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Speaker 1: Okay, it team, it's it's Robert, It's Robert Cappuci. Well

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Speaker 1: I'm not Robert, but Robert's here.

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Speaker 2: I'm Craig.

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Speaker 1: Robert commonly and lovingly referred to here at typ Central

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Speaker 1: as what is fucking Trential Central as young Bobby?

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Speaker 2: Hi made? How are you?

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Speaker 3: I'm doing all right? You sound fantastic like that my

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Speaker 3: favor really performing? Well, you sound better than the normal Hereah.

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Speaker 2: Wow, thanks dude.

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Speaker 1: Well, I've got it in the right place. Melissa and

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Speaker 1: Tiff both get mad at me for many things. Many

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Speaker 1: one of them is the ill placement of my microphone, or,

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Speaker 1: perhaps more accurately, the proximity of my face to the

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Speaker 1: aforementioned microphone. So I've tried to, after two thousand episodes,

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Speaker 1: take on board their feedback and be a little bit

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Speaker 1: more responsible. So here I am talking into the actual

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Speaker 1: microphone like a grown up.

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Speaker 3: Well well done, because this is evidence about why they're

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Speaker 3: giving you a shit about it in the first place.

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Speaker 3: You sound the same, but you're so amplified.

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Speaker 1: Wow wow, look at me, amplified and clear. If only

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Speaker 1: I could be that all the time. Yeah, how you been?

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Speaker 2: What are you up to? What is news?

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Speaker 3: It's been a good week. It's been a really good week,

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Speaker 3: just getting ready for events. We have an edge of

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Speaker 3: event next week, which I didn't realize. It's snuck up

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Speaker 3: on us so quickly. August that's flown by. How's it

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Speaker 3: been for you? Is? It's just like it seems like

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Speaker 3: a just guard here a day ago and now.

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Speaker 1: It's everything is flying for me because I'm under the

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Speaker 1: pump with a few things. Everyone's under the pump, but

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Speaker 1: I'm for me. I'm particularly under the pump these few months.

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Speaker 2: But that is all good. Yeah, you know, sometimes it's

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Speaker 2: like I've got all.

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Speaker 1: These things that I can that I need to do,

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Speaker 1: Like I need to do the podcast, I need to

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Speaker 1: do my speaking gigs.

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Speaker 2: I'm just talking work now everyone. I need to.

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Speaker 1: Finish my PhD. I need to write this paper. I

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Speaker 1: need to you know, I need to review that to

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Speaker 1: you know, submit this, submit that, all of that. And

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Speaker 1: then there's the mum and dad.

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Speaker 2: Stuff, who of course take priority over all the other stuff.

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Speaker 2: But I've got to look after them and love them.

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Speaker 1: And then I've got to try and get to the

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Speaker 1: gym so I don't turn into a badass. And then

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Speaker 1: then I've got to kind of get out of this

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Speaker 1: chair and walk a bit, and then I probably should

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Speaker 1: have some balance, So I should probably watch an episode

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Speaker 1: of and then you go, oh, fucking now, it's tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: Like it is trying to put all that together.

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Speaker 2: And remain.

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Speaker 1: The calm in the chaos while you're doing all that,

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Speaker 1: and be productive and figuring out what is the right

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Speaker 1: kind of balance for me of all of that, what

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Speaker 1: is do I know when I should just stop doing

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Speaker 1: whatever it is I'm doing for a while and walk

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Speaker 1: away and just do something silly or fun or unrelated.

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Speaker 2: So that's like.

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Speaker 1: I've never been busier than I am at the moment

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Speaker 1: in my life. And that's saying a lot, because you

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Speaker 1: know how busy my life was back in the days

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Speaker 1: when we met. But just in terms of my personal

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Speaker 1: workload at the moment.

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Speaker 2: There's a lot. But I enjoy it and no one's

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Speaker 2: making me do it.

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Speaker 3: It seems like it's compounding increasingly. I mean, even even

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Speaker 3: six year olds have a full schedule, don't they. They've

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Speaker 3: got every minute of the day planned, Like unbound spontaneous play,

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Speaker 3: which is essential for development of our brain, creativity, socialization,

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Speaker 3: that's gone. I mean, everything they're booked in fifteen minute increments,

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Speaker 3: like all of us are just insanely busy. And I

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Speaker 3: wonder because a lot of it feels like it needs

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Speaker 3: to be done. But what I wonder is does it

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Speaker 3: necessarily make us more effective?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Does it make us happier? Does it make us more fulfilled?

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Speaker 1: Does it make us less anxious? I don't think so.

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Speaker 1: I mean, and you know, of course there's no in

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Speaker 1: inverted commas set formula or you know, one approach fits

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Speaker 1: all protocol. But yeah, it's it's amazing how much stuff

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Speaker 1: we do that doesn't really work, but we keep doing

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Speaker 1: it because we've always done it, Like we do what

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Speaker 1: we used to do, because that's what we do, and

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Speaker 1: that's how we do.

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Speaker 2: It, you know.

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Speaker 1: And do you remember that story about the grandmother who

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Speaker 1: used to cut the ends off the turkey or the

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Speaker 1: roast or whatever it was, and then, you know, and

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Speaker 1: the initial reason that she cut the ends off was

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Speaker 1: because her oven was small and the gigantic roast or

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Speaker 1: whatever it was wouldn't fit in the oven. And then

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Speaker 1: three generations later, her great great great granddaughters are still

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Speaker 1: you know, chopping the ends off despite their huge oven,

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Speaker 1: not knowing why. But that's the way it's always been done.

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Speaker 1: And I feel like there's a bit of groundhog Day

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Speaker 1: in all of us.

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Speaker 2: A little bit of.

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Speaker 1: You know, that whole idea of intentional and conscious living.

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Speaker 1: It's really a daily practice. It's really a like I

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Speaker 1: asked myself, which I've shared this ten times on this show,

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Speaker 1: but every morning when I go to the cafe, the question,

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Speaker 1: the everyday question I ask is in terms of what

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Speaker 1: I want to do be create today, what do I

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Speaker 1: need to focus on? What should have my attention today?

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Speaker 1: And ergo what shouldn't have my attention today? Because it's

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Speaker 1: so easy to give your attention and focus and mental

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Speaker 1: energy to things that really shouldn't have it.

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Speaker 3: I mean a lot of times I think why these

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Speaker 3: things happen and why we double down in times of uncertainty,

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Speaker 3: which I think globally right now it's a time of uncertainty,

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Speaker 3: just the rate of advancement in technology. That ridiculous question

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Speaker 3: we used to ask people about their five year plan,

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Speaker 3: like where do you see yourself in five years? Don't

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Speaker 3: even know where I'm going to see myself in five weeks.

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Speaker 3: The world might be dramatically different than it is today,

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Speaker 3: And we have these practices and rituals that shape part

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Speaker 3: of our identity and it's just the way things have

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Speaker 3: always been. It gives us stability and a level of certainty.

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Speaker 3: Things get like really chaotic. You know, what do we do?

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Speaker 3: We double down on what worked before, even if it

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Speaker 3: no longer works, it's still familiar. Yes, our creativity kind

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Speaker 3: of gets constricted, it collapses under the weed of anxiety.

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Speaker 3: You know, how do you navigate through understanding clearly what

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Speaker 3: matters most versus what matters the least on a D

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Speaker 3: to day basis? What is that like for you?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good question.

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Speaker 1: I mean, my my ideal answer is.

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Speaker 2: An I'll unpack both.

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Speaker 1: Is that I try to live a life that is

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Speaker 1: so operationally, practically, personally, professionally in relationships that is a

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Speaker 1: reflection of my values. So, you know, do you know

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Speaker 1: what I can say this? I'm going to say this,

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Speaker 1: I am I going to say it. Yeah, so not yesterday,

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Speaker 1: the day before. I got a really good opportunity through

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Speaker 1: this show, through our God bless them, our kind of

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Speaker 1: the Home of the You project is of course no

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Speaker 1: Over Entertainment. Who's a big organization astray wide, and they're

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Speaker 1: great to ask and I'm forever thankful, and they Melissa

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Speaker 1: sent me, as she does many times, she sent me

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Speaker 1: a text to say I've sent you an email. I

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Speaker 1: have a look, and it was basically, i'll tell you

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Speaker 1: off air. I don't want to throw anyone under the bus.

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Speaker 1: I won't say what it was on air, but it

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Speaker 1: was a sponsorship opportunity which was quite good, so quite

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Speaker 1: good money. And when I saw what I needed to

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Speaker 1: sell or we needed to sell on this show, I

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Speaker 1: straightway said no. And it's not you know, it's not

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Speaker 1: that it's horrendous. It's just not something I could sell,

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Speaker 1: and so or I would, I would not use it.

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Speaker 2: I would not advise.

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Speaker 1: Anyone use it, and you know, so for that reason,

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Speaker 1: I just have to go. Yes, I would like the money,

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Speaker 1: but it's out of alignment with my beliefs and values

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Speaker 1: and ethics. So although it's a hard decision, it's a

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Speaker 1: very clear decision, you know.

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Speaker 3: So you passed on the Viagra opportunity.

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Speaker 1: No, No, If Viagra want to sponsor me, send that

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Speaker 1: shit over here, because I haven't had an erection since

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Speaker 1: the nineties, so fucking jump on board. But you know, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think all silliness aside for me like, of course

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Speaker 1: I fuck around a lot and I joke, but I

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Speaker 1: also take very really seriously the fact that in the

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Speaker 1: middle of my silliness and my jokes and my bullshit,

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Speaker 1: people actually trust.

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Speaker 2: Me and lean in.

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Speaker 1: And if all of a sudden, I'm, for example, doing

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Speaker 1: something saying something or selling something which seems really out

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Speaker 1: of alignment with or is out of alignment with who

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Speaker 1: people think I am, one, I don't want to do

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Speaker 1: that because you know, but two, you know, you're telling

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Speaker 1: people that you're full of shit, and you're telling people

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Speaker 1: that you have a price, And for me, I would

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Speaker 1: rather be broke than that, you know, So, without trying

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Speaker 1: to sound too bloddy, weird and deep, Yeah, for me.

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Speaker 2: It's it's knowing.

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Speaker 1: It's thinking every day about because I think for a

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Speaker 1: long time I lived not unintentionally because I did have

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Speaker 1: a focus, but I did do a lot of stuff

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Speaker 1: which was basically driven by subconscious thinking, subconscious programming. And

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Speaker 1: you know that old metaphor of when you're in the river,

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Speaker 1: you know, you're just going with the river, like you're

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Speaker 1: you're not directing anything, but it you know, your life

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Speaker 1: like a river has its own flow, it has its

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Speaker 1: own energy, It has its own momentum, and you know,

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Speaker 1: you getting up or me getting up every day and

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Speaker 1: just stepping back into the river. We just carry on

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Speaker 1: where we left off yesterday. And I think the challenges

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Speaker 1: to swim or paddle to the side of the metaphoric river,

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Speaker 1: get out, hop up on the bank or maybe some

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Speaker 1: metaphoric vantage point, and just go. Am I in the

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Speaker 1: right river? Am I going the right.

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Speaker 2: Direction in the river? You know?

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Speaker 1: Is this the river I need to be in? Or

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Speaker 1: maybe do I need to get the fuck out of

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Speaker 1: the river for a while. And I think that so

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Speaker 1: many people literally wake up one day and think, how

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Speaker 1: the fuck did I get here?

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Speaker 2: And well, you got there because of.

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Speaker 1: The things you did and didn't do, and the choices

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Speaker 1: you made and didn't make, and you know, and some

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Speaker 1: of it was in your control, some of it was

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Speaker 1: out of your control. But you know, very much I'm

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Speaker 1: about I understand that things happened to you or around

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Speaker 1: you that weren't great, and you have it's like you

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Speaker 1: went through a shit childhood that you didn't choose, Like

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Speaker 1: you had a lot of things that were out of

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Speaker 1: your control, that were unfair, that were brutal, that were painful,

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Speaker 1: right and what I love about you is in the

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Speaker 1: middle of all of that, you you didn't capitulate. And

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Speaker 1: we're not pretending that that life wasn't bad or that

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Speaker 1: things weren't hard or horrible.

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Speaker 2: They were. But you know, and now here you are,

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Speaker 2: all these years later.

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Speaker 1: And you're doing great, and you're helping people, and you're

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Speaker 1: a healthy member and a functional member of society, and

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Speaker 1: you've got a gorgeous side.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you do it.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 2: I just think that's that.

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Speaker 1: So.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think trying to trying.

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Speaker 1: To be fully accountable and responsible for your own life

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Speaker 1: to the extent that you can, because of course there

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Speaker 1: will always be things beyond your control.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. I think it comes from clarity as well. I

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Speaker 3: love I love your analogy of the river like being

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Speaker 3: taken where the rivers just flow in the direction of

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Speaker 3: flow of the river for usus getting out of the

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Speaker 3: river and being able to observe facts. Yeah, I think

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Speaker 3: how I would frame that is, you know, looking through

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Speaker 3: your filter. We've always cut the EDGs off the meat

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Speaker 3: loaf because you know, that's just the way it was

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Speaker 3: done thing, versus looking at your filter, like why do

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Speaker 3: I engage and function in life the way I do,

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Speaker 3: and is this really where I want? And what I

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Speaker 3: got from that is values. Understanding what you value makes

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Speaker 3: your life so much simpler, Like for you with the

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Speaker 3: sponsorship opportunity, it's a matter of integrity and ethics. But

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Speaker 3: for other people it might be Okay, how do I

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Speaker 3: discern what's truly an opportunity which truly fulfills me and

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Speaker 3: something that comes along that sounds great, but it's really

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Speaker 3: going to turn me into an octopus on rollablates a

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Speaker 3: lot of motion, but not a lot of direction because

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Speaker 3: it's not aligned with what it is that I truly

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Speaker 3: believe I am identity and what it is that I

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Speaker 3: truly want and gives me meaning my values. So I

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Speaker 3: think it's it's a really good place to start, is there?

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Speaker 3: And it's like when you know Michael Gerber you had

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Speaker 3: him on your show not too long ago where he

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Speaker 3: talks about working in your business versus working on it.

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Speaker 3: It's like, what is that compass that allows you to

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Speaker 3: do stuff like that?

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Speaker 1: I think also, as you were talking about that, I

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Speaker 1: was thinking, however, if I was presented with the same opportunities.

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Speaker 2: And I was.

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Speaker 1: A dad, or a single dad perhaps, and I had

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Speaker 1: four kids and I didn't live the life of privilege,

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Speaker 1: relative privilege that I now do that value that might

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Speaker 1: change things. You know, I might go, fuck it. I

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Speaker 1: don't really love this product, but my kids need to eat,

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Speaker 1: so you know, I think you know that it's a

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Speaker 1: little bit context dependent.

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Speaker 3: You know everything. Lifers can't text the pandemic, ye like.

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Speaker 1: Well, given the right, you know, it's like, I don't

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Speaker 1: like violence at all, but at all, and I hope

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Speaker 1: I never have to be in an altercation or anything ever,

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Speaker 1: But there have been times in my life where somebody's

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Speaker 1: been trying to hurt someone.

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Speaker 2: That I care about or me, and you go, well,

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Speaker 2: if I'm not.

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Speaker 1: At the very least being physical, you know, or doing

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Speaker 1: something to defend me or someone else, there's going to

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Speaker 1: be a problem.

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Speaker 2: So I don't ever want to be in the middle

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Speaker 2: of it. I don't ever want to start it.

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Speaker 1: But it's not okay to punch me in the face,

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Speaker 1: you know, There's it depends on what is going on.

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Speaker 1: So I think that, but in general terms, as much

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Speaker 1: as possible, I think, you know, default to default to what.

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Speaker 2: Is it that that matters to you most? What are

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Speaker 2: the things that you know?

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Speaker 1: I started writing this piece yes, they made. It was

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Speaker 1: going to be a post on Instagram and it was

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Speaker 1: about I was just writing about the the dichotomy between

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Speaker 1: like trying to be like really trying to be this

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Speaker 1: person that comes from a place of love and kindness

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Speaker 1: and service. And I know this all sounds very cliche

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Speaker 1: and you know, like spiritual psychobabble, and we get so

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Speaker 1: much of this in twenty twenty five, and I think

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Speaker 1: so much of it's kind of bullshit, and people kind

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Speaker 1: of virtue signaling and whatever. But there, of course there

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Speaker 1: are other people who are the real deal and genuine.

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Speaker 1: But for me, like I actually want to be that,

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Speaker 1: and I'm often not that I try to be that.

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Speaker 1: I try to be of value and service and kindness

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Speaker 1: and love and to empower other people without a gender,

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Speaker 1: Like I think that's the key without agenda.

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Speaker 2: So it's not strategic.

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Speaker 1: But one of the other like kind of spanners in

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Speaker 1: the works here is that while you want to be

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Speaker 1: this kind, empathetic, aware human, there are also people that

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Speaker 1: coexist with us that do fucking horrible things, like people

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Speaker 1: that are just not nice people like people who actually

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Speaker 1: do bad, horrible shit that I won't expand on this,

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Speaker 1: but do bad, horrible shit, fully knowing what they're doing,

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Speaker 1: fully intending to hurt someone else, or at the very

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Speaker 1: least fully intending to look after themselves, not giving a

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Speaker 1: fuck about the consequences for anyone. And then you know,

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Speaker 1: so for me in the middle of it, don't know

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Speaker 1: how we got here, but anyway, then the challenge is

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Speaker 1: how do I still be this kind, compassionate person but

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Speaker 1: not a walkover, but not an emotional doormat, but not

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Speaker 1: not you know, how do I deal.

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Speaker 2: With this person? You know, I think it.

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Speaker 1: Was you'll remember maybe it was Edmund Burke or someone

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Speaker 1: who said all that's necessary for evil to triumph is

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Speaker 1: for it said good men. But we can say good

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Speaker 1: people is for good people to do nothing.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to be the person who does nothing.

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Speaker 1: But then it's knowing how much do I do? What

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Speaker 1: do I do? What is appropriate? What is inappropriate? And

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Speaker 1: I've told the story before about I went out with

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Speaker 1: my mom and dad about ten years ago, and even then,

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Speaker 1: my mum was seventy five, so she was elderly, and

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Speaker 1: a guy in the city who was I would dare say,

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Speaker 1: you know, drug effected, But he stepped out in front

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Speaker 1: of my mum and grabbed my mum on the arm

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Speaker 1: because he wanted money. And it's it's like, all of

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Speaker 1: a sudden, mister love and light and unicorns and Jesus,

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden, I'm like a fucking you know,

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Speaker 1: a psychopath getting this guy off my mum. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: you don't, you don't do that, Like that's not okay.

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Speaker 1: And that took like one second for me to elevate

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Speaker 1: one second, and I didn't do anything horrendous to him,

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Speaker 1: but he probably wouldn't have done that again in a hurry,

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Speaker 1: not that night anyway. But you know, just that trying

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Speaker 1: to manage that, that drive to be a kind, compassionate

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Speaker 1: human doing good but also not at the cost of

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Speaker 1: letting or enabling people to do horrible shit. Like for

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Speaker 1: me to find that balance is hard.

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Speaker 3: I mean, but for me looking at it from the outside,

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Speaker 3: d you were living in complete alignment with that, because

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Speaker 3: I think there's there's a misconception that kindness and compassion

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Speaker 3: has to be soft. You were acting out of kindness

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Speaker 3: and out of compassion for your mom, which is which

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Speaker 3: is expected, and you like, look, you talked about context

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Speaker 3: of everything. If I said, oh my god, Greg I'm coming,

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Speaker 3: you know, coming to Melbourne next week and let's just

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Speaker 3: let's just get together, let's just go have dinner. And

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Speaker 3: you're like, oh, yeah, that's fantastic, Bobby, And I'm like, look,

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Speaker 3: I you know, I have a friend of mine right

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Speaker 3: and his name is John. He's going to be out

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Speaker 3: in Melbourne as well. I would love for you to

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Speaker 3: meet him. Tell me a little bit about him. I'd

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Speaker 3: love to meet him. Oh, he's a really fun guy

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Speaker 3: to be around. He's really charismatic, he's super kind, compassionate. Like,

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Speaker 3: you know, he's he's killed over twenty people. You're just

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Speaker 3: gonna you might go, whoa, whoa, wait what hold on?

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Speaker 3: Hold on, wait a second, Like what do you mean?

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Speaker 3: He's like, I don't know if I want to, Like,

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Speaker 3: but if I said, yeah, oh, he killed over twenty people.

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Speaker 3: You know, he was in a war zone and he

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Speaker 3: saved a bunch of women and children from enemy combatants.

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Speaker 3: Well does that matter? Now? Does that context matter? So

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Speaker 3: is it like, oh, well, this, how's this guy kind

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Speaker 3: of capassion He's killed twenty people, like he seems like

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Speaker 3: a complete psychopath. Where wait, okay, he saved the lives

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Speaker 3: of Well that's not Sometimes it's courageous to be kind.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes it is courageous, and it is a sign of

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Speaker 3: strength to be compassionate. So like living your values doesn't

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Speaker 3: have to it doesn't have to be a compromise. It's

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Speaker 3: what's the context of how those values need to show

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Speaker 3: up in order to serve you through integrity. And when

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Speaker 3: I say integrity, I mean consistency.

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Speaker 2: Like do what a great example?

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Speaker 1: Do?

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Speaker 2: That's a great example, dude? I like that.

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Speaker 1: I may even use that, and then I'll just I'll

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Speaker 1: cite you, of course, and I'll put you in the

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Speaker 1: references at the bottom. I'll see if I can squeeze

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Speaker 1: that into my thesis somehow, just so you.

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Speaker 2: Get a mention in the paper.

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Speaker 3: Thank you appreciate that?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 1: We were going to chat today a little bit about

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Speaker 1: confidence and how that works.

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Speaker 2: And as always we meand it around for twenty minutes.

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Speaker 2: But I loved it.

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Speaker 1: One of the questions I often get answered, or I

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Speaker 1: often get asked I should say, is.

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Speaker 2: How do I how do.

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Speaker 1: I build my confidence around public speaking? Because I'm scared?

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Speaker 1: How do I be less scared? How do I be better?

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Speaker 1: How do I be And of course the answer is

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Speaker 1: by public speaking right, You can't get good at the

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Speaker 1: thing that you won't do.

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Speaker 2: You can't master what you avoid.

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Speaker 1: What what have you had to do or what has

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Speaker 1: worked for you over the years in terms of enabling

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Speaker 1: you to feel comfortable, more comfortable, less anxious, more confidence,

403
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Speaker 1: and ultimately, you know, being more skillful and more effective

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Speaker 1: at what you do.

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Speaker 2: And whether or not that was as a speaker or

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Speaker 2: a coach or.

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Speaker 1: Something else, like what what do you do? How have

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Speaker 1: you done it?

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Speaker 3: It's been a few things right now, at the top

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Speaker 3: of my head, it's three. I mean, if you ask

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Speaker 3: me how minutes from now, they'll probably be a fourth.

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Speaker 3: But right now the three things were I had one

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Speaker 3: big thing that was so enormous it kind of superseded

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Speaker 3: every other emotion that was a distraction. It's not like

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Speaker 3: I didn't contend with self doubt, anxiety. It's not like, Okay,

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Speaker 3: before I got up to speak, well, I was super confident,

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Speaker 3: never afraid, No, just the opposite. So I don't know

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Speaker 3: if I ever shared this with you, But when I

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Speaker 3: first started going out on the road, like consistently where

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Speaker 3: I was speaking probably at least once a week my

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00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:27,679
Speaker 3: crew at NASM, there was this running joke. Especially in

422
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Speaker 3: large rooms like the giant ballrooms, It's like, okay, when

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Speaker 3: we announced Bobby, He's going to come in from the

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Speaker 3: back of the room. Now, people used to think that

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Speaker 3: I was doing that for effect, because it was dramatic

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Speaker 3: effect rather than standing on the stage, because I made

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Speaker 3: a show of it. I would come in and start

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Speaker 3: talking my intro from the back and people are looking

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Speaker 3: around like where is he and then yeah, I don't

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Speaker 3: and then they would realize this guy's coming up the

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Speaker 3: aisle full energy, and then I'm on stage. That was

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Speaker 3: my signature. But everybody knew, and they would just take

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Speaker 3: the piss out of me mercilessly for this. They knew

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Speaker 3: that the reason for that is when they started introducing me,

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Speaker 3: I would get so terrified. I'd have to go find

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Speaker 3: the loo because I needed it a week desperately, no

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Speaker 3: matter what, because I felt so scared. But I knew

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Speaker 3: that it was so important, this one thing that I

439
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:29,240
Speaker 3: wanted to be, this sense of identity, that I would

440
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:33,600
Speaker 3: get myself in the zone regardless. I think number two

441
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:40,359
Speaker 3: for me was focusing on becoming very competent, as competent

442
00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:43,439
Speaker 3: as I could possibly be. I would wake up super

443
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:45,920
Speaker 3: early in the morning and just read and like, how

444
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:49,480
Speaker 3: can I apply this information? What's one action I could

445
00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:54,080
Speaker 3: take in my workflow and my daily life teaching where

446
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:56,880
Speaker 3: I can utilize this information. I'd do the same thing.

447
00:23:56,920 --> 00:23:59,119
Speaker 3: On the way home from Mark, I'd stop off in

448
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:01,920
Speaker 3: another coffee shop, have a tea. It's in the evening,

449
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:03,600
Speaker 3: and I would sit there and this is how I

450
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:06,960
Speaker 3: would restructure my environment. So I was getting at least

451
00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:11,520
Speaker 3: three hours a day of reading technical material. And then

452
00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:14,879
Speaker 3: in my car, I was always listening to something. I

453
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,320
Speaker 3: was never driving. And I'm not saying that's the right

454
00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 3: way to be either. Now I probably have arguments against that,

455
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:25,160
Speaker 3: but I would listen to some form of professional development,

456
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:29,400
Speaker 3: business book summaries, and just the more competent you are,

457
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:36,359
Speaker 3: confidence and competence cohabit together. They feed one another. And

458
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:40,440
Speaker 3: then the third thing is where your focus is. I've

459
00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:43,320
Speaker 3: always found that when I'm trying to do something for myself,

460
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,760
Speaker 3: right I'm going to go out and I'm going to

461
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:51,640
Speaker 3: start building a side business consulting or coaching, I never

462
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:55,879
Speaker 3: do as well as when I'm focused on what is

463
00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:59,560
Speaker 3: it that I want to provide for other people? How

464
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:03,199
Speaker 3: do I be and service of them because all that

465
00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:06,000
Speaker 3: doubt and anxiety is this going to work? And the

466
00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:10,480
Speaker 3: history of the times I started businesses and I failed miserably.

467
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:13,840
Speaker 3: I mean, those are entertaining, but they're there right. Everybody

468
00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:16,399
Speaker 3: has that in their background. There's not a lot of

469
00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:21,360
Speaker 3: mental energy for me to focus inward when I'm completely

470
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 3: focused outward on a mission that involves other people. So

471
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:29,840
Speaker 3: for me, it's it was identity. It was the relentless

472
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:33,359
Speaker 3: pursuit of competence, which came from a passion around the

473
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:36,879
Speaker 3: subject matter that I was teaching, and it was an

474
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:41,440
Speaker 3: outwardly focused mission. I would reframe that as originating intention

475
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:46,720
Speaker 3: because originating intention, by its nature, is focused outward on

476
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:49,639
Speaker 3: the person in front of you, within your circle of influence.

477
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:53,200
Speaker 3: It starts with you. It's not like we and us

478
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:57,480
Speaker 3: and our mission. It's about what I want for you.

479
00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:02,280
Speaker 3: And the thing about that is I had some train

480
00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:08,000
Speaker 3: me years ago that you are at the extremes either

481
00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:11,639
Speaker 3: your originating intention or you're your shadow. And the more

482
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:15,239
Speaker 3: you are consciously focusing on showing up and being the

483
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:18,440
Speaker 3: embodiment of what it is that's sacred for you that

484
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:23,920
Speaker 3: you want for others, the further away you are from

485
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,719
Speaker 3: being your shadow, and the more you move off of that,

486
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:30,720
Speaker 3: the more you feed the opportunity for your shadow to emerge.

487
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:36,240
Speaker 3: So that those three things have really helped me with confidence.

488
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:39,679
Speaker 3: I'll tell you what today, Like, I had a great

489
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:43,080
Speaker 3: experience with my cohort. So I'm in a Mastermind coaching

490
00:26:43,119 --> 00:26:49,600
Speaker 3: program where they're where we have master coaches taking us

491
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:53,840
Speaker 3: as coaches and it's it's a nine month education and

492
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:59,520
Speaker 3: development plan and someone who who I have a lot

493
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:04,159
Speaker 3: of respects for. So one of our master instructors a

494
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:08,159
Speaker 3: couple of months ago, because we consistently are doing you know,

495
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,240
Speaker 3: we're being evaluated, we have to show up and take

496
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:15,880
Speaker 3: each other through these coaching sessions, and in a very

497
00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:21,240
Speaker 3: lovely and constructive way, said something to the effect of, Wow,

498
00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:24,320
Speaker 3: you're really showing up and it's like you're dedicated to

499
00:27:24,359 --> 00:27:28,439
Speaker 3: your process. So I got something in my and what

500
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:31,960
Speaker 3: he meant by that, I think was I was showing up. Okay,

501
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:34,800
Speaker 3: here's the model I'm going to use. Here's my questions

502
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:39,440
Speaker 3: I'm going to ask, And it's like, where are you

503
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:45,280
Speaker 3: in relation to the client? Like you're fifteen minutes in

504
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:50,400
Speaker 3: the future, you already know where you're guiding this conversations

505
00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:53,919
Speaker 3: that that might be selling, that might be consulting, that

506
00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:57,280
Speaker 3: is by far not coaching. And it's because I was

507
00:27:57,320 --> 00:27:59,720
Speaker 3: going through a crisis of confidence because of a lot

508
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:02,240
Speaker 3: of things that were going on in my not so

509
00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:04,320
Speaker 3: with personal life, but work life. And it was a

510
00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:07,800
Speaker 3: series of things that compounded one on top of another.

511
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:12,919
Speaker 3: And then what I started doing is, you know, because

512
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:16,160
Speaker 3: a lot of things that altered behaviors is the environment

513
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:17,879
Speaker 3: we put ourselves in and said, I'm not going to

514
00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:21,000
Speaker 3: give myself a chance to do that. Where if I

515
00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:24,120
Speaker 3: know that this is this is a mentorship session, we're

516
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:27,399
Speaker 3: going to be evaluated, I'm not even looking at the sheet.

517
00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:30,920
Speaker 3: So when I show up, I don't know if I'm

518
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:33,399
Speaker 3: going to have to be the client that day. I

519
00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:35,439
Speaker 3: don't know if I'm going to be evaluated as a

520
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:39,040
Speaker 3: coach that day. And I don't and I don't even

521
00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 3: know where in that order of like the five pairs

522
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:46,480
Speaker 3: that are going I am. So when they say, hey,

523
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:49,800
Speaker 3: well you know, Bobby, you're a coach, You're going forth,

524
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:55,400
Speaker 3: I'm like surprised. So it gives me no ability to

525
00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:58,880
Speaker 3: be in my head and to over prepare. And the

526
00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:03,480
Speaker 3: only thing I have to do show up, listen and

527
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:05,800
Speaker 3: figure out how do I serve this person in front

528
00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:07,960
Speaker 3: of me. In the past couple of times i've done that,

529
00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:14,280
Speaker 3: my ev ows skyrocketed. Yeah, the feedback I got was

530
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:18,760
Speaker 3: so much better when I actually decided to show up

531
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 3: rather than to have my anxiety lead in front of me.

532
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:32,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's I did a thing yesterday. I don't know

533
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:34,760
Speaker 4: if we mentioned already anyway, the Alzheimer's is kicking him.

534
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:38,800
Speaker 2: But I did a gig. And the lady who m

535
00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:39,280
Speaker 2: seed the.

536
00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:42,719
Speaker 1: Day, who was great. But her and I are different,

537
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:45,800
Speaker 1: not good or bad, different, not better or worse, just different.

538
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:53,400
Speaker 1: Her very well presented, very polished, very articulate, very structured,

539
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:56,800
Speaker 1: very you know everything, like the person you want.

540
00:29:56,680 --> 00:29:58,840
Speaker 2: Running the day. You don't want me running the day.

541
00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:00,680
Speaker 1: Because it would be a dogs breakfast?

542
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:01,880
Speaker 2: Do you want her running the day?

543
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 1: And she gets up and just like every tea crossed,

544
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:12,280
Speaker 1: every I dotted, every everything, and the ultimate professional.

545
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:13,880
Speaker 2: And I'm the first speaker.

546
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:17,320
Speaker 1: So I'm out of the gate nine am keynote opening

547
00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:24,400
Speaker 1: for the conference, right, and she's does her thing, talks

548
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:25,360
Speaker 1: about a few bits space.

549
00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:27,160
Speaker 2: She's up there for about ten minutes.

550
00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 1: Right, and obviously put a lot of work and effort

551
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:33,320
Speaker 1: and did a great job. And then I get up

552
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:37,760
Speaker 1: there and I realized, when I'm up there, there's a lecturn.

553
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:40,080
Speaker 1: I don't want to stand for an hour at a lecturn.

554
00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:42,400
Speaker 1: So I just walked to the middle of stage and

555
00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:43,920
Speaker 1: I go, can you all hear me if I'm not

556
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:45,840
Speaker 1: standing over there, because I don't want to stand over

557
00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:49,160
Speaker 1: there like I have the you know, like I'm free range,

558
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:49,920
Speaker 1: I'm organic.

559
00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:52,000
Speaker 2: I cannot stand at e lecturn for an hour.

560
00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:55,880
Speaker 1: And then they're like yeah, and then the audio visual

561
00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:58,640
Speaker 1: guy goes, hey, I'll put on a thing.

562
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:00,000
Speaker 2: So then he walks on stage.

563
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:03,160
Speaker 1: Now already it's a shambles, but a fun shambles, right,

564
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:06,600
Speaker 1: And then I've got this guy on stage in front

565
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:08,880
Speaker 1: of two hundred and fifty people who's all up in

566
00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:12,160
Speaker 1: my face, right, just running a wire down my shirt

567
00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:14,800
Speaker 1: as you've had done a million times, and then he

568
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:19,440
Speaker 1: clips the package into your your pants, and then he's

569
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:22,440
Speaker 1: clipping the actual mic on the top, and it's like

570
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:26,320
Speaker 1: you're it's very intimate, like you're literally inches away from

571
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:26,800
Speaker 1: each other.

572
00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:28,920
Speaker 2: And then so I start fucking around.

573
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:32,120
Speaker 1: About that, and I start, it's worth one hundred percent.

574
00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:34,000
Speaker 1: I said, this is the most attention I've had in

575
00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:34,960
Speaker 1: fucking months.

576
00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:35,640
Speaker 2: This is great.

577
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:38,040
Speaker 1: You'll find a slater spooning in the foyer right, and

578
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:41,680
Speaker 1: everyone's and then so and then this started. And then

579
00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:44,240
Speaker 1: I turned around because I don't use any tech and

580
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:46,600
Speaker 1: I don't have notes, and then I look at the whiteboard,

581
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:50,040
Speaker 1: which looks like it was from my nine and seventy two,

582
00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:51,120
Speaker 1: you know.

583
00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:53,600
Speaker 2: Grade two classroom.

584
00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:56,200
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I hope this lasts the hour, and

585
00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:59,320
Speaker 1: everyone laughs because it looks one hundred years old in

586
00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:02,600
Speaker 1: the in this beautiful corporate environment, by the way. And

587
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:04,480
Speaker 1: then I went to write something and then were no

588
00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:07,520
Speaker 1: whiteboard markers. So then the old av guy comes up

589
00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:11,520
Speaker 1: again and we recommence our relationship mid stage, with him

590
00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:14,920
Speaker 1: offering me a range, like a drug dealer, a range

591
00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:19,440
Speaker 1: of different whiteboard markers. And it ended up just being

592
00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:24,880
Speaker 1: this hour of interaction and fun and Lucy Goosey, and

593
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:28,400
Speaker 1: halfway through one of the I don't know, managing directors

594
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:32,480
Speaker 1: or someone was worried there was a bit of metal

595
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:34,680
Speaker 1: on stage that he thought I was going to trip

596
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:37,360
Speaker 1: on because I'd hit it a few times with my shoe.

597
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:40,120
Speaker 1: Then he wanted to address that I'm like up the

598
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:42,640
Speaker 1: arc hel safety guys here. So then he came up,

599
00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 1: and then the guy the whole conference organizer who's lovely

600
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:52,240
Speaker 1: but a little bit like, doesn't love the spotlight. Right,

601
00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:56,040
Speaker 1: I was talking about we're talking about love languages, and

602
00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:57,880
Speaker 1: we were talking about communication and hugging.

603
00:32:57,920 --> 00:32:58,800
Speaker 2: We're talking about.

604
00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:01,320
Speaker 1: That book book by Gary chap and the five Love Languages,

605
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:05,400
Speaker 1: and you know, I was talking about how my mum's

606
00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:08,680
Speaker 1: love language is definitely not hugging. And so I get

607
00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:11,200
Speaker 1: the guy who doesn't love the spotlight up on stage

608
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:14,880
Speaker 1: and I demonstrate with him how my mum hugs right.

609
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:17,040
Speaker 1: He didn't want to be up there, it was, but

610
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:19,080
Speaker 1: he kind of, you know, he was a good sport.

611
00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:22,160
Speaker 1: He went along and everyone's laughing and then we bullshit

612
00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:26,320
Speaker 1: around and then an hour later, give or take, we're done.

613
00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:29,400
Speaker 1: No notes, know anything got out, lots of good information,

614
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:35,960
Speaker 1: told stories, built rapport, asked questions, people got involved, a

615
00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:38,280
Speaker 1: line of people. When I'd finished coming up to talk,

616
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:40,640
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. And then the lady who hosted it,

617
00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:44,320
Speaker 1: who was also great, like I said, she said to me,

618
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:46,920
Speaker 1: I do not have a clue how you do that?

619
00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:49,080
Speaker 1: She goes, I was trying to look at where your

620
00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:51,880
Speaker 1: notes were, like she was looking on the floor or whatever,

621
00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:55,760
Speaker 1: like what is he like? What where are his notes?

622
00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:58,440
Speaker 1: Where is his sheet? What is he working off?

623
00:33:58,520 --> 00:33:58,720
Speaker 2: You know?

624
00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:03,040
Speaker 1: And it's it's just that for me that works, but

625
00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:06,240
Speaker 1: for somebody else that would be the worst possible way

626
00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:10,560
Speaker 1: to go. But when I'm when I have a rigid structure,

627
00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:12,960
Speaker 1: when I've got like ten slides and I've got to

628
00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:14,799
Speaker 1: go from slide one slide.

629
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:16,880
Speaker 2: Ten, oh, I'm a nightmare.

630
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:20,880
Speaker 1: I can't because I start talking about slide seven before

631
00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:23,200
Speaker 1: I've even touched on it, and then and then I

632
00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:25,479
Speaker 1: forget I've got a fucking PowerPoint and then.

633
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:29,040
Speaker 2: I've got to find my clicker and ah, I don't know,

634
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:29,960
Speaker 2: and like I'm back.

635
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:31,760
Speaker 3: At least it's a lot of fun for the audience.

636
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:32,760
Speaker 3: They can follow along.

637
00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:36,239
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, I mean, but I just think that,

638
00:34:37,239 --> 00:34:40,160
Speaker 1: like what you said, when you increase knowledge, So my

639
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:42,680
Speaker 1: three things are knowledge, the more knowledge you have about

640
00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:47,200
Speaker 1: whatever it is you do, obviously right, and then experience.

641
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:49,840
Speaker 1: However you can get the experience now whether or not

642
00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:52,880
Speaker 1: it's speaking in front of groups or something else. And

643
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:55,680
Speaker 1: the other one is just immersion. And you know, like

644
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:58,359
Speaker 1: for the last six years. I had to say six years.

645
00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:00,920
Speaker 1: But for me, my PhD is just been full immersion

646
00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:04,719
Speaker 1: into this idea of you know, metacognition, theory of mind

647
00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:07,879
Speaker 1: and meta perception and metaaccuracy. And because I've just been

648
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:11,760
Speaker 1: down this rabbit hole for six years. It's just this language.

649
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:14,200
Speaker 1: It's just this language that I now speak that I

650
00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:17,440
Speaker 1: couldn't speak. It's just this knowledge that's hardwired. It's all

651
00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:21,440
Speaker 1: this And so when I get up on stage, not

652
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:24,400
Speaker 1: because I'm smarter or better, but I just know that

653
00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:28,880
Speaker 1: there's absolutely nobody in the room who knows two percent

654
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:32,759
Speaker 1: of what I know about this topic. So obviously that

655
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:34,799
Speaker 1: brings confidence, you know.

656
00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:35,959
Speaker 2: So I think.

657
00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:42,440
Speaker 1: Knowing what knowing your knowing your topic or whatever it is,

658
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:45,279
Speaker 1: or understanding the role that you need to play and

659
00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 1: how to do that like that, that's probably the key

660
00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:49,360
Speaker 1: to confidence.

661
00:35:48,920 --> 00:35:49,359
Speaker 2: In a way.

662
00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:52,640
Speaker 3: I think that's what. And I'm not suggesting and I

663
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:55,000
Speaker 3: know you're not suggesting that you don't need to develop

664
00:35:55,080 --> 00:35:56,560
Speaker 3: skills to be good on stage.

665
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:57,480
Speaker 2: You absolutely do.

666
00:35:57,520 --> 00:35:59,279
Speaker 3: And there are frameworks and you know, we could talk

667
00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:01,759
Speaker 3: about some of that. It's not like I know, for me,

668
00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:03,520
Speaker 3: it's not like I walk up and I have no

669
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:05,719
Speaker 3: idea what I'm going to say, and then I'm so smart. Yeah,

670
00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:07,760
Speaker 3: it all just appears in my brain. No, it doesn't

671
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:11,920
Speaker 3: work like that. Yeah, my brain has quite a few challenges.

672
00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:17,680
Speaker 3: There's no owner's manual, let's put it that way. But

673
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:21,400
Speaker 3: I have always created frameworks that help guide you through.

674
00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:23,719
Speaker 3: But one of the things that I was alluding to

675
00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:26,359
Speaker 3: early with confidence is when you're like, oh my god,

676
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:28,960
Speaker 3: I can never do It's about the presentation. It's about you.

677
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:31,359
Speaker 3: It's about how you're going to be perceived. It's about

678
00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:34,360
Speaker 3: how you're going to perform, rather than the other person.

679
00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:38,839
Speaker 3: Like you're listening to this right now, imagine that someone

680
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:41,719
Speaker 3: who you really love you get a call from them

681
00:36:41,719 --> 00:36:45,520
Speaker 3: and it's like their partner like stole old their jewelry

682
00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:48,640
Speaker 3: and hawked it and I don't know, burnt half the

683
00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:51,360
Speaker 3: house down whilst they were having an affair. And it's like,

684
00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:54,479
Speaker 3: oh god, I really want to go and talk to them.

685
00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:56,680
Speaker 3: But the things that I'm going to say, I remember

686
00:36:56,719 --> 00:36:59,200
Speaker 3: the last time, like when we were younger, I said, hey,

687
00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:02,520
Speaker 3: that guy, that girl's no good for you. Really, yeah,

688
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:06,360
Speaker 3: you know, it almost ended the friendship. And I'm so

689
00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:09,400
Speaker 3: anxious and you're gonna go there and you're gonna stutter

690
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:11,399
Speaker 3: through all that, and you're in the car and you're

691
00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:13,640
Speaker 3: going to meet that person at a coffee shop because

692
00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:16,279
Speaker 3: your friend really needs you. And you show up the

693
00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:20,600
Speaker 3: coffee shop and you are feeling like you're gonna throw up.

694
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:23,480
Speaker 3: You don't know what you're gonna say, if you're going

695
00:37:23,560 --> 00:37:25,480
Speaker 3: to say anything at all, And then you look at

696
00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:28,640
Speaker 3: him or you look at her. They've got tears in

697
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:31,480
Speaker 3: their eyes, running down their face, and you're overwhelmed with

698
00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:35,960
Speaker 3: this incredible love and care for the person across from you,

699
00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:40,560
Speaker 3: and you can't see or feel anything other than what's

700
00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:43,840
Speaker 3: being generated by that relationship that person, what it means

701
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:49,160
Speaker 3: to you, what's the difference in that conversation. It might

702
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:52,359
Speaker 3: not be comfortable, it might not be smooth, but you're

703
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:54,720
Speaker 3: going to say the right thing to the right person

704
00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:57,080
Speaker 3: at the right time, in the right way in that context.

705
00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:02,080
Speaker 3: Because what is driving the ability that you have to

706
00:38:02,160 --> 00:38:06,839
Speaker 3: masterfully communicate in ways that you have masterfully communicated at

707
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:10,480
Speaker 3: so many times, if you're honest about tracing back all

708
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:14,279
Speaker 3: of those moments in life, what's channeling that is the

709
00:38:14,320 --> 00:38:19,120
Speaker 3: emotion and what that relationship represents That's why originating attention

710
00:38:19,239 --> 00:38:21,360
Speaker 3: is so important. Who are the people need the audience?

711
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:24,560
Speaker 3: What do you care most about? What do they represent today?

712
00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:27,080
Speaker 3: When I was coaching, one of the things that helped

713
00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:32,239
Speaker 3: is my cohort of coaches are all amazing people. And

714
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:36,600
Speaker 3: when I'm looking at a screen at this woman that

715
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 3: is my client for this session, she is I remember

716
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:45,560
Speaker 3: the times where she spoke to me and she was insightful,

717
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:50,800
Speaker 3: she was completely charismatic, compassionate, and she brings her whole self,

718
00:38:51,239 --> 00:38:55,360
Speaker 3: And I'm like, this woman is important to I almost

719
00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:57,880
Speaker 3: sent her name earlier. This woman is important to me.

720
00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:01,279
Speaker 3: So every word that was coming out of romances, It's like, oh,

721
00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:04,880
Speaker 3: what's the what's the rate tape of reflection? You know,

722
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:10,000
Speaker 3: is it normal? Is it amplified? Am I reflecting simplistically? Emotionally?

723
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:13,759
Speaker 3: Am I reflecting? Need? None of that shit mattered. I'm

724
00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:16,320
Speaker 3: just going to show up for her And that cuts

725
00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:18,239
Speaker 3: out a lot of the noise. Now, if you do that,

726
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:21,640
Speaker 3: you don't have the skills, you're screwed, right, But if

727
00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:26,640
Speaker 3: you have the skills it and you're looking outwardly, it

728
00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:29,280
Speaker 3: gets rid of a lot of the distraction in the background.

729
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:33,760
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, It's.

730
00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:37,120
Speaker 1: Like I think, I think that you know, having that

731
00:39:37,239 --> 00:39:42,959
Speaker 1: conversation versus or you know, when you're having those those

732
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:46,200
Speaker 1: meaningful exchanges with people in the moment versus what you

733
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:50,720
Speaker 1: thought you might do when you got there. Like I often,

734
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:53,239
Speaker 1: I'll go to meet someone and I think I know

735
00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:54,880
Speaker 1: what I'm going to talk about it, what I'm going

736
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:57,160
Speaker 1: to say, or how I'm going to approach it, and

737
00:39:57,200 --> 00:40:01,560
Speaker 1: then I get there and I'm like, Okay, plan because

738
00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:03,680
Speaker 1: Plan A, B and C ain't gonna work.

739
00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:08,719
Speaker 2: You know. I think that's that.

740
00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:10,560
Speaker 1: That being able to read the room mate. Unfortunately, we've

741
00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:12,440
Speaker 1: got to wind up because I've got to go and

742
00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:15,560
Speaker 1: do something. I apologize, listens. I feel like we curtailed

743
00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:19,760
Speaker 1: that a little bit, but we'll go for longer next week.

744
00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:23,799
Speaker 1: Tell people how they can find you and listen to

745
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:25,759
Speaker 1: you and connect with you.

746
00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:29,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm on Robert Capuccio dot com. Well, if they

747
00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:31,680
Speaker 3: don't renew the website, I'm not going to be on

748
00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:36,360
Speaker 3: there much longer. Thanks for reminding me, and so ant

749
00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:43,319
Speaker 3: do com and every Thursday or Friday or so, he'll

750
00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:46,240
Speaker 3: be here at the uprogra here next week.

751
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:50,520
Speaker 1: In fact, other than TIF, you are probably the human

752
00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:52,759
Speaker 1: in the world that's done the most episodes of this show.

753
00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:56,040
Speaker 1: You definitely done the most episode, so you're pretty much

754
00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:57,160
Speaker 1: a co host by now.

755
00:40:57,600 --> 00:41:00,879
Speaker 3: I shouldn't have then where's were in need? I should

756
00:41:00,920 --> 00:41:03,080
Speaker 3: get a beanie if that's the case, right, Like you're

757
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:07,080
Speaker 3: like the number one most frequent guest, I should have

758
00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:08,680
Speaker 3: at least a beanie.

759
00:41:09,080 --> 00:41:11,080
Speaker 2: Do you really not have a U Project beanie?

760
00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:13,359
Speaker 3: I don't want to have a U Project beanie. Why

761
00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:14,759
Speaker 3: would I ask for another one? Do you think I'm

762
00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:17,600
Speaker 3: hoarding these things? Some type of project?

763
00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:22,080
Speaker 1: Will I will talk to Melissa today. I'll talk to

764
00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:24,879
Speaker 1: Melissa today and she will send you one. Well, it's

765
00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:28,839
Speaker 1: Friday afternoon, so probably not today but soon, and knowing

766
00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:33,120
Speaker 1: Australia Post, you'll get that about mid next year.

767
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:33,680
Speaker 2: So enjoy that.

768
00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:35,880
Speaker 3: I'll just swing by and pick it up.

769
00:41:36,239 --> 00:41:37,799
Speaker 1: All right, buddy, I'll talk to you off there, but

770
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:38,919
Speaker 1: thanks again mate.

771
00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:40,080
Speaker 3: Thanks everyone,