Speaker 1: I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming.
Speaker 2: She how do I put?
Speaker 1: This?
Speaker 2: Isn't a fan of my kissing style.
Speaker 1: We have a boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours.
Speaker 1: He's in a trash bin. He's non recyclable catching number.
Speaker 2: I loved being loved, I love love.
Speaker 1: On today's episode of Where's Your Head At, we will
Speaker 1: be discussing settling in relationships and whether or not to
Speaker 1: lower your expectations or standards.
Speaker 2: We also have a special guest in the studio today,
Speaker 2: Anna's ex boyfriend, Josh Packham.
Speaker 1: Stay tuned to hear all the juicy goss from Josh.
Speaker 1: Where's Your Head At is a podcast that talks all
Speaker 1: things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between.
Speaker 2: This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip,
Speaker 2: intimate details, advice, and much more.
Speaker 3: Thanks for having me, guys, But that's a pretty rough
Speaker 3: title out there. And his ex boyfriend what about like
Speaker 3: Love Island cosar block runner up? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Well, I mean they're all eligible like titles for you,
Speaker 1: But I mean you are my ex boyfriend. This is
Speaker 1: mine and Matt's podcast, so I just have.
Speaker 3: To eat it. You have to eat it. I read
Speaker 3: it for you, Josh, we will run with it.
Speaker 2: How are you feeling, mate, coming off the block?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm still like over the moon is still sort
Speaker 3: of hitting home. So it's taken at least three or
Speaker 3: four days to try to just process what happened, and
Speaker 3: you know, I don't think I will process it for
Speaker 3: at least another week or two. But it's sort of
Speaker 3: sombar that the whole thing's come to an end. Obviously
Speaker 3: watching it back was very tough. Doing the block was
Speaker 3: very tough. So it's kind of gone on for nine
Speaker 3: or ten months now, so it's kind of like that
Speaker 3: chapter's closing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So it's a bit bittersweet, you'd.
Speaker 3: Say it is. Yeah, even through the hard times, it's
Speaker 3: something that you're consistently thinking of all the time, Like
Speaker 3: it became my life. Yeah, So now that it's over,
Speaker 3: it's sort of a good thing that I can kind
Speaker 3: of not have to worry about, oh, what's going to
Speaker 3: be shown next episode and have that on my mind.
Speaker 3: But it's all I know for you know, a good
Speaker 3: period of time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so that chapter is closing. What's in it for
Speaker 1: the next chapter?
Speaker 3: Next chapter? I don't think I want to do any
Speaker 3: TV like.
Speaker 2: Retiring from the retire.
Speaker 3: I think the public has had enough Luke and I've
Speaker 3: had enough, especially Luke. You know, he's got a family
Speaker 3: on the way. I don't think he really wants to
Speaker 3: do TV again, and you know, we're sort of a
Speaker 3: packaged deal. But yeah, I don't know. I would potentially
Speaker 3: do something, but it would have to be really interesting,
Speaker 3: like an SAS or some challenging like a survivor. But
Speaker 3: besides that, you know, I'll call it a day, I mean,
Speaker 3: and Luke would just focus on our business. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well you said that Luke has a kid on the way,
Speaker 1: which is very exciting with him. Yeah, tell us about
Speaker 1: the moment when he first told you he was going to.
Speaker 2: Be a dad.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Obviously it caught myself by surprise and the fan I
Speaker 3: was sort of picking up on it. I could see
Speaker 3: that his partner Olivia wasn't drinking any wine. Lave your
Speaker 3: loves a glass of wine, so I was like, what's
Speaker 3: going on there? Yeah, you know, there was some telltale signs,
Speaker 3: but yeah, it's still that shock moment, like, Wow, you're
Speaker 3: about to have a baby. You're going to be a dad,
Speaker 3: Babby Luke. Yeah, the picture but it's very real and
Speaker 3: it's got to be happening in March. So yeah, I
Speaker 3: think you'll be a really good dad and you'll be
Speaker 3: a good mum. Obviously they're engage and they were looking
Speaker 3: to be married next year, but obviously that might have
Speaker 3: to be delayed again. So first time COVID, second time baby,
Speaker 3: hopefully there's no third time, and tied the Knight.
Speaker 2: Has this news made you think about having a kid now?
Speaker 3: No, I'm not really kind of just doing my own
Speaker 3: thing for a while. Obviously I want to have kids
Speaker 3: at some point in my life, but at twenty eight,
Speaker 3: I still feel young. You know, I've got heaps and
Speaker 3: mates that a dad's and you. I love that, like
Speaker 3: once you have a kid, you love that last style.
Speaker 3: But it's something that I feel I can do later
Speaker 3: in life.
Speaker 1: So I feel like you've got a lot of Josh
Speaker 1: has got a lot of strong single single years, left
Speaker 1: a lot of.
Speaker 2: A lot of life to live.
Speaker 3: A lot of.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I want to travel, I said, a lot of
Speaker 2: lives to live in.
Speaker 3: You're so disgusting that I don't keep the numbers like you.
Speaker 3: It's all good. Yeah, I think you know. I want
Speaker 3: to travel. I want to go to Europe, have a
Speaker 3: good time, do thing overseas, and then you know, then
Speaker 3: find a partner.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I think it's funny because obviously you
Speaker 1: and Luke are identical twins. Right, technically, this baby is
Speaker 1: going to be somewhat what your kid's going to look like.
Speaker 3: Right, Well, yeah, it'll have fifty per cent my DNA,
Speaker 3: so it's a little weird. I can't feel about my baby,
Speaker 3: That's what I was thinking.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like Olivia. This sounds like off, but
Speaker 1: like kind of like carrying your somewhat child.
Speaker 3: Oh, I don't want to picture that. I can't think
Speaker 3: of it like that.
Speaker 2: It got all that I didn't think it was going
Speaker 2: for this podcast.
Speaker 3: But yeah, no, it will be obviously more hands on
Speaker 3: with Luke's kid because we're twins, so we're prettingly close.
Speaker 3: So it sort of will be a good good practice,
Speaker 3: I guess for when I'm ready in maybe ten years time,
Speaker 3: maybe four or five years too old.
Speaker 2: All right, So on that talking about coming on this podcast,
Speaker 2: have you listened to any of our podcast episodes? You
Speaker 2: have any thoughts about what it's smoking about here? Yeah,
Speaker 2: you want to clear the air, you tell your side
Speaker 2: of any stories.
Speaker 3: I mean, obviously I listened to the first episode, and
Speaker 3: then when Anna was going to be mentioning our breakup
Speaker 3: and relationship, obviously I was going to have a little listening.
Speaker 3: So I have listened some things obviously I agree with,
Speaker 3: and then other things I was like, oh, hold on,
Speaker 3: that's not the full story.
Speaker 2: You have a platform now to tell the viewers.
Speaker 1: You need to clear anything up.
Speaker 3: I mean, in our relationship, it's very hard coming off
Speaker 3: lovel and it's a perfect well sort of what Anna said,
Speaker 3: But when you come off, then you're in the stressful
Speaker 3: environment of normal life. And I think we found out
Speaker 3: pretty quickly that we weren't meant for each other. And
Speaker 3: I think it's just because we have very different love
Speaker 3: languages as well. I'm quality time. I thought animal's quality time,
Speaker 3: but that's what you told me originally, but it turns
Speaker 3: out you're more like acts of affirmation and acts of
Speaker 3: service and gifts.
Speaker 2: Gifts I reckon, No, I do, I reckon your acts
Speaker 2: of service? Okay, definitely, because.
Speaker 1: I'm definitely quality time, and what's the touch?
Speaker 3: Can't be all of them? Are?
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm covering.
Speaker 2: Someone that's going to provide all words of affirmation.
Speaker 1: I'm definitely words of affirmation and physical chart. This isn't
Speaker 1: this isn't a ganging up session. Hold on a second,
Speaker 1: a second. I used to like do really nice things
Speaker 1: for you. I'd like, bring you a coffee in the morning,
Speaker 1: and I'd buy your gifts and I wanted that return
Speaker 1: to Josh, and you.
Speaker 3: Were able.
Speaker 1: We go.
Speaker 3: Making me coffee for one. You know, I don't even
Speaker 3: drink coffee you brought me maybe maybe that's hold on,
Speaker 3: hold on. You might have brought me in three or
Speaker 3: four t's for me in bed during the relationship, because
Speaker 3: I don't even want that. Then you were sort of like,
Speaker 3: I would really like you to make me a coffee.
Speaker 3: I probably made you a coffee four or five times
Speaker 3: a week, every morning. One percent, one hundred percent, Yes
Speaker 3: I did. Look, it was so skewed. Can you say
Speaker 3: that because that's your But that's what you want because
Speaker 3: you wanted the acts of service. So then I would
Speaker 3: always get out of bed and make you the coffee
Speaker 3: in the morning. It wasn't like, here's your tea, Josh
Speaker 3: in bed. Look, do you want me to tack you
Speaker 3: in for an extra hour?
Speaker 1: It was it was not like that you're a bit
Speaker 1: ungrateful what I did for you.
Speaker 3: At least two hundred coffee is compared to about five days.
Speaker 1: Look, I don't want to get into an arguer with
Speaker 1: you about who make more teas coffee relation.
Speaker 2: I'm just saying how I didn't bring it up.
Speaker 1: You talked about the fact that like you thought I
Speaker 1: was like quality time, and you were saying.
Speaker 2: It, I genuinely think your access service. Yeah, from what
Speaker 2: I know of you, I think your access service.
Speaker 1: I'm definitely quality time and physical touch. I do like
Speaker 1: acts of service, Yes, yeah, it's top one.
Speaker 3: I think I think you gifts to you.
Speaker 2: I don't because gifts.
Speaker 3: She just didn't anything. But that's the thing. No, no,
Speaker 3: that's not true, because like if I'm in a relationship,
Speaker 3: I will happily buy a gift on Valentine's Day, Birthday,
Speaker 3: Chris mess and the anniversary. That's four gifts a year.
Speaker 3: But you said, you know you're not buying me any gifts.
Speaker 3: Like outside of that, it was just like sometimes you mean,
Speaker 3: like if we went shopping, you would be like, you know,
Speaker 3: you don't buy me anything. So then I'll say, okay,
Speaker 3: well I'll buy a pair of jeans for me, this
Speaker 3: is soud in my relationship, I don't really want to
Speaker 3: I have to buy gifts outside of those four time
Speaker 3: period because I think four gifts a year is plenty.
Speaker 2: I'mosh, I really very gosh on this one because with you,
Speaker 2: I'm agreeing I don't like buying gifts.
Speaker 3: It's completely fine for you to want that, but I
Speaker 3: don't know, I don't want to buy the gift. If not,
Speaker 3: it's going to become I feel obliged to do it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, look, I don't like buying gifts. I
Speaker 2: find it really awkward to give a gift. Receiving gift
Speaker 2: ye comfortable for me.
Speaker 1: I think it was more so like in our relationship,
Speaker 1: I would say that occasionally I would go out and
Speaker 1: bring you like surprises or like remember we went to
Speaker 1: like I don't know that, like Adidas that time, and
Speaker 1: I bought you something, and like I like to buy
Speaker 1: you like little things here and there, and I just
Speaker 1: wanted you to maybe like buy me flowers occasionally or
Speaker 1: write me a note, which is I guess more act
Speaker 1: of service. And then so I think you think I'm
Speaker 1: like wanting like tensional handbags. And just to clarify with everyone,
Speaker 1: that's not making the car. Josh thinks I'm cutting out everything.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I think, like Matt, if someone is giving
Speaker 3: us a gift, then we feel obliged to have to
Speaker 3: return that favor. Yeah. And then if the partner's in
Speaker 3: on your case even more about it, then it becomes
Speaker 3: you know, something that that's weighing, you're down. I have
Speaker 3: to get the gift. Now they're going to be.
Speaker 1: Pissed, Whereas like the mentality I need in a relationship
Speaker 1: with someone who's going to be like, oh, they did
Speaker 1: something really thoughtful for me, I really want to do
Speaker 1: something thoughtful back, not not Oh now I'm obliged.
Speaker 3: To be and that's fine, that's fine. But I think
Speaker 3: for me personally, I would prefer and be more students,
Speaker 3: someone who's more in a sense just in involved in
Speaker 3: quality time, because that's me to a tapodges. You love
Speaker 3: all five, you might all five.
Speaker 2: It's okay, it's okay to say it's fine. Wow, well
Speaker 2: on that. Obviously, you guys for a bit there weren't
Speaker 2: really on talking terms, quite angry at each other. Now
Speaker 2: you guys clearly are on talking terms. Talk me through that,
Speaker 2: talk us all through that. We get here. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Obviously it started off rocky at the beginning of the breakup,
Speaker 3: just weren't talking at all. But time heals things and
Speaker 3: then you know, realized what it was. The relationship. It
Speaker 3: was toxic, very toxic. Lots of fights. Sometimes my fault
Speaker 3: sometimes and his.
Speaker 1: Fault park sometimes I fault.
Speaker 3: Under, sometimes your faults. Do we want examples? Do we
Speaker 3: want to? Do we want example?
Speaker 1: Continue?
Speaker 2: I think we should just.
Speaker 3: So, Yeah, but then you know there's no point fighting.
Speaker 3: Obviously we went through something heart together, which is love Island.
Speaker 3: We've got that experience. It would be a shame if
Speaker 3: we weren't friends and able to talk to one another.
Speaker 3: So I think we just both got over it, and
Speaker 3: you know, we're able to become friends, which is good.
Speaker 2: To what extent now is your friendship? Do you guys
Speaker 2: seek advice from each other? Do you guys come to
Speaker 2: each other with relationship advice?
Speaker 3: No, not not close friends, close friends, but to the fact,
Speaker 3: like after the block, you know, and a call and
Speaker 3: say congratulations, I'm very happy for your sort of thing,
Speaker 3: and vice versa, or a happy birthday call, like just
Speaker 3: something nice, nothing over the top, like hey, how's your
Speaker 3: day going. It's not like that, but just nice keeping
Speaker 3: contact sort of thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's good. It's healthy to have that sort of
Speaker 2: relationship with your X. I think yeah.
Speaker 1: And I think as well, like Love Island, like as
Speaker 1: you said, as you touched on, Josh, is such like
Speaker 1: a unique experience, and I mean we're all bonded from it.
Speaker 1: But like obviously we won the show together. It was like,
Speaker 1: you know, we just kind of got like catapulted into
Speaker 1: this like different world than when we left. And I think,
Speaker 1: you know, it's a bonding type of like experience, so
Speaker 1: it's nice to still remain friends.
Speaker 2: A lot of the listeners would have watched you on
Speaker 2: the block obviously they all want to think the same thing.
Speaker 2: Is it as stressful and as hyped up as it
Speaker 2: is on TV?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's definitely very stressful. It's physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually draining.
Speaker 3: You only see such a small fragment of what's going on.
Speaker 3: You are basically project managing the hardest projects literally three months.
Speaker 3: There's always ten trades, they're all different trades, and they're
Speaker 3: all trying to jump over one another to get things done.
Speaker 3: Then you're trying to get furniture. Then you're trying to paint,
Speaker 3: and then there's issues arising all the time that you
Speaker 3: have to solve, so you only see such a small
Speaker 3: percentage of what goes on. Yes, of course the show's
Speaker 3: dramatized to an extent where you know they might show
Speaker 3: Luke and Me storming off, but they don't show the
Speaker 3: full context as to why, because there's such a big
Speaker 3: story behind that blow up, right, which sometimes watching you
Speaker 3: can be like, oh that's annoying, just show the whole thing,
Speaker 3: but you need to remember it's TV. They need to
Speaker 3: stick to their story and you just have to wear it.
Speaker 1: Okay, So watching it back, you really felt like you
Speaker 1: got a bad edit.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean there's a million one things I would
Speaker 3: love to say, but I'm careful as much as you're done.
Speaker 3: Then yeah, well obviously you guys know Luke, Luke and I. Well,
Speaker 3: I would probably say with the good, the bad, and
Speaker 3: the ugly ugly Yeah maybe bro love Yeah, And I
Speaker 3: think Luke and I were good for the majority of
Speaker 3: the show. Like we always a lot a lot of fun.
Speaker 3: We're always laughing. We had heaps of fun with Keith
Speaker 3: and Dan were they told us their favorite this season
Speaker 3: all our trades we got on with really well. We
Speaker 3: had great camaraderie, heaps of laughs, and at the end
Speaker 3: of the show we were thinking, Wow, this is going
Speaker 3: to be really good for us. There's going to be
Speaker 3: heaps of laughs shown. And when we're watching it back,
Speaker 3: we're like, oh jeez, they're really hypen up. All are
Speaker 3: bad and showing no good. So that was difficult, difficult
Speaker 3: pill to swallow.
Speaker 2: Yeah, obviously with that came a lot of hate through
Speaker 2: social media. A lot of people, Yeah, I got slams.
Speaker 2: How does one deal with that sort of stuff?
Speaker 3: There's two ways you can deal with that. You can
Speaker 3: either get really upset and pretty much fire back at
Speaker 3: them and try to defend yourself. But there's no point
Speaker 3: doing that because that's what they want. They don't know
Speaker 3: you as a person.
Speaker 2: You've got almost comp mentalized.
Speaker 3: You do have to just pretend it doesn't exist. Don't
Speaker 3: go on to the block page, for instance, and read
Speaker 3: all those negative comments. You need to think what sort
Speaker 3: of person watches reality TV gets so upset and personally
Speaker 3: attacked by something they are seeing, going, I'm gonna make
Speaker 3: sure everyone knows how I feel about them, the little
Speaker 3: spoiler brat. So you know, you just have to pretend
Speaker 3: like you just have to see it for what it is.
Speaker 3: You know, happy people don't go on and talk shit
Speaker 3: about people exactly.
Speaker 2: People that are happy with their own lives aren't going
Speaker 2: to go on to that platform.
Speaker 3: And yet one hundred percent there's a good saying if
Speaker 3: you have have a problem with me, that's fine, give
Speaker 3: me a call. But if you don't have my number,
Speaker 3: then you really don't have a reason to have a
Speaker 3: problem with me.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 2: That's ad.
Speaker 1: And it's true. I mean, there's so many keyboard wows
Speaker 1: out there. They're always looking to start on someone, and
Speaker 1: I think if we gave each one of those people
Speaker 1: our energy, we're doing ourself a disservice.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree, And it shows the strength of you
Speaker 2: and Luke that you can handle that sort of stuff.
Speaker 2: Obviously the normal person can't take that much.
Speaker 1: Man.
Speaker 3: I mean, from from time to time I would buy
Speaker 3: it back. I can't help yourself. Like all that one
Speaker 3: so wrong. I really just want to say something.
Speaker 2: But imagine Luke.
Speaker 1: Terrible if Josh has had a five Luke, yeah, loose.
Speaker 3: A bit more erratic than me. But at the end
Speaker 3: of the day, you know we got the last laugh.
Speaker 1: Well, exactly the result.
Speaker 3: On the weekend, and you know that's what we wanted.
Speaker 3: All those people sort of have to eat their words.
Speaker 3: So many messages like this their house sucks, they're going
Speaker 3: to make no money. Worse contestants ever, so walk away
Speaker 3: with half a meal coming second. You know they can't
Speaker 3: say anything really now besides be bitter. Yeah jealous.
Speaker 1: So yeah, exactly like you said you had the last laugh.
Speaker 1: What you kind going to do with all that money?
Speaker 1: Because half a million dollars like that is life changing money.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a lot of money, and it really hasn't
Speaker 3: sunk in yet. But obviously Luke and I we want
Speaker 3: to start our business that will be importing artificial grass
Speaker 3: and we'll have it as our own brand. If we
Speaker 3: can get it into a big store. I mean, this
Speaker 3: is really pushing the boundaries. If we could get it
Speaker 3: into like a Mile to ten or a Bunnings, that'd
Speaker 3: be great, but chances are slim, so we'll try. We'll
Speaker 3: absolutely try with the block thing you get mighty ten.
Speaker 3: But that's what I'm concerned about. The edit, like, did
Speaker 3: that really affects us to the point where they won't
Speaker 3: want to align with us? Stressed about but we've got
Speaker 3: a really good product, so we want the product to
Speaker 3: do the talking, and we have high hopes for it
Speaker 3: to get in, but we we don't want to rely
Speaker 3: on that because we think we can quite happily set
Speaker 3: up our own warehouse and distribute it to other installs
Speaker 3: like ourselves.
Speaker 1: And at the end of the day, you guys got
Speaker 1: the last laugh, and I think it does turn the
Speaker 1: perception around when you've done the second best and you're
Speaker 1: going up against the favorites of block contestants and you
Speaker 1: guys have somehow come out second, So that speaks for itself,
Speaker 1: right exactly.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, Running and Georgia, Mitch and Mark, they're
Speaker 3: both professional renovators, so they know what they're doing. So
Speaker 3: that's why we had to be very confident on the show,
Speaker 3: because you have to believe in yourself. If not, you know,
Speaker 3: you're just not going to be able to go ahead
Speaker 3: with your big ideas with any validation. So that's why
Speaker 3: we really stuck to our guns. You have to take
Speaker 3: risks on the show one hundred percent if you want
Speaker 3: a big prize, and we definitely took big risks. Obviously,
Speaker 3: Matt Matt was there, he saw how hard.
Speaker 2: It was.
Speaker 3: It was being on site and I was a broken man.
Speaker 3: I was going to say that week ten and eleven,
Speaker 3: I was so tired and exhausted. I was half of
Speaker 3: who I was.
Speaker 2: I was going to say that before. I remember rocking
Speaker 2: up one morning and like I was talking to you
Speaker 2: and I was like looking at you and I was like, mate,
Speaker 2: you're like a shell of yourself.
Speaker 3: Yeah not Josh, No, just like the lack of sleep,
Speaker 3: the stress every day, that environment you're living on a
Speaker 3: job site three months, Yeah, it's tough.
Speaker 2: The two in a bit weeks I spent there. I
Speaker 2: was like getting snappy after Like it was exhausting people
Speaker 2: just running around you know what I mean, Yeah, wasting
Speaker 2: heaps of energy.
Speaker 1: But I remember seeing you, man, you were very snappy.
Speaker 1: I was like, this guy needs like ten a good nass.
Speaker 2: Nothing goes to plan, like they always trying to fuck
Speaker 2: with you.
Speaker 3: There's always issues going on.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, I thought with all the stuff that happened
Speaker 2: with us that they'd make a lot more thing on TV,
Speaker 2: a lot more, but they didn't put any of it on.
Speaker 2: So I was thinking to myself, imagine the stuff that
Speaker 2: they do to you that doesn't make TV.
Speaker 3: So much doesn't make TV. Yeah, so many good moments
Speaker 3: which I wish they would have shown. Then it's kind
Speaker 3: of going in an opposite direction of where they would
Speaker 3: like to persuade an audience to feel about Luke and I,
Speaker 3: which is fine. You have to accept that, but it's
Speaker 3: still very frustrating for us to sit there and watch that.
Speaker 1: Yeah for sure. Okay, Josh, we're steering away from Love
Speaker 1: Island and the block we want to know. I know
Speaker 1: this is super weird coming from your ex girlfriend. Tell
Speaker 1: us about your love Jeez.
Speaker 3: What wouldn't you like tonight? You do want to know?
Speaker 2: I don't know if I want to, I want to know,
Speaker 2: give me a private call.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I mean I moved home for a little bit,
Speaker 3: so obviously it was quite slow during that time time frame.
Speaker 3: I'm out of home now. Obviously, during lockdown, it's not
Speaker 3: much you can do. So, you know, I've recently only
Speaker 3: just been able to start seeing people. Nothing serious right now,
Speaker 3: but I'm not I'm not afraid to get in something
Speaker 3: serious if it's the right person. But I'm quite happy
Speaker 3: just doing my own thing, seeing people from time to time.
Speaker 3: If it's right, we'll see if it can regress if not.
Speaker 3: You know, I'm very independent. I'm more than happy to
Speaker 3: just do my own thing.
Speaker 2: You know what they say, when you're not looking, that's
Speaker 2: when you might stumble onto that's the right.
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is right right time. When you don't want
Speaker 3: to find someone there, they just appear.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it does happen, Yeah it does, but happen to that.
Speaker 2: It does happen.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I'm not getting any younger. I feel
Speaker 3: young still, but the number twenty eight son Scheming probably
Speaker 3: want kids in my early thirties, so I probably need
Speaker 3: have been at a ship around the thirty yeah, to
Speaker 3: have that. But that's you know, I don't stick to
Speaker 3: plans in my life. Yeah, I'll wait until I find
Speaker 3: the right person, not going to rush into it.
Speaker 2: Like you said, do you want to do Europe again?
Speaker 3: I'd love to do Europe. I might find her there
Speaker 3: if I find the right girl before then. You know,
Speaker 3: I would really have to be the right person to
Speaker 3: want to change my plans that I've had in line
Speaker 3: for myself.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I reckon you might like find like a nice
Speaker 1: English girl. You love the English act.
Speaker 3: I love American accents when I was in America. I
Speaker 3: love the sweet American girls. They're so nice. It's so
Speaker 3: time and Americans of the English girls yea even like
Speaker 3: a good New Zealand accents really do. Yeah, they're really
Speaker 3: just chilled out and cool. So yeah, I think I
Speaker 3: will probably be with someone with an accent.
Speaker 1: I thought that. And because the fiance is English, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can definitely see you with like an international woman.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I can too. Yeah, Yeah, I think
Speaker 3: that's definitely probably something I would like. So I don't
Speaker 3: know which one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, call out to the international to this podcast, I have.
Speaker 2: To say, find him at Packham Underscore Care. All right.
Speaker 2: So this brings us to today's topic of settling in
Speaker 2: a relationship. Let's jump in, okay, Anna, So what is
Speaker 2: the definition of settling in a relationship.
Speaker 1: Settling in a relationship means being ready to accept less
Speaker 1: than what you want or deserve. When you decide to
Speaker 1: settle in a relationship, you choose to accept things that
Speaker 1: you deeply know don't sit right by you. The fear
Speaker 1: of losing the one you love is the main reason
Speaker 1: why you could be settling.
Speaker 2: It doesn't mean just settling for somebody's looks. It can
Speaker 2: also be settling as in for somebody that you wouldn't
Speaker 2: normally go for within like their financial status, their personality,
Speaker 2: like they might not even touch all your love languages.
Speaker 2: You're just settling because you feel like at that time,
Speaker 2: that's what you're accepting.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean for me personally, I've only settled like
Speaker 3: once in my life. No, no, or maybe towards the end.
Speaker 3: But there was this weird time in my life where
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, I probably want to get a girlfriend.
Speaker 3: And the girl she was really nice, but she was
Speaker 3: definitely not right for me. So the relationship only lasted
Speaker 3: three or four months. It was just that period where
Speaker 3: I was feeling real needy and thinking I need to
Speaker 3: be with someone. And I think when you are in
Speaker 3: that vulnerable state of being needy and being dependent on someone,
Speaker 3: that's when you're going to be most likely to settle.
Speaker 1: Direct them before after our relationship.
Speaker 2: This is before. Was there other things as well in
Speaker 2: your life? Like was Luke with Olivia or was there
Speaker 2: anything like that and you're like, oh, maybe I need
Speaker 2: to get a girlfriend. Was there anything?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: I think Luke was. Was he with Olivia at that time?
Speaker 3: He either was or had just finished being with Olivia? Yeah,
Speaker 3: I just hadn't had a girlfriend for maybe three years
Speaker 3: and was thinking, oh, you know, it's probably time for
Speaker 3: me to get a girlfriend. Yeah, and obviously a lot
Speaker 3: of people are like, oh, you should probably get a girlfriend.
Speaker 3: You've been single for a while, Josh, and then it
Speaker 3: just led into a relationship and it was just completely
Speaker 3: not right.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: Well, there's ten signs that you have settled in a relationships.
Speaker 2: So the first one is you are comfortable putting up
Speaker 2: with deal breakers.
Speaker 1: There's external timelines that are pressuring here, which I guess
Speaker 1: is kind of what you were talking about before.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't want to have deep talks about their feelings,
Speaker 2: their emotions, everything like that.
Speaker 1: You're constantly scared of missing out. So there's a constant
Speaker 1: fomo of like, oh, my friends are out and like
Speaker 1: I'm not there.
Speaker 3: And I think that one's very hard to always accept.
Speaker 2: Is that all like grass is greener On the other side,
Speaker 2: think yeah, that sort of vibe.
Speaker 1: But I guess if you're in that headspace, you just
Speaker 1: constantly feel that and there's nothing that you can really do,
Speaker 1: so you just feel like.
Speaker 2: Then you get into it and you're like, oh, this
Speaker 2: doesn't work. You're trying to change them and be what
Speaker 2: you actually want them to be.
Speaker 1: Like and not what they actually are. You have to
Speaker 1: put yourself on hold, so you're not putting yourself first,
Speaker 1: You're putting them first, and so then your needs aren't
Speaker 1: getting met.
Speaker 2: Your enthusiasm for the relationship is declining. You fear loneliness,
Speaker 2: you justify everything they do, all that sort of stuff.
Speaker 1: And then the last one is you're frequently comparing your relationship.
Speaker 2: To others after reading them out. And we know Josh
Speaker 2: says he's settled. Have you settled in a relationship before?
Speaker 1: I've never settled in a relationship, But I'd say at
Speaker 1: the end of the relationships when I probably should have
Speaker 1: maybe cut it short, I might have stayed longer than
Speaker 1: I should have. So I guess we could classify it
Speaker 1: as settling.
Speaker 2: I think I settled.
Speaker 3: I think you're just an incredibly needy Matt.
Speaker 2: Well, no, that was it was more just like the
Speaker 2: timing everything. I was just like, well, we're going to
Speaker 2: this normal time of like lockdown, and that is the
Speaker 2: person I was seeing at the time. Yeah, this works,
Speaker 2: and to go into a lockdown, he's scary, and I
Speaker 2: was probably very deep.
Speaker 3: I needed somebody, very very dependent. If if your track
Speaker 3: record talks for itself. Matt, you have jump from relationship
Speaker 3: to relationship in the past a bit.
Speaker 2: Anim was going to cut up.
Speaker 3: That's the.
Speaker 2: Massive breaks I've had. What I had for two days,
Speaker 2: I've had four days my most recent one. What I've
Speaker 2: been single now for nine months.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's his long as.
Speaker 3: Four years, four years.
Speaker 1: But I feel as you had your ex girlfriend who
Speaker 1: was Yeah, definitely they fucked buddy at the time. She
Speaker 1: was so I guess like you were. She was meeting
Speaker 1: all your emotional needs, but then you were still getting
Speaker 1: to be single.
Speaker 2: I was getting there, getting the best of both.
Speaker 1: You're very lucky.
Speaker 2: For those four years I was.
Speaker 1: I was looking on cloud in reality here like they
Speaker 1: probably should make this official four years later.
Speaker 2: Four years later.
Speaker 3: I think with settling, it can definitely come when you
Speaker 3: have low self esteem as well. That's when you're going
Speaker 3: to be the most vulnerable. You're probably willing to put
Speaker 3: up with more to be with someone because you don't
Speaker 3: think very highly of yourself. You know, I probably have
Speaker 3: been in that situation the past as well. And then
Speaker 3: you're just settling with someone. And I see it all
Speaker 3: the time, people are consistently with someone who they probably
Speaker 3: shouldn't be, but they're not willing to break up with
Speaker 3: them because, yeah, of their low self esteem, but they think, oh,
Speaker 3: you know, who's going to want to be with me.
Speaker 3: I don't know if I can find any better, And
Speaker 3: they consistently try to look at the small positives in
Speaker 3: the relationship instead of looking at all those negatives just
Speaker 3: lining up.
Speaker 1: The problem is is that when you're in a toxic relationship,
Speaker 1: which we were, and we both said we were good times,
Speaker 1: great times.
Speaker 2: We learn from those times.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you learned. But what I wanted to say was,
Speaker 1: when you're in a toxic relationship, your self esteem is
Speaker 1: actually at its lowest, So you're in a place where
Speaker 1: you're probably not happy. Your self esteem is low, so
Speaker 1: you're like, I need to get out of this, pawaway,
Speaker 1: take these steps, and I think that's like a really
Speaker 1: like hard pill to swallow.
Speaker 2: I guess it could also be past traumas as well.
Speaker 2: You've had your heart broken by someone and you think
Speaker 2: your self esteems low and you think I don't deserve
Speaker 2: much better. I can tolerate this sort of stuff, or
Speaker 2: your previous relationship, you're used to that sort of stuff,
Speaker 2: and you're used to feeling that way when you shouldn't.
Speaker 2: You should lift yourself up and know that you deserve
Speaker 2: better and not to settle. Yeah. All right, So I
Speaker 2: feel like in my last relationship with Kira, I settled.
Speaker 2: Do you guys feel like you settled? Hang on, I
Speaker 2: want to touch on that. Actually, I think she would
Speaker 2: say she settled for me, but I feel like I
Speaker 2: settled for her.
Speaker 3: Get it right, made from a lawyer.
Speaker 1: So do you reckon that both you and Kira in
Speaker 1: hindsight feel like you settled or at the time you
Speaker 1: both knew you were settling the time. I want the
Speaker 1: hindsight thing, is my question.
Speaker 2: I think hindsight. Yes, I don't think at the time
Speaker 2: you feel like you're settling. I think hindsight, and I
Speaker 2: feel like she'd say she settled for me more than
Speaker 2: I was younger, not in the same financial position of her,
Speaker 2: all that sort of stuff, whereas I feel like the opposite.
Speaker 2: I was younger, I have my life ahead of me,
Speaker 2: so I feel like maybe I was.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I just got very woman here.
Speaker 2: Well, do you guys feel like you settled in your
Speaker 2: relationship with each other? Yeah, I would say in the
Speaker 2: back end, not at the start. Coming off the show
Speaker 2: and all that other start of the show.
Speaker 3: Of course, there was warning signs, probably from both ends
Speaker 3: that it probably wasn't going to be long lasting, you know,
Speaker 3: not just.
Speaker 1: Coffe in she wanted she on to coffee in the morning.
Speaker 2: So well that when you guys meet each other on
Speaker 2: Loveland Directing, you settled for each other and there was
Speaker 2: no one else or no.
Speaker 3: I think we got on really well. Yeah, conversation was
Speaker 3: very easy, especially in that sort of environment where it
Speaker 3: is pressure, there's a lot of cameras around, you don't
Speaker 3: always feel yourself and it was quite easy to chat
Speaker 3: to one another. We felt at ease, so you know,
Speaker 3: that was fine, but we hadn't dealt with outside stresses.
Speaker 3: You don't know what the other person is one hundred
Speaker 3: percent like until you go out into the outside world
Speaker 3: and say, oh, how are they going to feel in
Speaker 3: this position and in that situation, So then you see
Speaker 3: the full picture of the person, more of their maybe
Speaker 3: negative attributes as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, whereas like when we met on Love Island, it
Speaker 1: was like a holiday who were like having a holiday romance.
Speaker 1: And then not long after, I mean then we were
Speaker 1: going Melbourne to Sydney, so we weren't really like settling
Speaker 1: back to real life. And then we went to Bali
Speaker 1: together on holiday, so we were like living in this
Speaker 1: kind of like unrealistic bubble.
Speaker 3: Would you say, Yeah, it was an unrealistic bubble. And
Speaker 3: I think, well, when we got into the relationship, I
Speaker 3: don't know if I was one hundred percent ready for
Speaker 3: a relationship at that moment in time. Yeah, And maybe
Speaker 3: Anna could sense that, and instead of sort of discussing it,
Speaker 3: I think Anna then flew up, blew up and tried
Speaker 3: to control the narrative a little bit and be, you know,
Speaker 3: a little bit worried that I might leave the relationship
Speaker 3: and then became controlling as a result of my feelings,
Speaker 3: and then that just became incredibly toxic.
Speaker 2: Was it evident to you that he didn't.
Speaker 1: Feel like I just knew, like obviously Luke was single
Speaker 1: when he came out of Love Island, and I could
Speaker 1: sense that, like obviously they're twins, and like all of
Speaker 1: the other boys pretty much were single. You were single,
Speaker 1: and you guys were all going to like what was.
Speaker 3: It like in the club tours?
Speaker 2: And Josh was like a lot of fun. I wanted
Speaker 2: to go in the club.
Speaker 3: I was happy to go in a relationship, hanging out
Speaker 3: with the guys I was. I was more than happy
Speaker 3: to do it, hang out, have the full experience of
Speaker 3: the show. It's once in a lifetime thing. And you
Speaker 3: shut that down, You're like, you're not gone. And then
Speaker 3: I felt and I could have gone as well. I
Speaker 3: said to and I said, you know, you can come.
Speaker 3: You can be in that hotel. I would chill the
Speaker 3: boys in the club and then come back the thing.
Speaker 3: She could come to the club as well. You weren't
Speaker 3: asked to go.
Speaker 1: I think it was more like Josh went into Love Island.
Speaker 1: Josh went into Love Island, and I think you probably
Speaker 1: thought I'm probably going to come out single. Really I've
Speaker 1: been single for a long time. Like we're going to
Speaker 1: have this really fun like experience after and all the
Speaker 1: boys will do club tours and there'll be heaps of
Speaker 1: girls around us and it'll be fun. And I came
Speaker 1: out and I was like, I'm in a relationship, got
Speaker 1: my new boyfriend going and a couple's holiday.
Speaker 3: And you're watching us looking at you guys having a
Speaker 3: great time being paid to do it as well, and
Speaker 3: financially I had just left my job, go on Love Island.
Speaker 3: So I was unemployed, so that sort of cash from
Speaker 3: that was going to be very important to me as well.
Speaker 3: I mean he did just wour just won, of course,
Speaker 3: but you know, twenty five k sometimes can go very
Speaker 3: very quickly and go in the blink of an eye.
Speaker 3: When you have money, it just goes. So it is
Speaker 3: important to try to get money when the iron's hot. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and so I definitely still want to cash in on that.
Speaker 3: And then well, and I didn't give me off. It
Speaker 3: was like a strict no. It wasn't like a you
Speaker 3: can go, I know.
Speaker 1: It was like I would be really upset if you will.
Speaker 3: It was and it was as strict you're not going.
Speaker 3: There is no chance you're going.
Speaker 1: There's so much Joshua II.
Speaker 3: Something I'm like, no, No, it was definitely a strong no.
Speaker 1: Josh you said to me that our trip to Bali,
Speaker 1: you're so glad that you went on it, and we
Speaker 1: had some fun.
Speaker 3: I said to me, I had done both what.
Speaker 1: You said to me that. You were like, I'm so
Speaker 1: glad that I came on this trip. We've had so
Speaker 1: much fun.
Speaker 3: I had a great time. I mean, but like I said,
Speaker 3: I could have done by behindsight change the fact I
Speaker 3: could have done both.
Speaker 2: Do you think and maybe you should have let him go,
Speaker 2: like he could have got some money from that, he
Speaker 2: would have been that resentment.
Speaker 3: I just didn't feel any trust. There was like straight
Speaker 3: off of love on and I was like, I just
Speaker 3: want to hang out with the guys, think about your.
Speaker 2: But I'm.
Speaker 3: Everyone's watching us. You think I'm going to go and
Speaker 3: do the wrong thing. Why would I have been in
Speaker 3: a relationship. It just made me if I want to
Speaker 3: if I'm going to go do the wrong thing, It
Speaker 3: just made.
Speaker 1: Me feel uncomfortable that like and like this is an
Speaker 1: insecurity of mine and it's a trigger for me. But
Speaker 1: like when women are literally throwing themselves at your boyfriend, throwing, throwing,
Speaker 1: like and that was out there, say like it's throwing.
Speaker 2: Like I was just talking about in the clubs, those parties.
Speaker 1: Yeah, those parties, they're throwing themselves and like, no disrespect
Speaker 1: to any of those girls, Like they can do what
Speaker 1: they want. But as your new girlfriend, who at the
Speaker 1: time was very much in love, like that to me
Speaker 1: was just like no, not doing it, not going to engage.
Speaker 1: And I wanted Josh to be like I want to
Speaker 1: do a couple of stuff as well.
Speaker 2: I'm sure Josh. The only thing stiff about joshuada been
Speaker 2: his arm stiff arming the girls away from him.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I had understand there was going to be nothing
Speaker 3: to worry about. I mean, I had just got into
Speaker 3: a relationship. The last thing I'm looking to do is
Speaker 3: look be with another girl, Josha. I just wanted to
Speaker 3: really go and experience a whole fun from after Love
Speaker 3: Island as well get paid as well. But I wasn't
Speaker 3: really giving that option. I felt in a relationship, you
Speaker 3: have to provide trust to a partner, I know. So
Speaker 3: you think from the start there was there was signs
Speaker 3: that there was going to be insecurity and you know
Speaker 3: that I would have to accept what Anna would like
Speaker 3: me to do compared to what I would like to do.
Speaker 1: But I mean, as you touched on earlier, there was
Speaker 1: definitely a part of you that still wanted to be single.
Speaker 1: Like I think you were happy in our relationship, but
Speaker 1: I could sense it from a mile away, and it's
Speaker 1: just made me like, Yeah, that woman's intuition that we
Speaker 1: always talk about listen to your gut, ladies, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: could sense it, and I just knew, like I knew
Speaker 1: that he was jealous of Loop being at the clubs,
Speaker 1: and then I like, from that moment, I was like, well,
Speaker 1: this guy, like we're in a good relationship at the moment,
Speaker 1: but he wants to be single, and instead of giving
Speaker 1: him space and like I'm going to group on even tired, yea,
Speaker 1: he could.
Speaker 2: Have gone there and then realized that it's not what
Speaker 2: it's all hyped up to be.
Speaker 1: I mean probably not, Matt. You talk about it like
Speaker 1: it's the best day of your life. Women were throwing themselves.
Speaker 3: At look at the potential. I think, one hundred percent
Speaker 3: that's going to happen. Therefore, I'm not going to even
Speaker 3: allow the possibility of that occurring because it's happened in
Speaker 3: my head. Therefore it's one hundred percent going to occur.
Speaker 1: And I think, and I think this is what we're
Speaker 1: talking about. Like our mentalities were just different, very different.
Speaker 1: Like I was like ready to like settle down, Like
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, I'm twenty nine now. I just
Speaker 1: like was in a space where I was like, I've
Speaker 1: been single enough. You were in a space where you
Speaker 1: were like I could probably use some more single time,
Speaker 1: I mean said he said, He said he said you
Speaker 1: need ten more years before, So I mean I knew,
Speaker 1: but no, like I feel like eight.
Speaker 3: To nine, I definitely could have used more single time.
Speaker 3: I was happy in the relationship, but it had to
Speaker 3: be really right for me to want to stay in
Speaker 3: that relationship. When I saw early warning signs so forth,
Speaker 3: it sort of just made me miss being single in
Speaker 3: that moment of time even more.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I understand that. Okay, guys, if you feel
Speaker 1: like you're settling in your relationship, here are some steps
Speaker 1: to start taking control of your life.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 2: Don't be afraid to try new things.
Speaker 1: Challenge the norms, learn to say no, be more disciplined,
Speaker 1: especially about quality time for yourself.
Speaker 2: Prepare for the worst.
Speaker 1: Stop hanging out with people whose company isn't enjoyable for you.
Speaker 2: Think of everything as a choice.
Speaker 1: And raise those standards.
Speaker 2: Do you have any advice Josh for the listeners.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if you feel like you're climbing a mountain in
Speaker 3: a relationship, it's probably time to get out. If you're
Speaker 3: consistently calling people discussing the issues in the relationship, you're
Speaker 3: probably not right. The one science are there. You have
Speaker 3: to look at why you're staying in the relationship. Are
Speaker 3: you afraid of what's on the other side? Yeah? Are
Speaker 3: you consistently just trying to find the small positives that
Speaker 3: are left? There's probably time to reconsider the relationship. Sit
Speaker 3: down with a person, discuss it, be opening communication. If
Speaker 3: they can't accept what you're saying, it's one hundred percent
Speaker 3: time ago. If they say, I can understand where you're
Speaker 3: coming from, let's maybe work on those points, then potentially
Speaker 3: give it a you know, a crack moving forward. But
Speaker 3: if it doesn't work after that, not right, let's move on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like you said, some people are scared of what's
Speaker 2: on the other side. I know for myself, I was
Speaker 2: scared of even the break up like that was scared.
Speaker 2: I used to have to deal with it. Calls almost
Speaker 2: every second day.
Speaker 1: Jo Josh used to be on the phone to mad
Speaker 1: and then Josh would be like, okay, my my cup
Speaker 1: is empty, and you pass the phone on today and
Speaker 1: I have back again, my turn to take that.
Speaker 2: You take this one, take this right. It was fucking doors,
Speaker 2: It was that good.
Speaker 1: But I mean, look, I think communication is the key
Speaker 1: to making sure your relationships are good, validating your partner's
Speaker 1: feelings and if you're not feeling validated, then maybe you
Speaker 1: are settling and it's time.
Speaker 2: To move on.
Speaker 1: Josh, thank you so much for coming in. It's been
Speaker 1: a pleasure. I'm so sorry about the coffee. Hopefully that
Speaker 1: hasn't scart your life.
Speaker 2: Hopefully your next relationship. They don't want you to make pictures.
Speaker 2: God knows what's going to happen there.
Speaker 3: It'll be one day how to deal with that.
Speaker 2: Well, thanks for coming in, brother, Thanks for having me
Speaker 2: guys x Lovelander x Block contestant Josh Packham his ex
Speaker 2: boyfriend as well.
Speaker 3: You see you listener.
Speaker 1: Okay, guys, make sure you stay tuned to our Socials
Speaker 1: at Fort next week's episode until next time.