Speaker 1: I'd like to begin by acknowledging the traditional custodians of
Speaker 1: country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community.
Speaker 1: We pay our respect to their elders, past, present and emerging,
Speaker 1: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait
Speaker 1: Islander peoples today. Welcome to Stepping Up the podcast where
Speaker 1: we explore all things organization, mental health, routines, personal development,
Speaker 1: motherhood and health. I'm your host, Steph Pace, and I'm
Speaker 1: the woman behind Just Another Mummy blog and also the
Speaker 1: founder of Steph Pace Planners. But I can assure you
Speaker 1: this is not just another podcast online. I'm known for
Speaker 1: my organization tips and tricks and the occasional banter, but
Speaker 1: it definitely wasn't always this way. I used to be
Speaker 1: a hot mess and occasionally still am. And I'm here
Speaker 1: as your honest and real friend each week to show
Speaker 1: you how I turn my life of chaos into clarity.
Speaker 1: Between the house, health, kids, work, and wanting to be
Speaker 1: the best version of yourself, it can be overwhelming, and
Speaker 1: I'm here to give you the tools and tips to
Speaker 1: stop you feeling like a slave to your daily tasks,
Speaker 1: home life, and especially the expectations you have on yourself.
Speaker 1: Join me as I share my journey and insights into
Speaker 1: the art of balancing at all and speak to guests
Speaker 1: who can help us all live a better life. Whether
Speaker 1: you're looking to streamline your daily routines, boosh your wellbeing,
Speaker 1: achieve your fitness goals, dive into personal development, or find
Speaker 1: inspiration to step up into the best version of yourself,
Speaker 1: We've got you. So are you ready to step up
Speaker 1: your game? Let's go. Hello guys, and welcome back to
Speaker 1: Stepping Up. I hope you're having a bloody amazing day.
Speaker 1: I have had a bit of a time trying to
Speaker 1: actually record this episode. You know those days where you
Speaker 1: just like touch things and everything just like turns to shit.
Speaker 1: That's today. I got everything set up, got the camera
Speaker 1: ready to go because obviously our film needs as well
Speaker 1: for YouTube and all the things, and my camera like
Speaker 1: it just wouldn't get in the right spot. So it
Speaker 1: took me like about half an hour, and then somehow
Speaker 1: part of my memory card broke off into the slot
Speaker 1: of the camera and then it just wouldn't work. So
Speaker 1: then I was trying to set up an old camera,
Speaker 1: but it overheats and turns off. It was a whole
Speaker 1: ordeal anyway, So I ended up just shaking the shit
Speaker 1: out of the camera and then a little peace fell out,
Speaker 1: and now we hear it's about two hours past where
Speaker 1: I would have liked to be, which is actually very
Speaker 1: very relevant to today's episode with how I'm feeling right now,
Speaker 1: feeling frustrated with myself, like you should have been able
Speaker 1: to do this earlier. Blah blah blah blah blah. That
Speaker 1: is what we're talking about. This is going to be
Speaker 1: the biggest reality to check you've probably ever had in
Speaker 1: your life, and that is, are you an asshole to yourself?
Speaker 1: And you probably are? I love you, but you probably are.
Speaker 1: Now I'm not going to go into much of a
Speaker 1: life update because something happened last week that prompted me
Speaker 1: to do this episode. So the other week I was
Speaker 1: on a zoom meeting with someone for business for work,
Speaker 1: and she's now a friend of mine. Anyways, we're having
Speaker 1: this conversation and then we started like wrapping up the meeting,
Speaker 1: you know, with a bit of like light shit chat,
Speaker 1: and near the end, I mentioned in passing that you
Speaker 1: know that afternoon, which is it was three pm by
Speaker 1: this point that I was still going to work on
Speaker 1: a new product, finish off this project. I think I
Speaker 1: was like record a podcast, edit a week's worth of
Speaker 1: the content, and then I needed to get the kids.
Speaker 1: I wanted to take them to the park because I
Speaker 1: was feeling really really bad because I just felt like
Speaker 1: a really shitty mom at the moment because of things
Speaker 1: with work and all that type of stuff. Anyway, so
Speaker 1: I said these this spiel, which I just said very
Speaker 1: much like a matter of fact, like I wasn't winding.
Speaker 1: I was just saying like, oh, I'm going to do this,
Speaker 1: this and that, and she just stared at me, and
Speaker 1: it felt like it went for like two minutes, like
Speaker 1: it was just silence. And then she said to me, Steph,
Speaker 1: that's like two days for work and you're wanting to
Speaker 1: do it in the afternoon and then go get the
Speaker 1: kids and then do all that stuff. And I was
Speaker 1: really confused, like I was just kind of like taken
Speaker 1: aback because to me, like it's just normal. I have
Speaker 1: this expectation of myself and what I need to do,
Speaker 1: because yes, I do have a lot of deadlines, but
Speaker 1: the thing is it just has to be done. And
Speaker 1: that's what I think. I can do apparently in like
Speaker 1: two hours, which news flash, I can't anyways. So I
Speaker 1: went on to say, well, you know, also like I've
Speaker 1: got to do you know, this, this and this like
Speaker 1: this week as well, and again she just stared at
Speaker 1: me in shock and she's like, Steph, two of those
Speaker 1: things you mentioned I would do in a week. And
Speaker 1: it made me like really just kind of stop and
Speaker 1: question myself, like, ah, my standards so ridiculously high for myself,
Speaker 1: and is this why I get so mad at myself
Speaker 1: when I, of course don't reach doing the things. Now.
Speaker 1: I wish I could say this was the first time
Speaker 1: this has ever happened, but it isn't. And I'm very
Speaker 1: well aware of the fact that you know, I do
Speaker 1: wear many hats, but you know, we all do. And yes,
Speaker 1: I do have a lot of deadlines, like I said,
Speaker 1: but I think I'm superhuman, but I'm not, and we
Speaker 1: all really do, you know. And after this zoom call
Speaker 1: last week, I like sat there for a while and
Speaker 1: just really reflected on all the other times that this
Speaker 1: has happened where I've mentioned it to a friend or
Speaker 1: someone at work about you know, doing this, that and
Speaker 1: the other, and they just stare at me and they're like,
Speaker 1: stuff that's just ridiculous. And then I realized, am I
Speaker 1: an asshole to myself? This episode might be one of
Speaker 1: the most important ones you ever listened to, and it's
Speaker 1: going to give you a reality check, like I said,
Speaker 1: but also prevent you from continuing to be an asshole
Speaker 1: to yourself like I am. Now, I'm sharing this because
Speaker 1: I think it's really important that we show the duality
Speaker 1: of you know, yes, I own a planner company, Yes
Speaker 1: I like organization. I did all this stuff because it
Speaker 1: makes me feel better. And I share about how to
Speaker 1: overcome the overwhelm when it comes to decluttering with like
Speaker 1: planning your day. But I realized, is the overwhelm actually
Speaker 1: me Because when you think about it, what really stresses
Speaker 1: me out is the things I'm telling myself I have
Speaker 1: to do in a certain amount of time, and the
Speaker 1: expectation to get things done and to be this, to
Speaker 1: be everything to everybody all the time. You know, no
Speaker 1: one told me I had to be everything to everybody
Speaker 1: all the time. Yes, of course, I'm a mother, I'm
Speaker 1: a friend, i'm a boss, i'm a colleague, all those things,
Speaker 1: But when it comes down to it, no one told
Speaker 1: me that day that I had to finish doing the
Speaker 1: research and doing all this stuff for this product and
Speaker 1: starting this project and then editing a week's worth of content.
Speaker 1: And I'm the first one to say, like, you know,
Speaker 1: you need to break things up, But I do struggle,
Speaker 1: And I'm the first to say I struggle to jugle little.
Speaker 1: I do you know, when I don't even get close
Speaker 1: to my expected output, I get frustrated and I feel
Speaker 1: like there's something wrong with me. And I reflected this
Speaker 1: a lot in the episode where I talk about my
Speaker 1: ADHD and how I was diagnosed at school. Always felt
Speaker 1: like I was a little bit broken. You can retain
Speaker 1: information really bad at time blindness, as we know, But
Speaker 1: the thing is in life, like what else do we
Speaker 1: have to compare it to. We don't know what other
Speaker 1: people do in their day to day lives, down to
Speaker 1: the detail, down to the second, and their own expectations
Speaker 1: on themselves. For me, personally, I do feel like there
Speaker 1: is a few reasons why I am such an asshole
Speaker 1: to myself, and that has to do with my childhood.
Speaker 1: It's got to do with obviously my workload, my ADHD,
Speaker 1: and my really really bad estimation of time, which I
Speaker 1: have the most amazing hack for you guys, which I
Speaker 1: want to be sharing at the end of this episode,
Speaker 1: so make sure you stay tuned for that because they
Speaker 1: will change your life. As soon as I stop doing
Speaker 1: this hack, everything falls to shit, so you need to
Speaker 1: stay and listen to that. And of course I shared
Speaker 1: before about my toxic traits about being a people pleaser
Speaker 1: and a perfectionist, so I'm just a recipe for disaster
Speaker 1: over here, honestly, So this episode is for you if
Speaker 1: you're sitting there and thinking, hey, I do beat myself up.
Speaker 1: I'm never happy with anything I do. I never feel
Speaker 1: good enough even when I do achieve things. I'm always
Speaker 1: onto the next thing, and I don't just like let
Speaker 1: myself enjoy it, or I think I should have done
Speaker 1: it this way or that way. You're always comparing yourself
Speaker 1: to bloody Sally, your sister who can speak in seven languages.
Speaker 1: She plays a piano and the flute at the same time.
Speaker 1: Somehow she's an athlete and she's amazing at ballet. And
Speaker 1: there you are in the corner reading Harry Potter, and
Speaker 1: you played the recorder for two years. Now, Okay, I
Speaker 1: don't have a sister, but the other part's true, and
Speaker 1: I don't know why I chose the recorder. If there's
Speaker 1: one instrument that is the most annoying, it is the recorder. Anyways,
Speaker 1: getting on a tangent, but the biggest red flag that
Speaker 1: you are an asshole to yourself is that you're constantly
Speaker 1: saying the word should. I should be doing this, I
Speaker 1: should be doing that. I should have done it this way.
Speaker 1: I should have done it that way. I shouldn't have
Speaker 1: done this. I shouldn't have done that. I should go
Speaker 1: and do this. I should be here by now. If
Speaker 1: that is something you are saying constantly, your expectations on
Speaker 1: yourself are way too bloody high. And this is all
Speaker 1: because you, my friend. How can I say this in
Speaker 1: the nicest way possible. You're an asshole to yourself. But
Speaker 1: the funny thing is, although you are an asshole, you
Speaker 1: are the most understanding, kindest sympathetic person to those you love.
Speaker 1: Yet you won't meet yourself with the same kindness or understanding.
Speaker 1: All right, So now you know you've got a few
Speaker 1: red flags happening. Maybe you're being a bit too harsh
Speaker 1: on yourself. I guess how do you know that you
Speaker 1: truly have such ridiculous expectations. So I've made an asshole
Speaker 1: criteria for you. So i want to run through some
Speaker 1: questions that will help you determine where you sit on
Speaker 1: the asshole meeter. That sounds weird. The first question is
Speaker 1: when you make mistakes, do you get very hard on
Speaker 1: yourself or do you expect not to make any at all?
Speaker 1: Do you always tend to focus on your imperfections and
Speaker 1: what you didn't do rather than what you did do?
Speaker 1: And you're always putting yourself down and you don't even
Speaker 1: realize you're doing it. And I'm the first to admit
Speaker 1: I am terrible with this, and I try really hard
Speaker 1: with myself talk, but I'm always calling myself an idiot always,
Speaker 1: i even say it out loud, And I'm constantly having
Speaker 1: friends and family saying stuph like, don't talk to yourself
Speaker 1: like that. When you reach your goal, do you tend
Speaker 1: to think about what you should have done better or
Speaker 1: even worse? You chuck it to the side and move
Speaker 1: on to the next thing and then the next thing,
Speaker 1: always seeking that validation, always seeking the next best thing
Speaker 1: for fulfillment. Are you someone that, no matter what you do,
Speaker 1: and you could achieve the most amazing goal, but you
Speaker 1: just never feel good enough. It just is never enough.
Speaker 1: Biggest one, This is one. I know you're all going
Speaker 1: to say yes too, but do you try to be
Speaker 1: everything to everyone all of the time, putting everyone above
Speaker 1: yourself and all your own needs even though you saying
Speaker 1: yes to everything like it's out of your abilities or capabilities,
Speaker 1: like you literally cannot do it, but you will continuously
Speaker 1: say yes and people please. I am the worse for this.
Speaker 1: For me, I feel like, because of my jobs and things,
Speaker 1: I'm just very passionate. So I will just say yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: and I won't even think about all the other things
Speaker 1: I've got to do. Are you someone you like You're
Speaker 1: always wanting and needing to be busy. You can't sit down.
Speaker 1: You just need to be doing all the things. Because,
Speaker 1: let's be honest, our self worth is tied to our
Speaker 1: productivity and our achievements. And lastly, you set goals on
Speaker 1: what you think they should be based off others and
Speaker 1: what they tell you or what you see on social media,
Speaker 1: and that's going to lead us into all the pressures
Speaker 1: that we feel in day to day life. Now I'm
Speaker 1: not here saying we've got to ditch the goals. We've
Speaker 1: got to ditch the expectations altogether. We all know I
Speaker 1: love a good goal. I love it. At the start
Speaker 1: of the year, I released my Reset Roadmap, which helps
Speaker 1: you break down your goals into more manageable steps and
Speaker 1: you have them scattered throughout the year in this special framework.
Speaker 1: If you haven't listened to it, I'll link it below
Speaker 1: and you can still get the downloadable. It is priceless
Speaker 1: and this is going to really help you with this
Speaker 1: whole expectation thing and just kind of understanding the reality
Speaker 1: of what you can actually achieve in a day now.
Speaker 1: Usually the most passionate people are assholes to themselves. No
Speaker 1: I want to say asshole guys, I mean like to ourselves,
Speaker 1: like we're not actual assholes, but awesome. But it is
Speaker 1: time for us to have a bit of a wake
Speaker 1: up call and to understand that yes, it is good
Speaker 1: to have goals, but they need to be realistic and
Speaker 1: have a realistic level of expectation, so then whes we
Speaker 1: can move forward. We're not being stagnant, which again is
Speaker 1: okay to be stagnant for a while, but the keyword
Speaker 1: here is realistic, which apparently isn't in my vocabulary. Now
Speaker 1: we know you've got high expectations, you're an asshole, etc. Etc.
Speaker 1: Here are some real life examples. I guess that for
Speaker 1: me really made me realize how hard I am on myself.
Speaker 1: And the best example for this is when Ron and
Speaker 1: I decided to have children. Before I had Harpy, who's
Speaker 1: now eight, I had decided I was going to breastfeed
Speaker 1: till she was one. I was going to give her
Speaker 1: all organic food. I wasn't going to let her have
Speaker 1: Maca's tool shoes, like three or some bullshit. Next minuted
Speaker 1: up like he's a chicken nugget, Shush, thrown it in
Speaker 1: the back seat, and I would make food from scratch
Speaker 1: and I was going to be this. I was going
Speaker 1: to be that. And then, like real life happens, and
Speaker 1: everything I said I was going to do did not happen.
Speaker 1: I got to breastfeed her for a couple of months,
Speaker 1: and that was a long story. But yep, and the
Speaker 1: baby food. Turns out she doesn't like my cooking, So
Speaker 1: go to Woolies and get some pouches, and she had
Speaker 1: her first chicken nugget probably six months old, no, not
Speaker 1: six months old, one years old something like that. I
Speaker 1: can't remember anyway. And a classic example something that actually
Speaker 1: happened last night where I was laying in bed and
Speaker 1: Rhyme was laying next to me and he was watching
Speaker 1: The forty on his phone and I just started crying
Speaker 1: and I tried to be quite quiet, and I was
Speaker 1: crying because I was missing Nan really bad, and I
Speaker 1: miss her every day. But I go through, you know,
Speaker 1: many nights where I do get emotional and I apologize
Speaker 1: to him and he's like, what are you being sorry for?
Speaker 1: And then you think about it. Why are we always
Speaker 1: apologizing for our emotions and expecting ourselves to get over
Speaker 1: things so bloody quick? Like me and my grief journey.
Speaker 1: I have been decent at times, but there are a
Speaker 1: lot of times where I'm like, Steph, it's been you know,
Speaker 1: like NaN's hasn't even passed a year yet, and Dad
Speaker 1: is somehow past two years this September and I don't
Speaker 1: know how, and it's like, you know, I go put
Speaker 1: my big girl pants on and just get on with it.
Speaker 1: That's not the reality of it. If my friend had
Speaker 1: lost her parents literally ten months apart, I wouldn't be
Speaker 1: telling her to get and telling her to apologize because
Speaker 1: she's crying in bed, like it just makes absolutely no sense.
Speaker 1: And you do see this like the pressures that we
Speaker 1: see in everyday life. And again, I feel like it's
Speaker 1: so stemmed from social media, it being the highlight reel.
Speaker 1: You don't get to see the full story, you know,
Speaker 1: like people would come on my Instagram page, like I've
Speaker 1: said before, and you see all these jars, everything's bloody labeled,
Speaker 1: and you think having my shit together, that I'm this,
Speaker 1: I'm that, And then when you meet me in real
Speaker 1: life and you see me on my stories, I'm dropping
Speaker 1: f bombs. I'm a mess, and I'm just trying to
Speaker 1: figure out ways to help get my life together, so
Speaker 1: you don't see the whole picture. So then we have
Speaker 1: people in everyday life, and I even know, like my
Speaker 1: cousins have felt like this, Like I just I know
Speaker 1: so many people who feel the pressure and feel like
Speaker 1: they're expected to have their life together and hit milestones
Speaker 1: like having a family, getting married, you know, buying a
Speaker 1: house bloody which is impossible now, and you know, having
Speaker 1: financial stability because they see others doing it, like you
Speaker 1: can't compare. It's like what do they say, apples and pears.
Speaker 1: Is that what they say? What's the saying apples, apples
Speaker 1: and oranges? It's not apples and pears. Oh my god, Stephanie. Anyways,
Speaker 1: and like I said before, you're going through a breakup
Speaker 1: or there's been a huge life change, you're expecting yourself
Speaker 1: to just get over it and just move on, and
Speaker 1: you hide your feelings in front of other people because
Speaker 1: you feel like you're going to make them uncomfortable. And
Speaker 1: I relate to that so much with grief. I can't
Speaker 1: tell you how many times I have rocked up to
Speaker 1: the warehouse to see my team and I was putting
Speaker 1: my makeup on not long earlier, and I was crying
Speaker 1: and crying and having to reput it on. And then
Speaker 1: I go there and I put on this mask that
Speaker 1: I'm okay, I've got my shit together. And yes, there
Speaker 1: is obviously times you do need to turn up and
Speaker 1: be professional and all those things. But the pressure is
Speaker 1: just immns, isn't it. But who's putting it on us?
Speaker 1: You know? And even down to feeling like you have
Speaker 1: to follow the latest trend or fad diet skin care product.
Speaker 1: Bloody twelve year olds out they're using drunk all to
Speaker 1: feel like that you can fit in. You know, you're
Speaker 1: trying to maintain a social life, being healthy, excel at
Speaker 1: work or in studies, take care of your health, be
Speaker 1: a perfect mum, you know, and that just turns you
Speaker 1: into a very shell version of yourself. You get stretched
Speaker 1: too thin. Some other examples of like believing that you
Speaker 1: should have already established a lot of habits. And this
Speaker 1: is a big one because habits always a huge thing
Speaker 1: I love to talk about. But it's not something that
Speaker 1: you can just like start one day, Like you can't
Speaker 1: just start twenty new habits and then that's it. Like
Speaker 1: it's not linear. Growth is not linear. Things happen, and
Speaker 1: then you always feel discouraged when you fall short, and
Speaker 1: you feel like there's something wrong with you. But the
Speaker 1: only thing that's wrong here is the expectations that you
Speaker 1: have on you. Now, I want to relate this to
Speaker 1: other settings as well. So say you're a stay at
Speaker 1: home mum, you know, you feel like the house always
Speaker 1: needs to be spotless, regardless of how busy the day gets.
Speaker 1: Let's not forget that looking after kids is looking after
Speaker 1: basically drunk octopuses going around making a mess. They're basically
Speaker 1: mini tornadoes, and you feel guilty for taking time out
Speaker 1: for yourself because you believe that you should constantly be
Speaker 1: available to your family. You're not allowed to have rest,
Speaker 1: You're not allowed to do anything for yourself. I went
Speaker 1: got my eyebrows done, like I just get them waxed.
Speaker 1: I went and got them done yesterday for the first
Speaker 1: time in like four or five months. Because if I'm
Speaker 1: not working, or if I'm not with the kids, I
Speaker 1: should be doing something else, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: And it's like, no, we're not doing that shit anymore.
Speaker 1: We need to get back to basics. Another thing with
Speaker 1: you know, stay at home mums, which I definitely felt
Speaker 1: when the kids were really little and I stopped make
Speaker 1: up my makeup business for a bit, was guilt for
Speaker 1: not being able to contribute financially for a while. But
Speaker 1: we've got to remember that is such bullshit because you
Speaker 1: were doing the most important job that you could ever do,
Speaker 1: which is raise your children. And again, drunk octopuses are
Speaker 1: hard work and the biggest one out of all of them,
Speaker 1: which I feel like everyone feels, is you compare yourself
Speaker 1: to other mums who seemingly look like they have their
Speaker 1: shit together. But news flash. They do not. That is
Speaker 1: why we have doors. We have front doors to hide
Speaker 1: the mess, the dog covered in poop and peanut butter,
Speaker 1: and the drunk octopuses. What am I talking about today,
Speaker 1: you guys, I've lost the plot now. In a work setting,
Speaker 1: this can look like setting unrealistic deadlines or pushing yourself
Speaker 1: to meet them even at the expense of your health.
Speaker 1: Red flag over here, Expecting to always be the best,
Speaker 1: in fearing any mistakes or imperfections, feeling they need to
Speaker 1: constantly over deliver on projects and tasks, and comparing yourself
Speaker 1: to colleagues. So there's a lot of comparison. There's a
Speaker 1: lot of perfectionism happening here. And again that's why I
Speaker 1: feel like social media is really fucking us up. I
Speaker 1: love social media, oh clearly, but we need to take
Speaker 1: everything we see with a grain of salt. You know,
Speaker 1: some big guilt troops. I guess I feel is trying
Speaker 1: to be balancing work and the kids and feel that
Speaker 1: I'm there supporting my team and also supporting Ryan and
Speaker 1: supporting my children, and worrying that they can sense my stress.
Speaker 1: That's the biggest things I worry about. Whatever it is,
Speaker 1: we just are always feeling like we're never enough. Now
Speaker 1: you're probably sitting there saying, okay, Steph, so I get it.
Speaker 1: I'm an asshole now, Like why am I this way?
Speaker 1: And the biggest thing, which we all know, is childhood
Speaker 1: and it doesn't always come I'm not saying like our
Speaker 1: parents have f disap le blah blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: It's very much so like a lot of it can
Speaker 1: be unintentional, and a lot of it is because of
Speaker 1: your bloody sister Sally, who's just a paying the ars
Speaker 1: and to show off if you ask me. But things
Speaker 1: like when you're a child, we only really get praised
Speaker 1: when we got good grades, or you only got attention
Speaker 1: when you did really good at something, even down to
Speaker 1: our teachers. I remember in high school how much our
Speaker 1: teachers hammered us into going to UNI that it felt
Speaker 1: like if we didn't go and do this thing and
Speaker 1: get a degree, that we were going to amount to nothing.
Speaker 1: You know, these beliefs stay with us forever. And also,
Speaker 1: of course, like I said, it could come down to
Speaker 1: external factors, so like society, family putting expectations on you,
Speaker 1: and the biggest one, which I said, is social media
Speaker 1: and you know, as a child, when you're growing up,
Speaker 1: if you see like your friends doing really well and
Speaker 1: then they get praised, you want the same, just like
Speaker 1: Bloody Sally. So we tie our self worth to being
Speaker 1: perfect at everything and never making mistakes. It just sets
Speaker 1: this ridiculous benchmark that actually doesn't exist because you don't
Speaker 1: see the whole picture. It's like on social media, you
Speaker 1: see people maybe a couple or a relationship or these
Speaker 1: girls I know. Personally, for me, I will see people,
Speaker 1: you know, going out with their friends on the weekend,
Speaker 1: having a couple of drinks and things like that, and
Speaker 1: I'm sitting at home reading Harry Potter, hanging out with
Speaker 1: my recorder. Not now. But I feel inadequate. And that's
Speaker 1: not a them problem. That's a me problem because I
Speaker 1: could go out and be a bit more social and
Speaker 1: things like that, but I chose to stay home. And
Speaker 1: that is just an expectation I have on myself. And
Speaker 1: I'll even go as far to say I don't have friends.
Speaker 1: Of course, I've got bloody friends. I've got lots of friends,
Speaker 1: you know. And then other things that can come from
Speaker 1: even down to cultural factors. You know, there's people that
Speaker 1: have grown up in certain cultures where they really value
Speaker 1: hard work and success and they have very high expectations
Speaker 1: on their children and it's by part of their whole identity.
Speaker 1: There's also people who, because of all these things, we
Speaker 1: have a fear of failure. We have a very big
Speaker 1: defense mechanism against it, like we believe pushing ourselves to
Speaker 1: our limits proves to everybody around us that we are
Speaker 1: worthy of love and that they should love us and
Speaker 1: not sally. And then there's those who are just really
Speaker 1: driven and ambitious and that's amazing. But and I do
Speaker 1: always say, especially at hard times with all things, I say,
Speaker 1: I'd rather burn out than have no fire at all,
Speaker 1: or I'd rather burn out than have no spark at all,
Speaker 1: which can be true to some extent because I couldn't
Speaker 1: imagine doing anything else. But it's like you need to
Speaker 1: have boundaries and draw the line somewhere. So how do
Speaker 1: we change this? Well, here's the three steps to stop
Speaker 1: being an asshole to yourself. And one of these steps
Speaker 1: I want to be giving you an amazing, amazing episode
Speaker 1: next week on how to really take one of these
Speaker 1: steps and implement it daily, and it is going to
Speaker 1: save your life. But step number one. Break down your
Speaker 1: goals into smaller steps or even habits. Especially when for
Speaker 1: myself I do this. I was making the mistake of saying, Okay,
Speaker 1: do this project today, but the project that's seeing is
Speaker 1: literally ten plus hours work. So you need to be specific,
Speaker 1: set yourself time limits, be like, okay, I'm going to
Speaker 1: work on this for one hour. I'm going to clean
Speaker 1: out the gar for one hour. So break everything into
Speaker 1: steps or just time frames. And just like I always say,
Speaker 1: you don't think of the whole house. You think of
Speaker 1: that cupboard, you think of that draw, you think of
Speaker 1: that bench, and it's the same. You don't think of
Speaker 1: the whole staircase. You think of the first step. A
Speaker 1: huge example with this, which I have told you guys before,
Speaker 1: is when I was always striving to hit ten k
Speaker 1: steps and I was never meeting them, Like by the afternoon,
Speaker 1: I was at like three k and I'd give up.
Speaker 1: So as soon as I dropped the bar lower to
Speaker 1: eight k steps a day, when the afternoon came, I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, if I just go for a walk,
Speaker 1: I'll hit it. So then I started hitting my daily
Speaker 1: step count. And it's cause I dropped the bar lower.
Speaker 1: Because when you think about it. If you're an overachiever
Speaker 1: or you have high expectation, if we just lower our
Speaker 1: bar to what we think is low, that's other people's
Speaker 1: like medium to high, probably high. You know, it's better
Speaker 1: to chip away at things slowly than not do them
Speaker 1: at all, or just sit there and hate yourself. And
Speaker 1: the best resource for this is my roadmap, so I
Speaker 1: will make sure I link you guys to that episode
Speaker 1: in the download. The next step is be realistic. I
Speaker 1: want you to ordit your to do list, so everything,
Speaker 1: all the things that are circling in your brain, get
Speaker 1: them out. But I want you to actually look at
Speaker 1: what's actually urgent. You know, we're not saving lives unless
Speaker 1: you're a doctor, which I say all the time because
Speaker 1: it is the best thing. And also just remember their
Speaker 1: urgency is not your emergency. So yes, you might have
Speaker 1: to email Margaret from accounts, but she can wait a
Speaker 1: couple of days. I'm sure she'll be fine. She'll be fine.
Speaker 1: Just buy a drink at the Christmas party. I don't know.
Speaker 1: So look at your or to do list, give it
Speaker 1: a really good audit. See what's urgent, what you can
Speaker 1: schedule later, what can be deleted, or what can be delegated.
Speaker 1: And as I said in next week's episode, I want
Speaker 1: to give you the best planning hack, daily planning hack
Speaker 1: that is going to help you completely change your day,
Speaker 1: which I'm so excited to. That's why I like put
Speaker 1: these two episodes one after the other because it's just
Speaker 1: going to save you. Second thing and now, this is
Speaker 1: the hack that I spoke about at the start. I
Speaker 1: want you to keep a list. Now, this list is
Speaker 1: going to have actual time estimations that daily tasks take
Speaker 1: you to complete, because we all think something will take
Speaker 1: an hour, but it actually takes three. So when you're
Speaker 1: organizing your to do list, if you have to, like me,
Speaker 1: I'll write how long it actually takes me and using
Speaker 1: things like your timer, and it's even a really good
Speaker 1: app called toggle, and you can actually type in there
Speaker 1: what you're doing and then it just like will time you.
Speaker 1: And then you stop it and you keep a list
Speaker 1: of the actual amount of time it takes to do things.
Speaker 1: So then again you're not setting yourself up for failure.
Speaker 1: Having your list of task times is going to change
Speaker 1: your life, especially if you have ADHD or if you're
Speaker 1: just terrible time in general. The next step is when
Speaker 1: you're having judgmental thoughts. You're thinking, should be doing this,
Speaker 1: should be doing that, I'm an idiot, blah blah blah
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. Sally is so amazing. Ask yourself, if
Speaker 1: my friend was going through this right now, what would
Speaker 1: I tell her? How would I speak to her and
Speaker 1: lead me on to my next point. It's always just
Speaker 1: so good to have someone that you can trust to
Speaker 1: be your reality check. So there'll be times I'll be
Speaker 1: so flustered, and even with all my planning tips, my
Speaker 1: anxiety takes over. I can't think straight. So I will
Speaker 1: go to Ryan and I'll be like, what makes sense
Speaker 1: to you? And he helps me see clearly. You know
Speaker 1: you can go to someone and they can tell you
Speaker 1: if you are being too hard on yourself, if you're
Speaker 1: expecting too much, or they can just be realistic with
Speaker 1: you and spoiler alert, you are being too hard on yourself.
Speaker 1: Now let me know if you want me to do
Speaker 1: another episode on realistic planning. I'm even really like loving
Speaker 1: slow productivity, which is a whole other ball game. But
Speaker 1: I do hope this episode has helped you. Just remember
Speaker 1: nothing is as dire as we think it is. Sometimes
Speaker 1: all you need to do is actually just change your environment,
Speaker 1: step away for a bit and come back. So just
Speaker 1: a quick recap. I want you to break down your
Speaker 1: goals into small steps. Go check out the roadmap. Step
Speaker 1: two is be realistic in order your to do list.
Speaker 1: Step three use a time estimation list and use toggle
Speaker 1: to time yourself. The next step is when you're having
Speaker 1: judging thoughts, think about how you'd talk to your friend.
Speaker 1: And the last one is having someone you can trust
Speaker 1: to give you a reality check. Now, I hope you
Speaker 1: enjoyed today's episode. Please, as always, send me a message
Speaker 1: tell me what you thought and if you have any
Speaker 1: recommendations of any topics coming up. I am organizing more
Speaker 1: guests to come on, which is super exciting. So if
Speaker 1: you do have a special guest that you would like
Speaker 1: on the show, please let me know. I've got some
Speaker 1: really amazing people lined up that is going to be
Speaker 1: just incredible to listen to. Anyways, I love you guys
Speaker 1: so much and I'll talk to you guys on Monday. Bye.
Speaker 1: Thank you guys so much for tuning in today's episode
Speaker 1: of Stepping Up. I don't want this to be just
Speaker 1: another podcast that you listen to. You get inspiration and
Speaker 1: then you don't take action. If there's been something in
Speaker 1: this episode that will help you step up into the
Speaker 1: best version of yourself, open up your trusted planner and
Speaker 1: make a plan. And if you've loved listening to today's episode,
Speaker 1: take a screenshot and show me where you've been listening from.
Speaker 1: I love seeing it. Make sure you tag us at
Speaker 1: Stepping Up and steph Pace Underscore on Instagram so we
Speaker 1: can see it. And make sure you subscribe because you
Speaker 1: won't want to miss what's coming up next week.