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Speaker 1: Apodjay Production.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy and I'm Tiana.

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Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment.

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Speaker 3: And encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most

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Speaker 3: authentic version of yourself.

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Speaker 2: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.

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Speaker 2: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone

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Speaker 2: else is too afraid to talk about.

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Speaker 3: Get ready for your next level of self.

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Speaker 2: Hello everybody, welcome back to she Rises. Happy Monday. We

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Speaker 2: have a very special guest on today, introducing Kira, my

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Speaker 2: dance teacher.

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Speaker 4: Hello, but we're not gonna be talking about dance.

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Speaker 2: There's lots of things we're gonna be going deep into today.

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Speaker 2: But for anyone who doesn't know who you are, you

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Speaker 2: tell us a little bit about yourself.

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Speaker 4: Hello.

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Speaker 1: I'm Kaira.

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Speaker 5: I am twenty five and I was born and raised

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Speaker 5: on the Gold Coast. I have been a dancer since

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Speaker 5: I was five years old, so twenty years now, which

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Speaker 5: is crazy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: I do full time modeling, social media. I have an agency,

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Speaker 5: a modeling and social media agency called Maverick.

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Speaker 1: And just a girl that enjoys the beach, enjoys.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Life just an everyday routine as well.

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Speaker 4: Just yeah, amazing.

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Speaker 2: So we're gonna dive deep today into dancing of course,

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Speaker 2: also the dark side of the dance world. Yeah, I

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Speaker 2: grew up dancing, and I know there's definitely a darker

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Speaker 2: side to it. Yeah, grief and also your journey with

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Speaker 2: an eating disorder. Yeah, so let's take it back to Jankari.

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Speaker 2: You obviously started dancing when you were five years old.

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Speaker 4: You loved it.

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Speaker 2: I'm guessing it was almost like a hobby but also

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Speaker 2: got you through your hard times.

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Speaker 1: Yes, honestly, and it still does now.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, Like whenever I feel like I have a day

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Speaker 5: or even the other day, I took class at one

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Speaker 5: of my friends classes and I messaged her after and

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Speaker 5: I was like I needed that and it just and

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Speaker 5: it wasn't because I got picked out or was it

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Speaker 5: me was anything special, But I just like whenever I'm dancing,

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Speaker 5: and you might feel like this as well, I don't

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Speaker 5: really think about anything else and you're so involved in it.

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Speaker 5: So even now, like whenever I'm having those days, I'm like,

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Speaker 5: I just need to take a class for myself. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: and then I'm kind of getting back to who I am.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I that even in my teenage years because I

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Speaker 2: danced so much, literally every single afternoon.

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Speaker 4: But it was my escape from being at home with

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Speaker 4: my stepdad.

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Speaker 2: But you're right, I didn't think about anything else except

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Speaker 2: the moves and being in my body and the music

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Speaker 2: and being in the environment.

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Speaker 1: And then you can deal with all that stuff after.

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Speaker 2: Literally, Yeah, it's like my antide present growing up was yeah,

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Speaker 2: so incredible interesting.

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Speaker 3: Hey, I can relate to that ties the dance when

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Speaker 3: I was younger as well, and it is it's like

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Speaker 3: even now as an adult, coming back to it after

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Speaker 3: such a long time, like even heels classes. Yes, it's

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Speaker 3: the only thing that you can focus on. You're so

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Speaker 3: lovely present at the moment. Yeah, you literally have no

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Speaker 3: time and capacity to focus on anything else.

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Speaker 5: And it's just like it's a good escape that you

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Speaker 5: just feel so invested in it and then yeah, you

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Speaker 5: go back to reality obviously, But it's also it's a

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Speaker 5: healing thing for me because it.

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Speaker 2: Does so dance is so beautiful in so many ways,

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Speaker 2: But as I said, there is a darker side, And

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Speaker 2: I remember as a teenager, I definitely did not have

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Speaker 2: a healthy relationship with my body. There was a lot

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Speaker 2: of pressure, Like I remember one of my dance teachers.

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Speaker 2: She put a rule in place at the dance school

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Speaker 2: that I was at that everyone had to do ballet,

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Speaker 2: and I remember her saying that to.

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Speaker 1: Me a very big thing.

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Speaker 2: It's huge, and I was up on points shoes within

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Speaker 2: six months. I was very good at it. But I

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Speaker 2: remember her saying to me, just so you know, you'll

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Speaker 2: never make it as a dance because your hips.

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Speaker 4: Are too big.

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Speaker 2: I was, Oh, my goodness, and just looking back on

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Speaker 2: my thirteen year old self, was like, ah, right, that

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Speaker 2: would have been really hard to process because I already felt.

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Speaker 4: Like I was one of the bigger girls. I wasn't

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Speaker 4: like tiny shoulders.

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Speaker 2: And yeah, there's obviously other things gone in my life,

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Speaker 2: but I remember there was a big period where I

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Speaker 2: was blieming and throwing all my food up, and dance

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Speaker 2: was still on a skate. But I know this also

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Speaker 2: had an impact on you. And now you teach younger

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Speaker 2: women also about food and how to deal with the

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Speaker 2: pressure of being a certain size in the dance and

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Speaker 2: rog talk about your journey with eating.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely.

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Speaker 5: So when I was thirteen, I remember this was probably

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Speaker 5: the time where I started taking dance a little bit

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Speaker 5: more not serious, but it's like it came to a point.

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Speaker 5: I was also a netball player, so Mum was kind

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Speaker 5: of like, you can't do it all unique because netballs

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Speaker 5: on the weekend. Dance competitions are on the weekend, so

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Speaker 5: Mum was kind of like, you.

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Speaker 1: Need to pick one.

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Speaker 5: So I picked dancing and kind of stuck to that.

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Speaker 5: And then I was like, kind of could see where

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Speaker 5: dancing can take you in places, so I took it

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Speaker 5: a little bit more serious. You're in every age group,

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Speaker 5: you're doing dance comps. And then I remember I wasn't

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Speaker 5: the best dancer as well when I was no when

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Speaker 5: I was younger, I wasn't naturally flexible. I didn't have

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Speaker 5: the look. I wasn't a big girl or anything. I

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Speaker 5: just again like what you were saying, a little bit bigger,

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Speaker 5: had a little bit more like bigger shoulders and stuff

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Speaker 5: like that. You had a different body type obviously compared

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Speaker 5: to hootypical dancing what people. And I was always in

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Speaker 5: the cool group, but I wasn't the best dancer. So

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Speaker 5: I was always just around the best dances and we're

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Speaker 5: all friends.

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Speaker 1: And then I remember there's this one moment that kind.

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Speaker 5: Of like triggered it was, well, I was with my

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Speaker 5: friend and we're at Max Brenner just having like a

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Speaker 5: fonder for two just what you do with thirteen year

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Speaker 5: old And I think this is I was actually thinking

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Speaker 5: about this the other day and I was like, what

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Speaker 5: triggered it? And I think this hit the spot. This

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Speaker 5: was when Instagram first started and she posted a photo

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Speaker 5: and another girl at the studio commented Kaira douly fatty

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Speaker 5: and not the other girl just tagged me and wrote that,

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Speaker 5: and it was just a photo of us sitting with

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Speaker 5: our fond And now hearing this, I'm like getting choked

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Speaker 5: up because I'm like, I could never or imagine if

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Speaker 5: that happened to my daughter, and like I remember this happening.

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Speaker 5: And then the post got taken down and stuff like that, but.

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Speaker 1: Pack was made the impact and that was the thing.

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Speaker 5: I think she apologized at the point because my mum

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Speaker 5: obviously said something. But I think that was just like

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Speaker 5: a oh, how come that just came.

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Speaker 1: To me but not the other girl.

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Speaker 5: Now I wouldn't even think about something like like, I'm

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Speaker 5: so past that point of my life. But and I

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Speaker 5: think because she was in the dance group, she was

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Speaker 5: one of the favorites and she yourself. Yeah, and being thirteen,

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Speaker 5: obviously your hormones are starting to change. You're going through

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Speaker 5: your periods, and like I didn't have my period at

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Speaker 5: the time, so and then the next week, I remember,

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Speaker 5: I was like, oh, I just won't eat chocolate for

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Speaker 5: a week, and then then it went it escalated to oh,

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Speaker 5: I won't have junk food for a like you know

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Speaker 5: how it just keeps me once and then I just

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Speaker 5: I think that's what it triggered, and it started, and

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Speaker 5: then the ball rolled and I was the most dedicated

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Speaker 5: dance when I was younger. So I remember when I

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Speaker 5: was I was dancing every afternoon for like four to

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Speaker 5: five hours. I did every class possible just because I

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Speaker 5: knew where I wanted to be and I wanted to

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Speaker 5: be the best. So obviously when you're young, you're dancing

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Speaker 5: every single day. And then also I was going through

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Speaker 5: like a gross burd So I think within like four weeks,

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Speaker 5: I just not eating and losing all that weight and

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Speaker 5: also growing taller into my body, becoming more of a woman.

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Speaker 5: I was like, it happened kind of really quickly for me,

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Speaker 5: And this is the thing now that also is very

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Speaker 5: like scary when people start saying.

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Speaker 1: To you you look really good. But as a young teenager,

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Speaker 1: I was like.

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Speaker 4: Good to hear that.

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Speaker 5: I was like, oh, I'm looking amazing. Everyone's saying I'm

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Speaker 5: looking good. And my dancing was getting better, and I

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Speaker 5: was improving because obviously like when you're getting more into

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Speaker 5: your body and stuff like that.

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Speaker 1: And then I was getting more confident.

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Speaker 5: So I was standing at the front of class and

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Speaker 5: I was having those little moments of like, I'm getting

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Speaker 5: better and teachers are recognizing me now.

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Speaker 4: In your habits.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, So I was like, well, I'm just going to

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Speaker 5: keep doing what I was doing, so then you start

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Speaker 5: obviously working.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, so I was.

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Speaker 5: Having one time, I was like, my breakfast was one

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Speaker 5: weet beak and then at fourteen, and then i was

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Speaker 5: going to school and I had a piece of fruit,

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Speaker 5: and then afternoon I'd have like a nutbar and then

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Speaker 5: dinner and then I'm like, now I'm thinking.

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Speaker 1: I was like, what in the world was that.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I was like that is just crazy to me.

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Speaker 5: And then I remember I was dancing and then one

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Speaker 5: girl also came up to me.

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Speaker 1: She's just like, I can.

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Speaker 5: See your ribs when you're dancing, and I was like

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Speaker 5: fourteen at this point, and I was like it started

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Speaker 5: clicking to me that I was like, whoa, Like I'm

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Speaker 5: getting really tiny, But to me, I was just like

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Speaker 5: dancing was everything. So I just I took that into like,

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Speaker 5: well I'm getting better.

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Speaker 4: I was don't care about anything.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, And I was.

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Speaker 5: Just like I think that one made to me back

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Speaker 5: then to now, I was like it's just so crazy

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Speaker 5: to yeah really.

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Speaker 1: But again it shaped me to who I am today.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, of course, so I not that I wish that

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Speaker 5: was never said, but then I'm happy with my journey

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Speaker 5: dealing with it because now I can help younger girls,

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Speaker 5: which you are doing hopefully I am doing, but also

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Speaker 5: talk about my story and it brings light onto the

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Speaker 5: topic because I don't want to ever want to feel

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Speaker 5: like to me, it kind of helped me to who

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Speaker 5: I am today, and I'm glad I had that experience

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Speaker 5: because it taught me a lot about food as well,

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Speaker 5: and what you need to obviously go through and like

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Speaker 5: the food that you need to fuel your body with.

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Speaker 5: With everyone grow even now like me dancing and having

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Speaker 5: my schedule I do, I still need to feel my

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Speaker 5: body as much as I can to be able to

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Speaker 5: still dance at twenty five and be able to nourish

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Speaker 5: and like look after it. So I'm glad that I

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Speaker 5: I had that experience, but obviously not in the way

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Speaker 5: that it happened, of course, I feel like at that

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Speaker 5: age as well, it was so impressionable, you know, such

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Speaker 5: a like what you were saying about the hormones and

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Speaker 5: you're coming into a period.

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Speaker 4: It's like you're not confident with who you are.

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Speaker 5: Well, then I lost and then I didn't obviously get

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Speaker 5: my period until I was like sixteen seventeen, because I

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Speaker 5: was I lost it, so I didn't even my body

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Speaker 5: just suck to a thirteen year old body.

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Speaker 1: I was so young.

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Speaker 4: I was the same to get mine tool seventeen.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, did your dance teachers or your mom obviously pick

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Speaker 2: up on anything or did they say anything, because I

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Speaker 2: remember Nick picked up me throwing my food up, put

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Speaker 2: me up aside dance class one day and was like

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Speaker 2: let's talk.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Nick really was fronted, really really good with it.

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Speaker 1: You have the same dance teacher.

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Speaker 4: It was seen it many times before. She's like is

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Speaker 4: going yeah.

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Speaker 5: So it was so crazy because now thinking back, like

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Speaker 5: remember the little Ntella packets like the little to Go one.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I was scared to eat one of those.

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Speaker 2: Like.

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Speaker 5: It got to a point and then I wasn't going

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Speaker 5: to school, like I just didn't want to be around people.

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Speaker 5: Moved schools as well, and Mum, I remember I was

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Speaker 5: my clothes got to like a size four at like yeah,

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Speaker 5: it's like size four but like still falling off me

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Speaker 5: and stuff like that, like and then I started going

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Speaker 5: back into kid sizes. And then I remember one night

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Speaker 5: Mum pulled me aside in my room and she was like,

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Speaker 5: what's going on. It came to a point where she

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Speaker 5: was like I thought, not that, like she knew that obviously.

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Speaker 5: I was growing into my body what people do, and

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Speaker 5: like you get taller, and I like, I understand that,

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Speaker 5: but she was like.

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Speaker 1: It's gone way too far now.

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Speaker 5: And then I remember she had a meeting with Nick

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Speaker 5: and stuff like that, and I really wanted to do

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Speaker 5: part time, which was a program that you dance every

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Speaker 5: Friday and you don't have to go to school, but

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Speaker 5: they wouldn't allow me because Nick was And it wasn't

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Speaker 5: out of anything bad, but she was like health rived,

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Speaker 5: I'm not and I actually had to stop dancing over

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Speaker 5: so it was during the Christmas period to the new year.

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Speaker 5: But then I remember coming back, I wasn't allowed to

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Speaker 5: dance I think for like three to four months until

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Speaker 5: because each week I obviously had check ins with my

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Speaker 5: doctors and stuff like that, so that I was putting

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Speaker 5: on the way when I was on my health journey

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Speaker 5: back getting back to what I was. But yeah, I

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Speaker 5: remember just I came into class and I just had

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Speaker 5: to sit.

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Speaker 1: Down and watch them dance so hard.

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Speaker 3: How was that for you going through that over the

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Speaker 3: three that was my motivation?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, So to me, Nick and my mom had a

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Speaker 5: meeting and they both sat me down and was like,

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Speaker 5: we need to get you better, like we you cannot

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Speaker 5: be dating or not eating. And then that again was

284
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Speaker 5: another switch of like and I knew I was starting

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Speaker 5: to get good and I knew that dancing was going

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Speaker 5: to be a big.

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Speaker 1: Part of my life. So I just had that moment

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Speaker 1: of like, I need to get my shit, I need

289
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Speaker 1: it get I need to.

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Speaker 5: Start eating and just and obviously you still have those

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Speaker 5: hard times of like, and I had heaps of fights

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Speaker 5: with my mom. It was just like I remember she

293
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Speaker 5: used to go to work and I used to scream

294
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Speaker 5: to her like I'm not eating this today.

295
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Speaker 1: I would run out.

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Speaker 5: She used to send my sister over to my house

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Speaker 5: to come and then I would run out because I

298
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Speaker 5: was like I don't want anyone else but you, and

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Speaker 5: like many and.

300
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Speaker 1: Many fights and stuff like that.

301
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Speaker 5: But Nicole, thank god, because yeah, she stopped me dancing

302
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Speaker 5: and I just had to go in there and everyone

303
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Speaker 5: obviously knew what I was going through, the girls, and

304
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Speaker 5: they were very supportive, and it was good to see

305
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Speaker 5: them in a different light. Now it's just seeing like

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Speaker 5: what like some words can say, can actually really dictate, yeah, impact,

307
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Speaker 5: And it was so hard because being in high school

308
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Speaker 5: as well, I was on set schedules for eating, so I.

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Speaker 1: Used to have to walk to like out of the

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Speaker 1: classroom like ten o'clock. It was like eat your little snack,

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Speaker 1: go back in.

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Speaker 5: But that to me was motivation because I was like,

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Speaker 5: I don't want to be that girl, Like I didn't

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Speaker 5: want to be that person that's like people were watching,

315
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Speaker 5: and like had to And then obviously it was so

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Speaker 5: hard because at dance class, I felt they're all getting better,

317
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Speaker 5: They're all dancing every day, getting to be in these routines,

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Speaker 5: learning the solos. As I was sitting down, not getting worse,

319
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Speaker 5: but like I'm.

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Speaker 1: Not getting anywhere. So that to me was like I need.

321
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Speaker 5: To get better like this if this is what I

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Speaker 5: want to do with my career when I get older,

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Speaker 5: I need to eat.

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Speaker 1: I need to start fueling my body.

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Speaker 5: So to me, that was a motivation of like you, yeah,

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Speaker 5: I need Like this isn't something I want to be

327
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Speaker 5: And also I was at the point of hospitalization. They

328
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Speaker 5: were like, if you lose one hundred grams, like you're

329
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Speaker 5: going to be in So my mum sat me down

330
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Speaker 5: and was like, you will be force fed, and I

331
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Speaker 5: don't believe that's getting you better because you don't want

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Speaker 5: to eat.

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Speaker 1: You're getting forced like with the tube and stuff, and

334
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Speaker 1: it's resisting it anyway. And she was like, she was like.

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Speaker 5: You're not actually eating the food, so you know. And

336
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Speaker 5: she was like, you're in hospital at fourteen.

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Speaker 1: I won't be with you, your.

338
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Speaker 5: Family won't be with you. You're going to be by yourself.

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Speaker 5: She was like, like, my mum was very real with me.

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Speaker 5: She wasn't like beating me around the bush or anything.

341
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Speaker 5: So she was like, here's your options. This is what

342
00:15:16,481 --> 00:15:19,601
Speaker 5: if you want to dance again, this is what you

343
00:15:19,681 --> 00:15:22,681
Speaker 5: need to do, which saved me, which was like a

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Speaker 5: little like realization of like, oh shit, I need to

345
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Speaker 5: fix this, Like what you needed.

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Speaker 1: I needed to hear it. I needed to hear that.

347
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Speaker 5: And I think as well. Dance was just my whole

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Speaker 5: life growing up. I was that competition kid. I did

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Speaker 5: every single solo. I wasn't like that typical teenager like

350
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Speaker 5: at fourteen went to the parties and stuff, Like my

351
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Speaker 5: life was dancing, So I didn't care about that.

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Speaker 1: So I was like, I need to get better.

353
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Speaker 2: And so that was age thirteen, and then fourteen you

354
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Speaker 2: started to get better. Yeah, and then I know, which

355
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Speaker 2: I'm so sorry for you. You lost your dad at sixteen,

356
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Speaker 2: So do you want to walk us through that process

357
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Speaker 2: of getting better? Yeah, that happening and then that kind

358
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Speaker 2: of impacting impacting it again.

359
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Speaker 5: Yeah, So got better and it was great because I

360
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Speaker 5: had Megan who owns Healed, helped me through the program

361
00:16:12,041 --> 00:16:16,481
Speaker 5: seeing her and stuff. So I'm an ambassador for Healed now.

362
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Speaker 5: So it helps young girls with mental illness and eating disorders.

363
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Speaker 5: So I had like kinesiology with Megan like weekly, and

364
00:16:25,881 --> 00:16:29,081
Speaker 5: she kind of just like examined your body and dives

365
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Speaker 5: deep into and I think that's as well. When I

366
00:16:32,121 --> 00:16:35,201
Speaker 5: remember seeing Megan, she delve deep and it kind of

367
00:16:35,241 --> 00:16:37,481
Speaker 5: went back to that point of like what triggered it

368
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Speaker 5: and those words, and then I was like, oh, that's

369
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Speaker 5: actually what triggered it. So it's a program now to

370
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Speaker 5: help younger girls with going through these times and stuff

371
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Speaker 5: like that.

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Speaker 1: So I've come on as an ambassador to help it.

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Speaker 4: That's really good. So she had her help you through.

374
00:16:54,321 --> 00:16:58,401
Speaker 5: That, through that, through those times. And then at sixteen,

375
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Speaker 5: I remember mom and I were at boxing day and

376
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Speaker 5: my dad, he was a landscaper, so in the sun

377
00:17:05,761 --> 00:17:08,561
Speaker 5: all day and we could see him kind of get

378
00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:12,721
Speaker 5: smaller and skinnier, but he was losing weight and stuff

379
00:17:12,761 --> 00:17:15,640
Speaker 5: like that. But we just thought, like, it's getting to summer,

380
00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:19,840
Speaker 5: and boys their weight always goes up and down, and

381
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Speaker 5: we just thought he was working harder later hours. And

382
00:17:23,241 --> 00:17:25,480
Speaker 5: my dad was the kind of person that didn't usually

383
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Speaker 5: just like he won't just go to the doctors if

384
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Speaker 5: he's feeling sick.

385
00:17:27,721 --> 00:17:30,281
Speaker 1: He's kind of like, you know, he's like, right, fine,

386
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,920
Speaker 1: I'm fine, And it was such such a dad thing.

387
00:17:32,961 --> 00:17:35,120
Speaker 1: He was just like, I'm fine, don't worry about me.

388
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Speaker 1: And then I remember it.

389
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Speaker 5: Was like my last dance concert that he watched and

390
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:41,801
Speaker 5: he just could tell he didn't want to be there.

391
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Speaker 1: It was the end.

392
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Speaker 5: He was like, let's go home quickly and stuff like that,

393
00:17:45,120 --> 00:17:47,801
Speaker 5: and we were like, this is not him. And then

394
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:51,241
Speaker 5: on Christmas Day he was sleeping the whole day and

395
00:17:52,041 --> 00:17:53,960
Speaker 5: like it got to a point where we were like, okay,

396
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Speaker 5: Mum was like you need to go see a doctor.

397
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Speaker 1: This isn't right.

398
00:17:57,160 --> 00:18:00,321
Speaker 5: And then we were at Rubina Town Center on Boxing

399
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:03,561
Speaker 5: Day and then driving home, my dad took himself to

400
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:05,880
Speaker 5: the hospital and then yeah, got the call and he

401
00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:08,640
Speaker 5: was just said you need to come home now. We

402
00:18:08,801 --> 00:18:12,721
Speaker 5: just have got cancer and within six months.

403
00:18:12,441 --> 00:18:14,120
Speaker 1: Died passed away. Yeah.

404
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:17,401
Speaker 5: So it was a big, big shift for our family,

405
00:18:18,241 --> 00:18:22,240
Speaker 5: which is crazy because at sixteen, you just it's what happens.

406
00:18:22,281 --> 00:18:22,441
Speaker 1: Now.

407
00:18:22,521 --> 00:18:26,281
Speaker 5: You hear stories of people and you're like freak accidents

408
00:18:26,281 --> 00:18:27,080
Speaker 5: and stuff like that.

409
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:29,600
Speaker 1: But to have that moment of.

410
00:18:29,561 --> 00:18:33,440
Speaker 5: Like, this is actually happening to me, Like you hear people,

411
00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:35,920
Speaker 5: you hear people have like cancer and stuff, and you

412
00:18:35,921 --> 00:18:37,680
Speaker 5: don't think it's going to ever happen to you and

413
00:18:37,721 --> 00:18:42,120
Speaker 5: your family. But remember him calling mum, and I remember

414
00:18:42,201 --> 00:18:44,041
Speaker 5: Mum and I probably have a bit of guilt now

415
00:18:44,041 --> 00:18:46,240
Speaker 5: because we were shopping. We just you don't think of

416
00:18:46,281 --> 00:18:49,921
Speaker 5: any and it's it's not like you have those moments

417
00:18:49,961 --> 00:18:52,520
Speaker 5: of like we're in the wrong, but it's just like

418
00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:55,041
Speaker 5: we were out shopping. Didn't think it was going to

419
00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:58,201
Speaker 5: be cancer or anything. But we just thought maybe something

420
00:18:58,281 --> 00:19:00,281
Speaker 5: little or injured himself or something.

421
00:19:00,321 --> 00:19:01,681
Speaker 1: But and then my.

422
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:03,881
Speaker 5: Brother's called us as well and was like you need

423
00:19:03,921 --> 00:19:07,481
Speaker 5: to come home now, like it's bad. And then within

424
00:19:07,561 --> 00:19:10,961
Speaker 5: six months, yeah, passing. But throughout that time he was

425
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:16,001
Speaker 5: up in the Brisbane hospital. Chemo just I think we

426
00:19:16,120 --> 00:19:19,961
Speaker 5: caught it too late and it was just in the lungs.

427
00:19:20,001 --> 00:19:21,241
Speaker 1: It just it got too far.

428
00:19:21,561 --> 00:19:25,281
Speaker 5: And then we tried everything. It was chemo, the natural

429
00:19:25,521 --> 00:19:30,920
Speaker 5: way and stuff. But at sixteen, I just I didn't Again,

430
00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:34,680
Speaker 5: it was just did not know within six months he

431
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:38,521
Speaker 5: was going to pass. And I think now looking back

432
00:19:38,561 --> 00:19:41,561
Speaker 5: at it, I just not that I forgot that time

433
00:19:41,561 --> 00:19:43,241
Speaker 5: in my life, but I think I tried to.

434
00:19:43,201 --> 00:19:45,360
Speaker 1: Shut it out because so painful.

435
00:19:46,201 --> 00:19:48,600
Speaker 5: I remember, like because my sister also taught at my

436
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:50,840
Speaker 5: high school that I was at, and she I remember

437
00:19:50,961 --> 00:19:52,720
Speaker 5: days that she just wouldn't come to school and I

438
00:19:52,761 --> 00:19:53,801
Speaker 5: called MoMA was like, why am.

439
00:19:53,761 --> 00:19:55,200
Speaker 1: I at school? Why am I at school?

440
00:19:55,201 --> 00:19:57,761
Speaker 5: And she's not, and just she was like, just come

441
00:19:57,801 --> 00:20:01,161
Speaker 5: home then, And because my dad was in Brisbane those

442
00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:03,680
Speaker 5: last six months, we weren't even really with him because

443
00:20:03,681 --> 00:20:06,881
Speaker 5: he was in and out of hospital. Me being sixteen,

444
00:20:06,961 --> 00:20:10,480
Speaker 5: I was like, he'll be okay, likes thinking, not not

445
00:20:10,521 --> 00:20:14,080
Speaker 5: fully understanding it. So I was also going through like

446
00:20:14,481 --> 00:20:17,321
Speaker 5: I was a dance class. I went to everything that

447
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:20,321
Speaker 5: I could. I did the competitions. Everyone kind of helped

448
00:20:20,441 --> 00:20:23,240
Speaker 5: me because Mum was looking after my dad and I

449
00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:27,200
Speaker 5: just I kind of blocked it out and really seeing

450
00:20:27,281 --> 00:20:30,480
Speaker 5: him deteriorate because it got to a point where we

451
00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:32,321
Speaker 5: had the doctors that act because he didn't want to

452
00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:34,080
Speaker 5: pass at a hospital.

453
00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:36,920
Speaker 1: He wanted to in our family home and stuff.

454
00:20:36,921 --> 00:20:39,840
Speaker 5: So we had the doctors come over every day and

455
00:20:40,001 --> 00:20:42,920
Speaker 5: just we had all the machines. And it's hard to

456
00:20:42,961 --> 00:20:46,561
Speaker 5: think now because I'm like, I don't remember that time

457
00:20:46,761 --> 00:20:49,721
Speaker 5: clearly because I think I just I tried to block

458
00:20:49,761 --> 00:20:51,761
Speaker 5: it out as much as possible because I don't want

459
00:20:51,801 --> 00:20:55,200
Speaker 5: to remember seeing him like that. And that was the

460
00:20:55,241 --> 00:20:58,400
Speaker 5: hard part because Mum was changing him and had to

461
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:01,361
Speaker 5: take him to the toilet and really take care of him.

462
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:04,201
Speaker 5: And I'm just like, I don't want to remember him

463
00:21:04,281 --> 00:21:06,521
Speaker 5: like that because he wasn't that father to me.

464
00:21:06,681 --> 00:21:09,441
Speaker 1: He was like a very active.

465
00:21:09,921 --> 00:21:13,041
Speaker 5: Hands on dad and stuff like that. So and then

466
00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:18,041
Speaker 5: obviously throughout that time, Mum was so invested in Dad.

467
00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:21,840
Speaker 5: That's when And it's not that I didn't want to eat,

468
00:21:21,921 --> 00:21:24,920
Speaker 5: but I think those old habits came into topic because

469
00:21:25,001 --> 00:21:28,041
Speaker 5: I was so like, my dad's sick, I don't want

470
00:21:28,041 --> 00:21:30,080
Speaker 5: to eat, like I'm not hungry, and I came to

471
00:21:30,120 --> 00:21:33,441
Speaker 5: a point where I wasn't hungry, and then stress came involved.

472
00:21:33,481 --> 00:21:37,840
Speaker 5: Obviously I was just thinking about him. I was dancing,

473
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:40,801
Speaker 5: not thinking that he would pass. I was still trying

474
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,600
Speaker 5: to keep up with everyone else. And then I remember

475
00:21:43,681 --> 00:21:46,200
Speaker 5: my sister coming to me and she was like, are

476
00:21:46,241 --> 00:21:49,241
Speaker 5: you okay? Like Mom can't deal and then remember Mom,

477
00:21:49,281 --> 00:21:50,761
Speaker 5: she was like, I can't.

478
00:21:50,481 --> 00:21:53,761
Speaker 1: Deal with you as not me, not me, but she

479
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:55,761
Speaker 1: was like, I'm dealing with your dad.

480
00:21:55,801 --> 00:21:59,080
Speaker 5: I can't deal with you going through your eating disorder again.

481
00:21:59,201 --> 00:22:01,961
Speaker 5: And then I actually didn't think I was going through

482
00:22:02,681 --> 00:22:05,960
Speaker 5: I just thought I was not like and I was like,

483
00:22:06,001 --> 00:22:08,721
Speaker 5: I'm not physically trying to do this to myself.

484
00:22:08,801 --> 00:22:10,960
Speaker 1: I just just had a relapse.

485
00:22:11,001 --> 00:22:13,640
Speaker 5: And then I remember one of my friends came with

486
00:22:13,681 --> 00:22:16,280
Speaker 5: me and saw my dad in hospital. And then we

487
00:22:16,281 --> 00:22:18,521
Speaker 5: were up at Brisbane doing a dance comp and I

488
00:22:18,521 --> 00:22:21,041
Speaker 5: remember she came up to me and we were getting

489
00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:24,161
Speaker 5: ready and my costume was so big on me and

490
00:22:24,921 --> 00:22:28,121
Speaker 5: everyone could just tell what I was going through again,

491
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:30,041
Speaker 5: and she came up to me. She was like, this

492
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:32,761
Speaker 5: isn't right. She was like, we need to get you better.

493
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:36,321
Speaker 5: You're looking thin again. And then it was so good

494
00:22:36,360 --> 00:22:39,840
Speaker 5: because throughout that whole time I had Nicole really helped me.

495
00:22:39,921 --> 00:22:41,001
Speaker 1: I had some nights.

496
00:22:40,761 --> 00:22:43,161
Speaker 5: Where if I just couldn't not couldn't be at home,

497
00:22:43,241 --> 00:22:45,681
Speaker 5: but couldn't deal with it, I would say at her house.

498
00:22:45,721 --> 00:22:47,640
Speaker 5: She would always let me stay at her house whenever

499
00:22:47,681 --> 00:22:50,640
Speaker 5: I needed to because her dad also passed as well,

500
00:22:50,721 --> 00:22:54,720
Speaker 5: so she was very hands on with me and my

501
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:58,281
Speaker 5: dad and every and everyone at the studio was just

502
00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:01,200
Speaker 5: so good with it. But again, yeah, it was so

503
00:23:01,360 --> 00:23:04,960
Speaker 5: crazy that how the littlest things can also just trigger

504
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:11,601
Speaker 5: up something a big thing, but just how just something

505
00:23:11,681 --> 00:23:14,960
Speaker 5: can just like I was not even trying to not

506
00:23:15,561 --> 00:23:18,681
Speaker 5: eat or anything, it just that was obviously a trigger

507
00:23:18,801 --> 00:23:21,200
Speaker 5: and just having those emotions come up.

508
00:23:21,360 --> 00:23:24,360
Speaker 4: Just yeah, just one of my girlfriends has been through Anna.

509
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:26,281
Speaker 4: Actually I remember now she's out of it.

510
00:23:26,360 --> 00:23:28,240
Speaker 2: She looks back on the time in her life and

511
00:23:28,241 --> 00:23:30,400
Speaker 2: she said she didn't know she was doing it, but

512
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:32,880
Speaker 2: because everything else in her life felt out of control,

513
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,080
Speaker 2: including what had happened to her when she was younger,

514
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:38,360
Speaker 2: when she believe started her eating disorder, that food and

515
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:39,920
Speaker 2: her body was the one thing that she felt like

516
00:23:39,961 --> 00:23:40,680
Speaker 2: she could control.

517
00:23:40,761 --> 00:23:42,120
Speaker 4: So she felt good off that.

518
00:23:42,281 --> 00:23:44,160
Speaker 2: She goes like, I didn't no matter what anyone else said,

519
00:23:44,360 --> 00:23:45,761
Speaker 2: that was the one thing in my life I could

520
00:23:45,761 --> 00:23:47,201
Speaker 2: control and no one was going to take that away

521
00:23:47,201 --> 00:23:49,440
Speaker 2: from me, because so much has been taken away from me.

522
00:23:49,481 --> 00:23:51,801
Speaker 2: Did you ever have moments of consciously thinking that or

523
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:52,280
Speaker 2: feeling that?

524
00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think as well, now I can really kind

525
00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:01,321
Speaker 5: of control my emotions and stuff like that as well,

526
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,720
Speaker 5: Like I know what I can control and like what

527
00:24:03,761 --> 00:24:06,801
Speaker 5: you were saying. But when I was younger, I feel

528
00:24:06,801 --> 00:24:08,720
Speaker 5: like I didn't have anything like that.

529
00:24:08,801 --> 00:24:09,681
Speaker 1: I was trying to be.

530
00:24:10,241 --> 00:24:12,880
Speaker 5: The best person and as well, I'm a big people

531
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:13,481
Speaker 5: pleaser and.

532
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:14,041
Speaker 1: Stuff like that.

533
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:16,360
Speaker 5: So when Mum said that to me, I was like,

534
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:20,080
Speaker 5: but I'm not meeting, and I felt like my hands

535
00:24:20,120 --> 00:24:22,160
Speaker 5: and even now I still feel the same, like I

536
00:24:22,201 --> 00:24:25,001
Speaker 5: try to do everything for everyone, but I really feel

537
00:24:25,041 --> 00:24:28,201
Speaker 5: like the things Obviously when I was younger, I couldn't control.

538
00:24:28,241 --> 00:24:31,281
Speaker 5: I just they just were out of my hands and

539
00:24:31,321 --> 00:24:32,001
Speaker 5: stuff like that.

540
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,561
Speaker 1: So you didn't understand I didn't understand it properly.

541
00:24:35,041 --> 00:24:35,321
Speaker 3: Yeah.

542
00:24:35,441 --> 00:24:36,041
Speaker 1: Yeah.

543
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:38,920
Speaker 2: And so you got through when all that was happening

544
00:24:38,961 --> 00:24:41,680
Speaker 2: with your dad and you relapsed. What happened after that?

545
00:24:41,761 --> 00:24:44,281
Speaker 2: Did it because you'd already been through? Did you find

546
00:24:44,321 --> 00:24:46,600
Speaker 2: you could pick yourself up quicker? Or was it quite

547
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:49,841
Speaker 2: a long process to where you are now?

548
00:24:49,961 --> 00:24:51,761
Speaker 1: I think a bit of both, to be honest.

549
00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:55,241
Speaker 5: Because the thing is, the night before my dad passed,

550
00:24:55,321 --> 00:24:57,200
Speaker 5: we were all going we went into the hospital and

551
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:01,561
Speaker 5: because again I was off to America, which was another

552
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:03,961
Speaker 5: really big thing, because I didn't go to my dad's funeral.

553
00:25:04,441 --> 00:25:05,001
Speaker 1: I was in America.

554
00:25:06,120 --> 00:25:09,160
Speaker 5: But the reason why I was well at the point

555
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:11,681
Speaker 5: where it was a trip for Danceforce, and they were

556
00:25:11,721 --> 00:25:14,240
Speaker 5: like that everyone knew I was either going to go

557
00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:14,920
Speaker 5: or I wasn't.

558
00:25:15,120 --> 00:25:16,481
Speaker 1: It wasn't a setting stone.

559
00:25:16,521 --> 00:25:19,001
Speaker 5: We didn't know with my dad how long he had left,

560
00:25:19,041 --> 00:25:21,520
Speaker 5: we didn't know, and we were in America for like

561
00:25:21,561 --> 00:25:22,600
Speaker 5: three weeks that time.

562
00:25:22,681 --> 00:25:25,160
Speaker 1: It was, and it was my first America trip. I

563
00:25:25,201 --> 00:25:27,801
Speaker 1: was sixteen. I was so excited. I remember, that's all

564
00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:28,480
Speaker 1: we ever wanted.

565
00:25:28,481 --> 00:25:31,481
Speaker 5: And we actually won the trip that year, so our

566
00:25:31,521 --> 00:25:33,840
Speaker 5: group we won a competition and we all want to

567
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:34,761
Speaker 5: go over, so it.

568
00:25:34,721 --> 00:25:36,640
Speaker 1: Was a big thing for us as well.

569
00:25:37,561 --> 00:25:40,161
Speaker 5: And I remember the night before I think we all

570
00:25:40,521 --> 00:25:43,200
Speaker 5: knew this was the time, because I was leaving for

571
00:25:43,521 --> 00:25:46,281
Speaker 5: America the week after. Yeah, and I remember he whispered

572
00:25:46,281 --> 00:25:48,521
Speaker 5: in my ear. He was like, you go on that trip,

573
00:25:49,241 --> 00:25:52,321
Speaker 5: like you go to America and to my mum and

574
00:25:52,321 --> 00:25:54,920
Speaker 5: stuff like that. Because it's hard because I didn't go

575
00:25:54,961 --> 00:25:57,360
Speaker 5: to the funeral. I didn't have those times. I don't

576
00:25:58,281 --> 00:26:00,240
Speaker 5: sometimes I don't feel like I had that closure with

577
00:26:00,360 --> 00:26:03,400
Speaker 5: him that some of my other family members might have.

578
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:06,561
Speaker 5: And I feel like my dad, I'm the youngest in

579
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:09,920
Speaker 5: my family, so I'm when you're the baby, you're always

580
00:26:10,001 --> 00:26:11,920
Speaker 5: you treat it as the baby of the family. I

581
00:26:12,001 --> 00:26:15,241
Speaker 5: always feel that, even with my brothers and stuff that now.

582
00:26:15,481 --> 00:26:18,201
Speaker 5: But my dad's he used to call me his little mini,

583
00:26:18,241 --> 00:26:20,880
Speaker 5: so I used to go everywhere with him. I used

584
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:22,761
Speaker 5: to go to work with him, on the weekends, used

585
00:26:22,761 --> 00:26:24,241
Speaker 5: to mow the lawns for like five.

586
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:26,321
Speaker 1: Dollars and stuffing like that, like had the little things.

587
00:26:26,321 --> 00:26:29,161
Speaker 1: But he said to me, he was like, you need

588
00:26:29,201 --> 00:26:30,200
Speaker 1: to go on that trip.

589
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:34,240
Speaker 5: And there was and I my mom, everyone knew I

590
00:26:34,281 --> 00:26:37,840
Speaker 5: needed to go for myself, which I'm so happy I did,

591
00:26:37,921 --> 00:26:40,360
Speaker 5: but and I had I wrote a little speech and

592
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:43,801
Speaker 5: got someone to speak it for it funeral and stuff.

593
00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:46,720
Speaker 5: So Nicole helped me write a little speech in America

594
00:26:47,241 --> 00:26:49,201
Speaker 5: which I have on my phone in my notes now

595
00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:54,240
Speaker 5: still like twenty sixteen, that note and I still have

596
00:26:55,281 --> 00:26:58,281
Speaker 5: the memories of just everything now. And yeah, he said

597
00:26:58,321 --> 00:27:02,321
Speaker 5: that to me, and I think as well. I had

598
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:06,720
Speaker 5: Nicole and Mom really in my corner saying like, you

599
00:27:06,921 --> 00:27:10,321
Speaker 5: can't go down that road again, like you need and

600
00:27:10,360 --> 00:27:15,121
Speaker 5: everyone was very much supporting me. And I knew I'm

601
00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:18,840
Speaker 5: physically and I mentally couldn't put Mom through that again

602
00:27:18,921 --> 00:27:22,121
Speaker 5: because my mom was everything that she's everything to me now,

603
00:27:22,201 --> 00:27:25,600
Speaker 5: so I knew she couldn't deal with another thing, and

604
00:27:25,681 --> 00:27:29,521
Speaker 5: I know mentally now that I mentally couldn't. It was

605
00:27:29,561 --> 00:27:33,720
Speaker 5: a long road because I was obviously going through my

606
00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:37,641
Speaker 5: dad's grief. But I think as well dancing helped because

607
00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:42,321
Speaker 5: that's when I started getting really good. I think my

608
00:27:42,521 --> 00:27:48,120
Speaker 5: dad's passing, I put everything into dancing like for him,

609
00:27:48,360 --> 00:27:51,120
Speaker 5: and even now I have dances that you've seen and

610
00:27:51,120 --> 00:27:53,801
Speaker 5: stuff like that that I have dedicated specially for my

611
00:27:53,921 --> 00:27:57,361
Speaker 5: dad that I even do now, and it was so special.

612
00:27:57,360 --> 00:28:01,240
Speaker 5: At Dance Forces twenty year concert they had me for

613
00:28:01,360 --> 00:28:02,481
Speaker 5: my full time graduation.

614
00:28:02,681 --> 00:28:06,360
Speaker 1: I had a routine that I did a soul dedicated.

615
00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:08,761
Speaker 5: For my father, beautiful, and then they had me redo

616
00:28:08,801 --> 00:28:11,960
Speaker 5: that again for the twenty year concept and they actually

617
00:28:11,961 --> 00:28:14,681
Speaker 5: had the video of me doing it for my dad

618
00:28:14,681 --> 00:28:17,801
Speaker 5: at the graduation behind me, so they had snippets of

619
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:19,720
Speaker 5: me doing it now but then.

620
00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:20,441
Speaker 1: Versus back then.

621
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:25,521
Speaker 5: Yeah, but I honestly think dance save me the.

622
00:28:25,481 --> 00:28:28,520
Speaker 1: Way that I was wanting to have a career in it.

623
00:28:28,921 --> 00:28:33,160
Speaker 5: Dancing really saved me of like I really want to

624
00:28:33,201 --> 00:28:35,840
Speaker 5: do this. So it's so beautiful, I think, and even now,

625
00:28:35,921 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 5: like it's so hard because I remember when I was younger,

626
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:40,200
Speaker 5: people used to say, just go eat a burger, and

627
00:28:41,401 --> 00:28:43,240
Speaker 5: my brothers used to say that as well, but not

628
00:28:43,281 --> 00:28:44,081
Speaker 5: as a bad thing.

629
00:28:44,121 --> 00:28:46,641
Speaker 1: But they just don't understand.

630
00:28:46,121 --> 00:28:48,001
Speaker 4: That it's not easy. I would go eat the dance.

631
00:28:49,201 --> 00:28:50,961
Speaker 1: It's honestly a mental illness. Yeah.

632
00:28:51,161 --> 00:28:55,281
Speaker 5: So, and even now, like you're never gonna fully get better,

633
00:28:55,281 --> 00:28:59,401
Speaker 5: there's always time to especially in our industry as well.

634
00:28:59,281 --> 00:29:00,601
Speaker 1: Being on social media.

635
00:29:00,481 --> 00:29:04,601
Speaker 5: Being a model, being a dancer, being on camera. I'm

636
00:29:04,601 --> 00:29:06,881
Speaker 5: looking at myself in a mirror twenty four to seven,

637
00:29:06,961 --> 00:29:08,561
Speaker 5: and I'm always like, oh, you.

638
00:29:08,601 --> 00:29:10,881
Speaker 1: Always nitpicking around other models.

639
00:29:11,441 --> 00:29:15,401
Speaker 5: I know how to switch it of, like that's my

640
00:29:15,521 --> 00:29:18,720
Speaker 5: mind talking and now to like, oh no, that's my

641
00:29:18,801 --> 00:29:22,481
Speaker 5: mind talking, my comparing me to other people, to myself

642
00:29:22,561 --> 00:29:25,401
Speaker 5: being like no, that's that's not right. Yeah, Like I

643
00:29:25,441 --> 00:29:28,361
Speaker 5: know how to I know now what's right and what's wrong.

644
00:29:28,481 --> 00:29:29,641
Speaker 4: Ad internal dialogue.

645
00:29:29,681 --> 00:29:30,881
Speaker 1: I know how to switch it up.

646
00:29:30,921 --> 00:29:33,361
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like the discernment of like all this feels like

647
00:29:33,601 --> 00:29:35,720
Speaker 3: the old past version of me, and this feels like,

648
00:29:35,761 --> 00:29:37,521
Speaker 3: oh no, I actually need to pay attention here.

649
00:29:37,721 --> 00:29:39,881
Speaker 4: Yes, And what do you find now?

650
00:29:39,881 --> 00:29:42,200
Speaker 2: Because you're obviously helping younger women and you do you

651
00:29:42,201 --> 00:29:44,801
Speaker 2: teach a lot of dance classes. Do you see parts

652
00:29:44,801 --> 00:29:46,921
Speaker 2: of yourself in young girls? And do you pull them

653
00:29:47,001 --> 00:29:49,041
Speaker 2: up and have conversations? Do you talk to their moms?

654
00:29:49,041 --> 00:29:51,681
Speaker 2: How do you approach helping young women not go down

655
00:29:51,721 --> 00:29:52,921
Speaker 2: that path that you went down.

656
00:29:53,361 --> 00:29:56,041
Speaker 5: I really want to start approach when Megan and I

657
00:29:56,081 --> 00:29:58,001
Speaker 5: were trying to start a program, I would love to

658
00:29:58,041 --> 00:30:00,521
Speaker 5: go into dance schools and kind of have like a

659
00:30:00,561 --> 00:30:05,441
Speaker 5: set hour and basically tell my story, but also talk

660
00:30:05,481 --> 00:30:08,001
Speaker 5: to them and say like, it's okay to be feeling

661
00:30:08,081 --> 00:30:10,761
Speaker 5: like this. I never want people to feel like they

662
00:30:10,761 --> 00:30:13,401
Speaker 5: can't because everyone has those feelings. Everyone's going to.

663
00:30:13,401 --> 00:30:14,321
Speaker 1: Feel it and stuff like that.

664
00:30:14,401 --> 00:30:17,161
Speaker 5: But I do see it a lot in dance schools

665
00:30:17,161 --> 00:30:20,561
Speaker 5: and stuff like that, and girls comparing themselves to each other,

666
00:30:20,961 --> 00:30:24,601
Speaker 5: or she's better, but maybe because she's better, she looks

667
00:30:24,601 --> 00:30:27,240
Speaker 5: a certain way or is a certain body type, so

668
00:30:27,281 --> 00:30:30,241
Speaker 5: maybe that's why she's better. But it's like, no, that's

669
00:30:30,281 --> 00:30:33,121
Speaker 5: not that at all. And I have had a few

670
00:30:33,961 --> 00:30:35,841
Speaker 5: people come up to me, and I've gone up to

671
00:30:35,881 --> 00:30:37,761
Speaker 5: a few girls as well and not actually said to

672
00:30:37,841 --> 00:30:39,121
Speaker 5: him like what's.

673
00:30:39,001 --> 00:30:40,881
Speaker 1: Wrong with you? But I'm like, is everything okay?

674
00:30:41,161 --> 00:30:41,361
Speaker 5: Yeah?

675
00:30:41,601 --> 00:30:43,240
Speaker 1: Like, and I think that's all it needs to be.

676
00:30:43,521 --> 00:30:45,361
Speaker 4: Is that open up the conversation.

677
00:30:45,721 --> 00:30:46,481
Speaker 1: The conversation.

678
00:30:47,001 --> 00:30:49,401
Speaker 5: I have had a few mother's message me privately because

679
00:30:49,401 --> 00:30:53,001
Speaker 5: they have heard my story, and even a few younger

680
00:30:53,041 --> 00:30:55,921
Speaker 5: girls dm me and just be like I've heard your story.

681
00:30:55,961 --> 00:30:57,081
Speaker 1: I'm going through this now.

682
00:30:57,601 --> 00:31:01,401
Speaker 5: Is there anything you can recommend or me go see

683
00:31:01,441 --> 00:31:05,200
Speaker 5: someone and stuff like that, or even sometimes I say, hey,

684
00:31:05,241 --> 00:31:06,561
Speaker 5: do you just do you want to go have a

685
00:31:06,561 --> 00:31:08,961
Speaker 5: coffee or do you want to go for a walk

686
00:31:09,001 --> 00:31:12,200
Speaker 5: and we can chat about it because right now, like

687
00:31:12,401 --> 00:31:15,361
Speaker 5: I would love to have my own program and go

688
00:31:15,441 --> 00:31:18,601
Speaker 5: into schools and like dance schools and talk to young

689
00:31:18,641 --> 00:31:23,281
Speaker 5: women and have that open conversation of like, because even now,

690
00:31:23,321 --> 00:31:25,641
Speaker 5: I can see when some girls are getting really well,

691
00:31:25,681 --> 00:31:28,480
Speaker 5: there's a big event or something coming up when they're younger,

692
00:31:29,561 --> 00:31:32,121
Speaker 5: and all of a sudden, they've dropped so much weight

693
00:31:32,241 --> 00:31:34,561
Speaker 5: and they're just looking a certain way. I saw her

694
00:31:34,601 --> 00:31:37,081
Speaker 5: two years ago with one girl. I knew she had

695
00:31:37,121 --> 00:31:39,480
Speaker 5: something coming up and all of a sudden, and I

696
00:31:39,521 --> 00:31:42,481
Speaker 5: was talking to Nicole, and I was like, I think

697
00:31:42,521 --> 00:31:45,601
Speaker 5: this is really affecting her, and she's really great now.

698
00:31:45,721 --> 00:31:48,561
Speaker 1: I think it was just a little moment in her life.

699
00:31:48,601 --> 00:31:51,441
Speaker 1: But I was like, it's so crazy to me how.

700
00:31:51,801 --> 00:31:54,801
Speaker 5: Something so like an event or something like that can

701
00:31:54,881 --> 00:31:57,480
Speaker 5: really impact your life and the way girls look at

702
00:31:57,521 --> 00:31:59,761
Speaker 5: themselves and feel like that's what they have to do

703
00:31:59,881 --> 00:32:01,521
Speaker 5: to be a certain way.

704
00:32:02,481 --> 00:32:04,281
Speaker 3: I think I really liked the way that you were saying,

705
00:32:04,361 --> 00:32:06,001
Speaker 3: the way that you would have approached the girl.

706
00:32:06,561 --> 00:32:09,321
Speaker 5: Rather than because I think the way when I was

707
00:32:09,361 --> 00:32:12,401
Speaker 5: younger when someone was like to me''re wrong, or like

708
00:32:12,681 --> 00:32:16,321
Speaker 5: I can see your risks and that to me, to me,

709
00:32:16,481 --> 00:32:20,361
Speaker 5: I was like, oh, it wasn't a good feeling. So

710
00:32:20,961 --> 00:32:23,281
Speaker 5: because I when I also lost weight, I lose it

711
00:32:23,321 --> 00:32:27,201
Speaker 5: a lot in my upper body first and my college

712
00:32:27,281 --> 00:32:30,161
Speaker 5: like you could see, I was like I was a sick.

713
00:32:30,201 --> 00:32:33,841
Speaker 5: I was so tiny and yeah, someone she was like,

714
00:32:34,361 --> 00:32:36,601
Speaker 5: I can see your all your bones and it was

715
00:32:36,681 --> 00:32:39,601
Speaker 5: just like those little comments and I would never want

716
00:32:39,641 --> 00:32:42,481
Speaker 5: someone to feel the way I felt, of course when

717
00:32:42,521 --> 00:32:44,801
Speaker 5: someone said that to me, and so beautiful.

718
00:32:44,401 --> 00:32:46,081
Speaker 3: That like you can relate to the girls and what

719
00:32:46,121 --> 00:32:48,081
Speaker 3: they're going through because you will be able to navigate

720
00:32:48,081 --> 00:32:50,201
Speaker 3: it in a much more beautiful way than the way

721
00:32:50,201 --> 00:32:51,081
Speaker 3: that you received it to.

722
00:32:52,161 --> 00:32:54,961
Speaker 5: I think now it's not a thing I would want

723
00:32:55,081 --> 00:32:59,041
Speaker 5: anyone to go through. But I think, having my past experience,

724
00:32:59,761 --> 00:33:02,041
Speaker 5: I think I'm glad the way I had it received

725
00:33:02,041 --> 00:33:03,841
Speaker 5: to me because I wouldn't want to have that on

726
00:33:03,881 --> 00:33:04,401
Speaker 5: someone else.

727
00:33:04,401 --> 00:33:06,401
Speaker 1: So I'm glad I had it in that way.

728
00:33:06,481 --> 00:33:08,440
Speaker 5: So then I can put onto the next girls in

729
00:33:08,441 --> 00:33:10,721
Speaker 5: a way that I would like to have been approached.

730
00:33:10,841 --> 00:33:13,081
Speaker 3: Yeah, and like almost like removing the shame around it

731
00:33:13,121 --> 00:33:15,481
Speaker 3: even happening in the first place. Of like, you're in

732
00:33:15,521 --> 00:33:19,041
Speaker 3: this harsh environment that there's a lot of pressure, there's competition,

733
00:33:19,121 --> 00:33:23,161
Speaker 3: there's you are technically competing against other women as an individual,

734
00:33:23,321 --> 00:33:25,041
Speaker 3: so it's like, of course you're gonna be exposed to

735
00:33:25,081 --> 00:33:27,921
Speaker 3: that environment. But like having support at that age and

736
00:33:27,921 --> 00:33:29,601
Speaker 3: by the sounds of it, your old dance teacher and

737
00:33:29,641 --> 00:33:34,081
Speaker 3: Nicole was an amazing like leader and you really yeah,

738
00:33:34,241 --> 00:33:36,281
Speaker 3: she really The fact that you get to be that

739
00:33:36,361 --> 00:33:38,761
Speaker 3: for other like for young girls so powerful.

740
00:33:38,961 --> 00:33:41,881
Speaker 2: Yeah, And what would you say to someone listening, Maybe

741
00:33:41,921 --> 00:33:43,121
Speaker 2: it's a mum, because we've got a lot of mum

742
00:33:43,161 --> 00:33:44,761
Speaker 2: listeners that have daughters that are going through what you're

743
00:33:44,761 --> 00:33:46,641
Speaker 2: going through, Like, what would you say would be the

744
00:33:46,641 --> 00:33:48,281
Speaker 2: first step to get help because a lot of people

745
00:33:48,281 --> 00:33:49,841
Speaker 2: don't have someone like Nicole, They don't.

746
00:33:49,641 --> 00:33:54,161
Speaker 5: Have a support anyone family that gets burger Yeah, which

747
00:33:54,201 --> 00:33:58,161
Speaker 5: is so hard I think as well for a young girl,

748
00:33:58,201 --> 00:34:01,401
Speaker 5: even if you don't have that motherly figure in your

749
00:34:01,441 --> 00:34:04,561
Speaker 5: life or something like that, I think go to someone

750
00:34:04,601 --> 00:34:07,841
Speaker 5: you do feel comfortable talking to or even as a mother.

751
00:34:08,121 --> 00:34:10,161
Speaker 5: If you have that and you're seeing your daughter something

752
00:34:10,201 --> 00:34:13,000
Speaker 5: like that, maybe just approach her in the sense of

753
00:34:13,081 --> 00:34:15,721
Speaker 5: like my mom did, like is everything okay?

754
00:34:16,001 --> 00:34:17,801
Speaker 4: Like what if they're deny it though? So yeah, Mom,

755
00:34:17,881 --> 00:34:18,801
Speaker 4: I get off my back.

756
00:34:18,681 --> 00:34:21,081
Speaker 5: And that's what I did at the beginning, definitely. I

757
00:34:21,121 --> 00:34:23,721
Speaker 5: remember I was wearing the baggy jumpers that you do

758
00:34:23,881 --> 00:34:25,881
Speaker 5: and you try to cover your body up because I

759
00:34:25,881 --> 00:34:29,521
Speaker 5: remember I went through all that stage for so long,

760
00:34:29,561 --> 00:34:31,721
Speaker 5: and she used to come into my room three times

761
00:34:31,721 --> 00:34:33,481
Speaker 5: a week and do it was just at nighttime, like

762
00:34:33,961 --> 00:34:37,161
Speaker 5: you need to tell me what is going on? But

763
00:34:37,241 --> 00:34:39,601
Speaker 5: I think if you're a mother trying to and coming

764
00:34:39,601 --> 00:34:43,281
Speaker 5: from me I was pulling away, I think maybe you

765
00:34:43,401 --> 00:34:47,041
Speaker 5: just need to kind of sit it down and be like, no, seriously,

766
00:34:47,121 --> 00:34:50,161
Speaker 5: like it's okay if you're feeling this way, or if

767
00:34:50,241 --> 00:34:53,321
Speaker 5: you're having these emotions brought up, or is there anyone

768
00:34:53,761 --> 00:34:55,961
Speaker 5: saying something to you? Are you having like a bully

769
00:34:56,081 --> 00:34:58,281
Speaker 5: or something? I think really sit it down and not

770
00:34:58,401 --> 00:35:01,041
Speaker 5: just be like, oh, okay, you're okay. I really be like,

771
00:35:01,681 --> 00:35:05,881
Speaker 5: is there something deeper than what it is? Get really,

772
00:35:06,521 --> 00:35:08,561
Speaker 5: but don't play it down as like.

773
00:35:08,561 --> 00:35:09,361
Speaker 1: It's a bad thing.

774
00:35:09,521 --> 00:35:11,801
Speaker 5: Yeah, like it's okay to talk about it because I

775
00:35:11,801 --> 00:35:15,001
Speaker 5: think as well, what I feel like what I came

776
00:35:15,041 --> 00:35:17,161
Speaker 5: out the other side is it was okay to talk

777
00:35:17,201 --> 00:35:21,001
Speaker 5: about it. Like Nicole never shamed me. I remember, I

778
00:35:21,081 --> 00:35:23,241
Speaker 5: wasn't I didn't have to not go to dancing. She

779
00:35:23,441 --> 00:35:25,761
Speaker 5: was like, come to dancing. This is what you want

780
00:35:25,761 --> 00:35:27,961
Speaker 5: to like get towards to like And it was so

781
00:35:28,001 --> 00:35:30,161
Speaker 5: good because my mum never said to me like you're

782
00:35:30,201 --> 00:35:31,961
Speaker 5: not going to dancing or she thought that I was

783
00:35:32,001 --> 00:35:34,801
Speaker 5: going to go take class secretly or something, because I

784
00:35:34,881 --> 00:35:37,361
Speaker 5: used to just sit in the corner watching them dance

785
00:35:37,361 --> 00:35:40,601
Speaker 5: because I'm like, that's what I want to do. So

786
00:35:41,001 --> 00:35:44,681
Speaker 5: it wasn't shamed that I did have an eating disorder

787
00:35:44,721 --> 00:35:47,601
Speaker 5: back then, Like I feel like everyone kind of approached

788
00:35:47,641 --> 00:35:50,641
Speaker 5: it as like, this is your problem, let's find a

789
00:35:50,641 --> 00:35:53,161
Speaker 5: solution and let's try and help you so then you

790
00:35:53,201 --> 00:35:54,841
Speaker 5: can get back to what you love doing.

791
00:35:54,961 --> 00:35:56,001
Speaker 4: And you had a doctor.

792
00:35:56,041 --> 00:35:58,681
Speaker 2: Where in did you have a psychologist or a counselor

793
00:35:58,801 --> 00:35:59,641
Speaker 2: or anything all of them?

794
00:35:59,681 --> 00:36:04,521
Speaker 5: So I had a doctor, weekly psychologist, I had a

795
00:36:04,601 --> 00:36:07,721
Speaker 5: DIETYA I was on everything you could.

796
00:36:07,561 --> 00:36:10,361
Speaker 1: Do was my mom was doing for me.

797
00:36:10,561 --> 00:36:14,361
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's hard because it was scary because when you

798
00:36:14,401 --> 00:36:17,001
Speaker 5: had those dieticians and you see the plants. I remember

799
00:36:17,041 --> 00:36:19,001
Speaker 5: I was looking at that and I was like, whoa,

800
00:36:19,081 --> 00:36:22,041
Speaker 5: that's so much food. But my Mom's like, that's normal.

801
00:36:22,481 --> 00:36:26,001
Speaker 5: People your age probably eat twice much. Yeah, and stuff

802
00:36:26,041 --> 00:36:28,561
Speaker 5: like that. But it's so crazy to think in a

803
00:36:28,601 --> 00:36:31,121
Speaker 5: young girl's brain the mental.

804
00:36:30,761 --> 00:36:33,601
Speaker 1: Switch of like, oh, I have to eat all of that.

805
00:36:33,761 --> 00:36:36,881
Speaker 5: But even now I remember my plan exactly because obviously

806
00:36:36,921 --> 00:36:39,081
Speaker 5: I was doing it for so long. Now I was like,

807
00:36:39,601 --> 00:36:42,121
Speaker 5: oh God, that wasn't even much at all, But it's

808
00:36:42,161 --> 00:36:44,561
Speaker 5: so crazy to me. Back then it was just like

809
00:36:44,921 --> 00:36:45,681
Speaker 5: the biggest thing.

810
00:36:46,481 --> 00:36:48,321
Speaker 3: What would you say to somebody who's going through that

811
00:36:48,401 --> 00:36:50,641
Speaker 3: right now and potentially has to go through that for

812
00:36:50,721 --> 00:36:52,841
Speaker 3: that moment when they look at the plan, or potentially

813
00:36:52,881 --> 00:36:55,961
Speaker 3: look at changing and evolving the way that they're choosing

814
00:36:56,001 --> 00:36:58,481
Speaker 3: to eat, if they were like feeling that fear, what

815
00:36:58,561 --> 00:36:59,761
Speaker 3: do you think that you would share with them?

816
00:36:59,841 --> 00:37:02,241
Speaker 5: What I did was I did one million at a time,

817
00:37:02,801 --> 00:37:06,121
Speaker 5: and some days, like I said, I had those outbursts

818
00:37:06,161 --> 00:37:08,000
Speaker 5: with my mum and should have to get my sister

819
00:37:08,081 --> 00:37:11,201
Speaker 5: to come over, and and that is normal you're going

820
00:37:11,281 --> 00:37:13,881
Speaker 5: to go through that. But to me, what we did

821
00:37:14,041 --> 00:37:15,561
Speaker 5: is just one Melli at a time.

822
00:37:15,761 --> 00:37:15,960
Speaker 4: Yeah.

823
00:37:16,641 --> 00:37:17,841
Speaker 1: I remember my foods.

824
00:37:18,001 --> 00:37:20,801
Speaker 5: We always had foods that I did enjoy, Like I

825
00:37:20,841 --> 00:37:23,441
Speaker 5: wasn't going to eat something that I wasn't going.

826
00:37:23,161 --> 00:37:26,561
Speaker 1: To enjoy, which also I think helped. But I remember,

827
00:37:27,361 --> 00:37:29,881
Speaker 1: I'll just get through breakfast. I would just get through.

828
00:37:30,121 --> 00:37:30,321
Speaker 3: Yeah.

829
00:37:30,521 --> 00:37:33,641
Speaker 5: I think that's what really helped me was I didn't

830
00:37:33,681 --> 00:37:35,481
Speaker 5: look at it as like I got to eat all

831
00:37:35,561 --> 00:37:37,561
Speaker 5: of this food today, and I think it was just

832
00:37:37,601 --> 00:37:39,761
Speaker 5: for me. I was like, break it up, break it up.

833
00:37:40,241 --> 00:37:42,761
Speaker 5: It's kind of like everything. It's like when you see

834
00:37:43,081 --> 00:37:48,881
Speaker 5: your to do lists. Even I'm such a notes person.

835
00:37:50,281 --> 00:37:53,001
Speaker 5: My notes, it's like courage to do lists today it's

836
00:37:53,041 --> 00:37:56,681
Speaker 5: like important, Yeah, what's not important. That's what I used

837
00:37:56,721 --> 00:37:58,440
Speaker 5: to do and that's what I do now, and I'm

838
00:37:58,481 --> 00:38:00,960
Speaker 5: such like a I'll just do one job at a time.

839
00:38:01,041 --> 00:38:02,960
Speaker 1: So that's what I would say to people now. Even

840
00:38:03,001 --> 00:38:05,841
Speaker 1: with food, I just do one meal at a time,

841
00:38:06,681 --> 00:38:07,201
Speaker 1: and you.

842
00:38:07,081 --> 00:38:09,161
Speaker 5: Are you are going to have those moments where I

843
00:38:09,201 --> 00:38:11,481
Speaker 5: was like I'm not eating this, but it's just like

844
00:38:11,921 --> 00:38:15,201
Speaker 5: it's okay, or even eat half yeah, and then come

845
00:38:15,241 --> 00:38:17,201
Speaker 5: back to it. Just as long as you're getting it

846
00:38:17,241 --> 00:38:20,281
Speaker 5: into your body and knowing that it's going to help you.

847
00:38:20,401 --> 00:38:21,921
Speaker 1: Honestly, that's what I did.

848
00:38:21,961 --> 00:38:24,201
Speaker 5: I just I was at lunch and I just one

849
00:38:24,241 --> 00:38:26,001
Speaker 5: meal of the time. I'll think about dinner when it

850
00:38:26,041 --> 00:38:27,841
Speaker 5: comes to it. You don't need to be thinking about

851
00:38:27,841 --> 00:38:28,241
Speaker 5: that now.

852
00:38:28,321 --> 00:38:30,081
Speaker 2: It's like that quotes like when there's a staircase, like

853
00:38:30,161 --> 00:38:31,121
Speaker 2: don't think about getting to the.

854
00:38:31,121 --> 00:38:33,801
Speaker 1: Top one set, And I think that's all you need

855
00:38:33,841 --> 00:38:34,081
Speaker 1: to do.

856
00:38:34,281 --> 00:38:38,521
Speaker 2: Yeah, and now twenty five, you're teaching dancing, my dance teacher.

857
00:38:38,841 --> 00:38:41,321
Speaker 2: I find it very inspiring and I've loved my journey

858
00:38:41,441 --> 00:38:43,881
Speaker 2: getting back into dancing. How is your relationship with food

859
00:38:43,921 --> 00:38:46,601
Speaker 2: and your body? Obviously you're modeling, so I would assume

860
00:38:46,601 --> 00:38:47,841
Speaker 2: you're quite a confident person.

861
00:38:48,001 --> 00:38:49,321
Speaker 4: So tell us how you're feeling now.

862
00:38:49,761 --> 00:38:51,801
Speaker 5: Like what was saying, You're always going to still get

863
00:38:51,881 --> 00:38:53,201
Speaker 5: those moments of like.

864
00:38:53,281 --> 00:38:55,201
Speaker 4: A little mean girl pops in, the little mean.

865
00:38:55,121 --> 00:38:55,841
Speaker 1: Girl pops in.

866
00:38:56,161 --> 00:38:58,241
Speaker 5: Maybe I didn't get a modeling job because I didn't

867
00:38:58,241 --> 00:39:01,921
Speaker 5: look a certain way and stuff like that hard. Honestly,

868
00:39:02,041 --> 00:39:06,041
Speaker 5: it's so hard to switch my mind set again. But

869
00:39:06,161 --> 00:39:09,281
Speaker 5: I think I'm in such a great relationship with my family.

870
00:39:09,401 --> 00:39:12,881
Speaker 5: I have a great partner, I have great friends. I

871
00:39:12,921 --> 00:39:15,001
Speaker 5: only have a small group of friends who you surround

872
00:39:15,041 --> 00:39:17,641
Speaker 5: your circle with and stuff like that. But now I

873
00:39:17,681 --> 00:39:21,681
Speaker 5: think as well, coming out the other side dealing with

874
00:39:22,081 --> 00:39:25,961
Speaker 5: it's so crazy twenty five. I've gone through an eating disorder,

875
00:39:26,481 --> 00:39:30,681
Speaker 5: losing my dad, general life, yeah, mishaps and stuff like that,

876
00:39:31,241 --> 00:39:34,321
Speaker 5: I think as well, Just I know I'm strong, so

877
00:39:34,481 --> 00:39:37,321
Speaker 5: I think as well, I'm like and as well having

878
00:39:37,321 --> 00:39:40,361
Speaker 5: my agency, I'm kind of on the other side.

879
00:39:40,161 --> 00:39:42,440
Speaker 4: There on the front and behind the lane.

880
00:39:42,521 --> 00:39:43,961
Speaker 1: I'm on the front and the behind.

881
00:39:44,041 --> 00:39:47,081
Speaker 5: So now when I get briefs and one of my

882
00:39:47,121 --> 00:39:50,561
Speaker 5: models didn't get the job and I understand why, I'm like, oh, maybe.

883
00:39:50,401 --> 00:39:51,481
Speaker 1: That's why I didn't get the job.

884
00:39:51,561 --> 00:39:55,321
Speaker 5: Now as well, so I've kind of switched my mindset

885
00:39:55,561 --> 00:39:58,961
Speaker 5: to what's meant for me will come yeah, and what's

886
00:39:59,041 --> 00:40:02,121
Speaker 5: not meant for me won't. So now I'm looking at

887
00:40:02,161 --> 00:40:03,881
Speaker 5: myself and I have a trainer.

888
00:40:03,921 --> 00:40:05,081
Speaker 1: We have the same trainer job.

889
00:40:05,361 --> 00:40:08,480
Speaker 5: And he's great, and it's like he's really as well

890
00:40:08,761 --> 00:40:10,921
Speaker 5: fueled my body and also hitting.

891
00:40:10,761 --> 00:40:14,881
Speaker 1: My protein and like giving you giving me a new focus.

892
00:40:14,921 --> 00:40:17,201
Speaker 5: And it's not me going down another path, but it's

893
00:40:17,281 --> 00:40:20,681
Speaker 5: me just like wanting to get stronger. And he's not

894
00:40:20,721 --> 00:40:23,201
Speaker 5: a shame because like if you're at an event, go

895
00:40:23,401 --> 00:40:26,121
Speaker 5: eat the food. We can come back again one step

896
00:40:26,161 --> 00:40:28,721
Speaker 5: at a time. You can go back to your plan tomorrow.

897
00:40:29,121 --> 00:40:30,681
Speaker 5: It's not going to do any harm to you. And

898
00:40:30,761 --> 00:40:33,401
Speaker 5: it's like it's so good hearing that as well, because

899
00:40:33,441 --> 00:40:36,481
Speaker 5: it's like you only live once and you're not gonna

900
00:40:37,121 --> 00:40:40,561
Speaker 5: not enjoy something because of this. So it's really nice

901
00:40:40,641 --> 00:40:44,321
Speaker 5: now being a model and obviously having all of these

902
00:40:44,361 --> 00:40:47,801
Speaker 5: different question programs and stuff that I'm doing, of like

903
00:40:48,441 --> 00:40:51,201
Speaker 5: it all kind of comes in together as one, and

904
00:40:51,241 --> 00:40:54,961
Speaker 5: it's really nice to like put my focus into other

905
00:40:54,961 --> 00:40:57,681
Speaker 5: people and hopefully helping other people as well, Like you

906
00:40:57,721 --> 00:40:59,721
Speaker 5: can be a model, but you don't have to be

907
00:40:59,761 --> 00:41:05,881
Speaker 5: a sick, thin model. We're just so nice and it's

908
00:41:05,921 --> 00:41:06,441
Speaker 5: so nice.

909
00:41:06,721 --> 00:41:08,121
Speaker 1: Dancing is turning.

910
00:41:07,801 --> 00:41:13,321
Speaker 5: That way obviously years ago there or you were saying,

911
00:41:13,801 --> 00:41:16,161
Speaker 5: I mean if you're a ballery now it's very different story.

912
00:41:16,161 --> 00:41:21,281
Speaker 5: But commercial jobs everything they want diversity. They want women

913
00:41:21,321 --> 00:41:25,681
Speaker 5: of every size, color like everything which is which is

914
00:41:25,801 --> 00:41:28,001
Speaker 5: beautiful and it's so nice to see and it's so

915
00:41:28,121 --> 00:41:29,521
Speaker 5: nice seeing dance going down that path.

916
00:41:30,321 --> 00:41:33,241
Speaker 2: Let's use tape mccraye, for example, She's an amazing figure,

917
00:41:33,321 --> 00:41:35,401
Speaker 2: but I know back in my day, like she would

918
00:41:35,401 --> 00:41:38,480
Speaker 2: have been considered a curvy girl in my dance teacher.

919
00:41:38,481 --> 00:41:40,161
Speaker 2: If I look like her, she would have said, you're

920
00:41:40,201 --> 00:41:41,081
Speaker 2: never gonna make it.

921
00:41:41,081 --> 00:41:44,681
Speaker 5: Even I saw her concept in LA last year when

922
00:41:44,721 --> 00:41:46,721
Speaker 5: I went and saw her, and I was just so

923
00:41:46,801 --> 00:41:51,121
Speaker 5: inspired by her, her dances and her and I'm like,

924
00:41:51,601 --> 00:41:54,281
Speaker 5: there's no way she'll not be eating to get through

925
00:41:54,281 --> 00:41:56,521
Speaker 5: her shows that she's doing now. And that's what I

926
00:41:56,601 --> 00:41:59,761
Speaker 5: always need to remind my dances and stuff like that,

927
00:41:59,841 --> 00:42:02,481
Speaker 5: Like if you're in a professional show like I was

928
00:42:02,561 --> 00:42:02,961
Speaker 5: last year.

929
00:42:03,001 --> 00:42:04,681
Speaker 1: I was at Pink Flamingo, I was in a two

930
00:42:04,681 --> 00:42:05,480
Speaker 1: hour show.

931
00:42:06,281 --> 00:42:08,481
Speaker 5: There was no way I was getting through a show

932
00:42:08,841 --> 00:42:12,241
Speaker 5: or any professional job by not eating at all or

933
00:42:12,601 --> 00:42:14,801
Speaker 5: fueling your body to what And that's what it's so

934
00:42:14,881 --> 00:42:17,441
Speaker 5: good now having George and stuff like that, isn't it.

935
00:42:17,441 --> 00:42:19,921
Speaker 5: It's like I remember a few years ago, I started

936
00:42:19,921 --> 00:42:22,241
Speaker 5: going back down that path of like I know, if

937
00:42:22,241 --> 00:42:23,960
Speaker 5: I had a bikini shoit in the morning, I won't

938
00:42:23,961 --> 00:42:26,441
Speaker 5: eat breakfast because I don't want to feel.

939
00:42:26,201 --> 00:42:27,960
Speaker 1: Bloated or certain kind of way.

940
00:42:28,001 --> 00:42:30,961
Speaker 5: But now it's like, no, I need my fuel to

941
00:42:31,121 --> 00:42:34,281
Speaker 5: get me through to lunchtime and stuff like that. Like

942
00:42:34,321 --> 00:42:38,081
Speaker 5: it's so nice retraining my body again of like what

943
00:42:38,161 --> 00:42:39,401
Speaker 5: I actually need to do.

944
00:42:39,761 --> 00:42:41,521
Speaker 2: That's the cool thing with George is like because I

945
00:42:41,561 --> 00:42:44,961
Speaker 2: was always very against calorie counting and macrocounting, and when

946
00:42:44,961 --> 00:42:47,441
Speaker 2: I first became friends with Gianna, she was tracking her

947
00:42:47,441 --> 00:42:50,081
Speaker 2: macros and I remember just being so resistant because I

948
00:42:50,081 --> 00:42:52,161
Speaker 2: had been out that path too where I wasn't eating

949
00:42:52,281 --> 00:42:54,321
Speaker 2: right and I never wanted to become obsessed with it

950
00:42:54,401 --> 00:42:56,000
Speaker 2: or feel guilty for not hitting it.

951
00:42:55,921 --> 00:42:57,401
Speaker 1: For hitting your targets and stuff like that.

952
00:42:57,401 --> 00:42:59,881
Speaker 2: The way George explains, it's like you need a certain

953
00:42:59,881 --> 00:43:02,440
Speaker 2: amount of fuel and protein to get stronger in the gym,

954
00:43:02,481 --> 00:43:04,041
Speaker 2: and if you want to be more tone like, I'm

955
00:43:04,081 --> 00:43:05,361
Speaker 2: not going to be able to get you there unless

956
00:43:05,361 --> 00:43:08,081
Speaker 2: you eat more. You're eating the right foods now, it's like, oh,

957
00:43:08,641 --> 00:43:10,481
Speaker 2: even about the numbers, it's just like I know I

958
00:43:10,481 --> 00:43:12,681
Speaker 2: will feel and look my best when I am out

959
00:43:12,681 --> 00:43:13,361
Speaker 2: of food.

960
00:43:13,481 --> 00:43:15,401
Speaker 5: And that's crazy because now I'm when I'm on Now,

961
00:43:15,441 --> 00:43:17,921
Speaker 5: I'm on my plan. If I miss a meal, if

962
00:43:17,921 --> 00:43:20,601
Speaker 5: I'm just out, I don't have a snack or something,

963
00:43:20,641 --> 00:43:22,961
Speaker 5: I'm like Damn, I wish I had that or I

964
00:43:23,081 --> 00:43:24,921
Speaker 5: just have it later or something, because I'm like, you're

965
00:43:24,921 --> 00:43:28,001
Speaker 5: feeling it in the gym later. I'm not just as

966
00:43:28,001 --> 00:43:31,481
Speaker 5: strong or I'm not like I can really feel it

967
00:43:31,561 --> 00:43:34,641
Speaker 5: if I'm busy on a shoot and it does. It

968
00:43:34,681 --> 00:43:38,001
Speaker 5: gets like that where you're shooting for eight hours and

969
00:43:38,201 --> 00:43:40,161
Speaker 5: you're having your breakfast, your lunch, you're not even thinking

970
00:43:40,161 --> 00:43:42,041
Speaker 5: about all the in betweens and the gym next day.

971
00:43:42,041 --> 00:43:47,081
Speaker 5: And I was like, damn it likesion with you.

972
00:43:47,201 --> 00:43:49,561
Speaker 2: Yeah, I cannot. I mean, I'm not that fait anyway,

973
00:43:49,561 --> 00:43:49,841
Speaker 2: but I can.

974
00:43:49,961 --> 00:43:51,401
Speaker 4: I can feel that. You can feel like.

975
00:43:54,361 --> 00:43:57,441
Speaker 3: I don't recover as well, and training you feel it

976
00:43:57,441 --> 00:43:58,161
Speaker 3: and you do a performance.

977
00:43:59,801 --> 00:44:02,281
Speaker 5: And he was saying, and it's sleep is such a

978
00:44:02,281 --> 00:44:05,041
Speaker 5: big thing. Eight hours And he's like, are you hitting

979
00:44:05,241 --> 00:44:07,121
Speaker 5: ate hours sleep? And I was like, no, definitely, haven't

980
00:44:07,161 --> 00:44:10,801
Speaker 5: hit that tonight or something, but yeah, it's it's so important, Yeah,

981
00:44:10,881 --> 00:44:11,561
Speaker 5: so important.

982
00:44:11,641 --> 00:44:13,761
Speaker 3: I think something that was helpful for me with accounting calory,

983
00:44:13,801 --> 00:44:16,041
Speaker 3: Like I don't count calories now, but I just I

984
00:44:16,321 --> 00:44:18,201
Speaker 3: roughly know because I did it for so long, you

985
00:44:18,361 --> 00:44:21,761
Speaker 3: know what. Yeah, but I remember somebody telling was actually

986
00:44:21,761 --> 00:44:23,561
Speaker 3: an ex partner of mind, saying like, you will lose

987
00:44:23,601 --> 00:44:26,881
Speaker 3: bone density as a woman with time if you don't

988
00:44:26,921 --> 00:44:28,561
Speaker 3: consistently eat the same amount of.

989
00:44:28,481 --> 00:44:31,001
Speaker 1: Food and fuels your body in the right way. And

990
00:44:31,001 --> 00:44:31,841
Speaker 1: I was like, Wow, what.

991
00:44:31,761 --> 00:44:34,241
Speaker 3: A beautiful way to look at it, and to like

992
00:44:34,401 --> 00:44:36,921
Speaker 3: not so much obsess with the numbers, but do it

993
00:44:36,961 --> 00:44:39,721
Speaker 3: from a standpoint of like longevity of health, because it's like,

994
00:44:40,121 --> 00:44:41,641
Speaker 3: you know, we think about, you know, when you get

995
00:44:41,641 --> 00:44:43,961
Speaker 3: older and you know, older women having falls and breaking

996
00:44:43,961 --> 00:44:45,480
Speaker 3: their hips and stuff like that, because there's the loss

997
00:44:45,521 --> 00:44:48,121
Speaker 3: of bone density, you know, lack of food, lack of nutrition,

998
00:44:48,281 --> 00:44:50,681
Speaker 3: and that's just a really beautiful way to look at

999
00:44:50,721 --> 00:44:51,641
Speaker 3: it from that standpoint.

1000
00:44:51,721 --> 00:44:53,121
Speaker 5: That's what I say to my girls now that I

1001
00:44:53,161 --> 00:44:55,241
Speaker 5: teach and stuff like that. Like a lot of them

1002
00:44:55,321 --> 00:44:57,881
Speaker 5: in full time and academy, they do their big performances

1003
00:44:57,881 --> 00:45:00,201
Speaker 5: at the end of the year, and I always I

1004
00:45:00,241 --> 00:45:01,761
Speaker 5: love going in at the beginning of the year and

1005
00:45:01,801 --> 00:45:04,041
Speaker 5: talking to them saying like, in some days they do

1006
00:45:04,121 --> 00:45:08,161
Speaker 5: two run throughs of show and it's hot, there's seventy

1007
00:45:08,161 --> 00:45:10,801
Speaker 5: plus people in it. There's so much and I'm like,

1008
00:45:11,441 --> 00:45:14,121
Speaker 5: especially with you guys, like you're not older, so usually

1009
00:45:14,161 --> 00:45:16,721
Speaker 5: lose weight a lot quicker than what someone in their

1010
00:45:16,761 --> 00:45:19,601
Speaker 5: twenties plus would be. And I was like, guys, if

1011
00:45:19,601 --> 00:45:22,121
Speaker 5: you're getting through a two hour show, you need to

1012
00:45:22,241 --> 00:45:23,081
Speaker 5: fuel your body.

1013
00:45:23,081 --> 00:45:23,681
Speaker 1: But I'm not.

1014
00:45:23,641 --> 00:45:26,921
Speaker 5: Saying just like a burger or something, go meal prep

1015
00:45:26,961 --> 00:45:28,881
Speaker 5: for the week, Like I find that. And I was

1016
00:45:28,921 --> 00:45:30,921
Speaker 5: saying that last year when I went into the girls

1017
00:45:30,961 --> 00:45:33,121
Speaker 5: and I spoke to them, I was like, on a Sunday,

1018
00:45:33,321 --> 00:45:35,281
Speaker 5: get with a group of your friends, go to someone's

1019
00:45:35,281 --> 00:45:37,961
Speaker 5: house and make it a fun thing, like don't be

1020
00:45:38,081 --> 00:45:41,481
Speaker 5: ashamed of it, like meal prep for the week, and

1021
00:45:41,641 --> 00:45:45,001
Speaker 5: like make it like a group thing and like good.

1022
00:45:44,841 --> 00:45:47,121
Speaker 1: Chicken, mince or be like really.

1023
00:45:47,121 --> 00:45:50,081
Speaker 5: Whole foods, and like after you can go treat yourselves.

1024
00:45:50,121 --> 00:45:52,241
Speaker 5: And I'm not saying don't ever do that, but I'm like,

1025
00:45:52,641 --> 00:45:56,201
Speaker 5: good quality food is really going to help you, guys,

1026
00:45:56,761 --> 00:46:00,161
Speaker 5: And it's going to make you better. Dances, that's your

1027
00:46:00,241 --> 00:46:02,401
Speaker 5: end goal, Like it's going to make you better.

1028
00:46:03,161 --> 00:46:04,881
Speaker 3: And it also teaches them to learn how to take

1029
00:46:04,881 --> 00:46:06,321
Speaker 3: care of them at a young age.

1030
00:46:06,721 --> 00:46:08,281
Speaker 1: What I want to see, Yeah.

1031
00:46:08,121 --> 00:46:09,481
Speaker 4: You don't want to start that when you're my age.

1032
00:46:09,521 --> 00:46:10,921
Speaker 4: You want to start as you can.

1033
00:46:11,521 --> 00:46:13,881
Speaker 2: There was no education around food back when I was

1034
00:46:14,281 --> 00:46:15,361
Speaker 2: when I was younger, like.

1035
00:46:15,281 --> 00:46:18,440
Speaker 5: And it's so no one talks about it, and it's

1036
00:46:18,481 --> 00:46:21,281
Speaker 5: like it's like a scary thing. Yeah, and that's why

1037
00:46:21,281 --> 00:46:23,401
Speaker 5: I'm so happy I'm on here today and it shouldn't

1038
00:46:23,441 --> 00:46:25,641
Speaker 5: be a scary thing to talk about. Or yes, I

1039
00:46:25,721 --> 00:46:27,841
Speaker 5: went through some hard times when I was younger and

1040
00:46:27,841 --> 00:46:31,401
Speaker 5: stuff like that. But if I can help the next person, yeah,

1041
00:46:31,721 --> 00:46:34,281
Speaker 5: or that one person to message me and be like

1042
00:46:35,041 --> 00:46:37,161
Speaker 5: thank you, I am actually going through this right now.

1043
00:46:37,201 --> 00:46:40,761
Speaker 5: But maybe I'm just going to take that journey and

1044
00:46:41,001 --> 00:46:43,401
Speaker 5: go see a dietician and just take that step or

1045
00:46:44,081 --> 00:46:46,801
Speaker 5: tell my mom, Hey, look I'm going through this, can

1046
00:46:46,841 --> 00:46:47,321
Speaker 5: you help me?

1047
00:46:47,441 --> 00:46:51,441
Speaker 2: I think environment is really important too, Like your environment, Yeah,

1048
00:46:51,481 --> 00:46:52,721
Speaker 2: like what are your friends saying?

1049
00:46:52,801 --> 00:46:54,721
Speaker 4: Are they doing what you're doing? Like is it healthy?

1050
00:46:54,841 --> 00:46:56,401
Speaker 2: You have been spending lots time with them if they're

1051
00:46:56,401 --> 00:46:59,321
Speaker 2: actually enabling your habits and or normalizing it. So like

1052
00:46:59,601 --> 00:47:01,441
Speaker 2: if you're at a dance school or even at school, like

1053
00:47:01,521 --> 00:47:03,801
Speaker 2: checking who you're around around a huge impact.

1054
00:47:05,401 --> 00:47:08,761
Speaker 5: Because again, like obviously I wasn't with a very nice

1055
00:47:08,801 --> 00:47:11,721
Speaker 5: group of people when I was younger for her to

1056
00:47:11,761 --> 00:47:15,281
Speaker 5: have that comment on me obviously now it's so different,

1057
00:47:15,361 --> 00:47:17,921
Speaker 5: But I could never say that to someone and post

1058
00:47:17,961 --> 00:47:22,441
Speaker 5: that on social media or like just even think that

1059
00:47:22,561 --> 00:47:24,601
Speaker 5: is okay, Or even if I had.

1060
00:47:24,481 --> 00:47:27,241
Speaker 1: A daughter and she wrote something like that, I would

1061
00:47:27,281 --> 00:47:31,401
Speaker 1: be like, are you like what's going on? Like You're

1062
00:47:31,441 --> 00:47:33,121
Speaker 1: not going to be the bully.

1063
00:47:33,321 --> 00:47:36,081
Speaker 3: It's so interesting though, hey, Like, I feel it's so

1064
00:47:36,161 --> 00:47:39,201
Speaker 3: important to educate younger women and young girls of like

1065
00:47:39,321 --> 00:47:41,601
Speaker 3: how to be strong in themselves too, because it is

1066
00:47:41,601 --> 00:47:43,841
Speaker 3: you're so easily influenced by the people around you. I

1067
00:47:43,881 --> 00:47:47,001
Speaker 3: remember when I was younger, I went through a breakup.

1068
00:47:47,121 --> 00:47:48,321
Speaker 1: I was like fifteen to eighteen.

1069
00:47:48,321 --> 00:47:50,721
Speaker 3: We were together for like three years, and my ex

1070
00:47:50,801 --> 00:47:53,440
Speaker 3: had a best girlfriend and she was an absolute cow

1071
00:47:53,521 --> 00:47:53,761
Speaker 3: to me.

1072
00:47:53,841 --> 00:47:54,921
Speaker 1: She was like hated me.

1073
00:47:55,681 --> 00:47:57,801
Speaker 3: I remember hearing back a comment that she had said

1074
00:47:57,801 --> 00:48:00,440
Speaker 3: about me, which was, oh, wow, Tiana looks like she's

1075
00:48:00,481 --> 00:48:02,201
Speaker 3: taking the breakup really bad. She looks like she's been

1076
00:48:02,201 --> 00:48:04,001
Speaker 3: eating an ice a tub of ice cream every night.

1077
00:48:05,361 --> 00:48:07,441
Speaker 3: And I remember it was one of those moments like

1078
00:48:07,481 --> 00:48:09,121
Speaker 3: it was for you, where it was like that kick

1079
00:48:09,201 --> 00:48:12,000
Speaker 3: started my health and fitness journey. But it was also

1080
00:48:12,001 --> 00:48:13,361
Speaker 3: one of those things that really stayed with me.

1081
00:48:14,241 --> 00:48:16,481
Speaker 5: That's the thing, because I was thinking about this and

1082
00:48:16,521 --> 00:48:20,081
Speaker 5: I remember I probably haven't thought about this since I

1083
00:48:20,121 --> 00:48:21,681
Speaker 5: got the questions and when you were telling me, and

1084
00:48:21,721 --> 00:48:23,601
Speaker 5: I was like, what trick is it? And then I

1085
00:48:23,681 --> 00:48:25,961
Speaker 5: was like thinking back to when I had those appointments

1086
00:48:25,961 --> 00:48:29,001
Speaker 5: with Megan and she really dug deep with kinesiology and

1087
00:48:29,241 --> 00:48:30,801
Speaker 5: went back to a time when I was younger, and

1088
00:48:30,841 --> 00:48:33,361
Speaker 5: she was like what he and I was like, I

1089
00:48:33,361 --> 00:48:33,961
Speaker 5: think that's.

1090
00:48:33,761 --> 00:48:36,361
Speaker 1: What it was. Yeah, that one comment.

1091
00:48:36,561 --> 00:48:38,921
Speaker 5: And I think because it was aimed at me, not

1092
00:48:39,001 --> 00:48:41,081
Speaker 5: at the other girl in the photo as well.

1093
00:48:41,681 --> 00:48:44,641
Speaker 1: And we looked these the exact same size, so it's

1094
00:48:44,681 --> 00:48:47,521
Speaker 1: not like I was bigger or she was tiny, like

1095
00:48:47,561 --> 00:48:48,681
Speaker 1: you were exact same and.

1096
00:48:48,801 --> 00:48:49,761
Speaker 4: Just thirteen year old girls.

1097
00:48:49,841 --> 00:48:51,081
Speaker 1: Yeah, thirteen year old girls.

1098
00:48:51,081 --> 00:48:54,361
Speaker 5: And I think having that one comment directed at me,

1099
00:48:54,721 --> 00:48:56,401
Speaker 5: I was like, that's what hit.

1100
00:48:56,521 --> 00:48:58,841
Speaker 2: Yeah, it starts as young as like my daughter's three,

1101
00:48:59,001 --> 00:49:01,601
Speaker 2: and you know it should be nudy and go look.

1102
00:49:01,481 --> 00:49:04,681
Speaker 1: At my big and I'm like, look at your beautiful belly.

1103
00:49:05,121 --> 00:49:05,961
Speaker 4: I'm so careful.

1104
00:49:06,481 --> 00:49:08,561
Speaker 5: I say to her, my sister is as well with

1105
00:49:08,841 --> 00:49:11,921
Speaker 5: her children as well, like like I would say something

1106
00:49:11,961 --> 00:49:13,441
Speaker 5: and she was like, no, no, say it like this,

1107
00:49:13,561 --> 00:49:15,401
Speaker 5: but not in it, not an eating way. But I

1108
00:49:15,441 --> 00:49:17,721
Speaker 5: think just like the way with kids, and I was like,

1109
00:49:18,001 --> 00:49:20,321
Speaker 5: that's so right, because it's just you just don't think

1110
00:49:20,361 --> 00:49:23,721
Speaker 5: about at such a young age then, and they're just

1111
00:49:23,761 --> 00:49:25,721
Speaker 5: gonna they listen to what everyone.

1112
00:49:25,561 --> 00:49:29,721
Speaker 2: Says the first seven years, like even affirmations, like they

1113
00:49:29,721 --> 00:49:32,481
Speaker 2: sound fluffy, but I've done I'm so long.

1114
00:49:32,641 --> 00:49:33,841
Speaker 1: Yeah, I believe in all that.

1115
00:49:34,281 --> 00:49:35,721
Speaker 4: I'm clever, I am clever. I'm clever.

1116
00:49:35,801 --> 00:49:37,520
Speaker 2: For the first seven years of your life, you're gonna

1117
00:49:37,521 --> 00:49:39,761
Speaker 2: have a belief you're pretty damn clever. Someone's gonna say

1118
00:49:39,761 --> 00:49:41,681
Speaker 2: you're dumb or you're not clever. She's gonna be like, no,

1119
00:49:41,841 --> 00:49:42,321
Speaker 2: I'm clever.

1120
00:49:43,961 --> 00:49:46,281
Speaker 1: I always find that with manifesting and stuff like that.

1121
00:49:46,401 --> 00:49:47,960
Speaker 5: It's like you can say it and it's like hah,

1122
00:49:48,161 --> 00:49:50,001
Speaker 5: but if I write it down or if I see

1123
00:49:50,041 --> 00:49:53,441
Speaker 5: it visually, or it's kind of like how I've manifested

1124
00:49:53,441 --> 00:49:57,281
Speaker 5: my whole career. There's so much stuff that I've it's happened,

1125
00:49:57,281 --> 00:49:59,721
Speaker 5: but it's just happened in a different way. Like I've

1126
00:49:59,761 --> 00:50:02,841
Speaker 5: had so much great opportunities, but it's come, but just

1127
00:50:02,881 --> 00:50:04,440
Speaker 5: in a different way than I expect it.

1128
00:50:04,761 --> 00:50:04,960
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1129
00:50:05,241 --> 00:50:08,441
Speaker 5: Yeah, but it's because I've always visualized me doing it,

1130
00:50:08,681 --> 00:50:11,361
Speaker 5: and I always see myself and I say it to myself,

1131
00:50:11,401 --> 00:50:12,721
Speaker 5: I'm like, oh, I'll get there.

1132
00:50:12,761 --> 00:50:14,001
Speaker 1: I don't know how, but I'm going to.

1133
00:50:13,921 --> 00:50:16,321
Speaker 3: Get You have like a deep rooted belief that there

1134
00:50:16,321 --> 00:50:18,001
Speaker 3: and you're like, yeah, this is the way.

1135
00:50:18,201 --> 00:50:18,561
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1136
00:50:18,681 --> 00:50:20,761
Speaker 5: And I think that's what happened when I was sixteen

1137
00:50:20,921 --> 00:50:23,401
Speaker 5: with my dad and everything. I was like, I know

1138
00:50:23,481 --> 00:50:25,161
Speaker 5: I'm going to get through this. I know I'm going

1139
00:50:25,241 --> 00:50:26,921
Speaker 5: to be great. Like I knew I was going to

1140
00:50:27,001 --> 00:50:30,921
Speaker 5: have those moments and I did, but I just happened in.

1141
00:50:30,841 --> 00:50:33,281
Speaker 1: A different way. But I just like, you just got

1142
00:50:33,281 --> 00:50:33,881
Speaker 1: to believe in it.

1143
00:50:34,001 --> 00:50:34,761
Speaker 4: It's beautiful.

1144
00:50:34,881 --> 00:50:37,601
Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you so much for joining us, sorry for

1145
00:50:37,601 --> 00:50:41,041
Speaker 2: having me on here tell your story and and I'm

1146
00:50:41,161 --> 00:50:44,681
Speaker 2: so excited that you are with the Healed Organization. You

1147
00:50:44,721 --> 00:50:47,241
Speaker 2: can help younger girls because I did have nick there,

1148
00:50:47,281 --> 00:50:50,641
Speaker 2: but I wish there was more sisterhood or motherly figures

1149
00:50:50,681 --> 00:50:52,241
Speaker 2: that could have helped me through it. And I know

1150
00:50:52,241 --> 00:50:54,041
Speaker 2: there's so many other girls that don't have that environment

1151
00:50:54,081 --> 00:50:56,201
Speaker 2: at home and they they need someone like you're talking

1152
00:50:56,281 --> 00:50:58,161
Speaker 2: up and being that safe person that can come too.

1153
00:50:58,321 --> 00:51:00,561
Speaker 2: So I'm really happy that you're working with so many

1154
00:51:00,561 --> 00:51:01,041
Speaker 2: young girls.

1155
00:51:01,401 --> 00:51:03,841
Speaker 3: Thank you for just normalizing the conversation as well without

1156
00:51:03,881 --> 00:51:06,081
Speaker 3: any shame, Like that's what we on this podcast is

1157
00:51:06,121 --> 00:51:07,881
Speaker 3: like we like to talk about the things that people

1158
00:51:07,881 --> 00:51:10,521
Speaker 3: don't really want to talk about because it's like in

1159
00:51:10,681 --> 00:51:13,440
Speaker 3: the shame of things is why people suffer because they

1160
00:51:13,441 --> 00:51:15,601
Speaker 3: do it alone and they don't deal with support. And

1161
00:51:15,641 --> 00:51:18,001
Speaker 3: it's like things that we go through are made to

1162
00:51:18,001 --> 00:51:20,441
Speaker 3: be felt like a big scary thing that we shouldn't

1163
00:51:20,441 --> 00:51:22,401
Speaker 3: be going through and it's like we want to remove

1164
00:51:22,441 --> 00:51:22,681
Speaker 3: all lot.

1165
00:51:22,681 --> 00:51:24,001
Speaker 4: And actually so many people are going through it.

1166
00:51:24,041 --> 00:51:25,960
Speaker 2: But the more that everyone talks, as Lana say about

1167
00:51:25,961 --> 00:51:27,161
Speaker 2: being in the dark room with the torture.

1168
00:51:27,241 --> 00:51:29,441
Speaker 3: Oh so as Lana as a previous guest that we

1169
00:51:29,521 --> 00:51:32,081
Speaker 3: had incredible, human, incredible.

1170
00:51:31,601 --> 00:51:36,921
Speaker 4: Story her daughter, it was fourteen, she's suicide and human.

1171
00:51:37,081 --> 00:51:39,641
Speaker 3: She talks about grief in this way that when you're

1172
00:51:39,641 --> 00:51:42,281
Speaker 3: in your grief, you're in the dark, and she goes,

1173
00:51:42,321 --> 00:51:44,401
Speaker 3: you know, if we just would shine a light on

1174
00:51:44,441 --> 00:51:46,681
Speaker 3: our grief, we would realize that there are thousands of

1175
00:51:46,681 --> 00:51:47,761
Speaker 3: people standing with us.

1176
00:51:48,361 --> 00:51:49,921
Speaker 1: And she's it's just like a really.

1177
00:51:49,801 --> 00:51:51,681
Speaker 3: Beautiful way that she explained it, because it's like, you

1178
00:51:51,721 --> 00:51:54,521
Speaker 3: know what, she's right, Like everyone is experiencing their own

1179
00:51:54,601 --> 00:51:55,881
Speaker 3: level of suffering.

1180
00:51:55,601 --> 00:51:56,681
Speaker 1: But they're doing it a long way.

1181
00:51:56,721 --> 00:51:56,921
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1182
00:51:57,121 --> 00:51:59,441
Speaker 3: So long as people are willing to open up, be vulnerable,

1183
00:51:59,481 --> 00:52:02,681
Speaker 3: and like people to be supported, they would not have

1184
00:52:02,721 --> 00:52:04,001
Speaker 3: to suffer alone.

1185
00:52:04,201 --> 00:52:04,841
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1186
00:52:05,241 --> 00:52:06,521
Speaker 4: Alone, it just feels so much.

1187
00:52:07,041 --> 00:52:10,161
Speaker 5: It feels so much harder, And I think that's what happened.

1188
00:52:10,241 --> 00:52:11,921
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful I wasn't.

1189
00:52:12,321 --> 00:52:15,761
Speaker 5: I had my mum, my family nied Megan. I had

1190
00:52:15,841 --> 00:52:18,721
Speaker 5: everyone kind of cheering for you, cheering for me the

1191
00:52:18,721 --> 00:52:21,761
Speaker 5: whole time. Wasn't saying like they didn't leave me. Yeah,

1192
00:52:22,281 --> 00:52:24,321
Speaker 5: they kept not pressuring me, but they kept pushing me

1193
00:52:24,361 --> 00:52:26,641
Speaker 5: and be like, you know where you're okay, You're okay,

1194
00:52:26,681 --> 00:52:27,361
Speaker 5: You're okay.

1195
00:52:27,121 --> 00:52:30,881
Speaker 1: Like we've got you, which I think that's what you need.

1196
00:52:31,041 --> 00:52:33,761
Speaker 2: Yeah, anyone listening, where can they find you and connect

1197
00:52:33,761 --> 00:52:35,801
Speaker 2: with you? I know when you get back from America,

1198
00:52:35,921 --> 00:52:38,121
Speaker 2: we're going to do another Sunday.

1199
00:52:37,881 --> 00:52:38,921
Speaker 4: Yes, and a group one.

1200
00:52:39,081 --> 00:52:39,321
Speaker 1: Yes.

1201
00:52:39,441 --> 00:52:40,841
Speaker 4: I hold a group class for everywhere.

1202
00:52:40,841 --> 00:52:44,881
Speaker 5: I actually yeah, I'm holding one for Healed. So on

1203
00:52:44,921 --> 00:52:48,801
Speaker 5: my instagram Kirodley you can find on the first of

1204
00:52:48,961 --> 00:52:53,361
Speaker 5: March a Sunday night, I am holding a class and

1205
00:52:53,401 --> 00:52:56,921
Speaker 5: all the proceeds go back into the Healed program. So

1206
00:52:56,961 --> 00:52:59,641
Speaker 5: the first thirty minutes of class, it will be Megan

1207
00:52:59,681 --> 00:53:03,441
Speaker 5: and I talking just about healed, a quick backstory of

1208
00:53:03,561 --> 00:53:06,241
Speaker 5: just how I got started at thirteen and how I've

1209
00:53:06,281 --> 00:53:09,321
Speaker 5: met Megan, and then we have an hour dance class

1210
00:53:09,361 --> 00:53:11,361
Speaker 5: which will be so fun and it can be for anyone,

1211
00:53:11,441 --> 00:53:15,841
Speaker 5: so if you've never danced before, if you've done advanced classes,

1212
00:53:15,841 --> 00:53:17,961
Speaker 5: but it's just going to be a fun night. It's

1213
00:53:18,001 --> 00:53:20,961
Speaker 5: all about the experience getting to dance together, women together,

1214
00:53:21,161 --> 00:53:22,161
Speaker 5: boys if they want.

1215
00:53:21,961 --> 00:53:23,321
Speaker 1: To come, whoever.

1216
00:53:24,041 --> 00:53:29,161
Speaker 5: And then the last thirty minutes we have a sound healer. Yeah,

1217
00:53:29,201 --> 00:53:31,881
Speaker 5: so yeah, and we have some cookies there, We have

1218
00:53:31,961 --> 00:53:35,121
Speaker 5: some selfish shops there, we have a bit of everything there,

1219
00:53:35,681 --> 00:53:38,001
Speaker 5: and we'll have lots of people there cheering you on.

1220
00:53:38,361 --> 00:53:39,721
Speaker 1: And yeah, such a good night.

1221
00:53:39,881 --> 00:53:40,081
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1222
00:53:40,481 --> 00:53:42,161
Speaker 2: We will leave all the current details in the show

1223
00:53:42,161 --> 00:53:44,441
Speaker 2: notes below, but thank you for joining me.

1224
00:53:44,841 --> 00:53:47,321
Speaker 3: Thank you Bye,