1 00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:09,680 Speaker 1: Everyone, it's Curly here for this week's Mojo Monday. So 2 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:13,320 Speaker 1: today I'm going to talk about a tension that almost 3 00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:17,480 Speaker 1: all of us feels, and this is around acceptance because 4 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:21,000 Speaker 1: on one hand, where there's a message out there to 5 00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:24,200 Speaker 1: accept ourselves just as we are, and then on the 6 00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:28,520 Speaker 1: other we're encouraged to grow and change and become better 7 00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:31,960 Speaker 1: versions of ourselves. And that can feel a little bit 8 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:37,239 Speaker 1: confusing because if I accept myself wholeheartedly, why would I 9 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:40,840 Speaker 1: need to change? And if I want to change, doesn't 10 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:44,640 Speaker 1: that mean that I'm not accepting myself. So there lies 11 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:48,760 Speaker 1: the tension, and this tension sits right at the heart 12 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:54,960 Speaker 1: of personal growth. So in act acceptance, commitment therapy. Acceptance 13 00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:59,000 Speaker 1: isn't about resignation, it's not about giving up. It's not 14 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:02,480 Speaker 1: about saying this is who I am. End of story. 15 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:09,319 Speaker 1: Acceptance is really a non judgmental truth about where you're 16 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:14,000 Speaker 1: at right now. So it's an acknowledgment of your thoughts 17 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:19,080 Speaker 1: and emotions and habits and patterns and skill set without 18 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:23,160 Speaker 1: attacking yourself for them, without trying to get rid of 19 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:27,160 Speaker 1: the thoughts and feelings first, or the habits, without waiting 20 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:31,959 Speaker 1: to feel different before taking action, and This is where 21 00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:36,840 Speaker 1: self compassion plays a huge role in acceptance, because when 22 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:42,240 Speaker 1: we meet ourselves with compassion, we stop wasting energy on 23 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:46,959 Speaker 1: the self criticism and the shame, and then that's when 24 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:52,680 Speaker 1: we often when change becomes more possible, not less. But 25 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:56,920 Speaker 1: the confusion around acceptance can really turn into a barrier 26 00:01:56,960 --> 00:02:01,280 Speaker 1: for growth because sometimes acceptance gets tangled up with identity, 27 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:05,240 Speaker 1: so we start saying things like I think we all 28 00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:08,399 Speaker 1: know somebody who does have this sort of language of well, 29 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:11,200 Speaker 1: this is just who I am. I've always been like this. 30 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:15,800 Speaker 1: I can't change in at language. This is a form 31 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:19,600 Speaker 1: of fusion with a story about the self. So it's 32 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:24,880 Speaker 1: not self awareness, but it's more self definition. Because when 33 00:02:24,919 --> 00:02:28,320 Speaker 1: we fuse with a fixed idea of who we are, 34 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:33,079 Speaker 1: it can really shrink our lives and shrink our sense 35 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:39,399 Speaker 1: of what's possible. We confuse observing ourselves with being that 36 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:43,760 Speaker 1: version of our selves forever, even if it's not working 37 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:46,919 Speaker 1: for us. So acceptance was never meant to put us 38 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:51,280 Speaker 1: in this place of stagnation. We are like a flowing river, 39 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:55,680 Speaker 1: forever changing and evolving, and acceptance can free us from 40 00:02:56,200 --> 00:03:00,639 Speaker 1: fighting ourselves long enough to choose our direction. And this 41 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:04,519 Speaker 1: is where purposeful living comes in because it sits right here. 42 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:09,080 Speaker 1: You don't approach change because you're flawed or different or 43 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:13,720 Speaker 1: anything is wrong with you. You change because something matters. 44 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:18,720 Speaker 1: So our values and our purpose pull us forward, not 45 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:23,160 Speaker 1: the pressure to change, or the self judgment or the comparison. 46 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:29,560 Speaker 1: In act, growth is about taking small, meaningful actions in 47 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:32,040 Speaker 1: the direction of the person that you want to be, 48 00:03:32,639 --> 00:03:36,760 Speaker 1: even when old patterns and difficult feelings show up. So 49 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:42,000 Speaker 1: acceptance answers the question what's here right now? And then 50 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:47,080 Speaker 1: values and purpose answers the question what do I choose 51 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:51,400 Speaker 1: to do next? And growth lives in that space between 52 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:56,000 Speaker 1: those two. So if you ever feel stuck between accepting 53 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:59,880 Speaker 1: yourself for who you are right now and wanting to change, 54 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:04,520 Speaker 1: remember this acceptance is not the opposite of growth. It's 55 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:09,480 Speaker 1: the foundation that makes growth sustainable. You're allowed to feel 56 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:13,440 Speaker 1: compassionate with who you are today and still take steps 57 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:17,039 Speaker 1: towards who you're becoming, and that is not a contradiction. 58 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:21,480 Speaker 1: That is being human. So have a great wake everyone. 59 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:33,320 Speaker 1: Hope that's been helpful. I'll catch you next week. See ya.