WEBVTT - #2138 The Architect of Your Life - Bobby Cappuccio 0:00:00.760 --> 0:00:02.760 I good a team. It's Harps and Bobby. Welcome to 0:00:03.040 --> 0:00:07.760 another installment the You Project. It's beautiful. It's beautiful, warm 0:00:07.840 --> 0:00:11.720 day here in Melbos. It's Thursday, but from tomorrow it 0:00:11.760 --> 0:00:16.400 turns cold. It seems like winter is in bound. What's 0:00:16.440 --> 0:00:18.919 the temperature over in San Diego, Robert? 0:00:21.200 --> 0:00:24.960 I think maybe I haven't been outside for a little bit, 0:00:24.960 --> 0:00:28.920 but I think it's about fifteen degrees right now. Yeah, Well, we're. 0:00:28.760 --> 0:00:31.680 On the We're heading towards the cool. You're heading towards 0:00:31.720 --> 0:00:36.680 the warm, although California is always recently warm. How have 0:00:36.760 --> 0:00:39.720 you been? What is up? What is new? How are you? 0:00:40.600 --> 0:00:44.000 How is the GLW the good Lady Wife? How is work? 0:00:44.120 --> 0:00:46.680 Give us a snapshot of you before we dive into 0:00:46.720 --> 0:00:51.640 today's topic without diving. 0:00:51.240 --> 0:00:53.400 Into it in too much detail. Just got a lot 0:00:53.440 --> 0:00:57.480 of plates spinning right now. Mmm, so yeah, you just go. 0:00:58.960 --> 0:01:01.200 Are you better with a small to do list or 0:01:01.240 --> 0:01:04.080 a big to do list? Are you happier? Do you 0:01:04.160 --> 0:01:06.800 perform better when there's a lot on that list or 0:01:06.840 --> 0:01:11.680 maybe somewhere between a lot and a little somewhere between? 0:01:12.240 --> 0:01:14.160 I think like it's not. 0:01:14.440 --> 0:01:21.200 With this vast assortment of tasks to complete, what significant projects, 0:01:21.400 --> 0:01:24.200 like when my head's buried in something that requires a 0:01:24.240 --> 0:01:27.560 lot of creativity and focus and there's not a lot 0:01:27.600 --> 0:01:30.080 of uh, there's not a lot of disruption. I don't 0:01:30.080 --> 0:01:34.640 do very well when like like moving house and things 0:01:34.720 --> 0:01:39.120 like that. That is a massive distractor for me. But yeah, 0:01:39.240 --> 0:01:42.760 if everything everything's stable, when I'm doing things that I 0:01:42.800 --> 0:01:45.520 could focus, I could create, you know, I could kind 0:01:45.520 --> 0:01:48.480 of like lose myself in that. That's where I thrive. 0:01:50.480 --> 0:01:53.200 It's trying to It's funny because there's no particular model 0:01:53.400 --> 0:01:57.920 or no particular protocol or whatever that will suit everyone. 0:01:58.080 --> 0:02:00.320 You know, Like some people live in this place. They 0:02:00.320 --> 0:02:03.680 hate it. Some people love it. Some people do that job, 0:02:04.320 --> 0:02:06.480 even if it's same environment with the same boss, they 0:02:06.480 --> 0:02:08.600 don't dig it. It's not for them. Someone else it's 0:02:08.639 --> 0:02:15.040 their happy place. And I think a lot, both internally 0:02:15.080 --> 0:02:21.960 and also out loud about this idea of life design 0:02:22.240 --> 0:02:26.320 and creating a life, the totality of all the bits 0:02:26.360 --> 0:02:29.400 and pieces of the craigjigs, or you know, all the 0:02:29.480 --> 0:02:32.040 Craigs life jigs, or all the bits and pieces that 0:02:32.200 --> 0:02:36.959 influence you know, my experiences and you know my productivity 0:02:37.000 --> 0:02:40.239 and my relationships and my finances and where I live 0:02:40.360 --> 0:02:45.200 and all of those things, and how there's no set formula. 0:02:45.240 --> 0:02:47.520 In fact, there's probably a different formula when you're twenty 0:02:47.560 --> 0:02:51.480 five than when you're fifty, I guess. But I had 0:02:51.600 --> 0:02:54.799 two conversations yesterday, and I've had thousands over the years, 0:02:54.840 --> 0:02:58.960 but two that same essentially the same thing to happen 0:02:59.040 --> 0:03:01.880 to be too ladies. But it could have easily just 0:03:01.919 --> 0:03:05.240 as easily been two blokes, one on zoom, one face 0:03:05.280 --> 0:03:13.560 to face. And the thing was essentially, I've I everything 0:03:13.600 --> 0:03:16.760 that I have is nice. It's like it's okay, my 0:03:16.840 --> 0:03:19.920 life is not bad. I've got enough of this and 0:03:20.080 --> 0:03:22.040 enough of that. But in the mid but there's no 0:03:22.840 --> 0:03:26.720 there's no joy, there's no kind of deep meaning. I 0:03:26.720 --> 0:03:30.600 don't feel like I really have a purpose. I'm not 0:03:30.840 --> 0:03:34.440 sure if I even want to live in the area 0:03:34.520 --> 0:03:37.640 that you know, all of these kind of life design 0:03:38.480 --> 0:03:42.440 thoughts and questions. And one lady said that, the other 0:03:42.520 --> 0:03:47.920 lady said, I, I don't love my job pays me 0:03:48.000 --> 0:03:50.400 quite well, I don't love it. I want to do 0:03:50.440 --> 0:03:53.040 something else, but I don't know what the something else is. 0:03:53.280 --> 0:03:53.560 You know. 0:03:54.280 --> 0:03:58.640 So the whole idea of like I think this is 0:03:58.720 --> 0:04:01.680 just my thought. I want your comment, Terry. I think 0:04:01.720 --> 0:04:04.400 a lot of people kind of live a version of 0:04:04.480 --> 0:04:08.680 groundhog Day in that they do a lot today of 0:04:08.720 --> 0:04:12.960 what they did yesterday, even if yesterday wasn't particularly productive 0:04:13.200 --> 0:04:20.360 or effective or joyful. You know, because we're in certain psychological, emotional, 0:04:20.360 --> 0:04:24.080 and behavioral grooves. We just do this this way because 0:04:24.080 --> 0:04:26.760 this is what we did the last two thousand days 0:04:26.760 --> 0:04:30.800 of our lives. Sounds like a series. So then trying 0:04:30.880 --> 0:04:36.520 to find a level of awareness, self awareness, situational awareness, 0:04:36.680 --> 0:04:41.080 all the awarenesses in the middle of the groundhog danis 0:04:41.080 --> 0:04:44.039 of me and to think, all right, well, if I 0:04:44.240 --> 0:04:49.000 continue on my current trajectory, good or bad, what's my 0:04:49.080 --> 0:04:52.039 life going to be like when I'm you know, sixty 0:04:52.120 --> 0:04:54.760 or fifty five or fifty or whatever the case is 0:04:54.760 --> 0:04:57.599 for the individual, Like, if I keep doing what I'm 0:04:57.600 --> 0:05:00.240 doing effectively the way that I'm doing it, in the 0:05:00.240 --> 0:05:02.360 place that I'm doing it, in the body that i'm 0:05:02.400 --> 0:05:05.279 doing it, in the relationship that I'm doing it, in 0:05:05.320 --> 0:05:09.159 the financials, you know, what's what's that going to look like? 0:05:09.360 --> 0:05:12.039 And does that make me happy or sad? So I 0:05:12.080 --> 0:05:15.640 wanted to talk about the nuts and bolts of zooming 0:05:16.640 --> 0:05:19.440 back a little bit into the macro of life design 0:05:19.520 --> 0:05:22.520 and all the moving pieces. And before we get into it, everyone, 0:05:22.560 --> 0:05:25.760 I want to say, this is not a set protocol 0:05:25.880 --> 0:05:29.120 or plan, and we're just talking about the concept and 0:05:29.800 --> 0:05:32.120 Bobby what he's done and where he's been, and the 0:05:32.160 --> 0:05:34.640 same for me and the people that we've coached. So 0:05:35.480 --> 0:05:39.760 do you talk to people broadly about the creating a 0:05:39.839 --> 0:05:41.359 life that works for them. 0:05:42.680 --> 0:05:43.320 All the time? 0:05:43.760 --> 0:05:45.120 Big picture stuff. 0:05:46.640 --> 0:05:51.400 All the time, And sometimes it's not big spectra. Sometimes 0:05:51.400 --> 0:05:57.919 it's something very focal, something aimed and in near future. 0:05:57.920 --> 0:06:01.760 But other times, you know it, it's more of a 0:06:02.839 --> 0:06:10.440 higher view, higher perspective. I wonder how much of what 0:06:10.560 --> 0:06:16.279 we get stuck in is based on our expectations. Where 0:06:16.880 --> 0:06:19.760 we're supposed to have this plan, we're supposed to know, 0:06:20.440 --> 0:06:23.120 and if I don't know, I feel stuck because what 0:06:23.200 --> 0:06:26.080 does that mean? Like I assigned some meaning to that 0:06:26.880 --> 0:06:30.080 where And I think for a lot of people that 0:06:30.240 --> 0:06:34.880 works for other people that people that have had this 0:06:35.080 --> 0:06:39.040 conversation with and people quite close to me who I 0:06:39.120 --> 0:06:44.279 really love. You get the feeling almost that there's that 0:06:44.360 --> 0:06:50.240 they're operating on the principle should well, I should be here, 0:06:50.360 --> 0:06:53.320 I should be doing this and I should be doing 0:06:53.360 --> 0:06:58.240 this in this order, in this timeline. And that's fine 0:06:58.480 --> 0:07:00.600 if it keeps you, if it keeps you structure, or 0:07:00.600 --> 0:07:04.560 if it's something that is intrinsically moving you or something 0:07:04.560 --> 0:07:08.960 that you intrinsically value. But what if it's not, And 0:07:09.000 --> 0:07:11.280 then if you're stuck and it's like like you're saying, ah, 0:07:12.280 --> 0:07:14.800 I'm doing the same things every day, but I don't 0:07:14.840 --> 0:07:18.480 have this sense of joy. Well, what would a sense 0:07:18.520 --> 0:07:21.200 of joy mean? Like, what would be different about life 0:07:21.280 --> 0:07:24.160 if you had this sense of joy? What is having 0:07:24.160 --> 0:07:25.600 a sense of joy mean to you? And what is 0:07:25.680 --> 0:07:29.119 not having a sense of joy mean? Maybe it's about 0:07:29.160 --> 0:07:33.040 staying curious. I feel like the older I get, the 0:07:33.200 --> 0:07:39.760 more this value around curiosity shows up for me. And 0:07:39.960 --> 0:07:43.000 it's not that I'm not curious. I'm very curious. I 0:07:43.000 --> 0:07:45.200 think one of my highest values is love of learning, 0:07:45.200 --> 0:07:50.200 which is driven by curiosity. But the value of curiosity 0:07:50.280 --> 0:07:54.239 and the willingness to explore and not have a very 0:07:54.280 --> 0:08:00.480 strong opinion or dogma even worse about what that exploration 0:08:00.720 --> 0:08:03.240 means or should mean, Like what are you interested in? 0:08:03.400 --> 0:08:06.880 What catches your attention? Because I think like when you're 0:08:06.960 --> 0:08:10.280 in momentum, how many times have you heard a story like 0:08:10.320 --> 0:08:14.520 this where I was going one direction and then you know, 0:08:14.560 --> 0:08:17.520 I just got this summer job, and I just got 0:08:17.520 --> 0:08:19.400 it because I needed the money, had nothing to do 0:08:19.440 --> 0:08:21.680 with anything I was interested in. And then I met 0:08:21.680 --> 0:08:25.440 this other person in this field, and this event happened 0:08:25.760 --> 0:08:29.440 not planned at all, seemingly for the person on the 0:08:29.480 --> 0:08:32.720 other end of this story, random at the time, but 0:08:32.840 --> 0:08:35.520 that unlocked something, and then I went in that direction, 0:08:35.960 --> 0:08:39.040 and then I discovered this about myself. Have you heard 0:08:39.040 --> 0:08:39.880 that story, Craig? 0:08:40.960 --> 0:08:42.760 Hmmm, yes? 0:08:43.520 --> 0:08:45.679 What? What about? What? 0:08:45.760 --> 0:08:52.520 But I understand, but what about someone who knows this 0:08:52.679 --> 0:08:55.520 is not the life I want to be in? How 0:08:55.520 --> 0:08:59.800 did they begin to figure out maybe what a do 0:09:00.200 --> 0:09:04.240 they want? And I guess curiosity is a big part 0:09:04.280 --> 0:09:08.000 of that. But then not even knowing which direction to 0:09:08.280 --> 0:09:10.320 step in, how do we perhaps find a bit of 0:09:10.400 --> 0:09:14.200 clarity around that? And I understand all your thoughts around 0:09:14.280 --> 0:09:17.800 expectations and stuff, But like I know many people I'm 0:09:17.840 --> 0:09:20.800 sure you do, did do, I should say, who were 0:09:20.840 --> 0:09:24.000 doing a certain thing and life was a bit blah 0:09:24.080 --> 0:09:26.080 And then they opened a new door or moved into 0:09:26.120 --> 0:09:30.319 a new area of work or passion or religion or lifestyle. 0:09:30.480 --> 0:09:33.920 Or something, and they're like different people and it's not 0:09:33.960 --> 0:09:35.920 an act, and it's not for three weeks. It's like, 0:09:36.000 --> 0:09:39.440 oh my god, you are you found your thing? You 0:09:39.559 --> 0:09:41.920 found your thing, and some people are going, I want 0:09:41.920 --> 0:09:45.520 to find a fucking thing because you know, I pay 0:09:45.600 --> 0:09:48.280 the bills, and but other than that, there's not a 0:09:48.320 --> 0:09:51.080 whole lot of I don't know. I don't feel fulfilled. 0:09:51.120 --> 0:09:53.280 I don't feel like I have a purpose. How do 0:09:53.320 --> 0:09:57.240 we begin to practically, you know, rather than staying in 0:09:57.240 --> 0:09:59.440 a situation that we don't love and trying to convince 0:09:59.480 --> 0:10:02.040 ourselves we love it. Not that you were suggesting that, 0:10:03.679 --> 0:10:07.880 but how do we practically begin to get clarity around 0:10:08.440 --> 0:10:11.480 what might work for us, what direction we should what 0:10:12.400 --> 0:10:13.520 door we should open. 0:10:15.520 --> 0:10:20.199 So, I mean, everybody's different, So I hesitate to prescribe 0:10:20.640 --> 0:10:22.679 because where you are in your life is different, your 0:10:22.720 --> 0:10:25.600 needs are different, just just your makeup of you being 0:10:25.679 --> 0:10:28.680 you is different. And then there's context. But a couple 0:10:28.720 --> 0:10:31.200 of things that we can extrapolate from the scenario that 0:10:31.240 --> 0:10:35.800 you're laying out is I suspect there's this thing out 0:10:35.840 --> 0:10:38.440 there for me. I'm frustrated because I don't know what 0:10:38.480 --> 0:10:42.120 this thing actually is. I want to have this thing. 0:10:42.200 --> 0:10:45.280 I want to be that person. It's not like, hey, 0:10:45.320 --> 0:10:46.560 you know, I don't know what my thing is and 0:10:46.720 --> 0:10:49.840 I'm totally satisfied with that. I'm just doing I'm just 0:10:49.920 --> 0:10:52.720 doing my thing. I don't think there is a thing. No, 0:10:52.880 --> 0:10:55.520 this is something you want and something you value. So 0:10:55.960 --> 0:11:00.400 if there's something I value like this pen, okay, exactly 0:11:00.440 --> 0:11:03.840 the same thing as a life purpose. Yeah, but I 0:11:03.920 --> 0:11:06.400 go into my office tomorrow and I can't find it. 0:11:06.679 --> 0:11:09.480 I'm in the same situation. There's something I really value 0:11:09.600 --> 0:11:14.640 and I don't know where it is. Logically, what would 0:11:14.679 --> 0:11:17.680 be the simplest recommendation anyone can make to me? 0:11:19.320 --> 0:11:22.080 Either God, look for it or get a new one. 0:11:22.280 --> 0:11:25.320 Yeah, maybe go look for it, like, go look for it, 0:11:25.679 --> 0:11:28.200 or go out and get another pen. And you know, 0:11:28.240 --> 0:11:30.760 see if that thing has equal value, so you got 0:11:30.800 --> 0:11:33.960 to go explore a little bit. So one maybe it's 0:11:34.000 --> 0:11:37.560 it's letting go of that attachment. I should know what 0:11:37.640 --> 0:11:42.560 that thing is, Like, what are you curious about? Yeah, 0:11:42.720 --> 0:11:46.360 when you're on social media, a lot of times adverts 0:11:46.400 --> 0:11:50.040 will pop up, and those adverts are really interesting, like 0:11:50.200 --> 0:11:54.720 pay attention because a lot of times those adverts correlate 0:11:54.800 --> 0:11:58.600 with what you're searching for. So this week, as an example, 0:11:59.360 --> 0:12:02.520 I'm going to you with Amy, the two of us 0:12:02.520 --> 0:12:07.920 are going to a two day, all day public speaking 0:12:08.000 --> 0:12:11.880 skills development seminar. Well, why am I going to that 0:12:12.559 --> 0:12:14.400 in the middle of a move, in the middle of 0:12:14.880 --> 0:12:18.400 drowning in multiple projects at work, and in the middle 0:12:18.400 --> 0:12:22.439 of preparing for a pretty intense exam, because I'm interested 0:12:22.480 --> 0:12:25.320 in that shit? And how did they know that I 0:12:25.440 --> 0:12:28.840 was interested in that? Because obviously I guess I was 0:12:28.880 --> 0:12:33.960 looking at pages and posts related to public speaking, related 0:12:34.000 --> 0:12:37.440 to performing, related to communication, and I was like, shit, 0:12:37.600 --> 0:12:40.240 why not. It's in my neighborhood. I could walk to 0:12:40.320 --> 0:12:43.800 this thing. So what pops up that you could test out, 0:12:44.080 --> 0:12:48.720 like take a class, go see a seminar, go visit something, 0:12:48.840 --> 0:12:52.480 do something that's different than what you normally do. So 0:12:52.520 --> 0:12:55.520 we say, like, it's like groundhog Day, Well what does 0:12:55.559 --> 0:12:58.600 that mean to you? Right? Because even in Groundhog Day, 0:12:59.080 --> 0:13:02.080 like and I don't know, there's there's different interpretations of 0:13:02.120 --> 0:13:05.240 how long Bill Murray was actually in that day. Some 0:13:05.320 --> 0:13:08.440 of the interpretations were it wasn't thirty days, it was 0:13:08.480 --> 0:13:11.400 a long long time, it was like years. He did 0:13:11.440 --> 0:13:15.640 something vastly different every day It's like he tried, he 0:13:15.720 --> 0:13:21.520 experimented with some crazy shit until he discovered like what 0:13:21.559 --> 0:13:24.440 that pattern meant to him and what he needed to 0:13:24.480 --> 0:13:27.760 do to get out of it. So yeah, maybe try 0:13:27.800 --> 0:13:30.000 a little bit of that. I mean, you know, don't 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:32.560 go punching a guy named Ned in the face. That's 0:13:32.600 --> 0:13:37.400 probably rude. But maybe learn how to play the piano. Like, 0:13:37.960 --> 0:13:41.920 because if if you weren't in that Groundhog Day, what 0:13:41.960 --> 0:13:44.200 do you think you'd be doing? Because like, I don't 0:13:44.240 --> 0:13:47.120 know what I'm doing? Then why does it matter? But 0:13:47.200 --> 0:13:49.920 what type of life would you like to have? Pick 0:13:50.000 --> 0:13:53.040 somebody like who has that life? You're like, oh, I 0:13:53.080 --> 0:13:55.920 want to find that thing? Well, yeah, how can they 0:13:55.960 --> 0:13:58.600 set a vicarious example? What are some of the skills 0:13:58.640 --> 0:14:02.800 that person has? Maybe maybe I'm wishing that I could 0:14:02.800 --> 0:14:07.640 be like Craig Hopper and do podcasts, you know, and 0:14:08.000 --> 0:14:09.840 then to go out and speak. 0:14:10.440 --> 0:14:14.600 What about I said, don't do that? What about? What 0:14:14.600 --> 0:14:18.160 about the idea of breaking our life down into the 0:14:18.240 --> 0:14:22.080 different components? And we go and we start to do 0:14:22.120 --> 0:14:24.920 a bit of a reflection, self reflection, try to find 0:14:24.920 --> 0:14:31.880 some awareness and almost like a stock take, like where 0:14:31.880 --> 0:14:36.120 am I at? How things go on? And then as 0:14:36.160 --> 0:14:38.600 objective as we can be, which is not very But 0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:43.840 with that in mind, what's my body telling me? Right now? 0:14:43.880 --> 0:14:46.840 What's my body telling me? And am I happy with 0:14:46.880 --> 0:14:49.800 what it's telling me? Do I need to change? How 0:14:49.800 --> 0:14:52.080 do I need to change? What do I need to 0:14:52.120 --> 0:14:54.240 do more of? What do I need to do less of? 0:14:54.680 --> 0:14:58.040 What's my marriage telling me? What's my partner telling me? 0:14:58.160 --> 0:15:00.760 How am I feeling about that? What am I doing well? 0:15:00.800 --> 0:15:03.960 Maybe not so well? What do I need from this? 0:15:05.320 --> 0:15:10.000 What can I interpret from just the objective data that 0:15:10.080 --> 0:15:14.680 I'm getting? Or then my career? What's my relationshipship with 0:15:14.720 --> 0:15:17.960 my career? What's the impact of my career on my mental, 0:15:18.000 --> 0:15:23.240 emotional and nervous systems? Like how am I in terms 0:15:23.280 --> 0:15:25.280 of you know, I talk about learning is one of 0:15:25.280 --> 0:15:28.320 my key values and blah blah blah blah blah. What 0:15:28.360 --> 0:15:32.640 am I proactively doing in some kind of strategic way 0:15:32.720 --> 0:15:36.440 to keep learning, to keep using my brain, to build 0:15:36.440 --> 0:15:39.320 my brain muscles to make sure that as I head 0:15:39.320 --> 0:15:44.320 into my fifties, sixties and beyond, I'm still cognitively optimal 0:15:44.480 --> 0:15:48.840 for me? What am I doing financially? Am I always struggling? Like? 0:15:48.920 --> 0:15:51.720 What needs you know, where we kind of go have 0:15:51.840 --> 0:15:54.520 a look at all of these different bits and pieces 0:15:55.160 --> 0:16:00.520 that make up my life, and then without self clothing 0:16:00.760 --> 0:16:04.400 or without you know, self sabotage or throwing yourself under 0:16:04.400 --> 0:16:09.200 the emotional and psychological bust, just go yeah, yeah I 0:16:09.200 --> 0:16:10.640 could do this better or that better. 0:16:11.000 --> 0:16:11.200 You know. 0:16:11.320 --> 0:16:13.560 So it's just an awareness thing. And but then am 0:16:13.640 --> 0:16:16.320 I prepared to do that work? Like there's so many 0:16:16.360 --> 0:16:19.240 people who want you know, they know they're not in 0:16:19.360 --> 0:16:21.640 shape the shape they want to be, whether or not 0:16:21.720 --> 0:16:27.640 that's relational or financial, or professional or physiological. Right, but 0:16:27.880 --> 0:16:30.480 then there's the year, But will I do the work? 0:16:30.640 --> 0:16:34.360 Because the work is long and painful and hard some 0:16:34.600 --> 0:16:36.400 of it anyway, So what. 0:16:36.440 --> 0:16:40.760 About that overall idea of like a you know, like 0:16:41.040 --> 0:16:44.640 a live stock take or you know, a pause button 0:16:44.800 --> 0:16:47.960 and a checklist. 0:16:49.160 --> 0:16:51.280 A couple of things that are pop it into my mind. 0:16:51.560 --> 0:16:55.440 First is what you probably don't want to do, which 0:16:55.560 --> 0:16:57.400 is take a look at all the dimensions of your 0:16:57.440 --> 0:17:00.560 life and try to improve all of them, tackle that 0:17:00.640 --> 0:17:04.359 all at once, because that can that can be overwhelming, 0:17:04.440 --> 0:17:07.360 and you know, it can also create a lot of anxiety, 0:17:07.480 --> 0:17:11.480 which creates stories that just not saying they're inaccurate but 0:17:11.480 --> 0:17:15.199 they're not necessarily the truth. Second thing is what's the 0:17:15.520 --> 0:17:19.119 order in which you're tackling those dimensions. Where I would 0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:24.080 start is what dimension of your life are you absolutely 0:17:24.200 --> 0:17:26.720 doing the best at? Are you the most proud of? 0:17:27.200 --> 0:17:31.679 Because that speaks to self advocacy, confidence, and it speaks 0:17:31.680 --> 0:17:36.800 to creativity because you're starting with exploring an area that 0:17:36.920 --> 0:17:40.600 gives you life, that helps you discover straints, that helps 0:17:40.600 --> 0:17:45.000 you identify what is your blueprint for when you do 0:17:45.119 --> 0:17:49.000 something well? So now you're more open, like the more 0:17:49.040 --> 0:17:51.520 you feel like if you start off at like, oh god, 0:17:51.560 --> 0:17:54.480 where is my life a mess? Like I'm great in 0:17:54.560 --> 0:18:00.479 my relationships, but I'm just about broke, I'm gonna focus 0:18:00.520 --> 0:18:03.880 on that, You're probably not going to have the resourcefulness, 0:18:04.000 --> 0:18:09.760 the creativity, and the resilience to really explore that and 0:18:09.880 --> 0:18:13.159 engage in constructive actions. So the first is where you 0:18:13.200 --> 0:18:18.880 the best. The second level is what is the most 0:18:18.960 --> 0:18:24.760 pervasive dimension of my life? So I'll give me an example. 0:18:25.800 --> 0:18:31.240 Gallops Global Research points to the number one predictor and 0:18:31.359 --> 0:18:38.800 driver of well being both is workplace satisfaction. Why, well, 0:18:38.960 --> 0:18:41.520 it's not just that. So much of my identity for 0:18:41.560 --> 0:18:43.960 a lot of people is wrapped up in work. It's 0:18:44.000 --> 0:18:46.720 not that just so much of my time and my 0:18:46.840 --> 0:18:50.199 life is spent at work. But look at all of 0:18:50.240 --> 0:18:54.480 the other dimensions of well being that that supports. If 0:18:54.480 --> 0:18:58.439 I have high workplace satisfaction, I probably have a couple 0:18:58.440 --> 0:19:02.240 of relationships at that job that's rewarding. So that's another 0:19:02.320 --> 0:19:06.960 dimension of well being right there. Yeah, I'm probably doing 0:19:07.119 --> 0:19:11.920 okay financially, so that supports financial wellbeing. Because I'm doing 0:19:11.960 --> 0:19:16.240 okay financially, I probably don't live in a neighborhood that 0:19:16.280 --> 0:19:20.760 I absolutely hate, so I have community wellbeing. So it's 0:19:20.800 --> 0:19:26.120 almost like that that rate limiting step. It's which area, 0:19:26.240 --> 0:19:31.240 which dimension in my life. If I were to elevate 0:19:31.400 --> 0:19:33.960 the level at which I engage or perform in it 0:19:34.960 --> 0:19:39.640 would have an ancillary impact on all the other areas. 0:19:40.200 --> 0:19:44.239 And then it could be I think the third the 0:19:44.600 --> 0:19:47.560 third source of exploration, where do I feel I need 0:19:47.600 --> 0:19:51.040 the most help? So where am I really good at 0:19:51.040 --> 0:19:56.960 this two? What has the most pervasive impact on other 0:19:57.040 --> 0:20:00.679 dimensions of my life? Tackle that for a bet, and 0:20:00.720 --> 0:20:05.320 then okay, where could I use the most help? Where 0:20:05.320 --> 0:20:09.360 if I elevated this it would make a significant difference 0:20:09.400 --> 0:20:10.080 a year from. 0:20:09.880 --> 0:20:16.760 Now, I love it. What about what about individually identifying 0:20:17.080 --> 0:20:21.480 for me, for you, for the listener? What is success? 0:20:21.760 --> 0:20:25.440 Because obviously success is a different thing for different people, right, 0:20:25.960 --> 0:20:29.720 and success might be seventeen different things for you could 0:20:29.720 --> 0:20:31.800 show up in a lot of different ways. Some people 0:20:31.840 --> 0:20:34.880 could go, I'm earning one thousand dollars a week. That's 0:20:34.960 --> 0:20:37.919 mind blowing. This is more money than I've ever made. 0:20:37.960 --> 0:20:40.000 This is incredible. And some people are like, what do 0:20:40.040 --> 0:20:41.920 you mean a thousand dollars? How do you even live 0:20:41.960 --> 0:20:45.680 on that? Like that's subsistence, you know, that's like that, right, 0:20:45.840 --> 0:20:50.199 Or somebody else runs ten kilometers in fifty minutes and 0:20:50.280 --> 0:20:52.480 thinks they're a superstar, which, by the way, if you 0:20:52.520 --> 0:20:54.880 do that, well done, that's pretty good. And somebody else 0:20:54.960 --> 0:20:58.480 runs the same distance five minutes quicker, and they're flat 0:20:58.520 --> 0:21:02.040 and depressed because they expected to do forty you know. 0:21:02.160 --> 0:21:07.040 So it's like the experience of success is almost something 0:21:07.080 --> 0:21:10.399 that we create based on our story of success. So 0:21:11.240 --> 0:21:15.400 you know, the idea of well, if I could, if 0:21:15.440 --> 0:21:18.040 I could just have more of this, or do less 0:21:18.040 --> 0:21:21.040 of that, or experience less of that, or experience more 0:21:21.040 --> 0:21:24.320 of that, then I will be good. So I think 0:21:24.359 --> 0:21:28.400 also getting clear on you know, the old, boring old 0:21:28.400 --> 0:21:30.479 what do I want and why do I want it? 0:21:30.520 --> 0:21:33.240 And why does it matter? And how do I get it? 0:21:33.280 --> 0:21:36.720 You know, or how do I create it? Because I 0:21:38.080 --> 0:21:41.840 think that a lot of us kind of almost adopt 0:21:41.880 --> 0:21:45.720 the group think of successes stuff. Success is what you 0:21:45.840 --> 0:21:47.880 have and own and earn, and what you're driving, where 0:21:47.880 --> 0:21:50.600 you live, and what people think you and you know, 0:21:50.640 --> 0:21:54.919 which is saying none of those are bad, of course, 0:21:55.520 --> 0:21:58.240 But then you know lots of people. I know lots 0:21:58.280 --> 0:22:01.800 of people who've got all the stuff. They've got all 0:22:01.800 --> 0:22:04.280 the stuff, they got all the things. From the outside 0:22:04.280 --> 0:22:07.840 looking in, you're like, wow, you are successful. If we're 0:22:07.880 --> 0:22:10.520 talking about what is the metric in our culture or 0:22:10.560 --> 0:22:14.560 our society or our media or social media, you're ticking 0:22:14.640 --> 0:22:18.880 all the boxes. But within that inner experience, not what 0:22:18.920 --> 0:22:22.359 people see, but what people don't see, Well, they're sad, 0:22:22.400 --> 0:22:26.800 they're lonely, they're disconnected, they're medicated for anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, 0:22:27.480 --> 0:22:30.720 and despite the appearance of success, they're miserable as fuck. 0:22:31.359 --> 0:22:34.520 So I think it's kind of almost factoring in my 0:22:34.640 --> 0:22:38.760 inner world where I really live and my outer world 0:22:38.960 --> 0:22:40.040 where life happens. 0:22:42.080 --> 0:22:46.360 I think the best definition that I've ever heard about success, 0:22:46.920 --> 0:22:49.440 The most resonant one was from Erl Natingal in The 0:22:49.480 --> 0:22:53.560 Stranger's Secret, where success is the progressive realization of a 0:22:53.800 --> 0:22:58.600 worthy goal or ideal. So I love that because the 0:22:58.640 --> 0:23:03.040 only one who can identify what is a worthy life giving, 0:23:03.320 --> 0:23:05.880 energizing goal or not even a goal, not even something 0:23:05.880 --> 0:23:09.280 that you arrive at or accomplish ideal, something that you're 0:23:09.359 --> 0:23:13.400 always striving for, you never arriving at. So I love 0:23:13.480 --> 0:23:17.840 that thing, you know, always striving, never arriving Like that 0:23:18.160 --> 0:23:21.200 to me is success. And then all of those other things, 0:23:21.720 --> 0:23:27.320 the outcomes, those aren't success. That's a consequence of being successful, 0:23:28.000 --> 0:23:30.080 and that shows up in your inner world, in your 0:23:30.160 --> 0:23:35.720 outer world. So, because we talked about this recently, like 0:23:35.800 --> 0:23:38.439 you ask most people, oh, I just want to be 0:23:38.480 --> 0:23:41.399 really happy, Well, do you remember a time and you 0:23:41.440 --> 0:23:45.680 know whether it's it's a fabricator embellish time. A lot 0:23:45.680 --> 0:23:49.040 of people have this time in their life where, based 0:23:49.080 --> 0:23:53.639 on how they shape their memories and interpret them, this 0:23:53.880 --> 0:23:56.119 was it. So do you remember a time in your 0:23:56.119 --> 0:23:58.879 life we knew the most happy? Somebody recalls it and 0:23:58.920 --> 0:24:01.720 it's not like, oh, it's when I had the nicest car. 0:24:02.000 --> 0:24:04.920 It's when my house was the biggest. A lot of times, 0:24:04.920 --> 0:24:07.240 it's when you were on the journey, you were on 0:24:07.280 --> 0:24:10.480 the way. It's not when you got somewhere, it's when 0:24:10.480 --> 0:24:13.560 you were going somewhere. And it's almost that cliche story 0:24:13.600 --> 0:24:15.600 of like, oh, honey, you remember, do you remember we 0:24:15.640 --> 0:24:19.400 had that one room flat and we didn't even have furniture. 0:24:19.440 --> 0:24:22.800 We slept on our mattress on the ground. Oh we 0:24:22.880 --> 0:24:26.080 drank cheap wine at night. But man, were we happy. 0:24:26.640 --> 0:24:29.840 It's like stories like that, And maybe that's romanticizing it. 0:24:29.920 --> 0:24:33.560