WEBVTT - LUCKY DIP, EP 131

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<v Speaker 1>It's Lucky Lucky dip time. It is Malan your friend monkey.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks for listening today.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, what's that movie where he says, are you feeling lucky?

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>No, it's an old movie. I think they play it

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<v Speaker 2>in home alone. Ah, are you feeling lucky? Oh?

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<v Speaker 1>No, I don't know it. But are you feeling.

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<v Speaker 2>Cutting all that out?

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<v Speaker 1>No, you are not staying in It is mala monte.

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<v Speaker 1>This is like you did where we just randomly picked

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<v Speaker 1>something to chat about for a little bit, little bite

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<v Speaker 1>size morsel of a podcast for you. So thanks for listening.

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<v Speaker 1>A little A few ago, we did Unhinged Parenting hacks mail.

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<v Speaker 1>You found some online that were so fucking funny and

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<v Speaker 1>we put them up on our Instagram and dare I

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<v Speaker 1>say we went viral with it?

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know if it's happened quite on that level before.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know. You know what, when we used to

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<v Speaker 1>write we had a website for Chontelle. I know a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of you have been with this from the beginning,

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<v Speaker 1>but if you haven't, we had a website that's what

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<v Speaker 1>Chaontel was originally, where we'd write yes, And one of

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<v Speaker 1>the pieces that went viral was is my vagina normal?

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<v Speaker 1>And remember every week it was the most red piece

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<v Speaker 1>and it went so fucking game buster that our Facebook

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<v Speaker 1>was at like four hundred thousand likes it still is followers,

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<v Speaker 1>and a majority of it was from that one vagina piece.

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<v Speaker 2>I think I might have said this before, but prior

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<v Speaker 2>to that, and this is me as an adult woman

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<v Speaker 2>in my thirties. Back then, I didn't realize that there

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<v Speaker 2>were innies and outies.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh that's right. I thought it was all just in in.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't you know your vagina is a nice, little, compact,

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<v Speaker 1>little temple.

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<v Speaker 2>Well yeah, I mean they're all They're all beautiful, aren't they.

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<v Speaker 1>They're all cruel.

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<v Speaker 2>That's funny, It's true, it's not. It's not. I don't

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<v Speaker 2>think either part of male or female is they're discussing

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<v Speaker 2>for just to look at neither.

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<v Speaker 1>Yuck. I don't eat that even, like, you know, big,

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<v Speaker 1>Like I don't find it attractive a guy having a

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<v Speaker 1>big bulge in his gray trackies or anything like that.

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<v Speaker 2>Neither do I. And the appeal of a big dick

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<v Speaker 2>is so weird to me because I'm like, if it's

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<v Speaker 2>that big, it's probably not even going to get in

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<v Speaker 2>the whole way.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, you don't want it teeny tiny, but you don't

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<v Speaker 1>want it huge either.

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<v Speaker 2>You just want I think I think this is where

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<v Speaker 2>mister average.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, you just want average. I feel like that's what

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<v Speaker 1>you want in every aspect of life, to be honest, Like,

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<v Speaker 1>you don't want you want pretty average in everything. Like

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<v Speaker 1>it'd be nice to be excellent in some areas, but

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<v Speaker 1>if your average, you kind of just cruise through. And

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<v Speaker 1>I think that's a good place to be.

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<v Speaker 2>Ah. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know, because like

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<v Speaker 2>what do they say, like, don't rest on your laurels? Look,

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know, I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know. Anyway, So a lot of you got

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<v Speaker 1>back to us with your unhinged parenting hacks on what

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<v Speaker 1>yours were. So I've written out four of them. There's

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<v Speaker 1>so there's thousands on there, I think, or at least hundreds.

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<v Speaker 1>So go through and read themcause some are funny. She's

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<v Speaker 1>one that somebody sent through. I sent it to you

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<v Speaker 1>though it was so I gasped. I screenshot it and

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<v Speaker 1>sent it to mal. Should I read that out? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 2>Read it because it's when you sent me that I

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<v Speaker 2>thought to myself, maybe this is a terrified mother whose

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<v Speaker 2>kids are just not fucking listening and running off constantly,

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<v Speaker 2>and she's like, I have to pull out the big

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<v Speaker 2>guns here.

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<v Speaker 1>I know, seriously, this it's almost not funny because it's

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<v Speaker 1>borderline abuse, let's be honest. But the other ones are funny,

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<v Speaker 1>but this one. We would run from my mum in

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<v Speaker 1>the stores and hiding the clothing racks. She would tell

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<v Speaker 1>us if we left her side, a bad guy would

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<v Speaker 1>take us, slid us from top to bottom, fill us

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<v Speaker 1>with pig food while still alive, and pigs would eat

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<v Speaker 1>out our guts. So to avoid this, we didn't leave

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<v Speaker 1>her side. Whoa, whoa, it's so heavy.

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<v Speaker 2>This is the scary thing. How did she even come

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<v Speaker 2>up with that?

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<v Speaker 1>That's what I mean. It's so dark, but it is.

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<v Speaker 1>It is like, I'm so terrified of losing my kids.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going to scare you to with an inch of

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<v Speaker 1>your life that you don't leave me.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, what a bunch of assholes we were though,

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<v Speaker 2>Like I remember hiding in the clothing racks. Remember they

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<v Speaker 2>used to be circular, yes, yes, and used to be

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<v Speaker 2>able to sort of nestle in there. Yeah, we did

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<v Speaker 2>that a few times. And this was back in the

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<v Speaker 2>day where you could just like hit eke it in public.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't you ever run off again? Whack, and you'd be

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<v Speaker 1>eating your fucking mister Whippy ice cream, just licking at crying.

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<v Speaker 1>So here's some other unhinged parenting hacks. I feel like

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<v Speaker 1>every parent has one for McDonald's, you know, like a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of people are like, no, if the sign's yellow,

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<v Speaker 1>that means it's closed. This mum used to tell her

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<v Speaker 1>kids that McDonald's was only for people who were out

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<v Speaker 1>of from out of town because they didn't have kitchens. Genius.

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<v Speaker 2>That's so smart. That's so smart.

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<v Speaker 1>This is great. If anything would mysteriously go wrong around

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<v Speaker 1>the house, Mum would pull out her blush brush and

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<v Speaker 1>say she was dusting for prints. Then whoever did it

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<v Speaker 1>would confess so good. I remember, this is so weird.

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<v Speaker 1>Talk about building trust with your kids. I used to

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<v Speaker 1>tell my kids there were cameras, so if they really yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>if there if they were fighting like they used to

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<v Speaker 1>have like a playroom, and I would say to them,

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<v Speaker 1>tell me the truth or I'm going to go check

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<v Speaker 1>the cameras and once I see who really pulled the

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<v Speaker 1>other one's hair. Ah, that is so funny. I love it.

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<v Speaker 1>Another one, when her son called out, she'd say, I

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<v Speaker 1>can't come to you. I have a bone in my leg,

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<v Speaker 1>and he'd think it must be really painful, so he'd

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<v Speaker 1>stop yelling out.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, she wasn't technically lying on it.

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<v Speaker 1>She was not lying. But that's so funny. I'm like,

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<v Speaker 1>that's something I would have thought when I was a kid.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh no, mom's got a bone in her leg. I

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<v Speaker 1>can't Finally, I can't yell out to her anymore. This

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<v Speaker 1>one's great. This lady's second child would unbuckle his seat

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<v Speaker 1>belt all the time, so she had a siren sound

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<v Speaker 1>effect on her phone, and when he would start to unbuckle,

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<v Speaker 1>she'd play the sound effects slowly and quietly, and then

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<v Speaker 1>would increase it as he would keep taking it off,

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<v Speaker 1>and be like, oh, the police are coming. They can

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<v Speaker 1>see that you've unbuckled your seat belt.

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<v Speaker 2>Do you know what? That's so good and so funny.

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<v Speaker 2>But I did read something once when my kids were little,

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<v Speaker 2>how they were saying the worst thing to do with

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<v Speaker 2>kides is say like, oh, the police are going to

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<v Speaker 2>come and get you, because then they're scared of the police.

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<v Speaker 1>The police, Yes, they're there to help mind you. I

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<v Speaker 1>still am my sister as a cop, but I still

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<v Speaker 1>whenever I see a police on the road, if it's

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<v Speaker 1>behind me or anything, I'm so uber aware and nervous.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's same. I've never I don't think I've ever

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<v Speaker 2>actually been pulled over, but that would be embarrassing.

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<v Speaker 1>I've been pulled over. I have been pulled over several

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<v Speaker 1>times for of course, talking on my phone, and the

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<v Speaker 1>fine is so hectic, but I just try and sweet

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<v Speaker 1>talk my way out of it constantly, and I'm like,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just so sorry. It's worked once or twice, but

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<v Speaker 1>I have been pulled over a couple of times. I

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<v Speaker 1>always still get nervous going through a booze bus as well.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh I do too, because I've heard of people who

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<v Speaker 2>have Like obviously they find out with the blood test

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<v Speaker 2>and everything afterwards, but people who have eaten like cherry

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<v Speaker 2>ripe or like a throat lozenge that have had something.

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<v Speaker 2>It's the humiliation of, even if it's a fuck up,

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<v Speaker 2>people seeing you being one of the cars on the

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<v Speaker 2>side of.

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<v Speaker 1>The yeah, having to pull in, like oh you just

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<v Speaker 1>pull in, please. But I hate when I get ushered

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<v Speaker 1>in where they're like in and I'm like, no, I

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<v Speaker 1>just don't want to and then breathe, and you're like

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<v Speaker 1>you get nervous that you're not gonna have enough breath

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<v Speaker 1>to breathe.

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<v Speaker 2>I think I've only been breath tested once. Oh wow,

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<v Speaker 2>and you know what, I did a whole It was

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<v Speaker 2>so embarrassing. I think I was nervous exactly what you said,

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<v Speaker 2>Like I hadn't been drinking, but I was like, oh no,

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<v Speaker 2>oh no, did I have a drink and not otmember

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<v Speaker 2>It was so and I was like, oh, this is

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<v Speaker 2>my first time. How exciting, Like a real fucking bimbo.

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<v Speaker 2>And the guy's just like not even looking at me,

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<v Speaker 2>just going blowing.

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<v Speaker 1>To hear love no, because normally they're like the rookies

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<v Speaker 1>that do the like the ones that have just come

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<v Speaker 1>out of the academy and the ones who usually do

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<v Speaker 1>the drive through tests.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that'd be a shit job, But imagine how much

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<v Speaker 2>you could Oh no, that's wrong. I was gonna say,

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<v Speaker 2>you could pick up. That's an ethic.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know if they'd be one cop who's picked

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<v Speaker 1>up doing the breathalyzers. I love to know random to

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<v Speaker 1>think of that. Oh you could pick up, but it

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<v Speaker 1>would be like, because you can tell a lot by

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<v Speaker 1>somebody with the state of their car. So just looking

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<v Speaker 1>into people's cars, I would like that. I would look

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<v Speaker 1>around and be like, Oh, that's interesting, they've got their

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<v Speaker 1>car in this state.

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<v Speaker 2>I heard Chris Jenna say this that like you can

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<v Speaker 2>tell someone's organizational skills by the state of their car.

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<v Speaker 2>M mind fucked? What was your?

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<v Speaker 1>Was yours? Like off the rick d It's.

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<v Speaker 2>It's not as I've always said this because I disagree

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<v Speaker 2>with that, because I think my car is my outlet

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<v Speaker 2>almost like I'm embarrassed if my house is messy, but

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<v Speaker 2>my car, I'm like, oh, it's just my car. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>but it used it used to be so bad. It's

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<v Speaker 2>not so bad now that I've got kids, funnily enough,

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<v Speaker 2>But when I was young and you know, single and whatever,

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<v Speaker 2>my car I reckon. I could have lived in there

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<v Speaker 2>for three months and had like everything you need loads,

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<v Speaker 2>that's my little sake, shit everywhere like a hobo.

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<v Speaker 1>I just I am shook with that because if I

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<v Speaker 1>got in the car and it was like that, like

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<v Speaker 1>if I have too much rubbish in there, it clutters

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<v Speaker 1>my brain. My car's filthy. Don't get me wrong, but

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<v Speaker 1>because there's always kids eating in there. The rubbish piles

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<v Speaker 1>up and then I have to just get it out.

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<v Speaker 1>But my little sister, it's like everything she owns is

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<v Speaker 1>in her car, everything, and she's like, what if I

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<v Speaker 1>need it, Like because she's single and stuff, She's like,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't have it in here all the time. Doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>have any kids, so she's like, anything I need is

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<v Speaker 1>in here. I get in there, and I'm like, what

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<v Speaker 1>the hell If I ask her to like literally take

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<v Speaker 1>one of the kids somewhere, She'll have to go out

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<v Speaker 1>and shuffle stuff around in her car to be able

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<v Speaker 1>to take one of the kids.

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<v Speaker 2>Remember when you had this was again going back to

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<v Speaker 2>the Show and Tell website days and you used to

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<v Speaker 2>do that on the couch interviews and you had me

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<v Speaker 2>a freedman. Yes you're bad like that you offered for

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<v Speaker 2>Brooke to take her back to her hotel on behalf

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<v Speaker 2>of brook Brook's car was filthy, and she was so embarrassed.

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<v Speaker 2>But also, you've done that to me before too. Go oh,

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<v Speaker 2>mal will take you. We're really have I did Karla

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<v Speaker 2>who used to work with us her fortieth and we

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<v Speaker 2>were all there and there was another person who used

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<v Speaker 2>to write for us occasionally a younger girl. She was

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<v Speaker 2>saying about I don't know, I don't know where she

0:11:27.120 --> 0:11:29.400
<v Speaker 2>had to go, but you like, we're all leaving and

0:11:29.440 --> 0:11:31.320
<v Speaker 2>you go, oh, Mal will drop you off, and I'm

0:11:33.600 --> 0:11:35.120
<v Speaker 2>what the fuck am I gonna say?

0:11:35.440 --> 0:11:40.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? Sure, thanks, I'm very generous with other people doing

0:11:40.840 --> 0:11:41.920
<v Speaker 1>things for other people.

0:11:43.920 --> 0:11:46.320
<v Speaker 2>You're so generous with other people's times.

0:11:47.080 --> 0:11:48.360
<v Speaker 1>Oh, that's so funny.

0:11:48.400 --> 0:11:49.040
<v Speaker 2>That's funny.

0:11:49.480 --> 0:11:52.560
<v Speaker 1>Anyway, Okay, if you've got any more unhinged parenting hacks,

0:11:52.600 --> 0:11:56.199
<v Speaker 1>let's keep this going because it is so fucking funny and.

0:11:56.360 --> 0:11:57.160
<v Speaker 2>Many good ones and.

0:11:57.480 --> 0:12:00.760
<v Speaker 1>So many good ones. And I'll go through the Instagram

0:12:00.800 --> 0:12:03.080
<v Speaker 1>again and get some for another time. But thank you

0:12:03.120 --> 0:12:05.640
<v Speaker 1>for listening. Hope you're well. Hit us up anytime. Show

0:12:05.640 --> 0:12:08.040
<v Speaker 1>and Tell Podcasts is where you can find us on Instagram.

0:12:08.559 --> 0:12:10.600
<v Speaker 1>Send us a message. Also if you can give us

0:12:10.600 --> 0:12:13.439
<v Speaker 1>a rating or a comment wherever you listen to your podcasts.

0:12:13.520 --> 0:12:15.880
<v Speaker 1>It's so helpful because it just kind of pushes our

0:12:15.880 --> 0:12:20.320
<v Speaker 1>podcast out to more people. So we're grateful for that. Anyway,

0:12:20.360 --> 0:12:32.040
<v Speaker 1>We'll chat to you soon by for now, Love you