WEBVTT - Are You an Asshole to Yourself? 0:00:00.560 --> 0:00:03.400 I'd like to begin by acknowledging the traditional custodians of 0:00:03.440 --> 0:00:06.920 country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. 0:00:07.360 --> 0:00:10.480 We pay our respect to their elders, past, present and emerging, 0:00:10.520 --> 0:00:13.200 and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait 0:00:13.240 --> 0:00:18.880 Islander peoples today. Welcome to Stepping Up the podcast where 0:00:18.920 --> 0:00:23.400 we explore all things organization, mental health, routines, personal development, 0:00:23.600 --> 0:00:26.720 motherhood and health. I'm your host, Steph Pace, and I'm 0:00:26.760 --> 0:00:29.720 the woman behind Just Another Mummy blog and also the 0:00:29.760 --> 0:00:32.640 founder of Steph Pace Planners. But I can assure you 0:00:32.720 --> 0:00:35.760 this is not just another podcast online. I'm known for 0:00:35.840 --> 0:00:39.120 my organization tips and tricks and the occasional banter, but 0:00:39.200 --> 0:00:41.879 it definitely wasn't always this way. I used to be 0:00:41.960 --> 0:00:45.320 a hot mess and occasionally still am. And I'm here 0:00:45.360 --> 0:00:47.880 as your honest and real friend each week to show 0:00:47.880 --> 0:00:50.440 you how I turn my life of chaos into clarity. 0:00:50.920 --> 0:00:53.640 Between the house, health, kids, work, and wanting to be 0:00:53.720 --> 0:00:56.240 the best version of yourself, it can be overwhelming, and 0:00:56.320 --> 0:00:58.200 I'm here to give you the tools and tips to 0:00:58.200 --> 0:01:01.040 stop you feeling like a slave to your daily tasks, 0:01:01.120 --> 0:01:04.480 home life, and especially the expectations you have on yourself. 0:01:05.120 --> 0:01:07.120 Join me as I share my journey and insights into 0:01:07.120 --> 0:01:09.240 the art of balancing at all and speak to guests 0:01:09.240 --> 0:01:11.759 who can help us all live a better life. Whether 0:01:11.800 --> 0:01:14.679 you're looking to streamline your daily routines, boosh your wellbeing, 0:01:14.800 --> 0:01:17.960 achieve your fitness goals, dive into personal development, or find 0:01:18.000 --> 0:01:20.760 inspiration to step up into the best version of yourself, 0:01:21.040 --> 0:01:23.600 We've got you. So are you ready to step up 0:01:23.640 --> 0:01:28.240 your game? Let's go. Hello guys, and welcome back to 0:01:28.400 --> 0:01:31.600 Stepping Up. I hope you're having a bloody amazing day. 0:01:32.640 --> 0:01:35.320 I have had a bit of a time trying to 0:01:35.360 --> 0:01:38.560 actually record this episode. You know those days where you 0:01:38.680 --> 0:01:41.600 just like touch things and everything just like turns to shit. 0:01:42.360 --> 0:01:46.480 That's today. I got everything set up, got the camera 0:01:46.520 --> 0:01:48.680 ready to go because obviously our film needs as well 0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:52.840 for YouTube and all the things, and my camera like 0:01:52.840 --> 0:01:55.200 it just wouldn't get in the right spot. So it 0:01:55.240 --> 0:01:57.800 took me like about half an hour, and then somehow 0:01:57.880 --> 0:02:00.480 part of my memory card broke off into the slot 0:02:00.560 --> 0:02:02.920 of the camera and then it just wouldn't work. So 0:02:02.920 --> 0:02:04.480 then I was trying to set up an old camera, 0:02:04.600 --> 0:02:07.680 but it overheats and turns off. It was a whole 0:02:07.960 --> 0:02:10.120 ordeal anyway, So I ended up just shaking the shit 0:02:10.160 --> 0:02:12.720 out of the camera and then a little peace fell out, 0:02:12.800 --> 0:02:16.280 and now we hear it's about two hours past where 0:02:16.280 --> 0:02:18.200 I would have liked to be, which is actually very 0:02:18.280 --> 0:02:21.600 very relevant to today's episode with how I'm feeling right now, 0:02:22.080 --> 0:02:24.760 feeling frustrated with myself, like you should have been able 0:02:24.800 --> 0:02:26.960 to do this earlier. Blah blah blah blah blah. That 0:02:27.520 --> 0:02:29.280 is what we're talking about. This is going to be 0:02:29.360 --> 0:02:31.600 the biggest reality to check you've probably ever had in 0:02:31.680 --> 0:02:35.480 your life, and that is, are you an asshole to yourself? 0:02:36.320 --> 0:02:39.880 And you probably are? I love you, but you probably are. 0:02:40.720 --> 0:02:42.720 Now I'm not going to go into much of a 0:02:42.720 --> 0:02:47.120 life update because something happened last week that prompted me 0:02:47.200 --> 0:02:50.640 to do this episode. So the other week I was 0:02:50.639 --> 0:02:54.120 on a zoom meeting with someone for business for work, 0:02:54.560 --> 0:02:57.079 and she's now a friend of mine. Anyways, we're having 0:02:57.080 --> 0:03:00.120 this conversation and then we started like wrapping up the meeting, 0:03:00.160 --> 0:03:01.880 you know, with a bit of like light shit chat, 0:03:02.040 --> 0:03:06.120 and near the end, I mentioned in passing that you 0:03:06.200 --> 0:03:08.720 know that afternoon, which is it was three pm by 0:03:08.720 --> 0:03:10.480 this point that I was still going to work on 0:03:10.520 --> 0:03:13.240 a new product, finish off this project. I think I 0:03:13.280 --> 0:03:15.920 was like record a podcast, edit a week's worth of 0:03:15.919 --> 0:03:17.519 the content, and then I needed to get the kids. 0:03:17.560 --> 0:03:19.000 I wanted to take them to the park because I 0:03:19.000 --> 0:03:21.120 was feeling really really bad because I just felt like 0:03:21.120 --> 0:03:23.360 a really shitty mom at the moment because of things 0:03:23.360 --> 0:03:26.440 with work and all that type of stuff. Anyway, so 0:03:26.480 --> 0:03:28.880 I said these this spiel, which I just said very 0:03:28.960 --> 0:03:30.880 much like a matter of fact, like I wasn't winding. 0:03:30.919 --> 0:03:32.560 I was just saying like, oh, I'm going to do this, 0:03:32.560 --> 0:03:36.360 this and that, and she just stared at me, and 0:03:36.400 --> 0:03:37.920 it felt like it went for like two minutes, like 0:03:37.960 --> 0:03:42.400 it was just silence. And then she said to me, Steph, 0:03:42.680 --> 0:03:46.680 that's like two days for work and you're wanting to 0:03:46.720 --> 0:03:49.280 do it in the afternoon and then go get the 0:03:49.360 --> 0:03:51.720 kids and then do all that stuff. And I was 0:03:51.720 --> 0:03:53.560 really confused, like I was just kind of like taken 0:03:53.560 --> 0:03:58.360 aback because to me, like it's just normal. I have 0:03:58.480 --> 0:04:00.480 this expectation of myself and what I need to do, 0:04:00.560 --> 0:04:02.880 because yes, I do have a lot of deadlines, but 0:04:03.040 --> 0:04:04.800 the thing is it just has to be done. And 0:04:04.840 --> 0:04:08.640 that's what I think. I can do apparently in like 0:04:08.800 --> 0:04:13.080 two hours, which news flash, I can't anyways. So I 0:04:13.120 --> 0:04:15.520 went on to say, well, you know, also like I've 0:04:15.520 --> 0:04:17.159 got to do you know, this, this and this like 0:04:17.200 --> 0:04:19.920 this week as well, and again she just stared at 0:04:19.920 --> 0:04:24.839 me in shock and she's like, Steph, two of those 0:04:24.880 --> 0:04:27.680 things you mentioned I would do in a week. And 0:04:27.720 --> 0:04:30.039 it made me like really just kind of stop and 0:04:30.120 --> 0:04:35.880 question myself, like, ah, my standards so ridiculously high for myself, 0:04:37.000 --> 0:04:40.040 and is this why I get so mad at myself 0:04:40.080 --> 0:04:43.839 when I, of course don't reach doing the things. Now. 0:04:43.880 --> 0:04:45.640 I wish I could say this was the first time 0:04:45.720 --> 0:04:49.360 this has ever happened, but it isn't. And I'm very 0:04:49.640 --> 0:04:52.240 well aware of the fact that you know, I do 0:04:52.360 --> 0:04:54.560 wear many hats, but you know, we all do. And yes, 0:04:54.600 --> 0:04:56.359 I do have a lot of deadlines, like I said, 0:04:56.440 --> 0:05:00.839 but I think I'm superhuman, but I'm not, and we 0:05:00.960 --> 0:05:04.800 all really do, you know. And after this zoom call 0:05:04.920 --> 0:05:06.960 last week, I like sat there for a while and 0:05:07.000 --> 0:05:09.479 just really reflected on all the other times that this 0:05:09.520 --> 0:05:12.600 has happened where I've mentioned it to a friend or 0:05:12.720 --> 0:05:15.080 someone at work about you know, doing this, that and 0:05:15.160 --> 0:05:16.719 the other, and they just stare at me and they're like, 0:05:16.720 --> 0:05:21.120 stuff that's just ridiculous. And then I realized, am I 0:05:21.160 --> 0:05:26.960 an asshole to myself? This episode might be one of 0:05:27.000 --> 0:05:30.760 the most important ones you ever listened to, and it's 0:05:30.839 --> 0:05:34.239 going to give you a reality check, like I said, 0:05:34.560 --> 0:05:39.120 but also prevent you from continuing to be an asshole 0:05:39.480 --> 0:05:42.520 to yourself like I am. Now, I'm sharing this because 0:05:42.600 --> 0:05:45.919 I think it's really important that we show the duality 0:05:46.000 --> 0:05:49.320 of you know, yes, I own a planner company, Yes 0:05:49.400 --> 0:05:52.280 I like organization. I did all this stuff because it 0:05:52.279 --> 0:05:55.039 makes me feel better. And I share about how to 0:05:55.080 --> 0:05:57.800 overcome the overwhelm when it comes to decluttering with like 0:05:57.920 --> 0:06:03.040 planning your day. But I realized, is the overwhelm actually 0:06:03.080 --> 0:06:07.360 me Because when you think about it, what really stresses 0:06:07.400 --> 0:06:10.400 me out is the things I'm telling myself I have 0:06:10.440 --> 0:06:12.479 to do in a certain amount of time, and the 0:06:12.560 --> 0:06:15.159 expectation to get things done and to be this, to 0:06:15.240 --> 0:06:18.240 be everything to everybody all the time. You know, no 0:06:18.279 --> 0:06:19.960 one told me I had to be everything to everybody 0:06:19.960 --> 0:06:22.200 all the time. Yes, of course, I'm a mother, I'm 0:06:22.240 --> 0:06:25.240 a friend, i'm a boss, i'm a colleague, all those things, 0:06:25.279 --> 0:06:27.760 But when it comes down to it, no one told 0:06:27.760 --> 0:06:30.320 me that day that I had to finish doing the 0:06:30.320 --> 0:06:32.400 research and doing all this stuff for this product and 0:06:32.960 --> 0:06:35.840 starting this project and then editing a week's worth of content. 0:06:36.720 --> 0:06:38.359 And I'm the first one to say, like, you know, 0:06:38.360 --> 0:06:41.120 you need to break things up, But I do struggle, 0:06:41.160 --> 0:06:43.479 And I'm the first to say I struggle to jugle little. 0:06:44.040 --> 0:06:47.040 I do you know, when I don't even get close 0:06:47.120 --> 0:06:50.800 to my expected output, I get frustrated and I feel 0:06:50.800 --> 0:06:53.280 like there's something wrong with me. And I reflected this 0:06:53.360 --> 0:06:54.920 a lot in the episode where I talk about my 0:06:54.960 --> 0:06:57.840 ADHD and how I was diagnosed at school. Always felt 0:06:57.839 --> 0:07:00.679 like I was a little bit broken. You can retain 0:07:00.760 --> 0:07:04.640 information really bad at time blindness, as we know, But 0:07:04.680 --> 0:07:06.760 the thing is in life, like what else do we 0:07:06.800 --> 0:07:09.400 have to compare it to. We don't know what other 0:07:09.440 --> 0:07:11.200 people do in their day to day lives, down to 0:07:11.240 --> 0:07:14.400 the detail, down to the second, and their own expectations 0:07:14.400 --> 0:07:17.080 on themselves. For me, personally, I do feel like there 0:07:17.160 --> 0:07:20.320 is a few reasons why I am such an asshole 0:07:20.400 --> 0:07:24.480 to myself, and that has to do with my childhood. 0:07:24.920 --> 0:07:27.680 It's got to do with obviously my workload, my ADHD, 0:07:28.160 --> 0:07:32.640 and my really really bad estimation of time, which I 0:07:32.760 --> 0:07:34.720 have the most amazing hack for you guys, which I 0:07:34.760 --> 0:07:36.160 want to be sharing at the end of this episode, 0:07:36.200 --> 0:07:37.760 so make sure you stay tuned for that because they 0:07:37.800 --> 0:07:40.400 will change your life. As soon as I stop doing 0:07:40.600 --> 0:07:43.640 this hack, everything falls to shit, so you need to 0:07:43.640 --> 0:07:45.880 stay and listen to that. And of course I shared 0:07:45.920 --> 0:07:48.520 before about my toxic traits about being a people pleaser 0:07:48.680 --> 0:07:52.480 and a perfectionist, so I'm just a recipe for disaster 0:07:52.640 --> 0:07:56.120 over here, honestly, So this episode is for you if 0:07:56.160 --> 0:07:59.760 you're sitting there and thinking, hey, I do beat myself up. 0:08:00.520 --> 0:08:03.800 I'm never happy with anything I do. I never feel 0:08:03.800 --> 0:08:06.280 good enough even when I do achieve things. I'm always 0:08:06.280 --> 0:08:08.040 onto the next thing, and I don't just like let 0:08:08.080 --> 0:08:10.600 myself enjoy it, or I think I should have done 0:08:10.640 --> 0:08:13.480 it this way or that way. You're always comparing yourself 0:08:13.520 --> 0:08:17.200 to bloody Sally, your sister who can speak in seven languages. 0:08:17.240 --> 0:08:19.400 She plays a piano and the flute at the same time. 0:08:19.680 --> 0:08:24.280 Somehow she's an athlete and she's amazing at ballet. And 0:08:24.320 --> 0:08:26.840 there you are in the corner reading Harry Potter, and 0:08:26.920 --> 0:08:30.080 you played the recorder for two years. Now, Okay, I 0:08:30.120 --> 0:08:32.559 don't have a sister, but the other part's true, and 0:08:32.600 --> 0:08:35.040 I don't know why I chose the recorder. If there's 0:08:35.240 --> 0:08:38.320 one instrument that is the most annoying, it is the recorder. Anyways, 0:08:38.360 --> 0:08:41.680 getting on a tangent, but the biggest red flag that 0:08:41.920 --> 0:08:45.239 you are an asshole to yourself is that you're constantly 0:08:45.360 --> 0:08:48.400 saying the word should. I should be doing this, I 0:08:48.440 --> 0:08:50.439 should be doing that. I should have done it this way. 0:08:50.480 --> 0:08:52.800 I should have done it that way. I shouldn't have 0:08:52.800 --> 0:08:54.920 done this. I shouldn't have done that. I should go 0:08:54.960 --> 0:08:57.760 and do this. I should be here by now. If 0:08:57.800 --> 0:09:01.960 that is something you are saying constantly, your expectations on 0:09:02.000 --> 0:09:06.280 yourself are way too bloody high. And this is all 0:09:06.320 --> 0:09:09.640 because you, my friend. How can I say this in 0:09:09.679 --> 0:09:15.440 the nicest way possible. You're an asshole to yourself. But 0:09:15.640 --> 0:09:19.240 the funny thing is, although you are an asshole, you 0:09:19.240 --> 0:09:24.880 are the most understanding, kindest sympathetic person to those you love. 0:09:25.720 --> 0:09:29.679 Yet you won't meet yourself with the same kindness or understanding. 0:09:30.080 --> 0:09:32.160 All right, So now you know you've got a few 0:09:32.200 --> 0:09:34.960 red flags happening. Maybe you're being a bit too harsh 0:09:35.000 --> 0:09:38.000 on yourself. I guess how do you know that you 0:09:38.120 --> 0:09:42.440 truly have such ridiculous expectations. So I've made an asshole 0:09:42.480 --> 0:09:46.000 criteria for you. So i want to run through some 0:09:46.160 --> 0:09:49.320 questions that will help you determine where you sit on 0:09:49.360 --> 0:09:53.880 the asshole meeter. That sounds weird. The first question is 0:09:54.080 --> 0:09:57.480 when you make mistakes, do you get very hard on 0:09:57.520 --> 0:10:01.760 yourself or do you expect not to make any at all? 0:10:01.960 --> 0:10:04.240 Do you always tend to focus on your imperfections and 0:10:04.320 --> 0:10:06.280 what you didn't do rather than what you did do? 0:10:07.120 --> 0:10:09.880 And you're always putting yourself down and you don't even 0:10:09.920 --> 0:10:11.800 realize you're doing it. And I'm the first to admit 0:10:12.280 --> 0:10:14.720 I am terrible with this, and I try really hard 0:10:14.760 --> 0:10:17.920 with myself talk, but I'm always calling myself an idiot always, 0:10:17.960 --> 0:10:20.560 i even say it out loud, And I'm constantly having 0:10:20.559 --> 0:10:23.320 friends and family saying stuph like, don't talk to yourself 0:10:23.360 --> 0:10:25.840 like that. When you reach your goal, do you tend 0:10:25.840 --> 0:10:28.160 to think about what you should have done better or 0:10:28.840 --> 0:10:31.040 even worse? You chuck it to the side and move 0:10:31.080 --> 0:10:32.760 on to the next thing and then the next thing, 0:10:32.920 --> 0:10:36.680 always seeking that validation, always seeking the next best thing 0:10:37.440 --> 0:10:40.920 for fulfillment. Are you someone that, no matter what you do, 0:10:41.000 --> 0:10:43.600 and you could achieve the most amazing goal, but you 0:10:43.720 --> 0:10:46.800 just never feel good enough. It just is never enough. 0:10:47.559 --> 0:10:50.000 Biggest one, This is one. I know you're all going 0:10:50.080 --> 0:10:52.600 to say yes too, but do you try to be 0:10:52.800 --> 0:10:58.040 everything to everyone all of the time, putting everyone above 0:10:58.080 --> 0:11:02.520 yourself and all your own needs even though you saying 0:11:02.600 --> 0:11:07.280 yes to everything like it's out of your abilities or capabilities, 0:11:07.800 --> 0:11:10.319 like you literally cannot do it, but you will continuously 0:11:10.400 --> 0:11:13.200 say yes and people please. I am the worse for this. 0:11:14.080 --> 0:11:16.600 For me, I feel like, because of my jobs and things, 0:11:16.640 --> 0:11:19.439 I'm just very passionate. So I will just say yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, 0:11:19.440 --> 0:11:22.160 and I won't even think about all the other things 0:11:22.200 --> 0:11:24.040 I've got to do. Are you someone you like You're 0:11:24.040 --> 0:11:26.840 always wanting and needing to be busy. You can't sit down. 0:11:26.920 --> 0:11:28.360 You just need to be doing all the things. Because, 0:11:28.400 --> 0:11:31.360 let's be honest, our self worth is tied to our 0:11:31.360 --> 0:11:35.920 productivity and our achievements. And lastly, you set goals on 0:11:36.040 --> 0:11:39.800 what you think they should be based off others and 0:11:39.800 --> 0:11:43.040 what they tell you or what you see on social media, 0:11:43.679 --> 0:11:45.520 and that's going to lead us into all the pressures 0:11:45.520 --> 0:11:48.040 that we feel in day to day life. Now I'm 0:11:48.080 --> 0:11:50.040 not here saying we've got to ditch the goals. We've 0:11:50.040 --> 0:11:52.360 got to ditch the expectations altogether. We all know I 0:11:52.440 --> 0:11:55.160 love a good goal. I love it. At the start 0:11:55.200 --> 0:11:58.320 of the year, I released my Reset Roadmap, which helps 0:11:58.360 --> 0:12:02.280 you break down your goals into more manageable steps and 0:12:02.360 --> 0:12:05.800 you have them scattered throughout the year in this special framework. 0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:07.760 If you haven't listened to it, I'll link it below 0:12:07.800 --> 0:12:10.520 and you can still get the downloadable. It is priceless 0:12:10.920 --> 0:12:12.880 and this is going to really help you with this 0:12:12.920 --> 0:12:16.440 whole expectation thing and just kind of understanding the reality 0:12:16.480 --> 0:12:19.080 of what you can actually achieve in a day now. 0:12:20.200 --> 0:12:24.839 Usually the most passionate people are assholes to themselves. No 0:12:24.880 --> 0:12:27.080 I want to say asshole guys, I mean like to ourselves, 0:12:27.080 --> 0:12:30.640 like we're not actual assholes, but awesome. But it is 0:12:30.760 --> 0:12:32.240 time for us to have a bit of a wake 0:12:32.280 --> 0:12:36.400 up call and to understand that yes, it is good 0:12:36.400 --> 0:12:39.600 to have goals, but they need to be realistic and 0:12:40.040 --> 0:12:43.160 have a realistic level of expectation, so then whes we 0:12:43.240 --> 0:12:46.040 can move forward. We're not being stagnant, which again is 0:12:46.080 --> 0:12:49.840 okay to be stagnant for a while, but the keyword 0:12:49.920 --> 0:12:54.520 here is realistic, which apparently isn't in my vocabulary. Now 0:12:54.760 --> 0:12:57.680 we know you've got high expectations, you're an asshole, etc. Etc. 0:12:58.360 --> 0:13:01.240 Here are some real life examples. I guess that for 0:13:01.360 --> 0:13:05.760 me really made me realize how hard I am on myself. 0:13:05.920 --> 0:13:08.520 And the best example for this is when Ron and 0:13:08.520 --> 0:13:11.120 I decided to have children. Before I had Harpy, who's 0:13:11.160 --> 0:13:14.680 now eight, I had decided I was going to breastfeed 0:13:14.720 --> 0:13:16.160 till she was one. I was going to give her 0:13:16.200 --> 0:13:18.560 all organic food. I wasn't going to let her have 0:13:18.600 --> 0:13:21.880 Maca's tool shoes, like three or some bullshit. Next minuted 0:13:21.960 --> 0:13:23.760 up like he's a chicken nugget, Shush, thrown it in 0:13:23.800 --> 0:13:27.319 the back seat, and I would make food from scratch 0:13:27.720 --> 0:13:28.880 and I was going to be this. I was going 0:13:28.920 --> 0:13:32.440 to be that. And then, like real life happens, and 0:13:32.679 --> 0:13:34.960 everything I said I was going to do did not happen. 0:13:35.520 --> 0:13:39.080 I got to breastfeed her for a couple of months, 0:13:39.280 --> 0:13:42.600 and that was a long story. But yep, and the 0:13:42.640 --> 0:13:45.559 baby food. Turns out she doesn't like my cooking, So 0:13:45.880 --> 0:13:49.440 go to Woolies and get some pouches, and she had 0:13:49.520 --> 0:13:53.560 her first chicken nugget probably six months old, no, not 0:13:53.600 --> 0:13:56.280 six months old, one years old something like that. I 0:13:56.320 --> 0:14:00.640 can't remember anyway. And a classic example something that actually 0:14:00.679 --> 0:14:04.200 happened last night where I was laying in bed and 0:14:04.240 --> 0:14:05.960 Rhyme was laying next to me and he was watching 0:14:06.000 --> 0:14:08.360 The forty on his phone and I just started crying 0:14:08.559 --> 0:14:11.560 and I tried to be quite quiet, and I was 0:14:11.600 --> 0:14:14.000 crying because I was missing Nan really bad, and I 0:14:14.040 --> 0:14:16.560 miss her every day. But I go through, you know, 0:14:16.760 --> 0:14:20.840 many nights where I do get emotional and I apologize 0:14:20.840 --> 0:14:23.600 to him and he's like, what are you being sorry for? 0:14:23.920 --> 0:14:26.000 And then you think about it. Why are we always 0:14:26.000 --> 0:14:29.520 apologizing for our emotions and expecting ourselves to get over 0:14:29.640 --> 0:14:32.320 things so bloody quick? Like me and my grief journey. 0:14:33.280 --> 0:14:36.440 I have been decent at times, but there are a 0:14:36.440 --> 0:14:39.840 lot of times where I'm like, Steph, it's been you know, 0:14:39.880 --> 0:14:42.960 like NaN's hasn't even passed a year yet, and Dad 0:14:43.040 --> 0:14:47.000 is somehow past two years this September and I don't 0:14:47.040 --> 0:14:50.320 know how, and it's like, you know, I go put 0:14:50.320 --> 0:14:51.920 my big girl pants on and just get on with it. 0:14:52.040 --> 0:14:55.200 That's not the reality of it. If my friend had 0:14:55.240 --> 0:14:59.240 lost her parents literally ten months apart, I wouldn't be 0:14:59.240 --> 0:15:02.360 telling her to get and telling her to apologize because 0:15:02.360 --> 0:15:05.200 she's crying in bed, like it just makes absolutely no sense. 0:15:05.640 --> 0:15:08.200 And you do see this like the pressures that we 0:15:08.280 --> 0:15:10.840 see in everyday life. And again, I feel like it's 0:15:11.000 --> 0:15:14.160 so stemmed from social media, it being the highlight reel. 0:15:14.240 --> 0:15:16.160 You don't get to see the full story, you know, 0:15:16.200 --> 0:15:18.080 like people would come on my Instagram page, like I've 0:15:18.080 --> 0:15:21.520 said before, and you see all these jars, everything's bloody labeled, 0:15:22.440 --> 0:15:25.680 and you think having my shit together, that I'm this, 0:15:25.840 --> 0:15:27.320 I'm that, And then when you meet me in real 0:15:27.360 --> 0:15:30.080 life and you see me on my stories, I'm dropping 0:15:30.240 --> 0:15:32.600 f bombs. I'm a mess, and I'm just trying to 0:15:32.640 --> 0:15:35.320 figure out ways to help get my life together, so 0:15:35.360 --> 0:15:37.840 you don't see the whole picture. So then we have 0:15:37.960 --> 0:15:40.480 people in everyday life, and I even know, like my 0:15:40.480 --> 0:15:42.240 cousins have felt like this, Like I just I know 0:15:42.560 --> 0:15:46.160 so many people who feel the pressure and feel like 0:15:46.160 --> 0:15:50.480 they're expected to have their life together and hit milestones 0:15:50.520 --> 0:15:53.960 like having a family, getting married, you know, buying a 0:15:54.080 --> 0:15:57.480 house bloody which is impossible now, and you know, having 0:15:57.480 --> 0:16:00.840 financial stability because they see others doing it, like you 0:16:00.920 --> 0:16:05.760 can't compare. It's like what do they say, apples and pears. 0:16:05.800 --> 0:16:09.000 Is that what they say? What's the saying apples, apples 0:16:09.000 --> 0:16:12.080 and oranges? It's not apples and pears. Oh my god, Stephanie. Anyways, 0:16:12.720 --> 0:16:14.800 and like I said before, you're going through a breakup 0:16:15.440 --> 0:16:17.920 or there's been a huge life change, you're expecting yourself 0:16:17.920 --> 0:16:20.520 to just get over it and just move on, and 0:16:20.560 --> 0:16:22.640 you hide your feelings in front of other people because 0:16:22.640 --> 0:16:24.600 you feel like you're going to make them uncomfortable. And 0:16:24.640 --> 0:16:27.320 I relate to that so much with grief. I can't 0:16:27.320 --> 0:16:29.800 tell you how many times I have rocked up to 0:16:29.800 --> 0:16:33.320 the warehouse to see my team and I was putting 0:16:33.360 --> 0:16:35.640 my makeup on not long earlier, and I was crying 0:16:35.680 --> 0:16:37.320 and crying and having to reput it on. And then 0:16:37.360 --> 0:16:40.240 I go there and I put on this mask that 0:16:40.480 --> 0:16:43.320 I'm okay, I've got my shit together. And yes, there 0:16:43.360 --> 0:16:45.960 is obviously times you do need to turn up and 0:16:45.960 --> 0:16:48.960 be professional and all those things. But the pressure is 0:16:49.000 --> 0:16:51.920 just immns, isn't it. But who's putting it on us? 0:16:52.680 --> 0:16:54.600 You know? And even down to feeling like you have 0:16:54.640 --> 0:16:57.920 to follow the latest trend or fad diet skin care product. 0:16:58.040 --> 0:17:00.520 Bloody twelve year olds out they're using drunk all to 0:17:00.520 --> 0:17:03.080 feel like that you can fit in. You know, you're 0:17:03.080 --> 0:17:06.400 trying to maintain a social life, being healthy, excel at 0:17:06.440 --> 0:17:10.439 work or in studies, take care of your health, be 0:17:10.520 --> 0:17:13.240 a perfect mum, you know, and that just turns you 0:17:13.600 --> 0:17:17.960 into a very shell version of yourself. You get stretched 0:17:18.000 --> 0:17:21.280 too thin. Some other examples of like believing that you 0:17:21.320 --> 0:17:23.800 should have already established a lot of habits. And this 0:17:23.840 --> 0:17:25.840 is a big one because habits always a huge thing 0:17:25.840 --> 0:17:27.879 I love to talk about. But it's not something that 0:17:27.920 --> 0:17:31.359 you can just like start one day, Like you can't 0:17:31.400 --> 0:17:34.320 just start twenty new habits and then that's it. Like 0:17:34.640 --> 0:17:38.560 it's not linear. Growth is not linear. Things happen, and 0:17:38.600 --> 0:17:40.679 then you always feel discouraged when you fall short, and 0:17:40.720 --> 0:17:43.240 you feel like there's something wrong with you. But the 0:17:43.280 --> 0:17:46.720 only thing that's wrong here is the expectations that you 0:17:46.760 --> 0:17:49.480 have on you. Now, I want to relate this to 0:17:49.640 --> 0:17:52.560 other settings as well. So say you're a stay at 0:17:52.560 --> 0:17:55.560 home mum, you know, you feel like the house always 0:17:55.560 --> 0:17:59.000 needs to be spotless, regardless of how busy the day gets. 0:17:59.359 --> 0:18:02.000 Let's not forget that looking after kids is looking after 0:18:02.119 --> 0:18:06.800 basically drunk octopuses going around making a mess. They're basically 0:18:06.840 --> 0:18:10.800 mini tornadoes, and you feel guilty for taking time out 0:18:10.840 --> 0:18:13.480 for yourself because you believe that you should constantly be 0:18:13.520 --> 0:18:16.280 available to your family. You're not allowed to have rest, 0:18:16.720 --> 0:18:19.320 You're not allowed to do anything for yourself. I went 0:18:19.440 --> 0:18:21.639 got my eyebrows done, like I just get them waxed. 0:18:21.680 --> 0:18:24.080 I went and got them done yesterday for the first 0:18:24.080 --> 0:18:27.200 time in like four or five months. Because if I'm 0:18:27.200 --> 0:18:29.560 not working, or if I'm not with the kids, I 0:18:29.600 --> 0:18:31.360 should be doing something else, you know what I mean. 0:18:31.400 --> 0:18:34.000 And it's like, no, we're not doing that shit anymore. 0:18:34.200 --> 0:18:36.679 We need to get back to basics. Another thing with 0:18:37.040 --> 0:18:38.960 you know, stay at home mums, which I definitely felt 0:18:38.960 --> 0:18:41.000 when the kids were really little and I stopped make 0:18:41.080 --> 0:18:42.960 up my makeup business for a bit, was guilt for 0:18:43.080 --> 0:18:46.320 not being able to contribute financially for a while. But 0:18:46.359 --> 0:18:49.320 we've got to remember that is such bullshit because you 0:18:49.320 --> 0:18:51.400 were doing the most important job that you could ever do, 0:18:51.640 --> 0:18:55.520 which is raise your children. And again, drunk octopuses are 0:18:55.520 --> 0:18:59.360 hard work and the biggest one out of all of them, 0:18:59.400 --> 0:19:03.240 which I feel like everyone feels, is you compare yourself 0:19:03.359 --> 0:19:06.080 to other mums who seemingly look like they have their 0:19:06.080 --> 0:19:10.080 shit together. But news flash. They do not. That is 0:19:10.119 --> 0:19:13.119 why we have doors. We have front doors to hide 0:19:13.160 --> 0:19:16.800 the mess, the dog covered in poop and peanut butter, 0:19:16.840 --> 0:19:19.560 and the drunk octopuses. What am I talking about today, 0:19:19.560 --> 0:19:22.000 you guys, I've lost the plot now. In a work setting, 0:19:22.000 --> 0:19:25.840 this can look like setting unrealistic deadlines or pushing yourself 0:19:25.840 --> 0:19:27.840 to meet them even at the expense of your health. 0:19:28.200 --> 0:19:31.840 Red flag over here, Expecting to always be the best, 0:19:31.840 --> 0:19:35.199 in fearing any mistakes or imperfections, feeling they need to 0:19:35.240 --> 0:19:39.119 constantly over deliver on projects and tasks, and comparing yourself 0:19:39.119 --> 0:19:41.960 to colleagues. So there's a lot of comparison. There's a 0:19:42.000 --> 0:19:45.159 lot of perfectionism happening here. And again that's why I 0:19:45.160 --> 0:19:47.600 feel like social media is really fucking us up. I 0:19:47.640 --> 0:19:51.120 love social media, oh clearly, but we need to take 0:19:51.240 --> 0:19:53.520 everything we see with a grain of salt. You know, 0:19:53.640 --> 0:19:58.440 some big guilt troops. I guess I feel is trying 0:19:58.440 --> 0:20:01.240 to be balancing work and the kids and feel that 0:20:01.280 --> 0:20:03.960 I'm there supporting my team and also supporting Ryan and 0:20:04.000 --> 0:20:09.760 supporting my children, and worrying that they can sense my stress. 0:20:10.440 --> 0:20:13.520 That's the biggest things I worry about. Whatever it is, 0:20:13.720 --> 0:20:16.880 we just are always feeling like we're never enough. Now 0:20:16.880 --> 0:20:21.000 you're probably sitting there saying, okay, Steph, so I get it. 0:20:21.760 --> 0:20:25.359 I'm an asshole now, Like why am I this way? 0:20:25.880 --> 0:20:29.240 And the biggest thing, which we all know, is childhood 0:20:29.440 --> 0:20:32.280 and it doesn't always come I'm not saying like our 0:20:32.400 --> 0:20:35.000