Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy
Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana.
Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to
Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to new level.
Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self. Today's episode
Speaker 2: is all about grieving old versions of ourselves, which we
Speaker 2: all go through.
Speaker 1: But before we get into it, share really week, Yes
Speaker 1: you go first, Yes please. Mine is a new TV series.
Speaker 1: It's called The Better Sister. It's on Prime. It's got
Speaker 1: Jessica Bield. Do you guys know she is forty three
Speaker 1: years old. She looks insane. You've been raving about how
Speaker 1: good she looks. Oh my god. Her body is like
Speaker 1: a twenty year old not quite like it's mature and sporty.
Speaker 1: But I just she looks so fit, healthy and strong.
Speaker 1: But she's so feminine. She's just hot. I just think
Speaker 1: she's a babe. Forget what she looks like. I need
Speaker 1: to have a look like justin to well, yes, like
Speaker 1: There's just a couple of scenes where she like takes
Speaker 1: her clothes off and she's in a bran unders and
Speaker 1: I'm like, damn, turky, butt toned legs, like tone, tummy.
Speaker 1: She just looks amazing and she's a really great actress.
Speaker 2: Do you think she goes to the gym much takes
Speaker 2: care of herself?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Steve said to me, is she genetically small? Do
Speaker 1: you think she works out? And like, look at the tone,
Speaker 1: Like she trains hard for that body, and I'm sure
Speaker 1: she like eats really well as well. But yeah, this
Speaker 1: whole series is about a couple and they split up,
Speaker 1: they have a kid together. The sister of this girl
Speaker 1: gets with the ex husband and then the husband gets murdered.
Speaker 1: There's a son involved, There's twists and turns. You can't
Speaker 1: figure out who it is. There's so much that was
Speaker 1: happening behind the scenes of the relationship. The sister's been
Speaker 1: paining to someone that she's not and it's just every
Speaker 1: episode there's so much happening. So she love a bit
Speaker 1: of crime, a bit of mystery, a bit of toxic romance,
Speaker 1: and she's being on the edge of your seat trying
Speaker 1: to figure out who did it, like murdered mystery. It's
Speaker 1: cool interesting. Yeah, really good. I have to write it down.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the better sister on Prime my share of the
Speaker 2: week is is actually something that actually bought for us,
Speaker 2: which sounds on going. Actually came to me one day
Speaker 2: and she's like, I got something for you.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm the worst culprit for getting targeted on
Speaker 1: friggin social media ads of stupid shit and I just
Speaker 1: buy it. Get so influenced inluenced.
Speaker 2: It comes around the friend of stuff, like here's a
Speaker 2: little beef teller thing for your face. So this product
Speaker 2: is called her Plus. They're provided gummies or something like
Speaker 2: that for your pH balance in your vagina flavored pineapple.
Speaker 2: So these actually I ended up really loving them. I've
Speaker 2: been using them for like the last month or so
Speaker 2: since we got them. Both tried them.
Speaker 1: I love them.
Speaker 2: I think they're amazing. So there's thousands and thousands of
Speaker 2: reviews of women who experience better sex, better pH balances,
Speaker 2: making sure that like they're obviously all good down there
Speaker 2: and that sort of thing. So I personally have found
Speaker 2: it has made me a little bit more wet for
Speaker 2: context for anybody who's listening. So that is one of
Speaker 2: the benefits of the gummies. Gummies so, yeah, I wanted
Speaker 2: to share them with you guys.
Speaker 1: And I've got no sense in it. I'm not convince
Speaker 1: they work because when I look at the ingredients and
Speaker 1: I still bought them, and when I buy them again,
Speaker 1: they're delicious. Any excuse me to have a lolli if
Speaker 1: it comes in some sort of item, I'm like, even better,
Speaker 1: it's better for me. I just tell myself that. But
Speaker 1: when I look at the back of the ingredients, there
Speaker 1: isn't much in there. There's pineapple flaving, there's smell atole,
Speaker 1: there's a little bit of sugar. There's not a lot
Speaker 1: of things in there. Like, it's definitely not a probotic,
Speaker 1: isn't it. No, And most probotics they have to be
Speaker 1: kept in the fridge too. Yes, once they put into
Speaker 1: a gummy, there's nothing alive in there that can actually
Speaker 1: build your health back up. So I'm not convinced that
Speaker 1: they actually help. However, I do really like them, yep.
Speaker 1: And if it helps me tastes and smell better, I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh for it.
Speaker 2: That's the big thing, is like it helps you taste
Speaker 2: and smell and yeah, making sure that your pH is
Speaker 2: on point basically, And I remember reading on the website
Speaker 2: and it being from like three female women doctors or
Speaker 2: something like that have come together to formulate it for women.
Speaker 2: And I just remember reading the website and be like, oh,
Speaker 2: that's so cool.
Speaker 1: Be very good marketing, though it could be I'm a
Speaker 1: marketer's on moment. Twenty thousand reviews. Yeah, and also when
Speaker 1: you say it makes you more wet, we will a
Speaker 1: s when the week of our population.
Speaker 2: Yes, so we're like true, you know, but also there's
Speaker 2: some reviews on there like that too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So anyway, looks.
Speaker 2: If you're struggling even with like sex and intercourse and intercourse,
Speaker 2: oh my god, I've never said that word.
Speaker 1: In my life. They're delicious, and yeah, give them a go.
Speaker 1: I will order them again just because they're freaking yum
Speaker 1: and if anything can help then why not. But I'm
Speaker 1: just yere, I'm not one hundred percent sure. I feel
Speaker 1: like when you look into supplements, you go to Flannery
Speaker 1: as you can really see what's in it, and they
Speaker 1: call it in the back by a natch path or
Speaker 1: a nutritionist or I don't know.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna have a look on the website, but we'll
Speaker 2: let you guys know.
Speaker 1: Next minutes, a scam have fake doctors not kidding for
Speaker 1: the yump. Anyways, moving on, so what are we talking about?
Speaker 1: Greeting past versions of ourselves and ego deaths and just
Speaker 1: deaths of our old selves. And this is something we
Speaker 1: all go through and maybe something you have never reflected on,
Speaker 1: but we've been through different phases of our lives where
Speaker 1: have had to kind of let go of a past version.
Speaker 1: And it can be har sometimes. Even though you know
Speaker 1: this next level version of yourself is even better. She's
Speaker 1: more evolved, she's more aware, she's more conscious, she's more flowy, calm,
Speaker 1: all the good things, there's still parts of your old
Speaker 1: self that you can grieve. I've had two that I
Speaker 1: feel the biggest ones of me, and the first was
Speaker 1: who I was before I became a mother, and there
Speaker 1: was quite a transition. I felt like, you do almost
Speaker 1: lose your old self. You have a rebirth. When you
Speaker 1: birth a child, you are different. It changes you. It
Speaker 1: changes your perspectives, it changes the way you show up,
Speaker 1: It changes your body, it changes your life, it changes everything.
Speaker 1: So I felt like I had to really get to
Speaker 1: know who I was as a mother and the parts
Speaker 1: of me that I still wanted to keep around the
Speaker 1: parts that I did, and I felt like we're maturing.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to lose the playful side of me,
Speaker 1: So I felt like I went through a period where
Speaker 1: I lost all of that and I was grieving this
Speaker 1: young free like free time, free energy, just end less,
Speaker 1: do whatever I wanted. I'm sat I love freedom as well,
Speaker 1: so I really missed that free spirit. I suppose I
Speaker 1: felt like I needed to be more in control, and
Speaker 1: I was more stressed and I was more anxious, and
Speaker 1: I was like, where has that fun, loving, cruisy, sexual, playful,
Speaker 1: energetic actually gone? She's gone? And is she coming back?
Speaker 1: And then it was the process of like, Okay, maybe
Speaker 1: she is gone and she's been rebirthed, but how can
Speaker 1: I get to know this new version of myself? Who
Speaker 1: do I want to be? I still want to be playful,
Speaker 1: I still want to be in touch with my sexuality.
Speaker 1: I still want to have fun. But it's just going
Speaker 1: to look and feel different. And it's changed at the
Speaker 1: different ages of my kids as well. Like the first
Speaker 1: two or three years at Tarj was just tough. She
Speaker 1: wasn't there.
Speaker 2: She was like keeping above water, she was deep in it.
Speaker 1: Literally just surviving like I was floating in an ocean
Speaker 1: full of sharks ready to be eaten. I don't know
Speaker 1: that's a really bad analogy, but I'm.
Speaker 2: Sure that's how it would have felt in the moment
Speaker 2: it did.
Speaker 1: I felt like I was just surviving, not thriving, Whereas
Speaker 1: with Tala, I found I was just way more regulated
Speaker 1: and I didn't feel like that full death, but I
Speaker 1: did feel like a new and more evolved version was
Speaker 1: and I was just more conscious, careful of my energy,
Speaker 1: and more confident in who I was. And then the
Speaker 1: second one was when I decided to give up on
Speaker 1: my career in the Finnis industry, and that was uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: even though I knew it was the right decision. Like
Speaker 1: things can be the right decision, it doesn't mean it's
Speaker 1: not going to be uncomfortable. So you can make move
Speaker 1: big Bob moves, make big decisions, whether it's ending a
Speaker 1: marriage or a relationship or a friendship, or quitting a
Speaker 1: job or leaving an industry that you know so well.
Speaker 1: It could be the right thing and still be uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: And that's what it was for me because I wrapped
Speaker 1: my identity around being the finness girl, so I'm like,
Speaker 1: who am I now that I'm not that? Why will
Speaker 1: people want to follow me? Why would they want to
Speaker 1: engage with me? What else is there about me? Because
Speaker 1: people have followed me for fitness, for workouts, for routines,
Speaker 1: for health tips, for food, for recipes. So I had
Speaker 1: to get to know who I was and then be
Speaker 1: able to show up authentically to who I was then
Speaker 1: and there, not just continue posting workouts because that's what
Speaker 1: everyone had known me for. But it was a massive
Speaker 1: death of my old self and it was hard to
Speaker 1: let go of. But I think I moved through that
Speaker 1: quite quickly because I loved who I was outside of
Speaker 1: the fitness industry, but I had to take space to
Speaker 1: figure out who that was and what I enjoyed and
Speaker 1: what I wanted to do moving forward. I found that
Speaker 1: more enjoyable as well as greeting it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like there were a few moments, like
Speaker 2: few finding moments throughout that process, but I feel like
Speaker 2: you did handle that quite well. It was just a
Speaker 2: couple of moments in time where you're like, oh, right now,
Speaker 2: it's feeling like a lot, and then yeah, we talk
Speaker 2: about it, process it, you know, and then you get
Speaker 2: closer and closer to what you actually wanted as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's like announcing something and doing something. And
Speaker 1: I remember actually like fully handing everything over to Levi,
Speaker 1: and I'm so glad that he was my business partner.
Speaker 1: I could hand it to someone who I know loves
Speaker 1: it so much. We'd built it together, were't going to
Speaker 1: just sell it to anyone and take over my name.
Speaker 1: It was handing it to someone who had helped build it.
Speaker 1: So I felt really good for that. But it was
Speaker 1: still like, oh, that's not mine anymore. All that work,
Speaker 1: all that time, the community, like the forums, the programs,
Speaker 1: the back end systems, the website, everything is just not
Speaker 1: mine anymore. And it felt like sad and uncomfortable. But
Speaker 1: also this is right and I'm excited for him to
Speaker 1: see what he does with it. So yeah, it was interesting.
Speaker 2: That was a big transition for you.
Speaker 1: It was, but it gave me more space to see, Yeah,
Speaker 1: who I wanted to be, what aligned with me, and
Speaker 1: what I want to do next, which has been part
Speaker 1: of the podcast, and giving some more energy to hide away.
Speaker 1: And it's been fun. I love it.
Speaker 2: You've come more and more into yourself. You've let all
Speaker 2: of these old chapters and things that aren't really feeling
Speaker 2: like not aligned, but not where you want to direct
Speaker 2: your energy anymore. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I love teaching, I always do, and I still love fitness,
Speaker 1: and if I got asked to run a big boot
Speaker 1: camp on stage or something, I'll probably say yes. But
Speaker 1: it's not all of who I am, and it's not
Speaker 1: all of what I wanted to do anymore. The podcast
Speaker 1: gave me a platform and a voice to be able
Speaker 1: to talk about other things that are really important to me,
Speaker 1: because it's not just about health and fitness. There's so
Speaker 1: much more to me and to life than just talking
Speaker 1: about food and exercise. So it's really cool that I
Speaker 1: can still have that passion and there's still a high
Speaker 1: value of mine, but I could talk about so many
Speaker 1: other things that are important conversations to have with women.
Speaker 1: So yeah, it's so beautiful as well.
Speaker 2: The way you've described it is like there's this grieving
Speaker 2: process but it's also equal parts beauty.
Speaker 1: Yeah, a duality, right, Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it sounds like you've had that moment where you've
Speaker 2: had to grieve and let go and be willing to
Speaker 2: let go of the certainty of something yes, to go
Speaker 2: into the unknown definitely come out on the other side
Speaker 2: of something really beautiful.
Speaker 1: And there's the financial side of it too. Yeah, anyone
Speaker 1: in a career transition or you start a business or
Speaker 1: give up a full time job to go out, card
Speaker 1: at your side, hustle or whatever, like that's a big thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: let go of as well. There's so many layers to
Speaker 1: letting go of the old version of yourself that you
Speaker 1: have to work through and take risks and back yourself
Speaker 1: and just on a where you're.
Speaker 2: At right now and trust that you're making the right discay.
Speaker 1: Yeah, moment you know in your body though we always
Speaker 1: say this, when you actually stop, take a moment, slow down, breathe,
Speaker 1: just like recenter, connect with yourself. The answers are there.
Speaker 1: And I got all those answers when I was in hospital. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I had forty eight hours where I was like twiddling
Speaker 1: my thumbs, no distractions, no kids around. I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, this is what I need to do.
Speaker 1: But I've been putting it off for a while. I
Speaker 1: remember months before I even found out my brain on nurism,
Speaker 1: I was just so unhappy. It's crying to Steve all
Speaker 1: the time. I couldn't figure out why I was waking
Speaker 1: up not wanting to go to work. Everything felt hard.
Speaker 1: I didn't feel motivated. Yeah, I loved active wear, but I
Speaker 1: didn't love selling it anymore. I felt like I was
Speaker 1: just constantly selling, selling, selling, and I'd built a brand
Speaker 1: that was off my name and that's how we sold organically.
Speaker 1: All of it just didn't feel good anymore. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: was a strange thing to feel. But when you give
Speaker 1: yourself that space, the answers are there, and then you
Speaker 1: get a choice if you're honor them. So Mike Drop, like,
Speaker 1: what about you? What old versions of you have you
Speaker 1: had to say goodbye to and reinvent yourself and get
Speaker 1: to know who Tiana is now?
Speaker 2: Oh, reinvent myself. I feel like I've reinvented myself a
Speaker 2: million times.
Speaker 1: I love that. Yeah, but on you for being open
Speaker 1: to change.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it's hard and uncomfortable, but it's also a
Speaker 2: really empowering thing as well, because the way that I
Speaker 2: like to see it is like, Wow, I have the
Speaker 2: opportunity for me to completely transform the current life that
Speaker 2: I'm living into some thing that actually feels a line
Speaker 2: for me and is like the reflection of who I
Speaker 2: want to be as a woman. You know, Like, if
Speaker 2: I could look at all the different variations of Tiana that.
Speaker 1: I've over the years, it's like a whirlwind. I would
Speaker 1: have loved seen younger vig.
Speaker 2: God, she's been busy, you know. I think probably the
Speaker 2: biggest transition for me when I was younger, I would say,
Speaker 2: the most like pivot one that kind of started all
Speaker 2: of the other was transitioned from party girl to self development. Yeah,
Speaker 2: growth consciousness. That was the biggest one. That was the
Speaker 2: biggest one that triggered all of the rest of them.
Speaker 2: That's cool, and that was a powerful one for me
Speaker 2: because I almost went from this version of myself who
Speaker 2: was one very unaware, very selfish, self led, didn't really
Speaker 2: care victim, Yeah, victim just was very self focused that
Speaker 2: I was like, just wanted to do what I wanted
Speaker 2: to do. I wanted to have what I wanted to have,
Speaker 2: you know, and everything was very quite self level. And
Speaker 2: then I went from that version of myself to somebody
Speaker 2: who started to gain more self awareness, realize myself, realize
Speaker 2: my patterns, realize my impact on other people and other
Speaker 2: people's impact on me. And that transition, even though it
Speaker 2: was a positive one, I went through like a grieving process.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: It's like I was letting go of the care free
Speaker 2: this is the story I had. I was letting go
Speaker 2: of the care free version of me who didn't really care,
Speaker 2: who had very little responsibility, Yeah, to becoming this woman
Speaker 2: who now cared about what everybody thought, cared about the
Speaker 2: decisions that I made, who I impacted, how I impacted them,
Speaker 2: how much impact I would create on other people in
Speaker 2: the world. And so it went from like a I
Speaker 2: almost aggrieved this real like care free version of my Yeah.
Speaker 2: And it was just a really interesting thing because even
Speaker 2: though I knew it was going to be good for me,
Speaker 2: I just had this story that carefree Tianna didn't get
Speaker 2: to come with me. Yeah, but that's not necessarily true.
Speaker 2: Carefree Tiana did come with me. She just showed up differently,
Speaker 2: you know, cool, instead of being careless and reckless and
Speaker 2: you know, didn't really care for consequences and things like that.
Speaker 2: I just be honestly whatever, Yeah, it'll sort of self out,
Speaker 2: that's fine. It was not absolutely not fine, Absolutely not fine. Yeah,
Speaker 2: the carefree version of me showed up in a different way.
Speaker 2: And so there was a grieving process of even though
Speaker 2: that version of me wasn't good for me, I still
Speaker 2: had to grieve that part of me. Yeah, I degrieve
Speaker 2: the version of me who loved to drink, who went out,
Speaker 2: who partied, who you know, loved attention from guys, who
Speaker 2: didn't take herself seriously. I had to grieve all of
Speaker 2: those parts of me that actually weren't serving me. But
Speaker 2: then I got to let that go and evolve into
Speaker 2: like a more beautiful version of myself, which I'm really
Speaker 2: really proud of. But I don't think people talk about
Speaker 2: that enough. It's like, when you're grieving bad habits, bad choices,
Speaker 2: bad actions, you know, unhealthy ways of thinking, you're grieving
Speaker 2: that part of you as well.
Speaker 1: And I'm assuming when you went through that process, did
Speaker 1: you also kind of have to disconnect from the party
Speaker 1: friends because you were doing different things. So you're not
Speaker 1: only grieving your old party, fun, care free Tiana, but
Speaker 1: you have to grieve the friendships you're going to lose
Speaker 1: because that's how they connect and that's how you guys
Speaker 1: have fun and do things. Have to grieve them as well.
Speaker 2: This is a conversation I actually had the other night,
Speaker 2: and I love that you said that because at every
Speaker 2: point in my journey. Whenever I have been drinking, I
Speaker 2: have lost those friends. But because they're not actually my friends' friends,
Speaker 2: they're my party friends.
Speaker 1: So the connections more surface level. It's not like that
Speaker 1: actually real authentic deep connection at all. Great got at all.
Speaker 2: Those people were meeting me on the same level that
Speaker 2: I was at, so migration, Yeah, it was surface level.
Speaker 2: It was let's go out for the weekend and go
Speaker 2: have fun and go stay in the city, and you know,
Speaker 2: we wouldn't even go get breakfast the next morning. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, So it wasn't deep connection getting to know
Speaker 2: each other, being there for each.
Speaker 1: Other front conversation instead of yeah, and.
Speaker 2: Then it's drama, you know, being there through all the
Speaker 2: chaos and all that sort of stuff. But outside of that,
Speaker 2: was there really any substance to the friendship. No, So yes,
Speaker 2: you grieve the version of you who was that, who
Speaker 2: attracted that, who liked that, and then you grieve the
Speaker 2: version of you who was choosing to be friends with
Speaker 2: all these people who weren't really choosing you.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So that was a really big one for me, and
Speaker 2: the first one that really changed the trajectory of my life.
Speaker 2: Like I'm so grateful. I remember going through that transition
Speaker 2: and thinking, oh my god, I've been sleeping my whole life.
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm finally waking up.
Speaker 1: I sleep walking through life, yeah.
Speaker 2: And just having this new profound awareness of myself and
Speaker 2: my life. I was like, oh my god, like this
Speaker 2: is what life's about. Yeah, So that was really cool
Speaker 2: for me. I would say there's two other ones, but
Speaker 2: the one that I kind of want to point out
Speaker 2: is the one that has been the most recent for me,
Speaker 2: from coach Tiana to more mem.
Speaker 1: I love this one.
Speaker 2: This has been a really cool transition for me. I
Speaker 2: feel like for the longest time in my business, which
Speaker 2: has been like about four years now, I have hid
Speaker 2: behind coach Tiana.
Speaker 1: Explain that who is coach Tiana.
Speaker 2: So coach Tianna is very like well put together, very educated,
Speaker 2: know to shit, yeah, very well presented, and it's kind
Speaker 2: of like the very professional Tiana, if I could label it,
Speaker 2: you know, like you go into an office well dressed,
Speaker 2: well kept, speaks well, presents themselves well. And that for
Speaker 2: me has been kind of like my coach Tiana and
Speaker 2: my persona. Yeah, and I haven't intentionally meant to do that,
Speaker 2: but what I noticed is that I was like hiding
Speaker 2: behind the version of me who was just a coach.
Speaker 2: And it's not a bad thing, but it was like
Speaker 2: that became my world. It became my everything, and I
Speaker 2: really didn't make a lot of space for every other
Speaker 2: facet of who I am as a woman. And then
Speaker 2: I started to come and do this podcast and do
Speaker 2: things like this and show more of myself.
Speaker 1: And then I.
Speaker 2: Started to realize that I was almost like grieving coach Tiana,
Speaker 2: because whilst yes, there is an element of that being me,
Speaker 2: it's not all of me. Yeah, but I was presenting
Speaker 2: myself as.
Speaker 1: All of that. You had to grieve that for yourself,
Speaker 1: but also your online presence and like introduce these news
Speaker 1: parts of you, and I know there was fear for
Speaker 1: you around will people accept this? Like will they like
Speaker 1: this kind of content? And then when you didn't get
Speaker 1: as many views whatever, you be like, oh my people
Speaker 1: want my coaching videos. Yes. And it's been this dip
Speaker 1: in and out of just being like, Okay, well, I
Speaker 1: just have to show up as me, regardless of the numbers,
Speaker 1: regardless of what people may think, like I want to
Speaker 1: show all these sides for me because this is me
Speaker 1: and that's what I thought.
Speaker 2: I had this story that people only wanted to see
Speaker 2: me as Coach Tiana. Yeah, and so I posted three
Speaker 2: times a day and I was posting only talking videos
Speaker 2: on the educational based content. And yeah, it felt easy
Speaker 2: to do that, easy to be presented as that, but
Speaker 2: it also didn't feel fully authentic either.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 2: Fun, it wasn't as fun. Yeah, I don't get me wrong,
Speaker 2: I love it. Yeah, I really get a huge kick
Speaker 2: out of it. Mentally, it stimulates me so much. I'm
Speaker 2: like fuck, yeah, yeah, but it was becoming less and
Speaker 2: less fun.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're finding the balance of incorporating all of it.
Speaker 2: I literally thought that people wouldn't follow me anymore if
Speaker 2: I wasn't Coach Tiana.
Speaker 1: I was like the opposite. They want to see more
Speaker 1: of you, and you know, I get to see you
Speaker 1: behind the scenes and wan everyone else to experience this
Speaker 1: version of you.
Speaker 2: And I had a story that, like, I wouldn't be
Speaker 2: interesting enough to follow if I wasn't teaching them something.
Speaker 1: Yes, you know.
Speaker 2: So that's been me on learning that story and really
Speaker 2: grieving like the persona that is Coach Tiana and knowing
Speaker 2: that like I can still be Coach Tiana but I
Speaker 2: don't have to change who I am to do it, yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, and then showing all different sides of my
Speaker 2: human as well, and like that's allowed and welcomed. And
Speaker 2: the more that I've done that, the more authentic I feel,
Speaker 2: the more myself I feel, the easier it feels to
Speaker 2: discern who were for me, who were not, and all
Speaker 2: that sort of stuff. That's really cool a refinement process
Speaker 2: of that. So I felt like I really had to
Speaker 2: grieve that version of me, but in the best way
Speaker 2: because grieving that version of me allowed me to find
Speaker 2: more of me. Yes, and now the things that we
Speaker 2: even talk about on the podcast, Coach Gianna would have
Speaker 2: never shared that, But when I think about what I do,
Speaker 2: I'm like, of course that makes sense. Like my clients
Speaker 2: say to me all the time on our one on
Speaker 2: one sessions how much they love when I share openly
Speaker 2: about my personal experiences. But do I do that on
Speaker 2: social media before? No?
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely not.
Speaker 2: But it's when they get into the container and my
Speaker 2: this softer, vulnerable version of me that I actually am
Speaker 2: that's really cool. So that's been a really pivotal thing
Speaker 2: for me recently.
Speaker 1: That's beautiful. Another thing we want to touch on too,
Speaker 1: is like not only grieving old versions of yourself, but
Speaker 1: grieving past relationships. Yeah. I don't know if you've heard
Speaker 1: this before. I think it's a relationship coach that Steve
Speaker 1: and I saw. I think I was just asking him
Speaker 1: questions about couples he works with, and he said, in
Speaker 1: a male female relationship, when they break up, the woman
Speaker 1: has normally like grieved the relationship for at least a
Speaker 1: year prior, so when it comes to breaking up, she's
Speaker 1: ready to go. But for the male comes a bit
Speaker 1: of the shock, and then he goes through his grieving
Speaker 1: process as it's happening. So he's like, you do look
Speaker 1: like you don't even care, and she's like, I've been
Speaker 1: caring for over a year and you haven't taken notice.
Speaker 1: And I feel like in a friendship dynamic, that's happened
Speaker 1: to me as I've grieved the friendship while we're still friends,
Speaker 1: even though I know the friendship isn't aligned or isn't
Speaker 1: lighting me up for Our conversations are different because we've changed,
Speaker 1: we've become mothers now, we're just going on different paths.
Speaker 1: We've got different things going to laugh where our opinions
Speaker 1: have changed, and I've noticed that in a particular friendship
Speaker 1: dynamic that it just wasn't feeling good anymore. It wasn't
Speaker 1: anything bad happened, it just wasn't feeling aligned. But I
Speaker 1: were desperate to make that friendship work, so I just
Speaker 1: I remember feeling the grief of like I wish we
Speaker 1: could just go back to how connected were you used
Speaker 1: to be, But the connection's not there, and I can't
Speaker 1: put my finger on exactly what it is, but I
Speaker 1: remember grieving that friendship and then like as time went on,
Speaker 1: we spent less and less time together and now we
Speaker 1: don't really talk. There was that whole grieving process. Because
Speaker 1: you change, they change, the situation, change, life changes. It's
Speaker 1: just a part of the journey, unfortunately. But reaving relationship
Speaker 1: dynamics is really tough as well. And I've done that
Speaker 1: with Steve as well. You know, when I first met
Speaker 1: Steve to who he is now, he used to be
Speaker 1: so you wouldn't believe. It's so social, so extroverted. He
Speaker 1: was the glue. Steve would organize everything without big crew,
Speaker 1: with a crew of twenty friends, would do everything together
Speaker 1: on the weekends, parties like events. He was organized a
Speaker 1: big limo and organize everyone's drinks and like book the
Speaker 1: restaurants and if Steve didn't go, no one went, like
Speaker 1: it was him. And now he's so anti social and
Speaker 1: just wants to be home with his kids and live
Speaker 1: dad life. But yet there's grieving. Oh okay, that was
Speaker 1: an old version of him. Now now he's grown involved
Speaker 1: and values different things. And I remember going through those
Speaker 1: pros and it wasn't like a, oh, I don't lie
Speaker 1: this new version. It's like, oh, it's just different. So
Speaker 1: our relationship dynamic changes then, And I'm sure there's been
Speaker 1: times where he's felt like that with me where I've
Speaker 1: changed and gone through motherhood and postpart and depression and
Speaker 1: then found my spark again and you know, changed my
Speaker 1: careers and I've found different versions of myself. It's like
Speaker 1: it can be hard equally as exciting as equally grieving
Speaker 1: it and.
Speaker 2: Doing it with somebody else as well, because you're navigating
Speaker 2: through different people, not just one. Yeah, when you go
Speaker 2: through your own interunnel shifts, you're experiencing it on your own,
Speaker 2: you're like, wow, okay, I'm growing. But like when you
Speaker 2: have another person in the mix, Yeah, you have to
Speaker 2: get to know each other all over again.
Speaker 1: Definitely.
Speaker 2: Imagine it's been like that throughout the seventeen years. Yep.
Speaker 1: And even work relationships, like I've worked with a lot
Speaker 1: of friends over the years, and when they don't work
Speaker 1: for me anymore and the friendship fizzles out, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: that was a work friendship. Oh that wasn't a proper friendship.
Speaker 1: It was really hard, and I had to grieve what
Speaker 1: I thought our friendship was. And I had to obviously
Speaker 1: turn it around to just be like in acceptance and
Speaker 1: gratitude for that season. Yeah, some people I just meant
Speaker 1: to be your life for a season or a reason,
Speaker 1: and that work friendship it was that, you know. And
Speaker 1: other work friendships have continued on, like Mega worked for me,
Speaker 1: she's a PA for a while, and we've continued our
Speaker 1: friendship and it's beautiful. But there has been some that
Speaker 1: once they have gone and never hear from them, or
Speaker 1: it's like every now and again, a little swipe up
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, we're not as close as what
Speaker 1: we work.
Speaker 2: That's hard though, when you have that realization and you're
Speaker 2: like all of that coasty.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you've just here to work. But that's also Okay,
Speaker 1: they serve their purpose and did an amazing job at
Speaker 1: their job when you're better do it without them, and
Speaker 1: you provided them a job.
Speaker 2: Now you're just in different seasons. Yeah, and it just
Speaker 2: so happens that you're just on different paths. Yeah, different places.
Speaker 1: And they'll make new work friends and go and have
Speaker 1: those friendships and that might be for a season two
Speaker 1: and that's cool and it's what it is. But the
Speaker 1: grief is real. Yeah, that's what we want to talk
Speaker 1: about and acknowledge because a lot of people don't talk
Speaker 1: about this, Like I've never heard anyone talk about this. True.
Speaker 1: Soonet anyone listening to be like, you're not alone. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we go through this too, do you'll go through this everyone?
Speaker 1: Many of people are. Yeah, so true.
Speaker 2: Like what you said about what happens in friendships, I've
Speaker 2: had that in relationships.
Speaker 1: We you have it in friendships. I have it in relationships.
Speaker 1: Talk about this all the time. This is a common
Speaker 1: conversation with anxiousness around relationships. You're into it, mind's friendship?
Speaker 2: Yes, Oh my god, I'm like anxious Tiana in a
Speaker 2: relationship is not confident Tiana.
Speaker 1: And anxious Ashley is not confident in friendship and it
Speaker 1: stems back to like literally primary school and when you're younger.
Speaker 1: There so many reasons why we like this, but it's
Speaker 1: so real and it's so hard.
Speaker 2: Is I've had that experience you mentioned before around grieving
Speaker 2: a relationship before actually leaving the relationship. Yes, because it
Speaker 2: is that you're fighting for the connection to stay plugged
Speaker 2: in that you're like over extending yourself and you're you know,
Speaker 2: overcompensating for the other person where they're not showing up
Speaker 2: or where you think that they're not showing up. Yeah,
Speaker 2: like keep the glue.
Speaker 1: To the relationship.
Speaker 2: And then I feel like this thing happens internally where
Speaker 2: you just shift.
Speaker 1: You do, but it can't explain it.
Speaker 2: No, But it's a long progression. It's like a build
Speaker 2: up of time and time again feeling something and then
Speaker 2: you just and you unplug right and then you're just like, oh,
Speaker 2: I get it now, this isn't it. But that grieving process, Yes,
Speaker 2: you just know, I think, because it doesn't matter what
Speaker 2: point in the grieving process you are, or what the
Speaker 2: reasoning is or how the contact of the situation is,
Speaker 2: it hurts the same.
Speaker 1: It does. It is such a good point. It hurts
Speaker 1: the same.
Speaker 2: It does whether you're being broken up with and it's
Speaker 2: the person you want to spend your life with. The
Speaker 2: grieving process is hard. Whether you're the person doing it.
Speaker 2: The grieving process is hard. Whether it's a friendship, it
Speaker 2: doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: Like the grieving process is hard.
Speaker 2: Oh, shit is uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: I remember asking this is so offt topic. I remember
Speaker 1: asking you, But it's just interesting because I haven't been
Speaker 1: broken up with. I've only done the breaking up. Remember
Speaker 1: I asked you, and I asked Steve too, what's harder
Speaker 1: being broken up with or you doing the breaking up?
Speaker 1: What did you say?
Speaker 2: I think I said being broken up with, and.
Speaker 1: Steve said the same thing. Because you're out of control
Speaker 1: and you have no choice, So you might want to
Speaker 1: be with that person. Yeah, and you have no choice
Speaker 1: but to move on. I definitely think.
Speaker 2: It's harder, especially if you're in love with the person,
Speaker 2: predicted the future vision of your life with them and
Speaker 2: all that sort of stuff. I do think it's harder.
Speaker 2: But also when somebody else breaks up with you and
Speaker 2: they're honest with you, it allows you to kind of detach.
Speaker 2: I feel like if they're honest with you, you can
Speaker 2: kind of like okay, like I respect myself enough to
Speaker 2: know that this person will want to be with me.
Speaker 1: That's okay. You're as conscious as what you are, Like
Speaker 1: most people would not find that.
Speaker 2: Otherwise, I find if you're the one doing the breaking
Speaker 2: up and that person still wants you, you have to
Speaker 2: have really strong boundaries. I think it's sometimes to go guilty.
Speaker 2: You feel guilty, it's easy to go back and entertain
Speaker 2: it because it feels nice and all the things. I
Speaker 2: don't know that makes sense.
Speaker 1: It does. I've always done the brain if I only
Speaker 1: had three partners, but my two before Steve, like I
Speaker 1: broke up with them, Yeah, and I just felt like
Speaker 1: I was destroying their world and I felt so guilty
Speaker 1: and it was an awful feeling. But then when Steve
Speaker 1: explained it on the other end, it's like when you
Speaker 1: want to be with someone and they don't want to
Speaker 1: be with you, you can't do anything to change their mind,
Speaker 1: and then you feel you don't want to beg for them,
Speaker 1: but you kind of do because you want them so much,
Speaker 1: and you'll do anything for them. You'll abandon yourself just
Speaker 1: to make it work because you love them so much.
Speaker 1: She's like, it's the worst feeling in the world.
Speaker 2: Because you're willing to do well whatever to make it work.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then they're just like, Nope, this is my decision.
Speaker 2: You know something else on the topic of grieving, Yeah,
Speaker 2: the past relationship of mine. When I left that relationship,
Speaker 2: I felt like I had to grieve the version of
Speaker 2: myself that I was when I was with him.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah. I loved who I was.
Speaker 2: When I was with him, Yeah, in terms of how
Speaker 2: I showed up, my level of commitment, all of these things.
Speaker 2: And then when I wasn't with him, I thought, oh
Speaker 2: my god, if I'm not with him anymore, I'm going
Speaker 2: to lose this version of myself. Yeah, And so I
Speaker 2: felt like, in a way, I actually did have to
Speaker 2: grieve a version of me that I was when I
Speaker 2: was with him, because one, I wasn't being my authentic
Speaker 2: self fully, not one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: And then I yeah, I had.
Speaker 2: To grieve yeah, yeah, the parts of me that kind
Speaker 2: of left with him.
Speaker 1: That makes sense, Does that make sense? I think a
Speaker 1: lot of people will be able to relate to that. Yeah. Oh.
Speaker 1: It's a lot of grief in general, And no matter
Speaker 1: what situation, grief is just it hurts the same. It
Speaker 1: does it had the same We all go through it,
Speaker 1: we all experience it. That's something collectively that we all
Speaker 1: have to go.
Speaker 2: Through, and we'll be here crying to each other and
Speaker 2: grieving more future things.
Speaker 1: So come join us, Come join us, sir, Thank you,
Speaker 1: come again, So thank you for joining us. We hope
Speaker 1: you love that episode. We'd love also if you guys
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