WEBVTT - ASKING YOUR PARTNER FOR 'ME TIME': WYHA HOTLINE

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, on Sunday, I'm actually gonna have a girl's day.

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<v Speaker 2>What do you mean we had we were going to

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<v Speaker 2>go surfing together.

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<v Speaker 1>Where's Your Head At? Is a podcast that talks all

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<v Speaker 1>things right. Hold on a sec, let's give this a refresh.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi, I'm Anna and I'm Matt, and we are now

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<v Speaker 2>too newlywed not to each other. Just a female and

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<v Speaker 2>male best friend here for the good, the bad, and

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<v Speaker 2>the ugly times.

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<v Speaker 1>And exploring adulthood, family relationships, dilemmas.

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<v Speaker 2>And whatever else we have the mental capacity to deal with.

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<v Speaker 1>Come get the lowdown.

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<v Speaker 2>This is your male and female perspective.

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<v Speaker 1>So, Matt, where's your head at? Good morning?

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<v Speaker 2>Good morning Anna, Good morning everyone. Where's your head at? Hannah?

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<v Speaker 1>Well, I'm a maternity leave and we are recording a

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<v Speaker 1>hotline episode currently in the studio. Right now, we're both

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<v Speaker 1>standing up, and we've never done a podcast standing.

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<v Speaker 2>I've seen a couple of people stand in like the

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<v Speaker 2>radio presenters stand and I was like, you know what,

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<v Speaker 2>let's try standing up. Let's see how far through this

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<v Speaker 2>episode we can get standing, because I think I'm going

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<v Speaker 2>to get a little bit over it.

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<v Speaker 1>I would never have agreed to standing, but honestly, at

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<v Speaker 1>this point in my pregnancy, I'm heavily pregnant. My hips

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<v Speaker 1>who saw, I'm just aching all.

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<v Speaker 2>Over standing make it worse.

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<v Speaker 1>No, because i feel like I'm kind of moving side

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<v Speaker 1>to side, so I'm stretching out my hair.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you are swaying to side, just.

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<v Speaker 1>Like treating this as a bit of a workout.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, if you stand, I'm pretty sure we'll find a

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<v Speaker 2>start on that. You will burn more calories than sitting

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<v Speaker 2>down at your desk. So if you're listening to this

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<v Speaker 2>at work, stand up.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you know what a friend of mine actually she

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<v Speaker 1>got one of those little slow treadmills that you walk on.

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<v Speaker 1>Why Yeah, and she loves it. She's like all four

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<v Speaker 1>I The thing is one of my worst moments in

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<v Speaker 1>life was when I was I used to do PT

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<v Speaker 1>training and I was like going ham on the treadmill

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<v Speaker 1>with my PT and fell off fully fell off frontwards

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<v Speaker 1>or backwards backwards like I was running. Obviously I don't

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<v Speaker 1>know how it happened, and just went flying off the

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<v Speaker 1>back like absolutely flying badly, like badly. And then my

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<v Speaker 1>PT was like really like awkward about it.

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<v Speaker 2>He was like are you He was like, you're Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>the speed was only at four point five. You're worse

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<v Speaker 2>shape than I thought.

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<v Speaker 1>No, I was really fit then, But the problem was

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<v Speaker 1>is I think I got two cocky. So I was

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<v Speaker 1>going at like fifteen or something fast. And then imagine

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<v Speaker 1>flying off a treadmill like that. That would hurt. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>And that's the reason why I feel like, because I

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<v Speaker 1>work at home a lot on my phone or laptop,

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<v Speaker 1>and it would be nice to just be like slowly

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<v Speaker 1>walking whilst doing it. It's almost like subconscious, like you

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<v Speaker 1>wouldn't even know, but imagine. I mean, if you go

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<v Speaker 1>flying off that, it's probably not.

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<v Speaker 2>Really red flag. I mean at my old office in

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<v Speaker 2>the Gold Coast, they have desks that would stand up

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<v Speaker 2>and a lot of people would stand while working. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>so that would burn calories doing that.

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<v Speaker 1>You're all about I.

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<v Speaker 2>Have what was the other thing I said today? Something?

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<v Speaker 1>But you said something else.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I'm in my fitness era. You know what

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<v Speaker 2>they say, though, don't count calories, make calories count?

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<v Speaker 1>Why you someone bought with this who hurt you? Like, well,

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<v Speaker 1>you don't need to count calories.

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<v Speaker 2>All right? And so we've brought some stories to today's episode. Yes,

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<v Speaker 2>I saw an article and it said study say that

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<v Speaker 2>couples who fart together tend to have a healthier and

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<v Speaker 2>happier relationship. So it's actually come up a couple of

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<v Speaker 2>times on my Instagram this week.

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<v Speaker 1>And do you agree with this?

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<v Speaker 2>Do you fight in front of Michael?

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<v Speaker 1>Do you agree with this?

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<v Speaker 2>I I'll start by saying, I have never had a

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<v Speaker 2>girlfriend or partner of fart in front of me.

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<v Speaker 1>Ever, I had what about like by accident.

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<v Speaker 2>They're like, oops, yeah, years ago. I'm talking years like

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<v Speaker 2>sixteen year old. My girlfriend she was asleep on okay,

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<v Speaker 2>actually I was watching continue watching the movie and she farted,

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<v Speaker 2>broke herself up and she was like and I was like,

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<v Speaker 2>did you fart? She was like no, And I was like,

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<v Speaker 2>I kept watching the movie and I realized you hard.

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<v Speaker 2>I wasn't going to play on it.

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<v Speaker 1>You know what about you? Are?

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<v Speaker 2>You just like let him?

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<v Speaker 1>He's letting them riff.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean with my wife, I won't far as much

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<v Speaker 2>in previous relationship.

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<v Speaker 1>That's nice of you. Yeah, I said that, Michael, don't

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<v Speaker 1>part for me. It does not stop.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, previous relationship. So I would just let it rip

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<v Speaker 2>and on stop like you know, and I do this

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<v Speaker 2>thing where I go to to like cover it up

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<v Speaker 2>as if it was like, you know, so it's pretty funny.

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<v Speaker 2>But then it's funny when they're silent and no one knows. No,

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<v Speaker 2>but I go, no, my ship doesn't stink.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh okay, sorry, guys. Isn't this an annoying thing that

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<v Speaker 1>Matt says that his ship doesn't stink, His farts didn't stink.

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<v Speaker 1>He just has no regrance to his bo Apparently.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't do I have. Have you ever smelled bo

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<v Speaker 2>on me? No?

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<v Speaker 1>I have it, but I can't really like pinpoint anyone

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<v Speaker 1>who have smelled bo on unless it's like really pungent, true,

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<v Speaker 1>I think, yeah, like you can't help it. There is

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<v Speaker 1>a thing where you can get both ups under your

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<v Speaker 1>arms and it stops sweating, which I think.

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<v Speaker 2>Is that sweating is good for you.

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<v Speaker 1>Though sweating, I guess is good for you. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>The study suggests that couples who are open enough to

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<v Speaker 2>far in front of each other may have stronger bonds

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<v Speaker 2>and better emotional health. It's a marker of intimacy, honesty,

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<v Speaker 2>and relaxation within the relationship, which can lead to more

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<v Speaker 2>trust in the partnership.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Well, look, I well.

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<v Speaker 2>You're pregnancy, you probably can you have you lost any

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<v Speaker 2>control of it yet?

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<v Speaker 1>Or he took the words right out of oh really

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<v Speaker 1>tell what you were about to say. So, like I

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<v Speaker 1>like never farted in front of mye unless it was

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<v Speaker 1>like an accident, yeah, or like if I was in

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<v Speaker 1>my sleep and I'm like oh, but like like if

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<v Speaker 1>I needed to like do that, I would go to

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<v Speaker 1>the bathroom and then I'm like, you know, I'm on

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<v Speaker 1>the toilet's free reign whatever. But like never before really,

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<v Speaker 1>and then since getting pregnant, they've slipped out a little

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<v Speaker 1>bit because I think there's a lot.

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<v Speaker 2>Of pressure and Michael's cool with that.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean Michael doesn't like he doesn't I care more

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<v Speaker 1>about it than he does.

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<v Speaker 2>If your wife is pregnant at that point, you wouldn't care.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't think do guys even care if if a

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<v Speaker 1>woman farts.

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<v Speaker 2>I've never been in that situation really.

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<v Speaker 1>Like when is when is too soon? Like it's like

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<v Speaker 1>date number one or two make me feel like WHOA, well,

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<v Speaker 1>let's not get too comfortable.

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<v Speaker 2>What would you do with you? Like a guy you

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<v Speaker 2>want on a date? We fared on like date one

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<v Speaker 2>or two.

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<v Speaker 1>I think it might turn me off. Like as from

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<v Speaker 1>a woman's perspective, I think i'd be like, restrain yourself,

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<v Speaker 1>cleanch harder.

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<v Speaker 2>Be a bit too us when we're touching on it,

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<v Speaker 2>we'll leave on this. Do you strategically fart when you

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<v Speaker 2>need to? Or like, do you so like when you

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<v Speaker 2>plan it, like you go, okay, I need a fart

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<v Speaker 2>do in front of Michael and wander off.

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<v Speaker 1>No, it's not like a planned thing that I've like

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<v Speaker 1>written like my schedule for off like that.

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<v Speaker 2>But you're feeling and I can't do it here, so

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<v Speaker 2>I'll just wander off.

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<v Speaker 1>No, I think just if I go to the bathroom,

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<v Speaker 1>that's when it happens for me, Like that's like my

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<v Speaker 1>designated time. He's not in the bathroom with you.

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<v Speaker 2>Is going to the bathroom. That's too much. I'm seeing

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<v Speaker 2>too much on this.

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<v Speaker 1>Just the last question what I asked you before As

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<v Speaker 1>a guy, when is too soon to fart in front

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<v Speaker 1>of a girl? No for the girl, because you're saying

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<v Speaker 1>that guys don't care if a girl farts, But when

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<v Speaker 1>is too soon?

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<v Speaker 2>Let me I don't for personally. Yeah, I mean the

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<v Speaker 2>first or second date would be too soon. I think

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<v Speaker 2>that would be a bit of.

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<v Speaker 1>Like, whoa, you're like, I think for me, like we

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<v Speaker 1>have to be exclusive before you're even looking like farting.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, yeah, let's say exclusive. Then it's such a goo

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<v Speaker 2>question because I do like it's like.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, it's just because you were so like guys don't care.

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<v Speaker 1>So then I was like, well, when would you care?

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know if I actually ever would care, I could.

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<v Speaker 2>You could probably laugh it off if it was by acts,

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<v Speaker 2>like if she lifted a leg on the couch and

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<v Speaker 2>let one rip on the first day, a leg on

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<v Speaker 2>the first day, that would be sort of like, whooh,

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<v Speaker 2>you're comfortable a leg?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay. I think it's time for rusting into this hotline

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<v Speaker 1>because man, I'm just having way too much fun talking.

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<v Speaker 2>About everyone's like what the fuck am I listening to?

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<v Speaker 2>They have lowered themselves to toilet humor.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm about to go into like labor, like I'm about

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<v Speaker 1>to lose all dignity toilets low. It's just funny.

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<v Speaker 2>This hotline is anonymous. Let's hear what they have to say.

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<v Speaker 2>Huge fan of podcast for a while now, person, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>calling in. I've just got into a new relationship with

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<v Speaker 2>my girlfriend. It's been going pretty well, doing absolutely everything together,

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<v Speaker 2>go on my parks, markets, I go out surf and

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<v Speaker 2>she comes with me, spend a lot of time with

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<v Speaker 2>each other's houses and whatnot.

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<v Speaker 1>That was really good and all for like the first

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<v Speaker 1>few months the relationship, and I loved it. But now

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<v Speaker 1>before the relationship was very much like a personal sort

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<v Speaker 1>of guy.

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<v Speaker 2>I enjoyed my personal space and my time.

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<v Speaker 1>Alone and for the first three months so it was

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<v Speaker 1>good and I love being with her, but it just

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<v Speaker 1>got to start to get a bit much now, not

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<v Speaker 1>even personal space. But I don't know how to tell

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<v Speaker 1>her that I need a bit of time without sounding rude.

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<v Speaker 2>So I just wondering if you'd hang me out with that

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<v Speaker 2>would be great.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks again, love his mote. Thanks for the voicemail. That's

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<v Speaker 1>a really good one.

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<v Speaker 2>How do you tackle that situation, because what do you say?

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<v Speaker 2>For the first three months he loved it and enjoyed it.

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<v Speaker 2>In the honeymoon stage, you know, fireworks going off. But

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<v Speaker 2>I'm a big advocate for personal time. Yes, absolutely, I

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<v Speaker 2>love my time to myself.

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<v Speaker 1>I think everyone does need to have time alone to

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<v Speaker 1>really recharge. Yeah, And I think my advice to him

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<v Speaker 1>would just be be really honest and just say, look,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, I love when this is going. Are they together? Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>verificially together? I think you said yeah, yeah, I like,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm I really enjoy hanging out with you. I just

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<v Speaker 1>need to prioritize some alone time and like getting some

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<v Speaker 1>work stuff done and.

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<v Speaker 2>Honestly is the best policy. So I agree, I think

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<v Speaker 2>he should express that to her. What happens if say

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<v Speaker 2>he expresses that to her and she gets upset? How

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<v Speaker 2>do you tackle that situation? She goes, well, you don't

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<v Speaker 2>love me, you don't want to hang out with me?

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<v Speaker 2>Am I too much?

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<v Speaker 1>I would say, just validate her feelings, because how she's

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<v Speaker 1>feeling would be correct, and just say like, look, you

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<v Speaker 1>have every right to feel this way. We've hung out

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<v Speaker 1>twenty four to seven, but it's just not maintainable, and

0:10:50.840 --> 0:10:53.839
<v Speaker 1>I want to, like, you know, make the most of

0:10:53.880 --> 0:10:56.440
<v Speaker 1>the moments we have together, but also have some me

0:10:56.600 --> 0:10:59.480
<v Speaker 1>time and some personal time where I can recharge. I'm

0:10:59.520 --> 0:11:01.000
<v Speaker 1>the best verson me for you.

0:11:01.160 --> 0:11:03.760
<v Speaker 2>Well, it could be he could be a single for what,

0:11:03.800 --> 0:11:07.720
<v Speaker 2>you know, maybe like twenty five years. I'm just saying

0:11:07.720 --> 0:11:09.160
<v Speaker 2>he could be single for most of his life. He

0:11:09.200 --> 0:11:12.360
<v Speaker 2>could have grown into habits of like having alone time

0:11:12.480 --> 0:11:14.800
<v Speaker 2>and then what to just date someone that you love

0:11:14.960 --> 0:11:16.760
<v Speaker 2>and they're just taking up all you know what I mean,

0:11:16.800 --> 0:11:17.720
<v Speaker 2>you're with them all the time.

0:11:17.800 --> 0:11:18.400
<v Speaker 1>It gets a lot.

0:11:18.480 --> 0:11:19.439
<v Speaker 2>It could be a lot, you know.

0:11:19.760 --> 0:11:22.920
<v Speaker 1>It's a lot for everyone. It's also transition, you know,

0:11:23.120 --> 0:11:25.480
<v Speaker 1>like it's a it's a life transition, going from being

0:11:25.559 --> 0:11:29.560
<v Speaker 1>single only thinking about you, your needs, What am I

0:11:29.600 --> 0:11:32.400
<v Speaker 1>going to do this weekend? What's my plans to actually

0:11:33.040 --> 0:11:36.040
<v Speaker 1>having someone else in the mix and also thinking about them,

0:11:36.160 --> 0:11:38.040
<v Speaker 1>how that's going to make them feel.

0:11:38.120 --> 0:11:40.480
<v Speaker 2>I've got one for you. Then if you don't mesh

0:11:40.720 --> 0:11:43.800
<v Speaker 2>into twine properly, are you? Are you right for each other?

0:11:44.080 --> 0:11:44.280
<v Speaker 1>You know?

0:11:44.720 --> 0:11:48.280
<v Speaker 2>So I think so you're not. Like if it doesn't

0:11:48.360 --> 0:11:50.199
<v Speaker 2>because he said that she went surfing with him or

0:11:50.240 --> 0:11:53.160
<v Speaker 2>something like, he's she's obviously taking up the hobbies as well.

0:11:53.200 --> 0:11:54.240
<v Speaker 2>So I think that's a good sign.

0:11:54.559 --> 0:11:56.600
<v Speaker 1>I don't think you could just go surfing like I

0:11:56.600 --> 0:12:01.160
<v Speaker 1>think she probably knows how. It's like pretty, it's a skill,

0:12:01.360 --> 0:12:04.160
<v Speaker 1>a niche thing. She's on the boogie board like.

0:12:04.960 --> 0:12:07.840
<v Speaker 2>Side of catching the waves. Well, that's what I mean. Like,

0:12:07.880 --> 0:12:10.720
<v Speaker 2>I mean I think that he's I think it's cute.

0:12:10.720 --> 0:12:12.559
<v Speaker 2>They're doing a lot of stuff together, and I would

0:12:12.960 --> 0:12:15.880
<v Speaker 2>encourage partners to do that, but I would also encourage

0:12:15.880 --> 0:12:18.640
<v Speaker 2>them to find their own time, in their own space.

0:12:18.520 --> 0:12:22.240
<v Speaker 1>And a happy medium, Like relationships evolve, Like how things

0:12:22.280 --> 0:12:24.679
<v Speaker 1>are at the start of a relationship is never how

0:12:24.679 --> 0:12:29.360
<v Speaker 1>they're gonna continue on, you know, full blown one hundred

0:12:29.400 --> 0:12:32.400
<v Speaker 1>percent honeymoon phase is very like they might have.

0:12:32.400 --> 0:12:34.040
<v Speaker 2>Each other in a month and not want to hang

0:12:34.080 --> 0:12:38.800
<v Speaker 2>out together at all. Psimistic might be like, I'm not

0:12:38.800 --> 0:12:40.000
<v Speaker 2>coming safing with you, no.

0:12:39.920 --> 0:12:42.760
<v Speaker 1>But I think I think, you know, every relationship after

0:12:42.840 --> 0:12:44.959
<v Speaker 1>the honeymoon phase kind of gets into like a bit

0:12:44.960 --> 0:12:47.480
<v Speaker 1>of a groove and maybe he's thinking about it, maybe

0:12:47.520 --> 0:12:50.720
<v Speaker 1>she's thinking about it, and she's just not really voiced it,

0:12:50.760 --> 0:12:52.040
<v Speaker 1>like he hasn't voiced it to her.

0:12:52.440 --> 0:12:54.280
<v Speaker 2>Well, other things come in there as well, like work

0:12:54.360 --> 0:12:56.200
<v Speaker 2>might come up. She might get busier at work, or

0:12:56.200 --> 0:12:58.120
<v Speaker 2>he might get busier, and they might not spend time

0:12:58.480 --> 0:13:00.599
<v Speaker 2>as much together, and you know, looking back in a

0:13:00.640 --> 0:13:02.480
<v Speaker 2>couple of months, you might be like, oh, I miss

0:13:02.480 --> 0:13:04.840
<v Speaker 2>her hanging out with her all the time. Yeah, So,

0:13:04.920 --> 0:13:06.880
<v Speaker 2>I mean, what would the advice is, Honestly, it's the

0:13:06.920 --> 0:13:07.560
<v Speaker 2>best policy.

0:13:08.800 --> 0:13:10.559
<v Speaker 1>Validate her feelings, Validate.

0:13:10.160 --> 0:13:13.480
<v Speaker 2>Her feelings very strong man. That's an important thing I've realized,

0:13:14.520 --> 0:13:18.000
<v Speaker 2>and just understand each other, hold space and listen. You

0:13:18.080 --> 0:13:20.160
<v Speaker 2>can't get angry if someone wants alone time.

0:13:20.600 --> 0:13:22.920
<v Speaker 1>If you take it personally, you can, like if it's

0:13:22.960 --> 0:13:24.640
<v Speaker 1>said in the wrong way, you could be like, oh,

0:13:24.640 --> 0:13:28.240
<v Speaker 1>they don't like me anymore. Like you could take it personally.

0:13:29.280 --> 0:13:30.800
<v Speaker 2>Okay, you're telling me that you want a loone time.

0:13:30.920 --> 0:13:32.640
<v Speaker 2>Tell me are we doing? Like?

0:13:33.320 --> 0:13:33.400
<v Speaker 1>No?

0:13:33.480 --> 0:13:35.120
<v Speaker 2>Tell me. Here's an example of telling how you.

0:13:36.000 --> 0:13:40.119
<v Speaker 1>So it's a weekend, it's Friday night, I would just say.

0:13:40.800 --> 0:13:43.400
<v Speaker 2>We're sitting down eating a pizza, or you're Michael Sprience

0:13:43.440 --> 0:13:44.120
<v Speaker 2>a time. Yeah.

0:13:44.160 --> 0:13:48.120
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, So I'll just say, Hey, on Sunday, I'm actually

0:13:48.120 --> 0:13:49.440
<v Speaker 1>going to have a girl's day.

0:13:49.600 --> 0:13:51.120
<v Speaker 2>What do you mean we had we were going to

0:13:51.200 --> 0:14:03.199
<v Speaker 2>go surfing together. So we're not going surfing together. You

0:14:03.240 --> 0:14:05.959
<v Speaker 2>don't love me, I've nothing to you.

0:14:06.120 --> 0:14:10.480
<v Speaker 1>No one is going to react like that. Literally, no

0:14:10.480 --> 0:14:13.520
<v Speaker 1>one is going to say that, just like I really

0:14:13.520 --> 0:14:15.920
<v Speaker 1>need to like reach I would say, I just really

0:14:16.000 --> 0:14:18.040
<v Speaker 1>haven't seen my friends in a while, and I really

0:14:18.040 --> 0:14:19.640
<v Speaker 1>want to reach oute my calf friends.

0:14:19.680 --> 0:14:21.720
<v Speaker 2>Am I not your friend? Do I not feel your

0:14:21.720 --> 0:14:24.480
<v Speaker 2>calf got me? Oh?

0:14:24.480 --> 0:14:28.080
<v Speaker 1>My God, it's a lot coming right now.

0:14:28.120 --> 0:14:29.720
<v Speaker 2>So that's how that's why you would tackle it.

0:14:30.280 --> 0:14:31.880
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, just be open on it.

0:14:31.920 --> 0:14:34.040
<v Speaker 2>By the way, I was doing like the worst case scenario,

0:14:34.080 --> 0:14:35.000
<v Speaker 2>Like that's not real.

0:14:35.520 --> 0:14:38.760
<v Speaker 1>No hope. No one acts, especially in a new relationship,

0:14:38.760 --> 0:14:40.880
<v Speaker 1>like people are like tiptoeing around each other like yeah,

0:14:40.920 --> 0:14:42.800
<v Speaker 1>no problem, like have fun. Yeah.

0:14:42.840 --> 0:14:44.880
<v Speaker 2>I was just joking. Yeah no, Look, if that's I reckon,

0:14:44.960 --> 0:14:45.960
<v Speaker 2>that's the best way to say it.

0:14:47.840 --> 0:14:50.000
<v Speaker 1>Okay, Well that was we.

0:14:49.920 --> 0:14:51.880
<v Speaker 2>Stood up the whole time. Maybe I feel goofy that

0:14:51.880 --> 0:14:52.600
<v Speaker 2>we're standing up.

0:14:52.680 --> 0:14:54.640
<v Speaker 1>I actually love standing up. I feel like my hits

0:14:54.640 --> 0:14:57.200
<v Speaker 1>are loosening by the second for this baby to come out.

0:14:57.320 --> 0:14:59.680
<v Speaker 2>If water could break it any stage, you can pop

0:14:59.720 --> 0:15:04.880
<v Speaker 2>out any time, and we'll be back when maternitally finishes.

0:15:05.600 --> 0:15:07.320
<v Speaker 2>Have you put in your leaf form for that? We

0:15:07.360 --> 0:15:07.800
<v Speaker 2>have a date.

0:15:07.880 --> 0:15:12.040
<v Speaker 1>We said six weeks. That's all I'm getting, apparently the.

0:15:13.760 --> 0:15:14.360
<v Speaker 2>Extra time.

0:15:15.640 --> 0:15:22.520
<v Speaker 1>Okay, guys, until next time. Bye,