Speaker 1: Ad A Lady ad A Lady ad A Lady ad
Speaker 1: Lady Filter.
Speaker 2: Hello, Hello, welcome to another pod.
Speaker 3: I'm Hailey and I'm Lauren and we are ad Lady
Speaker 3: on Filtered.
Speaker 2: We're besties.
Speaker 3: We're business partners where the creators of Adelady hollo I
Speaker 3: say hey, Lossy Media, and we do everything together except ba.
Speaker 1: Alright e right, We've got a big week. We are
Speaker 1: talking about self doubt and imposter syndrome.
Speaker 2: You're neck deep in that right now.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, there is a lot to unpack there,
Speaker 1: and the power of female friendships.
Speaker 2: Yes, I want to talk about something because I saw something.
Speaker 3: On Instagram yesterday and it actually frightened me, going, oh
Speaker 3: my god, I'm doing that and I don't want to
Speaker 3: be that person. So we're going to dive deep into
Speaker 3: that later. But normally we start every podcast with a
Speaker 3: little member of the week, like a little tidbit that
Speaker 3: happened in our.
Speaker 1: Lives, something silly that just made us giggle, and we
Speaker 1: don't tell each other until the podcast.
Speaker 3: But today we're kind of united on something and it's
Speaker 3: a little bit awkward to talk about. Yeah, we got
Speaker 3: some feedback on the podcast.
Speaker 2: Let's start with a positive feedback.
Speaker 1: There's been some amazing feedback, Like we have had really
Speaker 1: like people taking the time to write really long, detailed
Speaker 1: messages and you've got no idea what that means throughout
Speaker 1: Adelady Hallo, I say, and now the podcast, whenever anyone
Speaker 1: takes the time to write to us, it means the world.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And it's people that we haven't met before, but they
Speaker 3: feel strangely and beautifully connected to us. It's people that
Speaker 3: we do know in the industry who are like, oh
Speaker 3: my gosh, I feel you.
Speaker 2: I'm in that position, thank you for.
Speaker 3: Talking about it, like really lovely stuff, to the point
Speaker 3: that I was almost like, God, this is great.
Speaker 2: My head is feeling quite inflated.
Speaker 1: There is nothing worse than Haley Beers and having a
Speaker 1: massive head, which is never happened in my life until now.
Speaker 3: So.
Speaker 2: But we were brought down to earth quite.
Speaker 3: Fast, very fast on the weekend when we had a
Speaker 3: bit of feedback from two people who we actually love dearly.
Speaker 1: The first lot of feedback was actually from my mother
Speaker 1: who said she hates the podcast.
Speaker 3: Mush. First of all, she hasn't listened to the podcast.
Speaker 3: She's just going on the videos that she's seen.
Speaker 1: Secondly, has she not heard of a positive sandwich, like Jules,
Speaker 1: you got to really work on your delivery, love you
Speaker 1: and Hailey Great Gals podcast really isn't for me, continue
Speaker 1: doing great things something like that. But she just goes
Speaker 1: straight to the meet in the middle of the sandwich.
Speaker 1: It's not for me. You're sharing too much. I don't
Speaker 1: like it. I've had friends tell me which friends I'm
Speaker 1: not telling you? Are you the friends? Your friend's name
Speaker 1: and shame god, I wanted you to name in shape.
Speaker 1: I had them all ready to go on my head. Well,
Speaker 1: I don't care what so and so thinks.
Speaker 3: Okay, So her issue is that we're over sharing too much. Yes,
Speaker 3: and she doesn't like the personal stuff. My mum also
Speaker 3: has feedback on the podcast, and my mum is a
Speaker 3: positive sandwich kind of gal.
Speaker 2: And she did exactly that. I love episode one. It
Speaker 2: was great. Episode two.
Speaker 3: I think we lost her because we were talking about
Speaker 3: oversharing and she said, I just worry that, you know,
Speaker 3: me and my friends who watch Hello Essay are not
Speaker 3: I get you're gonna lose viewers.
Speaker 2: That's what it was there.
Speaker 1: It was the constipation story.
Speaker 2: It was that yeah, yeah, And I was like, ouch.
Speaker 3: But then I explained to her that this podcast is us.
Speaker 3: She goes, you built such a beautiful reputation. I'm like,
Speaker 3: I know, and that's who we are on Adelady and
Speaker 3: Hello Essay. But we also have very real conversations with
Speaker 3: our friends about these things. When I'm out for breakfast
Speaker 3: with my girlfriends or you and the cameras aren't rolling,
Speaker 3: this is exactly what we're talking about.
Speaker 1: But we've always been oversharers, Like even if you're filming
Speaker 1: and something's happened, you know, if I've gone to a
Speaker 1: restaurant and I'm filming with a lovely couple and something's
Speaker 1: happened on the way there, I can't help but tell
Speaker 1: them because yeah, I can't keep a wall up, and
Speaker 1: the fact that someone might be like, oh, Lauren's being
Speaker 1: a bit bitchy today, or she's not being herself, or
Speaker 1: she's quite a cold person, even though I'm going through
Speaker 1: something and me trying to put up a wall, that's
Speaker 1: just not who I am. I have to tell people
Speaker 1: do have faces, no, never a poker face.
Speaker 2: You will know.
Speaker 3: Don't ask me how I am if you can see
Speaker 3: that I'm clearly not okay, because you will not get
Speaker 3: a one word answer, you'll get my entire life story.
Speaker 3: So we love our moms and we've taken on their
Speaker 3: feedback and yet her and her a little bit.
Speaker 2: It is stung.
Speaker 1: Do you know what? They are biggest fans. And I
Speaker 1: love that. My mum has always been the baby just
Speaker 1: kicked Sloria just got me big kick. She'll always tell
Speaker 1: me like it is remote. She'll always bring me back
Speaker 1: down to earth. She'll stop me riding majestically into the
Speaker 1: sunset on the horse when I need to be So
Speaker 1: I took it on board. But we're going to continue
Speaker 1: to be unfiltered. Sorry, mum. Do you know what we
Speaker 1: need to get? And we need to disclaim a like
Speaker 1: political ads like this podcast is not endorsed by oh
Speaker 1: my god, Pearson and Jada, Let's get them to voice it.
Speaker 3: These podcasts is not endorsed by myself, Gerlin.
Speaker 2: Do you know what we've just done? We've just made
Speaker 2: it worse. Now they hate our podcasts even more.
Speaker 3: Anyway, Okay, let's dive into where you were at the moment,
Speaker 3: which is so relatable.
Speaker 2: Go for it.
Speaker 1: Self, doubt and imposter syndrome. There's something that I've been
Speaker 1: feeling more and more lately, and it's getting worse and
Speaker 1: I can't shake it. And I'm not sure whether it's
Speaker 1: something that happens with age or whether it's something that
Speaker 1: has been happening with pregnancy. But I'm just doubt myself
Speaker 1: at every point. You know, when I was younger, when
Speaker 1: we started at a Lady ten years ago, I would
Speaker 1: walk into a meeting. I'd walk into a room even
Speaker 1: if I didn't know what was happening or what I
Speaker 1: was doing or what I was about to say. I
Speaker 1: owned the stage.
Speaker 2: You did.
Speaker 3: You would walk in briefcase first, and I knew, as
Speaker 3: your best friend that she has no idea what she's
Speaker 3: about to say or what's going on, but you would
Speaker 3: own the room. It was actually quite magical to watch.
Speaker 3: Oh you work that room like nobody else.
Speaker 1: But I never doubted your I with anything, like I
Speaker 1: just can you do this?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Can you do that?
Speaker 1: Of course? Can you host an event by yourself for
Speaker 1: a thousand people?
Speaker 2: I would love to What are you doubting I everything?
Speaker 1: Whether it's personal, whether it's work, I don't know. It's
Speaker 1: just this self doubt that's creeping in that's making me
Speaker 1: lose my confidence even with parenting.
Speaker 3: Like make let's start with parenting. Then how is it?
Speaker 3: How are you doubting yourself with Sophia?
Speaker 1: You know, if she does something or says something, Oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, this is me? What have I done? Am I?
Speaker 1: Everything's about blaming myself and making it about me as
Speaker 1: opposed to just going she's for if she's telling someone
Speaker 1: something that's not right, she's learning, like you know, like
Speaker 1: the rational part of my brain has gone, like even
Speaker 1: with MC work now, like talking in front of people,
Speaker 1: I like, I'm getting sweaty hands thinking about it. This
Speaker 1: is our life, like our lives. We've done this for
Speaker 1: ten years.
Speaker 3: This is this is anxiety, anxiety because I've always said
Speaker 3: that I've had it, but you've never like you've you
Speaker 3: can't really pinpoint in time when you've had it.
Speaker 2: But this is what that is. Was this is.
Speaker 3: Feeling panicky in your chest, tight in your chest and
Speaker 3: not knowing what you're going to say, and being a
Speaker 3: nervous feeling that you don't that you're not used to.
Speaker 2: Is that right?
Speaker 1: I think so? And before having Sofia, So Sophia, my
Speaker 1: little girl will be five in June, I was crystal clear.
Speaker 1: Mentally crystal clear, so.
Speaker 2: I would say you would never crystal clear. I am
Speaker 2: crystal clear.
Speaker 3: In the whole fifteen years i've known you, you have
Speaker 3: ever been crystal clear.
Speaker 2: You have always been murky. Always I was c well.
Speaker 1: I thought I was usually carry on, you know, like
Speaker 1: would work, like the words and everything coming to me.
Speaker 1: So I always knew that even if I was slightly
Speaker 1: nervous or got that little butterfly feeling, which is good.
Speaker 1: I feel like if you don't get that feeling every
Speaker 1: day doing something, then you're not in the right industry. Still,
Speaker 1: to this day, after ten years of filming, I rock
Speaker 1: up and I've got that little bit of like nervous energy,
Speaker 1: But I think that's good.
Speaker 3: Yeah, can I can I jump in here? This is
Speaker 3: something that from behind the scenes you probably wouldn't know.
Speaker 3: When we do MC things, Lauren and I will often haven't.
Speaker 3: I don't know if I should reveal this, but I will.
Speaker 3: We haven't read the scripts properly. We purely rely on
Speaker 3: our interactions and relationship, knowing that when we're on stage,
Speaker 3: if one of us flops, the other one will pick
Speaker 3: it up, and I always feel safe, so I don't
Speaker 3: overthink things.
Speaker 1: No, we know the basis of like, if we are
Speaker 1: talking an event, we know all the details and where
Speaker 1: the restrooms are and it's a no smoking vehan.
Speaker 2: But what I'm saying is we wing everything.
Speaker 1: We do everything. But I know I can literally not
Speaker 1: be looking at you, and I know when you're about
Speaker 1: to finish a sentence and I know that I'm going
Speaker 1: to jump in and you're going to stop.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's exactly one time that we were on stage
Speaker 3: at Adelaide Oval and I think you started the thing
Speaker 3: saying that your name was Hailey Pierson.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, do you know why? Because it was
Speaker 1: the one time Hailey has always got stage and I'm
Speaker 1: Hailey Pearson and this is Laurena's Chez run. I went,
Speaker 1: you know what I want to do that? Why do
Speaker 1: you always get to do the beginning? So I got
Speaker 1: off on stage. I was like, right, it's my time,
Speaker 1: just shine and I went good evening, everyone, Welcome to
Speaker 1: Adelaide Oval. I'm Hailey Pierces and.
Speaker 2: This is load of jesuit.
Speaker 1: And then from that moment on, I went, no, you
Speaker 1: always do the beginning back.
Speaker 3: But then you went blank and you literally and this
Speaker 3: is like, this is like the worst thing to happen
Speaker 3: in this industry because it happens to us all the time.
Speaker 3: Your brain literally went dempletely blank, and you stared at
Speaker 3: me like save me, and that I had to jumped in.
Speaker 2: You literally had nothing.
Speaker 1: And I also didn't remember my first MCN coming out
Speaker 1: of having Sophia, and you said something and looked at
Speaker 1: me and went, I'm sorry, I just had a baby.
Speaker 1: I don't know what you're saying, yeah, because I wasn't listening.
Speaker 1: I was tuned out. I think I was thinking in
Speaker 1: my head I need to pump or something. And then
Speaker 1: I went, I'm so sorry, guys, baby brain, And thank goodness,
Speaker 1: everyone in the room was kind and understood.
Speaker 2: Everybody gets it.
Speaker 3: And this is not something that is gonna last forever
Speaker 3: because you are super confident and you have to be
Speaker 3: because I rely on your confidence to give me confidence.
Speaker 2: But it is a normal thing when you are pregnant.
Speaker 3: I probably got after I had the babies I experienced
Speaker 3: for the first time of like, I come across as
Speaker 3: I'm really confident, but I hate being in a room
Speaker 3: where we have to network and talk to people that
Speaker 3: I don't know. I'd rather have a real deep conversation
Speaker 3: with one person than talk to a million people about
Speaker 3: shit and that gives me anxiety.
Speaker 1: But that's the problem because we like that. Well, not
Speaker 1: a problem, but that is why we will meet someone
Speaker 1: even in a scenario of a massive event, and we
Speaker 1: go deep really quickly.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because we love connection.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and when you don't have connection, you get anxious.
Speaker 3: So yeah, what are the things you're doing that make
Speaker 3: you feel better and less self doubt?
Speaker 2: I literally do you need from me?
Speaker 1: And burgo No, it's like this weird self talk. So
Speaker 1: it's like I catch myself doing it because I even
Speaker 1: googled it, Like I was like, it's imposter syndrome, right,
Speaker 1: it has to be Why am I doubting myself? And
Speaker 1: I wanted to actually google what is imposter syndrome because
Speaker 1: there's a lot of buzzwords around, So I was like,
Speaker 1: is this what I'm having right now? It's a psychological phenomenon.
Speaker 1: We're high achieving individuals doubt their accomplishments and fear being
Speaker 1: exposed as frauds. So I was like, oh, high achieving,
Speaker 1: thank you.
Speaker 3: When you say fear being exposed as frauds? Are you
Speaker 3: saying that that's what we are? People who experiences are
Speaker 3: actually frauds.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I just saw high achieving. That's really lovely.
Speaker 2: I wantative. I don't want to be a fraud, even
Speaker 2: though I'm pretty sure I am a fraud.
Speaker 1: We are frauds. Continue attributing success to luck rather than competence.
Speaker 3: It's not like we're not luck. It's hard work. It
Speaker 3: is such hard work. I hate when people say you're
Speaker 3: so lucky. No, no, no, don't you say that to me.
Speaker 1: To get to work ten years in business, I always
Speaker 1: think everything we've missed out on family wise, we have
Speaker 1: put the business before, everything before, my relationship, back in
Speaker 1: the day, everything, So it's definitely not luck. It says.
Speaker 1: Symptoms include persistent self doubt, perfectionism, and a fear of failure.
Speaker 1: It is treated through cognitive behavioral therapy, identifying patterns and
Speaker 1: reframing thoughts.
Speaker 3: Reframing thoughts, I think everyone, it doesn't matter what industry
Speaker 3: you're in. I think it would be a very normal
Speaker 3: thing to have self doubt all the time until you're
Speaker 3: really confident at something and then you back yourself.
Speaker 1: But do you know what the great thing is? And
Speaker 1: we work with so many amazing businesses across the state,
Speaker 1: and some businesses, there's just the one owner. The thing
Speaker 1: that I think gets me through is I've got you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so when I'm having this self doubt or I'm feeling
Speaker 1: low or doubting myself or not wanting to do something,
Speaker 1: I've always got you and you always kind of seem
Speaker 1: to pull me up. When you're sad, I don't fine,
Speaker 1: and vice versa.
Speaker 3: I don't know how people do businesses with one person.
Speaker 2: I would drown the anxiety and the stress of that.
Speaker 2: I would be out. I couldn't do it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you make everything better and even when, like so,
Speaker 3: if you call me and you're really down and stressed
Speaker 3: about something, chances are I am equally a stress But
Speaker 3: my role in that position is like.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, everything's fine.
Speaker 3: And then I flip and somehow me telling you that
Speaker 3: everything's going to be fine rewires my brain to go, no,
Speaker 3: everything's going to be fine, and then it always is.
Speaker 1: That's the power of positive thinking. So maybe we just
Speaker 1: need to be more positive. It did say strategies to
Speaker 1: overcome self doubt practice self compassion, which is something we've
Speaker 1: said this so many times. If we spoke to a
Speaker 1: friend the way we speak to ourselves, we wouldn't have
Speaker 1: any friends. Why do I do this to me?
Speaker 2: Like, okay, let's actually practice that.
Speaker 3: What did you say to yourself this morning when you're
Speaker 3: like looking at yourself in the mirror, Now say that
Speaker 3: to me.
Speaker 2: Did you say you're disgusting? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I can't. I don't say that to you because I
Speaker 1: love you.
Speaker 2: I know.
Speaker 3: Imagine saying the things that you think about yourself to
Speaker 3: your best friend.
Speaker 1: You're a bad mum, you're a bad partner, you don't
Speaker 1: look great, your hair is terrible, your eyelashes are falling out,
Speaker 1: you've got pregnancy acne. Oh my god, who could love you?
Speaker 2: Oh gosh? It goes on.
Speaker 3: So what they're saying in that is that you have
Speaker 3: to be content within yourself.
Speaker 1: Practice self compassion, treat yourself with kindness just as you
Speaker 1: would a friend. Rather than engaging in half self criticism,
Speaker 1: which increases rather than decreases, self doubt, challenge your inner critic.
Speaker 1: Name you in a critic, to separate it from your
Speaker 1: true self and question its negative narratives. Which is true,
Speaker 1: it comes from, It's funny, It's not like it's crippling,
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? Like, I just have
Speaker 1: these thoughts and then I go, eh, all right, and
Speaker 1: then I help in the car and put Sofia in
Speaker 1: and then we listen to songs all the way and
Speaker 1: play Rainbow Cars and life's fine. But it's just those
Speaker 1: moments where you let yourself think about the negative thoughts.
Speaker 1: So it is right, it's challenging. You're in a critic
Speaker 1: going you're being stupid and I'm not even going to
Speaker 1: buy into this stuff, and pushing it.
Speaker 3: Out, pushing it out there exactly. But also you're you're
Speaker 3: in a little stage where you're kind of nesting and
Speaker 3: you're getting ready to have another baby, and you do
Speaker 3: lose a bit of confidence because you've been through this before,
Speaker 3: that really weird feeling of when you're not needed anymore,
Speaker 3: and that's approaching when not that you're never not going
Speaker 3: to be needed this in this business at all, but
Speaker 3: it's how I felt. Hang on, Sophia's just walked in, Sofia,
Speaker 3: I'm baba girl.
Speaker 2: What have you made?
Speaker 1: My sweetheart? He made a fire? He said, how to
Speaker 1: Auntie Haley in the microphone. Now mummy and I mummy
Speaker 1: and I.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, your two mums are recording a podcast.
Speaker 1: Sweetheart, Did I go play with Plato, and I won't
Speaker 1: be long, mommy and I are busy.
Speaker 3: Anyway, Like I was saying, distracted by your beautiful little girl.
Speaker 3: You're nesting, you're getting ready, and you're getting ready for
Speaker 3: a moment where you're not needed. Not that you're never
Speaker 3: needed this in this business at all, but we will
Speaker 3: make sure this business runs perfectly without you.
Speaker 2: So when you come back, it's all fine.
Speaker 3: But there's that weird feeling of when you go off
Speaker 3: on maternity leave that you're not needed anymore, and you do,
Speaker 3: you lose so much confidence.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's where it's coming from, because you remember last
Speaker 1: time when I had Sophia. We had planned everything to
Speaker 1: with an inch of its life so that everything did
Speaker 1: run smoothie, which is what you want. And then when
Speaker 1: I came back, I remember going, I'll do this, and
Speaker 1: Mellily'd be like, oh, I've done it.
Speaker 2: I'll do this.
Speaker 1: You'd be like, oh it's done, babe, And then I
Speaker 1: was just like, my role, I don't have a purpose.
Speaker 3: I remember being in a car with you, We're driving
Speaker 3: out to Minato, and you got really emotional and you're like,
Speaker 3: I feel like I don't have a place.
Speaker 2: In this business. And then I said to you.
Speaker 3: We need you, we need you back, we need you
Speaker 3: to come back and do what you do best. And
Speaker 3: I think that you needed me to say that to you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then flicked a switch, Yeah, and you were
Speaker 1: back in. It was a poke between the eyes. So
Speaker 1: maybe this bit of anxiety is kind of preparing myself
Speaker 1: for that. But it's going to be okay.
Speaker 2: It's going to be fine. You've got to enjoy this
Speaker 2: little bubba. I got you. You would do the.
Speaker 1: Same for me, right, Yeah, we all got me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, love you.
Speaker 1: I love you too, And never talk to a friend
Speaker 1: like you. Talk to yourself and me either. No, but
Speaker 1: also we should have talked to ourselves like that, and
Speaker 1: don't doubt yourself because we got ya. Love you, Okay.
Speaker 1: I'm excited to talk about this.
Speaker 3: I think this is something that more women should stop
Speaker 3: and appreciate, and you should be proud to be a
Speaker 3: woman because I don't think guys get to experience this
Speaker 3: like we do. And that is the power of female
Speaker 3: friendships as an adult. So I'm going to read something
Speaker 3: to you laws that one of my best friends and
Speaker 3: also one of your great friends, Carrie, love her.
Speaker 1: She's very funny. I'm very inappropriate.
Speaker 3: She's the kind of friend that I've had for twenty
Speaker 3: something years who has been with me through the good,
Speaker 3: the bad, the scary, all the all the emotions. She's
Speaker 3: been on a wild ride with me, and she's always
Speaker 3: been that friend that is the best listener and always
Speaker 3: makes me feel good afterwards.
Speaker 1: And she knows what to say and she knows how
Speaker 1: to articulate it, whereas sometimes you and I can't find
Speaker 1: the words, or I'll just be like.
Speaker 3: That's sad, exactly, I feel sad, But tell me more so,
Speaker 3: She's written this thing that I just want to read
Speaker 3: out to you, and I think if you're at this
Speaker 3: stage in your life, we should all stop and just
Speaker 3: appreciate those friends that you have, because it is one
Speaker 3: of life's greatest gifts to have really close female friends.
Speaker 3: So she wrote to me saying, female friendships are one
Speaker 3: of life's greatest gifts. They fill your bucket like no
Speaker 3: other relationship can, and have a way of keeping you
Speaker 3: grounded while reminding.
Speaker 2: You exactly who you are.
Speaker 3: Finding the right women to have in your circle can
Speaker 3: take time, but once you do, their value is priceless.
Speaker 3: And when I say the right women, I mean the
Speaker 3: ones who truly are in your corner, the ones cheering
Speaker 3: loudly when you win, not quietly threatened by it. The
Speaker 3: ones who genuinely want to see you happy, thriving and
Speaker 3: becoming the best version of yourself. And they're also the
Speaker 3: ones threatening to throat punch anyone who stands in your way.
Speaker 3: They're the women you can be embarrassingly honest with and
Speaker 3: your most vulnerable around. They know your flaws, your insecurities,
Speaker 3: and your quirks, and they love you and maybe even
Speaker 3: more because of them. They'll challenge you and offer different perspectives,
Speaker 3: but never from a place of judgment. They're the women
Speaker 3: you'll laugh with till you're wheezy with, but who also
Speaker 3: hold you when the world feels too much. Importantly, you
Speaker 3: can be completely unapologetically you when you're around them, and
Speaker 3: there's no better feeling. Praise the sisterhood. Isn't that so
Speaker 3: fucking true?
Speaker 1: That is so unbelievably true.
Speaker 3: I think you don't probably realize how lucky we are
Speaker 3: as adults when you do have that one friend. And
Speaker 3: I will say, I've always been someone who has had
Speaker 3: a best friend. I grew up with Lucy, my best friend,
Speaker 3: my whole life. It was we were like one person,
Speaker 3: and I don't reckon I would have done half the
Speaker 3: things I did in my life if I didn't have
Speaker 3: her backing me the whole way.
Speaker 2: I would rather have a really.
Speaker 3: Small group of friends than ae hundred friends who were
Speaker 3: just more like acquaintances.
Speaker 1: With But that comes with age two. Yeah, when you're young,
Speaker 1: you think about planning your eighteenth Oh my gosh, I
Speaker 1: have to have that person and that person and that person.
Speaker 1: And now you're looking at planning you know, fortieth and
Speaker 1: these sorts of things. You're like, can I get to ten?
Speaker 1: You know, I would just have an intimate dinner, But.
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter.
Speaker 3: Like think, I think the best friends now are the
Speaker 3: ones that are completely loyal but low maintenance, which means
Speaker 3: that when you get to our age, you might not
Speaker 3: see your friends as much anymore. Like I'm talking about
Speaker 3: your core school friends, and I know you're still best
Speaker 3: friends with your best friends from school and same. You
Speaker 3: might not see them as much anymore, but when you do,
Speaker 3: it's the same as it always was because they know
Speaker 3: you and they love you, and they don't if you
Speaker 3: cancel a plan, they won't get annoyed. They're just like, yeah,
Speaker 3: no worries. They roll with it and you might try
Speaker 3: to meet in February, but it's not till September. Then
Speaker 3: you actually have brunch together. Because of kids, everything gets
Speaker 3: in the way, life gets in the way. But they're
Speaker 3: the friends that you leave. You know, they feel your bucket.
Speaker 3: You have brunch with them, or you go away for
Speaker 3: a night and you're like, I just feel like I
Speaker 3: could take on the world.
Speaker 2: You literally feel your heart filling up with love, don't you.
Speaker 1: And the friends that you know. I've got a friend
Speaker 1: who lives in Melbourne and she came back recently. I
Speaker 1: hadn't seen it for like two and a half years,
Speaker 1: but it's like I saw her ye yesterday, Yeah, and
Speaker 1: everything just goes back to the way it was, the
Speaker 1: laughing at silly things that your heart just feels genuine
Speaker 1: connection and you just feel like you're just like a sister.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's the sisterhood.
Speaker 1: It's the sisterhood. It's how I feel with you. We
Speaker 1: can just sit there. We don't have to talk, but
Speaker 1: we can talk. But it's just that there's no pressure.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And do you know what it is, It's not
Speaker 3: like your best friends aren't there to change your mind
Speaker 3: into doing something there to help you get to where
Speaker 3: you want to get to.
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Like you don't want to be a friend that is
Speaker 3: a bad influence.
Speaker 2: And telling that friend to what to do. It's more like,
Speaker 2: what do you want to do? Okay, I'll help you
Speaker 2: get to that point.
Speaker 3: And we've both been through situations like that, probably more
Speaker 3: so you in the last few years of you want something, Okay,
Speaker 3: I'll help you. I'll help you get to there. I'm
Speaker 3: behind you. And I've always said this to my girlfriends.
Speaker 3: Is when you're struggling in life and something you're hitting,
Speaker 3: you get into a point where something awful is happening,
Speaker 3: or you're worried about something, you mentally picture all your
Speaker 3: best friends standing right behind you, ready.
Speaker 2: To catch you when you fall. And if you mentally.
Speaker 3: Picture that, how powerful that is that I can do
Speaker 3: anything because I know they're right there. So I saw
Speaker 3: something on Instagram a couple of days ago, and this
Speaker 3: is what scared me. And you're not in this because
Speaker 3: I think you don't do this yet, but I definitely do.
Speaker 3: It's called the catch up trap. So this is what
Speaker 3: happens when you get to like I'm forty four. We've
Speaker 3: all got kids at different ages. My friends week I
Speaker 3: started that I had babies first. So my kids are
Speaker 3: teenagers and they and my best friends a lot of
Speaker 3: them have little kids like you, And so the catch
Speaker 3: up trap is we're all so busy, let's catch up.
Speaker 3: We end up having a catch up. But every single
Speaker 3: time I see my friends now is at a cafe
Speaker 3: or at a park. Right, we catch up, but we're
Speaker 3: not making new memories. We're not doing new things.
Speaker 2: That we used to do.
Speaker 3: We talk about the time that we were in victor,
Speaker 3: or we traveled together, or we did this funny experience
Speaker 3: pissed doing something and that was really funny. But we're
Speaker 3: not having those experiences anymore. We're just catching up.
Speaker 1: Oh my, we literally I was with my best friend
Speaker 1: yesterday and we were reminiscing we went for a walking
Speaker 1: victim and I was like, remember that time we'd hang
Speaker 1: out here and your mom caught us. Ah, that was
Speaker 1: funny doing this X, Y and Z. But we're not
Speaker 1: doing those memories anymore. No, But this, when I go,
Speaker 1: I feel so boring. We're in the trenches right now.
Speaker 1: I don't have time to be fun and crazy Lauren,
Speaker 1: I used to be the person you wanted at a party.
Speaker 1: I was life of and now I'm like, I can't
Speaker 1: eat cumps, I don't want to really drink. I'd rather
Speaker 1: go for a walk. Is that organic meat? No?
Speaker 3: But also, I mean, eighteen year old you would roll
Speaker 3: your eyes and go yuck, you are so boring. But
Speaker 3: you at thirty something now is like all I want
Speaker 3: is that I want a little cottage with a fire
Speaker 3: and to sit on a couch with a cup of
Speaker 3: tea and talk to my best friend.
Speaker 2: That's to me, it's like heaven.
Speaker 1: That's what I want. Yeah, but it's not as fun
Speaker 1: and crazy as Lauren dancing on a boat and almost
Speaker 1: falling in the water in nature.
Speaker 3: So we're not having these memories anymore. The catch up trap.
Speaker 3: Beware of it. So if we're talking about friendships and
Speaker 3: how they start, I think Carrie hit a nail on
Speaker 3: the head of why this works like you and I
Speaker 3: work is because there's no jealousy. And I think if
Speaker 3: you look back at kids now in school, a lot
Speaker 3: of girls have friendship troubles and it all stems from jealousy.
Speaker 1: Let's pick on the pretty smart one.
Speaker 3: Yep, you can't be too good at something otherwise the
Speaker 3: other friend will bring you down. So if you are
Speaker 3: too good at sport or maths, or you're popular with
Speaker 3: the boys, girls don't like that, so they'll bring you down.
Speaker 3: So the jealousy is the worst thing. It's like a
Speaker 3: cancer in a relationship. You can never be jealous. We
Speaker 3: genuinely when you do something good, I'm so proud of you.
Speaker 3: When you want underfoot, Like what did you win the
Speaker 3: forty under forty thing?
Speaker 2: I don't even know what it was, but I was like,
Speaker 2: I am so proud of her.
Speaker 1: It was a forty under forty Feerceless female award.
Speaker 3: You won like the most inspirational female in South Australia.
Speaker 2: My heart was on the outside of my chest.
Speaker 1: I was so proud of you, and I was so
Speaker 1: proud to have you there watching me because I'm like, oh, Haley,
Speaker 1: well this is been exciting because I'm like, if you
Speaker 1: were to win something or you're to do something, I
Speaker 1: feel the same. I feel like a proud mum.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think that's what.
Speaker 3: The key is is find people who will not just
Speaker 3: say it to you, but they will tell a million
Speaker 3: other people. I'm so proud of her. Look what she does, Like,
Speaker 3: she's done this. You want people to be proud of
Speaker 3: you and push you up.
Speaker 1: But I feel like there's a lot of women potentially
Speaker 1: in our industry that don't do that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: You get a job and they're like, why would Haley
Speaker 1: get that job? I don't think Hailey should get that job?
Speaker 1: What do you reckon? I don't think she should have
Speaker 1: got that job as opposed to just going Haley has
Speaker 1: worked twenty years to get that media job. She deserves the.
Speaker 3: I Yeah, so when I was in radio not that
Speaker 3: long ago, Jodiotti, who works at Nova, I've known her
Speaker 3: forever and she's she's always been someone who has pushed
Speaker 3: me up and likewise through the industry. We've always had
Speaker 3: the same job and been potentially against each other. But
Speaker 3: when she got number one last year, I was against her,
Speaker 3: but she went.
Speaker 2: To number one. The first thing I thought was, oh
Speaker 2: my god, I'm so proud of her.
Speaker 3: I've got to text her like it wasn't far out
Speaker 3: they beat us or bloody hell.
Speaker 2: I was genuinely happy for her.
Speaker 1: Because you're in a place I think that you're not threatened.
Speaker 1: You're not threatened you've got a career, you've got a job,
Speaker 1: you know what you're doing. If she's one and your two,
Speaker 1: and then you're one and she's.
Speaker 2: Two, who can That's all I wanted.
Speaker 1: But a lot of women are not like that. And
Speaker 1: I don't know whether guys experienced this, but women definitely
Speaker 1: experience this.
Speaker 3: Do you know? Speaking of guys, this is something also
Speaker 3: that we have experienced in our travels and I think
Speaker 3: it's such.
Speaker 2: A beautiful thing.
Speaker 3: We get to go on a lot of trips, right,
Speaker 3: So we've been on the Gan together, We've been on
Speaker 3: cruises in Europe and an Asian. We do a lot
Speaker 3: of amazing things. But on these holidays, what do you notice?
Speaker 1: There's always women traveling with their friends and their besties.
Speaker 3: So you never ever see two friends that have met
Speaker 3: males unless they're in a couple relationship going on a
Speaker 3: holiday together.
Speaker 2: So we always see it. There's these women that are
Speaker 2: seventy plus.
Speaker 3: They're there because either their husbands have passed away, or
Speaker 3: they're divorced, or they just their husbands don't like to travel,
Speaker 3: and they travel together.
Speaker 2: These women travel together and men don't do that.
Speaker 1: And we actually met two women on the Gang and
Speaker 1: then we were traveling on the Indian Pacific or something.
Speaker 1: And ever since then, ever since they met on the Gan,
Speaker 1: they've traveled together. They've been to Europe, they've been on cruises.
Speaker 1: They became best friends from going to travel singly, like
Speaker 1: it's scary, like think about you know, I'm seventy, I'm
Speaker 1: hopping on a train by myself. Am I going to
Speaker 1: be able to talk to anyone? They found a friendship
Speaker 1: and now they're besties, so it's never too late to find.
Speaker 3: A best I love that. I feel like I understand
Speaker 3: why women are okay when they might lose a partner
Speaker 3: or they get divorced when they're older, because they'll hang
Speaker 3: out with their female friend. And like, I look at
Speaker 3: that with you. If Jimmy didn't exist, he's the love
Speaker 3: of my life.
Speaker 2: Like he really is.
Speaker 3: He's the love of my life too, I know. I
Speaker 3: just I love Jimmy and Berjoy. I love Jimmy and Bergo.
Speaker 3: We are foursome. But if they didn't exist, I would
Speaker 3: happily live in a house.
Speaker 1: With you and we wouldn't have anyone telling us do
Speaker 1: you really need to buy a new cushion?
Speaker 2: Yes we do. Yeah, I would be at flourish home,
Speaker 2: whereas every day do.
Speaker 1: You need to buy new candles? Yeah? Yeah, Do you
Speaker 1: need more artwork on the walls?
Speaker 2: Yep, yep we do.
Speaker 3: We would have the most amazing how And that's why
Speaker 3: you talk to your girlfriends about having living in this
Speaker 3: commune when we're older. In that like if one day,
Speaker 3: because Ben died before women normally often often most of
Speaker 3: the time, maybe when we're really old, we will have
Speaker 3: a house of just girlfriends and can you imagine how
Speaker 3: it would work?
Speaker 2: Like clockwork. We did this not that long ago.
Speaker 3: We stayed at that place in Maana, the four of
Speaker 3: us girls, you, Me, Carrie and Maria, our girlfriends, stayed there.
Speaker 3: In the morning, we woke up to baked eggs being
Speaker 3: cooked in the kitchen, and then someone was cleaning up,
Speaker 3: and someone.
Speaker 1: Was getting coffees. We were going with everything just ran
Speaker 1: and there was no stress, because men get so stressed
Speaker 1: by the littlest of things, like just not finding their
Speaker 1: shoes and it's the end of the world. Like I
Speaker 1: have this weird thing like if Burgo can't find anything,
Speaker 1: I know exactly where it is, and nothing makes me happy.
Speaker 1: It's like you've moved my wallet where's my wallet? I
Speaker 1: haven't seen my wallet for a week. Third draw under
Speaker 1: two pairs of knickers to the left under that, and
Speaker 1: then you go find it like I've got this weird.
Speaker 1: But nothing phases us.
Speaker 3: No, I all want the same thing. We just want
Speaker 3: to cheese board. I just want to cheese board in.
Speaker 1: A view cheeseboard of you and my girlfriends, And then
Speaker 1: everything else is.
Speaker 3: Just Can I just say, as we wrap this up,
Speaker 3: the catch up trap, try and avoid it. Try and
Speaker 3: make new memories with your best friends.
Speaker 2: I need to do that.
Speaker 3: I'm so guilty of that, of just going out for
Speaker 3: lunch and no one remembers a day for breakfast.
Speaker 1: I was gonna remember that they're poached eggs.
Speaker 2: Call not really.
Speaker 3: Well, now you'll not remember that in fifty years time.
Speaker 3: You want to do an actual memory. So make memories
Speaker 3: with your girlfriends.
Speaker 1: Right, what are we doing next? Where are we going?
Speaker 2: You and I make memories. We make two many memories.
Speaker 3: We've I've been overseas with you more times than I
Speaker 3: have with anybody else in my life.
Speaker 1: What we do jag roomors. But how do you make
Speaker 1: friends as an adult? Because often people say, especially Adelaide,
Speaker 1: we're very CLIQUI. Yeah, it's very hard.
Speaker 3: To get into the click. We're still friends with our
Speaker 3: school friends. Yeah, okay, this is interesting. I saw this
Speaker 3: the other day. The way we make friends, the number
Speaker 3: one factor is proximity. How close someone is to you physically.
Speaker 3: If someone lives across the road, or if someone is
Speaker 3: down the hallway to you at work, you're more likely
Speaker 3: to be friends with them than someone that lives two
Speaker 3: k's away from you.
Speaker 2: So proximity is actually everything.
Speaker 3: So maybe it's at work that you meet someone, because
Speaker 3: you're going to see them every day, you become really
Speaker 3: close to them. Maybe it's at you at pilates. You're
Speaker 3: doing pilates and you see someone there every day. And
Speaker 3: maybe you live in the same area and you're in
Speaker 3: the same circles. If you live in the same circles,
Speaker 3: you've got more in common, which means you're more likely
Speaker 3: to be friends.
Speaker 1: You know, when you do meet someone, though, you might
Speaker 1: meet someone for the very first time and you feel
Speaker 1: like a connection. Yeah, but then you don't want to
Speaker 1: come on too strong. You're like, yeah, I don't want
Speaker 1: it to think I'm crazy, but I really liked it,
Speaker 1: and I can hang out with them more. But I've
Speaker 1: got to play it cool.
Speaker 3: It's hard, I mean an adult, because I feel like
Speaker 3: I have enough friends.
Speaker 2: I'm happy with the friends that I have.
Speaker 1: I say that to Burgo all the time when he's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I want this couple to come over, because he is
Speaker 1: so good. He loves meeting new people and inviting new
Speaker 1: people over for dinner, and I go, I don't like that.
Speaker 1: I don't have enough time to see my besties. Why
Speaker 1: would I want to meet new people. But in saying that,
Speaker 1: meeting new people or meeting older friends that you wouldn't
Speaker 1: have seen for years, they're friends with him for a reason,
Speaker 1: and often when they leave, I go, that was amazing.
Speaker 1: We should hang out with them more, because when you
Speaker 1: have someone in your house, your wolves are down. The
Speaker 1: connection is always going to be really quick. Do you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? I had a girl here yesterday
Speaker 1: that the husband has been friends with Bojo for years,
Speaker 1: and I don't really know her very well. But we
Speaker 1: sat on this couch and the boys went for a walk,
Speaker 1: and by the time they came back, I was like,
Speaker 1: why are you back? We have covered absolutely everything. We'd laughed,
Speaker 1: we'd cried, we'd talked about our families, things that were
Speaker 1: going wrong just straight away, and I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, we should hang out more. I really like you.
Speaker 1: But I wouldn't have gotten that moment. If I'd said, oh,
Speaker 1: I haven't seen these people for ages, they're your friends.
Speaker 1: I can't be bothered, let's not have them over, I
Speaker 1: wouldn't have got that moment.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, I love that your partner Bergo is
Speaker 2: that way. I love that.
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm going to high school having my
Speaker 3: best mum friends and I've found them, and I I
Speaker 3: don't really I'm not making an effort to make new
Speaker 3: mum friends because I have them. I already have my
Speaker 3: mum friends. I don't need anymore. Oh that's bad, is
Speaker 3: it a?
Speaker 1: No? I am like you normally, but the odd time
Speaker 1: that I do kind of drop the wall and find
Speaker 1: someone new.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's nice, but it doesn't. But it's transient.
Speaker 3: It comes and goes, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: But I'm all about the long term stuff, like my
Speaker 3: friends that i'm with now that I met when like
Speaker 3: Alfie was little.
Speaker 2: I know I'll be friends with them for ever, but
Speaker 2: I have enough of them now.
Speaker 1: But you know, they say like friends they're either a
Speaker 1: reason or a season. Yeah, people come in and out
Speaker 1: of your life. You know, some of the friends that
Speaker 1: I've had in my life, like I could not imagine,
Speaker 1: Like I used to speak to them ten times a day.
Speaker 1: I couldn't imagine not knowing what they were doing, where
Speaker 1: they were in life, what was happening. And now I
Speaker 1: don't see them, But I still look back on those
Speaker 1: memories and go, oh, they were my besties and I
Speaker 1: still love them, and I hope they're doing well. But
Speaker 1: some of them haven't even met Sophia and she's almost five,
Speaker 1: because that period of my life was then and now
Speaker 1: I'm in a different period. But that's okay.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and do you know what you will as you
Speaker 3: now going into school starting, So, yeah, you haven't even
Speaker 3: met some of your best friends that you're gonna have forever.
Speaker 2: That is so exciting.
Speaker 3: But I do think when you get to my age,
Speaker 3: I'm done with my best friends. I've got my best
Speaker 3: friends now I don't need anymore.
Speaker 1: So there you have it. You're never gonna be Hally
Speaker 1: Peerson's friends. I've got enough.
Speaker 3: But don't try, because I've got my tribe.
Speaker 1: She was looking at us with our giant girl feet
Speaker 1: on this the biggest feet both of us.
Speaker 3: Fun fact, Lauren is like two foot four and I'm
Speaker 3: five foot nine, but we have the same size feet.
Speaker 3: But mine are like wide and mine a long and
Speaker 3: just they we have huge fruit.
Speaker 1: But I always say, if everything falls apart and we
Speaker 1: doubt ourselves to the point where we shut down, only
Speaker 1: only fans.
Speaker 2: Yeah, big feet girls.
Speaker 3: Anyway, On that note, I hope my mom's like that
Speaker 3: bit without big girl feet and I.
Speaker 1: Shouldn't have talked about your feet like that, Mum.
Speaker 2: Anyway, we'll see you next week. Have a beautiful week.
Speaker 2: We love you, Love you.
Speaker 1: Didn't play fuzzies. Yeah, let's go bye, Love your