WEBVTT - Your Brain is a Goal-Blocker. How to get out of your own way. 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:01.840 You have the intention of going to bed early, and 0:00:01.880 --> 0:00:03.680 then the next minute it's three o'clock in the morning 0:00:03.720 --> 0:00:06.960 and you're doing which kitchen appliance quiz? And my apparently 0:00:06.960 --> 0:00:09.600 I'm a toe star. But anyway, hello guys, and welcome 0:00:09.640 --> 0:00:12.400 back to Stepping Up. I hope you're having an amazing 0:00:12.480 --> 0:00:14.520 day or night or whatever time it is when you're 0:00:14.520 --> 0:00:17.640 listening to this. I'm so excited for this episode today 0:00:17.680 --> 0:00:19.720 because this is going to be giving you, guys a 0:00:19.760 --> 0:00:22.120 pretty big wake up call. And this is all the 0:00:22.120 --> 0:00:24.080 things that I wish I knew so long ago. And 0:00:24.079 --> 0:00:25.920 this is the stuff I think we really should be 0:00:26.000 --> 0:00:29.360 taught in school because once you learn this, you just 0:00:29.440 --> 0:00:31.480 can't you can't unsee it, and you can really start 0:00:31.480 --> 0:00:33.839 to understand yourself. The other thing we should be taught 0:00:33.880 --> 0:00:36.640 in school is also had like life skills like washing 0:00:36.760 --> 0:00:40.239 and cooking and not drowning in life admin, because those 0:00:40.240 --> 0:00:42.720 are the things I actually suck at. Now, I want 0:00:42.760 --> 0:00:44.960 to ask you, have you ever wondered why when you 0:00:45.000 --> 0:00:47.879 try to start a new habit or goal or routine 0:00:47.920 --> 0:00:50.839 your brain is like computer, says a note, Well, there 0:00:50.880 --> 0:00:53.000 is a very good reason for that. After listening to 0:00:53.040 --> 0:00:55.640 this episode, you'll understand why you can never stick or 0:00:55.680 --> 0:00:58.440 see things through well most of the time, and why 0:00:58.480 --> 0:01:01.880 your brain is actually the one sabotaging everything, and how 0:01:01.920 --> 0:01:04.840 to move forward to work with your brain, not against it. 0:01:05.200 --> 0:01:06.600 The things I want to be sharing with you are 0:01:06.680 --> 0:01:10.160 absolutely life changing and it's going to drastically change the 0:01:10.200 --> 0:01:12.920 way you view starting new habits and routines. 0:01:13.440 --> 0:01:14.840 But before I get into it, I just. 0:01:14.760 --> 0:01:17.360 Want to say I've been loving your tags and mentions 0:01:17.440 --> 0:01:19.360 on Instagram if you guys listening to the pod, and 0:01:19.400 --> 0:01:21.240 I'm so so bloody glad to be back. I feel 0:01:21.240 --> 0:01:23.280 like I've said that a million times, but it's true, 0:01:23.680 --> 0:01:25.160 and I want to quickly give you guys a bit 0:01:25.160 --> 0:01:28.959 of a life update before we get stuck into today's episode. Now, 0:01:28.959 --> 0:01:30.200 as you know, I took a long time off for 0:01:30.319 --> 0:01:32.120 the book and all the things, but I'm well and 0:01:32.160 --> 0:01:34.840 truly back into the swing of it. You know, I'm 0:01:34.880 --> 0:01:36.920 back on YouTube now, I've got the pod back, and 0:01:37.080 --> 0:01:39.479 I'm back, you know, full fledged into SPP and all 0:01:39.480 --> 0:01:42.800 the things. And with all of that, like coming up 0:01:42.800 --> 0:01:45.520 to this time, I won't lie, I felt like I 0:01:45.600 --> 0:01:48.120 might have lost my mojo even like with you know, 0:01:48.200 --> 0:01:50.760 the pod, I was scared I was going to come 0:01:50.760 --> 0:01:52.600 in here and not know what to talk about, which 0:01:52.640 --> 0:01:54.400 is funny because it's me and I can talk underwater. 0:01:55.080 --> 0:01:57.080 It's like, you know how people say long story short, 0:01:57.200 --> 0:01:59.680 one short story long, like I will just go on 0:01:59.760 --> 0:02:01.360 teen and new turns and all the things. 0:02:01.400 --> 0:02:04.960 So that was silly. But I think we see people. 0:02:04.680 --> 0:02:07.720 Online and stuff and what they're doing and just assume 0:02:07.800 --> 0:02:10.520 that they are confident and they just go in and 0:02:10.560 --> 0:02:13.680 do the things. But the thing is with this, you know, 0:02:13.760 --> 0:02:16.320 coming back to all of it, I had I was 0:02:16.320 --> 0:02:18.760 having like a lot of anxiety and panic attacks, and 0:02:19.960 --> 0:02:22.440 you know, I had a lot of doubt in myself 0:02:22.560 --> 0:02:24.200 that you know, yeah, as I said, I might have 0:02:24.240 --> 0:02:26.560 lost my mojo. And I've been doing this for like 0:02:26.560 --> 0:02:29.880 ten years now, not podcasting, but like being online and sharing, 0:02:30.280 --> 0:02:31.720 and I've been doing it a very long time. But 0:02:32.480 --> 0:02:34.359 it's kind of crazy because I think back to when 0:02:34.720 --> 0:02:37.160 I was at UNI. I was doing media and communication 0:02:37.200 --> 0:02:40.640 studies in journalism, and I was fresh out of high school, 0:02:40.680 --> 0:02:42.560 and you know, in high school and school, I was 0:02:42.720 --> 0:02:45.760 very very shy unless I was like in my with 0:02:45.800 --> 0:02:49.560 my friends, I was like I barely spoke, which is 0:02:49.639 --> 0:02:52.840 kind of ironic here we are. And another thing that's 0:02:52.840 --> 0:02:55.240 ironic is I, you know, in UNI, would have to 0:02:55.240 --> 0:02:58.480 do presentations, and I used to get so so nervous, 0:02:58.520 --> 0:03:01.320 like I remember walking into UNI and my hands would 0:03:01.360 --> 0:03:03.840 be sweating, and I'd be anxious about it, like for 0:03:03.880 --> 0:03:06.480 two weeks beforehand. And what I used to do, which 0:03:06.520 --> 0:03:08.560 I don't condone this, like I don't support this, but 0:03:09.200 --> 0:03:10.920 I would have to go to the UNI bar and 0:03:10.960 --> 0:03:12.880 I would have to buy a Juger beer and I 0:03:12.880 --> 0:03:15.160 would drink a couple of schooners of beer before I 0:03:15.200 --> 0:03:18.560 went to do my presentation because I used to always 0:03:18.639 --> 0:03:20.280 just feel like I was out of depth, like I 0:03:20.400 --> 0:03:24.160 shouldn't be there, like imposter syndrome. Massively, there was people, 0:03:24.200 --> 0:03:26.640 you know, in my class and things that were older 0:03:26.639 --> 0:03:28.880 than me, and they had a lot more life experience, 0:03:28.960 --> 0:03:32.079 and I just felt like this stupid blonde that just 0:03:32.120 --> 0:03:35.240 finished high school. And you know, it's crazy to think 0:03:35.240 --> 0:03:39.400 now that you know, I always felt really scatterbrained and things. 0:03:39.480 --> 0:03:42.040 But now the things that I used to be the 0:03:42.080 --> 0:03:44.560 most ashamed of, which is my mess and because I'm 0:03:44.600 --> 0:03:47.760 multi passionate, is now the very thing that actually helps 0:03:47.760 --> 0:03:49.760 me do my job better, like I can talk about 0:03:49.800 --> 0:03:54.240 anything from you know, makeup to fitness to bloody food 0:03:54.400 --> 0:03:58.080 to anything, because I just I'm so passionate about so 0:03:58.240 --> 0:04:01.600 many things, and it's now it really does serve me, 0:04:01.640 --> 0:04:03.280 and it helps me with YouTube, it helps me with 0:04:03.320 --> 0:04:05.080 socials because I'm not just talking about one thing. 0:04:05.120 --> 0:04:06.320 I'm talking about all the things. 0:04:06.920 --> 0:04:10.080 And I was just so scared to just, you know, 0:04:10.200 --> 0:04:13.120 anything to do with public speaking, anything with like using 0:04:13.120 --> 0:04:15.720 my voice used to terrify me until I got to 0:04:15.760 --> 0:04:18.599 the time where you know, I had Harper, my first baby, 0:04:18.640 --> 0:04:20.840 and I was just I was home and I had 0:04:20.839 --> 0:04:24.040 postnatal depression, and I just remember thinking like what if 0:04:24.080 --> 0:04:26.720 I start a blog, and imagine if I didn't do that, 0:04:27.160 --> 0:04:29.559 Imagine if I let the fear take over, and imagine 0:04:29.600 --> 0:04:32.120 if I let the imposter syndrome take over. And I 0:04:32.120 --> 0:04:34.520 guess my message to you is like, you know, the 0:04:34.560 --> 0:04:38.400 people that you admire most, they compare themselves to others, 0:04:38.760 --> 0:04:41.279 and then they continue to do the thing they feel 0:04:41.279 --> 0:04:43.920 like frauds, and they show up the next day they 0:04:43.920 --> 0:04:46.680 struggle with the same shit as us, but they don't 0:04:46.720 --> 0:04:50.320 let it stop them. And as I always say, feel 0:04:50.360 --> 0:04:54.039 the fear and do it anyways, because every person you 0:04:54.120 --> 0:04:57.080 admire and you look up to they feel the exact 0:04:57.120 --> 0:04:59.520 same way that you do, and it doesn't matter where 0:04:59.520 --> 0:04:59.880 they are. 0:04:59.760 --> 0:05:00.440 In there journey. 0:05:00.440 --> 0:05:03.800 And I can say that, like I feel like as 0:05:03.839 --> 0:05:06.760 I progress with you know, my career and everything like that, 0:05:06.839 --> 0:05:08.640 I think I can get a bit harder on myself 0:05:08.680 --> 0:05:11.520 so I get more in my head. You don't ever 0:05:11.560 --> 0:05:14.320 get to a place where you just like I'm good 0:05:14.400 --> 0:05:15.919 and that the only time you will get to that 0:05:16.000 --> 0:05:18.320 place is when you just have full self acceptance, Like 0:05:18.440 --> 0:05:21.120 I don't want to be like anybody else, So why 0:05:21.120 --> 0:05:22.120 am I looking at them? 0:05:22.240 --> 0:05:22.760 You know what I mean? 0:05:22.800 --> 0:05:25.480 Like, you can use people to inspire you, but if 0:05:25.480 --> 0:05:27.839 it's making you feel negative about yourself, that's when you 0:05:27.839 --> 0:05:30.279 need to unfollow those people or mute them or whatever. 0:05:30.520 --> 0:05:34.000 Just don't seek them out because it's not helping you. 0:05:34.120 --> 0:05:36.960 So I hope that helps, because at the end of 0:05:37.000 --> 0:05:41.039 the day, our brains do weird things like mine. 0:05:41.440 --> 0:05:43.279 You have the intention of going to bed early, and 0:05:43.320 --> 0:05:45.120 then the next minute, it's three o'clock in the morning 0:05:45.200 --> 0:05:49.440 and you're doing which kitchen appliance quiz am I apparently 0:05:49.480 --> 0:05:53.800 I'm a toaster, but anyway, And it's just we need 0:05:53.800 --> 0:05:56.360 to learn to just embrace the way our brain works, 0:05:56.440 --> 0:05:59.400 even though it's frustrating as hell. Sometimes most of the 0:05:59.400 --> 0:06:02.400 time you just need to just allow it to do 0:06:02.440 --> 0:06:04.839 its thing. And that's exactly what this episode is about. 0:06:05.279 --> 0:06:08.200 It is about us moving forward without making it harder, 0:06:08.200 --> 0:06:10.479 and also just understanding why we are the way we 0:06:10.560 --> 0:06:14.080 are because humans are complex creatures, but sometimes we make 0:06:14.120 --> 0:06:16.760 it harder on ourselves than it needs to be. Now, 0:06:16.760 --> 0:06:18.680 I'm going to be talking a bit of science in here, 0:06:18.760 --> 0:06:20.640 and now I'm not going to like full go or 0:06:21.320 --> 0:06:24.080 you know, professor on you. I just I'm someone again. 0:06:24.160 --> 0:06:27.360 I'm not very like I'm not super woo woo. I 0:06:27.400 --> 0:06:30.479 love crystals as much as the next person, but they're 0:06:30.480 --> 0:06:32.599 more of like a decorative item on my shelf rather 0:06:32.640 --> 0:06:37.279 than just like, you know, anyway, I want to be 0:06:37.400 --> 0:06:39.560 drawing on some studies and things in this episode because 0:06:39.560 --> 0:06:42.400 this is so important and I've broken it down. It's 0:06:42.440 --> 0:06:44.560 not gonna be boring, Like just trust me, just just 0:06:44.600 --> 0:06:48.680 trust me. But there is a reason why starting new 0:06:48.680 --> 0:06:51.960 habits can feel like pulling teeth or like buying iceberg 0:06:52.040 --> 0:06:54.200 lattice with every intention of using it, but it's just 0:06:54.320 --> 0:06:57.160 left untouched in the fridge. Now, just reflecting on the 0:06:57.200 --> 0:06:59.039 last couple of episodes I've been doing, I've been talking 0:06:59.040 --> 0:07:01.680 a lot about you know, gos routines, new Year, New Year, 0:07:01.680 --> 0:07:04.600 all that type of stuff. But before you start telling 0:07:04.640 --> 0:07:07.039 yourself when it comes to these things, I'm terrible at 0:07:07.080 --> 0:07:09.920 this or I just can't see anything through, let me 0:07:09.960 --> 0:07:13.480 stop you right there, because it's not you. It's your brain, 0:07:13.920 --> 0:07:16.240 which is also kind of you. But let's just separate 0:07:16.240 --> 0:07:19.480 the two for a second. And your brain actually doesn't 0:07:19.480 --> 0:07:22.400 want you to do the things. Your brains actually wants 0:07:22.480 --> 0:07:25.520 you to not do the things very much so in 0:07:25.600 --> 0:07:26.520 many different ways. 0:07:27.680 --> 0:07:30.040 And you might be thinking, but steph, my brain does 0:07:30.080 --> 0:07:31.840 want me to do these things because I'm the one 0:07:31.920 --> 0:07:35.280 thinking it. And it's also good change, it's not bad. 0:07:35.680 --> 0:07:37.840 And well to that, I will say, your brain wants 0:07:37.880 --> 0:07:41.440 you to remain the same. It's wild, right, And here's why. 0:07:41.520 --> 0:07:44.280 Though you may have a goal that you want with 0:07:44.400 --> 0:07:46.760 every fiber of your being, like you want it so 0:07:46.960 --> 0:07:50.320 bad that you think nothing's going to stop me, yet 0:07:50.480 --> 0:07:53.400 you're still met with so much resistance, and there is 0:07:53.520 --> 0:07:57.200 such good reason for that. This is the episode where 0:07:57.200 --> 0:08:00.440 you're going to stop blaming yourself because I told you 0:08:00.440 --> 0:08:03.800 to and science and what I'm about to explain to 0:08:03.800 --> 0:08:06.200 you generally change the way I look at habits and 0:08:06.280 --> 0:08:09.400 myself and also the way I talk to myself. So 0:08:09.480 --> 0:08:11.600 here are the things you need to know about your 0:08:11.640 --> 0:08:14.040 brain and you. And this is a science that we 0:08:14.080 --> 0:08:17.280 all needed to learn back at school. Like I said, now, 0:08:17.280 --> 0:08:20.119 I know you guys could understand this scenario very very well. 0:08:20.840 --> 0:08:23.000 Let's just say it's January. You decide, okay, I'm going 0:08:23.080 --> 0:08:25.000 to go to the gym three times a week. That 0:08:25.080 --> 0:08:29.040 sounds pretty doable. So you say, okay, I want to 0:08:29.040 --> 0:08:33.800 start Monday, and the week leading up you are obsessing 0:08:33.840 --> 0:08:36.280 over it. You're thinking, oh, like do I go, Actually, 0:08:36.320 --> 0:08:38.400 do I go Monday? Or maybe I'll go Wednesday. Or 0:08:38.400 --> 0:08:40.400 maybe you're thinking, oh, actually no, I don't have any 0:08:40.440 --> 0:08:42.120 like gym clothes, like oh, maybe I'll have to wait 0:08:42.160 --> 0:08:44.840 another week. Or maybe you're thinking, oh, my shoes they're 0:08:44.840 --> 0:08:47.280 not they're a bit dirty, like oh, I just might 0:08:47.320 --> 0:08:51.200 buy new pres of shoes. And you start throwing around 0:08:51.200 --> 0:08:54.640 a million reasons that you think are reasons or excuses 0:08:54.720 --> 0:08:56.960 in your mind as to why you can't actually do 0:08:57.000 --> 0:08:59.280 the thing that you've already decided on, but now it 0:08:59.280 --> 0:09:03.120 seems too hard, And then the day comes and you 0:09:03.160 --> 0:09:05.719 start thinking, oh, I don't know anyone there, like like 0:09:05.760 --> 0:09:07.680 what if I fall over and make a fool of myself? 0:09:08.000 --> 0:09:10.560 And your brain starts flooding you with reasons why this 0:09:10.640 --> 0:09:13.679 is actually quite dangerous because to your brain. It is 0:09:14.520 --> 0:09:18.240 the reason why your brain does this is it defaults 0:09:18.240 --> 0:09:22.400 to the familiar because it's safe. Now, decades of neuroscience 0:09:22.440 --> 0:09:25.480 show that the brain heavily relies on predicting what's going 0:09:25.480 --> 0:09:30.040 to happen next based on past experiences. So we are 0:09:30.080 --> 0:09:34.440 literally living our life through a lens of the past. 0:09:35.000 --> 0:09:36.959 So say, for example, let's talk about public speaking for 0:09:37.000 --> 0:09:39.480 you set, because I was talking about that before. You 0:09:39.480 --> 0:09:43.440 did public speaking once and you farted during your speech. 0:09:43.480 --> 0:09:45.719 You just you let it rip. The whole class is 0:09:45.800 --> 0:09:48.640 laughing at you. And before that you might have been 0:09:48.679 --> 0:09:50.560 one of the widows, which I wish I was, that 0:09:50.760 --> 0:09:51.640 liked public speaking. 0:09:51.760 --> 0:09:52.600 But now you hate it. 0:09:53.240 --> 0:09:55.480 So now whenever you have to talk in front of 0:09:55.520 --> 0:09:58.240 a group of people, your body and your brain is 0:09:58.320 --> 0:10:01.920 freaking out because it's not safe, and you're to your 0:10:01.920 --> 0:10:04.679 brain it's not safe. Maybe it's not safe to the 0:10:04.679 --> 0:10:07.640 people standing behind you when you're actually farighted, but you 0:10:07.679 --> 0:10:11.760 are now living your life through the past. You're not 0:10:11.760 --> 0:10:14.560 actually living in the current moment. It's kind of like, 0:10:15.240 --> 0:10:17.880 so you're living in a really shitty apartment and you're 0:10:17.920 --> 0:10:20.560 just not happy there. Every morning you wake up and 0:10:20.600 --> 0:10:23.199 instead of thinking, oh, today's a new day and you're 0:10:23.240 --> 0:10:25.360 just taking it as like what presents to you, you 0:10:25.679 --> 0:10:28.200 wake up and you're like, hate it here, I hate this, 0:10:28.240 --> 0:10:30.200 I hate this apartment, and you just start to be 0:10:30.280 --> 0:10:32.599 negative straight away because you're living through the past. So 0:10:32.720 --> 0:10:35.080 this is what your brain does, and it makes up 0:10:35.080 --> 0:10:38.160 who we are, which is kind of like sometimes it 0:10:38.200 --> 0:10:40.480 can feel a bit defeating, but it's also. 0:10:40.360 --> 0:10:41.839 Kind of powerful when you learn that. 0:10:42.280 --> 0:10:44.400 Now, when it comes to habits, your brain wants you 0:10:44.440 --> 0:10:47.560 to stay with what's familiar because it knows the outcome, 0:10:48.080 --> 0:10:50.760 and when it knows the outcome, it's predictable, so therefore 0:10:50.760 --> 0:10:53.360 it's safe because it knows exactly what's going to happen. 0:10:53.520 --> 0:10:56.120 And your brain's sole purpose is to keep you safe, 0:10:56.440 --> 0:10:59.360 which sometimes you know, our brain is telling us we're 0:10:59.400 --> 0:11:02.520 being chased sabertoothed tiger, but you're actually just talking to 0:11:02.520 --> 0:11:05.120 Margaret from accounts who's a little bit passive aggressive. You 0:11:05.160 --> 0:11:07.320 don't actually need to be stressing out about it. But 0:11:07.400 --> 0:11:09.559 our brain is just trying to protect us. So when 0:11:09.640 --> 0:11:13.440 it comes to new habits, our brain sees that as 0:11:13.440 --> 0:11:15.760 a threat because it doesn't know what's going to happen. 0:11:15.800 --> 0:11:18.760 It doesn't know the outcome, so therefore it's a threat, 0:11:18.800 --> 0:11:22.199 it's dangerous. So when a version of you feels unfamiliar, 0:11:22.320 --> 0:11:25.360 the brain flags it as unknown and it's unsafe, so 0:11:25.400 --> 0:11:27.240 it pulls you back to what it knows. 0:11:27.880 --> 0:11:28.440 So even if a. 0:11:28.440 --> 0:11:31.280 Habit is bad for you, like scrolling over eating, staying 0:11:31.280 --> 0:11:34.000 in a job you hate, or avoiding hard conversations, your 0:11:34.040 --> 0:11:36.840 brain goes, well, I know how this ends, and we survived, 0:11:36.880 --> 0:11:38.840 so let's just do that again. And it replays, and 0:11:38.880 --> 0:11:42.000 it replays and it replays, and new habits are the opposite. 0:11:42.240 --> 0:11:45.360 New habits are unfamiliar and, according to your brain, as 0:11:45.440 --> 0:11:49.640 unpredictable as the unknown, as the threat. So who would 0:11:49.679 --> 0:11:51.240 have thought going to pilates was going to be so 0:11:51.240 --> 0:11:52.000 bloody dangerous? 0:11:52.080 --> 0:11:54.240 Right? So, yes, your brain wants to keep you. 0:11:54.200 --> 0:11:56.320 Doing the same things you've always done, even if those 0:11:56.320 --> 0:11:58.959 things make you unhappy, even if they make you unhealthy. 0:11:59.440 --> 0:12:00.240 And even if. 0:12:00.160 --> 0:12:02.920 Keeping you stuck, because your brain's number one job is 0:12:03.000 --> 0:12:07.680 not happiness, it's not success, and it's not growth, it's safety. 0:12:08.520 --> 0:12:12.280 And to your brain, safety equals predictability. And to make 0:12:12.400 --> 0:12:15.360 that even harder, our brains are actually quite lazy. Yes, 0:12:15.400 --> 0:12:18.200 they like to do things that are low effort. And 0:12:18.240 --> 0:12:21.680 what's really interesting is that there are actually different systems 0:12:21.720 --> 0:12:25.960 in the brain for habits versus goal orientated behavior. So 0:12:26.080 --> 0:12:30.000 habit driven behavior relies on brain pathways that make things automatic, 0:12:30.080 --> 0:12:32.640 so it's less effort, it's low energy, and your brain 0:12:32.720 --> 0:12:34.800 is super lazy, so it's going to pick this option. 0:12:34.880 --> 0:12:36.680 It's like, yeah, cool, we're going to do that. So 0:12:36.720 --> 0:12:38.360 it's like, you know, when you have that one thing 0:12:38.360 --> 0:12:40.240 that's going to require a little bit of brain power, 0:12:40.280 --> 0:12:42.120 like replying to that email you've been putting off. 0:12:42.480 --> 0:12:43.840 Instead of doing that, you're going to. 0:12:43.840 --> 0:12:46.920 Scroll on Instagram because that is just easier, and your 0:12:46.920 --> 0:12:48.840 brain's like, we're not doing that. We're not doing that today. 0:12:49.640 --> 0:12:52.640 And then goal directed behavior, so you know when you 0:12:52.679 --> 0:12:55.840 want to try the new thing or change requires effort 0:12:55.920 --> 0:12:58.640 and it's conscious thinking. So once a habit gets strong, 0:12:59.080 --> 0:13:02.119 the automatic habit system we can call it it dominates, 0:13:02.120 --> 0:13:04.280 So even if you want a new behavior, your brain 0:13:04.320 --> 0:13:05.079 will default to. 0:13:05.040 --> 0:13:08.720 The old you, so the old habits. So in simple terms, 0:13:08.720 --> 0:13:09.360 your brain. 0:13:09.120 --> 0:13:12.280 Prefers autopilot because it uses less energy and it feels normal. 0:13:12.760 --> 0:13:15.679 That's one reason why bad habits stick long after we've 0:13:15.720 --> 0:13:17.280 mentally decided we don't want them. 0:13:17.400 --> 0:13:20.120 So me, for example, I'm gonna I've. 0:13:20.000 --> 0:13:23.040 Talked about this before, but I've always been I've had 0:13:23.040 --> 0:13:25.719 a history of being a bit reliant with alcohol. And 0:13:25.760 --> 0:13:28.240 for me, alcohol is the one thing that kind of 0:13:28.280 --> 0:13:30.920 like numbed me out and my anxiety. Not a good 0:13:30.920 --> 0:13:33.280 habit to have, and it's it was a struggle for 0:13:33.320 --> 0:13:35.320 a very very long time and it still can come 0:13:35.559 --> 0:13:38.440 up even so like for me, and I know this 0:13:38.520 --> 0:13:41.800 is like a bit different because alcohol is actually an 0:13:41.840 --> 0:13:43.800 addictive substance, but I'm just going to use it as 0:13:43.840 --> 0:13:46.120 an example. But this also comes back to like maybe 0:13:46.320 --> 0:13:48.240 you're someone who likes to snack on certain things in 0:13:48.240 --> 0:13:51.000 the afternoon, or maybe you love Coke zero and you 0:13:51.080 --> 0:13:52.800 just drink so much of those and then you stop 0:13:52.880 --> 0:13:54.040 for a while, but then as soon as you have 0:13:54.080 --> 0:13:57.120 another Coke zero, that habit just takes over again because 0:13:57.160 --> 0:14:00.360 it's in that system, because that's what your brains. It 0:14:00.440 --> 0:14:03.880 defaults back quite quickly, and that's why you do see 0:14:03.920 --> 0:14:07.160 that people can change and they'll overhaul it. Like for me, 0:14:07.320 --> 0:14:08.880 I was able to get. 0:14:08.760 --> 0:14:10.840 A handle on my drinking for a long time, but 0:14:10.960 --> 0:14:12.880 soon has sing got a bit. I felt a little 0:14:12.880 --> 0:14:13.559 bit uncomfortable. 0:14:13.640 --> 0:14:15.440 My brain's like, hey, remember that thing we used to 0:14:15.440 --> 0:14:17.280 do that used to make us feel better. 0:14:17.640 --> 0:14:18.360 Let's go do that. 0:14:18.520 --> 0:14:20.600 And we're like, yeah, how about no have about no 0:14:20.680 --> 0:14:22.200 brain because that's not good for us and it's not 0:14:22.240 --> 0:14:25.440 good for you. And that's why it's so easy for 0:14:25.480 --> 0:14:29.080 you to go back to that autopilot, because those neural 0:14:29.120 --> 0:14:31.680 pathways are so strong in your brain and that's what 0:14:31.720 --> 0:14:34.040 you know. And so even if you haven't done that 0:14:34.320 --> 0:14:36.920 habit for a long time, you can go straight back 0:14:36.960 --> 0:14:39.680 to it very quickly. Now you might be hearing all 0:14:39.680 --> 0:14:41.560 of this and I haven't even told you the rest yet, 0:14:41.600 --> 0:14:43.240 and you might be hearing all of this and you're like, stuah, 0:14:43.320 --> 0:14:45.560 this is so toflate, Like I feel so deflated, Like 0:14:45.800 --> 0:14:46.680 what am I meant to do? 0:14:46.760 --> 0:14:47.920 And at the end of the episode, I. 0:14:47.960 --> 0:14:49.800 Am going to be giving you the cheap sheet to 0:14:49.840 --> 0:14:52.280 work with your brain and how we can actually just 0:14:52.680 --> 0:14:54.920 do these hacks and things that is actually going to 0:14:55.120 --> 0:14:57.280 make us be able to achieve the new routines and 0:14:57.280 --> 0:15:00.600 the new habits. So the next thing, sadly our brain 0:15:00.720 --> 0:15:04.240 being a goal blocker, is dopamine doesn't reward new things 0:15:04.280 --> 0:15:08.040 as easily as the existing habits we've already got. So 0:15:08.120 --> 0:15:11.240 a big chunk of habit science comes from dopamine research, 0:15:11.800 --> 0:15:16.400 and neuroscientists discovered that dopamine neurons don't just reward. 0:15:16.080 --> 0:15:18.080 The actual enjoyment of the thing. 0:15:18.240 --> 0:15:20.080 So it could be like you know, when you have 0:15:20.120 --> 0:15:22.840 a sip of coca cola, I guess, and you're just like, oh, 0:15:22.880 --> 0:15:26.080 you get that like satisfaction that dopamine hit. You actually 0:15:26.160 --> 0:15:30.120 get most of the dopamine from the prediction of the reward. 0:15:30.360 --> 0:15:32.200 So you could say, like. 0:15:32.160 --> 0:15:34.160 For me, for example, because I'm talking about alcohol here, 0:15:34.640 --> 0:15:35.960 i could just say I want to have a glass 0:15:35.960 --> 0:15:37.960 of wine and I'm like, oh, and the dopamine hits 0:15:37.960 --> 0:15:40.520 me straight away, like I'm like, yes, I already feel calm, 0:15:40.760 --> 0:15:43.200 haven't even touched it yet. And then when it comes 0:15:43.240 --> 0:15:46.000 to me actually taking a sip, that dopamine from that 0:15:46.160 --> 0:15:49.200 is actually not as strong as the dopamine I had earlier, 0:15:49.960 --> 0:15:52.000 knowing I was going to have this glass of wine, 0:15:52.320 --> 0:15:54.360 like you already have it once you've decided you're going 0:15:54.400 --> 0:15:56.600 to do the thing, and then sadly, with things like 0:15:56.640 --> 0:16:00.640 alcohol and that, you then chase the dopamine for hours 0:16:00.680 --> 0:16:02.760 after and you actually never reach that same peak. 0:16:03.360 --> 0:16:04.440 It's wild. 0:16:04.920 --> 0:16:07.800 So your dopamine actually spikes when your brain expects the 0:16:07.880 --> 0:16:11.080 reward and not when you get one, which is it 0:16:11.120 --> 0:16:13.520 makes so much sense, doesn't it. It's just crazy and like, 0:16:13.560 --> 0:16:15.520 how do we not know these things? How do we 0:16:15.560 --> 0:16:17.680 not have a brain class at school? Like it's just 0:16:18.080 --> 0:16:21.720 it's ridiculous. And the thing is too things like scrolling 0:16:21.720 --> 0:16:24.400 your phone or eating the same snacks. Like there's research 0:16:24.440 --> 0:16:26.880 showing that the dopamine five is strongest when the outcome 0:16:27.000 --> 0:16:29.600 is that predictable because your brain knows what's going to happen. 0:16:30.280 --> 0:16:33.080 So yeah, obviously new habits it doesn't know the outcome. 0:16:33.320 --> 0:16:34.960 So it's like, no, we're not going to get dopamine 0:16:34.960 --> 0:16:37.360 from there. Why are we not going down that path? 0:16:37.400 --> 0:16:39.880 We always go like, let's walk this way. Like with 0:16:39.960 --> 0:16:42.400 new habits, there is no guarantee, there's no certainty, there's 0:16:42.440 --> 0:16:44.920 no immediate payoffs. Your brain's like, why do we do 0:16:45.000 --> 0:16:47.000 this when we could do something that gives us dopamine 0:16:47.080 --> 0:16:50.200 right now, like right right now. And this is especially 0:16:50.240 --> 0:16:53.280 true if you have ADHD, which makes it even harder 0:16:53.280 --> 0:16:55.520 for us because eighty HD brains are we are so 0:16:56.400 --> 0:17:00.800 dopamine driven, like that's why we hyperfocus on new hobbies, 0:17:00.880 --> 0:17:05.199 like I will go and buy like I still am 0:17:05.240 --> 0:17:07.199 sitting like at home. I have a paint by numbers 0:17:07.240 --> 0:17:09.800 I bought ages ago, and I have only the white 0:17:09.880 --> 0:17:10.919 parts left to paint. 0:17:11.480 --> 0:17:12.280 Do you think I've done it? 0:17:12.359 --> 0:17:14.399 No, Like it's like five percent of the painting, Like 0:17:14.440 --> 0:17:17.159 it will take me like twenty minutes, and it's been 0:17:17.280 --> 0:17:18.879 years and I have not touched it because that, to 0:17:18.920 --> 0:17:19.720 me is not dope for me. 0:17:19.840 --> 0:17:20.960 My brain's like not happening. 0:17:21.520 --> 0:17:25.280 So like for the average person, it's like we're already 0:17:25.320 --> 0:17:28.120 sensitive to the pressure of delayed reward, and now it's 0:17:28.160 --> 0:17:30.480 even worse, so we can't. It's just it feels like 0:17:30.520 --> 0:17:33.399 a losing battle, you know. So I remember back when 0:17:33.440 --> 0:17:36.480 I was a teenager and my dad was teaching me 0:17:36.480 --> 0:17:39.479 how to drive my car. Anyway, so I asked him 0:17:39.480 --> 0:17:41.840 a question about, you know, the clutch because I was 0:17:41.920 --> 0:17:44.359 learning manual and I remember asking him like, when do 0:17:44.400 --> 0:17:45.920 you push it in? Et cetera, et cetera, And I 0:17:45.920 --> 0:17:49.280 remember him stopping and he looked really puzzled, and I 0:17:49.320 --> 0:17:50.520