Speaker 1: It's Lucky Lucky dip time. It is Malan your friend monkey.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening today.
Speaker 2: Well, what's that movie where he says, are you feeling lucky?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: No, it's an old movie. I think they play it
Speaker 2: in home alone. Ah, are you feeling lucky? Oh?
Speaker 1: No, I don't know it. But are you feeling.
Speaker 2: Cutting all that out?
Speaker 1: No, you are not staying in It is mala monte.
Speaker 1: This is like you did where we just randomly picked
Speaker 1: something to chat about for a little bit, little bite
Speaker 1: size morsel of a podcast for you. So thanks for listening.
Speaker 1: A little A few ago, we did Unhinged Parenting hacks mail.
Speaker 1: You found some online that were so fucking funny and
Speaker 1: we put them up on our Instagram and dare I
Speaker 1: say we went viral with it?
Speaker 2: I don't know if it's happened quite on that level before.
Speaker 1: I don't know. You know what, when we used to
Speaker 1: write we had a website for Chontelle. I know a
Speaker 1: lot of you have been with this from the beginning,
Speaker 1: but if you haven't, we had a website that's what
Speaker 1: Chaontel was originally, where we'd write yes, And one of
Speaker 1: the pieces that went viral was is my vagina normal?
Speaker 1: And remember every week it was the most red piece
Speaker 1: and it went so fucking game buster that our Facebook
Speaker 1: was at like four hundred thousand likes it still is followers,
Speaker 1: and a majority of it was from that one vagina piece.
Speaker 2: I think I might have said this before, but prior
Speaker 2: to that, and this is me as an adult woman
Speaker 2: in my thirties. Back then, I didn't realize that there
Speaker 2: were innies and outies.
Speaker 1: Oh that's right. I thought it was all just in in.
Speaker 1: I didn't you know your vagina is a nice, little, compact,
Speaker 1: little temple.
Speaker 2: Well yeah, I mean they're all They're all beautiful, aren't they.
Speaker 1: They're all cruel.
Speaker 2: That's funny, It's true, it's not. It's not. I don't
Speaker 2: think either part of male or female is they're discussing
Speaker 2: for just to look at neither.
Speaker 1: Yuck. I don't eat that even, like, you know, big,
Speaker 1: Like I don't find it attractive a guy having a
Speaker 1: big bulge in his gray trackies or anything like that.
Speaker 2: Neither do I. And the appeal of a big dick
Speaker 2: is so weird to me because I'm like, if it's
Speaker 2: that big, it's probably not even going to get in
Speaker 2: the whole way.
Speaker 1: Well, you don't want it teeny tiny, but you don't
Speaker 1: want it huge either.
Speaker 2: You just want I think I think this is where
Speaker 2: mister average.
Speaker 1: Yes, you just want average. I feel like that's what
Speaker 1: you want in every aspect of life, to be honest, Like,
Speaker 1: you don't want you want pretty average in everything. Like
Speaker 1: it'd be nice to be excellent in some areas, but
Speaker 1: if your average, you kind of just cruise through. And
Speaker 1: I think that's a good place to be.
Speaker 2: Ah. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know, because like
Speaker 2: what do they say, like, don't rest on your laurels? Look,
Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know. Anyway, So a lot of you got
Speaker 1: back to us with your unhinged parenting hacks on what
Speaker 1: yours were. So I've written out four of them. There's
Speaker 1: so there's thousands on there, I think, or at least hundreds.
Speaker 1: So go through and read themcause some are funny. She's
Speaker 1: one that somebody sent through. I sent it to you
Speaker 1: though it was so I gasped. I screenshot it and
Speaker 1: sent it to mal. Should I read that out? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Read it because it's when you sent me that I
Speaker 2: thought to myself, maybe this is a terrified mother whose
Speaker 2: kids are just not fucking listening and running off constantly,
Speaker 2: and she's like, I have to pull out the big
Speaker 2: guns here.
Speaker 1: I know, seriously, this it's almost not funny because it's
Speaker 1: borderline abuse, let's be honest. But the other ones are funny,
Speaker 1: but this one. We would run from my mum in
Speaker 1: the stores and hiding the clothing racks. She would tell
Speaker 1: us if we left her side, a bad guy would
Speaker 1: take us, slid us from top to bottom, fill us
Speaker 1: with pig food while still alive, and pigs would eat
Speaker 1: out our guts. So to avoid this, we didn't leave
Speaker 1: her side. Whoa, whoa, it's so heavy.
Speaker 2: This is the scary thing. How did she even come
Speaker 2: up with that?
Speaker 1: That's what I mean. It's so dark, but it is.
Speaker 1: It is like, I'm so terrified of losing my kids.
Speaker 1: I'm going to scare you to with an inch of
Speaker 1: your life that you don't leave me.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, what a bunch of assholes we were though,
Speaker 2: Like I remember hiding in the clothing racks. Remember they
Speaker 2: used to be circular, yes, yes, and used to be
Speaker 2: able to sort of nestle in there. Yeah, we did
Speaker 2: that a few times. And this was back in the
Speaker 2: day where you could just like hit eke it in public.
Speaker 1: Don't you ever run off again? Whack, and you'd be
Speaker 1: eating your fucking mister Whippy ice cream, just licking at crying.
Speaker 1: So here's some other unhinged parenting hacks. I feel like
Speaker 1: every parent has one for McDonald's, you know, like a
Speaker 1: lot of people are like, no, if the sign's yellow,
Speaker 1: that means it's closed. This mum used to tell her
Speaker 1: kids that McDonald's was only for people who were out
Speaker 1: of from out of town because they didn't have kitchens. Genius.
Speaker 2: That's so smart. That's so smart.
Speaker 1: This is great. If anything would mysteriously go wrong around
Speaker 1: the house, Mum would pull out her blush brush and
Speaker 1: say she was dusting for prints. Then whoever did it
Speaker 1: would confess so good. I remember, this is so weird.
Speaker 1: Talk about building trust with your kids. I used to
Speaker 1: tell my kids there were cameras, so if they really yeah,
Speaker 1: if there if they were fighting like they used to
Speaker 1: have like a playroom, and I would say to them,
Speaker 1: tell me the truth or I'm going to go check
Speaker 1: the cameras and once I see who really pulled the
Speaker 1: other one's hair. Ah, that is so funny. I love it.
Speaker 1: Another one, when her son called out, she'd say, I
Speaker 1: can't come to you. I have a bone in my leg,
Speaker 1: and he'd think it must be really painful, so he'd
Speaker 1: stop yelling out.
Speaker 2: Well, she wasn't technically lying on it.
Speaker 1: She was not lying. But that's so funny. I'm like,
Speaker 1: that's something I would have thought when I was a kid.
Speaker 1: Oh no, mom's got a bone in her leg. I
Speaker 1: can't Finally, I can't yell out to her anymore. This
Speaker 1: one's great. This lady's second child would unbuckle his seat
Speaker 1: belt all the time, so she had a siren sound
Speaker 1: effect on her phone, and when he would start to unbuckle,
Speaker 1: she'd play the sound effects slowly and quietly, and then
Speaker 1: would increase it as he would keep taking it off,
Speaker 1: and be like, oh, the police are coming. They can
Speaker 1: see that you've unbuckled your seat belt.
Speaker 2: Do you know what? That's so good and so funny.
Speaker 2: But I did read something once when my kids were little,
Speaker 2: how they were saying the worst thing to do with
Speaker 2: kides is say like, oh, the police are going to
Speaker 2: come and get you, because then they're scared of the police.
Speaker 1: The police, Yes, they're there to help mind you. I
Speaker 1: still am my sister as a cop, but I still
Speaker 1: whenever I see a police on the road, if it's
Speaker 1: behind me or anything, I'm so uber aware and nervous.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's same. I've never I don't think I've ever
Speaker 2: actually been pulled over, but that would be embarrassing.
Speaker 1: I've been pulled over. I have been pulled over several
Speaker 1: times for of course, talking on my phone, and the
Speaker 1: fine is so hectic, but I just try and sweet
Speaker 1: talk my way out of it constantly, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm just so sorry. It's worked once or twice, but
Speaker 1: I have been pulled over a couple of times. I
Speaker 1: always still get nervous going through a booze bus as well.
Speaker 2: Oh I do too, because I've heard of people who
Speaker 2: have Like obviously they find out with the blood test
Speaker 2: and everything afterwards, but people who have eaten like cherry
Speaker 2: ripe or like a throat lozenge that have had something.
Speaker 2: It's the humiliation of, even if it's a fuck up,
Speaker 2: people seeing you being one of the cars on the
Speaker 2: side of.
Speaker 1: The yeah, having to pull in, like oh you just
Speaker 1: pull in, please. But I hate when I get ushered
Speaker 1: in where they're like in and I'm like, no, I
Speaker 1: just don't want to and then breathe, and you're like
Speaker 1: you get nervous that you're not gonna have enough breath
Speaker 1: to breathe.
Speaker 2: I think I've only been breath tested once. Oh wow,
Speaker 2: and you know what, I did a whole It was
Speaker 2: so embarrassing. I think I was nervous exactly what you said,
Speaker 2: Like I hadn't been drinking, but I was like, oh no,
Speaker 2: oh no, did I have a drink and not otmember
Speaker 2: It was so and I was like, oh, this is
Speaker 2: my first time. How exciting, Like a real fucking bimbo.
Speaker 2: And the guy's just like not even looking at me,
Speaker 2: just going blowing.
Speaker 1: To hear love no, because normally they're like the rookies
Speaker 1: that do the like the ones that have just come
Speaker 1: out of the academy and the ones who usually do
Speaker 1: the drive through tests.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that'd be a shit job, But imagine how much
Speaker 2: you could Oh no, that's wrong. I was gonna say,
Speaker 2: you could pick up. That's an ethic.
Speaker 1: I don't know if they'd be one cop who's picked
Speaker 1: up doing the breathalyzers. I love to know random to
Speaker 1: think of that. Oh you could pick up, but it
Speaker 1: would be like, because you can tell a lot by
Speaker 1: somebody with the state of their car. So just looking
Speaker 1: into people's cars, I would like that. I would look
Speaker 1: around and be like, Oh, that's interesting, they've got their
Speaker 1: car in this state.
Speaker 2: I heard Chris Jenna say this that like you can
Speaker 2: tell someone's organizational skills by the state of their car.
Speaker 2: M mind fucked? What was your?
Speaker 1: Was yours? Like off the rick d It's.
Speaker 2: It's not as I've always said this because I disagree
Speaker 2: with that, because I think my car is my outlet
Speaker 2: almost like I'm embarrassed if my house is messy, but
Speaker 2: my car, I'm like, oh, it's just my car. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but it used it used to be so bad. It's
Speaker 2: not so bad now that I've got kids, funnily enough,
Speaker 2: But when I was young and you know, single and whatever,
Speaker 2: my car I reckon. I could have lived in there
Speaker 2: for three months and had like everything you need loads,
Speaker 2: that's my little sake, shit everywhere like a hobo.
Speaker 1: I just I am shook with that because if I
Speaker 1: got in the car and it was like that, like
Speaker 1: if I have too much rubbish in there, it clutters
Speaker 1: my brain. My car's filthy. Don't get me wrong, but
Speaker 1: because there's always kids eating in there. The rubbish piles
Speaker 1: up and then I have to just get it out.
Speaker 1: But my little sister, it's like everything she owns is
Speaker 1: in her car, everything, and she's like, what if I
Speaker 1: need it, Like because she's single and stuff, She's like,
Speaker 1: I don't have it in here all the time. Doesn't
Speaker 1: have any kids, so she's like, anything I need is
Speaker 1: in here. I get in there, and I'm like, what
Speaker 1: the hell If I ask her to like literally take
Speaker 1: one of the kids somewhere, She'll have to go out
Speaker 1: and shuffle stuff around in her car to be able
Speaker 1: to take one of the kids.
Speaker 2: Remember when you had this was again going back to
Speaker 2: the Show and Tell website days and you used to
Speaker 2: do that on the couch interviews and you had me
Speaker 2: a freedman. Yes you're bad like that you offered for
Speaker 2: Brooke to take her back to her hotel on behalf
Speaker 2: of brook Brook's car was filthy, and she was so embarrassed.
Speaker 2: But also, you've done that to me before too. Go oh,
Speaker 2: mal will take you. We're really have I did Karla
Speaker 2: who used to work with us her fortieth and we
Speaker 2: were all there and there was another person who used
Speaker 2: to write for us occasionally a younger girl. She was
Speaker 2: saying about I don't know, I don't know where she
Speaker 2: had to go, but you like, we're all leaving and
Speaker 2: you go, oh, Mal will drop you off, and I'm
Speaker 2: what the fuck am I gonna say?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Sure, thanks, I'm very generous with other people doing
Speaker 1: things for other people.
Speaker 2: You're so generous with other people's times.
Speaker 1: Oh, that's so funny.
Speaker 2: That's funny.
Speaker 1: Anyway, Okay, if you've got any more unhinged parenting hacks,
Speaker 1: let's keep this going because it is so fucking funny and.
Speaker 2: Many good ones and.
Speaker 1: So many good ones. And I'll go through the Instagram
Speaker 1: again and get some for another time. But thank you
Speaker 1: for listening. Hope you're well. Hit us up anytime. Show
Speaker 1: and Tell Podcasts is where you can find us on Instagram.
Speaker 1: Send us a message. Also if you can give us
Speaker 1: a rating or a comment wherever you listen to your podcasts.
Speaker 1: It's so helpful because it just kind of pushes our
Speaker 1: podcast out to more people. So we're grateful for that. Anyway,
Speaker 1: We'll chat to you soon by for now, Love you