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Speaker 1: Apologie production.

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Speaker 2: An easier advice.

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Speaker 1: Are you okay what happened?

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Speaker 2: Promise it won't be too much.

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Speaker 1: Bring it in.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to our Bestie segment, Girl, this is the place

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Speaker 2: for you.

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Speaker 3: Welcome back to another Bestie episode with Ashley and Tiana.

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Speaker 2: We have a very challenging one today.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it is challenging.

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Speaker 3: This is going to be a deep one. Just so

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Speaker 3: you know, I'm going to read the title out for

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Speaker 3: you so you know what to expect. Cheating, blame, and

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Speaker 3: women who don't care, the side chick who stole my family.

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Speaker 1: Oh, this one's going to be tough.

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Speaker 2: Actually take it away.

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Speaker 1: I haven't actually read this yet, but the title is

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Speaker 1: a lot. All right. I just need to get this

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Speaker 1: off my chest because I am a fuming I had

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Speaker 1: a family, a partner, a child, and a home that

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Speaker 1: we were building together and then some young girl with

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Speaker 1: absolutely no morals comes along and wrecks it all. She

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Speaker 1: knew he had a partner, she knew he had a kid.

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Speaker 1: She still thought it was okay to play her little

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Speaker 1: games and sneak around behind my back like you're not dumb,

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Speaker 1: you know exactly what you were doing. And honestly, yeah,

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Speaker 1: he's a dog for cheating. But she had a choice too.

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Speaker 1: She chose to go after a taken man. She chose

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Speaker 1: to insert herself into someone else's family. And it makes

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Speaker 1: me sick because women love to say it's not our responsibility,

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Speaker 1: he's one in a relationship. If you know a man

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Speaker 1: has taken and you still cross that line, you're just

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Speaker 1: as guilty. Where's the girl code, app where's the respect

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Speaker 1: for another woman, for a child who now has to

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Speaker 1: grow up in a broken home. I don't get how

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Speaker 1: girls like this sleep at night knowing that destroyed someone

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Speaker 1: else's family just for a bit of attention. So I

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Speaker 1: want to know what's your opinion on women who don't

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Speaker 1: care to cheat with taken men. Are they just as

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Speaker 1: much to blame as the guys or do people let

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Speaker 1: them off too easy?

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Speaker 2: Well that's a good question.

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Speaker 1: Oh.

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Speaker 2: First of all, I just want to say, I'm so

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Speaker 2: sorry that this is happening. Sorry, such a.

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Speaker 3: Tough thing to have to go through, and especially what

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Speaker 3: you were mentioning about, like your family now and feeling

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Speaker 3: like you haven't broken home.

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Speaker 2: That's tough.

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Speaker 3: Like this decision that he's made and also that this

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Speaker 3: other woman has made is going to impact the family

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Speaker 3: for a long time after this. Yeah, so I really

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Speaker 3: apologize for the fact that you had to go through that.

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Speaker 1: And you're still going through and will for a very

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Speaker 1: long time.

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Speaker 3: I mean, the most obvious answer for us, or at

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Speaker 3: least for me, is obviously, we.

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Speaker 2: Don't condone it.

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Speaker 3: Oh, it's such a hard one because I hear you

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Speaker 3: on how people quotations let the other women off the hook.

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Speaker 3: But I can understand why people say that because it

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Speaker 3: is the man who is the one who's in the commitment,

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Speaker 3: do you know what I mean? So, to be honest,

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Speaker 3: like I actually agree with that to some degree because

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Speaker 3: I'm like, well, here's the one who is loyal to

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Speaker 3: you and has the emotional, mental, and physical commitment to you.

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Speaker 3: He is the one who betrayed that. It doesn't mean

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Speaker 3: that what other women are doing is okay. It doesn't

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Speaker 3: make it okay. Doesn't mean that they get let off

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Speaker 3: the hook. I can understand why you think they get

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Speaker 3: let off the hook more than the men. But I think,

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Speaker 3: to you, he was the one who betrayed you one

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Speaker 3: hundred you know what I mean? But the other woman,

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Speaker 3: I think it's a whole other conversation around morals, integrity,

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Speaker 3: and the fact that people don't really honor those things

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Speaker 3: as much anymore because people are very self led, and obviously,

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Speaker 3: for her in that moment, that was what she wanted,

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Speaker 3: and she said, Hey, I'm going to go get that.

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Speaker 3: And it's really unfortunate that that happens, you know, But

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Speaker 3: we can't control what other people do. All we can

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Speaker 3: do is lead by example and choose who we are

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Speaker 3: going to be and choose to set the tone for

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Speaker 3: the people around us and for the people that we influence,

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Speaker 3: like children or you know, nieces and nephews in our lives,

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Speaker 3: or you know, little young children the next generations who

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Speaker 3: look up to us, like all we can do is

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Speaker 3: choose to lead in a different way.

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Speaker 1: Definitely, I agree with everything you've said. I just I

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Speaker 1: can understand how it's a very natural thing to want

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Speaker 1: to just blame the woman and get angry at her.

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Speaker 1: But if I'm really honest, and if I really think

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Speaker 1: about it, I think most of my angerod be and

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Speaker 1: my husband, my partner, because you're right, they're the ones

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Speaker 1: that I've committed to you. That's the father of the

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Speaker 1: child that he's hurting. She obviously has no morals and

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Speaker 1: integrity to do that. It's clear she doesn't clare about you.

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Speaker 1: You just know you. She doesn't give two shits. She's

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Speaker 1: an own world caring about herself. Most people are out thereself.

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Speaker 1: Yeah for sure. Would I ever do that? Definitely not? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: girl code And just morally, I couldn't sleep at night.

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Speaker 1: I feel absolutely awful. But she doesn't really care where

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Speaker 1: is your husband? Like I just for me, that's the

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Speaker 1: ultimate betray to go that far into I don't know

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Speaker 1: if this is a one off fling. It sounds like

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Speaker 1: more of an affair, which is an emotional connection. It's

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Speaker 1: a conscious decision over and over again to see her

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Speaker 1: speak to her, touch her, be with her.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Oh, it's a really tough situation. And by the sounds

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Speaker 1: of it, you have left him because it's a broken

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Speaker 1: home now. So I'm guessing you're going through a divorce

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Speaker 1: and the cone parenting and it's just a loe. I

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Speaker 1: just really feel for you. I wish I had more

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Speaker 1: advice that could take away your pain. But I can

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Speaker 1: hear a lot of anger, and I think if I

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Speaker 1: was ever in this situation, I would just allow my

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Speaker 1: anger to be there, but I would also be looking

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Speaker 1: for ways to help release the anger out of my body,

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Speaker 1: which we're big believers in breath work and just somatically

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Speaker 1: like moving it through because otherwise it just sits in

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Speaker 1: your body and it gets bigger and bigger and bigger

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Speaker 1: if you don't talk about it and you don't breathe

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Speaker 1: through it or even screaming into a pillow like boxing classes,

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Speaker 1: just like finding outlets where you can move that energy.

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Speaker 1: I know it doesn't sound like it will help, but

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Speaker 1: it does. And if it helps for that day, amazing,

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Speaker 1: it helps that week amazing because right now you're just

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Speaker 1: putting one foot in front of the other. You're not

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Speaker 1: thinking year's time. You just have to get through each

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Speaker 1: day and deal with this pain that you, unfortunately have

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Speaker 1: to deal with. And then I don't know. For me too,

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Speaker 1: I'm a big investigator. I love human psychology. I love

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Speaker 1: understanding why people do what they do. I've always said,

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Speaker 1: if Steve is a cheat on me, I would take

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Speaker 1: some part responsibilities to where the relationship's broken down because

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Speaker 1: somewhere along the line, there's a lack of needs and

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Speaker 1: desires not being met. Yeah, and that's a lack of

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Speaker 1: communication from both sides. And not that I'm saying this

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Speaker 1: is not your fault all. I do not condone it,

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Speaker 1: and I would leave Steve if you do that to

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Speaker 1: me as well. I think you've done the right thing.

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Speaker 1: But there's a part of me of curious curiosity, of like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: where did this breakdown? What would happened? What made you

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Speaker 1: drawn to her? Because I feel like when you're really

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Speaker 1: connected with your partner, it's like tunnel vision. You don't entertain,

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Speaker 1: you're not tempted. But in the same breath, if you're disconnected,

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Speaker 1: you haven't been into me, you're not communicating nicely, you're

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Speaker 1: not getting your needs met. Where humans naturally the eyes wonder, the.

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Speaker 2: Tune of vision comes it does you start to look, You.

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Speaker 1: Fantasize about what it might be like with someone else,

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Speaker 1: or what would like to be on your own. Like

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Speaker 1: I can say I've been times in my relationship. Steve

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Speaker 1: would say the same. I'm sure we've been super disconnected,

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Speaker 1: not a shame to say that. But then it comes

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Speaker 1: back together and like, wow, we're not feeling good right now?

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Speaker 1: What do we do to bring us back together? How

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Speaker 1: are you feeling? How am I feeling? What do I

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Speaker 1: need right now? What I needed? Your agoage compared to

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Speaker 1: what I need now is very different. If you're not

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Speaker 1: constantly checking in with each other and making sure that

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Speaker 1: alignment's there, it's going to break down and some people

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Speaker 1: leave and some people cheat, and it fucking sucks awful,

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Speaker 1: and I feel for you. So yeah, for me, I'd

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Speaker 1: be wanting to clear the anger and like move through that.

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Speaker 1: It's definitely not all her fault. Both of them have

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Speaker 1: done the wrong thing. Yeah, I would be wanting to

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Speaker 1: have more open conversations and just focusing on my own

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Speaker 1: healing journey now, because you don't want to be taking

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Speaker 1: that into your next relationship either. And for you'd be

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Speaker 1: carrying all of that anger and built up resentment every

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Speaker 1: day in your body because you don't deserve that. You

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Speaker 1: deserve to be happy and smile again and find joy

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Speaker 1: in your grief of what's happened. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely, And to add on to that, like the question

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Speaker 3: that you said in the beginning, I don't think anyone

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Speaker 3: is more to blame. They both equal parts made a decision,

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Speaker 3: a just choice together to engage in that and to

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Speaker 3: create that level of betrayal like they both did that together.

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Speaker 3: I think both of them are equally as responsible. I

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Speaker 3: think so too, but also pointing the finger doesn't take

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Speaker 3: away the pain that you're going to feel, you know,

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Speaker 3: it doesn't take the portrayal, the hurt, the anger, and

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Speaker 3: you don't want to play devil's advocate here. I'd be

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Speaker 3: curious to know if it feels easier to blame the

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Speaker 3: woman than to blame him, because he is the father

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Speaker 3: of your children, and.

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Speaker 1: You want to believe that he didn't want to do that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and you want to believe that it wasn't all

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Speaker 3: his fault and he wasn't the one to blame because somebody.

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Speaker 1: She lured him him and she did this, and if

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Speaker 1: she wasn't so dotrous and she was an attention seeking

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Speaker 1: maybe he wouldn't have gone there.

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Speaker 3: But you know, because then I don't know, I feel

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Speaker 3: like maybe sometimes it feels like it can soften the blow,

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Speaker 3: you know, maybe you need an outlet for your anger,

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Speaker 3: which is this woman.

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Speaker 2: And I get it, like I would do the same.

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Speaker 2: I would be losing moum.

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Speaker 3: If this happened to me. I'd be into actually fucking

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Speaker 3: losing my mind at what their rage that I would

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Speaker 3: be feeling.

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Speaker 1: We would bring up all that age.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, But it's like, you know, Is that just

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Speaker 3: a way for you to really give yourself permission to

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Speaker 3: feel how you actually feel towards.

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Speaker 2: Your ex partner?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, And I wonder if there's a party

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Speaker 3: that's like, oh, if it wasn't so bad, is there

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Speaker 3: any party that wants to stay or you're just like,

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Speaker 3: if I can blame her and I don't have to

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Speaker 3: blame him, maybe it's okay if I go back.

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Speaker 1: For sure, I'm sure most people that aim this would

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Speaker 1: fantasize about that to entertain that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, entertain it, even if it's just entertaining your thoughts.

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Speaker 3: I feel like we all do things for a reason,

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Speaker 3: and I would be curious to know what's actually underneath

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Speaker 3: the rage and the anger towards this woman over your partner.

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Speaker 1: And are you shaming yourself for wanting to entertain to

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Speaker 1: be with him again? Because no one can judge that.

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Speaker 1: We can sit on our high horse and say I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't go back to my man, how is that to be?

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Speaker 1: But you never know? That's right.

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Speaker 3: We're all capable of doing everything and there's no limit

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Speaker 3: to that, and no one will ever know unless you're

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Speaker 3: in that position.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So if you are considering going back to him,

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Speaker 1: or wanting to have conversations or work on it. Please

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Speaker 1: don't shame yourself, because only you know how you feel.

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Speaker 1: And there has been couples that that's happened before, and

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Speaker 1: they've learnt so much and come back ten times stronger.

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Speaker 1: You know, every situation is so different, So no one

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Speaker 1: in your outside circle, including us, can tell you to

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Speaker 1: not go back if that's what you're wanting to do.

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Speaker 1: If you did, you would have to consciously choose not

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Speaker 1: to throw this in his face, consciously choose to work

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Speaker 1: on it together and not bring the past into it,

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Speaker 1: because otherwise you're gonna be punishing for the rest of

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Speaker 1: your life and that's going to create more cracks in

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Speaker 1: the relationship and you're going to be resenting him, and

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Speaker 1: that's not going to be the love and connection that

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Speaker 1: you're stirring either. So it's a lot I can't even imagine,

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Speaker 1: like even just thinking about I'm like far out, that'd

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Speaker 1: be a lot to hold. Oh.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, the first thing is like even the way

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Speaker 3: that the message is written, and I don't blame you whatsoever,

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Speaker 3: you can just see that there's so much anger there

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Speaker 3: and you've got to start on that journey, you know,

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Speaker 3: it's like, unfortunately, this is your reality now and I'm

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Speaker 3: sorry that that's the case. It's like, you've got to

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Speaker 3: move forward with this now and okay, cool, what are

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Speaker 3: we going to do with that? Yeah, you know, let

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Speaker 3: yourself feel the anger, go get help, get a coach,

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Speaker 3: get a breath work facilitator, whatever it is, whatever it

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Speaker 3: is that you have access to, lean towards that, Lean

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Speaker 3: on the people in your life, lean on off for support,

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Speaker 3: and you'll be alright.

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Speaker 1: And know that this healing journey that you're about to

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Speaker 1: go on to like, it's not linear. You don't do

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Speaker 1: breathwork session, go oh fuck, I feel better. That's all

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Speaker 1: good now, No, no, no, this is always going to come up.

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Speaker 1: But the more that you can support yourself, fill your

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Speaker 1: cup up, release, let go unplug, the more joy you'll

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Speaker 1: be able to feel in your day to day. That's

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Speaker 1: grief in any sense, it really is. Both can coexist,

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Speaker 1: but you can work towards feeling more of the light

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Speaker 1: rather than the darkness. Absolutely sending you so much love,

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Speaker 1: so much love, Thank you for being so honest, Thank

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Speaker 1: you for sharing this. And if you ever need a chat,

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Speaker 1: We're on Instagram. Yeah I can I give us an update.

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Speaker 1: We're here for you.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely and honestly this will one day maybe not now,

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Speaker 3: maybe not in the future, but long, long, long in

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Speaker 3: the future. This will be something you look back on

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Speaker 3: and go, wow, that was my biggest growth.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: This changed me, Yes, change me for the better, for

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Speaker 2: the better.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, sending your love. Thanks for sharing. We'll see you

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Speaker 1: guys in the next episode.

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Speaker 2: I