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Speaker 1: It's the city and with her with kately Ky podcast,

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Speaker 1: that's good.

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Speaker 2: Can we talk about positive parenting? We have Maggie Dent

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Speaker 2: on this work. It's tough. I know it's tough to do.

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Speaker 2: It's difficult and you're on the endless search for it.

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Speaker 2: But actually there was an interesting podcast. A young lady

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Speaker 2: went on this podcast and spoke about her mother. Haven't

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Speaker 2: listened to this.

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Speaker 3: My mom would actually tell me, showed me later in

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Speaker 3: life that she did this.

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Speaker 1: But I remember author out high school.

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Speaker 3: She would be like, Oh, I have such a great teenager.

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Speaker 3: She's a great teenager. She gives me no problems, like

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Speaker 3: she does have an attitude, she doesn't do bad things.

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Speaker 4: I got lucky.

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Speaker 3: She's great. And she told me later in life that

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Speaker 3: she read this book about like, the more you enforce

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Speaker 3: that your teenager like is a good person and they're

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Speaker 3: gonna want things, they're going to be they're going to

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Speaker 3: hold themselves to that standard.

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Speaker 2: Do you know what do you feel like when you

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Speaker 2: catch up with friends, sometimes it's your opportunity to to

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Speaker 2: offload with what the kids have been doing at home.

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Speaker 2: But I don't know. I just listened to that and thought, God,

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Speaker 2: if you can actually train yourself just to say, oh,

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Speaker 2: the kids have been great. But I think it's more

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Speaker 2: powerful doing it when the kids are around. So for

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Speaker 2: your kids to hear Mum and dad go, oh, Lenny

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Speaker 2: has just been a breath of fresh air, he must

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Speaker 2: think to himself, oh that's great. Well, I think we

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Speaker 2: need to do that a lot more and let the

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Speaker 2: kids hear it when you are talking to other people.

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Speaker 5: We do a lot of To know love is to

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Speaker 5: see love. So I will say to Lisa, we're going

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Speaker 5: to put some music on after dinner and let's have

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Speaker 5: a slow dance. Because this is how mum and dad act.

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Speaker 6: This is love.

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Speaker 5: They need to understand what it is. I mean she'll

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Speaker 5: run away and maybe vomit in the bathroom sort of

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Speaker 5: two minutes after.

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Speaker 2: You're also showing the kids some great acting as well.

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Speaker 5: Yes, Bridge, Para, matter, what do you want to say?

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Speaker 2: Bridge?

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Speaker 6: Did I that you just played about the mum always

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Speaker 6: say that she had a great teenager? Do you know what?

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Speaker 6: I tried it and it worked. It completely turns things around.

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Speaker 5: Really Yeah.

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Speaker 6: And now my daughter, like she doesn't hold back in

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Speaker 6: hugging me in public, or she holds my hand at

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Speaker 6: the shots, she says that I'm her best friend.

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Speaker 4: Wow, and we just it's I lift.

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Speaker 6: Her up and she goes even higher.

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Speaker 7: Wow, because she's she feels safe with you to be

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Speaker 7: one hundred percent herself.

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Speaker 1: And that's a that's a great.

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Speaker 5: Win for that's a great bridge on you.

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Speaker 2: I think I think we feel like we you know,

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Speaker 2: there's always you want to hear from other parents how

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Speaker 2: bad their kids are to make yourself feel better. But

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Speaker 2: if you can be the one, and if you can

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Speaker 2: train yourself to be positive about your children the whole time, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I think I think it then disarms other parents and

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Speaker 2: they go, oh okay.

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Speaker 7: Often they don't like it though, Like I've got three

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Speaker 7: basically three teenagers at home, and you know a lot

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Speaker 7: of a lot of moms.

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Speaker 1: Specifically will say, oh, how's that going? I don't know, man,

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Speaker 1: And I just say no, not really. We were right.

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Speaker 2: They're the best.

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Speaker 7: They're the best housemates I've ever had.

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Speaker 1: And they look at me like.

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Speaker 7: What get I'm going to go home and make a

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Speaker 7: fake profile. This is the Fitz with Cape Ritchie podcast.

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Speaker 2: She's an author, she's an educator, and she's a parenting specialist.

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Speaker 2: But she's our mum. Maggie Dent, welcome man.

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Speaker 1: And a nanny.

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Speaker 5: You remember near nanny, nanny God, your understanding, depth knowledge

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Speaker 5: teaching and the way you recognize patterns, your skills in parenting.

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Speaker 1: I'm just old.

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Speaker 5: Is no, you're not. You've mastered it and like the

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Speaker 5: saying is in our house, I don't know. Ask Maggie,

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Speaker 5: what do we do? Maggie.

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Speaker 2: Actually, Maggie, we were just talking of fear about the

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Speaker 2: introduction or just the identifying ADHD in kids these days

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Speaker 2: and identifying that. But there's you're saying that there's a

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Speaker 2: lot of kids that that you see these symptoms and

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Speaker 2: they're a sign of stress. But it seems to be

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Speaker 2: a lot more broad across Australia, now, isn't it. Maggie.

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Speaker 8: Oh yeah, there's no question we know more for a start,

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Speaker 8: you know when I was teaching, Yeah, it was bandied

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Speaker 8: around a little bit, and I could identify in my classroom,

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Speaker 8: especially some of those forten year old boys wandering around

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Speaker 8: my classroom, wondering why they're wandering around my classroom. Did

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Speaker 8: they have ADHD or do boys have a higher need

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Speaker 8: for move because of testosterone? So I knew the boy

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Speaker 8: who was possibly that because he could not sit still

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Speaker 8: in his seat, and he struggled to concentrate for very long.

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Speaker 8: And I think it's those sorts of things that we're

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Speaker 8: now getting much better at identifying. And I do think,

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Speaker 8: you know, so many adults are now finding out that

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Speaker 8: that has been something they've been struggling with their whole

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Speaker 8: life that they didn't really So it's executive functioning that's

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Speaker 8: particularly important. When we look at is it really adhd

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Speaker 8: and if it's not, and look, you know, if it is,

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Speaker 8: there's no question that most of the time that medication

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Speaker 8: can give them this incredibly calm, focused brain that they've

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Speaker 8: struggled with, like for years.

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Speaker 5: So when you say it could be misdiagnosed as stress,

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Speaker 5: so what that sort of behavior is an output or

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Speaker 5: reaction to stress.

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Speaker 8: So what we know when the amigdala gets fired up,

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Speaker 8: particularly in children, then it goes into a fight, a flight,

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Speaker 8: or a freeze mode. And the fight mode usually is

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Speaker 8: an externalizing of behavior, which means that they will do

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Speaker 8: crazy things and run around and move and jump up

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Speaker 8: and down. And you'll think, oh, they can't concentrate, But

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Speaker 8: is that a response of stress or is that a

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Speaker 8: response because they actually have ADHD, and that's why it's

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Speaker 8: really not always easy for educators and parents to be

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Speaker 8: able to work that one out. And of course the

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Speaker 8: waiting lists to be able to get a diagnosis or

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Speaker 8: to be identified.

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Speaker 1: You know, really shinky?

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Speaker 5: Are we over labeling?

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Speaker 8: Oh it's not really my specialty, feel but I am

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Speaker 8: going to say some of the things that are driving

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Speaker 8: stress in our classrooms is that we're pushed down formalized

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Speaker 8: learning and we're actually expecting more of kids who are

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Speaker 8: possibly less resilient than previous generations. Anyway, and if they're

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Speaker 8: digital natives, let's land on my pet topic at the moment,

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Speaker 8: and digital natives have a narrower concentration span because they've

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Speaker 8: got these dopamine hits that have been happening a lot,

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Speaker 8: so they expect a teacher if you're going to be

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Speaker 8: able to engage them. And teachers tell me that concentration

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Speaker 8: spans have dropped from roughly twenty minutes to around ten,

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Speaker 8: and yet we have more content to cover that it's

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Speaker 8: they're needing more stimulation because that's exactly what you get

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Speaker 8: on a screen.

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Speaker 5: Because that's I mean Jack at the moment, he's just

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Speaker 5: bored at school. Yeah, that's I'm just bored, Dave. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: you know, and that might be the results of screen

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Speaker 5: time that he's been doing.

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Speaker 8: But also boys really are want to be there. They

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Speaker 8: tend to want to be interested in what they're interested in.

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Speaker 1: Damn it.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I know, Yeah makes sense.

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Speaker 8: This is the thing every cholness are in the universe,

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Speaker 8: but nothing else.

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Speaker 2: Anyway, let's talk about online dangers. Whenever you come on

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Speaker 2: our show in thirteen twenty four teen, if you'd like

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Speaker 2: to ask Maggie a question, can you tell us about

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Speaker 2: Control Shift and what a new group that you're involved with.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, look, I think you all know how much I've

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Speaker 8: been concerned about the harm that happens online. And that's

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Speaker 8: a big part of why I was a part of

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Speaker 8: you know thirty six more is can we kind of

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Speaker 8: protect them by delaying it? But we know there's millions

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Speaker 8: of our kids already out there with our devices.

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Speaker 1: So the e Safety Commissioner came up.

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Speaker 8: With a figure over the last few years there has

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Speaker 8: been a four hundred and sixty percent increase in online harm.

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Speaker 8: Our kids are getting harmed, and they're getting harmed more

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Speaker 8: than ever.

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Speaker 1: And then we're going, well, what do we.

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Speaker 8: Do about that because whatever we're doing at the moment

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Speaker 8: isn't addressing it and it's getting worse. So that's when

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Speaker 8: you know, a couple of my wise friends who I

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Speaker 8: reach out to when I want to know what's going

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Speaker 8: on online, we all just thought, what about we jump

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Speaker 8: in together because there's two things. How do we keep

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Speaker 8: updated with the next potential harm because it's a moving space,

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Speaker 8: especially with AI. We didn't have deep fakes two years ago,

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Speaker 8: no right, and we didn't have sort of the stuff

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Speaker 8: with bots now that are happening. So how does how

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Speaker 8: do parents keep up to date? How does you know

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Speaker 8: the school? So we've decided to create a place where

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Speaker 8: we can get that information getting through to parents via

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Speaker 8: schools as it happens in real time, and that really

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Speaker 8: excites the heck Adam in the second part, so that's

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Speaker 8: sort of like we're going to train some online social

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Speaker 8: coaches or in schools and then we'll feed the information

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Speaker 8: to them, but then they go in and do regular

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Speaker 8: updates with the kids in the school, not just once

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Speaker 8: a year. And then the second part, which has been

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Speaker 8: really big for me, is what do we do when

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Speaker 8: really serious harm happens? Because that's a bit of a

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Speaker 8: confusing space, and we need to sort that out with

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Speaker 8: some clear protocols. That not just because you remember, sometimes

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Speaker 8: the ones that do dumb stuff have immature brains and

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Speaker 8: they thought that was just a bit funny. And so

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Speaker 8: once if that boy, if it's usually a boy who

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Speaker 8: does some of that stuff, you expel them. You're actually

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Speaker 8: drowning a boy in shame without necessarily teaching him why

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Speaker 8: that was a harmful thing. How could he repair that?

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Speaker 8: How could he then come back and be a better human.

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Speaker 8: So it's about looking after both victims and perpetrators and

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Speaker 8: making sure that our school systems know exactly what to

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Speaker 8: do and not kind of oh yeah, well, we'll, you know,

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Speaker 8: push it under the map because it might ruin our reputation.

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Speaker 5: Which happens a lot. Danny ands and knives.

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Speaker 4: Hello, Hi, how are you going good?

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Speaker 5: You've got a question for Maggie Dent.

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Speaker 6: I do I do?

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Speaker 4: Maggie? I have a question for you. When I have

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Speaker 4: a child in kindergarten and it's his birthday party, do

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Speaker 4: I invite the whole past? Is that like etiquette?

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Speaker 1: Polite?

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Speaker 4: All the right thing?

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Speaker 1: All right?

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Speaker 4: You invite the people he's friends with them?

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Speaker 8: You're right, there no, never ever invite a whole class

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Speaker 8: full of kids. Not only is it going to destroy

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Speaker 8: you and your house, but your child is not fond

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Speaker 8: of everyone in the class, and that's because we're just

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Speaker 8: not right. So I think it's this We've got to

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Speaker 8: be this lovely, overly worried about upsetting other people thing,

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Speaker 8: which is like past the parcel, everyone gets surprised. I

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Speaker 8: am going to say minor moments of these discomforts are

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Speaker 8: actually good for kids. But your child would want the

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Speaker 8: children around that they like and they play with, and

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Speaker 8: that is exactly who they should have there. And it

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Speaker 8: does worry me sometimes because you know, we're we're so

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Speaker 8: desperately to be careful, and in that carefulness we do

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Speaker 8: things that are actually going to cause your child to

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Speaker 8: have a birthday party that they'll regret for the rest

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Speaker 8: of their lives. So go for common sense, check in

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Speaker 8: with them, and then you know, I just know that

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Speaker 8: your child's not also going to get invited to some

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Speaker 8: party and welcome to life.

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Speaker 2: Wow, what if you said, Lisa and Glenmore Park, you

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Speaker 2: got a question for Maggie.

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Speaker 6: Hi, Maggie, I do my nine year old He's coming home?

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Speaker 6: Hear in bits and bobs from his friends.

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Speaker 4: I want to know, is nine years old too young

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Speaker 4: to talk about the birds and bees with him?

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Speaker 6: Oh?

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Speaker 1: Golly, yep.

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Speaker 8: And if possible, we start a lot earlier, but I

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Speaker 8: can be reassured that there this is a time that you,

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Speaker 8: I mean, you're really lucky that nine. We do know

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Speaker 8: that we've got young boys, particularly finding pornography online way younger.

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Speaker 1: So if you're that's why we have to talk to

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Speaker 1: them about.

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Speaker 8: Healthy bodies and about private parts, and about our rights

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Speaker 8: and who can touch them. All of that needs to

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Speaker 8: be part of conversations much earlier. And I'm going to

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Speaker 8: give you a very disturbing statistic. We have had a

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Speaker 8: five hundred percent increase in inappropriate sexual play with children

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Speaker 8: under five.

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Speaker 6: Oh my god god.

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Speaker 8: And that is because some of the children have had siblings,

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Speaker 8: have seen porn, others have had things done to them.

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Speaker 8: So you can see we have to start much much

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Speaker 8: earlier than we ever did. And I am going to

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Speaker 8: just I know, I don't shouldn't advertise anything, but Michelle

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Speaker 8: Mitchell has a couple of fabulous books, one for boys

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Speaker 8: and one for girls that really is exactly what is

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Speaker 8: going to answer the questions and in a light way

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Speaker 8: that doesn't make it too big a thing. So you know,

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Speaker 8: the pictures of you know, penises are quite sweet.

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Speaker 1: So i'd go there.

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Speaker 8: Check out her website for a great book to start,

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Speaker 8: because it is awkward for us to have the conversations,

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Speaker 8: but not having the conversations can put your child at risk.

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Speaker 5: Because that's what we were talking, Megan, I said, I

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Speaker 5: think I need to say to the boys, what have

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Speaker 5: you seen online? Is there an opening line that you

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Speaker 5: should use?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, a little bit. I think that is just curious.

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Speaker 8: So I'm really a bit curious that have you seen

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Speaker 8: anybody without their clothes online? Because we know sometimes it's

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Speaker 8: in the sidebar of the game, Yeah, like Fortnite and

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Speaker 8: things like that, even Minecraft, they've slipped in these.

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Speaker 1: So it's also in some of the.

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Speaker 8: Kids YouTube clips that porn is actually dropping in further

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Speaker 8: and further, which is the other reason these are the

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Speaker 8: things that cause harm to our kids, gotcha, And while

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Speaker 8: we've got to be better informed, So yes, please start early,

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Speaker 8: Yes about private parts?

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Speaker 2: Kelly and Camden, you want to You've got a question

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Speaker 2: about your two year old?

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Speaker 4: Hi, team, Hi, Maggie, Yes I do so I have

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Speaker 4: a two and a half year old little girl and

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Speaker 4: a one year old little girl, and my two and

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Speaker 4: a half year old is definitely showing some signs of

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Speaker 4: jealousy and chambers, hitting, pushing, stealing toys and things, And

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Speaker 4: I just want to know how to navigate that, aside

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Speaker 4: from giving her someone on one attention, which we're already trying,

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Speaker 4: but I just want to know what else I can

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Speaker 4: do to help her out in understanding these feelings.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, can you see how she feels.

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Speaker 8: Imagine if you know your male partner bought home a

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Speaker 8: new friend for the house, you know what the poorn right,

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Speaker 8: So it's completely normal for her to feel some abandonment issues.

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Speaker 8: Is the fact you brought this other one home and

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Speaker 8: that she's two and a half. And two and a

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Speaker 8: half is a really big age with the start to

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Speaker 8: realize they're separate and they're not feeling as special and

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Speaker 8: they're wondering why on earth you've done this. So her reaction,

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Speaker 8: she's not able to say, oh, Mummy, I am feeling

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Speaker 8: some abandonment issues about your bringing home another little girl

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Speaker 8: and I feel a bit sad and I need to cry.

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Speaker 8: She can't do that, she's too so she will use

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Speaker 8: her body to show those things. So again, it's an

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Speaker 8: age thing in many ways. But you've got to keep

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Speaker 8: your hands right really close because she might not be

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Speaker 8: able to understand how to use kind hands.

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Speaker 1: So we're going to keep an eye.

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Speaker 8: There will be certain times the more disregulated she is,

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Speaker 8: so the more tired she is, the hungrier she is.

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Speaker 8: That's she's going to be more likely to want to

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Speaker 8: lash out at her little sister.

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Speaker 1: And when what you've got to.

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Speaker 8: Do now is create opportunities for her to be able

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Speaker 8: to play in a fun way, even though little ones

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Speaker 8: aren't that much fun yet. So it's about creating the

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Speaker 8: fun and the laughter and the lightness around it. And

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Speaker 8: just be prepared to keep on jumping in and holding

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Speaker 8: a hand instead of holding it, to tight hold it

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Speaker 8: and put kisses all over it, and keep topping up,

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Speaker 8: absolutely topping up that rufflinger hair, giving her lots of

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Speaker 8: little moments of connection around the ages, and gradually she'll

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Speaker 8: move through that and sounds like she might be the

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Speaker 8: rooster of the two. So she's going to really love

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Speaker 8: bossing that little girl around for the rest of her life.

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Speaker 5: Thanks cal Nellie and Beacon Hill, here we go. You've

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Speaker 5: got four boys, Maggie, go ahead with your question, Nellie.

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Speaker 9: Hi, Maggie. I have an eighteen year old band boy

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Speaker 9: and he is doing his HSC this year, and he

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Speaker 9: is so dis engaged. I can't even get him to

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Speaker 9: turn up for school on time. I feel it's better

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Speaker 9: to leave school. How do we navigate this?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay?

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Speaker 6: Should he finish?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Okay. So they're really key to this one.

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Speaker 8: Is one of the things that many boys do is

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Speaker 8: if they don't think they've got a really good chance

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Speaker 8: of winning and nailing it, then why would I want

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Speaker 8: to do it? So a fear of failure is often

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Speaker 8: really underneath this, which you know he's eighteen, of course,

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Speaker 8: because what happens if all his mates do well and

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Speaker 8: he doesn't, He's going to have to deal with that

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Speaker 8: as well. Okay, So I would would really like to think.

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Speaker 8: I have got an article on my website which is

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Speaker 8: a little bit later. It says, what do I do

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Speaker 8: with my lazy, unmotivated eighteen year old he's laying on

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Speaker 8: the couch that has some really great ideas and how

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Speaker 8: we lift him up? But what we want him to

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Speaker 8: do is just finish the job. You know, We're just

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Speaker 8: going to come on board, you know, whoever you're co

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Speaker 8: parenting with. Rather than coming down with all the lectures

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Speaker 8: on why it's important, let's just turn up with his

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Speaker 8: favorite snacks, his favorite meals, you know, everything that might

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Speaker 8: help him be a happier boy, and go mate. It's

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Speaker 8: not the grade. You know, you're not defined by grades.

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Speaker 8: But we really like you to finish things you started.

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Speaker 8: So what else can we do to help you get

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Speaker 8: over the line? And I just I know it sounds ridiculous,

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Speaker 8: but the more kindness that happens in these spaces, the

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Speaker 8: more likely they're going to go.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I can do it. But the more we

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Speaker 1: come down hard, the more they pull back and feel

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Speaker 1: I'm out of here. I'm out of here.

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Speaker 5: I love that, Maggie.

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Speaker 2: Love that it is because your initial reaction is you

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Speaker 2: just want to get angry, get to school. What are

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Speaker 2: you doing yourself?

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Speaker 1: What it is you're going to take your phone off you?

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Speaker 2: Yes, I know, Maggie, you are the best. If you

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Speaker 2: want more information on control Shift as well, you can

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Speaker 2: get a control Shift dot Global and you can get

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Speaker 2: more information there. Maggie, we know how busy you are.

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Speaker 2: You're going to go straight to television from here. We

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Speaker 2: appreciate your time.

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Speaker 1: Thanks mom Ah, thank you both, Love you, Love you.

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Speaker 5: Whip with Kate Ritchie is a Nova podcast walk great

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00:17:31,359 --> 00:17:34,920
Speaker 5: shows like this. Download the Nova player, Fire the app store,

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Speaker 5: or Google playing the