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Speaker 1: Hi everyone, Carly Taylor here, Welcome to Mojo Monday. Today

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Speaker 1: we're going to talk about something that we all struggle

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Speaker 1: with with very intensity, and that is our expectation of

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Speaker 1: reality versus reality itself. And this is such a common

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Speaker 1: source of stress. We can build up this picture in

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Speaker 1: our minds of how things should be. So Christmas is

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Speaker 1: a classic example. I can't believe Christmas is just around

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Speaker 1: the corner. It's crazy that it's November, but that's the reality.

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Speaker 1: But it's meant to be this joyful time and this

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Speaker 1: gathering field with love and harmony where everything just feels right.

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Speaker 1: But for many, it doesn't always play out that way.

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Speaker 1: For some people, Christmas means spending time with family members

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Speaker 1: that maybe they don't get along with. Or there's those

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Speaker 1: kids with separated parents who have to go from one

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Speaker 1: place to the other. And I mentioned that because that

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Speaker 1: was me when I was young, and it was it

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Speaker 1: was such a source of stress for me. Or it's about,

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Speaker 1: you know, buying all the food or just making everyone happy,

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Speaker 1: or maybe another example is that you've gone through or

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Speaker 1: you are going through a really tough time. Maybe there's

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Speaker 1: a difficult diagnosis or relationship strains or just a sense

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Speaker 1: of things not being as you hoped they would turn out.

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Speaker 1: So when reality doesn't match that picture that we hold

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Speaker 1: or that expectation, we can really experience a lot of

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Speaker 1: stress and disappointment and even anger, and we get trapped

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Speaker 1: in these thoughts like this isn't fair or why can't

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Speaker 1: things be different? Or why me? But the truth is reality,

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Speaker 1: as hard as it sometimes feels, it's the only truth

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Speaker 1: that we have. So Marcus Aurelius, the Stoic philosopher, he

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Speaker 1: reminds us that you have power over your mind, not

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Speaker 1: outside events. Realize this and you will find strength. In

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Speaker 1: other words, we can't control what happens, but we can

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Speaker 1: control how we respond to what happens. And one of

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Speaker 1: the core teachings in both acts, which is acceptance commitment

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Speaker 1: therapy and Japanese psychology, is that it's not reality itself

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Speaker 1: that's causing us the suffering, but our resistance to it.

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Speaker 1: So the struggle comes from our thoughts insisting that it

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Speaker 1: shouldn't be this way or I can't handle this, And

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Speaker 1: this mental resistance doesn't change reality, it only often intensifies

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Speaker 1: the suffering that comes with it. So last week I

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Speaker 1: mentioned about year twelve exams, which my daughter is going through,

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Speaker 1: so it's relevant, very relevant at the moment. But I

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Speaker 1: just wanted to give this as an example because it's

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Speaker 1: a very real example of this. Those students who are

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Speaker 1: in year twelve who are just finishing exams, some of

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Speaker 1: them have finished them already. You know, they've worked hard,

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Speaker 1: or maybe they haven't worked hard, but exams are finally done.

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Speaker 1: And then after an exam, it's really common to have

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Speaker 1: this flood of oh what if thoughts, like maybe I

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Speaker 1: shouldn't have answered that question that way, maybe I should

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Speaker 1: have answered it differently, or why weren't the questions on

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Speaker 1: the topics that I studied the most? And these are

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Speaker 1: all very normal responses. But here's the thing. Once the

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Speaker 1: exam is done, it's done. So going over those questions

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Speaker 1: in our mind and wishing things had gone differently won't

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Speaker 1: change the outcome. And the reality is it's over. Nothing

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Speaker 1: more is within your control. But if you stay in

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Speaker 1: that space of regret or worry, the stress and anxiety

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Speaker 1: can really build up. This is a classic example of

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Speaker 1: needing to let go of control, and there are so

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Speaker 1: many examples of this for us, all acknowledging any disappointment

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Speaker 1: or frustration, but not allowing it to consume you to

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Speaker 1: the point where it interferes with the here and now.

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Speaker 1: You do your best and you take the rest as

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Speaker 1: it comes, and that is being grounded in reality. So

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Speaker 1: think of it like standing in a river and fighting

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Speaker 1: against the current. The more you resist, the more exhausted

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Speaker 1: you become. But if you accept that the river is flowing,

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Speaker 1: you're free to choose how you move with it. Maybe

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Speaker 1: you swim, maybe you find a rock to rest on,

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Speaker 1: but you're no longer exhausting yourself fighting something that you

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Speaker 1: can't control. And this doesn't mean that you ignore how

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Speaker 1: you're feeling. You allow yourself to feel what you're feeling.

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Speaker 1: And if in any disappointment arises, do you notice it.

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Speaker 1: Let it be a part of the landscape without letting

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Speaker 1: it take over. So accepting doesn't mean that you like

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Speaker 1: what's happening, just that you're willing to acknowledge it as reality.

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Speaker 1: And then it's about shifting your attention. So some questions

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Speaker 1: to help you shift your attention are, well, what is

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Speaker 1: important right now? What strengths do I need to draw

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Speaker 1: on in this moment? And these questions can help you

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Speaker 1: reconnect with your values and your purpose, the purpose in

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Speaker 1: this moment, bringing you back to the present and for

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Speaker 1: our year twelves. For instance, what's important right now might

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Speaker 1: be resting, spending time with friends, or reconnecting with people,

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Speaker 1: or celebrating all the hard work and the fact that

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Speaker 1: it's now over. So it might mean focusing on the

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Speaker 1: next chapter instead of clinging to something that you can't change.

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Speaker 1: So when we turn our focus to what matters, we

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Speaker 1: move out of this deluge usion and into reality. We're

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Speaker 1: not living in the future that may never come or

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Speaker 1: a past that we can't change. We're here fully in

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Speaker 1: this moment, and that's powerful. That's where life is happening.

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Speaker 1: So the Bordher once said, your worst enemy cannot harm

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Speaker 1: you as much as your own unguarded thoughts. And I

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Speaker 1: think this is such an important reminder. When we get

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Speaker 1: caught up in this deluded thinking, you know, imagining how

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Speaker 1: life should be, we actually block ourselves from experiencing life

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Speaker 1: as it is, this rich and complex and yes sometimes

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Speaker 1: painful life. But when we accept things as they are,

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Speaker 1: we open up the possibility to respond meaningfully. So this week,

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Speaker 1: if you find yourself struggling with the reality of life,

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Speaker 1: the reality of your situation. Try to notice when you're resisting,

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Speaker 1: name it, feel it, and then gently ask yourself, well,

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Speaker 1: what's important here? How can I align my response with

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Speaker 1: what's important my values? And then take action whatever that is.

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Speaker 1: Always do something, because the alternative is to be lost

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Speaker 1: in thought and that can bring up stress. So moving

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Speaker 1: taking action is how we ground ourselves. And whether it's

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Speaker 1: a small step or a big one, each action will

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Speaker 1: bring us back to the present moment. And each time

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Speaker 1: we do this, we're choosing a life rooted in reality,

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Speaker 1: in acceptance, and in meaning. Thank you for joining me

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Speaker 1: on this week's My Joe Monday. I pipe this brings

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Speaker 1: you a bit of peace and clarity as you navigate

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Speaker 1: to your week this week, and I'll catch you next

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Speaker 1: week By