WEBVTT - #1967 Looking At Your Filter, Not Through It - Bobby Cappuccio 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:03.200 Okay, it team, it's it's Robert, It's Robert Cappuci. Well 0:00:03.400 --> 0:00:05.360 I'm not Robert, but Robert's here. 0:00:05.440 --> 0:00:06.080 I'm Craig. 0:00:06.840 --> 0:00:11.840 Robert commonly and lovingly referred to here at typ Central 0:00:11.960 --> 0:00:16.400 as what is fucking Trential Central as young Bobby? 0:00:16.640 --> 0:00:17.560 Hi made? How are you? 0:00:18.000 --> 0:00:20.520 I'm doing all right? You sound fantastic like that my 0:00:20.560 --> 0:00:25.960 favor really performing? Well, you sound better than the normal Hereah. 0:00:25.120 --> 0:00:26.040 Wow, thanks dude. 0:00:26.079 --> 0:00:28.560 Well, I've got it in the right place. Melissa and 0:00:28.600 --> 0:00:31.560 Tiff both get mad at me for many things. Many 0:00:31.920 --> 0:00:36.239 one of them is the ill placement of my microphone, or, 0:00:36.320 --> 0:00:40.760 perhaps more accurately, the proximity of my face to the 0:00:40.800 --> 0:00:45.480 aforementioned microphone. So I've tried to, after two thousand episodes, 0:00:45.600 --> 0:00:48.120 take on board their feedback and be a little bit 0:00:48.159 --> 0:00:52.680 more responsible. So here I am talking into the actual 0:00:52.720 --> 0:00:53.920 microphone like a grown up. 0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:56.640 Well well done, because this is evidence about why they're 0:00:56.640 --> 0:00:58.320 giving you a shit about it in the first place. 0:00:58.560 --> 0:01:01.360 You sound the same, but you're so amplified. 0:01:01.920 --> 0:01:05.720 Wow wow, look at me, amplified and clear. If only 0:01:05.760 --> 0:01:10.240 I could be that all the time. Yeah, how you been? 0:01:10.319 --> 0:01:11.720 What are you up to? What is news? 0:01:12.959 --> 0:01:14.960 It's been a good week. It's been a really good week, 0:01:15.080 --> 0:01:17.200 just getting ready for events. We have an edge of 0:01:17.280 --> 0:01:20.880 event next week, which I didn't realize. It's snuck up 0:01:20.920 --> 0:01:24.319 on us so quickly. August that's flown by. How's it 0:01:24.360 --> 0:01:26.120 been for you? Is? It's just like it seems like 0:01:26.120 --> 0:01:30.200 a just guard here a day ago and now. 0:01:27.520 --> 0:01:31.720 It's everything is flying for me because I'm under the 0:01:31.720 --> 0:01:33.840 pump with a few things. Everyone's under the pump, but 0:01:34.160 --> 0:01:38.240 I'm for me. I'm particularly under the pump these few months. 0:01:38.280 --> 0:01:42.880 But that is all good. Yeah, you know, sometimes it's 0:01:43.000 --> 0:01:45.119 like I've got all. 0:01:44.959 --> 0:01:47.560 These things that I can that I need to do, 0:01:47.760 --> 0:01:50.160 Like I need to do the podcast, I need to 0:01:50.160 --> 0:01:51.120 do my speaking gigs. 0:01:51.120 --> 0:01:53.960 I'm just talking work now everyone. I need to. 0:01:54.960 --> 0:01:57.200 Finish my PhD. I need to write this paper. I 0:01:57.280 --> 0:02:00.240 need to you know, I need to review that to 0:02:01.840 --> 0:02:04.280 you know, submit this, submit that, all of that. And 0:02:04.280 --> 0:02:05.640 then there's the mum and dad. 0:02:05.520 --> 0:02:08.040 Stuff, who of course take priority over all the other stuff. 0:02:08.040 --> 0:02:09.799 But I've got to look after them and love them. 0:02:09.840 --> 0:02:11.120 And then I've got to try and get to the 0:02:11.160 --> 0:02:15.720 gym so I don't turn into a badass. And then 0:02:16.560 --> 0:02:18.400 then I've got to kind of get out of this 0:02:18.560 --> 0:02:21.280 chair and walk a bit, and then I probably should 0:02:21.360 --> 0:02:24.080 have some balance, So I should probably watch an episode 0:02:24.080 --> 0:02:26.760 of and then you go, oh, fucking now, it's tomorrow. 0:02:27.440 --> 0:02:31.760 Like it is trying to put all that together. 0:02:32.200 --> 0:02:33.200 And remain. 0:02:35.160 --> 0:02:37.280 The calm in the chaos while you're doing all that, 0:02:37.360 --> 0:02:40.800 and be productive and figuring out what is the right 0:02:41.040 --> 0:02:43.400 kind of balance for me of all of that, what 0:02:43.560 --> 0:02:46.600 is do I know when I should just stop doing 0:02:46.600 --> 0:02:48.920 whatever it is I'm doing for a while and walk 0:02:48.919 --> 0:02:53.080 away and just do something silly or fun or unrelated. 0:02:53.639 --> 0:02:54.919 So that's like. 0:02:54.919 --> 0:02:56.800 I've never been busier than I am at the moment 0:02:56.840 --> 0:02:58.720 in my life. And that's saying a lot, because you 0:02:58.760 --> 0:03:00.639 know how busy my life was back in the days 0:03:00.680 --> 0:03:03.560 when we met. But just in terms of my personal 0:03:03.639 --> 0:03:05.000 workload at the moment. 0:03:05.520 --> 0:03:07.760 There's a lot. But I enjoy it and no one's 0:03:07.800 --> 0:03:09.440 making me do it. 0:03:09.440 --> 0:03:12.360 It seems like it's compounding increasingly. I mean, even even 0:03:12.520 --> 0:03:15.399 six year olds have a full schedule, don't they. They've 0:03:15.400 --> 0:03:20.040 got every minute of the day planned, Like unbound spontaneous play, 0:03:20.080 --> 0:03:24.399 which is essential for development of our brain, creativity, socialization, 0:03:24.960 --> 0:03:28.760 that's gone. I mean, everything they're booked in fifteen minute increments, 0:03:29.480 --> 0:03:33.320 like all of us are just insanely busy. And I 0:03:33.440 --> 0:03:35.160 wonder because a lot of it feels like it needs 0:03:35.200 --> 0:03:37.560 to be done. But what I wonder is does it 0:03:37.720 --> 0:03:39.640 necessarily make us more effective? 0:03:40.560 --> 0:03:41.080 Yeah? 0:03:41.200 --> 0:03:43.880 Does it make us happier? Does it make us more fulfilled? 0:03:43.920 --> 0:03:47.040 Does it make us less anxious? I don't think so. 0:03:47.160 --> 0:03:51.120 I mean, and you know, of course there's no in 0:03:51.120 --> 0:03:56.320 inverted commas set formula or you know, one approach fits 0:03:56.360 --> 0:04:01.040 all protocol. But yeah, it's it's amazing how much stuff 0:04:01.080 --> 0:04:06.000 we do that doesn't really work, but we keep doing 0:04:06.080 --> 0:04:08.720 it because we've always done it, Like we do what 0:04:08.800 --> 0:04:10.640 we used to do, because that's what we do, and 0:04:10.640 --> 0:04:11.480 that's how we do. 0:04:11.400 --> 0:04:12.480 It, you know. 0:04:12.680 --> 0:04:17.480 And do you remember that story about the grandmother who 0:04:17.600 --> 0:04:20.320 used to cut the ends off the turkey or the 0:04:20.400 --> 0:04:23.039 roast or whatever it was, and then, you know, and 0:04:23.279 --> 0:04:25.600 the initial reason that she cut the ends off was 0:04:25.640 --> 0:04:28.520 because her oven was small and the gigantic roast or 0:04:28.560 --> 0:04:31.880 whatever it was wouldn't fit in the oven. And then 0:04:31.960 --> 0:04:36.240 three generations later, her great great great granddaughters are still 0:04:36.680 --> 0:04:39.760 you know, chopping the ends off despite their huge oven, 0:04:39.839 --> 0:04:42.680 not knowing why. But that's the way it's always been done. 0:04:42.800 --> 0:04:45.360 And I feel like there's a bit of groundhog Day 0:04:45.400 --> 0:04:46.000 in all of us. 0:04:45.920 --> 0:04:46.560 A little bit of. 0:04:48.000 --> 0:04:52.040 You know, that whole idea of intentional and conscious living. 0:04:52.920 --> 0:04:57.120 It's really a daily practice. It's really a like I 0:04:57.160 --> 0:04:59.479 asked myself, which I've shared this ten times on this show, 0:04:59.520 --> 0:05:02.440 but every morning when I go to the cafe, the question, 0:05:02.520 --> 0:05:04.600 the everyday question I ask is in terms of what 0:05:04.640 --> 0:05:06.640 I want to do be create today, what do I 0:05:06.720 --> 0:05:10.320 need to focus on? What should have my attention today? 0:05:10.920 --> 0:05:14.960 And ergo what shouldn't have my attention today? Because it's 0:05:15.000 --> 0:05:18.000 so easy to give your attention and focus and mental 0:05:18.120 --> 0:05:21.400 energy to things that really shouldn't have it. 0:05:23.560 --> 0:05:25.720 I mean a lot of times I think why these 0:05:25.760 --> 0:05:29.240 things happen and why we double down in times of uncertainty, 0:05:29.279 --> 0:05:32.080 which I think globally right now it's a time of uncertainty, 0:05:32.600 --> 0:05:37.479 just the rate of advancement in technology. That ridiculous question 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:39.520 we used to ask people about their five year plan, 0:05:39.680 --> 0:05:42.760 like where do you see yourself in five years? Don't 0:05:42.760 --> 0:05:44.800 even know where I'm going to see myself in five weeks. 0:05:44.839 --> 0:05:48.680 The world might be dramatically different than it is today, 0:05:49.480 --> 0:05:52.880 And we have these practices and rituals that shape part 0:05:52.920 --> 0:05:56.320 of our identity and it's just the way things have 0:05:56.400 --> 0:05:59.560 always been. It gives us stability and a level of certainty. 0:05:59.760 --> 0:06:03.279 Things get like really chaotic. You know, what do we do? 0:06:03.360 --> 0:06:05.520 We double down on what worked before, even if it 0:06:05.560 --> 0:06:11.960 no longer works, it's still familiar. Yes, our creativity kind 0:06:11.960 --> 0:06:15.720 of gets constricted, it collapses under the weed of anxiety. 0:06:16.560 --> 0:06:24.760 You know, how do you navigate through understanding clearly what 0:06:25.200 --> 0:06:29.040 matters most versus what matters the least on a D 0:06:29.160 --> 0:06:30.839 to day basis? What is that like for you? 0:06:31.800 --> 0:06:33.200 Yeah, that's a good question. 0:06:33.360 --> 0:06:38.080 I mean, my my ideal answer is. 0:06:40.080 --> 0:06:41.080 An I'll unpack both. 0:06:41.200 --> 0:06:44.480 Is that I try to live a life that is 0:06:45.000 --> 0:06:53.040 so operationally, practically, personally, professionally in relationships that is a 0:06:53.080 --> 0:06:57.120 reflection of my values. So, you know, do you know 0:06:57.160 --> 0:06:58.839 what I can say this? I'm going to say this, 0:06:59.800 --> 0:07:02.919 I am I going to say it. Yeah, so not yesterday, 0:07:02.960 --> 0:07:07.240 the day before. I got a really good opportunity through 0:07:07.400 --> 0:07:11.280 this show, through our God bless them, our kind of 0:07:12.720 --> 0:07:15.280 the Home of the You project is of course no 0:07:15.360 --> 0:07:19.800 Over Entertainment. Who's a big organization astray wide, and they're 0:07:19.800 --> 0:07:24.360 great to ask and I'm forever thankful, and they Melissa 0:07:24.440 --> 0:07:28.000 sent me, as she does many times, she sent me 0:07:28.400 --> 0:07:30.400 a text to say I've sent you an email. I 0:07:30.480 --> 0:07:32.320 have a look, and it was basically, i'll tell you 0:07:32.360 --> 0:07:34.480 off air. I don't want to throw anyone under the bus. 0:07:34.560 --> 0:07:36.520 I won't say what it was on air, but it 0:07:36.560 --> 0:07:41.440 was a sponsorship opportunity which was quite good, so quite 0:07:41.440 --> 0:07:45.200 good money. And when I saw what I needed to 0:07:45.320 --> 0:07:50.600 sell or we needed to sell on this show, I 0:07:50.640 --> 0:07:54.560 straightway said no. And it's not you know, it's not 0:07:54.640 --> 0:07:57.720 that it's horrendous. It's just not something I could sell, 0:07:58.320 --> 0:08:01.760 and so or I would, I would not use it. 0:08:01.840 --> 0:08:03.160 I would not advise. 0:08:02.800 --> 0:08:05.960 Anyone use it, and you know, so for that reason, 0:08:06.160 --> 0:08:08.320 I just have to go. Yes, I would like the money, 0:08:08.360 --> 0:08:11.080 but it's out of alignment with my beliefs and values 0:08:11.080 --> 0:08:14.320 and ethics. So although it's a hard decision, it's a 0:08:14.440 --> 0:08:16.080 very clear decision, you know. 0:08:16.320 --> 0:08:18.560 So you passed on the Viagra opportunity. 0:08:18.960 --> 0:08:21.520 No, No, If Viagra want to sponsor me, send that 0:08:21.560 --> 0:08:23.720 shit over here, because I haven't had an erection since 0:08:23.720 --> 0:08:30.320 the nineties, so fucking jump on board. But you know, yeah, 0:08:30.440 --> 0:08:34.280 I think all silliness aside for me like, of course 0:08:34.320 --> 0:08:37.440 I fuck around a lot and I joke, but I 0:08:37.480 --> 0:08:42.439 also take very really seriously the fact that in the 0:08:42.480 --> 0:08:45.160 middle of my silliness and my jokes and my bullshit, 0:08:45.360 --> 0:08:47.319 people actually trust. 0:08:46.960 --> 0:08:48.000 Me and lean in. 0:08:48.880 --> 0:08:52.480 And if all of a sudden, I'm, for example, doing 0:08:52.520 --> 0:08:56.920 something saying something or selling something which seems really out 0:08:56.960 --> 0:08:59.400 of alignment with or is out of alignment with who 0:08:59.440 --> 0:09:02.160 people think I am, one, I don't want to do 0:09:02.240 --> 0:09:06.080 that because you know, but two, you know, you're telling 0:09:06.120 --> 0:09:08.440 people that you're full of shit, and you're telling people 0:09:08.520 --> 0:09:11.960 that you have a price, And for me, I would 0:09:12.040 --> 0:09:16.480 rather be broke than that, you know, So, without trying 0:09:16.480 --> 0:09:19.559 to sound too bloddy, weird and deep, Yeah, for me. 0:09:19.559 --> 0:09:21.200 It's it's knowing. 0:09:21.320 --> 0:09:23.600 It's thinking every day about because I think for a 0:09:23.679 --> 0:09:29.560 long time I lived not unintentionally because I did have 0:09:29.600 --> 0:09:32.920 a focus, but I did do a lot of stuff 0:09:32.960 --> 0:09:39.320 which was basically driven by subconscious thinking, subconscious programming. And 0:09:39.800 --> 0:09:42.080 you know that old metaphor of when you're in the river, 0:09:42.760 --> 0:09:44.800 you know, you're just going with the river, like you're 0:09:45.120 --> 0:09:48.480 you're not directing anything, but it you know, your life 0:09:48.640 --> 0:09:50.760 like a river has its own flow, it has its 0:09:50.760 --> 0:09:54.600 own energy, It has its own momentum, and you know, 0:09:54.640 --> 0:09:56.800 you getting up or me getting up every day and 0:09:56.880 --> 0:09:59.360 just stepping back into the river. We just carry on 0:09:59.480 --> 0:10:02.800 where we left off yesterday. And I think the challenges 0:10:02.880 --> 0:10:06.560 to swim or paddle to the side of the metaphoric river, 0:10:07.200 --> 0:10:10.000 get out, hop up on the bank or maybe some 0:10:10.800 --> 0:10:13.800 metaphoric vantage point, and just go. Am I in the 0:10:13.880 --> 0:10:16.800 right river? Am I going the right. 0:10:16.640 --> 0:10:18.520 Direction in the river? You know? 0:10:18.760 --> 0:10:21.360 Is this the river I need to be in? Or 0:10:21.400 --> 0:10:23.240 maybe do I need to get the fuck out of 0:10:23.280 --> 0:10:25.920 the river for a while. And I think that so 0:10:26.160 --> 0:10:32.120 many people literally wake up one day and think, how 0:10:32.160 --> 0:10:33.360 the fuck did I get here? 0:10:34.200 --> 0:10:36.000 And well, you got there because of. 0:10:35.960 --> 0:10:38.120 The things you did and didn't do, and the choices 0:10:38.160 --> 0:10:40.720 you made and didn't make, and you know, and some 0:10:40.800 --> 0:10:43.400 of it was in your control, some of it was 0:10:43.480 --> 0:10:47.360 out of your control. But you know, very much I'm 0:10:47.400 --> 0:10:50.920 about I understand that things happened to you or around 0:10:50.960 --> 0:10:53.480 you that weren't great, and you have it's like you 0:10:53.520 --> 0:10:56.760 went through a shit childhood that you didn't choose, Like 0:10:56.880 --> 0:10:58.600 you had a lot of things that were out of 0:10:58.600 --> 0:11:02.719 your control, that were unfair, that were brutal, that were painful, 0:11:02.840 --> 0:11:06.320 right and what I love about you is in the 0:11:06.360 --> 0:11:12.160 middle of all of that, you you didn't capitulate. And 0:11:12.200 --> 0:11:16.199 we're not pretending that that life wasn't bad or that 0:11:16.240 --> 0:11:17.880 things weren't hard or horrible. 0:11:17.920 --> 0:11:20.920 They were. But you know, and now here you are, 0:11:20.960 --> 0:11:22.200 all these years later. 0:11:22.480 --> 0:11:25.640 And you're doing great, and you're helping people, and you're 0:11:25.679 --> 0:11:29.280 a healthy member and a functional member of society, and 0:11:29.320 --> 0:11:30.480 you've got a gorgeous side. 0:11:31.200 --> 0:11:31.800 Yeah, you do it. 0:11:31.880 --> 0:11:32.080 You know. 0:11:32.200 --> 0:11:33.240 I just think that's that. 0:11:33.559 --> 0:11:33.640 So. 0:11:34.760 --> 0:11:37.239 Yeah, I think trying to trying. 0:11:36.960 --> 0:11:42.559 To be fully accountable and responsible for your own life 0:11:42.600 --> 0:11:45.120 to the extent that you can, because of course there 0:11:45.120 --> 0:11:47.120 will always be things beyond your control. 0:11:49.000 --> 0:11:51.360 Yeah. I think it comes from clarity as well. I 0:11:51.480 --> 0:11:53.560 love I love your analogy of the river like being 0:11:53.600 --> 0:11:56.400 taken where the rivers just flow in the direction of 0:11:56.440 --> 0:11:58.080 flow of the river for usus getting out of the 0:11:58.120 --> 0:12:00.880 river and being able to observe facts. Yeah, I think 0:12:00.920 --> 0:12:04.160 how I would frame that is, you know, looking through 0:12:04.559 --> 0:12:07.880 your filter. We've always cut the EDGs off the meat 0:12:07.880 --> 0:12:09.760 loaf because you know, that's just the way it was 0:12:10.040 --> 0:12:15.120 done thing, versus looking at your filter, like why do 0:12:15.200 --> 0:12:19.720 I engage and function in life the way I do, 0:12:20.040 --> 0:12:22.680 and is this really where I want? And what I 0:12:22.760 --> 0:12:27.000 got from that is values. Understanding what you value makes 0:12:27.040 --> 0:12:29.200 your life so much simpler, Like for you with the 0:12:29.200 --> 0:12:33.160 sponsorship opportunity, it's a matter of integrity and ethics. But 0:12:33.240 --> 0:12:35.560 for other people it might be Okay, how do I 0:12:35.640 --> 0:12:40.080 discern what's truly an opportunity which truly fulfills me and 0:12:40.480 --> 0:12:42.560 something that comes along that sounds great, but it's really 0:12:42.559 --> 0:12:45.320 going to turn me into an octopus on rollablates a 0:12:45.360 --> 0:12:48.640 lot of motion, but not a lot of direction because 0:12:48.640 --> 0:12:51.920 it's not aligned with what it is that I truly 0:12:52.000 --> 0:12:55.320 believe I am identity and what it is that I 0:12:55.480 --> 0:12:59.319 truly want and gives me meaning my values. So I 0:12:59.360 --> 0:13:02.480 think it's it's a really good place to start, is there? 0:13:03.080 --> 0:13:05.680 And it's like when you know Michael Gerber you had 0:13:05.760 --> 0:13:08.880 him on your show not too long ago where he 0:13:08.960 --> 0:13:13.040 talks about working in your business versus working on it. 0:13:13.040 --> 0:13:17.080 It's like, what is that compass that allows you to 0:13:17.120 --> 0:13:18.160 do stuff like that? 0:13:18.920 --> 0:13:21.280 I think also, as you were talking about that, I 0:13:21.320 --> 0:13:27.800 was thinking, however, if I was presented with the same opportunities. 0:13:28.480 --> 0:13:29.920 And I was. 0:13:32.000 --> 0:13:35.320 A dad, or a single dad perhaps, and I had 0:13:35.360 --> 0:13:38.880 four kids and I didn't live the life of privilege, 0:13:38.920 --> 0:13:46.440 relative privilege that I now do that value that might 0:13:46.640 --> 0:13:48.600 change things. You know, I might go, fuck it. I 0:13:48.600 --> 0:13:51.720 don't really love this product, but my kids need to eat, 0:13:52.200 --> 0:13:57.480 so you know, I think you know that it's a 0:13:57.480 --> 0:13:59.520 little bit context dependent. 0:14:00.200 --> 0:14:03.760 You know everything. Lifers can't text the pandemic, ye like. 0:14:03.720 --> 0:14:05.880 Well, given the right, you know, it's like, I don't 0:14:05.960 --> 0:14:10.360 like violence at all, but at all, and I hope 0:14:10.400 --> 0:14:13.200 I never have to be in an altercation or anything ever, 0:14:13.280 --> 0:14:15.560 But there have been times in my life where somebody's 0:14:15.600 --> 0:14:17.000 been trying to hurt someone. 0:14:17.200 --> 0:14:20.640 That I care about or me, and you go, well, 0:14:20.680 --> 0:14:21.240 if I'm not. 0:14:22.760 --> 0:14:25.880 At the very least being physical, you know, or doing 0:14:25.920 --> 0:14:28.400 something to defend me or someone else, there's going to 0:14:28.400 --> 0:14:29.000 be a problem. 0:14:29.120 --> 0:14:31.480 So I don't ever want to be in the middle 0:14:31.520 --> 0:14:33.040 of it. I don't ever want to start it. 0:14:33.120 --> 0:14:35.640 But it's not okay to punch me in the face, 0:14:35.720 --> 0:14:38.080 you know, There's it depends on what is going on. 0:14:38.240 --> 0:14:41.760 So I think that, but in general terms, as much 0:14:41.800 --> 0:14:47.160 as possible, I think, you know, default to default to what. 0:14:47.320 --> 0:14:49.600 Is it that that matters to you most? What are 0:14:49.600 --> 0:14:51.640 the things that you know? 0:14:52.080 --> 0:14:54.200 I started writing this piece yes, they made. It was 0:14:54.200 --> 0:14:56.280 going to be a post on Instagram and it was 0:14:56.320 --> 0:15:01.680 about I was just writing about the the dichotomy between 0:15:03.960 --> 0:15:06.720 like trying to be like really trying to be this 0:15:06.840 --> 0:15:09.360 person that comes from a place of love and kindness 0:15:09.360 --> 0:15:11.840 and service. And I know this all sounds very cliche 0:15:12.000 --> 0:15:16.640 and you know, like spiritual psychobabble, and we get so 0:15:16.760 --> 0:15:18.760 much of this in twenty twenty five, and I think 0:15:18.840 --> 0:15:22.280 so much of it's kind of bullshit, and people kind 0:15:22.280 --> 0:15:25.360 of virtue signaling and whatever. But there, of course there 0:15:25.360 --> 0:15:27.480 are other people who are the real deal and genuine. 0:15:27.480 --> 0:15:31.120 But for me, like I actually want to be that, 0:15:31.400 --> 0:15:34.200 and I'm often not that I try to be that. 0:15:34.280 --> 0:15:36.880 I try to be of value and service and kindness 0:15:36.960 --> 0:15:40.640 and love and to empower other people without a gender, 0:15:41.320 --> 0:15:43.200 Like I think that's the key without agenda. 0:15:43.280 --> 0:15:44.480 So it's not strategic. 0:15:45.520 --> 0:15:49.400 But one of the other like kind of spanners in 0:15:49.440 --> 0:15:51.800 the works here is that while you want to be 0:15:51.920 --> 0:15:59.000 this kind, empathetic, aware human, there are also people that 0:15:59.080 --> 0:16:03.160 coexist with us that do fucking horrible things, like people 0:16:03.200 --> 0:16:06.920 that are just not nice people like people who actually 0:16:07.800 --> 0:16:11.040 do bad, horrible shit that I won't expand on this, 0:16:11.120 --> 0:16:13.840 but do bad, horrible shit, fully knowing what they're doing, 0:16:14.200 --> 0:16:17.280 fully intending to hurt someone else, or at the very 0:16:17.360 --> 0:16:21.240 least fully intending to look after themselves, not giving a 0:16:21.240 --> 0:16:24.720 fuck about the consequences for anyone. And then you know, 0:16:24.840 --> 0:16:26.400 so for me in the middle of it, don't know 0:16:26.560 --> 0:16:29.240 how we got here, but anyway, then the challenge is 0:16:29.960 --> 0:16:32.640 how do I still be this kind, compassionate person but 0:16:32.720 --> 0:16:37.760 not a walkover, but not an emotional doormat, but not 0:16:37.760 --> 0:16:39.680 not you know, how do I deal. 0:16:39.480 --> 0:16:41.560 With this person? You know, I think it. 0:16:41.440 --> 0:16:46.560 Was you'll remember maybe it was Edmund Burke or someone 0:16:46.560 --> 0:16:49.600 who said all that's necessary for evil to triumph is 0:16:49.640 --> 0:16:52.000 for it said good men. But we can say good 0:16:52.040 --> 0:16:54.000 people is for good people to do nothing. 0:16:54.240 --> 0:16:54.480 Right. 0:16:55.160 --> 0:16:56.880 I don't want to be the person who does nothing. 0:16:57.480 --> 0:16:59.520 But then it's knowing how much do I do? What 0:16:59.560 --> 0:17:02.920 do I do? What is appropriate? What is inappropriate? And 0:17:02.960 --> 0:17:06.000 I've told the story before about I went out with 0:17:06.040 --> 0:17:08.720 my mom and dad about ten years ago, and even then, 0:17:08.800 --> 0:17:11.520 my mum was seventy five, so she was elderly, and 0:17:11.560 --> 0:17:15.359 a guy in the city who was I would dare say, 0:17:15.800 --> 0:17:18.359 you know, drug effected, But he stepped out in front 0:17:18.359 --> 0:17:20.440 of my mum and grabbed my mum on the arm 0:17:20.480 --> 0:17:24.119 because he wanted money. And it's it's like, all of 0:17:24.160 --> 0:17:27.680 a sudden, mister love and light and unicorns and Jesus, 0:17:27.720 --> 0:17:30.800 all of a sudden, I'm like a fucking you know, 0:17:32.280 --> 0:17:35.520 a psychopath getting this guy off my mum. I'm like, 0:17:35.600 --> 0:17:38.040 you don't, you don't do that, Like that's not okay. 0:17:38.119 --> 0:17:41.960 And that took like one second for me to elevate 0:17:42.119 --> 0:17:45.480 one second, and I didn't do anything horrendous to him, 0:17:45.480 --> 0:17:48.399 but he probably wouldn't have done that again in a hurry, 0:17:48.520 --> 0:17:51.280 not that night anyway. But you know, just that trying 0:17:51.320 --> 0:17:57.520 to manage that, that drive to be a kind, compassionate 0:17:57.640 --> 0:18:01.879 human doing good but also not at the cost of 0:18:02.000 --> 0:18:07.000 letting or enabling people to do horrible shit. Like for 0:18:07.080 --> 0:18:08.920 me to find that balance is hard. 0:18:10.040 --> 0:18:12.840 I mean, but for me looking at it from the outside, 0:18:13.040 --> 0:18:16.080 d you were living in complete alignment with that, because 0:18:16.119 --> 0:18:21.000 I think there's there's a misconception that kindness and compassion 0:18:21.960 --> 0:18:25.160 has to be soft. You were acting out of kindness 0:18:25.480 --> 0:18:29.600 and out of compassion for your mom, which is which 0:18:29.680 --> 0:18:35.240 is expected, and you like, look, you talked about context 0:18:35.240 --> 0:18:39.480 of everything. If I said, oh my god, Greg I'm coming, 0:18:39.640 --> 0:18:43.199 you know, coming to Melbourne next week and let's just 0:18:43.280 --> 0:18:46.720 let's just get together, let's just go have dinner. And 0:18:46.760 --> 0:18:50.200 you're like, oh, yeah, that's fantastic, Bobby, And I'm like, look, 0:18:50.280 --> 0:18:52.680 I you know, I have a friend of mine right 0:18:52.840 --> 0:18:55.480 and his name is John. He's going to be out 0:18:55.480 --> 0:18:58.000 in Melbourne as well. I would love for you to 0:18:58.000 --> 0:18:59.800 meet him. Tell me a little bit about him. I'd 0:18:59.800 --> 0:19:02.200 love to meet him. Oh, he's a really fun guy 0:19:02.200 --> 0:19:07.439 to be around. He's really charismatic, he's super kind, compassionate. Like, 0:19:07.600 --> 0:19:10.199 you know, he's he's killed over twenty people. You're just 0:19:10.200 --> 0:19:13.720 gonna you might go, whoa, whoa, wait what hold on? 0:19:14.000 --> 0:19:17.600 Hold on, wait a second, Like what do you mean? 0:19:18.240 --> 0:19:21.159 He's like, I don't know if I want to, Like, 0:19:22.320 --> 0:19:25.679 but if I said, yeah, oh, he killed over twenty people. 0:19:25.960 --> 0:19:27.879 You know, he was in a war zone and he 0:19:28.000 --> 0:19:32.080 saved a bunch of women and children from enemy combatants. 0:19:32.480 --> 0:19:36.840 Well does that matter? Now? Does that context matter? So 0:19:37.200 --> 0:19:39.480 is it like, oh, well, this, how's this guy kind 0:19:39.520 --> 0:19:42.560 of capassion He's killed twenty people, like he seems like 0:19:42.600 --> 0:19:47.760 a complete psychopath. Where wait, okay, he saved the lives 0:19:47.840 --> 0:19:52.640 of Well that's not Sometimes it's courageous to be kind. 0:19:53.160 --> 0:19:56.880 Sometimes it is courageous, and it is a sign of 0:19:56.920 --> 0:20:02.439 strength to be compassionate. So like living your values doesn't 0:20:02.520 --> 0:20:05.680 have to it doesn't have to be a compromise. It's 0:20:05.720 --> 0:20:09.960 what's the context of how those values need to show 0:20:10.080 --> 0:20:14.440 up in order to serve you through integrity. And when 0:20:14.440 --> 0:20:16.720 I say integrity, I mean consistency. 0:20:17.359 --> 0:20:18.920 Like do what a great example? 0:20:19.040 --> 0:20:19.119 Do? 0:20:20.280 --> 0:20:22.879 That's a great example, dude? I like that. 0:20:23.240 --> 0:20:25.560 I may even use that, and then I'll just I'll 0:20:25.600 --> 0:20:27.159 cite you, of course, and I'll put you in the 0:20:27.200 --> 0:20:30.160 references at the bottom. I'll see if I can squeeze 0:20:30.160 --> 0:20:32.240 that into my thesis somehow, just so you. 0:20:32.200 --> 0:20:33.320 Get a mention in the paper. 0:20:34.160 --> 0:20:35.199 Thank you appreciate that? 0:20:35.280 --> 0:20:36.920 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0:20:37.280 --> 0:20:40.119 We were going to chat today a little bit about 0:20:40.520 --> 0:20:42.200 confidence and how that works. 0:20:44.119 --> 0:20:46.720 And as always we meand it around for twenty minutes. 0:20:46.760 --> 0:20:47.640 But I loved it. 0:20:49.400 --> 0:20:52.399 One of the questions I often get answered, or I 0:20:52.440 --> 0:20:54.400 often get asked I should say, is. 0:20:56.840 --> 0:20:59.200 How do I how do. 0:20:59.200 --> 0:21:02.199 I build my confidence around public speaking? Because I'm scared? 0:21:02.320 --> 0:21:04.359 How do I be less scared? How do I be better? 0:21:04.440 --> 0:21:06.679 How do I be And of course the answer is 0:21:06.720 --> 0:21:09.520 by public speaking right, You can't get good at the 0:21:09.520 --> 0:21:10.359 thing that you won't do. 0:21:10.480 --> 0:21:15.080 You can't master what you avoid. 0:21:14.800 --> 0:21:18.480 What what have you had to do or what has 0:21:18.600 --> 0:21:24.800