Speaker 1: Get ATIV. Welcome Mar to the You Project, Tiffany and
Speaker 1: Cook and everyone else. Before you say anything, why I'm
Speaker 1: in a different virtual room because I'm out of fancy.
Speaker 2: We've leveled up with fancy. We're on riverside. Look at this.
Speaker 2: Look how fancy he is? Even get a countdown when
Speaker 2: I press record. Isn't it fancy?
Speaker 1: It's too fancy for me. I don't you know. I
Speaker 1: don't like change. I don't play well with others, and
Speaker 1: I don't like change.
Speaker 2: That's what That's why I thought I'd throw this one
Speaker 2: to you, just to keep you on your toes, just
Speaker 2: to keep you growing and evolving and learning and doing
Speaker 2: all the Craig harperisms that you teach all of us to.
Speaker 1: I don't know how to deal. So everyone, what I'm
Speaker 1: normally looking at is I'm normally looking at a virtual
Speaker 1: studio that I'm in and it's all razzle dazzle, and
Speaker 1: it's on zoom and it's beautiful. I know exactly what's
Speaker 1: going on. And TIF and I are recording, and she
Speaker 1: sent me a link to something different, and I'm looking
Speaker 1: at I'm just looking at me, sitting in my messy
Speaker 1: office with shit written on the whiteboard behind me. I
Speaker 1: don't have a filter on my face, so I look
Speaker 1: every one of my fucking sixty two years. I look
Speaker 1: like someone's granddad lost in a fucking podcast studio. I
Speaker 1: like the one where I look prettier and younger. Can
Speaker 1: we make that happen?
Speaker 2: I think you look fabulous. Are you a bit thrown
Speaker 2: by my long acrylic nails as well? That's thrown me
Speaker 2: for what is to.
Speaker 1: Go with that? Can you post a photo of those?
Speaker 1: Because I mean, I'm not being offensive or inappropriate when
Speaker 1: I say you are thirty percent male, I think it's
Speaker 1: probably more you claim a mere thirty percent. I'm I
Speaker 1: think you're a hybrid man woman, and I mean that
Speaker 1: in the nicest way, because you've got traps coming out
Speaker 1: of your ears and it dealt for fucking days. Am
Speaker 1: I allowed to keep going because there's.
Speaker 2: More hilarious fabulous? It makes me happy? No?
Speaker 1: I think I know you would laugh, but I know
Speaker 1: there won't be people that will laugh. But I'll tell
Speaker 1: you off air because the next one was going to
Speaker 1: be a fucking zinger, a complete fucking zinger. You would
Speaker 1: have loved it. But three people write and tell me
Speaker 1: how offensive and inappropriate and politically and correct, I am,
Speaker 1: and to those three people, fuck you so no I
Speaker 1: mean that. No, I'm only kidding, but it is, it is.
Speaker 1: It has thrown me a little bit because I'm not
Speaker 1: used to looking at this. But anyway, Ah, tell everyone,
Speaker 1: So you've been in Queensland, you had this thing. I
Speaker 1: know all your people know, but my people don't know.
Speaker 1: So you've got this opportunity to speak at this event,
Speaker 1: which did a good give us the snapshot before we
Speaker 1: dive into our which we may not even get to
Speaker 1: our fucking topic, because that is generally the way. I guess.
Speaker 1: My long winded point is you and long girly nails,
Speaker 1: and God bless her, it's kind of like me in
Speaker 1: a fucking tutu. It just messes with my head.
Speaker 2: Me too. And I asked three times for short, straight nails,
Speaker 2: and she just looked at me and went, they're feminine.
Speaker 2: Your deal, your deal. She would not listen and she
Speaker 2: laughed at me. I was like, bro, I can't ride
Speaker 2: my motorcycle with nails like this. She said, you deal.
Speaker 1: Are you inferring that the lady who did your nails?
Speaker 1: Was it a lady or a man or? It was
Speaker 1: a lady right, just checking? Are you inferring one that
Speaker 1: she was Asian?
Speaker 2: Because if anyone, if anyone has seen the real most
Speaker 2: people will know this when I say it, and someone
Speaker 2: will be like, what are you talking about? If everyone
Speaker 2: knows the real the comedy reel, I can't remember the
Speaker 2: chick's name, but she does a thing about the nail
Speaker 2: so on and she's like, do you like grittel joll?
Speaker 2: Everyone knows that this was a version of that cheek.
Speaker 2: She was so funny, but she would not give me
Speaker 2: what I wanted, and she upsold me and she did
Speaker 2: the opposite of what I asked for. And now I'm
Speaker 2: stuck with these long roll with the punched colors. Roll
Speaker 2: with the punch is colored? Get your words right.
Speaker 1: Fingernails, well, they are very glamorous. But when I think
Speaker 1: of glamorous, with all due respect, you don't fucking spring
Speaker 1: to mind. When I think of you, I think more like,
Speaker 1: like those nails are like, uh, you know, Porsche nine
Speaker 1: to eleven. You're more like Ford F one fifty pickup
Speaker 1: truck like that. You know that.
Speaker 2: I don't mind that. I don't mind that. That help
Speaker 2: me stand out on the week.
Speaker 1: On the week to me, what's tiff Like I say,
Speaker 1: robust robust? Yeah, so if glamorous is one end of
Speaker 1: the scale and robust is the other, you're up that end.
Speaker 2: I'm exactly where I want to be. Then thank you.
Speaker 1: No, you're welcome, You're welcome. I reckon, I'm closer to
Speaker 1: the glamor and than you.
Speaker 2: Some of these nails on and you're going to own it.
Speaker 1: Now. That lady that you were talking about, the Asian
Speaker 1: lady who was impersonating, and so she's an Asian comedian
Speaker 1: who was impersonating.
Speaker 2: And she's not Asian. I think she might be.
Speaker 1: No, I think she is. Is she the one that
Speaker 1: said you so pretty? Why you not have boyfriend? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: now I'm going to get in. I'm just saying what
Speaker 1: she said, so don't yell at me. Yeah, it's yeah, funny,
Speaker 1: very funny. How do people find that? If they want
Speaker 1: to find that, could they They could go to YouTube
Speaker 1: like Lady Nail Lady comedian.
Speaker 2: Jail Crystal Jel Nail comedy. All right, that'll bring it
Speaker 2: up and I will find it and put it in
Speaker 2: the typ Facebook group.
Speaker 1: So how did you go? So you were because you
Speaker 1: were having at various stages, a little fucking tanty and
Speaker 1: emotional kind of periodic meltdown because you, well, you who
Speaker 1: is like a dog with a metaphoric dog with three dicks,
Speaker 1: and you just like to wander and go wherever you
Speaker 1: want to go. But you you have been working in
Speaker 1: part of this program to be trained in a certain
Speaker 1: particular way of presenting in a certain model. And let's
Speaker 1: just say that initially you and it weren't a great fit,
Speaker 1: or you didn't think you were, because you're like, fuck rules,
Speaker 1: I don't like rule, stick your rules up your ass,
Speaker 1: and they're like, well, you actually enrolled in this program.
Speaker 1: That's like me going to do a PhD gume. By
Speaker 1: the way, I'll do it however I want fuck your system.
Speaker 1: I don't care about I don't care about the PhD rules.
Speaker 1: Fuck it. Yeah, So how did you go with that?
Speaker 1: Because I when you started that and I figured out
Speaker 1: that it was so Tiff was doing correct me if
Speaker 1: I get anything wrong. So you're doing a like a
Speaker 1: speaking speaker's development kind of process program with other people.
Speaker 1: What's the lady's name who led it? We may as
Speaker 1: well give her a fucking shout at what's.
Speaker 2: Her name Jacqueline Jacqueline Brooker, she deserves it. She's She's
Speaker 2: put up with me for a long time now, so
Speaker 2: she deserves a shout out.
Speaker 1: Is it fair that to say that you crack the
Speaker 1: shits at her a little bit?
Speaker 2: I look yet, internally, yeah, I was.
Speaker 1: I was.
Speaker 2: I think I used the word petulant with you the
Speaker 2: other day. I was. I tried to keep it all internal,
Speaker 2: but you know, I'm not good at that. So when
Speaker 2: there's internal angst, everybody involved feels it.
Speaker 1: What did you so, what did you learn about stepping
Speaker 1: out of the tiff model, which is like essentially no model,
Speaker 1: It's just like free range chicken, and being kind of
Speaker 1: channeled into a particular way of doing something, not forever
Speaker 1: but for a peweriod of time. What did you What
Speaker 1: were the what were the positives? What were the lessons
Speaker 1: out of it?
Speaker 2: Well, what was interesting, ironic and beneficial and valuable was
Speaker 2: that almost every component of the keynote I put together
Speaker 2: that I was teaching about lessons that I have learned
Speaker 2: or value had to be applied. I had to apply.
Speaker 2: I was applying them, managing my emotions, dealing within a critic,
Speaker 2: looking at my programming, and my ability to control what
Speaker 2: was what I could control and get uncomfortable and be
Speaker 2: honest about what challenges me, and be honest about my
Speaker 2: perception versus reality. Like all of this stuff is are
Speaker 2: things that I talk about inside the keynote, and in
Speaker 2: the middle of it, I'm challenged by them because that's
Speaker 2: the nature of the work we do, right, and we
Speaker 2: do the work that we need to do, like we
Speaker 2: end up I think we end up teaching what we
Speaker 2: need to learn or what we've needed to learn.
Speaker 1: And I think, like I've said to you a few times,
Speaker 1: when a few things in your life are going not great,
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is when all of the stuff that
Speaker 1: we talk about actually matters right now, when things are shit,
Speaker 1: when things are uncomfortable and unfamiliar and uncertain and unpleasant,
Speaker 1: and it's like, now is when you need to be
Speaker 1: able to walk the talk that you've been talking. Otherwise
Speaker 1: it's just fucking window dressing for a life that's really
Speaker 1: kind of not representative of the person that we are publicly.
Speaker 1: And that is that is, you know, for me, that
Speaker 1: is why it's personal development. It's not a product or
Speaker 1: a brand or a book or a podcast or a
Speaker 1: presentation like personal development is literally a messy, uncomfortable motherfucker
Speaker 1: of a process that we go through, or don't you know?
Speaker 1: Self help is literally for me helping yourself, you know.
Speaker 1: And yes there are going to be kind of resources
Speaker 1: and videos and books and all of those things in
Speaker 1: your proximity perhaps, but that kind of when you turn
Speaker 1: it from a noun into a verb, like a doing word,
Speaker 1: She's like, oh, this is what personal growth, personal developments,
Speaker 1: self help, human behavior, this is what it is about.
Speaker 1: And it was like what I liked was I thought,
Speaker 1: for a minute there you weren't going to because you
Speaker 1: went to Queensland to do this and it was a
Speaker 1: big event and there were lots of people, big crowd,
Speaker 1: lots of other speakers. But there was a moment there
Speaker 1: where I thought, Ah, she's not going to go. She's
Speaker 1: going to fucking throw the dummy out of the cot.
Speaker 1: She's not going. But what, Shane, what's got you back
Speaker 1: on track?
Speaker 2: I was closer than you would probably realize to that.
Speaker 2: The only I'd say, the main reason I didn't is
Speaker 2: that I had three people that had bought tickets to
Speaker 2: be there too, from Queensland, one from Melbourne, and I
Speaker 2: was like, you kind of can't your mate's are doing anything. Yeah.
Speaker 2: One of the big reasons I was justifying to myself
Speaker 2: that it's better off for me to pull out was
Speaker 2: the quality of the people in the room. I was like, well,
Speaker 2: if I'm going to go and deliver this keynote and
Speaker 2: I feel that it's going to be suboptimal compared to
Speaker 2: what I feel like I would be able to bring
Speaker 2: if I could just do my own thing, then do
Speaker 2: I want to be doing that in front of the
Speaker 2: potential contacts that I'll be speaking in front of, because
Speaker 2: that is that a good opportunity or a bad opportunity.
Speaker 2: So and then I got about maybe three or four
Speaker 2: weeks out and I went, Okay, well, you've got a
Speaker 2: choice here. You can either keep complaining or you can
Speaker 2: choose to do this and just put every bit of
Speaker 2: your attention and energy into trying to nail it as
Speaker 2: very best you can inside the process, whether you like
Speaker 2: think you like it or not. That's what you said
Speaker 2: when you started this course, that maybe it'll be the
Speaker 2: shittest one you've ever done, and that you'll learn something.
Speaker 2: But then when it came to facing that, it's still
Speaker 2: very hard, right, because you go, I'm going to be shit.
Speaker 2: Everyone's going to think I'm shit. I'm going to be embarrassed,
Speaker 2: it's going to be awkward. Important people are going to
Speaker 2: see me fail, and I don't want to feel like that.
Speaker 1: What was the I mean, you just managed a couple
Speaker 1: of things, But what were the things that for you
Speaker 1: were the hardest to overcome or deal with or navigate
Speaker 1: in terms of getting there and doing it?
Speaker 2: It was the things that I value in speaking, that
Speaker 2: I think that I bring are me just being very
Speaker 2: grounded and relatable and real and in the moment and
Speaker 2: present and connected to my audience, like we are having
Speaker 2: a one on one conversation at a coffee shop. That's
Speaker 2: what I think. I really love that style of a speaker,
Speaker 2: someone that just isn't putting on a performance. Especially A
Speaker 2: big part of my keynote is talking about the masks
Speaker 2: we wear and to drop the mask because you know,
Speaker 2: we don't get real results, we don't know ourselves, we
Speaker 2: don't overcome our bullshit when we're wearing a mask. So
Speaker 2: it's a value of mine. And so then I'm creating
Speaker 2: this keynote that is quite tightly Like initially we script
Speaker 2: every we script the entire thing, which I found a
Speaker 2: challenge because how I write and how I talk a different.
Speaker 2: So how do you get your thoughts down into written
Speaker 2: words that are the words that you would say when
Speaker 2: you're speaking. So that process was tricky, and I just thought,
Speaker 2: my head's going to be so full of this new
Speaker 2: information and that the things I value the most can't
Speaker 2: possibly happen, and I will forget because of my brain
Speaker 2: isn't always my best mate when it comes to details.
Speaker 2: I'll get up there, I'll make eye contact and crack
Speaker 2: a joke with someone, and then I'll think, I've no
Speaker 2: idea where I'm at or where I'm what I'm supposed to,
Speaker 2: you know, I just I will blame. I thought, that's
Speaker 2: what's going to happen, and that's going to be really embarrassing.
Speaker 2: So that was my challenge.
Speaker 1: So for you also because you are probably a bit
Speaker 1: like me in that like I've never which is not
Speaker 1: say this is a good thing or a bad thing,
Speaker 1: but I've never in my life rehearsed or practiced or
Speaker 1: anything ever. Like I've never had a script. I've always had,
Speaker 1: you know, dot point notes, and you were a little
Speaker 1: bit like that. But this this was very much where
Speaker 1: they wanted it to be, at least initially somewhat scripted,
Speaker 1: so that you could kind of have pretty much a
Speaker 1: set presentation, which is really not your natural habitat or
Speaker 1: your normal operating system. Right, sure not, So were you
Speaker 1: able to, within the confines of that process still be.
Speaker 2: You, interestingly more than I ever believed I could have.
Speaker 2: So when it came to the day, I felt completely
Speaker 2: like I almost felt like I wasn't scripted at all.
Speaker 2: I just knew it. I knew what I was going
Speaker 2: to say, and obviously there were things I was saying.
Speaker 2: I mean, within that process itself, it is not to
Speaker 2: be word perfect scripted. It's just to tightly know your content.
Speaker 2: It's pretty much how it rolled out, which I was
Speaker 2: saying the whole time, old kid, it's just memorizing words.
Speaker 2: But it actually did unfold that way, and it gave
Speaker 2: me a lead up of the weeks. In leading up,
Speaker 2: you know what, I'm normally like, I can't do anything
Speaker 2: because I'm like, oh, oh, I got to do this thing,
Speaker 2: and I'm all anxious. I've never been so relaxed, and
Speaker 2: I've never been so relaxed as I was on the day,
Speaker 2: and I had the best fun because I just trusted
Speaker 2: that I was going to say what I needed to say,
Speaker 2: and then I just got to improvise and crack jokes
Speaker 2: and know that you know, I guess the most pressure
Speaker 2: that was there was that I had it really tight
Speaker 2: forty minutes with two minutes leeway, and I knew because
Speaker 2: I'd practiced it over and over, I knew that I
Speaker 2: was hitting forty two minutes every time. So I didn't
Speaker 2: have time to dilly dally or get or go on
Speaker 2: a tangent or muck around. So yeah, it gave me
Speaker 2: mental space to think about those little things that I
Speaker 2: don't normally get to think about because I'm thinking about
Speaker 2: the content that's coming out.
Speaker 1: It's interesting sometimes, I think when we go through a
Speaker 1: process or we commit to do something that might not
Speaker 1: be fun or easy, but we want to at the
Speaker 1: end of the thing that we commit to, whether or
Speaker 1: not it's a new way of eating, or whether or
Speaker 1: not it's a speaking program, or whether or not it's
Speaker 1: you know, doing an undergrad degree, or whether or not
Speaker 1: it's like anything where it's a process and you've got
Speaker 1: to go and work at it and you've got to
Speaker 1: keep showing up. I think quite often it's actually ironically
Speaker 1: in the middle of the thing that you're doing, like
Speaker 1: you're creating the outcome, and the outcome for you was
Speaker 1: you rocked up. You did it, you did a good job,
Speaker 1: people liked it, you did a good presentation, tickety boot,
Speaker 1: as Paul Taylor says. But in the middle of that
Speaker 1: you kind of you really develop and you really learn,
Speaker 1: and you're actually, as you said, you're dealing with all
Speaker 1: of the shit it's personally that you're then going to
Speaker 1: talk to people about. And so you're still a fucking
Speaker 1: dysfunctional work in progress, you know, just like me. The
Speaker 1: amount of times in my in the last six years,
Speaker 1: by the way, three days ago it was six years
Speaker 1: my PhD and you know it's about two months away maybe,
Speaker 1: but the amount of times where I've I've thought, not
Speaker 1: how could I give up? Right, because it's not really,
Speaker 1: but like, how do I get out of this? How
Speaker 1: do I get out of it? Because this is like
Speaker 1: is it worth it?
Speaker 2: Is it?
Speaker 1: Why am I doing it? Do I need to do it?
Speaker 1: I already have a decent following. A few people think
Speaker 1: I know what I'm talking about. I've written a few books,
Speaker 1: I've done a few things. I've got a profile. It's
Speaker 1: not shit like there's a bit of respect for me.
Speaker 1: I don't know, you know, a few people think I'm a.
Speaker 3: Fuck with That's all right, but it's gonna make a
Speaker 3: difference and that, and it's it's just because it's fucking hard,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, oh god, and it takes so long.
Speaker 1: And and you're you're, you know, like you were in
Speaker 1: this kind of this paradigm, this model, this program that
Speaker 1: wasn't your natural habitat. And I've been in a version
Speaker 1: of that for six years where I'm not a natural academic,
Speaker 1: but I'm in that world and you learn how to
Speaker 1: do it right. And even when I'm finished, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to come out and go, yeah, I'm an academic,
Speaker 1: because I'm I've done an academic process. But I don't
Speaker 1: see myself as an academic. But somebody who's you know,
Speaker 1: can do certain things, just like I can play guitar,
Speaker 1: but I don't call myself a musician, right. It's you know,
Speaker 1: I can run, but I don't call myself a runner.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: It's so, yeah, well you did this thing, Craigan, you
Speaker 1: created this result, and Tip you did the same and
Speaker 1: well done. But the interesting thing for me is it's
Speaker 1: maybe one of the hardest things I've done in my
Speaker 1: life because it isn't where I excel. It isn't the
Speaker 1: thing that I'm great at. It's like people go, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, like, oh, you like when I built my
Speaker 1: businesses and stuff, like I built gyms, Well, that's my
Speaker 1: fucking natural habitat. And yeah there was business stuff and
Speaker 1: commercial stuff that I needed to learn and adapt to.
Speaker 1: But like for me, doing a PhD is twenty six
Speaker 1: times harder than building a business, you know, and being
Speaker 1: you know, having to write a certain way which is
Speaker 1: not the way that I write, having to talk a
Speaker 1: certain way, which is not the way that I talk,
Speaker 1: having to go and present to four people in front
Speaker 1: of an academic board to rationalize, and which is of
Speaker 1: course I need to do this and I'm happy to
Speaker 1: do it. But again, like I'm talking of four people
Speaker 1: and I'm terrified the day before I'm talking to with
Speaker 1: a thousand people and I'm i can telling dick jokes
Speaker 1: and having the best time ever, right, and it's just oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: this is And so it's that, what's the room that
Speaker 1: I'm going to grow in? Where do I need to
Speaker 1: go to grow, because what is very easy to do
Speaker 1: is to default to the thing that you're good at,
Speaker 1: or the thing that you're most comfortable with, or the
Speaker 1: thing where you'll get the most praise. Right, I know,
Speaker 1: I can go into some rooms and get all the
Speaker 1: backslaps in the world and all the accolades and your ace. Right,
Speaker 1: my ego fucking loves that, my self esteem loves that,
Speaker 1: my fear and insecurity loves that. Or I can go
Speaker 1: to another room, which is the room I actually need
Speaker 1: to go to if I'm talking about yes, I want
Speaker 1: to learn, grow, evolve, be better. Well, Craig, this is
Speaker 1: the room. It's not the room you want, but it's
Speaker 1: the room you need. And I think that you know,
Speaker 1: you just went for six months or whateverver it was,
Speaker 1: into a room that you needed. I mean, in there
Speaker 1: six years and then I'm sure when I come out
Speaker 1: of this room, I'll go into another room at some stage.
Speaker 1: But it's like that, I think actually choosing that, you know,
Speaker 1: in a strategic intelligence not reckless way, but choosing that
Speaker 1: this comfort, as long as it aligns with the kind
Speaker 1: of gross that you want, I think it's I think
Speaker 1: it's a superpower. But we we spend so much time
Speaker 1: and I'm talking about we generally trying to avoid that room,
Speaker 1: but it's to our own detriment, and when.
Speaker 2: You choose it, you learn so much about yourself. Like
Speaker 2: I always talk about how much I learned stepping into
Speaker 2: the boxing ring and seeing that version of Tiff that's
Speaker 2: in the middle of a fight, that's in vit or flight,
Speaker 2: that can't spin, spin a story or bullshit because the
Speaker 2: reaction is there. You react, and then you go, oh,
Speaker 2: I'm the person that cowers or ducks or this, I'm
Speaker 2: the person that didn't fight, and then I've got to
Speaker 2: do the work to change it. I learned that it's
Speaker 2: getting on this like I would was pacing around beforehand,
Speaker 2: going I'd rather be punched in the face right now,
Speaker 2: right because I'd rather get in the ring and fight,
Speaker 2: because at least people you do a brave thing, Like
Speaker 2: at least if I fail, it's not because I'm shit,
Speaker 2: It's because someone was better on the day. But I'm
Speaker 2: getting on the stage by myself. If I fail, no
Speaker 2: one beat me. I let myself down, or that's the
Speaker 2: story we tell. I haven't let myself down, you know.
Speaker 2: But it was like, oh, I just learned something about
Speaker 2: you know, the story I might cling to about how
Speaker 2: courageous I am or how I do hard things. Half
Speaker 2: my keynote is on our relationship with hard things. I'm
Speaker 2: putting that under the microscope and I just think that's interesting.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, you're talking about hard things in the middle
Speaker 1: of doing a hard thing.
Speaker 2: It was a sorry, there was a there was a
Speaker 2: speaker who she's a neurosign and she's amazing, and she
Speaker 2: was speaking for the very first time ever on how
Speaker 2: stress affects the brain, and her keynote is exceptional. And
Speaker 2: in the middle of that, I've got goosebumps now every
Speaker 2: time I talk about it, goosebumps. She was the biggest inspiration.
Speaker 2: She was freezing and forgetting, and for the whole forty
Speaker 2: minutes of her keynote, she just kept coming up to
Speaker 2: these huge silences where she just stood and needed to
Speaker 2: go inside and find what the f she was supposed
Speaker 2: to say next, and she I can't tell you. I
Speaker 2: was like, that's the She is the biggest inspiration to
Speaker 2: me in that room, and she's braver than me, because
Speaker 2: I think I would have gone, hey, guys, you know
Speaker 2: what I'm talking about it's happening to me right now.
Speaker 2: Soone'm on of f off out the back like that,
Speaker 2: to just stand there, to not apologize, to not get flustered,
Speaker 2: to not get nerves like obviously she had nerves, but
Speaker 2: she held the space and the whole room just held
Speaker 2: her and loved her for it. Like that is courage.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's that's that is amazing. That is and for
Speaker 1: people to you know, what was going on and to
Speaker 1: be there and to be okay with that and for her.
Speaker 1: But what I love about that is that is a
Speaker 1: good story. What I love about that is that if
Speaker 1: she keeps going, which I hope she does, she's just
Speaker 1: going to build on that and that'll be that that
Speaker 1: will become part of her story. And that the you know,
Speaker 1: it's the six hundred episodes of the U Project losing money.
Speaker 1: It's that It's like, you know, all the gigs that
Speaker 1: I did before I was any good, you know, before
Speaker 1: I got paid any money, before I got actual money.
Speaker 1: You know, like, yeah, how do you how do you
Speaker 1: how do you become masterful? How do you become highly skilled?
Speaker 1: How do you become how do you become elite? How
Speaker 1: do you optimize your potential? How do you how do
Speaker 1: you get the most out of you? Will you get
Speaker 1: up and you freeze maybe, and and you lose your place,
Speaker 1: and you don't give up, and you stand there and
Speaker 1: you just figure it out and you sold your on
Speaker 1: And then next time you probably won't do that, or
Speaker 1: you might do it less. And then eventually you're going
Speaker 1: to tell this story about the first time you got
Speaker 1: up and what a train wreckord kind of was, but
Speaker 1: also what a massive learning experience it was and how
Speaker 1: it shaped you. You know, this is like pretty much
Speaker 1: everything in life is about how we.
Speaker 2: Respond, and the appreciation for the result comes only because
Speaker 2: of the hard you of it. I am only as elated.
Speaker 2: I was elate. I felt like I'd just had my
Speaker 2: first fight again. I had first fight adrenaline. I had
Speaker 2: first fighted adrenaline. Before speaking on stage, I definitely had
Speaker 2: it for two days afterwards. I felt like I was
Speaker 2: coming down from hard drugs. But that is only that
Speaker 2: is not because of the moment on stage. That is
Speaker 2: because of what I chose not to crumble under in
Speaker 2: the lean up. That is because I know and I
Speaker 2: loved that I came so close to not doing it.
Speaker 1: MM so good. Yeah, it's yeah, well here's my quick story.
Speaker 1: So you know what's going on with my dad, and
Speaker 1: my listeners kind of know. So he's just gone through
Speaker 1: some really difficult stuff. So I had to do I
Speaker 1: had to talk Tuesday morning, and I got off the
Speaker 1: plane Monday evening and found out what was going on
Speaker 1: with dad. So then and then I had which I
Speaker 1: spoke about. I did a podcast about this, which went
Speaker 1: up Monday, I think, but which it just is what
Speaker 1: it is, you know, And but then not sleeping, worrying
Speaker 1: about my dad, who's and then worrying about my mum
Speaker 1: who really you know, my dad's eighty six, my mum's
Speaker 1: eighty six in a few weeks. And it's just really
Speaker 1: complicated and it's honestly, it's pretty difficult, but it is
Speaker 1: what it is, right, and then trying to trying to
Speaker 1: not put it out of your mind but not let
Speaker 1: that destroy you. And then I had to get up
Speaker 1: less than twenty four hours, you know, so like I
Speaker 1: would have slept, I don't know how much I slept,
Speaker 1: but not more than an hour. And then I got
Speaker 1: up and I had to go and talk to a
Speaker 1: room full of lawyers, God bless them, and be funny
Speaker 1: and tell great stories and be inspirational and share great ideas.
Speaker 1: And you can't walk in and go listen, I know
Speaker 1: you're paying me five X, but I'm just going to
Speaker 1: give you one x value because I've had a hard night. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and can I tell you about what's going on in
Speaker 1: my purse? You can't do that, understandably, and neither should you.
Speaker 1: So you know this is and then well what is that? Well,
Speaker 1: that's life. It's like, yeah, if I and by the way,
Speaker 1: you know it, if me staying up there or flying
Speaker 1: home straight away wouldn't have made any difference to what
Speaker 1: was going on with my dad for anyone who's thinking
Speaker 1: that otherwise I would have flown home. But yeah, it's
Speaker 1: in that. Oh, well this is. It doesn't get much
Speaker 1: worse than this in terms of like when somebody that
Speaker 1: you love is is, you know, in a really challenging situation,
Speaker 1: and my energy and my emotions and my mind and
Speaker 1: to a great extent my body were almost not present.
Speaker 1: But then you've got to then you've got to rock up,
Speaker 1: and you've got to go and breathe and just be
Speaker 1: totally here, totally nowhere else. And you know that's that's
Speaker 1: the thing, is like that is life Sometimes like life
Speaker 1: is just a fuck fest, and in the middle of
Speaker 1: that we need to try to find a way to
Speaker 1: be whatever it is you need to be in that
Speaker 1: moment to get through it. And then then go to
Speaker 1: the Quantus Club and have a little cry in the
Speaker 1: bathroom crate you can do it there, have a little
Speaker 1: tandy in the corner, eat your own body weight in
Speaker 1: Quantus Club food, do whatever you want, but for this
Speaker 1: hour you need to be amazing.
Speaker 2: How do you compartmentalize or give yourself a space or
Speaker 2: a moment to be in the middle of what's going on,
Speaker 2: and then in order to park it to function? How
Speaker 2: do you navigate those two?
Speaker 1: So what I do, and again this is not a
Speaker 1: recommendation nor advice, is I totally feel what I'm feeling.
Speaker 1: And then I don't try to not feel any of it.
Speaker 1: I don't try to I don't put my head in
Speaker 1: the sand, I don't pretend it's not going on. But
Speaker 1: about literally only about five ten minutes before I then
Speaker 1: just try to clear my mind, get really kind of
Speaker 1: still and calm, and I go into it with that
Speaker 1: awareness but without being focused on it. And what I
Speaker 1: did was which I wasn't. I kind of waxed and waned.
Speaker 1: And in the last kind of five to eight minutes
Speaker 1: of my presentation, I told the audience, because we're talking
Speaker 1: about performing under pressure, we're talking about dealing with adversity,
Speaker 1: we're talking about being able to be, you know, the
Speaker 1: best version of us that we could be despite you know,
Speaker 1: the stuff that goes on, right, And I said, so,
Speaker 1: I said to them, I've been back, going back and
Speaker 1: forth mentally as to whether or not I would share
Speaker 1: this with you, but I think it kind of, you know,
Speaker 1: without being self indulgent, without looking for any kind of
Speaker 1: anything from you, let me just tell you about my
Speaker 1: last eighteen hours. And I told them, and it's like
Speaker 1: half of them almost cried all of a sudden, just
Speaker 1: being very you know, i'd been very real and raw,
Speaker 1: but being very real and raw in the last ten minutes,
Speaker 1: It's like, Oh, it created a level of connection that
Speaker 1: I hadn't until it. There was connection and there was
Speaker 1: rapport and it was good. But all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: we opened a door, maybe three doors, and we went
Speaker 1: like three levels deeper. And yeah, and I feel like
Speaker 1: that was almost the deal maker, you know, in terms
Speaker 1: of them going, oh, that was fucking great. And by
Speaker 1: the way, you know, and half the people in the
Speaker 1: room would have come up. A few people came up,
Speaker 1: got me a hug. A few people just quite a
Speaker 1: few people just said, you know, thanks for sharing that.
Speaker 1: That kind of put things into perspective. I hope your
Speaker 1: dad's right and all of that stuff. You know, But
Speaker 1: and whether or not you're a corporate speaker or you're
Speaker 1: a plumber, you know, you go to work and you
Speaker 1: do you know, plumbers have bad days, Plumbers have dads
Speaker 1: that get sick. You know, it's school teachers have you know,
Speaker 1: everyone's got to deal with someone in their world getting
Speaker 1: sick or dying or you know, we've all got to
Speaker 1: deal with injustice. Sadly, we've all got to deal with
Speaker 1: unfairness and pain and loss, and you know, while we're
Speaker 1: still going to be human and like, I don't pretend
Speaker 1: it's not hard. I just go, all right, well, in
Speaker 1: the middle of this, how do I navigate this? How
Speaker 1: do I walk my own talk while not being a sociopath?
Speaker 1: You know, like I've still got to feel what I've
Speaker 1: got to feel, and you know, there are times where
Speaker 1: I think, all right, well, for now, this is just
Speaker 1: how I need to be in this moment, and I
Speaker 1: can do that. Doesn't mean I'm denying anything that's going
Speaker 1: on or denying my emotions. But yeah, so that that
Speaker 1: was an interesting and it's been an interesting week since,
Speaker 1: you know. And that's like here's the here's the thing, right,
Speaker 1: there are just and it's going to happen to you
Speaker 1: one day, right, a version of that, And like the
Speaker 1: thing is that there's just always going to be things
Speaker 1: that affect us that are real tough, that are actually
Speaker 1: out of our control. And so our challenge is not
Speaker 1: to control it or try to control it, but rather
Speaker 1: to do what we can for those people, love them,
Speaker 1: serve them, look up whatever we can, but then really
Speaker 1: to manage ourselves around the stuff that we can't manage,
Speaker 1: you know. And and two, yeah, it's it's an interesting
Speaker 1: it's an interesting time. And what I find, as somebody
Speaker 1: who's done eight years of conversations like this, it's like
Speaker 1: almost a moment and even bigger moment of self awareness
Speaker 1: for me because I go, all right, mister fucking self help,
Speaker 1: mister the U project, mister ah be all you can be,
Speaker 1: mister can you perform under pressure, mister, What do you
Speaker 1: like when the shit is yeah? Like? What are you like? Like?
Speaker 1: What do you like like? What do you like when
Speaker 1: you know when no one's looking? What do you like
Speaker 1: when you know you're not getting a fucking any kind
Speaker 1: of social emotional trophy for this? You know? That's that's
Speaker 1: the thing. And I think that's why so much of
Speaker 1: our evolution, our becoming better, whatever that means for us, building, resilience, building,
Speaker 1: skill building, competence, doing, thinking, being better, so much of
Speaker 1: it is about what happens when no one's looking or
Speaker 1: giving a fuck or cheering. And I think that that's
Speaker 1: you know, that's part of the key.
Speaker 2: And the choice to share that when you did is
Speaker 2: such a gift, Like, I don't think you understand how
Speaker 2: much that would solidify everything you spoke about, Like, because
Speaker 2: when people think now and something hard happens and they
Speaker 2: think of all the theory you'd left them with, they'll go, yeah,
Speaker 2: and you know what he was going through this when
Speaker 2: he told us that, and he still showed up, you know,
Speaker 2: and didn't show it by suppressing it and hiding it
Speaker 2: and pretending it wasn't happening, just showed up.
Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you another story. This is probably
Speaker 1: not a good idea, but fuck it. So one of
Speaker 1: my best friends in the world passed away, Rob Dixon, Dicko. Gee,
Speaker 1: I don't even know how many He must have been
Speaker 1: the best part of fifteen or thirteen years ago. And
Speaker 1: I had a corporate gig and my corporate gig was
Speaker 1: two o'clock and Dicko's funeral was midday and where the
Speaker 1: church was. Where the church was was about eight minute
Speaker 1: motorbike ride from where my gieg was. So this is
Speaker 1: my plan, in hindsight, not the best. So I went
Speaker 1: to one of my best friend's funeral. I was a
Speaker 1: fucking mess, as all of us were. And he yeah,
Speaker 1: this is the saddest story ever. Anyway, he passed away,
Speaker 1: and so did his two sons who were little boys,
Speaker 1: and his wife, Dusty, beautiful lady she was. It was
Speaker 1: the saddest funeral you could imagine anyway, and way sadder
Speaker 1: for the family than me. But you know, like him
Speaker 1: and I were great friends, as he was with many people. Right.
Speaker 1: But so I thought, it's going to be about now.
Speaker 1: Then I'll have about now to regroup and go and
Speaker 1: do this thing. I'll get through it. It had been
Speaker 1: booked forever. There was quite a lot of people at
Speaker 1: this gig. It was just me, not like there was
Speaker 1: eight other speakers. I could pull out.
Speaker 4: And and so I the funeral went forever and a
Speaker 4: quarter to two.
Speaker 1: So I've got a gig in fifteen minutes. I had
Speaker 1: to leave. And so I rode to this place. I
Speaker 1: don't even know why I'm telling this story, this is
Speaker 1: just but I rode to this place crying, so on
Speaker 1: my motorbike, in my helmet, crying. And I get there
Speaker 1: and I've got to try and and I'm a fucking wreck.
Speaker 1: I'm in no state to do this right. And anyway,
Speaker 1: I go into the bathroom. I get there like four
Speaker 1: minutes before I go into the bathroom, I wash my face,
Speaker 1: I get my shit together, and I start and I
Speaker 1: do my thing, and I can't remember anyway. Towards the end,
Speaker 1: I mentioned what my what had happened not and I
Speaker 1: lost my shit. I lost my shit, and I didn't
Speaker 1: like thought, but I just and I was in front
Speaker 1: of this whole group, and I just I started crying,
Speaker 1: and then I started to apologize for crying. And then
Speaker 1: like one of the ladies actually came up and hugged me,
Speaker 1: which was beautiful, but then it made it worse, Like
Speaker 1: now I'm really fucked. Oh my god, I'd forgotten about
Speaker 1: that till we started talking about my dad's thing. But yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like, I've had some really interesting moments on stage,
Speaker 1: and I like, I look at that, and I think
Speaker 1: they could have been really angry with me, because nobody
Speaker 1: wants that dude up on the stage, Like, oh, we
Speaker 1: get in this inspirational guy who starts crying and I'm like,
Speaker 1: fuck and hell, if you guys want your money back
Speaker 1: and more, let me know. But they were very gracious
Speaker 1: and very kind.
Speaker 2: What did you learn? Did you learn something out of
Speaker 2: that about you personally or professional?
Speaker 1: I it's like, yeah, what did I learn? Well, practically,
Speaker 1: I would, I realized later I shouldn't. I didn't know
Speaker 1: that it was going to be. I thought there would
Speaker 1: be an hour's gap and I would be able to
Speaker 1: get myself together, but there wasn't. So in hindsheight, maybe
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have done it. But as it turns out,
Speaker 1: they I got more positive. I didn't really get any negative.
Speaker 1: Maybe they just felt sorry for me. But I just
Speaker 1: think that you know, without being without being an attention seeker.
Speaker 1: Or it's like when I did the podcast the other
Speaker 1: day about and the podcast was called I've had a
Speaker 1: pretty shit week or whatever. Right now, I've never had
Speaker 1: a negative title in all of my podcasts, and I've
Speaker 1: never got on and ever try to seek sympathy or
Speaker 1: pity or and I definitely wasn't doing it with that.
Speaker 1: But my motivation was, or my reasoning was, I really
Speaker 1: had had had a ship week with other people as well,
Speaker 1: and I thought, I don't want to and I was
Speaker 1: doing a solo one. It was just me, I don't
Speaker 1: want to get on here and pretend I'm happy. I
Speaker 1: don't want to get on here, and I thought, why
Speaker 1: don't I just get on and without making it, without
Speaker 1: trying to make it depressing or sad, just go. So
Speaker 1: this is, you know, this is the guy that's always
Speaker 1: trying to inspire and inform and educate and all that stuff.
Speaker 1: Tell you a story makes you laugh. Here's that guy
Speaker 1: who's honestly had a hunt of a week. Let's be honest, right,
Speaker 1: and just to talk about that, because I think, you know,
Speaker 1: and then to talk about how i'd kind of navigated
Speaker 1: that that I did a stellar job. But I could
Speaker 1: have done worse. I guess. I think that's part of
Speaker 1: you know, the biggest compliment for me is that about
Speaker 1: this show is that people relate to it, really relate
Speaker 1: to it, and relate to the conversations and hopefully us
Speaker 1: today and and rather than getting on going, Hey everybody,
Speaker 1: here's how you deal with sadness. Here's how you deal
Speaker 1: with depression and tough situations. Get out your pen and
Speaker 1: paper step one. Step one, think positive things. Step two,
Speaker 1: get in nature, get your toes in the sands. Step three,
Speaker 1: just self, feel what you feel. Step four, what's your
Speaker 1: rom Come, We'll be back tomorrow. You know, it's like
Speaker 1: it's sometimes I think, fuck, is this even good to
Speaker 1: listen to? Like when I finished that solo the other
Speaker 1: day with me just banging on about the week I
Speaker 1: sent it to Melissa or Melissa had a listen and
Speaker 1: I went, was that dog shit? And she goes, no.
Speaker 1: I'm like, because I feel like I don't want to
Speaker 1: put something up that is just going to make people
Speaker 1: sad or depressed or but I think that's the beauty
Speaker 1: of even You know, in life, there are peaks and troughs,
Speaker 1: and in eight years of broadcasting, a show there are
Speaker 1: peaks and troughs. And I think that people when I
Speaker 1: look up to someone or have learned from someone and
Speaker 1: it seems like they never have a problem, well I
Speaker 1: can't relate really, But when I see that, oh, they're
Speaker 1: navigating hard things as well, I'm more likely to lean
Speaker 1: in and pay attention and I can still learn, you know,
Speaker 1: and I can go, oh, well, this happened to Craig
Speaker 1: and this is what he did. Which is not say
Speaker 1: anyone else should do what I did or react how
Speaker 1: I did, but just knowing that, yeah, no, of course
Speaker 1: things are shit times. Of Course they get angry, of
Speaker 1: course they get frustrated. Of course I want to fucking
Speaker 1: punch someone in the face. I wouldn't. I wouldn't though,
Speaker 1: but that you know, that feeling, it's like, you know, sometimes,
Speaker 1: especially when you've got an eighty six year old dad,
Speaker 1: sometimes without saying anything specifically, fuck, sometimes I feel like
Speaker 1: for some people, oh, he's just a problem. It's like
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, we're here, I'm sorry. My dad's
Speaker 1: eighty six, and that you have to you know, you're
Speaker 1: like fucking hell, you know, it's like ah, But then
Speaker 1: me being that way, outwardly fixes nothing, in fact creates
Speaker 1: more problems. So me needing to and also understanding the
Speaker 1: greater context. And you know, in hospitals like we were in,
Speaker 1: where everyone's trying and it's busy and they're under resourced
Speaker 1: and over demanded and if that's a word, and yeah, me,
Speaker 1: me trying to manage me in the middle of all
Speaker 1: of that, so that I'm the best for Dad and
Speaker 1: the best for Mum and also a decent human for
Speaker 1: other people to be around. Yeah, it's an exercise in
Speaker 1: self control and self management. And you know, I.
Speaker 2: Think it's also really nice that episode. Like one thing
Speaker 2: that you're probably not the very, very very best at
Speaker 2: is letting people hold space for you and care about you.
Speaker 2: And I think letting that that's soft. Fuck that letting
Speaker 2: the t one that I.
Speaker 1: Didn't need any of that. Fuck that, I'm an island.
Speaker 1: I'm an island humanity, I'm an island. Don't throw your
Speaker 1: boat over here. Fuck off with your boat.
Speaker 2: But just not like not just being showing up for
Speaker 2: typ community to be a lesson, but let them hold
Speaker 2: the space and go, hey, we're fucking here for you.
Speaker 2: Like I don't think you understand how beneficial that is
Speaker 2: for you, Like we want to do that. Everyone that
Speaker 2: follows you in that group wants to wants to say
Speaker 2: something to let you know that they're all here and
Speaker 2: that they love that you're human, and like that's a gift.
Speaker 1: Sorry, you broke up. I didn't hear any of that.
Speaker 2: Sorry, and you're also a bit of a fuck.
Speaker 1: With Yeah, well, thank you, and thank you to everybody
Speaker 1: for all the nice things I've got, like lots and
Speaker 1: lots of lots of love and lots of yeah, lots
Speaker 1: of support and also you know, via a messenger and
Speaker 1: all kinds of shit. It's been I don't have a
Speaker 1: chicken casserole, so if somebody wants to reach out with food,
Speaker 1: that's probably my love language. It's probably my love language,
Speaker 1: chicken casserole. No pressure the OH box, all right, before
Speaker 1: you make me cry, I'm going to wind it up.
Speaker 1: If it's been bued. Congrats on your speaking kind of
Speaker 1: it's not your debut, but on a big stage. That
Speaker 1: was your speaking debut to the world. That's fucking you
Speaker 1: opening the door to the big time. So well done.
Speaker 1: Congrats and thanks for hanging out with me for an
Speaker 1: hour or so.
Speaker 2: Thank you