Speaker 1: Apogie production. I need your advice. Are you okay? What happened?
Speaker 1: Promise it won't be too much. Bring it in.
Speaker 2: Welcome to our Bestie segment.
Speaker 1: This is the place for you. Hello everybody, Welcome back
Speaker 1: to our bestie segment.
Speaker 2: Welcome back. Oh my goodness, we are loving this advice segment.
Speaker 2: If you have anything that you want to share with us,
Speaker 2: and you're needing a little bit of help or support,
Speaker 2: or maybe even there's something you don't want to yet
Speaker 2: tell your friend group or you don't have family around,
Speaker 2: you can drop it into our anonymous abmission box.
Speaker 1: So today's is all about would you tell the other woman?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: Take it away? Yeah? No? What if we got so?
Speaker 2: I need advice. I was single, he was in a
Speaker 2: relationship with kids. We slept together once. I've regretted it
Speaker 2: since the moment it had happened, knowing how wrong it was.
Speaker 2: I've never told a soul, and I assume that he
Speaker 2: has an either, but it makes me feel sick knowing
Speaker 2: how wrong it was when I see them around. He
Speaker 2: has more kids. It's been a long time now, ten
Speaker 2: plus years. Do I tell the wife or do I
Speaker 2: let it go? Now that it's been this long. Oh gosh,
Speaker 2: Oh that's tough.
Speaker 1: Holy shit, I don't know. I don't know either. Oh.
Speaker 1: Half of me is like, why now, what's this going
Speaker 1: to achieve? Everyone's moved on, And then the other half
Speaker 1: was like, no, I would need to know. I would
Speaker 1: want to know if my husband cheated on me while
Speaker 1: we had children and then went on to have more children, Like,
Speaker 1: I just feel like I deserve to know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is a tough one as well, because I
Speaker 2: just be curious to know what has triggered this ten
Speaker 2: years later, you know, like, has this been something like
Speaker 2: you said, like you've been regretting it ever since. But
Speaker 2: I just am curious on why now the urge to
Speaker 2: tell her is coming forward.
Speaker 1: Is it just your own guilt or are you genuinely
Speaker 1: feeling like the other woman to know? Yeah? Is it
Speaker 1: beneficial for this to come out right now? I feel
Speaker 1: like I would want to know. I would want to
Speaker 1: be given my own option of deciding if I stay
Speaker 1: with him.
Speaker 2: Or not totally the transparency, like that is.
Speaker 1: My decision to make, but it's not someone else's decision
Speaker 1: to control my life like that, for sure, If I
Speaker 1: would want to know, if I would hope someone would
Speaker 1: tell me, And I think I would tell the other woman,
Speaker 1: but I wouldn't have left it this long.
Speaker 2: Yeah. See, I'm so conflicted with this, Like you know, actually,
Speaker 2: like I'm so big on transparency. I think it's a
Speaker 2: really important thing. And also owning your mistakes, I think
Speaker 2: is a really it's obviously really uncomfortable, but it's also
Speaker 2: a very freeing thing and also for you to start
Speaker 2: the journey of healing from this experience. Sometimes I feel
Speaker 2: like it's important to really own your mistakes and be
Speaker 2: willing to wear them and take the accountability for it. However,
Speaker 2: it's been so long now, I just wonder if it's
Speaker 2: worth you ridding yourself of the guilt to break up
Speaker 2: a family now ten years later, do you know what
Speaker 2: I mean? But I also think that she deserves to know.
Speaker 2: But I just wonder if now, oh, this is your
Speaker 2: work to do that you just have to be willing
Speaker 2: to forgive yourself for it, overcome it, take accountability for it,
Speaker 2: and be willing to let it go. But it's going
Speaker 2: to take some work and a lot of self forgiveness
Speaker 2: for the person that you were when you did it
Speaker 2: and the decision that you made, and yeah, choosing to
Speaker 2: live with that, because that's your work to do now,
Speaker 2: is you've got to live and hold the decision that
Speaker 2: you made in that time and that you made a
Speaker 2: mistake and you fucked up.
Speaker 1: I think that's going to happen regardless though. Yeah, she
Speaker 1: has to live with this, she has to do that
Speaker 1: work on forgiving herself for sure. Yeah. But this is
Speaker 1: the other one we're talking about. It's the family, it's him.
Speaker 1: I don't know why. I kind of feel like I'd
Speaker 1: almost want to reach out to him first and just
Speaker 1: be like, this is killing me. I'm guessing it's killing you.
Speaker 1: Is this something that we want it bring up and
Speaker 1: own up? But I'm guessing he's going to shut it down.
Speaker 2: He if they know I reckon after ten years Like, oh,
Speaker 2: I don't know. The timing is tough because it's ten
Speaker 2: years later.
Speaker 1: If you were in the other woman's position, Yeah, and
Speaker 1: you found out it was ten years ago, someone came
Speaker 1: to you and said, just put yourself in that shoes.
Speaker 1: You've got kids, you're happily married, And everyone came to
Speaker 1: you and said, I've slept with your husband ten years ago.
Speaker 1: Here's the details, here's the proof. And it was one
Speaker 1: hundred percent true. What would you do? Would you be
Speaker 1: leaving your husband or would you be like, fuck it
Speaker 1: so long ago?
Speaker 2: I want to talk about it, but like they would
Speaker 2: definitely create cracks in the relationship for sure. Yeah, And
Speaker 2: I don't know. Obviously I've never been in that situation.
Speaker 2: But the first thing that pops to my mind is
Speaker 2: because it was so long ago, I probably would be
Speaker 2: more inclined.
Speaker 1: To get over it. Same, I think so too. But
Speaker 1: then also it always been a bout in the back
Speaker 1: of your mind.
Speaker 2: But then also in the same breath, I'm like, how
Speaker 2: could that person hold that in life from me for
Speaker 2: ten years? Yes, I feel you too, that's the betray
Speaker 2: I've got a betrayal wound, right and I think that
Speaker 2: would fucking eat away at me.
Speaker 1: So I don't know.
Speaker 2: It's like, it depends on how willing I would be
Speaker 2: to overcome it, how much I loved the person. It
Speaker 2: would take a lot of consideration, I think it would,
Speaker 2: I don't know, and a.
Speaker 1: Lot of work together with a marriage counselor elounsla her,
Speaker 1: lacke crop or something.
Speaker 2: I don't think it'd be something you'd be able to
Speaker 2: get through on your own, especially if that person, that
Speaker 2: woman really values transparency and honesty and she's which likely
Speaker 2: is very true.
Speaker 1: Or and I feel like it would depend on where
Speaker 1: you were at in your relationship, Like imagine if she
Speaker 1: wound it back in that time. Because I don't ever
Speaker 1: condone cheating, I'm not here to say it is right.
Speaker 1: It is never the right thing to do. I think
Speaker 1: we can always say no to it, and it's something
Speaker 1: I will never partake in. But I can also see
Speaker 1: how relationships break down. I can see why it happens
Speaker 1: sometimes when emotional needs are not getting met, physical needs
Speaker 1: not getting met, you're so disconnected, I can see how
Speaker 1: it happens. So I don't judge the cheater either. So
Speaker 1: if she was to wind back, and this is not
Speaker 1: helping this girl that's written in, but the woman that's involved,
Speaker 1: if she was to wind back, maybe it was a
Speaker 1: time in their relationship where they were really disconnected and
Speaker 1: both going through really hard time. Were they on a
Speaker 1: break like there could be so much more context for
Speaker 1: it as well, that could help this family stay together. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we don't know any of that, and this is you
Speaker 1: writing in, So I honestly I wish I had a
Speaker 1: definite answer of I would do this, but I'm really
Speaker 1: conflicted on this. I'm conflicted on this too.
Speaker 2: I think the decision that you've made to not already
Speaker 2: tell her ten years later almost is an answer. I
Speaker 2: feel like no decision is a decision, and maybe this
Speaker 2: is something that you haven't been ready to own, or
Speaker 2: you're not ready to have that conversation, or for whatever reason,
Speaker 2: you felt like you wanted to protect their relationship.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure, but.
Speaker 2: I think maybe the fact that you've waited so long
Speaker 2: is your answer. And I'm only going off the fact
Speaker 2: that you've waited ten years because I think if it
Speaker 2: was me in the situation, I would tell the person
Speaker 2: straight away.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but what if you didn't.
Speaker 2: What if it was ten years later and you were
Speaker 2: holding onto this. If I didn't, I wouldn't tell you, wouldn't.
Speaker 2: I don't think I would not after ten years. I
Speaker 2: either tell them straight away or I just think after
Speaker 2: ten years I would feel so guilty to break up
Speaker 2: a family of a decision I made ten years ago. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but then is that the right thing to do? I
Speaker 2: don't know.
Speaker 1: It's also he's doing as well, that's breaking up the fact,
Speaker 1: not just this woman. Yeah, I'm really really struggling with
Speaker 1: this one too. I hear you and saying you don't
Speaker 1: think you would, but I just know, being on the
Speaker 1: receiving end of that, I wouldn't want someone to take
Speaker 1: away my choice. And I feel like by not being told,
Speaker 1: you're taking away that woman's choice to decide if she's
Speaker 1: going to be with her unfaithful husband. You're right, Oh,
Speaker 1: that's her decision to make. That's not up to us.
Speaker 2: I don't think it's taking away somebody's choice. Yea be
Speaker 2: able to decide whether, And like.
Speaker 1: Also, like what if so many other people do know
Speaker 1: about this, and like that poor woman is like the
Speaker 1: law and I only I will share this. My mum
Speaker 1: won't mind me sharing it. She I think she's shared
Speaker 1: on an episode actually that I did with her ages ago,
Speaker 1: is when she found out that my stepdad was cheating
Speaker 1: on her. It was like the whole relationship. And she's like, now,
Speaker 1: in reflection, I'm like, I wish someone even just left
Speaker 1: an anonymous letter on the front of my car. I
Speaker 1: wish someone emailed me. Everyone's laughing at me. I felt
Speaker 1: so embarrassed that everyone else knew when I didn't, and
Speaker 1: I carried that my whole relationship, and she can pinpoint
Speaker 1: all the times now where she thinks it happened, and
Speaker 1: she's like, oh my god, that person would have known. Wow,
Speaker 1: that person warned me or like ask me questions about it,
Speaker 1: and I just shut them down.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I went to him and then he gasped me and
Speaker 1: made me feel like a psycho for bringing it up.
Speaker 1: So just ya hearing hearing my mum say that, I
Speaker 1: wish someone was brave enough to tell me. So I
Speaker 1: had the choice to stay or the choice to leave,
Speaker 1: but I was just gasolt and made to feel so
Speaker 1: silly for ever thinking he could do that to me
Speaker 1: and need my whole relationship. Yeah, what if he's still
Speaker 1: doing it, It could still be doing it. Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2: Listening to you say that, what comes to me is like,
Speaker 2: transparency is always the best honesty and accountability for your actions.
Speaker 2: And at the end of the day, I don't think
Speaker 2: it's your responsibility to protect their relationship when he didn't
Speaker 2: do that.
Speaker 1: I think so too. Yeah, I think the right.
Speaker 2: Thing is to like, it's not just about clearing your
Speaker 2: conscious it's about choosing who you want to be and
Speaker 2: who you are choosing to be. Today and not who
Speaker 2: you were ten years ago. And there are definitely things
Speaker 2: in my life that I've done, what I've fucked up,
Speaker 2: and I've made shit decisions, and taking accountability for those things,
Speaker 2: no matter how painful, were always the thing that helped
Speaker 2: me heal through it the most and actually came a
Speaker 2: better person on the other side of it.
Speaker 1: So I'm just feeling so sick for this woman that
Speaker 1: has children and a man that she loves that she
Speaker 1: thinks is honest, and her whole world's about people they
Speaker 1: dropside down. Oh man, Yeah, this is such a heavy one.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for that.
Speaker 2: Thank you for And the bravery is the courage. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: this it's not easy to talk about, Like this is
Speaker 2: what this advice segment's for. And I don't know if
Speaker 2: I've helped, but I think it's a really important conversation
Speaker 2: to talk about.
Speaker 1: And too. Also if anyone has ever considered cheating, or
Speaker 1: maybe you're in a situation right now you're attempted to cheat.
Speaker 1: Just no, this isn't just about you. Yeah, it could
Speaker 1: be destroying and flipping so many people's worlds upside down,
Speaker 1: the those little kids involved. Like it's just I always
Speaker 1: think like cheating for a couple of minutes of pleasure, Yeah,
Speaker 1: but actually worth it? Yeah, that does not seem worth
Speaker 1: it to me. Yeah, no matter how good the sex is,
Speaker 1: like to blow up people's worlds, including your own, for pleasure.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's the whole like acting on emotion thing.
Speaker 2: It's like, can we just look at maybe where you're
Speaker 2: at and what you're doing and what you're experiencing right
Speaker 2: now and go, Okay, what's not working? Why am I
Speaker 2: not getting the things that I need? And how can
Speaker 2: I find that in a productive way as opposed to
Speaker 2: something that will create so much chaos in my life
Speaker 2: that I'm not going to be able to recover from.
Speaker 1: This is such a tough one. Feel for your babe.
Speaker 1: We would love an update. Yeah, that would be awesome.
Speaker 1: Whether you're deciding not to continue, we'd love to hear
Speaker 1: from you why you're not yep. And if you do
Speaker 1: decide to tell the woman, we'd love to hear how
Speaker 1: that went and how you went about it too.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Are you going to go straight to her, You're going
Speaker 1: to go straight to him? Are you going to contact
Speaker 1: them both?
Speaker 2: Or if you need help deciding on how to communicate
Speaker 2: that with her. You can also put that in as
Speaker 2: anonymous sufficient and we can probably help you with that too.
Speaker 1: Definitely. Oh man, it's a big one. Yeah, please give
Speaker 1: us an update. Yeah, we're sending your lots love. We
Speaker 1: know this is easy and we don't judge you. Yeah, happen,
Speaker 1: People make mistakes. Yeah, humans are messy. You're younger. It's
Speaker 1: a hard situation to be in, and you can even
Speaker 1: hear in us. We're not sure what would do. I
Speaker 1: think I would tell her though. Yeah, so we really
Speaker 1: feel for the position that you're in. And oh, good luck, Yeah,
Speaker 1: good luck, and thanks dropping that in. We have soon.
Speaker 1: Hie By