get to tell people what 0:15:48.560 --> 0:15:51.120 we're going to give them. Sometimes, as a partner, you 0:15:51.200 --> 0:15:53.480 have to take a step back and be like, my 0:15:53.600 --> 0:15:56.640 partner's love language is this, and so therefore I'm going 0:15:56.720 --> 0:15:59.480 to make a huge effort to give them that, so 0:15:59.520 --> 0:16:02.920 that this work. Sometimes we need to get out of 0:16:02.920 --> 0:16:05.680 our comfort zone and not just give people what's comfortable 0:16:05.720 --> 0:16:07.600 for us, but what they actually need. 0:16:07.960 --> 0:16:11.360 So we would have arguments about this, I would say 0:16:11.920 --> 0:16:14.560 I'm more than happy, even though I feel so uncomfortable 0:16:14.560 --> 0:16:18.040 to accept your gifts, like it's getting gifts. It's at 0:16:18.040 --> 0:16:23.840 the end of the world about it. I'm like, I understand, 0:16:23.840 --> 0:16:25.640 that's how you're telling me you love me. So I 0:16:25.640 --> 0:16:27.080 would take him. I was like, but can you meet 0:16:27.080 --> 0:16:29.840 me halfway and once or twice a week? Can we 0:16:29.920 --> 0:16:31.640 just have some quality time and watch a movie? 0:16:31.720 --> 0:16:31.960 Yeah? 0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:33.120 And she couldn't give that to me. 0:16:33.480 --> 0:16:33.800 Yeah. 0:16:33.840 --> 0:16:37.160 And it was a massive obstacle in our relationship, which 0:16:37.320 --> 0:16:39.200 obviously led to the demise of it. 0:16:39.320 --> 0:16:43.040 And you know what, there's this study that talks about 0:16:43.120 --> 0:16:47.040 how if your love languages do not align, it's really 0:16:47.120 --> 0:16:51.360 hard to make a relationship work. And a lot of 0:16:51.360 --> 0:16:54.520 the time that is the downfall of the relationship because 0:16:54.760 --> 0:16:56.000 when those things don't. 0:16:55.840 --> 0:16:58.280 Align, it doesn't work. No one's feeling loved, no one's 0:16:58.280 --> 0:17:00.320 feeling wanted, and you're just budding heads. 0:17:00.600 --> 0:17:08.040 Correct. Okay, So let's talk about knowing your partner's love language. So, 0:17:08.960 --> 0:17:11.680 I mean it promotes selflessness to start with, because you're 0:17:11.720 --> 0:17:14.399 not just thinking about yourself and what you want to 0:17:14.440 --> 0:17:17.639 give them. When you are committed to learning someone else's 0:17:17.680 --> 0:17:21.320 love language, you'll focus on their needs rather than your own. 0:17:21.760 --> 0:17:21.920 Yep. 0:17:22.240 --> 0:17:24.639 Ideally, both people will want to express love in the 0:17:24.720 --> 0:17:28.040 same way. But obviously that's not always the case, and 0:17:28.080 --> 0:17:31.080 sometimes there has to be some sort of compromise. 0:17:30.680 --> 0:17:34.520 And any good relationship has compromise. You have to meet 0:17:34.560 --> 0:17:35.840 your partner halfway, and. 0:17:35.800 --> 0:17:39.399 When you do that, it helps to maintain intimacy and 0:17:39.760 --> 0:17:42.520 helps to bring you closer. So it's definitely worth putting 0:17:42.560 --> 0:17:45.520 in that extra effort and putting your time and energy 0:17:45.560 --> 0:17:45.960 into that. 0:17:46.800 --> 0:17:47.080 Okay. 0:17:47.160 --> 0:17:52.280 So interestingly, words of affirmation was the most popular love language, 0:17:52.960 --> 0:17:56.800 which I mean, I think is really like it's interesting 0:17:56.880 --> 0:18:00.879 because I think we all need reassurance, age someone to 0:18:01.000 --> 0:18:05.280 say you're doing great, you're amazing, I appreciate you. All 0:18:05.320 --> 0:18:08.280 of those things make a huge difference to our self esteem, 0:18:08.760 --> 0:18:11.800 our outlook in life, and I think that's such an 0:18:11.800 --> 0:18:14.119 important thing that a partner can bring to the table. 0:18:14.240 --> 0:18:17.040 Yeah, I understond agree that reassures you that they do 0:18:17.840 --> 0:18:19.560 they do indeed love you, and they want to be 0:18:19.560 --> 0:18:19.800 with you. 0:18:20.080 --> 0:18:24.640 I think interestingly, as well, physical touch was more important 0:18:24.760 --> 0:18:30.080 for men and people in cities love quality time. 0:18:30.560 --> 0:18:32.760 Well, that makes sense. You're in the hustle and bustle 0:18:32.800 --> 0:18:35.120 of the city doing your work, so you don't get 0:18:35.119 --> 0:18:38.000 to spend much quality time with your partner, so they 0:18:38.080 --> 0:18:40.600 must love it when they do. Yeah, all right, so 0:18:40.960 --> 0:18:43.879 love language is a very important relationship for them to 0:18:43.960 --> 0:18:47.200 work out. We'd love to hear some of your love languages. 0:18:47.280 --> 0:18:49.480 So head over to Where's your Head at Pod. 0:18:49.680 --> 0:18:51.960 We're gonna leave the quiz there. You can do the 0:18:52.040 --> 0:18:55.120 quiz and then we will leave a box on our 0:18:55.200 --> 0:19:03.560 Instagram story and you can share your results with us. Okay, Matt. 0:19:03.640 --> 0:19:06.600 So there's a theory that throughout our lifetime we fall 0:19:06.600 --> 0:19:11.359 in love three times at three different stages in our life. 0:19:11.359 --> 0:19:12.439 Have you heard of this before? 0:19:12.680 --> 0:19:15.360 I actually have, and I agree with it a lot. 0:19:15.760 --> 0:19:19.480 I'm yet to find out the last one, but the 0:19:19.520 --> 0:19:21.639 first two I agree with. Yes, okay. 0:19:22.119 --> 0:19:25.240 So the first one is your first love. It feels 0:19:25.240 --> 0:19:28.840 like a fairy tale. You're normally pretty young when it happens. 0:19:29.359 --> 0:19:32.760 You get head over heels in love and you think 0:19:32.760 --> 0:19:34.639 that you're going to spend the rest of your life 0:19:34.880 --> 0:19:37.520 with this person. So it's kind of like puppy love. 0:19:37.600 --> 0:19:40.600 Yeap, where you're young, so not much matters. So it's 0:19:40.640 --> 0:19:43.080 just due two in each other's lives and you've got 0:19:43.200 --> 0:19:45.480 each other and you're so absorbed with each other that 0:19:45.600 --> 0:19:47.840 it's all that. Really your life is consumed with. 0:19:48.040 --> 0:19:51.120 One hundred percent and then normally these relationships will end 0:19:51.640 --> 0:19:54.760 because you just grow apart. It's nothing really bad happens. 0:19:55.040 --> 0:19:56.919 There's still a lot of love for each other. But 0:19:57.280 --> 0:19:58.080 I guess you're just. 0:19:58.119 --> 0:20:00.800 Kind of too young, yep, and you've still life to 0:20:01.680 --> 0:20:03.800 life to live, life to take on. 0:20:04.400 --> 0:20:09.679 The second love is your intense love. So that's usually 0:20:09.680 --> 0:20:12.399 the one that kind of turned your world upside down. 0:20:12.960 --> 0:20:16.280 It's very intense. Is usually pretty toxic. 0:20:16.600 --> 0:20:18.520 I was going to say, is the word you're looking for. Toxic? 0:20:20.359 --> 0:20:24.320 Is very toxic. We see all of our insecurities through 0:20:24.320 --> 0:20:29.000 that person. There's a lot of jealousy, fear, self doubt, 0:20:29.240 --> 0:20:32.840 abandonment issues come to the surface, and it can really 0:20:32.960 --> 0:20:36.840 leave you with massive highs and extreme lows. 0:20:37.040 --> 0:20:39.720 This one is obviously like a roller coaster. You're going 0:20:39.760 --> 0:20:42.280 through all these different kinds of emotions and will end 0:20:42.920 --> 0:20:46.040