1 00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:13,441 Speaker 1: Apoche production a easier advice. Are you okay what happened? 2 00:00:14,041 --> 00:00:18,441 Speaker 1: Promise it won't be too much. Bring it in. Welcome 3 00:00:18,601 --> 00:00:26,320 Speaker 1: to our Bestie segment. This is the place for you. 4 00:00:28,601 --> 00:00:30,641 Speaker 2: Welcome back to our Besties segment. 5 00:00:30,801 --> 00:00:32,081 Speaker 1: We're super excited to be here today. 6 00:00:32,081 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 2: We always love what you guys bring in in your 7 00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:36,361 Speaker 2: anonymous submissions. If you ever have anything that you want 8 00:00:36,361 --> 00:00:37,641 Speaker 2: to bring into us and you don't feel like you 9 00:00:37,721 --> 00:00:38,800 Speaker 2: have anywhere else to go. 10 00:00:38,921 --> 00:00:40,840 Speaker 1: This is your absolute place. 11 00:00:41,161 --> 00:00:42,681 Speaker 2: You can find the link in the description of the 12 00:00:42,681 --> 00:00:44,921 Speaker 2: bio if you want to pop yours in, but otherwise 13 00:00:45,001 --> 00:00:45,521 Speaker 2: take it away. 14 00:00:45,521 --> 00:00:47,640 Speaker 1: Actually, holright, I've got quite a big one. I think 15 00:00:47,641 --> 00:00:49,560 Speaker 1: this is going to be very relatable to a lot 16 00:00:49,601 --> 00:00:52,120 Speaker 1: of people who've been in long term relationships feeling a 17 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:56,281 Speaker 1: bit lost, bit stale, maybe had a baby. This one's 18 00:00:56,361 --> 00:00:59,801 Speaker 1: that's a big one. All right, here we go. Let's go. Hello, 19 00:00:59,881 --> 00:01:03,361 Speaker 1: my beautiful big sisters slash at Besties. That's so cute. Firstly, 20 00:01:03,361 --> 00:01:04,801 Speaker 1: I want to say, you guys are so amazing at 21 00:01:04,801 --> 00:01:07,161 Speaker 1: brings light to every day struggles we're all going through. 22 00:01:07,321 --> 00:01:09,481 Speaker 1: I have a question for you guys. I believe I 23 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:13,081 Speaker 1: might have some serious postpartum depression and care is burnout 24 00:01:13,241 --> 00:01:15,361 Speaker 1: my partner. I've been together for almost ten years and 25 00:01:15,401 --> 00:01:17,881 Speaker 1: we used to have such an amazing relationship. All our 26 00:01:17,881 --> 00:01:19,840 Speaker 1: friends are always in awe of how strong and happy 27 00:01:19,881 --> 00:01:22,241 Speaker 1: together we are together. We've done a lot of exploring 28 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:24,601 Speaker 1: together sectually, had a lot of fun times with other 29 00:01:24,601 --> 00:01:27,560 Speaker 1: girls together, traveled Australia three times in our bus own 30 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:29,481 Speaker 1: a house together, block a land together, and have two 31 00:01:29,481 --> 00:01:33,521 Speaker 1: little girls together. Busy, busy. The issues come from I 32 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:36,841 Speaker 1: believe I have postpartum depression and severe care is burnout 33 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:40,161 Speaker 1: from my non verbal autistic daughter. I can't work as 34 00:01:40,161 --> 00:01:42,241 Speaker 1: i'm her full time care and I'm now also a 35 00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:44,280 Speaker 1: stay at home mama to my other daughter, who is 36 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:47,321 Speaker 1: eleven months old. I've lost my voice. I don't know 37 00:01:47,321 --> 00:01:49,841 Speaker 1: how to tell a single person that I'm struggling, that 38 00:01:49,921 --> 00:01:52,401 Speaker 1: I'm so touched out. I can't take breaks as my 39 00:01:52,481 --> 00:01:54,761 Speaker 1: daughter needs two full time cares, but my partner has 40 00:01:54,801 --> 00:01:56,961 Speaker 1: to work as money needs to come from somewhere. Right 41 00:01:57,561 --> 00:02:00,121 Speaker 1: our sex life has suffered majorly. I think of it 42 00:02:00,161 --> 00:02:02,081 Speaker 1: as a major chore right now more than anything, and 43 00:02:02,081 --> 00:02:04,401 Speaker 1: I don't even think about it anymore, which could be 44 00:02:04,401 --> 00:02:06,921 Speaker 1: a hormonal thing for sure, but my poor partner. We 45 00:02:07,001 --> 00:02:09,201 Speaker 1: go from having sex every day or every few days 46 00:02:09,241 --> 00:02:12,121 Speaker 1: having sex with other girls, to none. He thinks I 47 00:02:12,201 --> 00:02:14,560 Speaker 1: resent him. My emotions are all over the place, and 48 00:02:14,601 --> 00:02:16,201 Speaker 1: I haven't been a very good partner at all to 49 00:02:16,281 --> 00:02:18,081 Speaker 1: him for the last four years because of all my 50 00:02:18,161 --> 00:02:20,601 Speaker 1: time it goes to my daughter. That's most likely just 51 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:23,280 Speaker 1: an excuse, as he's going through it as well. We've 52 00:02:23,281 --> 00:02:25,761 Speaker 1: been dealing with a lot lately. We have moved to 53 00:02:25,761 --> 00:02:27,601 Speaker 1: our block of land in South Australia so that he 54 00:02:27,601 --> 00:02:29,321 Speaker 1: can be around a lot more people to help with 55 00:02:29,361 --> 00:02:31,481 Speaker 1: the girls, so I'm not doing it all alone. We've 56 00:02:31,481 --> 00:02:33,481 Speaker 1: also been fighting a lot lately. I think we are 57 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:35,601 Speaker 1: all each other has around, so we take all of 58 00:02:35,601 --> 00:02:37,921 Speaker 1: our stress out on each other. Our daughter screams a 59 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:40,921 Speaker 1: lot because she can't communicate her needs. She's a beautiful girl, 60 00:02:40,921 --> 00:02:43,321 Speaker 1: but our lives are very disregulated because of it all. 61 00:02:43,761 --> 00:02:46,481 Speaker 1: We're both over the fighting, and mostly him. He can't 62 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:48,761 Speaker 1: take it anymore. How do I show him love? How 63 00:02:48,761 --> 00:02:51,161 Speaker 1: do I get back to myself? I'm so touched out 64 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:52,761 Speaker 1: and burnt out that I can't even give him a 65 00:02:52,841 --> 00:02:55,281 Speaker 1: hug anymore. When he's sad or be understanding when he's 66 00:02:55,281 --> 00:02:57,481 Speaker 1: going through things, I don't know where it's all gone wrong. 67 00:02:57,881 --> 00:03:00,681 Speaker 1: It feels like I'm actually dead inside. He's also suffering 68 00:03:00,721 --> 00:03:03,841 Speaker 1: a lot currently dealing with suicidal thoughts. I'm sorry, this 69 00:03:03,921 --> 00:03:07,961 Speaker 1: is a lot. I love you, lady man so much. 70 00:03:08,041 --> 00:03:11,321 Speaker 1: There there's a lot there. Firstly, just what you're holding 71 00:03:11,481 --> 00:03:14,721 Speaker 1: is a lot, like postparter moving, not having a lot 72 00:03:14,721 --> 00:03:17,481 Speaker 1: of support, like obviously your daughter needing a lot more 73 00:03:17,561 --> 00:03:21,081 Speaker 1: time and attention to that alone is a lot. Let alone, 74 00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:23,681 Speaker 1: you know, worrying about finances and managing your relationship and 75 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:26,840 Speaker 1: then taking care of yourself and being regulated. It's a 76 00:03:26,921 --> 00:03:27,521 Speaker 1: fucking lot. 77 00:03:27,561 --> 00:03:29,841 Speaker 2: And then your partner suicidal thoughts too, Like all of 78 00:03:29,841 --> 00:03:32,201 Speaker 2: it is obviously just stacking on the both of you, 79 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:33,960 Speaker 2: which is a really hard thing to deal with. It's 80 00:03:34,041 --> 00:03:36,921 Speaker 2: like one thing to deal with one emotional challenge, let 81 00:03:36,961 --> 00:03:38,521 Speaker 2: alone like five in one go. 82 00:03:38,841 --> 00:03:43,241 Speaker 1: Yeah. Firstly, I think your partner really, I would really 83 00:03:43,241 --> 00:03:46,001 Speaker 1: be encouraging him to have some outside support because we 84 00:03:46,041 --> 00:03:48,561 Speaker 1: always talk about it too, like your partners can't be everything. 85 00:03:48,841 --> 00:03:51,641 Speaker 1: They can't be your coach, your best friend, your lover, 86 00:03:52,121 --> 00:03:53,841 Speaker 1: You're this, You're that. It's a lot of pressure for 87 00:03:53,921 --> 00:03:56,961 Speaker 1: one person, And you know, I think when we get 88 00:03:57,001 --> 00:03:59,041 Speaker 1: outside support, it helps to fill a coup up and 89 00:03:59,041 --> 00:04:01,401 Speaker 1: it helps dissolve, you know, lots of thoughts that are 90 00:04:01,401 --> 00:04:03,641 Speaker 1: going on, see different perspective, and then we come into 91 00:04:03,641 --> 00:04:05,961 Speaker 1: the relationship a little bit fresher. So I would really 92 00:04:06,001 --> 00:04:07,841 Speaker 1: be encouraging him to get some outside support. 93 00:04:08,041 --> 00:04:11,081 Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, I think there are so many layers to this, 94 00:04:11,201 --> 00:04:13,241 Speaker 2: But I guess you know, when it comes to anything 95 00:04:13,241 --> 00:04:15,321 Speaker 2: in life, And obviously I've never been able to experience 96 00:04:15,321 --> 00:04:17,761 Speaker 2: what you've experienced in your dynamic, but I do have 97 00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:20,521 Speaker 2: nieces and nephews who are autistic and on the spectrum, 98 00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:24,041 Speaker 2: so I do have somewhat of a first hand context. 99 00:04:24,401 --> 00:04:26,520 Speaker 2: But I can't say that I can I've experienced what 100 00:04:26,521 --> 00:04:28,481 Speaker 2: you've experienced, and I just I could only imagine, like 101 00:04:28,521 --> 00:04:30,921 Speaker 2: how much your nervous system would be craving to just 102 00:04:31,401 --> 00:04:34,361 Speaker 2: be able to reset in the micro moments of the day, 103 00:04:34,401 --> 00:04:36,401 Speaker 2: because you know, like I imagine your days kind of 104 00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:38,241 Speaker 2: feel like they're rolling into one at the moment with 105 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,561 Speaker 2: everything that's stacking, and a lot of the times when 106 00:04:40,561 --> 00:04:42,441 Speaker 2: we go through those seasons, it's like, you know, I'm 107 00:04:42,481 --> 00:04:43,961 Speaker 2: just trying to keep my head above water. And make 108 00:04:44,001 --> 00:04:46,361 Speaker 2: sure that I don't end up drowning. And as you know, 109 00:04:46,481 --> 00:04:49,001 Speaker 2: like as a parent, I imagine it's like, you know, 110 00:04:49,041 --> 00:04:51,161 Speaker 2: the way that you move is how the whole ship runs. 111 00:04:51,241 --> 00:04:51,801 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know. 112 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:54,241 Speaker 2: So it's like, whilst I imagine that you don't have 113 00:04:54,281 --> 00:04:56,001 Speaker 2: a lot of time, it's like, can you find those 114 00:04:56,121 --> 00:04:58,281 Speaker 2: micro moments where you've got a second to yourself and 115 00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:00,921 Speaker 2: you're throwing yourself in the bathroom for a couple of 116 00:05:00,921 --> 00:05:03,320 Speaker 2: minutes or however long that you've got to just take 117 00:05:03,361 --> 00:05:05,320 Speaker 2: a couple of deep breaths and make sure sure that 118 00:05:05,361 --> 00:05:08,760 Speaker 2: you're giving yourself that minute to just like regulate yourself. Yeah, 119 00:05:08,841 --> 00:05:10,681 Speaker 2: because it sounds like you just in a state of 120 00:05:10,721 --> 00:05:14,801 Speaker 2: constant dysregulation. And whilst there are outside things that are 121 00:05:14,801 --> 00:05:16,921 Speaker 2: like out of your control, the only thing that you 122 00:05:16,961 --> 00:05:20,961 Speaker 2: can control is the controllables, which is your actions, your behaviors, 123 00:05:21,041 --> 00:05:23,721 Speaker 2: how you choose to navigate this. And whilst you know 124 00:05:23,841 --> 00:05:26,801 Speaker 2: you do deal and have been dealt a few cards 125 00:05:26,801 --> 00:05:29,641 Speaker 2: that most people won't ever have to experience, it's not 126 00:05:29,681 --> 00:05:32,280 Speaker 2: about that. It's about how you choose to support yourself 127 00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:32,601 Speaker 2: in this. 128 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:35,481 Speaker 1: Definitely take this with a grain of salt. But as 129 00:05:35,521 --> 00:05:37,241 Speaker 1: a mum, The first thing when I hear all of 130 00:05:37,241 --> 00:05:39,041 Speaker 1: this is if I was in your position, and I 131 00:05:39,041 --> 00:05:40,960 Speaker 1: obviously don't have a heigh needs child. So yeah, like 132 00:05:41,001 --> 00:05:43,521 Speaker 1: I said, take this with a grain assault. But whenever 133 00:05:43,561 --> 00:05:45,961 Speaker 1: I'm super disregulated or very busy at work and I'm 134 00:05:46,001 --> 00:05:49,801 Speaker 1: finding I'm not having time to myself to regulate, I think, 135 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,161 Speaker 1: am I going to get up earlier? I'm going to 136 00:05:51,201 --> 00:05:53,321 Speaker 1: stay up later. That's the only time that I can 137 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,481 Speaker 1: find time. Once my kids go to bed, That's what 138 00:05:55,481 --> 00:05:56,881 Speaker 1: I'm going to do. And for me, it's normally get 139 00:05:56,961 --> 00:05:58,841 Speaker 1: up earlier. I'm quite an early rise when I find 140 00:05:58,841 --> 00:06:01,481 Speaker 1: that a lot easier than staying up late. So I 141 00:06:01,521 --> 00:06:03,921 Speaker 1: would be getting up early, even if it's ten minutes 142 00:06:03,961 --> 00:06:06,001 Speaker 1: before your kids are due to wake up. They wake 143 00:06:06,081 --> 00:06:07,801 Speaker 1: up at five. I can't getting up at four forty five. 144 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:11,161 Speaker 1: I'm putting out of meditation. I'm going outside. I'm taking 145 00:06:11,601 --> 00:06:14,001 Speaker 1: a minute to just focus my breath, and with your breath, 146 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,241 Speaker 1: make sure that your exhale is way longer than your 147 00:06:16,281 --> 00:06:19,361 Speaker 1: in how because that'll really calm your body down. And 148 00:06:19,401 --> 00:06:22,201 Speaker 1: then with your partner. Because I feel like this is 149 00:06:22,241 --> 00:06:24,961 Speaker 1: such a common problem when we have children and we're 150 00:06:25,001 --> 00:06:27,761 Speaker 1: busy and everyone's stressed and tied. When your body doesn't 151 00:06:27,761 --> 00:06:30,201 Speaker 1: feel safe and you're just regulated, sex is lasting. I 152 00:06:30,241 --> 00:06:33,961 Speaker 1: feel like you cannot really tap into your pleasure if 153 00:06:33,961 --> 00:06:37,721 Speaker 1: you're in that fight or flight mode. So regulation that'd 154 00:06:37,761 --> 00:06:39,281 Speaker 1: be my first thing. This is what we teach and 155 00:06:39,361 --> 00:06:42,161 Speaker 1: rise inside. That's why it's our number one month because 156 00:06:42,201 --> 00:06:44,241 Speaker 1: this is like you cannot do the other work until 157 00:06:44,241 --> 00:06:46,801 Speaker 1: your body is actually safe to receive the information and 158 00:06:46,841 --> 00:06:50,400 Speaker 1: start integrating everything that we're teaching, but finding a toolbox 159 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:53,601 Speaker 1: and finding things that work for you in different moments 160 00:06:53,921 --> 00:06:56,081 Speaker 1: to help bring you back down into that green zone, 161 00:06:56,081 --> 00:06:58,161 Speaker 1: bring you back down to your breath, back down to calm, 162 00:06:58,761 --> 00:07:01,041 Speaker 1: and then with your partner. I think it's the micro 163 00:07:01,081 --> 00:07:04,281 Speaker 1: moments again. It's like in the kitchen when you're cooking dinner. 164 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:06,961 Speaker 1: Are you just passings? Are you actually interacting with each other? 165 00:07:07,161 --> 00:07:09,441 Speaker 1: Can literally be stopped grabbing by the shoulders or grab 166 00:07:09,561 --> 00:07:11,441 Speaker 1: them by the hips and just be like, I love you. 167 00:07:11,761 --> 00:07:15,361 Speaker 1: This is a fucking hard season, but we're in this together. Yes. 168 00:07:15,401 --> 00:07:16,881 Speaker 1: Instead of just giving a peck on the cheek when 169 00:07:16,881 --> 00:07:19,721 Speaker 1: they say goodbye, make it twenty seconds, Make your hug 170 00:07:20,041 --> 00:07:22,681 Speaker 1: just that little bit longer, Like embrace them, make them 171 00:07:22,721 --> 00:07:25,561 Speaker 1: feel that little bit desired, that little bit more taken 172 00:07:25,601 --> 00:07:28,441 Speaker 1: care of. I find those micro moments lead to the 173 00:07:28,481 --> 00:07:31,081 Speaker 1: bigger moments. And then when it comes to sex, I 174 00:07:31,121 --> 00:07:33,001 Speaker 1: have a girlfriend going through this at the moment, she 175 00:07:33,201 --> 00:07:37,481 Speaker 1: is in the trenches two young, very young children. Used 176 00:07:37,481 --> 00:07:39,720 Speaker 1: to be one of my horniest friends, and like now 177 00:07:39,721 --> 00:07:41,881 Speaker 1: she's like, I'm so fucking tired. When the kids go 178 00:07:41,921 --> 00:07:44,481 Speaker 1: to bed, I'm out. The last thing I feel like 179 00:07:44,521 --> 00:07:47,241 Speaker 1: doing is having sex. Even though you don't feel like 180 00:07:47,281 --> 00:07:49,721 Speaker 1: doing it, I feel like, once you're into it, fuck, 181 00:07:49,721 --> 00:07:52,121 Speaker 1: I wish we did this earlier. Yes, because when it 182 00:07:52,161 --> 00:07:55,921 Speaker 1: feels so good. Two, it releases like relaxing hormones. Three, 183 00:07:55,961 --> 00:07:58,961 Speaker 1: it makes you feel more connected, makes you feel more loved, 184 00:07:59,121 --> 00:08:01,321 Speaker 1: like love towards each other, and just makes you feel 185 00:08:01,361 --> 00:08:03,521 Speaker 1: like more of a team again. So even though you 186 00:08:03,561 --> 00:08:06,401 Speaker 1: don't feel like it, I it is so worth putting 187 00:08:06,401 --> 00:08:09,081 Speaker 1: that effort in. And if it's scheduled, so be it. 188 00:08:09,241 --> 00:08:11,241 Speaker 1: At least it's scheduled in. It's like you schedule everything 189 00:08:11,281 --> 00:08:14,121 Speaker 1: else in your work, meetings, your appointments, your daughter's appointments, 190 00:08:14,121 --> 00:08:16,521 Speaker 1: everything's scheduled in. So it happens right, because not in 191 00:08:16,521 --> 00:08:18,441 Speaker 1: the schedule, it's not going to happen and there goes 192 00:08:18,441 --> 00:08:20,241 Speaker 1: two months and you haven't meet into it with your partner, 193 00:08:20,321 --> 00:08:23,721 Speaker 1: your literally roommates. Yeah, don't let that happen. Schedule it in, 194 00:08:24,041 --> 00:08:26,081 Speaker 1: make a time and probably when the kids go to 195 00:08:26,081 --> 00:08:28,881 Speaker 1: bed once again. Or this is for sometimes like screens 196 00:08:28,881 --> 00:08:31,441 Speaker 1: are handy. You know. I always thought it'd be the 197 00:08:31,481 --> 00:08:34,601 Speaker 1: mom that wouldn't allow screens, but sometimes screens come in handy. Yeah, 198 00:08:34,641 --> 00:08:35,881 Speaker 1: if you need to put your kids in front of 199 00:08:35,921 --> 00:08:37,801 Speaker 1: a TV for half an hour to watch the TV 200 00:08:37,921 --> 00:08:39,881 Speaker 1: show so you can have that moment with your partner 201 00:08:39,921 --> 00:08:43,001 Speaker 1: and still be you two, I think that's worth it. 202 00:08:43,001 --> 00:08:46,201 Speaker 1: It is little things that I would try. But yeah, 203 00:08:46,201 --> 00:08:48,241 Speaker 1: back to your husband, I really would be encouraging him 204 00:08:48,241 --> 00:08:50,681 Speaker 1: to get a men's coach or a psychologist or just 205 00:08:50,721 --> 00:08:53,601 Speaker 1: someone on his team that he can go to just 206 00:08:53,641 --> 00:08:56,801 Speaker 1: have his time for himself. And also on the weekend. 207 00:08:56,801 --> 00:08:59,041 Speaker 1: Steve and I sometimes if we've had a really really 208 00:08:59,041 --> 00:09:01,481 Speaker 1: big week with work, well tag team, it's like if 209 00:09:01,481 --> 00:09:03,521 Speaker 1: we're both feeling tapped out and the kids are fighting, 210 00:09:03,521 --> 00:09:05,481 Speaker 1: it's like, all right, you go have three hours. Yeah, 211 00:09:05,561 --> 00:09:07,921 Speaker 1: we walk catch up with a friend, go down to 212 00:09:07,921 --> 00:09:09,441 Speaker 1: the beach, just have some time and then come back 213 00:09:09,481 --> 00:09:11,401 Speaker 1: and tag to any other. We've both had that time 214 00:09:11,441 --> 00:09:12,921 Speaker 1: in the morning to recharge, and then we spend the 215 00:09:12,921 --> 00:09:15,001 Speaker 1: afternoon together. Yeah. Literally, see, you guys do this. We 216 00:09:15,081 --> 00:09:17,721 Speaker 1: do this all the time. That's really cool. I just 217 00:09:17,721 --> 00:09:21,161 Speaker 1: think it's so important because as parents, you still need 218 00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:23,521 Speaker 1: your own time and depending what starsign you are, what 219 00:09:23,561 --> 00:09:26,681 Speaker 1: your value, I value freedom. Steve is very big introverts, 220 00:09:26,681 --> 00:09:29,601 Speaker 1: so he actually recharges on his own, so it's important 221 00:09:29,601 --> 00:09:30,961 Speaker 1: to make sure you can give that to each other. 222 00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:33,441 Speaker 1: And like, yeah, the time with the kids by yourself 223 00:09:33,521 --> 00:09:34,761 Speaker 1: might be hard, but then you know, you get to 224 00:09:34,761 --> 00:09:37,241 Speaker 1: recharge having a couple of hours to yourself. So I 225 00:09:37,281 --> 00:09:39,321 Speaker 1: don't know if they're helpful. I really hope you can 226 00:09:39,401 --> 00:09:41,321 Speaker 1: try at least one or two of those. We were 227 00:09:41,361 --> 00:09:43,721 Speaker 1: talking about Jake Woodward. We talked about him a lot. 228 00:09:43,761 --> 00:09:46,121 Speaker 1: I was just thinking this, and I know this sounds 229 00:09:46,161 --> 00:09:49,561 Speaker 1: so far fetched and so like, oh my god, that's 230 00:09:49,601 --> 00:09:52,841 Speaker 1: not going to happen, but I truly believe there's I 231 00:09:52,881 --> 00:09:55,281 Speaker 1: think this would be super helpful for most relationships. Is 232 00:09:55,361 --> 00:09:58,281 Speaker 1: he's got a seventy two hour rules. They never go 233 00:09:58,361 --> 00:10:00,721 Speaker 1: longer than seventy two hours without being intimate, because it 234 00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:03,201 Speaker 1: keeps the connection. We were just saying, like Steve and I 235 00:10:03,321 --> 00:10:04,841 Speaker 1: went like a week and a half with those sex, 236 00:10:05,081 --> 00:10:07,201 Speaker 1: and you went through something. We both had periods we're away, 237 00:10:07,281 --> 00:10:09,841 Speaker 1: they're away, yep, and we both at the same time like, 238 00:10:09,881 --> 00:10:12,521 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, you really do start to feel the disconnect. 239 00:10:12,561 --> 00:10:14,841 Speaker 1: And it's not that anything's wrong, No, nothing is wrong. 240 00:10:14,841 --> 00:10:18,921 Speaker 1: It's not that something's happened. You just energetically feel the disconnect, 241 00:10:18,961 --> 00:10:22,401 Speaker 1: and then you make love again. It's like, oh again. 242 00:10:22,521 --> 00:10:24,521 Speaker 1: You just feel so much better together. And it's so 243 00:10:24,601 --> 00:10:25,121 Speaker 1: interesting too. 244 00:10:25,161 --> 00:10:28,081 Speaker 2: When you go all that time without it, you start 245 00:10:28,121 --> 00:10:32,361 Speaker 2: to not make up stories, but you emotionally disconnect almost 246 00:10:32,441 --> 00:10:34,841 Speaker 2: and like you don't feel as plugged into yes, and 247 00:10:34,881 --> 00:10:37,281 Speaker 2: that then creates more and more distance. I feel like 248 00:10:37,281 --> 00:10:40,321 Speaker 2: the longer time that you go on, the more disconnected 249 00:10:40,361 --> 00:10:42,041 Speaker 2: you feel. And then I feel like it sometimes feel 250 00:10:42,161 --> 00:10:43,601 Speaker 2: a little bit harder to get back to. 251 00:10:43,961 --> 00:10:47,641 Speaker 1: And if something was to come up, like an uncomfortable conversation, 252 00:10:47,801 --> 00:10:51,441 Speaker 1: a trigger, a hard conversation if you're not intimate. I 253 00:10:51,441 --> 00:10:53,241 Speaker 1: don't know. From my experience, I feel like I'm a 254 00:10:53,281 --> 00:10:56,721 Speaker 1: bit more reactive, a bit more defensive. I can't hold 255 00:10:56,761 --> 00:11:00,201 Speaker 1: it as well. Whereas we're super intimately connected, I feel 256 00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:02,201 Speaker 1: like I've got all the space in the world, Like feel. 257 00:11:02,041 --> 00:11:05,881 Speaker 2: More compassionate, yess towards each other. You're more patient, more understanding, 258 00:11:05,921 --> 00:11:08,081 Speaker 2: whereas like when you feel disconnected, you're like, oh, well, 259 00:11:08,241 --> 00:11:09,841 Speaker 2: whatever kind of thing, and you don't treat it in 260 00:11:09,881 --> 00:11:12,361 Speaker 2: a way that you want to as a partner. And 261 00:11:12,401 --> 00:11:14,121 Speaker 2: I think the biggest thing what really stood out to 262 00:11:14,161 --> 00:11:17,601 Speaker 2: me in everything that you shared was the intimacy part. Yes, 263 00:11:18,041 --> 00:11:20,281 Speaker 2: but also you mentioned you're not feeling like you're being 264 00:11:20,281 --> 00:11:22,801 Speaker 2: the best partner and you're feeling resentful in all these things. 265 00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:24,961 Speaker 1: Right, And props to the self awareness tooph Oh my god. 266 00:11:24,961 --> 00:11:27,481 Speaker 2: Amazing, so proud and us that that's you're fifty percent 267 00:11:27,481 --> 00:11:30,201 Speaker 2: of the way they yes, good And on top of this, 268 00:11:30,401 --> 00:11:33,121 Speaker 2: maybe before we explore the intimacy side of things, it's like, 269 00:11:33,161 --> 00:11:37,201 Speaker 2: how about a conversation. How about an open conversation, because 270 00:11:37,241 --> 00:11:40,241 Speaker 2: it is clear that you two are going on your 271 00:11:40,281 --> 00:11:43,801 Speaker 2: own experience of the same journey, but maybe you feel 272 00:11:43,801 --> 00:11:45,681 Speaker 2: like you're standing in opposite corners. 273 00:11:46,081 --> 00:11:47,401 Speaker 1: And I think sometimes. 274 00:11:47,041 --> 00:11:49,001 Speaker 2: That's a really hard thing when you feel like I'm 275 00:11:49,001 --> 00:11:51,961 Speaker 2: in this alone, when reality you and your partner are 276 00:11:52,001 --> 00:11:54,441 Speaker 2: dealing with this together, but right now you're just not 277 00:11:54,561 --> 00:11:56,881 Speaker 2: leaning on each other emotionally, and that's where you're feeling 278 00:11:56,921 --> 00:11:59,241 Speaker 2: the disconnect. So I'd be curious to know if this 279 00:11:59,281 --> 00:12:00,841 Speaker 2: could be a thing of like bringing it in, of 280 00:12:01,081 --> 00:12:03,441 Speaker 2: reminding your partner and being the one to go first. 281 00:12:03,561 --> 00:12:07,441 Speaker 2: It's never comfortable, but it's an necessary of being like, hey, 282 00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:08,921 Speaker 2: like it is you and me. 283 00:12:09,001 --> 00:12:11,121 Speaker 1: Versus this problem, not me versus you. 284 00:12:11,441 --> 00:12:14,481 Speaker 2: Yeah, and like leaning in with vulnerability, And whilst it 285 00:12:14,521 --> 00:12:17,321 Speaker 2: can feel super uncomfortable and scary, you are going to 286 00:12:17,401 --> 00:12:19,641 Speaker 2: get so much more out of your partner in this 287 00:12:19,801 --> 00:12:23,361 Speaker 2: of like, you know, showing him that it's safe for 288 00:12:23,401 --> 00:12:26,601 Speaker 2: you guys to lean on each other with his suicidal thoughts, 289 00:12:26,881 --> 00:12:28,801 Speaker 2: with the things that he's dealing with, with the things 290 00:12:28,841 --> 00:12:31,121 Speaker 2: that you're dealing with, maybe even bringing up the lack 291 00:12:31,161 --> 00:12:33,201 Speaker 2: of intimacy and going hey, like, how does this. 292 00:12:33,121 --> 00:12:33,681 Speaker 1: Feel for you? 293 00:12:33,881 --> 00:12:36,201 Speaker 2: It feels icky for me and I know we're dealing 294 00:12:36,241 --> 00:12:38,481 Speaker 2: with a lot and we're stressed and triggered all the time, 295 00:12:38,481 --> 00:12:40,281 Speaker 2: but how can we work as a team in this 296 00:12:40,441 --> 00:12:42,961 Speaker 2: to support each other through this so that we both 297 00:12:43,001 --> 00:12:44,201 Speaker 2: don't drown in this? Yeah? 298 00:12:44,201 --> 00:12:46,161 Speaker 1: And it's having that conversation of also like what are 299 00:12:46,201 --> 00:12:48,001 Speaker 1: you needing right now? And like with that book that 300 00:12:48,041 --> 00:12:51,321 Speaker 1: we both read, and men need respect, Oh respect and love, 301 00:12:51,481 --> 00:12:54,761 Speaker 1: Oh love and respect. Yes, such very powerful. Oh my god, 302 00:12:54,761 --> 00:12:56,361 Speaker 1: it's such a good book. Even if you're not religious. 303 00:12:56,361 --> 00:12:57,841 Speaker 1: He does use a lot of religious urns, but you 304 00:12:57,841 --> 00:13:00,921 Speaker 1: can just relate it to universe, spirit, angel, what BELI 305 00:13:01,161 --> 00:13:03,281 Speaker 1: whatever you believe in. But I found that book super helpful. 306 00:13:03,281 --> 00:13:05,601 Speaker 1: But it's also yeah, asking your partner, like, right now, 307 00:13:05,641 --> 00:13:07,921 Speaker 1: with what you're going through, how can I support you more? 308 00:13:07,961 --> 00:13:10,001 Speaker 1: Because sometimes I think when you're both trying to pull 309 00:13:10,041 --> 00:13:12,321 Speaker 1: from an empty cup, it becomes a bit of competition. Yeah, 310 00:13:12,361 --> 00:13:13,961 Speaker 1: I've got a hard I'm home with our daughter all 311 00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:15,361 Speaker 1: the time, where you get to have a break at work, 312 00:13:15,401 --> 00:13:17,321 Speaker 1: and he's like, well, I'm going to work, working my 313 00:13:17,401 --> 00:13:19,921 Speaker 1: ass off, barely paying the bills, come home to like, 314 00:13:20,041 --> 00:13:22,801 Speaker 1: obviously you not coping. So then I feel guilt leading 315 00:13:22,801 --> 00:13:25,961 Speaker 1: you all the time, and I'm also feeling extremely depressed 316 00:13:25,961 --> 00:13:28,521 Speaker 1: that I'm like considering not even being here. You both 317 00:13:28,561 --> 00:13:31,001 Speaker 1: got your own hearts and both are equally challenging in 318 00:13:31,041 --> 00:13:34,201 Speaker 1: their own way. It's like not a competition, it's like, 319 00:13:34,241 --> 00:13:36,921 Speaker 1: how can we be together and support each other more? 320 00:13:36,961 --> 00:13:38,881 Speaker 1: And it's what do you need? What do you need 321 00:13:38,921 --> 00:13:40,881 Speaker 1: from me? What do I need from you? Okay, let's 322 00:13:40,881 --> 00:13:42,281 Speaker 1: really put that as a forefront focus. 323 00:13:42,361 --> 00:13:44,081 Speaker 2: I love that you brought that up because in this 324 00:13:44,121 --> 00:13:46,561 Speaker 2: book as well, it really showcases that when we're in 325 00:13:46,641 --> 00:13:48,721 Speaker 2: our own right and we're in our own stories, we 326 00:13:48,761 --> 00:13:50,801 Speaker 2: want the other person to go first. So we're like, 327 00:13:50,921 --> 00:13:53,081 Speaker 2: I need this from this person, I need this. I 328 00:13:53,161 --> 00:13:54,601 Speaker 2: need you to show up like this and give me 329 00:13:54,641 --> 00:13:56,921 Speaker 2: more love and show me more respect and you know, 330 00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:59,801 Speaker 2: help me and support me through my hardship. But oftentimes 331 00:14:00,321 --> 00:14:02,921 Speaker 2: what actually starts this really beautiful cycle of love and 332 00:14:03,001 --> 00:14:05,841 Speaker 2: support is you going first. Yeah, because then that person's 333 00:14:05,881 --> 00:14:08,001 Speaker 2: not expecting it, they feel loved by you, and then 334 00:14:08,001 --> 00:14:09,801 Speaker 2: they go wow, oh my gosh, thank you so much. 335 00:14:09,801 --> 00:14:12,081 Speaker 2: That was amazing. Then they want to pour back into naturally. 336 00:14:12,481 --> 00:14:15,281 Speaker 2: So it's like we can not control, but like influence 337 00:14:15,401 --> 00:14:18,881 Speaker 2: that beautiful cycle of like giving so that you can 338 00:14:18,961 --> 00:14:21,281 Speaker 2: then receive and knowing that it comes from a really 339 00:14:21,321 --> 00:14:22,121 Speaker 2: beautiful place. 340 00:14:22,401 --> 00:14:25,201 Speaker 1: I think it's really hard for men to to actually 341 00:14:25,241 --> 00:14:27,401 Speaker 1: admit they're struggling. So the fact that he's told you 342 00:14:27,441 --> 00:14:30,001 Speaker 1: that is huge. It's huge. Like I know, it takes 343 00:14:30,041 --> 00:14:32,041 Speaker 1: Steve a lot to break down in front of me 344 00:14:32,161 --> 00:14:34,401 Speaker 1: and to like really let me in that he's holding 345 00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:35,961 Speaker 1: a lot because as a man, they just want to provide. 346 00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:38,721 Speaker 1: They don't want to put all their burdens onto you. 347 00:14:38,721 --> 00:14:40,761 Speaker 1: They want you to be happy and peaceful. So the 348 00:14:40,801 --> 00:14:43,161 Speaker 1: fact he's like even opened up to you is really 349 00:14:43,161 --> 00:14:47,001 Speaker 1: really beautiful. But also back to like getting outside support. 350 00:14:47,041 --> 00:14:48,801 Speaker 1: Like even us, sometimes we just turn to each other 351 00:14:48,881 --> 00:14:50,601 Speaker 1: and we know our partner's going through a lot, you know, 352 00:14:50,841 --> 00:14:53,161 Speaker 1: Or sometimes when you go to your girlfriend, you just 353 00:14:53,161 --> 00:14:55,601 Speaker 1: like vent it all out, insolves a little bit, yeah, 354 00:14:55,641 --> 00:14:56,801 Speaker 1: you know, and then you can go back a little 355 00:14:56,801 --> 00:14:58,481 Speaker 1: bit fresher to your partner. I think it's important to 356 00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,841 Speaker 1: have outside support and not rely on your partner to 357 00:15:00,881 --> 00:15:03,801 Speaker 1: be everything, especially when he's going through what he's going through. 358 00:15:04,081 --> 00:15:06,641 Speaker 1: Do you have a sister, a friend, what support do 359 00:15:06,721 --> 00:15:08,121 Speaker 1: you have? Like, I'm so glad you even bought this 360 00:15:08,161 --> 00:15:10,561 Speaker 1: in here, So I hope there's even just one thing 361 00:15:10,601 --> 00:15:12,641 Speaker 1: that we say today that you're like, Okay, I can 362 00:15:12,681 --> 00:15:14,881 Speaker 1: start to bring some micro moments of connection. Okay, when 363 00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:16,081 Speaker 1: the kids go to bed, I'm going to run a 364 00:15:16,121 --> 00:15:18,201 Speaker 1: bath or when the kids go to bed, I'm gonna 365 00:15:18,321 --> 00:15:20,361 Speaker 1: lane just make out with him, even it doesn't lead 366 00:15:20,401 --> 00:15:22,121 Speaker 1: to sex. That is a form of intimity. It doesn't 367 00:15:22,161 --> 00:15:25,921 Speaker 1: have to be literal penetration. No, just be kissing and 368 00:15:26,001 --> 00:15:28,681 Speaker 1: touching and just holding each other, just some form of intimacy. 369 00:15:28,921 --> 00:15:31,441 Speaker 1: You could sit and cuddle for twenty minutes. Allow you 370 00:15:31,481 --> 00:15:33,881 Speaker 1: guys to coregulate with each other and just this is 371 00:15:33,921 --> 00:15:36,361 Speaker 1: something that I do with my now current partner. We 372 00:15:36,441 --> 00:15:39,801 Speaker 1: do breathing together, and so like he'll literally, for whatever reason, 373 00:15:39,841 --> 00:15:41,481 Speaker 1: we'll hug and you'll go, okay, breathe with me, and 374 00:15:41,521 --> 00:15:43,641 Speaker 1: we'll do ten big, deep breaths together. And it is 375 00:15:43,681 --> 00:15:47,521 Speaker 1: the most beautiful, regulating, safe thing. And if that's something 376 00:15:47,521 --> 00:15:50,281 Speaker 1: that you can teach your partner to integrate, that's going 377 00:15:50,361 --> 00:15:52,121 Speaker 1: to allow him to regulate with you. And then you 378 00:15:52,121 --> 00:15:54,121 Speaker 1: guys are going to know, Okay, we are each other's 379 00:15:54,161 --> 00:15:57,081 Speaker 1: safe place. We're not each other's punching bags. Yeah. I 380 00:15:57,121 --> 00:16:00,641 Speaker 1: think that's a really beautiful thing. Yeah. So, man, what 381 00:16:00,681 --> 00:16:02,081 Speaker 1: you're going through is a lot. What you're holding through 382 00:16:02,081 --> 00:16:03,801 Speaker 1: a lot. But let's just start small. You're going to 383 00:16:03,841 --> 00:16:06,201 Speaker 1: set your alarm a little bit early. You take ten 384 00:16:06,241 --> 00:16:09,161 Speaker 1: big breasts, breathe in your exhus and me a lot longer. 385 00:16:09,441 --> 00:16:11,681 Speaker 1: May you go on YouTube or if you're a part 386 00:16:11,681 --> 00:16:13,561 Speaker 1: of Rise and Side, We've got so many like five 387 00:16:13,641 --> 00:16:15,921 Speaker 1: ten minute little meditations in there. It's all. It takes 388 00:16:15,921 --> 00:16:17,881 Speaker 1: a couple of minutes. And then when they go to 389 00:16:17,921 --> 00:16:20,081 Speaker 1: bed or in the kitchen, whenever you're with your partner, 390 00:16:20,201 --> 00:16:23,281 Speaker 1: you're not passing ships. There's little micro touches, micro kisses, 391 00:16:23,361 --> 00:16:25,721 Speaker 1: micro comments even throughout the day. Just a message to 392 00:16:25,721 --> 00:16:28,641 Speaker 1: say I appreciate you. That will go so far for 393 00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:31,081 Speaker 1: a man, the fact they feel appreciated or respected, or 394 00:16:31,081 --> 00:16:32,641 Speaker 1: I know you're doing your best. Thank you for all 395 00:16:32,681 --> 00:16:35,561 Speaker 1: you do. Start little, write a little list of little 396 00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:37,761 Speaker 1: things that you can do, and it will stack over time. 397 00:16:37,761 --> 00:16:39,801 Speaker 1: It doesn't take away your heart, it doesn't take away 398 00:16:39,841 --> 00:16:42,281 Speaker 1: your problems. It doesn't mean that it's going to get 399 00:16:42,321 --> 00:16:44,601 Speaker 1: better overnight. But like you said, there is some things 400 00:16:44,601 --> 00:16:46,361 Speaker 1: that are out of your control right now, so just 401 00:16:46,481 --> 00:16:49,441 Speaker 1: take control of what you can and those little moments 402 00:16:50,041 --> 00:16:50,561 Speaker 1: mean a lot. 403 00:16:50,681 --> 00:16:52,201 Speaker 2: And also as well, when it comes to like the 404 00:16:52,361 --> 00:16:55,241 Speaker 2: sex side of things, when you're a female, at which 405 00:16:55,241 --> 00:16:58,001 Speaker 2: you are, we close up when we don't feel safe, 406 00:16:58,321 --> 00:17:01,401 Speaker 2: right and you notice that there's resentment there. Right, So 407 00:17:01,481 --> 00:17:04,160 Speaker 2: the moment I personally believe when you can have a 408 00:17:04,201 --> 00:17:06,600 Speaker 2: safe conversation and you can bring it all in and 409 00:17:06,641 --> 00:17:09,200 Speaker 2: you can clear the air of whatever is sitting between 410 00:17:09,201 --> 00:17:11,641 Speaker 2: you two on the couch metaphorically, which is the thing 411 00:17:11,681 --> 00:17:15,241 Speaker 2: that is the barrier that will dissolve, and then you'll go, Okay, 412 00:17:15,241 --> 00:17:16,921 Speaker 2: I feel a little bit more safe. I can relax now, 413 00:17:17,001 --> 00:17:20,200 Speaker 2: I can take a big excel. Okay, we're not at 414 00:17:20,201 --> 00:17:21,160 Speaker 2: each other's next anymore. 415 00:17:21,281 --> 00:17:22,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, cool. 416 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:24,680 Speaker 2: Then it's introducing the little touches and little kisses and 417 00:17:24,681 --> 00:17:26,880 Speaker 2: the little cheeky smiles across the room and then just 418 00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:29,640 Speaker 2: like hey, like I love you wearing this together. Yeah, 419 00:17:29,681 --> 00:17:32,360 Speaker 2: and then allow the intimacy to build from that place, Like, 420 00:17:32,721 --> 00:17:36,721 Speaker 2: don't put pressure on yourself to go from nothing or 421 00:17:36,761 --> 00:17:39,120 Speaker 2: even to back to where you were before about inviting 422 00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:39,840 Speaker 2: other girls. 423 00:17:39,721 --> 00:17:41,080 Speaker 1: Into the bedroom because of the season. 424 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:43,241 Speaker 2: Now it's just not the season, and you know ebbs 425 00:17:43,281 --> 00:17:45,681 Speaker 2: and flows of life in general. So it's like, give 426 00:17:45,721 --> 00:17:48,840 Speaker 2: yourself a chance to go baby steps and just yeah, 427 00:17:48,961 --> 00:17:51,841 Speaker 2: allow it to naturally unfold as you create more safety 428 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:52,281 Speaker 2: with each other. 429 00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:54,241 Speaker 1: Again, I'm glad you brought that up, like the sleeping 430 00:17:54,281 --> 00:17:56,080 Speaker 1: with other girls, because she actually mentioned in that twice 431 00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:57,600 Speaker 1: and they're like, that would have been so fun. I'm sure, 432 00:17:57,600 --> 00:18:00,841 Speaker 1: but it's like me comparing my eighteen year old, sexy, 433 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,161 Speaker 1: fun party self to now a thirty seven year old 434 00:18:03,281 --> 00:18:07,960 Speaker 1: business owner mum of two diferent seasons, not that girl anymore. 435 00:18:08,041 --> 00:18:10,041 Speaker 1: Have changed a lot, have evolved a lot, and just 436 00:18:10,041 --> 00:18:12,880 Speaker 1: like even understanding your body, like even they say, like 437 00:18:12,961 --> 00:18:16,081 Speaker 1: scientifically stats it takes us twenty minutes of warm up 438 00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:18,600 Speaker 1: to fully be open, to fully be wet, to fully 439 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,840 Speaker 1: be ready. So the foreplay doesn't just start in the bedroom. 440 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:24,561 Speaker 1: It actually starts throughout the day. It's a build up. 441 00:18:24,761 --> 00:18:26,961 Speaker 1: It's a mental game for us women. And if that's 442 00:18:27,001 --> 00:18:29,080 Speaker 1: like all week you're just doing these little microwave moments 443 00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:31,120 Speaker 1: and then on sagey you put in the movie on 444 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:32,720 Speaker 1: for the kids and you're having your half and out 445 00:18:32,721 --> 00:18:34,441 Speaker 1: of your time when it's when they go to bed. Yeah, 446 00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:37,001 Speaker 1: that's your schedule time. Put the effort in. It is 447 00:18:37,041 --> 00:18:38,920 Speaker 1: worth it because your relationships worth it, and you know 448 00:18:38,961 --> 00:18:41,521 Speaker 1: your evidence of how beautiful you can be together. You've 449 00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:43,440 Speaker 1: got some extra challenges. Now, it doesn't mean that you 450 00:18:43,481 --> 00:18:47,801 Speaker 1: can't still have a beautiful, loving, connected relationship and it's 451 00:18:47,801 --> 00:18:49,440 Speaker 1: not going to be like this forever. Yeah, you're in 452 00:18:49,481 --> 00:18:51,561 Speaker 1: the trenches right now, you really are, and it's going 453 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:53,720 Speaker 1: to be for a little while. So it's like, Okay, 454 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:55,521 Speaker 1: we've got to accept that, But where can we be 455 00:18:55,561 --> 00:18:58,441 Speaker 1: flexible and adaptable to make the best of what we've 456 00:18:58,441 --> 00:18:59,001 Speaker 1: got right now? 457 00:18:59,041 --> 00:19:02,761 Speaker 2: Absolutely so beautifully said something else as well, like you 458 00:19:02,801 --> 00:19:05,360 Speaker 2: obviously you're holding a lot, and I reckon they're be 459 00:19:05,441 --> 00:19:08,321 Speaker 2: so much stored emotion in your body just from having 460 00:19:08,321 --> 00:19:11,120 Speaker 2: to compartmentalize and push your needs to the side and 461 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:14,400 Speaker 2: prioritize your daughter and daughters and your partner and everything 462 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,360 Speaker 2: else that you have going on in your life. Do 463 00:19:16,481 --> 00:19:20,721 Speaker 2: some anger releases, girl, if you can sneak away five minutes, 464 00:19:20,721 --> 00:19:23,160 Speaker 2: sit in the car and just scream elongs out it 465 00:19:23,201 --> 00:19:26,281 Speaker 2: sounds wild and actually it's beneficial. You're gonna sound and 466 00:19:26,321 --> 00:19:28,120 Speaker 2: it's gonna sound crazy. You're gonna be like ye, and 467 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:30,001 Speaker 2: I don't want to do that. I feel silly. I'm 468 00:19:30,001 --> 00:19:32,281 Speaker 2: not doing that. That's weird, Like all of the stories 469 00:19:32,321 --> 00:19:34,681 Speaker 2: are going to come up. Play music in the car 470 00:19:34,801 --> 00:19:38,561 Speaker 2: so it's loud enough, and then just scream because like 471 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:41,161 Speaker 2: that stored energy in your body from all the resentment 472 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:43,240 Speaker 2: is heavy to carry. 473 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:44,481 Speaker 1: But when you do this, and. 474 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,480 Speaker 2: I promise this is something I actually recommend all of 475 00:19:46,481 --> 00:19:48,640 Speaker 2: my clients to do. If you can do this and 476 00:19:48,681 --> 00:19:50,121 Speaker 2: get away with doing it for at least three days 477 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:51,920 Speaker 2: in a row, a couple of minutes, it doesn't have 478 00:19:51,961 --> 00:19:54,960 Speaker 2: to be anything excessive. Scream until you feel like you 479 00:19:55,001 --> 00:19:57,880 Speaker 2: have nothing left, and wait for the emotional relief on 480 00:19:57,921 --> 00:20:00,480 Speaker 2: the other side of it, and you may also find 481 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,161 Speaker 2: that you might actually cry on the other end of it. Two. 482 00:20:03,681 --> 00:20:06,441 Speaker 2: But also crying is a really big, beautiful release if 483 00:20:06,481 --> 00:20:08,480 Speaker 2: even at night, you need a minute to yourself and 484 00:20:08,521 --> 00:20:10,920 Speaker 2: you just allow yourself to cry, let yourself process all 485 00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:13,001 Speaker 2: of the emotions that you're actually feeling, because it will 486 00:20:13,041 --> 00:20:16,041 Speaker 2: help get you out of this like emotional trenches that 487 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:17,121 Speaker 2: you're currently in right now. 488 00:20:17,201 --> 00:20:19,160 Speaker 1: And if you struggle to cray because you're holding it 489 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,121 Speaker 1: together for the kids all day. Put in a sad 490 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:25,720 Speaker 1: song always gets me. Always grieving someone that's passed or 491 00:20:26,281 --> 00:20:29,201 Speaker 1: upset about a certain situation. I've got like certain songs 492 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:33,001 Speaker 1: that help me drop into sadness. And sometimes it's necessary 493 00:20:33,001 --> 00:20:35,281 Speaker 1: because otherwise, if you don't release it and don't dissolve it. 494 00:20:35,281 --> 00:20:37,521 Speaker 1: Sits in your body and it just gets bigger until 495 00:20:37,521 --> 00:20:39,281 Speaker 1: one day you explode and you're like, what the fuck 496 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,561 Speaker 1: was that. I'm at breaking point? Absolutely, don't let yourself 497 00:20:41,561 --> 00:20:45,121 Speaker 1: get there. Yeah, yeah, go straight to Adele. She makes 498 00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:47,600 Speaker 1: me cry. Oh yeah, she's got some good ones. But 499 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:49,521 Speaker 1: I really hope this helps. I hope you can take 500 00:20:49,521 --> 00:20:51,521 Speaker 1: away one or two things. Got a little list there now, 501 00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:55,360 Speaker 1: And yeah, we're here for you and you so much love. 502 00:20:55,441 --> 00:20:56,761 Speaker 1: Give us a bit of an update. We'd love to 503 00:20:56,761 --> 00:20:59,241 Speaker 1: know how you're going. Bye, beautiful, See you guys tomorrow