WEBVTT - #1932 Monkey Bars, Scraped Knees & Coming Last - Dr. Jodi Richardson 0:00:00.400 --> 0:00:03.320 Hi, good a team. It's Dr Jody and Craig Athny Harper, 0:00:03.360 --> 0:00:06.160 It's the You Project, it's us, it's you, and I'm 0:00:06.160 --> 0:00:08.280 a bloody idiot. I tell you why I'm a bloody idiot. 0:00:08.320 --> 0:00:11.320 Put my hand up. I'm throwing myself under the bus 0:00:11.360 --> 0:00:14.920 because Dr Jody and I just did a fabulous five 0:00:14.960 --> 0:00:20.320 minutes or so of broadcasting without actually recording it because 0:00:20.400 --> 0:00:23.320 Fatty harps Jumbo over here, who's in charge of the buttons, 0:00:24.480 --> 0:00:29.320 didn't push the go button. Dr Jody, I apologize, welcome 0:00:29.320 --> 0:00:29.880 back again. 0:00:30.320 --> 0:00:32.680 Oh do you know what, Craig, it's so comforting for 0:00:32.680 --> 0:00:35.640 all of us to know how many podcast episodes have 0:00:35.800 --> 0:00:39.479 you recorded and that you have made a small mistake, 0:00:39.600 --> 0:00:42.760 and thankfully we realized very soon and very early on. 0:00:42.920 --> 0:00:45.480 So I am great, and I know what you're gonna 0:00:45.479 --> 0:00:47.640 ask me, and I didn't the first time round, so 0:00:47.760 --> 0:00:48.640 I'm better prepared. 0:00:49.520 --> 0:00:51.960 Well, can I tell you one way worse than you 0:00:52.000 --> 0:00:54.440 and me? Which was about four minutes of wasted time? 0:00:54.480 --> 0:00:58.120 But then was it? Maybe it was beautiful, But I 0:00:58.200 --> 0:01:05.399 interviewed the hesitant of the Hawthorne Footy Club whole interview. 0:01:05.520 --> 0:01:08.399 I mean, also, it's not like he's got a lot 0:01:08.440 --> 0:01:12.640 of free time, Andy Gowers. It's not like, oh, he's 0:01:12.640 --> 0:01:15.559 got heaps of free time because he works full time 0:01:15.680 --> 0:01:20.600 in another capacity. Also is the president of Hawthorne Footy Club. 0:01:20.760 --> 0:01:25.199 Me fifty minutes, I was about fifty minutes until fifty 0:01:25.240 --> 0:01:29.319 five minute podcast and I realized, and I'm like, so 0:01:30.720 --> 0:01:33.280 do I make mistakes? Well, that's the worst one I've 0:01:33.280 --> 0:01:36.360 made in the history of the U Project. Not that 0:01:36.400 --> 0:01:41.560 you're not a big deal, but at least wasted. At 0:01:41.680 --> 0:01:44.160 least I wasted four minutes of your life, not fifty. 0:01:44.480 --> 0:01:47.480 All right. So for those of you who haven't met 0:01:47.520 --> 0:01:51.760 doctor Jodi among well, you give our newbies, you give 0:01:51.760 --> 0:01:53.800 them a snapshot of who you are, rather than me, 0:01:53.920 --> 0:01:54.200 do it? 0:01:54.600 --> 0:01:59.200 Oh, Craig Okay, well hello, and it's lovely to be yeah, 0:01:59.400 --> 0:02:01.480 spending some time I'm with you if you haven't met 0:02:01.520 --> 0:02:03.720 me before. I was just saying to Craig, I was 0:02:03.760 --> 0:02:05.640 so anxious the first time I was a guest, and 0:02:06.120 --> 0:02:08.920 I've lost count. So I've been a guest on and 0:02:09.000 --> 0:02:12.480 off over the last few years. So I am I 0:02:12.520 --> 0:02:17.200 guess my life's work is around helping people to understand anxiety, 0:02:17.919 --> 0:02:21.280 to know that it is something that we can do 0:02:21.560 --> 0:02:26.880 many things to dial down, settle down, settle ourselves, understand it, 0:02:27.520 --> 0:02:30.880 cope with it more than cope with it, support other people, 0:02:31.520 --> 0:02:34.800 and that I do that as a professional speaker in 0:02:34.840 --> 0:02:39.000 workplaces and schools. I have a weekly podcast, Well Hello Anxiety, 0:02:39.760 --> 0:02:43.040 and I have written two books, two anxiety books, one 0:02:43.080 --> 0:02:47.000 for parents and one for anxious mums. So I live 0:02:47.080 --> 0:02:49.600 with it. It's very much a part of my life. 0:02:49.840 --> 0:02:53.679 And I'm medicated for my anxiety. So I feel like 0:02:53.720 --> 0:02:55.720 I have a really good handle on what it's like 0:02:55.800 --> 0:02:57.680 to live with it, and also all of the kind 0:02:57.680 --> 0:02:59.840 of the professional side of what we can do about 0:02:59.840 --> 0:03:01.640 it to live a really good life, even if it's 0:03:01.720 --> 0:03:04.000 part of it. Yeah. So that's me in a. 0:03:04.040 --> 0:03:07.320 Nutshell perfect And I've done something which I never do. 0:03:07.400 --> 0:03:10.560 I've prepared for a chat. And I'll tell you why 0:03:10.560 --> 0:03:12.679 I prepared because I feel like with doctor Jodi, we 0:03:12.840 --> 0:03:17.280 just well, I just well, No, I mean, I think 0:03:17.360 --> 0:03:19.760 we get good feedback, so it must not be terrible. 0:03:20.440 --> 0:03:23.280 But I think I could probably use your knowledge and 0:03:23.320 --> 0:03:28.559 your skills and your experience and your understanding of anxiety 0:03:28.600 --> 0:03:32.080 and all of the intersecting issues and variables in a 0:03:32.120 --> 0:03:34.720 more productive way. Than I have. So today we're going 0:03:34.760 --> 0:03:36.720 to be grown up. So I'm going to actually ask 0:03:36.800 --> 0:03:40.640 you grown up questions that might be of value that 0:03:40.680 --> 0:03:43.360 people can go, oh cool, well that's really good to know. 0:03:44.120 --> 0:03:46.480 That makes me less stressed, or that's good to know 0:03:46.720 --> 0:03:49.520 I might try that, or I didn't know that. That's 0:03:49.560 --> 0:03:53.720 a revelation. So and every time I talk to you, 0:03:53.720 --> 0:03:57.680 you know, and I've been around people with mental health 0:03:57.720 --> 0:03:59.600 issues and people who have struggled, and I've had my 0:03:59.600 --> 0:04:02.000 own little moments in time, but every time I talk 0:04:02.080 --> 0:04:04.920 to you, every time I learn it at least one 0:04:04.960 --> 0:04:08.200 new thing. So so I'm very grateful to you. All Right, 0:04:08.280 --> 0:04:10.280 now you know what question one is, but I'm going 0:04:10.360 --> 0:04:12.920 to ask it again for the because of course of 0:04:12.920 --> 0:04:16.240 our false start everyone. So question one is, what is 0:04:16.279 --> 0:04:19.880 something about anxiety that most people either get wrong or 0:04:19.960 --> 0:04:20.839 don't understand? 0:04:22.960 --> 0:04:24.840 Well let me think, no, I know the answer is one. 0:04:25.320 --> 0:04:28.000 So the thing about it, So first and foremost, I 0:04:28.040 --> 0:04:32.240 just want to say that like anxiety, living with it, 0:04:32.240 --> 0:04:35.800 it can be so painful and so debilitating, and like 0:04:35.960 --> 0:04:40.040 I've been there, and what I didn't understand at the beginning, 0:04:40.120 --> 0:04:42.920 and what I really love to help people sort of 0:04:43.000 --> 0:04:46.520 be clear about with anxiety is it it's you know, 0:04:47.080 --> 0:04:51.200 essentially in the brain there's a threat that has been 0:04:51.240 --> 0:04:54.440 detected around us. For some reason, when we feel anxious, 0:04:54.440 --> 0:04:57.760 we don't feel safe. It could be because we're doing 0:04:57.839 --> 0:05:01.599 something really important like a job into or we could 0:05:01.680 --> 0:05:05.040 be doing something that other people find easy, like even 0:05:05.080 --> 0:05:06.880 just picking up the phone and making a phone call. 0:05:07.000 --> 0:05:09.719 So anxiety can show up for different people in different ways. 0:05:10.560 --> 0:05:13.599 But I think the thing I want most people to 0:05:13.680 --> 0:05:18.240 understand that is often misunderstood is that it's not something 0:05:18.320 --> 0:05:22.400 that we can eliminate from our lives. It's something that 0:05:23.080 --> 0:05:26.160 is there to keep us safe. But just our brain 0:05:26.240 --> 0:05:30.800 constantly going into that survival mode of I detect a threat, 0:05:30.960 --> 0:05:34.279 your life is in danger means that often our anxiety 0:05:34.320 --> 0:05:37.440 is really overreacting and overprotective to what's happening for us. 0:05:38.320 --> 0:05:40.680 We can't get rid of it because it is there 0:05:40.760 --> 0:05:43.640 to keep us safe. It's our brain sort of alarm system. 0:05:44.440 --> 0:05:47.360 But what we can do is we can live an 0:05:47.440 --> 0:05:53.400 amazing life by getting a good understanding what's happening, having 0:05:53.480 --> 0:05:56.480 a willingness to turn around and have a little look 0:05:56.520 --> 0:05:58.320 at your anxiety and get to know it a bit 0:05:58.360 --> 0:06:02.160 better and understand it and sort of end the struggle. 0:06:02.440 --> 0:06:04.599 One of the things I love to say is imagine 0:06:04.640 --> 0:06:06.560 you're in a tug of war with your anxiety. You'd 0:06:06.640 --> 0:06:09.080 kind of like letting go of the rope. Anxiety is 0:06:09.120 --> 0:06:12.320 still there, you're just dropping the struggles. So I guess, 0:06:12.440 --> 0:06:13.960 you know, one of the things that I think is 0:06:14.080 --> 0:06:19.240 misunderstood is that you know, we can wait for it 0:06:19.279 --> 0:06:20.840 to go to do the things we want to do. 0:06:22.360 --> 0:06:24.440 And another thing, too, is that some people think that 0:06:24.520 --> 0:06:29.000 just time will help heal it. But time actually doesn't 0:06:30.320 --> 0:06:34.760 heal anxiety unless you're doing certain things to move it 0:06:34.800 --> 0:06:37.720 to the background, and often it gets worse if it's 0:06:37.800 --> 0:06:39.200 left unaddressed. 0:06:41.240 --> 0:06:44.200 I feel like with everything you know, everything from anxiety 0:06:44.240 --> 0:06:49.040 to nut allergies to how we respond to weight training, 0:06:49.200 --> 0:06:55.039 to you know, our physiological response to being in a 0:06:55.120 --> 0:07:00.520 small room, or I feel like it's different for different people. Two, 0:07:00.839 --> 0:07:06.160 It's like anxiety manifests differently and at different levels, and 0:07:06.320 --> 0:07:10.760 is triggered by different things in different people. Obviously, So 0:07:11.720 --> 0:07:16.520 my question is like, for example, while you say we'll 0:07:16.520 --> 0:07:23.600 always probably deal with anxiety on a level, but isn't 0:07:23.600 --> 0:07:26.760 it possible that the thing that used to give me anxiety, 0:07:26.840 --> 0:07:29.200 say public speaking doesn't anymore. 0:07:29.840 --> 0:07:34.080 Yes, yeah, you can. Absolutely, Yeah, that's a really good question. 0:07:34.240 --> 0:07:36.160 And I was just thinking while you were talking there 0:07:36.200 --> 0:07:39.840 was something I wanted to add. Absolutely, there's no question 0:07:39.880 --> 0:07:41.960 that we can manage it. We can settle it, and 0:07:42.000 --> 0:07:49.480 we can we can learn to live with it in 0:07:49.520 --> 0:07:51.440 a way that it doesn't stand in the way of 0:07:51.520 --> 0:07:54.840 us doing those things. But the only way forward is through. 0:07:55.080 --> 0:07:59.960 And what I overlooked saying before, is it anxiety show 0:08:00.160 --> 0:08:05.000 up around the things that we care about. So, like 0:08:05.080 --> 0:08:06.960 you and me, we stand in front of groups of 0:08:07.040 --> 0:08:10.320 hundreds or over a thousand people in a room with 0:08:10.360 --> 0:08:13.160 a microphone. And I don't know about you, but I 0:08:14.120 --> 0:08:17.320 mean I don't get so anxious I can't do what 0:08:17.360 --> 0:08:20.200 I want to do, but I still feel anxious because 0:08:20.200 --> 0:08:22.800 I care about it. You know, anytime you're doing something 0:08:22.840 --> 0:08:27.760 that's important, it's a very natural thing to feel. So 0:08:27.800 --> 0:08:30.200 we can settle it down. And I often say we 0:08:30.400 --> 0:08:34.120 dial it down because we don't want it to overwhelm us, 0:08:34.160 --> 0:08:38.199 because when it overwhelms us, we can't actually think and 0:08:38.559 --> 0:08:40.400 use the part of our brain we often need to 0:08:40.400 --> 0:08:44.360 to perform well in the situations we are anxious about yes, so. 0:08:44.760 --> 0:08:48.120 Yeah, true. You know what's interesting as you were saying that, 0:08:49.040 --> 0:08:52.360 as you're talking about you and doctor Jody gets on 0:08:52.400 --> 0:08:55.800 stage and talks to groups and companies and organizations like me, 0:08:55.920 --> 0:08:59.559 and yeah, I'm you and I probably similar in that 0:09:00.320 --> 0:09:02.720 if I've got I've got a bunch of gigs coming up, 0:09:02.760 --> 0:09:04.960 and some of them are really big, and my overwhelming 0:09:05.000 --> 0:09:12.920 emotion is excitement. Right. However, as we're recording this, it's 0:09:12.960 --> 0:09:16.400 eleven seventeen and at two o'clock today, so in less 0:09:16.440 --> 0:09:19.520 than three hours, I've got a zoom meeting with my 0:09:19.720 --> 0:09:23.760 senior academic supervisors where I've got to talk and give 0:09:23.800 --> 0:09:25.920 them a bit of a debrief on where I'm at 0:09:26.000 --> 0:09:30.080 with the progress of my what they call project right, 0:09:30.120 --> 0:09:34.120 which is your PhD. Right, that me talking to them 0:09:34.240 --> 0:09:38.040 two or three depends on who shows up. Where I've 0:09:38.040 --> 0:09:41.679 got a talk for twenty thirty minutes to tell them 0:09:41.679 --> 0:09:43.680 where I'm at, what I'm doing. Da Da da da da. 0:09:43.840 --> 0:09:48.760 That gives me not overwhelming but low level anxiety where 0:09:48.800 --> 0:09:51.360 I'm worried. Now, that's me talking to two or three 0:09:51.400 --> 0:09:57.080 people on Zoom versus Hey, Harps, you're in the Grand 0:09:57.120 --> 0:09:59.839 Ballroom at the Hiatt or whatever, and I'm like, what 0:10:00.440 --> 0:10:04.240 zero zero fear just fun just can't wait, just fucking 0:10:04.320 --> 0:10:08.280 let me out there. So it is funny, like the 0:10:08.400 --> 0:10:14.080 same the same activity in a different setting or context 0:10:14.360 --> 0:10:18.280 or for a different reason. So yeah, it is interesting. 0:10:18.440 --> 0:10:23.079 Like when I've done my you know what they call milestones, 0:10:23.160 --> 0:10:25.520 academic milestones where you stand in front of board, you 0:10:25.559 --> 0:10:28.400 and I have spoken about. I didn't know I could 0:10:28.400 --> 0:10:31.200 be so scared. It's so funny. Look, because I think 0:10:31.240 --> 0:10:34.880 I don't get scared of much, and in my general life, 0:10:34.960 --> 0:10:37.560 I don't. I get scared about mom and dad dying 0:10:37.600 --> 0:10:40.360 a bit. I don't overthink it. But I'm like, yeah, 0:10:40.360 --> 0:10:43.240 I'm not excited about that when I think about things 0:10:43.240 --> 0:10:46.200 that I'm fearful of. But then when I started doing 0:10:46.240 --> 0:10:50.320 these things where I'm definitely absolutely the dumbest person in 0:10:50.360 --> 0:10:54.200 the room in this conversation, and then you think, oh, 0:10:54.240 --> 0:10:56.320 they're all smarter than me, they're all better than me, 0:10:56.400 --> 0:10:59.360 they're all more academic than me, they've all got more 0:10:59.400 --> 0:11:02.440 miles on the clock than me. Ah, for sure, I'll 0:11:02.440 --> 0:11:06.800 be found out, you know. So yeah, that's an maybe 0:11:06.840 --> 0:11:08.040 that's a variable in there. 0:11:08.520 --> 0:11:11.480 Oh it's and it speaks to the fact that you 0:11:11.600 --> 0:11:15.200 care very very deeply. Of course you do. This is huge, 0:11:15.320 --> 0:11:20.480 like what you're undertaking doing completing a PhD. Is it. 0:11:20.480 --> 0:11:23.559 It's not for the faint hearted. It's very very stressful 0:11:23.559 --> 0:11:26.440 and a huge, huge part of the meetings that you're 0:11:26.480 --> 0:11:30.360 having is that the outcome of this goal that you've 0:11:30.400 --> 0:11:33.760 set for yourself, you know, is at every step where 0:11:33.840 --> 0:11:36.800 you have these milestones, you have these meetings. It's there's 0:11:36.800 --> 0:11:41.719 that uncertainty about the outcome versus the first time you're 0:11:41.760 --> 0:11:43.839 on stage. I mean, I don't know like I think 0:11:43.880 --> 0:11:47.400 when I first started, Like it's like anything, we're more anxious. 0:11:47.400 --> 0:11:51.120 But the more experience we get and the more predictable 0:11:51.240 --> 0:11:55.080 and experience becomes, the less anxious we're going to feel 0:11:55.120 --> 0:11:58.640 about it. And public speaking is unpredictable because like you 0:11:58.720 --> 0:12:01.240 and me, we don't don't have notes in our hands. 0:12:01.320 --> 0:12:05.240 We're just you know, talking, But we have the confidence 0:12:05.280 --> 0:12:07.520 in ourselves and we have the experience under our belt 0:12:07.559 --> 0:12:09.720 that I've done this before, I can do it again. 0:12:10.360 --> 0:12:14.640 And we're anxious because well I'm anxious because number one, 0:12:14.720 --> 0:12:18.320 I have an anxiety disorder. But too it's a mix 0:12:18.320 --> 0:12:23.240 of anxiety and excitement. But the circumstances that you're under 0:12:23.480 --> 0:12:28.520 for this meeting today. It's perfectly natural that you feel 0:12:28.520 --> 0:12:31.640 that way. And I you know, once you've once you've 0:12:32.400 --> 0:12:35.480 submitted and you've passed, and if you have a meeting, 0:12:36.960 --> 0:12:39.559 I imagine your anxiety will be a lot less because 0:12:39.600 --> 0:12:45.880 the outcome is known and the novelty, the questions, the 0:12:46.240 --> 0:12:50.040 uncertainty can can really be very threatening to our brain 0:12:50.160 --> 0:12:52.440 because the brain's like, well, I don't know what's happening here. 0:12:52.880 --> 0:12:56.199 Let's just put you on high alert because this feels dangerous. 0:12:57.720 --> 0:13:02.040 Lot. All right, I'm very bad at asking questions. I've 0:13:02.080 --> 0:13:06.200 got twenty questions. I've asked one, right, we definitely won't 0:13:06.200 --> 0:13:08.720 get through twenty. Our question two is how do we 0:13:08.800 --> 0:13:16.880 tell the difference between normal, garden variety worry and a 0:13:16.920 --> 0:13:22.679 clinical anxiety disorder? Like, what's the Yeah, how do we 0:13:22.800 --> 0:13:23.920 how do we know the difference? 0:13:24.360 --> 0:13:28.439 Yeah, So the worry being a symptom of anxiety and 0:13:28.520 --> 0:13:32.800 a very prevalent symptom of anxiety. Lots of worries are 0:13:32.800 --> 0:13:34.800 a part of the picture, as well as lots of 0:13:34.840 --> 0:13:40.720 bodily symptoms. So really, what what we want to look 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:45.480 at is fundamentally and there are there are checklists, and 0:13:45.520 --> 0:13:50.520 there are diagnostic tools, of course, but fundamentally, is it 0:13:50.559 --> 0:13:53.440 getting in the way of daily life? You know, is 0:13:53.480 --> 0:13:57.640 it frequent? Is it extreme? And is it stopping you 0:13:57.840 --> 0:14:01.000 the person from being able to do the things that 0:14:01.040 --> 0:14:03.320 you want to do. Is it stopping you from saying 0:14:03.400 --> 0:14:06.160 yes to catching up with some old friends that are 0:14:06.440 --> 0:14:09.760 you know, a reunion dinner for for your high school buddies, 0:14:09.880 --> 0:14:12.319 or is it stopping you from putting your hand up 0:14:12.480 --> 0:14:15.640 for that opportunity at work that's a step out of 0:14:15.640 --> 0:14:18.080 your comfort zone, It's a step up a level, and 0:14:18.120 --> 0:14:21.600 you're not sure of whether or not you'd be successful. 0:14:21.760 --> 0:14:23.400 You know, is it stopping you from being able to 0:14:23.400 --> 0:14:26.280 be present with your children because your mind is us 0:14:26.360 --> 0:14:29.640 We're focusing on things that may never happen, and we 0:14:29.680 --> 0:14:33.960 know from the research they're unlikely to happen. And so yeah, 0:14:34.000 --> 0:14:37.480 I think normal everyday anxiety will come and go with 0:14:39.000 --> 0:14:43.400 a stressful situation. And you know, my daughter recently had 0:14:43.400 --> 0:14:48.800 a job interview for a fast food restaurant and she 0:14:48.920 --> 0:14:50.840 had a job interview sit down with a manager and 0:14:50.880 --> 0:14:54.640 she had to answer questions about how does the previous 0:14:54.680 --> 0:14:57.119 experience you've had as a gymnastics coach and a babysitter. 0:14:57.200 --> 0:15:00.000 How what have you learned and how does that translate 0:15:00.200 --> 0:15:02.720 to you know, you potentially being a good candidate here, 0:15:02.760 --> 0:15:05.640 and that will create anxiety when you know you've got 0:15:05.640 --> 0:15:08.920 the interview, you'll probably be during it. But when it's over, 0:15:09.680 --> 0:15:13.360 it settles down. That's normal, all. 0:15:13.320 --> 0:15:15.880 Right, we're plowing on, Doc, and you're doing bloody great. 0:15:16.040 --> 0:15:20.040 Question three, like us like grown ups, asking and answering. 0:15:21.360 --> 0:15:25.720 Can you give us a snapshot of what's actually happening 0:15:25.760 --> 0:15:30.320 in someone's brain and body in the middle of a 0:15:30.440 --> 0:15:33.520 moment of anxiety or like an episode from want of 0:15:33.560 --> 0:15:36.320 a better Like what's happening in their brain, what's happening 0:15:36.360 --> 0:15:40.040 in their body? Just so people might be able to 0:15:40.080 --> 0:15:41.120 identify or relate. 0:15:41.720 --> 0:15:46.680 Oh I love these questions, Craig So, yes, absolutely. So. Basically, 0:15:46.880 --> 0:15:49.480 if we think about so we think about five senses. 0:15:49.720 --> 0:15:51.760 We think about our five senses, but we actually have 0:15:51.880 --> 0:15:55.360 other senses, and one of them is called neuroception, and 0:15:55.400 --> 0:15:59.640 that is the sense that is essentially scanning our environment 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:04.600 all the time. So essentially we're looking out for cues 0:16:04.640 --> 0:16:07.320 of danger and safety wherever we go, wherever we are, 0:16:07.360 --> 0:16:09.120 and that could be from people, It could be from 0:16:09.160 --> 0:16:14.240 the environment. It just could be from unexpected sounds, noises, smells. 0:16:15.240 --> 0:16:18.160 So there's a part of our brain that is taking 0:16:18.160 --> 0:16:23.040 in that information and determining very very quickly whether we're 0:16:23.080 --> 0:16:28.120 safe or we're not. If we are in an environment 0:16:28.160 --> 0:16:32.080 that is detected determined to be unsafe for whatever reason, 0:16:32.840 --> 0:16:38.040 then it activates the stress response in the body. Because 0:16:38.320 --> 0:16:41.840 the brain doesn't know the difference between literally sitting down 0:16:42.040 --> 0:16:45.800 and opening up an email from your boss that says, hey, 0:16:45.920 --> 0:16:49.400 I needed to talk to you after lunch. That feels 0:16:49.400 --> 0:16:51.240 threatening because well, what do they want to talk to 0:16:51.320 --> 0:16:52.640 me about? What have I done wrong? All of the 0:16:52.640 --> 0:16:56.280 what if questions come. That is very activating because it 0:16:56.280 --> 0:16:58.440 feels threatening because we don't know what's going to happen. 0:16:58.960 --> 0:17:02.000 The activation is same as if you were going down 0:17:02.880 --> 0:17:05.439 the street to get your coffee and you're on your 0:17:05.480 --> 0:17:07.840 phone and you're nearly step in front of a cart. 0:17:08.520 --> 0:17:11.159 The brain doesn't know the difference between a real threat 0:17:11.280 --> 0:17:14.840 to safety and one that's imagined or perceived. So the 0:17:14.920 --> 0:17:19.560 threat system is activated and through a series of changes 0:17:19.600 --> 0:17:27.280 that affect adrenaline, belief and activation of the sympathetic nervous system. 0:17:27.320 --> 0:17:29.560 So that's the branch of our nervous system that really 0:17:30.960 --> 0:17:33.879 helps us respond in times of stress. We get a 0:17:33.920 --> 0:17:37.879 whole lot of physical changes so that the changes in 0:17:38.040 --> 0:17:40.679 essence are to power up our bodies so that we 0:17:40.720 --> 0:17:45.919 can fight or flee. And those changes people will know 0:17:46.200 --> 0:17:51.679 very well. Racing heart sometimes pins and needles in the 0:17:51.800 --> 0:17:55.600 arms and legs, will have changes to our breathing, will 0:17:55.640 --> 0:17:59.520 have blood shunted from our dart to our arms and legs. 0:17:59.600 --> 0:18:02.840 We can run, we can fight, we can defend ourselves, 0:18:02.920 --> 0:18:06.520 we can keep ourselves safe, we can have changes to 0:18:06.560 --> 0:18:11.080 our vision. And you know, essentially all of these different 0:18:11.480 --> 0:18:15.760 physiological changes are there because our brain thinks we are 0:18:15.800 --> 0:18:19.960 in you know, danger of life threatening danger, and we 0:18:20.280 --> 0:18:22.840 need to be able to move quickly. So the thing 0:18:22.880 --> 0:18:26.000 about anxiety is that so that's when the stress response 0:18:26.080 --> 0:18:29.600 is activated. We feel all of this anxiety will activate 0:18:29.680 --> 0:18:33.360 that response. Just lying in bed at night and thinking, 0:18:33.520 --> 0:18:37.280 like our daughter recently got a concussion, harps. You knew 0:18:37.320 --> 0:18:41.359 about that, and there's a concussion. But like I'm lying 0:18:41.359 --> 0:18:43.040 in bed at night and I put my head on 0:18:43.040 --> 0:18:44.800 the pillow that are ready to go to sleep, and 0:18:44.800 --> 0:18:47.560 if my mind drifts to do you hope she's going 0:18:47.640 --> 0:18:51.560 to be okay. I wonder, really what the outcome of 0:18:51.600 --> 0:18:53.879 this kick to the head at football is going to be. 0:18:54.640 --> 0:18:59.680 Just thinking about that will activate that whole response, even 0:18:59.720 --> 0:19:04.600 though I'm safe, tucked in electric blanket on, snuggled down 0:19:04.600 --> 0:19:08.000 and warm. That's what gets activated. And so that's really 0:19:08.040 --> 0:19:10.760 what's happening in the brain and the body. And we 0:19:11.359 --> 0:19:13.760 often have a lot of worry because the brain is 0:19:13.840 --> 0:19:18.280 trying to understand the problem and worrying about what the 0:19:18.359 --> 0:19:23.720 outcome will be and trying to find some certainty around 0:19:23.840 --> 0:19:26.760 the situation that triggered the anxiety in the first place. 0:19:27.520 --> 0:19:31.040 So here's me, Craiger, find some of that. If I 0:19:31.080 --> 0:19:35.680 get it wrong, stop me. But I feel like we're 0:19:35.760 --> 0:19:41.720 talking about a physiological response. So elevated blood pressure, breathing, adrenaline, cortisol, 0:19:42.200 --> 0:19:45.400 sympathetic nervous system, all of these things happening, blood going 0:19:45.440 --> 0:19:50.160 to your limbs, all that, all these physical changes physiology, 0:19:51.200 --> 0:19:54.840 which might be completely turned on or activated for one 0:19:54.880 --> 0:19:58.080 of a better term, by a non physical thing, which 0:19:58.119 --> 0:20:01.439 is an idea. The idea is, oh my god, something 0:20:01.480 --> 0:20:05.480 bad's going to happen. Now, let's just say in this 0:20:05.560 --> 0:20:07.920 story that I'm talking about nothing bad is going to happen, 0:20:08.040 --> 0:20:11.880 not in the foreseeable future. It's just a thought. So 0:20:11.960 --> 0:20:15.240 our body doesn't respond to what's real. It responds to 0:20:15.280 --> 0:20:19.840 the perception or the idea. Now, if I'm being like 0:20:19.920 --> 0:20:24.600 this sounds self defeating and self loathing. But in many ways, 0:20:24.800 --> 0:20:29.000 I am stressing. I am creating anxiety for me when 0:20:29.080 --> 0:20:33.280 anxiety or all this elevation of physiology is not at 0:20:33.280 --> 0:20:38.040 all required by the reality of the situation. So I 0:20:38.280 --> 0:20:45.160 make me stressed. I make me anxious via my stories. Now, one, 0:20:46.040 --> 0:20:52.399 if that's true, can we then, like mitigate that somewhat 0:20:52.600 --> 0:20:56.879 by changing our stories or what we pay attention to. 0:20:57.640 --> 0:21:01.760 Absolutely we can, And there are skills and practices that 0:21:01.800 --> 0:21:04.080 we can learn. And this gets back to what we 0:21:03.960 --> 0:21:06.920 were talking about at the beginning, that you can There's 0:21:06.920 --> 0:21:09.240 so much that we can do. It is a treatable 0:21:11.040 --> 0:21:13.159 mental illness, if you like. I don't usually like to 0:21:13.160 --> 0:21:18.120 call it that psychological challenge. It's treatable. We can't change. 0:21:18.560 --> 0:21:22.760 We can dial down the sensitivity of the alarm in 0:21:22.800 --> 0:21:26.200 our brain if you like, through certain practices like meditation. 0:21:26.359 --> 0:21:31.240 But the way we think can absolutely change the way 0:21:31.520 --> 0:21:36.320 that our body will respond to things that might previously 0:21:36.359 --> 0:21:38.840 have been very, very triggering and caused a full blown 0:21:40.040 --> 0:21:43.800 physiological response. Yeah, definitely, definitely. 0:21:44.119 --> 0:21:49.720 Yeah, wow, Yeah, I'm always curiosity, curiosity, I'm always curious around, 0:21:51.840 --> 0:21:55.639 you know, thinking about thinking, metacognition, and even with my 0:21:55.720 --> 0:21:57.960 own you know, I have a thought, you know, sometimes 0:21:57.960 --> 0:22:00.000 you have just fucking weird thought. 0:22:00.080 --> 0:22:01.240 Oh my idea. 0:22:01.400 --> 0:22:05.240 I'm like, I'm so glad no one lives in my 0:22:05.320 --> 0:22:09.120 head because that is a weird thought, right, But then 0:22:09.240 --> 0:22:11.600 to lean into that and go, you were one. That's 0:22:11.640 --> 0:22:15.920 weird too. I'm glad I can recognize its weirdness. But three, 0:22:16.600 --> 0:22:19.080 where does that come from? Like? What is that about? 0:22:19.280 --> 0:22:21.600 What is that? You know, when you start to get 0:22:21.680 --> 0:22:25.760 curious about how you think and you start to question 0:22:25.920 --> 0:22:30.479 your stories rather than automatically believe them, like that's a 0:22:30.560 --> 0:22:37.960 powerful kind of pause button to go yeah, yeah, I yeah, 0:22:38.040 --> 0:22:40.760 I am a piece of shit and then like, well, 0:22:40.800 --> 0:22:43.680 hang on, no, that's a story. The story is I'm 0:22:43.720 --> 0:22:46.200 a piece of shit. I'm unlovable, I'm not this, I'm 0:22:46.240 --> 0:22:49.200 not that enough, I'm too much of that. All right, 0:22:49.280 --> 0:22:53.240 let's just hit the pause button. Is it possible that 0:22:53.240 --> 0:22:56.160 that stuff's not true? Or some of it's not true, 0:22:56.280 --> 0:22:59.840 Is it possible? You know, then you start to reframe, 0:23:00.359 --> 0:23:01.080 you know, go on. 0:23:01.880 --> 0:23:04.960 It doesn't actually matter if it's true or not, because 0:23:05.000 --> 0:23:06.840 some of the stuff we are going to think is 0:23:06.920 --> 0:23:09.280 going to be true, and some of the stuff we're 0:23:09.280 --> 0:23:12.959 going to think is going to be false. What matters 0:23:13.160 --> 0:23:18.119 is what we are thinking about helpful And it's a 0:23:18.280 --> 0:23:21.640 very very different way of looking at it. But it's 0:23:21.640 --> 0:23:24.960 hard to sort of cut through the noise, you know, 0:23:25.040 --> 0:23:27.800 because our minds will race away and all of a sudden, 0:23:28.000 --> 0:23:30.200 our mind's drifted. It's like when we're reading a book 0:23:30.720 --> 0:23:33.880 and we realize I have not read the last two pages. 0:23:33.960 --> 0:23:38.480 We recognize, okay, I've drifted. My attention is on something else. 0:23:39.640 --> 0:23:41.720 Have I put the bins out? That was the latest thing? 0:23:41.840 --> 0:23:43.439 You know, Like obviously my mind just went to, oh, 0:23:43.480 --> 0:23:46.040 the bins, you know, Cozy and company in bed and 0:23:46.080 --> 0:23:48.240 we've got a couple of hundred meter walk to put 0:23:48.240 --> 0:23:51.920 the bins out. Anyway, so we end up moving away 0:23:51.920 --> 0:23:53.840 from the present moment and we can get caught up 0:23:53.880 --> 0:23:58.080 in that. So we need to develop the skills to 0:23:58.119 --> 0:24:03.440 be more present of mind and when we can notice 0:24:03.480 --> 0:24:06.160 what we're thinking, Like you say, think about what we're thinking. 0:24:08.000 --> 0:24:10.120 One of the things I think I've shared before here, 0:24:10.160 --> 0:24:14.760