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Speaker 1: Because it fits in with Katerioki podcast.

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Speaker 2: I want to talk about how to make a man

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Speaker 2: obsessed with you. I also I also want to start

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Speaker 2: this by saying, I don't think it should be your

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Speaker 2: main goal for twenty twenty four.

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Speaker 3: I do.

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Speaker 2: I don't think it should be the one thing that

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Speaker 2: we're taking notes on and really putting all of our

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Speaker 2: energies into. But I guess that if you are in

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Speaker 2: the dating game and you want someone to be into you,

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Speaker 2: then of course you're trolling through all of the tictoks.

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Speaker 3: It's Kate. When the sun is out and it's summertime,

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Speaker 3: you play the beach wise. Oh you do? You play

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Speaker 3: the beach boys. But the feeling of love sort of

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Speaker 3: hangs high in the air, and single people are often

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Speaker 3: on the hunt.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I think there's a lovely feeling of anticipation.

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Speaker 2: Isn't there something to be excited about it? That's why

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Speaker 2: people quite like going into the summer months being footloose.

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Speaker 4: And fancy free, don't we all a lot of mistakes

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Speaker 4: made over that period as well? Are we talking physically?

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Speaker 4: Are you talking present here of men? Or are we

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Speaker 4: talking personalities?

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Speaker 2: It's a trick, It's a tricky little thing, and it's

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Speaker 2: I'm going to admit I didn't come up with this.

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Speaker 2: There's a woman who's a she's a mindset coach, and

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Speaker 2: it is very controversial because I think it does introduce

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Speaker 2: an imbalance in relationships very early on. It does mean

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Speaker 2: that boundaries are broken and all of the things that

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Speaker 2: you then spend lots of money on therapy or years

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Speaker 2: to undo. This woman is suggesting you do it to

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Speaker 2: make a man obsessed with you to start with. Some

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Speaker 2: are even calling it toxic. I will let Anna Christina

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Speaker 2: Schmidt explain how to make a man obsessed.

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Speaker 1: The easiest way to get a man is to be

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Speaker 1: rude and mean. If someone is mean to you, triggers

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Speaker 1: your insecurities and it makes you feel rejected. Naturally, what

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Speaker 1: your brain is trying to do is to be validated, accepted,

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Speaker 1: and get rid of the rejection. More of the person

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Speaker 1: keeps thinking about this reject and wanting to be accepted,

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Speaker 1: the more the person will be thinking of you, and

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Speaker 1: he will be wanting to pursue you.

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Speaker 2: And chase it.

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Speaker 4: A load of crap, What a load of crap, Because

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Speaker 4: first impressions are so vital, and if someone treated me

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Speaker 4: like that, I'm not going back.

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Speaker 2: Yes, Schmidt for brains, who are you calling that you

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Speaker 2: might have healthy levels of self esteem. What she's talking

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Speaker 2: about is that thrill of the chase, which sometimes exists

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Speaker 2: very early on anyway, you know, without having to be mean,

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Speaker 2: the idea of maybe not getting something over the line,

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Speaker 2: or maybe not getting that first date with somebody. It

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Speaker 2: keeps you keen because there's a level of jeopardy.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but if you're just being if you go down

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Speaker 3: the path of chasing somebody and they turn around and

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Speaker 3: to you to get stuffed as a tactic to make

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Speaker 3: you want more, I just don't think it's going to work.

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Speaker 3: Ego goes now, I want you can get stuffed because

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Speaker 3: there's any more fish in the sea.

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Speaker 4: BJ rejected me numerous times, and the big one was

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Speaker 4: the Virgin flight to the Virgin of Virgin Australia party,

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Speaker 4: the up of the hangar there up on the Brisbane

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Speaker 4: up in Brisbane.

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Speaker 5: We went up there with a few mates and I

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Speaker 5: thought this is it. I asked around, told it.

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Speaker 4: We got back to her that I was going to

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Speaker 4: be there, and there was this one moment I remember Kate,

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Speaker 4: and I thought this is it.

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Speaker 5: She's looking over it. She had a group of girls

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Speaker 5: around her.

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Speaker 4: She looked, saw me, pointed to me, and all the

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Speaker 4: girls looked over and then they all started.

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Speaker 3: Laughing because the hood off because of the yeah it

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Speaker 3: was and probably yeah a few undone.

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Speaker 5: Things that I tested positive to at the time.

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Speaker 1: But I.

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Speaker 4: There was this moment, Kate, where it just absolutely ripped

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Speaker 4: my heart out, to the point that after that I

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Speaker 4: didn't see her for another two years.

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Speaker 5: I took her out of my mind. This is not

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Speaker 5: gonna work because she was mean to you.

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Speaker 2: You didn't follow up on that evening. That's see. I

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Speaker 2: think it can keep people interested. I think that when

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Speaker 2: people I think sometimes men do it. But I know

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Speaker 2: I think the being mean thing has even worked for

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Speaker 2: me many years.

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Speaker 3: Doing it for long enough.

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Speaker 2: Mean, is that right? And who have you been talking to? No,

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Speaker 2: I'm talking about very early on, I think it was.

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Speaker 2: It was my way of I mean, it's.

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Speaker 3: So child protect yourself.

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Speaker 2: And of course I've grown up and out of this habit.

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Speaker 2: But when I would meet people, the meaner I was

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Speaker 2: to you, the more I liked you. I mean, oh,

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Speaker 2: cologists in their cars are having a field day like that.

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Speaker 2: But many years my you know, one of my first

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Speaker 2: kind of big out of school relationships. That's how I

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Speaker 2: think he just became obsessed with me.

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Speaker 5: That was your defense mechanism was to be like you know, it.

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Speaker 2: Wasn't a defense mechanism. It was my way of like,

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Speaker 2: you know, last suing them into.

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Speaker 5: You know, treating them badly.

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Speaker 2: Treating them and keeping them keen. This person I met

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Speaker 2: at a party. It was a big kind of function.

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Speaker 1: What did you do?

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Speaker 2: And so there were lots of lots of people there,

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Speaker 2: and then there was also a section with just like VIPs,

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Speaker 2: so it had the the roped off area or whenever.

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Speaker 2: And I spotted this person and I thought, oh, he's

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Speaker 2: a bit of stuff. He's a bit of and I thought,

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Speaker 2: how to I don't know how to open a conversation,

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Speaker 2: but I do quite like him. And we went. We

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Speaker 2: were passing each other in the corner when the toilet

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Speaker 2: was at the same time, and I thought, it's not smooth.

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Speaker 2: It doesn't sound smooth, but it was. It's an example.

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Speaker 3: I'm a drum roll and pick up line. You're outside

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Speaker 3: the bathroom. When did you go with?

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Speaker 2: I said, I think you might be lost. This is

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Speaker 2: the VIP area.

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Speaker 3: What Richard Wilkinson.

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Speaker 2: This is the Fits and Whipper with Kate Richie podcast.

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Speaker 2: I just have to cover this story because I'm mad

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Speaker 2: for a double life story. Firstly because I'm a busy lady.

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Speaker 2: But I do know one thing I'll never be able

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Speaker 2: to fit in is a double life because I just

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Speaker 2: don't have time for it. I am absolutely gobsmacked and

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Speaker 2: in awe of people who can have one family over

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Speaker 2: here and have another whole complete. I mean, I hear

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Speaker 2: the way. I mean not so much you Fitzy, but

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Speaker 2: whip of the way you complain about all the things

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Speaker 2: you have to do just to run run one family.

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Speaker 5: You got paid to have a double life, really, didn't you?

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Speaker 5: That was your job, Kate?

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I was going to go down that road.

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Speaker 2: It's going to get so heavy and deep, and it's

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Speaker 2: very confusing. At times, I did feel as though I

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Speaker 2: was living another existence. Am I waking up in my

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Speaker 2: bed in Campbelltown and going to school or am I

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Speaker 2: changing the sheets in the caravan park today?

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Speaker 4: I don't know which which one was more complicated. That's

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Speaker 4: actually a great question. A few economic headwinds.

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Speaker 1: You know what.

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Speaker 2: I am going to take ownership of that question. And

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Speaker 2: follow up with an answer.

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Speaker 5: You have taken the top take ownership follow up.

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Speaker 2: Well, let's be honest. I think Sally Fletcher's life was

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Speaker 2: incredibly complicated when you're fighting cancers and love interests and

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Speaker 2: stabbed on the road, mud slides, Yes, I got I

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Speaker 2: think I got shot in the diner wonder dud.

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Speaker 5: Well, I'm sorry about that.

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Speaker 4: I was.

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Speaker 2: Luckily also was there anyway? This this this guy, he's

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Speaker 2: been living a double life and it all came undone

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Speaker 2: when he came home from a work trip. He had

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Speaker 2: to travel a lot for work. He was so tired

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Speaker 2: he didn't unpack his suitcase. So his wife of five

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Speaker 2: years thought, I'm going to do a really nice deed here.

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Speaker 2: I'll take his washing out, you know, I'll unpack the suitcase.

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Speaker 2: She's unpacked the suitcase and there's a photo of a

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Speaker 2: woman and then a photo of an eighteen month old baby.

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Speaker 2: Now she thought that maybe the suitcases had been had

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Speaker 2: been sopped, but it had his undies in it, so

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Speaker 2: it must have been his. And she confronted him, and

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Speaker 2: you know, head in hands, he was in tears, saying

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Speaker 2: I knew you'd find out one day he'd had an

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Speaker 2: affair with a woman I'm guessing, you know, a couple

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Speaker 2: of years ago, which has had resulted in the eighteen

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Speaker 2: month old child, and she's thinking, oh, okay, he has

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Speaker 2: another family living in in one of these countries he

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Speaker 2: has to travel to for work. This is just in Perth.

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Speaker 2: You know, this family is living about five k's down

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Speaker 2: the road. When he leaves to go, he's just driving,

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Speaker 2: if you know, ten minutes away and hanging out with

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Speaker 2: the second family. This this woman, the wife, They already

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Speaker 2: had two children, they'd spent five six years together, already.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, thirteen twenty fourteen.

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Speaker 4: Guining, But I'd love to hear from the links that

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Speaker 4: they went to to lead to Lowell a double life, well,

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Speaker 4: a double.

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Speaker 2: Life or actually, what I'd like to know is maybe

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Speaker 2: what you found in the suitcase that brought it all

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Speaker 2: along and done when they've come home.

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Speaker 3: The great topic because you wonder what an idiot for

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Speaker 3: putting a photo unless the other wife slipped it into

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Speaker 3: the suitcase and he didn't know. Who packs a photo

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Speaker 3: of your second family inside your suitcase? Am all right, guys,

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Speaker 3: you're not wrong, We're that's really really bad.

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Speaker 2: I think, I mean the question should be who leads

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Speaker 2: a double life in the first place. And then secondly, yes,

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Speaker 2: if you decide to do that, who pops the photo in.

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Speaker 4: It's the stress of work first of all, and then

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Speaker 4: having to come home to the family when you've got

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Speaker 4: two on the go.

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Speaker 5: He'd have a favorite one as well.

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Speaker 3: That's the things favorite.

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Speaker 5: There would be one family. Yeah, I said, I am

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Speaker 5: doing overtime this family.

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Speaker 3: I had to please the grumpy one again.

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Speaker 2: Is that how it will? Maybe you are the grumpy one.

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Speaker 2: If he's throwing the word grumpy out around, I'm certainly

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Speaker 2: not grumpy.

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Speaker 3: You haven't seen grumpy this is I'm like, no, I'm

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Speaker 3: just you don't need to defend the grumpy one. Oh

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Speaker 3: my god.

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Speaker 5: It fits in withie podcast.

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Speaker 2: I've got a big story here about relationships for you.

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Speaker 2: It's a bit of a list. If you want to

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Speaker 2: keep your relationship on track, grab a biro. Guys.

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Speaker 3: I mean, they all go off track every now and then,

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Speaker 3: don't they?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Do they do?

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Speaker 2: And I mean, but I think there are some pretty

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Speaker 2: standard does and don't.

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Speaker 5: I didn't know.

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Speaker 2: I was like, what is he going with the pen?

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Speaker 2: And I was like, okay, I've instructed somebody to get

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Speaker 2: a biro. That's a watch.

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Speaker 5: That's a it's a Rolex watch.

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Speaker 2: And I didn't ask you to do that. And ready, now, look,

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Speaker 2: if you have arguments within a relationship, if you can

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Speaker 2: do it well, that doesn't mean you have an unhealthy relationship.

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Speaker 2: It's actually it's actually very good. Disagreements a normal and

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Speaker 2: in fact, according to a study, couples who argue effectively

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Speaker 2: are ten times more likely to have a happy relationship

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Speaker 2: in the long term.

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Speaker 3: Is it because you think, once we've had an argument,

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Speaker 3: if we can get through that, well we're going to

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Speaker 3: get through them. If we don't fall out over it.

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Speaker 2: You can argue effectively. I don't think that means, oh,

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Speaker 2: you have a big blow up and then you kind

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Speaker 2: of kiss and make up and that's the yo of

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Speaker 2: an unhealthy relationship.

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Speaker 5: Nick Cave wrote about this. He's got a great website

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Speaker 5: called the Red Right Hand Files. Tommy, you've been on

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Speaker 5: that before. It's a great side.

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Speaker 4: And someone was asking about a relationship, even if it's

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Speaker 4: a friendship or a marriage, when it comes to arguing,

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Speaker 4: and he wrote this beautiful answer. Our chrue is to

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Speaker 4: deepest relationships allow us the freedom to voice an opinion

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Speaker 4: without fear. Of it being detrimental to the partnership, and he.

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Speaker 3: Said, it's actually good.

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Speaker 4: You want someone to challenge you. You don't want someone

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Speaker 4: that just agrees with you all the time and.

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Speaker 2: That you're still lovable even when you're honest.

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Speaker 3: What doesn't need to be confrontation. I think that's important point.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so here we go. I'll run through this.

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Speaker 2: I mean, and if you're saying these things, maybe have

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Speaker 2: a think about it. I'm going to start with your overreacting.

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Speaker 2: I'm not even going to explain that one. We know

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Speaker 2: that's not a good one to go in with. No, no, no, no, okay,

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Speaker 2: this one, you care about something or someone more than me.

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Speaker 2: I mean, that's one that's somebody feeling absolutely neglected and

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Speaker 2: maybe left out. But rather than saying it like that,

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Speaker 2: rather than saying you care about them more than me,

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Speaker 2: just say this is how I'm feeling.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Season starts, so yeah, look over here, look over here

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Speaker 2: for a little bit. You never listen. I don't think

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Speaker 2: you were meant to start any sentence with the word

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Speaker 2: you are.

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Speaker 3: You never listen.

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Speaker 2: You've got to say I find it hard.

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Speaker 4: Says to me that she has to pick times she

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Speaker 4: knows my character enough now that you have to pick times.

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Speaker 2: What for listening is for listening just talking to you

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Speaker 2: in general? Ryan, those is painted.

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Speaker 4: If there's something important that she needs to go maybe

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Speaker 4: in the stata, if she has to do something or

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Speaker 4: go away, she goes, I know, I have to pick

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Speaker 4: my time.

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Speaker 2: Oh, to get it across the line.

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Speaker 3: Can we try a book? You from six to nine

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Speaker 3: each day?

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Speaker 2: Worst time? Okay, that's not true. You're being ridiculous.

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Speaker 3: You're being ridiculous.

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Speaker 5: That's a tough one.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, this is just like before when you did such

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Speaker 2: and sight.

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Speaker 3: You drag up something from the past.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but I mean habits do form, don't they. And

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Speaker 2: history says you're doing this because you've done it before

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Speaker 2: and there's nothing changing.

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Speaker 3: Would you ever have anything from the past and bring

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Speaker 3: it up?

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Speaker 2: Would you ruminate?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Would it let you? Would you scar be scarred and

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Speaker 3: then bring it up?

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Speaker 4: Well, Kate documents it. She's got in her notes on

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Speaker 4: her phone. She'll write down everything over this book.

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Speaker 3: Steve left towel on floor.

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Speaker 4: It's old twenty seven my dad's on February sixteen, twenty eighteen,

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Speaker 4: said this late in the afternoon.

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Speaker 2: Don't joke about it. It's very important to document things sometimes,

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Speaker 2: especially when somebody's trying to gaslight you and ruin your life.

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Speaker 3: I know what you mean, and I've been in arguments

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Speaker 3: with my wife or I've thought I wish there was

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Speaker 3: a microphone in here recording, right.

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Speaker 2: But you say that, and that's something else. You should be.

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Speaker 3: Able to play back what you just said, so it

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Speaker 3: can make sense because you're losing your mind, because you.

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Speaker 2: Do start to think you're losing your mind. So sometimes

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Speaker 2: just a little note every now and then is important.

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Speaker 2: Full stop, moving on.

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Speaker 3: Scrap book? How big is the book she's written? Now?

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Speaker 5: You've been ridiculous?

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Speaker 3: Volume one?

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Speaker 2: I told you so, Okay, I hate that I told

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Speaker 2: you so.

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Speaker 3: Do you know what I've been doing a little bit

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Speaker 3: of instead of saying sorry right to the person you

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Speaker 3: said it's your fault. No, I say sorry, I'm sorry

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Speaker 3: it made you feel like that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, there was that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: But also it's important to behavior to say that, you know,

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Speaker 2: I but you have to sometimes hand people's feelings back

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Speaker 2: to them. I'm going to stay on my side of

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Speaker 2: the street and you stay on yours.

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Speaker 3: You deal with that because I can't help you from here.

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Speaker 2: Oh god, I'm practically, Maggie Dent.

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Speaker 3: Not really. She doesn't make it personal.

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Speaker 2: No, she's talking about the children. They're much easier to

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Speaker 2: deal with. You're such an name calling So you're such

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Speaker 2: an insert insulting name here. Do not name call and

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Speaker 2: do not name call when you're like from a very

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Speaker 2: young And here's what I was told.

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Speaker 3: Off for the other day when I went, you are

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Speaker 3: a psycho? How does psycho go?

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Speaker 1: It was.

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Speaker 4: I think with our come with our the way that

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Speaker 4: we talk, we say psycho in an endearing way.

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Speaker 2: Thank you.

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Speaker 3: You're such a cute psycho.

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Speaker 2: Okay, might be more like such and such. Don't ever

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Speaker 2: do that. Don't ever compare them to somebody else. And

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Speaker 2: for the final one, which could be your nail, the

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Speaker 2: nail in the coffin is if you don't do this.

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Speaker 2: So whatever you insert there, if you don't do this,

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Speaker 2: I'll leave you if.

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Speaker 3: You're not bad. But what do you mean tonight?

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Speaker 5: What are you inserting a space? You don't you don't

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Speaker 5: do this, you don't insert this, You're out.

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Speaker 3: Kate Ritchie is a Nova podcast or great shows like this.

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Speaker 3: Download the Nova player, the app Store or Google Playing