Speaker 1: You have the intention of going to bed early, and
Speaker 1: then the next minute it's three o'clock in the morning
Speaker 1: and you're doing which kitchen appliance quiz? And my apparently
Speaker 1: I'm a toe star. But anyway, hello guys, and welcome
Speaker 1: back to Stepping Up. I hope you're having an amazing
Speaker 1: day or night or whatever time it is when you're
Speaker 1: listening to this. I'm so excited for this episode today
Speaker 1: because this is going to be giving you, guys a
Speaker 1: pretty big wake up call. And this is all the
Speaker 1: things that I wish I knew so long ago. And
Speaker 1: this is the stuff I think we really should be
Speaker 1: taught in school because once you learn this, you just
Speaker 1: can't you can't unsee it, and you can really start
Speaker 1: to understand yourself. The other thing we should be taught
Speaker 1: in school is also had like life skills like washing
Speaker 1: and cooking and not drowning in life admin, because those
Speaker 1: are the things I actually suck at. Now, I want
Speaker 1: to ask you, have you ever wondered why when you
Speaker 1: try to start a new habit or goal or routine
Speaker 1: your brain is like computer, says a note, Well, there
Speaker 1: is a very good reason for that. After listening to
Speaker 1: this episode, you'll understand why you can never stick or
Speaker 1: see things through well most of the time, and why
Speaker 1: your brain is actually the one sabotaging everything, and how
Speaker 1: to move forward to work with your brain, not against it.
Speaker 1: The things I want to be sharing with you are
Speaker 1: absolutely life changing and it's going to drastically change the
Speaker 1: way you view starting new habits and routines.
Speaker 2: But before I get into it, I just.
Speaker 1: Want to say I've been loving your tags and mentions
Speaker 1: on Instagram if you guys listening to the pod, and
Speaker 1: I'm so so bloody glad to be back. I feel
Speaker 1: like I've said that a million times, but it's true,
Speaker 1: and I want to quickly give you guys a bit
Speaker 1: of a life update before we get stuck into today's episode. Now,
Speaker 1: as you know, I took a long time off for
Speaker 1: the book and all the things, but I'm well and
Speaker 1: truly back into the swing of it. You know, I'm
Speaker 1: back on YouTube now, I've got the pod back, and
Speaker 1: I'm back, you know, full fledged into SPP and all
Speaker 1: the things. And with all of that, like coming up
Speaker 1: to this time, I won't lie, I felt like I
Speaker 1: might have lost my mojo even like with you know,
Speaker 1: the pod, I was scared I was going to come
Speaker 1: in here and not know what to talk about, which
Speaker 1: is funny because it's me and I can talk underwater.
Speaker 1: It's like, you know how people say long story short,
Speaker 1: one short story long, like I will just go on
Speaker 1: teen and new turns and all the things.
Speaker 2: So that was silly. But I think we see people.
Speaker 1: Online and stuff and what they're doing and just assume
Speaker 1: that they are confident and they just go in and
Speaker 1: do the things. But the thing is with this, you know,
Speaker 1: coming back to all of it, I had I was
Speaker 1: having like a lot of anxiety and panic attacks, and
Speaker 1: you know, I had a lot of doubt in myself
Speaker 1: that you know, yeah, as I said, I might have
Speaker 1: lost my mojo. And I've been doing this for like
Speaker 1: ten years now, not podcasting, but like being online and sharing,
Speaker 1: and I've been doing it a very long time. But
Speaker 1: it's kind of crazy because I think back to when
Speaker 1: I was at UNI. I was doing media and communication
Speaker 1: studies in journalism, and I was fresh out of high school,
Speaker 1: and you know, in high school and school, I was
Speaker 1: very very shy unless I was like in my with
Speaker 1: my friends, I was like I barely spoke, which is
Speaker 1: kind of ironic here we are. And another thing that's
Speaker 1: ironic is I, you know, in UNI, would have to
Speaker 1: do presentations, and I used to get so so nervous,
Speaker 1: like I remember walking into UNI and my hands would
Speaker 1: be sweating, and I'd be anxious about it, like for
Speaker 1: two weeks beforehand. And what I used to do, which
Speaker 1: I don't condone this, like I don't support this, but
Speaker 1: I would have to go to the UNI bar and
Speaker 1: I would have to buy a Juger beer and I
Speaker 1: would drink a couple of schooners of beer before I
Speaker 1: went to do my presentation because I used to always
Speaker 1: just feel like I was out of depth, like I
Speaker 1: shouldn't be there, like imposter syndrome. Massively, there was people,
Speaker 1: you know, in my class and things that were older
Speaker 1: than me, and they had a lot more life experience,
Speaker 1: and I just felt like this stupid blonde that just
Speaker 1: finished high school. And you know, it's crazy to think
Speaker 1: now that you know, I always felt really scatterbrained and things.
Speaker 1: But now the things that I used to be the
Speaker 1: most ashamed of, which is my mess and because I'm
Speaker 1: multi passionate, is now the very thing that actually helps
Speaker 1: me do my job better, like I can talk about
Speaker 1: anything from you know, makeup to fitness to bloody food
Speaker 1: to anything, because I just I'm so passionate about so
Speaker 1: many things, and it's now it really does serve me,
Speaker 1: and it helps me with YouTube, it helps me with
Speaker 1: socials because I'm not just talking about one thing.
Speaker 2: I'm talking about all the things.
Speaker 1: And I was just so scared to just, you know,
Speaker 1: anything to do with public speaking, anything with like using
Speaker 1: my voice used to terrify me until I got to
Speaker 1: the time where you know, I had Harper, my first baby,
Speaker 1: and I was just I was home and I had
Speaker 1: postnatal depression, and I just remember thinking like what if
Speaker 1: I start a blog, and imagine if I didn't do that,
Speaker 1: Imagine if I let the fear take over, and imagine
Speaker 1: if I let the imposter syndrome take over. And I
Speaker 1: guess my message to you is like, you know, the
Speaker 1: people that you admire most, they compare themselves to others,
Speaker 1: and then they continue to do the thing they feel
Speaker 1: like frauds, and they show up the next day they
Speaker 1: struggle with the same shit as us, but they don't
Speaker 1: let it stop them. And as I always say, feel
Speaker 1: the fear and do it anyways, because every person you
Speaker 1: admire and you look up to they feel the exact
Speaker 1: same way that you do, and it doesn't matter where
Speaker 1: they are.
Speaker 2: In there journey.
Speaker 1: And I can say that, like I feel like as
Speaker 1: I progress with you know, my career and everything like that,
Speaker 1: I think I can get a bit harder on myself
Speaker 1: so I get more in my head. You don't ever
Speaker 1: get to a place where you just like I'm good
Speaker 1: and that the only time you will get to that
Speaker 1: place is when you just have full self acceptance, Like
Speaker 1: I don't want to be like anybody else, So why
Speaker 1: am I looking at them?
Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like, you can use people to inspire you, but if
Speaker 1: it's making you feel negative about yourself, that's when you
Speaker 1: need to unfollow those people or mute them or whatever.
Speaker 1: Just don't seek them out because it's not helping you.
Speaker 2: So I hope that helps, because at the end of
Speaker 2: the day, our brains do weird things like mine.
Speaker 1: You have the intention of going to bed early, and
Speaker 1: then the next minute, it's three o'clock in the morning
Speaker 1: and you're doing which kitchen appliance quiz am I apparently
Speaker 1: I'm a toaster, but anyway, And it's just we need
Speaker 1: to learn to just embrace the way our brain works,
Speaker 1: even though it's frustrating as hell. Sometimes most of the
Speaker 1: time you just need to just allow it to do
Speaker 1: its thing. And that's exactly what this episode is about.
Speaker 1: It is about us moving forward without making it harder,
Speaker 1: and also just understanding why we are the way we
Speaker 1: are because humans are complex creatures, but sometimes we make
Speaker 1: it harder on ourselves than it needs to be. Now,
Speaker 1: I'm going to be talking a bit of science in here,
Speaker 1: and now I'm not going to like full go or
Speaker 1: you know, professor on you. I just I'm someone again.
Speaker 1: I'm not very like I'm not super woo woo. I
Speaker 1: love crystals as much as the next person, but they're
Speaker 1: more of like a decorative item on my shelf rather
Speaker 1: than just like, you know, anyway, I want to be
Speaker 1: drawing on some studies and things in this episode because
Speaker 1: this is so important and I've broken it down. It's
Speaker 1: not gonna be boring, Like just trust me, just just
Speaker 1: trust me. But there is a reason why starting new
Speaker 1: habits can feel like pulling teeth or like buying iceberg
Speaker 1: lattice with every intention of using it, but it's just
Speaker 1: left untouched in the fridge. Now, just reflecting on the
Speaker 1: last couple of episodes I've been doing, I've been talking
Speaker 1: a lot about you know, gos routines, new Year, New Year,
Speaker 1: all that type of stuff. But before you start telling
Speaker 1: yourself when it comes to these things, I'm terrible at
Speaker 1: this or I just can't see anything through, let me
Speaker 1: stop you right there, because it's not you. It's your brain,
Speaker 1: which is also kind of you. But let's just separate
Speaker 1: the two for a second. And your brain actually doesn't
Speaker 1: want you to do the things. Your brains actually wants
Speaker 1: you to not do the things very much so in
Speaker 1: many different ways.
Speaker 2: And you might be thinking, but steph, my brain does
Speaker 2: want me to do these things because I'm the one
Speaker 2: thinking it. And it's also good change, it's not bad.
Speaker 2: And well to that, I will say, your brain wants
Speaker 2: you to remain the same. It's wild, right, And here's why.
Speaker 1: Though you may have a goal that you want with
Speaker 1: every fiber of your being, like you want it so
Speaker 1: bad that you think nothing's going to stop me, yet
Speaker 1: you're still met with so much resistance, and there is
Speaker 1: such good reason for that. This is the episode where
Speaker 1: you're going to stop blaming yourself because I told you
Speaker 1: to and science and what I'm about to explain to
Speaker 1: you generally change the way I look at habits and
Speaker 1: myself and also the way I talk to myself. So
Speaker 1: here are the things you need to know about your
Speaker 1: brain and you. And this is a science that we
Speaker 1: all needed to learn back at school. Like I said, now,
Speaker 1: I know you guys could understand this scenario very very well.
Speaker 1: Let's just say it's January. You decide, okay, I'm going
Speaker 1: to go to the gym three times a week. That
Speaker 1: sounds pretty doable. So you say, okay, I want to
Speaker 1: start Monday, and the week leading up you are obsessing
Speaker 1: over it. You're thinking, oh, like do I go, Actually,
Speaker 1: do I go Monday? Or maybe I'll go Wednesday. Or
Speaker 1: maybe you're thinking, oh, actually no, I don't have any
Speaker 1: like gym clothes, like oh, maybe I'll have to wait
Speaker 1: another week. Or maybe you're thinking, oh, my shoes they're
Speaker 1: not they're a bit dirty, like oh, I just might
Speaker 1: buy new pres of shoes. And you start throwing around
Speaker 1: a million reasons that you think are reasons or excuses
Speaker 1: in your mind as to why you can't actually do
Speaker 1: the thing that you've already decided on, but now it
Speaker 1: seems too hard, And then the day comes and you
Speaker 1: start thinking, oh, I don't know anyone there, like like
Speaker 1: what if I fall over and make a fool of myself?
Speaker 1: And your brain starts flooding you with reasons why this
Speaker 1: is actually quite dangerous because to your brain. It is
Speaker 1: the reason why your brain does this is it defaults
Speaker 1: to the familiar because it's safe. Now, decades of neuroscience
Speaker 1: show that the brain heavily relies on predicting what's going
Speaker 1: to happen next based on past experiences. So we are
Speaker 1: literally living our life through a lens of the past.
Speaker 1: So say, for example, let's talk about public speaking for
Speaker 1: you set, because I was talking about that before. You
Speaker 1: did public speaking once and you farted during your speech.
Speaker 1: You just you let it rip. The whole class is
Speaker 1: laughing at you. And before that you might have been
Speaker 1: one of the widows, which I wish I was, that
Speaker 1: liked public speaking.
Speaker 2: But now you hate it.
Speaker 1: So now whenever you have to talk in front of
Speaker 1: a group of people, your body and your brain is
Speaker 1: freaking out because it's not safe, and you're to your
Speaker 1: brain it's not safe. Maybe it's not safe to the
Speaker 1: people standing behind you when you're actually farighted, but you
Speaker 1: are now living your life through the past. You're not
Speaker 1: actually living in the current moment. It's kind of like,
Speaker 1: so you're living in a really shitty apartment and you're
Speaker 1: just not happy there. Every morning you wake up and
Speaker 1: instead of thinking, oh, today's a new day and you're
Speaker 1: just taking it as like what presents to you, you
Speaker 1: wake up and you're like, hate it here, I hate this,
Speaker 1: I hate this apartment, and you just start to be
Speaker 1: negative straight away because you're living through the past. So
Speaker 1: this is what your brain does, and it makes up
Speaker 1: who we are, which is kind of like sometimes it
Speaker 1: can feel a bit defeating, but it's also.
Speaker 2: Kind of powerful when you learn that.
Speaker 1: Now, when it comes to habits, your brain wants you
Speaker 1: to stay with what's familiar because it knows the outcome,
Speaker 1: and when it knows the outcome, it's predictable, so therefore
Speaker 1: it's safe because it knows exactly what's going to happen.
Speaker 1: And your brain's sole purpose is to keep you safe,
Speaker 1: which sometimes you know, our brain is telling us we're
Speaker 1: being chased sabertoothed tiger, but you're actually just talking to
Speaker 1: Margaret from accounts who's a little bit passive aggressive. You
Speaker 1: don't actually need to be stressing out about it. But
Speaker 1: our brain is just trying to protect us. So when
Speaker 1: it comes to new habits, our brain sees that as
Speaker 1: a threat because it doesn't know what's going to happen.
Speaker 1: It doesn't know the outcome, so therefore it's a threat,
Speaker 1: it's dangerous. So when a version of you feels unfamiliar,
Speaker 1: the brain flags it as unknown and it's unsafe, so
Speaker 1: it pulls you back to what it knows.
Speaker 2: So even if a.
Speaker 1: Habit is bad for you, like scrolling over eating, staying
Speaker 1: in a job you hate, or avoiding hard conversations, your
Speaker 1: brain goes, well, I know how this ends, and we survived,
Speaker 1: so let's just do that again. And it replays, and
Speaker 1: it replays and it replays, and new habits are the opposite.
Speaker 1: New habits are unfamiliar and, according to your brain, as
Speaker 1: unpredictable as the unknown, as the threat. So who would
Speaker 1: have thought going to pilates was going to be so
Speaker 1: bloody dangerous?
Speaker 2: Right? So, yes, your brain wants to keep you.
Speaker 1: Doing the same things you've always done, even if those
Speaker 1: things make you unhappy, even if they make you unhealthy.
Speaker 2: And even if.
Speaker 1: Keeping you stuck, because your brain's number one job is
Speaker 1: not happiness, it's not success, and it's not growth, it's safety.
Speaker 1: And to your brain, safety equals predictability. And to make
Speaker 1: that even harder, our brains are actually quite lazy. Yes,
Speaker 1: they like to do things that are low effort. And
Speaker 1: what's really interesting is that there are actually different systems
Speaker 1: in the brain for habits versus goal orientated behavior. So
Speaker 1: habit driven behavior relies on brain pathways that make things automatic,
Speaker 1: so it's less effort, it's low energy, and your brain
Speaker 1: is super lazy, so it's going to pick this option.
Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, cool, we're going to do that. So
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, when you have that one thing
Speaker 1: that's going to require a little bit of brain power,
Speaker 1: like replying to that email you've been putting off.
Speaker 2: Instead of doing that, you're going to.
Speaker 1: Scroll on Instagram because that is just easier, and your
Speaker 1: brain's like, we're not doing that. We're not doing that today.
Speaker 1: And then goal directed behavior, so you know when you
Speaker 1: want to try the new thing or change requires effort
Speaker 1: and it's conscious thinking. So once a habit gets strong,
Speaker 1: the automatic habit system we can call it it dominates,
Speaker 1: So even if you want a new behavior, your brain
Speaker 1: will default to.
Speaker 2: The old you, so the old habits. So in simple terms,
Speaker 2: your brain.
Speaker 1: Prefers autopilot because it uses less energy and it feels normal.
Speaker 1: That's one reason why bad habits stick long after we've
Speaker 1: mentally decided we don't want them.
Speaker 2: So me, for example, I'm gonna I've.
Speaker 1: Talked about this before, but I've always been I've had
Speaker 1: a history of being a bit reliant with alcohol. And
Speaker 1: for me, alcohol is the one thing that kind of
Speaker 1: like numbed me out and my anxiety. Not a good
Speaker 1: habit to have, and it's it was a struggle for
Speaker 1: a very very long time and it still can come
Speaker 1: up even so like for me, and I know this
Speaker 1: is like a bit different because alcohol is actually an
Speaker 1: addictive substance, but I'm just going to use it as
Speaker 1: an example. But this also comes back to like maybe
Speaker 1: you're someone who likes to snack on certain things in
Speaker 1: the afternoon, or maybe you love Coke zero and you
Speaker 1: just drink so much of those and then you stop
Speaker 1: for a while, but then as soon as you have
Speaker 1: another Coke zero, that habit just takes over again because
Speaker 1: it's in that system, because that's what your brains. It
Speaker 1: defaults back quite quickly, and that's why you do see
Speaker 1: that people can change and they'll overhaul it. Like for me,
Speaker 1: I was able to get.
Speaker 2: A handle on my drinking for a long time, but
Speaker 2: soon has sing got a bit. I felt a little
Speaker 2: bit uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: My brain's like, hey, remember that thing we used to
Speaker 1: do that used to make us feel better.
Speaker 2: Let's go do that.
Speaker 1: And we're like, yeah, how about no have about no
Speaker 1: brain because that's not good for us and it's not
Speaker 1: good for you. And that's why it's so easy for
Speaker 1: you to go back to that autopilot, because those neural
Speaker 1: pathways are so strong in your brain and that's what
Speaker 1: you know. And so even if you haven't done that
Speaker 1: habit for a long time, you can go straight back
Speaker 1: to it very quickly. Now you might be hearing all
Speaker 1: of this and I haven't even told you the rest yet,
Speaker 1: and you might be hearing all of this and you're like, stuah,
Speaker 1: this is so toflate, Like I feel so deflated, Like
Speaker 1: what am I meant to do?
Speaker 2: And at the end of the episode, I.
Speaker 1: Am going to be giving you the cheap sheet to
Speaker 1: work with your brain and how we can actually just
Speaker 1: do these hacks and things that is actually going to
Speaker 1: make us be able to achieve the new routines and
Speaker 1: the new habits. So the next thing, sadly our brain
Speaker 1: being a goal blocker, is dopamine doesn't reward new things
Speaker 1: as easily as the existing habits we've already got. So
Speaker 1: a big chunk of habit science comes from dopamine research,
Speaker 1: and neuroscientists discovered that dopamine neurons don't just reward.
Speaker 2: The actual enjoyment of the thing.
Speaker 1: So it could be like you know, when you have
Speaker 1: a sip of coca cola, I guess, and you're just like, oh,
Speaker 1: you get that like satisfaction that dopamine hit. You actually
Speaker 1: get most of the dopamine from the prediction of the reward.
Speaker 2: So you could say, like.
Speaker 1: For me, for example, because I'm talking about alcohol here,
Speaker 1: i could just say I want to have a glass
Speaker 1: of wine and I'm like, oh, and the dopamine hits
Speaker 1: me straight away, like I'm like, yes, I already feel calm,
Speaker 1: haven't even touched it yet. And then when it comes
Speaker 1: to me actually taking a sip, that dopamine from that
Speaker 1: is actually not as strong as the dopamine I had earlier,
Speaker 1: knowing I was going to have this glass of wine,
Speaker 1: like you already have it once you've decided you're going
Speaker 1: to do the thing, and then sadly, with things like
Speaker 1: alcohol and that, you then chase the dopamine for hours
Speaker 1: after and you actually never reach that same peak.
Speaker 2: It's wild.
Speaker 1: So your dopamine actually spikes when your brain expects the
Speaker 1: reward and not when you get one, which is it
Speaker 1: makes so much sense, doesn't it. It's just crazy and like,
Speaker 1: how do we not know these things? How do we
Speaker 1: not have a brain class at school? Like it's just
Speaker 1: it's ridiculous. And the thing is too things like scrolling
Speaker 1: your phone or eating the same snacks. Like there's research
Speaker 1: showing that the dopamine five is strongest when the outcome
Speaker 1: is that predictable because your brain knows what's going to happen.
Speaker 1: So yeah, obviously new habits it doesn't know the outcome.
Speaker 1: So it's like, no, we're not going to get dopamine
Speaker 1: from there. Why are we not going down that path?
Speaker 1: We always go like, let's walk this way. Like with
Speaker 1: new habits, there is no guarantee, there's no certainty, there's
Speaker 1: no immediate payoffs. Your brain's like, why do we do
Speaker 1: this when we could do something that gives us dopamine
Speaker 1: right now, like right right now. And this is especially
Speaker 1: true if you have ADHD, which makes it even harder
Speaker 1: for us because eighty HD brains are we are so
Speaker 1: dopamine driven, like that's why we hyperfocus on new hobbies,
Speaker 1: like I will go and buy like I still am
Speaker 1: sitting like at home. I have a paint by numbers
Speaker 1: I bought ages ago, and I have only the white
Speaker 1: parts left to paint.
Speaker 2: Do you think I've done it?
Speaker 1: No, Like it's like five percent of the painting, Like
Speaker 1: it will take me like twenty minutes, and it's been
Speaker 1: years and I have not touched it because that, to
Speaker 1: me is not dope for me.
Speaker 2: My brain's like not happening.
Speaker 1: So like for the average person, it's like we're already
Speaker 1: sensitive to the pressure of delayed reward, and now it's
Speaker 1: even worse, so we can't. It's just it feels like
Speaker 1: a losing battle, you know. So I remember back when
Speaker 1: I was a teenager and my dad was teaching me
Speaker 1: how to drive my car. Anyway, so I asked him
Speaker 1: a question about, you know, the clutch because I was
Speaker 1: learning manual and I remember asking him like, when do
Speaker 1: you push it in? Et cetera, et cetera, And I
Speaker 1: remember him stopping and he looked really puzzled, and I
Speaker 1: was like, how does this guy not know how to
Speaker 1: drive a car like he's teaching me? And then he
Speaker 1: had he actually started doing the motions with his body
Speaker 1: like he was driving, and then he answered my question.
Speaker 1: And I know you've probably had the same situation happened before,
Speaker 1: where you know someone asks you, maybe like my kids
Speaker 1: ask me things all the time, and I'm like, it's
Speaker 1: a daily task you always do and someone asks you
Speaker 1: how to do it, and suddenly you're like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: like I don't know the steps. And that's because our
Speaker 1: brain and our body it's just a habit. It's automatic. Now,
Speaker 1: you might not recall where a particular switches or a button,
Speaker 1: but your body does remember it. And that's because, like
Speaker 1: research shows that habits become automatic because they're literally wired
Speaker 1: into our brain. As I was saying before, it's like,
Speaker 1: as soon as your brain knows it is just part
Speaker 1: it's like you're wiring. It's how you're wired. And that's
Speaker 1: also with our belief systems. We can say I'm just
Speaker 1: not a runner, so you're never actually going to put
Speaker 1: your shoes on and go for a run, So that's
Speaker 1: going to be stopping you. So like you know, when
Speaker 1: it comes to things like brushing your teeth, you're not
Speaker 1: standing there thinking, okay, back and forth, back and forth,
Speaker 1: got to do my top left, got to do my
Speaker 1: bottom right?
Speaker 2: You just do it. So, which is like things like this.
Speaker 1: This is great, you know, having these neural pathways for
Speaker 1: like the daily task because you can do without thinking,
Speaker 1: But it's not so great when you're trying to change habits.
Speaker 1: And driving a car is a really good one to
Speaker 1: think of because i remember learning how to drive a
Speaker 1: car and I'm thinking, oh my god, this is so hard,
Speaker 1: like how do people drive this vehicle? And now it's
Speaker 1: like second nature to us. So our brains are so
Speaker 1: incredible in the fact that you can learn a whole
Speaker 1: new skill and it becomes a habit and you don't
Speaker 1: have to think about it anymore.
Speaker 2: But then, you know, when you do want to.
Speaker 1: Learn something new and change something, your brain has to
Speaker 1: switch systems and it costs energy. And because our brain
Speaker 1: is lazy as fuck, it wants to save the energy,
Speaker 1: and it wants to just do what it already knows.
Speaker 1: So now looking back at all these four points, that
Speaker 1: the fact that our brain is just chasing dopamine and
Speaker 1: old habits equal higher dopamine hits, that habits already just
Speaker 1: stay already wide into our brain, and the fact that
Speaker 1: our brain is trying to keep us safe aka stuck.
Speaker 1: You're probably wondering, Okay, so I've got all these habits
Speaker 1: and things I want to do, but like, how do
Speaker 1: I actually do them?
Speaker 2: Stuff?
Speaker 1: So this is where I'm going to give you the
Speaker 1: cheat sheet to your brain to stop you from having
Speaker 1: this internal battle with yourself like we all do.
Speaker 2: We all do.
Speaker 1: Even this morning, when my alarm went off for me
Speaker 1: to come in into Nova and record this podcast, my
Speaker 1: brain was like, oh, no, you'll be fine, just ten
Speaker 1: more minutes. Ten more minutes, will be fine. And we
Speaker 1: both know we're not going to be fine, and I
Speaker 1: was nearly late. No, brain, you're not keeping me safe
Speaker 1: right now. I have to get to work. So I'm
Speaker 1: going to give you the cheat sheet right now. So
Speaker 1: here's your cheat code number one, and that is make
Speaker 1: change feel predictable. So we know our brain likes the familiar.
Speaker 1: So we need to try to hack the system and
Speaker 1: make new habits feel more familiar. Now, how do you
Speaker 1: do that? So, for example, let's just say I want
Speaker 1: to work out more this year. Your brain here is unsafe, uncertain,
Speaker 1: what does that even look like? So a predictable version
Speaker 1: looks like every Monday and Thursday, I'm going to go
Speaker 1: for a walk for ten minutes at two pm. There's
Speaker 1: no thinking required in that because all the micro decisions
Speaker 1: for anything are exhausting. And remember, our brain is lazy.
Speaker 1: So if you are very specific on what you need
Speaker 1: to do and even down to the time, even it
Speaker 1: could be down to what you wear, that's going to
Speaker 1: make life so much easier. And I want to give
Speaker 1: you an extra hack on top of this, which is
Speaker 1: also very ADHD friendly. When I was writing my book,
Speaker 1: and I don't know I talk about this a lot,
Speaker 1: but it was my life for a year ago. So
Speaker 1: when I was writing my book, sometimes I really struggle
Speaker 1: to get into the flow of it. So I heard
Speaker 1: that somewhere that if you have a certain ritual or
Speaker 1: you have a certain thing that you do, and you
Speaker 1: do it only when you're doing that task, a task
Speaker 1: that could be hard it could be emails or whatever,
Speaker 1: or washing or cleaning. Put on the same playlist. So
Speaker 1: make a playlist on Spotify and it could be my
Speaker 1: cleaning playlist, it could be my walk playlist.
Speaker 2: Whatever it is.
Speaker 1: You only play that for that particular task. So when
Speaker 1: it comes to doing it, you pop it on and
Speaker 1: your brain straightaway goes, oh, oh, it's that time to do. Okay,
Speaker 1: we're going to do this thing. That's what we're doing now.
Speaker 1: Because it's like the environment. I'm sure it's like you know,
Speaker 1: when you're out somewhere and maybe there's a familiar smell
Speaker 1: and it literally takes your brain straight back to that time.
Speaker 1: It's like, I remember when when I was younger and
Speaker 1: I was sick. Whenever I smell vasaline, I literally will
Speaker 1: think about when I was sick.
Speaker 2: Is it vassaline? Nick? Is it vasialine? No, when you're sick,
Speaker 2: what do they put it? Oh? Vapor rub, vapor rub. Sorry.
Speaker 1: Nick's in the studio with me, and I'm just like,
Speaker 1: it's not vassaline.
Speaker 2: It's not vassaline. Steph And I was like, Nick, what
Speaker 2: is it anyway?
Speaker 1: Bit of vasso? I'm sure it helps when you're sick.
Speaker 1: The chapped lips and all the things you know.
Speaker 2: Oh god. Okay, so it was a vapor rup.
Speaker 1: So whenever I smell vapor rub not vasso, I will
Speaker 1: remember just a particular time when I was younger and
Speaker 1: I was in my I remember my childhood bedroom. I
Speaker 1: remember how it felt, and I remember my nan being there.
Speaker 1: So it's like it just triggers your brain, and you've
Speaker 1: got to use that to your advantage. So being super
Speaker 1: specific and predictable, but also having these little rituals within it. Say,
Speaker 1: let's say it is a walk. I want you to
Speaker 1: decide the exact time you're going to go, the exact days,
Speaker 1: and I want you to actually put it in your
Speaker 1: planner and act like it's an appointment, but one you
Speaker 1: can't cancel.
Speaker 2: But then there's like a one hundred dollars cancelation fee
Speaker 2: for this.
Speaker 1: Okay, you're going, you're going on the walk, You're gonna
Speaker 1: put the same playlist on, you're gonna put on the
Speaker 1: same shoes, and your brain's gonna switch over so much easier.
Speaker 1: The point isn't what you do, it's that your brain
Speaker 1: knows when and where and it knows it's safe. Now,
Speaker 1: moving on to cheat code number two lower the threat level.
Speaker 1: So instead of doing something quite broad and drastic like
Speaker 1: I'm going to overhaul my diet, so the whole thing,
Speaker 1: I'm going to overhaul the whole thing. What does that
Speaker 1: even mean? Again, there's all these little decisions within it
Speaker 1: that leaves your brain wondering what's actually happening, which means
Speaker 1: it's not safe. So a safer version of this is
Speaker 1: I'm adding protein to my breakfast. It's very specific. It's
Speaker 1: one thing and that's it. As I said, because my
Speaker 1: brain is lazy. When there's too much room for interpretation,
Speaker 1: that's when we end up not doing the thing. We
Speaker 1: need to be so specific. So it's like, you know,
Speaker 1: you hear people say like I'm want to do a
Speaker 1: glow up or I want to lock in or whatever
Speaker 1: their bloody say. It's like, okay, well what does that mean?
Speaker 1: Like what does that look like? Because you hear that
Speaker 1: on the internet all the time, and it's like, to me,
Speaker 1: it makes me feel like I have to do all
Speaker 1: the things. Or maybe it could be yes, adding protein
Speaker 1: in your breakfast. And you can even go a step
Speaker 1: further for this and look up some high protein breakfast
Speaker 1: that you can prep ahead of time. So for me,
Speaker 1: I love to make overnight wheatbicks and it's protein. I
Speaker 1: put protein and powder in it. I put my wheatbicks,
Speaker 1: I put almond milk and some berries and I chuck
Speaker 1: it in like a little cute jar and I chuck
Speaker 1: it in the fridge. So therefore it's also aesthetic and
Speaker 1: my brain's like, oh that's pretty. I like that, and
Speaker 1: it's already done, which means I don't have to get
Speaker 1: up and make it. So there's less resistance as well,
Speaker 1: and it's the one thing I have to do. Cheat
Speaker 1: code number three is to use immediate rewards. So instead
Speaker 1: of saying, you know how, we all say like when
Speaker 1: I reach this point, I'm going to feel good or
Speaker 1: when I get to this I'm going to be happy.
Speaker 1: So when it comes to things like this, usually people
Speaker 1: tend to say things like I'll feel good when I
Speaker 1: lose weight, or I'll feel good when I save money,
Speaker 1: or I'll feel good when I can fit into these
Speaker 1: genes again. So then your brain's like cool, see in
Speaker 1: six months or never. But an immediate reward for these
Speaker 1: things is something like ticking it off in your planner
Speaker 1: and then like.
Speaker 2: That's going to build self trust because to.
Speaker 1: Be honest with your confidence just comes with trusting yourself.
Speaker 1: If you know you're someone that like you know your
Speaker 1: flaky Jim friend where you both say oh, yeah, I'll
Speaker 1: meet you at the gym at six, and they always
Speaker 1: text you and they bail. You don't want to be
Speaker 1: your flaky gym friend to yourself. You need to be
Speaker 1: able to show up. And the more you shop for yourself,
Speaker 1: the more confident you becoming what you do. And then
Speaker 1: you see the resistance lessons every single time because you're like, oh, I've.
Speaker 2: Done this before.
Speaker 1: So whenever you can keep a promise to yourself, that
Speaker 1: is when you can trust your own intentions. So some
Speaker 1: ways you can have that immediate reward with habits and
Speaker 1: things is ticking off in your planner. You can even
Speaker 1: have that accountability. So with me, sometimes sometimes I can't
Speaker 1: do things for myself. So like with SPP my business,
Speaker 1: I've got that team, and then I've got my own
Speaker 1: Instagram post, which is still very important, like very important.
Speaker 1: But if there's something do for someone else, I'll do it.
Speaker 1: But if I have to do it for myself, I
Speaker 1: tend not to do it. So this is how we
Speaker 1: can hack the system. You have an accountability partner or
Speaker 1: like do a bit of a body doubling situation. So
Speaker 1: maybe you want a frank and say, hey, I need
Speaker 1: to do this thing. Let's keep each other accountable, and
Speaker 1: you check in with each other every single day, because
Speaker 1: you're not gonna want to tell your friend when she
Speaker 1: texts you at four pm, did you do the thing?
Speaker 1: You don't want to say no, So you're going to
Speaker 1: do the thing, or you're gonna take it a step further.
Speaker 1: And on your phone, you know the notes app, you
Speaker 1: can actually do a shared one, so you.
Speaker 2: Could have like a daily checklist you do together.
Speaker 1: And at the end of every day you can go
Speaker 1: in there and you can see what they've ticked off,
Speaker 1: and you tick off your own because then you're not
Speaker 1: gonna want to missdoing it because someone else is going
Speaker 1: to look at your to do list and that's where
Speaker 1: you're going to get the dope maint from. You're gonna
Speaker 1: get the dopamine from showing others that you did the thing.
Speaker 1: And I know that's like ego, but it is. It's
Speaker 1: our ego. We want validation from other people for doing
Speaker 1: the tasks. So if you can't do it for yourself,
Speaker 1: do it for other people. Cheat code number five is
Speaker 1: to attach habits to identity, not outcomes. Now, psychological studies
Speaker 1: show that behavior sticks better when it's tied to your identity,
Speaker 1: not pressure. So I did touch on this briefly. But
Speaker 1: if you're someone that wants to take up, you know,
Speaker 1: it's just I'm gonna use I'm just gonna use health
Speaker 1: examples right now because it's easier.
Speaker 2: So you say, oh, someone.
Speaker 1: Who wants to become a runner, But you always say
Speaker 1: to yourself, I'm not a runner. Are you going to
Speaker 1: as I said, Are you gonna grab a pair of
Speaker 1: shoes and tie them up and go for a jog?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: So therefore your chances are becoming a runner are zero
Speaker 1: because you're not going to try to because you've already
Speaker 1: decided that you're not a runner. So that means you
Speaker 1: are not a runner. So your language is so important,
Speaker 1: Like I cannot trust stress to you how important it is.
Speaker 1: Our brain doesn't know our thoughts from reality. And that
Speaker 1: is why I do something. This is like a follow
Speaker 1: on thing, but this is why I like to do
Speaker 1: mental rehearsal. Now, a mental rehearsal is something I do
Speaker 1: to really help with my anxiety, helps me with my confidence. So,
Speaker 1: for example, me recording the podcast today, if I was
Speaker 1: really really nervous about today. One thing I have started
Speaker 1: doing over the years is I'll sit down literally for
Speaker 1: like three minutes, even three to five minutes, and I
Speaker 1: close my eyes and I imagine the day playing out
Speaker 1: in my mind, and I imagine me coming into the studio.
Speaker 1: I imagine me smashing this podcast, and I think down
Speaker 1: to the very detail, because again, my brain doesn't know
Speaker 1: if that's actually happening or not. So when I do
Speaker 1: rock up today to record this, it's much more likely
Speaker 1: I'm going to act in accordance with that mental rehearsal.
Speaker 1: There's going to be no resistance because I've already done
Speaker 1: this according to my brain, and it's so so powerful
Speaker 1: and it is a form of meditation. But if you're
Speaker 1: someone that really gets in their head about things, that
Speaker 1: is such a bloody cheat code, honestly. So back to
Speaker 1: the language around ourselves. Instead of us saying I must run,
Speaker 1: I must lose weight, I must achieve this, I must
Speaker 1: get the pay rise. You say I'm someone who looks
Speaker 1: after my body. I'm someone who prioritizes my health, I'm
Speaker 1: someone that gets what they want. And I know that
Speaker 1: sounds like a bit of a manifestation thing, but it's true.
Speaker 1: Once you start saying I am already this person, you
Speaker 1: will start to act in accordance with that belief. Your
Speaker 1: identity gives flexibility and outcomes. Thinking in that way is
Speaker 1: so much safer to your brain and saying the things
Speaker 1: that we always say, like I must do this, I
Speaker 1: must do that, it's like I get to I want to.
Speaker 1: I am this, I'm already this person. I'm this main
Speaker 1: character of this plot. That's what we're doing. So my
Speaker 1: task for you this week, so my side quest for
Speaker 1: you this week that sounds much more fun, is I
Speaker 1: want you to try one of these tactics with your
Speaker 1: brain with something you've been wanting to do. I want
Speaker 1: you to try starting a ritual, or using different language
Speaker 1: for yourself, or being really specific and popping in your planner.
Speaker 1: And it is taking all the micro decisions away as
Speaker 1: possible to give you the best chance at starting this thing.
Speaker 1: Because the things at the end of the day, there's nothing.
Speaker 2: Wrong with you. You're not broken, you're not lazy.
Speaker 1: Your brain's just doing its job, which is a good
Speaker 1: thing by the way, Now we just got to hack
Speaker 1: the system, use the cheat codes, and we just need
Speaker 1: to learn to work with ourselves and not against ourselves. Anyways,
Speaker 1: I hope today's episode has helped. Please let me know
Speaker 1: on socials what you took away from this, what your
Speaker 1: favorite part was, and maybe what your habits that you're
Speaker 1: trying to do or achieve are and we can do
Speaker 1: it together. And we can also please join our Facebook
Speaker 1: community because we can chat about.
Speaker 2: It in there. And I will see you guys next Monday.
Speaker 2: But I love you